Hamish & Andy - 2024 Ep 273 - Three Fact Shoot Out is back!

Episode Date: October 9, 2024

The guys bring back the infamous Three Fact Shootout, a notorious failure from a few weeks earlier, with three fresh new facts to scrutinise. Andy has a gripe about purchasing new pillows, and the boys use a classic radio style competition, 'the phrase that pays' to help allocate new tickets for ConCon. Hamish had a colonoscopy, and Bec got a speeding fine in Andy's car!  1. Three fact shootout 2. Andy’s pillows 3. ConCon - Phrase that pays 4. Hamish’s colonoscopy 5. Bec’s speeding fine 

A listener production. Activate your internet. Because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in 3, 2, Sorry, still buffering. One. Ahoy to my general, Hamish. Adequately ranked, unless you outrank me somehow as a brigadier. Or wear types of anesthetics.

Or it's just like general, like a dinner. Types of store. Yeah, types of store. That's true. It can be very high powered or very bland. Yeah, it's true when you think about it. Or types of pants company. Ahoy to my elephant, Jack.

Well, always pretty highly ranked in the animal kingdom, you would say. I think ranking actually does work in this sense. I am a guard in this one. General, elephant, and guard. It feels to me like some sort of alternate chess pieces. Yeah, like off-brand chess. Yeah.

Well done. Do you know what? Is it like Warhammer or something, or one of those games? That's the pieces of Chinese chess. Ah, so they would've... We've obviously translated for General Elephant and Guard, but Xiangqi, I think, is the way you pronounce Chinese chess.

And the general, they can move one point either vertically or horizontally, but not diagonally. So the general is like the king. Yeah, I think so. And the elephants can move diagonally two points in any direction. That's not a chess piece. No, so it's, well, they call it Chinese chess, but it's a different game. I don't think it's just, they have different rules by the looks of things.

Gotcha, gotcha. Yeah, it's not just a sub in, sub out. It's not like when we had who's that instead of guess who at the local op shop. Four in a row. This seems a bit like Connect 4. Haven't heard of that. Never heard of that.

Jack, how's your chess career going? Oh yeah. Yes, I'm still avidly playing, but just not getting any better. I plateaued. You were told to do the lessons. Yeah, so Adam Spencer said, don't play any more three minute rush games

because you're not learning from them. Do 10 minute games and only do one a day maximum and then do the puzzles. And instead I do exactly the opposite of that. I play about 100 three minute games a day and no puzzles. What's funny, recently with chess is like, we come into our house, we've had a bit of a chess moment. We've got a chess board at the kitchen table.

We're into chess at the moment. And I went, I did the same thing, joined up at chess.com. And when you start off as like a complete newbie, they just give you these puzzles. You don't even have to play. Well, they go, we recommend you do this first to start learning a few of the common patterns of chess. But you agree with this, don't you Jack? A lot of the early puzzles are basically, there's checkmate, one move away.

And often it's like quite simple to see. And so you feel like a genius for spotting it. But you just move one piece and it's checkmate. You do so many of those, you start thinking, man, I'm very good at this. A natural. Very good at this. I'm consistently just checkmating people.

Then you play a game and you realize there's quite a lot more to chess than the final move that they've let you do. So it's basically like being a kid and your dad's just picking you up and you're slam dunking the ball all the time. I'm ready for the NBA. You're pretty good at this game.

Ahoy also to King Aslan of Narnia, who left a message to habishow.com. Ahoy boys, it's King Aslan here from Narnia. I'm here to send a message to Jack, or as we like to call him in Narnia, Mr Tumnus. We know you're really enjoying your little hobby over on that side of the wardrobe, Mr. Tumnus, but we need you back in Narnia post-haste. Alas, Narnia is in peril, and we need a true weasel by our side.

So please, Mr. Tumnus, use some Mr. Ruff seats to return to Narnia as our number six in command. Wow. These are getting too creative for mine. Didn't they just used to be like, hey, I'm calling from Uluru, love the podcast, bye. Yeah. So you want our listeners to be less creative.

That's so. Interesting that this comes off the back of a heavily, just a fun lot of references for Jack. Yeah. Putting a ban on creativity. Well, we should remind people where it came from. That's a deep cast. We did notice that the live action film representation of Narnia and the Lion Witch in the Wardrobe,

the character Mr Tumnus, who was half man half goat, he'd look a lot like Jack. You had some serious fawn features. No, I think I looked like the handsome actor that played Mr Tumnus. No, but they'd done something to his head. No, they put it on a goat. No, but they'd sort of flattened the brow a bit. I think it was that that we went. Heavy tinkering.

Well, with some fawn-like aspects of Jack, there really is. Wildly, we're bringing back something that I would say wasn't a success because we all failed. Mate, I can't believe we're bringing this back. The reason we're bringing it back is when I was going through my side of the fence in the emails, so many people thought you should have won last time we had the three facts shoot out. You're looking at Jack for the win. Wow, we, wow. Thank you for being honest about that.

