Guys: With Bryan Quinby - Guys: Episode 177 - Bacon Guys with Bita Joudaki

Episode Date: June 23, 2026

We finally did it. We covered the riff kings of R/bacon. Bita Joudaki joined us to read some bacon jokes, some really fun memes, a surprisingly rude restaurant called Bacon Bitch. The end of Tennessee bacon festival. and a review from a Bacon band! There is more Chris at https://www.patreon.com/notevenashow Not Even a Show is back (temporarily) https://www.youtube.com/c/notevenashow And for more Guys content, streams and SHOCKTOBER: a deep dive into shock jocks you can click patreon.com/guyspodcast, Join us on the Sunday Night Stream every Sunday night at 8:00 EST at twitch.tv/notevenashowand I am on https://bsky.app/profile/murderxbryan.bsky.social  Guys is on Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/guys.pod Guys has a Post Office Box now! PO Box 10769 Columbus Ohio 43201

Welcome to Guys, a podcast about guys. I am Brian. Very excited week. It is an episode that we've been threatening to do since the beginning. Maybe was going to be the first episode at one point, which would have probably been a good thing because then the show wouldn't be a sick pervert show. Yeah, then we would be talking constantly about bacon, which wouldn't, yeah, that would, people would love that. It is funny that it was going to be the first episode. Now it's been pushed back like 170.

weeks. I didn't want to do it right away. I wanted to hold on to it. Let's get our guests in here. We got Chris. He's a co-host of the show. I'm the co-host of the show. And then we also have our guest on from the live show, one of our live show guests from a fellow Canadian.

We have Bita Judaki. Vita, thanks for coming on the show. Hi. Thanks for having me. So we gave you an important episode, too. Because this is like an important one. You can't fuck up the bacon episode. Oh my God.

Okay. Are you a, are you into bacon? I do like to ask like off the top, what's your relationship to bacon? Do you have it, you know, with your breakfasts? Are you really into it? Okay. I have kind of a complicated relationship with bacon because like I was a teenage dieter. Okay.

And I don't know if you remember like the, well, I guess people are still doing it, but the no carbs thing. Atkins. Atkins. Yes, I do remember. Whatever happened to the Atkins. You say people are still doing it. You definitely don't hear about it as much. Dr.

Atkins died. He died. But not because of bacon. He slipped on the concrete and busted his head open. Oh, he died in a funny way. Yeah. Brutal. I'm sure somebody was walking by when he slipped on it.

And they're like, ha, ha, oh, oh. Yeah, people are still doing low carb, I think. But now I don't have baking because now I'm scared of colon cancer. Yeah, that does come up a lot in the bacon world. So bacon gives you colon cancer. Nitrates give you colon cancer. Can give you colon cancer. My colon's great.

This is one of the good reasons why it's good. I think that I've cut out my regular bacon. Listen, I was never a real baking guy, but I've mentioned on the show before for a good month or so, maybe a month and a half. I was waking up every morning and having a Nat's hearty breakfast at White Spot, and that has bacon in it and, you know, pancakes and fries and all kinds of stuff in their eggs and all that. But yeah, I do like bacon, I think, in a normal way. Like I'm like, oh, bacon's good. It tastes good.

Well, no. See, I'm not. Huh? chocolate chocolate chip bacon cookies oh oh i saw the most glorious thing a donut with a bacon on it i've read that post so many times they used to have that at uh there was a uh Vancouver donut shop called cartems cartems and it's shut down now because no one can afford to pay rent uh in Vancouver even even the donut shops um but it it had a famous bacon Like it was bourbon bacon maybe, Brian?

Sounds good. Yeah. Sounds right. But yeah, I saw that a lot because there's a good donut place here called Buckeye Donuts that, you know, I'll get every once in a while. They've kind of gone downhill recently. Their apple fritters rarely have an apple in them, which is disgusting. I know. My brother is on the same boat.

You think I'm being crazy. My brother also has agreed. Apple fritters rarely have an apple in them. And I know how they make them. So I know what's going on. Is that shrinkflation? I think it is not. I think they make a, because they're fritters, right?

So they don't shape them. And I think they make a big pile of fritter and then they put some apple in there and then they mix it all together. And then sometimes you're just going to cut some. And I think they use less apples. I don't know. I had an apple fritter from there one time. It had apple in it.

It was the best thing I've ever had in my life. I was eating those things like crazy. And now every time I go there, it's like they're. burnt and there's no apple but they do the long john thing with a slice of bacon across the top and uh when when i was prepping this episode there were like a thousand posts on r slash bacon that we're talking about it like in the same exact way like i said i saw the most gl behold my eyes saw the most glow of his thing it's so millennial to to love bacon.

Yeah. It's like the, what was that name of that, that YouTube channel? Epic meal time. Epic meal time, right? Where they were like,

I think they were, and that was definitely, uh, from a time and they would constantly. And it's, it's chive coated as well. We've done chive guys, Bita,

I don't know if you remember the chive. They're chive guys. Oh. Oh. There are guys who love chive. No, the chive. The chive.

It's a website you've never heard of. I mean, Peter, there probably are chive guys. But do you remember the chive? It was a humor website. Oh, that's crazy that you never got. Oh, humor website based on the onion. It was based on the onion.

Oh, okay. But it's, but it's gone really downhill recently because they stopped allowing the chive. They got rid of the chivets, which are like, it's a website for mostly guys of a certain age, I would say. It's a lot of old movie references, a lot of like Bill. freaking Murray, you know, that type of... That's where that came from. That's where that came from. And like, yeah, they have keep calm and chive on is like kind of their like famous.

Well, let's take a look at some posts here. I got this one from R slash bacon. And this guy goes, this guy goes, my wife had a work event. She said, cook what I want. I'm very happy with my decision. Now I can show you guys his decision. It's just a bunch of bacon. It's going to get you laughing.

It's a bunch of bacon. That's going to get you laughing right there. Okay. Yes. One pound of perfectly cooked bacon. Yeah. And I'm guessing that's not what she meant really. But it's like these baking guys are like, well, hey, you said anything.

You open the door for me. You know the type of guy I am. You know what I'm going to do. And it was not, it was presented. Listen, I know that's not how he's going to serve it. But in the picture, it's presented on a white paper towel. Well, you got to. It gets rid of the grease.

Yeah, I understand. Yeah, I understand. So this guy replies and goes, that's a. This is the doneness I use in my BLTs. Looks perfect. Then he gets a reply. A good BLT with a side of a few extra pieces of bacon sounds good right now. Yeah.

Yeah, that's the one issue of the BLT is it's like it's got all the fucking lettuce and tomato and bread and stuff and there's not enough bacon. We'll be reading about vegetarians a little later on. Oh, yeah. Vegetarians love their fake bacon. too. They do. They do eat fake bacon. This guy goes, this guy just says solid salad. Oh my God. Get it? Yeah. These guys must be high protein guys. Right. I think I think they're just very not fucking guys. Yeah. They're just guys that they're just guys that are just like, listen, bacon tastes really good. I was feeling really good when bacon was on top of the world. You know what I mean? When everybody was just, even I at times in my life have said everything's better with bacon.

Is this like the equivalent of like quirky girl? Bacon guy? Yeah. I mean it's it really, it's like they really are. They're doing these little rifts and stuff. And I think you nailed it, Brian, is that they had that taste of like glory where it was like, okay, everyone sees it this way. Now we can all like I can go into any fucking room and I can be. like baking anyone and everyone's going to go fucking crazy and then that kind of like passed by

and now they're still living that life i like to bacon wrap my i'm sorry go on saying i like to bake and wrap my bacon i was going to say and now it's it's even worse because now we're saying that's going to that's going to make you sick yeah yeah that's the worst for them because they're like they're learning about the colon cancer stuff which i just learned about right right now. Did I teach you that? You taught me that. Oh, God.

If I were a bacon guy, like, imagine if I were like a baking guy. It's like my whole personality. Yeah, my whole thing was like bacon on everything. Bacon wrap bacon, like bacon salad, all that stuff. And then somebody's like, that's actually going to make your life shorter. And then you're like, oh. This guy goes, this guy goes, my high blood pressure is saying no, but I wouldn't give it a vote here. I mean.

Oh. So that is somebody. I mean, I guess there's always. always been, there's not that direct correlation with like, you know, colon cancer, but there's always like, there's this understanding that like, like, it's bad. It's not healthy. That's like an unhealthy. I think that's like why it's a thing.

It's like smoking in a way. It makes you cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, do you think it makes you cool? Well, I think to them, to them it's like, I'm a fucking death defined dude, man. To them, it's like, I don't care.

Like, I don't care. Like a lot of bacon. Yeah. Like snow flakes. Like you snowflakes are afraid of the like stuff, but like I don't actually care. I'm living my life and I'm enjoying the bacon. And I think there was also talk actually it's good for you. There is a period of that.

