Guys: With Bryan Quinby - Guys: Episode 183 - Small Business Guys with Gita Jackson

Episode Date: August 4, 2026

I went back to my roots this week and we talked about small business guys, we brought Gita Jackson from Aftermath to talk about the army that fuels our nation. We had a John Taffer speech about small business, a guy that cannot stop getting owned by one of his employees, a guy opening a coffee shop for people who don't have kids.  To listen to the writers room, Chris's podcast with Bryan, Stefan, Chef Kevin, Mike and Jesse from YKS, go to patreon.com/notevenashow And for more Guys content, streams and SHOCKTOBER: a deep dive into shock jocks you can click patreon.com/guyspodcast, Join us on the Sunday Night Stream every Sunday night at 8:00 EST at twitch.tv/notevenashowand I am on https://bsky.app/profile/murderxbryan.bsky.social  Guys is on Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/guys.pod Guys has a Post Office Box now! PO Box 10769 Columbus Ohio 43201

Welcome to guys, a podcast about guys. I am Brian and I have Mr. No Refunds. Chris James. Hmm. That's my new thing because you're a business guy now. You're like, I don't fucking give refunds, bitch. That's what a bad small business owner would do is not give refunds. Well, yeah.

And it's an insult particularly to you, Mr. Cheeby refund. Mm-hmm. Yeah. No, I understand it. I get it. I appreciate it. Yeah, I listen. Because you love refunds.

I mean, there's nothing nastier than a small business owner that won't give you a refund. I mean, that is just, that makes me sick to even think about. American Airlines, I give you a refund. Again, for the main show, people, I did get a refund on my disastrous flight. Mr. Expensive E. Refund wins again. I'm better at getting refunds than Mr. Cheapy refund. I mean, you are. You are better because we discussed it.

That's the hardest refund to get from an airline. They never give refunds. So you're like, you're sort of a hero in the space now. I'm sorry of a hero in a refund space. Let's get a guest on the show from Aftermath. DotSight Aftermath. Gita Jackson, hi. Hi.

I'm Gita. How's it going? I have been so excited to be on this pot. I love this podcast. After you had Chris on, I was like, okay, I can just DM Brian. Oh, I love it. that episode because Chris can't get over it. No.

Me. Me. No, Chris. No, Chris. Yeah. It's my favorite episode because it made so many people hate Chris.

It made people so angry with me specifically about being not caring about physical media. I got the most hate that I've ever gotten over that episode. And like people said really cruel things to me over it. People got so angry. They called you a fat guy. They called me a fat guy. I had mentioned that I was like self-conscious about putting on weight and two different people were like, oh, you're fat, you know, you're just a fat idiot. You're a fat piece of shit.

It's like all I said was I don't mind watching streaming movies. The episodes really, I never listened to it. I never went back and listened to it, but I can guarantee it's my classic fence sitting. Like, oh, yeah, I can see why people would like that. No, I think that, I think, well, I understand. Well, we'll get into the actual episode. I understand it. It's like the people who are a little bit, I've said that it's like, it is important to have physical media because the streaming services can just get rid of stuff. And that is that is an important thing. And it's like, but I just don't fucking care enough to, you know, like it doesn't like I am also like a cinema person. I have a, I have a fucking degree in cinema studies, which is the only thing I can do for a living is the thing I do exactly right now. Like that's the only thing I'm qualified for to do. And I was listening to that and having this moment of like,

Chris is, Chris person's 100% right about all the things he's saying. But most normal people are like Chris and Brian. Yeah. Yeah. Like a regular fucking guy. You don't want to move house with 20 boxes of DVDs. No.

Yeah. I don't ever want to move. Brian doesn't want to move period. I love my apartment. Well, it's huge. I was talking to Chris in a group chat this morning about how much closet space I have. He's got a four-story, like 35,000 square foot palatial mansion of an apartment. It's a fucking three-bedroom apartment.

Three-bedroom, three-bath. You should see the size of the-three-bath? That's a weird one. I'll agree with you on three baths as a odd thing. Okay, I have three bathrooms as well. I have three bathrooms as well. And two-and-half, fine, by the way. I'm having a two-bedroom, one bath.

And we're trying to move because me and my husband want to have a kid. Oh, that's great. That's exciting. I'm very excited. But like, it's the reason 100% we need to move is not even the size, which is a big problem would be miserable to be pregnant in this apartment that's so tiny. But right behind me and on the other side of the apartment on both sides, for a long time, there was like an event space that had really loud parties and would like play music super

loud all day. And then on the other side for a long time was a restaurant that would do the same. Oh, that sounds fantastic. I live above a Mexican restaurant. I've told, I think I've said this. I lived above this Mexican restaurant on Ohio State University campus that was famous for serving underage people. Nice. Hell yeah.

Yeah. It was not a good place to live. It was a very bad place to live. Wait, we have that Ohio connection. Actually, I went to Oberlin. So I lived in Ohio for a little bit. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So it was like. It's Lorraine County. Yeah. It was like every Thursday at 9 o'clock, they would have the same guy come. and play reggae music till 2 in the morning. Yeah, you've talked about that definitely,

but you were like flicking cigarette butts on, I mean, you're arguably a worst neighbor than the restaurant. That was the time when I wasn't a great neighbor. But I mean, you know, how can you be a bad neighbor to that situation? Again, a college bar that is known for serving underage people is maybe the worst neighbor you could ever possibly. Absolutely. Just like baptized and vomit. like all of the sidewalk outside of your place, essentially.

Yeah. One time the restaurant was having a steel drum concert, and it was just so audible. Like we felt like we were in the room. And my husband just got up and put his clothes on and was like, the music's good, so I'm just going to check it out. See, that's good because I don't like reggae music. That was the other, I was like, I hate this music. It sucks.

I probably can handle it more now, I guess, but now. No, I mean, also at a younger age, I wouldn't. have been fucking apoplectic about steel drums until two in the morning. One time, though, that was really amusing to me, I swear to God, they were just playing a remix version of the X-Files theme. And I, like, my eye shot open. I was like, is that the X-Files theme next door? You're not going to, obviously, you're not going to want to, obviously, you're going to want

your sleep and stuff if you're, yeah, if you're having a kid, if you get pregnant and stuff, it probably, yeah, it would probably suck a lot to be. Woken up, especially if you have a kid, you finally get to sleep. And then the music will wake the kid up. The kid up immediately. Yeah, that's incredible. Yeah, it would be awful. It would be awful.

I just go ahead. No, you please go ahead. No, no, no. I'm also like running us running a small business and writing a novel at the same time. So that would be like literally life in hell for me. Yeah. And we're doing small business owner. So thank you for getting us back on track.

We need it. I have these guys. Okay. So it's very known that one of the ways that I find content for this show is to go to the subreddit of the thing we're looking at, go to the search bar and type wife. Mm-hmm. Okay. So I did that and I do have wife stuff.

Don't you worry about that. Right. But then I typed another search term in that unlocked a world in the small business community. and that search term is Gen Z. Yes. Sorry. It was really something.

Generations are not real, but I do believe that everyone younger than me is stupid. You know? Well, let's, uh, how to, let's, let's, let's check the first one I read out, which is crazy. Uh, this one's, this one's really good. Uh, what are your best tips for training? Gen Z to be confident and well-spoken on the phone. Of the many headaches that come with hiring Gen Z employees, their lack of phone skills is my biggest. What is what is Jen? Give me a, it's just young people. It's like Gwen's age. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. A 26 year old. Just insert that

every time you hear Gen Z. Okay. So that's what they mean. 20s type people. Okay. I got you. Like I don't even think like Jen Zers are a little bit older than that now. But like when it's the same as when people were saying millennials, they mean a 26 year old. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, never, they continue to get older, but like to them, millennials are always going to, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I realize this generation did not grow up answering landlines in their parents home or talking to their friends after dinner or calling to make dinner reservations, but their inability to speak clearly and effectively on the phone is hurting our business. I want to say one thing, because he brings up dinner reservations,

I will never call a place to make a dinner reservation. It will literally never happen. If I go to the website, if I heard that, oh, a new place opened up in Columbus, Ohio, it's the best food you'll ever have in your entire life. It's the most expensive restaurant in town. Yeah, they fucking suck you off right after the meal, you know. Yeah, the whole thing, just so much like, pause. I'd be like, no, if I got to call them, I'm not doing it.

What if you found out that they had, that they had a hoodie, like restaurant? branded hoodies that you could buy. What if they gave you a bag of candy to take home with you? Yeah, what if they gave you? What if they had a hide choose? Now, I feel like I will call. I'll call a place and make a dinner reservation. I know.

You'll call anybody though. You're all the guy that owns Lulu Lemon, like regularly. No, I don't call him regularly. You call him every fucking day. You called him. I found his cell phone number and I called them to ask him to come on my live show. played it at my live show. That's what I did. I, of course, I used to do prank calls to political people and stuff and I would call people. Still does, by the way, still does. Everybody's like,

oh, Chris quit doing the prank calls. No, he didn't quit doing a prank. He quit posting them on the internet. That's not true. I told you all they harass some people every now and then I'll do some generalized harassment. But yeah, I just think that, um, yeah, I think that it's pretty easy. Some restaurants, I just know. You just call them and you can make a reservation. But, Yeah, I'm mostly. I use open table mostly. Yeah, like I mostly just use open table. When you're a hostess and you're locked into that system, it just makes your life easier to not have to talk on the phone. You know, like your reservations show up on a sheet in front of you. And then the person shows up and like all you have to do is review the information that is like right in front of you. I will call people, but I'll do it like it's under duress. I will do that after I've investigated every other option.

