Guys: With Bryan Quinby - Guys: Episode 93 - Fantasy Football Guys with David J Roth
Episode Date: November 12, 2024Get your lineup set and get ready for a weird punishment because we are talking about the scientific game of Fantasy Football. How does the hotwife community play? Why is everyone cheating? After you ...are done accusing your commish of cheating wind down and listen to us! David J Roth is one of the owners and writers for Defector There is much more Chris at twitter.com/thecjs and of course https://www.patreon.com/notevenashow And for more Guys content, streams and SHOCKTOBER: a deep dive into shock jocks you can click patreon.com/guyspodcast twitter.com/murderxbryan and https://bsky.app/profile/murderxbryan.bsky.social Guys is on Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/guys.pod Guys has a Post Office Box now! PO Box 10769 Columbus Ohio 43201
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey sports fans, welcome to guys.
The podcast about guys.
I'm football Brian and with me is my co-host master of the gridiron Chris James
Hi, Chris. When did you decide to stop insulting me? I'm not complaining about it
But you used to insult me off the top and at some point huge fucking loser at fantasy football
Oh, I should have done here. Let me go back. Let me go back. Yeah, let's take it again and the taco of
The episode Chris James.
Wait, is that is that a John Lajua?
Was that his character?
I don't know what you're talking about.
The league wasn't that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what it is.
That's what it is.
The only guy I know in the league did 9-11.
So yeah, that's the that's steaming randazel.
Ran as easy ran as easy ran as easy as he's, he got, fuck you, Brian, by the way, for, for making
me feel like, making me feel crazy when I'm like, you mean is John John Lajuan? You're
like, I don't know what you're talking about. Like as if I had just said the craziest thing
ever, but no, I was actually right. That's the act you were saying. John Leguizamo. I apologize. Jesus Christ. And our guest this
week, start David J Roth from Defector. Hi, David. Don't even get like tagged with like
Mr. Two damn drafting a kicker too high or anything. Yeah. It's just, well, I was too
much of a coward to insult the guests. He knows he knows me. I'm his punching bag. Basically two weeks for me on this show already.
It's been an awful two weeks for me on this show.
People have accused me of cheating on trivia and it just isn't these
persistent rumors of which actually ends up making me look like more of a
psycho than they already think I am because nobody should cheat at trivia.
It's stupid. I agree. Nobody should treat it. Cheated trivia. And I also, nobody said you cheat at trivia. It's stupid. Unless you're running money. I agree, nobody should cheat at trivia.
And I also, nobody said you cheated at trivia.
We just presented the facts and we said,
do you guys decide what you feel?
I mean, I think the facts are clear personally,
but we never made any accusations.
Well, one of my favorite things about the subject
we're doing this week is the persistent cheating
in the fantasy football world.
It is so good how often listen,
maybe people don't even cheat that much,
but there's accusations of cheating in every league,
in every post. Like it,
I was fucking shocked at the amount, at the amount of it.
I'm, I'm curious. So let's, let's I, I have,
I've participated in fantasy football only twice. And I was a big fantasy baseball guy.
I used to play, uh, you know, do, but, but never really participate too much. Brian,
I'm assuming you have not ever been involved in fantasy once twice, twice. I played twice,
but I quit the second time after
like one week because I what age what age were you like 10
years ago? I was doing Street Fight.
I know that it was like a family League.
I got you and were you weren't into it though.
I was the first year because I was winning the second year.
I was not into it.
I hated it because I was losing and I just gave up after a
week and most people did in that League. Anyway, we're all like man. I'm not into it. I hated it because I was losing and I just gave up after a week. And most people did in that league.
Anyway, we're all like, man, I'm not even watching football.
But you know what I mean, David?
Now, you do you play fantasy football regularly?
Have you? I do.
Yeah, for years.
I've been one league.
I've been in with friends for like more than 20 years.
Like, and it's like basically the predated before, like it was easy to do it on Yahoo Sports. But it's basically predated before it
was easy to do it on Yahoo Sports.
It wasn't hand scored or anything like that,
but it was a long enough time ago
that we would all be in the same room
making it smell crazy for four hours picking our teams.
That's not feasible anymore, but it goes back that far for me.
This is why I'm curious about who Brian Brian had on his team like 10 years ago.
That is admirable.
Uh, RG three is the only guy I really remember.
That's, um, I, I, I don't know.
I, I like tried to draft.
I remember we were drafting and I tried to draft like random guys because like I
wanted to seem smarter than everybody else.
Oh, have sleepers.
Oh, yeah.
That was my goal.
Yeah.
That'll work if you like do that a couple of times, but if every single
player you're drafting is off board, I think they start thinking you're
a crazy person at that point.
I wanted like my wife, cause my wife was playing too.
I want her to be like, man, that's a guy I haven't even heard of.
Like I was treating it like music. Like when you're like, I really like this underground
band that nobody knows about except for you like first year.
You like tight ends named two of their albums. Yeah. Yeah. And
the first year, the first year I had drafted enough guys that I
had heard of that did well that I got almost to the playoffs
the second year doing the same strategy actually
even worse the second year I didn't even almost do the same strategy I just drafted all the
same guys again. Yeah. I was like yeah it went well last year why not let's just do
it again.
Fantastic fantasy sports brain shifts you though like I'm really I'm in like two football
leagues this year but I've had for baseball, I've been in three or four leagues at a time. And it's like whatever team I draft first, which I'm never ready
to do, I then like recreate with all the other teams because it's the sort of that we're
like at some point I was like, I don't even think that like Nolan Aronado is going to
be good again, but I did like two weeks ago. And so now I'm committed to picking him to
play third base for every other team that I have.
Seeing guys. I definitely can sympathize with quitting because there's definitely, it's a bad feeling to be just
like maintaining your shitty fantasy team out of like just respect for the game or whatever,
like halfway through a winner when you're just losing and everybody's bad.
It sucks to lose. It sucks to lose. And it's embarrassing and humiliating.
And, you know, people say, oh, you fight through adversity.
Not always. Sometimes you just quit.
Yeah, not really.
Also, like in real life, you should like if you're playing sports.
Mm hmm. Like go for it, you know, like put your back into it.
Try to, you know, do it.
But if it's the sort of thing where like you're
you drafted a bunch of guys that hurt their knees, like you don't really
owe anybody else.
Yeah. You're saying just use your time like better and just like enjoy your time
because yeah, it's not if you're already just going to lose anyways,
then why waste the time now?
I have a question for you, David, because you play.
I'm trying to understand.
Are you are do you like the stats behind it?
Like are or do you watch the games?
Do you know what I'm saying?
Is it, because I think there's two different types of people.
I think a lot of sports fans, they like fantasy.
Same reason they gamble or whatever.
You're just trying to give importance to the games.
We know we love sports.
We know we want to watch sports.
But it's like the game has to mean something.
So you're trying to give it meaning.
And then other fantasy people just
love numbers and love stats.
Yeah, I think that's the I was trying to sort of like work this out in my head before we
recorded too, because I think that there's like there's people that I mean, obviously
I'm old enough, but then also like, you know, I played sports like I always enjoyed watching
them.
So there's like a part of it where it's like, I do watch the games, I like doing that.
It's fun for me, like in an uncomplicated way.
That's, you know, more or less the way that it has
been for my entire life. You get ice cream in a baseball in a little baseball helmet. Yeah, I get
a helmet and a little little pink spoon to dig it out in there. Can I tell you Jimmy's on it?
I'll tell you something. Well, none of that. It's just vanilla ice cream. Sorry, David. I should have
warned you. This is a this is a no-sprinkle zone. It's a pretty serious topic for David. I should have warned you. This is a, this is a no-sprinkled zone.
It's just a pretty serious topic for Brian. I was trying to rely,
saw him kind of going to sleep a little bit because we were talking about sports stuff and he,
he can't help it, but he's got no interest in sports. He doesn't care about it all.
Oh, I do now. Okay. I'm going to hockey and I went to hockey and I'm going to hockey in two weeks.
You guys, the game of a blue jackets guy opening the
life jackets. I went to the game and I was like, Oh, you know, I
was sitting in a seat and I hated it. But then I looked
around and I saw these luxury boxes. And then I found out if
you get in a luxury box, they give you a free food. Yep. And
secondly, I believe there's a soft serve ice cream machine up there that
you're just allowed to use yourself. That's ridiculous.
That can't possibly I think it might be, but you guys, I'm
thinking you thought like that's in a dream or something that
you had where you thought that that can't be real. But also
the reason all that stuff is free. And I'm using quotations is because it's extremely expensive.
Oh, really? Because I bought two seats for two weeks from now
at the Blue Jackets versus Pittsburgh Penguin.
And how much special box?
How I am in the Diamond Cellar VIP Club.
How much of those costs?
If you don't mind me asking? It was two of them.
And it was cheaper, way cheaper than that.
See how much how much was it?