The amount of people like, oh my gosh, Woolworths, oh my gosh, I didn't know this. And I was like, has Jack somehow got bots doing this? No, I wouldn't even know how. So Jack's fact. Which is exactly what you'd say once you've done it. Jack's. No, it is a crazy, when you give it space and really think about it, it is a crazy fact. Including someone writing in from Scotland, who said, I can't believe our woolwurst

have defunct and fallen over and Australia's still survive. It's the same company. It is not. The name was stolen. So, look, I feel like we have to go again. Where did you get that fact again from Jack? Someone on your radio show said it. I can't even remember where I heard that. No, but it wasn't from the radio show. It's just deep in the back of my brain somewhere.

Because this is the thing, for people to, as a refresher for the three man fact challenge, which really was just born about from the revelation. I'd recently had the t-shirts are in the shape of a T, which I do think was the best fact of the day. Reviewed as the worst, because everyone is new at or assume that there was a one email that said, wow, I didn't know that. I did get a few on my side of the fence. So interesting the way the fence can work.

We had one email that said, I can't believe Hamish led a Chamber of Fact Championship with that. Having said that, I have had a lot of people anecdotally come up to me in the stream and be like, I didn't know the thing about the t-shirts. That's a really interesting name, thanks for that fact. Then of course, when you look back at the video replay and you see Andy actually did love that fact, but then quickly slipstreamed in behind Jack. But then when we, I don't think we gave enough value or enough scrutiny

to the fact, Jack, that when Andy brought up his fact, which was about mosquitoes flying around the room, which we all, you know, of course the noise comes from their wings. I just don't know what else it could be. Then Andy slipped in and they beat it 800 times a second. Naming the frequency of the wing beating? That's the interesting part of the fact. But that's just so Googled. I mean, we specifically said no Googling. I didn't Google it. I was told it by Katie Westcott. I told you that at the times. Oh God, no way Eddie was giving me the exact frequency. Anyway, here we are again. A good start, I think this will go well.

Here's the annoying thing, I haven't heard any facts since then to now. And the rules of the game is the facts just have to come to you, they just have to be facts you've picked up along the way. Jack? You will know mine, but I still think it's a good fact because I think we learnt it together at the same time. Interesting then, the very fact that I haven't picked it would suggest that it's not interesting. If we both had access to picking it. You can't remember people's names after you've chatted with them for like two seconds.

Yeah, but the fact that you already know that I know it, if it's not the one I'm gonna say. You may. I will. You may know. Alright. Fire it up, Jack. And who wants to go first? Okay, three facts shoot out. I'm happy to go first. Can't be Googled, has to be pulled from the brain.

Has to have come to you. The International Space Station? Oh my god. Well, do you want to complete more of them? No, carry on. Is this such a cliché-like fact area? The International Space Station goes around the world. Oh yeah, every 90 minutes. Every 92 minutes.

Everyone knows that. Didn't knows that. Didn't know that. What do you think it does? I think it goes every 92 minutes. What do you think everyone else thought? Well when I first had this fact told to me, and this is when we're over at NASA, I came back and asked the group while they were in the spa and people had guesses.

People said weeks, some people said several hours. They were in shock that it was 92 minutes. Okay, knowing that I had that fact available to me, but wouldn't have even elevated it to the position of something. Did you know that Mike? He would have. Is that pretty impressive? Yeah, he's giving me thumbs up already Mike. We can actually see him from this angle. You know what's crazy? I actually have a better fact about the International Space Station. Go Jack, go! It wasn't even my fact for today, but I'm happy to use it. Go for it then, see!

There is some place on Earth, and I can't remember the name of the island. I've seen this, where it's more remote, you're closer to the International Space Station. Okay, let me finish! If you're standing on this island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, say it's Easter Island or something, you are closer to the humans in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, say it's Easter Island or something, you are closer to the humans on the International Space Station than you are to any other humans on Earth. Yeah, it's got the most remote place on Earth.

It's actually not an island, Jack. It's just a buoy. It's a marker. Okay. That is a good fact, Jack. Well, thanks for the fact help. That's what it's good, isn't it? No, that was good. I have come across that recently. But yeah, it's out there. That's true.

Everyone came over across t-shirts from the age of four. Just because you subscribed to New Sinus Magazine. Still in print. I mean, is there points off there because Jack was telling everyone it was an island and it's not an island? No, because generally we can't, we don't fact check each other's like, you know. That's true. Like, yeah. It's still amazing, the vibe.

The concept is still amazing. I suppose end of the theory of like, gee, it makes you wonder. That does help. Okay. Mine is also a bit sciencey, but I had to go back to something I was like what's something I learned it remember learning at high school but might have some level of like oh not everyone knows that. Do you know why clockwise? You know where tea bone steak gets its name from? The drink tea actually has nothing to do with the letter. I actually don't think a lot of people would have known that the T-bone steak is because it has two different cuts of meat on the other side.