Yes. This guy goes, you know what's better than bacon? Guess what? Even more bacon. I like that one. These are the you prepared me for this, Brian, but these guys really are the worst riffers in the history. It's the riffers.

city. We're going to be reading riffs a lot. This guy goes, don't buy Carver's choice bacon. Okay. This is from another post here. He goes approximately two-thirds fat, not a bargain, not a one-off. Advertising this product is bacon is misleading. Fat with a bit of bacon, such a disappointment. But isn't, listen, I guess I see what he's saying. It has the little the meat part on it and the fat part on it. And I do prefer the meat part of it. It's not just a fat. But bacon is, famously like a very fat he has a lot of fat in it right this guy goes that's bacon the first thing reply and then a guy replies to him and goes that's the best part of bacon yeah see that's what i thought people are because there are those people who like they of all meat they're like i like the fat i

prefer the fat part me too of course this guy goes i just don't get these people that want fat-free bacon it's hard to find a decent fatty bacon nowadays to the point that people are now so used to excessively lean bacon, they're shocked when they see real bacon from normal fat pigs. If you want lean bacon just by Canadian bacon, plus, are you not able to see the bacon through the packaging? Which is, that's two good things there. Yeah. Like you, they're, yeah, they're not hiding away what the bacon looks like. If you don't like the fat, then don't buy it. What isn't Canadian, what's Canadian bacon? It's ham. We call it Canadian bacon. You guys don't call it Canadian bacon. Is it back?

Bacon? I guess they call it back bacon here maybe or something. Maybe it's just ham. Yeah, to me it's just ham. Yeah, to me it's very hamish. It's just something we put on our pizzas here. We call it Canadian bacon because it's not bacon. Yeah, yeah. I don't know why we call it Canadian at all. There's going to be a lot of talk about this. This guy goes 100% with you here. I always dig through the bacon bin looking for fattier bacon. I'm seriously going to go try and find some carvers now. You're just rifling through the bacon bin looking for the fattest bacon you can find. And the guy, the O.P. replies it goes, if you like a lot of fat, then I highly recommend Carver's choice. This Carver's choice is in trouble. The brand is in shambles now. Yeah. And then this guy goes, other than small farm craft bacon, rights is easily the best bacon in America. Source. I travel for work and have lived in every region. Most bacon. is similar to each other.

Stater Brothers Band Bacon in Southern California is second place. Wright's Bacon is on a different level and deserves its own category. It's that much better than everything else. Wow. This guy's lived in every region. Yep. Of the United States. And he knows who makes the best bacon.

How does he know like when he's, oh, because he buys the bacon? I was thinking restaurants. But he's like, damn. That's, yeah. I guess he travels and he's around every city. He's just like, I tried all the brands of bacon, and these are the two that I like. What is he considering a region? I just don't like, the United States is very large.

It just feels hard to imagine someone who's lived in every region of the United States. Unless he means just like the, you know, the West Coast and then like, I don't know. Here's another issue. Here's another one of these. This is from R slash, well, that sucks. It's unfortunate that this guy had to. go through this. This, he says,

misleading bacon, almost all fat. That literally is what, for people that aren't watching, no one's watching, by the way. And you can see that. That's true.

Yeah. Yeah. This is bacon. It's bacon. It's, this is what bacon looks like. It's, it's a perfectly regular ratio of meat to fat.

What a fascinating man. More meat. More meat than you would even want. This guy replies it goes, a friend of mine told me a story. of early in his marriage his wife was buying bacon that was almost entirely fat when he asked her about it she said that she was trying to get all white meat oh okay so he's thrown in a little dumb wife riff in my wife is dumb okay this guy goes Australian bacon is the final boss of

bacon uh let me show you some that does sound like the way that's the way they would refer to it as the final boss. Wait. Oh, here are the bacon's for everybody. There's Canadian bacon, which is loin. Yeah. American bacon, which is just bacon. I don't know why he added American to it.

It's not American. It's just bacon and an English bacon. And now Australian has more meat on. Well, it seems like it has the loin and the belt, like it has the Canadian bacon. See, I didn't realize this. So this is kind of. of an illuminating photograph to look at right now because it shows you the bacon, then the Canadian bacon, then it shows Australian bacon, which is the two combined. So you can kind of see how

they pull the Canadian bacon off of the other bacon. And it's the final boss of bacon. It's fun to see. It's just both of them combined. Yeah, the final boss. Yeah. I guess. It's crazy, right? This guy goes Aussie bacon, his middle bacon in the UK, far more superior. So the UK's better. It's mid. This guy goes, it's all about preferences. I'm Australia and I prefer American-style streaky bacon. I don't enjoy the middle bacon rashers.

I think it's inferior. It's subjective. If you like it, then that's all that matters. Okay, thanks for the fucking, I hate guys that say that. Oh, well, hey, you know, all that matters is if you like it. It's like having an opinion. You're on Reddit or whatever. That's like the main place where you just want to have an opinion on something.

Here's a good riff. You guys ready for a riff? Of course. A rant. This is actually a rant. Oh, wow. Do you ever get yourself, find yourself ranting? Bita, you do stand-up comedy.

You tread boards, I know. But do you ever get it good on a rant? No, that's why I actually find stand-up so difficult because I don't rant. Oh, I see. I don't rant. I don't have opinions. Bita, I don't, neither of us rant either. And we're both horrible at it.

I think we've both tried to do it. Yeah. It's harder than you. it appears. And it sucks. You know what? Nobody likes it. Nobody likes it.

No. I don't think there's an odd. I truly don't think there's an audience for ranting. Well, somebody tell that to freaking Dennis Leary and Dennis Miller who cultivated one of the largest end of audiences of the 80s and 90s. So I think that I think the rant used to be very popular, but it does, I guess in politics. Now it's the take. It's the take now.

Is that the same thing? The take is kind of like a ramp But the rant is like an extended take, I guess I guess it kind of goes with like People like things shorter now It's like get to the point Versus the rant from before When things used to breathe

So it's like no I want to hear Dennis Miller Talk about Boutros Boutros Gali or whatever For like 17 minutes Whereas now it's like you just want to watch a 30 second clip Or someone says what they believe When I get to rantin My brain My brain locks up

the friggin straight of hormones. Nice, son. Thank you. You guys played, you guys had like, in the live show, you had a whole section

for guys who rant. Yeah, great too. He's fantastic. That's Ron's Day of Rant and Drama Rant. Yeah, we, on the live show we did,

we showed Ron's Daily Rant and Drama Rants, two of the top rancers. We did the Rant Guys episode and we, I started really getting obsessed with rant people, so I looked all over YouTube to find like the best. ranters or whatever and those are like my two favorites that I ever found. But yeah, so we, there is a place for them for sure. But as you could see, maybe I don't know.

Actually, you didn't see it. We didn't pull it up on YouTube. But those, unfortunately, those two channels, they have not gained a lot of mainstream popularity. No, don't get me wrong. I love ham in all its forms, but Canadian bacon is a goddamn lie. It's fried ham, which is delicious. And I'll eat it any time.

However, it's not bacon. and I cannot in good faith bring myself to trust people who would lie about bacon. It's just not right. Wow. 20 days ago. Canadians are liars. Yeah, well, that's true, though. I lie all the time.

Let's not turn this. They eat hot chip and lie. Let's not. Stop bringing. He keeps doing that. He's been doing it to me like off mic as well. This one we're talking, he's doing the eat hot chip and lie thing. That's like so old.

It's good. It's good. Six, seven. Six, seven is at least, like, it's annoying to do that as an adult. Especially when nobody said six, seven. Yeah, especially just saying six, seven. But it's at least a more. Scary movie. It's a newer thing. It's at least, yeah, we saw scary movies.

Six. Check out on the hot wife tier, everybody. If you want to watch myself, Stefan, Jesse, and Brian talk about, Brian went by himself to the movie theater and watched Scary. movie which is a really that's a really horrible experience Stefan and I went together so we had more of a fun time you know they kissed look that's not what I meant this guy goes damn I could tell you feel really strongly about this I also feel strongly about bacon and bacon related products this is our week if you're listening to the show this week guess what it's riff week

Oh, guys, because these guys, this guy goes, Canadian bacon is not ham, never has been, never will be. It's cured pork loin with cornmeal crust, aka pea meal bacon. Yeah, I have heard that. I've heard that before. Well, this guy goes, sorry, you're wrong. Now there becomes an argument, which I also like. Yeah. Guys that love bacon, guys that now are like, I fucking love bacon.

I'm going to sit around here and listen to you talk about. say wrong things about baking. Yeah, the only thing I can imagine, I was going to say, like, who cares? But I guess if you order something and you're like, and it just says bacon, it doesn't say bad, it doesn't say Canadian bacon or whatever, it just says it's coming with bacon. And you're expecting your favorite food bacon. And then instead comes this, you know, cured pork or ham or whatever you want to call it. That would be a noise. That would be frustrating. It is a different kind of food, definitely. I mean, it comes from a pig, obviously, but it is different. It tastes different, I think. Yeah. This guy goes, yeah, I live in Canada. I'm barely

touch that type. I have the American one all the time. Yeah. Listen, I'm glad, listen, we have the bi-Canadian and, you know, we're pretty anti-American in Canada these days for whatever reason. But I am glad that we haven't sort of said, hey, we're not having any more of that American bacon. We're only going to have the Canadian bacon because you guys do have a better, you have a better bacon. I'll give you that. And Constitution. And Prime Minister. Yeah.

Prime Minister Trump. I mean, our guy's like an accounting nerd. But it's interesting. I believe he's less harmful to the world. Our guy just had a UFC fight on the lawn of the White House. What are we in the freaking documentary known as? Idiocracy. Idiocracy.

Holy shit, man. Honestly. This guy's over here doing, by the way, he's over here doing this thing. Meanwhile, can't get a friggin' boat through the straight of horro moves. Okay. Brian loves the straight of hor moors. It's my favorite thing in the world, the straight of whore moves. I've known about it all my life.

