Hamish & Andy - 2024 Ep 276 - Hamish Investigates a Historical Andy Rumour

Episode Date: October 30, 2024

There's a big biscuit update that needs to be addressed asap, and the boys have some more correspondence to get through ahead of ConCon. Meanwhile, Andy may have done a historical fart that needs to be investigated by Hamish. Andy attended another conference, and gives some advice to the guys about how they work, and Extreme Empaths is back!  1. ConCon - a few more logistical voice notes 2. Extreme empaths 3. Andy’s massive fart 4. Tips for conferences 

A listener production. Activate your internet. Because the Hey Mission and the podcast starts in 3...2... Sorry, still buffering. One! Ahoy to me id Hamish. Yes hello I do. I do hear you but I think aren't we parts of the like Freud psyche as one the year ago? Oh well.

Sorry mate. Mike has stood up and started clapping everybody. Well it shouldn't be because they're meant to be hard enough that you need at least two or three. Sometimes. I think majority, I can ask the hundred, but I think the majority of people aren't getting that from that ad. Well there's no other area where the id appears. No, I just know the id from the Wizard of Id comic in the newspaper. That's true, it was very popular in the Herald Sun Daily Telegraph 15, 20 years ago. It was always in that band of comics. I didn't even know if there are comics

in the paper anymore, but it was the comics that you were like, it's not my favorite, but it's better than doing nothing. That's right, that's right. It was the early days of scrolling. What did you say? It was scrolling. It was scrolling, like I'll allow my eyes

to drift across these panels and I won't. Would you say there was only eight different comics in that? Strips, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Would you say 50% was filler? Oh, more. More. I mean, several would just, just had no relevance to a joke or a book.

Remember those, sometimes, No Friend Bats was very good, but that worked on a Diva level. But then sometimes they show like the Phantom. Oh, yeah. It was just like three panels from a story that you assume is like 9,000 panels long. But it'd just be like the Phantom in the jungle sneaking up to a door. I'm like, that's it for today. That's it for today. Let's see what he does next week.

It would take you 17 years to resolve the Phantom's adventure. Well, yes, Jack, you were going to be ego. I was going to be super ego. Idham, I thought was perfect for you because that's the unconscious part of the brain that contains all the urges and impulses. Amazing. Which we know that you're very drawn to. Amazing.

Mine's right up there on the surface in full view of all marketers. Ahoy also to Meg in Australia who has used the very easy to use system at HamishandAndy.com to upload what she's been doing. Ahoy Hamish and Andy and of course number six. I am just busy planning my own conference at the moment And I'll tell you what, Ham is not wrong. The biscuits situation in my part of the world is dire as well. Currently the catering people and I are really at, you know, loggerheads with the biscuit selection.

I'd like my guests as well to be well nourished in terms of a creme and or, you know, plain biscuit. Creme. Let you know how I go. Good luck, but don't be seduced by the planes. It sounds like the caterers are trying to steer you to the planes. Yes. And that's not the way to go.

Well, based off that, we should jump into this. There's a cool new conference, no matter your beers. The conference so nice you can deduct it once at a maximum. Can't stress it enough. KonKon's two weeks away. Um, should we walk, should we kick things off with biscuits?

Yeah, you said you had some biscuit news. I have some biscuit news. Essentially the biscuits are the foundation with which we build the house of cards of Con Con On. You have shaky biscuit play, the whole thing falls over. What's your biscuit news, Anna? Because you've been hinting, teasing us with the fact that we might have a big biscuit sponsor, which would ease the pressure.

I look, it's been a hard fought battle with audits to see if we can get some biscuits out of them, but I did read art of the Deal during the week by Donald Trump. And I've managed to secure this position from them. And I'm reading quote from Charlie at Arnett's.com. His surname's in there as well, so don't try and get it out. If you've gone under the hack and we help and you're speaking to the bot, then you might not be speaking to the most powerful person in Arnett's. Oh, sounds great. We'll pass it on to our marketing team.

No, no, he's all over it. He says, we'd be more than happy to supply our Bickeys. That's not a problem at all. Smiley face. Do you have an indication of how many biscuits you are after and any preference of flavors? That's where I've left it. We absolutely, of course we do. How many times have we been over this?

We, yes we do. We want the good assorted pack. We want the cream assorted pack because that's got the Kingston's in it and you know Monte Carlos and everyone's, everyone's favorites. We don't want the dad assorted pack. Sorry, non cream assorted pack. Do we want any of those? Cause there might be some people that do like a plane over a creme.

