Habits and Hustle - Episode 178: Jon Acuff – NYT Bestselling Author of 7 books and INC Top 100 Leadership Speaker

Episode Date: August 2, 2022

Pre-order Jen’s New Book: Bigger, Better, Bolder today: https://amzn.to/3hvtqYp Jon Acuff is an NYT Bestselling Author of 7 books and INC Top 100 Leadership Speaker. He got people to “Start,” taught them how to follow through and “Finish,” and is now bringing people to the realization of their personal hang-ups and overthinking. “Soundtracks” is his new book and the basis of a lot of the conversation in this episode, those being about a mentality that plays on repeat in our head adjusting how we act and perceive the world, and how to adjust those “Soundtracks” to promote a more positive and affirming reality for ourselves. Jon is just full of fun and clever ways of approaching success and personal shortcomings. He also clearly “walks the walk” referencing many of the tools discussed by literally talking about his work graphs and alluding to little notes he’s written himself. It’s a fun episode and it’s obvious he’s given real thought to what he’s saying with how effortlessly it seems to roll off his tongue. Are you notorious for getting in your own way? Maybe a chronic over-thinker, yourself? This is the one for you. Youtube Link to This Episode Jon Acuff’s Website – https://acuff.me/ Jon Acuff’s Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/jonacuff/ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Did you learn something from tuning in today? Please pay it forward and write us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts. 📧If you have feedback for the show, please email [e-mail]  📙Get yourself a copy of Jennifer Cohen’s newest book from Habit Nest, Badass Body Goals Journal. ℹ️Habits & Hustle Website 📚Habit Nest Website 📱Follow Jennifer – Instagram – Facebook – Twitter – Jennifer’s Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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to receive 20% off all orders 100 dollars or more using the code Hustle20 until August 30th, 2022. So definitely run, don't walk and scoop some up now. I got this Tony Robbins you're listening to Habits in Hustle. Pressure. Today in the podcast, we have John Acuff, who is a New York Times bestselling author of seven books, including his most recent soundtracks, the surprising solution to overthinking.

I love this book because I'm a big believer that overthinking is what stops and stifles us from success. And we talk all about it. And John says that in his book, it's not a personality trait. It's the steaks form of fear. And what it does and how we can reframe our brains to really stop ourselves from overthinking.

We had a really great conversation about it, about his book. John also has a podcast. He's just an all-around great guy. And this book, I like I say, I really recommend this book. If you're somebody who over thinks this one, this one's for you guys. Hope you enjoy the podcast. The book is called Soundtracks.

It's about overthinking. But before we go into the book and the concept, which I think is people love this thing because I think everybody does it. But more about you for a second, because you were a marketing guy, right, for a company, for a corporate marketing executive. Yep. And then you was a copywriter.

Oh, you were a copywriter, okay. And then you transitioned into who you are now. Like, so what made you make that, I'm just curious, like what made you make that leap? How did you not, like how did you get over your own overthinking to actually do that? And now you have like a very, like you have like a really nice career

in like a lot of motivational speaking and seven New York Times books. I mean, you're, you're doing like, it worked out for you. Yeah, it's been fun. So I was a copywriter in marketing for about like 13, 14 years with big brands like Bose and Staples and Home Depot. And I didn't understand it then, but I was getting an education in branding that was really invaluable to me. So I feel very fortunate. Twitter made sense to me because it was just writing headlines. And I'd spent the last 10 years getting an education from some of the biggest brands in the world on how to write a headline. And so, yeah, so I did that for a while and then I was kind of,

I felt stuck in my career. I had kind of topped out at 32, which is humbling. You never want to reach the top of a career ladder at 32. And there wasn't anywhere else to go. And so I started blogging just as an outlet. And the blog started to gain some traction, it started to gain some momentum. And then I started to kind of lean into that. And it was the first time that I could see the game and how the game was played. Like I could see the pieces, I could see the players. And I thought, oh, this is, if I move this, this happens. And if I change this, this happens. And I wasn't an entrepreneur before that. I wasn't one of those kids that you hear.

I was an entrepreneur in the womb. Like I came out pitching papers. Like I'm, you know, like that. I wasn't who I was. But once I figured out, okay, if I do some side hustle, I can really change my life. And so I started doing a ton of freelance writing. I started getting up at 5 AM to write the blog.

My big thing or one of them is, like when you have a compelling goal, it makes it easier for the things that are hard. Wheel power, grit discipline, oh, so hard, so hard, like so impossible. But when I fell in love with this idea of blogging and communicating with an audience and saving people, I then wanted to get up at 5am.

I didn't wheel power myself into watching less TV. It's just TV was less interesting. Once I was like, there's a whole world of humans that we could create some fun stuff together. What if I fed that time instead of TV? Like what would happen? And then like part of my whole thing is it's so easy to crush it right now

because the bar is so low. The average American watches the equivalent of two hours, two months of TV a year, two months. So if you just watch one month, you are crushing. So like, in my opinion, the bar is low right now to go out and really, so for me, that's crazy. Wow. That's crazy.

Yeah, it's nuts. It was in, I'm happy your money was the book that I'm referring to with that stat, great book. And so, yeah, so that was, I guess, 15 years ago, where it, like, 2008, and then somebody said, hey, we come speak to our event, and I was like, I think I could do that. And so then I started to learn that.

And then, you know, now I would say, I do probably 50 to 60 corporate events a year, and then I try to write one book a year. It takes me about 500 to 700 hours to write a book. And so I track those hours. I have a huge wall chart right there. That's the new book. So I'm like 370 hours into the new book. And so I know, okay, I'm not casual with creativity. As soon as I really got locked in, I was like, okay, I'm not going to treat this casually. So most writers, when

they say they have writers block, don't have writers block, they have idea bankruptcy. They haven't filled up themselves with enough ideas. And so I'm a big believer in, okay, if I curate ideas, if I'm generous with ideas, if I'm patient with ideas, when I sit down, I'm sitting down with a bunch of friends to write this book, not just me and a blank piece of paper. Like books are hard for me,

but the reason I didn't write any until I was 34 and I've written seven in the last 11, 12 years, whatever, is I learned how to be really faithful to the creative process. And that's been a game changer for me. That's a long answer to how did you get into this, but that's some of the words. But no, I didn't realize you were actually a copywriter.

I didn't know what part of marketing you came from or what you did. I love that you said executive. It made me sound way more important than I was. Right. I actually had a jet. I did a lot of things in young brands. Like, no, I was a senior content designer.

And there was no super duper senior content designer position above me. I had topped out in that position. So I was either become a creative director, which would have taken me away from the writing, because I wanted to be actively writing or figure out something else. And so that's when I started to figure out something else. And then, you know, 15 years later, here's to something else. So, I mean, I'm like so so interested in you actually, because first of all, you were that was

naturally you were gifted at writing. So then writing all those books though, you already had like a natural inclination for it. Right? A lot of people like that's where the stop is in the start, you know, for me it's very hard to do that. So for you, that's already something. And then you set the same of the idea, like your ideas, how do you culminate those ideas? Like seven books. What was your, what was your most successful book so far? What was it called? Well, I think my most successful book was start and a big part of that is at the time. Yeah, at the time I worked with again named Dave Ramsey and he has eight million radio listeners. So when you launch a book with somebody who has eight million radio listeners, like you sell a lot of books. My, I would say, oh, when you want to his people, when you want his, yeah, I was,

um, it was me and his daughter. We were the first two. And so this was, oh, you want to get people? Would you want to get? Yeah, I was, it was me and his daughter. We were the first two. And so this was 10 years ago. So that's probably my best selling, but I think my most successful as far as impact has been soundtracks. Soundtrack, the last, like it's the first book I've ever written where parents came out of the woodwork

and said, do you have a version for teenagers? Because they said, if I could have learned how to change my thinking as a 13-year-old, it would have changed my whole life. And so I didn't have a version for that. And my two daughters who are in high school helped me write one. It comes out in September. And so the impact of that one has been the greatest. The best selling is probably start.

So that's the basic. I didn't even realize you have soundtracks for kids or teenagers. What's the guy called? Yeah, so it's called your new playlist and they wrote it because I knew if I wrote it It would sound like an adult trying to sound cool like hello fellow youths like you use scooters more than skateboards I get it don't mean to be so lit like yeah, it would have sounded like an old person trying to see him cool like Drake's not just a duck. It's a rapper like I I knew it would be lame. And so they wrote it. And the thing I'm really proud of, my youngest daughter, she got cut from the lacrosse team her sophomore year, which was devastating. And a week later, she said, I think we should put that story in the book, because I think it'll help other students. And so the very first chapter is the text message, the coach sent, and then the negative soundtrack.

She heard in response and what she did with that. And so I was just so proud of her to be like, yeah, let's be vulnerable. There's every teenager is gonna go through something like this. Totally. Are there tools we can give them? So yeah, that comes out in September. It's called your new playlist.

