Guys: With Bryan Quinby - Guys: Episode 113 - Coffee Guys with Mattie Lubchansky

Episode Date: April 1, 2025

The patreon voted and we listened. This week we had Mattie Lubchansky on the show to talk about coffee guys. Why does this equipment cost so much? How do I tell my wife that she sucks at coffee? Can we make clear coffee? Find this out and more!! Pre-Order Mattie's book Simplicity! There is more Chris at https://www.patreon.com/notevenashow And for more Guys content, streams and SHOCKTOBER: a deep dive into shock jocks you can click patreon.com/guyspodcast, Join us on the Sunday Night Stream every Sunday night at 8:00 EST and I am on https://bsky.app/profile/murderxbryan.bsky.social  Guys is on Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/guys.pod Guys has a Post Office Box now! PO Box 10769 Columbus Ohio 43201

Hey, welcome to Guys and Guys and Guys. My name is Brian and I am here. I'm on coffee. I'm on the drug coffee. They might say Some people call coffee a drug Mm-hmm. Well, I did just have coffee. I actually spent the time before this podcast prepping my cold brew and my new cold brew maker Hmm. I know nothing about it. I mean I've heard of this stuff. Obviously obviously I'm coffee. Yeah, I mean cold brew is what I mean But I think right yeah, but I am as I've probably

Don't know I don't know how much I've meant. I don't drink coffee at all I'm not a non coffee drinker don't need it have never had a need for it So I don't understand this this sort of life at all Brian you Looking up what coffee was yeah, he's Chris is googling coffee before we start I do drink coffee a couple times a day actually I love it. I just gets me going you know you shouldn't even talk to me until I've had it Yeah, I've heard that before now. this is interesting. This is our first time recording just peek behind the curtain for about a month or so.

And Brian, you didn't insult me off the top? You're sitting there staring now like you're thinking of an insult for me or? And with me is my co-host, Chris James, a real bitch. No, that's not the, you forgot the sort of, it's supposed to be on the theme of what we're talking about I think you and also you you also haven't introduced a guest either. Oh and with us as our guest Second time Maddie lubchansky bad. I'm gonna say your last name right you got it right. It's phonetic

Should have been a real piece of shit. I should have asked it's you know what it's fine You got it in one and I'm really proud of you and I'm happy to be here I mean you do you drink you drink coffee you you held up a But that could have been it could be water in there. So no, I got my do that Here's the water is in this cup. Okay water goes in a clear cup. We all know this But I got my big mug here and that's full of well not anymore, but it was full of coffee I drink about two cups a day so you can brag you water goes on clear cups You can brag about drinking it you know what I mean?

Seltzer, but yeah, it's water water is the most virtuous drink This is the way I feel like oh look at me. I'm drinking water I've been bragging about it lately because I've been bringing a water bottle into record instead of the seven ups Well what I do is I was just gonna say what I like to do is I'll get a clear water bottle and I'll put Some flat 7up in there and everybody thinks I'm healthy as hell No, I love 7up diet or cherry 7up zero sugar, baby Sorry, have you tried the so my my wife is a food writer and so often we will get just limited edition strange foods just sent to her, will appear in our home

and I'll be tempted to try them. Have you tried the 7 Up Shirley Temple limited edition? Did not like that drink. What? Oh, I thought it was so good. I did not like it. I'm a cherry. That's just so crazy to me that,

like you asking that question, Maddie to me was like well, this is insane There's no way that he's tried that and that he somehow had which was shocking to me and he strikes you connoisseur Yeah, he you dis you disagree though you Brian What was what was your issue with it if you had to like describe it sort of in a wine kind of way like? What were the notes and everything on it that you didn't like? Honestly, it has like a weird pomegranate note to it that you didn't like honestly it has like a weird Pomegranate note to it that I didn't like which famously I'm a big pomegranate guy But I didn't like it in there. It's I like the cherry. I'm addicted to the cherry 7-up zero sugar. That's what I drink That's all like that's I don't want anything else. I mean sometimes like I guess when I go out to eat

I'll get a diet coke Well, that's not exactly true Brian cuz I went out to eat with you a couple of times in Portland So can you actually I think you've mentioned it before but you don't get one diet coke I get you ordered two off the bat you order two He orders two right off the bat before they've even got it before he has a chance to drink the first one He just knows he wants to. It generally goes like this. Can I have another Diet Coke? And then my wife goes, he likes to have two. Yes, I did get to see that as well.

In fact, we were out at a nice, I mean, it was a pizza place, but it was nice. It was like a nice Italian pizza place or whatever. And I think he only ordered one or maybe didn't make it clear enough. And then Katie actually had to sort of step in and take the server aside and say, you know, can he grab another one?

And you can tell she knows that it's bizarre or whatever, or that it's like not normal. And she's kind of like, I know, but he likes to have two, you know, it's, it's, it is kind of sweet. It's kind of sweet. It's kind of sad. It's kind of sweet though. Definitely. One of the funny things about me is that basically my favorite restaurant, the one I say this is what I want to go to in Columbus all the time. It's not necessarily that good. You know what I want to go to in Columbus all the time. It's not necessarily that good

You know what I mean, but it has these re you go you walk into this place You grab a cup you go to the fountain. You don't even have to ask for it Nothing The Burger King people for the cup, you know what you have to ask for the cup. You just walk in, you grab this huge cup, you put it, and you get your Diet Dr. Pepper, which they have Diet Dr. Pepper there. You're telling me the fast food restaurants

aren't fast enough for you with the pot. Yes. I just want to say, I try to live my life in a way that is a little more ungovernable. And you can actually just take the cup at the McDonald's. And it's not strictly allowed, but you can do it, it's like a thing you can do. You could easily go in there and you go in there

and then you say, what are you talking about? This is water, you know? It's, but it's seven up, we all know it's seven up. I'm pretty tall, I got a nice reach. I could just get over the counter and snag one of those bad boys, you know, probably. How tall, sorry, I'm kind of tall too, so now I want to have a tall showdown, Maddie So I'm currently six foot one

Well, okay, so I Was formerly six foot three and I shrank in the last couple years So what you're saying it because I'm six foot two and I'm not joking So you're saying you were taller than me. And in the last couple of years, you have actually fallen behind the effects of injectable estrogen have shrunk me two inches. I'm taller than Chris now. Yeah, that's not true.

And there's photographic evidence. I'm taller than him. Photographic evidence of it. In fact, the angle of the photograph that we took together for the Instagram makes it look like I'm so much taller than you It's it's not actually Brian's like 510 or something, but it makes it look like nope 511 Yeah, I even believe that he's not he's definitely you know But in the photo I look like I'm about six to seven inches taller than him which I do love as you can tell

You know it's a real pain in the ass thing that I found out recently which was getting a new driver's license and having them Change your height on the driver's license They're really like You can't like how is that possible? And I'm like well I shrank and they're like that doesn't make any sense And I'm like listen buddy. I Like it yeah that so how could you shrink more? I have no fucking clue I asked a friend of mine who like works at the gay hospital and And she was like yeah, it happens sometimes. I don't know the problem problem

Yeah, no one really has done a lot of research on this stuff. Well if you're a basketball player, so Yeah, yeah, so anyway um One thing I did I want to say this cuz you brought Burger King and blew my mind at the airport At the airport in Portland. Yeah Or wait Salt Lake City one of the airports, right? Yeah, this guy's always by the way. He's just always on vacation I am not always on this like which airport was I and he's like he's not a business guy just to be clear He's like he shouldn't be at the airport all the time So I'm at the airport and there's a sign on the fountain at the Burger King

That's like hey refills aren't free anymore Yeah, yeah anymore Just say they aren't free, you know what I'm saying don't let people know that they form like they used to be free That's me. Well, that's because people expect it and the fountains out where we can get to it. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah It's like a fountain just to be clear It's like a fountain like you'd imagine outside of a hotel like one of those fountains, but it has pop in it Yeah, I wish Mean all the other oceans 11 guys outside the big Pepsi fountain

Let's go to our slash coffee Overtwisted says a new shop does not do decaf espresso is that weird I? Don't know you guys would have to tell me is that weird I I actually don't Here's the thing I could have done some research before I came on the show. No, we don't like that Yeah, okay great wonderful cuz I can't read but Neither sorry that sorry I apologize, but that's it. I can't read either. That's the first guest. It's been on that also can't read Yeah, that's why I'm a cartoonist because I can't read but That's sorry, I apologize, but that's a I can't read either. That's with you're the first guest. It's been on that also carry Yeah, that's why I'm a cartoonist because I can't read but

What how do they make decaf? Here's here's the thing about the first of all espresso Decaf espresso seems so weird to me. I guess if you're making a latte, you want a decaf latte. Is an espresso just like a tiny little, like a shot? It's the shot, yeah. It's the shot thing. It's sort of the whole idea behind it is,

I need a quick little shot of caffeine without drinking a coffee. So is that why you're saying it's weird, Brian? Yeah, and I want to say this too. The reason I did this for one first is because one of the things I noticed when I was starting to get this episode going was like that I felt so bad for baristas in a way that I don't,

you know what I mean? Like in a way where I'm like, I don't know if there's another profession that has more annoying people. Yeah, because I mean, you think about being just a customer service person in general who's serving people food or dealing in that kind of service industry.