Yeah. You know, you've always been a big fan of the straight of hormoos. You're just excited it's finally in the news and getting the recognition it deserves. Yeah. Here's a memes. This guy goes, just wondering, somebody asked me what to do with leftover bacon. I've never heard of that kind of bacon. Is it new?

Oh, my God. I've never even heard of it. I love these guys. Is it new? Is that? That drives it a whole. It's like there are one chance to be funny. Yeah.

Oh, wait until you read these comments on this meme are fantastic. It's totally true. It feels like people who never, who are never able to be funny in any other arena, but now they're just like listen i know how to like speak in the language of bacon humor that is the one yeah yeah i think one thing i know is that this guy went to work one guy that saw this went to work and set it to a person oh yeah yeah like when i did the louis anderson like when i did the louis anderson bit i don't know that bit oh i did a louis anderson bit when i was in like the fourth grade and i fucking killed. Yeah, you

would just like as your own. You did it as your own. But this would be, I picture the person the person saying like, hey, someone tell, like, because no one, someone have to bring up leftover bacon or whatever, which wouldn't happen that often. So I feel like the person just goes to work and just says like,

someone was asking me the other day about leftover bacon. And it's like, I've never heard of that. Is that a new kind of bacon or something? I believe, I fully believe, a guy, that was the conversation starter for a guy. at work when he saw it. He would have to bring bacon himself.

It's actually so heartwarming. He brings bacon and he's just eating bacon hoping for somebody to be like, holy shit, you're eating straight bacon and he's just like, yeah, you know, the other day somebody asked me about leftover bacon. By the way, people, I don't usually do this, but I do want to tell you when this was posted. Okay. It would be 72 days ago. Wow.

So still happened in 2026. This is a 2026 post. Yeah. By the way, all the posts have been 2026 posts. Yeah, that doesn't surprise me. I know that like these guys are still around doing this. This is like not surprising to me at all because you definitely, I'll encounter sometimes, you know, online or whatever, somebody who's like, hey, my whole shit is

bacon, bacon related humor. And I like, I just want you to know that I think bacon is the best food. Yeah. Well, this guy goes left. I'm surprised there isn't like a big bacon comedian. There should be. Yeah. Because there is for, there's like, I just saw this like nurse comedian who's really popular.

Like, why couldn't there be a bacon comedian? You feel like the bar would be very low if you were doing exclusive. Like I guess like what's his name? It does all the food comedy really famous. Gaffigan. Jim Gaff again. I think he does do some. I'm sure he has a bit of bacon stuff.

You're right. But it's like, can you imagine how you could have a huge audience if you were just going straight for this audience? You're just like, every single joke I do is kind of like leftover bacon. I've never heard of that brand before. You know, is that new or whatever? And you're just like cracking stuff about bacon. I don't, you say like, oh, it would get, it's kind of a one-note thing. People would get tired of it.

But these guys wouldn't. These guys wouldn't. No. Yeah. These guys would buy merch from the corner. These guys are buying bacon bouquets. Yes. Oh, my God.

Well, this guy goes, quote, leftover bacon, unquote. Is that a liberal term? Oh, don't make it political. Do not make it political. Bacon is a bipartisan issue. This guy, well, I don't know. We're going to read some stuff later on. It might disagree with that.

This guy goes, it's like the current presidential administration. They say something is this, but it doesn't. Okay. So now that person is a. What does that mean? I don't know, Bita. I'm not exactly sure either. I can read it again.

I can read the whole exchange again and we can try to figure it out. I have heard that Trump's eye looks like a pig's eye if that means anything. Oh. Like I mean. Not heard that. Yeah, like he's a bit pigish. He's a bit he's a bit poor. I mean, Trump strikes me as somebody who would love bacon.

and eat a lot of bacon. He feels like he could say everything's better with bacon to Trump if you met him and he'd be like, yep. Absolutely. Yeah, totally, totally. We love it. We love bacon. It's the best.

Only the American stuff, you know. Not the Canadian. Not the Canadian stuff. Nobody likes the Canadian stuff. Leftover bacon equals bacon bits. And then he gets a reply and the guy goes, the magical fairy dust of food. Wow.

The magical fairy dust of food. Yeah. This is amazing. This guy goes, it tastes like it's gone. If you have leftover bacon, you don't have your priority straight, need new friends. Real friends don't let you have leftover bacon. That kind of he fit something else into the bacon conversation. Yeah.

If you have any decent real friends, they make sure you're eating all your bacon. Is that what they're saying? Or do they eat the bacon? Because sometimes presumably... He knows that real friends. don't let real friends do something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he probably says that about like everything.

Yeah, yeah, real friends don't. Real friends don't let real friends drink bad bourbon. Oh, yeah, it's his one joke that he just fits into everything. Yeah, which it is versatile. I find that I'll start doing that more. It's like when in the 2000s, when you could say what happens in stays in. Yes. And you're just set.

Like that was that you could do your whole stand-up comedy routine on what happens in Yeah and then what happens in stays in and then all of a sudden Friends don't let friends do this thing was like hey hold my beer Yeah wait wait wait wait wait what happens in the straight of Hormuz stays in a straight of Well that's pretty good actually Hold on hold on both can't go through yeah what happens what happens at breakfast stays at breakfast and then a photo of a plate of bacon. That's true.

And then this guy just says brilliant meme. Yeah, brilliant. Just listen, I don't want to. Brilliant meme. This is just brilliant. This is just, I just want to appreciate what we're all seeing here. Here's another really good, here's another really good, well-worded meme for you guys. I think it's funny that jokes are being put on the back of bacon packages.

Listen to this one. serving size two slices. Okay, that's good. That was a good one. I didn't know where that one was going. Yeah, he kind of did get me in the beginning. They took you for a ride. Took me for a bit of a rye.

They're putting jokes on bacon? Yeah, and I was like, because that... That does happen sometimes. Yeah, that's what I was going to... And it would seem like the type of product where, again, your audience would appreciate that if you were doing jokes on the back of the thing. I don't know. I think, and this is not a joke.

I'm saying like, I think that if you're selling meat, you got to be serious. You can't be funny. Funny meat you can't do. But beef jerky, beef jerky? That's fine. Funny name. Funny name. That's fine because it's not going to poison you.

Yeah, yeah. So you think that if it's like uncooked meat, you have to be a little serious about it. You can't put jokes on it. It's not laughy-tapy. Yeah, okay. I get you. I get you. I think that some of their audience would appreciate it, though,

if they were like, you know, what did the this say to that? And they said, more bacon or whatever. And like, I think I could see a bacon company pulling it off. If they spelled it, M-O-A-R. If any, if any meat is going to have a joke on the package, it's going to be bacon. Because it's like breakfast. Bacon's the funniest one, yeah. It cooks kind of funny, like, the shape.

Yeah, yeah. It bubbles up a little bit. It is a little silly, yeah. This guy goes, if someone's the. tells you this is good you guys are going to love this this i'll probably buy a t-shirt and says this if someone tells you you're eating too much bacon get them out of your life you don't need that kind of negativity yes i i saw that one coming they say that about everything i yep that's another one where the person is like listen i know this joke if someone tells you you're eating your blank too much get them out of your

life you don't need that negativity yeah and i got a little riff on that as well like yeah i tried to get I tried to get him out of my life, but I couldn't find another doctor in network. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. So, yeah, so I found another doctor. Yeah, yeah, that's actually better because they don't want to, they don't want the doctor. This guy goes, refrigerate unused bacon. Recealable package. Why?

I mean, there's so much bacon in a package. Like the idea of, listen, I know they're just doing the riff on that, but it's like we're talking 12 slices of bacon. I hope these guys are not really opening up packages of bacon and eating all of it. I think this is the best joke we've ever read on the podcast. I'm going to read it. You're going to love it. We did joke guys too.

This is better than any of the stand-up comedy guys. Better than any of the Chuck jokes. Wow. Two slices and that's considered one serving. I'd really love to have some of that bacon because a pound of bacon is enough bacon for most little kids under age two, I think. So for that package of bacon, that must be some good size bacon then, huh? That person has a brain injury, I think. They're like, the only thing they remember from after the accident is,

bacon. That's the only thing they remember about their past life is that they loved bacon. It's a motorcycle accident. And now I know this bacon joke. I think I said it's for two-year-olds or something. They were hit. They were on their motorcycle. They got hit by a bacon truck.

And they woke up and this is all they could say now. Yeah. Yeah. And they tell the joke every day. Uh, let's take a look at Quora. Have you ever been to Quora before? Oh, actually, let's do bacon jokes first. Oh, okay.

Okay. Wait, that's what we've been doing. No, but these are actually written. Oh, I see. These are like written by comedians. I see. This is good. Bacon isn't just a breakfast staple.

It's a mood, a vibe and apparently a pun making machine. That's a joke. Joke. Wait, or it was, it was that the description of the website. Yeah. Okay. That does sound like the description, like before you present the jokes to be like. Well, let's get a few of these.

Where is this from? Brian, where are you finding? This is from banteris. Okay. B-A-N-D-E-R-E-S. Okay, I'm not familiar. This guy goes, I'm on a bacon-only diet. It's crackling good.

No. Okay, these aren't, so these are like, these aren't real. I'm frying high on life. No. Like flying. Let us be honest. Bacon makes everything better. Lettis.

