Gutfeld! Monologues - Why America's Bliss Is In The Abyss

Episode Date: March 23, 2024

As seen on Gutfeld!, FOX News Contributor, Tyrus, Comedian Jamie Lissow, FOX News Contributor Kat Timpf, and Chef Andrew Gruel discuss a new survey that show the happiness of Americans rapidly declining.  Later, the panel discusses ​​​​​​​​​​if the CIA would frown on a dude in a gown.   Follow Greg on Twitter: @GregGutfeld Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tucker Carlson said Ray Dalio is one of the world's smartest investors, but more important, he's likely the wisest. Make yourself read this book. That book is how countries go broke, the big cycle. In it, Dalio explains the mechanics behind big debt cycles, and what they mean for countries with big and increasing debts like the U.S. and what you should do to protect yourself. You can find it wherever books are sold,

or read a five-minute summary of the book at economic principles.org. Oh, you are wonderful. Happy Wednesday. Happy glorious, glorious Wednesday. Ooh, yes. Let's welcome tonight's guest. He finally got a girlfriend, which means bad news for the hand lotion industry, after comedian and writer Jamie Lissau.

Customers are never bitching when he's in the kitchen. Chef and restaurateur, Andrew Gruhl. She's like trail mix, salty, sweet, but mostly just nuts. New York Times bestselling author and Fox News contributor, a cat too. And sleeping bags are his slippers. New York Times bestselling author, comedian, and former NWAWA world champion. Ah. Our happiness ranking takes a brutal spanking.

The U.S. dropped eight spots to claim the title of 23rd happiest country in the world. According to the new happiness report, we would have dropped even lower, but luckily, a few banks still offer free checking. It's the first time the U.S. didn't rank in the top 20 since the index was created just 12 years ago, and why did we fall so low? I mean, beside the obvious reasons. Gallup, which did the happiness report, partly blames Americans under the age of 30 who feel worse about their lives. They're less supported by friends and family, less free to make life choices, more stressed and less satisfied with their living conditions. So they feel less free to make life choices. But really, is that so bad?

Remember, this was the generation that ate Tidepods. They also feel less confident in the government and have increased perceptions of corruption. Gee, I wonder who would give them that impression. Yes, red meat, baby. So at least their misery is rooted in some reality. So what's the happiest country? Finland.

Are you surprised? Well, here's a bunch of face. famous people from Finland, if you'll look at them. There you go. There's your answer. No one famous comes from Finland. They are completely free of celebrities. How can you not be happy there?

No Kardashians, no Baldwin's, no freaking Jesse Waters. It's a celeb free zone. Denmark, Iceland, Sweden, and Israel, round out the top five. Israel's a surprise, considering they have worse neighbors than Rand Paul. That was good. That was good. Yeah, the unhappiest country in the world, Afghanistan at number 143. It's the CNN of countries. You'd think, though, they'd be happy with all those tanks we gifted the Taliban. And an added plus, the girls don't have to go to school anymore. A sexist would say.

Why are we less happy? Is it because everything is so easy? You get everything you want to excess from food to entertainment to sex. We just overindulge. We don't know what's good anymore. Well, you just answered your own question. I agree. Wow, what's that about?

Listen, man. Shout out to Buffet the Vampire. Inside joke, you guys don't get to know. First world problems, my life is so bad, I have time to complain about it, your life's pretty good. Because when you're going through hard times, you're going through it. You're trying to work and put food on the table or whatever. You're not complaining because mom starts in bed sheets on Wednesdays, and she's not supposed to do it on Thursdays. So we're seeing the first world people are now the ones complaining online.

If you're in America right now and you're complaining about the job situation or life situation, There's 23 other countries We're ahead of us You go to any of those 23 Maybe the exception of Finland I have been there I don't get it I don't see them

But any one of those people Will be like We got to get to America So everyone wants to get to America No one else has got their borders Melting with people Coming from everywhere To come get here

So we never get the credit We deserve how great this place is Because we get to listen To the comfortable Probably chubby people Sitting around Happy because their life is So listen if you don't have to look for food

and you don't have to protect yourself you've got a pretty damn good life and most places you don't always have that luxury so I think it's just as like we're listening to the wrong people and complaining this is not the best country in the world for a reason he brings up you see that

they just applauded my finger gruel okay I always go to you with food questions but I believe that maybe diet could play a role in America because there's a lot of process stuff we're eating that messes with our brains. And I look at some of these countries, and they tend to eat leaner, smaller things. Is that possibility? 100%. You nailed it. You nailed it twice, twice in a row now.