There will be people, no one will admit it, but definitely that would have been used to a few people listening, that the T-bones called that. My fact is that, do you know why clockwise goes in that direction? Do you know why that is the, why not the other direction is known as clockwise? No. Probably to do with the cogs or something. Not to do with the cogs.

It's because sundials first came about in the Northern Hemisphere, and in the Northern Hemisphere, as the sun goes across the sky, that's the direction the sundial moves. That's pretty good. But it's no remote boy in the middle of the pacific ocean is it? Remote little boy. I'm just a lonely boy. This is tough. I'm happy to take myself out of it and be shot. Which one do you think was the best? Oh Mike's saying saying no, don't. He's like, which one do you think was the best, Mike? Oh, Andy again. I can't see Mike. I can't believe this.

Mike's out because Andy is, it's like Andy's working with a ventriloquist doll because I can't actually see Mike from where I'm sitting. Andy's having all these imaginary conversations with the judge. I bet you Mike went home. I'm gonna text him. Are you still in the building? Mike's dad's here as well. Mike's dad's saying Andy. Oh wow, what even was yours? 92 minutes to go around the world. That's fast. I knew it and I forgot it since you said it. Yeah, I mean that's just a lull. Sure, I don't agree. It's a shame, because I actually think mine will get most used at like in a pub setting this weekend.

People are most likely to use mine. You serious? I think. Think about how many clocks there are at pubs and how many chances there are for people to bring up the clockwise fact. True, but it's like, oh, cause the sun went down. Oh yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It makes sense. When you hear it makes sense. As soon as it's like on your way there, you're like, oh yeah, okay, that makes sense. Yours is like, whoa, thanks, that's how I felt. Hang on, what was your original one? Tiebreaker. No, no, now I'm going to save that for another time.

No, no, Jack. No, I'm not going to waste two among you guys. If you want the win, if you want the win, you must play the tiebreaker. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm I'm holding gold for whenever we come back. We're not gonna do it for a while. We do it next week Well, I mean come on. Give us your second one. I can't believe I'm wasting this Okay, do you remember the 1994 TV show man? Oh man? Yes The pool that they built for Man O' Man is still underneath the Dancing With The Stars 4 at Channel 7. Andy wins today's ever. Can you believe all these 30 years later that Jeepers, I can't believe I let him down to that. Oh, but Jack, you've lost on the tiebreak.

No, PP, you guys, you work in TV, so if you know that from like TV circles. Know your audience, know your audience. You'll literally bring it to... I'm doing this for the real audience. They'll go, wow. No one will remember the show Man O' Man either. I'm just looking out the window now. Jack's holding, Mark's holding his nose.

He hated it. Do you guys have the right pillow? Oh, so interesting you're saying this. And now I know because we've said pillow near our phones, there'll be a cavalcade of pillow ads coming. But I think I've already asked for that because I googled. I thought for a long time I thought I had the right pillow. And I very controversially in our house, I'm super firm.

I'm firm. No, but comically big. Like it almost doesn't fit in the pillowcase. It's made of like memory foam. Right. You're a memory foam guy. And it's, and it's, and it's got ridges on it almost like, um, it was from an Instagram ad years ago and I've just sort of stuck with it.

Memory foam to me is overrated. Yeah. The memory foam feels not right for me either. It doesn't sink too much, but you know what I mean? It's that sort of like stiffrated. Yeah. The memory foam feels not right for me either. It doesn't sink too much, but you know what I mean? It's that sort of like stiff foam. Yeah. Well, I had my favorite pillow and just out of the blue, I went, I think it's time to retire it because it had been several years, like six years or something.

I don't know. I don't know how Zoe doesn't have insane neck pain because her pillow is so thin. She basically, it's basically like you got three ply tissue and then one more ply. And that's the thickness of her pillow. I liked it. I liked it. Everywhere. I'm a fat, I like it quite big.

Everywhere we go, she's like, oh, these pillows are too thick. I've seen her rip stuffing out of pillows at hotels or go and simply get a towel and fold it up and put it in the pillowcase. It's outrageous. My pillow was playing fine, right? It was fine. And for some reason, I guess got into my head it's been too long. Well, you can, I sure update a pillow, but why don't you just go for the same make and

model if you're happy? Because I didn't even know where that one was from. You know how they, they fade underneath and so on. And so it felt like to use footy parlance. I'm like, oh, this guy's aging. I better get him out. But he's playing well enough. You need the experience on the team sometimes.

I've got to go for some youth. So I've got to help the younger pillows see what a leader looks like. So I've since got a new pillow. I've woken up with a sore neck, I'm hating it. My old pillow is there, it's still, it's in the, it's in the spare room now. It knows that I might come back to it. And now it's just getting an occasional game if someone comes to spend the night with us. But so we, cause we went pillow shopping, there's so many options.

