Hamish & Andy - 2025 Ep 283 - Will Jack Play Fair or Play Foul?

Episode Date: March 19, 2025

Will Jack use his position of power to play fair or play foul when it comes to the Golf Buggy competition? Andy watched a news story about a house that was built on the wrong block, and the guys have so many questions. Hame is dubious about the validity of a battery ad he saw, and the ‘Up There Cazaly’ song sleuth is back with a major development. 1. Fair or Foul - How many competition tickets for Jack?2. House built on the wrong block3. Proving Up The Cazaly is an Australian anthem4. Energizer Bunny

A listener production. Activate your internet. Because the Hey Mission and the podcast starts in 3...2... Sorry, still buffering. One. Ahoy to me pauldron. Hamish. Okay, we're mispronounced.

Things that witches use. I think you might be a croomstitch, Jack. No. Ahoy to me grieve. Jack. Ahoy. I would say, I mean, witches of the past, this was around during witchy times. Yep, not a historical period by the way.

No, witchy times I understood. Yes, 1600s-ish. Ahoy to me, a visor. So the pauldron, the greave and the visor. Types of hat? Types of hat? Types of people in the King's court? Pieces of armour. Oh yeah. Good one again.

Eliza. Well done, Eliza. She's so relieved. She's feeling this. Shoulder protection ham. The pauldron is the armour. Leg protection is the grieve jack. You need those. You need those. And a visor. You can go in with it, but if you're hunky. If you're good enough. And for a movie, you generally take it off and let your long locks and sweat.

Yeah, open face. And if you're good enough, you wouldn't let the sword get anywhere near your face in the first place. I will say this though, a special shout out to anyone that knew that fact or knew those three. Think about the kind of person that would know the specifics of Armour and what they're called and how furious they would be hearing us not name it.

And how sad they would be that this wasn't brought up in a public arena where they could yell out, I know it, I know it, I know it. I know the names of Armour. Well, I did get a text from Mike, radio podcast Mike. Oh, so did I. Oh, so did I. Of course, did he, where he goes.

Oh, Mike the one where he said, I did think many times about the Lion King one. Yeah, yeah, he tried to, he said, he said it was easily, the first to show back, he's like, it's the hyenas from the lions, I did think about that one. I got it straight away. Yeah.

I think he's trying to make us believe that the extra 20 hours we couldn't account for for his week that he claimed he was using to think of the three things. He's like, yeah, you don't know how many got to draft eight. Yeah. And I just failed at the market research phase. I had the labs and labs of the three things. Ahoy also to Megan, who left a message at the very easy to use system at Amy'snanny.com.

Ahoy boys, Megan Quinn here from day four of the Milford track in New Zealand's South Island. Yesterday we descended a thousand meters down McKinnon's Pass mountain and when we arrived very dishevelled at Dumpling Hut we opened up the visitor book and saw a message saying ahoy and gusto to all, still haven't lost touch with the common man. So big shout out to Amy, Mark, Nate, Karen, Matt, Isaac and Ben for leaving us that message. It definitely gave us the gusto required to go and make our dehydrated meal for the night.

Cheers, boys. Couldn't love it more. Couldn't love it more. Couldn't love it more. Can we start a little bit of a message books around the world? Well, I was going to say, I know a lot of people would use social media, or maybe Reddit, or maybe like the comments on Spotify podcasts, not us. You want to leave a comment for the show, you climb the Milford track.

You head out to the Milford track in the South Island of New Zealand. That is where the show's feedback book is. If you're serious about leaving a comment, what's four days? What about any guest book in the world? OK, I'll relax the rules. There has to be a multi-day hike, or at least something that would... A hard to get to visitors book is where I would like to see most of the show comments. Positive or negative left? I like it.

Got a negative comment? Then it's definitely a multi-day hike one. Hey, we must jump into this. What a week it's been. Yeah. What a week it's been. So many people talking to me this week about what's going on. Yeah.

You know, what do you think Jack's going to do with the golf cart? What's he going to do? The decision. With the golf buggy. Do you think it is going to go to a list? No. I say, well, I hope so. That's the intention that the company had when they sent us an extra golf cart.

