Hamish & Andy - 2025 Ep 290 - The Conclave’s Decision

Episode Date: May 7, 2025

The sacred halls of the Special Skills Conclave open for the very first time to welcome Cardinal Jack and the Chosen Few. Each presents their case in a desperate bid to be named the Chosen One – the bearer of the skill destined to save Special Skills from extinction. Tensions rise, but one skill stands above the rest (according to Jack), and at last, the Chosen One is revealed. Hamish also reflects on the second most important selection of the week: the Federal Election. 1. Special Skills conclave 2. We meet the chosen one 3. Election graffiti 

A listener production. Activate your internet. Because the Hey Mission and the podcast starts in 3, 2, Sorry, still buffering. One. Ahoy to me lotsay Hamish. Ah yes, we're things you put before the word bargain. Lotsay, heapsay and plente.

Plente a bargain. As you do your own ad if you have a barbecue or a furniture warehouse. True, but no, not today. I'm going to try, hopefully I pronounce this right, ahoy to my kanjengengar. Kanjengengar doesn't really go with bargains. I can tell the way Andy fell away from it at the end and sort of verbally hid in the bushes. He wasn't confident.

I was pretty happy. Kanjengengar. Even the way you were saying it and smiling at us with high eyebrows, begging facially for us to go, yep, you nailed it. You're still not confident. There's a little bit of that. There's a little bit of that. All right, no. I think this will give it away. I am K2. Mountains behind Everest. Second, third and fourth. He's right. Hayvish has got it. We are the three highest mountains behind Everest. Second, third and fourth. These ride, Haywish has got it. We are the three highest mountains after Everest.

Very good. Lotsa, Haim in Nepal, Kanjinger, whatever. Anyway, where was that though? Just that interesting. Lotsa Heights. Oh, they'd all be kind of Nepal, Pakistan maybe one? Yeah, Nepal and India and then Pakistan and China as well.

K2 obviously the second one 8611 meters. They're all about eight and a half. Is K2 named because it's the second highest like number two You like ever if it's K1. We just never call it K1. Don't know Jack, good question. Ahoy also to Dara who used the very easy to use system at HamishandE.com to upload what he's been doing. You can go there any time. Oh, that's tough. Ahoy to Hamish, Andy, and Vin Weasel himself, numero seis.

Darrah here, I'm an Irish man living in Melbourne, and I thought I would just record this special moment because I've just ran into Coles and got my grubby mittens on a box of Ando's newest pyramid scheme, Dimmies and Timmies, which I'm very very excited about. I got the spicy pork and the box is kind of giving old school American cereal box vibes, which is cool. And word on the street, I've heard that Ando himself has actually been leaving special prizes in select boxes. So look look let's have a look anyway

nothing in here just tasty dimmies oh hold on there's a little box with a note here congratulations you have won a limited edition spicy pork flavored vape signed by me Andy Lee I've already had a gasp on one of my several smoke-os and I think it's great. Enjoy from Andy. Huh. Wow. Cheers, Ando.

Oh, a modern day Wonka. I'm good on you. Don't just steam the dimmies. Vape them. Steam them. Flavour steam them. Not true, not recommended. I was actually thinking of you the other day, Ando.

I got to somewhere and I was meeting thinking of you the other day and I got to somewhere and I was meeting a mate and I hadn't put any, I was like, oh drop the kids off and I was just meeting him straight away and I quickly put deodorant on in the car and got out and like a big waft of the deodorant came out and then my mate's like, are you vaping? And I know it was deodorant, it was a can of deodorant and he goes, oh it looked like vape. I thought that's a cool trick for Andy to use if you are vape. No, I'm not vape. I'm just saying it's deodorant. Oh, no, it was deodorant, deodorant, deodorant, deodorant. I was hot boxing to Rexona.

We've got to move on quickly. We do. Far more important stuff. But also, this is such an important day. I mean, it's quite crazy that the Conclave is happening in the Vatican City at the same time as our very important Conclave is about to happen. I haven't paid any attention to theirs because ours takes precedent and we have so much to do. Jackie, you have a huge job ahead of you as the head of the Conclave. We have. I've even watched Conclave the, to set myself up for what was coming today.