Say how much it was $500 for two for two.
Yeah, that's not I know, but it gives a shit about hockey.
Yeah, it's like early regular season hockey.
Yeah, honestly, if you're right about this ice cream thing,
which I have to say, my first instinct is that you can't possibly be.
But if you are right about the ice cream thing,
that's more or less gonna pay for itself. I know cuz I'm gonna go but they don't have helmets. That's what pisses me off.
I'm an helmet. Just bring your own helmet.
One you can't do that too. I a hockey helmet, not some baseball helmet. I why don't
you go in order helmets order a mini hockey helmet off of Amazon or whatever or I need
them to do it. So that's not bad. I paid. I was going to say I paid almost that amount
to go to one single game in the nosebleeds last year, but it was game five. It was game
five against Edmonton where JT Miller scored the goal.
The winning goal where everyone thought the Canucks were going to the Stanley
Cup. It was incredible atmosphere and people who watched my stream helped me
pay for it. I didn't, I didn't pay for the whole thing.
I hated being in those seats. I hated being a regular guy seats.
I did not like that. See that. I mean, that's,
that's such a crazy thing to say because nobody thinks
that only like the only people you hate so much think that
or it's like people that just don't like sports and they're
like, I have to get up and pay like a la carte for every ice
cream I get like fucking sure.
No, that's what other people are doing.
I'm getting what I believe to be probably free access to the machine.
Yeah, which I just I can't imagine is going to be crazy.
They're not telling you such a bad idea that I now want it to be the case.
It is the case.
I just know it.
There's food and drink in there, too.
So the idea of just someone having six beers and then being like, I'm going to, I bet I could do a swirl.
I bet I could do chocolate at this time.
I'm pretty smart.
Like I'm in a luxury box and just trying to make it happen.
We'll see.
I'm excited.
So I went to Quora first and I said, I search.
Why did people, why do people like fantasy football and oh,
and answer me.
We're just talking about.
So now we'll get a little bit of input from the from the Internet.
Owen is a lifelong diehard sports fan of most any sport.
So wow, that's exciting.
My knee-jerk answer is I know, right?
However, we can do better.
Let's ponder.
Chris likes it when guys ponder when people are growing up
and going to grade school.
If they're the type their lives are full of pissing matches, sports and physical activities galore.
Not me. None of those. I didn't do any of that. Well, pissing Matt, I guess in a way,
but not really, you know, well, you're too busy fucking, you know, stranger attack from
physical activities. I guess I was involved in a lot of physical activity. Your physical activities was fucking violence gang related stuff.
And the animal war, you didn't like the only fucking, the only workouts that this guy got
was when him and his violence gang pals got sent to the plane for a couple of months,
they did some fucking workouts in the yard. I never went to jail, okay?
He goes, in the animal world,
young males are constantly butting heads
and trying to appear the best and strongest
in quote the herd in order to get some breeding rights.
High school is a lot like that from what I recall, LOL.
Then we go to college and we mature
and many people still have that competitive nature, but not so many outlets as they were used to up to that
point, as they were used to up to that point in their lives.
We play drinking games or still competing for the ladies attention and beginning
the act of living vicariously through the young peer athletes that play sports
for our schools.
It is the most significant outlet for those competitive juices that run
deep in some. Then finally we finish school and are thrust into the real world where we
have to work all day every day. And while there's some competition in our work lives,
it's really not the same in most cases. And we seek some replacement for those schoolboy
games and college athlete heroes. Voila,, fantasy, fantasy, fantasy sports.
We can't play professional football, but we can pretend we can gather with like-minded
individuals and have our little pissing matches and spend lots of time in a new proving ground.
The more competitive you are, the more likely you will end up in a fantasy league with real
stakes when it comes to winning and especially losing some of the last place shenanigans border on the abusive and it'll help motivate that
competitive nature we grew up with and yearn to hang on to or at least it's a working theory
I could sell what's your theory?
This guy is a real freak.
Yeah, I like that.
This story that he's telling basically like more or less you're
dead when you're like 22. Like fantasy football is basically palliative care that you do with
your homies for the last six decades of your life.
Yeah. Yeah. I like the idea that it also, it also scratches the same itch as like a
bear or a lion taking down a gazelle.
Right. That's exactly how I feel when I put in a waiver claim for the guy that's backing
up the running back that I drafted earlier. It's basically like a ram on a mountain top
slamming my skull into a rivals. Doesn't he know about like a beer league? You could still
yeah. No, you can't do physical stuff, though, when you're 27.
That's when your body is all broken down.
You can't do it no more.
Yeah, I think I mean, he's right.
It's just a but he didn't have to say all that stuff.
It's just like you guys are kind of competitive.
Some guys are competitive and they like to, you know,
they like the competitive stuff and they grew up with sports.
And so it's like, here's a way to be competitive with sports and feel like I'm
right without having to do anything like they don't like the Jordan Peters in like freeze
on details there where it's like evolutionary biology tells us that football is like as
in days of your like not really do like it's like a thing you can do the entire thing on
your phone now.
It's a nerd thing to do to.
It's not cool.
I mean, I like me.
Cool. It can be cool.
I'm not even joking.
I'm not saying that because I'm not.
It's not because David is under no illusions about it being cool.
Like it's like something I wouldn't.
I see that out it to any.
It's Steve Rana's Oso's does it look at him and he made it.
And he had to do 911 he escaped from some
of the yeah the Twin Towers or oh I don't remember or he may be you may have done it I'm not that up to
speed on the story he should have done it I have I went to another subreddit to find out some fantasy
football information it was called a hot wife lifestyle and this, and this is from captain spastic.
Is it actually from, and a wife subreddit?
Yeah. It says hot wife fantasy football.
So my wife is the bigger football fan of the group.
And recently she's talked about possibly doing a fantasy football with a few of
her play partners where the person who wins the league gets to have
have her for 24 hours to do with as they please. That's kind of cool. That's kind of a cool,
interesting variation on it because it's always like, well, what's the prize going to be? You know,
cash prize. That's good. But like, that's kind of cool. Do whatever, you know, I'm going to say,
like if I win my league this year, I'm going to get $160. Well, this problem is neither of us know enough about fantasy football to know how to go about
doing it. So I don't even know how to do it. They're like, Oh, this puts the, the first
poster in context to you. Cause it's for me, it's like, yeah, the stakes are very low.
Like I like Venmo'd someone $20 three months ago the idea
Of being like you every waiver claim is basically like someone you went to college with gets to fuck your wife
For 24 hours 24 hours part is the crazy part to me
It's not like because these guys are fucking each other's wives all the time
That's why they have to make it 24 hours
It's like it's not like have to make it 24 hours.
It's like it's not like you get to fuck my wife. Oh, whoa. I guess. Oh, do I?
Like weird day of the week that ends with why, you know, like this guy's
fucking his wife whenever he wants. But like imagine like you can have her
for 24 hours locked in a room and she's not allowed to leave.
That's their surprise.
You get you get to have lunch with her too.
Yeah, hang on a second.
You get to, I guess, go into the other room
and make yourself busy while she uses the washroom.
You know, yeah, because you're spending
the whole day together, 24 hours.
Monopoly Man 1313 says, that sounds exciting I saw I love it. I love it.
I know you're in here element right here, man. This is like, I feel like you're just
completely in command of the podcast at this moment. I love the line. That sounds exciting
because the thing is I found like I brought this up recently on the stream that I'm in a few
new subreddit for newbies groups on Facebook to find stuff for the show.
And I have found that like I would say 80% of the people in the subreddit are just single guys or married
guys saying, how you get your wife to do that? Like asking the people that actually have
experience like how they get the people to do it. And so like when somebody says, Ooh,
that sounds exciting.
I just picture them like very hornily typing that in. I saw a post from a group of swinging
couples to play fantasy football and the
husband who wins get to fuck the last place husband's wife for 24 hours.
Okay, that's a different thing.
Yeah, then get to have her.
I mean, you get to fuck her for 24.
Tom could do it.
Probably.
I know some friend people could do it, but you know, it depends on he honestly, the biggest
issue is his fucking hand gets tired from
all the pumping.
Yes.
My wife and I will gamble her for the FSU games against the fan of the other team.
This season since they went undefeated, there wasn't much action and they got screwed by
Alabama.
We let an Alabama fan do the same.
The bowl game bet obviously ended in Georgia fan absolutely destroying her. They went upstairs during the second quarter and he cream pie her four times.
Four times in the second quarter.
Usually, especially once you get into the bowl season, there's a halftime show.
There's a lot of ads and a lot of ad breaks and just like a lot of fanfare.
But that's still I feel like a quarter is still Mars plays three songs. Like it could be done.
I don't know, but you're, they're talking about in a quarter. Well, maybe, maybe you're
right. Maybe it didn't specify in a quarter. He went up in the second quarter, maybe just
continued to cream pie for the rest of the game. I'm not sure.
