Guys: With Bryan Quinby - Guys: Episode 174 - Candy Guys with Merritt K

Episode Date: June 2, 2026

This week on Guys we had our friend (and special guest for the Toronto Live show that is on 6/5) Merritt K from 1-900-HOTDOG on the show to talk about something that I am, candy guys! A guy licked his jawbreaker into a cube, the vanillan situation in hersheys. People getting really angry at the Hershey Factory Tour, Why are these dark chocolate people so mean? We read some of the craziest reviews we've ever seen. There is more Chris at https://www.patreon.com/notevenashow Not Even a Show is back (temporarily) https://www.youtube.com/c/notevenashow And for more Guys content, streams and SHOCKTOBER: a deep dive into shock jocks you can click patreon.com/guyspodcast, Join us on the Sunday Night Stream every Sunday night at 8:00 EST at twitch.tv/notevenashowand I am on https://bsky.app/profile/murderxbryan.bsky.social  Guys is on Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/guys.pod Guys has a Post Office Box now! PO Box 10769 Columbus Ohio 43201

Welcome to guys, a podcast about guys. I'm Brian. This is my episode. And I'm here with Chris. Hey, how's it going? Yeah, I mean, listen, I like a candy every now and then as well. I don't think there's anything wrong with candy. You don't know shit about candy.

Okay. I'm not trying to say I do. I'm just saying, I think I know about it in the same way as like a normal person and that I eat it. I ate it a lot more when I was a kid, but I eat. So I still eat candy now and I do still. like it. You never have to grow up, Chris. You can eat candy all your life. Yeah, I mean, there's hell of things. You could be, you could get a huge pot. I start watching this cartoon. Let's get Merritt on the show. Hi, Merritt. Hey, what's up? So this is candy, huh? Candy guys.

Candy guys. So anyway, last night as I was prepping this, I was like, I'm going to watch Invincible, which is a cartoon. I don't usually watch cartoons. Yeah. I don't. I would never. I get really upset when people tell me and watch cartoons, actually. They're like, you got to watch this show on It's so emotional and heartfelt. And I'm like, yeah, I watch grown-up shows, though. Like family guy and stuff like that. Like family guy, yeah. I don't watch any cartoons.

I can't get into them. I don't know why. I was going to say why, but I'm not going to say why because Chris will make fun of me. Yeah. Why don't you say why? Why don't you say why? When they fight, you just can't feel the impact like you can with real fight choreography. Yeah, you're a bit of a...

I mean, you're right about it. that. Thank you. You're right about that. Yeah. I was watching Invincible last night. And I was my wife was like, I'm going to go to this happy hour. I want I'm, I don't want to be there. It's the people at work. I'm going to go. I'll be home early. And then she didn't come home early. Well, I know. And then I'm walking around the fucking house. I don't know what the fuck to do. You know what I mean? I'm texting her. Hey, when do you think about coming home? Yeah. And she's probably having a good time and having fun and stuff like that. She does that when I'm not around all the time.

Yeah, it's annoying. What's exciting to me is that just sort of like 30 minutes of unsupervised time, you immediately go to watching cartoons. I started watching a cartoon with a big pile of high chues in front of me. He's eating his high chutes. He's doing his Lego. He's watching his cartoons. You don't have to grow up.

He's a grown up man. I had occurred to me last night while I was eating candy and watching a cartoon on the couch. But you know what I did? I was like, but I'm working too. I was like finding stuff for the show. I see. So that's kind of, listen, I noticed it. I noticed it recently because obviously I have a toddler and the food that he eats.

And I notice like my two, my big favorite snack right now is apple slices and peanut butter, which is, you know, a hugely baby kind of thing to eat. And I just noticed that I am, maybe not candy, but I'm eating a lot of kind of baby style foods for sure. Oh, am I eating candy. I'm back on candy. Yeah. I'm going crazy on those high chews. The high shoes, that's troubling.

I don't know. Again, a lot of stuff here is disturbing me. There's some elements that I'm not crazy. What is it about the high chew in particular? Because that's never been like a high priority candy for me. It's not a high priority candy usually. You're ordering it by the crate. What are you talking about?

I am ordering them by the box. But it's not a high priority candy usually. But then my daughter for Easter, of course, she wanted to get us an Easter basket, right? That's sweet. You know what I mean? Even though I paid for it. Yeah, that's nice. You know who paid for it, but whatever.

You gotta get that in, huh? Yeah, he always does. I just got a, well, I paid for it. He's always complaining about that. But she got us each an Easter basket. Yeah. Mine had these sweet and sour. Mine was all candy.

Mm-hmm. Okay. Which is great. She knows what I like candy. You know, some racy eggs and some stuff like that. But then also, she also gave me pepto, Bismal. Smart.

It is smart, actually, for me. But then they had these sweet and sour high chews. And I poured them in a candy dish. And I was like, we got to have a candy dish in this house. I decided that nobody has ever needed something less in their house than Brian with a candy dish. I felt like I'm of an age now. Yeah. Where you have a candy dish in your house.

Yeah. You hit a. point in life and it's like, well, I guess I'm buying some Wothers. Yes, but I do sweet and sour high choose. But merit, merit, can I just say, and we've talked about this on bonus episodes before, but I think the big difference is it's like you get to a certain age, you're older and you buy the candies so that when young people and your family come over, they eat them. It's meant for other people, whereas Brian just puts them in a dish and then eats them out of the dish. Maybe I do that. So I, Merritt, I will ask you because

you say you don't you're not really into high cheese i'm the same way i can't i can't stand high i think i tried to buy them because brian's talking all about them and i found them disgusting um but what do you have a candy that you still eat and if not what was your like kind of go-to candy when you're younger i'm like living so clean right now like it's really frightening to me i'm like getting up at at 6 a.m and i don't have a child so that i don't have to i don't have to be anywhere for work i'm you know i'm just getting up at 6 am going to bed at 10 i'm like drinking non-alcoholic beer. I'm like not eating that much candy, but

like a gummy. I'll fuck up like some gummies like like a sour patch kid. Yeah, yeah. That's a classic for me. Sour patch kids I really do like in a gummy. I think we're very similar in our candy tastes. I like gummies too.

Yeah. Well, Brian, it's different. But I'm on high choose too. You like them all, man. You're just like. I like ropes too. I'm a big ropes guy. Not like a nerd. rope. Yes. No. Well, you do, wait, what is it? Nerd gummy clusters are quite good. I can't have. Okay. That's what I'm thinking of. I know you were on the 15 minutes of my. The family size bag doesn't last 15 minutes here. I'm up. I'm thinking of every excuse to get up so I can walk by it and eat them. Now, I don't get the chance to talk about this often enough. Do you remember the brief period where there were Sour Patch Kid ropes and they basically,

they looked like human centipedes. It was just like top to bottom just connected in like a long They sold them for like six months and then we're like, wait, what the fuck are we doing? Yeah. I do not remember. I do not remember those. I find the ropes. Sweet tart ropes, by the way, is what I'm disconcert. They're like off putting to me.

I don't like to eat my can. I like one of the things I like about candy and I am kind of a snack guy where I like to eat a bunch of one little thing. Yeah. Like, and then it takes me a long time and I'm eating one after another. So the rope kind of, it like strips away everything I like about candy basically. We are rope guys in this house. Like even my wife is like get some fucking sour rope. Not that rainbow colored.

We like the rainbow colored ropes. It's in a while. But it's like every one of those you eat that's like, oh man, that is just, that's like 30 grams of sugar, dude. Walking around your house with I walk around my house with hanging out of my mouth. Because I am like not eating. I am eating more candy now. But for a period of time, I really was like, I'm going to need a pallet cleanser after this. dinner. And I eat a rope or two and be like, oh, there we go. Now we're feeling better.

No, like, no, something that I don't know if this is, if you're going to touch on this, I feel like maybe one of the guys we're going to talk about will have made this comment. But to me, like, no, where do you stand on like, is chocolate candy? Because to me, we're going to talk a lot about chocolate. Okay. Because there's a lot of weird guys involved in the chocolate world. Although I wanted to bring this up first. This person, lick their giant jawbreaker into a cube. That just gave me a big time nostalgia moment where I do remember those big gigantic everlasting gobstoppers, the white ones with the like speckle color on.

Yeah, that's what this is probably. Oh, yeah. Because they change colors as you go. I remember like, I didn't think they were that great. Like I didn't necessarily love the taste of them. I didn't mind it, but it was like, it was like a status thing. It was like very cool to have an everlasting gobstopper. and sort of bring it to school.

That's a straight up child's candy. This guy's hand. Yeah, it was a child. It's not a child. No, what I'm saying, yeah, adults shouldn't be licking. I agree.

That's coming from me, you know? Yeah, you are casting judgment on the, like, if you have like, you like, where, yeah, like, how do you, I don't remember how I stored it, but there's like a storing issue with it.

Yeah. Put it in a plastic bag and a carry a rindus. Just to marinate all that. Yeah. You're at dinner with your friends, like having a nice dinner. And afterwards, you pull out your jawbreaker and start licking it. It's like a child's like version of snus or something. Like you're just like, taking this thing out to lick a few times, put it back in them back.

Do you guys, you guys are going to have a dessert? Oh, no, that's fine. I'll be okay. I'm just going to like my giant jawbreaker. I actually brought my giant jawbreaker. I mean, fine. It looks cool. The cube.

