Hamish & Andy - 2025 Ep 282 - The Golf Buggy Saga Escalates

Episode Date: March 12, 2025

Andy’s love for his dog Henri has him questioning whether he loves her more than his fiancée, Bec. Hamish shares Rudy’s swimming carnival prep (or lack thereof) and Extreme Empaths is back for 2025. We also have a returning contestant for Chit-Chat Champion getting a second chance after 5 years of agonising over it! Plus, Jack’s golf buggy weaseling reaches a new level. 1. Extreme empaths 2. Andy might like Henri more than Bec 3. Jack’s golf buggy decision…again 4. Chit-chat champion 5. Rudy’s swimming carnival

A listener production. Activate your Internet because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three, two. Sorry, still buffering. One. Ahoy to me polar Hamish. Okay, I could be famous Amy's but let's see where we go from here. Ahoy to me temperate Jack. Okay, I thought we were just like climate regions.

We are Earth's three primary climate zones. Ahoy to me tropical Andy. Tropical or subtropical. Yes, okay. Well done. Good. Yes. Good. Good. Good. Well, here's the thing. Benny, in Canada, sent an email saying, spent an hour thinking of famous triplets. Here's my top 50.

Top 50? That was number 22 on Benny's list. Now he spent one hour and he came up with 50. Now is that a damning bit of information? That's a year and a half's work for Mike. Yeah. People would know that, yeah, we mentioned last episode, podcast Mike has left with our blessing for what he believes to be greener pastures.

He'll find them dry and crunchy and dissatisfying, unsatisfactory and he will be back. But. Arid soil. pastures, you'll find them dry and crunchy and unsatisfactory and he will be back. But arid soil. It will not be tropical grass. It will be polar in nature, very difficult to grow. However, he complained last year that it took him so much time to do it and then Ben's cranked out 50. Yep. And look who's the happiest here, Liza. She's a cool irony for mine.

She's feeling like a golden crumper out there. Very excited. It is amazing. I mean, I'm sure it's happened many other places. Not what we're meant to be talking about here, but where you leave a job you said was hard. And then the new person that comes and goes, no, God, is that all they were doing?

Just do it this way. Good absolute doddle. Miss you, Mike. Miss you, Mike. Send us a picture of the grass. Love to see how green it is. Ahoy also home to James, who's in Bristol in England. Hi lads, it's James here from Bristol in the UK. I'm getting in touch as I'm a radio reporter over here

and a press release came across my desk today, which immediately made me think of all the extreme empaths amongst us. So it turns out that researchers at the University of Bath, which you may or may not know is one of the more prestigious universities over here, have looked into how to get more people to buy solo bananas because it turns out they equate

for millions of tons of food waste every year because obviously normally you'd buy a bunch and they worked out that if they label them with sad faces along with a sign that says we are sad singles and we want to be bought as well sales increased by 60 percent. Wow. So I just thought you better know that scientists and the eminent people amongst us are starting to catch on that extreme empathy is something that could be exploited by shops and businesses. And it also got me thinking that if these solo bananas could talk, what would they sound like? And immediately I thought of Jack's, I'm just a little boy.

And it made me think that if they could talk, they would probably sound something like this. We're side singles and we want to be bored too. Great, James. No notes. Perfect message, couldn't have been shorter. Well, I mean, he's right. And we know that there's extreme impasss amongst us.

In fact, they keep emailing us in. HamishNeed.com. So many, there have been just so many of the Government Mandate Break. We've got to dip into that. Well, let's play the opening, which is of course every single song ever written. No song shall be left out, because of course that would be sad for that particular song. I hope everyone feels seen and appreciated. Do you want me to go first or you?

You go for it. Olivia, on warm nights, this must be a summer one fresh, my husband turns the ceiling fan in our room on high as we're getting into bed. Recently, I've started feeling sorry for the poor fan as it works tirelessly through the night on the highest setting. So I'll wake up and turn it down to a medium low setting in the middle of the night. I hope the fan appreciates it. Give it a break.