It's explained later in the post friend or is that because on the bright side, she really
enjoyed him. And since then he has become a daily driver and I've never heard daily
driver. So I have no idea what that also not a football term. So that's that's oh no, no,
no, no. I would assume that's just that's a that's a bull who fucks your hot wife every
day. I would assume every day.
Yeah, that's fucking.
Do you fuck your hot wife?
You get to fuck your hot wife in there.
You know, every day he is like it where that would otherwise
be happening.
I think this person is just scouring the waiver wires, making
sure that this doesn't happen again.
Well, a lot of them in the I didn't clip a lot of them, but
a lot of people in the thing are like, I'd probably lose on purpose. There was a lot of women in the
thread saying they'd lose on purpose so they can, you know, and then finally this guy's, you'd need
a minimum of four to eight couples each week. There's one winner who has the highest points in
our game. The winner each week chooses their reward from the seven losers worked really good.
This fantasy season as the guy did their best to lose.
So it was always won by a woman.
So that brings us to the chive a website that dude, what year this was we just last week.
Was it not last week that we talked to all about the child?
Well, the chive is a manly thing and fantasy football is a manly thing and I'm sorry. The posts on the
child. Are they from 2024? These are 2021. Okay. So are some
of them are though they're still. Yeah, there are some
2024 ones. Oh yeah. The best slash worth worst fantasy
football punishments for losing the league. And uh, so it was
read a few CMC really ruined me. Our league, our
league punishment is you have to do an open mic standup routine looking like it'll be
me next week. Oh fuck. I hope they're not in Austin. I have to do it at the mothership
for kilter. I am. I am really a hall man. Can you imagine imagine they have to fucking go before William Montgomery?
the closer of a kill Tony
That's pretty people do people are really afraid of doing stand-up, right? I guess it is like it's known as a really
David I'm not allowed to talk about it, but there is somebody on the show who has done stand-up before
He's done he loved he wants to be on kill Tony.
I would love to be on kill Tony.
I would love to, I would, if I was an Austin, I would put my name in the
bucket every single time and just hope to get that bucket pole and then hope to
make a good impression on the man, Tony and get a golden ticket and then
potentially, you know, be a regular myself and take a look at Rogan for Hans Kim.
And then maybe open for Joe Rogan, of course. But yeah, stand up comedy is I just don't think this is this
is that I guess you get to laugh at him. You get to go. The whole group gets to go and
sit in the thing as he's doing it and watch him. Yeah, it is pretty good now. Now that
I'm thinking of it that way. Do you watch anybody bomb for like five or 10 minutes though?
Like even if it's a sort of thing where you like, you know that this is happening to them because
you like knew more about football over a three month period than watching someone in an open mic
just sounds like bad for everyone involved. That's too much time. It would be actually better if they
only did maybe one minute and that's kind of the beauty of the Kip-Honey.
Oh, yes.
So is it?
This is all I got to get.
Some of these are the crappiest things
you've ever heard in your life.
This guy goes, last place has to dress up as Roger Goodell
and announce each pick at our draft while getting booed.
That's so bad, because Roger Goodell would just
be wearing a suit.
I know.
So you're dressing like a lawyer.
Yeah.
Just a regular lawyer.
He's not like he doesn't have like a really like unique look or something like that.
It's not like they're like Oakland Raiders owner or whatever.
Yeah.
You got like Mark Davis's haircut.
That actually is pretty good.
Mark Davis haircut is a good one.
Yeah.
You have this one. Dude. haircut is a good one. Yeah, you have this one. Here's a crappy one. You have to attend
a public wine and paint night and draw dick instead of
whatever the subject matter is for the class. Some Jack. Yes,
I know. I've been sitting here letting fly. I've been letting
them go all show long. It's 25 minutes in you flubbed eight
times. I swear to God. I've cleared
my throat a couple of times to alert the real true flub heads, but this one I cannot. I'm
hot. I might have to go change my shirt. I think is the issue. He's sweating. He's overeating.
No, I put a hoodie on right before because it felt cold upstairs. It does not feel cold.
By the way, I love your hoodie. I do have to give him respect. He's got the Godzilla
minus one hoodie and it's a real nice looking hoodie. So I'm a fan. You have to attend.
Oh, this guy goes, they have to pose for a calendar for the next year. All league members
must display it in their house. We're going on year four of Brad. So he does like different sexy poses for each month or.
Like, is that the idea?
The whole calendar is just a fireman.
Yeah, but it's only one guy and then and then everyone else
has it up in their house so they can kind of laugh at it
and look at those photos every single day of their lives.
That's pretty cool.
That's a pretty good way to own your friend is by looking at a beef
cake photo of that day of the year.
So I imagine Brian, how embarrassed you'd be if I fucking had sex, sexy photos of you.
And I looked at him.
Everything got horny.
Like, so I went to the comments.
Mike Bear says just another reason this is this is so good.
Just another reason never to get involved with fantasy football.
I'll stick to fantasy fucking.
Thank you. Nice.
Why are we are we on the this is the comments.
These are the comments.
But this is the hot wave.
No, this is the child.
The comments of this chiving.
This guy does not.
If this guy knew about the Hot Wife subreddit, he wouldn't be posting.
Yeah.
Oh, I bet. Yeah. Right.
To get involved.
I mean, many a single guy has tried to elevate themselves
to the position of bull and failed miserably and humiliatingly.
Doing a bunch of burpees in the hope of becoming a daily driver someday.
But it's not that easy, man.
You got to put yourself in a position to succeed.
Yep. This guy goes, we just renamed the losing team. We used to make the last
place guy give the second to last place guy a lap dance, but realized that no
one wanted to watch that, let alone do it. Now, the reason I put this in here
is because I looked at several chive posts and this guy commented this on
every single fantasy football one, every one of them and
never gets an, a thumbs up, up vote, never gets a response just every time. He really
likes this joke. I do. I'm like, I really like, I just have been thinking about this
and picturing it because so they're saying they did this a number of times and then,
and then at some point, maybe it was one year and then or two years,
they all sort of realize it got really uncomfortable.
Yeah. You sort of wonder why that was.
You know what I mean? Like some of them,
well, the guys got too into it.
Yeah. One of them got too into it or like people,
it just, but I just love picturing that.
The one where they realized where like this,
we're not doing this anymore.
All these guys as they're watching this lap dance and the music,
it's like the third year that they've been watching,
like their buddies from school give each other a lap dance.
And one of them just turns to the other is like, do you like this? Yeah. Yeah.
One of them gets a hard on.
Yeah, just for friction.
You can get a friction hard on really all of
the feelings that they were having in there like the anger
and the like sadness and embarrassment and stuff.
It was like that would have been really something to see.
You know, these next ones are so crappy.
It blows me away.
This guy goes each week.
The team with the lowest points has to use a Hello Kitty phone case for the week.
Oh, no.
Listen, if I show up to the fucking job site with a Hello Kitty case,
the boys are going to be ribbing me all week.
Well, I would believe that if this person was going to a job site,
they go the end of the year, the worst team has to use the in case
the entire offseason and get a Hello Kitty lava lamp trophy that you must keep
on your desk at work until there is another loser.
So they're desk guys.
Yeah, guys, but still more valid, more valid in the worker pyramid than us.
Yeah, sure.
The next that goes last place has to wear a red polo and hang out at Target for
three hours. Oh shit. People might be at fun in a way. You can really make that fun. It
sounds like kind of a funny little prank video that somebody would do for YouTube with one
of those thumbnails. You know, like I went to Target with a red shirt on for three hours.
See how that went down. It's like one lady was like, do you know where the socks are? And you're like, Oh, actually I do remember they're just
right over there. Yeah. I've been here for like three hours. So I know the layout of the store.
Reggie, do you know where the socks are? No, the low, the low cut, you know,
fully like it's good job. Well, here's, here's something we're gonna need the more seasoned
fantasy football people.
This is from our fantasy football.
And guy goes, commissioner cheated.
Is this a fair punishment?
Now commissioners are constantly cheating.
That is one thing I know is going on.
Well, because they have access to the,
presumably they're the ones who have access to cheat
most of the time, right?
Yeah, I mean, they have like, I don't know how that would work. This is something that I have
not experienced. I guess like veto trade or whatever. Anyway, well, tell me how and I can
can I just say I'm suspicious of you now, David, I feel like there's a chance that you have you
the way you're like, I have no idea how this could ever happen. It's like maybe that's what
a cheater would say. No, that's fair. I think also the one thing I would underline is that I have no idea how this could ever happen. It's like maybe that's what a cheater would say. No, that's fair.
I think also the one thing I would underline is that I have never had it together enough.
I've never been a fantasy league's commissioner.
It seems like hell.
It seems like hell.
I see.
Perhaps caught one too many times to ever be elevated to commissioner.
We'll see.
We'll see.
No one can prove this though.