I'm going to give them that. Yeah, you guys aren't seeing it. It looks very cool. It looks cool because I'll make it the picture. That's the way that it's like designed. It has like a like sort of a cool design on the inside and he licked it into a. But that that's tough. That's like almost does it take skill to lick it into a cube?

No. Okay. I mean, you just have to know where to lick for a while. Yeah. You know what I mean? Brian, you got to work on that. Well, that's most of the things are like this person. The man with the happiest girlfriend.

Jesus. Then a person, then a woman actually. replies it goes or no girlfriend which yeah more likely more likely because it's again it's just like hey honey let's go and he's like I got to find my jawbreaker I mean it's a little blue I know you like to keep things sophisticated on the show but have you ever done connollingus guys because that is like a really specific and upsetting type of guy we definitely are going to someday but yeah Brian I would have to figure out how to name it so people weren't immediately turned off.

Yeah, like, yeah, how do you even like pussy-licking guys is obviously kind of like this guys. I mean, it would probably be pussy guys, but even that's hard to sense. Yeah, I would say that's pretty nasty too. There's no good way of titling that episode. Yeah. This next person, which I love, spray it with acrylic and keep it. Yeah, that's a, that's an heirloom now.

Well, that's crazy, though, to a jawbreaker guy because he's like, yeah, no, I'm, I'm going to lick it until there's not. to this thing too. Yeah, I'm going to take the rest of it down, obviously. This guy goes kind of gross, but I don't care. Being a jawbreaker sculptor is pretty cool. This will be a fun series of art if you did multiple. Now they're like, you get into a gallery.

I mean, listen. Look at my different licked jawbreakers. I could see that actually being a thing though, right? Like outsider art or whatever. And somebody actually is like, I'm a jawbreaker sculptor. I lick these into like, if you did actual cool sculptures or whatever, listen, it wouldn't be something I would buy to put in my home. but I could see somebody having like having that in a gallery.

He does get an, so how long did this take any replies? About a week. Most of the time was spent letting my tongue heal. I guess I would guess that was only about four hours worth of licks though. Oh, which that's the other thing we're not talking about. It fucked your tongue up to eat a jawbreaker like that.

What is it really? I don't know, but the sugar fucked. I mean, you were talking about. about Sour Patch Kids, they'll fuck your mouth up too. Yeah, but that's the acid, isn't it? That's like the citric acid that fucks your mouth up. I think it's the sugar because I use, oh,

God, we used to buy these, these, these tear jerkers. Oh yeah. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, yeah. I remember those. Yeah, yeah. And we that was like the first sour candy because it was like a gumball with sour. Anyway, we used to buy because there were five cents

and we wanted to use the rest of our money on cigarettes. So if we wanted candy, we'd go buy a bunch of jawbreakers and cigarette or uh and we would lick those fucking things all day until all the stuff was off of it and your tongue would be fucking in so much pain it's like running sandpaper across your tongue and i just assumed that's what this was like to but is it you're right though that's like the sour element of it i wonder if it's just the roughness of the of the jawbreaker that's like literally scraping your tongue because the sugar yeah but you can eat a bunch of sugar candy and it doesn't that's my point you could eat a bunch of gummies which are

filled with sugar but you're not licking though when you're okay yeah yeah yeah like that i think is because i ate tons of jawbreakers without licking them and i was fine what do you mean i'm sorry not jawbreakers i mean okay okay okay here just i ate a ton of it's i was scared marit and i were both like what the fuckers all my bills just taking Jawbreakers down. We're biting into the like, hold on, I got to take my medicine real quick.

Yeah. This guy goes, this guy weirdly, he must be a crazy kisser. I don't think this guy's ever kissed somebody. I mean, kissing is mostly licking the other person's face. So maybe he's only ever kissed his dog.

That's fair. I don't know how you did this, but then finally this guy goes, I'd love a set of these bad boys. So I'll buy them off you if you lick some more is what he's saying. So another candy thing Yeah Is that they buy different assorted packages of candy.

Yeah. These are star, This is just fruit chews, Tutsi roll fruit chews, which who would buy that? That's my wife actually likes those weirdly. These are Tutsi roll fruit chews. And this person is,

Are they gummies or are they Tutsi roll consistency? They're like Tuxi roll. Tuxi roll. Tuxi roll. Tuxi rolls. Oh. No, no, he's done it again. He's done it again.

Oh, it's a warm hammer. I'll love her again. Yeah, hopefully, oh, wow, it's every, every week. Hopefully, hopefully the flubheads will unite and forget about how much they hate me for my Blu-ray takes. Like my toxy roll. This guy goes, and a person's like, why do they always skimp on the blues? Blues of vanilla, I believe. Yeah

And here's some replies here Tutsi roll chocolate Was premium shit when I was a kid Got a bag a little while ago And it just ain't the same So now we're gonna get into this They changed it It was like the actual Tutsi roll

They're saying is not the same Like it's not as good Or are they just sort of recognizing That candy has gotten better And Tutsi rolls don't at like Like what's that What's the attitude here? it is that they're not it is like this guy basically says insidification for record profits it's

happened to all my favorites and shitification is like the new word you know what I mean so much Cory doctor has so much to answer for it I know it's like the new word and then when somebody doesn't like something they're like inshittification yeah man you know like heroin used to hit so hard and then I feel like lately heroin is just like it's not that good anymore? Like, I think it's, they made it worse, right? Like, they're just trying to get their profits up and it's just, they, I mean, that's, we hear about this so often. Anytime we cover any kind of a food guy of any kind that they all, if there's anything that's older, they're always like, and I don't know, maybe there is some true to the fact that they've like changed things and

they're doing like more mass production that, but I don't know. I just think that this is like, of course, it's like some big corporation that is trying to get as much money as possible. And I think you have to allow and we've covered these guys. So I feel comfortable. I think you have to allow for some nostalgia letting them down. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Because like those guys, man, they're just, it's not the same.

Yeah. It's like saying my dad used to give me a dollar sometimes when I did something good. My wife gives me a dollar and I don't even give a shit about it. Yeah. It's like or like I get. I get 20 from my grandma and I don't even care about it. Your situation is different now. Yeah.

The whole situation is different. And Tutsi rolls suck anyway. I think Tutsi rolls always kind of sucked. I remember I would like the only time I would really get them would be Halloween. I think that's where I experienced a lot of my candies and a lot of the candies that I wouldn't normally buy myself. And I always was let down by Tutsi rolls. I never found them good. And honestly, you can't prove this.

So this is another. I just feel like this is all nostalgia. This guy goes a whole lot of different candies have taken on a different taste from what they were years back. I started noticing it a few years ago. It's probably cheaper to make these candies this way and it's very unfortunate.

I've stopped buying the ones that taste way too different, just not the same. Well, yeah. If you stop, like this guy goes, I don't know if that's true. But I saw somewhere that Hershey's going to go back to using the original or as close they can get probably recipe for Reese's peanut buttercups?

I say probably because I'm sure there are certain sources you can't get from anymore, can't get from anymore that might have made them better than sources today. And shitification goes all the way up the chain too. Just looking at a Reese's cup, like we just don't know how to make this anymore. Reeses cups are so pretty good. They're great. Yeah. We lost the original recipe.

Like a guy is like searching. through old files. Yeah. I can't find the first recipe. You wouldn't know. You, you know what? Years ago, I think I even recently talked about this. I have not really eaten McDonald's since I was 16.

McDonald's breakfast, yes, because I, but I worked there when I was 16. And it's not because I saw a bunch of gross stuff because as people know, I don't care about gross stuff. Like gross stuff happening to the food and the kitchen. if I don't know about it, whatever. I don't fucking care. As long as it doesn't give me a disease or something. So like, I just ate so much of it that the thought of eating it ever again made me feel sick.

Even in the end of me working there, I was only eating their pizza. That was it. I was only eating McDonald's pizza. It was that era. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. So, like, I hadn't had a McDonald's, McDonald's hamburger in a very large. in time. And I had one. I was on tour and I got home and nothing was open. And it's right after

they announced, hey, we're going to use real beef for the quarter pounder with cheese. Like, this is the new era. Oh, what were they using before? Thank you. Thank you. I think it was never frozen was the term. Yeah. Yeah. I ate that fucking thing. It tastes. exactly like the ones I used to eat before. And I was like, it's just like sugar. This, I'm going to get people mad at me. It's just like that pure sugar cane coke. You can't tell the difference.

Yeah, be careful telling people they can't tell the difference between something. They will get mad of you. Maybe you can't. Maybe I can't say you. I can't tell the difference between the two. They both taste the same to me. Yeah, I agree. Cain sugar doesn't change my enjoyment of anything.

I say this all the time. That Boilins canes. Boilins has the cane sugar in it. If I go to a restaurant that has boilins, I'm ready to write a one-star review. Wow. They don't have Diet Coke. The only thing that changes it for me is if it's in that classic glass bottle.

The glass bottle. The glass bottle. And that's just like, that doesn't make it taste different, but it makes like my enjoyment a nice like cold bottle drinking it out of that. I do like I enjoy it more. Definitely. This person says beware.

Hershey's is back to using artificial vanillin. Oh no. Those motherfuckers. Oh, no. I was worried about this day. This is the first. Guys, this is the first one I saw. And the way it said beware made me so happy.