Lett, T, you see. So these are, these are honestly not real attempts at Joe. These are like meant to be kind of stupid. There is a thing where you can click copy and post them on your website too right here. See, it's copy. You can just hit the copy button.

Boom. You got it copy. Now I can put it somewhere. I think AI wrote those. I would have to imagine. I wrote, you think AI wrote Keep Calm and Bacon on? Well, no, somebody from the tribe wrote that. Life's too short for bad bacon.

Oh, these are, I hate these. These are not, these are not good attempts of jokes. Oh, okay, here we go. This is a pun or this is from the puns or one-liners. Everything is better with bacon, even my humor. This is making me really appreciate the Reddit bacon guys jokes. Yeah, we'll go back there.

What about those guys are original. Those guys are like they're riffing. They're like they're doing like these ones are all they're like the dad jokes kind of are like the, you know, these are short funny bacon puns. Okay. Bacon there done that. Okay. I don't mind.

I don't mind that one. Bacon there. They're done that. Here's my note for them They should try to include Kevin Bacon Somehow Well later on we will be You messed up my joke

Oh fuck I'm sorry We will be reading a review of a Bacon Brothers concert A little later on Oh nice The Bacon Brothers in my neighborhood That's a notorious family of gang members Who are responsible for a bunch of murders So every time I hear Bacon Brothers

That's what I think about person Canadian pride Canadian country music I think of good country music by a great actor. Oh, they do country music to make it? I believe they do, yeah. I thought it was rock.

I thought it was old bacon. This off Quora, why do liberals hate making it? Oh, wait. Can I guess? Why? Um, wait,

it's not a joke, just to be clear. This is Quora. This is Quora. And by the way, the answer is gay. That's the answer because. Yeah,

that's the actual answer they would say. No, this guy gave a different. Believe me. This guy gave a detailed answer. Do liberals hate, I guess, like, people who are concerned with health and I guess healthy people are considered liberals? Because, again, I do not think this is like a political thing.

But mega, mega probably hates bacon. Or no, they don't. They probably love it. They love it. Yeah, anybody, the make America healthy again, people probably love bacon, I would imagine. And yeah. Okay, what's the answer? Well, Dan says, former political ranter now mellowed out in an old-fashioned cynic.

Retired political ratter. Now he's just the city. This guy's got the bio of Dennis Miller. This is so funny, you guys. You're going to love this. I just hate bacon. That's all there is to it. You know what?

We really get my goat. It will be if all the angry conservatives on Quora decided to send me packages of frozen bacon. I'd especially love. I mean hate. Does you say I'd especially love, I mean hate? Yep. Oh my God.

This goes on for a while. This goes on longer than you might think. Okay. You might think that there's no way there's any more. We got the point now. We understand the joke. We get it. It's done now.

Yeah, you guys might think, oh, there's probably nothing else here. Well, there's two more paragraphs. Three. Three more paragraphs. Wow. Damn. He goes, I'd especially love, I mean, hate those really thick sliced bacon available in butcher shops. I also hate the back bacon, popular in Canada and Britain.

Please don't send me that. It would be just awful and saved me a trip to the grocery store too. Kind of fucked up there. Yeah, that kind of fucked up because he kind of told us that he might actually be going to buy bacon himself. Yeah, he loves bacon. And he goes also hates steak, especially ribby steak. Fine filet mignon is especially disturbing to me. When served medium, rare enough pink to see, but brown on the edges.

Wait, he wants him to cook the steaks first and send the steaks cooked to him? Why is he including how he likes some cook? Wouldn't he eat that? And he wants it with fresh ground pepper on top. If you were to send me that, I'd be really upset. I'm sure you can find a frozen food delivery. Well, yeah, you probably would be upset if someone sent you that by mail because it would not.

A cooked steak in an envelope and send it to you. That would probably show up all nasty and rancid. Now, if you added some baked potatoes, slathered and sour cream and chives, that would just about do me in. As a liberal, I would, it would just ruin my day to get a top shelf Kentucky bourbon or a single malt scy. aged in an oak barrel? Yes, that would be awful.

Maybe you could add a five-alarm chili from Texas or some great Louisiana jumbalaya. This guy now just wants mail. Now he's just listing things he wants people to mail him. He wants, these are all the foods he likes, which the baking guys and the bourbon guys, I do think there's a huge crossover between those two guys for sure.

Yeah. He goes, uh, uh, he still goes more. Or other Cajun dishes from that stereotypically conservative area. Don't even get me started on fried chicken. Man, that would be really awful. Sorry, I'd type of more coherent argument, but I'm getting hungry. Oh, God. He's better than that.

He is. That's a bad ending. Thank you. This guy just says more than a few pieces give me indigestion. I'm not sure what voting Republican would cure that as much as some kind of antacid. I tried taking a whole lot of antacid once. Okay, you're not helping us. You're not helping the liberal side here.

Well, he goes, I tried taking a whole lot of antacid once, but unfortunately Trump was still president. Oh, that's awesome. I mean, that is not a good look for liberals where it's just like, I'm not sure what politics has to do with it. I actually hurts my tummy and I can't actually eat it. Exactly the answer a conservative would give as a fake liberal. making fun of them.

Yeah, maybe it is something. But then the part about Trump makes you think it actually is someone who genuinely just can't eat bacon because it hurts their tummy. Well, I went to Amazon. There's some gag gifts on there. These are bacon air fresheners. Oh. So that you can make any room or car smell like bacon.

Very excited for you to hear these reviews. do not do it one star it smelled nothing like bacon to be honest I'm not sure how to describe it maybe I'll copy another review and saying it smells like dog food

by the way you deserve you get what you deserve if you buy bacon air freshener yeah you definitely do it's like what do you really expect it to smell like fresh cooked bacon or whatever

Do you want your car to smell like fresh cooked bait? Is that what you wanted? I think they do. Hmm. Hmm. I think these people do. I think they do. But it's like it's true.

It's it is not a bad smell to like smell in the morning if it's been cooked or whatever. But I don't know about having it around all the time. Yes. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. He goes, I must have bought this after the company saw the other reviews because the smell did not go away. So some other reviews said the smell goes away really. fast. So this person is like, well, they fix the smell thing, but it stinks. It stinks like shit.

It smells like stinky dog food, but the good news is it never goes away now. I love the idea of this ruining your life. That's so funny. Because we hung it in one room and the room filled with the smell immediately. Not a good thing. But it was amusing. So we thought we put it at a plastic bag to block the smell and keep the freshener. sure didn't work. The smell leaked right through the bag and we could smell it from across the room. We had to throw it away because it was just too much. Now, I would have done that first pre-bag. Yeah. And I'm wondering if they put in a Ziploc bag or just like a plastic bag you get from the grocery store. Yeah, I could probably a Ziploc bag, I guess, to cover it up. But then how could you could

never smell it coming out of the zip lock bag. Like that that old like there was a Simpsons episode about it from the Twilight Zone or whatever, that doll, you know, that you just, like, can't get rid of. Like, I do, like, Beaton love the idea of this just haunting somebody and, like, they just cannot get rid of it. It's just ruining everything in their fucking life. Well, he goes, we could smell it for, we had too much. The only thing this product got right was the design and making the smell strong, which is why the durability rating is so high.

However, if you hate bad smells, don't buy this. Yeah, this is fantastic. The smell is horrific, but it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, you know, it's, very strong. What an honest reviewer. I know. Adam gives it two stars and says, it stinks. I love bacon.

Let's start there. To me, there are a few things in the world better than bacon. This air freshener, unfortunately, is not one of those things. Why don't you just... Sorry. Go for you. They should just hang fried bacon in replacement. Yeah.

Yeah. Or just make bacon. Your house smells like it for like a wheat. Yeah. Are you not making bacon? I guess they want their car to smell like bacon and stuff like that, right? It's like their house probably already smells like bacon because they're cooking bacon every morning for breakfast or whatever. Well, he goes, I bought it for a few reasons.

One, it was a cheap way to get the free super saver shipping. Two, I was enjoying the possible comedic value of driving around with bacon hanging from my rearview mirror. I was, I love the idea that he's like, I was probably going to be delivering laughs. on a daily basis. Yeah. If I saw that, if I saw that, I would probably go,

look, bacon. Yeah. Do you wouldn't have a big laugh if you pulled up next to someone at a light and they had bacon hanging? Like, oh my God,

now I've seen everything. Now I've seen everything. This air fresher fulfilled the first two, but the third, not so much. This thing reeks of chemicalized fake smoke flavor. It's kind of gross. I've been driving around with my windows open

in the hopes of depleter. pleading this awful fake smoke smell so that I can just have the visual of bacon. Oh, so he's not, well, I thought he had gotten rid of it and the smell was sticking around. He's still just like, hey, listen, it smells like horrifying chemicals, but I've been trying. It's so, it's such a strong visual gag that I'm trying to, like, get rid of the smell. Well, can't you just get one that doesn't have the smell? Like, isn't there something you'd be able to get that just looks like bacon and you hang it and it's not an air freshener? Yeah.

It doesn't look this good, though. Yeah, yeah. This is some good looking bacon. Yeah. Yeah, we did. It's funny. It's funny. It's definitely fun.