Yeah, a buggy. Golf buggy, sorry. Just to be really clear, we're talking. I explained this to my wife this way, right? The golf cart, sorry, with the one you drive around, like if you work at the White Lotus, you transport guests around in the golf cart or on a golf course. The golf buggy is just the little trolley that takes your bag. My wife refers to, you know, she'll drive past the golf course and be like,

do you have one of those prams? And I say, no, I don't. I don't have a golf pram. I really want one. One's on its way. Yes, one's on its way. But I don't have one. So that's what we're talking about here.

And they've got, they're motorized now. So you have a remote control in your hand. You never have to touch your buggy at all. And you get the experience as if someone else is driving it for you. The full pro experience. That's what you want, isn't it Jack? That's right. Because a pro on tour would have a caddy that's carrying their clubs for them.

We obviously can't have a caddy go every time we play golf, but we can have a motorized buggy. Yeah. I'm surprised you haven't tried for a caddy and we'll see where this adventure takes us. Now, of course, all week, the extra buggy that got sent to us has been open for listeners of this show to get for themselves or for a loved one that enjoys the game of golf. They're worth some thousands of dollars.

Yes, yeah, I was surprised actually at the price. They're there, depending on which one it is, but yeah, five grand, seven grand. So yeah, the buggies are sought after and people have realized that at hamishandy.com, they've gone, they've registered. They want the opportunity to win Golf Buggy. We said to Jack though, we're going to give you an opportunity to still win it, but I've taken it. We're going to have a draw of some description.

We'll find out how many tickets people will be in it. At the moment, there is 10,866 people that have registered to win the golf buggy. Just shy of 11,000, Jack. 10,866 have said they would like the buggy. You check for double ups? Check for double ups. Yeah, it has to be registered with your phone number and your email. So as we said to you last week, you are in a position of power on this show.

And with great power comes the ability to abuse that power. We said, would you like this to fairly go for the raffle? Would you like to seize it? You chose seize as we all heard. We then said, no, you can't seize it, but you showed your cards in that instance. You showed that you were willing to play a devious game to get your mitts on the buggy. It felt like a victimless crime because if a buggy came in and no listener got it, listeners weren't aware that they could even win one.

Even though we discussed it at length. It's not like now they've got skin in the game, whereas before it was just conceptual. It was like a hypothetical. Understood. So we've asked people to register. Then we're going to give you the opportunity to add as many tickets into the barrel as you like. There's 10,866 at the moment. I just want to mathematically explain something to you here, Jack. If you add one vote for Jake Post, if you put one entry in, 10,867 would be the total

amount and everyone in the pool would have a fair chance. Fair. Exactly equal chance of getting it. That would be the democratic way. If you decided to add two votes, you would now have twice as many chances as the next person. Oh, that's just the same as somebody and their partner going like, you know, oh, my partner doesn't play golf, but go and then raffle for me. Will you go and hamster and Andy raffle? That's the same as that.

Well, before we get into- I'm just saying one is fair. Plus one, any number above one, you would have to say, Ando, is foul. Foul? Playing foul. Fair or foul? Anyway, Jack, before you make the decision, some people with their entry decided to leave voice messages of how much the buggy would mean to them. So probably fair, not foul. Fair to play that for you. My beautiful girlfriend is due to give birth to our first baby in the next couple months,

so I really need to speed up my golf rounds. Hey guys, it's Magic Mike here, and I believe I deserve the InGolf Nutility Buggy because Jack never gave me back my three-quarter zip jacket. The only way we can really iron that out is if I get Jack's buggy. This golf buggy would just mean so much to me as I happen to work at Jack's Golf Club and I think after he tried to take it off the people, I think myself and the people

will get so much satisfaction knowing that Jack is so close to his golf buggy yet he can't use it. I want to give this buggy to my grandfather to help him play golf for a few more years to ease the strain caused by carrying around the clubs. I would love to win the brand new golf buggy for my partner's 82 year old Nana. I want to win the golf buggy for my mum. I think she really deserves it. Not that long ago she drove her own into the pond at the local golf club and Maureen, a good friend of hers, took off her pants and walked in to fish it out. She's become the laughing stock of the local golf club and this story gets bought up at every single family dinner. She would love a brand new golf buggy to soften the blow. She loves playing

golf but she recently broke her shoulder and she's devastated she can't play. This buggy would be a great help to her when she gets back on the course. If you end up with this buggy Jack, just know that you'll be walking away with possibly the last little bit of golfing joy I have left. I think it actually might be my last hope. Wow. Just a selection. Just a random selection.