That is nice. That is nice. I mean, just when I think we can't get like, I'm like, okay, I think we've done all of them. The level that come in, like sometimes you start think we can't get like, I'm like, okay, I think we've done all of them. The level that come in, like sometimes you start reading them and you're like, like where, how could this be? Like how could this, I don't even know how there's empathy going on here. And then you're like, Oh my God, I think I know what's going on. This is, this comes in from Amal. He said, my partner, Lucy is an extreme empath. We were driving through the Maccas car park and she came to a complete stop.

Although there were no pedestrians anywhere, no reversing cars or anything. I was very confused. I took a second look at the road in front of us and there was a lonely napkin blowing across the car park in the breeze. And I said, are you waiting for the napkin to cross the road? Her sheepish expression said it all. So that one's curious to me. Cause you're like, I don't want to run over a napkin. Cause I guess in her mind, and we can only speculate here, but I suppose to an empath,

they're like, that napkin has been trapped inside. It's like sardines in a jail has been fortunate enough to escape and now is running free. The life that all napkins want. Couldn't bear the thought of it being run over in the car park after such an improbable jailbreak. Arunan, this is from. Sometimes when my girlfriend takes a photo of some famous landmark, she does a 180 and takes a photo of it, whatever

is on the other side. She knows nobody's even taking a photo that way. And this is the car park directly opposite the Taj Mahal. Oh, that's good. This is from Jade from New Zealand. She said, sometimes if I notice a weed in a place it shouldn't be, e.g. a crack in the veranda, I won't pull it out. It's endured enough growing in such a challenging environment and it's worked

so hard to get where it is, I let it go as that's Darwin's theory at its best. I will, however, pull out any of its children. They haven't had to try that hard at all and they don't deserve it. So she's against nepo babies for weeds, but fully cool with the trailblazing weed. This is from Joe. My girlfriend has just discovered the fridge becomes full darkness when you close the door. Late in life too. They didn't know that. Yeah.

It feels bad for the food. So she went out and ordered a battery powered light and sits it inside the fridge. This is where movies like that. That Seth Rogen movie Sausage Party has a lot to answer for. Because people really like to attribute human feelings to food over a lot of other stuff. Which is odd. It does come up a lot because we eat it, we burn it, we cook it, we chop it. It's a horrible thing to have feelings.

Going off James' message at the top, I'm a sad single and I want a banana and I want to be bought too and then you just go home and get eaten. It's not a good life when you get bought. It's not going to tell the bananas. You want to stay in the shop to be honest. And this is from Bessie. Oh, boys, when I get a new toothbrush, I don't use it immediately because I don't want to fire my old toothbrush on the spot with no warning.

It hasn't done anything wrong. It's just aged out. So I like to ease it into retirement. So what Bessie does is she puts the new toothbrush next to the old toothbrush. So that way the old toothbrush notices, it notices that they've got their last few days together before it's going to be retired and it can perform a handover to the new toothbrush. This gives the new toothbrush time to learn and prepare for the job while the

old toothbrush has time to come and prepare for the job, while the old toothbrush has time to come to terms with its retirement. To learn and prepare for the job. Okay, so what's it like when you go in there? Okay, well it's much like on the little illustration on the box he came in. Yeah. You're going up against the teeth, and you've got to get all the food out, and it's going to be dark and it's going to be wild, but you'll, you'll, you'll be good.

You'll be great. Hey, I know you're a cat man or cat family at the moment. I think one day you'll be a dog man. Yeah, it's possible, but we're pretty, pretty happy as a cat family. Yeah. Jaco, did you find that when baby came along, the dog just become second fiddle? Yeah, it's so sad to say because we love the dog so much, but they just have to become backseat. You see a lot of it. You see a lot of dogs with their own Instagram account just go real quiet.

Yeah, all that and she had one, yeah. It's gone real slow. Did Luna have an Instagram account? Yeah, she did. Oh my God. They wouldn't. I reckon you can track the amount of posts when Gordy was born. Yeah, we haven't even logged on since he's been born. Do you have people going, because I'd see people that were fully invested in the dog,

and then a baby comes along, and then you'd have people ask, like, do you still have the dog? Because it seems like the dog's just vanished, or run away, or perhaps, you know, God forbid, the dog's no more. Absolutely, there's a path where the dogs immediately go to the grandparents or the parents of the newborn. I've seen that numerous of my friends. And there's this thing where Beck and I, people are saying, if you had a kid, what will happen?

