Guys: With Bryan Quinby - Guys: Episode 146 - Royal Family Guys with Eli Yudin

Episode Date: November 18, 2025

We had Eli Yudin from What A Time To Be Alive and https://www.twitch.tv/pig_dog on to talk about the freaks who love the british royal family. How do they crap? How do they snack? Is Meghan Markle a murderer? How much does Buckingham Palace suck? There is more Chris at https://www.patreon.com/notevenashow And for more Guys content, streams and SHOCKTOBER: a deep dive into shock jocks you can click patreon.com/guyspodcast, Join us on the Sunday Night Stream every Sunday night at 8:00 EST at twitch.tv/notevenashowand I am on https://bsky.app/profile/murderxbryan.bsky.social  Guys is on Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/guys.pod Guys has a Post Office Box now! PO Box 10769 Columbus Ohio 43201

Welcome to guys, a podcast about guys. I should call it a posh cast about guys, right? Right? I guess. Poshcast. Yeah. Chris, now first I'm going to start out this show real quick. Chris is here and we're going to, you know, me and the guest are going to try not to insult his queen or king because he is part of the Commonwealth.

So we're sorry, buddy. I hate to do this to you, you know, and if you start to feel bad, you can let us know. Well, I imagine that we're going to be just fair and balanced on it and just understand that this is a, you know, a family that is pretty important to a lot of people around the world. Actually, weirdly, a lot of royal, I mean, not weirdly, I guess, like a lot of royal watchers and like huge royal freaks are in Canada. Like I, you know, I know people who are obsessed with the royal. So there are some people who legitimately take that to heart. They're like, we're part of the Commonwealth. This is our queen and our king.

King now, but for most of my life, it was the queen. She's on all our, she's on our money and everything, of course. Well, and our guess here is from what a time to be alive, Eli Uden. Hi, Eli. Hello, hello. I was just thinking that's good. That's like, I think being on the money is like a good level of, you want a cool look an old monarch on your money, but you don't want them in charge.

Yeah. She wasn't, yeah, she wasn't in charge of anything. I don't think, well, no, but not in Canada. I don't think in Canada. I don't think in Canada she had any sort of influence other than she'd show up every now and then and go on a tour or whatever. But yeah, it did seem, it didn't seem wrong to have her on the money. It seemed dignified.

I mean, it's stupid. It's so cool. And Chris knows why we're doing this. I think the reason we're going to do this is because we have a guy on our bonus shows on patreon.com slash guys podcast. First time that's

ever happened. Oh, wow. You plug. You plug the Patreon on the main episode. Wow. Wow. Cool. The amount of regular listeners who are like, they have a Patreon. Yeah. Oh, they're doing bonus episodes. We've been doing it for a few years.

years now. So we read this guy this this Mike Zero and uh, are you know Mike Zero. Are you a big, are you like a big entertainment news guy? Do you know Mike Zero? I don't know Mike Zero. I just like the name because it sounds like somebody from like the movie hackers from like well. Well, it seems or it almost seems like sort of a name that like an alien would give himself if he were pretending to be a person or something. Definitely. Yeah. He's been accused. He's got Mike crime vibes. He's the original. blown, Mike Prime. Yeah. He's a guy that does entertainment news, but in the clickbaitiest way possible.

One, it's the most clickbait you've ever seen, like just the craziest, the craziest things where he's just like, he's obsessed with Charlie Kirk now. But before Charlie Kirk, still just completely every video is about Charlie Kirk. But before the Charlie Kirk thing, he talked about Megan Markle all the time. Yeah, Megan Markle was driving huge traffic on his channel. He had all of the people, a lot of the people, I guess, we're going to be covering this week who are going to his channel because he was just covering her so much. And he is willing to do something that other journalists or other entertainment news,

people aren't always willing to do. And he'll just, whereas he'll make something up. He'll just lie. He'll just do defamation. He will be. But see, you know why he gets away with it? Because nobody can, what's the video starts? You can't make heads or tails of what he's.

talking about you can't understand what he's what he's saying so I think it's I think he's probably had cases again some of they all sort of fall apart in court because the judge doesn't understand what he's talking we look at how long he's been running and it was he was talking I think he started around the Star Wars sequel time the Force Awakens and stuff like that and he started the passage of time that's his that's his claim to fame though that's how he became famous people know him he actually was like what's his name what's the director who did that he does like the knives out. Ryan Johnson. Yeah, he, he like mentioned him one time because he would do that. You know, he would just make these crazy like, this is what's happening behind the scenes.

And it would just be like, he'd be like, oh, it's a rumor, you know, but he would present it as a thing that's happening and it would just be so far fetch. But it would always be something that would feed into some sort of like conspiracy theories or something that these super freak fans would have. You know what I'm saying? So like it would always be like something that they were looking for. and they'd be like, oh, yeah, there's something to reinforce the crazy ideas I already have. And the reason I bring that up is because when we first started looking at him and playing his videos, we thought maybe he was an AI, like guy, like an actual just, he's not even real. Because when he talks, you have no idea what he's talking about.

You, it's the videos are all. Just nonsense? Yes. He's like, the videos are. Holds up his hand and he's like, the seven worst things about the new Star Wars. is just counting down on all this horrible. But Eli, that's too clear. That's way too clear for what he's,

because he's trying to get to nine minutes and five seconds because then you get a minroll out. Eli was making a joke about AI. I know, but I'm saying, oh, yeah, sorry. No, it's good. You're filled with righteous indignation at AI. I love, I love Z. So anyway, we started reading comments on the Mega Markle things.

And I was like, okay, now I'm like extremely curious about this stuff. because I got to tell you, I learned that a lot of people, and they're not fond of her. I don't understand. Megan Markle, by the coverage, you'd think she fucking killed the royal family. Like, well, you treat her like Oliver Cromwell, like she's going to be like, they're going to like bury her, dig her up and put her head on a pike. Is she just like not a great part of the, she just doesn't like being a royal family? Well, I think that she, the whole idea now I don't know probably.

we're going to learn more about this, but from what I gather, like Harry kind of left the royal family, right? He's kind of like, I don't want to be anything to do with this. And I think that she's kind of blamed for that. Like, you know, she pulled him away from that. And in a lot of it,

Eli, believe it or not, some of these older British people, I believe some of it might be racism. Oh, no. I'll say this. I'll say this. We,

did we not defeat that? No. And I don't want to, I don't know. for sure, but I just feel that way. As somebody, I'm not, I'm not, I watch Manchester United matches and sometimes, you know what I mean? I'll just, I don't know, I'll catch whiff of,

of some of the ways that these guys are feeling and talking. And it just seems to me like some of these older British people might be dealing with racism. I saw them. So I'll tell you about, so there's a site called Mumsnet, which is where moms go to talk about stuff and Britain. And they talk about the royal family a lot. And the first thing when you, because, okay, if you go to Reddit and you go to the royal family

gossip and you search by most controversial, it's all Megan Markle. Like it is, you just scroll down. It's just all Megan Markle. She's a firebrand. You go to Mum's Net where I went and searched at the Royal Family thing. And the first thing, because Trick or Treat Night just happened recently, was a picture of Harry and and Megan Markle taking their children trick or treating in California. Somebody just took a picture.

You can't even see the kid's face. You can't see anything. But what you can see is Megan is holding a Stanley like thing. And so is Harry and they're like, I can only imagine what's in that. Well, that's exactly what it was. It was like, oh, there's wine in there. You can't even leave without drinking wine. You know what I mean?

Like they work themselves up to this thing. And then as you went down the thread, this is a long thread. As I went down the thread, there were people saying, like, I hope they have security for, for Harry, because I think she's going to kill him. I think she's going to kill him. That's such a high level of old time he raises. Holy shit. It's also such an old level of, remember, because we've all, we were all, we were all around for the 2000 celebrity gossip scene that was brutal.

But in America, it feels like a lot of that has softened more than other places. Like the TMZ, like how much love there is for celebrity gossip at the moment. And also how mean it is. Like, it's less mean. It's less about somebody's looks or any of that stuff. Like they don't they, it's like like Perez Hilton is woke now. All that crap. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But like over there, when you're talking about the royal family, I mean, that shit for Megan, people are more angry at Megan Markle than Prince Andrew. Who is a certified pet. And he just got, and he just got, he was stripped of all of his titles and kicked out of the house, right? There may be some people that are mad about that. They're taking away his little titles.

I feel like they're like, the news keeps dropping and it's like another title that's been stripped for him. And he's just like, he's no longer allowed to feed the. ducks at the palace. They're slowly just in it, like, just to humiliate them more, like, every day taking away a little bit more. Do you think that they'll ever really get, or are you saying, do you think they'll ever really take away all of us? Is he actually out? I think it's all gone. He's pretty far. They took away his, like, naval, because they already took away his royal status and then they took away all his military thing was the thing I saw in the Navy. Yeah. Yeah. And you're also like, Prince Andrew is no longer going to receive dessert. The servants have been instructed. He deserves no treats for what he's done. Is he kicked out of the house? Is he kicked out of the house?