You're dealing with people, but yeah, you're dealing with these people, first off, haven't had their coffee yet. So, it's all these people, first off, they haven't had their coffee yet. So it's all these people who have, now I don't wanna, cause I'm not a coffee person, so I don't wanna be judgmental, but I think some people maybe they might use that

as a crutch sometimes to be a little bit more mean to somebody in the morning and a little bit more disrespectful and then they'll say, well, you know, I haven't had my darn coffee yet, this is just how I am. And they're on the front line dealing with those people at the height of their haven't had their coffee. So the most particular people we've covered.

There is I saw two guys arguing about whether the water should be 100 degrees or 99 degrees. Well, I can't have it too cold. You know me, Brian, when I'm drinking my can't be too cold. But I mean, 100 or 99? There's no possible way there's a discernible difference. Oh my god. Maddie, did you hear what he just said? Yeah, that's crazy. I actually went to engineering school, so I know about this kind of stuff. There's actually a whole 100 hundredths of a degree between those two numbers. Yeah. And Brian, that's actually really cute to hear you say

that there's no difference between 199. By the way, maybe there's a difference. It is not discernible. And the best comparison I could give you is, and I posted this online actually, when I worked for the cable company, this is when HDTV was rolling out. And guys would go to Best Buy

and they'd buy these Monster Cables for like $75. Yeah, they'd always tell us, I used to work at Best Buy, they'd be like, gotta upsell these Monster Cables. Yeah. And so, probably means they're really bad. So they'd get them home, month or two down the line, they break, they just don't work anymore. And that's not all monster. But some people, something happened,

right? And so I would come in there and I would take the cable company, HDMI cables, which are like $12 and I'd plug them in and be like, there it is, it's fixed. And the guy would be like, it doesn't look as clear. Which is literally impossible. It is not possible for a digital signal to not look clear. There's like one or two things. It's not shielded, it's been degraded. I can see, I can see. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, but they've just convinced themselves that, because that tells me my fellow Best Buy salespeople did an awful good job selling those monster cables, because they're just like, they would not even believe, they're like the people who saw the ship people and they couldn't even see it, you know? They had been convinced so that they're like, this is the best.

Yeah. And then, yeah. They'd be like, like oh it looks snowy And I'm like digital signals don't look snowy like you're in a guy's living room. You're like hey, it's snowing outside dude It's December That's what this person goes I assume they were about to tell me they were simply out of stock of the calf's decaf espresso beans wouldn't be the first Time but no they simply don't carry it Anyone who wants a decaf latte, cap,

or any other espresso based drink is outta luck. Why don't you just drink a glass of water? You know what I mean? Come on. Yeah, I guess I don't understand, but I guess maybe you don't want the caffeine and you've kind of fallen in love. It's the same as non-alcoholic beer, right?

Yeah, like a latte tastes nice. Like a cappuccino distance. They said they could make me a decaf pour over But I could do that at home. Oh really then do it And you can also can't you do the other thing at home as well? Okay, you do it do you have fucking espresso at home as well? Do it all at home machine is like massively expensive like a huge piece of equipment. You got to put in your home Okay, is it you 350 is it I got those smaller one, you know for my daughter Like massively expensive like a huge piece of equipment you got to put in your home, okay

350 is I got the smaller one, you know for my daughter. How expensive can it be though? I mean, I'm not saying it carry Your spending very difficult to make one you're spending seven or eight Dollars a day then I think you know on an espresso it could pay for itself pretty quickly But if you're saying Maddie that it's very difficult to make one at home, then I can understand. There's a technique thing, like every level of it, from the grinding to the like packing it, to pouring it, like there's all, there's a technique all over it is my understanding.

So it's like you want an expert to do it, but you could probably just buy classes with that money. You want them to do it right. And that's all, you just ask for them to do it right. They're getting paid to do it, and you just want them to do it right. And that's all, you just ask for them to do it right. They're getting paid to do it, and you just want them to do it right, because they are an expert, and I'm putting air quotes in front of the person.

First guy goes, that's probably easier than my first cafe's practice of selling decaf espresso, but having my manager shout out, it's disgusting, tastes like tire rubber and burnt hot dog across the room every time somebody asked for it. Wow.

These guys remind me of how like, people would talk when they were like mad about the kind of computer you used back in the 90s. Yes. Well here, this is the one, this is the reason I read this. If you like this new cafe, you could try politely explain

and ask them to consider offering decaf espresso. Demand may not be high enough, but they'll never know unless people make it clear. So they're always like have a talk with the, first of all, powerless barista. I would say just shh. Unless they're the owner of the place, they are powerless over whatever they're selling.

Well, you wanna set up a meeting with them probably. You'll set up some sort of a meeting in a boardroom Setting and you want to have a PowerPoint presentation just to sort of explain the benefits of a decaf espresso Yeah, well with the Marriott to have people over to the local baristas over to talk about yeah How about we check in with user caramel ice latte on our coffee and they're asking a question Infusing tobacco into coffee So I'm curious if anyone's ever tried using a cocktail smoker to smoke a cigar into coffee That's so weird

Like I'm dubious on a cocktail smoker first of all like I don't even know what that is It's a thing that goes over a cocktail that you can like burn hickory. Oh Like when you get yeah when you go to a very pretentious place and they put like Palo Santo in the margarita, okay Yeah, and you're I you know, I guess you drink the smoke First cuz I can't liquid taking on a smoke flavor seems impossible to me Personally like from smoke. Yeah yeah but from smoke you know what I mean it goes so I'm curious if anyone's ever tried using a cocktail smoker to smoke a cigar into coffee I have a few cigars left over from a wedding that got broken and aren't

smokable anymore I'm wondering if in theory I could put a tiny amount into a cocktail or whiskey smoker with some wood chips I'm thinking of pairing it with some espresso shots and a vanilla cream, but I'm wondering if it's any worse for you than just smoking one if it's just a small amount. So this guy has a great idea to infuse tobacco. It's true. It seems strange to me that he's concerned at all about a health risk. It doesn't seem to me like it's something that a healthy person would even consider at all about a health risk of it, because it doesn't seem to me like it's something that a healthy person would even consider at all. Yeah, bringing this to my doctor. I think the thing that I feel a fundamental disconnect here

from this kind of person for a lot of reasons, but I think the main one for me is if I have an idea for like a weird lunch or a weird drink, I just go fucking do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't like go to Reddit and be like, I'm thinking about making a sandwich today. Yeah, just try it.

That's literally the only way you're going to know. I guess people could, if you're concerned with the dangers of it, perhaps. That's the last place I'd ask. Well, yeah, if you're concerned with if it could be harmful, then you want to go to reddit and ask the experts Is there a way to cross post our coffee and our cigars at the same time? They should

Regulus says yep But try to smoke the vanilla cream or even better if you're primary preparing the vanilla cream yourself from scratch You can infuse it in the smokiness will work Well with the cream of vanilla then probably try to get a fruity or berry or sweet caramely profile coffee. It sounds counterintuitive than using a smoky or earthy profile coffee like something from Indonesia or Myanmar, oh I'm glad you're buying coffee from Myanmar, that's really great.

But you have better success of creating new flavors with the first option. Then if you have an ISI whipper, you can use that. Oh, of course I've got an ISI. You can use that to whip the smoky cream and use it to top your espresso. Like smoke the cream whip. You got off that cream. Yeah, whip that smoky cream, boy.

That that is that is a real that's a they this doesn't sound like drinking a thing anymore. No Most of the time you're doing this is the preparation like the drinking is almost secondary to Everything else. Yeah, and it's like it really does feel like people who have gotten, they've just gotten bored with drinking coffee or just sort of the whole concept of drinking in general. They've gotten bored with and they're like, what if we added like a different element to drinking? Which is so odd to me, because I think drinking is fantastic. Like drinking liquid, water or whatever. I got no problems. It doesn't need anything

No, no notes this buzzkill goes tobacco needs to stop being adjusted It has other uses but not for respiration or consumption then I wanted to know the other uses which weren't explained What are the other uses of tobacco? I couldn't even think of? One that maybe rope, but that's hemp. And I'm only saying rope because I know hemp can be turned into rope. Yeah, I got great news. You can use it to make a paper pulp and part of a board. You can use it as a filler in pillows.

