GYM GIRLS LOCKER ROOM - Understanding ADHD in Women, Why Exercise is Crucial For ADHD & Coping Strategies with Kelly Baums

Episode Date: January 22, 2025

S2EP7 - Welcoming KELLY BAUMS to the Gym Girls Locker Room! Kelly is an ADHD coach so this conversation was a bit daunting for Syd having only recently received her diagnosis but Kelly created such a safe space. Whether you have ADHD or not, we believe this conversation is worth the listen as the girls cover diagnosis, how to support someone with ADHD, the symptoms, specific impacts on women, the relationship with exercise, managing personal relationships and so much more. We hope you enjoy and remember to tune in every Tuesday for a new episode. 💘 join the GGLR community: INSTA - https://www.instagram.com/gymgirlslockerroom/ FACEBOOK COMMUNITY PAGE - https://bit.ly/3TqhxDG TIKTOK - https://www.tiktok.com/@gymgirlslockerroom/ 📲 find Syd on socials: INSTA - https://www.instagram.com/sydgrows/ TIKTOK - https://www.tiktok.com/@sydgrows/ Want to work with Gym Girls Locker Room? Email us: [e-mail] GYMSHARK - 10% off code: SYDNEY10 ESN - 10% off code: SYDNEY RUNNA - 2 week free trial code: SYDGROWS

Hello and welcome back to the Gym Girls Offer and Podcast hosted by me, Sydney Cassidy. Today guys, we're getting real, we're getting personal. I know that this is actually going to help so many of you because I know there's a lot of us neuro spicy girlies out there and I just felt like this was honestly the kind of space where I felt comfortable enough. This is a safe space we've created together and I don't know, I think it's something that will hopefully benefit you guys. I'm going to dive straight in and introduce our guest, Kelly Balms, who is an ADHD coach that has been able to educate the masses with her knowledge and learning through her content on social media. She breaks down the symptoms and struggles, shares useful strategies for sufferers and also explains the disability for those who don't have it, whilst giving helpful tips on how to help ADHDers in your life. This was such an important conversation for me after being diagnosed with ADHD,

after years of feeling misunderstood and, honestly, struggling in silence. Kelly really validated a lot of the feelings I had and the feelings that I felt. As ADHD becomes more talked about online and especially for females like I feel like there's definitely been like a rise in the past year few years about talking about like what is it like for females how does it present differently and all that sort of thing I just felt like it was a really important conversation to have and I think it's also important that we get the information from someone who has a diagnosis and is an expert in the field, which is why we reached out to Kelly. So whether you have ADHD or not, this conversation with Kelly is so eye-opening and one of the most valuable of the season. Yeah, so anyway, I hope you guys enjoy the episode and let's get into it.

Thank you so much for coming on. Would you mind introducing yourself to our audience first, if that's okay? Yeah, okay. So my name is kelly i go by kelly bombs on socials i'm an adhd coach and an adhd content creator i post mostly on instagram and tiktok and facebook but i'm going to move over to youtube soon yeah i think that's probably like the most important stuff and you yourself also have adhd right yeah that's important too yeah i feel like we were really interested in having you on because whilst we do mostly talk about like gym and the fit health and fitness space i do think actually that there's like a really interesting conversation for us to have regardless of whether someone is listening and they do have adhd or they suspect they do or

what just i think like I'm 27 I've only just been diagnosed myself I thought it'd be just a lovely space to have like an honest open conversation and hopefully even if it helps just a couple of people then that's a job well done what was it like for you getting your diagnosis and when were you diagnosed it was like it was probably the most pivotal like changing moment that I ever had. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 30 and I'm 34 now. And it was like it was just like all of a sudden the world opened up and I was like, oh, my God, everything about me makes so much sense now. And it happened because I was my now husband.

We were dating at the time. We were on a walk and he was reading a book called Spark. And it's all about like how like exercise like impacts the brain i think and um and there's a whole chapter in there on adhd and it describes how like important exercises for people with adhd and as he was reading it he was like oh my gosh like kelly is all of these things and so we're on a walk and he's like hey um i'm reading this book and like the adhd chapter kind sounds exactly like you. And I was like, what? And I'm immediately like zoned in. And he starts telling me like all of these like things that he wrote in the book

and he notices as me. And I was just like, my God, like, is this the like missing piece of the puzzle that I have been searching for for the last like more than 10 years? Because I'd been in therapy for like seven years at that point. And it was like being in therapy, it kind of felt like I kept on just butting my head up against this wall of like, why can't I do these things that most people are able to do? Why am I so sensitive? Like just like over and over again. And yeah, so getting like him telling me you might have ADHD was totally life changing. I immediately hyper fixated on it. I did research on it for like three months while I waited to get the I did a neuropsychological evaluation for my diagnosis because I didn't feel comfortable just going to my general practitioner because I'm a woman. And

and so while I was waiting for that, I did all the research and I was like, oh, my gosh, I definitely have it. I came to the appointment with that, I did all the research and I was like, oh, my gosh, I definitely have it. I came to the appointment with eight pages tight of all the things that I was noticing within myself. And then when I got diagnosed, I cried. And for the next six months, I cried because I was like mourning little Kelly, you know, who needed help for so many years. so feeling like finally so validated and feeling finally like I had permission to be kind to myself because the all the things that were so hard for me and that I was terrible at like weren't a moral failing or a character flaw it was freaking disability even hearing you say that like just I find that so validating myself because I think we all have the same experiences don't we

and we feel so sort of alone in them at times but actually everything you're saying resonates to a D mine mine was a little different in the sense I don't think I've actually even spoke about this yet because I think there's a little bit of like anxiety sharing it really when I don't know I'll go into it So I always could tell there was something off. I always felt like I had to work so much harder than everybody else just to be average. Like, you know, and I really, I kind of self diagnosed pretty early on. I would say well over 10 years, I've thought and like suspected I had it. And I remember going to people and saying, I'm struggling and I think I've got ADHD and I can see a lot of things that would make a lot of sense if that were the case.