Because it's like, hey, listen, everybody. The Hershey, recently Hershey's kisses are tasting different. They swap natural flavor for artificial vanilla and without telling anyone. They haven't used vanilla. since 2015. Oh, so not that long ago. Yeah, and they also posted a picture of the ingredients on the back of the, on the back of the thing.

Vanilla, it does say artificial flavor. Vanilla, artificial flavor. I think, I don't like her. She kisses either. Nobody does.

And also, you cannot honestly tell me that you taste different with the new vanilla. You cannot tell me. Yeah. Like, I guess, again, we don't know for sure,

because we have not, I don't think any of us have eaten them and not eat and eating the ones afterwards. But for the most part, it's like this is all kind of shitty stuff. It's not like high quality stuff. It's all shitty mass produced stuff. Right. That is all just like, yeah, it's like you're eating it for just sugar. You're just like getting sugar inside of you or whatever. So the idea of being all precious about it is a little bit strange.

Well, Costco norm core slut says vanilla is such a complicated subject. as others here have mentioned, the real thing is very expensive, and the quality and price vary a great deal from brand to brand year to year, region to region. And most of the places in the world where vanilla orchids grow are regions with political instability and tropical storms destroying crops. Artificial vanilla often tastes better than the natural version. It has won some professional vanilla tasting competitions. Wow. Professional vanilla tasting. I didn't even know that those were a thing.

anymore. But, oh, God, I got to, I got to find out where I can watch those. I'm in the league. I'm enjoying the vanilla tasting. Yeah, I mean, I'm going to work my way up for, like, winning a couple regional tournaments, tasting vanilla. Yeah, and this, this I do kind of understand in that just like, when you go to the grocery store, there's like real vanilla extract and then there's artificial.

I, uh, this Amazon guy will not, I don't know you can hear that. That's my buzzer. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I got a I got a run down. He's not going to stop. Okay. No problem.

Yeah, he's buzzing hard. Oh, I was like a, like a, artificial vanilla. But no, I was just saying that like the, you know at the grocery store,

you can get artificial vanilla or real pure vanilla extract. Yeah. I mean, I obviously always buy real pure vanilla extract, but I don't know why. I don't always buy it. And like, you know,

because it's so much more expensive sometimes. And sometimes I'm like, you know what? I'm not going to do that. the past, I've definitely bought the artificial. And I, now I'm an idiot. I'm a Luddite, but I can't tell the difference between those two things. I could never tell the difference between them.

Because Hershey's a mass market chocolate and doesn't benefit from having real vanilla as a flavor. Vanillin's great. There are also natural vanilla flavorings where vanilla is made by fermentation via yeast or bacteria that can at times discern. that can at times discern this particular type because you will have to taste vanilla with a coconut like or creamy backnote. Coca-Cola has used this type for vanilla coke.

In the case of Hershey, I think its greatest advantage is using artificial vanilla is that it'll do a better job of covering up the terrible sour chocolate flavor. So that's what you want. That we've hit two things, right? Yeah. Freaking out about ingredients and then milk chocolate versus dark chocolate, which we will get too later. Oh boy.

This guy goes off, quote, often tastes better. Not any artificial vanilla I've ever had. Hmm. This person goes, America's Test Kitchen and others have done blind taste test, and neither find tasters can't tell or prefer artificial because of the higher vanilla and content, L.O. Oh, oh. Guy replies, use vanilla to finish things like custard and ice cream, things that are cool

to cold. That's when you'll see the difference. And then the person goes, America's Test Kitchen did that. They couldn't tell the difference. the experts didn't tell the difference. So now we're in a fight. This guy goes, saying real vanilla versus artificial vanilla is funny.

Vanillin is the compound that flavors real vanilla. It's just artificially produced. The other compounds are extremely insignificant to the vanilla taste. Water can be synthesized in a lab. It'll be identical to that of water found in a stream, minus the minerals and microorganisms. And we're talking about Hershey's Kiss. And we're talking about Hershey's Kisses.

Hershey's kisses. Ursy's kiss is the, yeah, okay, just wanted to make sure. Well, this guy goes, vanilla is the main flavor compound in vanilla, but it's not the only one. It is the only heat stable one, though, which means they function exactly the same in like 90% of applications. This guy goes, then this person goes, I'll bet 99% of people can't tell in either case. I've done so many blind taste tests with things. People swear they can tell the difference. Why have you done so many blind taste tests?

What are he trying to prove? Why are you constantly testing your friends? Well, here's Jeremy. He's got another vanilla taste test for us. He finished his customer with vanilla again because it's cooler and you can tell the difference. They can tell the different butter, tea, bottle water, et cetera. It just doesn't matter unless you're exceptionally good at discerning taste. Yeah.

This guy goes, I'll bet dollars to donuts. I can pick DeSani out of a lineup as well as probably expensive butter over cheap butter. Cheat butter, but probably not individual brands or anything. I can tell the difference. I will, Desani has like a distinct taste to me. Like maybe I couldn't tell it like if you didn't tell me, but I can tell that these are two different ones. And I could, you know, I don't think I drink enough to Sani, but I do know when I drink

and I'm like, oh, this tastes different than other bottled water. This, well, listen, this guy, everyone, the taste test guy. Mm-hmm. Everyone I tested said the same thing about DeSani. There's about 10% success. which is worse than if they had guessed at random. The butter results very widely. We only tried four butters,

but it ranged from grass to grass. Is he putting on a van? Yeah. What is happening? Who is this guy? He's got a family captive in his basement and he's just first in them to try different kinds of butter. You're this guy's roommate.

You hate to see him coming in with a bag. Oh my God. No, I don't want to taste hot. sauces today. Yeah. He goes, the butter result, this guy goes, I question your testing and results. Hey, hey, so you got your bachelor party coming up. I got a couple of cool ideas for some stuff we could do. Got my hand on some old Hershey kisses. Gonna come over and see if we could taste the vanilla? No, Anthony, you said that was Desani? Oh, that's incorrect, my friend.

Well, this guy goes, this guy says, I question your testing and results random Redditer. Mm. And then a guy replies and he goes, I greatly question your confidence, random Redditer. Oh. And then this guy goes, I question their taste buds. Are there any smokers in the group or anyone recovering from COVID? That's a good question. That's a good question.

Yeah. You got to be, you got to be testing people who are not smokers who do not have long COVID. Yes. he's got 75 people he's got a line of people outside of you had COVID no sorry you don't qualify for the study the guy replies it goes yeah definitely rakes a poor experimental design hidden behind some attempts at academic language classic classic like is even saying that he's I think he's just saying he's like done it before with his friend right like I'm not but he's also is saying like only about 10% yeah he is you're right he is like trying to like pass it off as like some sort of a real

study that at like where the data is like important or something yeah yeah yeah let's go to quora and take a look at what goes on over there this is the first question oh wait this is that's not quora duh that's for later um i got to scroll a lot i got okay would you take candy from a baby then give it back after an hour so that's kind of a funny little play on the whole thing um i don't think so no i wouldn't give it back i don't think to to be serious about it. I don't think that the way a baby's mind works as well it wouldn't really like have

the desired results. They would forget about it after like a few minutes or whatever. Well, like, yeah. Only if the baby had accidentally been given the candy an hour before meal time or bedtime. I don't think. Sorry, like unpopular opinion. I don't think you should be giving babies candy to begin with.

Yeah. I think taking the candy from a baby is the morally correct thing to do. I agree, Mayor. I agree. There's no, we have a no candy policy. Charlie's two and he still hasn't eaten candy really. He's at ice cream a couple of times

maybe. Yeah, but he's not, he doesn't get real. He has, he likes fruit. You know, that's his candy. It's great. Like when you stop eating candy, I hate to be one of those people, but you're like, wow, an apple is nature's candy. Ooh, Apple, hey, you tried it with this little bit of

peanut butter on it? Get out of here. That's crazy. Yeah, you cut the apple up. It's very simple to cut the apple up. You just cut it into quarters and then slice out the middle afterwards and then I know how to do it. You can get one of those apple slicers if it's too much work. Yeah, you can also. I don't even need one of those. Brian, if you're having trouble with the apple slicing, you can get an apple slicer.

I'm not having trouble. This person has what's the- But yeah, just a mandarin orange, a strawberry is like cue. I ain't how wet those are. Do you wet. Fruit. Fruit is wet. and it just deters me.

But you just pop it in your mouth and the wetness stays in your mouth. Pink grapefruit. That's my favorite shit. So I buy it already prepped in the big jar, but it's wet. And it's just a whole hassle to get going on. I do love. I do have some. Yeah, red grapefruit.

It is good. What's the worst type of candy? This guy goes, so many people claim it's black licorice. To me, it's one of the best. Don't get me wrong. I much preferred the red. However, I had two greedy little brothers who could ferret out any contraband candy. And if they found it, they treated it as if it was their due.

One day, the convenience store was out of red, so I bought black. I liked it, okay, but didn't love it. However, as soon as I grew to love it, my Torby brothers, once again, located my candy stash. But they left the black licorice completely alone. I was thrilled to discover I could leave the black licorice out in the open, and it was like it had an anti-brother force field around it. So now one of my favorite candies to indulge in, Snickers bar.