I think he still lives in the house. He still lives in the house, but maybe like a bad part of it, maybe. I know that they're all freaking out because they're like, do we have to call him Andrew Mountbatten now? Oh, hang on. Yeah. What do we call him now? Yeah.

I'm like, just call him Prince Andrew. I mean, it doesn't change all that. Nothing changes here. Like, they're so concerned. No, honestly, just don't, just don't call him late for dinner because honestly, he doesn't get dessert. So if he's late for dinner, he misses all of them. Well, this first thing I found was how can royal couples have private time for intimacy?

Hi, all, no offense, but just genuinely curious, how much privacy does the royal family have in their sex life? For example, when Prince Philip had sex with Queen Elizabeth, would there have been guards or staff standing outside their room? If so, they would have been able to hear the noise, which would have been able to hear the noise, which would have been embarrassing. But if not, there would have been a security risk. Thank you for your

answers. So, yeah, this is kind of, this is interesting because if you ever put yourself in a position where they can't hear your sex noises, that means they also can't hear your cries for help. You need to hear the heavy breathing to ensure their heart is beating. That's the credo they go by.

It just sounds like young Frankenstein in there. It's just like, oh, ho. I mean, this is, like this is a weird question, but it is an interesting conundra for sure, is that, I mean, I guess it's not really, I guess it's just there are guards that hear them having sex probably, right? Well, and I think it's probably protocol that they have to make one sex noise every few seconds. Oh, yeah, like, honestly, when Prince Charles is humming while he eats pussy, like when he's humming a song,

probably like, duh, they're like, oh, that's, that's like deaf tones or whatever. Yeah. Like white pony and wait, what did it? What's the king and queen throw on white pony and start banging? It's on adrenaline and it's called root.

What band is it that you? Oh, you did you hummed deaf tones when you were eating pussy. When I eat pussy. I don't do it every time, by the way. It's almost better if you did do it every time because if it's not regular, it's like more disconcerting.

There's a part in a song that makes, the woman go crazy. Okay. That part, that makes women go nuts. I mean, that's kind of just also got a Jaws vibe given what's happening. I know, but I love that. You can't do Jaws because it's too scary.

It's too scary. You don't want to scare them. I'm down there. I put one of those like fins on my head. Just start doing their Mike Myers. Here's something. An interesting fact is that Queen Elizabeth was very private about using her bathroom to do anything besides peeing.

When she needed to use her bathroom, she would have her maid draw her a bath and leave her alone for privacy sake. As long as she needed, she's taking long poops. Hey, listen, I'm not, I'm not here to judge somebody for taking a big long poop, okay?

Yeah, that's another thing, though, because again, if people aren't able to hear her shit noises, she is in a compromised situation there. People have died on there before, you know. I like to think that they also I think it's funny that like like the I mean it's obvious but the people who are like posting on a forum that's about discussing these people's private lives and being like do you think the royal family doesn't have a lot of privacy oh wait and wait for 25 responses from people that don't know them oh yeah obviously it's the

best thing about Reddit it's either it's either liars people who don't know what they're talking about saying things with authority or the other one, TattleTales. If you go to your local subreddit and you just look, you'll find somebody saying, have you considered calling the police? Yeah. I've talked about it on another, but like I don't go on there, but for my neighborhood, not to docks myself, but in Bushwick and in Brooklyn, like our Bushwick is crazy because people are on there and they're like, it's like a picture of a, like either a Cokeback,

got a syringe on the street or something. And then they're like, does anyone, like, should I call the police? Like, does anyone, there's another one. I was like, did anyone hear that helicopter? And it's like, you're like, what do you want? Also, Bushwick, you moved to it, you moved to an intersection that is in a most deaf song. Like, yeah, you, this, like, you can't come in and be like, oh, like, you know, there's a history here.

I'll tell you, there is, so there's an outer belt highway around Columbus. and I live inside of it and people race on it. Okay. At night. You know what I mean? They're just like, let's fucking go on the highway and race. Probably the safest place to do it, to tell you the truth. I mean, I can't think of a safer place other than like maybe a motor speedway or something.

Yeah. That would be the ideal place to do it as a race track, but not always available. But they, they'll rev their engines and then you'll look on R slash Columbus and it'll be like, somebody's got to call the cops on these guys on 270 it's like I don't even know how it works at that point yeah this but they go it said that every one of her closest staff members knew that she was using the toilet but no one dared speak about it due to her extreme discomfort with the subject matter yeah I mean how did it go in theirs that's kind of relatable I mean it's sort of relatable thing I think for people right where it's just like not me no let my butler hear my crap

I mean, honestly, I think you're in a unique position where you really, it doesn't matter what you sort of do to try to hide. I turned out a popcorn machine into bathroom so people can't hear what's going on. Courtesy popcorn machine. Movie theater size, the big ones. You're getting popcorn lung in there while you're taking a shit. This guy goes, two things I've seen and heard about Charles particularly has made me wonder about it too. One is the video of him perturbed about a pen on his desk. being in his way. It was right after he became king. He made a big fuss and had his aides move the

pen. The other is the former aide who said then Prince Charles caught him into the library or waiting room and told him a letter from the queen fell into his paper bin beside his desk and asked this man to dig it out instead of just bending over and getting it done himself. It makes one wonder how certain tasks get done. I think that's kind of like a pretty well-known thing about them that they're that way. I remember that video about the pen. Do you remember Do you get, do you remember that video? I mean, I do. He, he was, it's really, he really, he does not come off well in it, I'll say that.

But it was not like, any video. And it wasn't, not this is there like not like coming off well? Yeah, it was not. I wouldn't, I wouldn't call it illuminating though, you know, wasn't like, holy shit, this guy might become a bad guy. I was kind of like, oh, yeah. You're like, how does this guy eat pussy? Yeah.

Like, because that's what they're really saying, right? they're like they're like oh so he gets mad at a pen and doesn't want to bend over to pick some how does he fuck his wife you know how does that happen look this may be a a hot take you know but i'm going to say like that's what i want them to be like i don't i'd prefer i prefer that to them being like no no no i'm one of you uh you know like whatever writing these books called like salt of the crown or whatever the fuck like oh we got some of those coming up layer some reviews. Yeah, I want them to be like rolled around.

Like I want them to be, I'm imagining them like what's the lady who eats in Willy Wonka? She blows up like a blueberry. That's like how I like to imagine the royal family is literally just being like rolled around the palace and being handed and fed like little cakes and treats and stuff. Yeah, I think that that's obviously the case. Like anyone who doesn't think that's a case, I think is like being being kind of like delusional or like, you know they're like lying to themselves like or just being i don't know it's it's i think it seems

pretty obvious that the royal family are like an entitled bunch and almost definitely a terrible hang i wonder if these people have that thing if they're like if i met dude we would get along me and the queen fucking hit it off it's like like honestly i'd be i'd be fucking respectful to her like i would do all of the things like they i wouldn't treat her like i mean they know they know all the things you're supposed to do, you know? What did you say, Brian? I wouldn't treat her like a celebrity. I would kind of be like,

I would be like, hey, man, I don't see celebrity as kind of a huge deal. You know what I mean? Must be fucked up how people treat you so differently. Like, like, to me, you're just like, you're just like, obviously you're queen, but you're like, you came out of a pussy just like I did, right?

You know, like, try to like dapper up. Yeah. This guy's saying that. And she's just vibrating and slamming the button under her tea table. like guards as mass as you can. Feed them to the swans. He's looking at the line behind him like these people are, I mean, can you believe this?

Yeah, can you believe these people are, these people are obsessed with you. Yeah, the queen meat and green. She did some of those, but mostly I think she would walk along and shake people's hands, right? Well, they would all be kind of in a row. That's how it usually works. I put the pen thing in there because the, replies to that specific comment are good. It wasn't because the pen was in the way.

It was a fancy fountain pen that was starting to leak and possibly staying all over. He wanted it taken away so he can get ink all over his hands or clothes or the table or whatever else. I've never, I didn't think that the defenders of the like Prince or King Charles defenders even existed. Like I thought he was really hated even amongst the Royal Watchers and stuff. Well, he goes, King Charles has a bad back, which is. well documented. Perhaps getting someone else to retrieve the letter was on one of his bad back days.

Oh yeah. That letter would have snapped him in a half. We would have been pinched and folded like a Motorola razor. It's good if he didn't do that. I listen, man, I got I have my back bothers me sometimes and you know, sometimes it can be a real shit to bend over and grab something. But I don't know, man. I feel like I feel like you can always you can always bend down and get a lot. letter if you really need to. And if you need to learn a lesson from Chris's back, it's like, don't try to suck yourself off unless you have a huge penis like me. Yeah.

Don't walk. You get up the wall. Yeah, Brian. Brian, you don't even have to like, it does. It's no like strain on your back whatsoever. Comes up to my tities. Like you just kind of. And it comes up right into the mouth.

How big is it again? 18 inches. Oh, God. It's soft. That's crazy. It's grown an inch. 17 songs. It keeps growing as you get older, you know what I mean? It's eight inches thick, too. The idea that it keeps growing.

