Guys: With Bryan Quinby - Guys: Episode 161 -Cocktail Guys with Dave Infante

Episode Date: March 3, 2026

This week on the show we talked about Cocktail Guys with Dave Infante who covers the alcohol industry. What is the quickest drink to get you drunk? Why are guys so afraid to order something that they like? What is going on with bartending schools and why would someone buy a Keurig for booze? There is more Chris at https://www.patreon.com/notevenashow And for more Guys content, streams and SHOCKTOBER: a deep dive into shock jocks you can click patreon.com/guyspodcast, Join us on the Sunday Night Stream every Sunday night at 8:00 EST at twitch.tv/notevenashowand I am on https://bsky.app/profile/murderxbryan.bsky.social  Guys is on Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/guys.pod Guys has a Post Office Box now! PO Box 10769 Columbus Ohio 43201  

blog welcome to guys a podcast about guys i'm brian uh hardest episode of ever prepped and uh with me is uh chris two guys that don't drink at all so me and you and i yep yeah we don't drink anything i mean you do well you do you don't drink period or do you'll have a drink every now and then or no i hate booze yeah well i mean you know if somebody could here's the thing if somebody could make me that first sex on the beach I ever had, I'd be drunk all the fucking time. You know what I mean? Yeah, I guess I do know what you mean. And if it was still, if it was considered like cool still to have jello shots all the time,

maybe you would still be at it. Those were gross, though. Those were actually gross. Those were made with Paramount Vodka. Like when I say Paramount Vodka, I mean the bottom shelf, it was $4.99 for a fifth of it. And I'm guessing that the, that the like ratio of vodka to Jellow Shot. was very high in the vodka side of things if I know you and your friends. I, now I stopped drinking. Let me think about when it was. It would have been 15 years ago, maybe, maybe a little bit less than that,

maybe like 12, 15 years ago. And I've said it before. I didn't mind drinking. I would have some drinks and stuff. But I started doing stand-up comedy, treading the boards of the local comedy clubs. And I noticed that, hey, all these older guys who are doing stand-up comedy seem to be extremely lousy drunks hanging out in bars all the time and I really don't want to end up like this. So I'm just going to go ahead and stop. And yeah, I stopped and, you know, got on the weed for a while. And as of a couple months ago, I'm now totally straight edge completely sober. Let's get our guests on.

We have Dave Infante, somebody who actually does have. He knows about this. And actually, I want Dave, how you doing? I'm good, guys. Thanks for having me. So first, what I want to say is, uh, I had to warn Dave. This is the first time I've ever done this because Dave writes about booze for a living.

I said, we are literally going to make fun of you and people you know and everybody in your life. And we're going to be very unfair about it. And he agreed to do it. So how's it going to go. Yeah, it's going great. I look forward to that because as a journalist who covers what the industry refers to as beverage alcohol, you know, that's how they refer to those. Oh, I like.

I love it already. That is not my business. My business is covering them. Yeah. And so a lot of the things that you are probably looking forward to mock are also the things I'm looking forward to mock. Yeah. Do you, are you a drink? Are you a like, what is your relationship to drinking?

It would be funny if you're just like, I drink so much every day, morning to night. Yeah, right. Right. It's like, I'm making up for you too. You know. Are you, but I mean, I guess writing about it and stuff, though, you would probably have to be tasting some of this stuff possibly. Yeah. I mean, I'm not a critic.

So I'm a journalist who covers the industry. I cover the like the mergers and acquisitions, the legal landscape, the fucking, you know, like regulatory stuff that's constantly going on. I don't actually, I drink a lot recreationally because I enjoy it. And it's, you know, something that's been a part of my life. for, I don't know, 25 years-ish, but I'm 20 years. But I'm not, this is another little bit of industry. There's going to be a lot of jargon coming from this side of the podcast today. Way of jargon.

The industry likes to refer to like beer, wine, and spirits, like the stuff actually in the bottle as the liquid, quote unquote. And then everything else is everything else, right? Marketing, distribution. Jello shots. Jellos shots are actually, yeah, you're right. They exist in kind of a liminal state. Yeah, because you can't call those the liquid, right? That's the whole thing about Brian.

That was one of his favorite. He loved to eat his alcohol. He said, why do I have to drink this all the time? I want to eat my alcohol. Yeah, it's called innovation. But no, yeah. No, it slides down easier than a shot. No.

No. A gelo shot? Yeah, I'm going to go, I'm going to agree with Dave here and say that that doesn't sound right at all. It fully is easier to do a jello shot than an actual shot because it just slides right down your throat. Oh, well, I guess you don't even fucking taste anything because it is solid. Okay, I see. So, but you're not, so you're not chewing it up or anything either. So you're just taking a whole like a solid thing and then it's, and it has to break down it. I don't listen, I never took jello shots. It's in little like mouthwash cups like at the dentists.

Yeah, they come in little medicine cups. When we made them, they were in little cup. Also, we made them in syringes too. That was the best. That was an era. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, because then I could just go to my refrigerator, grab a syringe and just shoot it right down the old throat and get back to what I was

doing, you know? Yeah, because that's, that is, that is, it's similar to shots, right? There are people who enjoy like,

like, there's, there's, well, he really did, he drove around. He was driving around a work truck. But,

but, but there are people who like enjoy the drinking and the taste of it or whatever and that whole process. And then people who are taking shots, that's, Generally, yeah, that's just like I want to get drunk as fast as possible. I'm not interested in sipping on this at all. And that's exactly why I quit, right?

Was like, oh, all I'm trying, I'm like trying to get as drunk as possible and hopefully 15 minutes. Hopefully I can drink enough in 15 minutes to not have to drink anymore for the rest of the night. See, that's wild because the night goes on for so long. So you don't drink so much. That seems very dangerous from an alcohol poisoning. Stant like it seems like you would potentially get too drunk and throw up sometimes. But once you get drunk, then you can drink more. Oh, I see.

Yeah, yeah. No, that is that is. I do remember that about drinking is that, you know, all of a sudden it starts tasting pretty okay after a while. Yeah. So I wish I could tell you guys the amount of times I went to a party and passed out before the sun even went down. Like it was daylight.

We get there at five o'clock or so. I'm already passed out at 7 o'clock because like I said, I get there and I'm like, make me a raspberry stoleys and Sprite and I'll fucking chug that and then make me another one. I'll chug that. And then I'll do two jello shots. And it's like I'm fucking shit-faced. You are so and because you didn't, you were very thin. You were very light weight. There's not, not in a, nowhere for it to go. Nowhere, nowhere, straight into his brain. was the only place that it could go. Yeah, he had like a real thin frame.

So I would imagine you got drunk pretty, especially in the beginning, you got drunk pretty easily compared to some of your friends who were probably more muscular, Aaron. Aaron wasn't more muscular. He was built like me. So don't even think that I love the fact that he's muscular. The way I picture Aaron was he was gigantic muscular like Arnold Schwarzenegger. He was small and he had blonde curly hair.

And he drove a 92 burrata. Sounds so fucking cool. God damn. I wish I was friends with him. Like you wish you were a podcast with Aaron. Yeah, a podcast with Aaron. And how badass would that be? Totally different show, you know.

Oh, yeah. Most definitely. We would be way, way higher. We'd be above Joe Rogan on the charts. And it wouldn't be on the comedy charts. It'd be on the badass chart. Yeah, we'd even be on the comedy charts. There's nothing funny about how cool Aaron was.

So I went. around looking, I think my favorite terms so far as mixologist, because there's so many people saying, like, how do, how do I, how am I considered a mixologist? Can I put on my resume that I'm a mixologist and they have to be informed like, yeah, it's not like being a doctor, you just call yourself one. It's like kind of like being a mathematician, right? So you could put it on your resume but anyone who's reading it maybe wouldn't be that impressed by it well even if they are impressed it's like you didn't do anything there's not a certification yeah yeah yeah i understand but if you're becoming a bartender i guess it would be good to have on the resume right like

that's what a mixologist actually is is like a bartender right yeah that's in it's a cocktail bartender is more or less what it means and like there's all these bartending schools oh we'll talk about one You usually see them in like the saddest strip mall in your city, you know, and it's just like, oh, it's the East Coast bartending school. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, it's, no, it's not, man. This is fucking East Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania. I was expecting more of an institution, you know, it's next to like a massage envy franchise or whatever. Yeah.

Would you say it's so it's pretty, I mean, it's just remembering stuff, right? But then a lot of the times, I guess you could have like, like, you're right, you just have to remember what the drinks are, right? It's like, what is the skis? Oh, you can do the crazy thing that they do or they're like throwing about cocktail later to. Throwing it all around and stuff like that. I wish there was one bar in Ohio where they did that because I would go to it all time. Where they threw it around and they're shaking it up over their head and stuff like that. Probably fucking illegal in Ohio to do that.

There isn't one. I've never heard of one here in, in Ohio at all. Brian, why were the search terms you use to try to track them down? Well, no, he just went to all the bars. I've been to a lot of bars in town. I don't think there's a fancy enough bar. I mean, there are fancy cocktail bars here, of course.

Yeah. But I don't think there's one. I actually honestly think that shit ended in like 1998 after cocktail. I think that's a little too early, but are you all right? I don't think it's around as much amount, but I do remember definitely like in Vancouver, there were places where guys were like a whole, like kind of a nice fancy hotel bar or something. thing and there'd be a guy who'd be doing all this stuff. He'd thrown it all over his head and stuff.