You'll hate the dog, you won't want it around. And Beck just can't deal with it at all. But you don't have to hate the dog. We only got 24 hours in the day. It does receive less love. Our dog is still loved, but it does receive less. Do you find it annoying at times? Sometimes you're like, on a full day, you still want to walk.

Aren't we all raising this baby together? Aren't we all just as tired? We've got friends that banished his dogs to outside. They were inside dogs until kids came along. Then Tim's dogs just suddenly were outside dogs. Imagine that for a shock to the system. That is a shock to the system. Well, that's the thing. I mean, we were like to Tim, and this is our mate too, we were like, he's still, because

he's got four kids. We're like, he's still got those dogs. I mean, especially, you know, yeah, yeah, they're still there. But when you catch up with them and you're running through house things, how's the kids, you know, you've got four updates to give before you would even give an update on the dog. So you never hear any news about the dog. This shocks me, Jack, because it was, I mean, as I, you know, obviously I said I didn't want a dog. I said I'd sooner sit in my dad's fish pond at their property, I think for 24 hours and get one.

I think I said that comment on the podcast at some point along the ride. Big call. Um, but now I just love the dog so much. And I'm actually looking for, like, if we were to ever have a kid, it was like, and Beck became more disinterested in the dog, the dog would be more for me, which I'd be actually very much excited about. And it became alarming to me during the week, because I was like, do I love the dog more than Beck? Like, is he? That's a question that I think a lot of people

will have in partnerships to sit down and go. Sure, certainly one for the couples counsellor. Yeah. That should be number one for the next sesh. Look, there was a couple of things that came up and I thought it's best just describe it in song and Ham, feel free to jump in with any questions you have during the song. Can I do it in tune? Nah, I'd prefer you not to try and sing. Can I do it? Alright, I'll do it in time.

Okay, that's fair. The other day it occurred to me Beck might rank below the dog in house hierarchy Err, what do you mean, Ando? Well there's evidence. I might like Henry more than Beck There were many signs and here is one I barely ever pick up who that Beck has done And you're doing it for Henry every day? Twice a day I might like Henry more than Beck

The last bite of my steak I'll save it for Henry But if Beck asks for a bite of your burrito? Sorry darling, I'm still hungry. When I hop out of the shower, Henry licks the water off my legs. But what if Beck asks you to do the same? I'd feel weird saying yes. But you would let her. Let's move on from this my friend.

If I'm in a rush, Henry can stop and sniff a wee But I will never let Beck stop for a coffee Jeez man, I feel like the writing's on the wall here buddy Yeah, I might like Henry more than Beck And when the motion of the car puts pressure on Henry's glance And her butt juice seeps over my favourite pants Are you angry? Not at all But you wouldn't love it if Beck did it.

It's a worry, isn't it? There's no denying it, I might. Just like Henry, more than Beck. And as a friend and possible groomsman, I wouldn't sing this at the wedding. If I was you. Ha ha ha. Um, Jaco, last week on the pod, we of course recounted the, the tale of one of the hottest, the hottest question over summer is Jack enjoying his golf buggy?

Is he driving around in a $15,000 golf cart because he lives within two kilometers of a golf course and he's allowed to drive one. We found out that even though we did all the weaseling, you did all the brand mentions required to secure the golf cart. I even noticed last week on the show, Andy, you knew I wasn't getting a golf cart. You still gave him the credits again. You mentioned them. Well, that just annoyed me so much.

Well, Andy, what was the company you were doing the mentions for? Well, InGolf and Utility. And the reason why, Jack, is... We have something to tell you. Haim texted me during that discussion and said, should we tell him? Right. And then we talked in the car on the way home straight after the show.

Here's the thing, Jack. Last year, now it's important to get the timeline of this. Okay. Last year, you had the option of standing firm and going, no, no, no. We all agreed that for our big ask, our big weasel, with the no questions asked weasel, where we just mentioned a brand name and we would all get something. Now it was put to you, look, you want essentially a $15,000 golf buggy. And it's not something that you guys necessarily wanted. We did, I did. I didn't feel bad for that reason saying I'm happy to break the rules and take it on my own.