Can we go? I mean, yeah, exactly. And that's what I was going to say. So, and I'll take it a step further. It actually, it's food, but it goes back to China, right? Because it's food and TikTok. It's both of those together. And you say, well, why is food related to China? Well, look, most of our food, actually, China owns so much of our farmland. A lot of our food is raised here, shipped to China, treated with chemicals, and then sent back to the United States. So I blame all of this on China. Actually, I'm not even going to eat Chinese food ever again. Oh, that's my favorite food group, Chinese food.

Yeah. I consider it a food group. Kat, would you like to comment on the unhappiness of America or the serenity of Finland? I don't know anything about Finland. I went to Finland. Oh, really? In the 90s. Did you have a nice time?

I had a great time. I snowball-billed across the Arctic Sea. I ate reindeer meat Okay Well I'm glad you had a nice time in Finland in the 90s I got to smoke on the plane Well I'm not shocked that the older people in America are happier Yeah

Because they own all the homes I think that a lot of it I don't think it's just TikTok I think a lot of it is social media And I think that obviously we're too far gone for that to change But I just the amount of time that I spit on my phone just looking at stuff. Right.

It's, without even thinking about it, all this time has gone by, and I'm not happier. You know, you're looking at other people. They seem happier, and you're just filling your head with garbage. I also think that the trust in the government thing, I think a lot of us are not over what happened during COVID.

Mm-hmm. I think that if you would have seen what happened before it happened, you would have said there's no way. Yeah. There's no way the government made places illegal. Yeah. But they did. And we all went through that.

And it's one of those things where it's like, If that was possible, what's possible? I think it's normal to be a little disillusioned after you realize that was possible. I mean, you're absolutely right. I saw a statistic that, like, kids these days are nine hours a day on social media, which means they're just staring at their phones. They can't communicate, and they're also comparing themselves to others.

That can't be right for your mental state, but it's great for me. Because I don't do it. You know, Jamie, I heard you're on a no-fly list to all those happier countries. So you won't export your misery to them. Yeah, I'm depressed about this. You're right about the screen time. My kids, last time I was talking to my kid in person, he tried to minimize me.

Yeah, I go. I think Tyers has a really good point because the study was done by self-reporting. Yeah. Like if there was a way to really qualify it, I think you're right, because we grew up pretty damn poor, and I do feel like I wake up almost there. I'm not even joking. I get in the shower and I go warm water.

I get excited. Like, I get excited about all these things. It's because I saw my parents work. They worked hard to put food on the floor. We didn't have a table. And those were the wealthy, but I got, I just, the whole time I was reading this article class, this guy, I was like, I wonder where Finland even is. I wish I had a map.

And do we think it's more so also? I also don't think it's fair because within the United States, You have, you could live in Hawaii. Yeah. Or you could live in Alaska. Yeah. Like, there's all these differences between, like, is it even a great, a good metric? That is.

And what a great word. Thank you. Well done. I woke this morning and I was like, I'm going to find a place to say metric tonight. Good for you. Found it. All right. Named after one of my favorite sisters.

Also, how did they survey the people in Afghanistan? Yes. I think they just flew over and, like, they look miserable. Hey, how are you doing? Not good. Send help All right, up next With the CIA frown

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clothes to works, not like as a spy, like a disguise, but actually wearing it. And it says it makes him better at his job. Like if he wears high heels, he knows what it's like to be a woman. And that helps him as an agent. What say you? Well, I say two things. Number one, I immediately started thinking about wearing high heels in the kitchen. And then I started wondering if they make slip-proof high heels, right? Like, but sorry, I digress. Isn't the whole purpose of being a spy is that you're supposed to blend in? So now you've got somebody who's like wearing women's clothing and it's completely obvious that they're no longer a spy. It just, this is classic Biden administration right here, doing the complete opposite of what everybody knows is supposed to be the way in which it's done.