And usually the person waiting for the drink is like, all right, come on. I'm looking to drink this now. I just got ordered a whiskey ginger. Yeah, exactly. I do have a very vivid memory. Whiskey ginger, by the way, shout out to Andrew Cheeto Santino. One of the top, one of the 250 assassins. So I do remember vaguely, Dave, you might know more or less about

this. I don't know. I remember vaguely when I was young seeing the bartending thing on ESPN like two where they were doing the competition for flipping and making drinks and stuff like that. I just remember being like, God, I'd love to do that for a job. You know what I mean? Like, that sounds fun. And in the movie cocktail, the guy writes poetry. Here's a question I think they get a lot. Okay. Question for bartenders off of R slash mixology. what's the cheapest and strongest cocktail you can order at most slash any bar i'm basically looking for the best bang for your buck yeah this is the teenage mentality of drinking just carried on to adults where yeah because we would do that all that like brian's talking about getting the

four dollar vodka or whatever ours was bullskaya that was the cheapest one you could get a mickey of it for like eight dollars or something that was always the sort of go-to was how can I get the most drunk because I don't have very much money, which is, hey, that's fair. It's exactly the customer you're looking for when you open a nice cocktail bar. The biggest tipers, generally the biggest tipers, yeah. It's funny for me to what Matt. It's funny because I do remember before I turned 21 when I was 20 being like taught basically by guys like sitting down and saying like, when you get to the bar, you order a long island ice tea.

Oh, yeah. That's got. kinds of alcohol. That is, I do remember that too. That's a high, that's high alcohol for the, and generally not that expensive. It tastes good. It is famously the cocktail to drink. I mean, there are easier ways to get drunk as we just talked about.

You can just rip shots in your fucking buddies barretta before like heading to the house party or whatever. But like, if you're going to a bar, that is often the call, right? For like the bang for buck drink is the Long Island iced tea. it's also maybe more infamously popular, supposedly amongst prostitutes because you can hang out at a bar and like sip it and get very slowly over the course of time and not have to continually reorder a bunch of expensive drinks. This guy goes generally a myth. Well, first he goes like this. He goes, I'm basically looking for Best Bang for your book, but ordering martinis at dive bars just feels wrong, L.O.L.

Thanks for the suggestions. Now, this guy's going to dive bars and ordering martini. They fucking hate him. I would too. I mean, listen, I've been to a million, like, dive. You just, the only thing you can order a dive bar is shot in a beer. Yeah, shot in a beer. Yeah, that's it.

You get a beer or a shot or possibly if you're like, you're there with your wife. Maybe your wife is like, do they have any wine and then they dust off like an old bottle of white wine. They're like, we do. We do. But, yeah. asking people at a dive bar to do mixology seems like mean almost right i very famously went to the newport musical the longest running nightclub and i think the united states like it's it's acdc played there when they came over from austral now that doesn't mean it's necessarily that old

because they're still touring that's true they're coming here soon but anyway no i'm saying that like yeah yeah this is like a legendary venue in the city and And like, it's the only, it's the only place that I would, like, be, like, totally completely freaked out if I performed at because it's so important to me. And I get there and I'm going to see corn. And I'm like 22. And again, I just had the sex on the beach like a year before when I was 21. And I went to the bar at the venue, a 3,000. This isn't a small bar.

This isn't like going to a small bar to see a show. this was a big venue and I said I'll have a sex on the beach and the lady was just like like for real like are you really doing this right now we have like a hundred people behind you in line are you are you are you a cop you have to tell me if you're a cop yeah yeah say what can you remind do you guys either of you know what is in a sex on the beach I remember the blowjob shot that that was yeah that one's good the one it was just whipped cream with something in it right and then And you have to take it like you're blowing off a penis. Blowing off a penis?

Like it's some steam or something? Yeah. Yeah. But would you, what, yeah, let me blow off a little penis. I like that.

Brian, yeah, sorry, Dave, do you know, what is in the sex on the beach? It's like vodka, peach knops and something else. Orange juice,

cranberry juice. Yeah, cranberry, there you go. And you garnish it with an orange slicer or marasino. So you're, It's a, like it's a very fruit, very fruit central drink. Right.

And they fully handed me. I think what they handed me was they put a cherry and a sprite and poured some vodka in it's in here, dude. Yeah. I remember it being carbonated. I'm like, sex on the beach isn't carbonated, you know? And then I went back up and tried again for a different drink because I was like, maybe they don't know how to make the sex on the beach.

Oh, I thought you just ordered another sex. No, I ordered a purple hooter. Run it back. A purple hooter? What is the fuck is a purple? Hooter. Well, it has a booze in it called Rasmataz. How did you even know to order? Was it on the menu, the Purple Hooter? Because Katie told me, I think you'd like the Purple Hooter. She maybe was doing a joke on you, but yeah. I don't think she. It has a drink called Rasmataz in it.

Okay. And I love it's, it's, uh, triple sec vodka and black raspberry liquor, like I said, Rasmat. Triple sec is a classic cocktail thing. I, like, like, is it it's only for cocktails right it tastes like Kool-Aid yeah it wouldn't drink it on its own yeah it's and I ordered that at a bowling alley too and the lady it was like one of those like like it was at the bar at the bowling alley this lady was like really old you know what I mean like she'd been working there since like the bowling alley opened I was like I'll have a purple hooter and she was like no no that's the correct response honestly like you watch your fucking mouth yeah I think that that should be normal

for depending on the place there should be and i think there is right like in a lot of places are like yeah we're not we won't make you those drinks we don't have the fucking things for them we don't have all of these different they would go bad because everybody orders a shot or a beer here so if we stock that shit it would go bad well first this guy goes generally a myth bars have standard pores even a dive even if they're pouring off a count a whiskey sour might have two ounces of spirit and an l i long island iced tea will have the same plus five ounce point five ounces of triple sex. Similar.

The exception is a bartender with no experience or one intentionally overpouring. Free pour. That's a good one. Just avoid liquor-based cocktails, drinks like amaretto sours, melon sours, and similar.

Don't get nothing to taste good. Long story short, a margarita will probably have the same amount of liquor as a long island ice tea. It's a business. Everything is priced in. And then a guy gives the most

non-helpful reply of all time. He goes, really depends on the bar. Upstate New York, people free pour heavy drinks, but as a barman, I also probably get hooked up. I'm a cocktail fuck. So I prefer a balanced drink. They default to doubles in a lot of bars in some scenes. So this guy's like, I'm a famous bartender around town.

I'm known in the bar scene, so people are always trying to hook me up with extra liquor and stuff like that. I'm one of the most high profile mixologist and connect to Key New York. Yeah. It's funny to imagine a guy like really feeling like. I'm great at bartending. So, yeah, this guy gets told a lot that beer is what you order to get. Because this guy says, depends on the bar. Really, it's probably a tall can of cheap beer.

I don't think that's true. I don't think that's true just from what I remember about drinking. I mean, because the beer is generally going to be 5.5%, right? It's not going to be a really high. Some places might have that. You can get beer that's like high percentage and that will get you more drunk. That's not usually being sold at bars. So the general rule of thumb is like alcohol by volume is the percentage that you're referring to.

Right. So ABV and like beer at the very upper end of the spectrum is maybe going to touch like 13% ABD. Right. Well, I'd hate to tell you guys there's math to help out here. Oh, okay. Some mixology math. You got to do some. Yeah, mixology math for us.

Get ready. Get ready. if there are pitchers, it's always pictures. I used to go to a place that would do $8 pictures of domestic and $12 pictures of local craft. Well, a brewery in Kansas City Boulevard had an 8.5 sazon, tank seven, that me and my friends would get a couple of pictures of 0.5 beers and a pitcher, so basically the alcohol of 10 domestics and that bad boy.

There's little secrets like that if you look hard. This guy's like, I drink a ton of beer. Hey, I got a secret, drink a ton of beer. Just drink a whole shitload of cheap, disgusting beer. This is a new secret of life that I've learned. He's like, I figured out a hack. What I do is a hack here. Yeah, as I sit down at the lunch special and I don't get up until it's dark outside and I have to drive home.

Yeah, it's kind of a nice little hack for making your life absolutely unlivable. No, I, this does remind me of there was this bar that we went to and it was like I knew, I worked at this warehouse and my mom like knew this guy. he owned this bar. It was attached to a hotel. It was called BBs in Richmond, British Columbia. And they would have cheap pitchers. And I remember a time when my guy knew Scott. I was about to say my friend, but he wasn't my friend. Scott wasn't your friend. Scott wasn't my friend. He was a football player. He was like friends with one of my friends. But he was a pretty wild dude. He's too cool for you. He wasn't too cool. You're going to hear he. So he drank chugged a pitcher like was chugging the beer straight out of the pitcher, you know, like no glass involved. And then he was just urinating

into the empty pictures inside the bar under the table. Yeah, this kind of cool. Me and my friends, that guy would be a legend. Yeah, I know. That's what I was thinking. He was like, he said, he kind of seemed like he was in the wrong place. Like, he should have been in Groveport because he was a real problem. And I just remember being like, he's like, oh, it's, you know, so funny. And I was like, freaks of piss now. I know. You're in a whole like a bathroom right there. Yeah, you can just watch.

Like, he was just doing it to be like, you know, he just thought it was funny or whatever. Yeah. And it's really funny for me to, to imagine, like, the bloat that comes with being like, okay,

instead of taking shots, I'm going to drink as much beer as I can't. Like, so much beer. I was going to say is, like, the whole point of beer is that it's filling, right? Like it's it's a lower ABV typically and it's like more like the brewing industry has tried to distinguish it as like the drink of moderation because if you're an alcoholic typically like you do not see these guys with a 30 rack of beer.

You see them with a hip flat a plastic hip flask of pop-offs or like fucking night train in the jug or whatever. You know like fortified street wine like that's it's when you talk about bang for your buck and this is not really cocked. This is, you know, like getting loaded on the street. Like you would, you don't typically opt towards beer. The exception to the rule is malt liquor. And that's the whole one of one of the main reasons malt liquor emerged. Dude, when they first started marketing malt liquor in the 50s, brewers, they were trying to compete.

They were trying to tell people like, like white, like suburban homemakers that this was like an alternative to cocktails at home because they were losing business to liquor companies. because American GIs came back from overseas. They had taste for wine. They had taste for cognac and other full-proof spirits and cocktails. So the brewing industry was like, well, like, we need a solution. We need an answer to this. So they started putting out malt liquor and they were like, put it on ice at home in like a nice coop glass.