I would have loved one, but they came and they said, we've only got one. So it required you to go, gimme, gimme, gimme, all for Jack, none for Hamish and Andy. You took the deal. When we were in that period where you were still about to receive the golf buggy, right? To your house. The same company that Andy mentioned. Oh my God. You guys, what happened? They said, well, look, because we couldn't give you guys like actual golf

buggies you can drive. Yeah. We would like to offer you the motorized smaller like the push trolleys. Yeah. The remote controlled ones of those. Would you guys like one of those? And we said, no, that would be so lovely. Thank you.

So you got something from that weaseling and I got you guys like one of those and we said, oh, that would be so lovely. Thank you. And so they ended up. So wait, you got something from that weaseling and I got nothing. Well, we're all meant to get things. That was the deal. Supplementary. We got much smaller things. We got premium Stewart Golfers. They're the ones.

Jack, please don't talk over the brand name. Go ahead. Then I got something to say. What did we get, Ed? Jack, please don't talk over the brand name. Go ahead. Then I got something to say. We got ourselves premium Stewart Golf Australia products. The Q Follow, which is a little trolley that follows you around. I've seen them. They're awesome. You put your clubs in them and you use a remote control and it drives you.

Don't try and do. No, no, I'm just testimony. No, no, Jack. You're correct. You're correct. They are awesome, but obviously much, much, much cheaper than a Golf Buggy. You may say, guys, would you like these? We said, yeah, sure. Jack's getting a Golf Buggy. Yeah. He's getting like, you know, he can drive around in his.

We just got a little thing that you put your bag on and it is a remote control. We'd love them. Thank you. We thought, you know what? That seems about right. Jack got this really great, big, amazing thing. And we're happy to take these. It's all we need. Yeah. Nice guys. Anyway, then it turns out that you didn't want your big big amazing thing and we're happy to take these. It's all we need. Yep. Nice guys. Anyway, then it turns out that you didn't want your big amazing thing. And you sent your golf cart back. So here we are at this juncture where Andy and I got these really like quite awesome, um, remote controlled little push trolleys and, um, you know, just

so let you know that we love them and we are, yeah, we're grateful to you for using your one wish with the genie and sorry to hear that you didn't enjoy your golf game. You sent it back. It's not, I didn't send it back. I never, I never took ownership of it. So here's the other part. So it cost them nothing.

Here's the other part. They have said, would you also like to give another one, we can offer you a third one, another one to give away to our listeners? Oh guys, don't. Did they actually comment on that incident? They would have said, can we give a third one to Jack? No, they didn't. Because at that stage you were getting a golf cart.

So they said, would you like to give one away as a competition? So we said yes. This is such a great test. So Jack, I remember at that stage you were still getting a golf cart that you could drive. So we said, yes, we'll definitely take one for the show. And in 2025, we can give that away and that'll be a fun thing for other, for the listeners of the show to enjoy in the Weaseling. So here's the thing. That's on its way to the show and the very generous from, very generous from the company to give one. We can't change the conditions of that. It's on its way

to the show. Do you want one of these things? Yes, I definitely do. Right. Me and Andy have one and I got to tell you, they're great on the website. It says, enjoy the pro like experience of not having to worry about your clubs. Cause it's like you have a caddy and just walking along, you don't have to carry anything, you have to do anything. Yep. Definitely. I want it.

Yeah. Got it. So that's on its way to the show. Under instructions to give it away though, as a contest, I guess our question to you is, that's the spirit with which it's been said to us. You of course have great power within the show and even though it's probably not the right thing to do, you could step in here and seize the shipment. Would you like to seize it before we have a chance to offer it to the listeners?

We'll give you some time to think about that. Well, I think it's fair to say that the entire world is eagerly awaiting the outcome of this monumental decision. Will he seize it? A moment is coming for him. Will he seize it? This is epic. This is monumental.

Will he seize it? This is a huge decision, huge impact. It's a huge question today. The question is, does he have the courage to seize it? A moment is coming for him. Will he seize it? He definitely sees that, but will he seize it? That's pretty funny.

The time has come where actions speak louder than words. Imagine the pressure on this man. It's a huge decision. Will he seize it and will he take it? I made my decision a full five minutes ago while we were all talking. 100% I would like to take it for myself. As soon as I realized what the test would be, I had already decided. So to be clear, you are picking OCs. OCs to the shipment before the chance to give it away. And it's not a golf podcast. So you know, there's hundreds of people who listen to the show who don't even like golf

and they will be completely useless to them. So it makes more sense to come to me. You have chosen C's. Here's the thing. We don't have that offer for you. You bastards. We don't feel right. It doesn't feel right letting you seize it, but thank you for making your feelings known.