Is there a, is there a technology out there where you, you know, when you go looking for sneakers, they make you run on the thing and it shows you where your foot's hitting the, you know, something like an athlete's foot, they have a treadmill or something. Yeah, they need that for pillows. And you can see like you got arches or like how your foot hits the ground. They should have, I mean, it's hard because you kind of want to test sleep on it, don't you? But a machine that you sleep on the pillow and they increase and decrease the softness

during the night, they tell you if you responded well to it. That's what we needed because, and I'm furiously pointing at Hayden, because the lady in the shop goes, now come have a lie down, have a lie down on it. And you lie on it. Well, I don't sleep in a shop with people watching me. That's not the same. So I'm sitting there and you close your eyes like, oh, this is sleeping. All you can think about is how your jeans feel. Because I can never lie on my bed in jeans.

What am I doing? Yeah, exactly. And should I have taken my shoes off to put on the display bin? So my legs are kind of half hanging off the edge anyway. And then she's like, yep, close your eyes, close your eyes. How's that feel? I also don't have a middle-aged lady. You know what?

This feels magic. Deborah, what are you doing for the rest of your life every night? Because I think having you nearby is important. So she's like, how's that? I was like, I think I think I need firmer. I went, I've gone way too firm. Have you? In fact.

Give it to me. I'll give it to you. Because the other thing they said as I was finishing up, she said, and by the way, we do no returns and pillows. Kind of fair enough. I get it. Although the catch-22 would would be if you sleep well, you dribble, in which case you can't return the pillow. But if you've slept well, you're not returning it.

So you'd be able to go, well, I slept terribly, so I promise you there's no dribble on this. I wasn't comfortable enough to dribble. That's exactly right. I will give it to you, Hen. You'd be surprised on the level of firmness I can sleep on for a pillow. I think you'll like this one. I think if we were doing like, it's not quite good enough for a fact shoot out, but that would be my new fact would be.

How hard is your pillow? You'd be shocked at how heavy my pillow is. How hard my pillow is. My pillow is so hard that when if we have pillow fights and stuff with the kids, no way will I pick that up. That'd be like hitting them with a lamp. Haim, we've managed to find a few more spots, put a few more seats in. We've spoken to Royal Pines and they can add a few more rows.

So we've got an overflow ticket allocation of ConCon. Yeah, this is exciting because I think we had over, you know, well over 2000, maybe over 3000 people hungry for professional development, which is what ConCon is all about. It's a conference that's specifically catered to your industry. Information relevant to you. Two guaranteed sessions of learning on the Saturday morning. One third TBC session that looks very likely to go ahead. If not, it will be unstructured networking where we insist business is discussed. Yes. That's just a little snapshot of the kind of business learnings you can be doing at Kong Kong. Because we learned that a lot of conferences are tax deductible, but we employ people to check with their local accountant. Not just your local, your accountant.

Your personal tax expert. Go find your local tax expert. And again, yeah, you're right. We say local, travel in the state if you need to speak to a specialist. Is that travel tax deductible? Stop asking us again. That is something you need to bring up with your personal tax specialist. Although in this instance, I would say as an untrained tax specialist,

certainly looks good to me from my angle. And again, I'm not the final word, nor is Jack, even though he's giving me the thumbs up. Yeah, you tax specialist, that's cool's giving me the thumbs up. Yeah. You tax specialists. I that's cool. We all get that. We all understand the game.

That's not a game. It's just, I think if anybody putting on a conference anywhere in the world, they're not necessarily tax specialists, but they're putting on a conference. They're doing the same reasons we are. Jack. And the reasons are we want to make people better at their jobs. Can you have a little bit of fun while you're learning? A very small amount. It's saved.

But we're saying that the fun is free. The fun's free. What you're paying for is the business learning. If you enjoy yourself, we've thrown that in for free. And it happened outside of the business bit. Yes. Hamed, we've got this overflow tickets. You and I thought, jeepers, if we'd thought about this earlier, we could have had an old school radio promotion of the phrase that pays.

We've never done the phrase that pays. We've had our own cash cow moment, whatever. It's been really exciting. So we thought, let's barrel on anyway with the phrase that pays, even though we haven't told anyone it. And the idea is we'll call a couple of people off this overflow list to see what they think the phrase that pays might be. I like the idea of just going, just tell us the phrase that pays because it's everyone's worst nightmare is he gets selected for competition and then they're

like, great, give us the code word. And you're like, damn it. I really should have paid more attention. So there's definitely, obviously they can't know it because it doesn't exist. But I think, yeah, we like the idea of whatever someone goes for, let's just make them think they fluked it. And they got it. Jack's got a number of, I think, Jack, the first one we're calling.

This is Jack Gibbons. He's a panel beater. Okay, here we go. Hello, Matty speaking. Matty, it's Andy and Hamish here from the Hamish and Andy podcast. We're trying to get onto Jack. Hello, how are you? Hello, Maddie. Is Jack around? He's not. He's at work at the moment.