Oh, my tobacco pillow would be great. I'm going to get one of those. It says here they can be used to make something called a cigarette as well. Oh, that's what we love baby. You don't know what one of those is? Oh gosh, you should try. It says here they can be used to make something called a cigarette as well You don't know what one of those is oh gosh you should try they are so I used to do them a lot, but you can't even do them anymore Which is actually probably a good thing because well, but this is one of the good things of woke I feel like if they did do it because this is like it was so good

But it was so bad for you in such an aggressive way So it was good like that you feel so stupid now doing it if you're if you're smoking cigarettes out in public I think is an overall good thing because otherwise we were all gonna end up smoking if they didn't change I mean, I smoked a little bit when I was in what I said before was a bit I used to smoke a little bit when I was in, what I said before was a bit, I used to smoke a little bit when I was in college. But I think people don't remember how much as a person who is rapidly approaching middle age, I think people don't remember how much there was

cigarettes fucking everywhere all the time. Everywhere you smelled like cigarettes, always, everywhere. But that's why you had to smoke cigarettes because then you couldn't smell the other cigarettes. It was like a thing where it's like, you don't smoke then you're smelling all of it You're like this is a hell world, but for all us smokers were like this is just the world What I was I was looking at

Casino reviews for the bonus show we're recording tomorrow because we'd like to read casino reviews because generally there are people saying that You know they lost money, and that's a bad review They had a bad time losing money and I Looked at an, Indiana casino which still allows smoking Mm-hmm and 90% of the bad reviews are like you gotta cut out the smoking And it's like well the casino seems like a place where you can to me personally you're right But it's just a smoking place, but it's considered so bad now. That's what I'm saying even an Indiana casino They're just like oh come on guys. This is a bit nasty

You know so I do feel like they're kind of running it out, but that I My mom lived in the Bahamas and so I they smoked cigarettes in the Bahamas and so they smoked cigarettes there everywhere inside all the time and that was much past like into my 20s or whatever. And so it was always wild and I came from this situation where I was like, holy fuck, this is really nasty because at that point I wasn't a smoker anymore and I was like, this is like really gross

how everything smells like stale cigarettes. This next guy replies and goes goes I love my cigars If you can name one cigar smoker that died young I'll cash app you $100. Sorry He loves his cigars. Okay, if you can name one cigar smoker that died young. Yep. I guarantee you could This guy asked a good question This guy has a great question out of curiosity. What cigar just as in coffee cigars have many different notes of flavor and now the OP comes back to explain the cigar.

So backwards, honey, Barry. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Oh Backwoods honey berry so not the most fancy brand But I spent a decent chunk of money on them to buy tons for a wedding Okay, so you spend a lot of money because you bought it in bulk So he's like listen. I spent a good fucking thousand bucks on by 900 of these things I can't just throw one of them away. Okay, it's been a while since I was like, I used to work as a teenager in the sort of deli that sold Backwoods.

And it's been a long time. Do they count as cigars? Cigarellos? I feel like they are their own thing. I guess they are technically considered little cigars. If I was smoking a Backwoods and I saw a guy next to me smoking a fine mac and noodle, I would not be like,

ah, we both enjoy our cigars, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's showing up to the cigar shop, sitting there amongst all these old guys Let's take a look at another question a guy comes in and asks him pisses the entire room off Hey, why are espresso machines and coffee grinders so expensive?

First let me explain my question, please so obviously he's asked this before he's and he's obviously gotten a really bad response before you all Absolutely jump on me here. Let me just say Pouring water under pressure and grinding seem to be simple operations Why then are the devices for it so expensive? I've stumbled upon a post from our slash coffee where a commentator I don't know why he said commentator but he said commentator recommended a $300 espresso machine and a $400 coffee grinder as low-budget options that see okay listen don't ask them they're the worst people possible that I don't know who to ask but not

guys that do coffee this way. Not the people who are like, we need to fucking put smoke pebbles into our, you know? Yeah, you just wanted to ask normal people. I don't know who to ask, right? But I don't think these people are gonna give you the $400 grinders crazy, you know? That is crazy.

Yeah. Besides that, could you please recommend some other options from the same price category? Thanks for your replies I've just been stomping them with my feet I Love the idea that he's like, I mean pouring water under pressure and grinding seem to be simple operations I love that lie where he's just like it seems like what you're doing is some easy bullshit So this guy goes is $700 expensive

Yes, that sounds like that sounds like yeah, that sounds like a classic rich guys like what does bread go for what three four hundred dollars? Seven hundred dollars that considered a lot of money 700 dollars expensive I bet most people that got a coffee shop spend that in less than a few months like anything the initial investment is a lot listen that's my point that was my point that was my point to say cuz you're not so what I'm gonna quit drinking lattes for a few months so I can get my espresso machine? That's true, it depends on your financial situation.

Because it depends, if you're going paycheck to paycheck or whatever in a situation, you won't have the free money until you stop, and then that means you have to go two months or so, who knows how long without. And you probably won't wanna get back on it. Yeah, at that point maybe you actually won't even want them anymore And then you use that money towards like your education or something like yeah, that sucks He goes the initial investments a lot over time it pays for itself in this case

$700 pays for itself very fast if it doesn't I'd wonder why you're looking at an espresso maker at all It's not that fast. It would be three months if you're drinking one every single day. But I guess people are drinking more than one a day, right? They're going- Brother, I was spending a crazy amount on lattes. Even just- Brian, I mean, but we're talking, you know, we're talking about people who are not actively

and aggressively trying to throw all of their money away every single day. So yeah, I believe you spent a lot of money I've got my latte is eleven dollars now at Starbucks Congrats. Hey, congratulations on that. Yeah, I forgot to give you congratulations. That's crazy That's more expensive than like the actual fancy coffee shop in New York City that I go to that's true. That is very good I mean keep adding stuff. He had a $22 smoothie from smoothie That's how much they cost no they don't the people people sent me messages after that Brian being like they actually were trying to figure

Out how to even make a $22 smoothie and it's like it is difficult to do you have to it's basically the most expensive Thing you can get at smoothie kit. That's not. If y'all think a $700 home setup, it's expensive. You'd have a heart attack pricing out legit commercial setups. Well, no, but that's not what they're doing. That's not a good point at all. If you think a sedan is expensive, wait till you look at the price of an 18 wheeler What I was about to suggest is that I'm gonna sort of a hustle grind set and this guy says it's gonna pay with Fade pay for itself in like a couple of weeks because what I'm doing is I'm buying the nice machine for $700 But that's an investment in my future. What I start doing is I start charging My my wife for latte in the morning. Yeah

Yeah, and he needs them. Yeah. And then I'm and I'm also like, I live on the fifth floor, so I'm lowering lattes down on a rope like the Wansler. I'm shipping lattes with uber eats. I'm like sort of I'm selling, you know, and then within within a couple of days, I'm already actually I'm in the black again. That's true. And you can get your seven hundred dollars back if everybody that drinks something out of it is

charged. And then you can make more. You could make more money potentially than the 700 buy another machine and then your businesses you can start growing from well. And that's what this unhelpful guy said. Those espresso machine Starbucks uses is $60,000 each. A good local. I would imagine. Yeah, I would imagine. They're making so many of these things every single day. Just like regardless of the fact that they need to have a much more capable machine than you because they're making thousands of them a day. But yeah, of course, they're also a business that has.

I was pricing out renovating my kitchen and I saw myself was way more expensive to buy a whole McDonald's a good local coffee shop will drop at least 20k on just an espresso machine and a lot of the higher-end ones put you well north of 30k and some really push out to 50k and up your base level grinders are $2,000. Oh, I hate this. I hate them. Nobody asked any of this Nobody asked any of this. This is just information that he is desperate to share. He probably tells us to so many people He's got a shortcut in his keyboard to paste all his information Yeah, I mean listen it got a lot of you're giving him a lot of credit to say as a keyboard I'm picturing him 98 years old and he's looking at a construction site telling people who walk by

Speaking it into his phone your base level grinders are 2k and the better ones can be have for less than 5 The brewery started for $5,000 as well and only get more expensive some of the really really nice ones can't even be bought or used for under 10k a $700 home setup will honestly barely even scratch the surface of being decent my home espresso grinder sent me back $700 and the machine new would have been 3,500 but I got it used and refurbished it for a few hundred dollars and about 30 hours of my time over a few weeks At least did it himself. Yeah Re-furbish it himself. Yeah, he's just like why don't why don't you get a

$3,500 one and refurbish it yourself or here's a bunch of fucking prices for Industrial strength stuff like oh, thanks for the help. Yeah Paul says what's your background to state that they are expensive? Oh, thanks for the help and Paul says what's your background to state that they are expensive? Hmm. My background is not having $700. I would say my background is living and having to support myself P comes back and goes I just meant the price is seemingly high for these simple operations wrong way to state that Stop calling them simple. Listen, I don't even disagree with you, but you are poking the bear here Stop calling them simple operations. It's pretty stupid. It should be cheaper Fucking pour some water The person comes back goes have you considered the possibility that you don't have engineering

Expertise to evaluate if it's a simple or not And how much automating the process is complicated. I actually kind of agree with that. Yeah. No, no, that's I think Hard to make nice Yeah, some things that seem very very simple are in fact not in fact to take somebody quite intelligent to design them Yeah, yeah Not as the most annoying people on earth about this, but they are kind of right in his instincts He goes that's why I'm asking then the guy comes back goes. Well you stated it simple It's not having reliable and steady temperature and pressure is challenging and therefore expensive

Also, the production volume is not that high to scale as pods machine do yeah There are many shortcuts though like pressured baskets or manual devices Oh with a different trade-off So we've got a legitimate expert here who's just popped in this person sounds like a full as a full-on expert to me Then this next guy goes right, but what's your background for saying the price is higher that the operation is simple another question gets a reply Bruh, you don't answer a question with a question. Clearly they don't know and they don't have an in-depth background on a topic.