Here's what we will do. We will put a competition up on our website. Okay. Now, aimsham.com. If you are interested in golf or maybe your partner is or whatever, your mom, your dad, and you think this would be a great thing to win. If you want the Qfollow Trolley, go and register now. Mm-hmm.

This is what we'll do, Jack. And people can only, you can only register once, we'll make it to the form, you know, you've got to put your phone number in, et cetera. You can only register once. Jack, you'll find out how many people have registered, then... So my name's just in the mix. That's not good odds.

No. We're going to give you a better chance, because as we said, you are in a position of great just in the mix. That's not good odds. No. We're going to give you a better chance, because as we said, you are in a position of great influence in the show. Yeah, I should have like 80% of tickets. OK, well, you've put a number on it. But what we're going to do next week is we'll find out how many entries there are. And then we will give you the choice of how many tickets

you would like to add into that. So you get to enter more than once. The number you pick is up to you. Yep. Right. Why, my worry check's already just decided on 500 million. Still a chance for them to win. And it's time for a bit of a different version of this. Chit Chat Champion. Yes, of course, the game where we test how good people are at Small Talk.

We have a returning contestant. Not a winner though. Not a winner. Before people go, oh great, is it one of the greats? It could be regarded as one of the greats, but not in the way people might be thinking. An email came in, landed on my side of the fence. And it was from, it was from a lady called Mary. And she said, look, I was on chat champion quite a while ago and I fluffed it. I, I pooped the bed. It didn't go well. I've never listened back to it. She says, I just, I can't bear to see back to it. It was a, it wasn't her finest hour. This is, um, this is what happened when she was on.

Oh, g'day, Ando. G'day, mate. Did you hear the rumor? New iPhone in September. Oh, I think I'm going to wait till at least October before I purchase one. Wait, no bloody way. What's that? Okay. It was an interesting tactic. It kind of violates. She claims she couldn't hear. She claims she couldn't hear. But I was going to say one thing we do need to know is it

kind of violates the no questions rule to go, wait, what was that? But also afterwards, Mary wanted to say, hey, look, I actually couldn't hear what was going on. And first time we'd ever had a phone glitch. We took that to heart and then this is what we said at the end. We should give Mary a chance to come back. I know we don't, I know they do that in Sailor's Sentry. It's normally for the winner. By the end of the year, Mary- But this is where Louisa comes back.

By the end, I could just feel the pain, the anguish. We will get you back on by the end of the year. Yep. Fantastic. We won't allow, I didn't hear that. Okay. So we made that pledge. That was in 2020, nearly five years ago. That seems to be about right for this show.

Probably people thought that was a bit of a peter out. No, no, no. Sometimes like those bugs you hear that can just freeze themselves in the Arctic and just come back to life 100 years later. Never heard of that. It's back to life. I think there's some bacteria that can do it. Anyway, it was back to life, not dead, just dormant for a long time.

Here we go. We're back. We're men of our word. Mary did need to email and remind us, but we are men of our word. And she joins us now. Porta back. Mary, ahoy to you. Ahoy, boys.

May the gusto be with you. Thank you, Mary,oy to you. Ahoy boys, may the gusto be with you. Thank you Mary and with you. Gusto to all. Mary, are you more nervous than the first time? Yeah, I am and I hated hearing that. I literally like, I think I listened to it one time and I could not, I could not listen to it again. So it sounded like I was speaking through a potato.

But you're probably better for the run. Yeah. So you would... It was the phone as well. It was the phone. It was the bad phone. Well, let's be clear. I've upgraded. Can you hear us clearly now? We've got to make that very clear off the top. I can and there's no excuses now. So if I fail, I fail.

