Guys: With Bryan Quinby - Guys: Episode 159 - Boat Guys with Carl Tart

Episode Date: February 17, 2026

We have one of our most requested guests on the show, the wonderful Carl Tart on the show to talk about boat guys. What are some good boat names? Should you own a boat with your wife? We also talk about some of our message board history and some very funny reviews There is more Chris at https://www.patreon.com/notevenashow And for more Guys content, streams and SHOCKTOBER: a deep dive into shock jocks you can click patreon.com/guyspodcast, Join us on the Sunday Night Stream every Sunday night at 8:00 EST at twitch.tv/notevenashowand I am on https://bsky.app/profile/murderxbryan.bsky.social  Guys is on Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/guys.pod Guys has a Post Office Box now! PO Box 10769 Columbus Ohio 43201  

Welcome to guys, a podcast about guys. My name's Boater Brian, the captain of the boat. My co-host's name is Chris. He's the guy that he swabs the poop deck. You don't know another name of anybody on a boat that you could have used? Admiral. But I didn't want to do that because what if Admiral's above captain? We're done with this.

I wanted to be the top guy on the boat. I think the captain is the top guy on the boat. The captain is the guy who runs a show on the boat. No doubt about it. Guy that just spent two days reading about boats doesn't know which is the higher thing. And we have our guests this week. Carl Tart, hi, Carl. Hey, is that your real last name, Chris? No, it's not. Rudder is a boat term, I think. So I always try to like have, you know, some kind of a boat term. But why, why do you ask? Because I was, I was saying like, if that was your real name, then like, it would be right there. It would be right there.

It would be perfect, yeah. Did y'all not notice there? His name's Chris Boobes because we just did boobs last episode. You got you got stuck with boats. I got stuck with Boats. Last week it was boobs. Yeah, big boobs. We did big boobs guys, guys who are really into big boobs.

And it probably will be a little different episode. Although, I mean, boat guys, boats and boobs kind of do go together a little bit, you know, because obviously, yeah. I mean, when people are out on boats, they're sometimes wearing bikinis. I'm curious, Carl, have you, do you have any experience boating? Have you ever been out on boats? Have you ever captained a boat? Yes.

Yes, I have. I have captained. I drove the boat. My grandpa used to let me drive the boat and we will go fishing. And my grandpa had a fishing boat and he would let me drive the boat. I've been out fishing quite a bit on boats. in Big Bear, I drove that boat that you have all your friends on, you know, like out of the lake, that big, like square boat. Yeah.

So you are like- Considering doing that. Carl, I'm no lie. And it's probably just because I've been reading boat stuff. And Chris will probably discourage me from doing this. I think I want to rent a speedboat cruise around a bit. I mean, I don't want to discourage you from doing things you love. But I just, I worry about the amount of money you can spend in boating and how much you love.

to spend all the money that you need. So that's a little bit of a worry. I want a boat. I do want to. I always said when I started doing when I started making a little like when I was making like $36,000 a year. I was like, you know what? It would be great.

I would feel so good if I could put all my bills on auto pay. Right? Like that was my big thing. Once I got to that point, I was like, I'm a failure until I get a boat. I live in Columbus, Ohio. I don't even know what the fuck I'm going to. to do with a boat. Yeah.

It's, I mean, a boat is like notoriously expensive. Now, Carl, what kind of fishing boat was it that your grandpa had? Like, what kind of size boat are we talking? I'd be lying if I tried to tell you, but it had to be like, it was big. Yeah. Like, it was big because we were playing it. Me and my, me and my uncle, who is my age, like, I have an uncle who's a year older to me, so we're like cousin, brother uncles.

And so we would play in it as. kids like and it was but i i don't know like car i'm going to say something wildly bad but i have to say this it's the dad's penis thing again it might not have been a big boat you were just a little kid you know what i mean i call that the dad's penis theory yeah we figured we call it now the dad's penis theory when we talk i think it was with gabris right was it with gabris that we were talking about how we saw our dad's penis is when we were younger and it seemed really big, but everything when you're little seems so big like your elementary school and you go back there and it's actually quite small.

And so we're wondering. No, my dad was standing at that year. He swung that joke over his shoulder. Okay. So you legit had a big one. I say my uncle had a fishing. I've been out on my uncle's fishing boat as well. He had a commercial, he was like a commercial salmon fisherman.

So he had like a big, huge, gigantic fishing boat that had a whole crew on it and everything that he was the captain of. This boat was not that big. He kept it in the yard. Yeah. It was, it was, it was,

it was from the 80s. But where did you live? Where did you, where did you grow up? This is in, this is in Mississippi. Mississippi. Yeah.

So, so you're, now I'm so much boating there. There's a lot of, there's a lot of, there's a lot of boating where I am as well. I'm in Vancouver, so I'm right on the coast.

So boating is huge here, you know, there's, you go through downtown, there's this little harbor. It's got all kinds of boats that you can just park there for free. Yeah. You don't have to pay anything and people just live there on their,

on their little boats and they're right in downtown Vancouver. It's like, you're the most expensive place to live and you could live there for free. This was not a livable boat. It was not a livable boat. It was a, it was just like, I'm Googling 1980s fishing boats right now, and I'm trying to see if there's one that kind of looks like it because he doesn't have it no more. And then when you, and then, but you've actually captained, you, you were, were like on the boat driving like driving the boat with your friends as well in big bear yeah yeah that's so cool my dad my my only i have two boating the reason we're doing boat guys is because i stayed at a marina in the florida keys two weeks ago three weeks ago as of this when this comes out

and uh i was walking around and i was looking at all the boats and i was like i need one of these but when i looked at when i was looking at them i was the only ones i was saying i needed were yachts. I was like peeking into these yachts. You know what I mean? And I would be like, oh my God, that guy's got pictures of his family in that yacht. And still like, I'm so fascinated by what goes on in a yacht. That I was like, that sounds awesome. I'm not sure that we're, I think we're trying to get away from the whole, you know, Brian being this affluent. I mean, you did. I'm not, I'll never, listen, I don't know how much a yacht costs. I do want to have a yacht. I do want a yacht. Yes. I think that's very relatable. The only boat, I was, I'm not. I

I did go on a sailboat when I was out there. And we went and sailed out, looked at the sunset. I acted like a real asshole about the whole thing because it was hot. And I was just annoyed the whole time. And I wouldn't talk to it. Because like all these people started talking to each other. But they were goofing. Yeah.

You know what I mean? They were riffing on the boat. Yeah. And I was like, I can't riff. They were having a good time. Yeah. But I couldn't, I couldn't riff with them the way they were. You know what I mean?

Did they know? They know, because that's what I'm curious too is like what I don't know what it takes to drive that boat in Big Bear. with your friends and stuff, but do you need to know, any boat stuff? They give you like a real, like, quick lesson on here's how, here's the brakes, here's how you steer, here's how you power up. Here's the, like, here's the throttle. Like, it was, it was really like, because it's, it's one that, and it goes, it could, it could

go pretty fast, but, you know, you don't want to be out there doing something crazy when you have everybody in the boat, you know? Yeah, pretty responsible for everyone. But if you're a lot. The only boating experience I really have other than that sailboat was I went on Pornoshawn's dad's boat the one time. I've told you about this. He promised that we would go to a dock and get pizza while we were on the boat and that we would tube. And I remember, first of all, no pizza.

It was bologna sandwiches. I don't know. It was so unfair. Once I got out there, he pulled a cooler out, was like, we're going to have these bologna sandwiches. I was like, that's going to ruin my day. I don't eat that. And then also he made me wear a life jacket the whole time. And I thought that was like extremely uncool.

but he did let me too. So I kind of liked it. So I think I got away from boats, partially again, being from Ohio, it's not like you have to live in Cleveland to really be. Like if you buy a boat where I live,

you're just, your homemade rip. Like, there's nothing here. There's one river that runs through the city and it has poop in it. It says not, it says,

hey, you can canoe and kayak here all you want. Don't touch the water. There are, signs all the way down the only river here saying not to touch the water. I think it is part poop because it does say on the sign like there's sewage in here so just don't touch the water. And it's like I see people doing that stand up paddleboard on there.

And I'm like, if you fall in it. Yeah. I know. That's what I'm saying. It's fine while you're standing. But it's like to me, every time I see someone doing that, I feel like it feels like it feels like it would be very easy to fall. It's the easiest.

So we found some posts on Reddit on R slash boating. I want to start out because everybody, the obvious thing is people nameing their boats. Yeah. Did your grandma have a name of the boat or it didn't have the old name on the side? I'm sure it did. I don't remember. So it was it? Yeah.

So some of these ones, I'll tell you, Carl, I was reading some of these. And they are so memorable and so absolutely hilarious that if it was a name as funny as some of these, you probably would have remembered. My dad, my grandpa was the alderman of, of the town. And so maybe, maybe the boat was called the alderman. That would be good, though, compared to this one that says D's nots. Okay, I like that. I like that.