Ears nose and dick, I'll keep growing. So when you see an old guy, he just has his biggest dick. It's like how they say your fingernails keep growing after you die. Oh, your dick keeps going after you die. No, but I just, I like the idea of your penis being at its like fullest, largest, and best form right before you die. So it's like it can one last drive. No, it actually keeps growing like your fingernails. It keeps growing even after your death. Yeah, wow.

You crack up in the bottom half of a coffin. It looks like a woven basket in there, you know. Looks like there's creepers and vines. Also, I think the pen thing was because there was an issue with it or he didn't want to knock it off or block the view of him signing the paperwork or he just preferred a different one. You also have to remember that he was grieving the loss of his mother and grief can cause even the tiniest of things to be blown out of proportion at the best of time.

But he had the added pressure of being thrust into the position of King. Dude, can you imagine what's his? I don't even know who they are. King Charles. Is that the guy now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's a king. Yeah.

Can you imagine him getting hit with a think fast in like gym class? Like somebody chucking a ball. He would get absolutely demolished. His head would come off. Oh, yeah. Destroyed. This one is funny because it has nothing to do with the thread. and I love it when guys do this.

This is from the United States, but it's similar. Dan Quayle, as you remember, was vice president from 1989 to 93. He had secret service. He had secret service agents inside his official residence, of course, but his bedroom was something. They'd only enter if necessary. They needed a system where he could send an alert if he could not speak. So on the nightstand, there was a miniature replica of the Washington Monument.

And if it was ever knocked over, it triggered in a lot of. and the agents would enter the bedroom. Now, Dan and his wife, Marilyn, were still relatively young and very much in love. They were expressing their love one evening, and in the throes of passion, she knocked over the model, leading to the Secret Service bursting into their bedroom, and what must have been a very awkward moment. They changed the alert system. This guy's a quailhead.

I know. I'm going to say, like, I mean, this is maybe, I mean, I'm from D.C., so maybe not everybody knows this is pretty quiet. this is like kind of a secret of D.C., but the Washington monument is really poignant. And so it feels weird to have like a safety measure that is basically like a knife. And like also is just from any crime show I've seen, like a small statute of the Washington monument, that is a hundred percent ending up with a bloodstain on it on the floor being like,

this is what caused the blunt force trauma. That's just, it's also like, it's stupid to have a thing that if you, you knock it over it sets off in a lot like i don't think it's true i think this person on the internet who is posting this is completely made this story up because yeah that doesn't make any sense what if the person just came in and fucking like shot him in the head and you know with a silence or whatever came and grabbed him and like tied him up there'd be no and didn't knock it over he'd have to talk his way over to the nightstand he just can't get fucking held up in any other part of the room or he's screwed. Like, he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Please, please let me, let me get my, my little thing of the

Washington monument. It's very important to me. My father gave it to me. Sir, sir, I know you're trying to destabilize the world's most powerful country by assassinating Dan Quayle, but if you just give me a moment here, he's the famous dumb guy, right? He was famously dumb. Yeah, but it was from his spelling potato if I remember right about potato wrong and then uh and that was so that was the only reason because like when I was a young kid I would have been you know uh nine 10 years older whatever when he was doing his thing and he was like to me he was the dumbest guy in the world well he spelled potatoes wrong yeah that was there's a lot of people being like well quail was you just spelled potato wrong and yet yet these people do what they do like it's a but it was I wish there

his video back then because I think the situation was he went to like try to do a little hand you know a glad handing at like a elementary school and so it was that a kid came up to the blackboard and spelled potato and I think the kid spelled it right and he was like good try little guy and then everyone was like

I wish we had video of this kid being like what the fuck I said he added an E to it or something he added an E or something he spelled it Hobbit style not not a not American style Let's take a look at some travel Some What does it call? I forget

One of the trip advisor Reviews of Buckingham Palace Which is if you don't know it That's where the king lives Wow Yeah This guy goes That's where they all go wait outside

Right when they're having a Jubilee Okay And like a guy And they do a thing every day With the guards Like they come out And they do some changing of the guards there It's so stupid

I can't It's so incredibly stupid what goes on there? Like, I understand, Chris, that you're offended by me making fun of your king, but it's just so this guy goes, don't waste your time, East Wing Guided Tour.

We had high expectations for the East Wing Guided Tour. Unfortunately, it was dreadful. Boring, long, tedious. Not too crowded and no lines, but 90 minutes of absurd detail about Chinese porcelain, various paintings, and unknown history. No one was interested. Everyone

kept looking at their watch. So they wanted like, they wanted stuff like this is where like queen Elizabeth had her trist with, you know, that's what they're, that's what they're looking for on this tour. They want like the details like a soap opera kind of. And the guy's like,

this is Chinese porcelain that was given to, you know, the gig. And they're like, I don't get a fuck about. What do you think you're going to see except for like the fruits of colonialism and like some nice marble? Like that's what it's going to be in there.

But again, think that they want some more they want some you know they want some this is where the magic happens kind of stuff and they also said tour guide had little personality of course he's british i'm kidding british people uh you know what they need to put in there dude is just a full uh te rec skeleton because that'll spice up oh yeah anything that gets the museum of natural history that could you could have nothing else in there it just be a big room with a full size teorex skeleton and like worth the price of admission. That shit's sick.

This guy goes, the cues were dreadful. And if I knew what, if I knew what I knew now. I love that. Sometimes I call them cues, by the way, that is,

that's sometimes I will. I mean, I live in British Columbia. The province I live in is called British Columbia. So sometimes, you know, I do sort of fancy myself a bit of a geeseer myself,

you know, like every now that I'll sort of. The cues at Six Flags Adventure are, dreadful today. That sometimes I will, I won't talk that way, but sometimes I'll feel myself thinking in that way. If that makes like, my internal dialogue will be like, oh, I guess I've got a cue up a little bit, you know, I got a cue up for a bit. You know, that'll have it inside my head.

I knew I should have purchased the Speedy Gonzalez fast past. He goes, I wouldn't have attended even if it was free. 75 pounds for money? It's not free. It's not. For two before you brought a brochure was high in. When you consider you only saw about 12 rooms and lots of paintings, I'm cross with myself for venturing in. You went into the...

I'm cross with myself for venturing it. I don't get to see 12 rooms. Yeah, man. It's like kind of a security risk to show you the blueprints to the Buckingham Palace. Yeah, it's like, yeah, it's like any kind of a tour that's like that. There's the area that's just a tourist tour area that's. they've you know that they that's that's the only area you're going to go you're not going to go to any of the interesting parts ever i mean that you're not going to go to one of their because you

want that's what you want to see you go there you want to see their bathroom you want to see like what the fuck they got in their bathroom you know you go into what kind of toilet they're what kind of toilet paper they use it like that's what i wanted what kind of toilet paper are they using what kind of soap are they using what kind of like you know things are they using what kind of medicines are they on what are they eating what's in their fridge stuff like that like you want to like find you're never going to find that i do i do want to say because of this like i asked this every time we read reviews he said that you only got to see about 12 rooms now what is the number of rooms he expected i would have been happy 25 30 rooms what would have made you

happy, sir. I was expected, I was expecting to be left to roam free. I thought I would, yeah. I thought this was just a door charge and I would be able to maybe live with them. So, yeah, that's what, yeah, like, that's what like going into their closet, like, I was think some of them are, I think probably not very many, but some of them are expecting that they're going to be able to sort of just wander around the house a little bit. He goes, I'm cross with myself for venturing and you went into the excursion through a

created entrance at the side of the building. and there were no pleasantries whatsoever. Didn't even see a painting or photo of the young generation of royals. There was a painting of the horrid Camilla that sealed the experience. Windsor Castle was a much better experience, as many others have stated, as other state homes we've visited. Now, this next one is crazy, and I think you're going to love it. This is a person from Bath, UK, and they are reviewing.

They're very mad. I've been telling you, you should come. consider visiting there. I shower every day. I don't know why you took a... I think people look at me and think I stink. No, we've been over this. I know that.

I've clarified it and said that you smell very, very nice. You smell very fresh. You're one of the nice of a good smelling guys that I've actually met. Exceeding. I wasn't going to review Buckingham Palace on this platform. However, I've responded to a survey sent to me by email and specifically requested a response to the issues I raised. I didn't receive one.

I then, after much searching, found a contact who I thought might be appropriate but with no email address. And so I wrote a letter. This also has been ignored. And so in my view of my very poor experience, both on the day of my visit and subsequently trying to contact someone about it, I've decided to air my dissatisfaction on Trip Advisor. Below is what I wrote to Buckingham Palace, which I've never received a response to.

Okay. So they've taken the letter. This is my letter. that I'm now going to share with you considering as they don't want to they're not going to respond to it. I mean, this is, listen, this is what trip advisor is for. Yeah.

This is, this dude is like, I had a bad time in my email account and it's the queen's fault. Speaking of which, this is slightly off, but I used to have like a bit about this, but it's my favorite trip advisor. Like, if you ever want to be like that, is that looking up Yelp or TripAdvisor reviews for the Holocaust museum in D.C.

and people don't this I got a I mean I don't know if we want to go that far off the beaten path here but the four out of five star reviews for it yeah I'm like I mean we've read this is obviously a very humbling experience but then dude this has to be the this seems I don't think this is a joke this has to be the least aware guy of all time he says the guards were all unnecessarily rude at I the guards were quite rude to me at the holocaust memorial museum it's like hey man I don't think You get to say that. I think you just five stars it and pass it along.