Okay, great. Thank you for stepping back into the arena. We've also got Liam. Hi, Liam. Hi, boys. Liam, how are you feeling? I mean, did you hear that? Are you aware of who you are? I did hear that. And to hear my worst nightmares play out in front of me isn't great, but I'm hoping to put in a better performance. Oh, okay. I mean, you know your competitor is coming off such a low base, but you're coming in

with no stains on your record. True. Liam, do you feel more confident that she's played it before and fluffed it or less confident because she's had the experience of being in the game? I think that there's nothing that compares to match experience. So I think that's a little leg up there. But hopefully I can get one up over. And what is your job in regular play that may lead you to think that you're good at small talk? I wouldn't say it's a job, but I play cricket and I put in the slips,

which is often a position where it doesn't matter how good you catch it, it's just how good your chat is. So I think if I put in a good performance today, I could secure my spot in the hammock for the next year. Fantastic. Wonderful. Just your mouth has just great muscle memory of just keeping it going. Okay. Yeah. We'll put you guys both on hold. You obviously won't be able to hear each other. The rules are very, very simple. We won't tell you when to talk, as you know. You just have to use your social antenna to vibe out when to jump in and say the next best thing

you can think of in the conversation. No questions allowed, no stalling. Judge it on how naturally you play your small talk game. And are you ready? Yep. Oh, good day, Ando. Hi, him. Mate, g'day, Andy. G'day, him.

Mate, Trump trying to get Greenland, what do you reckon? Is he gonna get it? Nah, I think they'll hold strong. Yeah, well, can't say I'm a massive Trump supporter myself. Can't really say I follow his policies, but hey, all success to him. Good luck with him, and I wish him all the best, let's be honest. good luck with him and I wish him all the best let's be honest. Wow I mean you got you got stuff out but it was some would say it was a turnaround. It's pretty erratic.

Mid sentence just sort of I can't say I follow him but ending up with all the best to him. Full support Mary. Support full support for Annex in Greenland. Oh no. Mary, I sense that you're not happy with how that went. I'm not. I'm not. No.

But like I was coming in, no tactics. I was like, look, I'll just fill out the conversation. But you know, it's all these people that think they can chitchat. It's so much harder in an arena. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you do a great job.

You haven't lost yet. So don't you know? You're currently arena. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you do a great job. You haven't lost yet. So don't you know? You're currently in the lead, Mary. Let's see if you can keep the lead. Okay, over to Liam. Liam, are you there? I'm here, boys. All right, you ready?

Here we go. Ready to go. Good luck. Good day, Andrew. I am. Mate, Trump and Greenland, what do you reckon? Is he going to end up with it? No, I think they'll hold firm.

This whole interesting thing is that because a few countries have got their toes dipped in the water there, America, Russia, Denmark, it'll be interesting to see how it plays out. That's good. Pretty good. That's good. That's not what Mary wanted. And we'll bring Mary back. Mary, are you there? Yep. Good. Okay. A nervous, nervous wait for you, no doubt.

Okay, Mary, you know what you went with. I'm going to summarize. I'm going to summarize what Liam went with and you tell me who you think has got it. He said, that's an interesting one. A lot of countries have their toes dipped in the water there, America, Russia and Denmark. It'll be interesting to see how it plays out. I feel like he has a lot more knowledge on this subject. Yeah. Yeah. I think he may have just-

He's very lucky. I actually watched a video on it last night. I think he may have just... He's very lucky. I actually watched a video on it last night. Very lucky. But I mean, that is great. That's what a great champion does. They research all topics. Mary, unlucky.

You won't be invited back. It doesn't matter how many years we wait, but I think that's fair. But Liam, you get a token of no value coming your way. Of course, you can put any value on that you'd like, but we attribute no value to it whatsoever. Awesome. Thank you, boys. Thanks, boys. Look forward to seeing how the Greenland issue plays out. Liam, you are an interested observer

and Mary, you absolutely made your feelings clear. Thanks, Mary. You've made a great story. Thanks, guys, bye. Fellas, we're straight back into this. And... Well, it's March. You're happy, but again, happy new year. But can I just shock you? I feel like other people have gone back to whatever it is they do, even earlier than this.

Yeah, I noticed that. Like my wife started working in, god it seems like a long time ago now, but January she was doing stuff and the kids, they go to school and school has started, school's back. Like school's well and truly back by now. In fact, to the point where they're talking about the end of term already, and I was like, oh that's very strange guys because we're, Isn't the year just beginning? Anyway, that's why we fight the mandate to break so hard. So fingers crossed we beat it next year.