Yeah. That's what I mean is that there are certain places where I'll go where they, don't have the thing online to make reservations, you know? Like it's just a small place or whatever, like a, you know, a small restaurant and I'll call them. And I don't mind doing that is what I'm saying. I don't like that. My Gen Z employees bungle simple customer questions. Their voices quiver.

They start every sentence with um. They pass the phone to me when a customer is anything other than perfectly pleasant. Well, motherfucker, you own the business. Yeah. So guess what? If a customer is really angry and shit. It's like you're paying them a... That's like what the manager's job is, is to field the angry customer.

Every time I was like, when I was working at Vice, anytime a PR person wanted to yell at me on the phone, my editor would always be like, no, they should be yelling at me. I'm the person that's the yell at. Yeah, that's the reason. Yeah, that's the whole thing is they're not getting paid enough to deal with that bullshit. Absolutely not. I will say this because I have call center experience.

I did work in a call center. That's a call center where he got the guy at job and he got fired for jacking off. Yeah. At the, at his desk. Why would you do it there? Well, he was, I think he was huge into jacking off, I think. Okay. Okay.

I think he wasn't just doing. Yeah, I don't think he was just doing it there. Top 1% jacking off guy. Yeah. He was one of the top jackers in the state. But the goal for everybody there at the call center is not to be on the phones anymore. that's like the goal. Yeah.

It's like, oh, I want to be a manager. Because the manager doesn't have to be on the phones anymore, most of the time. Unless they do a, I need to speak to a manager, which 99% of the time, if you went to the manager and you're like, this person wants to talk to you, he's like, well, he can't. Well, I. Yeah. And then you go back on the phone and you're like, well, you can't? Yeah. Sorry.

He's in a meeting. He's in a meeting right now. And you look over and he's just like literally twiddling his thumbs. He's on the internet. Doing nothing. Yeah. But I. I personally, I liked, I worked in a call center as well and never, no one that I ever referred, by the way, was fired for jacking off.

Just to just a point. Did your mom get you the job? My mom didn't. My mom got me my first job. I mentioned my mom got me my first job at the hotel when I was 16. But no, I, I just remember I wanted to be on the phone because it passed the time. Like I just thought that was the main thing was just to have things to do to pass the time. I hated just. Yeah. I hated just. Yeah. I hated. like that. I would so much rather be busy than bored. I worked at the restaurant in the Chicago Institute of the Arts Museum. And like the hours where no one was in the cafeteria were the most boring of all time. Like the lunch rush like I fucked up giving change every single day and I was overwhelmed. But the lunch rush was like activity. So I wasn't bored as hell. Yeah.

The time goes by obviously. And it feels like, yeah, I think Brian and I, we've, talked about this. We have this like fundamental disagreement on this. Brian is like so happy to and I think a lot of people are. I'm not saying it's like I don't know. I don't know. I don't meet a lot of people that have my philosophy. It's not you never you just don't want to do anything like Brian is like if he got money he would just literally do nothing and uh and I mean that does some pretty tight right? But I don't I just I guess travel but I can't I get bored if I'm just like I mean sometimes it's nice to just lounge around to do nothing but I can only do it for so long before I get bored and I want to do something.

I have like just a ton of self-directed projects that I want to finish. I'm reading a ton of books all the time. So like I wish I could get paid for doing all the hobbies that I already do and just live my life. Yeah, that makes if you're, yeah, I obviously, if people who listen to the podcast can tell I do not read a lot. So I, I mean, I watch movies, I guess. But even then I get bored. Like I can't sit there and do like a movie marathon. I'm like, oh, I'm going to sit there all day.

and just do a movie marathon. Yeah, I can absolutely fucking do that. And then I could go out of night and like smoke cigarettes and talk about movies. And like that's something I'd love to do every single day. I quit smoking cigarettes. If I, when I smoke cigarettes, I always had something to do because I could always go smoke a cigarette. My husband hates cigarettes. So I've taken to, this is my new strat when I'm at a party where people are smoking cigarettes.

I'm just, I don't even, I don't drink either. So I'm just sometimes I just get a whiff of cigarette smoke. And I'm like, I really want a fucking cigarette. I'll go up to a person and be like a friend. He's only worse the friend. I'll be like, give me two drags of that cigarette. Because that gives you the nicotine high, and that's all I want. I can't touch another.

I figured out I can't touch another cigarette. So this guy goes, I've trained them to answer calls with thank you for calling X, the business. But they can't end a combo with thank you for calling or we'll see you soon or even you're welcome. Goodbye. It's always okay. Or so, yeah, followed by silence. I don't believe they instill customer confidence.

And I always imagine a person on the other side wondering if our business is any good at the person answering the phone sounds like an uneducated moron, which none of them are. Some they don't even register a ringing phone, even when they're standing two feet away from it. My business is a brick and mortar retail store, so in person customers are a priority, but we still get about 10 to 15 calls a day. I'd given these employees scripts and general keywords to use. I've told them to practice at home until it becomes natural. I mean, what person working this job is ever going to be good at this? Working, answering the phone for a guy who could answer all of the questions easily. Yeah, yeah, that's the whole thing too, right?

Is that like, I get it. You've now put yourself in a position where, but I don't know. I also find it like really they're, so they're just not saying, you're telling them to end the call like that and they're not doing it. I mean, I was like that. Hey, you have to do that. It's part of the job to end the call saying like this thing or whatever. But yeah, honestly, I think they're putting too much into it probably too.

Like I, if I call somewhere and I get answered the question, you know what I mean? Like if they answer what I'm looking for, I don't care if they're just like. It's like a weird phone call. You know, like I don't care if they're like like the decorum or whatever. That doesn't. I just want to be info. Boomer type attitude. Dude, I remember also when like millennials were service workers when we were all 26, there was this like the boomer complaint was that we would say instead of saying you're welcome when people would say thank you, we would say no worries.

Or like no problem. And it's like this is like really specific etiquette stuff that like anyone outside of your age range is not even going to recognize. Yeah, they don't care. Yeah. Normal people don't care about that. I would say that there is such a small percentage of people, even within this. their thing that really give a shit. If they get the information they're looking for, if they're like, you know, that person

didn't say you're welcome to me. I'm going to go to a different business now and actually buy it somewhere else. If they're not answering the questions or deflecting or like not doing a good job and like being there to receive customer requests, like that's a different thing. But if it's like saying so yeah, like I don't know. Who cares? Everybody knows what so yeah means. It means you start talking now.

Yeah. Well, here comes a guy who goes, they're terrible. terrified of the phone. I love how they talk about 26 year old, 20 year old, 25, 24 year old guy. Yeah. I had my, my wife got pregnant when I was 26. And I was such a mature dad. Like that. Yeah. You know, I snapped right into it. Yeah. Uh-huh. Well, terrified of the phone. That's not true. Uh-huh. Okay. Sure. That's not true at all. First thing I did when she told me she was pregnant, you called your pill guy.

I didn't. I wouldn't bought pills. Yeah. I had to run out real quick. But I like, yeah, that's what I'm saying. We were having Thanksgiving and my in-laws invited some international students from UCLA to do Thanksgiving at their place. And one of them 100% performed a drug deal in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner. It was so funny. He was like, oh, a guy's here.

He has something for me. I'll just meet him in the lawn. Don't worry. It's like, okay, Chinese exchange student that has seen Beyonce 12 times. I wonder what you're doing. Yeah, I was like, I was like, she put a note on the counter in the bathroom and said, congratulations, you're going to be a dad. I grabbed the note and I went out and I was like, for real?

And she was like, yeah, and I was like, I got to go. Yeah, I mean, that's a reasonable 20 something to do. Called my brother, went to the pill guy in an hour. alley. Literally a drug deal in an alley. We love that. I rarely did those. But yeah, they're terrified of the phone. They think shit is sweet up front and so much easier than the back because we do all the work.

But when you give them the chance to get cross-train, then the phone rings, they look at you like a deer in the headlights that are 10 feet away and going 60 miles per hour. I love it. I love expanding on the deer in the headlights. We know the deer in the headlights concept. No, this is like one that's very, they're looking at like a deer that's very close to the headlines. Can we get the fucking origin story on the deer in the headlights? Yeah. What's the whole narrative journey that brought them here? What age of the deer are we talking about? Is this a gentsy deer? Is this a, yeah, how old is the deer? Where, what type of, is this a forested area or what are we talking about here? He goes completely beta exposure. I make

it known. Do not ask me to be trained up front if you're afraid of the phones. It's like asking to work fast food and being afraid of fries. Well, fries can't, in all, fairness. I've been burned by fries. Fries are in a, you know, you're getting, those are getting deep fried. That's hot oil. That's dangerous. That's dangerous. That's very scary. I am afraid of deep fryers. You don't know what, you don't know what the fuck could happen. And you also don't know how often they're cleaned. Yeah. There's a lot of things that could go wrong. That's actually the answer to that is almost. Yeah. So there's all this built up really flammable grease that is in, it's like, yeah, it's like, yeah, it's okay to have a healthy fear of it. I think that's actually a good.

thing to have, you know, to make sure. I want to say, I also don't think these kids are afraid of the phone. No. I don't think these 20 year old. I think that these guys are annoyed because they're not reading the exact script. And like I said, who the fuck? I've talked about this before. On my old show, a guy that I hadn't talked to in 20 fucking years one time just out of nowhere on

Facebook sent me a message and was like, uh, I listened to your. show, there's a guy used to hang out with all the time. Theo's younger brother for people who want to know the exact family tree or whatever. And he goes, I listen to your show while I disagree with some of your politics or all of your politics. He was like, I thought it was okay, but I think you need to stop using the word like and um. Oh, because it makes you sound unprofessional.