That's why they're on the internet asking a question and looking for clarity. Well, stop doing that. What is it with Reddit? Reddit is the own Reddit, I guess Quora is the other site, but there's two websites that like people actually think you can go get valuable information from and you absolutely can't.

Everybody on Reddit's a psycho, everybody. Can I tell you, I actually go to, I just realized I go to Reddit sometimes for information on stuff, but it's about like, like if it's like a product thing or like something to do with like a technical thing on my computer I will look sometimes for like a reddit thread where I'll like read through it and look for information And also I will go to reddit for movie advice

I just realized that like I weirdly well I will I will click on reddit where I was just like hey I'm looking for like movies that fit this kind of you know these kind of yeah and wait you type that in already you know I type it I just type it into Google I just type it in a Google but oftentimes read it will be one of the there'll be a thread saying like here's a list of my favorite like 1990s this type of movie or whatever and I'll find a lot of good movies in there but that's just opinion stuff where I recognize that someone's opinion.

I'm not asking for actual expert advice on stuff. Well, here's a guy asking an insane question. Clarified coffee. James Hoffman has tasted five to six different attempts at clear coffee, but they have all been met. There's a lot of advance in trying to clarify coffee filtration, centrifuge, gelatin, charcoal, brewing methods, reintroduction of flavor through distillation, the list goes on.

But no matter what you try, it's incredibly difficult to remove color without compromising the flavor or the caffeine levels. As a result, clarified coffee attempts have been novelty items at best and public roasts, no pun intended at worst. I spent the past month trying every angle to no avail, but this must be a possible What am I missing here if crystal Pepsi can do it? Why can't we? Well, they're two different things but Has a chemical that makes it brown

Yeah, I think those one of them is using food coloring. I believe Stop making it brown. They just they just removed they were like Yeah, I think one of them is using food coloring, I believe, or some sort of, yeah. They just stopped making it brown. They just removed, they were like, well, we made a clear drink and put brown in it, and then we just stopped putting brown in it. Yeah, it's naturally clear, it's naturally clear, yeah. We put bleach in it.

I was really curious about what clear coffee could look like, and I did Google it, and it is the color of- Brian, can you Google it and show it to us, please? I wanna show you, I wanna copy an image address here. I think you can present too on here. Okay, I'm just gonna pop it in the chat. All right.

I want one or both of you to describe to me the color of the clarified coffee. Oh, the color So judging from your laughter does it look like piss by any chance yes, oh, okay, I didn't even see oh, yeah It looks exactly like this It's a clear coffee Exactly like you know I think in a lot of ways my body kind of makes clear coffee out of my coffee So I guess my body is kind of a filtration system. You're looking Clarifier if you could try to yeah recreate my yeah, this is this It is a glass of piss you can't

Be the photo for the episode. Yeah, it's it looks like actual The photo for the episode yeah, it's it looks like actual There's nothing to separate it from looking like pee except for the little bubbles you get in your knee And it's not just this one photo. I found every single. I'm like I have Every single photo here is just side-by-side regular coffee and pee Why would you want it anyway, and that's gonna get asked a lot well yeah, that's a really good question But in this world we live in where there's so many people and everybody's so bored I feel like everyone's always looking for a thing to care about and do so I think it's that right? There's no like practical application for clear coffee right you could know to a finer degree if the sugar is dissolved

Sure, okay So this first person goes it seems like a colossal waste of time money and energy even if it were achievable so what no one's Asking for it, and I doubt many would drink it black is midnight on a moonless night, please Yeah, I'd like my coffee yellow, please Yellow coffee can I get my I'll just take my yellow just yeah this guy goes yeah I can't even begin to think of a single benefit to all this ridiculous effort maybe no teeth stains that's about it okay and the next person goes no teeth stains would be great and then this person goes achievable with a bit of adherence to dental hygiene practices

Yeah, but what if you don't want to brush your teeth and you want to keep drinking coffee, right? Have you ever thought of that? Some people don't want to brush their teeth ever It's such a good guys just like brush your fucking teeth brush your teeth and keep drinking coffee But that is one thing that I hadn't thought of where it would take away that you know The people are drinking a lot of it. Well, finally we get an answer because this guy goes yeah What would this hypothetical product provide that a million energy drinks don't and the OP does come back to explain? Okay, those coffee coffee market pretty crowded if you offer a clarified Kyoto cold brew that tastes good people are gonna buy it It's as much a brand strategy as it is an experiment.

Hmm. Brand strategy. Hey, Matty, you switched mics. I did, didn't I? Yeah. Yeah. I just I noticed it. Don't worry about it. Let me fix it. I think it went to my. Oh, yeah. Went to my iPhone microphone for some reason. It does that. I caught it right away.

Brian would have done the entire episode. They wouldn't have even done it. Okay, it does that I caught it right away Brian would have done the entire episode David it wouldn't have even done is my audacity my local keeps automatically going down to zero percent recording My does that do yeah, and also don't don't worry about it if we if we you know we have a good Recording of yours locally from here to it's okay. So it's okay. Well. Let's get to the stuff that people love. Let's get to the stuff that people love. Anderson Silva. Not the real one. I don't think. Oh, okay. Because we just, we just did MMA guys with Felix. So I don't know if we talked about it. Oh, maybe we did where he broke his leg. We might've talked about that. But yeah, famous MMA fighter for anyone. Muay Thai fighter. Yeah, he asked how to tell girlfriends she shit at making coffee.

Hmm. I think you got to be direct with it, I guess. Or just say, like, hey, I'm not I'm not a fan of your your coffee. Right. I think that's what I would do. Direct, assertive communication. Well, the guy goes, don't get me wrong. I'm super grateful when she wakes up before me to make coffee. However, it's never great tasting, which is sad because I buy really nice beans last batch tasted very stale I'm pretty sure it sat got cold, and then she reheated on the stove I have no idea what she's doing wrong and my beans are getting wasted also

I work the night shift, so she'll always be up before me the predicament is haunting me terribly We use a Chemex anyone else in a similar situation The predicament is haunting me terribly. We use a Chemex, anyone else in a similar situation? Why can't you just tell her, I guess, like it doesn't seem like something that would hurt her that much unless she's, does she take a lot of pride in her coffee? I don't think a lot, like people who just make coffee

in the morning, they make it for you, I think he'd be like, hey, can I make my own coffee? I think I prefer to make it a specific way or whatever. Yeah, toss it in a drip machine and drink it. You know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, I think that's I mean Maddie you mentioned you have a wife. How would you thank you? Oh How would you address this? Well with my wife who I love and have a good relationship with I would simply talk to her Which is the solution to all relationship issues?

and have a good relationship with I would simply talk to her which is the solution to all relationship issues Yeah Can't do that. No if I was say this weird freak on reddit what I might do is Lie and you say something like I'm thinking about getting really good at brewing coffee and then you know, and then you're like, let's learn it together That's a lot of the advice actually that's this person goes this person says when my wife and I were first establishing our Relationship I made it very clear many times that I'm not a mind reader and then expecting me to be one won't work out Well on this coffee issue my wife likes coffee that tastes how I like it So it's easy to work with towards the end with her with her So this guy is just a badass tough dude who really.

He's just like hey listen doesn't even. Yeah and thanks for coming in and saying it doesn't really happen for me because my wife and I like the same coffee. This guy goes, the key of a working relationship is being able to talk about problems. I know how hard it is but use this minor problem to learn how to be honest without being hurtful.

Be nice, tell her how much you appreciate her effort to make you coffee, but it is simply not the way you like So don't say you make shitty coffee try something like I prefer my coffee prepared differently and then By the way, I'll be good But that person is you can tell that person sounds like they're like a therapist or something like that that person who's just describing it That was really sort of kind, kind of, you know? Like use this as an opportunity to like sort of practice that type of communication and still be kind in it and everything.

That was really nice advice. That person does not belong on Reddit at all. Don't worry, because this guy says, I wish we had this rule in my house is it would get rid of 99% of our arguments. Apparently it's not an unreasonable expectation of me to be a mind reader according to my wife Oh, that's so good guys. We're just coming on here like oh my god my wife Holy crap guys my wife like whatever the threat is it's just like oh, yeah, I should try that with my damn

Here's a guy with minus 61 points On his I good. That's not it's not golf, brother He goes as a guy who just got dumped out of a four-year relationship Don't tell her shit drink that coffee like it's the last cup you will ever have That's a sad divorce guy He hold on to that man. It tastes a whole lot better than than loneliness Opus Pope says dude you need self-respect And he replies it goes I have tons that doesn't matter when it comes to relationship

I was always the honest boyfriend. It does matter huge asshole. I just want to say it does matter I think in a relationship to have self-respect I think it's helpful. No Not at all This person goes I'm not married, but I'm in a long-term relationship You can also propose a friendly brew off assuming she can taste coffee quality. Oh really? Why don't you propose your fucking long-term girlfriend buddy how long's it been? Proposing a brew off is the most like fucking I bet this sort of guy that loves to like play devil's advocate for

funsies with his girlfriend. Yes. Like you taste the coffee and you're just like hey babe this is like pretty good but I think I'm better than you if you want to have like I'll see you tomorrow morning at 6 a.m. often will oh god then that line assuming she can taste coffee quality I bet he's a really good boyfriend he's probably a great boyfriend I can guarantee that yours should come out nicer and she should be able to detect it as long as you make sure it's not too Competitive you can offer to teach her your method and recommend her try it of course this assumed She has the same taste as you and doesn't like stale coffee