I'm not going to force, completely force creme supremacy on everyone. No, I don't think we should. But I would very much, and let's not forget, this is Arnett's. So if we're talking to one of the big wigs there We're throwing in Tim Tams like yes We're talking in slices like we're not just looking at the just like acts. We're not looking at every biscuit. You've got No, because I think they'll give us the duds. Yeah, they'll have them now heavy end That's a dream a dream that you get thousands of biscuits Yeah, like Noodle World when you ask for prawns and they give you two and

then... Yep. And any more? And then they lift up one and drop it back in and give you bean shoots. Bean shoots comes in heavy. You're right. So I think we get very specific. And look, I'm absolutely happy to run. But I think then knowing this, we are going to be pretty sorted for Tim Tams and things like that. That's what I'll lean on. I'll lean some standard bulk cram, but then also the deluxe range where we will have the mince lice as Tim Tams. I think we just go classic Tim Tams too.

I don't think we need to get carried away with George Kalambaris' collab with them. I'm a bit more of a classic man. No, I'm with you. I'm with the classic and available. And but then you've also got like TV snacks and things like that. Do they do the caramel crowns? Is that honest? Is that an honest question?

Those are so underrated. They haven't asked for an exclusive deal, Jack. They do. Oh, they do. Sorry. I was going to say we could. They're good? Yeah, exclusive deal, Jack. They do. Oh, they do. Sorry. Sorry. I was going to say we could. They're good.

Okay. Yeah, they do do caramel crayons. Oh, you're right. Yeah, I do know. Yeah. Yeah. I'm always drawn to the mint. All right.

Why don't we sit down now? This has become absolutely Christmas. We're going to sit down and build up our menu. Great. How many? How many? I think- Let's not forget we have one hour of unlimited biscuits before the conference, and

then we have a biscuit break in between. Yep. I don't think it's crazy to have 10 biscuits per head. Okay, so 3000 biscuits. I was going to say plus us, but I do think there will be some spillover. So, and Kingston Crumb, the band that you've organised. Where are we at with Kingston Crumb? Mate, bit of back and forth through Carly, I've got to thank her for her work. Her work is here on the show, but Kingston Crumb, the cover band that are going to play,

they're playing acoustic. I was worried that they're going to come in with heaps of amps and just... No, no, no. They're playing soft acoustic biscuit rock for that hour. Have you heard them play yet? Have you heard any of their music? No, no. Look up the others with you. I just know in my heart, I know in my heart that there are many bands that's named themselves after a biscuit. I mean, like, what's the chances? That's the first, that's the perfect band.

What's the chances they're going to be bad? So they're going to come in and, you know, it's been a bit of back and forth. What do they want? Well, they've said they're happy to play quote soft acoustic biscuit jams. They're happy to do that. They did ask if we could pay for their accommodation. You'll be proud of it. I thought they lived in the Gold Coast. Well, they asked if they could have a room.

Why? It's a morning gig. Maybe they're going for a staycation. It's literally night in the morning. Come from home. Yeah, well, I thought you'd be proud of me for standing firm on that ender. I forgot that they were Gold Coast based. So we pushed back on that and went, look, I think there is still a lot in this like exposure wise for you guys.

Oh yeah. The Kingston Grum. So, and they can go to that. And also, and at that stage I thought we might, I might have to pay for biscuits too. Like we might have to pay for biscuits. So I thought we were kind of hemorrhaging cash at that stage. So I was like, look, gonna stand firm there on the no a com. And then they said, okay, fine.

All right. We'll still do it. Can we stay for the conference? That's probably fair enough. It's like a seat at the back type thing. It's pretty funny to have the band file in and just sit at the back quietly. Can I have a bit of business? Can I get a bit of business stuff from this too?

I don't think it's just anything to go shed. When, when the, you know, for instance, they fly out, you know, Beyonce or Fat Boy Slim or something to big conferences, very rarely does Beyonce go, okay, can I sit around and learn about information technology? Can I have one of the lanyards? Yeah. But I think surely if you watch the halftime, if you're performing a halftime at the Super

Bowl, you'd at least watch the second half. They would get a ticket. Yeah. You wouldn't go home. I mean, if you're watching the first half, it could be argued that you should be thinking about your performance, but you'd watch the second half. So yes, that's a yes then. Do you reckon yes?