And I would like to just find out a little bit more. And just kind of being told at the time, you know, not everything needs to have a diagnosis. So I was like, all okay yep and so I continued to struggle extremely sensitive get like very very overwhelmed cry a lot incredibly forgetful you know all these things that I'm sure sound familiar like struggled all my way through school and then university university I found incredibly hard the parts that I enjoy doing I loved high fixation beautiful would do it to the point where it actually becomes then an issue however when I got to like my dissertation which is that thesis because I did a creative subject instead of doing something that's writing which I don't enjoy oh my gosh that was like getting blood from a stone it really was like a real low like that

was tough when I left university I thought you know what I'm not going to stand for this any further I'm going to put myself on the wait list for the NHS fast forward three years later I'm still on that wait list about a few months ago I thought to myself you know what Sid you work hard to earn money if there's anything you're gonna and I really preach this like if there's anything you're gonna spend your money on let it be like your own health and so I decided feeling all the feelings of imposter syndrome went and got a private assessment and then I got diagnosed and they were like you have done very well to have got this far with ADHD and um yeah so that's like a little bit hopefully that like helps people

give a bit more context about me as well for the rest of the conversation but yeah I just even hearing what you say I'm just like yeah that that's I hear a lot of it and I feel a lot of it I'm so interested to know what what your uh what the findings were about the relationship between ADHD and exercise because i didn't even know there there was one yeah oh my gosh there totally is um i just went to an adhd retreat and uh william dad dr william dadson came to speak i don't know if we've heard in the adhd world he's like very well known he coined the okay rejection sensitive dysphoria like he's big dude um and he spoke he did two presentations for

us. And in one of his presentations, he talked about how one hour of exercise for a lot of people with ADHD is equivalent to like four hours of Ritalin, which was really cool. And I've been like, I've been doing my whole life. I've always been like a multi-sport athlete, a gym rat, like just and that I didn't realize was like my biggest coping mechanism. And then, of course, you know, 2020 rolls around, the gym closes. And I was like, why do I feel like I need to crawl up the walls every single day? And like I just could like turn myself inside out and exercise wow that does make so much sense it's like this um you know if I if I don't go and exercise it is just this feeling of like it's not even energy it's just like used as a way to sort of regulate and just like reset and start again I love that you were saying within your own journey that you found when you were diagnosed that was like a really great positive moment for you and that like that kind of everything made sense I just wondered um what your take was on the fact that like I don't know that I feel that way and I didn't know if that is a common feeling I feel perhaps a lot of upset and like kind of disappointment that obviously I struggled a lot harder than I had to and maybe didn't get the support.

But also, I don't know if I feel like a kind of, yeah, like imposter syndrome. I don't know. In the like six months after the diagnosis, all those things hit me too. And it was so confusing because it's at the same time it's like I'm so mad that I never got help I'm so fucking pissed can I swear swearing okay cool I'm so like fucking pissed that I have this brain and I have to work like twice as hard to get half as far my whole life and then I'm like also so relieved that like I'm not a shitty, lazy person, like all wrapped into one. And then on top of that, just trying to like going through something new and

like wanting to talk about it with people. It kind of reminded me of what you said before of like people are always like, don't pathologize it. Like, you know, it's not about you don't need to diagnose everything. Like it's just your personality. It's like, okay, it's my personality. But like, it's also a core set of symptoms that are experienced by like, of really like a lot of people that are debilitating. So not that I want to pathologize it and be like, it's my ADHD. But like, it helped so much to understand who I was and I think that when I realized that if I understood ADHD then I could be empowered by it because I knew how to manage it but for the longest time before I really understood what it was I was pissed because I was like I got the short stick I got the stupid brain. So for anyone that's listening

that does need like clarification, maybe I even would like to hear how do you explain ADHD? What if I share some just like, I think, key understandings about ADHD? So that's like maybe Yeah, absolutely. Like whatever you think. Okay, one of the key understandings about ADHD is people with ADHD struggle with executive dysfunction. So everyone has like executive functions and that would be like how we manage our emotions and like how our brain like controls its like focus and attention and how we transition between like two different tasks. People with ADHD experience executive dysfunction. And like the way that I explain this in like a very friendly manner is like your prefrontal cortex, that front of your brain behind your forehead has like a conductor. And that conductor is like telling parts of your brain to do things, right? So for example, if you're sitting in a class and you're like, okay, listen to the professor

talking because you need to learn this. And like stay still and like don't shout out. The conductor is telling another part of your brain like still and like don't shout out. The conductor is telling the other another part of your brain like sit still, don't call out, like focus on this. The problem with ADHD is that the like the conductor sends the message but the message doesn't really make it there very well to the other part of the brain. So what's happening is like it results in we can get really hyper fixated on things and like we have too much attention on something. We have a hard time transitioning from one task to another, which could be like an example of that.