That's incredible. I didn't even realize that. So that's it. Congratulations. Oh, thanks. Yeah, we're excited about it. We're recording the audiobook next week, which I think is going to be a hilarious experience to have the three of us in the studio. And I keep telling them like, there's words you're not going to be able to say. Like rural road was in one of my books and eventually the audio

engineer was like, Hey, dude, no offense. You have to change that the country road because you are incapable of saying the phrase rural road-Road, Road correctly. Ro-Road. That's like a tongue twister for sure. Have you done your audiobook yet? Not yet. Okay. I'm glad we're doing so.

Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure. I add some bonus stories. Add some riffs. Like, I do that every audiobook because it's another way to give people extras. So as you're reading a chapter, I had some backstory to it because it expands the content And there's a lot of people that would love to read the actual book But also hear the audiobook with some bonus content. I love I'm going thank you for that tip

That's actually a great a great idea. I'm writing that down as we speak. Oh, yeah fun. Yeah, thank you So basically well before I even get one more question about the day the Dave Ramsey so when you leave that whole Group nine yearssey. So when did you leave that whole group? Nine years ago. So it was a 2013. Yeah. OK, I didn't write. I feel like he has his minion of people that are.

Yeah, they've done a great job adding to the folk. Yeah, again, it was me and his daughter who was kind of experiments into that. She's done amazing Rachel Cruz. And then yeah, they've had a series of other folks after that, but it was a PhD in personal branding. It was like being in a greenhouse, because there's a small handful of people

that have done it at the scale and the size. I think it has 1,300 employees now. It's a massive organization. So for me, you couple the experience I got, branding with big companies, and then the experience I got branding with big companies and then the experience I got doing personal branding with him. I just, I've really benefited from, I've stood on the shoulders of a lot of giants, I'd say. That's how you can leverage and capitalize and grow, right? Did you, have you always been

a Nashville or did you, you moved up here for the day, Ramsey job? We're in Atlanta. I grew up Massachusetts, but my wife, I was from the South, and gave me a snow ultimatum. And it was like, hey, three winters is enough. This is some nonsense. And so we moved back to Atlanta, and now we've been in Nashville for the last 12 years. And moved up here for the job. It decided to stay because we absolutely love Nashville. And the community here and the artists, so it's super fun.

Yeah, people love it there. I mean, it's a great, it's also booming now. I feel like it's become huge and very, it's blowing up. Yeah, we call it cranes and cowboys because that's mostly what's here is cranes, buildings, construction and cowboys and bachelor at parties. Our population right now is like 90% musicians, 10% bachelor at parties. That's our demographic. That's really the demo. That's actually true. When I was just there, I couldn't believe how many Bachelor at parties I was like running into. I'm believe it's constant. Like pedal tavern should pick up at our airport.

Like pedal tavern should just pick up at the taxi stand so you can sing red solo cup immediately upon landing. It's a really funny community. You know what? Honestly, if this whole thing doesn't work out for you, you should be like a standup. Or do you like something to stand up for? I was like, I appreciate that.

You're so funny. Yeah, I've done it a couple of times, and I love it. It's just, I really enjoy the corporate work I get to do. It's super fun. But I did, my favorite thing is I got to open for Dolly Parton at the Rhymanman and it was comedy. And so I had to go with that. I saw that.

She was a, she did a 90 minute set that started like 10, 15 pm. Like she crushed. You talk about a pro because sometimes in moments like that, the big name comes in and does their two songs and then bounces. She put on an entire, like it was like watching Michael Angel. It was crazy to watch her do what she did. And she, I think she's in her early 70s. Like, she's just an icon. It was really fun to get her peak into her world. Well, she had 74. I thought she's even, I don't know. She's been around forever. I don't want to, I don't

want to insult Dali Parton. I don't want to get her age wrong. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, why? But how did you even get that gig like how did you away everybody gets those gigs via my dentist um I uh I have a dentist that's her dentist and he's amazing and in Nashville you just know you just meet people and I did probably six different dental events I spoke to 800 dentists on Saturday and Phoenix because he said hey I've been reading your books we've got this big organization you should come speak to it and I spoke and then like dentist on Saturday and Phoenix because he said, hey, I've been reading your books. We've got this big organization. You should come speak to it.

And I spoke and then like corporate speaking, it depends on the audience. But if you speak for say a 1,000 person dental office, some dental practices are billion dollar companies. Like Aspen, dental is massive. Hedge funds are investing in dentists right now. So I started to speak at all these dental events. And then he said, hey, I've got this charity event,

and Dolly's gonna be performing, would you like to do some comedy there? And I was like, yes. And it was at the Ryman. The Ryman's like the mother church of country music. Like it's one of the top 10 venues in the country. So it was amazing. I got there like four hours early and just paced

in the back hall. There's no green room for the 20 minute comedian. And I tried not to sweat through my sport coat, but it was super fun. And it was a really great challenge. I love doing it. This episode is brought to you by Nerds Candy, calling all the gaming tech-saving nerds out there. The team carriers and keyboard warriors, the achievement hunters and part-time larpers,

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Get the taste of raspberry and dark chocolate for the all-warm. All fuzzy, all self-care, zero self doubt you. Grab a with love today. Vitamin water, zero sugar, nourish every you. Vitamin water is a registered trademark of glass O. When was it? How long ago? Into that, how was it? This was like January 2020 and I remember driving away going,

this is going to be the greatest year ever like I had this moment Where I was like this is only January the rest of 2020 is gonna be awesome, too Isn't that adorable? That I thought that and then I believe you know the rest of 2020 like the narrator would be like He was to be very very wrong and and I was the rest of 2020 was a lot different than that moment Right the foreshadow wasn't so wasn't so. Yeah, it was like you getting that viral video, you know, like you're talk. Like you're like, this is it. What a year like.

I know. So rock it right. And then I was like, where are you? Where are you? I know. It's so true. It's so true. Okay, so now I want to ask you about your book. So then what made you, well, first of all, I can't believe the stat that we were talking about, what what you talk about, that 90 for five percent of people over think. That's basically everybody.

Yeah. And that was what's interesting. It's one of those things. Everyone else thinks they think they're the only ones that does it and everyone else doesn't. And that's what's really interesting forms of fear. Fear off and tells you you're the only one. And then if you're brave enough to talk to other people, you realize, oh, yeah, me too, me too, me too. And so we did this study. We asked 10,000 people, this PhD, you host me research books, this guy named Mike Peasley. We asked 10,000 people in 99.5%.

And this was before 2020. Like, 2020 was catnip for overthinking because every part of your life has extra thought right now. Like, everyone listening to this right now, the first 99% of your life has extra thought right now. Like everyone listening to this right now, the first 99% of their life, they never worried about failing the grocery store. But now you're like, did I go down the wrong way on this aisle? Is this an up chip aisle, a down chip aisle?

Like I don't wanna get shamed to buy my neighbors. Every part of your life, like there were so many times you were like, I'm gonna go see this friend, or like where do they stand on this? Like everything has extra layers of thought. So overthinking was a big issue before, but it became a massive issue during the pandemic. So that was, the book was accidentally well timed.

Like, some people have said, did you write it because of the pandemic? No, we were, we were done with it before the pandemic started. It just happened to come out during the pandemic. And I think that's part of the reason it's helped so many people. Yeah, oh, that's what, that makes sense. I didn't realize that either. So you wrote a

pro it was already finished by the time. Yeah, there's already finished and that was part of the challenge was the way I love to communicate is live events like I go speak at events and that's how I launch books and then all of a sudden I couldn't do that and so I had to figure out a different version of sharing the ideas and it it really forced me, you know, crisis is often an invitation to innovation. Like it forced me to learn things. I wouldn't have learned more than that. Right. And they weren't gifts I necessarily wanted, but I was glad I had them once I had them.

And so that helped me change how I look at book launches, helped me change how I looked at building communities online and reaching people. So it was an interesting experience. Right. Because you was an interesting experience. Right, because you kind of had to. That was like, that was kind of... There was no live, there was no book tour. There was no like, the things that I'd spent 10 years

kind of building up toward were not allowed. And so I had to say, okay, knowing that, like, and I didn't do it immediately. I want to be really clear. Like, I think it's so tempting when you're, you know, sharing ideas sharing ideas to fast forward your progress. The reality was I was grumpy for eight weeks. My wife might say 12 weeks when the pandemic hit. I wasn't like the day after. I was like, roll up these sleeves and turn

her frown upside down. No human is like that. I don't care how positive you are on Instagram. And so yeah, so then I was like, like, the soundtrack I wrote for myself was, I can, I can pout or I can pivot. Like, I have a choice. I can pout and be like, ah, I wish the old way was still the way. I wish, ah, or I can pivot and figure out a new way. And so like, I tried the pouting thing for a period of time. It was not productive.