So he gets a reply from a guy and he goes, why spend so much on a boat and prove you have no creativity, humor, or good taste? And the guy's like LMAO. So then the next guy goes, really love creative boat names. and then here's the problem with this one. There's at least five or six boats around here with this exact name. No one is creative. But then a reply that I really love is, hard to be creative when people have already been making the same puns for a hundred years.

Like names of people, nothing really new. So since it's impossible to be creative, might as well as just choose one you like, huh? So I like that we've run out of names. It's like anything with comedy and stuff like that, right? where it's like it's very difficult to come up with an original idea for something anymore.

But I guess what you have to do if you want to do a creative boat name is do something like about what's happening now, you know, like a newer thing like AI or crypto or something like that. If you can somehow tie that in, then you could possibly have a unique name. But is there any other names in the thread? What about dirty or? Dirty or. And that's a play on Dirty or. I like D.

I like D's Nots better. Yeah. Yeah. Dirty or seems very offensive. And like if you're running in that kind of, you know, if you're like your friends are like that or whatever. But yeah, I think that that's a pretty vulgar one to just be pulling up in the marino with.

Well, it's funny that this come. It's funny that this comes after the boobs episode where we talked for a long time about guys wearing T-shirts about how much they love boobs. Yeah. This is similar. And like they're just walking around like at what, like what are. you advertising when your boat says dirty ore on it? Yeah, that you're a nasty guy.

Carl, did you have an idea for a boat name? Yeah. Since there's no new ideas under the sun, how about something like these motherfucking knots in your mouth of the lake? I love the idea of just getting so explicit. I did see one. Carl, I did see one that was called filthy whore. It wasn't even ore.

It was the words filthy and whore. That's kind of. Yeah, that's kind of funny, but I take the pun out of it. It's like, not understand. It's like, I've seen all these boats about filthy oars. Why don't they care about how dirty the oars are? Yeah. Like the guy doesn't get the joke.

It took me a second. I'm, if I can be on it. This guy goes, mine is Stugats in reference to the Sopranos boat. It already had that name. Don't talk Sopranos. Sorry. Sorry. Oh, yeah.

You are watching Sopranos right now. So, and you, you didn't know the boat name. I probably have heard it. Those guys talk real fast. I know that Tony has a boat. It's called Stoogatz. Okay. See, if you had to said that to me, I would have been like, oh, that's Dan Lepa Tart's co-host.

Okay. Yeah. Actually, he does have that. And he goes, it already had the name on it when I got it. But I do plan on changing it, which is really like, this guy's like not even taking. Like, I can't imagine you're equipped to handle owning a boat. if you're not equipped to like immediately change the name of the boat like if you're like one of these days I'm going to get to change in the name of this boat yeah yeah it feels like that should be the first thing

you do this guy goes our yacht is called doggy style as we have two to three standard poodles aboard of all the time I also like filthy ore and the dirty ore my boat neighbor's yacht is called bottom feeder yeah I'm jealous I hadn't thought of that first bottom feeder is good yeah So here's a question that I think seems like the worst idea of all time. Are there many people that co-own or are interested in boat co-ownership? I saw a lot of this. I did see a lot of this. I guess it makes sense because it costs a lot of money or whatever, right?

So it's like you're trying to split the cost. But yeah, I would imagine that would be having like half season tickets on the boat or whatever and not having full ownership. It's like, I have a boat. And then your friends are like, hey, let's go out on the boat. And you're like, well, I can't take it out this. week. It's not my week with the boat. Yeah. Like a divorced parent. It seems, and we'll read some of these things. It also seems like generally repairs and upgrades are up to one guy that just wants

I'm done. And then that makes him mad, which is totally unfair for everybody else involved with the boat. I totally, you can't be like, oh, I want to add this to the boat and they didn't help pay for it. I paid for the whole thing. It's a roommate situation. It's a roommate situation where it's like, yeah, I could just like I got says it's got to get done. Somebody has to get this done and I need it to happen. So I'm just going to do it. But it would, yeah, you'd have a lot of resentment towards the person you co-in the boat with. And are they talking about doing it with their friends, Brian?

Yes. One guy says he wants to do it with his wife, which I found insane. Like I want to co-own a boat with my wife is like everything you own is co-own. Recipe for divorce. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we get, we're, there's a lot of divorce talk in the stuff I found. Get me too. Yeah, just about issues with the boating where like docking and and launching and things like that,

apparently is very, very difficult to do in a relationship. When buying and maintaining a boat, it can be expensive. Do boaters often co-own with neighbors or non-family members or boat friends they met on Reddit? Those are all bad. ideas that that those three things specifically no yeah like if you have a best buddy that you've known forever like yeah i'm talking this would have to be somebody i knew when i was 17 pornoshawn or something like that you wouldn't go one of both pornoshawn carl we've said this a million times but just he's a guy that brian grew up with who is accumulating pornography

magazines to start a store that he never ended up starting yeah but he didn't start it but he got he had a lot of pornography so he had a ton of porno when did he start that process oh 1996 how old was he how old is he 17 but he looked a little older you know what I mean we talked about it last week about him the idea of him time to digitize like you know trying to bring it into the 21st century and putting it all because I think yeah he probably was right around the time where you didn't really have to have pornography anymore. Right around 2000. He had about 10 years.

Yeah. You know, 2006 probably. When did pornography really come online? No, I think that's wrong. Well, no, pornography, but you also have to think about when pornosha got online. Yeah. I just remember watching, looking at a Pamela Anderson. That was her name at the time, Pamela Anderson, a pitcher and waiting for it to load or whatever.

And I must have been like 12 years old or something. So that would have been before the year 2000, I was already online watching pornography. What's her name now? Pamela Lee or maybe it's Anderson again. But it went to Pamela Lee for a while when she was married to Tommy Lee and then it now is back to Pamela Anderson. Yeah, she's a local. Sean's dad had a lot of porno too, by the way. I think it ran into family.

That makes sense. It would accumulate all the porno. It would run in the family. If your dad was huge into porno openly, like I can't say my dad was never openly into pornography. Not many are anymore. I think that was a thing of the past. I think that was a thing of the 90s and 80s and 70s. Like, I don't think dad's openly owned.

I don't think dad store porno in their living room anymore. Yeah, like, maybe I found like one thing. No, I don't even think that's true. My dad was a pretty like, you know, he was, if he was straight arrow. He wasn't like, I'm sure he liked pornography at some point, but I think he would have made sure it was hidden from us. He would never have allowed it. Because it's also weird because you know what your dad.

adds into if you, you know, you see like, you know, he's got the asses or whatever or like an anal thing. And you're like, I guess I saw my dad's porno once like he rented it. Oh, like a video he rented. It's just regular is the most regular porno you ever because he went to work. I, I, because we went to the video store and he went back to the porno room. Actually, he said, I got to run next door and grab something while we were shopping, but we watched him walk right into the porno room. And he didn't even leave the fucking store. He goes into the porno room. He checks. Texas stuff out, hides it in the car. And then we, and then the next day, I'm like, well, he obviously went to a porno room. We got to go in the bedroom and find the porno. So we went in there

and found it. And it was the most like regular porno you've ever said. Like matches with my dad's personality. Yeah. So much. Just the most like regular guy stuff you've ever seen. Was that disappointing or was it where you kind of like, no, I was kind of like, well, you know, he's a missionary guy. He's like, I'm like my dad. I'm a missionary guy like my dad. You're always, missionary. No, but you know what I mean. I'm not a big time like weird sex guy. Yeah. Well, we know, speaking of this episode, speaking of this episode, we do know that, you know, hey, I, I went on my uncle's fishing boat. Carl went on his grandma's fishing boat and Brian was really into motor boating in the sense that he would suck on tithes for three hours at a time, Carl. I didn't have me on the

boob episode. Yeah. Don't worry. This one will be dirty too. I bring you. much anytime we have somebody on who's like a guest that I know you know Brian's like whatever he's likes or low you know I always make sure nervous I always make sure to bring up his three hour titty suck session we went on the majority report the politics show a sam Cedar and I got it in right under the line uh telling their whole audience that he sucked boobies for three hours three hours yeah that's not that weird when you're set 16 yeah well I did do the other thing Mm-hmm. I would kiss down to where the underwear starting and go back up to the titties.

Yeah, he would mock like he was going to do something else. I was mocking. I thought that was sexy. Because all the sex. Oh. Giving her a look. They gotcha. Because all the sex I saw was in TV shows, basically.

Yeah. Not TV, but movies, you know, like I saw Boys in the Hood a thousand times. So I figured that's the way you do it. Yeah, that's true. do it and boys and other. Because they can't actually show that on the thing or whatever. So I thought that he was just doing what I was doing. Anyway, this guy goes, I'm not opposed to it, but obviously there will be a lot of details to iron out. I always find it funny that people are so loud when it comes to the topic of me buying a boat. But when I mentioned us buying a boat, suddenly

boating isn't all that great, L.O.L. But I don't think that's all that funny. I mean, I would say that like if one person in my life said they're going to buy a boat, right? I'd be like, oh you got to get that boat although I learned how much it cost to fuel up a boat yeah that's what I'm saying the boating cost it's not the initial purchase it is like upkeep on a boat is incredibly expensive

this really is like a hobby for people who have a lot of money exclusively also people who pretend there were so many guys pretending to be rich literally just like I'm extremely rich and then you follow their Reddit viewing.