People are leaving nothing in the tank there. Going full emotional arts friends. I didn't like the emotional. I didn't like that. I could see Jack's face. We had the beauty of Jack just scrunching up his face and feeling the whole thing. Because I do care like the Nana with the shoulder, I didn't care about Magic Mike being in there. You still have his jacket, you should care the most about that.

Oh if you're magic making golf bag levitate down the golf course or something, you're not getting it. And he should be taken out of the pool. He's trying to remove someone. You know, I saw him yesterday. I actually played golf with him yesterday. He really wants to win it. 10,866 people are in it. Tickets in the barrel. And in theory, you're giving me, you're letting me put however many ruffled tickets I want for myself. Jack, you can put it.

The ultimate decision is up to you. You can put as many as you like. One would be fair. Probably anything above that would be... You'd have to say... Foul. Foul. It would be foul.

Here we are again. Here we are again. Can you believe this? Another huge decision today. Will he? Will he? Will he play fair? Or play foul?

There's hundreds of people who listen to the show who don't even like golf and it makes more sense to come to me. His track record is atrocious. It would be one of the worst I've ever seen. 100% I would like to take it for myself. So we are here to find out. Play fair. Or play foul. Gimme, gimme, gimme. All for Jack to remember.

The question is, will he play fair or play foul? The number you pick is up to you and then we'll give you the choice of how many tickets you would like to add into that. Will he play fair? I should have like 80% of tickets. Is that legal? Of course it's not legal. Or play foul. Legal? No.

Effective? Absolutely. This is a huge decision. A moment is coming for him. Will he play fair this time? Or is he going to play a little bit naughty? The decision is all his. Over to you, Jacko.

Ooh, a little bit naughty, it's on the table. I will say this, I came here today preparing to take millions of tickets. I didn't even have a number in my head, I just thought go as high as possible. 100 billion zillion. Feel it in the moment and feel the highest number you can feel and take that many tickets. Be the villain. Yep. Cause it'd just be a bit of short term pain for ultimately a guaranteed buggy.

Not necessarily, I mean imagine that. A billion of the shows in 10 trillion zillion. It's magic Mike. Then I would smell a stinky fish if something like that happened. How about after hearing the messages if you take Mike out, I don't want him winning. If you take magic Mike out of it, I think it's fair knowing the high number that I was going to go for. If I said even I'll have 50% of total tickets,

so give me 10,800 tickets to myself. Well, that's less than 50%. 10,865 would be your magic number minus magic. I mean, can we, sorry, just quickly, because there's terms and conditions. We do, yeah. Can we take someone out? Can we take Mike?

We probably have to call Mike. We probably have to call Mike. All right, Mike can be in it. Mike can be in it. Mike can be in it. But I will give myself... Please win now, Mike. Please win now. Imagine if you win this. I will give myself 10,865 tickets. Giving... 66 now that Mike's back. Wow, and that feels really generous for me. giving the listeners a 50% chance of winning it. Wow, I'm shocked even saying it out loud.

That feels really generous. Well, it actually does. I don't know how he's trumped my brain. Yeah, but it gives them a 50-50 chance. It does until you imagine, like say this was a fundraising night for a netball club or something, and someone's going around the room selling tickets. It does feel generous until, you know, everyone's there holding their one ticket and Jack's holding 10,000. 66 tickets and you know, he was the guy with the booklets. So that, I suppose, if he had 10 billion tickets and he was being crushed under the pile of tickets, that would look, so it's more, definitely more, way more generous than that by a factor of millions.

Yes. Really. Actually, it feels generous and it feels like, you know what? 50% feels like if I put my name in the barrel, like the nono with the, um, bad shoulder and Maureen with the no pants and stuff, you got a chance still to win. Yes. And I've got a chance to win. Yeah. Okay. So how do you want to do it? 10,866 chance. How do you want to, I think I'm getting an actual barrel with 21,000.