It was not, it just didn't work. Pouting didn't lead to the results I wanted. So I was like, okay, I did the old college try it being mad, it being a jerk, it being stressed. Let me try something else and it turns out this something else worked a lot better. So you called it soundtracks, I guess, because, wait, why? Why did you say it? Why did you call it that? Well, I'd heard people say a thought is like a leaf on a river or a cloud in the sky or car on the highway, but for me me it's always been a soundtrack because a soundtrack has the power to change the entire moment

And often you don't even notice it's playing so like think about a movie scene you live out in Hollywood And that's what we assume like if anybody lives in California if you live in Tennessee, you're like it's Hollywood It's true. Right. Yeah, so like you open up on a scene with a small house It's got ship lap because ship and Joanna and like there's kids frolicking and it's this beautiful scene and then they play an ominous song, changes everything. Suddenly you go, don't go in there. It's quiet.

It's too quiet. There could be a creepy clown in the sewer. But if they flip it and play something happy like Vanessa Carlton's thousand miles, like suddenly it's a romcom, like suddenly somebody's making their way downtown. Like it's heavy. And so that's a Carlton's, thousand miles. Like suddenly it's a rom-com. Like suddenly somebody's making their way downtown. Like it's heavy. And so that's how powerful. And so the theory of the book was you have, the longer you listen to repetitive thoughts,

which are soundtracks, the more they become part of your personal playlist. And you have a soundtrack for every city you've lived in, every ex you ever had, every boss, every opportunity. You have these soundtracks. And an example would be like, there are people in your phone that just seeing their name come up on a text, you don't even read the text,

sets off 50 soundtracks and you go, oh here we go, Sheila, like, time to ask for another favor. Like, you only have to read it. And so that's where it came from was this idea of what are the soundtracks you're listening to and then what would happen if you actually chose them instead of we're just the victim of them? And what happens, like, what is the overthinking

all the research you've done? I mean, I know the answer a little bit too, but you've done an exorbitant amount of research. The overthinking, what does it do to our goals? It's like, it eliminates the ability to progress, and it's usually very negative, I would say. Yeah, well, it dominates them. I mean, here's an example.

According to the New York Times, 81% of Americans want to write a book. It's one of the most popular goals in America, and every year less than 1% do. So 81% say they want to, only 1% actually do. If you look at Amazon publish rates, and you go, well, how does that happen? Well, part of the reason it happens is that we overthink it. I'll give you an example.

So one of the soundtracks I use to write my books is it's just a book. Like, I'll have a note that says it's just a book because perfectionism, fear, overthinking, all these things will go, this is the book. This needs to be a massive book. You need to go viral with this book, or like I'll meet people and they'll say, I wanna write a book because then my dad will know my career choices where the right ones. Whoa, you've already put so much pressure on an already pressurized situation.

Books are hard. Don't add some more pressure. So when I'm writing a book, I've got a soundtrack going, it's just a book. Like I'm gonna go in, I'm gonna put my hours in. I'm gonna treat it like a job. It's gonna be an amazing thing, but it's writing a book, I've got a soundtrack going just a book. Like I'm going to go in, I'm going to put my hours in, I'm going to treat it like a job, it's going to be an amazing thing, but it's just a book. Then when it releases, it's no longer just a book. Now it's the book.

I need to talk about it and shout about it in a big way, but in order for me to actually finish it, so that's where overthinking gets in. And it complicates systems, it slows decisions, it makes you miss opportunities. I mean, even just think about all the things you thought that you thought, okay, I should write this down and then you said, no, that's dumb, somebody's already done that, and you self-edited. So imagine the works of art, the cures for diseases,

the business ideas we've lost because someone's self-edited before it even got into their phone, before it even got a more piece of paper. So I always say overthinking is the sneakiest, grittiest form of fear because it steals time, creativity, and productivity. And I'll give you the last example. I interviewed a manager who said,

I got fired for my job. She said, this is really terrible. I got fired for my job. And it was 12 years ago. And I noticed recently that every time I see the door close at my new job, I wonder if I'm gonna get fired again And I check the roster of the meeting. Why am I not in that meeting? I start to overthink it Let's say she only does that 10 minutes a day 10 minutes a day 50 minutes a week no big deal

But over the last 12 years that equates to 62 8 hour work days Is it is it good for her to donate that amount of time that amount of her life that amount of her creativity To that broken soundtrack of course not so that amount of her creativity to that broken soundtrack, of course not. So that's just an example of it steals your time, it steals your creativity, it steals your productivity. No, I think that's exactly true. But the real question is how do we stop it, right?

Like it's a thought and it's like it's in your head. You can, it's very, very hard to stop something. It's especially someone like is a natural ruminator, right, where they ruminate and ruminate. How do people stop doing that? Yeah, I mean, the book walks you through kind of the three main steps. Then at first as you retire,

you're broken soundtracks. Here's your artists. Yeah, you identify which ones are broken, which ones are in the way. And then you replace them with new ones. You wanna think, anybody who gives you the advice, just then you replace them with new ones. You want to think. Anybody who gives you the advice, just stop thinking or stop over thinking.

That's not helpful. You're designed to think. Like, I love meditation, I love mindfulness. That's 10 minutes of your day. That's 30 minutes of your day. What about the other 23 and a half hours? The solution can't be, don't think. You're designed to think.

And so you replace them with new thoughts and then you repeat those new ones so often, they become as automatic as the old ones. We want fast progress, but some of your broken soundtracks, like I'll work with leaders that are 42, and they're giving opportunities at their job to step into bigger roles, and they're pulling back. And if you pull the thread, the reason they're pulling back

is when they are 21, a college professor said, you're not a natural leader, they accepted that and they believe that and they've listened to that soundtrack 10,000 times for two decades. So when you give them a new one, you can't just go, here's the new one. Good luck. You're sending one new soundtrack of one afternoon up against two decades of over and over like who's gonna win in that fight? So you have to repeat it in creative ways. And so that's the premise of the book is, how do you do that?

What does that look like? And it ends up being really fun and a lot easier than most people think. Well, first of all, okay, that's because that you talk, that's what you say in the three yards is how you, the power, how do you kind of tap into the power of overthinking. But okay, so you said a few things here.

So what if people don't know that it's broken? Like, is there what element of self-awareness is this, is there? Is this whole process? I'll give you a 30 second activity that any listener on the planet can use. All you do to identify a broken soundtrack, because that's the question you're asking, okay,

how do I even know if I have a broken soundtrack? All you do is write down a goal. So the goal can be anything, the goal can be, I wanna start my own podcast. I wanna ask that person out. I wanna move to Austin. I want to lose 10 pounds. I wanna write a screenplay, whatever.

You write down a goal and then you listen to your first thoughts. You listen to the first thoughts that come. Are they encouraging? Do they say, you should do that. You're so well equipped to do that. You're the right age to do that. This is gonna go so well. Or are they encouraging? Do they say you should do that? You're so well equipped to do that. You're the right age to do that. This is gonna go so well. Or they negative. Do they say, who do you think you are? Somebody smarter's already done that. Like you failed the last time you did.

You're gonna fail this time again too. Or you're too old. That's what's interesting about fear. Fear argues both sides of the coin. Fear when you're young will say like your 20s, maybe mid-30s will say you're too young. You know, enough experience. Nobody will listen to you. Then you hit like mid-30s, mid-40 will say you're too young you know enough experience nobody will listen to you then you hit like mid 30s mid 40s and fear goes you Mr. Shot it's too late and you want to say to fear when was either right age the perfect age to do this as if fear would go there were 10 minutes when you were 31 that would have been so so perfect like it was a Tuesday in October and so you listen to those first thoughts you listen to your reaction because every reaction

is an education. So when you write down that goal, you listen for those thoughts. And if they're encouraging, awesome, turn them up. You've got a great soundtrack. But if they're not encouraging, it might be a broken soundtrack. And there's some things you can do about that. So that's the, it does take self-awareness, but it takes less than you think to start that conversation.

And once you do, like once you find the first or second, you're gonna start to see them everywhere. That's why we realized the teenage book would be helpful. We were at a swim meet and this girl got out. She was probably 13 or 14. She said to her mom, mom on the slowest swimmer on the team, on the worst swimmer on the team, I'll never be better. And my wife and I just looked at each other

and said, oh, those are just some broken soundtracks. She can change that. And I'd say that to parents, any parent listening, if you hear your kids use absol oh, those are just some broken soundtracks. She can change that. And I'd say that to parents, any parent listening, if you hear your kids use absolutes, it's usually a broken soundtrack. I'm the only one who didn't get invited to the party. I'll never get better, geometry. Every one of my friends went except me.

I have the oldest phone in the classroom. I give you here absolutes, it's usually a broken soundtrack. So there's so many ways to identify them and that don't take a ton of self-awareness. And then so give me some tech. Could you talk, there's like a whole area about the techniques of about how to kind of break those, break the broken or kind of stop the broken soundtrack. What's happening? And so, and it's basically action based. Like if you kind of stop what you're doing, like you said something which I thought two things

that I thought were interesting, going to the grocery store. That's what I do. I go to the grocery store, and because it like, and you feel productive, even if you're buying one little thing. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? Because it's like, okay, well, and it's like getting out of that like mental place where you are right now and doing something, right? Yep. That's why I go to Costco when I'm very stressed out. Well, I've Costco. Isn't it great?