Also assumes you can brew a good coffee yourself So I thought yeah god He's just like four seconds away from being like a fine cup of coffee my last me thinks I could teach you to do it A little better. What about you? He would say me things we talk about a lot of people who say me things on this podcast Yeah, what about this person says hide the big good beans from her buy some shitty cheap beans and put them where the good beans Used to be hide them from her. Does she have object permanence here? Hide them from her. Does she have object permanence here? Beans from her buy some shitty cheap beans some cold G beans, you know

Cold yeah. Oh Yeah, that's a reference. That's a reference. That's from a was it Steve Aoki Steve Aoki shows someone complained that there was cold cheap beans and that's all they had on the. Because smile and thank her for making good coffee for you. And then when she's looking the other way, he's the coffee to water the plants. And this person goes had a similar issue a while ago was laughed at told there's no fucking way she's weighing coffee grounds in the morning and to make up myself if I had such a problem with hers Seems like a good relationship. I would just drink the crappy coffee and not worry about it too much

What just so you don't want cat coffee and then just get one on your way to work or whatever like go pick one up Or so because mine brings me cool coffee served in an ice-cold mug I would never tell her that it's bad because there are more different things than coffee I've been more important things than coffee not many, but this is one of them. We went to arrow with Because coffee. Oh, no, what is kind of a drug? Why are you kidding me? Yeah, are there are there posts from just people drinking coffee? Uh, yeah, this person goes Apart from the traditional methods of brewing coffee by horny The dose was six grams of coffee ground and crushed toast with coffee

Body weight 110 kilograms. I don't know what is that? That's I think that's quite a bit It's like a kilogram is about I think two point two pounds is mine. Yes. I think that he's eight He might be a good 200 some on pound guy. Yeah, well he goes I personally enjoy coffee a lot usually only in the morning, especially when the weather is warm I can have a light breakfast and some coffee in the morning and it's enough for the rest of the day when it's cold outside I find that coffee doesn't do enough. So I don't so I just don't drink it. And I switched to green tea. I found that taking a triple dose of my daily multivitamins on the day of cessation

significantly significantly delays and reduces the severity of the tension, headache and the flu like symptoms I experience upon discontinuing use. I do experience very, very severe withdrawal symptoms. After three days of use, they're 100% guaranteed, something I'll taper off by gradually ingesting smaller and smaller amounts, but a paracetamol can also help. That's a medicine. It's aspirin.

Yeah. Obviously, I would not be writing this unless I find that there's something of utmost importance to share so Yeah, no one goes on Arrow wouldn't post unless it's of utmost importance Apart from the traditional methods of brewing ground coffee beans. I just so happen to have discovered something very extraordinary Oh I'm talking about adding excessive amounts of ground coffee to a custard and layering cake sponges along with it Or making fudgy brownie stuffed cookies where the brownie filling has a lot of ground coffee

At this point I didn't have to I didn't have a tolerance to caffeine upon consuming two pieces of cake for breakfast I'm micro dosing with a tear of the shoe in the morning Eating cake for breakfast on its own is so funny I had two pieces of cake for breakfast this morning Yeah, which we we did but we had Charlie's first birthday party and it was pretty early still and we had cake and it did we did it did feel weird It was like, you know, I know you have like desserts in the morning, but having cake before 2 p.m. Is a little bit suspect Upon consuming two pieces of cake for breakfast. I became extremely stimulated and euphoric. I was very much in a flow Wait, this is sugar. I

Sounds like you had a a little baby boy sugar high. He was micro tasting the coffee. I think he put a lot. Because the way he described it was a lot of coffee. Oh, so you think he is really hopped up on caffeine as well as the sugar. Yes. I think he put an excessive amount of coffee in the cake like because that's what he's saying

He said like more than he could ever drink. Yes. That's what we're saying So he's but maybe he dumps like he dumped a whole bag or something in there and now he's eaten all of this coffee And he's stimulated. He's also in a flow state. He said at this point He goes I was very much in a flow state and words and ideas were pouring out of me Oh, you must have been a joy to hang around Every time you read an arrow we review it and they're like I got a bunch of ideas. You're like Can you imagine this guy on like a million grams of caffeine? Screaming the dumbest ideas at you for an hour

These effects easily surpass any energy drink and any strong and dark brew I've tried I found that consuming the whole coffee bean provides a much smoother effect Just eating beans I mean you could buy those like chocolate covered coffee beans. I've had those Yeah, I was kind of wondering how he was eating the coffee Like a pill Chomping down those beans because the beans are really hard, right? You can't really just like but but the ones that are chocolate covered coffee beans are not as hard

Is that I've never had before they undergo some sort of drying out process that makes them kind of crunchy, but they're not soft by any means Yeah, I understand, but you can they're like brittle almost He goes I Found that consuming the whole coffee bean provides a much smoother effect the more gradual ascent and long-lasting stimulation I also felt like I experienced much stronger antioxidant effects. I Love that line. I don't know why it's funny to have a guy say antioxidant effects.

It's like he's just jamming like an entire fucking huge tub of coffee grinds into a cake. And then he's just like, there was some really, really good health benefits to it. He's rubbing coffee grinds on his gums. He's like, I'm peaking. Yeah. The double caffeine coffee.

He's like, oh, fuck, yeah. Mm. It does sound like he was in a cocaine state of mind. Yeah. He goes, I wasn't jittery, and I didn't have a crash in the afternoon, nor did I have a withdrawal symptoms the next day. I strongly advise trying this out

as I think that the state this put me in was nothing short of psychedelic. My mind was- Just take mushrooms then. Just take a small amount of mushrooms if that's what you're looking for. You can't take a small amount. But I like this line.

My mind was extremely punctual, elevated, and I was grasping and handling concepts and ideas putting in some very interesting work. I don't know Very interesting work him sitting on a park bench like looking at a fucking leaf for 20 minutes I love this guy. He was probably like had a diet coke and saw the machine elves like Yeah, this guy is actually really awesome. He's like, he's like, he's so trying to get so fucked up on coffee and it's, I don't even really understand why it seems so important to him because there's like,

he mentions him, he knows the other stuff he could be taking. Look at that speed. Yeah, to get way more fucked up, but he's, he's decided he wants to do it with with coffee Doesn't matter how much of it it takes. Yeah, you know I mean he could like buy Adderall off somebody but even the other side of it is like I Guess you can't drink a bunch of energy drinks in a row. It's funny You know what I came up with that as a example

Brutble buying Adderall from someone Exactly what somebody I know does perhaps I don't know I'm not gonna say it cuz I don't want to get you in It's me. I buy drugs I love buying illegal drugs It goes this route of administration truly let the power of the coffee bean shine And I realize how powerful of a drug it really is I consumed approximately Six tablespoons of ground espresso and two pieces of cake without tolerance so say a few months of break so There you go. This guy should get a hold of some coca tea and really blast off

Yeah So there you go. This guy should get a hold of some Coca tea and really blast off. Yeah. Six tablespoons, I'm trying to think. I know I make coffee from, listen, I don't want to tell you guys I'm the best husband around. I make coffee for my wife sometimes before she wakes up. And I'll put six like spoonfuls. I don't think they're tablespoons. But about that, that brews a whole thing of coffee for her.

So I don't know, is that is that a lot? Is that even a lot? Because she'll drink that, I feel like over the course of it. I think that the consumption being just straight up the the the materials does something. You know, I'm saying because you're just this next one is says anything in excess is a bad thing caffeine plus sleep deprivation is the Drug they did they did four cups of coffee 20 ounces of caffeine Liquid I don't know what that is and then for oral cha she ate four chocolates So that's that's the for Orally like yes, it's shot like just like like just chocolate

I love that first oral chocolate album from the 70s That is actually a great like a funk band yeah That's why Aro it is the best though because yeah, everything is thought of in that turn in those terms You know like chocolate orally if you really want to experience chocolate you gotta you gotta grind it up and snort it It's in my hands. Yeah Analy yeah, yeah, I mean yeah, I boof it. Yeah, I mean I'm slipping Cadbury eggs at my asshole I'm slipping Cadbury eggs at my asshole. Cadbury mini eggs. I stopped eating the king-sized caramels with my mouth, if you know what I mean.

Yeah, now you sit down on a Randy Marsh style. Yeah. Shut up. This first line, I think you know a lot. By the way, Matt, I just want to clarify. He used to eat six king-sized caramels in the middle of the night. He used to wake up and eat them in the middle of the night. We haven't talked about that for a while.

We made a sticker, actually, and it's one of the rare stickers in our sticker packs. But yeah, he ate six king-sized caramels in the middle of the night. Yeah. Was this a regular occurrence or just one time? Every night. That's so many. For a long time.