Okay, great. So we've got three people that have flown in from all around the country. There's Larry, is there? Yep, Larry, Renee and Charlie. Okay, Jax picked them. They're all going to go into a special conclave, a sealed room and decide between the three of them who is the chosen one to save special skills. If their special skill is picked, we'll hear them all. You will, Jack. Yep. Just be careful over explaining this, Andy, because remember, we've got a very elaborate

opener. That's true. It's true. It's true. But we shouldn't point out the chimney, the pipe. That is something we do need to point out because I sense that's going to play a big part in today's claving. I last year in the Cyber Monday sales, I believe, or Black Friday, I can't remember which, was lucky enough to grab, because it did say the stocks were limited, a small portable smoke machine runs off, creates its own fog smoke machine. And no one else in the family was using it today, so I was able to bring it in to the studio. And it's handheld. It's like the size of, I don't know, a shoe and a small shoe, size eight woman's shoe, and has a tube that comes off and that's where the smoke comes out.

So Jack, you'll be armed with this. Yes. Taught him how to use it. He knows, you'll be armed with this. Yes. I taught him how to use it. He knows how to use it. And it's got a full canister of like liquid smoke. So it will work, Jack. When the decision's made, you just simply poke the tube out and, you know, double press

the button like I taught you. And then the smoke will come out just like they do in Vatican City. And we'll know that the chosen one has been. And I'm just simply opening the studio door. I'll stick the tube out and then you'll know whether or not if it smokes, you know, we've chosen a skillionaire and the chosen one. If it doesn't smoke, it means we're still deliberating. OK, that's right.

And good luck, everybody. And I guess we'll meet the chosen on the other side of this. And now, please stand as we gather for a very special Hamish and Andy Conclave. ALL SING Since the ritual was first used to select a villagers preferred con, conclaves have been used as a sacred and fun way to select a chosen one from amongst a bunch of other ones. With the quality and quantity of special skills in steep decline, it was decreed that the podcast was in grave need of a chosen one to save the segment and lead it back into its glory days.

Many brave souls came forward. The chosen bunch consisting of five talented people were selected by Jack. Then upon thinking about just the general flow of the segment and how busy it might sound, and also a little bit of cost saving, it was written in the sacred text that in fact three would enter the conclave known as the Chosen Few. Once in the conclave the Chosen

Few will decide amongst themselves overseen by the Chosen Jack who of the few will be the Chosen One. The Chosen One will then exit the conclave, resurrect the segment, write themselves into history, and receive no less than three eight coin coins. Can I get it? Amen! Three? Three eight coin coins. I think that's a bit much. Okay, two.

Two is still big and amazing. Can I get it? Amen! Amen! Amen! Alright, Ando, we are outside the studio that's going to serve as the conclave for the special skills. We're kind of in the square outside the Vatican, aren't we? Can we? We're just on by the standards.

Can't wait to get a glimpse. What will they come up with? We've instructed the chosen few to not talk to each other. I just have a look at the hallway. They're all staring straight ahead in the hallway. The procession of the chosen few can begin now. Yes. Jack, silently lead in the chosen few.

Amazing scenes here now as Jack Post walks slowly forward. We have a young woman, a young man and another young man. Jack not making eye contact. The special skills chosen few heading into the conclave now. A couple of nods, couple of high eyebrows, but no talking. Bit of giggling as they go into the conclave, but you're going to get that with conclaves. Jack took it very seriously, which I'm impressed with.

He didn't even look at it. He decided to do a kind of a formal march. I did not tell him to, but it's one occasion to dance. And then the last chap, he saw Jack doing that and thought, I better try that. But unfortunately, when you're trying to march formally and you think about it too much, he went with his arms at the same time as both legs and ended up square gating his way.

Not a bar. That's not, you meant to go opposite arm to opposite leg. Yes. But again, that gives you an idea of how high the tension is here outside the conclave. Annie and I now squat. I thought we'd be able to see in, but no. No, no, no.