You know, this could be instead of, instead of cocktails, you could have a nice malt liquor. That never really played. It's because it tastes so gross. I think that's the big issue. the taste of it was notoriously disgusting. But yeah, you think there are obviously beer alcoholics, but you're right. It's much, you know, it's harder to drink 30 beers. You to get them down.

You're pissing all the time. And it gives you a huge, a fame. I mean, there's a famous term as a beer belly. You get like a huge giant gut from drinking it. Whereas if you're just drinking vodka, you're not going to deal with that, obviously. For people who don't know, Aaron was the second in command of my, and my friends under me. He drank from sixth grade is when he started. Now, Dave, when you hear that that he drank from sixth grade, do you not immediately say, well, he was probably the leader,

actually. He sounds like the coolest guy in your game. He was the leader, Dave. This is a much debated thing on the channel. But Aaron was very clearly the leader. From sixth grade until until he was like 22, he drank 40 ounces of old English. That's all he drank. That was the only because he saw it in Boys in the Hood. And he might drink Sane Iids every now and then. What was Sain I? It's another type of beer. The crooked eye, yeah.

It's another malt liquors, really popular with rappers. They got, they had like sponsored content before that was even a thing. Yeah. With all of the big rap acts of the 90s. Yeah, yeah, it was crazy. So I drank what nobody will remember this. They might even still make it. Well, first of all, there was Sainide Special Brew, which was kind of like a wine.

It would be like a lemon lime and I would drink that, but that made me feel like less of a bad ass. Yeah, kind of. It was like a lady drink. Well, during that time, who knows what type of language you would have been using. It was fully a lady drink is what of it. But then I got into this stuff called Little Sids and it was a fifth, a big bottle. Like sudden infant death syndrome? Like, yes.

That helps. It was grapefruit juice and gin and grapefruit. juice. And I used to just sit on my porch and drink that whole thing out of the bottle. And, but it was like maybe the equivalent of one beer. It was like the diluted alcohol. So that was my main drink. This guy goes, there are four beers in a pitcher unless you're not using a standard 64 ounce pitcher or a pint glass. And he goes, you get to reply. And this guy goes, I want you to use a calculator real quick and understand that the typical beer served at a dive bar or anywhere for that matter is a 12 ounce port, not a 16 ounce pint.

If I wanted to say a pint, I would have. It also completely irrelevant to the conversation. They don't even serve tank seven beers in a pint when it's on draft. It's generally an 8 ounce pour and a tulip. Do you honestly get a bottle of beer and go, well, I've only drank 75% of a beer? No, that's absurd. A beer can be 10, 12 or 16 ounces, but is by far, most commonly 12. And so this guy, the guy replies me, goes,

A typical beer served on draft at a dive bar is 16 ounces. Period. So now these guys are at a fight. I've been in this industry for 20 years. Okay, so I'm going to listen to this guy. Half the dive bars out there don't even serve 12 ounces. They serve those dumb 10 ounce mugs. Regardless, most cans and bottles are 12 ounces.

So that's still a standard unit. That's why you call 16 ounce a tall boy and not a shorthy or whatever for a 12 ounce. A pint is a 16 ounce bar. that is the word you're looking for pint a beer is whatever the hell a bar wants to serve it's not standardized whatsoever again though it's completely irrelevant here it's a comparative difference between four to five percent domestic and eight point five percent tank seven it doesn't matter if you slice it all slice it at all and it's the same amount of beer you're being uselessly pedantic i just used to drinkers two drinkers just go ahead yeah i picture the what was really making me

laugh is picturing these guys both just fucking super drunk on their computer having this argument. There's something that can drink with like, like with a fancy old fashion and a little thing, like just sitting there. Yeah. There's something nice about knowing that is if they had this conversation in an actual dive bar, the bartender would get a Louisville slugger out from behind the bar and crack them in the face with it.

Get the fuck out of my bar. I mean, I think we're lucky they can't be in the same room with each other because they would have definitely gotten into a fist fight. Yeah, that's what that's a big thing about these alcohol arguments online is that it's like, yeah, a lot of these guys, people who are drunk love to fight. It's one of their favorite things to do. So yeah, I could see a lot of, I mean, listen, I'm sure these types arguments do happen in bars when people get drunk and then do end up, you know, with fights. Here's a question from a guy. And I saw this question a lot. We're even going to go to Quora and we're going to look at some other stuff. I feel bad for this guy. He goes,

socially acceptable old-fashioned replacement. I'm not a fan of old-fashioned. Yet when my friend circle gets together somewhere nice, I'm always pressured into trying theirs. Wait a second, why? How you're a grown man. Just tell them you're going to drink what you want to drink. I have like kind of a little bit of empathy for this guy.

You get pressured into doing so. No, but you know, my cheeseburger situation when I was growing up. Oh, how you would be. But that's different because you're a teenager. I understand like peer pressure. and stuff like that when you're a teenager and you're trying to fit in and you don't want to. But when you become a fully developed grownup, I think you should hopefully be able to just stick up for yourself and say, hey, I'm actually going to pay for and drink the type of alcohol that I want to drink.

You know what, guys, I'm sick of this old-fashioned shit. I'll take a purple hooter on the rocks, please. Purple hooter on the rocks and hold the rocks. Can I have a double of rasmataz and that? Can I have a double shot of Rasmataz and two purple hooters, please? It kind of goes to the bar and orders like schnops. Oh, sorry. I'm actually a grown-up now.

I can order my own drinks. I'll have two shots of Rasmataz and a purple hooter. Rasmataz is such a great name for an alcohol. Is it a brand of alcohol? It's a liqueur. It's an actual type of alcohol. Yeah, it's a blackberry liqueur, I think. Gotcha.

Okay. The actual drink the purple hooter in the end tastes like grape Kool-Aid. That's why I got it because I don't like alcohol. And so here's a, the guy goes, anyway, he goes, I understand different places you slightly different recipes. I just don't like them. I'll order my usual mid-range vodka, cranberry, and we'll get called boring or afraid to try new things. My friends are great, but it's finally starting to really bother me. My question is, what would I suggest I try to be, quote, less boring?

I prefer vodka white Russians are okay, but the cream is too much after two drinks. My last drink of choice was a white Russian. Well, yeah, you know, of course you know my, you know, you know I like, you know I like to drink white Russians because of the dude abides. And I was obsessed with the Big Lebowski movie for a while. So I was drinking a lot of white Russians near the end of my drinking. But I just, I really want to tell that, I just want to tell this guy that he, it doesn't matter. If your, if your friends are, if you are grownups, your friends should not be pressuring you into drinking different drinks. It is like trying new things is one thing, right?

It's like, hey, man, we feel like you need to sort of, you know, you should step outside of yourself a little bit and try some new things. But like, when it comes to drinking alcohol, it's like so common for people to have a drink, right? that this is my drink that I have. And any friends that are actually giving you a hard time about that are probably not great, actually. There's something very, like, grim about the fact that, you know, a lot of industry messaging and public health messaging about peer pressure, like, focuses on, like, 17-year-olds, you know, be like, hey, like, you know, your friends might push you to drink, but, like, you don't have to,

you know, you can make different choices. But it seems like there's at least a subset. section of guys out there who like needs to hear that type of PSA like as a fucking adult. Yeah, that you don't. And I don't know, man, if you're, if it's that important to them, like that seems weird, right? Like, who knows how old this person is? We don't really know how old they are, right?

So maybe they are only like 22 or something like that. It doesn't matter. I mean, listen, if you want, again, if you want a cheeseburger that doesn't just cheese and mayonnaise, you should be able to fucking order that. Absolutely. You know what I mean? I feel like it's borderline bullying to... Well, it's not bullying.

It's just a convenience thing more than anything. Yeah, if somebody's dealing with that type of thing, it seems like they're being bullied by the stronger members of the group. A person is not getting bullied, but they're getting pressure. Brian, I just want to say, I totally understand you getting pressured into the cheeseburger thing because it's like, if a guy looks like fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger is saying that shit to me... He doesn't look like that. I'm probably going to be like, fine, no problem.

The first guy goes, what about just being an adult? telling your friends to pound sand you'll drink what you want now that's the other thing i wouldn't do you wouldn't say the pound sand aggressive with my friends i wouldn't say pound sand but i would say the other part of like hey man i'm just gonna with all like i'm really like this drink you know this is what i'm gonna drink brother i would just drink the gross drink you would you would just let them pressure you i just hate the idea of like i'm i'm picturing it now right i'm sitting at a table with five of my friends. We're all having cocktails. And they're all drinking an old fashion, which is like such a like cool looking drink. You know what I mean? That's what Katie drinks. That's like a,

it's like a refined kind of drink. Yeah. And then I'm drinking a fucking vodka cranberry. I would feel embarrassed in like a plastic cup. Like the bar doesn't even give you like glassware. Exactly, Dave. I would feel self-conscious about that. And I would feel. And I would feel. that's one of the reasons I was so crazy when I was drinking about like picking stuff because I think I started to realize I quit when I was 26. I think I started to realize in like the at near the end like man I don't I'm too old to drink all these fucking drinks you know what I mean like I'm too old the one of us raspberry stoleies and sprite which is just but that's not raspberry vodka and a sprite I mean I think it's good to that you stop drinking or whatever but. But I don't, I don't think that you should feel that way. I really don't. I don't think that there's like, there's like, listen, like we're joking about like a purple hooter or sex on the beach. If you're ordering that, that is kind of embarrassing.

But just like a vodka cranberry or whatever, I don't know, man. I don't think that there's anything wrong with drinking that as a grownup. It also cuts both ways because a bunch of trendy drinks, I'm thinking specifically cocktails, like proper cocktails, are actually like very embarrassing to order as well. Like the Porn Star Martini is one, right? Like in the naked and famous is another. Not like maybe quite as goofy to say out loud in a nice restaurant as a purple hooter. But like those are done for the same reason.