It's like when you're cooking dinner and like then you make a giant mess of the kitchen. A neurotypical person can kind of switch back and forth between like cooking and cleaning for us. Like not great. Emotional regulation is also an executive dysfunction, an executive function. So like not letting your lizard brain hijack when you're upset over something is really hard for us. We can get like emotionally flooded really quickly. So that like executive dysfunction is a really big piece of it. Also, like overwhelm is a really common thing with executive dysfunction. When you see a task that you have to do or you know you have a task you have to do and your brain can't quite like break it down and get its foot in the door to like start actually doing the task. You just like get stuck before you can start. Another big difference with people with ADHD, and this is going to William Dodson's theory, is that people with ADHD have a different nervous system than people without ADHD. So a person without ADHD, he suggests,

is motivated by importance. So for example, it's important that I do my taxes so I don't get in trouble with the IRS. So I will do them even though I don't like want to do them. A person with ADHD is not motivated by importance. He suggests that we're motivated by interest. And interest can look a lot of different ways. It could look like urgency. It can look like something that's challenging, more like a competition. It could look like novelty, something that's new and exciting, something that we're really passionate about. But unless that like interest and engagement is tapped into in our brain, it's really hard for us to start things. So when you have that understanding about yourself, it's like, oh, like no wonder I have the hardest time getting started

on anything with accounting. Like I'm not passionate about it. It's not urgent. It's not challenging. Go down the list. Another thing with ADHD is dopamine. People with ADHD, we release, our brain releases the same amount of dopamine, but it doesn't, like, the receptors don't take up as much dopamine. So it's like, we can't use what's there as well. And dopamine is a neurotransmitter that's responsible for so many things, but especially like reward. And so for an example of like an ADHD or with maybe not as much dopamine to use is sitting on the couch and knowing I have an Amazon package that I need to return. But like if you have enough dopamine in your brain, you're going to get off the couch and return the package because you're going to get that money back and check that thing off your

to-do list. You're connected to the later reward. If you don't have that dopamine in your brain or can't use it as much, you're going to be like, why would I get off this comfortable couch to go and return the package? Wow. Yeah, I hear you. Probably some of the biggest keys that I talk to clients about when I'm like, here's some important things you need to know about your brain yeah we're more sensitive we tend to be verbal processors meaning like talking through things is really important for us but that interest-based nervous system the executive dysfunction those are like two huge pieces for like managing and understanding how your brain's different yeah I'm kind of getting a sense that like this whole entire episode I'm just going to be going yes yes yes yes like it's it's so nice because it's like

I I think like even you're saying things that maybe I hadn't noticed or that sorry I'm aware of but not in a way to like label it like oh that is actually my ADHD I just thought oh that's just something that's inherently like you know wrong with me like even what you're saying about like you know the separation of the task of like cooking and tidying it feels so so tough I wanted to know do you know much about like the differences between like girls and boys I feel like certainly from sort of like my perspective it's I've heard like a lot of people talk about how boys have like maybe perhaps different symptoms and obviously I'm aware that like there seems to be a lot more girls that are getting diagnosed now and just wanted to hear your thoughts on that yeah I think the biggest thing um because like also just to be super clear like

I'm not a clinician I can't diagnose like up on that you know but one of the biggest things and aha moments that I had was that hyperactivity for women is often mental. So that was something that like when I first heard of ADHD and I was like, I don't have that. I actually have my bachelor's degree is in education and I have like a learning behavior specialist. Like I'm a special, I could be a special ed teacher. And I was for a period of time. And I learned all about ADHD and I didn't see it in myself. But when someone told me like, well, the hyperactivity is just internals. I'm trying to think another one for women that I think comes up a lot is decision making. Decision making for any ADHD is really difficult. But like for women, even like prioritizing, like what am I gonna do now is really can be really really hard and emotional

regulation for sure and like the overwhelm and the sensitivity working memory is like majorly impacted for most ADHD years and working memory is like kind of like a your brain's post-it note so if you have to remember like a few pieces of information for a short period of time and like as if you were writing that on a post-it note to refer back to in 10 minutes, like our working memory, people with ADHD's working memory is usually like impacted negatively. Don't think I've ever read about a difference in that between like men and women, but I do think maybe like societal expectations that women should like have their shit together and like be on top of it all the time.

I think probably one of the biggest things that I've like experienced shame around, like from other people shaming on me is about memory. Like you didn't remember that. Like I told you this. And that is I'm like, I have an impaired memory. I'm so sorry. Not really. It doesn't feel like they can understand that either when I say like, oh, I'm sorry, I forgot. Like I struggle with my memory because it's interesting. The only diagnosis I did actually manage to get whilst I was at university, because this was amongst COVID,

they told me they couldn't give me the full sort of assessment. So they strangely tested me for dyslexia. And I came back with dyslexia, although I kind of didn't really take that because it wasn't to do with the reading. It wasn't really to do with the writing. It was to do with the working memory. And I've heard about like, I mean, perhaps I do also have dyslexia, but I had heard about like misdiagnoses between like all of those. And that's kind of why I didn't allow myself to take no for an answer. Like I didn't allow myself to just stop there and be like, oh, I'm dyslexic. Because I just thought, well, actually, the working memory leads to my theory that I do have ADHD even more you know. Yeah there's like a lot of crossover between like comorbidity between ADHD, dyslexia, autism, bipolar disorder, what else is there like OCD there's so many things

I actually went through for a period of time looking at am I bipolar because sometimes like the ups and downs of ADHD like the burnout kind of cycle that we can get in can sometimes like the ups and downs of ADHD, like the burnout kind of cycle that we can get in can mimic like the like manic depressive of bipolar. And so it's like it's so confusing and anxiety too. Like for years, my doctors were like, you just have anxiety. Which is also why I didn't want to go just see my like family doctor for a diagnosis because I was like, I'm just going to get dismissed and then I'm going because I was like I'm just gonna get dismissed and then I'm gonna cry and then I'm gonna be afraid to get it again which is so it's just like women women's experience where it's just so invalidated yeah absolutely I think like for me as

well the point where like I think I'd always been someone that really struggled with overwhelm and being super sensitive and I definitely I really go through like cycles of burnout and I think because I I didn't have so much on my plate like in the sense of you know my growing like as a teenager the purpose was to go and get an education maybe hang out with friends maybe do a bit of exercise but really like you know my my meal my food was made for me my parents paid the bills I didn't I did work I worked for disposable income you know that sort of thing and I think the point in which I recognized in myself like I'm actually not functioning was when suddenly all all of the things of I moved to a new city I have my own flat I'm trying to make new friends I have a dog I've got a business that's when