Yeah, it's the best. Costco, I even love it at Christmas. Like I even like Costco is so great to me and it's efficient and you're like, it's going to be so crowded and then they work that line and they have the score of who's the fastest register person. I'm like, I love, yeah, I am so. They do in your Costco, they do not have my Costco. They have it in your Costco.

I guarantee if you look on the back wall, they keep a score, like Tim R in our neighborhood is crushing, I've never met him. He's like a legend in our Costco. And I ask all the other cashiers, I'm like, is Tim R here? And they're like, that guy is so fast. So yeah, this is, oh yeah, If you look at the back of your Costco,

there is a hundred percent a scoreboard because people want progress. That's how everybody wants progress, whether you're a cashier at Costco, whether you're an executive, people are motivated by progress. And I love that Costco does. I mean, I have a podcast called All It Takes to the Goal.

So I'm always curious about how is Costco motivating people? How is this company motivating people? So that's just the nerdy goal side of me that notices stuff like that, but I guarantee it's at your Costco. That's very interesting because people think that also it's very much for like high performers or people who are successful that they need a goal to kind of keep on kind of moving forward. But what you're it's, like it doesn't matter where you are in your life or your career,

like progress is progress, and that's the biggest motivator to kind of keep going. Everyone, like the, I'm working on a new book and one of the ideas is about. Another one, I thought you're working on the teenage book. That one's already done, that one comes out on September. I got another one due in August. Which was that called. We don't have a title yet, but it's already done. That one comes out on September. I got another one due in August. Which was not held. We don't have a title yet, but it's about potential.

And one of the things we studied is the reason why you compare yourself to other people is because your brain wants to know you're making progress. And if you don't show it, you're making progress, it just goes and finds somebody else's progress card. And so we come up with all these solutions to fix comparison, but we never give the brain what it really wants. Gratitude isn't what it wants in that moment. Your brain is like, are we going the right way

or making progress, are we doing things and you go, just be thankful. That's not what it's asking. It's asking, are we making progress? And if you don't answer it in your own life, you just go look at other people's lives and go look at that score. And so it's really fascinating.

We as humans want to know, we're going the right direction, our relationships are going the right direction, our finances are going the right direction. And if you can't see that in a visual way, your brain starts to go, okay, well, I'm gonna go compare us to other people because you won't give me any sort of update on how we're doing.

So I'll just go look at somebody else's life and then feel inadequate. So it's really interesting how much we want to know where things are going. What is that? My mortgage rate detector. I made it out of an old altimeter alarm. With Navy Federal Credit Union's no refi-rate drop option, we could get a lower rate without refinancing our mortgage, so I'm keeping a close eye on mortgage rates. They're dropping! Call Navy Federal!

Buy a home and if rates drop, you could lower your rate and save thousands. Navy federal credit union. Our members are the mission. In short, by NCOA, terms and conditions apply equal housing lender, loan subject to approval and eligibility requirements. Learn more at Navyfederal.org. That was interesting. Well, then social media is terrible for that because it's opened up a whole, you know, panace, it's open up a whole plethora of things that you can constantly compare yourself to constantly.

Well, and the problem is it's new, we think it's old. Like we sometimes, like we've always had it, we're the first generation. And so like my mom, Libby Akuf in the 1980s couldn't compare her motherhood to other moms. Like she could compare herself to five people on our coldest act, but she couldn't compare herself to a mom in L.A., a mom in Spokane, Washington,

a mom in Topeka, because she didn't have access to their lives. Like she just didn't, it's the same reason like you go, there's more jerks online now. There's not necessarily, it's just you have access to those jerks. Growing up, I knew the 10 jerks in Hudson, Massachusetts, but I had no exposure to the jerks in Cleveland Ohio

Right, you know like but then that was like here's every jerk ever and guess what they're so talkative Like they're so like they're really loud and so it's not that there's more jerks It's just now we have access to them and that's part of what makes social media challenges We're all kind of bumping into those people and you go, okay. Well, this is challenging It is and it's new and like in a hundred years the textbooks are gonna talk about how we handle it media challenges, we're all kind of bumping into those people and you go, okay, well, this is challenging. It is. And it's new. And like in 100 years, the textbooks are going to talk about how we handled it.

There's not, we can't go back 100 years ago. Okay, but how did my grandfather handle social media? He didn't. Like, where the generation? And that's why it's awkward. And we're figuring it out. Like social media is still a toddler. Like we barely know how to walk, because it's still so new.

Which is scary to me, right? Because people are not able to socialize as properly anymore. Do you remember before, you were probably the one on the same age, like before I had, I never had a phone, I never texted people. And I was very happy. Like I had a floor, I had a very flourishing social life. I wasn't worried about, like to your point, what Mary Jane was doing in like, which of talk hands is?

And now every moment you have, it basically is spent scrolling, you know? It's gonna probably, you know, when we first talked about, you said two months of our life is spent watching TV. So if you just stop watching a month of that, you're like ahead of the game. I wonder with when you include social media, how much time we actually spend just on just screens.

I bet you've got numbers four months. Two months on social media, two months on TV. Well, and the thing is, you know, what's interesting. I was reading about this in the psychology of money, this brilliant book where it talks about persuasion theory and how the scrolling is mimicking the slot machine pulldown. So they studied persuasion theory from the casino industry. And so when you scroll down, it's like a slot machine and your brain goes, okay, we don't know what's gonna happen.

Will there be new posts? We'll be like, and we're wired for that and we get a dopamine hit. And so none of it's accidental. That's the other thing. It's not like you have to, like, and we're wired for that. And we get a dopamine hit. And so none of it's accidental. That's the other thing. It's not like you have to, like I always tell people, remember you're up against 10,000 developers. Like that's those are the odds right now.

It's you versus 10,000 of the smartest developers in the world. And you go, why am I so bad at staying off my phone? Because it was you again, if you did, if you tried to karate against 10,000 people, you wouldn't be like, why did I get beat up? 10,000 people? That's a lot of people and they're really smart. And so yeah, like, put it in a drawer.

Leave it in another room. Like that's almost all you can do is be like, like my phone, one of my goals is I put it in, I plug it in another room when I go to bed, because if it's even near me, like I can really tie a tie and call it like, just one more email, one more text, I totally, I totally, I totally, I totally, I totally, I totally,

I totally, I totally, I totally, I totally, I totally, I totally, I totally, I totally,

I totally, I totally, I totally, I totally, I totally, I totally, I totally, I totally, I totally,

I totally, I totally, I totally, I totally, I totally, I totally, I totally, after you have to draw the end and then go to bed. More from our guests, but first a few words from our sponsor. So imagine that you can essentially guarantee that your customers will read what you have to say. As an entrepreneur, I know how difficult it is to cut through the noise and reach your customers.

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That's 833-287-9767. That's text habits to 833-287-977-67. To get an extra 500 free texting credits on your trial. I think it's also the biggest time stock. I know that it's like another job that's been added to everybody's job that they have to kind of maintain. You know what I mean?

Yeah, wait till your book comes out. Like, you're about to have like seven new full-time jobs in the fall. Like, it's already, you know, like, I already have, I feel like Agita, when you were talking about the book stuff earlier, I was like, oh my God, it's happening now. Like, I just like, it's like, literally, it's like a monster. Like, nobody, why though I should say this? Like, nobody wants to be around me

When I'm writing my book or when I'm launching a book. This is like yeah, yeah, it's like I wife told me that about me I actually have worked a like hard on that because four years ago I got the best book deal of my life and my wife said hey You're a jerk for the two years when you write a book and you're jerk for the two years when you sell it And that's not gonna work. She said I'd rather you be a happy plumber than a miserable writer. And what she was saying was the only fuel I had for production was stress. Like I was addicted to chaos, addicted to deadlines,

and I was miserable to be around. So yeah, that's part of the last four years has been coming up with a different fuel for my creativity versus panic stress. Like it's not fun to be around somebody who's running on cortisol. Well, exactly. Well, it's not fun to be around somebody who's running on cortisol. Well, exactly.

Well, your wife could call my husband. That's the point. That's the point. That's the point. Because I think that it's very, very difficult to shut it off, because you feel pressure, right? And you want it to do well. And then the over thinking, which is again,

about how we even got the Costco thing, right, the techniques and all this. Can you, let's talk about a few of the techniques, because I think people will find that interesting, because like you said, 99% of the people have this issue that's basically slow them down from productivity or getting to their goal. Yeah, so here's the big thing.