Kat, he boasts about how he now has firsthand knowledge that wearing heels and a bra can be uncomfortable. So basically, that's all it takes to be a woman. Yeah. See, honestly, if you want to cross-dress, if that makes you happy, I'm happy for you. It doesn't scandalize me. It doesn't matter. But as a woman, I've never been with a group of women, and we're sitting around like, how are you? Well, heels.

That doesn't make you understand me at all. You wore high, like the fact, I wear these heels only from the green room to the walk here. I don't wear them beyond that at all. But the amount of time that I spend thinking about heels or shoes is close to zero and would be zero if it were not for this segment. Yeah. It's just not in a bra. Like, I wish I needed one. But other than that, I don't really think about that that much either.

Why would the CIA, Jamie, include this in some kind of internal memo? This is, again, I think it's more about DEI. Of course. Yeah. It's about inclusivity. absolutely girl is just talking about that's so funny that's right they're supposed to blend in and that's the opposite of what if you're walking and you go man i think that i think that guy's following us you know and then your friend's like the guy with a with a brown hair and the tall

guy and you go no no the the blonde guy with the tube top that guy he looks familiar i don't like this is crazy i don't i just like it's a double standard like my girlfriend will wear my shirt to bed sometimes that's not considered cross-dressing but yeah I wear a sports bra out of Planet Fitness. And all of a sudden, I'm labeled at that. I just, I just don't see the lure of this at all. Can you imagine how long it would take to get two bras off before having sex? Now it's making sense.

She kicked you out and you were shaving at the planet. It makes sense now. It is true that. It's like we didn't run the pictures of the... No, she kicked him out in her clothes. Yes. And he had to shave. Yeah.

job interview. Could this be why we and that Afghanistan fell like we were too busy talking about how a guy looks wearing skirts? Afghanistan just couldn't hold on anymore. How about we just don't give a shit? I mean we just don't care. Wear your dress, bro. Listen,

listen, if I didn't have some genetic issues it might be comforting to wear a dress. Who knows? I'm half Scottish. We got kilts over there. Maybe I'll rock a kilt one day. Why not? But at this point a man in heels and a dress walks by me while I'm working in my office. I'm just going to look up and be like,

you got to do more than that. Like, what else you got? Yes. You know what I mean? That's not enough. That's not enough. It's not enough. I got six heels in my closet.

What do you want to do? You want to do? You know? So I think when we all just kind of go, nice dress, bro, and move on. Because if he's wearing it because he wants to wear it, how I react to it shouldn't matter. How we react to it shouldn't matter.

If he's wearing it for all of us to go, holy shit, this guy's in a dress. Not enough. Not enough anymore. We've seen it. It's been around forever. Literally, I grew up watching MASH on late TV. Clinger was cool, right?

Jamie Barr. Yeah. And what did they do? They knew it before we did. Yeah. They didn't acknowledge it. Yeah. He didn't get to go home.

He'd dressed like a woman. They'll send me home. They're like, nice dress. Go fight. That's right. And they knew him in the 70s. If he was, maybe he's trying to get out of the CIA. Yeah.

This person wants to wear women's clothes. for themselves, then that's fine. But worry loses me when he says he's doing it, like, for me. Yes. My day is no better because some stranger I don't know wears heels sometimes. Yes. That's why there's no interview. When he come up to you and he says, do you know why I'm wearing it?

Nope. You slip showing. And go about your day. He doesn't get on the thing and go, I'm doing this for Kat. For Kat to go, what? Thank God, Corporal Klinger isn't alive right now because he would try to get out of the military and they would salute him for Christ.

cross-dressing and promote him. Yes. All right. At the time. Thank you, Jamie Lissau, Andrew Grohl, Katz, Tams, Tars, our studio out and it's Fust News tonight with Jimmy Tess Gallup. I love you, America.

Listen ad-free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts, and Amazon Prime members can listen to this show, ad-free on the Amazon music app. I'm Janice Dean. Join me every Sunday as I, focus on stories of hope and people who are truly rays of sunshine in their community and across the world. Listen and follow now at foxnewspodcast.com.