And it's like he's an electrician. Listen, electricians make really good money. They're not like driving yachts. Yeah, I guess credit card yacht people like people who are like, because it is a classic thing to like show that you are very wealthy or whatever if you have a yacht. So if you're like someone who wants people to think that. But fuck, man, I can't like I lived in the Bahamas.

I've mentioned that before. I lived in the Bahamas for a while. And there's a place like Paradise Island. Island Atlantis and there's this like yachts, like where people dock their yachts there. And there's like the most insane yachts you'll ever see. But just the size and shit of them, it's like, yeah, it's costing you. I don't know, people would know better, but it's like thousands and thousands of dollars a month. When me and Katie were at the boat, when we were at the marina, I could see the gas pump.

Yeah. On the thing. And the last pump was $18,000. God damn. Yeah, it's not like some tiny amount of money. It is like so much. It's life-changing money. You have to really plan.

So you mentioned the Bahamas. There's a comedian I like named Ricky Smiley who has a boat and he lives in, he would take the boat from Miami to the Bahamas. Like, and he would go live on, this is, you know, pandemic times. He would go live on like Instagram or something, just him driving the, or he has four videos on YouTube and just driving his boat from Miami to the Bahamas. And I, you know, I got to be honest with y'all, I never have looked at a boat and been like, man, I want to, I want a boat. I like going on boats.

I like, I like, if somebody has a yacht, they're like, yacht party. And, you know, I need to do some safety checks. But, you know, I think it's a white. Go ahead. It's a very white trash thing that, that, like, it is a thing that is like, I will not be successful until I have a boat. Well, like you literally just said at the beginning of this episode, the way you felt. And every guy I grew up with was the same way. Yeah.

And every guy I grew up with the first credit card got them either a quad or a boat. Like criminals. Criminals too, I found like the people I knew who were like, you know, sold drugs or whatever. There's a place by Vancouver called Colona that has this like big lake there, whatever. And I was kind of picture people like that. They were like the sleeve tattoo guys. and then, you know, like, uh, uh, women with like breast implants wearing bikinis and stuff. Those are the people I was pictured going on boats.

But I'm the same, I'm the same as Carl that I, it's never been of interest to me. I've always seen it as like, this would be a huge headache for me. And, you know, like I think it's like retired people or people who just have so much time on their hands as well, you know, and money. That's it. The guy I knew that owned one recently, I never went on it because he, you, charged $300 to go boating with them because that's because the gas cost so much. That's not a very, that's not a very baller move there.

Because you fill the, you fill up the boat and I'll take you on the boat. That was like his gimmick. That's $18,000. Yeah. No, it was $300, $350, $400 or something like that. But how many people? How many people like, only like two or three could get on. You're paying over $100 to, to ride this boat for one day.

And he's driving it. You're not allowed to drive it or do anything. How big was the boat? Not big. Maybe four people. It was like a speed boat that you could tube off of. And he was a drug dealer. He actually went to federal prison for counterfeiting.

But like he was like a real drug dealer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like transporting big bales of weed from Mexico to Ohio to Dayton, Ohio. And he had a boat. And I think that was, that's the same thing as Sean, porno Sean and his dad having a boat and everybody I knew they got like a credit card the first fucking thing man I got a you get a credit card you get a jet ski or a boat we are fucking landlocked here but ever like I know so many guys I grew up with that are avid avid boat they probably do it

twice here one thing I noticed in here was like oh I bought the boat thinking I was going to do it twice a week and I actually do it twice a year yeah it's a big undertaking to go out on the boat and it's a lot yeah i i just remembered i've been on a speedboat with my grand well he was he was kind of my grandpa but he wasn't really he was actually married to my aunt but he was so old that he was like this old doctor guy and he drove us on his speedboat and would get so blacked out drunk drinking tn tn t beer like he would smash so many tn t beer like high percentage beer and he would just get so drunk and drive it so fast it was really really scary to me and i in reading i found that is a huge thing. It's BUI. They have a different name for it. It's BU. They actually call it a BUI. And it is like a huge thing that

constantly happens to people, which makes sense. You feel invincible out there, right? Yeah. I think people think, ain't nobody out here. I can just, I can drink. It's wide open. And it's like, yeah. And it's nighttime. Now you're trying to get back to the dock. You bought the crash into the dock. Yeah. Sam bars, Carl. The guy, there's the Miami, there's a famous Miami Marlins pitcher who was like a Jose. I forget what his last name was, but he, that happened to him. I don't know if he was drunk for, yeah, he died. He crashed his boat, driving a speedboat super fast. I think that happens a lot. Yeah, like you said, you go out in the daytime and it's like, hey, open waters, what could possibly go wrong? I'm not going to hit something. And then, you know, it's nighttime and you're way too drunk. And yeah, the visibility is an issue.

You forget how to get back. Like, I read a few guys that got drunk and like forgot how to get, because you had to run through these canals to get to the actual. lake and they couldn't figure out how to get back to the canals because they rented the boat these guys rent a boat yeah the guy at the dock is like hey you go this way this way this way you get out of there you know what i mean you drink it all car when you were it's okay we won't we won't say anything to anybody but were you did you drink it all when you were um piloting the boat in big bear oh hell yeah but i'm a big dude i can handle i can i can i can drink with the best of them so you think your your blood alcohol level still would have been low

enough, you think, if you were... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I was fine. It was just, it was more, because we were trading off. We were like, and then once I was like, all right, I'm done doing this. I want to drink now, you know, somebody else get on, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it seems fun. It was fun.

It was fun, but it was, like, I would not be on a speedboat drinking. I have a little bit more sense than that. Yeah. But I want to go back to something that was mentioned earlier, if you don't mind. No problem. You mentioned, like, not being relatable because you wanted a book, because Brian running a boat and I just want to say affluence is cool. This should make you strive to be better. Like you should like, it should make you want me. You should be like, damn, I want to be like people who can

own a boat. Let me get out here and work hard. Yeah, that's a good point. That is a good point. Some of them probably have worked very hard for their money. And now, but I do also think about a lot of these yacht guys who maybe just maybe didn't work hard for their way. Those are the ones that were crash. Speaking of, speaking of which, having a boat with your wife is a bad idea because that boat will be the, like,

that's the boat you're going to cheat on. You know what I mean? Well, Carl, let me read you this post that I found on R slash boating. Wife and boats is the thing. Should I let my wife take? take my boat out this summer without me while I'm training in Korea or just lock it up in storage. We've been fighting about it.

She's saying I'm selfish, but I think I'm just going to store it anyway. Any thoughts? Ooh. If he's training in Korea, she can cheat at home. Yeah. He doesn't need to go on a boat. But that, listen, if she knows how to drive the boat and you've been on the boat together and she like knows all the stuff the same way as you, that is pretty wild to be like, no. I'm going to lock it up and you're not able to enjoy it while I'm gone.

That's more, that makes me think that's like a reason why she would cheat on you, you know? Like that's giving her more fuel to cheat on you. Locking something up. Like, I cannot imagine locking something up from my wife and taking the key with me to another country. Yeah, like we have a card together, you know, my wife.

And it's like, I'm going away for about three months, honey. I'm going to lock the Kia up. you're going to have to take the bus with Charlie around town. That's actually our car. This guy goes, is she competent at the helm, familiar with the laws? And if needed, licensed or certified to operate, if she isn't, why wouldn't you let her? The next guy goes, dude, she's your wife. But if she wrecks it, you qualify immediately for any time blow jobs.

You can even tell her that in advance and let her make the choice. That's good advice right there. Honey, I will let you drive the boat. I don't... Unlimited blowjobs if you crash it. I'll write that in a contract. I don't believe in... I don't believe in locking it up to where she can't use it.

But this problem could have been solved if you didn't get a boat with your wife. I think that's... I think it's... I think going into a... I think partnering on a boat is a bad idea. I agree. I agree. You come to the marriage with the boat, Carl.

That's fine. Yeah, you said this is my boat. I'm gonna although that does become hard you know it depends on never get away with mine in a marriage not in my in my marriage I never get away with mine except for my clothes and my legos yeah your legos your wife's not fighting you for the legos she doesn't care about the way she doesn't want to play around with your Lego toys she doesn't want to sit with me and play with But as far as like any big, any big purchase, you know, like, like I said, if you come to the marriage, luckily I came to my marriage with nothing at all. I was getting married because I didn't have insurance, you know? Yeah.