So these are unfounded allegations and you're actually making your own podcast. This show is turning into unfounded allegations of podcast
now. I agree with Brian. Thank you. Anyway, so, all right. So the mission of our ESPN league
missed out on the playoffs by 0.2 to another team by another team because of a tiebreaker
and added a one point scoring adjustment to his team, putting him in the playoffs.
He's been called out on it and the rest of the league is deciding his punishment.
He did something similar last year, but we gave him a chance and he let us down again.
We were thinking one slap from everyone in the league.
No fists, no surprise.
13 total that we're fucking guy.
I mean, it depends on how hard they slapped them.
But if there's like some big like if there's a couple of big strong guys in there who are really angry,
they could you could knock someone out with a slap if you if you could concuss somebody.
Yeah, I was going to say it's going to be a concussion for sure.
A fitting tribute to football there, too, that it doesn't necessarily have to be one slap.
It's that you're continually getting slapped.
Yes. Right after one after another, one after another.
Yeah. All in a row.
That sounds like now.
Yeah. David, can you explain to us what what exactly
what happened there?
What was the cheating that happened exactly?
Where are you accusing me of having done?
No, no, no, no. I'm asking.
I'm asking you because you're an expert.
I know this score assessment.
Yeah. What something that like it happens like sort of automatically.
Yahoo will do it a lot if you do it through them where it's like after a game,
basically like a play could be like appealed in terms of like, you know,
an extra yard here or there.
You know, too, that with football, it's all more or less with the exception
of like crossing the goal line and stuff like that, like the way that a ball
is spotted, the way that, you know, a yard is allocated here, there is really subjective.
Yes. Like all the part time officiating stuff. So they're not doing video replays on every single.
Yeah. Yeah. Which, you know, it's for the best games take long enough as it is. I don't know how
as a commissioner, you could go in there and just kind of like unlock the idea of just being like,
yeah, he did get another reception or whatever a one point adjustment would be. But again, as we've established,
I've never done that. Yeah. So I wouldn't know. It seems and they're like, Brian, now
I, so I believe David now that he's not, thank you, David. We've, yeah, you just, case closed.
I, but now, now let's talk to a known and documented cheater.
Brian.
How do you feel about that?
Brian?
Do you?
What do you think the punishment should be here?
I mean, none really because it's just a guy.
First of all, this is completely.
I feel sorry for the guy that cheats at fantasy football.
I don't know. Oh, yeah. Oh, I don't know why. I think I know why.
I just don't know why you would do it in the movie, Mom.
I love seeing myself in the movie.
I don't know why you would ever do it is what I'm trying to say.
That's a pathetic. It's a pathetic move.
I do. I all joking aside, I understand your point that it is there's something
really sad and pathetic about it.
If it's for a bunch of money, it's really because it's you're doing it with friends.
Yeah. So you're trying to like rip your friends off or cheat your friends
or whatever for what?
A little bit of money or like bragging rights or no money.
You know, like, right.
Maybe to lick your friend's fucking wife's pussy or what?
Yeah, that could be a problem.
Sometimes it's just the sort of thing that you're doing it
because you want to get a lap dance from one of your buddies
and this seems to be like the easiest way to make it happen
for you.
Totally.
This guy goes the physical reprimand isn't reasonable.
If he will correct the points have him do so and move on
especially in regards to it to a new league manager next year.
If he won't correct it, then I say continue the year with
everyone keeping track of who they should be playing and
continue from there.
Fantasy football is for fun and someone who takes it this
seriously and acts this backhanded should not be trusted with the league.
And then the OOP goes, he admitted it at the moment.
We confronted them with it and apologize.
So I love that.
He's like cheating all his friends at fantasy and then they call him out. He's like, yeah,
yeah, you got me. Oh yeah. Yep. Absolutely. He got caught twice. Yeah. That's the thing
the year before he did it too. How can you like put, I can't put myself in that guy's
mind. I just, I mean, I love winning for real. I'm very big on winning. But I mean even like, you know,
the vulture top podcast of the year. I would love to win that.
We don't want to be on it. We hate volunteer. We don't want
to be on their shitty fucking. Hey, what is oh, yeah, be cool
to be on the list in 2015 when it fucking mattered vulture.
Yeah, and make damn sure to aim this guy goes.
I'm down with the slaps since I'm guessing your group is
okay with some minor rough housing.
Just do around or two a slap shots with everyone to get
some practice also don't also to not single him out quite
as much and make damn sure to aim.
Well, as in don't actually injure the dude don't hit right
at the jaw line that can mess someone's jaw up
with a good whack go higher just behind the cheekbone.
So that's when yeah, I mean most people are pretty good at
aiming their slaps and yeah, right exactly.
Especially I can do all the time.
If you've been playing fantasy sports for any number of years,
it's pretty much just about it's muscle memory.
Of course about this slap this guy of your friend in your home.
You slapped your homies hundreds of times.
Oh, you've been slapped and slapped every single person you love. Yeah.
Frickin laser beams replied and said,
just pluck five pubes, harvest nutsack and call it a day.
Oh, yeah.
That's
whoo. Yeah.
Oh, he'll think twice next time.
The whole fellas get the thing that I like about this is that it implies
everyone sort of has to be there, too.
So it's like if these people are old enough, at some point, you're going to someone
in your life and you're like, I have to go to Jeff's because we got to.
You remember the thing where he adjusted his score.
We have to pull some of his pubes out.
I should be back in like an hour and 45 minutes. I would yeah that
It's um, I don't think I would I think that might be a younger person even suggesting that I I don't know that that's a real
I don't think I gotta say I don't think it's a younger person because his names was frickin laser beam
Yeah, I feel like user name. I think that's a 90s guy. That's gonna room. That's gonna be sort of reminiscent of this lap dance situation where I think it is gonna get a little bit uncomfortable in that situation, you know?
All right. So somebody asked what the biggest controversies they've ever had in their league. And one of these answers I thought was really interesting.
This guy goes, it's actually occurring currently in our league.
I have two members who are currently cheating on their spouses with each other.
That's bad enough, but they post about it to the league and they have posted
really racy pictures to the league about their sexual encounters to the league.
Do the league.
Yeah.
They want the league to know that they're, they're sucking, they get
sucking and fucking picks. That seems like a cool hot the league. Yeah, they want the league to know that they're they're sucking they get sucking and fucking picks
That seems like a cool hot wife league. Yeah, hot wife guys would love that like think it's great
I'm adjusting upwards my percentage of how many of these leagues are basically a sex thing
I would have guessed zero and now I'm like it's a double digit number that starts with a three or a four
It's a big problem in our league and it's tearing our league apart.
The league cannot function and it can't reach unity like we have to in order to
reach our potential.
These two managers are really screwing us up because they have control over the
league's treasury, $500 per person and kicking them out may result in losing
that money.
So, um, I think he's lying, but this guy goes,
commissioner should always be in control of the money. If not,
the commissioner then. So, oh wait, no, here, here's a big lie.
There are members who we think needed to span the league and others
who want us to continue striving for our potential. I don't know
what that means. And he keeps saying, well, I think they have a
lot of potential if they can find that cohesion that are, and
you know, every time I find it's like ultimate potential and I think
that you know, it's just kind of sad when you put so much work
into a league and then you have to watch it die and wither away
and it's just like is that man getting it too much sun too
much light? It's sort of a league is a beautiful thing,
you know, because we cannot shut it down because he goes
because everyone wants
their money and to preserve the league as best we can. These two managers though have
control of the money and have threatened us in order to keep it.
These sound like they sound like kind of like a, they're kind of like a bad ass couple sort
of, you know what I mean? They're like, I, yeah, I picture them kind of like, kind of
just like a, like on a cross-country trip or whatever,
they killed her parents or something,
badlands type of situation.
That's how I'm picturing them and they're using this money from
the league there to fuel their fucking insane trip across the country.
Or having a bunch of people that just have office jobs and want to manage
a football team with just explicit pics posted onto the ESPN
Fantasy site like on where where it like announces the different trades and waiver claims
Sometimes you go there and someone is just it's a photo of the man eating ass
That's cool though. Yeah, like but he does say that there's kids in the league, too
That becomes a huge problem and then the money wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
You know, you wait.
They're sending sexually explicit photographs to a league that have kids in it.
That seems that seems like a crime.
Yeah, it is.
It's not even this isn't a bad taste.
This isn't this isn't this is a thing where if that is true and accurate
what you're saying, then you need to report those people or like
at the very least kick them out of the league. And know the money's not, you know what I mean?
See, there's a problem. This guy asks, says that, uh, they, he says like, you should kick
them out of league. And he goes, this is, yes, it's terrible. They're rubbing it in
our faces and showing it to us. I'm not sure what to do. We kind of want to leave, but
we can't leave the money. They are leaving
X rated pictures on the league's posts and some kids see this stuff. I'm not sure what
to do. And then later on he lies and says, uh, that they said they would Photoshop pictures
of them fucking them cheating on their wives and sending them in. It got really wild that
the,
they're like, can it there? I mean, yeah, these sound, it sounds like they have gotten mixed up with a couple of real classic con artists from, you know, the 1960s or something.