David Thomas, who's a therapist here in Nashville, we were having coffee and I was asking him about this and he said, the problem, John, is that people want there to be a switch. We live in a culture that wants to switch as if you do one thing and it switches off your overthinking. You do one thing and it switches off your stress, your negativity, he said, but we don't live in a switch world.

We live in a dial world. And so when you have a switch mentality, you go, yoga's gonna fix me. And you go to yoga and it works for like a week and there's less stress. You go, I did it, I figured it out. But then guess what, life gets stressful again, because life is stressful.

Like it's a hard job being on the planet. There's beautiful parts, there's messy parts. And he said, it's much better to go, when you get turned up to a nine, okay, I get to turn the dial back down and I have a personal set of things that helps me turn the dial down and they're personal to you. So for me, one of them is running. I like to run. I need the indoor fins. I like being outside. Somebody else would hear that and go, oh, I hate running. Great. Maybe for you, it's walking with a friend.

Maybe for you, it's reading like I met with a friend for lunch today and he said, I've been loving reading poetry on my porch. I'm not a big poem guy. I appreciate it as a craft, but it doesn't relax me. It doesn't turn my dial down. I mean, the darkest one I do is I love doing huge Lego vehicles. Putting together a Porsche 911 or Bugatti, it's 4,000 pieces and I love it because it has instructions.

None of the rest of my life has clear instructions. How do you be an author, how do you be a speaker, how do you be a podcaster, like there's not clear instructions, but I get this 4,000 piece Lego set and there's a huge manual, I can follow it step by step. And so for me, that's a turn down technique.

For other people, it's knitting or gardening. So what you do is, that's where there is some self-awareness where you go, okay, these are the 10 things that turn me down. Like when I'm up at a nine, when I'm up at a 10, because life's gonna happen like that, these are the things that turn me down. And for you, it was a quick trip to Costco and I feel productive because I got the three things, I was in and out, I knew how to do it. So yeah, you just figure out, okay, what are the things that I need to add to my list? For my daughter, one of her soundtracks, she's 16, she has a big hourglass on her night's side table

and she turns it over in the morning and goes, it's a new day, it's a new day and it feels like, okay, I get to start over today, it's a new day. So that's one of her turn down techniques. And so you just figure out and they don't have to be massive, it doesn't have to be, I go to Paris, that'd be amazing, but in your day-to-day life, what are some things that when you recognize or a friend or a spouse says figure out and they don't have to be massive, it doesn't have to be, I go to Paris, that'd be amazing. But in your day to day life, what are some things that when you recognize or a friend or

a spouse says, hey, you're out like in 11 right now, you go, oh, that's right. What are the techniques I need to turn down my dial? And it becomes this fun game because you then start to collect them. And you go, you know, 10 minutes, a NPR or 10 minutes of this song turns me down. There's a million different ways to execute it. but it's always based on what works for you. My techniques don't work for other people, vice versa. Now, I think exercise is a huge one and running for me, by the way, is the other one. Because I agree with you 100%. But there is a major element of self-awareness there,

because you need to kind of recognize a, that you are in that loop, that broken soundtrack loop, and then like get out of it and do something for it. When you wanna recognize before your body is like, okay, we're just gonna shut you down. Like you wanna, you know, and part of it is we do need community. You mentioned that earlier with phones,

like you need community, you need friends that overflick back and go, hey, you feel really stretched thin right now. Or hey, like I know for me, I don't like to have back to back to back to back meetings. I need a little bit of space between them. And so I know that going in, like at 46, I've got a little bit better understanding of my owner's manual than I might have at 26. And I can say, oh, that's right, I'm not at my best when I'm like scheduling,

scheduling scheduling. Okay, I need to make sure that I'm making. As I can, there's some days when I can't, and I'm going from a city to a city, but if I can, to bake in a little bit of space, because that's healthy margin for me. And yeah, you do end up needing to pay attention to it, but I still don't think it,

I still think it can be done in the context of community, because I always say like, sometimes it's you're so close to the painting, you can't see what it looks like and you need people that are further back, friends that'll go, hey, because everybody's had a relationship, a bad dating relationship where their friends were all like, this guy is terrible. And then when you break up with them and you have some distance finally go, he was terrible, why don't you guys tell me? They're like, we did tell you, you had enough distance, but you were so close.

So we need people in our life that love us enough to go, hey, you're feeling really stressed to me. Like, are you stressed out right now? Can we go in a walk and talk about that? So I think community is helpful in that case. And you know, I, you were saying, I agree with you. And I think that there's also an element we were saying earlier about changing, I

guess the soundtrack a little bit, before we even get to where the techniques, what about positive affirmations? People are always talking about positive affirmations, speak to you, because if you, what the words that you say matter in terms of your words turn into You know how what what kind of how you execute on your life? Do you believe in that do you think that helps if I said to myself? I'm I didn't know Because yeah, I I kind of am very wishy-washy. I didn't initially but I do now I want yeah, okay

I didn't initially but I I started to talk to people that I really respected that were high performing. And if you'd get them off my, if you'd get them backstage and go, hey, what do you think about affirmations? What do you think they'd all go, I got a mantra, I do, I got a pep talk I give myself. I got, they all had that, so I was like, oh no, I'm gonna have to study this.

Because I grew up with like serenity now in Seinfeld and like, you know, Santa live, I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, dog on it, people like me. So I really studied it and I started by studying how Zigg Ziggler did it, who's kind of like a motivational Godfather in this country. And I practiced his affirmations for a solid month and I was like, this is really encouraging. And then I interviewed Tom, Zigg passed away a few years ago,

and he viewed Tom his son and I tried to play, like, stump the Zieg where I'd be like, but what about, what about, what about, like, that cynicism, sarcasm, because I'm a sarcastic person by nature. And I think one of the things that helped me a lot was, I would say to him, is it just fake it till you make it? Like, is it just fake it till you make it?

And he said, no, not at all. He said, you're telling the truth in advance. And the way he described it to me was, he said, if you tell yourself, I'm in the best shape of my life and you're actually not, your brain knows that and it creates cognitive dissonance. It doesn't help you.

So instead, he said, say, I'm getting fitter and fitter every day and every way. If you're actively working on your health, say that because it's true. And your brain can go, that's true. I see that. So I don't believe in the like, I don't, you know, like I wouldn't say out loud today. I have a hundred million dollars

in bank. I don't. And my brain knows it. That's not helpful. Like that's actually destructive. I might say every day I get better at building my business. That's true. That's positive. That's moving forward. So yeah, I 100% believe in the power of your thoughts, the power of positive thinking. At the same time, I think there's a lot of silliness online that isn't tested, that isn't helpful, that gets people kind of spun out. And then you lump it all together and you miss some of the good stuff. So like, for instance, I have a note, I'll grab it, that says, I love writing this book. Like, I love writing this book. I love writing this book and I wrote that on November 10, 2019.

That's almost three years old because I kept forgetting. I would have this negative soundtrack, I'd go write this book. Writers are so emotional and they're artists and they're like, got to go to the coalmine and write this book. Coalminer should punch writers in the face constantly, because it's very difficult to be a coal miner. Like, I'm writing a book. Like, that's a real privilege.

Like, so I needed a simple reminder. That's a positive affirmation. I love writing this book. And I need that as a reminder. So like, when I sit down, because usually like 20 minutes in, I'm like, oh, this is going well. They're like an hour in.

I'm like, oh, this is going well. But at the an hour in. I'm like, oh, this is going well. But at the beginning, I'm like, oh, like all the insecurities, all the broken soundtracks, all the stuff. So I need that as a positive affirmation. So I 100% believe in the power of them. I just think there's great ways to use them and there's bad ways to.

I think positive affirmations are a tool. I'm not a big like, if you say it out loud, it manifests. I'm not a big like, the universe is trying to support, the universe doesn't care about me. It's very busy like jamming boats into the Suez Canal. Like, the universe has much more important things to worry about than John A. Cuff's book. But I do believe that your thoughts turn into your actions, your actions, turn into your results. And so I'm very like conscious about like, if my daughter says, I'll never get better at geometry We'll say hey wait a second. That's a broken soundtrack. What if we said I'm practicing geometry

I'm getting better at geometry I can learn geometry just like I learned algebra last year. That's a positive Information, but it's also true so I don't I don't like them when they I feel like they're not true See I love I did that to me. I What you do, how you just describe that to me, it makes perfect sense to me. Because that's not so much like saying, I'm going to have a million, I want, you know, I'm a millionaire or I'm a this, this, and I'm going to be a, to me, that's very, it's very Lucy Goosey. There's nothing tangible there, right?

But what you're saying, these positive affirmations that you're saying that actually make a difference are ones when it's like you're kind of switching the dialogue to be more positive versus negative. Like I do love this book because that then becomes like the the the actually the song or the soundtrack in your head. I love this book. I love this book because you're actually in the moment you're you're actually doing it. It's actually happening. 10th. Well, here's another example. Here's another example.