suddenly it was like oh I don't think I can actually spin all of these plates um I know people talk about like masking as well like is that wrapped up between that or like is that something you've heard from like your own clients that like they do get to this sort of point of having to balance so much that then everything's exacerbated or yeah I get like yeah masking is definitely a big thing especially for women and also like the most common time that I see like women clients coming and being like, I'm ready to start coaching is when they've had some sort of like big shift where they've lost some structure in their life, whether it's like they're no longer with a partner that helps keep them accountable, or they're now working from home, so they don't have the

structure of work, or they're now like in the job force out of school leaving the structure of school or when they have like they're a new mom and they all of a sudden like their coping mechanisms that they were using before aren't working for them anymore. Well like structure plays a really big part in it. I don't know the masking for me was always like in social events where I'm like look at people in the eyes and like that's my part of me where I'm like maybe I'm like, look at people in the eyes. And like, that's my part of me where I'm like, maybe I'm like, just to touch it on the spectrum, but, and like pretending being like hyper, actually, no, you know what? One place that masking had showed up for me a lot was like through hypervigilance to keep everything together.

So like at work, I was burning myself out. I used to be a teacher for 10 years and I was burning myself out because I was just like hypervigilant, always on it, never made a mistake. And then I'd come home and I'd be like a lump on a log because I couldn't do anything because I'd been masking all day. I'm using like almost anxiety as a coping mechanism to manage the ADHD. So that's also a story I hear a lot from clients, especially women clients, that they'll use like this hypervigilance and almost like anxiety as a coping mechanism to stay on top of things or like stress. So they'll kind of always be in this like go, go, go mode because that go, go, go mode is how like they activate the part of their brain that's

like this is urgent go do it this is you know someone's waiting on you for a deadline there's some external pressure oh my god it makes so much sense because like the girlies will know listening like I a big part of like my journey and my story in this past year has been me trying to deal with like acne okay don't worry I'm getting somewhere with this but like I basically had for the past few years like chronic like really really painful acne um I have PCOS anyway but I I went I ended up going to the dermatologist and kind of much to my disappointment kind of found out that like I think I was actually just like very very stressed and that it was actually just like really intensifying how bad my my skin was and so this whole year has been

really about just kind of trying to create some healthy boundaries I don't know if it actually is but I felt like a kick from like the stress of everything that did keep me going and so I just stayed in that heightened state and yeah it's like super unsustainable super unhealthy and you know I feel myself falling back into it sometimes but it's actually far nicer to be in a more relaxed state you know when you're regulated it's easier to like do things so when you slow down you're like oh my gosh like it's easier to initiate these tasks that like maybe I'm not excited about but the thing I always say very gently to clients who are kind of in this mode is, did you know that people with ADHD have shorter lifespans than people without ADHD if it's untreated? And a big part of that, of course, is due to like impulsivity, engaging in like things like dangerous driving, but also because

of the stress. And if it's untreated, you're going to be dealing with more stress and stress causes heart damage. So at the end of the day, like you're, you know, by slowing down intentionally, you're going to give yourself a little more longevity. Yeah. Wow. I've heard people say about like, and even, you know, like if you do feel like you're super like, what do they call it? Like activated, like your nervous system is really like activated, but like just the simple act of just doing your whatever you're doing your tasks just doing them slower yeah is a really great way to do it and I and I did try it and it does help okay so now to get on to like you and being like a coach and and and everything like that like how did that actually happen? How did you, what was the stepping stone? Okay, it all kind of fell into place. So like, I was, I was a classroom teacher for three years,

and then I was totally burnt out from that. And then I was a school library director for seven years. And even though I loved my job and was really good at it and like loved my co-workers, I knew it wasn't my forever job. And so I was like actively seeking other career options and talking to friends and family and just like thinking about what do I like to do. I was thinking about becoming a therapist, but I had just gotten my master's degree in library sciences. And I was like, I don't really want to go back to school, I guess. And I was talking with my therapist, Jen. Shout out to Jen. She's the best. She's like, Kelly, why don't you become a coach? And I was like, Jen, aren't coaches just bullshit therapists? And she's like, girl, no. And she explained to me what the difference is between coaching and therapy. And then shortly after that, I got diagnosed with ADHD. And also around that time, I was making content on TikTok and it was like I was getting really steady growth. And so it's like those three things happening at once. What if I went to, because I'm so passionate about ADHD, what if I went to ADHD coaching training? And then while I do that, I talk about what I'm learning on social media. And then that basically happened that nine months later, when I finished my coaching program, I had enough followers online and I talked about it enough. And I told people

like, I'm opening up my business. I got enough clients within a week to quit my teaching job. And that was amazing. What is the difference between like a therapist and then a coach? Yeah. Okay. So I'm sure other people might have like differing opinions, but like here's the way I explain it. Coaching and therapy are a lot alike in that we're both one-on-one. We're both in that like personal growth type of space. And we both can be really good tools for people with ADHD.