And they're just getting taken on a ride here and they should get out as soon as possible because 500 sunken costs just leave that money.
They're going to take you for everything.
Your big has achieved its potential at that.
It is.
I think, you know, you made a couple, right?
That's a beautiful love.
Feels like to me, it feels like that's part of the con.
That couple that those like that the couple who's doing the con,
they convinced him of that potential thing.
You know what I mean?
It's like part of this big griff that they do, you know,
the way that you might sell someone real estate like that that's the potential is I'll be right back.
I'm going to run and change my shirt.
I'm sorry. I apologize.
What the hell?
He's leaving his own podcast.
This is cool, though.
We can now we can open up and talk.
I know whatever we want. What are you?
What are you actually into?
What do you what do you want?
Like what's your big stuff for? No, no. I mean, like, what do you want to do? What's your big stuff? Hot wife stuff?
No, no.
What do you want to talk about, if anything?
You have an open floor here.
This is incredible.
Well, I guess I could do some start sit stuff for week 10 of the NFL season if people wanted
to know some-
What is your favorite TV shows?
That's a good segue there to get me out of trying to talk about wide receivers
on the margins of NFL rosters.
What are, what are my favorite TV shows?
What am I enjoying right now?
Oh, he's back.
I almost died of sweating.
I'm sorry.
What are you watching right now?
But we can't leave this hanging because I asked David what is, what his favorite TV
show is right now.
And we have to get this because people are going to be like, what the hell?
I need to know, you know, you want to bury it in a bonus post can tell people about the.
No, it's not. I mean,
we didn't we changed topics when you left.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was going to I was about to I deserve it.
Shout out the the show Slow Horses, which I believe is.
Oh, I like that too.
My my area, my partner area, she's watching that just finished it and just like I suggested
to her, but have not watched it.
I just heard good things and she was wanting a new show.
But yeah, it was good.
It made me look good, too, because she's like, that was really good.
Nice suggestion.
You know, what do you guys what do you guys think of this?
So the league commissioner and I are tied for fourth going into this week.
Top four make the playoff.
He plays his wife this week.
So this is another thing that happens.
It's called collusion for people out there.
And I have not found.
I have found more cases of people accusing people of collusion
in this specific way than almost any other kinds of posts that are in the subreddit.
It is just, it's so much people saying collusion and, and, and, and it's always this. It's
like, if somebody's like partners in the league that you, they are like trading you somebody
to, all right.
It probably does happen though. Right. Of course. I'm sure. And it is really hard to, you're never gonna catch somebody
cause they're just sitting in bed at night
and they just having a conversation.
Even if they're really clever,
they're writing it on whiteboards
in case there's no bug or whatever.
And they're just having-
You can't subpoena it
cause they're spousal privilege.
100%.
You honestly shouldn't be allowed to talk
if you're married to somebody in your league.
You just, I'm sorry.
You should get a hotel.
If you're playing them that week,
you should get a hotel for the week. Definitely. And no contact sort of situation. And she,
one of you should be locked down and sort of have a chaperone who's watching over you at all times.
I think that's like, I mean, or you could just like allow cheating. Like it's up to you. Whatever
way you want to do it, do it too. Happy F Fappy says raise hell with the rest of the league. If the two
refuse to rectify this situation and since he's commissioner,
he can demand your money back may not happen and leave the
league. Obviously you can make that happen. Fuck them. That's
clear ridiculous collusion. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, but
it hasn't happened yet. No, but it's possible.
They're already so mad. He's got so mad, he's swearing and he's saying, you know, get your fuck out of the league and stuff.
This is just something that he thinks might happen.
As Jackman says, yet, dude, even if it wasn't a money league, I would raise hell and back out.
I don't understand. Did they not?
I said they are going to play each other at some point.
He's the commissioner and his wife's in the league. Do you not recognize at some point they're
going to play against each other?
Well, this guy says if he ignores your request to rectify the situation, then he should get
a punch in the face. Wait, wait, I don't rectify what situation is, you know, the situation
where he's married. So either he does the stuff that you were saying, which is you sequester
yourself from your spouse for the duration of the fantasy season.
A lot of leagues only play up through week 16.
So that's what?
Four months.
It's not even that long.
Yeah, it's not.
And then, you know, and then also obviously if it's a keeper league, you're going to want
what they call a Chinese wall in legal terms between you and your spouse vis-a-vis who
you're going to be keeping in that league.
But that doesn't seem like a difficult situation.
I think if you're in a keeper league, I think you're in a keeper league who you're going to be keeping in that league. But that doesn't seem like a difficult situation. Oh, I think if you're in a keeper league,
I think you're in a keeper league,
you're going to want to get yourself a very good lawyer
because you're going to be wanting to get a divorce.
I would imagine at that point.
Yeah.
But that-
This guy.
This guy.
I'm sorry.
I really apologize.
I'm really confused here.
Do they not make the schedule at the beginning of the year as far
as who's playing who in which weeks or whatever?
I don't know how.
Like, you know what I mean?
Is the schedule not, maybe I'm completely incorrect here, David.
So while you know who you're playing, if it's a head to head league, yeah, it's all there.
So you know who you're playing.
So they knew that he was going to at some point play against his wife because they are
both in the league.
You can't not play unless it's like a whatever a 25 team league or something like that.
There's no way you're not going to wind up playing.
I think making your final match against somebody who you could collude with is kind of in a
way.
Oh, because the commissioner made the schedule.
So he's made the wife on the last.
So then that way if there is a situation that comes up, but then why wouldn't you call it
out in the beginning when it happened but then why wouldn't you call it out
in the beginning when it happened?
Like why didn't you?
Is you're too busy picking your team, man.
You got tunnel vision.
You're doing your tears.
You're getting your binder put together
for draft day and all that.
Yeah, so it's like, you can't worry about other people's
teams until such time as the situation comes up.
The commissioners are caught,
the commissioners are really out of control.
They're seizing it. They're out could roll there they're ruining it for everyone mojo. Whoa says if you can't rectify the situation
I'd recommend saying rectify the situation. You guys are saying it too many times. They are every pose rectify rectify he goes
Because they're listen they think they're doing businessman things
You know what?
I mean because they're like if you can't rectify the situation, stating your intention,
I'd recommend stating your intention.
The rest of your league mates to commission new league next year that A will not be
run by a douche nugget and B will not.
Oh, that's like what remember, Brian, we were trying to come up with those,
those shit hammer.
Yeah. like what remember Brian we were trying to come up with those those shit hammer.
Cock clapper. The real fuck knuckle.
Yeah. David, David Simon isms.
It's David Simon isms.
Yeah, definitely.
He's the guy from The Wire, right?
Who turned out was like the fucking nerdiest guy ever.
Yeah, that I I believe that people who talk like that are the most annoying people in the world.
Four.
We just experienced, well, has it come out? Yeah, it's out.
No, it's out. It just came out last week.
It just came out, which was the bonus episode because it was one of the past Defarion holidays.
They do a holiday every day. Do you get it? They of the holiday. I'm not a fan of the holiday.
I'm not a fan of the holiday.
I'm not a fan of the holiday.
I'm not a fan of the holiday.
I'm not a fan of the holiday.
I'm not a fan of the holiday.
I'm not a fan of the holiday.
I'm not a fan of the holiday.
I'm not a fan of the holiday.
I'm not a fan of the holiday.
I'm not a fan of the holiday.
I'm not a fan of the holiday.
I'm not a fan of the holiday.
I'm not a fan of the holiday.
I'm not a fan of the holiday.
I'm not a fan of the holiday.
I'm not a fan of the holiday.
I'm not a fan of the holiday.
I'm not a fan of the holiday.
I'm not a fan of the holiday.
I'm not a fan of the holiday. I'm not a fan of the holiday. I'm not a fan of the holiday. I'm not a fanab and then they say raw men as well. Raw men.
But yeah, that was one of their days was create a new swear word day. And that's the stuff
I'm imagining is like douche nugget that Brian was, you know, like just a really horrible
class. The far in chivism type. Oh, I hate douche. I don't want to hear douche anymore.
This guy goes, this is extreme and it may not work, but if I was in your league,
I go along with it. Have everyone else in the league and parentheses
really just those in the playoffs state their intention to distribute
everyone's buy-in back to them and the net in the event they win
the league and not come back next year. Have them say something
along the lines of quote, I cannot and good
conscience take winnings from a league that was not fair and will
not be participating next year.
Unquote.
If everyone in the playoff said that I think the message will be clear
and the commission would have to do something.
I love this because they really are.
They're like, they're really thinking that there does a
backroom deals going on state.
In intention to clarify.
They're like, I am in an executive.
I'm an executive in the NFL.