So somebody asked me, this is John, one of my broken soundtracks is I'm so lonely, I'm so lonely, I'm so lonely. And so I said, I wouldn't say to that person and I didn't say this person, we'll switch it to, I'm not lonely. Like, that's not true. Like, instead say, I'm built for community. That loneliness isn't a bad thing. That's your heart going. I'm built for community and I loneliness isn't a bad thing. That's your heart going.

I'm built for community, and I know I need to go get some more. Like, and that's not, that's not a weakness. That's a strength. I'm made for community. That's different than going. Just tell yourself a thousand times today, you're not lonely. That's not true.

It's not helpful. It doesn't move you forward. I'd much rather redeem that with the truth. And the truth is, I'm built for community. So what do I do with that? Again, that thought turns into an action. I need to go find more community. I need to, you know, what can I do with that?

And to that person, I said, go volunteer. The fastest way in any city in America to find community is to volunteer for something you care about. Because every organization needs somebody and it's full of people like you that love that same thing. So if I would, if I said I'm built for community, I I don't have any, I'm going to go find some place to volunteer

because there's going to be soul thrilled that I'm there. I'm going to meet other people that love animal rescue and that's one of my passion, you know. And so that's how to me, that's the flip. It's not say you're not lonely 100 times today and then hope it's like magic that it fixes you. Right. You're refraving the way you're speaking to yourself. than hope it's like magic that it fixes you. Right. You're refraining the way you're speaking to yourself. For constantly, yeah, that's more, yeah, that's, that's a, that's a, that's a different, it's not about manifestation of this other gobly goop that I don't believe in either. So yeah, no, I love results.

Like let's go results. Like let's again, totally have the thought, have the action, have the result, have it all, but let's do it in a way that actually gets you to the result. Right. The problem is a lot of people don't even know what they want. They're kind of like, they're floundering. They don't even know what to go for. They don't know what to, what they want.

And so there, there, there goes the stop and the start, right? So they don't know how to even move forward. Well, how do people do that? Like, how did they over, could they overthink to the point where they're like in, you know, there are analysis paralysis, is what happens? Yeah, so I always say, you know, write down five things and then do one, three and five.

And they'll go, I one, three and five. I'm like, okay, fine, do two and four. Like, it doesn't matter which ones you pick, there's not a magic number. And so, I think that we can get stuck, but part of it is, like, you find something you enjoy. I don't, I think part of the problem is we have misinterpreted things like Stephen Covey's begin with the end in mind, because how it got twisted is

you can't begin until you know the end. And so people go, what's your vision for your whole life? That's really intimidating. I didn't, I'm not talking you today because in 2008 when I did my first blog I was like I bet this is how it's all gonna go. I really didn't like I did the next thing and I did it You know as full as I could with as much passion and dedication and then I built on that and then it went a different direction That I thought but I think same with Simon Sinek's book start with why like it's an amazing book But people have misinterpreted to go until you know your why you can't try. And that's not what he's saying at all,

but on the internet, it's shorthanded into, well, what's your perfect why? And when I ever talk to college groups, I'll say, anyone who's in their 40s that told you they knew what they were gonna do and they are 19 is a liar. They did it. So what happens is adults that are in their 40s say to a college grad, well, what's the next thing?

What are you going to do for the rest of your life? As if at 48, they knew at 22. Like I didn't know that. I couldn't have it majored in most of the things I'm doing right now, podcasting, social media, because it didn't exist. Like in 1998, when I was graduating from college, Twitter didn't exist, Instagram didn't exist, podcast didn't exist. So imagine me trying to go in 1998.

Okay, I'm graduated, I got to know what I'm going to do. Like the thing you might do might not physically exist yet. And so instead of being overwhelmed by that, you should be freed by that to go, I don't have to have it all figured out. I don't have to know the next set of things I want to try. And I'm going to try these things and see where they go. And I'm going to test them. And I'm going to pay attention to how they make me feel and how they make other people feel.

And is it something I want to spend more time doing? And I'm going to grow it from there, but I'm not going to put that pressure on. I've got to figure out the thing, whether that's you use why or your vision or your driving passion. Like, again, all of those things are good. I just don't like them when they're used to freeze ourselves. Totally true. And you're gonna learn them as you go.

Like, you're gonna shape them as you go and you're gonna learn new things about yourself. Like, how boring would life be if at 18, you know exactly what the next 30 years? Like, nobody's that smart. I didn't predict the pandemic. Like, after these last two years, there shouldn's that smart. I didn't predict the pandemic. Like after these last two years,

there shouldn't be a person on the planet that's like, you gotta know how the next two years are gonna go, oh, did you, did you guess these last two? Like you called these per? Oh, that's amazing. Like by all means predict the next two, but if you didn't, don't put that pressure on yourself. Try something and throw a couple hours at it.

Like it doesn't, the problem is people think it's the thing they have to do for the rest of their life. They think, okay, this is gonna be forever. Like, try a couple hours, see if you like it, keep building to it, see if you like it. I wrote a book called Finish about finishing goals and it talks about that. And so, yeah, I think that's a much easier approach. Whether you're doing a dance to your favorite artist in the office parking lot

or being guided into Warrior I in the break room before your shift, whether you're running on your Peloton tread at your mom's house while she watches the baby, or counting your breaths on the subway. You're inhaling and long exhale. Peloton is for all of us, wherever we are, whenever we need it. Download the free Peloton app today. Peloton app available through free tier

or pay subscription starting at 12.99 per month. My God, every single one, I gotta start reading all your books. Every book of yours sounds exact, and they're all like, but it's basically, it's all this, it's like one extension of another, and it sound, all of them sound great. I appreciate you saying that, that's really encouraging.

No, it's true, it's amazing. And you're very likable, by the way. I'm sure you hear that all the time. You're very, very funny. I'm really happy with this. That's great. No, you are, you're like, We started with tech problems and I've had tech problems.

So I think right out of the gate, we were like, yeah, like we're gonna, you know, like we're gonna, like we're, people will say just do a quick video that we need at seven seconds and we want you to say your name, the location and do something funny. I'm like, like, whatever people will say, just do a quick video that we need, it's seven seconds, and we want you to say your name, the location, and do something funny, I'm like, oh, in seven seconds, and I'm gonna go,

just on your iPhone, but also make it look amazing, and then it's like, oh, here we go, I gotta do a quick video, like, that's where my perfection is, I'm like, oh boy, you're not even lighting this right, you look a thousand years old, it's shot from under your chin, like, so chin like so I

Don't really tech. I was like, oh, we're gonna have a fun conversation You know something that you just said that right now because I have like literally procrastinating with what I'm slowing down an entire process of a project I'm working on because they're like we just need like five or six videos of like about three or four minutes each If you talking about something you need you know that you talk about all the time I'm like, oh just five or six videos, like three or four minutes each, if you're talking about something you need, that you talk about all the time. I'm like, oh, just five or six of them. Yeah, yeah. Oh, just, but make it personal,

but in educational, but funny and relatable and fast. It's super easy. It'll take you like 10 minutes and you're like, that's gonna take me, you know, so whenever someone says me. Trust me, I know. Oh, yeah. Oh my God.

It's literally been sitting on my desk for like three and a half weeks because I just can't even do it. You know, which is then literally holding up everything else. But again, like it's just when it's done with the idea of just not get out. Just like it's not get out. It's not get out. Like whenever somebody wants you to do something difficult, they go, knock it out. It's quick, twig.

You're so good at this. You could probably do this in your sleep. And you're like, the thing you described is like a four week project. Like if I'm gonna do it well, you know? Yeah, so I'm sure we could talk shop like that constantly. Right? And so that's the overthinking though, right?

Because I have like, I don't know what I'm gonna say. I can, all but now I have pressure. So like, how did you like kind of reconcile pressure with overthinking? Because this is literally what happens. And because I then get like so overwhelmed by like that project that I know I'm not good at, you know, I just end up not doing it.

And I'm thinking about it constantly. Yeah, here's what you do. You play to your strengths. So like if anybody listen to it was like, I'd love to write a book, but I don't like writing. Awesome. What's the thing you do like? Like if I had, yeah, here's what you do. You play to your strengths. So like if anybody listen to it was like, I'd love to write a book, but I don't like writing. Awesome. Like what's the thing you do? Like if I had a podcast, I mean, I have a podcast, but say somebody was listening, they're like,

I want to write a book, I don't like writing, but I have a podcast. You then talk your book out. Like make it, you know, write it out that way. Like take a bunch of episodes, get them trimmed, describe, play to your strength. So for your particular situation, if that were me, the ways I'd kind of get around the overthinking would,

I'd ask follow up questions. I wouldn't let anybody go, hey, we just need this, I'd go, well, can you give me the initial script? Can you give me a draft? Right. You give me some bullet points. Like, I would push back to get more detail, because I know if I just I'm supposed to turn on the camera

and like go off the cuff like it's not going to be the quality level I want because you prepared for the podcast like you prepare like you're writing a book you're prepared for that. So I would ask follow up questions for that and then when it came time to actually do it, if I really needed to I'd have a friend help I'd be like hey I just need a little it's like a sober companion like I need you to hold the camera and just tell me like it's work in, if I repeat myself, whatever, like I'd have somebody help me with it. The third thing I do is I would time box it. I would go, I would set it against something else. So I'd go, okay, I have 90 minutes for this and there's a podcast interview

I'm doing at the end of this 90 minutes. So I have to be done. Like I would, I would time box myself so that I couldn't do it all day. And so I would, you know, for me, it's always figuring out. And then eventually like, I stopped doing YouTube because I hated YouTube. Like I, everybody was like, you gotta do YouTube. And I realized three things. I hated doing it.