It's undeniably, people are going to walk by your car and be like, Yeah. Can you imagine? Yeah. He goes, if you must buy this product. Some people, this is a good thing for something because I think there are some people who feel like they must buy this product. I'd recommend open the packages and leaving it out somewhere out of the way,

like in a shed or on the back deck until the, smell is dissipated, then hang it for your car beer. But why would you do that? It's an air freshener. I need to open my air freshener and take it out to the shed and put a bucket over it for two months and they don't have something to hang in my car. Yeah, before I put in my car, I'm just going to sit. Yeah, that's, that's crazy.

There has to be a better product for you if that's the case. These are Jack Links, Hickory smoked bacon jerky. So Jack Link's making. makes a beef jerky. Jack Lynx is a jerky company. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Five stars. Jacklings fan, but

this one's a little misleading as it is far from being a jerky. It's a pre-cooked bacon with amazing flavor, but it's nowhere near a jerky. There's no jerk type of flavor or chewy texture. It's a bacon that's not crisp. So it allows you to put it in a microwave

for a few seconds to warm it through and toss it on a bun as a great sandwich. Eat it straight from the package is a bit gross, unless you like cold undercooked bacon, I'm not a fan of that. If I were to rate it straight from the package, I'd give it it to. But once I warmed it up and put it on a bun,

it was well worth the five stars. You can make a BLT and add it to a salad or anything, really. Yeah, I'll add it to my salad, my bacon salad. I feel like this is a, like, that pre-cooked bacon is a thing that exists, not just the jacklings or whatever, right? Yeah. For like, yeah, like, because cooking bacon is kind of annoying.

Get all the bacon grease. and stuff like that. Yeah. So I feel like, yeah, I definitely, I would use, I did the bacon bits a couple of times in my life. I like bought them from the grocery store and would put them on like a salad or whatever. But I do find they are, they tend to be a little bit undercooked. That's at least what I found.

Like they're, yeah. Molly gives it five stars and is really funny. Got picky eaters who won't eat bacon and you suffer because of it. Then buy and thank me later. This is the perfect bacon. to add to your green beans or mashed potatoes or whatever you want your seasoning in. I'm from the South, and I love our pork seasoning.

But lately, my husband, who read something in the Bible, I guess, decided that after 60 plus years of eating bacon, now he won't go near it. Stupid. And it makes my job of cooking so much more of a hassle. But you do you. Do what you do because you love them and are grateful for him. Like, I'm grateful to Jack.

links for making this amazing bacon jerky. It's the best one and the price can't be beat. It's always available for EBT. And this is perfect for me. I can still add bacon to my portion of food and still be happy. No one else is happy. But now with this product, we can all have our pork and eat it too.

Husband's portion means more for me. Oh, yeah. So that's the lesser known dumb husband. Yeah. Dumb husband. Well, dumb religious husband. religious husband who well he is kind of dumb though I guess unless he just started reading the bible it's like he's been reading it his whole life and going to church and stuff and then he just

noticed a thing in there about is it about pork or something is that what it is he won't eat there's some there's stuff in the bible about pork for sure yeah yeah but I don't know what it is yeah I've never read the Bible I'm gonna I'm not I'm gonna go out ahead and say it I don't care if we lose listeners over it I've never read the holy Bible I've read it 666 times. Oh, wow. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. And when I say I've read it, I mean the satanic Bible by Anton Levang. Okay. You've kind of overcook the joke a little bit. Guess where I got it? Yeah, yeah. From the gift shop at the Strait of Hormuz. The gift shop.

They have a gift shop. The guy who just needs to put the Strait of Hormuz in every joke. The gift shop. Yeah, I got it. I have Satanist neighbors who I haven't talked about them in a while. They have like, yeah, they're very nice. They smoke the one guy smoked cigarettes.

He must smoke about 100 cigarettes a day if I had to, like every single time I go outside, he's smoking a cigarette. You tell him you're worried about his health? Sorry? You ever tell him you're worried about his health? No. So the other day I, for the first time ever, I almost said something because the window's open, you know, it's summertime.

Oh. Oh. Bad neighbor. Yeah, but I didn't say anything, but he sits on the front porch and he smokes cigarettes. And it was like this overwhelming smell of cigarettes. Smoking them as the wind must have been sort of blowing that direction or whatever. And I almost considered being like, is there like just another, go around the corner or like across the street that you could smoke cigarettes or whatever? But I decided not to.

I didn't want to. I did not want to have any kind of altercation with my Satan's name. Not with the Satanists. How do you know they're Satanists? They have a like pentagram like up in the window like a glowing. Perfect. Yeah. And then they have like bones and stuff.

They have they have bones. Like there's bones things around. Do you know what I mean? Like there's like not real bones, but do you know what I mean? There's like skeletons. Yeah. Yeah. Brian used to be a Satanist.

He had a Satan party on 666. Did you really? A huge on June 6th, 2006. I had a huge. huge party. Wow. They even like, they did a...

My landlord mode 666 in my lawn and a pentagram in the front yard. It was fucking awesome. Yeah. Everybody's like, these fucking guys are skit. You know what I mean? These guys are cool as hell,

man. Holy shit, I respect these guys a lot. I think these guys are very cool. Right around 1 o'clock in the morning. My neighbors are like, hey, man, everything you're doing is really cool out here.

We really like, we do have to go to work in the morning because it's a Tuesday. Yeah, it's a Tuesday. all, but I just want to make sure you know that this is very cool and I'm very impressed by this. And then some people weren't like it's very cool, but they're like, oh, this is very scary. You know, you guys are freaked out by this. You guys are freaking me out. You guys are hardcore. You guys are, yeah. You guys are sort of dark and mysterious. I call it the death metal effect.

When you tell somebody you listen to death metal and they're like, whoa, hey, now I don't mess with that kind of thing. It was, it is funny to think of the death metal. I was thinking about it the other day because Mike Hale was sending us pictures of shirts and I almost bought like 17 death metal shirts. And it was fun. It did get me thinking back when we did the episode about the guys just always being like, I don't dare tell my boss what I listen to because it's kind of dark. And like, I'm walking around in my, in my death metal T-shirt and I can just imagine what all the

old people are thinking. like that was freak don't they all are and the old people like don't even know they're not even looking at it they don't know what it says because like it's all the fucking crazy fonts and fonts are all fucked up and stuff and like they don't give it a second

look especially nowadays you know it's like yeah this is a website called bacon freak where you can have bacon delivered to your home you can subscribe to bacon their their slogan

bacon is meat candy I went to trust pilot Oh god Can I get email notifications Can you can we Some people please start giving some positive reviews To our store on trust pilot We have one of the lowest scores

On the entire website right now Every single day I get a notification You have another one star review on trust pilot Why? What are you guys doing on there? We have issues with a lot of our customer service and stuff like that. But we don't answer any of it. We, we're, we're considered, our products are considered bad and our customer service is bad. And our shipping situation is horrible.

Bita, I'll let you in behind the podcast that does zero ads and rarely plugs itself also told its listeners to go to a website and give it bad reviews. Oh, no. Well, we used, we used to read bad trust by the reviews. so we thought it'd be funny. Initially, we thought it'd be a funny joke, you know, oh, do some bad reviews, but it's like,

you go look up the geysery, which is our website, it's based on the chivalry. That's where, speaking of the chive. We have the geysery where we sell our products. We sold our live show tickets there. And if you look it up on Google, it's like the trust pilot comes up.

And it's like so low. It's crazy. And it's like the AI thing is just like, people are generally, like upset with like wrong products and like yeah like it's it's just it makes us if somebody didn't know but I guess that's not we don't care we don't actually care because it doesn't really matter because everyone listen anyone who would buy something from the guys or he would listen to the podcast yeah right they would yeah unfortunately for bacon freak they've got a 2.3 star average

now that's much that's much higher I would kill for a 2.3 This guy, bacon sausage four pet combo, five stars. Loving this bacon and sausage so much. My ultimate favorite gives me ultimate satisfaction. That is a greatest sentence. One of my favorite sentence. Can I read that again? Please.

My ultimate favorite gives me ultimate satisfaction. Wow. He's a poet. It's a seven-year-old. Can I just, I'm reading this. We hate AI. We don't. wanted to all be gone, but this is the AI summary of the reviews on our trust pilot.

Looking at 60 reviews, most reviewers were unhappy with their experience overall. Many customers found the staff unprofessional and disappointing, citing inappropriate behavior at shows and in personal interactions. Reviewers also reported issues with product quality, including items smelling unpleasant, being damp or having other hygiene concerns upon arrival. Some found the product designed to be ill-fitting or of poor artistic quality with one coin featuring a poorly drawn embossed image instead of an engraved one. I mean, this is, that's really, oh, there were also complaints about receiving incorrect items such as breast pumps instead of swords. So, yeah, that's, that's all of our, that's the AI summary of our trust pile.

That you guys, this is, this, my ultimate favorite gives me ultimate satisfaction. I'll try to partner with the sandwich and or with fried rice. Much try the smoky hickory flavors again, plus points for the service. That guy, huge fan. This guy gave it five stars too. He goes, great and interesting bacon. Huh. He goes, great and interesting bacon.

A different breakfast side dish. What? What? What's the taste profile? of that. It doesn't explain. It's just interesting. I wouldn't think that, yeah, like that's not generally, maybe like the, you would

want to say that about the presentation or whatever, but if you said like, oh, this bacon is interesting. I would take that as being bad. Like, you just want it to taste good, not interesting. Yeah. I don't want to eat anything that tastes interesting. Yeah. Yeah.