Well, do you know what? Because it's essentially a coin toss, like on one, like heads is Jack. Well, heads is Jack, tails is everyone else. And then you'd draw the number. Like then you'd like randomize the number using a program or whatever. What about to make it fun? We could just do a roulette wheel and you go red or black Jack. Yeah, I'll take all black.

Yep. And the listeners could be red. Black Jack. Black Jack. Black Jack. And then all listeners are red. And then if it lands on red, then we just go into the actual, you know, you use a raffle drawing. Yeah. Okay. Great.

But if it lands on black, we know Jack's won it. Here's the thing though. It's not exactly 50-50 on a roulette wheel. Who gets zero? Green zero. All right. Your choice, Jack. Do you get zero or do you donate it to Mike?

No, if it lands on zero, one of the things will be I get to keep Mike's jacket and no one ever says that that's his jacket anymore. I also get the buggy. So it's actually a jackpot. It's a jackpot. It's a jack jackpot. And what about, and, and. He's just adding things to the zero notes.

And you get more instant hands. Nah, and, and the company out of the goodwill of their own heart, they'll give another buggy to... Nah, we're not doing this again. Okay, just the buggy to me then. What casino in the world goes, and what would you like Zero to be? Yep, Anna and I, everyone in my family eats for free, any buffet for 12 years. Guys, watching Channel 9 the other day. This better not be sponsored.

No, it's not sponsored. It's not sponsored. An ad came on for a current affair. Yeah. Have a listen to the ad and tell me whether you would go on to watch A Current Affair or not. Okay. They bought the perfect spot for their dream home, then built on the wrong block. Join me at seven. Wow. I mean, it's not you and Bec, is it? Because if that is the wrong spot,

that has been quite the kerfuffle. Imagine filling in that hole. You've done a a hole. Imagine filling in that hole. I knew neighbours had been complaining. What is your problem, neighbours? That is our property. You should have complained louder. So I was just intrigued. I mean, it made me laugh to think that this has happened.

So I did. I sat down. Yeah. I would assume my guess is it's two vacant blocks and you've just got it wrong because they've pegged it out. It's very hard to build on a property that has an existing house on it and get that wrong. That's true. Let me step you through.

Was it a peg out? Was it a pegging out issue? It was one of the issues what's a pegging out issue. You'd assume. To save you having to go back on Nine Now, not sponsored, but to save you having to go back. I don't think you even can. Can you go and watch old, you can't do catch up episodes of Caron Affair, can you?

You can do it on everything. I thought you could do everything. Yeah. Can you really? Who's going back for the news? You can't go back to the news. I go back to the news most nights. No, no, but not.

Not days later. Surely it falls off 24 hours later. Sorry, like, well, we were away camping in January, so I wouldn't mind finding out what happened in the first week of Jan. Exactly, no spoilers. Where were we, Dali? 25th of Jan, okay. Don't tell me how many SES volunteers were sent out to a storm in Jan. No, but we pick things up with Allie Langdon, of course.

She always sets up the story. She wasn't on the ground for this one. She only goes out for the super important ones, but she sets up the story. Dave and Melanie bought the perfect piece of land, then designed and constructed their perfect home. There was just one problem. It was built on the wrong block. I've got through the whole thing. It's there. It's there. This is so... Have you double checked yours? I've double checked mine. We're on the wrong block.

We're on the right block, sorry. Oh, okay. Okay, so they've done the whole thing. They built the whole house. The house is there, right? So like, how does this happen? Same size block? Are they next door or are they completely in the wrong?

No, they're not the wrong size. Next door, because you can't go, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Yeah. You know, I've built it in Turak. Yeah. Turns out we bought it in Tarelgan. Now that's our bad. Since we've done it. That's right.

Barking Street, Turak and Barking Street, Tarelgan. Yeah. Do we just stay? Do we just stay? No, but next door, I mean, you'd be fingers crossed. When you figure this out, I mean, I don't know what happened in this story, but you'd be absolutely fingers crossed to go, if it's the same size block, and we've just built next door, do you hope the next door neighbors go, this is so funny, let's just do a straight spot. Like sitting in the window scene, and it's not your scene.

