Gutfeld! Monologues - Voter Thirst Traps

Episode Date: March 25, 2026

As seen on Gutfeld!, Delta is suspending it's policy that allows lawmakers to skip checkpoints at airports, and Greg reveals what this means for Maxine Waters. Meanwhile, The Bulwark for suggesting that Democrats run hotter candidates, and Greg has some thoughts. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Inappropriate, but that's okay. Good evening, everyone. So Monday on The View, co-host Anna Navarro predicted that people are going to celebrate when President Donald Trump dies. It's any excuse for her to eat cake. On X, Gavin Newsom compared himself to the notorious character from American Psycho, Patrick Bateman, the serial killer. People thought it was in poor taste since. Patrick Bainman only killed fictional people. Delta is suspending its congressional desk service,

which allows Capitol Hill lawmakers to skip checkpoints at airports, at least until Congress finally funds the DHS, which means for now Maxine Waters will have to put her emotional support wig in a pet carrier. Yeah. Morning Joe's Joe Scarborough claimed on Tuesday that the Save Act would prevent his wife Mika from voting. because she does not know where her birth certificate is.

What's worse, the asylum she was born in burned down. What do you do then? A professional cornhole player with no arms or legs has been accused of murder. And I know what you're thinking. What will he place on the Bible when they swear him in to testify? You weren't thinking that? God, sometimes I think I know what you're thinking. I probably shouldn't say that out loud anymore.

A love story producer says the show struggled. Struggled to cast JFK Jr. due to a lack of old school masculinity. Also, because I was busy. A trans golfer is suing the LPGA for the right to compete against women. I don't know. I mean, frankly, it's hard to care because I don't. watch golf. You know, if I want to see a five iron, I'd ask Taylor Swift to press my shirts. Thank you. And finally, after two seasons, two seasons of constant criticism for being woke,

Star Trek, Starfleet Academy has been canceled. I know. It means we never got to hear the gay characters say, ream me up, Scotty. Terrible that you would laugh at that. Stop punching down. We'll be back with more Gutfeld. This is Ainsley Earhart. Thank you for joining me for the 52 episode podcast series, The Life of Jesus. A listening experience that will provide hope, comfort, and understanding of the greatest story ever told. Listen and follow now at foxnewspodcasts.com,

or wherever you listen to podcasts. So Democrats have a new strategy to win back voters, good-looking dudes. Because apparently these guys weren't hot enough. A zombie left-wing website known as the bulwark, suggests Dems could win more if they just ran hotter candidates, which is an admission that the current crop is about as appealing as a kissing booth cold sore. They said that, yes, Dems need to shed litmus tests, but they also would benefit from simply having more thirst traps on the ticket,

more candidates who can make voters swoon. You mean like Gavin? Well, it is true. He made Californians hot and bothered when he let their... homes burn. But even a Biden official says it's easier to elect hot people. America is a superficial nation, and we want our politicians to be hot to look good. That's just science.

Oh, so now they're okay with science. After claiming that men could be women by ordering a wig off Amazon and stealing pantyhose off a clothes line. Like I say, fool me once. And it is funny. that a Biden official is saying politicians should be hot when's the last time Joe's temperature was north of 40 degrees.

He had COVID 15 times and the virus died of frostbite. So voters want good looks. Then who are these hot candidates, they mentioned? Maybe a John Ossf? Maybe a John Ossif? I'm sorry. Oh my God, I want a hot president.

Add about your weight loss. They talked about. how you look different. The idea of like slimming down is somewhat connected to the folks' idea of a presidential run. I wanted to know what went into your decision to focus on your health. I've been challenged with my weight for, you know, most of my life, honestly. And so, you know, the idea, and I have succeeded and failed. Right.

It appears Pritzker seems smaller. He's either lost a lot of weight or split into two separate douchebags. Say Guy News and Pritzker-Aoss, if they all referenced, also referenced, JFK, Bill Clinton. These are all straight white dudes. The same cis-normative scum, responsible for everything bad. Talk about a sausage party. Or with Bill Clinton, a pig and a blanket. You got to wonder, where are the women? Or the gays, the trans, the plus-sized castratos. Those groups were your priority once. They were on top of the identity pyramid, breaking the glass ceiling, not to mention a few chairs and sofas.

But now it's jaw lines over bloodlines. My guess is the Dems are just tired of crying themselves to sleep, clutching a picture of Pete Hegseth. I've been there. And look, everyone likes hot people. They're healthier, more confident, and look better naked on my hidden camera photos. But we knew this, and the Democrats denied it.

The right never had a problem with being hot. It was them. In fact, the reason the left are so ugly is because their ideas are hideous. Ugly ideas make ugly people, which is why the left is so angry and shrill, their faces could knock 20 buzzards off a wagon. They spent years calling beauty standards oppressive. They claimed you could be healthy at any size, even if hunters came from Africa to take shots at you. Dress codes, diets, grooming, fitness, everything that required discipline was called racist. sexist or sizest. And it was for the same reason they rejected anything successful. It's hard.

And since they couldn't pull themselves out of the mud, they expected you to join them. Forget exercise, nutrition, basic grooming. All they needed was purple hair and a nose ring that wouldn't impede the onslaught of French fries. But now they say, it's good looks, not policy, that they're after. And in doing so, they abandoned their own foot soldiers, the greasy drum circle radicals, the unwashed who filled their own marches for Gaza and BLM. So good luck, Dems, but this will never work. It's true sex cells. I have receipts from nine different massage parlors proving just that.

But people want safe streets, good schools, a decent place to raise a family. They don't want a tall, slender lounge lizard who paroles pedophiles. It's why the right one, because they weren't just nice to look at. Their ideas were hot. And really winning makes everything better looking, including me. Hard to believe I was once just at eight. Listen ad-free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show ad-free on the Amazon Music app.

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