I don't think you review it. Because we've tried reviews of national parks before, which is also a very funny, like, it's not that pretty. Some people just get in the habit of review. Some of these people become like, you know,

we covered Yelp guys or whatever. They just become like reviewers and they do something. And they're almost well, they're doing it. They're thinking about their review. And they just review everything. My visit was on 29th July, 2025 at 4 p.m.

birthday oh my god it was at 4 p.m. and was a tour of the east wing and also the state rooms firstly may i suggest that out of respect for both the guides and the visitors people from the offices adjacent to the east wing corridor namely lord chamberlain do not conduct loud conversations in the corridor while the guide is trying to address the visitors it's plain rude and displays arrogance apart from this the tour of the east wing was interesting and what just happened there they called out somebody by name who was being loud while they were doing the tour? Lord Chamberlain. Who is Lord Chamberlain? I don't know. Well known public figure or something.

I think it's I think it's an area, an office for the Lord Chamberlain. Is my guess, I guess. Or maybe it was somebody who just had a name tag that said Lord Chamberlain or something like that. It's just guys at work. It's really what we're getting to is it's guys trying to figure out as if this is like somebody who's well known in the public eye and they just recognize them and they're like. Like, so this was, this was somebody who was annoyed that somebody was working and having a conversation while they were trying to do their tour or whatever. Yeah. I'd lay it into them. I'd call them.

I go more like, hey, quiet down, Lord Chamberpot. And then I'd be putting the stocks and I'd be. Yeah, you'd be fired. Because, uh, the state. If, if someone was being disruptive while I was queued in the corridor, I would be cross. I would be quite cross. The state room was a deep disappointment. I couldn't believe the mess that was the palace route.

when I entered through the grand hall I was barked at by a man to go this way and not that there's no actual guidance as to where I should go so I bristled at this a lady oh so hang on so they're like they were they were you're mad because you were walking in the wrong area and somebody was just like hey you need to go over there yeah yeah which just seems to be a pattern of reviewy type things you know someone's like I'm stupid but I think it's other people's fault maybe um bristol that's what bristle means right bristle is yeah well she goes a lady obviously realizing her colleagues rude manner came to my assistance quite frankly the building works going on inside the palace ruined the experience and i would suggest that they continue on into next year that you consider

not opening to the public at all so so the so what happened was the one person was like kind of newer there and was like hey you're not supposed to be over here and then another person came over and was like trust me, you don't want to get into it with someone like this. Just tell them that they're right and move along. Well, the next line is also indicative of that. All except a handful of staff were disinterested and lacked knowledge of the palace, meaning she was so annoying. This person was asking so many annoying questions and they're like, I have no idea.

And it's just like, yeah. And then there was like one person who's been doing the job for a long time. So just like answers with total lies whenever these people ask these questions. It's like, oh, that, yeah, no, that was from the 1847 fire that, you know, like just make stuff up. Well, because this was demonstrated to me when I asked a question. I am familiar with the state rooms and one of my favorite objects in the collection is the marble statue of Miss Jordan William, the force mistress. It was in an upper room.

I can't remember the name and seems to have gone. I asked two different wardens on duty in the room if they knew where it was and they didn't know what I was talking about. It seemed unwilling to engage. The audio guide makes vegetables of us all. Unwilling to engage. Please leave me alone. These are people who just made it

clear. Listen, listen, you almost feel bad, but it's like this person does seem just so annoying, right? Even just from their own retelling of these stories, it's like I seem to have annoyed everybody. Also, these people are like,

I mean, I don't know, but it's like, aren't these people like basically living? They're like the only people in the world that are still servants in fucking 20, 25. And you're like, hey, I know you guys are just are at the beck and call of old monarchy, but also I wanted you to drop everything and figure out where this statuette went. And I'd be like, yeah, you're, I mean, I feel bad sending food back. Like, how are you? They're either complete servants or they're just workers who are working. there for the tours and they are you know they're just like doing a job and they're just like a front line worker either one they certainly don't they shouldn't have to know where the statuette

of the fucking lady mistress or whatever was moved to and i guess maybe somebody should know that i guess i don't know man if you're just a guy that like stands around that tells people which direction to walk? That person shouldn't. No, I'm saying this person was obviously going up to people and asking them and it wasn't their job. But I guess maybe if it's a tour and they're like you're looking at stuff like that, maybe there should be a place where she could go like an information place and say, hey, where did they move this statuette? This statuette is a favorite of mine. Oh, no, sorry, what are you laughing at? Oh, no. weird R and R slash I said there should be an information booth like a mall there's an information booth there's a guy selling like

burner phones and drones in the middle of it but there's also like them going up to that person they front load that person knows their nightmare because there's so much front loaded information where they're like hey the other times I've been here and it's like oh god dude like this person's got the little like

they're like the Disneyland they've got the rubber bracelet with like a crown on it that they can just beep on all those statuettes to get fucking points or whatever yeah yeah yeah the t-shirt it's just like like the 500 club or whatever like 500 visits in 500 days yeah they're coming up and the person's not gonna make me the the the crown-shaped pancakes today and what's when is the royal brunch i'd like to yeah the person sees them you're so right eli the person can like sort of smell them like a mile away it's just like oh no like this person is going to unload on me with like yeah a bunch of nonsense and even like you know this was this oh i saw this before and like yeah it's got to be i i really feel i really feel for

you know you feel for frontline workers at a lot of places but god damn it man the people at the palace who are dealing with royal watchers coming in all the time that's a that's a rough job visiting it is like i was just visiting buckingham palace with one of those autographed book's the big like horizontal fucking cardboard. I'm like can I get their handprint can I get their stamp? I mean you just it's writing a it's absurd

to write a review of Buckingham Pouts. It's just an absurd thing to do here's a question. This is for the Queen's funeral. This is from three years ago. Rest in peace. Rest in peace RIP Queen. God's savior or whatever. RIP tonight Queen.

And he goes, how did they manage yesterday? As someone that loves to snack. It made me wonder how the royal family went so long without a meal time. The funeral was at 11. Naturally, they would have had breakfast before them. But then nothing else until after things concluded at Windsor at 4. Whoa, yeah, that's fucking wild. No, we're talking no lunch at all.

Oh, man. And dinner at 4. I mean, early dinner, I guess. You know what I mean? It kind of like an early dinner. But still, that's a long time. That's, yeah. I guess maybe they can

doesn't have a lot of people they can ask if they need something. If they need something, there's not a lot of people waiting on them. I promise you guys the next line is great. He goes, he goes, how did no one faint? I'm guessing they had non-crumb making

snacks in their cars they could have nibbled on as they drove from London to Windsor. Yeah, that's, at first he was like, I guess they had snacks and then he was just like, but the crumbs. Well, they, yeah, no, they make snacks nowadays that are non-crumb making snacks. I'm pretty sure. I mean, if anybody could get a hold of them, it would be the Royals. This web is even more tangled than I could have imagined.

It seems like a metruscha of problems. Yeah, so that's a good point. So I was thinking maybe that they were like on camera for that entire time. It was like a really long service. But no, they're saying that they, if they were in a car, I would imagine in the car, they were eating food. Yeah. Or not.

It's five hours. I mean, often I go five hours. Yeah, five hours actually isn't a long time at all, is it? I was thinking you were having breakfast earlier than that, but I guess you just have a late breakfast. You just eat right before the service and then you just have five hours.

Listen to this British guy. You think people suffer if they go five hours without a meal, especially following any semblance of a decent breakfast? Then I remember what the average American looks like. it all makes sense. Okay. That in the same sentence is talking about a decent breakfast. And it's like,

it's especially weird that you think you can't go five hours if they had a fucking English breakfast. Yeah. You have four types of protein. No, yeah. An English breakfast is, English breakfast is, English breakfast is as heavy as heavy can be.

They're always having beans in it. I've noticed. Being eaten motherfucker. This guy goes, I think they're aware enough of long and during protocols to stick snacks and pockets and purses to eat in limos or other private moment. Like, you picture the king taking a piss in a urinal and eating a cracker?

Or just eating like a fucking energy bar, like a protein bar? A kind bar. Nature Valley is making, yeah, well, that's very crumb making. Yeah, that's why at the, that's at the urinal. That's not something to have in the limousine for sure. No. This guy goes, imagine. Oh, my God.

And I guess eating a nature valley granola bar at the urinal. Yeah. You know what you know that like on that fucking drive, you know that everybody looks over and fucking Prince Andrew, he's eating in Nature Valley in the Everyone's like what the hell, man. There's a bad guy with just a bag full of uncrustables for them to make sure they can make it through the You're getting those Gatorade cubes that NFL players get the shoes. I think you guys are going to love this next one. This is why Prince Philip had a UTI.

after the Jubilee in 2012 from that non-stop event on the boat. He ended up being hospitalized, poor man. Because he held his pee that long? Yep, he had a urinary tract infection. Oh, well. Mr. Brave. Mr. Brave, man. It's pretty powerful. He's never heard of an adult diaper. I mean,

plenty of people, you know, at the super, like football games and stuff will just toss a diaper on. Another reason another reason Americans are a little bit more evolved than the British is they understand, hey, if you're going to be somewhere for a long time, You put on a diaper.