And I think it's really important that all ADHDers do spend some time in therapy. But the big difference is that therapy is going to be more focused about around the past and the present. And coaching is going to be more focused around the present and the future. And also with therapy, you're going to be more focused on emotions, whereas coaching, we're more focused on actions. We do talk about emotions in coaching, but more focused around like rejection, sensitive dysphoria, emotional regulation, and like beliefs that you have about yourself that you're ready to change and update. What we don't talk about is childhood trauma or heavy things like that. You know, when I got diagnosed, I decided, and also we can get into this as well, like I decided that I did feel like for where I'm

at and like what I'm struggling with I did want to like explore medication and it's been really great and um yeah but like really honestly besides that I've been kind of shocked that like actually received any support really apart from that you know I got the diagnosis I got the prescription and then I've had a follow-up call there was really a review for my medication but also I just said I just would love some more like a support and they they kind of answered some questions for me but you know besides that I kind of feel like where do I where do I go from here and um also kind of related to that like I also am such an advocate for like therapy as well like I really do that's another thing like I say to people like

yeah just I really recommend it for everyone and anyone but I even had like my session today and I can tell whilst not being able to articulate it what you've said perfectly sums it up that just like we spoke about my thoughts and feelings since like being diagnosed but that kind of action plan in terms of like this is what I'm actually struggling with and I don't know how to navigate it and it doesn't really seem like you're also equipped you know my therapist is also equipped to give me those answers so like where do I go from here and it seems like that's actually what a coach really like kind of that's where you you sit in and me myself I've I've been able to like identify I could reel off like a list of things that like I am really struggling with within like my

relationships and within myself and within like my you know my sense of myself but not really having any kind of direction in how to navigate it is hard and I wondered what do you recommend for people and like what do you suggest and like what is that action plan? Yeah well just to speak to that like there's been forever this dichotomy belief of that ADHD treatment is just two things. It's just medication and like counseling or therapy. But what I found was like medication was life changing as an adult when I started taking it. But also it made me feel a little funky. It totally affected my workouts, too, because I was on a norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor. So like my heart rate just went through the roof.

I was like, can't do Metcons anymore. Totally another story. Anyway, and the thing I was finding was that I was sitting in therapy and I'd be like, I'm so anxious because I always do X and Y and Z. Like I always wait to the last minute to start things. I'm always arriving late to things I'm always like over sharing and but my we talk about the anxiety and process it but I was like nothing is changing and maybe I could just not be anxious about it if I learned how to not do

these things and that is kind of where coaching comes in and like learning those skills and strategies and tools and then also of course practicing a certain amount of acceptance because like the goal isn't to become neurotypical and never do those things ever again i don't did i even just answer your question what was your question yeah i think you definitely did people say this to me all the time they're like what did you ask me i'm like i don't know i have no clue no but i think you did answer it you know like i was listening and i was like yeah okay that's perfect so I guess like is there anything you can kind of speak to with like certain things like how you do go about like approaching those things

even if I sort of sort of said like one of the main things is you know that like sensitivity how not only I feel that like it impacts me, but impacts like relationships and like that sort of thing. Like right now, being someone that hasn't been coached and hasn't really had any like help with ADHD, I'm like, what can you do there? And like, what are the things that you kind of like will discuss in your sessions and like put in place? Yeah, yeah. So I think a common place that we start is what's worked in the past for you. So talking through when you've had these moments of sensitivity or I really can't think of the word, but kind of like when you have that like emotional over you're overtaken by your emotions,

what has worked for you for managing that in the past? Because that's always going to give us some really good insight. So some people will share like, well, I need to, I need to talk about it. Some people are verbal processors. Others need to write about it. Others need to exercise. Others practice avoidance. But part of coaching is like understanding your ADHD brain, accepting your ADHD brain. And then another part, of course, is like tools to kind of help you move forward. So the understanding part is that generally takes people with ADHD, we have bigger reactions, it takes us longer to move through them. So knowing that, accepting that when you're going through it, and then also learning some skills to process that. From a lot of my clients, it looks like journaling, it looks like recording a voice memo. It looks like talking it out to your partner. It looks like, you know, going to therapy. The sensitivity stuff is going to be more, I guess, kind of like along the lines that you think it would be as far as managing that. the other stuff like day-to-day things like for example having a hard time getting started there's

like more specific tools for that like having a dopamine menu um or like leaving on time for things like i have a little leave on time planner that can like help you kind of think through all the steps that you're going to have to do so some things there's like specific tools you can try using and adapting and then other things it's kind of like the basics of like practice breathing and talking to people and journaling wow what is a dopamine menu I saw this as like a tiktok trend and I'm like oh damn there's actually a thing I know I kind of love that it's becoming popular a dopamine menu so one way that you can get dopamine, get dopamine, like that's scientists are going to hear that and be like, but one way that you can,

I guess, like create more dopamine in your brain in layman's terms is by completing small tasks. So for example, I make my bed, I look at my bed and I'm like, dang, look at that girl. You just made your bed. A little bit of dopamine comes and then it makes it easier for me to move on to the harder thing. So then maybe I'm going to like feel ready to get dressed or make breakfast or check my emails. So the idea of a dopamine menu is when you're feeling stuck and having a hard time getting started, have a menu of those things that are really easy for you to do. Ideally, they're a little bit physical, like going and grabbing the mail or having a snack or, you know, walking around the block one time. And then when you do those things, you're going to get those quick wins. You're going to ramp

up to being able to do the harder thing eventually, which is also kind of goes along with that like philosophy of, you know, how people say eat the frog first that phrase like if you had to eat a frog every single day you should um make eating the frog first thing you do in the day as in like do the hardest thing first but for people with adhd who don't have as much dopamine to use eating the frog is really hard so for us start with the easier task and build up and that's where a dopamine magnet is in yeah like for me that could totally be like oh do a little dog walk around the block or something because like a lot of the time I'll be focused on the big task and then I don't end up doing anything and I haven't even done like you know like I do

really and like you know this is another thing that's like you know embarrassing to admit but I'm sure loads of other people agree like just basic things cleaning teeth showering washing your hair like that is really hard like you know and it shouldn't be but it is and that stuff that's like yeah takes a lot more effort than I would imagine people think that it requires. Well, and it's really important that you say that because so many people come to me and they're like, I'm really embarrassed to say this, but like, I have a hard time showering and brushing my teeth. And I'm like, girl, me too some days. Like, it's really normal for people to struggle with that stuff. Yeah, definitely.