I reckon we go, well, here's the thing though, because we want to play soft biscuit jams for the one hour before second one. We also don't want a mopey biscuit band. Imagine. Why do you think they're mopey? Have long listened to the band before. If we said no, if we said no, you can't stay for the conference, then I think we'd have a mopey biscuit band, a soggy biscuit.

Yeah. Well, I hope not. Also, that would be an interesting band to play. But we know, I see what you're saying. I thought you didn't want them in because you're just assuming they'll be moving. No, no, no. I think they'll be happy now. They'll be happy. I think they'll be happy. But what I was actually going to say is you guys can play. Let everyone file in. I still want them playing as people go into the conference. I don't want them to stop joining the queue. That's true. You know what I mean? That's true. So I reckon they play, people go in for session one, they, they are not allowed

to come to session one, then people come out again for the break, they play again. Yes. People go in, they can then after everyone's gone in, they can join session two. That's fair. Exactly. We don't, we want them concentrating on their halftime gig. Yeah. I don't want, I on their halftime gig. Yeah. I don't want, because what's going to happen is they're going to get enthralled by session

one. We're going to go, that's it everyone. You've got a half hour biscuit break now. And then they'll like leap up and run out with the throng. You want people coming out to the music. They might even see all the careers we're talking about and want to change careers halfway through session one. We can't have that happening.

We can't shock their brains out of performance mode. Look, we had a bit of back and forth on the voice notes this week with to do with the grouping and how many seminars we're going to have. Bring them up to speed on where that's at. This is what went down. Hey fellas, Ernie here. I'll just send you a voice note in my capacity as administration. ConCon, it's coming in soon. Hello Jack and Hamish. Andrew here from ConCon.

Very excited that you guys are both speaking with us. You haven't sent through your rider at this stage, so please let us know about that. But I just wanted to pass on a message from our other speaker Andy. He wants to renege on any trades that's happened with the industries. Upon review he felt like a lot of boring jobs were just landed on his lap and he doesn't want to go down that path. So we fully support him. We think he's a wonderful guy and he's obviously probably the prominent speaker on the day. So just letting you know all trades are off and you'll have to go about working out your own groupings from the allocated industries you have. Cheerio. Hi Andy, this is Jack. That sounds like an unfortunate absence of teamwork and how ironic

that one of my seminars will be on teamwork and hopefully you'll learn something during my speech. And as for my rider in my dressing room, could I get a really healthy smoothie with like all the nutrients you need in it, but I wanted to taste a really yummy milkshake. Yeah, hi. Hamish here. Before I get down to the disappointing aspect of the message, I just want to reiterate again how excited I am to be coming to ConCon. Okay, that's the bread.

Now the shit part of the shit sandwich. Really disappointing from Andy, but also not surprising from the man that allegedly used a randomizer to give everyone their topics. And then he somehow got takeaway food, AFL and beer. I have no surprises there that he doesn't want to trade. But that's fine. Look, as I said at the outset,

this is an educational seminar and I believe I can deliver business development and education on any topic to any audience to the maximum deductible effect. So that'll be fine. Writers wise, all I need from my dressing room is two and a half thousand and it's biscuits. And I'm just seeing here that I think we'll have that on site.

So I'll be fine on the rider front. Hi Hamish. Hi Jack. Andrew back here from administration at ConCon. I thank you so much for your messages. We're reading it loud and clear that you have no problems moving forward with the plan suggested. With regards to some dispersions that Andy may have not used a randomizer to pick out the topics, that comes as a real surprise to us

because we really feel that Andy is an upstanding young gentleman. Although we did get his computer and all logs and got it forensically examined and what he was saying was true. We also got a CNN fact check to look over it. So that's all tip top shape. And hopefully that puts any of your worries at ease.

Hey guys, Andy here. Just realized Andrew from administration didn't click on a little tab at the bottom of the Excel spreadsheet and missed about 66 more businesses that we need to cover off at ConCon. Bloody annoyed at him, but he seems like a pretty diligent worker so I'll let him off this time. Anyway, at risk of getting accused of rigging it again, how would you like me to randomly send through another 20?

Cheers. Maybe trades are back on. Maybe. That's, yeah, that's come, I didn't actually hear that last one. It's come as a fresh live surprise. I don't know if that would have had the two green ticks on WhatsApp that was listened to. No it didn't. I noticed that you hadn't listened to that one.