Yeah. And I just remember being like, you know what, man, fuck you. I get that too. So my voice in my own head does not sound quite as high pitched as I know it sounds to other people. Because I've heard my voice recorded and I know what it sounds like. But I get the vocal fry thing a lot. And like, I don't hear it.

You just don't like it because I'm not a man. Like that's what you don't like about my voice. It's like it's kind of high pitch. I, well, listen, there's a group. I go to a group every week and they actually help me all with the likes in the I don't know if you're familiar with the Toastmasters, but I've been going very regularly. And I think you might notice that I'm actually, my diction has become quite, um, oh, geez, oh, no.

Wow. You're going to come bust through the windows and shoot you in the head. You're going to see a red dot on your forehead. Be careful. Saw a guy. Saw a guy. So funny. Saw a guy getting really mad about who the judges are at the Toastmasters contest.

Crazy. Like going and looking at them up. up and being like, what is this? What right does this guy have to judge my speed? This guy doesn't talk so good. I loved it. Here's a, here's a person. I picked the wrong location, but it's too late. I'm opening a coffee shop soon, and the location seems to be very family oriented. I see a lot of suburban people and children, but my target audience is for people in their 20s or 30s. And I guess quote, trendy. I don't know what I was thinking, but how? How can I make it work?

That's a bummer. This is a bummer post. This is like, because, you know, sometimes these people, like, they put a lot into it. And it's like, hey, this is my dream. This is what I'm trying to do it. And you realize kind of that I've made a big mistake. I mean, this is why it's hard to open a small business. Yeah.

Yeah. It's very difficult to make it successful because there is all these things you have to consider. And you can make one little mistake like that off the bat. And then it seems like, I don't know. You're fucked. Yeah. I don't know about that. I don't know.

Listen to the edit this person made. Okay. Because this person is very stupid. Well, fair enough. Stupid people can try to open small businesses too. That's even harder. Any fucking idiot can open a small business. Yeah, and that makes it even harder.

I feel worse for them because they're at more of a disadvantage. Let's look at this guy goes, whoa, my wife and I spend $300 to $600 a month on coffee. Is that possible? Yeah. Is that like, is that more than one coffee a day? Yeah, a lot of people drink more than one coffee a day. Is that three coffees a day? I don't know.

It depends, right? Like, if you go to like a, you could get two coffees that cost you $10 each of you. Yeah. I'm currently drinking my, I got this to free though because they love me at the coffee shop that I go to. Oh, that's great. Brian would love that. There's a really great. Hi, Madison, if you're listening to this.

I can't complain to her about work anymore because I told her I'm a writer. And every time I'm like, oh, work is so hard. She's like, fuck you. It's like, well, you do work. at the coffee shop I go to. But yeah, it's, here's the thing, though, when people say I spend like $300 to $500 on coffee, if you're doing that,

you might as well make really good coffee at home. But they don't have the time. They're on the go. I mean, it's fine that they're doing it. It's on the going to concentrate really easy for making coffee in the summer. And, like, making a single pourover actually does not take that much time. My dad is a coffee, a coffee guy.

But maybe they're drinking these crazy kind of coffee. You know, maybe they're like these Gen Zs with their mocha fracacchino locacchinis, you know? I mean, oh, hey, I got an idea for you. How about a coffee flavored coffee? That's right, baby. He goes, uh, it's not uncommon where we live, where we live to spend $8 to $12 on a drink, which, okay, there you go. We often prioritize cafes that have small children's area in the back, small kitchens, books,

that kind of thing. Where we live, this concept is becoming huge. next person. People in her 20s and 30 spend the same amount without bringing kids and complaining adults. Way easier customers to deal with. Okay. So is that that's yeah, because listen, there's the place where I first started drinking coffee again is a place that is, it's like has a play area. It's mainly a play area for kids. And then there's like, it's like a coffee shop. So you can go and let your kids play in this play area with all this stuff. And then you can sit and drink coffee. So that's like even more so that concept. But that does make sense.

sense. People with kids drink a lot of coffee because they're tired all the time. And so I understand that. But so is that the person responding saying that that's a person saying. And what I'll say about this is this person wants this trendy Gen Z bar. That is what they want. That's what they want. That's what their idea is of their business. But yes, that's the idea. Right. But where they're at makes that impossible. It's like, listen, I would still love it if more of the aftermath subscribers were women and black people. However, we make a website that is about video game news. So I like understand that when I go into our like members only discord, a lot of the people and there are going to be

guys who work in Silicon Valley with white guilt. And like, that's okay. Like I'm, I'm okay with that I know what the audience is. Yeah, you can, right, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, that like, maybe you just have to accept the fact that your audience is going to be a little bit different and you're not going to have this cool trendy. So just go with a family oriented coffee shop. I don't think a family oriented coffee shop can also be cool and trendy. Like young people with kids still want to feel cool.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's true. You're totally right about that. And then, but I also thought about what if they've already done all the branding and it's like super adult? What if it's like slutty vegan? Yeah, it's like, it's like pornographic almost. And they're just like, yeah, this is not going to work in a family area.

We went to a slutty vegan in Atlanta. And they ask you if you've ever been there before. And me and David said no. And so they just start screaming, we got some virgins in here. Oh, God. I would leave. I would, Brian. I would walk the fuck out of there.

I would not eat there. David had to order a chicken sandwich that was called a chicken head. And it's just like, you don't even know what that means, David. I'm out of there. I'm out of there. I'm gone. I'm never walking in, to be honest. Yeah, yeah. This guy, this guy goes, sell something the audience is present at your location once. Is it necessary to stick to coffee? Now they're saying like, oh, can you sell children's toys? He's like, wait a second. Yeah. Do you have to, are you married to the coffee idea for your coffee shop?

He goes, yeah, that's a funny one. That's a funny bit of advice. Hey, have you thought about doing something completely different? Yeah, have you thought about doing something? Have you thought about going back to school and getting like a degree in something? Why don't you become a social worker? I feel like, yeah, they always need social workers.

Nurses. Yeah, nurses. What about travel nurse? Honestly, yeah, there's a doctor shortage in the area I live in. Have you thought about going to medical school? Yeah. And it goes, or you can just position your coffee shop to attract the audience you have around

instead of listening to the 20s and 30s people. And the open. P comes back and goes, the interior itself is for 20s and 30s, though. I want to follow through my vision. But wait a second. What does that mean? And also 20, 30 year old people, those are the people who have kids. That's all these like 20 year olds too. Yeah. 20 and 30, like the second I turned 30, I remember thinking, I don't want to hear from anyone younger than me ever again. Like are these elderly people with children that are, are you sure they're not the grandparents of the kids? Like, who are Who is it you're seeing these?

Okay. Also, if this is a place where families live, the coolest thing to do in my high school was to go to the coffee shop after school. That was like a cool thing to do. We spent tons of when a coffee shop opened up and like the small suburb I lived in, we spent tons of time there. We spent tons of money there. Why are they? I wonder what it actually looks like around like what it is that they're, I think it's just that. Is it a night club?

Like, what are you doing? They wanted to be super cool. and they're thinking that this is a family area like a suburb area that doesn't have cool people. Yeah, that's what they're trying to say. Yeah.

Their thing is like, I made a cool place and all these people around here are so fucking un-cooled. There's so many genres of cool that I feel like this person is just really narrow-minded on what they're trying to project.

Yeah, he's like, I'm trying to get your Barney Gumbles in there. Mind you I only got Ned Flanders walking around all over the place here. Is Barney the cool guy? Barney Gubble is the coolest. guy. Pardoning the cool guy on the Simpson?

It's an old alcoholic bar fly. Holy shit, that's cool. Yeah, everybody loves that. Everyone's trying to be that. Everybody loves a pickled drunk who, you know, yeah. Yeah. It's like, I just people in their 30s can be cool. Like there's so many different coffee shops you can have that can be a cool copy shop.

There's like the jazz listening coffee shop. There's like the hipster. Mastra coffee shop. There's like, you know, there's the, the guy who painstakingly makes you a custom like pour over every single time you order a coffee, coffee shop. There are so many ways you can have a cool coffee shop. This is a very narrow definition of coolness that they also are not explaining. Yeah, I feel like they're just like it doesn't fit the vibe in their mind.

But who do you think is the coolest guy in Springfield, the coolest person? Okay. That's actually a good question. Bart? Bart. No, but Bart's too young. Thank you. Thank you, dear.

If I agree, Bart's cool, but Bart's young, obviously, as well. So, like, as an adult that would be, like, you know, have expendable income or whatever, who would be the cool, like, disco stew? Disco stew is pretty cool. Disco stew, yeah, probably. So, yeah. Let us know. Let us know in the comments, please.