You know what I mean?
That's how they're really thinking of it.
So you gotta give them a little bit of credit for that.
It's-
The business language was killing me.
I like winnings, plural too, from the leader.
It's sort of-
Yeah.
Like that's how it's defined in the Constitution somehow.
Like it's like it's going back to the fundamental documents that undergird all the principles
voting on quote.
And like I cannot.
I hear by state that I cannot in good conscience.
Yeah.
Like really using that type of language here I stand.
I can do no other.
Have you considered like going up to your friend
and being like, hey man, like that just seems a bit unfair.
Maybe we can like, you know,
having a fucking conversation.
Have you considered writing your friend a certified letter
that begins with the word forsooth?
Or I guess you could send them a text if you wanted to.
Well, there's Shun 16 has this.
Wait, wait, wait.
I just, I just want to clarify though though, if somebody if my friend in a fantasy
football league fucking tries to get a hold of me with something, it's not notarized.
Forget about it.
It's getting thrown straight in the trash.
Disrespectful.
So my lawyer wouldn't touch this case.
My lawyer.
The guy keep on a retainer for just this sort of eventuality would under no circumstances. This shit this guy goes this shit is so dumb. There's no sense of accomplishment in doing
this. You didn't manage your team to success. You got your wife to lay down for you. As
a man. As a man you got a problem with getting your wife to lay down for you as a man. Hey, as a man, you got a problem with getting your wife to lay down.
Is that why you're going to do the wrong things you'd hate?
You got the wrong podcast.
If you're going to talk shit about a guy laying down with his wife
as a man, that's such a violation.
I hope they don't get mugged or something out together one night.
He'll probably use her as a human shield.
Oh, so now he's like,
like they're just assuming all of this stuff.
They don't know what,
like maybe the wife is like the one who's totally, you know,
figured it all out and like she's the brains behind it.
Who knows?
Or maybe they're not even going to do that.
Maybe cause this hasn't happened yet, right?
Maybe they're going to? Maybe the wife wins.
No, this guy goes, that's some shit. I'd seriously consider not having anything to do with someone over.
I'm not sure how close you are to this friend, but that's because of a clear lack of character.
We cut ties.
This guy is...
This guy says I shouldn't talk to them anymore. How are you as a man going to marry a woman?
Yeah, seriously.
And like just like let her lay down for you, lay down for you
and like collaborate on like things or like let her be a part of some of the same
stuff that you do.
That's disrespectful to your friends.
If where where, honey, where's Jeremy? I thought he was coming over tonight. Oh, hang on. There's a knock at the door. Let me oh nobody's here
It's just a letter
I would like to hear my it's a process server hold on
Yeah, so that was a big one that was a big one. That was a big controversy.
So then this next guy, I love this guy. This is a great guy
right here. And he's a commissioner. He's a commission.
They say commission. They always say commission. Yeah, never
commission. Very cool. And as P town down, he goes, this scam
occurred to me. Is there any way to see if it's happening
in my league?
A couple of years, he's just sitting there in his fucking room at night thinking of conspiracy
type shit that could potentially have Jason born surveillance suite to get eyes on everybody
in his league and see if anybody's engaging in malfeasance.
He goes, a couple of buddies and I started a league a few years ago back and I'm,
and I'm co-commissioner. We had an expansion and team owners have come and gone over the years.
As a result, I don't personally know many other people who have joined our league.
Here are my questions. Is there a name for scamming your way to have two teams in the same league,
creating a phony owner, et cetera? And is there a way to see if someone has done this clever or direct. This thought
has been festering since I thought of it.
That's mental.
It's a lot about you. Yeah. It's more about you than probably anybody else in the league.
It's like it says a lot about you that you have not figured out a solution to
that. Well, just have a zoom call with everybody on the zoom call.
Yeah, that's fair. This guy goes, I mean, I guess they could get an actor or something,
but that's a lot of like, if they're willing to go to that kind of, you know, just have
a zoom video zoom call with everybody on the call. So you have to have a meeting about
something and talk to everyone. You know, I think being the guy that actually out loud said, I thought of this and now I can't stop thinking about it is like with no self awareness of like.
Yeah, you know what I mean?
Like, oh, I just learned you can steal stuff.
I went to the store and I just learned you can steal some.
Hopefully nobody's doing that.
Right.
Yeah, just an owner of a store and owner of a store,
just being like, holy fuck, you just don't want me.
There's only one thing that keeps me up at night.
The possibility that someday someone might leave my store
not having paid for an item.
The first guy that ever owned a store thought of that
and hung a sign on the wall.
This guy, this this shopl It does seem like he just kind of thought of this concept
out of the blue as he was sort of racking his brain for ways you could cheat at fantasy
football.
Again, as I said earlier, that that was a little suspicious of this person.
Well, then we do have a solution and you guys suggested the solution, but
unfortunately there's a hole in it.
Uh, the, the obvious solution is to have a live draft.
Even if not everyone can attend, you could bring in absentees on a
conference call or Google Plus hangout.
However, if you've already drafted and you suspect that somebody may be managing two teams, there's no sense in being coy about it.
Make a league wide announcement that states your concern and require each owner to email you a picture that includes their face and their team name to confirm that each team is being independently managed. Anyone who isn't cheating should sympathize with the intent of your request
and readily comply with it.
Edit just realize it will be actually pretty easy for a cheater to circumvent.
Yeah, I was just saying much easier than the live call,
because it would be I would be easy for me to say, Brian, will you hold up a fucking
take a picture of yourself holding up
this like thing? Yeah, you got that's why you got to get them with today's paper. You need to have
birth certificate, I would say I would say birth certificate, picture ID, picture ID of some kind
valid picture ID, you know, scanned valid picture ID from the government. And then probably, I would
take a secondary piece of ID to verify that obviously. And then maybe a family member or somebody who can verify
identity as well that that is the person indeed in the photographs.
These guys are all figuring out ways to stop people from doing
something that a guy that is the commissioner just thought of.
Yeah, that is never that I have never heard.
I mean, it might happen, but I've certainly never heard of it.
Edit aspect in that too, where the thing was just like coming in like 17 hours later. It's like,
Hey guys, still haven't slept. One last thing I thought of that is really easy now to deep fake
a person and have them hold up a copy of that day's newspaper. And therefore like,
yeah, this person deserves the win if they're doing it and they put all those safeguards
in and they're still getting away with it. They should just win there. It's fine. It's,
it's not that much of an advantage. Do you know what I mean? Like you're gonna, you're
going to, I guess, be able to trade. Like it gives you an advantage depending on what
type of a league it is, like what type of trades are available. I guess you can trade.
So you're giving, you're having two rosters that you can trade amongst, but you can't be too obvious with it. You know, so you can't
just be loading up one team every week with all the players or whatever. And then you're only going
to play each other a couple of times. You know, you're going to play your own team a couple of
times. So it's giving you, you know, but it's just so much work to go to the players. I do not. Yeah.
To not really guarantee a win. Like you think if you're going to go to that level of cheating, you're going to do something that will like, you know, guarantee you a
win in some way.
Yeah.
Well, here's another big issue in fantasy football.
Everybody is a scumbag Steve meme that I saw on Reddit and it says collects money for fantasy
football at the beginning of the season.
And then at the bottom says, said he had to use it to pay rent
and doesn't pay out the winner.
Well, yeah, that's I mean, that's a that's a deadbeat or whatever,
or a scum, you know, like a low life.
That's an issue, not just in fantasy football.
Yeah. Well, this is one of those things where somebody's discovered
human nature, believe that, but in a like football related context.
Yeah. Yeah. It's stealing.
They just write.
Oh, shit. I gave a guy some cash and he can just kind of steal it.
That's crazy.
He's allowed to.
He's you're telling me the place like the merchants will take the money,
even though it's meant to be.
I don't think that's right.
That's not allowed.
I think clearly marked all of the bills that I gave.
I'm hoping that I get them back in full.
I'm going to call his landlord.
I'm actually going to call his landlord and tell him that money was stolen from a fantasy
football team.
They'll give it back, I'm sure.
I think it is.
This does highlight like a really the most important part about fantasy football and
all these leagues is like doing it with people that you are good friends with and trust,
like trustworthy people.
You know, like our past guest, Stefan, he does a hockey, he does a keeper league hockey.
They go away and do their draft and everything.
And they've been doing it for a long time.
Similar, you know, and they're like each other too.
Yeah.
Sorry. I mean, he's a you know, and they're like each other too. Yeah. Sorry.
I mean, he's I don't I mean, they're all men and I don't some of them might be
like gay or bisexual. I think Stefan's heterosexual.
I just I don't know what what you're talking about there anyways.
But like, yeah, it's
kept up, you know, like that camaraderie, that nice sort of like, you know, with a bunch
of people you trust and stuff, you can't be in a league where if the commissioner doesn't
pay you the money, you leave the league.