It's like shock value and kind of like a memorable name and whatever. And yet like you're very embarrassed about ordering one. And if you order the other, it's like a signal. to the bartender of like distinction and like, oh, this person knows their shit. And I think that also the fact that they're all drinking old fashions, well, it's kind of like, hey,

maybe you're like the actually the coolest one because they're all just doing what the other people do. And they don't even, maybe they don't even like old fashioned. They just want to be like the same as everybody else, which in my, in my experience, that's not actually. And again,

that's a cool way to be when you're a teenager, but when you're a grown up, it's actually cooler to do the stuff you wanted. do. Yeah, this guy goes, get called out for being boring by a group or consider it was old fashion's not boring. Don't get me wrong. Love me in old fashion. You don't get to be snobby if that's your go-to. Fuck that. Drink what you like. If you do want to be adventurous and go for it, maybe you're not a whiskey person, which is fine. Vodka gin variants can always be good. Just go to a place and tell them your vibe and what you're looking for and try the journey. Good luck. So just buy a bunch

of drinks you're not going to like. Well, you got to try them. You got to try them. Just tell the Bartender your vibe. Go to a dive bar and just tell the bartender your vibe and then see what he gets. So my vibe is like tough guy. Yeah, I'm kind of tough. I'm like, I'm kind of like a greaser. Yeah.

And finally. Describing the plot of the Italian job. And you're like, I'm kind of like a Jason Statham type character. Very powerful, but got mysterious. He guys like, you can have,

would you like a beer? You get a, you get a Genesee cream and a, fucking Jim Bean back like everyone else. What do you think? Here's a question. Final Reddit question here. What do you think about bars not sharing cocktail specs?

I get that bars need to protect their business and sharing specs for a popular drink could detract people from going. However, tons of famous and popular bars share their recipes and people still go. I'm not expecting bars to publish every recipe. But if I really like a drink, I feel like I should be able to ask for the specs. And honestly, how many people are really going to start making? it at home instead of just ordering it out. Curious to hear other people's thoughts.

So I used to do this with smoothies and I used to do it with smoothies and like assailles bowls. I would like just find someone that was, you know, that was, well, that would share the secrets of exactly what was in each one. And then I would make them at home in order to save money. I think people do this definitely. But yeah, I also think it's normal like you can't ask a restaurant how to, I guess you can, but will a restaurant tell you a recipe for something?

I think it is kind of weird. Yes. I think because my sister's a chef, right? Yeah. I think that there are the secret recipe people. And there are secret parts of recipes, right? Like a sauce. Yeah, of course, a KFC famously.

Well, yes. But at a fine dining restaurant, they're not like closed off about what they make because they want people to know exactly what they're getting. And they know you can't do it, right? Like they know that you're not going to make it as good. You maybe don't have like even access to the same level of ingredients that they do possibly. You know what I mean?

They might have like access to better beef or whatever it is. And they're confident that their chefs are doing a better job. I think it's like, yeah, I don't know that there's too many of these. I'm trying to think in Canada milestones had like a bellini that they like sort of made. But then everyone started making those. I don't think that they really like hid the recipe for that. Is this a thing, Dave? You would know better.

Yeah, it's definitely a thing. I mean, one part of the problem with this is that you can't copyright recipes. It's intellectual property that you can't defend. Like there have been a bunch of court cases over this, not specifically to cocktails, but in general, like culinary recipes,

you can't, the courts have pretty consistently upheld that you can't like make it your own, right? Like that is not intellectual property that you can, defend and sue other people for using and get royalties from or whatever. So that's kind of cut both ways as a result. One way is that people are, mixologists are like really defensive about their specs and won't tell you like what's in their marquee drink.

The other, that's less common, but it certainly happens. The other is that it's like created kind of a culture of, I don't know, maybe like somewhat performative openness where it's like, know, like we're going to put our, our specs out there. But like, just credit us, like, when you put it on your menu.

So sometimes you'll go to a cocktail bar and you'll see like, oh, it's like such and such drink, like first, you know, created by, uh, death and company in New York City or PDT or like one of these like sort of higher end and more iconic things amongst amongst mixologists. Exactly. They have this sort of respect where they're like, hey, we're going to do that. We're going to make sure that you get the credit that you. deserve but we are going to sell this drink what if i what if i read this guy goes if you want to get good at cocktailing you should be able to roughly figure it out when you see the ingredient list

between tasting for the balance of flavors and knowing that what primary ratios are you should be able to approximate and then figure it out from there if you're so inclined when you get the ingredient so this is like somebody who's like a master piano player does it all by ear yeah just able to like have a little sip and be like oh yeah that's dead definitely going to be a half ounce of triple sec and like able to sort of taste it. Oh, Demerara sugar. Cheeky. I'm neither a bartender nor a business owner, so I won't second guess any of the other opinions here. But as an at-home hobby cocktail maker, drunk, that's always trying to improve.

What you said really resonates with me. I've become the rabid superfan you described for one local well-regarded spot that happily shares the spec on everything they make, which by the way, this guy probably make everybody uncomfortable with this place. A rabid super fan of a bar. Bartenders hate to see this guy come. Not even in terms of like the meme phrasing, just like cannot stand to see this guy coming. I would hate it. I hate it. I hated when I was at the cable company.

A guy tried to tell me about cable. Like the customer. Did that happen a lot? Yes. But in their defense, I would imagine he was strong. with certain aspects of it, probably. I was not struggling. They're like, do you usually use a butter knife?

Is that I, I thought a screwdriver usually works with it. What is that syringe full of jello? He goes, but they actually print it for you, even after I make that drink at home later, I've never once thought, oh,

I don't ever need to return to X because I can't make their amazing jet bros remorse myself. And that's because the staff and experience offered is much larger than the sum of a few reproducible drinks and new offerings regularly appear on the menu. So this guy goes, that's great. And I feel like it's probably a good feeling. Hospitality-wise, now, this is a word I love with these guys because they will, like, listen

to this. When folks share their wisdom and their passion with you, which is the amusing aspect of getting downvoted for calling out bartenders of a failure of hospitality. But I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Hmm So I'm not sharing specs in the menu Can help people who believe they don't like some stuff like jane sugar Or it could be anything people are afraid of trying new things

I love that that guy I'm going back to that guy being a rabid fan of a bar Like just like explaining to his wife like no no I you have to I have to go there today I'm like their biggest fan you know like setting like sort of trying to explain it in that way versus that he spends all day at a bar drinking. You're racking up like a $400 tab a week at this bar just trying. I need to know the spec of this. They're not going to give me the spec if I don't buy the cocktail. Yeah, I'm just a rabid fan.

I'm just a huge supporter. I'm like their number one fan. They count on me to be there every morning and like, yeah, no, you'll have to drive to pick the kids up. Yes, you will have to drive the car when we pick the kids up. It is calling yourself a rabid fan of a bar seems crazy to me. It is like saying I'm a rabid fan of a store. Yeah. Or I'm a rabid fan.

Like, it's not the same to me as like I'm a rabid fan of this band. Well, I remember I used to be. I used to be when I was still, you know, taking drugs and smoking weed. I remember I was a rabid fan of my weed dealer for sure. He was great. Hey, this guy was great. I found this lady called Amelia Recipes.

I think I only have one of. them. But what she does is for, for, she's on Facebook and she, she makes up cocktails. This one is five ounces of vodka, nine ounces of orange juice, one ounce of galliano liquor. And then there's a bunch of crap you got to do, you know, put in a tumbler do this. But what she does is for, for engagement, she names them stuff like lick her butthole is that, is the name of that drink. So I thought I read some of the comments on the post about liquor, the recipe for liquor butthole. And it's liquor butthole like liquor? L. I, no, actually, that would be.

Oh, it's just spelled out. It's just written out. Lick her butt hole. Okay. So it's funny. I thought it was like liquor. I hardly know. Yeah. Yeah. Liquor like the word liquor and then but all that sort of that's sort of clever. But it's like the brew boys. That's like the Jim brewer it should be called brew ha ha but he calls it the bruniverse lick her butthole okay first guy goes if she just got out of the shower yeah you don't want to be well it could be he doesn't want to be licking on some dukies and he gets a reply that goes yeah because you don't want e coli come on okay come on guy this is this is really going too far in like you're taking it way too literally now we're talking about well this lady goes the men's g spot if you lick it they're done

J.K. L.O.L. Then it gets a reply. Okay, but you got to soak in a tub for at least an hour. That's Roscoe. And then Henrik goes, you have the asshole. I have the tongue. That's a great pickup line. There's a deal to be done here.

Yeah. And we both got something that the other person's looking for. It's called Commerce. Jay says, do women like that? Do women like to have their buttholes licked? I mean, I think it's. It's definitely personal preference. Probably some do, some don't.

Well, then he also replies to himself and says, do they return the favor, L.O. Do they return the flavor? I do love the, nobody's engaging with my comment. So let me try to keep it going here by replying to myself. I also like the fact that no one is engaging with the actual recipe of the content. Not a single person. Dave, not a single person. And it's on every one of her cocktails.

else. They're all called stuff like, you know, ram your dick in my pussy or something like that. Like really uncreative. I should have gotten more of them for you. But like I said, all the comments are like this guy. What do you? Some kind of derelict. So that guy is a little offended. I don't know how he found himself on her page. But, you know. And then this person says no bleached assholes, just normal ones. So some of these guys are really getting there. Some of their, I'll be honest. Some of them might need to do a little bit of working out their riff muscles. I don't know that these riffs are all hitting super hard. Well, Jack, the final guy, goes, I want three licks.

That's not even that many. I mean, in his defense, it's like, okay, you give him three licks. Yeah, I mean, I know you don't want to lick my asshole, but three licks seems fine. Yeah, three licks and you're out of there seems pretty fine. Well, there's a fantastic movie called Cocktail. This is what Tom Cruise. Yes One of my favorite movies growing up

And one of Hollywood's great stuntman actors You see that I love him Was it was the most Most recent mission impossible He's like on top of the plane or whatever It's like his face is going crazy Yeah his face is all like pushed back

And he's all super old now right So it's like it's making it look all fucked up But yeah Making him look young Making him look a little younger This is But this was when he was just like The number one heart throb in

In Hollywood And what he plays in, and I don't know if you guys know this, but in cocktail, he plays a bartender who does the tricks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He also is a poet. Yeah, you were saying that earlier. I've not seen this movie before. You never seen cocktail? Never seen cocktail.