You're like, I'm already here. Do we get up? You know what, Jake, it's not even that. You'd hope that it's one of the plain configurations with four middle seats. You're not on an aisle. You're in one of the middles. And you've made the mistake of the other middle. Yeah. I mean, middles are interchangeable. But still just as annoying to get out of the toilet. Well, I think it was Bill and Melanie, but for them, they clearly knew

a current affair was coming out there. So right off the bat, I felt like they'd had a bit of a brainstorm for the kind of one liners that might resonate with an current affair type audience. This isn't real estate. This is unreal estate. This was going to be our forever home. And now it's our never home. We might just grab one more,

and then we've got three options for the promo. It was meant to be the sale of the century, and it's the sale of the week. Because, you know, we're not having it as long. I mean, one doesn't work as well as the others. I'd go for forever never. Anyway, you've got options. You've got options. Anyway, they came out swinging. They were the first two things we heard him say. Yeah, great.

Then the reporter had to do that thing where he got confused about the block, even though obviously he's gone out there and he knows the story. He knows the story. That's the whole point of the story. You'll pick it up with the reporter chatting to Bill. So this is your block? No, this is our block. That's your block?

Yep. So why is your house on that block? It's a long story. Okay, well it's actually simple. If you've come out to do the story, the easy way to go is the one with the house on it is not their block. That's the other block. Turns out it was a bit of a council mistake. That's the reason. The council went out to sign off on it all. Signed off on it. They've signed off on the wrong block.

Our council signed off. Yes. So this is Bill's explanation of what's been going on. Actually, I think it might be Melissa. In 2021, Dave and Melanie purchased the five acre block. They bought an existing house and paid a contract to move it on site. Happy days until the council told them about the mix-up. We didn't think it was true because the council signed off on everything. So we thought it was a scam. So it's Dave and Melanie.

See how easy it is to even get the wrong block, the wrong name. Mistakes can happen at a human level. Sorry, Dave. Sorry, Melanie. Yeah. See how easy it is to even, you know, get the wrong block, the wrong name. Mistakes can happen at a human level. Sorry Dave, sorry Melanie. Can I just ask here, are they saying that it was a pre, it was a prefab home? So it's been made... So what happened? Is it scoopable? They bought a whole house. They bought a...

It sounds like a scoopable. Is it scoopable? They bought an existing house. Yeah. It got delivered. Then it got fully stumped in, like, like, you know, leveled out. And then it's got like connected pipes and stuff. I think it's really easy to just lift it.

Please, I understand. I understand houses. I've played SimCity. You have to connect them to services. Yes. I'm just saying you unstump it, unhook it, then you scoop it. You didn't scoop it while it was connected. Well, the scooping is going to cost a considerable amount of money.

That's the council's problem. And that's the problem to Dave and Melissa, their names. Yeah, we're not using it. We're not protecting their identity anymore with Andy's fake name. Dave has a solution though. Okay, so have a listen. This whole dilemma could be sorted if the house could be moved from that block, the wrong block, onto the right block. But it's already cost $500,000 and that move would cost an extra $200,000, money which Dave and Melanie do not have. But Dave says there's another solution. Someone else pays for it.

That is smart, yeah. I nominate Havish. Well, I'll tell you what, the first thing I'd want to do is look at that scooping quote because 200,000 to scoop sounds very round. That sounds like a very round number from, you know, A1 scooping. It sounds like they haven't even looked at the house. Have you got out the three independent contractors? Oh, two 20 with GST. So what comes into exactly $200,000 on the nose. No, no, I would, I reckon to scoot Jack, you're the one that loves throwing out building quotes.

Like with Andy's tunnel, how much to let's say it's a three bedroom house. How much you could scoop that. You can, you can scoop it. You can scoop it for 50 grand. What a quote! That's who we needed on the story. Local building quantity surveyor, Jack Post. Armchair quantity surveying expert says you could scoop it for a quarter of that price. This is what I heard. A neighbor of ours has got one of those intention to do works on their house signs out the front.

