Gutfeld! Monologues - Trump’s Midterm Convention

Episode Date: September 12, 2026

As seen on Gutfeld! Greg talks about President Trump holding the first ever midterm election. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming, Ontario. All well-deserved. Let's welcome tonight's guests. He's so white he once crossed the street to get away from his own shadow. Fox News contributor Tom Shaloo. She's the only Lydia in America under 90.

New York Post column is Lydia Moynihan. He's been canceled more times than memberships to Planet Fitness. Host of the Anthony Coombeah show on WABC radio, Anthony Coomia. And she makes great points with her elbows. New York Times, best selling all. So before we get to some news stories, let's do this. Greg's Leftovers. It's leftovers.

Where I read the jokes we didn't use this week, and as always, it's my first time reading them. So if they suck, we'll dip Joe Mackey in barbecue sauce and strap them to Rosie O'Donnell's face. So today marks the 25th anniversary of 9-11, or as Mom Dani calls it, Good Friday. I know. It's a bad thing to call it. More than 100,000 people signed a petition asking the mayor to stay away from the memorial. But as a tribute to the event, he decided to crash it. Bill Clinton attended the ceremony in New York City. And out of respect, his boner was at half-mast. Oh, you like that one. True, all three living U.S. presidents were at Ground Zero today, and Joe Biden. During a ceremony,

speech, Bush, Clinton, and Obama prayed in silence. Meanwhile, for some reason, Joe demanded to throw out the first pitch. Come here for your 9-11 jokes. Anyway, Texas Democrat James Salarico has now walked back his claim

that there are six biological sexes. He now says there are only two, and neither will bang him. In a recent interview, 68-year-old Sharon Stone says she hasn't had sex in years. True. The last time she uncrossed her legs, a moth flew out. Hunter Biden said that he may have to consider

running for president in 2028. He says he hopes to follow in his father's footsteps and wander off into the rainforest. Bernie Sanders turned 85 years old this week, and he looks the same as the day he was born. Multiple people were stabbed in Crown Heights during the West Indian Day parade. Well, I guess it's your move, Puerto Rican Day parade. First time reading it. Canada's retaliation tariffs took effect this week. It's bad news for Americans who didn't stock up on Brian Adams. Tuesday was National Star Trek Day, or as it's known among diehard Star Trek fans,

another day where I crave the touch of a real woman. A Nigerian influencer has died after undergoing a penis enlargement in Thailand. A black man going to Asia to. to get a larger penis. That's like going to Costco to buy travel-sized shampoo. A UK woman broke the world record for fastest burrito eaten finishing in just 30.75 seconds.

Guinness timed her eating it, and NASCAR tracked it coming out. In related news, there's a new toy called Buttface where you spread its cheeks to make it fart. The toy is sold out in New York due to one customer. Millions of kids are going back to school this week. In fact, classrooms are so crowded this year.

Teachers are being asked to have sex with two students at a time. Rogers claims he broke off its engagement with actress Shaline Woodley because she wanted to have sex with another guy before they got married. TMZ went to get a comment from the other guy, but I was in a meeting. Finally, Hillary Clinton said she loves America but hates Trump's government. Bill nodded saying it's much like how he loves women but hates his horrible bitch of a wife. Those were good.

Huh? They like those cats? Huh? Thanks. We'll be back with more Gutfeld. Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMDM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly.

19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2,600 to speak to an advisor, free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming, Ontario. So Trump held the first ever midterm convention, and it's no surprise he'd be the first one to do it. No one ever thought about it before, but he did.

In fairness to Joe Biden, it's hard to think of anything when your brainwaves are flatter than Billy Bob Thornton's ass. Now I have to admit, I didn't watch it. Not because I didn't want to, I just had other stuff to do. It's only 178 days till spring break, and those abs aren't going to shred themselves. I bet you're like me too. Unlike leftists, we don't have time to organize, activate, chant, or make signs. I mean, I have two hit shows, a wife, a baby, a dog, plus my secret second family in Compton. Fact is for us, politics. is a necessary evil, you know, like dieting, colonoscopies, and having to pretend you read Ainsley Earhart's books.

It's a joke, Ainsley. We don't actively seek politics. We only vote to keep the maniacs out, which is why the midterms are key, even if our guy isn't running. But the challenge is, do we have the inclination to give it the attention it deserves? For us, politics is a crappy store

in a shopping, mall called Life. And we spend our time in other places the flagship stores like family, work, sports, the bathroom. But politics is like the dentist. We only go if there's a problem or if he lets you have free laughing gas. That's why if I ran the convention, I'd make it a performance review and not just a performance. Because when you're the party in power, you're like a public company on an earnings call. You don't open with crowdwork and zingers. You show the numbers and results. And there's bunch. Collapsed border crossings and massive self-deportation, Trump accounts and no tax on tips, 65 billion barrels of oil that we just took out of the hands of Russia and China. Getting

NATO to pledge 5% of their GDP and nuking Iran's nukes. There's most favored nation drug pricing and slashed overdose deaths. We cut the federal workforce and took illegals off snap. We also dropped the homicide rate. And perhaps most important, Trump caused an evil, pernose. echinious elf to leave the country. Yeah. I think so. I could go on, but you probably know this stuff, but a lot of people don't. Which is why Trump took the offensive.

Because, you know, the media would never tell you any of this. But perhaps the most telling thing about the convention is that Trump has no trouble showing America who he is. But the Democratic Party realizes the less you see of them, the better. Because every time they show up, they say something crazy. Like, ouch. Whether it's defund the police or open borders, the more they talk, the more they remind you that they're crazier than Paul Pelosi after a pitcher of martinis. So people can criticize Trump and the spectacle of this convention, but remember, he's not hiding anything because he has nothing to hide.

He runs proudly on his past as the other side runs from theirs. Mm. Listen ad free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show, ad free on the Amazon Music app.