So I came with zero, not even insurance. You came with much less than her. Oh. I mean, yeah. When we met, she used to have to bring me groceries. Yeah. She supported you. You were.

a long time. Mm-hmm. Very nice one. Katie, absolute wonderful woman, Katie. I mean, I feel like I'm not married, but I'm partnered. And we both, I didn't bring that much to it either. We've mostly since we've met is when we started to accumulate things. And even that, it's not, not a lot of stuff. Nothing that would become. Yeah, the car is one thing that we, we just don't have two cars, basically. Is she interested in taking it out? Does she have a boating license? Is she familiar with the rules of the road? Is there someone else to help be a first mate with her?

Oh yeah, there is actually her yoga instructor, Raul. He'll be a great first mate too. He's very strong upper body. In my country, we vote all the time. Mediterranean guy. You're the Greek guy.

Does she drive a car? I just want to go on boats. I simply must go with you. Looks like Antonio Bandaris or something. Yeah. He goes, do you have the same feeling about her driving a car? That's too. I mean, listen, I feel like I'd have to take a class or two to drive a boat. Yeah, it's different if she doesn't know how to drive it, but he presented it as if she probably does, right? He probably would have mentioned it in the post, I think. But yeah, I mean, if she doesn't know how to drive a boat, then she, you know, then that makes sense. Uh, this guy.

goes, if you store it while you're gone, ha ha, she might lose interest in more things than just the boat. That's what I was saying, yeah. Yeah, let her wreck the boat. This guy goes, uh, he's quoting a fictional wife. Okay. So honey, don't be mad. I was just trying to take a selfie.

Then I don't know what happened. The jetty came out of nowhere. I love this kind of like idea that only women nowadays take selfies as if it's not something that guys also do all the time. Constantly taking terrible self. movies. This is misogynistic. It's bad writing. Yeah, there is some, we deal with a little bit of casual misogyny here on the guys' podcast.

We don't really traffic it in it ourselves, but a lot of these guys, they, I mean, we will search wife on a lot of the phones. Every one of them. I search wife because it's always funny. It's always good. You never get tired of guys saying like, my wife won't let me buy this thing. it's $100,000, like being mad about it, you know? I love that. Here's a hot take for your ass that's going to get me canceled amongst probably a lot of your listeners. Okay. If you got a wife and you still in the Reddit forums, now maybe I'm Unk.

I'm 37 years old. That's younger than us, by the way, both of us. I never got into the message board culture. No. Yeah, no. I mean, it's what we make fun of a lot of. here so I don't think this will yeah I know you're saying that once you're married you should be off the reddit get the fuck off the reddit get off the reddit go do something go like be

focused on like turning your house into a homestead or something yeah yeah yeah get a lawnmore get a but then but then sometimes carl what if you're buying a lawnmored you're like I got to know which is the best one where do I find out uh-oh Reddit I have learned the few times that I've gone on Reddit. When I first bought, I bought a, I bought a Chevy Silverado in like 2019, or 2020. I bought it during the pandemic. And I, there was some things going on where there was some, it was making some sounds. And I was like, I think I got to go on the Reddit to see what this sound is. But I didn't, I didn't make a post. That's the key. And then I found, I just saw articles. I've done that. I'm not saying that you can't go look up information. But the answers back you get are,

are so often disingenuous. Suspect. Yeah. We've talked about that before. It's like, so we sit around, we sit around here on this show and we make fun of people on Reddit for an hour and a half a week.

Basically, I mean, there's others. We're going to look at other stuff. But we, we sit here and make fun of how stupid these guys are for like an hour and a half a week. And then as soon as something goes wrong,

say your coffee grinder breaks. You're searching coffee grinder breaks Reddit. And then they steer you wrong. you end up having to throw the thing in the goddamn trash. They don't. Yeah, Brian ruined his coffee grinder. I think that sometimes you can get good information there. And you go by the upvotes, obviously.

So it's like, hey, something's been upvoted 100 times this answer. A bunch of people agree with it. It's a decent thing for that. Like, it's a pretty good resource. But you're right. The key is you cannot be engaging in the conversation with people. You just go there, you read, you get the information you need, take it out. I think I agree with that take.

completely that would not be i think that would be okay so i was just watching subway takes the other day um but yeah that would i think that that is a good take that when you get married you got a you got you got to stop posting on reddit you got to go out into the be living more in the real world as like a family guy or whatever these guys are all on they're jerking off too and everybody knows it everybody fucking knows every guy i click on and this is to the person i have rarely clicked on somebody with more than 20 posts that wasn't mostly responding to like big boobs ladies being like, I like to suckle on those things for 10 minutes. You know what I mean?

Like stuff. Yeah, they're online. They're mixing it up. They're getting horny. They're looking up advice for stuff. They're like putting some posts in. But in the meantime, they are still super horny. And it starts to come through on the Reddit post.

I have definitely, I have, well, in the past, and I've talked about this openly, like, I did have a problem looking at Reddit. when I made appearances on shows and things like that. And I would, you know how you can click on the person's pro. Like somebody say something negative. I mean, and you can click on their profile and see every other thing that they've commented. Yeah.

And you just go, why am I letting this fucking smooth brain loser get under my skin? Yeah. Like, look at what this person is saying online constantly. Look at the dumbass shit this person is saying. And I'm sitting here mad that they said it. They're getting in your head. I mean, I'm really with you.

I had a problem with this too, Carl. And there is, there's a subreddit for our show. It's, it's Brian's subreddit, but it is for this show, basically. I don't look at it. I don't look at it either at all. But like one time someone posted, I do go on our Discord and someone posted like, hey, I don't know why there's so much hate for Chris over on the Reddit, you know? And then I was like, oh, man.

And it wouldn't, it wouldn't allow me to not go look at it. and yeah it was it's pretty brutal it's pretty brutal and uh and yeah as soon as you click and you realize that like this guy's like arguing that like you know what what is quagmire like why is quagmire like why is quagmire have such a bad rap and you know they're like just saying the craziest shit about all the stupidest shit ever and you're like ah this is this is what this person does why is Lisa so mean to bar yeah why is Lisa so mean to bar this is this person's world and they're bringing me into it it's like not my world. I don't need to like, yeah. And I know we live in a world right now, like,

we currently live in a world where we were just talking about this off air, whereas like everybody has an opinion, so nothing is actually bad and nothing is actually good. And it is hard. I understand. I guess I'm, I'm, I've got into discussions with my cousin about this, of just about, because he grew up being on message boards. He's a hardcore music fan. And he was just like, oh, yeah, you met other hardcore fans in your area. Like, it was like a niche thing that you got it, like, you got in. It was like some messboard called like Bridge 9 that he talks about a lot. I don't know if y'all know anything about that.

But no, because I, like when I was growing up, I grew up in the age of the internet. I grew up, you know, we got our first computer when I was in like third grade. And I was online. I was on, what was it? What was it? Rotten.com and stuff like that. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I was, I've seen. all that stuff, but like just being shockwave. I remember you just play games on shockwave.com or something. But like message board culture kind of missed me because I was like playing sports at school and I was in band and I was like doing other stuff. And then once like MySpace, that era came out, I was talking to my friends. And yeah, maybe the closest I got to talking to other strangers was like maybe, you know, a girl at another school that has.

a lot of mutual friends and you go, oh, let me, let me, let me see her a little request and see what she's all. You know what I mean? Like, it was never anything, I don't know, it was never like, I just missed that. I missed that, that era. So like, I never got into Reddit and stuff. And then when I found out about it, I found out about Reddit through reading about myself and people saying negative things. I was like, oh, I hate this.

Yeah, I mean, I think that's what I think to credit you, that's like what makes you like a singular voice. You know what I mean? Because a lot of us did spend so much time like on on these. I didn't do a lot of message boards either, although I did do, I was on the Deftones message board a lot and I was on the corn message board a lot when I worked at the call center. You know the monkey from corn, Carl, the monkey. Shut up. The man members is called the monkey. It's a really serious, serious band. What's the one song called? Shoots and ladders. Where they, well, how does it go? Can you sing a bit of it? I'm not going to sing it.

Ring around the rosy. Ring around the rosy. Pocky for the Posey. Brian took me to the corn concert in Vancouver and he was so excited with that song about. He's like, wait until you hear this. And it's like they're doing it all hardcore like metal shit, but they're singing like children's nursery rhymes. The next place I ended up was whack bag. Like, you know,

it was an opium Anthony message word and I was on it. And as it slowly started to become. very racist. I was like, I got to get out of here. And then I didn't, I wasn't on a message board for a, I got out of the whole culture. I was like, I'm not interested in this. But Twitter, Twitter dragged me back. I was like, I think now that there's only like three or four websites, that's also a problem. Like, it's, it would be better if it was more like of people just talking to each other that like each other. And I do think things like Twitter and stuff like that where you just filter. everybody into the same place is probably not good. There's too many different opinions. We weren't meant to talk to this many people. We weren't meant to expose. We were not meant to see this many opinions.

We were not designed for this. And also, I remember there's a TikTok going around with this girl was like, here's how Twitter or TikTok comments were. She's just, like, posted a picture of her and her friends. like, oh man, we had a great Wednesday. We went and got coffee and we came back to eat dinner at the house and then we went out to a bar. And everybody was like, you're doing this on a Wednesday.