You know, you write your intention.
Or you begin a legal action that could take up years, thousands of dollars.
And you continue to play while it's in before the courts of
here's a great under protest, but yeah, here's a great contingent.
And here's a wonderful story from Mel Berm.
He goes, uh, we had a giant trophy that the winner gets each year that we simply
called quote the cup last year, our commissioner collected all the money,
put it in a cup and proceeded to place it on a shelf in their living room.
They then had a party a couple of weeks later and surprise, surprise surprise the money got stolen. So last year the winner got nothing. The commission
won the league this year so I'm arguing he should give all his winnings to last year's guy to make
up for his stupidity. That seems fair. Yeah absolutely that's the most reasonable thing
that you've read so far except for the stuffing a trophy full of cash and then a bunch of people
over to your house. Which is what makes the second part even more reasonable because it really is
brainless. It's like you're taking other people's money that's not yours and you're just leaving it
out and like really stupidly like you know well money away into a drawer. You're not like asking
for that restitution due to some like unprovable bit of cousin unrelated
collision that led to a trade that you didn't like or whatever.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, this guy goes absolutely plus the party story could be bullshit.
So did you think about that?
True.
I mean, it doesn't even matter though, regardless, it's just, he, he was in
charge of it and he was, you know, even in his story, he was, you know,
irresponsible.
Yeah. It goes, yup, that's definitely what should happen there's also no proof that someone stole the money from the cup
and it wasn't just the commissioner he's responsible for that money if it goes missing then that should
come out of his pocket that is the incentive to him securing the money better not having to pay
himself and then a guy goes it doesn't matter deterrence if you're a criminal justice
fan that's known as deterrents yeah and a guy goes it doesn't matter whether there's
proof the money was given to the commissioner for the purpose that he would pay out he is
still obligated to pay out so now they're getting lawyer you actually have an legal
obligation matter of is a legal affair now you You know, yeah, here we go. I think the
nerds are tough guy. Well, first tough guys have to come in. Beat his ass. Oh fuck. Yeah.
These are the two ways to do it. Is there some people that like if it pleases the court
and then there's other guys that are like all your pubes are coming out. here. If it pleases the court, I will rip his pubes out is what I'll do.
Really sounds like he played a group of people like a bunch of chumps.
How does he not get beaten by each person?
He must be special or something.
I wouldn't want to be on good terms with this person.
How did he not get beaten by every person?
Like these are grown grown men man like old child friends.
Like how did you not like fucking like in the middle of the living room,
just fucking beat the shit out of them, just stomp him out.
Oh, you guys can gang up and beat his ass like what the fuck?
What? Hey, I know.
I know a friend of my name, Queiber, who would have fucking wouldn't have
thought twice about ganging up on someone and beating them.
He wouldn't care how old you were.
You didn't care if you're old and fucking sick.
He didn't care. He might not even care if you really lost the money
or stole the money or anything. Yeah. He might have just said.
Go make somebody might have just said, hey, Kweber, go make fun of that guy.
Yeah, somebody might have said, hey, Kweber, go accuse that guy
of stealing some money and then will come and beat him up. You know, while you walk around in your
clown shoes, right? You wore clown shoes. I didn't wear classes. Next get bobo shoes.
The next guy goes hunt stuffs goes, I read this shit all the time. While I degree he
deserved, this is a really funny phrase. I'm just going to let you guys know that I read this shit all the time. And while I agree, he deserves a good ass blasting.
I think that's I think that's not I don't think that was I think they get them.
They do get a mixed up sometimes.
It doesn't mean they're gay, by the way.
The toughies, they just get a mixed up when they're getting so angry and excited.
Yeah, they get too excited.
And they're like, they're like, hey,
I'll fucking ask blast your ass.
I've only heard ass blasting framed as fucking somebody in the ass really hard.
Yeah, or maybe like a fart or something, maybe like an ass blast or something.
But yeah, not because not if you're beating someone up, he deserves a good ass blasting.
How can we ignore the fact that you just go to jail after beating the guy to a pulp?
And then the next guy goes, you'd have a whole league full of alibis.
So now we're kind of planning a murder.
Yeah, that's true.
There is an issue where like, they don't know who did it.
And I have seen there was like a Oscar winning film.
I think it was Ma Rainey's Black Bottom.
It was called. There was a bunch of people there and they couldn't say for sure who did the murder.
So that is kind of smart that it's like if none of us talk,
then we can all get away with it.
Yeah. This guy goes, we had issues with commissioners,
two different ones, not paying people out fast enough for the first couple of years.
I never won, but it still pissed me off.
They did the same thing, spending on rent or some other bullshit.
Sorry. Some other fucking horse shit like rent or groceries or the kids.
But listen, that is a way of saying, but they're doing that with other people's money.
So they you are. He is OK.
He's talking about like he didn't authorize him to use his money on his rent.
And so he can be a little angry at this guy, but it still does come off as funny.
Being like rent or other bullshit is like it's hard.
Yes, in context, it means different.
But this past year, I threatened to leave and take most of the league with me
unless I was given commissioner and full control of the league.
I forced everyone to sign up for Google Wallet to pay league fees and left it there for all
season.
It was an account specific for the league and not connected to any bank or debit card.
Minutes after the game on Monday, I announced winners and paid them out.
So that guy I like, I don't like him actually, but he is, he's right about that's a good way to do
it. If you can put it in escrow or whatever, you know, you find a way to sort
of put it in a way where it can't be accessed by anyone. And it sounds like you
can do that with Google wallet. I don't know, but that's pretty smart and stuff,
but I just don't like him. He's like, it's, he's doing it. He's like, sounds
like he's in succession kind of, you know, he's like, I had everyone, you know,
like I threatened to take the whole league with me, you know, like a
hostile takeover full control.
Like he still is getting, he's still way too serious.
You know, here's another common one that I love.
This is from seven years ago.
So side note in 2007, I drafted Tom Brady and Randy Moss.
When I drafted Moss after Brady, the entire league was talking shit saying I was dumb.
Moss is washed up.
The season starts and Brady and Moss are getting me a minimum of 70 points a game.
That was also Brandon Marshall's breakout year and I scooped him up on waivers between
three of my players.
I was outscoring people's entire teams.
The league grew bitter and by the end claimed it was unfair how I won.
No one paid out the $1,200 I was owed as a result.
I never played another league where people didn't pay upfront.
It was the single greatest fantasy performance I ever had for the most money.
And I got straight.
Oh my God.
Hearing it like that's like a, like a touchdown run.
You know what I mean?
Like, like he's really like pitching.
It was a single greatest performance that I've ever had.
Now, I mean, for anyone who died, that was the year that they went like undefeated.
Yes.
Right. And they were-
Until the Super Bowl.
That's right. Yeah. And then they lost to Eli on that famous ridiculous-
The helmet catch, yeah.
The helmet catch. But yeah, they were just like, yeah, I remember,
as not even a huge football fan, I remember that season and the numbers that Brady and Ma putting up.
They were like ungodly numbers, but he, there's gotta be more to that.
Then he goes, well, he goes the next year, one of the kids asked me to run a team
with them.
I told him to pay me the $100.
He specifically owed me never heard from him again.
And then he rubbed them the wrong way in some other way. He upset
them. Maybe they might not be in the right, but it's they didn't just say, Oh, we're not
paying you because it's unfair how you want. Yeah, because you were so smart. Because you
are like, Oh, God, Brendan Marshall's potential. It's honestly suspicious that you were able
to see that Moss wasn't washed up. And like, I have to wonder if maybe there's a chance that you've seen this footage inside.
Do you know him? Yeah. Uh, this guy goes, I w this guy goes, I would have sued each
one of them in small claims court. Yep. Each one individually. You'll be hearing from my
lawyer. I would, I would, yeah. What? 13 people people in the league. I love thirteen separate court cases that I will prepare for.
Well, these are in all your documents relating to the 2007 fantasy NF.
Oh, my God.
This discovery is going to be absolutely insane for you on this one.
Finally, we're going to answer the real questions here.
And this is big, diszo fo schizzo on
this tough stuff here.
OK, do we really even like fantasy football?
Ramp warning.
I woke up today thinking, do I even really like fantasy football?
I don't I don't like. Sorry.
I don't like a rant.
I don't either hate them. I hate them.
I hate them. I hate them
They're always there. They're never a good one after it
You know what I mean? Because a real true rant sort of it comes organically
You just get so fired up in the moment that you can't contain yourself. You don't prepare for a rant
Yeah, sorry. Sorry everyone. That was my little rant little rant rant warning incoming
Sure, I love football Little rant, little rant, rant warning incoming.
Sure. I love football.
I like doing research, the draft and preparing for the season seems fun, but
after spending hours watching games from Thursday to all day, Sunday to Monday,
then losing when you have little to no control over your team, is that really
enjoyable?
Well, no, not when you lose.