Oh, I know now. Why did you do this? I did it orally, yeah. You took them orally, yeah. It was actually fantastic because it was like the, like the, he didn't realize when he sort of said it. He said it to me on a stream live, and he didn't even know just how fucked up it was, I think,

until the response from me and everybody in the chat. And to his credit, he stopped eating the caramelos. He's off them, and he got off of candy, you know, a lot. Like he just started eating healthy after that and lost a bunch of weight and looks great. So this first line of this Arrowwood review, I think you're both gonna love. Well, it just so happens that this particular experience

is still ongoing. Like the Yelp review in the parking lot. Yeah, this is a Yelp the in the parking lot. Yeah, this is a Yelp review in the parking lot. You haven't even for this all this chocolate. This is it's kind of not fair. This is like reviewing a movie before it's done. It's not even fair to do this review. I don't even want to hear it.

Currently, I am eating vegetables, bread and drinking lots of water. Six hours ago was a very different story. Let me explain that for you. If you two don't know, do this. When I've been like really unhealthy for a while, I'll just be like, let's eat some vegetables. You know what I mean?

And just you eat the vegetables like they're medicine, like they're going to cover up all the bad stuff you ate for five days. I was recently visiting some family in New Orleans and it was the weekend before Mardi Gras. So it was like carnival time and everyone, I was just behaving like a maniac for like six days. And I was like, I'm going to come home and I'm going to eat a salad. And it did nothing for me, man. Maddie, when I got back from my trip,

cause I was gone for almost two weeks. Yeah. Um, and I got back from my trip, because I was gone for almost two weeks. Yeah. And I got back from my trip. I ate so bad for those two weeks. I've seen donuts all the time. And you ate the pancakes, the stack of pancakes. Yeah. All the photo on the Instagram of you laying on the chair from the pancake. I ate a lot of pancakes. I did all this stuff. I got home and the day I got back, I had sweet greens for dinner. And I was like, I feel better.

I actually doing a little better now with the sweet greens in me. Uh, the person goes, I decided to stay up and watch TV and surf the net. It's winter break. I have some papers to do, but I haven't done them. Well, I drank one cup of coffee and I finished off the soda that I had from subway. I think that if I hadn't had that sandwich I would have been in much worse shape than I am in now. Thank goodness for that subway sandwich

Thank God subway. Somebody's brought a lot of pain and yeah and horrible stuff into this world But thank God for them in that moment. They saved his ass. I would have been in much worse shape than I am now Anyways, I went to get another cup of coffee some chips and salsa and four pecan delights I hustled those down and I didn't really feel anything This person's trying to get fucked up on coffee and candy which I ain't I like it there Yeah, who doesn't want to get fucked up on coffee and candy and they're like a university student It sounds like as well, right? So they're right in the wheelhouse of that age where you don't have a whole lot of money either, too

So you are kind of always looking for and you are just not access to maybe the drugs that you want So you're looking for ways to get fucked up. Yeah Go I had another cup of coffee when my dad got up at 4. It was crazy Then I had another cup of coffee at 6 a.m. with my mom though I used sweet and low it still doesn't calm down the caffeine that's in the regular coffee so here I am no sleep junk food coffee and soda at eight or nine I started to get the shakes I wasn't shaking so much my teeth were chattering I was shaking so much my teeth were that's probably not great I've never gotten so hopped up on caffeine that my teeth chattered

I know it's like that's only happened to me for when I was very cold I feel like it happened to me one time when I tried original recipe for loco before they changed it. Oh, yeah before Chuck Schumer Spearheaded the effort to make it illegal in New York City bastard I did I did go to a party that was like a bunch of stockpiled original recipe for locos And I did I did like you know part the vittering the the glittering veil between this world and the next and touch the face Of God briefly my teeth were chattering and stuff. I knew a guy. I'll say this I knew a guy and he did a ton of drugs like he's just

money your friends did a ton of drugs like he's just on a your friends. Sorry. Yeah. Why? He did like he overdoes drugs though. You know what I mean? Yeah, like I I I got these like in a real like in a in a I got these I got these to CB pills, which is a psychedelic boat and psychedelic when I was on tour and I wasn't going gonna take them because they're like a research chemical

I just that didn't seem like something I do so I was like you want these pills The guy that gave them to me said never take more than one M Don't do it. He took two. Yeah, I gave him three. He took two immediately And that's he said he went Absolutely insane and it was one of the scariest nights of his life, right? So the reason those guys who just is like not really married to whole idea of being alive or whatever And at the same time like those people who are just taking drugs to a degree where it's like I'll give it a shot

You know I'll just like go for it like even though someone's telling me if listen if Kweeber the bottom line is if Kweeber I wasn't Kweeber at this time Okay, well if Brian Quimby or Kweeber comes to you and says here's some fucking drugs that I myself Am not willing to take you go ahead and throw those into the trash because those are not safe for human consumption So anyway The thing the reason I bring that up is because obviously he does things to excess like tons of coke all the like the type Of guy that gets like an eight ball of coke and then like two hours later

He's like I gotta go get more coke. You know what I mean? That's what coke's all about though But I understand what you're saying, but that is kind of the concept behind coke is hey, let's get some more coke But yeah, yeah the the guys who are just like you're like, hey, we're we're hoping that would last like an hour and a half Well, he used to drink this stuff called sparks Oh Yes He would buy five of them And by the end of the night like a half of those would kill me dead At the end of the night when he was talking it would be like he was on Adderall or coke

He would do that thing more like you move your mouth weird and you're just constantly fucking chewing and it was just off that There was no other drugs going into him So that for loco that era of drinks was fucking crazy I'm I'm so glad I didn't drink cuz I would have been one of the guys that had a I mean, I'm glad that I only that they became illegal because I found out later that I have a degenerative heart condition Madden going down to four local. Yeah, that is that is it's like those pretty sure people did fucking die like it's yeah Caffeine seems neutral is what I'll say like to to most people They don't in their mind have like this thing where they're like there's an amount of caffeine that might fuck me up or kill me

Yeah, make me feel bad because they all feel like they can handle caffeine Yeah You know what I mean because ever like so many people drink so much of it seem to take on so much of it It doesn't feel like it's a dangerous thing But there is what what now I'm trying to think of what is that? What is that restaurant the American restaurant that had that crazy? Panera Panera bread Yeah, yeah, I used to drink that that's caffeine right that's that's a high

Like in an amount that I drank the big tall ones all the time for a period. I thought they were great It was called charged lemonade those are the ones that were killing people. Charged lemonade, those were the ones that were killing people, right? And they had to get rid of them. Yeah, I loved it so much. It was so good. And there were disclaimers on the fountain when you would go to get like,

hey, take it easy on this. I almost felt as though I had to be cold because my teeth wouldn't stop chattering. I felt that I should take a bath, so I did, but it didn't help. Oh God, that is big time fucked up behavior. Like, oh, I feel like I should take a bath so I did but it didn't help. Oh god, that is big time fucked up I hear like I feel like I stick a bath. I just feel like my clothes on I just need to clean myself I need to feel clean

Take a bath and eat some vegetables. I'll be And then I need to be naked and get this hair off of me. I Started freaking out thinking that I was going to die so I got out of the bath I was instructed by one of my friends to lie down and have lots of water Well this resulted in frequent visits to the bathroom I had a terrible ache in my stomach and I tried to lay down but I felt like I couldn't go to sleep Otherwise, I wouldn't wake up. I was so alert of everything even touching my arm was scary I was so alert that I was paranoid. I started semi dozing off, but then I would snap alert of everything. Even touching my arm was scary. I was so alert that I was paranoid.

I started semi-dozing off, but then I would snap out of it. It was almost like I was in a dream state, and I knew I was, but I felt like if I snapped myself out of it, I wouldn't fall asleep and die. I couldn't sit still, so I would walk around the house, but climbing the stairs was a chore, and breathing even seemed to be a little more intensified I would like to say that this is the first time that this has happened, but it's not

Yeah, you gotta go you shouldn't yeah Something else going on here, okay? And and also yeah, maybe and and like whatever go to see if the head doctors in as well while you're there And like whatever go to see if the head doctors in as well while you're there Why you keep doing that kind of stuff because I get it like when I was young I took a lot of drugs and I did stuff like that But if I had an experience like that on something, I just don't think I would do it again, especially with this next line I just realized the sensitivity caffeine this passes June. I Thought it was stupid to blame it on the caffeine

But sure enough each time I have and I get achy and I go into panic slash anxiety attacks caffeine this past June. I thought it was stupid to blame it on the caffeine, but sure enough each time I have it I get achy and I go into panic slash anxiety attacks. This is it. I'm done. I never want to experience this again. And the funny thing is that I used to drink caffeine all the time when I was younger and my teens and such and it never affected me. Maybe I never paid attention, but my body can't handle it anymore Wow, I mean yeah, if I'm if I'm trying a drink and every time I do it I end up nude eating a head of lettuce I feel like maybe anymore Let's take let's take a look at a little coffee shop called old coffee

OLD coffee which is on 2 second street in Vancouver, British, Columbia No, it's not what what do you talk? This is in North Vancouver? I think right second street West Second Avenue, sorry second Avenue, okay, Hoover BC And and this guy's a god. What's it called again? Sorry? I've just never heard coffee. Oh L de Coffee this person gave it a one-star review He goes hello and welcome to this odd cafe Which has a big lot of attitude from people serving you and who can ruin your day Let's put it. Let's put up an honest review for this hyped up 4.9 star cafe

We're never gonna come back again and in a clown emoji our cafe. We're never going to come back again. And in a clown emoji, it was day three and five of Vancouver and being coffee freaks. This is our third cafe. The worst one to be precise. 26 July, 1 30 PM. Firstly, no name outside the cafe, which becomes tricky to figure out for visitors. Okay. That's not a biggie. Secondly, we ordered two ice lattes and oat milk we like and prefer Always less ice Of course more coffee. Hey you get more coffee if you have less ice

You know course I got the ratios got to be correct And it's you can't have too little ice either because there's gonna be an issue with the temperature So yeah, I just have to get it just right in your professional. You should be able to do that It's pretty simple. Honestly, this is where this gets to be a weird review. This is where the reviewer becomes insanely weird. Oh, the man taking the order felt like he was in a delusional state of mind, probable delusion of grandeur. It was so hard to communicate with him because everything what we said seemed like a problem to him.