I wasn't good at it. And it didn't make any money. That's like the Venn diagram of things you shouldn't do. Because it's one thing if you're not good, but you love it because you'll get better. If you hate it and you're not good, you're never gonna get better. And so for me, my podcast, all it takes is gold.

I love doing that. That fits my skillsets. If it's, and I tried YouTube for a year, and I did the college try, like I tried it enough to have a pretty good sense of, okay, I don't love it. And that's not to say maybe I will hire that down the road or invest in that in a different way, but me, because people go, it's so easy, just do YouTube. And as if it's like a switch, you know, and like, oh, I'm sorry.

And then people are mad when you're not on it. They're like, why aren't you on YouTube more? I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm trying to write a book, like a whole book, pretty regularly, like not just occasionally. Like, I'm speaking 50,000, I was in Phoenix, talking to Dennis, like, I'm doing a lot of other stuff, but they go, man, I just, what's your LinkedIn strategy?

And you're like, I don't have time for a LinkedIn strategy. You know, like, so I'll hire stuff, but I'm also kind of going, if I've tried it for a year and I've hated it, I'm not good at it and it doesn't make money, like I don't know what other sign I'm waiting for to see I shouldn't do that, I'm not gonna do that. So like, it's good to quit stuff too. I think that's, first of all, that's exactly

what's happening right now. I was like, why are you not on YouTube? We need to have 10 videos of you talking about, I'm like, and that's the problem. And I'm like, maybe are you not on YouTube? We need to have 10 videos of you talking about, I'm like, and that's the problem. And I'm like, maybe this is not for me. I mean, why didn't you like YouTube? What was the part that you kind of were like? It was every part, because I'm a writer.

Like one, I'm a writer. Like I love writing. That's a quiet, like, introverted activity. I'm more of an introvert than most people think. Like I'm extroverted in situations like this, but like even public speaking, I'm the only one with the mic. Like, I'm on stage.

Like, that's a very controlled moment. Like, I know exactly where I'm going. Like, a panel is an extroverted situation. I don't do a lot of panels. I do keynotes. And so for me, YouTube, it felt public in a way. I didn't like creating. The technology wasn't my strength.

I, you know, the sense that it's going to live forever and you can make a mistake. Like it just had so many perfectionism booby traps for me. So like where I think I'll get to, like even doing reels, people like you gotta do more reels. Like I'll come, you're not doing a million reels. Like you suckin' at reels. I think where I'll get to is I'll take content I've written

and I'll make them into reels and I'll try to is I'll take content I've written and I'll make make them into reels and I'll try to do 10 in a day. Because usually like with something like a reel and then I'll send them to somebody else to edit and make look pretty and all that. But if I can batch some reels, I think I can do them. The challenge for me with YouTube was I couldn't, I didn't feel like I could batch it in a good way. And I want it to be good. Like I want it, like You have a successful podcast. So the challenge for you is you can't really experiment in isolation. You have a brand. If you've never done YouTube and you go, I'm going to do videos about my ferret and I'm

going to grow a ferret community. Great. Nobody knows you. That's awesome. But the challenge for you is you have a quality level to the things you've created, and then somebody says, just do YouTube, you want to do that at a quality level. You don't want to do it at the amateur level

of the person who's filming their fairyt. And so that's part of the tension. So again, I'll try to hire stuff. I mean, I sound like I'm Amish talking about I don't wanna do YouTube. Like I get it sounds like I turn my own butter. Like I'm gonna do video. I know people like video, but I just know I haven't found the way I'm gonna engage with it yet,

and I'm gonna actively work on that and experiment with that, but it's not gonna be me alone with a camera in here, because like even setting up the light right is like an hour that I'm like, is dumb like I hate this light that the arm isn't right I bought the wrong like ring light what it doesn't fit my phone like there's so I'm just that's not again like I know I sound like a thousand-year-old man who is amish that's not gonna be video I'm not I'm gonna be on video you can find you on YouTube you can listen to my podcast, which is not my favorite.

So I think your strength honestly is your sense of humor. Like you would be great, I think, in video, in dialogue because you're so funny. You add such a nice sense of it. You add such a nice levity to the... Well maybe I need somebody to talk to. Like maybe I need somebody to talk to. You can talk to me.

Yeah, exactly. We should do it together. We should do it together. We should do it together. Exactly. Let's knock out those videos. Let's get them done right now and tell me the topic. We'll go back and forth.

I totally think so. I think there was a reason why we got connected. You're hilarious. I find you hilarious. Well, thanks for saying. Yeah, for me, it's funny. I realized like 10 years ago that was part of my niche when I came to, like Chris Rock says, there's some topics people won't listen to and listen to and laugh at the same time.

So I see humor as a way to share what might be a challenging topic. Like, overthinking could be a challenging topic for some people. So if I can use humor, it gives them a chance to engage with it in a way they weren't expecting. Because there's so many serious books about overthinking or so many kind of fuzzy holistic that you go, but how do I do anything with this on a Tuesday? Like this isn't, you know, like what do I, but I live in the, because some nonfiction self-help books are written and they're technically true,

they're not practically true. So they say, hey, if you just spent three hours a day working on your goal, you'll get your goal done. Yeah, that's technically true, but it's not practically true because I'm a stay at home mom. It has 17 minutes of free time. And this advice just made me feel more guilty, like, and more behind. So how do I, what does it look like? And so for me, that's how I'm always approaching ideas is like, okay, how do I make this where somebody can actually use it? And they can actually benefit from it. The three, the three things I teach about like, when it comes to picking an idea, whether you're

going to launch a blog, a book, a podcast, whatever, you look for number one, like a personal passion, you're personally connected to it. Because if you don't have that, you won't be willing to do the hard work. That's going to require the second thing is you look for a need. Do people actually need this? When I talk to people at events, when I'm seeing it online my neighbors Do I see a need and the third is is there a spot for me in the marketplace like can I can I put this somewhere in the market So like my book finish I was terrible at finishing things

I was I was a chronic starter and I wanted to know can I go for me an a chronic starter to a consistent finisher So I was willing to personally invest years understanding that second thing is I had this book called Start and all these people came up and we're like, no offense. I liked your book start, but I've never had a problem starting. Everyone can start. How do I actually finish? And so I saw a need and then I went to Amazon, which is my marketplace. And I looked, I put in the word finish and the only thing that came up was dishwasher detergent because our culture over celebrates the beginning and ignores the middle and the finish.

So we say things like well begun is have done and the hardest part of any journey is the first step. That's not technically true. Like the middle is the hardest part. We have launch parties. Like at companies they have launch parties, kick off parties, I've never been to a middle party. I've never had a manager say,

hey, we're at the worst part of the project. Time for middle cake. Like where do people cheer at races at At the beginning and at the end, the middle is hard and lonely. And so once I, oh my God. Oh my God, I get so close. Once I had those three things, once I had those three things,

I knew I'm gonna write this book called Finish and I think it's gonna help a lot of people. And same with soundtracks, I'm an overthinker. Like, so I have a personal connection, people need it. And then I went online and every book was either serious or would say, stop doing it, stop doing it, stop doing it. But I wanted to go, what if you could turn it from a super problem into a superpower?

Like that would be really amazing if you could make your thoughts work for you, not against you. That's an angle that I can fit into the marketplace. And so that's how I'm always looking for it. Like with the next ideas, have I identified those three things? Because the way I say it is, like if you have a personal passion and people actually need it,

but it's already over served in the market, that's a cake pop. Like if you told me, John, I got this great new idea, I'm gonna do cake pops, I go, I have terrible news, like we've had them for 20 years. Once they're in Starbucks,

that like the need is over. So if you have a passion and you check the market and you're like, nobody's serving it, but nobody actually needs it, that's a hobby. Like I love that you have a hobby, but if people don't need it, that's just your personal hobby. If you have a need, you identify, and you find a spot for yourself in the market,

but you're not personally connected to it, you just created another day job for yourself. Like it might be a little successful, but you're not personally connected to it, you just created another day job for yourself. It might be a little successful, but you're going to feel stuck. You just created another day job because there's no passion there. But if you have all three, that's where I think you see people light up and create podcast books, businesses that they really enjoy and really end up thriving. First of all, this last two minutes has been amazing because you've said everything that

you've said, I wholeheartedly, that's exactly true. Practically versus technically, it's two separate things. Oh yeah, it drives me nuts. Instagram drives me nuts when I see somebody advise. I'm like, but that's not practically true. Nobody's. And my wife, my wife will say to me, John, I need you to remember, because I'll compare myself to other people, because I'm human too. She'll go, that guy lives in LA and he's

single and doesn't have kids. And he works 900 hours a week. And you have two teenage daughters, and we have a marriage of 21 years, and we have different commitments. And so you can't compare his advice to your life or his life to your life. And I'll go, oh, that's right. That's where we do have like different things we're working on. Like I'm really like tomorrow morning, night 5 a.m. we're driving to college orientation. So for the next two days, I'm going to be at college orientation. And it's not that I'm going to miss work. That's my job. Like that's the best job is I get to launch this daughter into college. Like let's go. But it also means that if I was taking advice of you get to launch this daughter into college, like let's go.