Oh, man. Maybe I saw it when I was when I was younger, maybe, but if I do, I don't remember at all. It's got a 9% on Rotten Tomato. Nine. Nine. Like out of 10 or? Yeah, is that 9%? Good question.

David. Because you very rarely see 9%. It's considered a terrible movie. The audience score is 58%. Not even that high either. No, that's bad. But it's good. It's an awesome movie. Who else is in it? Uh, what's a Brian guy? Darrell Hannah, maybe was she in this, I think. But yeah, he'll, he'll like do a little bit. Maybe we can watch a, uh, a bit of it on a stream one time. Because what he does is he does the drinks. He's like flipping stuff. It's got. Brian Brown, Elizabeth Scho. Elizabeth Scho. It's kind of a snap cast.

Yeah. Jody Foster's in it? Yeah. Ron Dean. A lot of character actors, yeah. Yeah. It's awesome. Sarah Jessica Parker.

Yeah. And so what he does is he does the flips and stuff like that. Then he jumps up on the bar and says a poem. It's fantastic. So I read some audience reviews of it. And this guy gave it five stars. His name. is unicorn and he set a classic 80s film.

Amazing music. Powerful acting performances. Now, this is the line I cut out. Gritty and realistic. Full of fun, but also serious moments when needed. When needed. Yeah. Look, we're having a bit of fun here.

We're going to need a serious moment, you know, to pull me in. Well, that's the poems maybe. Yeah. Well, hey, you know, maybe he responded well. to the poems. Do we do spoilers on the on guys here? You can do spoilers on a 9% movie from 1988. I was going to say it came in 1980. I'm a 37 year old movie. I think people have time to see

it. There's a there's a there's a suicide. There's a there's a mentor suicide and then how do they and then what's the serious part that they do after that big laugh? It's funny because he works it's like roadhouse in a way where he works his way up through the bar circuit Oh, I see. I see. It's like, it's like a sports movie almost that they've like taking a sports script and then they've put it into mixology or whatever. It is basically a parallel plot to like three other Tom Cruise movies from that era, like Days of Thunder, when he's the color money.

Yeah, color money where he's a billiards player, Days of Thunder where he's the stock car racer. It's the same basic arc. He just happens to be a stunt bartender. It's a vehicle for Tom Cruise, the hunk, to, yeah, it's just like, let's put him in another movie. He's so popular. Everybody will watch him. He also learned how to do the stunt bartending. He really did. I'm sure he did his own stunts. Guaranteed, if I know Tom, he did his own stunts for sure.

This guy gives it five stars and says, do I think this was an Oscar worthy flick? No. Which, by the way, he gave it five stars. He goes, but I have seen worse make it to the nomination stage. Do I think the low critic score is warranted? Absolutely not. So this guy's pretty mad about it. And then this guy gives it four and a half.

The fact that some top critics have gotten this insanely fun movie to a 9% is why we can't have nice things. This movie's not supposed to be a subversive masterpiece. The movie's not supposed to be good. Yeah, I love that. Don't you understand? It's supposed to be bad. And if you go into it saying like, oh, I'm watching a bad movie and that's fun, then you'll give it a better score. Well, this next line, I think Dave, as two guys that have seen this movie, I think it's really good.

He goes, it's supposed to be a fun comedy. And it is, which is not at all. You don't think it doesn't, it's doesn't, it's not like funny. I mean, there's funny parts, but it's not like a comedy movie. He goes, the writing and jokes are hilarious and realistic. I could go on. The people who've gotten this film to 9% are incompetent deucebags who have money filled pockets and rated this film so lowly because they can enjoy. way things. It's because they're rich. So rich people can't. Maybe it makes fun of rich people.

You get paid. It's honestly you get paid to get bad reviews. We all know that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the rival studios pay you to give bad reviews. See, I always thought, I would always think it's the other way around where you'd get paid to give good reviews. You know, the wealthy and powerful journalists that are ranking these movies. You know, Dave, you're a, you're, I mean, I can see Dave sitting in a palatial mansion. right now. Not as big as Brian's, I'll be honest. I do want to say your place does look very nice,

but in a night, in a normal way. You have books behind you, which is very intimidating for me. I cannot read, of course, we've discussed that many times. So it's very intimidating to see all these books. I have a sweaty Mario behind me.

Finally, finally. I love this guy. Five stars. The same critics that diss this movie also qualify Ghostbusters 2016 as a good movie Wait, oh so he's gone and cross-reference The critics

Or is you just saying in general? I love that going to see someone Who's given like a bad review To a movie you love and then being like Oh, and you liked this one? Oh, okay. You liked Ghostbusters 2016 With the women? That was the women one by the way, Dave.

If you're not a big movie person, that was one where Ghostbusters was women. I clocked that as soon as Brian said that I was like, I know where this is headed. Yeah. So I look, the, I, Dave, you can vouch for me here. Death and Co. Widely considered the best cocktail bar in the world.

You referenced it, Dave, earlier. It's very influential, yeah. Yeah, and it's huge. It just, so there's one in the East Village in New York, which I've been to a few times. And I thought I'd read some reviews that people that didn't like it. This is a one-star review from Micah. Hello. I truly hope this message reaches the bar owner.

Such a weird way to start, right? Last night, around 10.30, 10.40 p.m., I came to your bar and wanted to order an appetizer. One of the servers told me that the kitchen was closed. Fair enough. That's a fair time for the kitchen to be closed. However, about an hour later, I noticed other guests receiving food and continuing to place orders. I called another server and asked why my wife. order had not been taken.

He said the kitchen should not be working anymore and then stated that it was already closed. During this time, the servers were laughing amongst themselves. Oh, no. They were laughing at you, buddy. I want you to know that. They were all talking about how you looked and they were all laughing at you. As a prankster, Chris.

I know. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, this is, that's some real, that's real tough to hear because this person has clearly just had like an awful experience. Now, what most likely happened was there was some sort of maybe a VIP person there or something like that who got food or there was something else that was not, didn't need to be prepared that was brought out. And he was mistaking it for like kitchen food or whatever. But most likely there was just somebody who, who they was like a super regular or whatever.

And they fucking made something for a rabid fan. Yeah, it might have been a rabid fan. Somebody who's wearing all the merch. Like, you know, they came in with the deck. Had the book in his hand when he walked in. Yeah, it's just, I mean, like, this guy is like me. I am because I thought the people at Taco Bell were laughing at me all to make them fun of me.

They might have been. No, they weren't. I thought they made fun of my voice because every time I ordered, they seemed like they were having fun in there and it's Taco Bell. You know what I mean? You couldn't possibly be having fun with their friends. Would it make you feel better if like they weren't having fun? You know, it's going to be a, you're going to get your right order and everything. They're not being a dick you.

I wish they would just be neutral instead of laughing because I really did think they were laughing at my voice. But you have a cool voice. After realizing, he goes, during this time, the servers were laughing among themselves and it felt like they intentionally refused to take my order. I'd not spoken to them before and had said nothing inappropriate. One of the servers who refused my order later looked at me from a distance,

smiling and laughing, as if he was pleased with what had happened. As if, oh, we got another one, Suzanne. We got, we fucked with, we managed to fuck with another paying customer and make him feel really bad. The idea of her is looking and smiling and laughing as if she was pleased at not giving you food from the kitchen. Listen, I don't think this guy, I think this guy's having a, I think he's, yeah, he's, he's dealing with like, but I also think probably he they might have been smiling and laughing at him because like when they didn't make his food and he started getting mad about it he might have started acting like a real fucking dickhead. Exactly.

Like really embarrassing. Like, you know, he might have started saying that shit and then they would look over at him and they'd see him and who knows? Maybe this guy looks like a real fucking idiot, you know? And they just looked over at him and then it made them laugh. Here's another review. And I think you guys are going to be able to read between the lines of this review. One star. While the cocktail was good, I've never seen such a rude staff.

Our friend, jet lagged, seemed to sleep, which apparently justified why the waiter would pinch him, almost slap him, thinking he was intoxicated. Was that even asking us first? As if we just let our friend pass out without doing a thing. Yeah, you did. Just, yes, he passed out. He got too drunk. He's not, he's at a bar passed out. What do you expect them to think?

Of course. You're being nice and not asking him to leave right away. Like, I think you can't pass out at a bar. It's so funny. And listen, he's not jetwagged. Get out of here. You know what I mean? I think he got to go with like he took some medication that's like not interacting well with the alcohol.

You need a better excuse than that. But it's none of them are going to work. You're right day, but none of them are work. You are at a bar where they are serving alcohol. And if you are sleeping, you are going to be a. accused of being passed out from being drunk because the majority of people who are sleeping at a bar, if not the 99.9% are, you know, feeling the effects of alcohol. Now, I will say that they shouldn't be pinching the guy.

I don't think they probably weren't though. They were probably just like, hey, hey, you okay, you know, like pushed them. Yeah, like sort of, you know, trying to rustle them or whatever, right? He was pinching someone. Yeah, he was drunk. He was so drunk. He was drunk. He was drunk.

I saw that so many times in the reviews for this place where they're like, the doorman said, looked rough and that is like as a one star review because the doorman said a guy looked rough and it's like you probably looked rough you probably looked very drunk and they don't and they don't want to have a really drunk person coming in like already drunk and drinking at their establishment people who get way too drunk cause fucking problems everywhere they go and nobody likes nobody likes being around a really drunk guy ever no yeah even at a bar even at a bar it's still annoying even if you're a little bit drunk it's still annoying it's still annoying to be around a really drunk person. Yeah. I went to

Trust Pilot. You know a Trust Pilot, Dave? Oh, yeah. I didn't know that they did bar reviews. They did a review for the European Bartender School. Oh, okay. Oh, that makes sense. By the way, on one of our emails, it tells me when we get new trust pilot reviews for our online store, and we've had some really harsh ones coming in, all one star. Our rating is so low. It's getting lower and lower every day. Please save us, fan. I'll see them sometimes, and I'm like what the hell man this is hurtful i'm going to pull some up while you read this what a funny it's the best thing we ever do is to tell tell people to give us bad reviews on trust pilot

uh this guy he went to the thing uh he went to the bartending school and and he's going to give a point by point list of the reasons they didn't like it number one accommodation i was booked into a tiny four bunk, eight sleeping places, hostile room. Mixed gender, no table, no chair, no unsweet shower, or even on sweet toilet.