I just thought it was going to be more of the same. I saw that. I just left that chat unread. 20 more each. 20 more each. Mate, just use your alleged randomizer again. Like let's just get this. We got to get this divvied up so we can start working on this presentation. Okay. Here's the thing that I want us to remember.

My recollection of what the tax office said to us was they seem to be hinting at the fact that the more fun it was for people, like the more entertainment there was, the less deductible it is. Yeah, that was my reading. Do you remember where they were like, well, you can't really say this is a deduction because there's obviously an entertainment element, which we took offense at because we're like, wrong, wrong as a dong all day long. This is the whole point is we're going to business the heck out of this. That's what makes it deductible.

Just bear that in mind when you're divvying these up, you know, when we start to write these, I will be policing you too. And I hope you'll do the same for me. That as we're up there, each giving our, you know, one minute seminar. I think they'll have to be now down to one minute because we're going to need more. It'll be about a minute. But I originally said the shot clock was going to be 132 seconds. I don't think so.

I think it's going to be closer to kind of 60, 70 seconds. Yep. And I'll come down on you like an absolute ton of bricks if I catch you doing any cute shit up there that you think is entertaining, especially you post. No, no, I'm saying. Don't you dare. You bring that guitar out for one second. Yeah, no, that'll sound like way too entertaining.

Way too entertaining. Yeah, that's true. I see Andy complaining about the boring jobs. I would love more boring jobs because less chance to entertain. And less chance to accidentally have a joke pop up. Yes, exactly. Which would be a financial disaster for our audience. That's very true.

Well, maybe the other two should stay on stage, onto the side while one person speaks as entertainment police. No, well, yeah, sorry. Not as entertainment, but as entertainment police. Yes. No, I just assume it's sort of like a panel and then we get up, walk to the lectern, give your seminar, walk back down. So you're still kind of, you know, everyone's on stage. A rotating bench almost. I'm actually going to have a few extra seconds up my sleeve per seminar.

For what questions? No, no, just I've got a way to be a bit faster. Like getting to the lectern or? Yeah, getting to the lectern. Robot shoes, baby. Charging them up as we speak. That could be seen as entertaining. No way this is entertaining.

This is the movement of the future. A sub seminar. What business won't need movement? Let me ask you this audience, who here has ever walked at work? Ah, time waster. Hey, not only has this provided a bit of a support group for people out there that are empathetic towards objects.

I think people are discovering that they're also extreme empaths. I agree. The more we do this, the more people are like, actually, I do have these feelings. Yeah, exactly. Here's the opener. It's all the songs in the world played together at once. So no songs feel left out. OK, and hey, can I kick this off quickly?

Courtney says, hey, the NRL and AFL Grand Final have been an absolute nightmare for me because I feel really sad for the buckets of confetti for the teams that didn't win because they didn't get the color of their team didn't get shot out of the cannons. And so I can't stop thinking about the confetti sitting there and probably just getting put in a dark cupboard somewhere. That's true. They'd be ready to be fired out wouldn't they? Here we go boys. And then you know for the AFL Grand Final the Spawns Coles would have gone, okay guys, I don't know, the confetti near the top who could see the score at halftime.

Yeah. Don't get your hopes up guys. Don't think we're flying high today unless there is a cannon mishap. And they make a whole lot of merch so that you can buy merch straight after the game. So it would have been before the AFL Grand Final, for example, there would have been a whole lot of premieres, Sydney 2024, t-shirts and caps that just, I don't know what they do with them. I heard they get donated to charity and so same with Super Bowl merch for teams that don't go, that don't win.

And so then if you, there are like pictures I saw at one time like doing the rounds, like in developing nations, there are like kids wearing all the non-winning jumpers. So it's like, you know, the factually inaccurate, like, you know, Patriots win Super Bowl 48 or whatever. If they didn't win, they've got all the merch on. Interesting. This one is from Tim. He said he's not the most empathetic person, however, the Extreme Impact segment has exposed something inside of him. As part of a house reservation, I installed a new external internal door handle. So a knob on both sides that are the same,

but obviously one sits on the inside, one sits on the outside. Yep, like just a door handle, is that what you're saying? Yeah, mostly. Mostly like that, but sometimes, I think he made it clear that sometimes you can just open from one side or sometimes there's a different door handle on the inside to the outside. Weatherproofing, yep. Every time I come to the door from the outside, I think of how cold it must be for the outside handle and man must have jealous It must get of its brother who spends all its time on the inside laughing a little square hole