Let us know in the comments who the coolest. I know Brian wants to get to the topic that we're actually talking about, but please comment who the coolest person in the Simpsons is. So I went to a thing a long time ago. We talked about it recently with Matt Christman called the Defending the American Dream Summit. It was a American for Prosperity Convention that had Bobby Jindal speaking at it. Jeb Bush was speaking out, like all those guys. All the big names.

I'm Bobby Jindal. I hate Republican Indians. I'm half Indian, so I feel like I can say this. Actually, here's actually a place for me to share a secret with you in the whole world. When I got married, my uncle Babu came up to me and was like, hey, Gita, did you know that you're related to Ushah Vance? Oh, wow. My family is related to Ushavans two times through marriage and through blood. Wow.

You should get a hold of her and ask her what's going on with her husband. Say, hey, what's the deal with? Hey, what's going on? Do you like him? What's going on with your husband and his whole thing? I saw him on Joe Rogan and he was saying like, he was saying like, he was saying like, Hey, we're never going to know what's going on with the Epstein files. I want to know just as much as you do.

I mean, I'm always looking at that stuff. We're really weird thing for the vice president to say. So we went to this thing and watched all these speeches, right? And not all of them. Of course, we got super fucking high walking over. It was crazy. I was very high. I was very paranoid.

And then John Taffer gave a speech. Oh, I love Taffer. Yeah. I saw John Taffer. live and in concert. That's incredible to see. He's got such energy. He's got such incredible.

Well, Stefan, past guest, Stefan Heck and I used to do a podcast called podcast Rescue. That was on a porn. You can only have seen on a pornography website. And we would cover like Bar Rescue and stuff like that. So I know a lot about John Taffer. I'm a huge town. Our Rescue was like my comfort watch for a long time. I love the one where he's.

just ruining the bar. My favorite ones is like he turns it into a steampunk bar. He gives it a crazy theme that is just not going to work. So your favorite episode is every single episode. Yes. Because yeah, he that was his favorite thing to do. It's like yeah, the turned one into like the corporate. It was called like the corporate bar. I remember that. Oh my God. Incredible. So this speech I have to tell you was insane. It also led to me thinking about the idea of small business tyrants like these these horrible small business guys so i thought i would play this on

this episode i've never played it before on anything uh i just saw it and uh here we go this is the keynote by john tafford yeah yeah yeah okay john taffer yeah it was awesome sick music little metallica for the guys fans very cool he comes out to metallica very badass see you get destroyed The oldest people in the audience. Just imagine, you saw that audience. Me and Matt Crispin are there too. You're in that.

Oh, this is the actual, you're in this actual audience. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah. That's really fun to imagine. The last time I saw Crispin, we were at a Christmas party, and it was him and my then-boyfriend now husband reading out loud from Jomney's son's book is the only thing I remember. Oh, I used to have Jomney's son's book that I was.

that I would leave out when people would come over. I would leave it out on like the coffee table just sitting there that I wouldn't say anything about it. It's a great, it's a great prank to play on people. I'm an alien to, you know. Oh my God. So what one of the things is I did not know how to roll a joint, okay? So I went and bought black and mild and emptied them out and then stuffed weed in with a pencil. Yeah.

Yeah. That's a lot. takes like, it takes a lot of fucking weed. That's a black person weed ingenuity. It's a lot, it's the longest, it's, it's the like slowest way you can get to having a joint. And it takes so much weed. It's so much. It's like you can make two out of a quarter ounce. Why do you think black people do this? So me and Matt smoke the whole fucking thing walking into the place. Yeah. And I'm paranoid, dude, because you're not even a big weed smoker. Well, I was then. Oh, okay. You were.

But I was paranoid because I was standing next to a security guy there and he was like doing this. And obviously there was secret service there. Yeah. I was like a secret. Yeah, of course. And Matt. Taffer's got secret service.

And Matt is deaf in one ear. So sometimes he talks a little louder. Yeah. And he was goofing on all these guys while they're like, Jeb Bush giving a speech. And he would be like, can you believe this fucking, you know what I mean? Like he would say stuff to me. Seems a bit rude and disrespectful.

Yeah. But then the guy next to me, the guy with the security thing on next to me is like in it. And I'm like, we're going to fucking jail. Yeah. We're going to fucking jail. I don't know why I thought we were going to jail. We didn't do anything wrong. And we already, we bought the tickets to come to this.

Nobody was allowed to be on drugs at the Defend the American Dream Conference. It's true. All right. Here we go. Look at this badass. You guys should see him. We're not going to shut this down, no, are we? Oh, that's a strong opener.

His mannerisms are so unique. He always looks like he's getting used to wearing a human skin suit every day. Yeah. Yeah, he, I love that coming out and just like, he's got so much confidence that everybody knows his shit, knows his catchphrase and stuff that he's like with no context at all. He's like, we're not going to shut this down though. He's going to go nuts. I'm a businessman. And for 30 years, I've stared in the face of failure as I've turned around.

businesses that are failing. Well, I've looked at me eyes. I've seen the pain. I've felt the misery. I've been here at Ohio for the past three weeks. Why is he talking in that kind of accent? That's not his normal. That's not his normal.

Why is he screaming also? Yeah, he screams. He picks up your voice, dude. This is the most relaxed he's going to be here. No. Like, he's going to only go up. I can't wait. That's his whole thing is him getting fired up.

guess, right? So he's like, I guess this is what I have to do. So I'm in the front row here somewhere. You're in the front row. I love every single part of this story. It's so good. Yeah. Me and Matt snuck up to the front row for this one because a lot of people left before Taffer. That's crazy to me. Like for real. John Taffer was giving a speech somewhere. It's running, not walking. I want to see that shit. The place was fucking packed for one of the Koch brothers giving us a brother. Yeah. Well, that makes them. Yeah, it makes sense. It makes sense, though, right?

Because these are all like old business people or whatever, right? Who are thinking like, hey, the Koch brothers, these guys are like billionaires. I could learn some stuff from them. Whereas they don't know, most of them don't know John Taffer, right? They were gone. It was very empty in there. Businesses. I was in a city.

I'm not going to mention. I used to have 165,000 people. Today they have 65,000. And downtown is dark. There's no businesses. I drove with the mayor who said to me, John, I'm just trying to get people to stop leaving. If I lose any more businesses downtown, we're done. We're done.

Don't think he's done. It's over. I mean, he, the look. The volume raises, which each sentence, it's so weird. The look on his face is so angry. Like, he seems like he is so angry with you, the person he's talking to. Why are you yelling at me? Yeah.

What did I do to you, man? I was funny Chris that was my comment on this it's like I felt like I was getting yelled yeah I can imagine being there it's just like there's so much aggression coming from him that it's like if a one other business closes on Main Street Brian yeah he's like he's like he's like mistaking aggression for passion like he's thinking you know he sees people giving passionate speeches and like people respond well to that but he doesn't have that sort of passion. It only manifests in aggression and anger.

And I'm dealing with businesses that are still failing. Main Street is dark. It's vacant. Corporate America is not going to solve that. Since 1990, big business has eliminated 4 million jobs,

but small business added 8 million jobs. Okay. 8 million are the worst jobs. But also, like, Like, wait a say, you're talking to a bunch of Republican people here. You're saying that you're like anti. They love big business and small business.

They love big business and small. Yeah, you don't want to be like they're all pro those people destroying all of the small businesses. Right. The Koch brothers are there. Yeah. The Koch brothers just spoke. Also, every time his voice echoes in the recording, it's just really startles me. Like, why are you?

You don't need to be creating an echo in this space. Everyone can hear you. Yeah. doesn't need a microphone. No, he really doesn't. Small business has always been the economic fuel of our great country's economy, correct? Now he moves away from it.

Let's think about it. So he does here. Wait a second. Wait a second. He has a laugh mic. He was at the podium talking into a microphone and then he walked away and he's still being amplified. Such a badass move.

It's a now. he gets really nuts. Now that he's like approaching you. Do you know what I'm saying? He's now like coming towards you. He's coming towards you. Like if you have like pepper spray or whatever, you'd be like, well. I was like absolutely blasted out of my mind and super paranoid to be pissing my pants right now.

Yeah. Honestly, if this was a where is this? This isn't an is this in a stand your ground state? It's at yes. No, it's not. It's at the convention center. Okay. Because I was going to say if it's a standard ground state, I think you'd be well within your right to shoot this man right now.

If he's yelling at you like this and approaching you. Yeah, here's one. Stephen Jobs. Their peers all started. He just said Stephen Jobs. Stephen Jobs? Stephen Jobs and Timothy Cook. Yes.

I've never heard somebody call him Stephen. Stephen Jobs. Literally never heard someone. He is like iconically known as Steve Jobs. I mean, I've never heard someone call him Stephen Jobs. Oh, yes, the famous biopic of Steve. Steve Jobs, Steven. Stephen, yeah.

Oh, crap. And I'm a fuel of our great country. He went back. Stephen Jobs. Their peers all started what? Small companies. But yet our American dream is now threatened more than ever in my lifetime. It's scary.

Think about this. Wait, can we check how old is John Taffer? Like 60 something. So more than ever in his lifetime. So he lived through. the Reagan era, I'm assuming. Yeah, but he probably liked that. They probably like that.

He's very stupid too. So like, I'll bet you if you asked him the same question now, he would say it's now. Yeah, absolutely. No matter when you asked him, if he was 20, he would say this is like no matter when you ask him, he's going to say that. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Yeah. Like we're in the worst time ever. There are approximately six million small businesses in America. in 2006, 60% of those small businesses were family owned. Oh, no. In 2012, just six years later, only 42% of those businesses were family owned. Cares. Why do I feel like he wants a waitboard or something?