No, I think it's more joyful when you win, but I think ideally you're balancing out where you are
winning enough that it's enjoyable. I think. Yeah, but
yeah, I think you can lose sometimes. It's fine to lose it,
but yeah, it's not fun to lose. I don't like it. He goes after
doing this for several years, I find myself just getting more
annoyed and disappointed. So I reflect on life before fantasy.
It seemed to be a lot more enjoyable.
I can root for my team instead of players that will most likely
disappoint me.
I think I'd be better off setting a lineup and not watching
the games.
But what's the point then?
It's like playing the lotto.
That takes five minutes and is done.
I feel like I'm wasting hours of my life for what?
It's not fun.
Who's with me?
He's having a real crisis here.
And he's like, look, we've all been here where he's just like,
I've been a fantasy guy for a really long time and it's not fulfilling me.
My life is a fucking mess. It's shit right now.
I want to get out of this shit. It sucks. Who's with me?
I need some I need someone to tell me I'm not alone right now.
Well, this guy does say I honestly liked it more
when there was not as much fantasy content
and you had to do a bit more research
to find trends and do analysis.
Now it's like everybody seems the same article
and drops a million FAAB on the same guy every week.
I don't know what that means.
It's like dating on a free agent, but yeah.
And ZZIRG goes, I agree,
saturation information is killing fantasy. For me, the quote skill part of fantasy is doing research now
The research is mostly done aggregated and easily accessible the fourth round rookie that no one heard of who looked explosive in camp
There's already a reddit bed with thread with a Twitter analyst piping him up. I know
Everyone's on a more even keel playing
analyst, piping them up. I know everyone's on a more even keel playing field. So unless you're playing with brain dead people, it's just pure gambling. Skill is the skill part
is going. Oh yeah. It used to be about the music. It didn't DJ. Saxi does say this is
such a weak mindset. There's always, yeah, there's always a way to get an edge in anything.
Stop complaining.
You can say the same thing about poker. You can wine. Everyone is better
now or find a way to get better. If you don't want to do that, then you
don't have to. And then conscious aunt three goes, it's got 10 down
votes. He goes, how's this getting down voted? This sub can't complain
about how bad the experts are and also complain that everything is quote figured out at the same time.
Can't have it both ways.
LMAO.
But I think that's accurate in the sense of like, yeah, there's some much more widely shared information that everyone has access to now and it has changed things.
But I still do think you can sort of, you know, you have to go maybe on get an edge through instinct or maybe your own sort of eye if you're going to really get down to it.
And you say like, Hey, I watched this guy and I watch enough football that I see, I
see something special.
I think, you know, he reminds me of this type of player.
I could see him breaking out.
Um, because yeah, statistically speaking, everyone's going off of the same stuff mostly,
I would say.
Right? Is that, is that accurate? David? No, that's correct. It's 100% correct. I mean, the prescription that I would give there
is to relax a little bit maybe like because it seems like this person is just having a
like everything that the original poster describes is like you're just depressed.
Like everything feels too much like everything else. You're not getting any joy out of the stuff
that you used to get some joy out of. Like there's there's medicines for that. Go to the doctor.
You go to the doctor.
As you know, blaming that the institution of fantasy football
has become too bloated or whatever.
Well, I guess what did you hate about it?
And another guy answered and goes wrangling kindergarteners to participate,
trying to keep people engaged because I felt it was my responsibility as commissioner.
I'm super active now on the free agency.
So I held back sometimes because I didn't want people to think
I created a league to shit on people.
None of that matters anymore.
It's just me my players in our matchups.
So we're all sad.
And finally, this is our last one rich video says I've been
a commish for almost 20 years and I kind of dread it.
Now I'm in three leagues and I enjoy the other two more than my.
Why are they all in?
I saw a guy in 12 leagues.
I really saw more than one guy in 12 leagues.
You need a more demanding job.
Yeah, you need something, anything.
Have some hang out with your wife.
Probably also plays fantasy in the league.
That's a problem for everybody. There's a whole. yeah, it's a lot. There's a lot of
things. Yeah. And he goes, at this point, we're all
middle-aged yet every year there's at least some kind of drama that I have to deal with.
People posting their political opinions. Oh no, Trump talk in the playroom.
You're not allowed to talk politics in the playrooms.
You can't talk politics in the playrooms. You can't talk politics into playrooms.
It ruins the whole fucking mood in the play at the Swinger Club.
People posting their political opinions, people dropping out last minute, or
even after the draft, someone calling someone a cheater,
someone crying that a rule is bullshit.
Someone post an idea for a rule change, which is fine.
And it turns into a heated argument again.
Most of us are around 50.
It's ridiculous.
Every year I contemplate it being my last, but I always go through with it.
But this year, I think it may really be the last after I had to deal with grown man acting
like babies twice already and having one guy drop out after the draft after confirming
with them for about a month before.
I think I'm going to hit up a few league members and see if they want to commission.
If not, I'll probably still fucking do it again in 2024.
And that is.
The saddest way to end an episode.
These guys are depressed now.
Come on, guys.
I've been doing this thing for so long with the same people,
and I'm not taking any joy from it, but I imagine I'll just keep doing it until I die. Who's with me. I also maybe don't like them anymore. There's so
much of this. Like I know that as you get older, you just end up, it's more prevalent,
I think in high school, but then like in high school, you end up being with the same group
of people until it's over. And then as you get older, you hang out with the same dwindling
little group of people until it's like, I don't need it anymore. And it feels like a lot of these
people are hitting that point in their life where they're just like, whatever, I'll just do something.
I don't need to do this anymore. I don't, I don't know. It seems less fun when you read about it.
Like when you read them talking about it, a lot of the cheating
is crazy. I just think that's a, that's if it's for $500 each buy in bucket, I guess
cheating makes sense.
Yeah, that would like make a difference in your life. All the rest of this are just like
these like little amounts of money that people just are getting too upset about and whatever.
Yeah, all of this does sort of feel like everybody's got some just untreated issues that are coming
up through a fantasy football filter.
And then obviously I'm making their way into sad Reddit rants.
Well, I wanted to look around and see if there I did look earlier in a week at LinkedIn for
fantasy football jobs because I just wondered and it did say there were like
65 fantasy football jobs
So I was gonna look through those and I'll probably to do that for the bonus show sometime to find out what those jobs are
because that was like with me I fell for a lot of shitty jobs because
They would put in the newspaper ads and say do you like rock and roll music?
This job will be great for you.
And then I go do it and it ended up being a door to door sales job.
I fell for it so many fucking times.
What did you like ordered or sales of?
I told you, I did it of, uh, I only did it like twice.
I was, it was a, the middle of the winter and we were selling, um, gas,
the gas bill to switch over.
And the guy would knock on the door. There
were three of us, the guy would knock on the door and be like, are you interested in saving
money on your gas bill? And it's like 10 degrees. It's very cold outside. And the guy goes,
uh, no, I'm not really, it's not that cold. Yes, I know. He goes, I'm not really that
war. He's like, I'm not, I'm not interested. And then the guy that I was with will be like,
well, I guess you don't like money then and turn around and walk away.
And I was like, that's a smart.
The guy's probably often they would, they would often stop them.
Right.
And they'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
It's like, hang on, my money.
Yeah.
It may be so uncomfortable.
I had him drop me off at Walmart and then pick me up at the end of the day.
I was just like, I'll sit at this Walmart.
What can you write?
What are all of your jobs?
I could never have, yeah, I was going to say like, I gotta go to dinner, man. I don't have time. Yeah. I could never get through all my jobs. Oh, you've not worked that many.
What would like, I got to hear about more of them. I've only, I only know like cable
guy and call center, call center, Donald's, Chuck E cheese. I know there's painting car doors, you know, stuff like that.
So I quit because they made you do calisthenics before you work.
And I thought it was before the sales job.
No, for it was paint.
It was assembling car doors.
And so you didn't hurt yourself on the line or whatever.
Yeah, but I thought, you know, I probably said more problematic words, but I thought
it was stupid. I think I probably called it gay, but I think at the time I was like, this
is stupid. I'm not doing calisthenics. Why would I stretch? I don't stretch stretches
for idiots and ended up quitting. So David, do you have anything you would like to plug?
Uh, nothing too, too much defector., the website that I would work at and own with my friends. It's a good website. If you're interested in reading stuff on a website, you should check that out. Uh, that's about all I had in mind, really.
And we will see you next week with book guys.
Good luck with the book guys.
Maybe the opposite of these and then hardcore guys after that. So we're really in a weird run here.
So I think it's all the mental illness is going to be a constant.
It's a constant on every episode.
Yeah, I would say it's constant on every episode.
So long as Brian and I are hosting.
Sometimes we used to go by Kweeber in the grass.
Those are no, we didn't. It Kweeber and the Gris. Those were our kind of shows.
No, we didn't.
Those were kind of a while ago.
Shows over.
You're ending it?
Bye.
Bye.