But it also means that if I was taking advice of you have to work 14 hours a day on your grind or your hustle, then I'm gonna feel inadequate. But I have to remember, like, no, I have two kids and I have one shot after childhood. Like you can fast forward childhood, you can't rewind it. So like I wanna do a good launch. Like that, like I'm launching books obviously,

but like I'm also launching kids. And when you say all the time, we're not raising kids, we're raising adults. We're helping them practice to be adults. So let's focus on that. What does that look like? So again, that for me is so important. And I try to keep that in mind when I get stuck comparing myself to people who have, and it's not to say that that person isn't doing their life really well.

It's just, they're shaped differently, I shouldn't compare myself to them. But you know what, that's exact. But I'm going to say something. I'm very happy to hear. I'm actually surprised to hear you say that. I feel that as a woman, as a girl, that's a mom is much more what happens, right? Because it's like, I have two kids also. I'm going to do all these. I get lots of different things and that the mom guild is a real thing. I've never really, I have father guild. I've always, I hear about mom guild.

I hear a lot about mom guild. But what happens is, again, I also compare. And I'm like, well, how is she? And like people have to talk me off the ledge. They're like, well, she has no kids. You're a mom and you wanna be a good mom. That's your priority. Yeah, and kids take time. Like good kids take good time. Like that's like that's the bottom. Like that's part of it. Yeah. So I mean, I think that's

a hundred percent true. And I think you write moms like dad guilt isn't even really a phrase in the English language. Like I would like I always say dad's default is that we're amazing. Like that's like I'm killing it. Like like I'm a kid got a Mr. Meanor, it's not a felony. I'm a pretty good dad. You know, like dads come to the party, are you pretty proud? And so yeah, I think that's part of the challenge. Again, like when we don't know the whole story,

like when we don't, because like sometimes you're like, oh man, like that you're just seeing what's inside the lens. You're not seeing outside the lens. And so yeah, and you miss this really amazing thing you're getting to do. There's only two people on the planet that call you mom. Just two.

And you're raising humans. You're in charge of humans. Whole humans. And you go, oh, you're right. I'm gonna do every part of what I do well. And I'm gonna lean into it. I'm gonna do my best. But I'm also gonna see that as a huge privilege and a huge launch and all the things.

And I'm talking to me too, like I don't have this figured out. It's messy at our house too. I know like tomorrow my wife's gonna be like, hey, just so we're clear, if I see you on your phone, like if I try to sneak in, some like just one real quick email in the middle, like we had seven minutes of break in the orientation. I thought I, like she is gonna be like,

don't you dare. So it's not that I'm perfect at this. Like, but we're on the same boat trying to figure it out. I think the moral of the story here is don't compare yourself to social media because that's the evil. That is a constant thing that you're, that to me is like where everything kind of goes awry.

And, well, in the expectation of like, you'll never feel like you're creating enough content. That's the other thing, like somebody else is. That's it, yeah. And the joke I always used to do is like, there's entrepreneurs that have like 500 employees. And so like, and they're successful. And what'll happen is you'll compare yourself

to that person, but you would never drive down the highway and see a building that had 500 desks and go, that building is doing such a better job than me. Like, I'm not keeping up with that building. You're like, yeah, they have 500 employees. Like, you should be producing less content. Like, they have a full-time videographer who travels with them constantly.

Like, that's the, and so, but again, like, it's not so, it's social media so squarely you go. Again, you would never see a five-story building go, man, that building's killing me right now. They're really outperforming me. I'm such a failure, but you'll do that on social media, which is such a weird thing to me. Totally.

Your perspective is great. I really love your perspective. I really do. And I know I'm keeping you forever. We can do this again. We can totally do it live. We'll do it live in LA. Okay, good. Leave me with one thing over thinking. Let's just finish with this book for soundtracks. Give me one other thing that we haven't covered from the book. Yeah, I'll give you one last one last soundtrack switch up for you. So somebody

asked me the other day, they're like, how do I get over fear? Like, how do I get over it? And I said, you don't get over it, you go through it. And that's the switch. That's a soundtrack switch. Instead of over, you say through. Because sometimes we tell people, you can be fearless, you can be fearless, you can be fearless. I don't believe that's true. Because every time you do something new at a new level, there's a new size fear. So the first time I spoke to 10 people, I had 10 person size fear. And I worked on it, I did it, I did the reps, whatever got over it, got through it. And then I did 100 people and I had 100 person size fear and the 1000 people, 10,000 people, you know, on and on and on.

There's always going to be fears. You don't get over it because that's perfectionism as if you climb a wall once, you go through it. And then the second soundtrack you use is that fear gets a voice, not a vote. You can learn from fear. Fear is trying to educate you about something. fear gets a voice not a vote. You can learn from fear. Fear is trying to educate you about something.

We shouldn't always demonize it. It gets a voice, but it doesn't get a vote. It doesn't get to sit at the head of the table and say, you don't get to do this, you're not the one to do this, who are you to do this? It doesn't get a vote. It gets a voice not a vote. So I'm always reminding myself, my kids, anywhere I talk to, figure it's a voice not a vote.

It gets a voice not a vote. And I think that's way more practical than be fearless. Because I think when you tell yourself you're going to be fearless, the minute you have fear and you're going to, you feel ashamed and like you're the one doing the thing wrong. Versus going, oh, here's fear, gets a voice, is trying to tell me something I can learn from?

Oh, if it's just toxic, no, I'm not going to listen to it. It definitely doesn't get a vote either. So that's what I'd say. I love that. Thank you. I think that's great. And I appreciate your time. I don't know what that is.

But I really do appreciate your time. And I really enjoyed meeting you. This was really. This was fun. This was super fun. You're great. Where do people find this book? You have found a thousand books coming everywhere in Amazon, I guess, with

that one. Yeah, so a cuff.me is my website. It's just acuFF.me. And then my podcast is all it takes as a goal. And if you only listen to one episode, I interviewed a woman named Colleen Berry, who lost her job, had to get four different jobs to survive, became a secretary, and decided, I'm going to turn this into something else, changed her mindset. And she's now the CEO of the company.

So it's a really fascinating story about somebody who said, okay, I have to deliver pizzas, I have to be here as secretary. She was a cinematographer before this and had to rebuild their life. And she changed her mindset. And now she's the CEO. So I love pointing the finger at folks like that, especially moms, single moms that are like, okay, I'm figuring this out. And now she's the CEO.

So all it takes is a goal as a podcast. then a cuff. Me is all my stuff. I love it And by the way, isn't that story in your book? Oh, yeah, I started I started the first chapter with her I love that story some other I did show I didn't I interviewed her. Yeah, she's she's a baller. I loved I love that story That's why when you said that I was like oh, I love that story. Oh, that's great. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, thanks for having me on I hope you enjoyed this episode. I'm Heather Monahan, host of Creating Confidence, a part of the YAP Media Network, the number one business and self-improvement podcast network. Okay, so I want to tell you a little bit about my show. We are all about elevating your confidence to its highest level ever and taking your business right there

with you. Don't believe me. I'm going to go ahead and share some of the reviews of the show so you can believe my listeners. I have been a long time fan of Heather's, no matter what phase of life I find myself in, Heather seems to always have the perfect gems of wisdom that not only inspire, but motivate me into action. Her experience and personality are unmatched, and I love her go-getter attitude. This show has become a staple in my life. I recommend it to anyone looking to elevate their confidence

and reach that next level. Thank you! I recently got to hear Heather at a live podcast taping with her and Tracy Hayes, and I immediately subscribe to this podcast. It has not disappointed, and I cannot wait to hear Heather at a live podcast taping with her and Tracy Hayes and I immediately subscribe to this podcast. It has not disappointed and I cannot wait to listen to as many as I can as quick as I can. Thank you Heather for helping us build confidence and bring so much value to the space. If you are looking to up your confidence level, click creating confidence now. Now. When you download the Croger app, you have easy access to savings every day.

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