That's okay. That's okay. Maddie. You guys, was it him or you that asked to come to Con Con and was hoping to get tickets? Yes, I messaged on Instagram because I promised him I felt so bad. I missed out on tickets. Oh boy, well this is your chance Maddie to win him the chance to purchase still the tickets. There's a few remaining and for the last couple of tickets all you have to do is say the phrase that pays, the secret phrase that will secure you the tickets to Con Con.

Con Con. Con Con. A conference for all. Free. That. Pays. To win your way to Con Con, just tell us the phrase that pays. The phrase that pays.

Maddie. Go for it. Go for it. What is the phrase that pays? Oh my gosh, I don't know. OK, well, I mean, just go... Your chances are better if you say any phrase. Oh, a conference for all!

She's got it! That's the phrase that pays. Kahn Kahn ticket winner. You've got it. Maddie, you've got it. I'm so stressed. I'm so sorry. Did you just forget the phrase? Did it come to you at the last moment? I got it, I got it.

I remembered, I remembered. I'm so sorry. Maddie, you don't have to apologize. No, no, there was no phrase. We didn't actually have a phrase. We just wanted to see what someone would say if they were put under pressure. That was so stressful. Good covering though.

No, yes, I got it. I remembered. Yeah. So, Maddie, guess what? You got the chance. Now, Ando, just to clear, we haven't really cleared this up between us, but are they winning tickets? I mean, that's coming out of our back end, but they win the chance to purchase.

Yeah, that's it. You've won the chance to now purchase a double. Thank you. That's a pleasure. We'll put you at hold. We'll chat to Mike and we can't wait to see you. But really clear your brain out for some learning because we can't state enough that it's very much educational purposes and we'll be covering off all businesses. What business are you in?

Making it potentially eligible for a tax deduction. Perfect. Thank you. I'm so looking forward to it. What biz are you in, Maddie? So I own a cafe and Jack is a panel beater. Oh my God. Do you sell biscuits? They won't be as good as yours. Well, but you... Okay. So this is very work related for you coming to this conference. We're going to be actually a bit nervous with Maddie coming around because she'll know biscuits.

I think you'll be pleased with the biscuit situation. Okay, Maddy, we'll put you on hold. Michael, chat to you, grab your details. And let's call another one. I feel like... Who we got? Phil here. Hello, this is Phil.

Hey, Phil. Hamish Nandy here. How are you? I'm going well, thank you. How are you? Really well. Really good, mate. Weish Nandy here. How are you? Going well, thank you. How are you? Really well.

Really good, mate. We saw that you had listed for the overflow tickets for ConCon. Obviously, you're very keen to rejuvenate your learnings on renewables because we understand that you're a regional manager. That is correct. Great. Boy, would ConCon have a lot of stuff that was relevant, pertinent and needed for your professional development.

No doubt. That's what drew me into it. Yeah, yeah. Of course, of course. Phil, you've got a chance to be able to purchase those tickets. You're just going to be able to tell us the phrase that pays. Good luck. ConCon.

ConCon. A conference for all. The phrase that pays. Good luck. Con Con. A conference for all. The phrase that pays. To win your way to Con Con, just tell us the phrase that pays. The phrase that pays. Bill. Can you, what is the phrase that pays? Oh, can I phone a friend?

We've got a bit of a hint here. The phrase that pays. We can't, we can't give away any clues, can I phone a friend? We've got a bit of a hint here. The phrase that pays. We can't give away any clues, can we? No, we can't. I think we can. Phil, in a situation like this, where you don't quite know what it is, I think you have to dig deep and back yourself

and just go with something as confidently as you can and hope that it's the phrase. The phrase that pays. Well, let me just think think what could it be the phrase that pays would be lots of biscuits for all He's got it! The phrase that pays! Kahn Kahn ticket winner!

He's got it! Phil you got it! He's got it! Oh, hello. Phil, you got it. Hello, I know it's worse. Phil is more confused than anyone. We don't actually have a phrase that pays. We just wanted to see some confidence and you delivered. Biscuits for All is fantastic. Eventually. But you've been selected from the overflow tickets.

We'll put you on hold. We've given you, whenever you say the phrase that pays, you'll be doing the paying for the city. You'll be doing the paying for the city. You'll be doing the paying for the city. You'll be doing the paying for the city. You'll be doing the paying for the city. You'll be doing the paying for the city.

You'll be doing the paying for the city. You'll be doing the paying for the city. You'll be doing the paying for the city. You'll be doing the paying for the city. You'll be doing the paying for the city. You'll be doing the paying for the city. You'll be doing the paying for the city. You'll be doing the paying for the city. You'll be doing the paying for the city. You'll be been selected from the overflow tickets. We'll put you on hold. We've given you, when we say the phrase that pays, you'll be doing the paying because... The phrase that commences payment.