You must be filthy, rich and disgusting. You don't, it is not normal to have friends like this. This is not normal. Do not compare yourself to these people. And it's like, no, it is normal to have friends. Yeah. This is one of those normal posts ever in the whole world. Yeah, but everyone will always find it.

I missed a lot of it too. a lot of our friends that we know from like, like Jesse and Mike and Stefan and stuff, they were on a website called Something Awful, like drill started there, like a bunch of those guys were there. And I missed that whole thing and then kind of met those guys afterwards. And I'm the same. I like have only really, I only experienced Reddit from and like online stuff. One of the first things I experienced was people saying negative stuff about me specifically. And I was like, yeah. But I have gotten into, just through this show, I've been a little bit more into Reddit and stuff like that. Like, I will admit that.

But just reading. I've never posted a thing on there, just reading stuff. Like I'll go to our Cineplex a lot and like about new movies and stuff like that. I mean, people have a tendency. I am very lucky because I think people have a tendency to want to defend me. But that's what makes anybody working with me very unlucky in a way that it's weird. So anyway, this is Buckeye like both. rental it's a rental place at buckye lake a long time listener to the show know that

buck i like was where shan wanted open his porno store that was where it was yeah it's a hand it's a it's not a real lake it's a manmate lake in ohio that is i mean listen it might as well be a trailer park the all i'm saying is it's like for it's for people with like speedboats and stuff like that that aren't going to have them for very long that that are probably going to get you know picked So anyway, this guy rented a pontoon boat. This is the most Ohio bad review you will ever hear in your life. This is how every guy I grew up with talked to me. One star could not take my 75-year-old dad who fought in Vietnam for a pontoon.

Puntune ride because they do not accept cash here. We have plenty of cash for a three-hour rental, but the owner needed a credit card. And his word, in case I ran his boat through a house, all cocky. like. So trying to comply offer to give my valid checking account information but pay for the rental and cash. Oh wait, that's not how anything works ever. You can't give your checking

account information in lieu of a credit card. I'm going to give you my account number. I'm going to give you the routing number. You can write yourself, you can do whatever you want to with you. Yeah. It's personal information. That sounds like somebody who has no money in their checking account as well. No, because that's me, dude.

That's me. When I I could never rent a car. To give your information up like that would be like, yeah, sure, go to town. Go to town. It's like there's only $175 in there or whatever. Go to town on it. The concept of having a credit, you're putting down a credit card. It's annoying sometimes if you don't use credit cards.

For a while, I didn't. I didn't use credit cards. And so it was like, you know, I go like to go do stand up. I'd be at a hotel and they need my credit card for like a deposit and I wouldn't have it and it would be annoying. But I accepted. I know that's the way the world works. I've never thought to say, hey, here's my checking account information if there's any issue.

Plus extra money. Here's my checking account information plus a little bit extra cash on top of it. That's kind of drug dealer kind of behavior, you know. Yeah, he goes, he goes, I offered to get, oh, he goes, we had six disappointed people, one that suffers severe combat PTSD. I'm guessing that's grandpa or dad. They had to go get back in cars and leave without a boat ride because cash is no good on this American soil apparently. That's a classic. It is a young person to be saying that because that is a real old guy attitude.

Like, oh, cash, sorry, legal tender. And you're not going to accept that? Like, who just, they won't, they don't understand that the world has changed in this way. And like the concept. I know, like people in my dad, mom and dad's generation, if they go and try to pay with cash and they won't accept it somewhere, it is just like they feel like the world is over. Like the world they know is over.

I've seen some all-time meltdowns in stores where like if you go to a restaurant or something like that and I think cash should be good for 99% of places. I don't think listen I hate to take the side of the boat rental place but I don't think I would want somebody taking one of my boats out on the water without some way of charging them if they fuck my boat up. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? And not their checking account information. Of course. Yeah. But then again it's like oh i guess they run the credit card for a certain amount probably right that's the way they do it that to make sure because i mean you can five hundred bucks i'll give you four credit cards you know that none of them have any money on them at all i did i did that i said i would say this

hey man you can take the boat out cash wise go ahead yeah leave your dad here i'm gonna tie him to this chair and i'm gonna point this pistol at his head the whole time you're out dear hunter style. Try to have fun. Go out there, have a good time. You pay me in cash. If you crash the boat, you know what you're risking. And this is a contract. Yeah. And then when you come back, y'all are going to switch places because I would hate for this man not to enjoy the pontoon ride. Of course, he's got to go out as well. It comes on. I love the idea. And listen, I don't know. I believe this guy is exaggerating someone. parts of his story where he's like,

can't even take a Vietnam veteran on a boat. What the hell? You know what I mean? Like it's just one of those stories that somebody just completely exaggerates in a review. So he goes, the guy's arrogant. The whole conversation talking about his new boat and his issues that he, he kept talking about his new,

it's what you're trying to take out. Of course he's talking about the boat. That's like the topic of conversation. I wouldn't shut up about his fucking boat, man. he goes uh the guy's arrogant the whole conversation talking about his new boat and his issues that he couldn't see a son trying to work out a boat ride for his elderly war veteran father on father's day oh it was father's day i didn't even know it was father's day when guys bring up the specific we always talk about when i was the big birthday boy one day yeah let me have what i want yeah i love

a negative review on your birthday like they did they ruined the birthday boys big day they ruined This is another one. This is a review for Buckeye Lake State Park. And it's one star. And the guy goes, I wanted to dock here and inquired and filled out the application to process the first of October 2020 and spoke to Mike, a guy that works there about it. He said that who else would you fucking speak to? He goes, he said they had quite a few people leaving at the end of the season and my name

would be at the top of the wait list. I never received anything from them about a deposit and checked in with him today. I fully believe he received something about a deposit. Yeah. He's very rude and said, have you paid your deposit or filled out the application? I said the application was filled out, but I never received any other correspondence. He was very smart mouth acting. He was very smart mouth acting and said, and you're waiting until now to contact me and went on about how dumb I was to have waited.

Very Ohio. This is a very Ohio review because a guy will do that to you. The guy will actually call you down. Like, they're like, well, how dumb are you? you think I'm going to reserve a spot for you if you don't pay a deposit what the hell you know what I mean yeah both sides one both sides I think in a lot of these reviews will read both sides are sort of wrong you know what I mean and they're just being mean to each other he goes and it is like it is like a way to like like basically like the reviews both sides are kind of mean so

they are leaving a legitimate review yes yes yes You're right. You're absolutely right. This guy gave it three stars and he goes, I've been on many of these times. Oh, this is for a boat trip in Vancouver, BC. A cruise. What's it called? I don't remember. Actually, it's a cruise through Vancouver. It's a cruise through Vancouver. Port, the port of Vancouver. The port of Vancouver. Port is like where all the container. Which is not a popular cruise, by the way. It's very industrial and not very good looking. Vancouver Port is like where all the container ships come in. That's what they said. And they have like, it's the docks, the Vancouver docks. They run by the, some people say run by the old Hells Angels biker gang. There's like a huge infiltration there. And so a lot of drugs come through there.

But it's like, yeah, it's a huge industrial area with big giant tankers and stuff. It was not where you would want to go on like a little cruise. Everybody's like, well, the paddle boat's kind of neat, but the scenery is. just yeah and there's so many great places to go boating other than that like it's just the scenery around there is beautiful there's all kinds of great spots you can go like i mentioned there's a like a party boat that leaves from right in downtown like right where like rogers arena is there's a little bay there and there's a party boat that you'll see people going off and that's real nice you can like go around vancouver it's like basically an island you know so you can go around it and like stanley park and under

the bridge and yeah it's quite beautiful well i got this for both of you because you're both kind of You do comedy and stuff like that. So I think you'll like this. Okay. Three stars. It's only a three star. That's a good review. It's a weird review.

It's a weird review. But three out of five is good. We don't know what that means, obviously. Well, it goes, I've been on many of these types of trips over the years. And this one rates is just average. Which should be two and a half. Anyway, in the others, the crew was more engaging. On this trip, I almost felt like the tour was being narrated by a recording.

And maybe it was. no interaction with the audience no jokes oh what no crowd work you got to be doing some crowd work on something like that you know you got to be riffing with people you got to be picking out somebody in the crowd noticing something about them their shirt or their hat or something and then sort of goofing on them a bit for everyone to laugh at that's that's just baseline stuff hiring they should hire comedians that do crowdwork to do these tours I would was thinking about that when I went to the Everglades. Yeah.

The guy took, we went on a two hour like tram ride around to see like alligators and stuff. And the guy just had like, this is two hours. Mm-hmm. Okay. This guy had jokes for the whole two hours. Nice. And I just was like, this guy actually probably could have been like like a cruise ship.