No fridge, no microwave, no kitchen at all. No quiet lounge zone in the entire hostel. The only place to work and study is a bar filled with a loud pop music. No wonder by the middle of the third week, everyone felt exhausted and had several flu symptoms. Why not give customers some info in options in advance. I was ready to pay more. Now I want to say this

before we move on, they are given an option to book their own accommodations or stay in the accommodations given by the school. What is this thing? Where is this? It's a bartending school in Paris. Are they just like human trafficking? Yeah, it does sound really horrific.

They're just like in these bunks and nothing in the room and they're shoving them all in there. They take their passports. You're going to learn how to mix martini. You're not going to leave until you do. Number two, school. That tiny basement was never designed for a large group like ours, neither spatially

nor in terms of water and fresh air supply. This is really, this really is sounding like human trafficking. This sounds like a nightmare. Yeah. I'm going to bar. I'm trying to learn how to fucking make a gin rummy. Ricky. Yeah, I was going to say Ricky, but I thought it was rummy and then I figured out that's a game.

So fine. you can call that a flub it's not like a michael borden level one uh what did you say i missed it i called it i called it a gin rummy instead of a gin ricky oh yeah but that's not that it's again yeah he goes with 43 humans inside the school looks nothing like that video in their instagram oh really it's living hell it smells it's all moving elbows and trying to out shout each other i like drawing the picture of this in my head it seems like the craziest place you're in the world. Next three, textbook. About half of it is just ads. Ads in your text book. They gave him like a catalog to Cocktail Kingdom, which is like the big,

you know, merchandiser for bartender. Here you go. Here's your textbook. Yeah, they just gave them a book. Ads, ads and more ads, brands, personalities, products, extra courses, bars, even the part all the students are supposed to learn by heart contains ads. Four, stuff. I don't know why this is, it's called stuff. Out of three teachers, only one speaks native English and two others were constantly forgetting necessary words, switching to their mother tongues and asking students for translation, not even able to read the educational presentations correctly,

dividing liquors into generic and proprietary categories, not once, was a teacher capable of pronouncing proprietary. That's not fair. That's a hard word, but I do think if you're going, if I'm going to a school, I am hopeful that the instructors can speak the same language as me because otherwise it will be hard to follow along. Even after getting help from the group,

and that's only one of the many mistakes. So if you want to work in the industry and sound professional, you'll have to check every word, every sound and stress and a dictionary by yourself. now this person's like in a... Yeah, there's a bunch of bartenders in like New York City who are like,

and this drink is a... Very good. I just want to quickly read it. Here's the most recent trust pilot review for the guisery for our online store, which we are,

we're going to have a merch drop in a couple of months here again. This is from G. It's a one-star review. It says possibly the worst example of a so-called online store I've ever had the misfortune to encounter,

an abysmal service from top to bottom from the appalling user interface to the paltry number of items available for purchase. The two hosts are clearly a pair of charlatans, that's Brian and I, so much so that they were recently pleasing for more favorable reviews via their podcast, despite not even offering the bare minimum $50 store credit or discount. Avoid like the plague. I shan't be frequenting this cesspit of an online store again. I can think of many places more deserving of my traffic.

And that's one of the nicer, that's one of the better reviews. That's probably one of the most positive reviews we have. Our brand is enchamble. Our brand is in chamble. What are you guys doing on your web store? It's a big issue where you can't even start. We try our best, Dave, you know, but we're struggling. We don't understand this business stuff, how any of this stuff works.

Teachers roll eyes and groan loudly every time they have to answer an intercom and open a door. Called the manager stupid in front of the group. Respond shut up on students' jokes. not in a funny context That's kind of dope actually That's kind of sweet Knock knock who's there Shut up

Yeah just shut up And they do They shut up and take Not like shut up and take my money No It's just a general atmosphere Of complete burnout And lower class resentment

And the manager's really stupid One day I was asked If everything's all right And if I'd like to talk to her Oh they want to listen and approve I hoped ha ha ha ha I was lectured on how grateful I must feel for my any accommodation at all, like at some charity project for homeless ones.

Five conclusion. This course might be a great lesson for your spoiled child. If a little cunt winds about the slightest discomfort, I know, I know. Is that trust pilot friendly? I hope that this is, I hope this is a British person. Wines about the slightest discomfort and can't resist power trips from time to time. send them to a European bartending school course to experience real discomfort and disrespect. It's also useful for those who are adamant about becoming a bartender.

Some students just ignore all the trouble and practice to become professional. My respect. But can't those devoted and talented kids gain the same skills elsewhere? Anyway, if you're just curious about drinking culture and industry, save your money, time, and health. So, bad reasons. Yeah, I mean, I guess the people are only going from Europe, you'd hope, right? because imagine you're going over from North America taking like a long expensive flight to become a new bartender and you go there. And yeah, you're being packed into like a hostel and then taught in a basement that can barely fit all the people and your instructors are just telling you to shut up and they don't understand English.

I mean, who sounds awesome. Yeah. It sounds like the instructors are also being human trafficked. You know, it sounds like everybody's miserable. Everyone has been human traffic. Possibly. Yeah. I went to Quora and Chris I cut this especially for you.

Yesterday evening I drank a can of this guy lives in Canada by the way that's his Whereabouts? I don't know. It just says lives in Canada. Sorry, wear a boot. Yesterday. Yesterday evening I drank a can of ice cold cherry Coke Zero and Jack Daniels and honey Southern Southern comfort with lemonade. Would any Canadians here also be happy to do the same?

Can you purchase the mixers there in Maine Super Bowl? markets nationwide. That's an American asking a question. I'll get a Canadian answer. Oh, I see. So that's an American. I was going to say, yeah, we have Southern comfort, definitely. We have Jack Daniels. Get ready, guys. Canadians no longer drink American beer, wine, or liquor of any kind. We have them for a year now in retaliation for the raging imbecile Trump's tariffs. You can't buy it here. It's not on the shelves. Just one little ways we say fuck the fascist states of America. We did cut in British Columbia. They did cut, A lot of the American liquor coming into here are our trusty Premier David Eby,

who is the leader of the party that I actually support, but is also very bad at politics. He made that decision. I know people in Canada do hate Donald Trump. There's no doubt about it. Which is rude. They don't have to deal with them. I think a lot of alcoholic people are people who are big on drinking.

If they have a drink that they like, though, I don't think they're stopping drink. You know what I mean? If they're like, like to drink bud light or whatever i think those people are still drinking bud light but i did that does remind me i did see a in my neighborhood um right on right on the like there's like a community little post thing right in the in the park across from my place and it's it's a picture of donald trump oh and it says missing a heart a soul brains a spine empathy a conscience humility emotional

intelligence, morality, any sense of humanity, business savvy, and the ability to speak truth. So we are fighting back in our own ways up here, definitely. That's a Banksy? That's not a Banksy. That's it. I can show you. It's like a proper missing poster. Like it's like a missing poster with a photo of hymns as missing and big letters.

Well, John says Canada can buy better quality spirits and wines from the rest of the world. So why would we buy American shit? As for the so-called beer, it's the equivalent of sex by the sea. fucking near water. Oh, well, we always make fun of American beer for being watered down. That's always been a thing in Canada. That's been a thing in America, too. I mean,

it's a real, yeah, I've said this, but we used to do things where we would drink as many. We'd go to Point Roberts, get American beers, we'd drink as many as we could, and we'd have vomiting competitions where we would vomit off the side of my friend's deck. But it's like the amount of beer, American beer we could drink versus the amount of Canadian beer. we could always drink way more American beer, like way, way more. And it always tasted watered down. So I don't know if that's the truth anymore or if it even was then. But it's something I grew up like really, really believing.

Fine. This guy asks, what's the uncoolest drink to order at a bar? Oh, but also, though, hang on a second. I do have to take Umbrage with that last poster because a certain type of whiskey is made in America. Bourbon, Pappy. Pappy Van Winkle, baby. the top of the Dave, what's your feeling on Pappy Van Winkle?

That's a whole other episode. Yeah, we did. We did a whole episode on whiskey guys. Do you guys love it? Oh, man, it's the fucking pits, man. I've drank it before? Pappy, no, I've never had the liquid itself. I mean, my, what I'm referring to is just the culture around Pappy and any of these other, like, very hyped bottles of whiskey.

We call them taters here in the United States. Because there's a lot of butter on. No, no, no, the people who seek them out are taters because they're kind of, they're like unthinking like potato people. Yeah. They're just chasing the label. But no, I mean, I don't, I don't have like that kind of money. So I don't, I've never had Pappy before.

Oh, man, you got to try it. It's all we drink. It's fucking so buttery. It's crazy. I put it on my toast. It's the fucking beat. It's the shit, man. Honestly, I brush my teeth with it.

This guy asks, what's the uncool? coolest drink to order at a bar so we're going to learn a little bit. Brian, I think got this one already. I did. The purple Tudor or whatever. What was it called? Purple hooter. This guy goes, Patrick goes, a martini made with anything other than gin and vermouth. I was sitting in an upscale bar overlooking the Hudson River one evening waiting for a female friend. Mm, nice. While I was sipping my mccallin neat with a water chaser, a guy sits down next to me and asked to see the quote martini menu. Can you imagine such a thing?