But one thing that's happened, term one, at school is the swimming carnival for my kids. I hated that. Did you have a swimming carnival? I have terrible memories of the swimming carnival too, because it's this funny thing where it is a skill. Swimming is a skill. And especially when you're in primary school and you haven't quite linked this together yet in life, that skill development requires repeated exposure to increasingly hard stimulus and you adapt. You don't understand that yet. You just decide that there is glory

associated with something. And if you've decided you'd like the glory, then that sort of seems like all the work that needs to be done. So, you know, the kids, like we swim at the beach and, you know, they can swim, they can swim, but there's no swimming lessons. Yeah. To give you an idea of the kids' mentality, I was saying to my nephew, George, about, that we're doing the part with Pat Cummins and he said, great, can you get him to send a scout to Burnley Oval at 8 o'clock, 8.30am

on Saturday, write more for my bowling. Okay. Well, he only has 10 scouts a week that he can deploy. I'll see if he uses one on you. This is a nine year old. So like, this is, you gotta get him early. You gotta catch him early. I would argue that even shows the level of development that is impressive.

Because it's like, here's a skill I've been working on and I'm now ready to show it off. So the thing about swimming, especially swimming a stroke, like freestyle or backstroke or some of the harder ones, is like you obviously have to learn it. And then after, you know, and that's fine if you're into swimming and if you're not, don't worry about it, like you don't just go and participate. And that's the fun of the day. And generally that's the vibe of the swimming carnival, especially at primary school, it's like, you know, if whatever jump in participation points, you get a

point for just getting in the pool and then first, second and third get more points for the house or whatever. And do they have exotic events as well? Like at my primary school they do. What do you mean like pool pony and stuff like that? Well, one of them was for the people that couldn't swim was in the wading pool and they dumped heaps of corks in it and who got the most corks. Right.

No, it's a bit more swimming themed than that, but certainly for the little kids like the kindies and the yee ones and stuff, they're allowed to have a pool noodle. Okay. So there are a few non-O allowed to have a pool noodle. Okay. So there are a few non-Olympic things that you see. Okay. Like you see a couple of like non-fina regulated events like the pool noodle or the year six

helping you along. And it's, and in the junior events too, a couple of them, it's, you know, 50 meters is a long way. Like, so by the time you're in year two, like you're, you are, and even for me, it's a long way. Like I'm a terrible swimmer. So I tried to explain this to the kids. Like it's all about having fun. Anyway, the night before we're having dinner, both of them, both of them,

setting you five, rusing you two. The night before Rudy goes, dad, do you know how to swim butterfly? Yeah, well, yes, I suppose the answer is yes. I can tell you, like, I can say what to do. Like you move your arms like this and your legs are kicking like a dolphin. She goes, great. I want you to teach me after dinner. I want to get in the pool because I'm, I vented in butterfly tomorrow.

Wow. I was like, oh honey, that is, I love that. That's, I love the, I love the determination. That's awesome. Which is like, and I say, but hey, it's six days. Like it's, it's, we've gone to bed. Like having, having spaghetti bolognese. It's not the, it's just a bit late really in use in the campaign to learn

the stroke the night before, which is like, I have to learn it. I have to learn it. I was like, all right, well, I suppose we can do 15 minutes in the pool. We finished spaghetti, get in the pool and you know, she sort of thrashes a little bit, takes a couple of strokes, pops her head up. And our pool I think is seven meters long, so it's not really the place. Even if she had two months out, I don't know how much development we could do. But also, the length that you, anyone tries Butterfly who's never done it before, like seven meters is pretty much the max length.

You can drown in seven meters. So she takes like two strokes, pops her head up, she goes, did I do it? I go, you did it. And she goes, unbelievable. She goes, I think I'm the only kid in my class that can swim butterfly. This is great. I'm going to do it tomorrow.

And this is the tricky thing. This is where unconditional love and support meets the reality of, okay, but you're going to find out that, you know, I love you and I believe you and you can do anything, but you can, you can do anything you put your mind to, I suppose is the missing part of that. And you practice regularly for, and that's the bit we've missed. Yeah. It's been, it's too late the night before.