Actually, this person goes, I was wondering about the potty breaks. I would not have been above a pair of depends. There you go. If I was trying to see if I could spot any evidence of them. So they were then watching the funeral. Like, does it, does it look like King Charles? Is he wearing depends? There looks to be a little bunching around the right cheek.

If you look, there's some bunching there. We can get all of them like, this guy goes, riff time. By the way, this is time for a riff. Oh, nice. Eli, you like to, you do stand-up comedy, right? Yeah, sometimes. So I'm always up for a riff. Oh, you're going to love this is the funniest riff you'll ever.

Lay it on me. This guy goes, they stop for takeaway on their way to Windsor. Charles loves his fish and chips. Oh, yeah. And then he gets a reply. I mean, I did my own Custibles riff, so I feel like I can't get on this guy too hard. But, yeah. The next guy goes, and Charles going nuts when mayonnaise drops on him like you did with the ink.

L-O-L-L. Oh, yeah, yeah, mayonnaise in place of the ink. Imagine the ink situation, but it's mayonnaise this time from the restaurant. That's called a callback. This guy might do stand-up, actually. The next guy goes, mental image of the rolls Royce waiting and a McDonald's drive-thru, royal standard fluttering in a breeze. Would one like fries with that? So does he mean it's like a crazy image? Because in Britain, if they say something's mental. That's mental. Yeah. It's absolutely. It's absolutely. Absolutely mental. It's mental. It's mental to think of a king eating French fries.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Brian, what was that fries? French fries. Your British accent. I believe I saw someone comment in the Discord. Brian's accent of the week. Well, no, that's a different thing. That's on Shoktober on the, hey, on the Patreon, shocktober. of

you get Brian's accent on the week Brian's accent And only a few of them are offensive And if you're wondering If you're wondering Oh does you only do The inoffensive ones No he only does he actually

The other ones And he does them by accident A lot of the time But yeah people It commented to me That your British accent Is one of the worst That they've ever

Oh hello I'm British You got Southern there at the end Yeah I'm British Yeah I'm British I'm British. Hello, mate.

I'm British. Ah, good Lord, I'm British. That's what they say all the time. This guy, this is a post for royals. This guy goes, Lord of the ring star, Ian McClellan reveals the queen was bloody rude when she met him. McClellan told the time. Yeah. And also, bloody's like really bad there.

Yeah. You're not like, it's like tiny. But also, it is. But also like, I don't know, I think she kind of comes across rude all the time. right she expects people to bow to her she's like kind of like you know she's oftentimes doesn't acknowledge people or whatever i think she's just like her entire being is kind of rude isn't it well this mcclellan told the times that the monarch told him you've been doing this for an awfully long time to which he replied well not as long as you then she asked does anyone still actually

go to the theater so that's a valid valid question yeah that's a valid question with streaming She's it kind of sounds like she's kind of tuned who was tuned in to what was going on with streaming entertainment and Netflix and everything. That's true. This first reply is I don't see what was so insulting about her saying you've been doing this an awfully long time. Sounds like standard small talk that was probably not the best, but not worth him going for the jugular like he did in response. I love she got the last line in like she did. He's always been a major grouch. That would be sick.

I think I'd prefer that. It's like you're expecting the most. pleasantry filled sort of just like you know dry handshake like and then she just cuts she just chops you up dude she just dices you up like that yeah she goes full fucking jeff ross on you like she goes full hinge cliff on you like it's just like queen on kill tony oh my god the queen like that's the crazy that's what sucks about the queen dying one of the worst things about it is she'll never be on kill tony now and she could have honestly been on there if they did like a british one or whatever She's so rude.

You know what I mean? This guy, the person goes, it's the who goes to the theater comment, I think he thought was rude. And then that gets a reply. He practically told her she's a performer. Someone said here that the queen started all, but no, he was the one. I mean, he, I think he was saying that. I do agree that that's what he was saying. That I think he was kind of saying, like, how long you've been doing it for, like this same, this act, like this nonsense bullshit thing.

But maybe not. Maybe he was also just saying, how long have you been queen for? It sounds to me like it was a pretty innocuous back and forth. Oh, I know. But this guy goes, she wasn't rude. She just reminded him that she's the queen and not the performer like he suggested to her. I mean, he made a remark. She just gave back one to him.

It seems to me like he expects people not to answer him back. And anyway, ironically, he speaks about the impossibility of being nice all the time. I just had a, I just pictured her. There's this great video of these two old. old CFL players who had a big rivalry. Joe Cap is one of their names from the BC Lions, my hometown BC Lions. It's my favorite team.

And one of them's like in a walker, I think, because they're really elderly at like some event. And they start fighting. Like they have a fist fight with each other. Like one of the guys punches the other guy in the face, but they're really elderly. And I just pictured like the queen and like just like going after. Like, you know,

getting into it was so funny and sort of grabbing them like hockey style and trying to like grab their shirt. dirt over their head. Oh, yeah. And just sort of land up for cuts on the queen. Well, that's like the old dudes when they fight. Because, you know, sometimes you see that video of like some old dude and he just says, usually like says some slur or something and he gets.

So it's like the only time people are like, yeah, he's going to get hit. And then they get hit and they just stumble back for what feels like it's like fucking teckin or something where they stumble through like three stages backwards before they finally fall over. Like it's in like a bagel shop. And then he goes to the wall and land. in like a dojo and just gets crossed up.

Like, God, yeah, I think that it would be kind of cool to see more. I don't want to think it would be a good thing in general that have happened, but it would be cool if we had more like video of older celebrities like that getting pot. Yeah, there was an old, there was an old video and I'll never be able to find it again,

but I remember watching it was the funny thing. Two guys on a golf course getting into a fist fight, and it's the worst fight you've ever seen in your entire life. like no punches land they both end up on the ground rolling around it's so funny i've never been able find it again it bumps me out old guys fighting old guys fighting that's where that video is scrubbed that's funny old guys fighting is very funny though i do i do love uh any video of it's when it's two old guys fighting yeah yeah yeah the crown season one is a show about the queen i watched to this i watched season one dork uh this is david gives it

four and a half stars. How many stars would you give it, Chris? Let me think. Five. No, I think I would give it probably four stars, probably four stars. Okay. I think it was quite good, like the acting and it was good. It was like obviously quite slow and dry.

And, but I did find some parts of it were interesting. You know, it wouldn't be interesting to you guys, but it was interesting to me as somebody who is a part of the Commonwealth. I found it very interesting. Four stars. Did that work? When you drag out, when you drag out the last word or whatever, it just morphs into an entirely different thing.

No, that's what makes it the language. I think that's what makes it sound right. You know what I mean? Oh, full stars. It does like, I don't want to criticize your accents, but the drawing out of the last word feels like a last grab before you go off the cliff where it's like. That's the thing.

That's why I'm doing really hard. That's what I'm doing it. And it almost feels like it's a situation where it's like if you just calm down and you didn't sort of grab so hard, you wouldn't fall. But you actually grabbing, you're like pulling away the rocks and you're making yourself fall faster. I have, after everyone else, just started watching the crown. I hadn't realized it was written by the chap who did all those Helen Mirren Queen things. To some extent, this is an extended version of all those PM audiences. with the gaps in between filled up a little bit.

There's a bit of a tabloid tendency in the areas of royal life covered with emphasis on the abdication crisis. Princess Margaret's affairs and other bad behavior. As expected, the queen is perfect in every way. It's amusing to see what a cow queen Mary was, and after her late queen mother, the equerries and the courtiers and private secretaries are all eaten toffs, as expected.

and everyone wears proper clothes. Claire Foy is really very good as her majesty, except her cleft chin really distracts. Yeah, you get that fixed lady? I will say, I will say I did not find that. I did not find it distracting. Did you, talking of chins, Matt Smith is wonderful as the Duke of Edinburgh,

capturing his rascally humor as well as a steely determination and his squinty eyes. Great actor. This series like a peep show. looking inside the palace at the secrets the royals would like to keep from us, except that a lot of its speculation, and that rather takes the glit off of the gingerbread. There's also a lot of 21st century in American English in the dialogue,

which could have been eliminated. With one more pass by a decent script editor, I'm enjoying it and we'll proceed to series two. I'm enjoying it. It was pretty solid. I'm enjoying it. Series two. British.

the end. Yeah. The series Chew. Chew. Yeah, I found it to be yeah, I don't know. I didn't like it enough that I kept watching the show. I'll say that. Jim says, why did America secede? Queen Elizabeth sells the monarchy. Would I trade Nixon, Johnson, Carter, Reagan, Bush, etc. for Queen Elizabeth? Yes.