Was he the owner or manager? Well, I don't care. He seemed quite arrogant. My partner asked about the beans being Arabica and he said they use different coffee beans every couple of days. Okay. So that sounds like they, that's the policy they use. He goes, we wanted to make sure the coffee was not a fruity note But again, he replied Oh coffee beans are obviously arabica with quite a lot of tone It's quite a lot of tone so listen I've found that yeah the the most arrogant, you know Delusional people you'll meet our baristas. They are just always like well the cock of the walk. They're so arrogant. It's

Definitely I can I hear this story. This is one of those reviews where You are taking the other person's side almost everyone who's listening to this is taking the person the other person side Even though you're trying to get the opposite response from the reader Yeah, I'm taking the coffee shop guy side because it seems seems like such a pain. The person seems like a pain, right? And he goes, he goes, okay, I was going to make them listen to this, but I didn't. But there are four types of coffee beans. Okay, coming back to the order. So the barista fills up less than three quarters of the small glass. This is what they serve in considering we ordered less ice.

So this is literally a person who says no ice so I can get more. Less ice, yeah. I want less ice in it. No ice is the fake, coke no ice. My friends used to order those because you get more coke. I love lots of ice myself. Like if I ever, I don't drink tons of pop, but if I do, I'm going to have the full glass of ice and it just poured over where the ice is actually, you know, touching my lips as I drink it.

That's how I prefer it. I want ice cold. That means you pay for ice at this cafe for ice coffees. Hence we asked if he can fill it up a little bit as it looked quite less. And he replied, we're a local business. This is how we serve the quantity matters to us. LOL, but this is not how I prefer. I love that line.

Oh. I'm in here? Yeah. You know that I'm here, right? And I like it. Oh, excuse me. I actually prefer a larger steak. Could you bring this back and give me a bigger one?

Okay, being a cafe, not being able to understand about a customer's need and being super rigid about their policy, oh yes, he said this is our policy, isn't gonna take them a long way. This, by the way, truly well-reviewed coffee shop that people love like one of the best in the city yeah if you have I will tell you this in Vancouver people love their coffee in Vancouver and if you have good coffee it doesn't really matter but anything else you will have customers there all the time yeah people

love this place so this guy the reason that I find this guy annoying is because he's acting like a coffee guy they truly can't Like doesn't I believe that the cat the coffee shop has good coffee Yeah, you know what I mean this guy acting like he knows better So annoying he didn't mention I think he had he hasn't mentioned the coffee quality yet, has he? Like, I think the coffee was really good, and he, you know, like that's why it's not being included in there

because he's like, this is one of the best coffees I've ever had, but he was so mad at the guy that he couldn't even review it well. The shop was violating this guy's policy of getting free coffee. Yes. And I just didn't like that very much. Weirdo cafe.

I have a policy where I get a little bit more coffee than everyone else? I'm wearing this hat that says I'm a special kind of guy He goes if you want to stick to if the person likes it extra hot extra ice less ice, etc It's their choice if you want to stick to naive policies, then you're not being considerate towards a customer Also, please put up a smile would help you and the customers Well, you know look you look cute. You look better when you smile sweetheart. I mean, that's the bottom line. I mean Also smile at me. I want to feel like you actually want me here and you know Yeah, I was kind of feeling like I was a nuisance like bro. You're a nuisance

Yeah, you're kind of looking at me like I was annoying Yeah, you're you're treating me like I was an annoying person, and I'm simply not I'm just relaying to you my policies There are so many other cafes around for example revolver ha they served us a full glass with less ice Good luck and thanks for not being nice to visitors Cafes around for example revolver ha they served us a full glass with less ice Good luck and thanks for not being nice to visitors. I do know revolver. I've heard of revolver before revolvers a well loved But like I said, there's like a hundred coffee shops and everybody here drinks so much coffee So it feels like all of them are doing really well like or a lot of them are doing really well So this we got like just a couple more things here that I wanted to to bring up I think we're gonna have to start

with the best coffee shop in the world is In Tokyo, Japan is called glitch Okay, and where was it decided on as like just that's what they all say. Okay, if you go to our slash copy Like there's people like I finally went to glitch and it it fucking did it for me Yeah, they have some special like you didn't look into any no They just said that the coffee's perfect and like it's it's the best you can get so he goes This guy goes you wait in line even for takeaway then they sell you overpriced beans Do as if they're the caught they and then they act like they're the coffee experts. Believe me. I'm from Germany

We do have lots of good copy Coffee, this is just a tourist trap and the service people do as if you're a person who first drank coffee avoid this trap They act like they're the coffee experts, but they're aren't they like a world-renowned coffee place Aren't they the actual coffee experts? Yeah, I love this cuz this next person I think what happens is these people go in Obviously if you know about this coffee shop, you're a coffee guy You know what? I mean like like no, but we're never gonna know about Glitch in fucking Tokyo, Japan. I don't even know about a coffee shop in fucking Indiana.

I live like right next to it. You know? I will say this, what if, just to play, you know I love playing devil's advocate. And what if you're going on vacation and you're just looking for like, you know, you're going to that place and you're looking for a renowned spot kind of, and you look it up like tourist places and they say like glitch coffee

That's like the best coffee in the world. So there could be a couple I can imagine. Please. It's on a list Yeah, it's on a list probably Ryan not the kind of list you're on like a different. I'm not on a list Yeah 2,000 yen for a hand drip seems like a very like 2,000 yen for a hand job That's good. That's a good price. That is that is 2000 yen for a cup of coffee is really expensive I will say how much is 2000 yen? How much is that? I think it's like 15 bucks. I Okay, so I was 25 25 for me, by the way Yeah

And I was in Japan last year and the thing that I found there actually was remarkable is that most food and drinks were actually pretty cheap compared to that. Even if they were really, really, really, really good, they were just the price of food and like like sodas still cost a dollar, you know? Really? Yeah. So you overall like overall food, food wise, it was it was inexpensive. But like overall, did you find it that way? Like it was affordable. In general, It was like much more like I found like just regular food to be much more affordable even fancier food was like

you know, we look like a really really really fancy sushi place because we were there for our tenth wedding anniversary and And still like a bottle of sake was still $25 Like oh, yeah Maddie I have one for you now. Okay Like oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, Maddie. I have one for you now. Okay Toby's estate coffee in Brooklyn, New York Toby's estate the best chain in the world. They're from they're from Australia Okay, have you have you ever been to that one? No, I live in Queen. Oh, it's in where is it in Brooklyn? Does it say? No, I didn't get the address

You live in Queen so okay, so you wouldn't know there. You're not gonna like this review. You'll probably never go there This guy is like Berg or green coffee that checks all the Brooklyn boxes MacBooks check organic check chock-full a European tourists check pros It's ventilated and light drenched. Soaring ceilings and comfortable sofas. Designer walls that may remind you of a 3D mandrian stuffed with antiquities. I don't... Yeah. Oh, I straight up have been there actually.

Oh. I'm looking at it. Well, the cons. Did you like it? Well, you would have been. You probably got a MacBook. Yeah. Were you there with your MacBook? I have a PowerBook because I'm professional. Were you doing organic stuff? Did you have or did you ask for organic?

I think I think I was I think I was reading a comic book while I was waiting for My wife to finish getting a tattoo around the corner What I was doing Hans this is here's the cons. There's one bathroom. That's probably out of toilet paper We're like an hour 20 in and we have not yet mentioned that coffee does make you shit. Oh yeah, I love nobody on the on the website talking about drugs mentioned a side effect of having to shit, which is crazy. Having to crap.

That is true. There's one bathroom is probably out of toilet paper crawling Internet. Is it zero G? That makes sense. Just fucking tether to your own fucking shit If you need to use it buddy, it's 20 25 hey, but also that is a good point You brought up Maddie about the shitting and stuff It's like of course a fucking of course There's no toilet paper left at the in the bathroom everybody's in there dropping huge shits all the time

That's right He goes crawling internet is it zero G surly staff more focused on the craft of coffee than you The crow more focused on the craft of coffee than you that's what you want Isn't I want to be treated special like a big special boy? No, I want the best coffee I want to go to this coffee shop. That's Named one of the best in the world I want to be treated like a big special boy that knows everything about coffee Please yeah, I know but they don't you want your coffee to be really good and then don't care about the flavor at all

Okay, I will say that I like it no matter what yeah Oh, I see as long as it's known as a good one More like a cafe guy He's really into the concept of like a cafe, and less about coffee. Put it all together and you get a Brooklyn Bread, by the way, from Australia. Brooklyn Bread, probably overhyped, but still solid coffee shop. It checks the boxes, but didn't leave me overly impressed. So that's it.