So now it's one of my favorite candies to indulge it. Snickers bars wasn't still my favorite. The thing is, if I ever get one of those as a kid, I had to gobble it down right at that minute. Because with those two thief and thieves, I'd never see it again. So, I mean, this is a good, this is just in general. If you do find something you love that,

that's very, you know, niche and nobody else really likes, it can be beneficial in that way, right? And that you like, nobody else wants it. Maybe they'll give you extra. It's like, oh, I don't want this. We got this one. You can have it. And then, yeah, you could get a lot of benefit from that.

Black licorice is really gross, though. I think it's like one of those really strong tastes where if you love it, then you love it. But if you don't like it, it's like such a strong and unique taste that it really is like offensive to people. So there's this black liquor is called double salted black liquor. Salmiak. Like the Swedish stuff? Yeah. Yes, yes, yes.

And somebody told us about it. years ago this would be like 2019 somebody told us about it and we did a live show in columbus and sold a lot of tickets so but we brought okay thank you thank you so you know okay you paid for the venue but you know i mean okay didn't have to say that you sold a lot of tickets by the way we sold huge draw we sold quite a few tickets for our guys live show will this be out before the guys live show i don't know dude wait wait do i think it might be. It will be out before

guys live. It will be out. So you can still potentially get tickets. As we're recording this, there's about 35 tickets left for it, which merit you'll be on the live show as well in Toronto. I'd have to go.

We saw the fair amount of tickets as well. Oh, yeah. Well, so we brought the double salted black licorice. And what we did was, we passed it around the audience, told everybody to take one and then tasted them all at the same time. And everybody was like, at the same time the whole room

like had like the the sickest vibes it was so cool and he was all spitting it out and stuff holding it in their hand until the end of the show very good stuff that's punk rock dude that's what I did man that's what I did it's a place in Columbus it is kind of it I bet you the actual moment of it was pretty fucking cool

like genuinely I bet like everyone being like yeah it's before I was like the grossest guy in the world you know what I mean it was just as a regular gross guy. But that one, I didn't eat them. I didn't even try it. Really? That's me.

I kind of like it. I don't know. It's like. It's bad. Oh, you like, you like the actual. I like that it's bad. Yeah, yeah.

There's a place here called Rocket Fizz. It's a candy store. And this person gave them one star. So the first part of this, this review, this is Yelp, which has the greatest artist in the world of review writing. Some of the best writers out there. Some of the best. I don't know why.

You do some writing, right? You're a writer of sorts. I've seen some of your writing. So maybe you might actually hear some people here and you might ask Ryan for their contact or ask for the contact information, potentially reach out and hook them up with a job or something like that. That's what these Yelp reviewers. Some of them are always hoping for. They know that anybody could be reading their YALP reviews. Totally.

Totally. I don't understand. An agent could just be. Yeah, a writing agent could just be, it could be browsing and just be like, holy shit, though, this is incredible pros. I like the idea of Hollywood's combing through Yelp reviews.

Well, wait a second, though. They're not combing through, Brian. That's where you're mistaken. But they use Yelp too. Lauren Michaels uses Yelp as well to figure out if he's going to, you know, going to a store or something like that in a restaurant. So that's the dream.

They're not looking for it. They just happen to be reading a review and they're so blown away by how incredibly written it is that they find you and reach out. The editor of the New Yorker is reading this review of a candy store in Columbus, Ohio. So he doesn't have to go places. This is my point. He goes places and he wants to know how people feel about it. I will say that not the New Yorker, I don't think, but the New York Times every year writes a story about you should be eaten in Columbus, Ohio. So there is the chance one could be here. So this person goes,

I was excited to patronize this local candy shop for the first time. What a huge disappointment. The store offers a decent, if fairly ho-hum range of candies. But decent, if fairly ho-up. Anyway, from Hershey bars to pop rocks. That's not, they sell all. That is like such as a narrow lane. Hey man, you got to try this place.

They got everything, my guy. They got Hershey's. They got pop rocks. and everything you could possibly want. Yeah. That's like two American candies that like people. So he goes, but just about everything's grossly overpriced. This place, by the way, I don't know why they can't figure this out.

If you own a business on like the main road of a city, like on the main drag, the stuff is more expensive because the rent is more expensive downtown. That's not fair. And that fucking sucks. But if you go to the candy store downtown, you got to expect it to be expensive. Yeah. You know what I mean? In Vancouver, there's like Yale Town downtown.

Brian's where Homer Street is. Oh, I love. And so in Yale town, it's like, yeah, it's kind of like the expensive place. Stuff is more, like the apartments are more expensive. And yeah, you go to like a coffee shop there. And it's like a fucking croissant is like $9. That's just, yeah, that's just like the reality. We call him Croissons here.

Oh, sorry. We live in Canada, so we have sort of like a French Canadian. Yeah, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. They had a chaco love bar that you can find in luckies or whole foods for half the price they charge. By the way, those two places are in the suburbs. They're not. And they're also like economies of scale. Like this is just basic shit. Like a tiny store is going to sell stuff for more than a huge store that can afford to like then fucking Costco. Like go to Costco then. Yeah, a woman checking out was charged $24 for two four packs of pop. Yeah, why don't you go to Costco and get your candy there like Brian does? Fuck you.

Well, also I want to talk about the $24 for four packs of pop. These are weird flavors that probably have to get delivered here from weird places. You know what I mean? It's like they'll have like every, they have a ton. It's like a mango. basil yeah yeah kind of specialty yeah yeah like yeah so it's gonna be $24 for two four back violence has some of the same cool brands for a lot less I was looking for Halloween candy and ask what in the store might fall under a dollar apiece about half the stocks unpriced pity the

poor child who has to go to the front desk with a piece of candy to ask quote how much this is so this is this is a Halloween hipster situation where it's like you're going to get your Halloween candy at like a specialty candy store why because you want to have the cool unique candy like get fucking full size go to fucking Walmart and get full size

if you you know if you want to impress the kids around around town but this is like this to me reeks of somebody who's just like yeah no I'm not just going to be getting the same fucking candy as everybody else for Halloween. I'm going to get Japanese Kit Katz

yeah. Yeah. Get those green tea flavored Kit Katz. Yeah. I hate green tea flavor. People throw in the trash as soon as that kids look at and then throw it in the trash. There's just kids like regular candy. Yeah, full size. That's, I mean, I'm sure it's still the same way, right?

If like the places that we liked at Halloween were the ones that had full size chocolate bars, that was like the best thing you could do. I'll say all this is also happening in her head at this point. The clerk acted aggrieved when after. asking for pricing and when it was clear that the only thing under a dollar in the store were overpriced blow pops 79 cents each retorted that they weren't selling snickers bars talk about poor customer service so yeah they do have snickers bars but the snickers bar price is going to be different from others you know what i mean this they're saying we don't sell snickers bars because they sell japanese candy

they don't sell any can't any canadian candy i find that weird you can't get a copy really you can't it like a big turk i hate copy chris but oh you can't even get at reesa's oh henry there which is your best candy up there is that is that unique to canada yeah we don't have that we don't henries are different in canada in the u.s yeah yeah we we haven't had you know i had an oh henry when i was like 13 i went to the dentist and you know how you get numb on your face right and i came back my dad was like i'll get you oh henry i'll get you candy bar before you go back to school. I opened my O. Henry.

And first, everybody made fun of me for having an O. Henry because it's just a weird candy bar to have. And then I started eating it. And I drooled all the way down my face and on my shirt with chocolate drool. And I just got fucking killed for that, man. Just completely killed by everybody for that. Yeah. Not my best moment.

Yeah, that could be like a career-defining moment for a high-skirts. cooler. That could become your, thankfully you had so many eccentricities and you had so much other stuff going on. Yeah, they weren't going to start calling, well, they weren't going to start calling me chocolate drool or something like that. Yeah, no one. They already had such a fantastic nickname for you. Yeah, like braid locks.

Yeah, yeah, you had some, I mean, yeah, you were obviously, you were known by the chipmunk or the squirrel, squirrel boy that one still we talked about that on guys plus but I really it's such a

because I wore a corn shirt a guy in school called me squirrel boy because squirrels like corn they like nuts more they like yeah I know but they called me we looked it up

they do like corn and you can find some pretty cute videos of squirrels eating corn on the cob but that like isn't an association that I've ever had it would be acorn boy of course he just didn't want to do it because corn's in word acorn but even then that kind of works he's not a professional you know so fuck you oscar fuck you today i remember the online

candy shop i used for halloween you just thank god for old time candy a local online ohio retailer from whom i just bought bags of well-priced candies from the past lickum stick sugar straws pop rocks and candy buttons all ranging between 30 to 50s cents each. Sounds like somebody wants to clean a bunch of egg off of the front of their house on Halloween. I mean, give me a break.

You come in and you're going to stick them pops. Like, fuck, you old man. Just a press white bar of dust of chalk that you dip into some powder that saw some sugar at some point. It was in the same room as sugar. Like, yeah.

God. Lick them sticks. Lick them sticks. Lick them sticks. Sugar straws. And imagine you're the guy that gets, imagine you're the guy that gets the candy buttons. Oh, fuck. I don't even know what that is, but it sounds old as hell.