Wait a second. That's not how it works. You can't just choose all the alternating years there if you didn't notice. And also those people are. also those people were elected i mean they are there is like a difference between those two things there still are elected officials in the uk as well this guy goes just be like would you rather have a monarchy or go through the great depression it's like what is that argument like this guy goes it's so boring oh my god a boring woman living in a boring life that to this day remains boring i tried to watch it

three times i always fall asleep so yeah that was no that's what I get accused of all the time is Jamaican. Okay. That's one of his famous accents. We be jam on. Don't do it on the main episodes. We told you that Brian's accent of the week is only for Shocktober. Oh, yeah.

This is a final, the Queen review. The critics should not be paid nor listen to for their opinions for the many, many times they're wrong. Is it that way that they have become so out of touch with the general public that they've mutated it, so far deviated of the mainstream that they should just stop wasting our time and try to find a real job instead, preferably one that does not require their opinions to be taken serious in any way. Wow, that's one of the most anti-critic posts I've ever seen. I'm not a big fan of critics either. I am. Like, I don't mind them. I think I utilize them sometimes from movies. I go to Rotten Tomatoes and I'll look at the critic score. Sometimes even more than the audience score for sure. But this person

seems to almost have like a personal vendetta against somebody who's a critic like it's saying you're not a big fan of your critics yeah somebody your table of success yes there's something more going on with this guy

for sure because this is like a real like they should get a fucking real job and hopefully one where their opinion doesn't matter because none of their opinions are worse shit like that is that's some serious hate right there it's also crazy for them to be like hey royal Family Fan 08 here.

I'm starting to think that critics might be out of touch with normal people. Dude, you're standing like the monarchy, like the most famously out of touch. Yeah. I didn't think about it. Mike Zero posted of Megan Markle says the most insulting thing in decades. This just damaged Netflix more. So that is the post we're going to read comments for. Now, if you want to know.

This is a video just to be right. And I'm not going to play the video. does YouTube videos and that's a real, you say, oh, I want to hear the video. No, you don't. You don't want to get sucked into the video. They're all mid-roll length to the second, you said. Yeah. And it feels like it's always that thing where it's like feels like something he's about to tell you. He does this really good job of making it feel like he's about to tell you the information that you want, but he never does. And it is so mad. I'll read this to you, Eli, so you can hear the type of thing.

This is the description of this video. Okay. Which, by the way, again, the title, Megamarkle says most insulting thing in decades. This just damaged Netflix more. That's the name of it, okay? With the Megyn Markle Netflix series known as With Love with Megan, season two going through a ratings disaster and creating wider issues than the

Mega Markle pregnancy video, one major development going on now involves how Megan Markle went on to yet another rant towards the critics and said the worst thing yet by, by taking things up a notch. Now, you're like, oh, I wouldn't mind knowing what the worst thing yet is? He won't say it. He always says that, like, Robert De Niro says the worst thing ever. Like, that will be one of his things.

Like, we, and we, we don't really know what the worst thing ever is, but a lot of people have said it apparently. It's a secret word. It's a secret word. And we haven't, and we've watched videos to try to find out what it is, but we never lasted long enough to actually figure it out, unfortunately. All right. So here we.

I was neither here nor there, but when they mentioned Megan Markle pregnancy video for some reason, my brain went to be it being a video of her getting pregnant. She's drinking a glass of wine. Yeah. And they think she's pregnant, I think. Maybe the baby likes wine. Yeah. Hey, you can have one glass of wine.

For real. I think when women are pregnant, they can have one glass of wine a night or whatever. They can have a couple of their feelings. I think that I think you can, you know what? honestly if it's like a really kind of a nice like like expensive wine i think you can have a bottle yeah my wife went oh baby i mean my mom baby's a heavy weight your mom went like yeah how you think your mom was was drinking wine still beer and vodka nice yeah when i was there and look at me i turned out driving you just got to stay below 0.08 and then the baby's okay my i'm still shocked i made it like a bit

about it. My birth mom would ever smoke the whole time I was in there. Yeah, I'm dead now. So I'm like, damn, I could have been huge. Oh, yeah, you're really, you're, wait, are you are, we've had some pretty big guess. What, how, I've always, I'm trying to figure out the tallest guess we've ever had. How tall are you? I'm clocking in around six, five. I think that, I think that it's very tall and you're up there. You're on the list. But I think, I think it's still, it's going to be. It's not, it's not, yeah, I never win, but you know I do it does well the rest of the time six five is good height man that's good height dude a little too tall if you ask me but you know it is I like have said like six four seems to be the point of which architects are like fuck fuck all the people above this because I'd like

there's so much stuff that's like and it's the worst because it hits you like it doesn't like conky in the forehead it like catches your scalp and it's happened to me about no padding yeah Yeah, I got hit it on a tree and scalped myself. I'm 511. Now, that's a good size. Very, the most normal size you can be. And it's funny because I'm the most normal guy on the show too. Hey, 6-2 guy clocking in over here, Eli, 6'2.

Too tall. And it's a tall factory. Clocking in at 6-2. And I will say, I know what you're saying 6-4. Because it feels like there's a lot of stuff where I'm, I can see that I'm right at the top where it's like perfect for me where there's only a couple of inches maybe. And I'm like, yeah, anyone who's six, four, six, five is going to just be doing a lot of ducking in this world. No doubt about it.

Yeah. This person goes. Oh, you don't want to. Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry, Brian. Tall talk. We didn't want us to keep talking about being tall. Oh, this segment's called Tall Tales.

We're all just like slowly rising in our camera getting taller and taller. Yeah. This is tall tales. Yeah. I'm happy to report myself and over 60 friends who have left Netflix. is the first comment okay very cool sounds mega made up you have 60 friends yeah that's a lot of friends it might might be talking about he's in like a group or something like a you know what i mean like a so like a like a facebook group or something like that yeah we're we're leaving netflix every time he

goes to a party there's 60 people there every single place he goes to he's like oh a big party tonight and they're like is everybody showing up and they're like all 59 of them hell yeah we're coming everyone's coming over watching amazon I got the world's biggest couch. We're all going to check out Amazon Prime. I love this line. You see what's on there. I love this little thing.

She was never a Hollywood actress. And then reply, she definitely was never an A-list actress, that's for sure. And then another reply, she was on a show filmed in Toronto and she was not the main character, which is not Hollywood. Oh, wait a second. That's not actually, why would you throw a common, like a fellow commonwealth country? under the buzz to service your argument. There's no need to drag us into it.

A lot of stuff gets filmed in Toronto and Vancouver, in fact, where I live a lot of stuff, and it can be real serious Hollywood productions, you know. So I think that that's really unfair to our country. I love that. Be list Toronto actors, if you ask me. I love that in your defense, once your hackles were raised to defend Canada,

you got the really Canadian knot where you're like, that's not, no. No, no, no. Well, we've been doing some more Canadian content on the show, actually. We've been actually, yeah. Oh, hey, bud. But I think it's unfair. My Canadian accent, people said in the chat this week was really good.

Yeah, your Canadian accent is very good. It's because of my dad. I just feel like they're sort of like mixing up a Canadian show. There are like, you know what I mean? Like shows that are only in Canada and that is a low budget thing. Not suits. But there are suits. Yeah, which is this is the show they're talking about.

suits, which just happens to be filmed in Toronto. There's plenty of, like, big, major Hollywood movies and TV shows that are filmed in Canada for tax reasons or whatever. This guy goes, her behavior is becoming more and more dangerous every day. Well, I think I hope he's got security. Well, why? I've been thinking about that since you said at the security thing. I don't think security will save you if your wife wants to kill you.

Right? Like, you're sleeping in the bed with her. I mean, there's no way that. like you can knock over a she knows the Washington monument she knows what it is yeah exactly she's she's presumably she knows all of those things it could easily like just like oh I'll put a little tape on the bottom of it or whatever and stick it on to the side of the you know on the side table I won't fall over you're being choked by your wife you reach to knock your special monument over and you realize that she's bolted it to the nightstand and quietly and it won't budge you like you said taped it down now you're

There's no way to signal anybody. There's a guy comes in there and he's choking you. And then you're like, honey, help, honey, help. And then you go to knock it over and it's bolted down. And then you look into her eyes and you realize that she's in on it as well. This person says, it's a sick movie. You should write the crown. It wouldn't be so dry.

That would be good. This next one, I believe she has antisocial personality disorder and is very dangerous. She poisoned the family cat as a kid and is the one who hurt her dog, guy. it's only a matter of time before she harms her kids or hairy so they are very serious yeah you don't see this very often in in like sort of celebrity stuff where you're like i believe she is a psychopathic murder who is only a matter of time before she kills her whole entire family yeah you know i don't think i ever really saw that in like the national inquire even or whatever this person goes Big escalation to go from like, she's maybe not a bride befitting the royal family to being like,

I believe Megan Markle exhibits all main traits of the dark triad. He goes, I keep mentioning Harry probably got a $10 million life insurance on him without his knowledge. California coastline got a lot of- mentioning that to everybody and nobody. Nobody will fucking talk to me about it. Everyone in my office has stopped drinking. water unrelated people have bought their own water bottles from home the listen man that is like why do you what based on what is there any like this is just a theory that this person's made up

the theory and she i keep mentioning harry probably got a 10 million dollar life insurance on without his knowledge california coastline got a lot of curves and he's always sky high i'm just saying so she's she's taking out she's taking out a 10 million so she's gonna They think she's going to like collect a big $10 million life insurance. Like this, it's for the money. She's going to kill him for the money? Yep. Yeah, she thinks that also I don't think you need to take a $10 million life insurance policy out on someone who's heir to the throne.