One way to think of it is that we can get caught up in that big picture and it's like we can see the forest but we can't see the trees. It's the reverse of can't see the forest from the trees. So we get caught up in that big picture and we're doom scrolling and we're

feeling stuck and we can't get started and we're in that functional freeze. But if we just pause and step back and think, I don't have to do that big thing. All I have to do right now is put my phone down and get up and get a glass of water. Like I don't have to take a shower. All I have to do is go upstairs and take my socks off and like turn the shower on. So breaking it down into really small steps can help us get over that overwhelm and that like functional freeze that we often get stuck in. Yeah, and I feel like I know my therapist says and I feel like it does apply in this like conversation here that like I'm with ADHD that like awareness is almost like the first step do you know what I mean like being aware of like how you are and like

I guess being like compassionate towards it is definitely feels like kind of the first step because I think you know I feel a lot of like resistance in me sometimes where I'm just like oh and then you kind of you don't really make any progress with it do you? Yeah right you could think about how does it feel to lay on the couch scrolling, thinking like, I'm such a piece of shit because I've been here for two hours versus like, you poor thing, like you're in a functional freeze right now. Like, I'm so sorry. That's really hard. Like, let's go get a glass of water. You know, one feels better than the other. Could you define what a functional freeze is? I'm not even sure I know.

Yeah, I don't think that's like an official term anywhere. It's I think it's kind of a more of an internet term. But it's like, when you're experiencing executive dysfunction, and you're just frozen, you can't get started on the things that you know you need to do. Oftentimes, it looks like doom scrolling for hours on end. How did you find because obviously like you're self-employed now you said that you like worked within as like a teacher for years and stuff like that how did you find it in the workplace? Super great how did I find it in the workplace like before I knew I was just totally burning myself out before I knew I had ADHD I was burning myself out and like I had always kind of felt I've always had a little bit of a hard time like maintaining relationships and friendships and like getting into you know groups and stuff. So I always just felt different and then after I learned it I will say that teachers are definitely more accepting. Like they're, they were interested in hearing what I was going through, which was really nice. But I also think like not a lot of people

understand. I guess, you know what? I was really lucky because I had a boss, the principal at our school. He was the best boss I ever had. He, he had a daughter with ADHD. And so I had spoken to him at one point and I was like, I just got diagnosed with ADHD and like, I'm learning a lot about it. And like, I just want you to know that if I show up to a meeting like a few minutes late, like know that the hardest thing I do every single day is packing my bags and leaving the house and getting to work on time. And he just just he kind of like had a little bit of leeway for me around that but there's so many jobs that have no no bandwidth to accept like differences yeah yeah okay that because that's what I was wondering like the like what

how was working within like the system and um yeah like were they accommodating towards that because I think like I do that's one thing that I do feel really grateful for because I do wonder how I would have been I mean I had I had several part-time jobs but my only experience with full-time work um was three months working because I study fashion and I worked three months within this like super my experience of the fashion industry was every stereotype you've kind of heard like it's very cutthroat and like I didn't have much like wiggle room and I also by then probably wasn't as aware and I didn't have a diagnosis but I found it extremely hard and I and I almost felt like this sort of prison just found it really really tough when I was at school

my parents um I think because they were always very aware that I was extremely like sensitive um and would get extremely like even at school burnt out and overwhelmed um we they would let me have like days off because they knew that I wasn't like taking the piss with it and they'd be like oh if you want a mental health day like you can have a day because like we can see the state you're in and I still really honestly to the to this day have those days and I just think gosh I'm lucky to like be able to do that but I do I do like empathize for people that maybe work a job where like there isn't so much like flexibility and that isn't a choice for them and stuff and like that probably calls for you to be even more

like in tune and on top of your symptoms and how you're experiencing it that's like a one of the things we talk about in coaching is positive niche construction is figuring out where do you thrive like what do you need to thrive and that was how I found myself here because I realized like I don't thrive in this environment I feel like same thing I'm in jail like I just won't have these days where I need the flexibility of time off. I get two personal days in a year. I mean, in addition to summers, of course, but like, so figuring out what changes can I make? What am I in control of? And then the things that I'm not in control of, how can I work to being in control of those? And that's why a lot of ADHDers are drawn to

becoming entrepreneurs, which is pretty cool. And we're well cut out for it. The biggest challenge for ADHD entrepreneurs, though, is that like managing all the innate minutiae of owning a business when we tend to be really terrible at follow through on boring things. So fair. So fair. So fair. Like, yeah, I think I'm really, really fortunate that I have a very like, I just had probably like the most ideal situation. My sister, who's like, also my best friend, but she's been like by my side since I started doing content creation and everything else. And so she really is like the one behind the scenes keeping everything running really the stuff that like matters like paying your taxes like she's the one that would do it because like I what you were saying earlier about the guy with that theory like I can so see that he's like onto something with that because it's like I know that it should be a priority it doesn't feel like it to me it feels like I am absolutely driven by

interest okay I've kind of adopted this philosophy and like maybe it's a little bit like woo-woo spiritual of me because that's also like another interest of mine but that like I think we were designed this way for a reason like I think that people with ADHD really thrive in places where we can be the idea people and And then there are other people, like my husband is one of them, who just like love to take action. And so, you know, even around the house, like I can have the idea and he's the one who follows it through. And like both of us are in roles that suit us. So if you are an ADHD-er, it's sort of just like, how can you find a way to put yourself in that type of situation yeah that

makes yeah I definitely agree with you that I like that I saw something actually on your feed when I was kind of like doing research and that you were talking about like ADHD and cycle syncing and that was another thing where I was like, huh? Could you explain a little bit more about that and what it looks like? And there's like some research around it that our medication is so much less effective than our symptoms are a lot worse than during our luteal phase, which luteal phase would be like when you're PMSing. The weeks, you know, week and a half to two weeks or so, depending on how long your cycle is from ovulation to when menstruation. And that's like the worst time for ADHD symptoms.