It seems so unjust that one handle gets central heating while the other one gets frostbite Yeah, that could make sense. This is one where we're like, okay This is from anley. And you go, these are the times when I go, if you think this way, it just must be so fatiguing all day, right? The energy. So I empathize with her empathy. She said, look, I didn't know I was thinking like this until the pod came out. When I'm hanging my washing on the line, I'm very conscious of how much time my clothes

spend together in my closet. I like to hang items of clothing next to an item that they might not have had the opportunity to interact with due to the proximity and the geography of my wardrobe. And in case they're sick of being with the same clothes all the time. So you know, leggings and leggings, you'd be like, why don't you go and meet the hoodies? However, I always make sure to hang a familiar friend close by. Just in case they don't like the new matchup. Layers on layers on layers. That's amazing.

Actually, I do prefer. Everyone has to dance with everybody. But at the end of the day. Yeah, come back to your power. Sometimes it's nice to be close to another leggings. They understand what you're going through. Hi, this is from Rob. My wife and I ordered a new couch.

She was eight and a half months pregnant when it arrived. My heart honestly broke that the old couch wasn't going to get to meet the newborn baby. Yeah. Brutal. This is from Ben. Hey guys, my ridiculous extreme moment of empathy is when I'm watching something, a movie, a show, YouTube, and I need to go to the toilet or get a drink.

I never pause it. What? Yeah. Look at this. Because we've had people that only pause, that never pause when people are talking because they don't want it to be disrespectful. Yeah, don't interrupt. No, this is for something else.

I never pause it in case the ghosts or spirits that may or may not be in the room with me enjoying the viewing experience get upset. I would hate it if at the cinemas the technician paused every time someone else went to the toilet. So I pass the same consideration on into the presence of the possible supernatural. It grates my missus no end. Hey, she needs to go to the loo. Can we pause it just for the living? No.

Can we forget about the ghost rule? Love it. It's from Lockie. Is it just me or does anyone else feel upset whenever you think about February and how it's the shorter of the other months? I really look forward to leap years because February gets an extra day closer to its brothers and sisters. I think the Gregorian calendar should be updated so each year a different month gets stuck

with the 28 days. How confusing would that be? Oh, all right. Lastly, quick, quick final one. Sorry on that. Just people wouldn't have birthdays. So anyone bought like, so say if you were on rotation, I suppose it's only once every 12 years you miss your birthday. Yeah.

It's still complicated. I mean, explaining the rule to why we need this, like explaining by going, this is why we need this rule, that stuff. Yeah, quick one here from Lockie. Every morning he commutes on the train to work with Sydney's new Metro. Because at a connecting stop, most people in the train change to the brand new, faster, more modern trains. Out of sympathy, I typically stay on the older and slower train so it doesn't feel bad about itself. And I get that. I reckon, again, we've had this

with cars and trains. It's because of Disney's Cars and because of Thomas the Tank Engine. I would absolutely hazard a guess that Locky Groot watching Thomas the Tank Engine. Well, do you? Okay, I'll just throw this one in the mix then to see if this relates to that story and you being a cyclist, whether you feel it or not. This is from Tony. About a year ago, I was allowed to get a new bike. I don't know why he was allowed to get one. I do, 100%. You do? Okay. Because he's married. And he probably already has two bikes, the old one as a backup and his latest one he might

have probably had for five to ten years. And from year five he would have been going, can I get a new bike? Can I get a new bike? And they are impossible to justify price-wise. All right. And you've also probably got hanging space. You have to, I imagine, be one out and the other one in. I mean, bike people just, there's a joke that like N plus one is

the number of bikes you should have where N is your current number of bikes. Always looking at more bikes and there's just no, it's explaining to your significant other why the bike is good value at that price is like when girls trying to tell you about the cost of handbags or shoes. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You just go, there's just no way you can cut this to represent good value.

About a year ago, I was allowed to buy, get a new bike. We understand why now. As giddy as I was, I gave my riding buddy strict instructions not to mention the new bike in front of the old bike before I had a chance to approach the subject myself. I do get that. I get that. Yeah, you feel sorry for the old Steve. Ando, we are here for no other reason really than to serve, to serve the listeners of the show. We have an amazing community. And when they ask questions, I like to think we're honor bound to look for answers.