What is family owned? So what does that mean? Then who are the small businesses owned by now? We got to single guys. More money to Martin Scorsese and his small family business Is it only only single guys owning businesses now?

Because that is an issue. That scares me. I mean, you're all opening sex clubs because they want to be able to go to them. That's most of the small business. If you allow single guys to be in charge of small business, you will have nothing with sex clubs in the country. That is the truth.

Sex clubs and jerk up huts. That's it. I love that. I love the idea. of making a movie where it's a new world where single guys are in charge. I don't understand what family owned means in this context. Like I don't, I don't understand.

It's him saying that like back in the day, you used to go to like yield bike shop owned by like the, I almost said the Finnerty family, but we know a Fenerty. So it seems like I'm referencing him. There's a toy shop with an Italian family name like on the store in my home town. It's like been owned by that family for a while. I see.

So now it's been, they've been sold to somebody else who didn't originally start the business. Is that the idea of a non-family business? Isn't that the purpose of creating capital is to create valuable assets that can be traded for that capital? Yeah. Somebody probably knows like that there's probably like actual terminology where this means something.

But to me that's like a confusing concept that they're not, no longer family own. That is the success story of being a small business owner. owned by like are they owned by corporations because then they're not family that's what it seems like he's saying let's okay they're not then they're so they're not they're no longer small businesses we're going to come back to this let's do a post here uh i'm having a really hard time getting my wife to understand or maybe i'm imposing guilt on myself i need guidance i opened a small business about six weeks ago it's in an industry that i have little over 20 years in i've gone from sweeping floors 20

years ago to being the general manager of a very successful business. Even that late night. Now I own it. I'm the boss and employee. It's just me. I've been and am really extremely happy with my marriage, my wife, my life and everything. My business, albeit not even two months in, is growing strong and showing growth. None of that's my worry. I'm having a really hard time with wanting to have normal, but not late night schedule, but it's obviously taking a ton of my time. She definitely understands and is handling it pretty damn well, but I know it's wearing on her, and I'm struggling with that. I have a hard time saying, I have to do the absolute best right now, but it'll definitely smooth out. And then I say stuff like, I'll grab dinner on my way,

should be about an hour. Three hours later, I'm still making sure this project is flawless. Okay. So he's working too hard. Also, that sounds like undiagnosed ADHD. three hours later you're still fine-tuning a project you could have gotten dinner like you really could have i mean on this day and age honestly just order you know order the food send it home over to her been an hour and you're like holy shit i'm not going to be able to make it home order the food that's very easy this is this is it sounds to i mean listen he's even said it in the beginning though it sounds like she's handling it fine i don't think she's handling the dinner thing fine I would freak out.

I think that's an honest evil thing that I would be. I would be really mad. I would be really mad. I would be fucking pissed. If I'm hungry and you're telling me I don't need to make dinner, then I'm not in the dinner cooking mood. And then if dinner doesn't arrive and I'm learning that I have to make my own food, I'm going to stab you. Yeah. I mean, just I think that he said in the beginning, though, that overall she's handling it fine and he's worrying too much.

It sounds like she's supportive of the business. She understands when you're, when you're, when you're starting it. I don't really understand he didn't buy the business that he originally worked for before. He has a new business. No, no. He just, he's an automotive thing guy.

I think he's an aftermarket automotive mechanic thing. Okay. Is what he says later on. So the first guy goes, get her to pick up dinner and you can eat at your work. Yeah. Tell her to come up to work and eat dinner with you. I think her go out of her way. Oh, cool.

Jesus. people hate wives. Yeah, your wife's assistance or at least her understanding of what success takes, perhaps when she understands what's involved, she'll be more understanding. Having said this, do not make a hangary woman wait for food that doesn't eventually. Why? That's just true. Like, that's just true.

If I make my husband wait for food and he's hungry, he's going to be mad at me. Yeah, yeah, that's for anybody, not just a wife. That's just universal for human beings. Here's a little sage advice. your business is the first wife. She's second. No way around it, especially at the beginning.

Your business is your first wife. You're going to fuck it and have a kid with it. Yeah, you're going to fuck it. Yeah. This guy goes better be ready for a divorce. She seems like you're citing the, citing the business over her. Enjoy the single life.

Oh. I mean, again, is she... Listen, I love guys that are like, I'm single. So I never had to deal with any of this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's a classic single guy who's just like, you're going to get divorced because women cannot deal with this kind of stuff and she's going to divorce you 100%.

But it'll be fine because being single is so awesome. Like you don't have to answer to anybody. It sounds like a child. A lot of times when you hear these guys that are like, we had one recently on a, on maybe we did an episode recently about collectors and I'm blanking on it. But there was a guy that was like, or maybe it was a guitar episode. Like there was a lot of that in a guitar episode where it's like I can have as many guitars as I want because I'm saying. Yeah. And you're like, yeah, but you're alone.

I think you're a big bag with my wife. He's not alone actually. He's not actually not alone. He's surrounded by six fender strats. This guy goes better to get divorced now before you're successful. So that. Oh, that's that guy hates wives. Jesus Christ.

That guy hates wives a lot. Yeah. That guy hates wives and women for sure. It's just like, yeah, she's going to take half your shit. That's that kind of guy. Yeah. Aftermath is a small business. I was so startled to learn that I was a small business owner when we started the site.

And it's just I'm imagining saying any of these things to my husband if I'm working late. And like the only thing you say to your husband when you're your partner in life when you're working late because you're trying to earn money for the family is be like, I am so sorry. I want to be with you. This project took a really long time. How can I make it up to you? Yeah. And you try not to do it. all the time.

Absolutely. You know? And Brian, my small business, I mean, I'm busy all the time. I'm burning the midnight oil. Oh, yeah. Podcasting is really, really hard. It's hard. Podcasting is the easiest job ever.

And you are, I can tell you, as your employee, as your single employee. One of the best bosses anybody could ever have. I can tell you, you're a pretty good boss every now and then I would say it is a little bit frustrating the sort of ratio of, uh, uh, vacations that you take comparatively to your employees, I would say that could potentially

I mean, I just think that if you're always going on vacation. If you wanted to unionize, I think it would be really easy. I'm not even, I've actually I've been looking into it a lot about starting a union violent. You and Landon? And Landon barely works

for us. Landon doesn't really work for us either. He doesn't work for us. He doesn't work for us at all. He works for us like every once every six months. That's who does our shirts. That's who does our shirts and our merchandise. Let's take a look at, let's unpause here. One million family-owned businesses.

Gone. Gone in six years. Gone in 60 seconds. Over one million American families, their dream turned into a nightmare. There was no American dream. I see it in their eyes. Our political. Well, wait a second.

Wait a second. Can I just say something? There's a chance that when you're talking. to these small business owners, you see fear in their eyes because you're screaming in their face. And you're a gigantic New Yorker. Perfect pause, by the way. Yeah, you're so scary, dude. Like, you're so aggressive.

Of course, the people you talk to look fearful. You come up to me like that and I'm like, ah. Yeah, I'm scared. I'm scared now. And this is an old video and I'm scared of you. He's so big, too. When you're huge, he's on stage and he's a big brute and you're just sitting there. like,

damn, calm down, dude. He's a bruiser. On top of those businesses that never happened because people were scared. 15,000 small businesses close every single month. No. Fortunes lost, family security loss,

and their American dream destroyed by a politically charged economic environment that again, destroyed. Not cultivated. American dream. So he's talking about Obama, by the way. Oh, he's talking about Obama. Because this is in the run up to 2016.

I see. But like, I mean, it's got to be, listen, I don't know. I'm not an economics guy and I don't understand this all that well, but I would say some of those small businesses fail and it has nothing to do with politics. Some of them are bad ideas. Some of them are really poorly run.

It's fucking hard as shit. It's very hard, even in the best circumstances. So I just feel like that's unfair to say, hey, 15,000 small businesses closed down. And this is because of the political. Because of Barack Obama. Because of Barack Obama, it's like some guys like start a business where it's just like, hey, man, like we let you put the salt on your on your own pretzels. Like this guy, let me read you this. This is a guy that started a business. And he, he is, here he goes. Hey, everyone. Everyone, my co-founders and I need. help naming our startup. We're a supplement and nutrition company focused towards Gen Z. We want to

be fun and modern, but a little edgy as well. Right now we currently have Little Gaines Club. Fuck boy supplements. What does that supplement do for you? Does it make you more of a fuckboy? Or does it supplement the things that are missing from your life because you are a fuck boy? Yeah. And then let me tell you, this type of business is. going to fail due to the political climate. Barack Obama's going to come down there and shut all this shit down. Yeah. Man a nutrition.

Pain cave. Pain cave? Pain cave? Pain cave. Are you talking about the fucking gom jabbar from Dune? Like, what the fuck are you talking about? These are the ideas for a name. Yep.

These are his ideas for a name. Pain cave. One of the best, which one you would choose. Pain cave. Pain cave is one of the worst names. for a business I've ever heard. It doesn't roll off the dog either. It sounds so like,

in what? Oh, what are those supplements you're taking? Your gains are doing, you're doing great at the gym. Yeah, I'm on pain cave. I'm on pain cave.