Plus, like the beginning of menstruation can be really rough. Like once you kind of get through like the worst days of menstruation, from then until when you ovulate, which is going to be around day 14 for most people, ADHD symptoms are way easier to manage. So that's the way I actually manage this, I've started putting it in my Google calendar. And so I'll put like luteal phase, like do not schedule hard deadlines or like big projects here. Because that I just like I cannot. I will be crying every day during those weeks if I do hard things then I wonder if it is worth kind of just tracking just to kind like you you hear about people saying like about like period tracking or like whatever but maybe just taking note of like those those things that you can't see like how you're feeling and seeing if there is any sort of like trends in it I don't know I've never thought about doing that but yeah that makes sense yeah right I know it's like every single month

it surprises me I'm always like what the fuck is going on and then I'm like oh yeah shit that's what that was yeah and have and did you and did you start to see like trends across the months yeah it took the funny thing you know this is like maybe super ADHD but I will notice the pattern and then I'll be really aware of it for a while and I will notice the pattern and then i'll be really aware of it for a while and i'll plan for it and then i'll forget about it and then i'll be like what is this i'm what is going on and then i you know kind of like go through the cycle again of realizing connecting the dots and so now i have to put it in my google calendar on recurring time so i know when i'm out either side i'm like oh yeah obviously it's just like

my ADHD and it's just like but when you're in it it's so hard to like tap out of it and like click out of it do you have any sort of like strategies that yeah usually for me I need to go back to basics which number one priority needs to be sleep. But also sleep is worse. It's harder around that time. I work with a functional doctor, and she has recommended for me to take L-theanine and magnesium glycinate, and that does help a lot with sleep. And I also take holy basil to manage stress.

And just to be clear, this is not me telling you to go take medications, go talk to a doctor. But those things I found have helped me to manage the stress and to sleep better. And then otherwise, I'm just thinking about like, hey, Kelly, did you eat three meals today? Did you move a few times this week? And also, I think I've become a little bit less afraid of like communicating and offloading when I have too much on my plate during that time. So pushing as if I need to. Because it's like so common for me. It's not well, a pitfall that I often find myself in is like multiple projects coming to a head at once, kind of like you described. And so when I don't see that until I'm actually in the moment, then I've gotten a little bit better about speaking up and rearranging things instead of just like trying to suffer through it.

Yeah, it feels like now is the right time to talk about like time blindness as well which in my head feels like it's kind of related to this yeah but um yeah i think that's something that i definitely find like people that don't have adhd don't understand and it feels like they don't have so much kind of sympathy or like, I don't know, tolerance, you know. How could you say you were going to be ready, you know, in an hour and it's three hours later or whatever. And it's kind of a confusing sort of state for you because you're like, I don't know either. But I did honestly try to give an accurate, you know, estimate of how long I'd be. Why? I know my husband said, he's like, I really didn't believe ADHD was a thing until I met you. And now he, that's usually what he says in relation to like time blindness.

Because he's like, Kelly's just on Kelly time. You know, like she has no idea what's going on like what part of the day it is or if it's been five minutes or 45 minutes yeah yeah it's it's a funny thing i you know what though part of me thinks time is not real time is a construct you know maybe we're just better acclaimed to that i mean so far you could be definitely on to something. You could. I did see someone said, I did see, actually, I love how I'm saying, like, I did see someone. I think it was you.

Maybe it was you. But I saw a post, tell me if it was yours, where it was saying about how, like, you can, you can actually take note of how long things do actually take you. Like when you're in the moment. Was it you? Was it you that said that? I don't know. I feel feel like I've said it I don't know if it was mine but yeah yeah in my head I think doing x y and z takes me this long but actually ends up taking me far longer and then the thing is I don't even remember how long it took me ready for the next time you know yeah I yeah I do I have like a

little list of if you're interested I have a resource on my website that is like your ways to use timers and then like a list of things that are common and how long they take you because I found that if I know it only takes me seven minutes to put my laundry away I'm way more likely to do it because otherwise in my brain I I'm like, oh, this will take an hour and it doesn't. Yeah. But I use a lot of timers. This little visual timer, I'm going to hold it up. It's a little visual timer. So it looks like a kitchen timer, but you can see the time counting down as it goes and then it beeps when it's up. But I will use that like all day long. I'll be sitting here checking emails and I'll have a meeting in like three minutes and I'll put the timer on for two minutes because I will without a doubt miss the start of the meeting because I will forget in three minutes that I have a meeting my family will be like

but how did you forget you were just sat there getting it ready and I've done it so many times like I'll be sat at my laptop loading the page up but then I get distracted by something and then I've forgotten and then I'll usually get a call from my sister saying Sid the call and I'm like yeah and then I'm five minutes late and it's like the intention was there guys I hope you understand that like I was actually sat on my computer this is no no bullshit no excuses but yeah right it's right there yeah could you talk about like how it impacts like relationships yeah that can be super extra tricky romantic relationships especially if you have a partner that's um like maybe a little bit incurious or doubtful of like

the way the adhd impacts so i think a big crucial part of a partnership is having being with someone who tries to learn and understands how they can support you. It was really interesting. Did you ever see that show Love on the Spectrum? Yeah. And she described in one of the episodes how like for a person who's neurod flip side, having a partner who doesn't understand you and like makes things harder can really exacerbate your symptoms. So, you know, first comes, I think, your own understanding of how ADHD impacts you. And then comes like communicating that and having, you know, ways to manage that within the relationship should I give some examples because I feel like that's so over yeah that would be amazing I was gonna say yeah if you could that would be great yeah like okay so one of the things that with my husband really works

for us is like I'm really shitty at like the day-to-day stuff like doing dishes doing dishes is the big one but also like laundry like multi-step things I am shit at. But I'm really good at the projects like, let me clean out this closet. Let me organize the garage. Let me even like washing the floors or like wiping down the fronts of the cabinets. Like those once in a while projects I'm super good at because I have to fixate on it and then I'm focused and then I do it. So with us, like it's just the understanding that like he does what he's good at. I do what I'm good at. Another thing is like leaving on time.