Because I like, you know, I go to a fine dining restaurant here and there. I don't ever order none of these. interesting stuff. You order French. You order French fries. Steak freets. Yeah. Someone told him he was having a real tough time and then someone was like, you know steak

frets is just beef and French fries. Actually, you know how I learned that? One of my very early anniversary dinners with my wife, I went, we went to a nice fine dining restaurant. We got dressed up. I put on a derby hat and a velvet blazer and a t-shirt. And a pair of cheese. this was early though this was when that type of thing was considered cool beat it because

well i don't think together for a long time derby hats were not considered cool yeah but it was like it was more appropriate for the times this was in the this was like in the 2000s or whatever we go to this restaurant that i had heard was good right like i went to yelp and it had good reviews turns out it's just it's not good i've been there since because it's in a hotel it's just a restaurant in a hotel you know what i mean but i got good review so we went I sat down, I ate, and I sat down there like, what would you like? And I was like, I'll have the steak free tays. Oh, that's so sweet.

And I was so excited. I was like telling my wife, I was like, who even knows what this is? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, this is crazy. We're having all kind of wild food, you know, and they bring out McDonald's French fries. They laid a steak on top of French fries and gave me ketchup. And then they didn't give me ketchup because they never do at these places.

They're like, uh, maybe you should use the bolognese sauce, which is wrong, but you know what I mean. No, they don't use. Yeah, bolognese is pasta. There's meat in it. I don't think they're telling you to use the bolognais. But I know, you should use the bernets. Yeah, yeah, we have a, we have like a, yeah, we have a sesame mustard bernets sauce that we dip our french fries in. Yeah, but they'll give you ketchup.

They'll give you ketchup. They will. They will give you ketchup. We live in America. Yeah. I want fucking ketchup. We live in America. America.

We live in America. Wow. I'm a French fries. I want a freaking ketchup with it. I've never seen you this way, Brian. I am a patriotic man and I want cats up. I even like ranch dressing a lot. You call them freedom fries.

I think you still call them freedom fries, right? I love ranch dressing. I have it on my wings instead of the Canadian way where they use mayonnaise. So Bita, can you can you dispell this? Because it's just my word against his. He claims that... Can you go against my lived experience, Bina? He claims in Canada that we put mayonnaise on.

Have you ever... Has your experience ever been? Have you ever done that or seen that? On wings? Wings, yeah. Never. Never. So sorry, Brian. Never.

You should tell that fucking restaurant and that hotel I stayed in five stars hotel, by the way. You should tell that restaurant and that hotel that you don't do it because my my lived experience of being in Vancouver, British Columbia. Where was it? Can you tell me the restaurant? You know where I stayed. Oh, I know. You stayed at the park or whatever.

It was room service. Oh, I see. And they said, we have these wings. This was a casino. I mean, it's a nice hotel downtown that you stayed at. It's as nice as it gets. It was nice. Did you also get fries?

No, I didn't get it because I was like, I don't want aoli with a lot. my wings. That's a ridiculous thing to do. It must be a Canadian thing. I don't know. Lost in translation. No, it's not. It's not. It's not at all. Yeah, I've said we do ranch with wings as well. Maybe, maybe blue cheese. Maybe. Yeah. That's what we normally do. We don't ever. There's no place in America with Aoli. Yeah. You guys haven't even heard of it yet.

Yeah. Well, we know what it is. Well, we've heard of it. We're just not interested. No, we're not. Oh, you're joking around now. I don't fucking think so. I've had a old. Yeah. I don't like it. You hate mayonnaise. You hate mayonnaise based up to the point where this, this bothers me so much.

Brian came to White Spot and he's like, no, the Triple O, the legendary burgers only, it's not that great. Because he didn't have the Triple O sauce on it. Isn't mayonnaise really American? Don't you guys love that shit? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Not me. Yeah.

But yeah, they do love it here. They'll put it on fucking everything. You go to a restaurant. Oh, don't get me started. You go to the fucking restaurant. Everything's got mayonnaise on it. You're like, come on, man. Yeah.

Some people don't like man. I just had breakfast today. I only have one thing on the fucking thing that didn't either have mayonnaise or eggs on it. Two things I hate. Oh, my God. I mean, eggs is pretty standard for a breakfast place. Yeah, got to have a non-egg breakfast. I agree.

Yeah. Then what do you eat? What else is there? I had waffles today. Waffle with chicken and bacon, actually. That's what, and cheddar cheese, like a sandwich. And then I said, can I get a side waffle? And the lady's like, what's a side wall?

Like, wow. Oh, my gosh. That's so funny. She gave me, no, we don't do a side waffle. Yeah, she's helping. I have a side waffle with my waffle. And I'm like, that's your fucking problem. Charlie had waffles yesterday.

He likes waffles. I'm a big waffle boy. This guy goes three stars just okay. It wasn't clear when we received it. what it was my happy valentine's note was on the packing slip and a font that you needed a magnifying glass to read i was so excited about the bacon of the month club but he had no clue just thought he got some bacon and a shirt in a mail no surprise oh i see so no credit for the gift what you just tell him it was you that gave it to them yeah just talk to them have no because that's like a um i think

that person is a secret admirer maybe. This was their big chance. This was their big thing that they were going to like they both, they noticed that we both love bacon and so I thought I'd send you this thing, but it's just like, the guy was just like, oh, one of my standard bacon and T-shirt packages that I got out of the mail, no baggie. I mean, the worst thing in the world is receiving a gift and then the person standing there going, eh? Oh, yeah.

It's pretty good, huh? You like bacon and shirts. I wonder what you listen it's Father's Day coming up Brian in fact it's already happened apparently my gift is great Father's Day already happened no oh my God you scared me I mean when this episode comes out when this episode comes out I'm really sorry for that

that's like the meanest thing to do to someone to give them that moment of pause like oh my God I miss Father's Day I might even call my dad that's that's very sweet I doubt it. Very nice, Brian. Very nice, by the way. Thanks a lot for that. He already covered him for father's day.

No, I'm saying Brian, of course, bringing up, oh, maybe I'll call my dad this year, knowing that I cannot call my dad because he died. Thanks a lot, Brian. Thanks a lot. I'm trying to tell a funny joke about your dad. I know how to solve this. To cheer you up. Brian, send your dad a bacon bouquet and then send Chris a bacon bouquet.

I will do both. But we've covered my dad already. My wife went over to his house last Sunday. Okay, but that's not covering. That's not covering father's day. All taking care of. He's had his father. I feel like,

that's good enough. But Brian doesn't have a close relationship with his dad at all. So it's like it's not. I have a close relationship with anybody. Yeah. But that's like it would be nice to maybe just give him a show. Maybe like something about like call him like with some Harley information or something about like a new IKEA product.

My dad doesn't like Harleys. Oh, sorry. That's a different. That's Ashton's dad, you're thinking. I thought your dad was a motorcycle guy. He had a motorcycle when I was growing up, but it was a Yamaha. And he only had it for a very short amount of time because he's a dork. Okay.

But you could probably call him up and be like, hey, happy father's day. Maybe get him an IKEA fucking gift card. He can't go to IKEA anymore. He could find a bit of time. Well, we're not going to get into why he can't go to IKEA. Oh, my God. Let's not ever talk about that. It's not funny.

Is it really bad? No, it's nothing to do with him. It's just he can't go out and do anything anymore. And we don't talk about that at all. Anyways, but yeah, the. It's dark. It's just dark. You don't want to hear about it.

It's not funny like my dad dying. It is that. We've gotten tons of mileage out of that. But yeah, I do, I do think it'll be nice. Maybe a bowling thing. You know what I mean? Like something to do with. His dad's into bowling.

and IKEA. His dad used to love IKEA so much. So there's a restaurant. By the way, Brian, IKEA delivers. Well, great, I'll have them sent a table. No,

send him a gift card that covers something in delivery. I think you might appreciate that. There's a restaurant in Miami called Bacon, bitch. Oh, wow. There's biscuit bitch in Seattle. That's like egg slut,

right? Yes. Yeah, is there one in Vancouver or is that in L.A? I think, I don't think Canada would ever have such a business. Yeah, well, you're right. We would never, we wouldn't deal in that kind of smile. You're probably right, Bita.

Yeah, we would not. Bitch, two stars. Happy traveler from the UK says two stars. We won't be going back. No shit. You're from the UK. Damn. Are you going to go back to Miami?

It's the worst place you can ever go to in your life. I ate it. We won't be going back. This is our first time in Miami and we went here on a recommendation from one of my husband's work colleagues. I think he must have suggested it as a joke. Yeah, probably. I don't think you did. Oh, I thought saying going to Miami because that is, that is, that would be a funny joke to say it to like, hey, you know where you should go on vacation? Miami floor. Some idiot, like, this is so, such an idiotic place to go vacation. Brian went there,

had a tough time. Bad time. Yeah. Bad time. I went at the wrong time, maybe, but also, he sucked. Yeah, he went at the wrong time. Yeah, the current political climate. He goes, unfortunately, we hadn't checked the refuse before we went. Totally agree with other people's comment about the overly loud, offensive vulgar gangster rapper-style music. We could not hear each other speak.