That's giving you the opportunity to be there, which we'd love you to be a part of. We'd love you to be a part of it. We are absolutely giving you the opportunity. You've won the right to purchase tickets. Thanks very much. Thanks, boys. Beautiful, mate. Thank you, Phil. Hey, the overflow spots, we'll get, we'll contact people. We will. They'll get filled. This is crazy. We're over a month out and I kind of feel

like everything's organised. Well, we haven't done the... Well, I mean, we've, we've, we've... No, we'll do the allocation. Like maybe next week we'll allocate, like what businesses are coming, who's doing what presenting, who's talking on what. But I just think the big stuff, the logistics, you know, the room, the PA, the biscuits and everything is kind of it feels actually, I feel like we're ahead of schedule.

How many people again? 300. 300, yeah. So 300 different one minute. No I think we said 30 seconds and remember Jack we can group them too. Yes that's right. I think we need to really review all that. I urge you not to. I think just getting like from changeover from one person to the next, the 30 second

countdown, I think we should increase the amount of time spent on. But yeah, what I'm saying is we can group them. Yes, we can group them. You can group a lot of topics. I think once we start divvying out the topics to each other, you can go, OK, well, I got eight here that could all have the same message. Because remember, the whole point of the conference is we're improving everyone's business. That's why it's a business conference.

And there'll be a lot of topics that are pertinent to many businesses. Couldn't agree more. So you won't just be there for one. Couldn't agree more. Couldn't agree more. Thank you. We'll hit that next week. Yeah, I'm just saying, it's just very businessy. I'm just saying it's just, yeah, it's just very businessy.

And I have a tale and Jack have a tale about scheduling that you'll either love because it's efficient or you'll not like because it's fast and loose. Okay. Okay. During the week, I had, I had a bit of a, I had a self care day, a maintenance day. Well, you just get a few things done, you know, things off. I thought it's self care. I thought like pampering yourself. You're going for a manicure and then see Henry the dog at the mud bath, the Japanese mud bath. Go and pretend I'm a tall terrier and get done to myself in the waters of Mount Fuji. No?

So admin day? Well, kind of, but it was more taking care of the bod, right? So haircut, haircut scheduled for 4.30 in the afternoon, right? Now that's sort of like the latest haircut you can get at a lot of places that close at a decent hour. Usually I'm a free, as you know, a freestyler, right? Like I'll just walk in anywhere and I've been writing some hairdressers, different conversation.

But this one was scheduled, like got a guy very happy with Daz, go see Daz. So 4.30 scheduled. I also needed a colonoscopy. Now this was no spear of the moment colonoscopy. You shouldn't go to those places. Often it's a scam. Yeah. Normally, Haim, just, whoever's available, roll around.

I go in, I usually ask a hairdresser, you've got the sink, yeah? And a retractable eyes. Do you have a GoPro? No, that's a colonic irrigation, sorry. Not to be confused with the actual medical procedure of popping a camera up your bum. Yes.

So because I've got some family history, et cetera, et cetera, and you should stay on top of this sort of stuff. So for those reasons- Just to be really clear, the history is of colon-related. Yes. Of colon tumors. Not. We had a big fight and I said, that's it.

I'm putting a camera up my bum. One Christmas. Absol've had it. We had a big fight and I said, that's it. I'm putting a camera up my back. One Christmas, absolute meltdown. We've got a bit of a family history. So I'm out. Here's the thing, though. When you do a medical procedure like a colonoscopy, and so to be clear, this is like, you have to like, you take this powder. Many people would have had these before, but it's called PicoPrep. And you take the powder and you evacuate your bowels for about 24 hours beforehand. Yep. And then there's some fasting as well, isn't there? You got it. You can't eat, you just unclear fluids and stuff.

So by the time, it completely empties everything out. And you see the pictures afterwards, Jack, like it's completely clean in there. Cause you'd think if people are like, oh, well I'm a, you know, I stick cameras up people's bums and we, you know, I stick cameras up people's bums and we, you know, we look at the colon and like for the surgeons, there might be some educated people that go like, Oh, yuck. But really when you're in there, it's just, it's like a second throat. As I said to my wife, it's as pink as a throat.

It's the body's second throat. Yeah. And this was just like, please stop showing me these photos. But I was like, look, cause you know, all clear by by the way, pristine colon, great. A1 colon. Could sell it as new. Yeah. If I wasn't using it so much, I would absolutely sell it. So the only time that I could get that happening was 2pm. And I had a haircut at 4.30. And they don't put you under anything, do they?

Yeah, it's a general. It's a general. Oh yeah, they don't chat to under anything, do they? Yeah, it's a general. It's a general? Oh yeah, they don't chat to you while they're doing it. You're out, man. Really? Or it's at least, I think what they call like a twilight sedation. Like, but you're completely out.