He knows, like he'll help me talk through, even if it's just me going somewhere and not him, but he'll help me talk through like, okay, here's what I need to do before I leave here's how long it's going to take me to get there I should start getting ready at this time I should leave at this time and like just having a thought partner is really really valuable um and then I think in just like any sort of arguments or conflict having someone who how, I don't know, Giedis, Giedis is my husband's name. He's just this like a really good listener and he's curious and he really has space for me to cry. Was, were you the like educator in that? Like, I don't know, did you go about explicitly being like, oh, this is what I found out that I have and this is very common for people with ADHD?

I think part of it came from, he had his own curiosity about it because he was even like reading that book that gave him some information he came into it with some even more background knowledge than I did and then as I learned things I shared them and I think too as he like we started to observe me through the lens of ADHD the understanding grew for both of us so for example like some days I just need a blob day and I can just communicate that to him and be like hey the house is a mess but I can't do that right now and so I'm just letting you know and don't worry I'll clean it up in a day or two when I'm feeling a little bit better. And so he, I think, yeah, I think it's just kind of like me advocating for myself and

explaining like, here's what's going on. It is what it is. Thank you for understanding. Yeah, I definitely feel like that's something I'd like to get to. I feel like certainly with like, I think friends is good, but I think like certainly with like I think friends is good but I think with family like I think just because they aren't maybe so aware themselves I think that's something that maybe I need to like communicate more and hope that they understand I don't know I think that's sometimes where I feel like the guilt and stuff you know or like the shame because I think it's

like I don't want people to think I'm like coming up with excuses, but it is genuinely just like on some days just not within like my capability. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's I think I've been trying to show up more because that's hard to for me. But I've been trying to show up more with the attitude of like this is just me. Like I'm not going to respond to your text unless it's a question. I'm always going to be 15 minutes late. like thanks for loving me in a way and I sign that that has worked that has

helped but I also have a really kind nice family and I know not everyone is blessed with that but I think that we this is something that my previous therapist said. She said, we, I don't know if it's from something, but we teach others how to treat us. So if you show yourself that radical self-acceptance and just show up and be like, yeah, this is me. Like, hope you're cool with it. Then other people probably will be. And if they're not, then they're probably assholes. Yeah, honestly. And like the fact that like, you know, this doesn't even need to be to do with ADHD,hd what i'm about to say but like you can choose like you can choose your friends you know you

can't always choose your family but you can choose your friends and like you don't have to we've spoken before um on this podcast about like if you've got friendships that don't like serve you anymore like you know it is okay to kind of let new people in and you know that will support you in ways that you need um what would you say just kind of like final last questions like what would you say to someone that's listening that maybe like knows somebody that's got adhd or their sister or whatever like how could what are like the best ways that someone can support someone with ADHD? Like, okay, I think if you have someone in your life who has ADHD, a big part of it is approaching with curiosity when something that they do isn't like meeting your expectations. Like if I do something a little bit funky or I show up or I don't answer your texts, like

instead of just assuming, you know, I didn't want to respond or I don't answer your texts like instead of just assuming you know I didn't want to respond or I don't respect your time just be like hey you know is everything okay approach you with curiosity for a really long way what else that's like honestly the biggest one if I would nail it down to one approach with curiosity and just be interested and kind yeah no I love that okay well was there like anything you were I'm conscious of time because like I honestly I could just continue asking you questions for hours I could keep going but I am conscious of time so was there anything that you wanted to like end on any like final things or do you feel like we've kind of covered all bases

yeah um oh my gosh yeah you are such a good you had so many good questions um let's see i think what are my final thoughts if you're interested in learning more about me i have a website kellybombs.com or you can check me out on all my platforms um tiktok instagram facebook a little bit on youtube growing there but that's k-e-l-L-Y-B-A-U-M-S. My goal there is with social media is to share free information. I just, I try to make it helpful. I try to make it relatable. I try to bring some levity to something that could feel really heavy sometimes. And then if you're ready for more, I am working on creating resources that are super affordable to people.

But I also do group coaching, which is my most affordable option if you want to do coaching. And then I also do one-on-one coaching. So I'm trying to hit all levels of ADHD support for people out there who need it. And I love people and talking to ADHDers. So everyone reach out. Beautiful. Thank you so much. Like genuinely, that was so cool.

Like I'm like, you're like, okay, I think I'm ready for coaching. And I'm sure like regardless of whether people have ADHD or not, I'm sure they found it interesting. I certainly did. So thank you so much for coming on. I really appreciate it. And go check her out. Take care.

Thank you so much, Kelly. Thank you. You're wonderful. This was fun. Hope you guys enjoyed the episode. Thank you so much for listening thank you you're wonderful this was fun hope you guys enjoyed the episode thank you so much for listening if you did enjoy the episode and you got to the end and you thought damn yeah i actually really was able to take something about that or oh that was a really interesting lead um well would you do me a favor if you haven't already and give us a

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unreal at the gym, getting your steps in. Oh, I love it. Feel free to do that. It makes my day and makes my week. And yeah, I hope you have a lovely week and I will catch you in the next one.

Okay. Bye. Bye.