I don't know what they are. Yeah, I don't know what candy buttons are. They're like, that's like some fucking World War I candy. That's like it's real old as shit. And like that's again, it's like, oh my God. They're the candy. They're the little things on a piece of paper. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're little dots. Little dots on a piece of paper. Get out of here. Don't bring candy buttons. This shit is such bullshit because you're not, you're not doing it for the kids. You're doing it for yourself. Like you want to feel different and unique or whatever.

And like, you're like, oh man, these kids are good. They're not even going to know what to hit them, but they're just going to be annoyed. They just want the candy that they like. That's all.

This is like making your kids play Mario on the NES. Yeah. Or listen to the Eagles or something. Sonic youth. It's fucking Torquette. Sonic you. Yeah. It's making your four year old or.

seven year old, this is Sonic youth. Just be like, this is actually what's cool. This is real music. Yeah, yeah. I never do that.

That's the most proud I am about my raising my kid. Is that I never forced my music on her. The minute she got into her own stuff, I was like, oh, that's cool. And then I would maybe try.

The first thing she got into was bedroom pop. So I tried to listen to it. And I was like, stuff sucks. But then I was so happy that I hated it. Because it's like she's her own person. She's becoming her own person.

Yeah. Like she got into the Smiths and stuff like that. She doesn't know about Morrissey. She doesn't, I'm sure she doesn't have to know about Morrissey yet. Yeah, you've got to have to tell her. You don't have to tell her about Morrissey.

You don't protect your kids from that stuff from Morrissey until, you know, they've reached a certain age. Yeah, just don't Google. I think I did tell her. Don't Google Morris. Yeah. They don't need to know the heart realities. Yeah.

And then she got into the cure, which is just stuff I would. would never listen to. I actually ended up liking it though a bit. But still, I, parents who do the thing where they like buy their kid a minor threat onesie. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like like like, like, like, um, no, no, no, like explaining to your three year old. No, no, no. It's like a very unique time signature. Like, that's why you're not, you're not understanding it. I said Charlie, I've mentioned before Charlie listens to the cars, but that's because he loves the movie cars.

So he would like ask for the cars like he's like cars cars like to play out of our speaker in our house. And so we're like, okay, let's play the cars. And then the first song like their most famous song, I can't even just what I needed or whatever. Yeah. He just loves that song. Like he's like he loves it for whatever reason. But yeah, that's not like something that I like I never, I don't play fleet foxes for Charlie. Yeah, yeah.

Well, and that's the thing. Like he will, first of all, our kids love the cars because that's quite. I was very into the cars when she was. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is. It is kind of kid-friendly music, definitely. There's something about it, yeah. There's just going to come a point when he's in, like, eighth grade. Mm-hmm.

Where, like, he might like some of the stuff you play for him. Yeah. But he's going to start liking stuff that's bad. I mean, who knows what is going to even be out at that point. Probably bleeps and bloops. That's what I used to say when I was a kid. These people in the future are fuck because they're only going to have bleeps and bloops instead of guitars and drums. Yeah, it's going to be like, bleep, bloop, bloop.

He's going to be like, oh, Dad, have you heard this song? It's like, bleep, bloop, bloop. I'm like, what the hell, man? The candy bar, Toronto. Oh. It's on College Street. College Street. I know, I know College Street.

I know College Street. Listen, these streets in Toronto are insanely long is the thing you got to understand, though. So it's like, it's such a big city. So, like, College Street is like, has like probably 50,000 stores on there. It's got a lot of bars, a lot of bars on college street. Well, the candy store has a sassy owner, by the way, who sometimes might answer some of the bad reviews. Oh, I like that. I love it.

I love the person that's like, oh, fucking care. Don't come in here. They go Randy Monmoot? Yeah, she's mean. Like, I can tell that she's mean by reading the reviews. I hate to say she or he, whoever. I could tell the person's mean because there are so many reviews about this person being mean. like that you're kind of like I don't know man I'm kind of sniffing it out now it does have

4.5 stars of 264 reviews yeah I mean maybe they're the they're the kind of person that people think are being mean but aren't but they're being direct back it's kind of like a throwback it's kind of like a throwback like a small town candy store and it's like you know my picture like an old lady or an old man working there and being like you kids you know like get your candy and get out of here kind of like it. Why would that person get that job? I mean, I once worked at a toy store and it was run by a really, really irritable man who hated children.

So I think maybe you go into that kind of feel thinking like it'll be great. And then it just like wears on you, you know? Yeah, you get annoyed dealing with other people's children constantly. Like you can get annoyed even as a parent dealing with your own child. But imagine it's like you're just dealing with children all day long constantly. Yeah. So there is a technicality on his first review, but I think the review is funny. So I'm going to read it.

Okay. One star. When getting surprise bags at a candy store, I do not expect to get baked beans. Okay, fair enough. Fair enough. You know what? I'll give it to you. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, that's not really candy. At first I thought she was talking about Boston baked beans. Right. She's talking about an actual can of. baked beans. Yeah. That's really funny actually.

Speaking of Halloween, that's like some crazy, you know, like you go there like, here's a baked beans can for you. You don't need to be eating candy. This has got some good proteins in it, you know? So it,

it was a surprise bag of, of UK foods. I mean, that is. Candies, candies. That is surprising. Like if you, yeah,

that is very, like they got the surprise, surprise. It's like a can of baked beans in you're idiot and I already got your cash and we're not giving you a refund. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yes, it is, I think that, in my opinion, if I buy a surprise bag of UK candies at a candy store, a surprise bag of UK stuff from a candy store, I am expecting all candy.

Like, because of the context of it and stuff like that. It's definitely a candy store. It's not a, it's not like a British, it's not like a British store. Because there are stores like that and just sell a bunch of British stuff. I do not expect to get baked beans terrible value. There was also no indicator in the listing was going to be something other than candy like savory UK food. It is misleading. So there you go.

It is misleading a little bit. But it's also like, it's a surprise back. And it's just very funny too. Yeah. How big is the bay? How big is the bag? Can you not like notice that there's a big. Can you thought it was maybe a can of candy.

Oh, this one's 20 pounds. A can of candy. Holy shit, man. The weight on this. I mean, that's a, it's like you would feel it and you'd be like, holy shit, there's a lot of candy in here. It's like it's so heavy. But meanwhile, it's a can of baked beans and like six little gumballs. It's funny too, because if you, if you did have it, I guess if you held it like this,

you would think it's a big, heavy amount of candy. But if you held it from anywhere else, or maybe bulged it or whatever, you would think you'd see the can. You'd feel the can. When have you ever bought candy? When have you ever gotten candy in an aluminum can like that? Yeah, this person's not on like the Lego minifig tech

where you're like feeling the bag to see what's inside it. Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like the blind box thing. Like they got to catch up. Yeah, yeah. Uh, freaky soul spelled with a pH.

So I think he's a fish guy. Maybe. Hmm. Or, uh, but, There's, yeah, there's a pH funk thing. Or just 50 years old, yeah. Yeah, the funk junkies. This person has one star.

Just, I love the beginning of this because it is one of those, I was going to shop here all the time. Oh, yeah. You just lost yourself fucking basically your rent for every month. Yeah. He goes, just stopped by by checking out the place of my local neighborhood, resident over 40 years. The worker was nice, but the big.

lady in the moo-moo dress was not very nice. I was looking for a candy I would usually find it Sugar Mountain, but they didn't have it. Oh, okay. I mean, they're not Sugar Mountain, you know, which was fine. But then she made a rude comment and turned her back and proceeded to help other customers. Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. She didn't spend a lot of time with you and get to know you. She just moved on to other customers who were buying stuff.

That's actually fucked up. That's why you went there instead of Costco, you know? Yeah, you wanted to have somebody who cares about you and gets to know you. Now, this is in Canada, you say, right? Yes, this is in total. I would suggest going to the human rights tribunal. I would too. Get your local ombudsman involved, right?

He goes, which was fine, but then she made a rude. By the way, I'll bet you she didn't make a rude comment. I'm going to be honest. She probably didn't say like, oh, fuck you. He makes out. He would have said the comment. that was something like yeah totally if it was something that he knew everyone would recognize and be on his side about you would have mentioned the specific comment and what i'm guessing is he

was rude about like oh you don't have sugar mountain usually you don't even have that or whatever and she's like yeah we don't like yeah i don't know what you know it's probably something like that that is probably the exchange chris for sure yeah oh you don't have you don't have this candy oh man i thought you're a candy store oh i thought you were supposed to be like the big candies you know like some sort of like he made some little derogatory comment and then she just kind of maybe defended her store or something. Or didn't even say any, didn't say, because a lot of times, you know, we've talked about these, these guys that go to these stores and then stand around for an hour and like,

nobody talked to me. Nobody came up and helped me. I stood. What was that? The one guy stood in the store for like two. A knife store for four hours. Not even. Nobody helped me.

Like I stood there literally for, yeah, for the entire. half a shift. It's like you got to sometimes ask people, this passive aggressive, I'm just going to stand here and wait for somebody to talk to me. It's not like the way the world works. No. And I don't want you testing the employees. That drives me nuts when they're like testing them, you know? He goes, not a good way to treat your locals. Other reviews seem to point to the same issue. Some people are just not cut out for this business. Yes. Some of you guys are, you need to get into something else other than candy selling because you're not cut out for this. Some people aren't cut out to sell candies.