Like you have full recovery. Oh, okay. Would you take that risk where you go 2 p.m. medical procedure, because you have to get like admitted, you have to get in the gown, like you're on a gurney you get Anesthetized like you're in a no, I would be taking I know and that's what I loved about it Usually when you wake up from an aesthetic they they make you chill for a little bit I mean to drive

Yeah, yep. No, you have to get picked up. Um, but I also so you would go so they would have put you sorry Let's go back. They wouldn't put you on the A-frame then. What's the A-frame? So you would have gone to sleep. They would have put you to sleep facing up. They were lying down. Yeah.

No, you just roll on your side. Oh, they roll inside. Cock a leg. Cause, um, there's another A-frame, um, bed. Yeah. Where you bum up. Where you go bum up, which I had, where someone is in charge of picking you up and then putting you over that.

They should have brought that in. And then you're in the room. Really? So you go to sleep on your back and wake up. No, you don't wake up on the A-frame, you wake up on your back. Just in between. But you know, is it in the room? Do you see it?

Do you go, I think that's coming for me? No, you don't see it. I mean, just while we're on the topic of messing with people a bit while they go under, I did think it would have been funny because when you go to see the surgeon before you get this done, it's like a month out to book in or whatever it is, you know, it's like a doctor's office, surgeon's office, and they have the diagram, like the mold of the colon. And I guess to explain to people, this is what we're looking at, whatever.

And if I ever was a surgeon, I think the windows closed, like I probably won't late in life become one, but I would as a joke, right? Because you've got that medical stuff on the wall. Wouldn't it be funny to not reference it, but next to that like perfect model of the human intestines and stuff with Nestle, your degrees and things, you just get a little, a model of like a hamster with a GoPro on its head. And never mention it, but make it look like it's officially produced by like, you know, by like a medical instruments thing and just have it sitting there for people to notice as you're talking about like filming.

We'll send the film. We'll send it. You keep saying we'll send the camera up there. And when we get the camera up there and we'll have a look at the images and, um, sorry, what's the, what's the, um, what's the go pro? I want to say, don't worry about that. There's a lot of stuff. That's all while you're asleep.

So there's a lot of stuff we do. Anyway, I didn't get that situation. I managed to make, I want to flag up front, managed to make the head haircut, got picked up, got taken to the haircut. Cause you meant to go home and recover. I was like, nah, let's just keep this day going. Let's get efficient. Here's the craziest thing I did on my colonoscopy day.

And this, I know the target audience here for people to be impressed is like maybe older people, you know, you're usually getting these things done in your forties and fifties. It was on, I think it was a Wednesday or Thursday, whatever. It was a busy morning. And I obviously had it like blocked out in the calendar. That's Hames Colonoscopy Day. But every day I take the kids to school.

Just for a 2pm colonoscopy, you start the powder, you're going to do three sachets of powder, this powder that empties you out. You have to start it the night before. Okay. Yeah. So I took one at like, you have your last meal at five o'clock, took one at seven o'clock, already there'd been some rumblings at like two or three in the morning. And then you take another one at six a.m. and another one at nine a.m. It wasn't until I was on the toilet during the night that I thought, oh, hang on a sec,

I gotta take the kids to school tomorrow morning. Like, I didn't really put two and two together. Like, I gotta be near a toilet. Wake up in the morning and I sort of float this idea with Zoe and I go, yeah, I mean, I've already, I've now had two packets of the powder and I've already, things are starting to move. And then Zoe's like, well, honey, you didn't tell me about this. I can't take the kids. She's like got a board meeting, got like an interview she's got to do.

So then I just went, no, no, it's cool. All good. All good. Like, yep, no, I should be fine. And how, like, how quickly is it when you say rumbling, you got to be straight at the toilet. Mate, it is. Yeah, I've had it before.

You've had it before. You had to clear it out. Twice for the, uh, for my, oh yeah. For your, for your bum surgery. Yeah. So, but I was in this moment of going, I either put enormous pressure on my wife or I pretend this is no big deal and I take the kids to school. So I do it.

Come on guys, we're getting the car. Could be a bit exciting, but this is where the cheeky boy toilets map could really come into play. Yes. Took him to school, I'm dropping them off and I'm chatting to another dad. And I mentioned to him, I've got to do this. He's like, do you have a colonoscopy yet? I said, I actually have got it this afternoon. He goes, this afternoon?

He goes, when do you start the powder? I went, I'm on it. The respect that that gets you, right, from the dad community. He was like, you're on it right now. I'm on it, mate. I'm on it. I'm two sachets in. He goes, and you're just walking around? I'm out of the house. I'm on it, mate. I'm on it. Two sachets in. And you're just walking around.

I'm out of the house. I'm at the school gate. I'm chatting. It was like, he was like, I was like the greatest stunt man he'd ever met. I know, but then also every sentence that you're seeing there and taking in all the praise, you're wasting time. And I'm clenching so hard. Absolute iron ring. Iron ring. Didn't talk to Serge about it afterwards, but I was going to ask him, hey, could you get the camera in? Because the ring was so tight. I'd be surprised if it even relaxed under an aesthetic. But when I do the follow-up, I will ask him, did you notice it was a particularly muscular?