And I heard from another neighbor, all they want to do is move the property over a meter to fit a driveway in. The building, the whole building. They want to move the whole house. A scoop. They want to move the whole house over a meter so they can fit a driveway in. And a golf cart. And that was going to cost them 30,000. So I said 50,000, that's a little bit of

pocket money for whoever's doing the scoop. I mean, one metre across, it's such a small amount. There's a part of me that would be tempted to not even undo the pipes. Just to see how bendy they are. Because I think there'd be a metre of flex. You would have to unstump it, but you wouldn't have any undoing costs. Yeah, well I would support... I mean all your drains would be straining and a bit tilted, like the bottom of the shower would be angled because it's now got a metre of stretch underneath the house.

Options. Options. All I was saying, Dave and Melanie, obviously it's a terrible situation for you. I think the straight swaps should be available. Is that right? That next door neighbor's got to come to the party. It's been subdivided into four lots, just so you guys know.

It's a big paddock, four lots, none of them have been built on. Dave and Melanie were the first ones out there, so I would hope there's a straight swap available. If you're looking at 200, AKA 50 for a scoop, like 50 real price for a scoop, you just, when you just go to them, hey mate, we'll give you 10 grand for a straight swap. Yep. We'll fly you to Bali. Bali holiday. Yep.

Who's not taken that? So good luck to Dave and Melanie. Hell, I do want to see the scoop though. So wonder if we start a Kickstarter just to see the scoop. Oh. See if we can scoop it. Hey, last year, Stefan emailed us from the UK with an absolute bombshell of a song sleuth. It was to do with the song Up There, Gazzaily.

Up there, gazzaily. In there and fight. Big AFL football song. I love it. The Waltzing Matilda of the AFL football song. Beloved. The Waltzing Matilda of the AFL. Yes. If you don't follow the AFL. So it's not the official anthem, but beloved.

And must be included at every grand final function, including the grand final itself every year. To Stefan's shock, he went to the Derby football Clubs in England, a game, and at Derby Stadium in their inaugural match, a song was played where the whole ground, everyone in the whole stadium stood and belted out. It was called Steve Bloomer's Watching. Steve Bloomer's Watching, helping us fight. Guiding our heroes in the black and the white.

He tries to raise it with his girlfriend's dad that, hang on, this is an Australian song, they're not having it. They're saying, no, this is important to us, this song. And from memory, hasn't Steve Loomer's watching been around for some time, they're not as long as up there, because they've been like 20 years or 30 years, it's part of Steve Blumer being a club great, was he? Yep. And it's part of the fabric of that club.

So there was a bit of an argument between the two of them. They actually didn't have phone reception. They couldn't settle it there. But of course, when they got home, Stephen settled it. Stephen's girlfriend has weighed in, which is obviously the daughter of the dad who had the argument. She said, Stephen wrote to you last year about the iconic song Up That Gazali and how it played a role in a rather memorable encounter with my English family.

She then relates the context. She said, fast forward to now. My mom and dad are now coming to Australia next month and myself and Stefan are taking them to the MCD to watch the Collingwood Carlton game. We thought it would be fair if you could arrange for Up There Gazelle to be played at the game. Do you know it doesn't happen every game? Just so we could really understand the gravity of this song and what it means to Australians and put another P on the scales and step inside.

No, it'd be a nail in the coffin. It'd be an absolute nail in the coffin for this English father-in-law who doesn't recognise up there, because Ailey is an Australian asset, to be at the MCG and to witness the love that Australia has for that song. And rightly so, because an Australian wrote it and it is an Australian song. We don't know how hard it is to get a song played for a Flora match. I mean, Colin and Carlton is one of the biggest matches of the season. There'll be 100,000 people there.

So love the request, but it doesn't, to our knowledge, it's not an easy thing. Like you can't just request track. It's not a part of football. Take a hundred thousand requests. Yeah. And for those that don't go the footy regularly, it's just not a thing that's done. That you don't go scan your ticket and they don't go and what song would you like? You know, there's a department that takes care of it and you're very much there to

just enjoy whatever they choose to put on. There is just no interactive feature. But the People Show as we are, Hamish and Andy podcast, this is something that I tagged as let's look into it. Could we pull a string? So joining us right now is the head of PR4 the AFL, J Allen. J ahoy to you mate. Hi Andy, Hamish how are we? Great J thanks for taking our call. No dramas boys. It's a unique request, I don't think you get song requests very often.