Yeah, I'm doing pain cave. And is it? It doesn't, and listen, it's pain cave. It doesn't solve my pain. It causes me pain.

Yeah. Which is great. I got these supplements from the Benegesser, and you know, it's really, really absolves my fear of death while I'm doing these weightlifts. Anyway, I, this guy goes, supplements. Zupplements?

That's the name he came up with. Supplements. Okay. Zsumnsy nutrition. Oh, supplements because it's for Gen Z. Yeah. I see it. I got 25 year old's going to see that and be like, oh, this is actually.

I feel like we're also witnessing the the codification of the epic bacon narwhal type branding that's going to be endemic to Gen Z. Like we had the bacon stuff and and like narwhals for some reason as like the thing that became commodified to represent like stuff that millennials like. The letter Z is going to be so crange so soon. I love the letter. This guy. Wait, wait.

I have an idea of what you should not name this supplement company. Please. What? Don't name it a phone call. Because those Gen Zs are going to be I got some jokes Here's some small business guy jokes

Giving some names Oh nice These guys are riffing They're joking This guy This guy goes on a riff here He goes Titty soft tablets

Bitch ass batamins But that's not that much different than fuck boy Like this actual The ones that he suggested Titty soft I've never heard somebody called Titty Soft

I'm going to start I mean, Big Soft Titty, our friends, Demi, and Tom and Demi have their big soft titty. They do have a podcast called Big Soft Titty. They have a podcast about me. Sorry. He goes, Snowflake supplements, LGBTQ L MNOP plus. Oh, brother. Oh, shit.

Well, for me, LGBTQ stands for liquor, guns. What are the other ones? Bacon. Bacon. Bacon. Everybody loves bacon. I do. I can't remember.

Liquor guns. And also you can switch liquor with lesbians. Yeah, Lesbians guns, bacon titties. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This guy, puberty stalkers, I don't know what that is. D's Bidemans. D's Bidemans is so bad. I actually, can I tell you how it's spelled? Can I tell you how it's spelled?

Because it really will make it impossible for you. You'll get it just as wrong as I'm. D-E-E-Z. Yeah. Next word, B-I-T-A-M-E-N-S. Bidamins. D's Bidamins. What does that mean?

The reason you said Bita is because our past guest. Bida-Jed-Di-Dakki, who, yeah, so that's how her, how her name is spelled. And then the last one he says is Vita Pod Challenge. Oh, when was that posted? Yeah. One year ago. Yep. That's too late to be making a tied pod reference.

Then this guy goes, Z supplements are dope. So that's his thing. Z supplements are dope. That's the name he would give it. And then this guy goes, Vita Benjamin's. And then the last guy goes, cracked, jacked nutrients. How does that sound? Bad.

Yeah. That sounds bad. Those are guys starting small businesses. Yeah. These are guys that are starting the businesses that John Tapper is saying it's going out of business. Like to, too rude. I was talking to a kid the other day started a wonderful small business called fuck boy supplements. And now he's out on his ass.

I knew I used to be friends with a group of people that started a small business where they gave themselves a salary of $90,000 a year to remain competitive with Silicon Valley. And then their only revenue source was a mysterious benefactor who didn't want to be named and then disappeared. Peter Thiel? Oh, we love him. No. If it was teal, I have a lot more questions. The rumor was that it was not low tax. It was the 4thang guy, moot.

The rumor was that it was moot. And like that's why he didn't want to be named. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. Here, unpause here. How about this? Okay.

Approximately 600,000 small businesses open every year. 720,000 clothes. We're bleeding to death. Oh, my, we're pleading to death. We're bleeding to death. I mean, this is, this is, listen, but this is like, again, I don't want to keep harping on that. This is like, yeah, these things are being taken over by these big giant corporations, like the other guys that are talking at this event.

Yes, yes. You're exactly right. Who's going to stop it? Jesus Christ. He's pointing out. We are bleeding to death. Who is going to stop at you? Every small business we lose, we bleed more.

Who's going to stop it, Brian? Me. He pointed out you there. I was getting so like, again, front row. Front row. I would be freaking out. And I was just sitting there like, I have never seen anything like this in my entire. Like, it is actually.

crazier than any pro wrestling promo I've ever seen. Yeah, this guy, he is so, and if, listen, you guys are just listening to this. So they showed the crowd and it is like, he is yelling at like older, like old woman in the front, like just like 75 year old lady. He's screaming in her face right now. Maybe he was looking at, you know how they say pick somebody in the audience that you're talking to? Mm-hmm. To like make you feel maybe he was looking at me.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So actually. Like this piece of shit. We, we joked about because Brace, Brace Veldon went to see Rob Schneider at,

was it at C-Pack? C-Pack, yeah. He went and saw him and we joked about that. They're like, oh, he's pointing at Brace there when he said that. And then we pulled back and he literally was. Brace was like reacting to all of his stuff, like snapping at him and stuff like that. That rocks.

Yeah, it was very funny. more dreams are lost let's face it regulations are being implemented by law Implemated They're being implemented by law That can only be chosen

With a complete disregard For small business Right Did you clap there Brian be honest Probably I'm gonna tell you that Like in my mind

Still to this day This is a great speech Because it is so absolutely fucking insane. It's insane. Again, never seen anything like it again. And it's 15 minutes, by the way. I think it's, oh no, it's 11 minutes. So he came in.

They paid him whatever they fucking paid him, which was probably an insane amount of money. And this is, he did this for 10 minutes. And it just gets crazier and crazier. Corporate. yields corporate decisions doesn't it yep with Obamacare uh-oh small business owners are forced to weigh the benefits of growing their business with the increased cost of mandated health care oh

oh wow they got a nowadays small business owners got to make it so their employees don't die preventable diseases this is beyond the bail it's crazy that's crazy I can't believe Obama did that to It was horrible. Here's a guy on Reddit talking. He's having a very specific problem with one of his employees. We have one employee. She despises me, mocks me. She does her job, but if I give her a specific one, she doesn't do that. She's always one hour late, eating and cleaning for one hour each. When I warn her, she ignores me and smiles, rolling her eyes. The same goes for when I say good morning or something like that. Well, okay, I'm, listen, I don't know about any of the other stuff, but if your employee shows up one hour late every day, I think you are within your rights to fire, fire the employee. There's like already a thing that's fireable that's occurring. Yeah, like you can just fire them for showing up late every single day to work. What is the business? That's easy for you guys to say because he goes, I ask my partners to solve the problem.

Their role is to handle office and worker. Mine is bringing customers because it affects my work. Well, they said they can't fire because she's the only employee we have. Oh. She's got a lot of power. Yeah. Arguably more than the owners of the company. Sounds like she has more power than you, the owner.

She can just instantly unionize. She doesn't have to reach consensus with anyone else. You know? As the sole employee of a small business, I stand with this person. And listen, Chris does mock me. I mock you openly. That is true. I mean, we have guests on.

I tell them about how you suck on Tini. for three hours. Oh, I love the story. I don't. I don't suck on titties for three hours. You did. Not that makes it sound like I'm doing it now. You have in the past sucked on tities for three hours. I think about this story every day, Brian. I listen to your podcast a lot. I think it's beautiful. You just love some titties. But it's not even that. I'm past titties now. I love them. I mean, obviously I like tithes. Yes. I wouldn't have sucked on them for that long. I didn't. But I'm also like, well, you know, I'll try some of the other parts. Now you get involved with some of the other parts.

Now you're exploring like booties and pussy. Like, you know, there's some other stuff out there. Other stuff for you explore. Don't get them. Don't get them going on it. He'll start telling you little graphic stuff about it. Usually he only does it on the bonus episodes, but you'll start actually like talking about his technique and stuff like that. Oh, it's just humming a deaf tone song.

No, but you know what I mean. You, you don't mind getting a little bit nasty about. Oh, come hither? Yeah, you're a little com hither. Oh, no, don't do it. This is fucking in the bargain basement of sexuality. Come on. Yeah.

Ask partners to solve. Well, they said they can't fire her because she's the only employee we have, that I have to wait until they hire another one and train. Then they'll fire her. Until that, I should not come to the office and not contact her. Oh, so. There's actually a really big problem that he hasn't mentioned occurring. There is.

sounds it sounds like yeah there's something else going on that you're not talking about why did they why are they clearly taking her side of it why are they telling you not to contact her and also not to come to the office why are they telling you to your employee why are they telling you to stop coming to your own business that's a bad side it's really bad uh after 10 days he goes uh until that and she's aware of these smirks anytime she does something that hurts me like messaging customers on purposes. After 10 days or so, I saw no improvement in her. Partners spoke to her and she mocked me. The first thing I did was to block her number.

Make sure she couldn't reach my customers. Wait, wait, what? I don't even understand what that means. Now the partners are blaming me and siding with her, calling me names. Calling me names. This guy's getting bullied at his own business. This is a sad story. Yeah, this is the most bullied guy since the tattoo guy.

This is like, listen, listen, I think that it's totally inappropriate if you're the, to call the business owner names. I don't think that's appropriate. I'm fine with it. You call me names all the time. Queber. Yeah. I've asked, I've asked, I've been asking people for, I don't know, 20 years not to call me. I mean, you, now you call me Mr. Cheapy refund, though.

After 10 days or so, he goes, now partners are blaming me and siding with her, calling me names. Now I want to break this partnership. I let them know about breaking up and they said I'm overreacting and they don't want to break up. Wait a second. Wait a second. Now, so this is your business, it's safe to say that your small business is your first wife. Yeah. I mean, this is very, the way that he's talking about this is very odd breaking up.