Especially people that have been with us for the real long haul. In fact, I would say that the people that have been for us for the long haul, I'm now just counting as podcast days. Because you know, seventh year of doing this podcast. Wow. That's, isn't it? I don't know. Sixth. Mike's giving you a thumbs up.

There we go. See, seventh year of doing the podcast. That's long haul. Yep. You've been with us since the radio days. That is super long haul. Yeah. Right. Here's something that came in from Larissa. So Larissa has been, you know, she's been on the Hamish County journey for a very long time. She goes, ahoy boys, bit of a random one, hoping you can help me out with this. She says, I have this memory that back in the radio days, Andy admitted on air that he farted so hard, he ripped his asshole and had to go to the hospital to have it stitched up. Yeah, that did happen. Well, I didn't write stuff like that.

Yes. You farted so hard. Yeah. And then you started to think before you stink initiative. And so you ripped the, you ripped the, the asshole. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just want to see if you remember it.

It was, wasn't a, well, yeah, kind of a rip. It was, it caused a hemorrhoid. Right. Well- It was meant to go on a date that night and couldn't go cause I couldn't sit down. Okay. It came from a fart. It came from a fart. It came from a fart.

She's been saying, I've been telling people this anecdote for years. It does. If someone does a crazy fart, I say, well, Andy did, Andy Lee did that so bad, he ripped his asshole. I don't think I use the word a-hole as correctly as you do. Recently, my partner, who's also a big fan and an avid listener, said that he'd never heard the story. He's not sure it's actually true.

Then he said, look, there's been a lot of farts in the pod lately and I don't think it's been brought up again. So I'm wondering, Andy, did you once so far so hard that you ripped your asshole or have I been spreading this weird rumour about you in a ripped asshole around my family and friends for years? Please help me settle this once and for all. Cheers, boys. Yeah, I was like, did that happen?

You couldn't remember? Couldn't remember at all. I suppose if you got the injury you're more likely to remember it. You didn't remember it Jack? I didn't remember it honestly. I remember you had the high bum crack problem but I didn't remember that. I remember you had an abscess on your bum cheek. Yes, that happened as well. But not a ripped, I couldn't remember the ripped a-hole. If it was not ripped, it's a hemorrhoid. I don't suppose a ripped. So, well, here's the thing. I'm thinking going, I don't remember that.

But as we've discussed before on the show, you don't remember. You forget a lot. You forget a lot of things. Luckily, with AI these days, like all the transcripts of our shows, you can search. You can search for terms, like to try and find episodes. You know, it's actually quite a powerful tool. So I'm searching, you know, like incident, like bum incident, a lot of things. I was like, I'm just going to search for ripped asshole.

There was over 15 years ago, bingo, the piece from radio comes up. Now, we sound a little bit different because I think it's back in 2007 or 2008 but I actually found it. So hopefully this answers something for Larissa and it jogs her memory. 2008 Hey Mission Andy driving you home it's Pants Off Friday! Thanks Jacko I'm feeling pretty good with my pants off. Oh well I've got to say I don't boys.

Oh no why not Ando? Well I've actually got to admit something don't boys. Oh no why not Ando? Well I've actually got to admit something. On the weekend I fought it so hard I ripped my arsehole and I had to be stitched up by a doctor. Oh my god you little ripper Ando. R.I.P. your arsehole. Now seriously guys this is a real medical problem and I just want people to know you

can rip your arsehole like I have. Oh no sorry for laughing, it actually sounds terrible. Yeah, commiserations Andy on the RA. Yeah, cheers boys, it really hurt when I ripped it, I was like, oh god, what was that? Was that a rip? Was that my asshole? My brother had a quick look and he was like, yep, that's your asshole mate, you've ripped it to shreds. Man, what did the doctor say? He stitched it back up and he said that the only side effect is from time to time

the fart will slip out of the rip scar and usually it's going to happen if I'm in the studio. So I'd appreciate it from you boys if you just kept going and pretend that it like I haven't farted. I will do that. I can do that mate. Even if people blame me for the fart from time to time. You're the best boys. What a waste of time. It does now. You sound so different back there.

You do often sound different. It does now actually answer a lot of time. You sound so different back there. You do often sound different. It does now actually answer a lot of questions, doesn't it? With everyone writing and going, oh, sometimes I've heard a fart, sometimes I've heard a fart. We can reveal that it's due to a pledge that we took to never bring up anything leaking out through the Ripscar. I'm sorry everyone had to hear that. And also, the word arsehole said so many times in a row. Well, I mean, I was taking, I was only going off Larissa's queue.