Anyway, swimming carnival comes, I go, she's entered herself into four events, 50 meter freestyle, which isn't how to do breaststroke, backstroke, butterfly. And then there's also a hundred meter freestyle. Gets to the starting blocks. First up is the freestyle and you know, goes for it. Love it. Love the excitement, dives off the blocks and you know, goes for it. Love it. Love the excitement. Dives off the blocks and it is a slog.

Like you, you pay more attention to the Olympic swimming than I do. Yeah. But, and I, and I adored the effort and she certainly wasn't like, you know, finished middle of the pack with a bunch of other kids that I think were doing it for the first time. So you love the effort. But it was about two minutes, I reckon. I was thinking it was about two. So it's a long slog.

The lactic acid is enormous by the end. Like can't get her arms out of the water. She's like swimming through honey. It's such a long way. It's such a long way. It's a long way for me. And so she gets out and I'm like, okay, she's going to have been dealt a huge dose of reality here. And I'm waiting with the towel and I'm like, I'm just going to congratulate the effort. Comes down, she's panning. She's like, okay, that's done. She's like, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm going to do the a hundred meters. I was like, really?

Did you feel like, did you feel like you got to the end and you wanted to do the same distance again? She's yeah. Yeah, but it's not next. Next is breaststroke. This is a huge, huge schedule of swimming for someone that doesn't know any of these strokes. So then I see her over talking to the sports teacher and the sports teacher is miming breaststroke. Learning it and like, hey, she's my daughter. So I love, I'll leave it to the last minute. Right.

Like that's our family motto. Yeah. Even for me, this is ballsy. Like to learn the stroke before, before just go through the gist of breaststroke. Anyway, gets to the block, jumps in for breaststroke and just, just, you know, heads bobbing up and down and I'm at the starting end. And so she's swimming and I down. And I'm at the starting end. And so she's swimming and I'm filming and I'm zooming in and I notice her

legs are like dead straight. What she's just using her arms. Like a plank. Right. And not only that, but anytime they move out of position, I can see her like fighting to get them back into a plank. Oh no. Back into a plank.

So hard, son. I'm a bodybuilder. I know. This is like the biggest arm and shoulder work out of all. I think I know what's happened though. But we're again, amazing effort. Gets in and climbs out. Comes down again is panting and she's like, yeah, okay, I've got a hundred meters next.

I've got a hundred meters. And they said you could do free solid breaststroke. So I might do breaststroke for the hundred meters. Breaststroke? And I said, yeah, right, honey. Again, like you're doing amazing. I'm so proud of you for this effort. I said, but if I may, and again, you're doing a wonderful job and I'm not a great swimmer. So I don't really know what I'm talking about, but I think if you do want to go again, I

think use your legs. Like you can, you can, you can kick, right? And she goes, no, you're not allowed. I said, oh, I know you are. And she goes, dad, I was told by the teacher, you are not allowed to kick in breaststroke. If you do, you get disqualified and you will lose points for your house. So it was just this thing where like, as a dad, you're like, I know I'm right. Yes. I'm not, I'm not saying I'm the greatest swimming coach of all time, but I am. I do know you're a lad. You don't have to hold a plank.

Did you find out what the miscommunication was? Someone she'd gone, do I kick my legs like freestyle? And they'd said, no, no, no, you can't do that. You have to kick like a frog. And she's just not heard to kick like a frog. So I've got no, no, no, you can't do that. I thought, I thought that she's just taken the guy that was miming it super seriously because he was standing up.

That's also a chance, which shows you who she will look at above her father as a swimming coach. Anyway, the rest of the events, she did a great job. She bowed out. She bowed out after that. And that's okay, we can wait. Butterfly can wait till next year, which was so good. Because just from a life-saving perspective, I was like, there's definitely the big stick is coming out. Did you ever have the big stick, Jack?

I only chose backstroke because it was the least likely that I would drown. I was so unconfident about this swimming day. It was my least favorite day of the year. I got big sticked for a false start. What? You couldn't get yourself out? No, I jumped in but I didn't know it was a false start and I was thrashing down the pool. And I mistook all the screaming for like, he's killing it.

I was looking side to side going, I'm out in front. And I was like, oh my god, I didn't think I was a good swimmer at all. Like I've done this. And then I got hit by the big stick. And I even, I was pushing the big stick. It's a rival school. I was like, what are you doing? I'm winning the race.

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