Gangster rapper-style music? He mean gangster rap? No, it's called gangster rapper. Vulgar gangster-rapper style music. I think that's called gangster rap. Hi, I went to a restaurant called Bacon Bitch, and their music was not. Not appropriate. I've said before, I've been to biscuit bitch in Seattle.

That's like a famous place, biscuit bitch. That's right. He stalked Hayes Davenport from a Hollywood handbook. I was there watching the Hollywood Handbook live show and I ran into Hayes, who's, you know, he's now been on our show. And we talked about it now uncomfortable. You followed him. It was. I didn't follow him there.

I just happened to see him there. But I did talk to him. He was filming, he was coming to do something in. Vancouver so we talked about Vancouver but biscuit bitch was like a small little place not like a restaurant so there wasn't like loud music it wasn't that kind of vibe it's just like a little deli kind of place or whatever this is a big place for tourists to go eat yeah yeah I mean like bacon bitch there's not people that live in miami regularly going to bacon bitch bacon bitch is the kind of place that's like did you did you see it do you know like did you go you didn't go to it

Brian. No, because Katie's a vegetarian. Oh, of course. We're going to bake and pitch for lunch. No, we had to find other stuff, mostly smoothies. Because then the waitress constantly bang these wooden fans as people whoop and wave their hands in the air, not in the air or not us. We're from England.

And our 50, 60, and we're... Wait a second. English people are always doing that shit. They're always like, all right now, boys, let's sing a song, you know? They're like, when they get drunk, they're always doing that shit. Yeah. Did you say they're 50 and 60? It says England in our 50 slash 60s and could not have felt more out of place at all.

As other reviews have mentioned, the clientele are mostly young of a similar ilk with not being clothes on. These guys, I can just tell these two are so racist. Yeah. Yeah. They are. I mean, the fact that it's called bacon bitch and you show up and you're like, I mean, it was just appalling out of this. Like, why would you go to a place called Bacon Bitch at all if you're an old stuck up British person? I'm offended by Bacon Bitch.

Oh, yeah. Then why did you eat there? Yeah. Why did you go to Bacon, bitch? they have most of them most of the clientele are of a similar ilk with not many clothes on i can't comment if i'll do it's miami it's it's very hot there that's part of miami yeah that's actually part of what people know about miami it's extremely hot in those depending on the time of year especially sometimes like i know in the bahamas which is exact same

climate as miami very close to it it's like yeah you go places and people are and wearing a lot of clothes because it's so fucking hot. I can't comment on the toilets as we didn't use them. The only reason is... Sorry. I agree. I'm weird thing to say. Weird thing to say.

Weird thing to say. Yeah, he goes, the only reason it's two stars and not one was the waitress was polite and offered to move us to a different table because I think she saw our faces after we walked in. The food was edible, but not great. Cafe Americana was. a lot better, a much more our type of thing. So no, we won't be going back here.

I can tell from the name of it that it was much more your type of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that seems like the place you should go. Two stars. Trendy name, that's literally all it has going for it. Don't bother. So this person was like, listen, I love the name Bacon, bitch, but it did not live off to my expectations.

And then why two stars seems high then also. Well, he goes, we had high hope. for a great breakfast. Wow, what a disappointment. The best part's the name. The worst part is that, can you imagine this guy was so fucking excited. Yeah.

To come home and be like, and then we had breakfast at a place called Bacon, bitch. Yeah, no, you, no, you hurt me right. Yeah, no, you heard me right. No, they didn't block out the eye. It said, Bacon, bitch. Yep.

They were playing vulgar gangster rap. her music. Gangster rapper style music is one of my favorite descriptions. The worst parts to food, my eggs were completely cold. Hash browns were just typical as was the bacon. My friend got the sweet potato hash and said it was just okay. As we left,

she commented there was our worst meal we'd had on vacation. They need a real chef, not a fry cook. I don't know that last line. Well, I mean, yeah, it's like you're going to a place called Bacon, Bitch. They obviously, they're not going to have like a fine chef there or whatever.

Never, right? We don't want to find chef these days. I got two more things here. Well, wait, this guy says, bad, bad, bad, bad. Aside from the poor food quality, you're forced to eat while filthy, disgusting profanity and provocative rap is blaring from the speakers. So loud, you can't hear yourself talk.

Not appropriate for children. Sir. Yeah, if you, listen, I will be taking my family to Hooters. Thank you very much. A real family establishment. How funny is it to go to Bacon, bitch, and be offended by the language in the music. Yeah. It's just incredible, man.

You took your children to Bacon, Bitch. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, kids. Hey, kids, don't say the name of the place. Don't tell Mom the name of the place we went to, kids. Yeah. It's called Bacon, bitch.

Bitch is a cuss. And here's, this is from the Bacon Festival of Tennessee. This was a post on. Facebook. This is where our friends from YKS, Jesse and Mike, live. Maybe they could go check it out. We have an important update about bacon. That's the baking. Okay. Wow. Cool. Uh, 2026. The festival will take a pause in 26 while we work behind the scenes on the next chapter. Sounds like someone got canceled. Oh, no idea. Our goal is to ensure that when the bacon returns, it's delivered to the best quality. Okay. So, they're they're taking time to rethink things this is never a good sign you know when your festival is like we're going to take a year off to just recalibrate or whatever

we're going to take a year off to recalibrate maybe one of the guys i mean maybe or maybe they just were losing a lot of money you know maybe they were like there was logistical issues or whatever but this is often what happens right before it's fully canceled right like the actual it never comes back it never comes back often they just they haven't accepted it you yet. How long was the festival? Like, how long did it run for? I actually didn't look at that.

Probably, I would guess, 15 years. Yeah. Because it probably started in 2011 or so. When it was when bacon was king, when, yeah. When bacon was on top. When you could do this joke. When you could do, why did the bacon break up with the egg? It couldn't handle the scramble.

That's what happens you break up with. Have you ever broken up with somebody and said, I can't handle the scramble. Yeah, things are all scrambled up. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I get it. Bacon is a portagonist in bacon stories. Uh-huh.

All right. Bacon me happy. Okay, I'm not sure why you decided to come back to these bacon jokes that we hated. Keep your bacon closer. Keep your friends close and your bacon closer. That's good. Yeah. Because it's usually enemies.

Yeah. But they're just saying like, hang out with your friends, but also make sure there's bacon around. Yeah. And clean and friendly bacon jokes. Why did the bacon laugh? It found everything a little sizzilious. Sizzlerius. I hate that so much.

That one's hard to say out loud. Bacon is proof that happiness is edible. So anyway, the first. reply to this is so unhelpful. Don't pause it. Make it more bacony. Okay. Do you think bacon people are in a shared like some kind of psychosis where some kind of shared

psychosis where they think bacon is like important? Yes. Yes. Yeah. I mean, it does, it feels like this person is in denial that's like their bacon festival is getting canceled and they're just like, this has got to be a joke. Like, let's just riff it out on this. Let's just rip it out. Let's just riff it out on this and then we'll all wake up from this bad dream and then we'll still be going to a bacon festival.

Yeah, the bacon festival will still be happening. Yeah, we need to get some backers, like some back, some back bacon or, uh, back. some baker baconers yeah this guy replied and it goes maybe have more bacon vendors my experience

he's helping I would love if the if the person came in was like this is why we're stopping it well you guys you can be one second here maybe have more bacon vendors

my experience has been where's the bacon at the bacon festival plenty of great food choices just not of the bacon variety which I thought was the whole idea of the festival. The festival did reply to this.

Okay. For what it's worth, this is the attitude that brought the pause. Oh, my God. You guys are insufferable and we can't handle dealing with you anymore. We need a year to not have to deal with you people. Wow. Every food vendor at our event was required to have three standard bacon dishes and at least one for $5 or less, baking, often.

bacon offering. For the last five events, we've had a minimum of 30 and as many as 50 different food vendors. But there's always someone in Cleveland saying, uh, there was no bacon at the bacon festival. Fuck, this is a literal. This is a joke.

I was doing. Like, this is the reality of it is like, we found you to be too annoying as an audience to continue to do this. I do like that he looked at the guy's posting history and found out he was from Cleveland. Oh, that was a direct. That's what it seems like it was. Yeah,

because he said there's always someone in Cleveland saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe Cleveland, Tennessee. Maybe Cleveland, yeah, yeah. I think there is a Cleveland, Tennessee. But then this guy, then the woman at the beginning said, don't pause it, make it more bacony. She comes back and goes,

I came a few times. You really didn't feel the bacon. You do. feel the bit. It's like there was bacon there, but it's like it didn't have the feeling of bacon, if that makes sense. Yeah. I really hope that they did, they sold like those bacon air fresheners, like kitchy bacon theme things.

Yeah. Like I wonder if it didn't, I kind of get what these people are saying. So they're saying that like this was a bacon fest, but it was only bacon foods or like, you know, bacon something that had bacon in the dinner. or whatever, but I came here looking for fucking bacon bumper stickers and baking, yeah, air fresheners and stuff like that. I think also like, I don't know, like if you go and interrogate what they're actually saying, like if you think about what they're saying, it's like, so what is the expectation for the bacon festival if like we know that all the trucks had a minimum of three bacon dishes. right so like what is was it all just BLTs were you just like there's going to be bacon sandwiches bacon cheeseburger bacon ice cream yeah oh yeah bacon donuts a donut shop that has bacon donuts which i'm sure

they had i'm sure if they had 30 vendors or whatever i'm sure they had all that but i think that a lot of these bacon people were offended by the presence of other foods yes where it was just like well this oh oh so I can get a fucking you know a hot dog here that doesn't have bacon on it why not like why does it not have bacon on it why is it not a bacon wrapped hot dog or whatever so I think they were upset that everything wasn't bacon right it's um it's bacon them crazy yeah I do want people to know I thought I had cut this but I guess I didn't find any funny responses to it there was several articles between 2011 and 2017 about how Democrats like kale and Republicans like bacon.