I mean we've worked in radio for a long time, we get a lot of song requests, but you probably don't get song requests ever, or at least this far out from a game. But that's what we're here to deal with today. I think ever. Ever. but that's what we're here to deal with today. I think Eva, I'm normally dealing with certain player issues, et cetera, but not somewhere close. Yeah, it would be a good way to distract people's attention. If there's a controversy with a player, you can go, look, that's fine, but who'd like

to hear Hell's Bells this weekend? We're good, but we're not that good. How would we go about getting a song? Who's in charge of the DJ set, pre-game at a match? Great question, Andy. So are we talking, are we basically the home team is in charge of all their sort of pre-game and in-game theatrics. Right. Great.

So what game are we aiming for? Collingwood Carlton. I think it's a Collingwood home game. April 3rd. It's a big one. Of all the games, you've chosen the second biggest game of the year behind Anzac Day. Have they submitted their playlist? I haven't got the top 10 countdown Can songs for Collingwood yet. Yeah, that's good. So we don't know if we could be some airspace for free. So it's a Collingwood home game, isn't it?

Yeah, it is. I mean, you could have probably pulled some strings there and over with Carlton, but the, I'm sure we got, I actually know, I know a Collingwood board member, but anyway, by the way, let's say if we put our case to Collingwood, right? And said, how early does the music start? Like, what if we wanted to play a track three hours out from the bounce? I mean... Yeah, when do they get licensed to the DJ? Yeah, when do they get access to the speakers? Two hours before when gates open. Okay, that's good to know.

So as soon as gates open, there's... As soon as gates open. Okay. So we would have to go through and track. Slightly off topic, Jay, but I don't know if you heard before what we were talking about. Have you, are you across this song Steve Bloomer's watching that is played in England, that is the exact rip off of Up There Kazali? I haven't heard it, but I just, I find it hard to believe that, you know, we think that Mike Brady, who is in a legend, was sort of one day just downloading some songs on Limewire and come

across this song and decided to rip it off. Like this is ridiculous. No, no, we definitely got to it. But they've got the counter argument. They can't believe that it came from Australia because it's so ingrained in MJ. That's hence we want to kind of stamp our mark in front of Stefan's father-in-law. So you're saying that we, so it's not another question, we just have to make good with Collingwood. We need to get in touch with the pies.

And then I feel like this is big enough that we need to get this as close to the bounce as possible. I'd love to have 90,000 in there seeing all of it. I think something along the lines of, and now ladies and gentlemen, Most of the bounce is possible. I think something along the lines of, and now ladies and gentlemen, please stand for beloved Australian original song. Original. Original, original song up there, Kazeeley. And even if we could say, and if Steve Bloomer is watching, I hope he enjoys it too.

Or just something like that. So that most of the crowd will be like, what's that about? But at least we've got something in there. Jay, thank you. I think that's all we need. We just need to go to Collingwood now. And I think we've got ends there. So we might circle back, Jay, if we need more help.

Absolutely. Thank you for your time today. Good to know to who DJs the games. Appreciate that. Thank you, Jay. Well, good luck boys. I'm looking forward to hearing it in a few weeks. Great.

Thanks, Jay. All right. Okay. I know, well, we all know the crowd announcer for Collingwood Games at the MCG. He used to work with us at the radio station. Who? Steve Tobone. Steve Tobone does it?

You don't. No, of course I did. Jack just said we all know him. Do you remember Steve? ST. Yeah. T-Bone. Yeah. Well that was his nickname, T-Bone. Well I couldn't have possibly. Andy, how could I have guessed that from Tobone? How could I have guessed T-Bone from Tabone? I obviously know the guy. What does he look like? You're getting bogged down in who's Steve Tabone.

We all know him. Let's get back to what Jack said. Should we talk to T-Bone? Yes, I imagine he knows the DJ. Is he, just quickly, is he employed by Collingwood or is he barrack for Collingwood? No he, this is why I know because he used to barrack for Essendon like I do and he, I keep seeing him with the Collingwood logo on it saying, hey you've, you've abandoned us.