Haim, I think you know me better than anyone in the world. Thank you so much. Including Bec. Yep, that's my hard quiz topic for next time I'm ever invited back on the celebrity edition will be Andy Lee. Jack, you should do that because there's no way they can research you better than I know. They'd have to ask me for the questions. Jack, you'd go close, but I think Bec just tips the scales. But maybe both of you could play a game of see what angle I was going for here. Bec walked straight into it.

Bec walked straight into it. But I think if I tried to pull the same maneuver off with either of you... I think I know the algorithm. You would know which way I'm going. So I'll have to play a bit of both roles because you wouldn't understand the specific scenario I'm talking about, but I'll be myself and Beck and then you can go, oh, I think I know what he's up to here. And I'm sure Beck will get a fair showing. So I say to Beck, hey, what are we doing? What were we doing Sunday, a week ago? And she goes- Definitely would have been something for her. Would have been something positive for

Beck. Would have been like, oh, we went to that, like the concert you wanted to go to. Whatever it is, Andy knows the answer. Exactly. We're having lunch with her parents or something very Bec heavy. Close. And why would you ever bring up? Sorry, I'm just filling up my diary before I log it. I missed last Sunday. I like to log all my activities. Two weeks ago Sunday.

You're close. Why would you ever need to know? I suppose the first thing that you got, why you guys know me better is you're already, your antennas are up. Bec's way down, periscope down for antenna. She goes, Oh, no, do we go to a Pilates? Yeah, that's right. We went to Pilates. We did. That's right. We did these five things that I'll now tell you about. 11 o'clock Pilates. And she's like, yeah, yeah. I was like, oh, and I think, did I grab

the, I grabbed the dog and you picked me up from the corner, didn't you? Like you went, we grabbed the car. Um, yeah. Sorry. Has there been a crime? Why do you need to know your, why are we building a timeline? Are you doing a true crime podcast about Sunday? Exactly.

So she again, is in thinking this, she's like, yeah, cause you, yes, you, you went down and you took the dog, I was like, that's right. So you got, you took my card in you. I was like, oh, we're getting a speeding fine. She's walking straight into it. And would you guys are correct, by the way, would you agree? And would you agree with the court that everything I've said to this point is true? And could you say it clearly into the microphone? She goes, yeah, yeah. I took the car.

So you're saying you were in control of the motor vehicle registration? And I said, yeah, right. And then you drive us to Palladis. She goes, yes, I did do exactly that. And then went, you've been served. And I handed her the papers, right? Which was the fine. Great. She went, hang on, hang on, hang on. Maybe I wasn't driving. No, no.

Your honor, we just heard the defendant clearly state. So this started then the debate, no, no, no, it's your car. I don't think I was driving anyway, to the point where is there a photo? That's all I ever want. I've never asked for the photo. They have them now automatically.

Oh, you get it automatically? You get it automatically. So I'm like, all right, so then this whole case takes, like the jury's really leaning in as we bring up the laptop and we're gathering around. This is it. Court reporters out in the front on the phone waiting. It loads. From behind, distance. We're like zooming in on the rear vision mirror

and trying to see. Bit of sun flare. Can't ascertain who is actually driving. She goes, it's you then. I'm like, no, no, no, that just because we can't see in the photo doesn't mean it's not you. Because you said earlier on, we both agreed that- We already have your testimony. We have your testimony. That's why we split you up. That's why we get you to sign your affidavit. So the argument continues for a little bit. We arrived at, and tell me where you think this is a great outcome, I think it is.

Did you ask the dog? Henry, we know you can hear us. We know you understand English. Go and play support on who you remember driving two weeks ago. Two weeks, Henry. I called him Chris Hemsworth's dog whisperer. Good luck, Tunker, she's very busy. She's very busy. Did she ever come to the house? We're working, actually still waiting. Still waiting. Still waiting. Still waiting. Still waiting.

Because we thought actually, we thought Jim had stopped pissing on beds and then he got me two days ago. All right. Okay. So we're ratcheting, re-ratcheting it back up to get the cat whisperer in. Anyway, back to the crime. It finally got to, I was like, you take the points, I'll pay the fine. She said, no problem.

But points are worth way more than the fine. You would think so. The other beauty of this is then, so we log on and then you have to go, it wasn't me, it was her and we put in her details and stuff. And then I'll go, I'll try and- Take a photo of them and you look at a photo of her being sheepish going. Then I, and then you put, then I go, I'll try and pay it. You can't pay it because it gets reissued.

Oh great, so it's coming to her. So it's gone to her. And she's got it gone. Oh, I've got it. She's forgotten. Oh, she forgot the trial. She forgot the trial. It's been, because weeks have passed, she's got the trial. She's like, oh, got a fine. I was like, right, where was it? It was a Sunday. What are we doing? I was like, I don't know.

I mean, yeah, I think I was out of town. And you watch so much Lauren Oda too. She's just not absorbing anything. She's just got to get sharpened right up.