A menu of martini's made with everything, but the aforementioned gin and vermouth. For 15 minutes, he couldn't make up his mind and was holding the barmaid hostage. Finally, in disgust, I turned to him and said, for Christ's sakes, why don't you order a man's drink and quit badgering the lady? Can't you see she has more important things to do?

He took offense and left. I proffered up a $20 bill to the starter barmaid as an apology. Ooh, I hate this guy. I hate this guy. He's one of my most hated ever posters on the podcast. This guy sounds like the biggest fucking loser I've ever. I mean, and you know the way he's like,

yeah, like posturing up in front of the bartender or whatever. Calling her a barmaid. A barmaid, yeah. And then saying, though, like,

oh my God, like can you believe guys like this? And meanwhile, she's thinking like, I prefer guys like this to guys like you, actually. Yeah, he's probably more annoying.

in a way. In a different way, but he doesn't see it as annoying because he's like, yeah, again, I'm this refined drinker. I'm drinking what he's drinking. McCallon, scotch. Which is, which is whiskey. Scotch. So, so he's not even drinking Pappy, so he shouldn't say a fucking word to anybody. Let's find, let's find that guy. He, I love that he's like, uh, a menu of martini's made with everything, but the aforementioned gin and vermouth. Like, the way he's so mad, then this guy goes for a guy, it would probably be. the martini. Only women in 007 could really pull that off. For a woman, I would say a long island. There's a bit of a story behind this. I was out a while ago and one of my co-workers, a girl that

works at a different department, was out that night, Cuban girl, and she sees me ordering my second Long Island. She turns to my direction, laughs and says, Long Island, are you trying to get white girl drunk? She was just as the Irish and Aussies like to say, taking the piss. But it was as the Irish and Aussies like to say it's actually British people as well often say that I don't know that it's I think it's all like common yeah it's not just Irish and

I think it is a British turn of phrase it's a British turn of phrase right yeah I think he's got he's got a completely wrong yeah but as the Aussies like to say taking the piss but it was telling I suppose it's uncool or maybe even daring for women to drink strong drinks like that unless they're trying to get wasted

I still laugh a little about that. So she was making fun of you just to be clear. She was making fun of you drinking Long Island iced tea and you didn't recognize it. Here's a good one for you guys. This is this reference is a past episode too. William says, I got verbally slaughtered after chatting to the barmaid in a manly cask ale pub and Eltham. Then ordering a glass of pink wine. at other times I have to I've got funny looks for requesting a dry sherry or a dry

Madeira but these are excellent appertiefs these cocktail guys dude the way they talk these are excellent appetites just save the fucking thing man I don't need you to talk that way is this still is this still on trust pilot no this is on Quora because real men can order pink wine it doesn't mean they're effeminate but it does exposed the old nonsense about a pint of beer and a white wine for the lady. It sure upset that barmaid, so he made her mad by ordering a pink. Dave, have you ever had a nice cascale, a nice warm cascale? It's a tough sell, man. I have had it. I've had cascale in the UK. And it's, I mean,

it is, to be fair, as advertised. They're like, it's going to be warm. There's not going to be any carbonation. Like, wait till you taste it. And you, like, take a sip. And you'll, They're like, no, yeah, that's, that is exactly what you said. It was going to be. Yeah, that's warm and flat. Yeah, but why are you guys doing this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we move fast this, yeah.

What are some manly cocktails? This is off of Quora. Jonas answered, you know what's not manly and drinking? Making fun of what other people drink. There are no girly drinks. Drink what you enjoy. If you're a man and you like a Cosmo or some sugary drink and that's genuine, what you enjoy drinking, order it, drink it and own it.

If anyone makes funny you for drinking something non-manly, for all you know, it's a sad sack who suffers through a martini or old-fashioned he hates only because he believes he must order a man's drink. That's no fun. Calling your friends a sad sack because they laugh when you order a blowjob shot. Yeah, actually, there's no right or wrong drink, Peter. You go ahead and suffer through yours. I'm going to. Yeah, no. Can I use your name?

napkin please I have to wipe the whipped the whipped cream off of my nose this represents cum by the way that's what the cream is stop please stop laughing you sad sack yeah you're such a sad sack man stop laughing and give me your napkin i love the guy the the picture of a guy drinking an old fashion and then getting called a loser by a guy with his hands behind his back oh yeah you got to put your hands behind your drink where it's like some silly thing like that where it's meant for like a bachelor at party or whatever right where it's like a silly thing where everyone's meant to laugh at it kind of like we're all supposed to laugh that could be the only embarrassing drink to order a weird related drink i mean me and my friends i never tried one but i i actually had i'm always like uh whenever they did it i was

always like tempted i just never did uh was a flaming dr pepper because like it was it was just popular for a here and everybody you're drinking, they'd say it tastes just like Dr. Pepper but people who drink booze their taste must be so different from mine because they're always like oh, it tastes like this and I'm like, it tastes like booze. Like it doesn't taste like Dr. Pepper.

Does it have amaretto in it? That has Amaretto in it. It's got Amaretto. Because I just remember Amaretto tastes a kind of. It's got to be 151. Yeah, because it's Amaretto kind of tastes like Dr. Pepper. Oh. Sorry. Figure out what you do.

I dropped my knife. Why are you holding your knife? Is it a cocktail knife? No, it's a corn knife. It's corn, the band knife. All day I dream about sex it says on it. No, it says Adidas. Yeah, but that's what that means.

This guy goes, figure out what you genuinely enjoy and confidently order that. If someone mocks you, what do you drink? Have you tried this? It's good. This guy replies and goes, doesn't make you manly what makes you manly is being able to order a strawberry daughey and the little cocktail umbrella on a guy's night out and then brag to your friends about collecting cocktail umbrellas for the kids because you're an active father yes no the most

manly thing you can do is be a good father i'm a father and i and i and i and i attest to that and my and well i don't know if you want to get the depending on the age of your kids because those little umbrellas have like a little sharp thing on them or whatever not great for kids necessarily But I do, I used to, when I, I lived shortly for a short time in the Bahamas. And when I was out on the beach, I loved a strawberry daugree. I'll tell you, it was really refreshing. And I mean, it really tastes good, I think, for drinks, you know. Well, let me, let me help you guys with the.

Dante says, forget the other answers. Okay. Hang on. Give me a second. Okay. As a cocktail bartender for eight years, the drink, which causes me to involuntarily knob my head and respect every time I'm asked for it is the old fashion. The traditional recipe calls for bourbon bitters and sugar stirred up slow and ice.

If done properly, you will have a full 70 milliliters of bourbon with a few dashes of Angus stir a bitters sweeten with a cube of sugar. Not only is it delicious if made properly, it's a genuinely respected drink within bartending. Want to mix it up? Try an aged rum or old fashion. Aged rum old fashion. Aged tequila.

This guy knows his drinks is what they'll be thinking. You can just show them your knowledge. The through line on all of these is that every, every guy that you've read a comment from is just deeply insecure about ordering cocktails. Yeah, it does seem like ordering cocktails is like a really tough thing these days. And finally, before we get out of here, I'm going to show this on screen. Dave, no doubt knows about this. and Chris, you'll probably, have you ever heard of the Bartesian? Oh, yeah.

I have not heard of the Bartesian. It's a cocktail machine that you can put a pod in and it'll make your cocktail. Oh, so like that coffee one or whatever? It's like curing for cocktails. Curig, okay. It's a good way to understand it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's $299.

If you want the professional version, it's $3.99, marked down from $400. $3.99 marked down from $400. That's what it's it. Yeah. Anyway, this is a you put the booze in these these bottles and you put a pot in and it it makes it now I wanted I wanted to show you the price and I wanted to show you the picture because we'll read a couple reviews about how this thing works Uh three stars so first of all it's a good review all in all right three out of five average in my opinion we we disagree on this above average I believe three is average because people don't usually use half stars two and a half is average um many of the capsules won't make a real cocktail I wanted to give this less than

three stars but the machine does work perfectly fine so this guy's ethical as I can tell you though it's up to you on how many stars you give it if you wanted to give it less you can give it less he said he said a man has got to have a code you know he said I respect what they are trying to do I just don't like it the yeah the ethical Amazon reviewer. I want to give it two stars, but I know that's wrong. I know it's wrong. The problem I have is with the capsules. This is such a common thing. Many of them don't have anything close to the proper ingredients. The watermelon margarita, while it tastes fine, doesn't have any watermelon at all. That's kind of whatever. He goes, unless as stated on a capsule, it has

watermelon and some of its some kind but for color? It also has apple juice in it as I found many capsules substituted apple juice for the proper ingredient. I know of a few drinks that call for apple juice. A sidecar is made with cognac and orange liqueur. Bartesian

makes their sidecar with whiskey and lemon and orange juice concentrates. The painkiller? No coconut rum at all. No coconut at all. Hemingway Dacery? Supposed to be rum. Maraschino liqueur, lime juice and grape fruit juice. Bartesian is made with vodka.

And once again, apple juice. That does seem wrong. If it's like rum and then they make it with vodka instead. Yeah. No meres or liquor for you. Maybe that's like there are same as like, you know, with the martini or whatever. Maybe there are different variations of it. I think they probably use.

Yeah. No, not really. No. So that's wrong. The bartesian's doing this wrong. They use artificial flavors. True. Yeah.

I think if you're reading the ingredients, you're not understanding that they're probably also using, like, scientifically derived artificial flavors. You know what I mean? So he's like, oh, it's got apple juice. It doesn't have watermelon in it. But that's a watermelon flavor in it. Yeah, that's, I get that. But they're using the wrong type of liquor. He said that it's like, they're using vodka instead of rum.

That's a big difference. Those don't taste very similar. That's very odd. Yeah. I bought this because of claim to use the finest ingredients. Well, come on. too. So you're an idiot.

Yeah. You bought the pod machine because you thought it used the finest ingredient. You ordered it on Amazon. Is this the same guy who enrolled in European bartender school? This guy can't get a break on a good cocktail. He's just like, it'll make a perfectly fine drink. It's just, in my opinion, an imitation of the real thing. I emailed the manufacturer.