And finally, let's get to, because if I don't bring it up it's been a reacher this season too we've got to talk about Kopi Luwak and if I'm saying that wrong coffee guys suck it it's the coffee that they have a cat eat and then crap it out and it's the best coffee in the world oh yeah so okay this sounds like a joke, being played on coffee, people. Is it? Civet coffee, I've heard it called,

because a civet eats it. Yes, and the civet, it's bad. It's bad. It's bad for the world, I'll say. Because it's like they're abusive towards the civet. They feed them only coffee beans. It's that kind of thing. So it's horrible It's like foie gras or whatever. That's like foie gras. Oh, I that's my own. That's my big thing

I will not eat a whatever ever since I found out about that I will not eat at a restaurant that serves that particular dish. It's like, you know, whatever I mean, I'm not really altruistic about stuff But that made me so upset that I was like I can't be eating at your restaurant if you're fucking doing the goose fattening thing. That's ridiculous One at one of the things they say is that like it doesn't even taste good when you buy it like in the like Factory farm version it tastes better if a guy goes out and Finds poop and then wash it like if you find the poop in a while

Mm-hmm. You clean it off. That's where you range And finds poop and then wash it like if you find the poop in a while Mm-hmm. You clean it off. That's where you range Yes, they call it wild Coby Luwak and that's better so if you're a guy chasing around and civet or civets or whatever they're called and and and Picking up their poop and then washing it off and selling it, you can get more money if you don't farm it, you know what I mean? And we're talking, this is $399 for I think 12 ounces maybe? Cause I looked at it and I said,

that could be a business expense. Brian, stop it. Ha ha ha! Brian, by the way, I mentioned before, I went out for Charlie's first birthday. We tried to go out to a fancy dinner. It didn't work out so well. We had to take food to go because the baby kind of lost interest in it.

But I did, there was a list. They had so many like whiskies and stuff. So I of course looked to see if they have Pappy Van Winkle and they did not. And I was going to like ask if they ever have it just, you know, for our my own purposes. But then I realized they would have thought I was the biggest fucking dickhead ever. So I just didn't even mention it. You know, they were like, Oh, another fucking asshole coming in here asking about Pappy

Van Winkle. There is a before I read this last I read this last Quora post, there is, Guy Fieri has a restaurant in one of the casinos we read a lot of reviews for, Cioto Downs Racino, and he has a Pappy there. You can get it for $35 a glass, so. That's not bad. When we walked in. We'll get papped not bad When we walked in get packed up when we walked in I was like cuz they had all the liquors

Up there and I was like, I wonder if they have Pappy and Ariel was like, well you have it Will you have one? Will you have like a drink and I was considering it just to be clear I have not drank alcohol and I want to say 18 years But I did consider having a glass of Pappy if they had it and it wasn't too expensive. You know, this guy goes, uh, the question asked is what's it like to taste copie luau or Vietnamese weasel coffee? They call it, take this as an answer from a very experienced coffee and tea drinker. I've had a lot of tea I mean, I'm experienced in it actually a lot of liquid down the old throat my friend

I'm actually they people often say I'm an experienced drink X like it's crazy. I just thought of like every day. I'm drink everybody like so many people are experienced coffee drink like Almost everybody like 50% of the population of the world. It's one of the least Interesting and remarkable things you could say And please don't be offended weasel coffee lovers and copy Luwak lovers, but I taste no difference.

It looks different. Sure. The beans are certainly prettier, but a nagging part inside me told me that's only because it's more glossy and in a better packaged gift box. To be fair, the Vietnamese weasel beans are noticeably darker, but not might just be due to the nature of Vietnamese robusta beans It's hot. It's not to say that it's bad at any rate most legit Vietnamese weasel coffee and imported kopi luwak are Incredibly wondrous to taste and smell they just don't live up to the hype and the top shelf of many brands could easily rival them

And that's coming from someone who can tell when twinning changed its recipe to include lesser quality tea excuse me I gotta say I don't hang out so Okay, no, please Maddie. I was just gonna say he keeps calling them Vietnamese weasel beans Yeah, I think it's another expensive one Indonesian Yeah, I think that might be another expensive one Indonesian Yeah, I think that might be another expensive one What that's poop sure? It's definitely another poo one. Oh, yeah

No, I was interested that he this is I did not realize that we were hearing from a guy who could tell the difference between 20 say when twilling change their weddings changed to a lesser quality tea in 2013 he said that made me take a pause there to say okay. This is somebody who When twinnings changed to a lesser quality tea in 2013 He said that made me take a pause there to say okay. This is somebody who Can sort of discern? Beverages maybe a little bit better than you or I I love this line And that's coming from someone who can tell when twinning changed their recipe to include a lesser quality tea

I've realized that in 2013 before the company even admitted publicly. Oh yeah, I was telling everybody about it like for a year before and they were all like, yeah. And then afterwards I like, obviously I called them and I was like, right? See? And you know, a lot of them are like, what? I don't really remember or whatever. It goes, how I know this, my parents drink drink tea exclusively so all the coffee in the house are left for me to play with Naturally, I told my brother to make me two cups to blind taste almost identical. Oh, yeah this guy this guy is not Not a whole not nor I want to just like not my kind of guy. I've said this before This is not the kind of guy. I would want to hang around with might be a lovely guy nice guy

You know but not my kind of that was think he's working the 2013 Twinnings tea switcheroo and in the everyday conversation Oh Every time he talks to a barista. That's well every time someone asked him about his tattoo Oh My god he admitted meme Tattooed on them. Well, that was coffee guys. You won't believe how much other stuff I have so guys plus you're gonna get some more of this Reviews of the first Starbucks, which are very fun five-star reviews of the first Starbucks. I went to that

I did go to that in Seattle. That's in Seattle, right? Yeah Yeah, I've never gone cuz there's a line. I went there. I didn't go in and get anything but there I went there I saw it. It's like down I think by the docks or whatever. It's called. Yeah talk someone's gonna get so mad Market, I'm pretty sure Yeah, we walked by it. We also can have definitely how to get my wife to drink real coffee will be a good one Talk about on a bonus episode. So that is it Maddie. Would you like to plug anything? Oh sure Two big things right now is I've got a book out it was just coming out You've actually got it on the right yeah, this is one favorite kind, but I've got a book coming out in July Called simplicity you can go to simplicity book dot XYZ to pre-order it

Which is very important for me continuing to be able to eat food have an apartment things of that nature And you can listen to my podcast no gods no mayors where we talk about mayors every week, which is a kind of guy That's true. Yeah no mayors where we talk about mayors every week, which is the kind of guy. That's true. Yeah. I mean, that is political on this show. We don't do politics. And even even to say, I don't even know if they're they'll probably bleep. Mayor is to be honest. They might believe the word bear.

But I'm a prominent leftist. Like, can I just say that? Can I just say that that is a very good idea for a podcast just the idea of the amount of absolutely I mean we had a famous one in Canada that I don't know Rob Ford of course he smoked crack. We did a few partner on Rob Ford in one of our first couple episodes. I'm glad to hear that but there is really an endless amount of interesting and fucked up mares. Yeah the sort of thesis of the show is that it's this weird catch fence for an endless amount of interesting and fucked up mares. Yeah, the sort of pieces of the show

is that it's this weird catch fence for psychos. That it's like two, that it's like, you know, you're too nuts to be like super high profile, but you are like immediately, every single mare is a maniac and almost every mare goes mad with power in some way. And it's all fascinating. Nobody knows them in the, that's like judges too.

Yes. When when you're electing them, you're kind of just voting like for the Democrat or the Republican. It's not like you don't know them. Yeah. In Canada, it's a little bit different. Like with the way the politics work, I do want to say just you should look at our mayor right now.

He's this used car salesman who's the mayor's name. Ken Sim. Yeah. Okay. He's really as somebody who lives in Vancouver, he's like actively trying to stack the city council with only his own party and he like never shows up. He turns a city hall into a gym. Yeah. Yeah. He's got his own gym and he has he has 24-hour Like security detail with like a black SUV that falls around they just said they just showed us like half a million dollars or something He spent on that because somebody spray-painted Ken sim hates poor people on his garage once and now he's like someone's gonna kill me and I need Around the clock surveillance. I hate the guy. Anyways, we're not political on I like them

Brian don't do that. Don't just play. This is a really bad guy. Don't say you like I'm a baby I need some movie juice mama Actual show that's a man. That's a man cow drop from his That's a real man. Go play it again, Maddie. I'll play it again real quick before we get out of here Maddie. You're gonna love it I'm a baby. I need some movie juice mama That fucks I want like I want to sample that on a record I'll send you the... Please.

Somebody told me in that drop, somebody messaged and said there's an Apex Twin song in that drop. Samples. Alright, we'll see y'all next week with something. Goodbye! Bye!