Hey, we're really gathering momentum for ConCon. So I wanted to bring a couple more things up with you. Yep. I just got back from a conference in France last week. MBN plus plus plus. Yeah, smells very nice. It was all business. It was all business.

That's not what I saw from your photos. No, Bec seemed like she was having quite the holiday. We, well, she wasn't there for business. She couldn't deduct her bit, but I could deduct mine. Seemed like you might have veered a bit into holiday. Yeah, but- You said I'm having the best time on this holiday when you text me.

I have a handwritten letter from Andy that says things like, things like, I can't believe I'm getting away with this. This is a real holiday for me and it has no business purpose. Not true at all. And I have those in my possession and I hope I don't have to have them over. He doesn't.

Anyway, a TV convention it was called MIPCOM and- It is. It's the big TV industry format thing. Go, people go and sell shows and buy shows and for it. So we tried to sell Celebrity Medicine Cabinet over there too. We were trying to send you there, Jack, to sell celebrity medicine cabinet as a TV format. This is where you would have gone to sell it at Mipcom. And I shopped it two years ago. Um, and we heard Adam Steinman from Warner Brothers say, I would, I would have

take a look at that, but Jack hasn't followed up. Anyway, hey, the, there's two things that I've noticed as we're going into our own conference. One is the lanyard. Yeah, we've got one. I know, but people don't take them off. They wear them all the time. I thought it was like when you go into the conference, you wear it and then it's a bit

daggy, but I took mine off to go into the park. I thought it was like security passes at work where you don't really wear them around your neck, mate. No, it's not. It's every, someone said, where's your lanyard? I thought you were part of the conference. I got bullied into having the lanyard back on. And I feel like that's probably going to happen.

The other thing I reckon people want... What if you're bizarre? I'm just going to clarify this slightly with... South by Southwest was in Sydney. I managed to do a thing at South by Southwest. So same thing. You go register, get your lanyard. But if you're presenting... You don't present with a lanyard. But if you're presenting, you take it off.

No, you don't present with a lanyard on. That's true. Yeah, that's what I thought. I definitely took it off. Once you're offstage, you're back with a lanyard on. And I think it's because everyone loves the security of seeing people's names and pretending that if they've bumped into them before. Love that. Love the name. That is good. Yeah. Do you know the most, it's really, yeah, I use that a lot in circumstances like that, where someone's got their name on the lanyard.

It's quite hard to duck a look down. Like it's very obvious your eyes are dipping down. You have to be quite clever about it. You have to maybe talk about your shoe or something, you know, draw attention lower and try and catch the name on the glance back up. And the most disappointing part for someone that forgets a lot of names like me is when you pull it off, you know, you've talked about, oh, I look at the air pockets on this shoe and your eyes are glancing

back up the body and the lanyards flipped. You see like terms and conditions on the back and you're like, well, it all happened for nothing. Our eyes went all the way to the floor for nothing. Should we do names both sides on our lanyards? That's, I think, can we do that? Yeah. Okay, names both sides and your industry. It's not only your name and your industry, it's where you're from. It's normally what's happening. So that's important and people need to wear them.

Here's the other thing I wanted to show today. I realize there's a bunch of things that come up in small talk at conferences, commonly asked questions and phrases that will help people during the welcome drinks or at any time during the conference. I've got them spat out in AI, like a Siri voice, so we can listen to them and discuss them. This is the first one. How's your conference been? That's a very popular one. You would think that's pretty standard, wouldn't it?

Yeah, yeah. Talking about the thing you're at. Yes, but that one is by far- But just be careful though. Okay, if you arrive at registration drinks on the Friday and that's your opener, people will know that you've just used the cheap one because so far it hasn't started. True. I would recommend using that one on day two of the conference in the biscuit break. Great call.

This is the second one. What seminars are you eyeing off? Good one for the welcome drinks. Yes, but again, we only have two seminars and we assume people will attend both, don't we? Yeah, but normally the seminar has one title, like one, we're going to have like 40 different ... Oh, right, yeah.

We're going to have 40 minutes. Each time we get up on stage, a new seminar. I would say so. So it's 80 seminars? Yeah. Put that in your deductions and smoke it. Each time we get up on stage, a new seminar. I would say so. So it was 80 seminars? Yeah. Put that in your deductions and smoke it. I think so.