Yeah. Well, he left though. He's not anymore. There's still money. He's still so rich. And she's so rich. She was a Hollywood actor on like, you know, on, well, yeah. But I don't think she's that rich.

I feel like these, these, these. People are thinking of her in the wrongs. I mean, obviously they are. But to think that like, hey, this is someone who's going to be like, all right, I got to get my hands on this $10 million. Here's an interesting one I think is going to blow your guys' mind. This one is something. She sounds more and more like the U.S. idiot in chief. And she even throws her little temper tantrums like him.

Does she not realize the whole world hates him and is laughing at him behind his back? Is that what she's after? Being hated by the world? She's getting close to that kind of hate. Wait, does she not realize that everyone's laughing at him? Oh, because they've decided that she's trying to be like him. She's Trump. And does she not realize that that's actually bad because people don't like Trump?

So the thing that makes her like Trump is that she got mad? Yeah. Well, she throws her little temper tantrums. And I don't know if you've seen her hands, but they ain't too big. The Cheeto. Yeah. It's like all of her behavior. I'm so confused because I think she behaves exactly like I would expect someone who is in a procedural

and then got married to a royal would. I think it's all been completely follows the track. I haven't seen a lot of her behavior. But yeah, I think to me it's always seemed sort of, yeah, par for the course, just for sort of regular celebrity kind of behavior as well. Let me ask you if you've heard about this, because this is something you may be having heard about. She did an Instagram post, a real,

inside a limo in Paris with her feet up and out the window. Can I say this? I went and watched a movie. Last night I went and saw a movie Bagonia. Oh, I want to watch that. My wife won't go. And I went into like the VIP theater with like the

reclining seats. I come in there. Just big huge old guy shoes and socks off. his feet up in the theater. Like, what the hell, man? Are there leather seats too? Yeah.

Oh, man. Leather seats. Like, and he, it was, it was, like, I was like, what? Whoa, man. Like, I could have, I would do that. That's crazy behavior to be. This is, yeah. This is from Mumsnet.

And the person asked, why is there more online vitrial towards Megan Markle than Andrew? So now. This is going to be met probably. The people are going to do some self-reflection here and realize, I'm guessing. This person goes, I don't know, but I could hazard a guess. I was taking aback watching Breakfast TV on BBC 1 this morning, where they said that Andrew pays his water bill when the fancy takes him.

Okay, so he pays his water bill when the fancy takes him. If only us plebes could choose whether to be bothered with such trifles when the mood takes us, They had some MP or other commenting, and he could not have been more gentle in her response. Is she tried ridiculous? They had some MP or other commenting, and she could not have been more gentle in her response. If she tried, ridiculous. The next guy goes, most of what you term hate, I'd call dislike. Hate is a very strong word for someone that you don't know.

That's really a strange bone to pick here. Well, you call it hate. I call it. I call it dislike. Okay. Yeah, what is this like? This is going to be locked immediately because they're coming around to something that they should have discovered a long time ago. And if the mods want this forum to remain active, they need to shut this down ASAP.

You got to because people are going to be like, oh, maybe we're a little too weird about Megan Margo. Yeah, people are going to be like, should I just start throwing pottery? And then the whole forum's going to die, which is probably good. But I, because I agree some posters are obsessed. Bex to ignore them. But a lot of us find her antics amusing and pathetic in a soap opera way. I don't hate Andrew either. Why would I?

What good would it do? I hate Andrew. I'm going to go. I'm going to be on the pro-Meghan Markle side between her and Prince Andrew. Yeah, I'm going to say like you don't have to. Yeah, like I'm going to say, yeah, I'm going to take Markle over Jeffrey Epstein's good friend. This guy goes. Andrew hasn't paid for won any awards recently.

He hasn't started any podcast. He's not made any statements. He's not even podcasting. That would be an interesting. I could see, listen. I could see him. I could see him as a guest on. No, I couldn't say this, but this podcast.

I would enjoy, I would enjoy him. He's going around and doing some like, he's like, he's like testing the waters of podcast. He goes as a guest on the Adam Friedland show. I could see him as a guest on there. and like, you know, discovering, hey, this wasn't a good idea, actually. He does what I do, and he goes to, he goes to L.A. for a week and does dough boys and, you know, Joe boys, the best show. Yeah, he's like, he's doing the best show.

Comedy Bangman. He does a character on Comedy Bang, man. He goes, he's in the second part only. He's not the lead guest is Pat and Oswald. He's, like, on promoting something. but then they have a guy on they never say it's prince andrew it's just a character you know like centric like the lion tamer or whatever and then in the like you just see in the description that it's prince and well this guy goes and they're like he's not made any statements or jam

because uh mega marcoe has a jam like jelly oh so they're basically saying that like hey listen man we understand he's friends with jeffrey i've seen he went to jeffrey i've seen the sex kids island and everything like that but he's not making a big to do you know he's not making a big to do about it. Yeah. He shut his mouth and doesn't do anything that make people talk about. I think that might be because the thing he did is considered to be one of the most horrific crimes. And Megan Markle is just drinking wine one time. You know, maybe that's why one of them is hiding away and the other one is out in your face. Look, quote me if you must, but I think that Prince Andrews handled the accusations of rampant pedophilia with grace, you know? Yeah. It's so.

It's so ridiculous to frame it in a way to be like, well, yeah, but he's not. I mean, they're just saying like, he's not in your face, so there's not, you know, you're not even thinking about him. But like, I would argue also that Megan Markle is only in your face doing, like, because you have your obsession. Like, there's a lot of people who have a podcast and have things like that. And you don't have to watch them or listen to them or have anything to do with them. Think about how many podcasts.

there are. Again, well, the other thing. Google alert and you will be, she'll be in your face a lot less. That's the thing, Eli, I had never, Chris had to tell me, because I was like, why does this guy fucking talk about Megan Markle every day? Like, why was Mike Zero? Why is it, like, she's not even like anybody to me. Like, I don't think about her as like a celebrity or anything. And he, that, he had to explain to me, like, people hate her. And I, I can't, I cannot believe the level of hate to be like, I think she's going to kill her husband. Yeah, that's the furthest, that's the first, not just husband and family, children.

They said one of the people said that we, I believe she's going to kill her children. I mean, that is, yeah, that is like crazy. It is, it is people who are like, yeah, it's beyond celebrity because it's these people obsessed with the royals who have made that their entire life. So their entire life is centered around following the royals, what the royals are up to, all of that shit. and they see her as like the ultimate villain in like their life right because their life is the royals so it's it's bigger than that like the hate that she has I think is unmatched for from any

celebrity you really got a feel for her I wonder what it's like like if she how much she's able to just like you know is she just walking around and like getting you know like are people harassing her and shit I wonder it does not see the More, like this person, why on earth do people like you keep using the word hate to describe the public's reaction to ridiculous self-obsessed characters such as Prince Andrew or Megan Markle? Nobody hates these idiots. It may be that we simply don't like liars, cheats, narcissists, opportunists who are desperate to keep shoving themselves into the public view. If they insist on putting themselves out there and making fools of themselves, then of course the public will react mostly by ridiculing them. That's all.

I would say Megan Markle beats Prince Andrew. by a mile and a shoving herself on our faces department. Maybe Hitler, he might warrant hate. Wait, what? Maybe Hitler. He might warrant the word hate. Oh, they just realized at the end, they're like, oh, oh, yeah, like us. I guess I should throw in an amendment here. Yeah, maybe Hitler does deserve hate.

But I don't want to use any, like, strong, like, I don't really want to confirm it. I don't have to think more. Maybe. Yeah. If he rises to the level. I mean, that is just, again, these people are. fucking so, like, that's just so crazy to be like that he's not, of course he's not, how is he going to shove himself in your face in his position right now?

What is he, what type of a press tour? What type of a television interview? What type of a show is Netflix going to give? Like, what is he possibly going to do? The Prince Andrew show. Look. It's a Prince Andrew show. It's a curb your enthusiasm or real rob.

It's a creative enthusiasm style. And as someone who lives in an Amtrak bookstore, Megan Markle and they will not stop shoving her face in my life. I cannot imagine something I would want to watch more than a curbinger enthusiasm style show produced by Prince Andrews starring Prince Andrews. A silly imagining of his own life. It's curb your enthusiasm, but it's spelled K-E-R-B. as a Canadian watching Game 4, this bugs me. Where's the love for the Blue Jays? And this is a picture of Megan Markle and Prince Harry in a L.A. Dodgers hat.