Sometimes I do test the employees if I go in somewhere. Like I'll come in, I'll bring in a blindfold and some different bottles of water. And I'll just say to them like, hey, can you tell which one's Desani? Touch this back. Hold on to this bag. Are there beans in it? Are there beans in this? Yes or no.

I said, are there beans in this? Yes or no. Don't try to change the subject. I'll give it to you if they're not, if you get it right. Some people, oh, he goes, oh, well, I don't think this place will be around very long. Hope Sugar Mountain comes back to the area, miss that place. Friendly owners and staff, this guy just like Sugar Mountain. Yeah, he misses Sugar Mountain and he's like, yeah, that's fair, I guess.

I feel bad for him. The owner goes, we're Sugar Mountain. The owner comes back and it's like, we've been in business for 11 years at our current location. I'm sorry your experience was not great. P.S., this big lady loves her Canadian-made Moomoo dress. Oh, yeah. Hell, yes. Yeah, I don't like the guy.

I didn't like the guy that did the review. So I'm glad that they clapped back a bit. Oh, yeah, most definitely. He sounds like a real dickhead, and I'm glad that he kind of, you know, that she came in and defended herself. Yeah, and then this guy's one star don't exist. If it does, I couldn't find it. It's like, that's a skill issue, sir. Could not locate.

Does not exist. It's not a guard. It's a fake store. I don't know what he thinks. I think that he didn't find the address because he doesn't know how to find addresses. You know what I mean? Because a lot of people don't understand addresses like I do. On on one side, even on the other side.

Right. Right. It's difficult. It makes it easier. It makes it easier once you know that. I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but when I lived in the Bahamas, that was one of the coolest things about the Bahamas and the weirdest things is that they did not have addresses. That's awesome.

Isn't that wild? You'd have to get like directions. Like, oh, you turn like left at this store or whatever. And then you go down that road. And it's like the fifth house, the red house like next to this one or whatever. That's how they would actually describe it. Yeah. They figured out this is a.

review of Hershey's chocolate world. Okay. So this is not Hershey Park. Okay. That's not the theme park. Hershey Park. I know this place. Is this the like factory?

It is yes. It's the factory tour thing where you get the ride on a little thing. But it's an actual Hershey's factory. I believe it is. But I think it's more of like a dark ride. It's more of like a you get in a little car and you cruise around. I mean, I went Brian mode when I was in Toronto.

years ago when I was like doing stand-up in Toronto and I went Brian Moden walked around like everywhere. Like I was walking to a past guest, Chris Locke's place and like a friend Pat Thornton, who's another comedian in Toronto. And I was walking from like househouse. So I was walking everywhere. And I passed by the Hershey's Chocolate Factory. And it was the fucking, it smelled so fucking good like outside. Like everywhere around there just smelled like the most delicious chocolate ever. So I remember I've been I've actually walked by this place.

I've been outside. So this place is in Pennsylvania. Oh, this is not the place. It is in Hershey, Pennsylvania. It's a ride. It's like you learn how they make Hershey bars. You get in a little car like and it goes inside of a building and, you know, it goes through the history and stuff.

It's like a ride at Epcot Center. Yeah. I'm trying to. I'll give you a big lecture about why they use vanilla and not like. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You know. Yeah. They make you understand.

Now that I'm thinking, I think it's a Nestle chocolate factory in Toronto. You like raise your hand. You like raise your hand during it. And you're like, hey, hey, what about the vanilla guys? Yeah. The fuck is going on.

One star, this person gives it. Waste of time. Brain cell sabotage wrapped in bubble gum colors and flashing LED lights. Absolute idiocracy. Expected. I expected an intellectual experience at their. Hershey ride. I wanted to be my mind to be expanded.

Well, he did expect it to learn the history of Hershey and see the actual production not worth the trip. So he's unhappy because they have some wrapping cows. He took a picture of these wrapping cows that talk about different ingredients and stuff like that. This is a fun little ride, dude. It's for children, probably. I would imagine. It is for children. It's down to percent. It's for the little people, the kids.

you know that's a good point it's like at the amusement park but then it's a it's a separate entity so you can go here without going to the park you know what i mean i see like if you want to i have a suggestion if you want to learn about the history of hersey uh go on the computer and just read about it it's 2020 whatever yeah i'm sure there's a document a documentary there's all kinds of resources that you could find to like yeah yeah this is like a place where to go on a fun ride and see travels to Pennsylvania to find out I'm going to find out to get pissed off yeah yeah he gets there and he's like shit he was probably going to try to make his own Hershey bars um this two stars

bad experience don't go and waste your time unless you have small kids yes yeah agreed i mean yeah yeah that's right yeah zero research people these guys did no research about what they were going to. Well, I love Hershey's chocolate. I wouldn't know how they make it. Yeah. He goes, when we read reviews on a website, we were, we were prepared that this place is not for kids only, but for the adults, too, like Shrek. They have some sex jokes in there.

We purchased some stuff there. It's like a Pixar movie. There's some stuff in there for daddy. Yeah. There's definitely some stuff in there for daddy. We purchased ticket to all four attractions, plus the lunch for two. We paid on the lunch for two. It was just like romantic lunch for two at the hurry.

It's all chocolate, like a chocolate hamburger and chocolate french fries. Gummy French fries and a chocolate hamburger. We paid almost $300 for two of us and we're looking forward to this Pennsylvania trip. We arrived 30 minutes prior to the time on a ticket. We were waiting to see our first attraction. Allison was a woman who copycat Mary Poppins. The difference was she was completely sound fake. So that is a weird sentence.

Well, I think maybe English second language potentially. Yeah. But so she was basically copying Mary Poppins except for what was the big, what was the, she sounded fake? She was completely sound fake. Oh, okay. She copycat Mary Popp. Fake hell, like a fake English accent or just she seemed like a real person. Like she didn't sound like Mary Poppins.

She was robotic or whatever. wanted the tour guide to like we have more personality and like he's like when i go to hooters the fucking servers there like actually sit down at the booth and talk to me and get to know me the different uh the other guy in the room spoke with such a heavy Scottish accent we couldn't understand the thing oh i do feel that so what do you want first they're too british then they're not not like what yeah yeah come on man it although listen we've all watched the Scottish film or something like that and sometimes that accent can get a little thick yeah it's a little tough sometimes second attraction was an animated movie theater cartoon third attraction was a trolley original we're

standing outside under the rain the trolley arrived 10 minutes late and young men and a women were singing horribly loud we could so the other customers were having fun or the workers maybe they were singing a song or something i think it was other people that were other people having a good Brian you got to be able to you kind of feel them on that right what like you hate it when you're out somewhere and everybody's having a good time I don't like it but I would think I would know that's my problem yeah yeah you wouldn't write a review about it right no no no no I don't like seeing people enjoy themselves but that doesn't mean it drives me crazy yeah uh we couldn't see anything from the window because of the rain and a conductor had the

AC working and ignored that we asked him to shut it so there you go I do have a few Google reviews here. This guy gave it one star and said a tour for little kids. It's about entertainment. Here's my review of this daycare. Yeah. I didn't learn anything. It was not exciting.

It was all kids there. Yeah. They seem to be really gearing a lot of the stories towards little kids. It's about entertainment, not education. An insult to adults, but great for parents with little ones. This is an insult. And this person says this is not a chocolate factory. It's a tourist trap with a 15 minute ride inside a building with a fake factory.

Maybe a five-year-old would enjoy it. A waste of time. Yes. I hate to keep going back. That is the point of it. It's so awful that all these people went to it and like went through. I love, I was getting so happy picturing them figuring it out like two minutes in when they see like a, a wrapping cow or something

and they're like, what the what the fuck? Yeah, they're like, wait a second. The red, this is the red not chili peppers. This is the red hot chili peppers. A waste of your time for anyone under 10 unless you want to buy overpriced Hershey's candy in a terrible food.

And finally, Ray says, one star, warning, warning, warning, warning, warning, warning. Please don't buy any candy from this company because they have worms inside their candy. I try talking with them about it. They admit knowledge in an email they sent me. I spent $1,800 on a trip to see the candy made.

What a waste of money. Wife was sick after eating this candy. Warning, don't stop, run. What? There's worms in the candy. Okay. So there's worms in the candy and they know about it. And like they acknowledge it.

They're like, we have worms in the candy. What are you going to do about it? Like, good luck. Stop. We're an American corporation. We have your money. We have your money. Now eat your fucking worm chocolate, you little rat.

Also, $1,800. Like, where are you flying from? To go to. Why are you flying? Like, fucking Germany to, like, my wife and I, we love to her. She's chocolate. We have to fly. Oh, no, the worms.

And it does almost read, like, and it doesn't seem like it is, but it almost reads like a troll, like one of those like copy past it. Like, you know, where it's like wife ate the chocolate. She's sick, you know, like she's got sick. Worms coming out of my wife. Yeah. Yeah, that guy was a little wild.

This is on R slash chocolate. Now, how come you don't have any reviews of Vancouver? There weren't any. Because there were a lot of candy stores that had like nine reviews. Yeah, candy stores, I guess, aren't there. I'm trying to, there's one downtown on Granville Street. that's like a proper candy store. I love Granville Street.

I'm there. What? I'm going to go there when I'm in town next time. Yeah, I mean, it's the main, it's like the main drag in downtown. So it doesn't. Yeah, I know. Yeah, we've walked on it before for sure.