He's got the job, he won't want to jeopardise it. I'll just message him now. I do have his number if... Steve, okay, no, Steve Curry, Steve Driver, LA. Ross Stevenson. That's weird. Where's T-Bone? No, it might be under T-Bone.

T-Bone. T-Bag? No. This is so strange. What else would I have him under here? All right. I just, all I'm saying, Jack, is that coveted, the ground announcer roles are coveted? And I mean, enough for him to switch clubs. Yes, he worked his way up.

I'm pretty sure he started it. I'm not sure if he wants to, he's going to be the guy to rock the boat. No, no, but he would enjoy, I think he would, he'd definitely be our way. He'd know how the process works. He would know the process, but I don't think he would have the confidence to raise it with other management. I actually know him, Andy, because I remember T-Bone is a very confident guy. Maybe Andy is the one that doesn't remember Steve T-Bone.

He is confident. Oh no, Jack. Andy, he's a confident guy and he's a cool guy. And you do want to remember it, mate. Me and Jack are cool. You don't want to talk to him, Andy. We can talk to him. I'm just saying that...

You want to do it off air? Well, yeah, I'm just not sure he... Jack and I are taking that for a steak. Hamish in the same, like, break just now to say, I know a board member of the Collingwood Football Club and we're going with T-Bone. Which we should. An employee. Well he's our close friend. Hey now your bells not working is it? We're still talking.

There's an ad floating around that you guys might have seen, Billboard or a bus stop ad, that I think someone needs to just mention that we know what's going on. Okay. Seems like a convincing ad at first. It's for energizer batteries. A good battery. Would you say top two?

What's top two? That's it. That's what I was going to say. You never really know who to believe the rabbit or the energizer battery itself. And in there in for me lies a bit of the problem. Yeah. Who's the rabbit or the energizer battery itself. And in there, in for me lies a bit of the problem. Who's the rabbit? Duracell. That's Duracell. And ever ready discs.

Is that still gone? Yeah, really gone. Well, sorry, they're not gone. I'm sure they still do a good job. I don't think then you don't see them around competing for that top two spot. It's like Formula One. They're middle of the pack now. They're not trying to get podiums.

Yeah. And they're happy with that. Sure, they're still ever ready. This might not be ready for as long as the other guys, if you believe their marketing. Here's the Energizer ad. It just goes, world's longest lasting double A battery, case closed. Okay. But the battery who is their mascot, the energizer battery, is dressed up as a detective, like a trench coat and a detective hat on. So it's him closing the case. Yeah, yeah, that doesn't work. Which really, it screams a little bit Elon Musk to me.

Like, we'll investigate government departments. What about the ones that are doing contracts for SpaceX? Don't worry about them. They're all good. Case closed. Case closed. We're looking at the other departments. What about the ones that are doing contracts for SpaceX? Don't worry about them. They're all good. Case closed. We're looking at the other departments. Oh, okay. It just seems like, can we believe this detective?

I mean, one of the classic things in cop shares is you're too close to the case. Now this guy is the battery. Way too close. I just feel like, and I know what they're trying to do. You know, they want us, they've obviously done studies or whatever. I don't think you can even, I think you have to have done a stage to make a claim like that. But don't get the battery to tell us.

Or just having watched. I mean, if you really want a huge coup, get the Duracell bunny to tell us. Yeah, that would be. I mean, that would be like a shameful admission. Like the rabbit has to go... Well, that would be an informant. So I think that's where the Energizer would have to use their informant because there's no way the Duracell bunny is going to come out and say that publicly. No, I'm just saying, and it's never going to happen.

I'm just saying in an ideal world, we're going to believe if the Duracell bunny came out and said, look, it is Energizer, they got the win on this occasion. You'd absolutely believe that. The fact that the Energizer battery itself is saying we're the winners, you take it with a grain of salt, even though they've dressed him up as a detective. Well, I mean, you've heard that. I agree with you, Ham. You heard it here first on the best podcast in the world. Case closed.

Case closed. Thanks for listening. The Hamish National. best podcast in the world. Case closed. Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamishandandy.com