Yeah. So anyway, here, here's his edit. I appreciate every comment this and the previous post all of them have a point and right just there's a new update and I don't want to include where she wanted me to date

she wanted to date me and rejected me when I accepted I don't know if that's how that went down that's not exactly that doesn't exactly she wanted to date me and I accepted and then she said no how would that can we do like a role play

of how that would work out for a second why would that How would that possibly be true? I want to go out with you on a date. Okay, cool. Sounds great. No. It's funny.

It is a funny thing to do. It sounds to me like she's a bully and she's bullying you actively. That's the only thing that makes sense in that is that she's like making funny. This employee is 16 years old and the hottest girl in the cheerleading squad. I mean, this is a really odd. Yeah, it sounds to me like this guy tried to. to initiate some kind of thing. And she was like, hey, I don't, I don't want to do that.

That sounds what it sounds like for sure. Who knows for sure. She did not approach him. Absolutely not. She probably said something nice to him one time. And he was like, oh, he wants, she wants this. She wants this so bad. Yeah.

Yeah. And then he's like, so let's go on a date. And she's like, well, no, I don't want to do that. Yeah, yeah. And then he's just like, oh, my God. Flirting is fun. Flirting is fun. Flirting in an office, super fun.

But the best part of that is that you go home at the end of the day. Yeah. Yeah. A business owner or someone whose dream is to open a business in a particular year, the unknown scared them even more. That's right. That's right. When I tried to open up my business pain cave, people told me it was a stupid name. And I said, no, it's not. It's one of the best names. And then the law was passed that said no business can be named Pancave. Here's a question on Quora. What can small business learn from the success of the Star Wars franchise? Good question.

No. Nothing. I hate... Chris, good question. That's a good question. Oh, yeah, that is an interesting thing to ask, insane thing to ask. I don't know how to explain. I like like Star Wars as a series of films, but working in video games and discussing

video games has made me actively hate Star Wars and people who hate like Star Wars a lot. Well, we just did Star Wars guys. So that's why like we did with Mike Mitchell and we talked about it. And yeah, there is a difference between this, you know, like it's what it's the whole concept of guys. There's like, you know, you like Star Wars and it's, hey, I like the movies. I like to watch them or like I've sort of based my life around Star Wars and get really in the weeds about every single aspect of Star Wars. And it sounds like that's what this type of... He sounds like he's doing like the peep show joke of the one character

accused wanting to write a book called Business Tips Tips from the Pharaohs. Yeah, yeah. I just watched Peep Show. So that's a great reference for me personally. I love Succession, but I think Peep Show is like a little bit better than Succession because... Peep Show is one of the bad. It's so fucking good. Well, Jeremy, whose job is kicking ass at entrepreneurship and bootstrapping, did answer this

question. Wow. That's his job? The small business guy thing you could ever fucking hear. He goes, think long term. The business started almost 40 years ago, so give up on overnight success. It's okay if your first version sucks as long as you create fans. Go and watch the first episode again.

Not going to make any Star Wars friends here, but it's pretty rubbish. By the way, that's an insane opinion. That's an insane opinion. You don't like the first Star Wars movie? You're a fan of Star Wars? Star Wars, but you don't like the first Star Wars movie? I don't know that I've really ever heard that. The business decisions that went into making that for Star Wars are actually very interesting.

I'm a Gascenema person, so I won't, like, torture you with the details that I know all about. But, like, that is the exact wrong thing to take from the production of Star Wars, which is like, if you, if you are scrappy and smart with your money, you can achieve a lot with a little. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he also says, take risks. You can do a rubbish sequel. Then he posts the rotten tomatoes for the Phantom Menace.

Oh, my God. Keep your brand alive. The Force Awakens was a great success. And then he says, sell when you can't take it any further. It's Disney now. So there's that. Okay. He did his best answer.

Yeah, the last one does kind of make sense from a small business standpoint. Here's a question. What are some historical examples of McDonald's or other restaurant franchisees going rogue from their corporate parents? Chase answers this by saying, 12 to 13 years ago, I worked for a national drive-in chain that had this problem with a semi-local to me restaurant. This chain was structured in such a way that a majority of its stores were owned and operated by franchisees. While it maintained ownership and operation of a few strategic locations through a subsidiary, I worked for the subsidiary.

To make a semi-long story short, they had a franchisee owner-operator of only one location, go rogue. By selling things that weren't on the menu, these things included cigarettes, Pizza burger. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So the franchise owner went completely insane. I love this.

Let me add Lucy's to the menu. Please. Cigarettes and a pizza burger. I know. I can't even think of a place where you would buy cigarettes and a pizza burger. Even in the nice. I know. I know plenty of places.

If you are getting a pizza burger, you probably want a cigarette with that. I'm, I know plenty of places to get a real good pizza burger, but I don't know anywhere I've my cigarettes at the same place. Yeah. Even in the 90s, I wouldn't be able to tell you one place that I think could do that.

At best, there would be a cigarette vending machine like in the lobby, in the lobby of the friendlies in my hometown. There was one of those. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's not like you go to the friendlies that are like, I'd like an ice cream Sunday and a cigarette, please.

And this is a drive-in movie theater or a drive-in restaurant? I think it's Sonic. It's Sonic driving. I believe it's probably Sonic. to roll up to a sonic feel like, can you get me a pack of cigarettes?

Thanks, I'll wait here. Oh, have you tried our pizza burger? I'll have a pepperoni pizza burger and a pack of menthol. Two insanely different things. The corporate entity essentially did a forced buy out of that restaurant

due to violating the terms of the agreement took it into its operating subsidiary. So that's just a lesson for you. This makes me think of the bricks. minifig thing that's all i yeah you start feeling bad for the there's a guy in my neighborhood that works there and it's like they have signs all over the door like we aren't that we are not affiliated with that crazy mormid guy with the fucking uh mustache or whatever stupidest mustache you've ever man i've been watching some more of that stuff of like um if you guys look up the bricks and

minifick then i think probably everyone's heard of it everyone's heard of it it's the biggest thing but i was seeing some thing where that guy that Ammon McNeff or whatever He's just like Yeah this guy is He threatened to kill us Yeah Yeah yeah yeah

It was like saying like the most insane shit It was funny I cause his concern from the get go doesn't it Doesn't it When our legislative leadership said You'll see what's in it When we pass it That caused pause didn't it

What That caused fear didn't it The rumors flew the feel of elevating cost grew. The costs did go up. And the failures of the White House PR team was monumental. Fight weight. They totally blew it.

It was unclear with the act meant to small business, especially those whose American dream was to open a business that year. That doesn't supply any health care. My dream was to have a company that doesn't supply health care at all. That's my name. is not part of my dream. My dream is to have every single employee, employee, die, die, die. Let's, uh, I got this, uh, some reviews of a book called profit first.

Oh boy. Business books are my favorite because it's just, they're so, so, so stupid. They're all like that Rick Rubin book about creativity where there's just like one sentence on each page. I love it. It's like picture books for adults. this guy says book of filler waste of money the author mentions how his first writing of profit first was just one paragraph it's apparent it's apparent that's about all that's required to explain this non-groundbreaking strategy of multiple accounts and minimum percentage deposits so from what i can gather this book talks about how you have to open like seven to ten business checking accounts and put the minimum balance in each one of them and I don't know what comes after that,

but it all sounds like a really bad idea. This sounds like bank fraud. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love, I do love those things where it's like, I came up with a concept that can potentially like make money for people or be helpful. But how do I market this one single concept in a way where I can make a bunch of money off of it? And that is to write a book and put a bunch of other bullshit in there or whatever and then sell it, you know?

We talked about the motivational speaker like a, like, And like the fact that like most of these guys honestly never really did anything. Yeah. And their whole job is to be a motivational speaker. Yeah. Yeah. And you see this so much, especially like fiction writing or you're someone who is published a book which is very difficult to do.

And like probably you're stuck in the midlist or maybe you've been dropped by your publisher. But if you have a big enough social media presence, what you can do is sell classes about how to get a book published because you've done it once. And then that becomes your primary primary revenue stream is. Yeah, that's a huge. Comedy classes, too. I know a guy that sells comedy class. We haven't looked at Greg Dean in a long time.

Yeah, I wonder what Greg Dean is out too. What are what Greg Dean's doing? We're going to do, Greg. I'm typing it right now in our stream doc. Yeah, let's watch Greg Dean on the stream. People used to hate that. Yeah, people did not like Greg Dean. Our stream is, our street is talk about a small business that needs a little John

Tafer. How about our stream? Our Sunday night stream. It is going in the toilet. People are hating it more and more. Shut it down. More and more every single week they're hating it. They're getting mad at me about things.

Sometimes people are saying really stupid things on the stream and getting super embarrassed by it and then they can't edit it out because it's a live stream. Yeah, sometimes people do say that the Odyssey is a Bible story. Don't say it on a main feed. I apologize. I don't say it on a main feed episode. I do not want to be made to feel stupid on a main feed episode. This is bullying and you're a small business owner and I'm your employee and I can actually

go to the police now. Strike, strike, strike. I could actually go to the police now. They'll send in John Taffer to shut it all down. I'm going to send John Taffer to your house to beat the shit out of you. What do you think of that? What do you think of that? Hesitated.