That's literally exactly what it is, an imitation of the real thing. That is exactly what you're paying for. Did you buy? Yeah. I emailed the manufacturer with my comments, but was brushed, can you imagine this guy's emailing the manufacturer of the company? Deersters. To whom it may concern is how it starts.

Listen, your product is pretty good, but is. He goes, but was brushed aside, and they insisted the capsules were made only with the finest ingredients. Skip this and make the drink yourself. Well, yes. That's the alternative, but I think this is for people who don't want to do that. Well, Frank gave it one star, quality and taste of an excellent made cocktail. It's nothing more than a high-priced coffee machine. Pods are not returnable or cash refundable.

Big scam, because the pods are what makes the cocktail great. Cleaning is difficult. Pod drinks are not good up to part of the skill of a cocktail. Takes up a lot of counter space. If left out on the counter, I can see people just, drinking more and more, which is not what one wants. So this guy's like, oh, yeah.

He comes in to get, he comes in to get an apple from the fridge and then out of the corner of his eyes, he's his fucking drink maker. Oh, no. I get to have another one. I do like the idea. He's just like spiraling out. He's like,

and another thing, by the way, like alcoholism? Not very cool, Bartich. Yeah. This actually, this alcohol drink maker actually,

I found contributes to alcohol. I can see people drinking more and more, which is not one once. Making a cocktail from start to end is the fun of making and enjoying a cocktail. I still have not received my credit from Amazon for the barista machine return after returning it to whole foods as required. It's been two weeks already. That's just like a supply chain complaint. Yeah, that's kind of nice that they let you take it to whole foods. We don't have to do that here.

Okay. Yeah, we don't have the option. that here, right? Like, if we return something, we have to return it. I don't think, maybe I'm wrong. I don't, I've said this before. I don't return things from Amazon. If I buy it from Amazon, I just accept it. And if it doesn't work, and then I throw it away. Brenna says one star, I really wanted this to be cool. So I just want to say, I thought this was the coolest thing ever. Well, actually, the coolest thing ever is a slider on a glory hole where you can tell if somebody's in it or not, of course. That's a reference to for those who just don't listen to the bonus episodes.

That's Tom and Bunny from Tom's trips, the swingers, and Tom did inform us that, yeah, that's the coolest thing he's ever seen. Occupato, bro. Yeah. Well, that's because a lot of times you'll go over there, you stick your dick in the hole, there's nobody in there. And then you're just sitting there with your dick through the hole for Lord knows how long, waiting for someone to come along, and you don't even know. And it's like, it would be nice to just know if someone's over there and they're going to get to. get to sucking on this thing pretty soon. Or jacking it off.

Or jacking it off whatever they, you know, you hope that they're going to suck on it. Glowing off a penis. Yeah, you hope that they're going to. Well, I ended up buying two of them with the same result. Oh, no. So I just want to say, I thought this was the coolest thing ever. Who doesn't like a curig? Like so many people.

So many coffee lovers. Hate a curing. Yeah. How about one for booze? Well, I ended up buying two of them with the same result. It won't prime. Therefore, it didn't work. I watched help videos.

on YouTube, corresponded with Bartesian. I tried over and over and nothing. So disappointing and a crushing blow to someone that loves their booze. I have a crushing blow to someone who loves their booze. I have 80 pods that I really want to use, but we'll end up either making a spode or sucking up and ordering one more to try again. I think this is that just just a thing.

They keep buying more. I think this is like a ploy. They're posting this review, hoping that people will. respond be like you got 80 pods let's you come on over to my place let's have a bit of a party you know invite a bunch of friends over and we can use these pods because what are you gonna i mean she can't figure out how to use any of the pods or so she found out the previous reviewers said they're not returnable yeah yeah yeah you're not cash refundable either that's crazy that they that they don't have like i would is i would have assumed that you could like go to like uh like a store and

use them as like legal tender that would be my understanding so finally this is our last thing this is our last review and it's my favorite kind one of my favorite kinds of reviews chris i think you'll love it it paints a picture which we like to have hi one star hi i recently purchased my bartesian pro on 102523 i was so excited i told my friends weekend at the weekend at my house Mm-hmm. After setting up the machine, I read the instruction. I tried to make a good drink. I only had one cocktail mix, rum, breeze, and sex on the beach.

He had a sex on the beach. Wow. And I forgot to buy the vodka, so that left me with one box of capsules. So I put the rum breeze capsule in and started the system. The machine worked but failed to dispense the rum and a cocktail mix. So that's one capsule down. So I try to get in again with the same result. I place a call into customer service.

So this guy's having a party at his house. Weekend at his place. Yeah. Everyone's there. Invites have been sent out already. The boys are in the group chat being like, let's go, let's go, let's go. And he's, first off, he forgot to buy vodka for it. That's on him.

But now he's like, yeah, you can imagine the panic as like, you know, he's like, maybe one of his buddies is like 45 minutes out, buddy, I'm ready to get tilted up, you And then now he's just like, oh my God, the fucking rum is not dispensing. What the fuck am I going to do? He calls the hotline. I think my picture of it was that his friends are already there. Oh. And he's like, check this out.

And he's putting the pot in. And then you ain't never seen anything like this before, boys. He does it again. And it fucks it up again. And then he's like, okay, I got to call tech support while all of his friends are at the house. And his one, his one friend drunk Jared is just like. like, get this shit going, man. What the fuck?

Can I just take some of the vodka out of the machine and drink it straight? Well, I forgot the vodka, but you could have some rum. I can't believe you forgot the vodka. That is another detail that's like, you couldn't ask one of your friends that are coming over to stop and grab some vodka and denmole? Yeah, bring some of it's real cheap. So he goes, I place a call into customer service with hours from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., which can't help me at, which can't help me at all.

So my opinion is not worth the price. A key lock system has made poorly, very flimsy, easy to break into. I chose the high-end one due to I have teenagers. After tempting three, after tempting three times and no cocktail, I'll be returning my machine in about $250 of mixes that are on the way. Well, no, you won't. You will not be returning your mixes, your capsules, my friends. The premise that teenagers want anything to do with this fucking piece of joke. Yeah.

You got to lock it up from your. teenagers like they're gonna not just gonna take the bottle of fucking rum and drink. They don't want the liquor. They don't want this stupid machine. Yeah. Oh,

let me sneak in and start the machine up real quick. Yeah, I've got the liquor already, but like fuck, man, I'd love to make some fucking pre-made cocktail. Feel some of dad's pods. I see so,

I see some of the sex on the beach pods are missing. Well, we don't even have vodka. So I don't even know what you're doing. Yeah. All right. These things are so sad, man. Like these curing for bartender for cocktail things are just so because like we were

talking about earlier, like part of the reason you fucking drink if you drink is to like be in a social setting and like have the experience of the bar and like perhaps interact in a non fucking freakish way with the bartender. Like these people are all trying to like reverse engineer that experience. but like first of all like the actual thing doesn't work and second of all like even if it did you would just be sitting in your fucking house like running curing cocktails yeah i imagine there's a lot of people who are buying that and picturing their life to be very gatsby like afterwards like but then in reality they're sitting yeah watching fucking tv shows or whatever they're on hold with the

fucking hotline yeah like it doesn't dispense the room drinking a horrible fucking reclass creation of a drink that they love. Yeah. And, you know, I offered to buy this for my wife. Mm-hmm. And she's like, well, I like to learn how to make the stuff. I don't, I'm like not trying to just get as drunk as possible. Yeah, exactly.

It's not that hard to do. There's so few, like, practical application other than severe alcoholism or I guess, yeah, if you're doing like big, huge parties. But even then, like, just fucking make the drink, you know, have somebody. The cocktail, yeah. You would just create a, like in a pitcher or whatever. Exactly. Yeah, it's the thing that people do.

We already knew how to do that. Yeah. We got guys waiting in line to use the Bartesian, you know what I mean? Because only one person can go at a time, too. Yeah, the Bartesian is not, we're, Bartesian's getting zero stars from me. I would never purchase it. Turing for party is not going to work. That's just not, unless it can make like five drinks, you know.

So thank you for doing the show, Dave. Tell people where to find you. Thanks for having me, guys. It was a pleasure. I am publishing a newsletter called Fingers. It's at Fingers. Email. It's about drinking in America. It's been going for fun. That's right. Just like those. Just the things on your hands, you know. Thanks a lot, Brian. This guy's talking about his fucking actual newsletter. And Brian starts doing the finger banging thing with his fingers. You go like this when you're finger banging. That's how you hit the spot. Anyway, I was, I was listening in a genuine way, Dave. I promise. Ladies love that move as much as they love the Bartesian. Yeah, it's called fingers. It's at fingers.

Email. I cover the industry. I cover the culture and politics around booze. I spent a lot of time writing about Rob Schneider and his sad bourbon. Oh, I didn't even get to ask you, but you don't even like the testicle whiskey stones. It look exactly like testicles are meant to be teardrops.

Because I thought that was great. I even, I think, I mentioned on a bonus episode, but I found the owner of that, the guy who started that, tears of the left. It's some distillery. I forget where it is. Yeah, it's in Charleston. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. And so I found his cell phone number and I was calling him leaving a message as being like, hey, I'll come these whiskey stones look like testicles, eh? We wanted, we actually talked about this. We, I told, we were doing merch and I was like,

I have an idea. Why don't we make actual testicle whiskey stones that look like testicles? Realistic. Yeah. Really realistic with like veins and little hair and stuff like that. But yeah. Put the tears of the left whiskey on it. Yeah, just put tears of the left whiskey on it.

And now Dave, now you can probably understand a little bit better where these one-star reviews on trust by the coming from for our merchandise. These are the ideas we have. I think you guys got a, that's a bestseller as far as I'm concerned. Yeah, maybe I know somebody who may, like we don't know who makes those custom stones or whatever. So maybe we could talk afterwards and you could possibly get us in contact with someone. We're going to do some whiskey stone business.

Yeah. All right. Well, thanks for doing the show, Dave. We'll see you all next week. Goodbye. Bye.