He might be. He might be though. He might be though. Yeah, there's a lot of comedians out there and there's not enough work for all of them, definitely. So I know like the Universal Studios tour, I don't know if you guys have been on the Universal Studios tour, but yeah, there's like a, you know, they're an actor or performer who's doing it oftentimes with like, and they're always cracking jokes. And you can tell they're like, oh, really, yeah. Yeah, my mom did it for a couple years. I used to go all the time.

Yeah, it's, I love it. I love Universal Studios. I always say that. It's like I'm a huge movie fan and I absolutely love still anytime I go to L.A., which I don't anymore. I'm never going to America again. I'll be there in March. Yeah, that's right. You should go, Universal Studios.

But yeah, that's what I was found is like, depending on the person, some are better than others, but you're always like, this person seems like a performer or wants to do some sort of performing possibly. And it's kind of, it's kind of nice. I don't know about two hours of it. It's crazy. That's a lot. Because that's long, like even my favorite comedians of all time, you know. know, I don't know if I could watch two full hours of comedy.

I guess Chappelle would do those long, huge sets, but it seems like an hour is a good amount of time for any comedian to, so I might get a little tired after two hours. When my mom was auditioning for it, I remember they had a video, this is years ago, they had a videotape, it was called the Universal Story, and that thing was like three hours long, and I would watch it all the time because it was very interesting. It was narrated by Ron Howard, and it just went through like all the years of Universal. of pictures. And then there was a binder script that was like this thick, like, huge, like two textbooks on top of each other full of, and shit to memorize that script. I also, years later,

I auditioned, made it to the second round and got cut. So it was, it's like a real, what age were you auditioning for it? Were you already a performer? I was 20, I was 22. So I was 22 or 23, I was still very young in the game. But I was, it was, I had enough comedy experience. I had been, I had been doing comedy like for like two or three years at that point. Were you doing UCB? UCB in Second City, yeah. Gotcha.

And I went to the, first, here's what you do. You go to a meeting and the line is wrapped around Universal City Walk. Like, it's like long. And they just kind of cycle you through. You bring a headshot. there are people meet you and they talk to you for probably a minute, a minute or two. That's kind of weeding out the crazies, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Then they go, okay, here, here's, you get a purple stamp, just go over there and just wait. And then they'll come out and say, if you got a purple stamp, follow us to the ballroom at the Beverly Garland Hotel, which is like right around the corner. And then you get over there, and then they start giving you little prompts that you have to like riff on and do stuff. And then they cut a level of people. and then they start giving you harder prompts. And that second prompt, I was cut from that prompt.

So you know, that seems like so nerve-wracking to me. It is literally why I never did any stand-up or anything like that. Because I just auditioning seems like the scariest fucking thing in a world. There's no auditioning and stand-up, I will say. Right, I understand. Unless you're going to the comedy store for Mitzi Shore or whatever. Well, you had to do that here for the Funny Bone. and that's the only like goal you can have in Columbus, Ohio.

But would you, but you would get to do it in front of an audience, right? No. Oh, see, that's crazy to me. That's crazy to me. That type of, I know they do it at an SNL as well. I guess when you're auditioning for that,

you do it like in front of a small room of people or whatever, not an audience. That's what it is at the funny board. See, that seemed, sorry? It's not a small room. Oh, it's a big. Oh, you're standing in the actual. Oh, you're on SNL right.

Yeah. I forgot that you're at. on SNL. Yeah, so you audition in the actual stage, like on the actual stage where they, like, do the monologue or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, you, you're standing right there at home base. There's a table of people kind of to your left. That's the producers. And then there's some writers scattered in like the audience seats at the top. Yeah. And you can't see anybody. Only people, only people you can see are the camera people because all three cameras are on you. Like, as if it's as if you are doing your, they set it up as if you are doing your mom.

And the stage director, Chris Kelly, counts you down. Five, four, three, go ahead. And then you say your name and then you get into your material. And do you get like, are people laughing? Yeah. Yeah. But it ain't like a, uproarious laughing. Of course.

It's not like it's not a full crowd. It's not enough people to get like a real response that you would normally get. So like you do your bit and you hear like a. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And that's really all you can ask for. Yeah. Yeah.

Totally. That must feel so nice in that moment even just to get that little. Yeah, because I, like, I would, I auditioned or whatever, like, to, the comedy mix was the stand-up comedy club in Vancouver. But, like, the audition kind of thing would be, you'd be doing a show, you know? Like, the crowd would be full and they would just, somebody would be watching you do a set or whatever. That's the showcase. That's exactly. When you showcase, when you showcase, when you showcase, you are in a, like, when I showcased, I was in a crowd.

I was in a sold-out house. There was 200 people in there. Is it, is it that same place or is it a comedy club? It was here in L.A. It was at this theater. Or maybe not 200. I don't know how many seats this theater holds. But it was a Dynasty Typewriter, which is a theater.

Okay. I know Dynasty Typewriter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to read this review. I think this is the craziest thing we have for this episode. This is for a place in Queens, New York. It's called Boat Max. This is a Yelp review that's one star.

It's a boat dealership. So these people are interested in buying a boat and goes, you know how sometimes you see a lot of red flags and you ignore them because you really want something. Yes, I do. Yeah. But I personally do. He goes, that's pretty much what happened to my husband and I at Boat Max. In May, we stopped in to check out a sailboat that had been listed online. When we arrived, we talked to the person responsible for sales. He was a large sloppy man. That's mean, man. I know, I know. You know I have to do that. What does that have to do with the sale of the boat? who was pretty much the quintessential sleazy salesperson first red flag after talking to him about the boat for approximately five minutes he discloses some pretty serious damage about the boat that wasn't listed online and presents it with a silver lining second red flag now i'm telling the second red flag is the one where it's like you got to turn around and leave if the boat has a bunch of fucking damage on it that is not just a red flag yeah

That is a get the fuck out of this place thing. But you know, but this sleazy salesman obviously did his little tricks on them, right? Well, I mean, you know how they can get you sometimes. Well, yeah.

While we were talking, another worker goes into the bathroom behind sloppy man's desk and takes care of his business, but it's so loud we can hear it. He can't help that, by the way. He can help that. Listen, as a guy that takes big dumps.

Yeah, Are they loud? Do you take loud ones sometimes? I mean, everybody farts on the toilet, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know what I mean? Like, noises, though. I don't like, because I talked about this when I went to see Marty Supreme. I had to go take a pee during the movie.

And there was a guy in the bathroom taking what I believe to be the loudest crap I've ever heard in my life. Like, he was, like, he was breathing hard. You could hear him. And he was like going, ah. And then it would just be out like you would hear a big fart and a bunch of stuff fall. Here's the craziest thing I ever heard. And his friend is standing outside of the bathroom. Yeah.

And I'm like, I walk out after I pee and I tell. I wanted to tell his friend like, you got to take this guy to a fucking hot. This guy's got problems in there. Yeah, because you're right. You don't usually. It's wild to have the pushing because the pushing usually maybe if you have constipation. But the idea, I guess he had like the cork or whatever, you know, where it was maybe. because, like, you're pushing really hard,

and then if it, like, falls out, that seems wild that, like, when it, if shitting is making, like, exert energy and stuff like that, yeah, I don't think I've ever, I'm trying to think if I ever make, I mean, I guess I fart on the toilet sometimes, but I think,

everybody does. Sometimes, but some shits I don't. Some shits just come out real nice and clean, no fart. Okay, fancy shitter. Well, I think that's normal. Chris, the classy shitter. I think sometimes I do take a nice, classy shit where it's like, it's like,

it's not dainty, It's a good normal size shit. It's the right consistency. It's like a rabbit. It's not rabbit. I don't take pellet. I don't. No,

I don't take pellet shits at all. I take normal shits. Brian clogs a lot of toilets. I do not anymore. Yeah. From shit? Yes. Sometimes.

As healthy. Thank you. Well, you're the first. You know what, Carl, you're the first person. You and Joe Parra.

You defended me. Yeah. Chris came in and attacked me. I'm not attacking you. I'm saying, the fact is that you've clogged a lot of toilets. You told me that you've clogged a lot of toilets. You clogged toilets here and the loblas.

That's because the toilets in Canada are dainty. But I've never clogged one is my point. I've never clogged a single one. Because you guys must eat vegetables there or something. I don't fucking know. I do eat vegetables. I am guilty as charged on that. I do eat vegetables.

Eventually you're going to have to come back to America because I heard you say you're never coming back to America again. You're going to have to come back to America and take a shit. You're going to have to chat. I wish this upon you. Yeah. You challenge our toilets. I'd love to see you challenge one of our toilets.

I have challenged your toilets before I've got. You know me, Brian. I used to spend so much time. I used to spend so much time in Los Angeles that for, they used to call me Chris Lassianica Boulevard because I was. Not as much as me. And I definitely took shits there. I took a shit at the W Hotel on Hollywood Boulevard.

Oh, hello. And I. And I, yeah, and I took a few in like the different, not in my room, but in like the common. You're not supposed to shit in your hotel room. Exactly. Because I was there with my wife. So I was obviously not going to do that. But yeah, I would love to come back to America and challenge those toys.