I do like kale all right sometimes. Democrats are girls and Republicans are boys. That's true. That is actually true. Okay. We didn't really talk about it, but bacon does feel like a very male-dominated space, the bacon space.

I guarantee you guys might not see these up in Canada, but there are like bumper stickers and shirts that say LGBT on it. It says lesbians, uh, guns, bacon, trucks or something like that.

Oh, I see. So it's like a really, instead of trucks sometimes they'll say titty. So it's like a, just like a really homophobic, insecure guy who is like, yeah,

I'm LGBT. Yeah. Yeah. I could probably find, like I'll make it. What's the first one? What's the L stand for? I think it's lesbian.

Right. That's a weird one to pick because that's the real one. Yeah, that's confusing. So it's like, I get it. So it's like, so you're saying I like lesbians, but I just like them. I don't like to like watch. Yeah. Liquor guns, bacon, and tits.

That makes more sense to me. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Licker guns, bacon, titties. Yeah. Okay.

I got to get one of these shirts. So here's a good show. I'll show you guys a, uh, uh, one of the shirts just so you can see it you can wear this around town if you want be no walking around with this shirt on oh it has images of them including the titties on there including the titties or this guy this one is like an old cowboy yeah and it says LGBT you mean liquor guns are very good and tits okay okay there's here's one that's liberty guns be it's liberty guns beer and tits liberty guns these are all so ugly

I know. I know. The shirt designs are all horrible. There is as bad as you can ever possibly have. And then people put them on their cars to like. You know, these I, the ones that just have the font like to your left, like the blue shirt. Yes. From far away, it looks like you just support the LPDQ. Yeah, this one's really good because you would have to get really close to see what they were actually saying. By the way. By the way. By the way. By the way, I saw, you know, I saw Jamie at this story yesterday. I'm not sure. Is this politics changed? And by the way, let me help you guys out. I support LGBTQ, liquor, guns, beer, tities and quickies. Oh. The cue is quickies.

Yeah, I thought it was going to be Q and on. This guy likes the nut real quick. This guy's like, yeah, I like quickies. I don't like to be, you know, messing around in there too long. I like to get it over with. And they just couldn't think of a good one for Q, hey? Yeah, quickies. And there is one that does a picture of a quickie.

Wow. Oh, my God. Somebody having sex? Well, it's just, yeah. I can't make it bigger for you, but yeah, it's a guy having sex with a woman. So anyway, if you guys have one of these shirts, who am I to say you're homophobic, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you probably are.

You might like liquor and bacon. You might just be, but it seems, yeah, it seems odd to it does seem like it's sort of pointedly. I do really like that one that just says I support LGBTQ in large letters. And in the smallest letters it says liquor. Finally, our last thing, three stars for the Bacon Brothers. Okay. And this is for a live show from. Ticketmaster.

Yeah, from Ticket Masters. It's from the Brown Country Music Center in Nashville. It's from August 11, 2025. Not my favorite of five shows. So this is the fifth time this guy's seen the Bacon Brothers. Or maybe it was five shows he saw at the festival. Nope. Okay.

I really enjoyed the Bacon Brothers music. In fact, I've seen them once in Carmel, Indianapolis, Fort Carmel, Indianapolis, Fort Wayne, Chicago, and now Nashville. Oh, man. The Bacon Brothers in Carls. normal, yes, please. Got their asses. I love that this guy has seen them in five.

He's traveled to see these guys. Yeah. I didn't know that they were like, maybe they're good, but I always assume when it's like a celebrity playing in the band that they're bad. That's what I always assume. You don't like 30-odd foot of grunt?

Who's that? Russell Crow. Okay, because isn't there 30 seconds to Mars as well? That's Jared Leto. Jared Leto, who's not really so popular in the public eye anymore, but still isn't Brian's favorite new movie. I love the movie. I don't know what you want me to say.

Brian loved the He Man movie. It made me not cry, but it made me laugh at other guys crying. So many guys at that movie were crying. I don't know if I talked about it on the show. Why? At what part? I went to Toronto right after I saw it. Yeah.

And like, yeah, there were guys like, I saw a guy spend like 200. And listen, I'm not wanting to make fun of somebody for spending money. I saw a guy spend like $200 on popcorn buckets. He bought a really big sword to drink pop out of. Oh, my God. During the movie. And like, there were guys. Were they crying just in general of the nostalgia?

Just because it's just like, I can't believe I'm seeing any, man. So it wasn't like there was a real tear-jurking moment. Nope. Not a, there wasn't. Actually, at the end, when it was. would have the tear-jurking moment or whatever, they played it all for laughs. Okay.

So these people were just crying. They were just crying because they were there. Like, hey, listen. They got to see he man. I might. I'm going to the, this, I've already gone if you're listening to this,

but I'm going to the World Cup game, Canada, Qatar World Cup game. It's like the biggest game they've ever played. And I think I might cry just being there, you know? Like, I think that I might become like, that happens to me sometimes. I'm like,

I've been watching Team Canada. since I was a little kid. They've been so bad for so long. They finally got good. And there's the first time I'm ever watching them play like an important match. And it's their biggest match ever. That's what these guys were experiencing at sitting in the He-Man movie. Yeah.

Oh, wow. I get it. And they were like, they were, they were, they would be the most ideal stand-up comedy audience members. Because man, the mildest little joke got a big laugh, which is fine. Which does happen. For nostalgia too. Yeah. You know what I mean?

It's the same thing that does happen if like, people who are really famous or whatever, right? It's like their audience deals in the same way, right? They're just like, I love this guy so much. Whatever they say, I'm just going to laugh so hard. And these guys have that same attitude towards he met. I have to say this was not one of my favorite shows. Maybe it's because they put out new music, which I'm thankful for and didn't recognize

any of the new music. So shame on me. I did recognize two songs. Oh, can you imagine you go see the Bacon Brothers. They play all new music. That's crazy. No one wants that. But I didn't even know they have.

But I'm already at the Bacon Brothers. But they don't have famous, but to me they don't have like famous radio hits or anything. But they've been around since the 90s. Yeah, yeah. Like they were playing, because Howard Sturt used to make fun of the Bacon Brothers sometimes. They never played the music.

But it was just like, oh, this is another one of a celebrity. band. Yeah, that's how I was picture. And finally, he goes, so shame on me. I did recognize two songs. I still enjoy the storytelling and the relationship between Kevin and Michael. What? Oh, I'm so curious.

Storytelling. I think they just tell stories about each other on state. Oh, oh, I see their banter. I get it, I get it. I might have, the Bacon Brothers play here sometimes. Also, a dog star is another one. I hope I didn't get that wrong. That's the I mean.

the Reeves band. Oh, yeah, yeah. He plays the bass, though, right? He's not even the front man for that. Don't be like that. Base is an important instrument, and you know it. Yeah, but he's not the lead, he's not the lead singer or lead guitar player, you know. He's not the front man of the band.

I hope the bass players come at you like they did the, uh, like the Blu-ray guys did. Yeah, you deserve it. Oh, the blue-ray guys came after you? Oh, they came after me hard, be to their. He deserved it. They're being shut the fuck up. You know. Some of the things he was saying was outrageous.

You feel the exact same way as me. You feel the exact same way as me. Outrageous things he was saying. It made me sick, actually. I was kind of mad about it. I was like actually kind of mad about it during the episode, but I didn't want people to know I'm a professional. Yeah.

You did a really good job of making it seem like you agree with everything I said. All right. Well, that is bacon. Guys, Bita. Do you have anything like the plug? You can follow me on Instagram. Do it. Tell people where?

Beta, beta, beta. That's my name on there. It's spelled B-I-T-A, just in case you're on there. And thank you for doing the show. Chris. Thank you for having me. Also, I just wanted to say the live show is so cool. Such a cool experience.

Oh, thank you for saying that. Everyone's really mad that we didn't record. it so they can't listen to it. I appreciate it. It was really fun. There wasn't anything that fun. No, it was really fun. It was really good and fun.

But it's, yeah, it's nice to just have a thing that's live and only live. Yeah. Also, I felt like I was experiencing, like,

another world. I was like, I stepped into another world. It was really cool. Yeah. And you guys, I'll have like a million inside jokes with like,

there was 300 people in the room. So it just felt, I don't know. Yeah, we do. We've created kind of a weird way. We have a thing where some people, you know, but I have a tendency to bring things up over and over and over again. So they're sort of forced to be inside jokes. They love it. Yeah. So, but there are a lot of that. And I do understand if you come and step into, especially the live show where the audience is reacting. I said that to the people at the venue where I was just like, they're like, hey, we're really excited for the show. And I was like, came in. It's going to be a very weird experience because we're going to say a bunch of stuff that is going to mean nothing to you and the audience is going to react to it. And you're going to be

like, what the fuck are they reacting to? That's nothing that he just said. But they were really nice and understanding. So yeah. Anyway, we'll see y'all next week. Chef Kevin.