Yeah. Guys, why do people who prefer dark chocolate act like they're so much better than milk chocolate enjoyers? I think it's just the hell. It's just healthier, right? That's the sure. But come on. Listen, I got to admit, like,

it's way worse. and I'm really sorry, but it's just, you know, you get like the dark chocolate version of the same thing. And you're like, it's okay. It's not bad. Like I can, you know, it's okay. But it's like just like if I were to give you a blind taste test on it or whatever, it's like you're going to go absolutely crazy. Like the milk chocolate is just so much better. It's got more sugar.

Of course it's better. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I know people. Because my wife is dark chocolate over milk chocolate. Like she prefers it. Yeah. She loves a Milky Way midnight, which is a dark chocolate milky way.

I refuse to actually. No, I don't think. I think deep down, everyone who says that is just saying it and myself included, just because it seems sophisticated or because they don't want to eat milk chocolate because for health reasons. So they're like, well, I actually like dark chocolate more. I like that it's kind of bitter and horrible. Yeah.

It's the same as here. And we call pop, pop, pop, not soda. Yeah. But there are certain people here who are like, actually it's soda and you're like, you've lived here all your life. You know it's fucking pop. But they're doing it to sound more sophisticated. Oh, I don't drink soda. Yeah.

I think that maybe some people do, but I think you're on to something there, Merit, that it's like, you know it's so much better for you and you can eat it and not feel as much guilt eating it. So then you sort of like convince yourself. that this is, I actually prefer this. I actually don't want the thing that's better and taste better. Right. Well, this person is very mad. I got to, let me preface this by saying, I'm not some chocolate scholar or anything. Oh, okay.

I'm right. Thank you. First thing I needed to hear, actually. I was thinking, is this guy a chocolate? Is there a chocolate scholar? You got a PhD in chocolate studies? He goes, but I've had a good variety of chocolate. And I can never bring myself to a.

enjoy dark chocolate. I see many people saying that American dark chocolate isn't good and they need to try other kinds so I did and they still suck. And they sit there and talk about how it's healthier. It's chocolate. It's candy. They make fun of people for like a milk chocolate. Well, it is, but it is

healthier. Sure. So I kind of, like, I don't agree with them on that point. It is quite a bit healthier, I feel like. I really, I really do feel like dark chocolate is quite a bit healthier. I could be wrong. I think when I'm enjoying a treat. Yeah. I'm not thinking of health benefits. Maybe that's just me though. But, but that's just me. Well, yeah, you eat a crate of high choose every day. But I feel like if you're eating it a lot, then it is like,

you know what I mean? You're right. If it's like, if it's something that you're having very, very infrequently, where you're like, hey, once a week, I get, I have a chocolate treat. It's like, whatever, have dark chocolate or have milk chocolate, who cares? But if you're having it daily and regularly, you're one of these people who's like regularly eating chocolate. I think it would have a pretty big health benefit to switch from milk chocolate to dark chocolate. I don't know. It's candy.

They make fun of people for liking milk chocolate because it has some sugar and flavor. Meanwhile, they sit there and chew on drywall. I don't... Okay. That's weird. I don't think people who eat preferred dark chocolate

are chewing on drywall, I would say. It's not that bad, I don't think. And I get that it's an acquired taste but my point stands uh well first person so yeah so i mean in many ways i feel like this is like the the marvel movie thing where it's like maybe yeah some people do actually like the like more interesting complex sophisticated stuff a lot of people like just the simple basic Marvel movie kind of thing. And those people, even though it's like, you know, the majority of people, they get so mad. They get so mad when they feel judged in any way, like, why are these dark

chocolate enjoyers, the majority oppressing me by making fun of me? And it's like, even if that were true, fucking live your life, homie. Like, why do you care? I love the line oppressing me because that's what it is. It's this is what happens to this person. And listen, I do a blind test taste test with different kinds of chocolate. We'll find out what you know. You know what I mean? But this guy goes, I think it's a health thing. But I mean, I'm probably the only oddball to say that I like all types of chocolate.

I like white chocolate, dark chocolate and milk chocolate. Yeah, I'm a little bit different than normal people. Not like other chocolate enjoy it. I don't like white chocolate. I'm not a fan of white chocolate. Oh, you got to have the cookies and cream Hershey bar. I do, I do. That's probably the only one.

That's probably the only one that I've ever enjoyed in my life. I haven't had one in forever, but the cookies and cream, Hershey's, just because it has like the Oreo cookie stuff in it. And I think that it's kind of like the Oreo center is kind of like white chocolate almost. It has like a, so I think that's like, okay, but I definitely am like I would never take white chocolate over a milk chocolate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, this guy goes, if something is less immediately pleasurable and

took training to enjoy. People love turning that into a character trait. They don't just want to enjoy dark chocolate. They want credit for enduring complexity. That's what I, if I got into it, that's what I'd say. And this person is, yes, many people that only consume dark chocolate for health and or other reasons look down on those who prefer sweet or milky or version. But I don't think that's true.

I've never met somebody like that. No, you're projecting so hard. I've never met somebody who's like, looks down on people who are like, yeah, oh, you eat milk chocolate oh my god that's hilarious to me like they're just like oh yeah they're like yeah most people like oh yeah i i'm having dark chocolate because i want to eat more chocolate and it's like healthier or whatever yeah because we'll let them i don't i like both dark and milk but i have a piece of milk chocolate i end up eating a whole thing so dark chocolate is healthier for me oh so that guy doesn't even really like dark chocolate yeah that's a smart thing to do it's just like yeah because if i get something

i like then i'll end up eating it the whole thing whereas i can't dark chocolate is so gross and I can't even finish any of it. So I have way less sugar. Yeah, that's actually, can I say, as dumb as that sounds, I, I kind of feel that one because I used to do that a lot more where I'd be like, and I do it with other foods too, where I'm just like, man, I want to get something that I just kind of like. You got to find out of just tricking yourself, you know? Yeah, yeah, that I just, I like it a little bit.

So it's like, I want to stop eating these chips because they're not that good. So it's like I'll only eat a little bit of them at once versus if I get the shit I love, I will eat the whole fucking bag of it. So I do feel that. We discovered these. I hate chips. I'm not a chips guy. Yeah. That's very also exaggerated because I do like chips.

I don't like them in a place where you should be getting French fries. And of course, we're talking about a lot of people confusing over on the UK. we are of course talking about crisps I think that if I go to a restaurant with sandwiches they're going to need to have a French fry there and so like I I turned on chips because it was just like I go somewhere I get a sandwich I want a fucking French fry with it

but all they got is chips it's cheap it's the easy way out you know I didn't yeah it is the easiest way because you don't have to have a friar then that's the big thing I think right you don't have to have a deep fryer so then you can just uh now i i kind of disagree in the sense that i don't know if you guys have ever tried this but sometimes you get the chips and you put them inside the sandwich that's not bad but my wife really likes chips she likes them a lot and i found these japanese chips oh hey very cool man i'm gonna hand them out for Halloween this very cool very cool dude they are so fucking good what what flavor are they they're like

It's just hot. I can't tell because it's all in Japanese. But it's hot, but it's not the hottest that they have. It's not barbecue. They're just good. They're fucking awesome. And we can't have them in the house because both of us will fucking attack them.

Like as quick as possible. I fucking had that bag. Every time somebody came in the house, I was like, you got to try these chips to everybody. I'm going to have, I'm going to get on my sandwich shit again, just like a turkey sandwich with sprouts on it and then some fucking all-dressed

chips in there. Oh my God, that's really good. Oh, they had to be all dressed. This guy goes. Well, that's the one that I prefer. This guy goes, because most normal chocolate can't even be called chocolate with the amount of artificial sweeteners and fake dairy in them. So you can't, I think you can just call it chocolate and it'll be okay. This person has a good point.

Dark chocolate's more tasty. It gives you chocolate feeling. Okay. Dark chocolate. It gives you chocolate feeling. It gives you chocolate feeling. tagline for dark chocolate it gives you chocolate yeah if dark chocolate really needs one they can use it you yeah this guy goes because here's another mad this person's so mad of course because they feel

fancier or more refined for enjoying something others can't yeah i think because they typically get expensive dark chocolate as well that's the real distinction it's not about it being darker light just more expensive and arguably harder to enjoy same deal with licorice though that is far more an actual acquired taste because it takes a lot of misery and bludgeoning your taste buds till they stop tasting the bitterness to start getting the other flavors. By the way, I have never heard somebody say that about licorice. Like black liquor is fine, but there are so many good liquor. Australian licorice is great.

Shout out to Tom and Demi. You got any time you mention that. With black licorice, you're kind of screwed on that front. When you say that, you mean Australia? Australia. I personally prefer dark, though it's much better with other stuff. I don't particularly like pure chocolate in general. Dark's just better because I don't like the sugary foods.

I prefer more earthy and grounded flavors. It's fun off. I prefer chocolate that tastes like dirt. Like a fine drywall. He goes, I thought it was bitter and dry and just for snobs. I went out of my way to avoid even touching it until I got older and went, fuck it. this guy got I'm going crazy

out of the house Midlife Trace You're gonna try dark chocolate This guy replaced Phone sex and jewelry store with like I'm gonna move out

And get some dark chocolate I think he's gotten older I think he doesn't He doesn't mean he turned 23 and started getting it to dark chaga I think he needs to become an old man And you're like

You can't be eating fucking sugar all the time Or maybe I don't know how it works but I think that, you know, old people do tend to like worse candy, right? Right, because they'd like the candy they grew up with and candy changes. Oh, that's actually true. Yeah, yeah. But Werthers, I do.