I'm hopeful that it's. We're fixing everything. Don't worry. We're going to fix everything. Everything's going to be fine over here. I'm a Canadian, obviously, Carl. And I'm not, I'm not really welcome in your country anymore. I know.

I mean, you're still not going to be welcome when we fix everything. but at least you can come here. Yeah, yeah. Get out of here. But anyway, he goes, while we're taking... So anyway, this guy takes a huge dump, I guess. But they're like, they say this, not a red flag, but seriously foul and inappropriate.

I mean, the sloppy guy must have been a little annoyed. If you're making a sale of a boat, it might actually be like a different sales guy who hates him and they like have a rivalry and he just waits for the sale to almost be closed. and then he just goes in there and drops a huge loud shit. He has a file on his phone that he just hits play on. Yeah, he's not, yeah,

he's not even shitting. He's just in there trying to make it as unpleasant as possible. Because that is a crazy thing to do. I guess you can't hold it anymore. No, it's not a crazy thing to do. He went to the bathroom and this lady's like, why I can hear it. It's like,

that's not fair. But if you're going to take a big shit, I mean, maybe you try to find a bathroom that's not like close enough that the, you don't want to mess a sale up. I'm just saying if I was, If I was in the sales business that I would be trying to like, hey, you know, sloppy's almost got a sale going on over here.

Sloppy, man. Maybe I'll hold it in a little bit or whatever or try to do something. Maybe put on some like music or something. Sometimes can I be honest. Yeah, play some music. Sometimes I will do that. In our old place, we just moved to a bigger place and it's real nice because I have a toilet behind me on my own.

It's massive. I just have, I moved into a townhouse. So I have three floors. now and I'm like on my floor with my office here I have my own bathroom that is like in a different floor so it's nice but before we're in an apartment and if I had to like you know area I was like right outside or whatever I would like put on like a like a YouTube video or something and just start playing it really loud on my phone to try to cover up the sound I have done that I will admit I mean and it's not fair to ding sloppy man for the guy taking a crap is the way I feel

I mean, first of all, it's not fair to ding a guy for being a sloppy guy. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, totally. You're buying a boat. Unless he smells, I guess. Like, unless he, like, smells and the smells really bad. You can say something. And you're at a boat dealership.

Now, if you're at a place that ends with the word dealership. And a boat dealership, yeah. It's going to be a sleazy guy. A Florida kind of guy, I would imagine. I'm here's all, but I bet the sloppiness was. He's got a polo on that is weathered by a washing machine. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like it's, it has the logo. Yeah. But it is like, he didn't, it stretched to hell. He did not iron it so it's wrinkled. Yeah. He's tucking it in. You know, you know how like real big fat guys do to tuck in. Yeah, they tuck it.

Kind of. Yeah. Yeah. And he's like tucking. And I guarantee you there is a full hot dogs worth of mustard on that joke. Oh, yeah, yeah. And the desk. I mean, they sat down at his desk too.

And that is like a thing. Like you sit down at a guy's desk and it is really nasty. The guy I bought my car from was a great man. He had so many awards. And people have pointed out that that's actually not who you want to buy your car from, a guy with all the awards because you know what I mean? Like this guy is like an expert salesman gets the most out of every single sale. So you actually want someone with no awards at all first time doing it.

He just like. To the ceiling. Clean desk awards stack to the ceiling. You mentioned his first name and it was way too common of a way too uncommon of a first name. So everybody found that salesman as well and sent me like his photo. He just looked like the sleazyest dude. He's just the best scammer. Yeah. When you say it like, when you think about it like that, that's not really fair to him.

We walk out, we take a look at the boat and sloppy man doesn't join us to check things out. After viewing several boats, we knew this was uncommon, but the boat was on the hard and he probably couldn't get up there. That's on the hard means just on land, I guess. I guess. And I guess they were like, this guy, this guy not going to be able to walk up a hill. Hmm. I think it's what they're saying. You know, now my husband and I are clearly idiots.

We put an offer on the boat. We still haven't heard back. It's been over a month. Fourth red flag. We had a friend call about a week later and ask about the boat. The sloppy man told them that insurance for the damage hadn't been approved. He told us it was approved. The sloppy man lied.

Fifth Red flag. Long story short, don't buy or sell your boat here. The sloppy man lied. The sloppy man lied. That sounds like a movie tagline. Yeah. The sloppy man lied. We should write that.

That post could be a movie, like a short film. Yeah. You know, this is a review of a Pelican boat. It's a plastic boat, $849. Buy it on, you can buy it on Amazon, you can get it by Sunday. Okay. This is the type of boat. This is like my kind of boat.

I, this, this feels like my kind of boat. 849, I can get it by Sunday. That I don't. That sounds pretty solid. That's a type of thing that I want to take out in the open water. This guy's review is one of my favorite. things. It's a short one. It's my favorite review.

Too expensive for plastic. Never bought it, never will, but nobody should buy plastic at this price. I don't care if they modify it into a boat. It's just plastic. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. I guess, yeah. I mean, he's,

he kind of does have a little bit of a point that 849 for, I don't know the size of it, but I mean, I guess yeah, depending on the size and everything. 12 foot. A 12 foot plastic boat. I mean, what else are boats made out of? I don't think they're made out of plastic.

Fiberglass, maybe. I thought they were all made out of plastic. I don't think boats are made. I mean, a lot of them made out of wood as well, like, depending on the type of boat. I know like... That's rich people boats, though. No, it is a... The Santa Maria and the Santa Maria were made out of it.

Thank you. We used to have one of those in Columbus. You could go and look at the Santa Maria. They're... Not the real one that they made. Oh, my... It's gone now. My brother's friend who they live in, it's a place called Lund, B.C., which is a real boating place.

They had, they have this like, yeah, they have a place where it was actually really cool. It's like a big boat yard where people go to have their boats fixed. So there's like these gigantic boats that are all up on like wooden, like, I don't know the word for it. But yeah, he was building a boat, had been for years, like building a wood boat and like bent his own wood and stuff. like just crazy crazy shit super super cool to see and yeah so i don't think that that's all exclusively i think wood boats are not rich people boats i don't know though true well this is a review of a boat that's called the in tech 683 ep excursion inflatable boat set uh it only costs $175 so i don't think i'm taking that in a lake yeah i want to because like i'm not a rich guy

but i want my boat to be more than $175 yeah I'm going to pay a little bit more. Yeah, I'm going to pay a little bit more for a boat if I am going to be taking out because, yeah, it's dangerous to be on a boat in the middle of the water. This is one of my favorite kinds of reviews. To this day, this boat is under warranty with a shirion. I've been ping pong back and forth between Amazon and a shirion, and neither of them will refund this defective item.

Now, this product remains under warranty and claims to seat four people. This boat was sent to me without ores. I asked the seller to send me them and even though it's under warranty, they would not. I was ping pong back and forth between Amazon and a shurion and no one even sent me any oars. The seller told me they would not be sending me any oars either. Granted, at the time, this is under warranty with a shurion. This year, we inflated the boat and I have a video of four children not being able to fit in the boat whatsoever. The boat deflating, almost drowning all four children in it.

I sent my children out there in the boat to test it. I wanted to see if it was safe and I didn't want to go out to myself. So I put my four school-age children in the boat and sent it out into the middle of the water. And they almost died. I have a video of the time it was inflated. And they almost killed four children that it claims to be able to accommodate. I have screenshots with this seller promptly denying sending me any oars. This lady really wants the oars.

Maybe the oars aren't part of it? It sounds to me like they are. They are. Okay. Yeah. Sometimes you order some shit from Amazon, you don't get everything. Yeah, Amazon's, I don't, Amazon has like some, it has the cheapest stuff. We've talked about it, though.

It has, it has decent stuff. It has normal stuff on there and good stuff. But Amazon has the cheapest stuff you'll ever see in your life. Like, like the cheapest version of whatever you're looking for, you can find on Amazon. And that sounds what, like, that's what this is. This is like the cheapest version of an inflatable boat that you can purchase. well she goes thank god they were wearing life jackets so it did almost kill four children but they were wearing life jackets so it didn't actually do you remember that speaking of which this is boating

related did you guys see the story in australia no the the family got like washed away in like a kayak or something like that like eight like super far off into the ocean and this uh 12 year old kid swam for four hours against the current uh got back to land and like alerted the authorities and they went and saved his family. That's crazy. What? 12 years old swam for four straight hours against the current in like the open ocean in Australia.

Yeah, it was a huge news story that I saw you. Huge. Huge. He goes again, after this happened, they ping pong me back and forth each other telling me I needed to talk to the other for a refund.

The seller refuses from day one of me receiving this boat without oars to give me oars. She has found a ping pong by any chance? I think she is, yeah. She just saw Marty Supreme. She just watched Marty Supreme. They're ping ponging me. Okay, here's where it gets good.