They froze. Do you blame them? No. The knowledge of the known and the fear of the unknown was just too much. New businesses didn't open. Oh. Well, how do you know that? of growing their business did not.

You know what town is a small business also drop shippers. That is a small business, you know, a substacker is a small business. These numbers, what he's imagining for everything registered as a small business is a brick and mortar store or restaurant establishment. Yeah. Yeah. But for him he's thinking mostly about restaurants because that's bars. Yeah, that's his whole thing. But like, you know, most small businesses that are getting stuff.

started up are once a do not exist in physical space. Like this is an imaginary problem for imaginary people. Yeah. Yeah. Many businesses were lost by the resulting economic impact of so many invasive growth stifling regulations. We can't even count them anymore. What? Could we ever? Think about it.

Small business is the army of economic growth. That's scary. It's the army. No, I don't want to be in the army. He's going army mode now. Now he's going to start yelling about an army. That was the part of this speech where I was like, oh, he's yelling about starting an army. I literally listen.

Oh, fucking. That was a flow. Of economic growth. Oh, they cheer at the army. Yeah, yeah. All of a sudden you hear Brian's voice like, in the crowd like, yeah! Yeah!

Fuck yeah! I love the military. I love armies and work. I love to work and I love to kill. That's why I love the army. Our neighbors, our peers. And for too many, their American dream is gone. Their motivation is gone.

Is that acceptable to us? No. Are we going to act to and change it? Yes. Let me ask you this. With all of our current candidates, I never hear the word small business. Do you? No.

Literally, they're the Republicans. I never hear political candidates talk about small business. It's pretty new to me. I've never, ever heard that before. No one's ever run on policies that will aid small business. It never happens. That's a funny thing. I understand the issues of the day and they're important.

But the army of small business will not only. fuel our economic growth. It'll fuel votes. The small business army can light up Main Street again. Corporations won't. Our small business army can reignite communities. He's looking down constantly because the prompter's on the ground. Yeah, and because I'm there. And because he's looking right at Brian also. He's like, this guy is high.

Yeah, this guy is so high. He's so high. I'm going to get the secret service to arrest it for being so high. Sir, sir. sir i own a small business he's like but you're high you're high and it's the middle of the day and you're sitting here gotta shut it down shut the podcast down

yeah that's a good point all these people it's like hey maybe go work on your small business what are you doing sitting here at this fucking john taffers speech in the middle of the day out a week day yeah it's like a Thursday ignite the voter I love that he does this art thing where he's just like so do we fuel that army

or do we squish it Squish? Squat? I barely hear an adult man say squish. Do we embrace it or do we squish it? I don't think those are opposites. Like what are going on?

What did he say exactly? Do we embrace it or do we squish it? Let me hear it. So do we fuel that army? Oh, fuel that. Or do we squish it? Again, just like not a dichotomy. Do we fuel the army or squish it?

It's the two options. Do we kill all small business owners? Is that what you're saying? Do we squish it? Do we squish it? Squish is such a child word. Like adults don't say squish. No.

We with dreams or scare it with nightmares. What do we do? The little baby's going to work. Wake up from having a nightmare. Squish. Do we supply it? it with dreams or do we give it nightmares? We need to cause change.

We need our voices to speak loudly. Well, with that, that is, something I know all about. He gave us a little of that. That's cool. He's, he recognizes he's like, I know that I do not have, you know, volume control. I mean, I don't, I can't keep my voice down. They got to laugh. Oh, good laugh.

It was me. Yeah. Right now. I call for new thinking, such as family-owned business tax credits and regulatory relief. They have that. What about a moratorium on small business taxes for a year? What the what would that do to Main Street? Okay, it's not like I wouldn't personally love that.

I hate the tax part of having a small business. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, like, what the fuck? No, that would be a horrible idea. You have to, yeah, you have to pay tax. You, like, have to pay taxes. The regulations, and we open the doors of opportunity. We know that.

White O'Day. I don't want you ask them. I can't get to them. Together, let's dispatch the Army of Small Business. Uh-oh. Oh, boy. Together, let's cause our candidates in leadership to unite the Army of Small Business.

The Army rhetoric feels a little bit like defend Pop Punk. You know what I mean? It just, to me, is you can't. It's weird. have a guy yelling at you about an army that he believes exists. Yeah, I just, it's, I, I don't feel enthused by this. I feel it's really scary that I'm being enlisted in something that I'm not asking for. He's scaring me. He's a little scary. He's scissing me. He's fair. He's going to squish you guys.

To say the words, I will fight. Jesus Christ. For small business, because when we fight for small business, we do defend the American dream. Fight with me. No, I'm not fighting with you. You're huge and scary. You'll kick my ass. Pick up the phone.

I'm not fighting with you. Pick up the phone, you millennial jetzy motherfuckers. Talk to our leaders. Talk to our candidates. Call your neighbors. Scream like me. Wait, wait, wait, where, wait, wait, where, wait. You want me to call my neighbor and scream at him? Call your neighbor and scream at him.

I mean, I guess, like, is he having parties, like, laid on in the evening? Is he having a red hot chili peppers play one of his private parties? Hey, that's a shout out to Chip, Chip Wilson. That's the two things I know about him. That's a good piece of Vancouver. That's why people hate him in Vancouver for many reasons, but that was. was one of the things he isn't why his neighbors hated him because he had the red hot chili peppers on his lawn to play a concert full volume in the middle late at night yeah together

when we fight for family opportunities we fight for small business we are defending the american dream that's right buddy you said that dream our american families who wants to stand up for small business stand up man was obviously immediately screaming for small business everybody stand up they're all standing up they're all standing up can I just tell you something

because when we stand for small business we stand for the fit God if they showed the front row they were standing up and a lot of people are standing up very clearly and like begrudgingly kind of like looking around like okay we're going to do this

oh yeah we're all going to stand up no yeah yeah I guess we're going to stand now I hate it well this is about over we'll get out of here family and we stand for what's dear fight with me. Thank you. God bless America.

They just runs off the... Metallica. Yeah. The Metallica is one of the finest thing. That's amazing. Yeah, that's really... He did, I'm sure. I believe he said, or or, or he said,

how about some heavy metal to walk out on the state? Yeah, like some fucking high, like I'm going to come out there and I'm going to scream at these people. I'm going to threaten them. I'm going to make them feel scared. Let's have some scary music. They should have played cannibal corpse. Yeah, absolutely.

That would even see it. Napalm'd death a little bit. That'd be cool. Yeah. All right. Well, that is small business guys, Geena.

Tell people where to find you. If I'm at Aftermath. Dot site, by the time this comes out, I don't know if we're going to be having a sale or not, but when we're recording. Well, it's coming out.

It's coming out Tuesday. It's coming out soon. I think we're still having a sale, which is great. Like, it's your first week for a dollar. Chris loves it. Yeah. Chris is excited about that sale.

Oh, you're saying I'm going to sign up. Yeah. You're saying I'm excited. Yeah, you. No, we're doing a. Don't let him sign up, Gita,

because you know what's coming. What? Mr. Cheapy refund is wanting his money back immediately. We have to like have business conversations with one of our co-owners about not giving people too much shit for free. Like it's become, we are at the point where it's like really nice of us to give people.

free stuff, but also like I'm, I want to have a fucking baby, okay? Like, we need your money. We need your money really bad. Yeah, you're saying you can't just give everyone everything for free when you're running a business. That's what Chris wants to do. What we have to talk about at our small business is we have to talk about the main guy, the owner of the business learning how to pronounce the guest's name before we get on

the call because Brian actually called Gita, Gita. And Gita had to. Wow. Wow. You too. You too. It's hard because he's the boss and he influences me so loud. I made him say it's true.

The truth is I said, don't make me look like a fool ever in front of a guest. Yeah, like, so we just need to talk about that. It's pretty easy, by the way. I want to say I genuinely did know how to pronounce your name because I watched some stuff with you. You're also Canadians. There's like a lot more Indians where you are. Yeah. Not necessarily in Vancouver.

Yeah. No, there are. There are definitely a lot of Indians. Yeah. And I just, but I went and like listen to some of your stuff. and like watch some of your stuff. So I heard your name and I knew what it was. So I knew right when he said it that he made a big mistake.

Nice. Well, thank you for having my back. Yeah. The reason why I say I'm Gita all the time is because I want people to pronounce my name correctly. Like that is the key when I show up. It's like a little catchphrase. But also like literally just my mom is Indian and she thought she was giving me and my brother Indian names that white people could pronounce.

And she was just so fucking wrong. She didn't really understand how bad we are pronouncing things. I've gotten Gitta. I've got to. Guida, which is absolutely unbelievable. Like, Guida is insane. Yeah, it's really ridiculous. That's, yeah, my daughter gets gweened sometimes.

And it's like, or she'll say, they'll say, what is your name, right? And she doesn't go by Gwendolyn at all, ever. Yeah. That's a cool name. But she goes by Gwen. She'll be like, Gwen, and they'll be like, can you spell that? And I'm like, how can you not spell that? It's like some phonics, you know?

That's literally hooked up phonics. It's exactly. There's no, I guess there's the why. version. Do you guys never give my my daughter a name with a why. This is I know we do got to get out of here and everything but I did want to say I had the most fucked up thing happened where somebody pronounced my name gris. What?

Oh, we're out of here. Hey. It's creepy. Nobody's ever said my name wrong. All right. Bye everybody.