It is, yeah, you're right. Spot on. 80 seminars, all educational, no entertainment. So the fact that you, I don't think anyone's gone to a conference and managed to catch 80 seminars. So that's going to be a fair thing. And it's a pretty cool thing to say at a conference. Think I'm going to hit 80 seminars. So that's going to be a fair thing everyone can have. And it's a pretty cool thing to say at a conference. Think I'm going to hit 80.

Wow. This guy can conference. This is the next one. Are you enjoying the conference? This is great. Sorry. Have you organised some of these for people? What about if you can speak English? All I'm saying is...

This does seem like the kind of... When I tried to learn Spanish, these are the kind of very basic questions, the entry level questions you get for... When I did Duolingo for like two weeks to try and do it, to try and learn a team, you'd learn this stuff, even if you hadn't registered in interesting conferences. Like, you learn all these phrases that were just about like, you know, milk and water and conferences. All I'm saying is, it's a very popular one. I'm just going with the you know, milk and water and conferences. All I'm saying is it's a very popular one.

I'm just going with the data. How are you enjoying the conferences? Yeah, yeah. Here's another one. God, I wish I had come with you. This sounds awesome. In what capacity are you here? Oh, how cool, man.

A lot of people think South of France is all just parties, but you can see there's some quite deep conversation. Yep. So obviously that's when you talk about your industry. Here's the next one. Where are you staying? Very popular at a conference. And where were you staying for yours?

I heard it was pretty fancy. I was staying at a regularly priced hotel. How much was it per night? I can't remember. It's in euros. Give it to us in euros. It's hard to do the conversion. I think about $150 a night, I reckon.

Hopefully I've got the conversion right. Well, you got lucky with the conversion. I think about $150 a night, I reckon. Hopefully I've got the conversion right. Well, you got lucky with the views from the photos I saw then. Yeah, absolutely. I heard your burger was $80. So it's pretty rare that a burger would be as much as the room. Did you eat an $80 burger? I didn't eat it.

You just got an $80 burger and threw it in the truck. That's what I'm hearing. The burger on the menu was $80. How many burgers have you ordered and thrown out? $80 Australian, Jack. That is crazy. That's what I'm hearing. The burger on the menu was 80 Australian dollars. That is crazy. Yeah, that's why we worked for a walk. And do you swear you didn't eat one? I swear I didn't eat one.

He did throw it out. I didn't throw it out. We had to, uh, Shake Shack. Around the corner. How much was that? I don't know, 12 euro? Nah, it would have been expensive. Anyway, you can eat the next one.

How was your flight in? Very popular one. How was your flight in? I don't know, 12 euro? Nah, it would have been expensive. Any flight to use the next one. How was your flight, Hen? Very popular one. How was your flight, Hen? Very comfortable. Very comfortable, I imagine.

I bet it was. Absolutely. When it's going on the old TD pipe. Because you were there to do business. Yes, the flights were tax deductible. Yeah, no, I know. But were they, was that also the name of the seat? What? Business class?

Yeah. Well, if you're going to do business, you have to. I just wanted to do economy. I would have absolutely chose that. I just wondered if you were going over to, you know, do first things first. No, no. No. Would have passed you. No, it's just business.

Okay. Oh, just business. Just business. I've got enough of you. And then the final one. Have you got out to see the city? Oh, good. Yeah, that will be good actually at Con Con because it is on, you know, it's the golden

city or in the Gold Coast. Some people have noticed and now that those people include us, that the dates for ConCon, just in terms, if you are looking to head out to see the city, it does coincide with another popular conference, Schoolies. Yeah. I didn't know. I was told during the week, I'm like, oh, of course. People were boarded up going, you guys know it's Schoolies?

Oh no. I know, I know. Well, that's an error on our behalf. It's actually not even the first time we've made this mistake. Remember, we finished our Cool Boys in the Front Man Tour in Byron, also at Schoolies. Yeah, looked like a couple of Coolies, really getting a rep for ourselves out there. Anyway, a couple of helpful tips there for anyone wanting to start conference chat. I could separate that out and put it up as a different kind of YouTube clip for those who need to refer to it while they're there.

Download the QCard version so you can always have a little cheat sheet with you at the mix. It's really health lander. Cheers. Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamishandandy.com.