You mentioned Worthers before. I love Worthers. I like them do. So actually enjoying is more just taste. Being snobbing is a price and premiumness. What kind of dark chocolate you're eating that has no sugar or flavor? I'm just guessing here, but they probably think that milk chocolate is too sweet and intense. And only children would want pure sugar who would enjoy that.

a projection I believe this guy goes uh uh I don't know about America having specifically bad dark chocolate we just have straight bad chocolate oh I hate these guys I hate them so much you guys don't have the right you guys it's made we have the British chocolate here in Canada it's it's made a little differently so I'm sorry you guys don't know what you're missing out on I can never tell the difference I go to America and eat you know if I ever have the chocolate there I could never tell the difference. I'm just, I don't know, I'm, I'm like very common in that way that like there's your common man. We, one thing I've all, I'll always mention one thing you guys do have is you have a fucking lot of it. Like you have everything, everything has 900 different variations and flavors and

stuff like that. You have just so much chocolate that we don't have. Yeah, it is very cool. So cool. It's so cool living over here. Everything's going so well with everything's going so well chocolate wise. So many different kinds of races. It's great. Yeah, there's a lot of different chocolate options. And yeah, but everything else we just don't even talk about. Yeah, you're too busy. You got your damn mouthful of chocolate.

Yeah. Yeah. Why wouldn't you just eat some more chocolate? Yeah, and a lot of people are. And finally, I went to Amazon. I read the reviews of, or I got two reviews, two candies, but I wanted to make sure we got these. These are Haribow gummy bears, three pound bag. This is, these are classics.

These are, listen, this is probably the most recent candy, one of the most recent candies I've had. I will get a Haribow gummy bag. If they're on sale for $2.50 at the grocery store, within the past three months, I've gotten a bag. And I love them. The white ones are my favorite. My wife hates them. I love them. Oh, my God, does she hate them?

I really like them a lot. I really, really enjoy them. In fact, this is kind of my shitty candy thing that I love the most that I'll get as a treat. I haven't probably in maybe like a year. is gummy bears that are chocolate covered. That's gross. They have them at like shoppers drug mart. I don't know what the brand is, but yeah, yeah.

So this is a three pound bag for $10.86. And this person gave it one star. I purchased three pound bag. I've eaten Haribow Gold Bearers for many years because of their bold flavors. I don't know about bold flavor. It's a bold flavor. I chose the item with a description having been made in Germany. Okay.

The items received were not. They were distributed from Haribo of America, Inc. Which, by the way, that doesn't mean they weren't made in Germany. They were distributed them in America. Flavor tasted like geled sugar and very oily. Package did not have the resellable strips either. Okay. I can't just expect that.

It doesn't say it. You know, it's a three-pound bag. I get it. Yeah, I mean, you know, when I purchase Haribow Goldbears in person, I always look for the made in Germany product. This person is just when I per- Why you so obsessed with Germany, dude? I don't understand that. What's going on, brother? But really, why?

You might like to live in America right now. Why does, why does that matter to you that they're, you know what I? It's one of these people who's like convinced themselves that like, oh, it's the ones that are coming from Germany are different, better or whatever. But I think they're all coming from Germany here. Yeah, that's what I. I do too, Merritt. I do too. I believe that's the thing about that.

Maybe some of them are being made in factories in North America, perhaps now. But like I would imagine there'd be no discernible difference between the two. He goes, unfortunately, the item photo and packaging was not accurate in an item description on Amazon. I purchased four bags because of the item description. God damn, 12 pounds of gummy bears. didn't do the math before she's his person's like I bought 12 pounds of gummy bears I'm like

okay I couldn't I'm a candy guy I love it so much but if I even took one second and thought I'm buying 12 pounds of gummy bears I'd be like we can't can't do that even I would be like you're just like you're just lucky high choose or light that's all I'll say

I bet I do have 10 pounds of high choose in this house buddy what can you can you I feel like this is being really accepted again you you you got off your candy kick and you're doing so well with it like I think eating some candy every now and then but now you are turning it back into like a personality trait where you're just like now I'm fucking eating so much candy and like everyone's kind of excited about it on the podcast I'm eating less bad stuff though I'm eating a lot of candy but I'm eating dark chocolate high cheese I'm eating dark chocolate right all the time like maybe maybe consider just in an

people get always get mad at me about this oh chris doesn't let brian have fun or anything like that he doesn't he's always like please don't do please don't do that it might kill you yeah that's that's kind of my attitude towards it is like hey you are eating a dangerous amount of candy it seems like to me maybe like absolutely such a thing absolutely such a thing i made a call to customer service having found the description to be incorrect the representative did credit my account for the cost of product and shipping. Kudos to the customer service department for recognizing the error. Okay.

They just, you were a pain of the ass. Listen, you were a pain in the ass, you had food, they got to do it. They, you know,

like, he goes, uh, also just, do you think maybe they were kind of like, slimy and tasted weird because they were sitting in a warehouse somewhere and then sent in the mail? Like,

you cannot imagine the amount of people were like, it showed up. They were all stuck together. and then you look when you look when it was shipped and it's fucking June. Yeah. Brother, I don't know what to tell you. Go to the store. Go to the store. Candy is meant to be bought at the store mostly. Foods and stuff, you should try to. Sometimes it can't. Sometimes it's way cheaper. I get it. But like, you want to be trying to buy your food from a store mostly. Yeah. This next guy goes too tough, not normal.

Chew one for five minutes. Sit on a toilet for two days. Too much gelatin and sugar substance. just one of them I think that's on you man I think that's yeah I think you might have other stuff going on if one gumbear is throwing off your entire like gut microflora even if we're being nice and he's like one handful of gummy bears

or maybe yeah even one package I mean yeah I don't think that candy doesn't make you shit huge amount maybe if you eat tons and tons of it I guess sometimes it keeps you from shit and I wouldn't know anything about that but finally this is our last review of

Maynard's wine gums I need to get a I hate Maynard's wine gum sorry hate them thank you for being a real Canadian merit I got a real bite you know it's like like a hard gummy yeah it's the taste of them though they have that like I don't know that bitterness

or whatever I don't it can't even put my I just really really disliked them they're one of my least favorite I guess I just, you know, have a more sophisticated, like, uh, yeah, yeah. You guys are going to love this review because you've had it. You two are going to love this review. I promise. Okay.

Too sweet. The word wine and a name does not refer to the taste. Maybe it isn't meant to, I don't know. I expected these to actually taste like wine, but they're too sweet for my taste buds and have no wine flavor at all. Little kids would like these. They're candy. They're candy.

It's candy. So they got this person was just like, oh, finally. like, you know, I love my wine. Finally a gummy for me. That is a nutty thing. Gummy. Yeah. Oh, I'll have a wine gummy, you think?

Like, that's a weird thing to want a gummy. Also, it's like, that's the kind of situation that could happen like 30 years ago when someone's like, oh, what's this? A wine gum? Yeah, I'll try that. Oh, this isn't wine. It's like, you have, you order this online. You couldn't, like, look up beforehand.

Like, what's a wine gum? Like, oh. They're not wine. Okay. I feel like one thing we found is that candy guys are either way too researched or don't do any research. You know what I mean? Like the people at Hershey Park didn't happen to Google it or find out what the tour is. And then the other guys are like, they're replacing the vanilling.

You know? Yeah. So there's got to be something. They need a middle way. They need a candy Buddha to come down and give them an alternative. it is, you know. A third, they need, honestly, they need a third way. Like, it used to be the coffee party over here where it's like, uh, we just want to sit down

and have coffee, you know, eccentric stuff. So that's, all right. Well, Merritt, would you like to plug anything? Yeah. I have a Patreon, patreon. Patreon.com slash Merritt K. I have been doing this comic stuff on there. Depending on when this goes up, the comic stuff may live somewhere else.

And I'm moving it to being. just like a comedy essay, newsletter type thing. So there's also a Discord and it's super fun. It's great community. So yeah, check that out. And other than that, I write at 100 Hot Dog weekly now. So if you want to see my writing about, I think the most recent thing that went up today was I wrote about a martial arts book

by like a complete lunatic who was sort of just like, oh, traditional martial arts. they don't know anything. I can use any move I want because I don't have any honor or like training. Oh, that's awesome. It's kicked ass. And then the guy turns out to have gotten to a lot of legal trouble for some pretty bad shit. So check that out, 1,900 Hot Dog. I feel like written comedy. Hey, and also, again, this comes out three days before the live show. Come see us with merit in Toronto. Yeah, Toronto at the Royal Theater. You go to the geysery.com. There may still be tickets. There, yeah. there probably are still a few tickets left i'll say this i'm posting this for free this these

episodes now for free on the patreon so you can join a free tier and i'm posting them on youtube so yeah brian's doing the youtube i'm really impressed with it he's really taking a lot of initiative behind the scenes on that stuff and thanks boss the youtube is is popping off now we might i love that i'm a youtube that's where i get all my shit so i like having it on there's where i get my news that's where i get all of my yeah that's right in my entertainment news yeah yeah we'll see all next week goodbye bye bye