There's nowhere left a term but to an attorney for negligence. Yeah, we need to be hung over to the attorney's office. I mean, the idea of getting an attorney, I don't know a lot about attorneys. I don't deal with them that much, but I think they generally charge you quite a bit of money. I don't know that it's the best money to spend in a situation where you bought $175. boat. I think you just got to cut your losses here. Give me the refund for this boat. It is still under warranty or I will

have my attorney sue Amazon. You already said you don't even have the attorney yet. I love people that are cute. I'm going to sue the hell out of Amazon. Amazon, yeah. Hey, Amazon, you get your best attorney and I'll get my best attorney and we'll see who comes out on

the literal richest company in the history of the world. Oh yeah, Amazon where I got sweet James. Yeah. your lawyer. Really, who's your attorney? You know what I mean? Your cousin? We've seen this so many times, by the way. There was a guy threatening to sue a casino because he lost on slots too much. And he was like, I'm going to call my cousins an attorney. I'm going to have him look into this and fix this. So he goes, uh, so someone's going to get me a refund or they're going to give me a whole lot more

than that for four children almost losing their lives on video and for never sending me oars for the boat at all for claiming that it seats four adults and four children. Children. Not going out to save the children taking a video instead for your case later. Just hang on a second. Guys, we'll be out there. We just got to get some better footage here. Yeah.

I mean, it sounds like if it doesn't work out with the attorneys, you probably want to go to the news with this one. Yeah. Like that's the type of person. You go to the news before the attorneys for sure. Yeah, you go to the news.

That's how worse. If you got children almost dying, the news to eat that up. And that's, yeah, you want to go to your local news for sure. The news would love it. children were dying. All right, here we go. Chris sent me this. This is our last thing here. This is from BC cruising, sailing, and live aboard.

Any one? BC cruising. I was on a different one, BC cruising, but it was a, it was an incorrect. You were sucking guys off. Yeah. Okay. Hey. You were ping ponging. We were around between a couple of my favorite sites. We do. We like to, yeah, we were a very sexual show. So I just, I wanted to make one It's sex positive. We're a sex positive show, yeah, but very sexual. Kind of. We're sort of sex negative, too. It's just where we, we know a lot, though.

Has anyone ever had a bird on a boat? How was it? I'm thinking of getting a parrot. This is a great move, by the way, going full pirate mode. You know, like, hey, I'm out on the boat, you know? Let's get, let's get my pirate shit going on. He goes, first guy goes, just feed the seagulls and the crows. Not every animal needs to be domesticated.

Kind of agree. Theo had birds. They had a ton of birds over there. A whole shed full of birds. We had cockatiels when I was growing up. And I maybe have mentioned this before. I'm not sure if I have, but it was like my parents got divorced when I was young when I was like five years old. Lucky. Sorry? Lucky. Well, at the time it was not. I didn't feel lucky, but I appreciate it. High and say, you know, I got two Christmases, of course. Yeah. But my dad for one of these Christmas I think it was Christmas or, yeah, it must have been Christmas because it was for my brother and I. So it was like a gift for both of us. It was two cockatiels, Bob and Larry, we called them. I don't know why. But and then we found out one of them was a was a female bird because they started having sex with each other a lot. But my dad made a real bad mistake in getting those because we were only over there on the weekend, you know.

And so he just had to look after these birds for the entire week. And he didn't want, my dad was real thoughtful guy. he usually thought this type of thing out, but they lived so long. They live, those birds live so long. So they were like, yeah, for 10 years. And you just knew he wanted them to die, you know? And he wasn't a being guy or anything, but it's like here he now has these two squawking ass birds in the house all the time. It was a real divorced dad, uh, misstep gift for sure. I mean, bird ownership is strange.

Yeah. Everybody that owns a bird is kind of weird. Yeah, if you're a bird guy. And then, of course, having a bird in a cage is just kind of like obviously super shitty, right? I mean, a bird that's trying to fly around or whatever. It does seem like the meanest domestication of an animal. I agree. I agree.

You just got to learn why it sings. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I had one. This guy goes, they poop a lot. And then gets a reply that's like, oh, have you had one? this is what the original boaster said to every single person who had anything negative to say about

him getting a bird he's just like i want to clarify have you had one have you had one have you actually had a bird yeah he's uh he goes they poop a lot and this this guy goes so do cats and he goes what isn't humans are messy we still love them sometimes we hate them no had and then he keeps saying had one to people and uh this guy goes yeah but humans and cats and dogs are all house trained, or at least much more manageable than most birds. Author comes back and says, dude, if you ever had one, if you never had one move on, never ask for a Karen to have a tantrum over a thought. Didn't ask for the thought police to the thought police's expertise.

The thought police. Yeah. I'm sick of the fucking thought police. He goes, uh, the thought police is expertise. Read the post and if it applies to you and you feel compelled to give your experience, great. If not, move along. I'm intelligent enough to weigh the pros and cons on my own that I can research and imagine. I'm looking for someone who had experience. You know, you know who had one. So, uh, yeah, but nobody has a parrot. Like, it's not like, he's on a boating forum.

He's just assuming. Yeah. He's assuming they're all pirates. I mean, they do want to be pirates. Yeah. There's a ton of pirate talk in the boating world. for sure. But yeah, this guy goes, man, you're one defective kind of moron. And yes, I have had birds. They're awful in tight spaces and a boat is a horrible place for one. And then he replies and goes, thanks. And you're a sour grape. Something triggered you today. That's why you don't go to forums. That's why you don't participate. Yeah, that's exactly what we were talking about there is just like, as soon as you start replying to people and getting into the like weeds on the stuff it is just yeah it just evolves very quickly often into like well i wasn't looking for a carrot and like you're a special

kind of stupid you know like yeah yeah i mean yeah this guy you could tell this was like a long thread with a lot of them and you could tell he was getting really annoyed at people telling him that it was a bad idea he wanted it to be a good idea he wants to do it clearly he just wanted confirmation He wanted people to be like, that's a great idea. You know, I have six birds on my boat and it's made my boat so much better. Instead, people are like, this sounds like a bad idea. One person's like, it causes cancer having birds on there because of like the dust off the feathers and stuff. And you could just tell he just got met with basically the exact opposite of what he was looking for.

And he just melted down and started calling everyone Karen's and shit. Because of the dust off the feathers, you can get cancer on a pair, on some type of. of parrots they were saying i don't know if it's true again this is just a facebook thread from a boating parrots cancer now yeah google parrots and then i'm going to give one to my enemies yeah giving your enemy a parrot the long con the long game yeah the neighbors across the street had a lot of birds and uh like so many birds that's the oh you're talking about the yeah yeah his dad owned pigeons which is like a normal thing kind of but he had like yeah theo was really he did have His family had a lot of porno too, but he wasn't that he himself wasn't the, he's a guy who came up with Brian's nickname Quieber and was like, he famously heckled Nick DePaul.

Friend of Epstein, Nick DePaolo at a comedy show. This guy's heckled Nick DePaolo. I mean, that's cute. Nick DePaolo sucks shit. Yeah, I agree, Carl. It was, at the time, I was very embarrassed, though, because I was like at this comedy show. Nick DePaolo, I don't think was announced for it. But you would have liked Nick DePaolo at that time because he was on Opian Anthony all the time, right?

And it was before, I will tell you. Howard Stern. It was a Friends of Howard Stern comedy show. Oh, okay. But Nick DePaulo was, like, he was always like a dickhead you could tell. But he was like considered a funny comic at one point, you know? Like he was respected in the comedy world as a funny comedian. And I think at that time, I could see Queber enjoying Nick DePaulo.

I didn't, but I was very embarrassed to be with somebody that heckled because I told you, I took him to an open mic night and he heckled too. Yeah. Like this guy, he should have got on stage because again, he came up with some pretty funny. I mean, Quiber's not funny as a name, but like it stuck. His last name is Quimby and it was based on a quiff and a quimby together, Quiber. So it was like a pussy, Quimby and a pussy fart as a combo of that. That's pretty good when you're in high school.

That's not bad. All right. Well, Carl, thank you for doing the show. out with us. Yeah. Thanks for having. Honestly, thank you for coming on.

Thank you. Thank you to our friend, Chef Kevin for reaching out to you. We love Chef Kevin. And yeah, we're really pleased. I think people are going to be really excited. You,

people ask to have you come on a lot. We get a lot, like genuinely, one of the most requested guests. So I'm really excited that you guys. Well, I'm offended that I haven't been here. Yeah.

We get nervous. We get afraid to ask. It's only because, like, yeah, we always get afraid. I never want to reach out to people because I'm always like, they'll never want to come on the show or whatever.

But yeah, I want to come back and talk about something I know more about, I don't know enough about boats. Yeah, we should. We should have you on for sure. And yeah, you obviously, we mentioned your, you can watch Carl and watch his stuff on SNL. And I've been watching the show Wonder Man, the Marvel show that you're also in as well. And you've got great podcasts as well that people can listen to.

Yeah, I'd be around. Yeah. Yeah. And we'll see you all. We'll see you all next week. Goodbye. Bye.