So this is a commonwealth. We talked about this on stream briefly. And listen, I don't want to, I don't want to talk about that friggin world series. Devastating to our entire country, one of the most heartbreaking sports losses. You know, it's going to buy better bats. What's going on with that? And this was, this was really one of the worst ways to lose a series. But yeah, I don't think, I don't think anybody cares.

I said this on stream. I don't think anybody cares about this. I don't, I think. Oh, well, she grew up in LA. They live in California. How is this difficult? Who cares anyway? They aren't working royals.

They aren't there as reps for the crown. It's baseball. It's a game. Did either of them assault a child? No. Okay. Oh, hang on. Oh, because I think they're, that's,

I think that's a reference. Prince Andrew has not been mentioned at all. But I think that still might be a reference to Prince Andrew. Yeah. He sort of exists as the, you know, the baseline here. In the royal family, yeah, he's known as the guy who did that. It's him and Megan Markle. They're the two most disgusting people on the planet.

Well, this guy replies and goes, wasn't suits actually filmed in Toronto. That's one of Prince Andrew's defining traits is his alleged love for pediment. Ophelia. That and his quick wit. Those are the two things. Everyone knows about Prince Andrew. And I'm counting on that quick wit when we launches a new HBO program. I mean, can you- His one-hour stand-up special. Spotify has signed a podcast deal.

No, no, yeah. A stand-up special in the round. Fucking. Dane Cook-style. Dane-Cook-style with Prince Andrew. Like high-energy fucking marketing. fucking marching around the outside of the stage, telling it like it is.

He's trying to do crowdwork, but everyone just keeps bringing up the pedophilia stuff. He's like, anybody else? You're a pedophile. Where do you work, sir? Epstein Island. All right, next guy. I do the logs at Little St. James.

Okay, do we have anybody here? This guy, finally, just a couple more things here. This is a book called The Palace Papers by Tina Brown. I have a really horrible Prince Andrew joke that I need to get out of my head so doesn't haunt me. He's doing his vicious circle. And there's a guy with his daughter and he just points them to him and he goes, How long have you guys been dating?

Well, this person gives it one star. This is a book about the royal family. It's called The Palace Papers. And this is, this person says, I read one sentence and I won't read anymore because it told me there was zero rigorous research. to get the facts. The author still telling the story how Miss Markle, by her very own single hand, changed a commercial? No, it was a class assignment and a class effort,

and she was one student who wrote one letter amongst a class group as a group assignment. Yet the author tells it like Miss Markle scored some sort of victory for women at a tender age. Utter BS. Now what do I do with this trash book? I guess she had tossed it into the garbage, donated, I mean, you got a few different options. I so did they did read pass the first word they were saying like symbolically that the first

sentence but they did because they read the thing about the Megan Markle thing right with the or about about her doing the they like they they they mentioned something they cited something from the book so they did read they did read the book or they didn't they read one sentence okay I also I feel like these people just need to be shown a word cloud of like their keyboard activity it just like the fucking M-A-R keys on their keyboard are just like worn thin. It's crazy. It's crazy. How many times are you talking?

We're typing this name out. You don't ever have to think. So finally, this is a podcast called The Royal Report with Jack Royston. It's a Newsweek podcast. Okay. This guy might have stepped in it. He might have messed up and talked about something he shouldn't have in it. But the first review is we're due for an update.

A lot has been going on. And I like your podcast. You don't horse around. too much or blasts obnoxious music chop chop chop nobody's forcing around on a podcast that's the worst chop chop chop bring out an episode but i feel like i do feel like sometimes on the prince andrew show it can see you have a podcast as well i feel like there would be parts where it would like it would be pretty serious but i think there would be some parts where you would just be goofing around and doing kind of riffs and stuff like that.

He had Tony Hinchcliff on. Andrew experience. He would have, he would have Joe Rogan on his podcast. Yeah, he'd have the 250 assassins. That's what he'd be working his way through. He'd have Rogan on because if you want to get a good riff going on a podcast, there's only one Rogan riff. They call him Rifkin, Joe Rifkin, sometimes because it is incredible ability to riff and

understand humor and understand what humor, what is. Here's where this place. The guy is an absolute sniper with a slow, whoa. That's his top riff. Oh, really? That's, uh, he's killing it on that, on that level. Do you have, uh, Eli, no, as a stand-up person, have you, have you made it to the mothership?

The mothership, I don't think would have me. I don't do a shit. I barely do stand-up anymore. You barely do it anymore. So maybe you and I then once, once the borders open back up, uh, I, because I'm interested. I'm trying to get a crew to. together to go on get a Winnebago and go to Kill Tony. So I'm trying to get a crew together sort of Ocean's 11 style of comedians that have

been on the podcast to go down in a Winnebago and put our name in the bucket for Kill Tony. The shagging wagon, everybody, you know, clamber in. We're going to head cross country. Oh, yeah. Pilgrimage to the mothership, which I do consider a bit of a comedy mecca. I don't know if you guys have heard that. It is. You can say whatever you want there.

Even some guys will say the N-word. I heard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how you know it's real. I heard Ron White says it in the green room. I shouldn't be saying this on main episodes, really. Focus. This is where the guy made a mistake.

I told you this guy made a mistake. Why is it every time I go to listen to this podcast about the British royal family? You're always given your incorrect commentary on U.S. politics. Stay in your own lane. You have no idea what you're talking about. Focus on the actual royal family and enough about the two grifters who left the royal family. This is supposed to be a podcast about. the actual royal family.

Oh, this is somebody who's just like, well, they don't want to be part of the royal family anymore. And guess what? You give up your privileges of being discussed on royal family podcasts. And also that he said something about Trump. It's very obvious because those are the people that can't handle hearing anything. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. We encounter that sometimes definitely in the, the South Park guys were really livid about the Trump episode where they're just like, this show is fucking ridiculous now. and it's like it's very obvious they're just angry about them making fun of Trump. I wish this episode was coming out. Go back three weeks and listen to the bonus episode where we read a lot of reviews of the television show Real Rob. We're going to be doing.

There's an interconnectedness of like flipping with the podcast from this to the bonus like House of Leaves. You got to fucking go through all the different bonuses. It does sound like we made it ever. to talk about the pet we didn't do that we never had a conversation about it just came up what did the patreon oh yeah oh yeah oh you're talking again about the patron now it really seems like now we're like now they're like holy shit guys dial it back a little bit i know we mentioned you guys not promoting the patreon and stuff but dial it back this is pathetic finally this is a podcast called british royal fanatic podcast and this review i just really like five stars

I just found your podcast and I love it. I read all things royal family, but here in Colorado, everyone thinks I'm stupid for being interested in. So I'm glad to hear your discussions which are really thoughtfully put together and your desire to be balanced in your coverage. Thanks. This person has been called stupid a million. Right?

They're going to. And they're like, I have paris socially latched on to you in an incredible way. So I will be showing up at your door soon. And I will hate you. I will give you a one-star review in six weeks. I was also thinking that other guy, he should be careful because saying chop-chop to the Royals is actually like a pretty direct threat given history. You're not supposed to sit around them. You get tackled, you know.

Oh, I love to do that. Anyway, that is royal family guys. Hey, hey, Lois. Hey, Lois. Oh, look, there's a family guy. Yeah, maybe we go. Maybe let's end this episode. Look, there's a family chap.

Let's end this episode. We'll all talk in our British accents. We'll end it all. Eli, you can talk British, right? And I can go, I got to go vote. So take that royal family. Oh, you're going to go vote. And I, what, you got a Cuomo sticker behind?

Yeah, yeah. Multiple. I'm just, I'm on the Cuomo Prince Andrew ticket. You know, I think they could really do a lot of good. Oh, man. all right Eli tell people where to find you we should have just done the British voices

we should have Hello Eli Eli tell people where to find you If they're looking for a good laugh Smack mom pee wet Yes You can find me You can listen to my podcast

What a time to be live that I do with Kath Barbador Doer I'm Patty Moe Patrick Monaghan That comes out every week I got a special up on YouTube called Humble Offering That you can look at and I stream on Twitch now at a Twitch.TV slash pig underscore dog and then I guess like Blue Sky and Instagram. I'm Yahoo Toolbar on Instagram. All right. We stream on Twitch sometimes too.

Just weird. Not even a show. Twitch.tv because a lot of people have mentioned this as well that, hey, you guys change the channel of the Twitch and you never told us the new channel and you never tell us if you're streaming or not or it's on Twitch.tv slash not even a show Sunday nights at 5 o'clock. and I've started mentioning on Instagram stories if we're going to stream that night. Yeah. I've also been Twitch.tv slash shroud. That's where you can find Chris. No, it's, we got, we got kicked off.

Brian refused to change the name of the channel from murder Brian. And they, they suspended the channel three times. And then the final time it was a, it was a, they thought you were running like a red room. They were like this guy running a red room on Twitch. Again, it's, it's complicated because it's like registered also under the LL see his his violence gang LLC which causes a lot of problems in my life as well because he's sending me money from violence gang LLC and people what the what's right here and I think is yeah I think was a really kind of I guess a funny joke in the moment maybe not I like it maybe not long

term very well thought out remains all right now we'll see you next week goodbye bye bye