I imagine now we sit against the wall and we wait for the pipe. The pipe. Wait for the smoke pipe to come out. Yeah. And we begin to sit. And no doubt inside, Jack is beginning the first of what I hope won't be too many rounds of voting until they get the three votes needed for the chosen one. How long does it take sometimes for the Pope?

What's the longest one that's gone, Vatican? I I'd be guessing but... Weeks? Two weeks. Jesus. Those snacks. Could be a long series. We need some snacks. So the door of the conclave was slammed shut, only to be opened again when the chosen few had selected the chosen one. Welcome to the Conclave guys. My name's Jack Post and I'll be the Conclave leader. Why are you laughing? This is very serious. Our job today is to choose a special skill that is so brilliant that it saves the segment. The segment is

at risk of dying and never being brought back to the podcast unless one of you three here sat at this table with the best special skill can save the segment. I'll go around the table and please introduce yourself. Who are you? Hello, I'm brother Larry. I am the world's fastest knee sprinter. And what is a knee sprinter? Well, it's a typical sprinter that you'd see. But instead of running on my feet, I run on my knees. Okay. Charlie and Renee are our other contestants here. I'll get you a quick reaction to a knee running. I'm impressed. Renee?

I think that would hurt. It does on a harder surface, but I typically dabble with grass. I would bruise, so. That's all right, Renee. You won't have to do anybody else's skill. I don't. Larry will be the only one running onto his knees.

Be careful. Larry, how do you imagine we would test something like this? Typically, in the past, I have competed against others and simply beat them. But I have also whipped out the skill as a solo performer and just wowed people with the speed, I suppose. Okay, very strong. Thank you, Larry. Thank you. Renee, what is the skill you're proposing will save special skills? I can taste aluminium. I can't say the word, but I can taste it.

And describe how that would work. I can just taste it. If a fork touches metal, I can taste it. Just say you got a takeaway and it's in one of those alfoyle containers and someone like brushes a fork on it when they put it on your plate. I can taste that. Charlie, I'll get your reaction to aluminium foil tasting. It sounds like a superpower. Larry?

I'm slightly confused, but it does sound like the specific taste. It sounds quite special. I can taste it. I can smell metal too. Okay. So how do you think this will wow Hamish and Andi the most? It's better than the knees thing.

Interesting. Okay. That's the best we've got from Renee. So you would be blindfolded. I can pick anything. You could give me 10 forks and I can tell you the exact one that touched Madeline. Okay, okay. This is better guys. All right. So picture this. 10 forks laid out. One would touch aluminium foil and be returned to the 10. And I could tell you without a doubt. Would take Renee's blindfold off,

she would lick each of the forks, and then she would be able to tell which one had touched aluminium. Yeah, 100%. Okay. I would back it with my life. All right, Renee, well done. Could you do 100 forks, say?

I could do 200. Wow, she could do 200 forks. Very good. Charlie, finally, tell us what special skill you have bought today to save special skills. I can tell you which direction north is, no matter where I am, if I'm blindfolded, day or night.

Wow. That is not impressive. Isn't it? I mean, I don't know where north is ever, but... Do you have to look at the sun? No. So you can do it inside. Yeah We could spin you around a hundred times. Absolutely. Could we spin you around 200 times? I get 300 Wow

300 spins and you would know which way north is. Yeah, so no matter what in a pitch black room Blindfolded spun around you know where north is. Yeah, absolutely Larry, what do you think of the North man? The North man? I... I believe it's impressive. I just worry it's a random point. You know, like...

No, North is not random at all. No, no, I mean like, he could just simply be like, North. That was South, the way you just pointed by the way. Wow. I mean, we can't. But we well, I guess we don't know if he's right. How accurate would you get it?

So is it just general vibe? North is that way or is it down to the degree? I reckon I can do it pretty close to the degree. Wow. That's pretty impressive. Okay, we have a big job here today. We have to unanimously vote between the three of you one of these skills to be performed on the podcast. I'll give you a moment to think. I win.

Okay. I win. Okay, and? I'll win. Okay. I sort of feel like it's checking. Everyone's very, everyone's very proud of their own skills. I win. Okay. And? I'll win. Okay. Everyone's very, everyone's very proud of their own skills. Let's have a vote.

Now the way we'll do the voting, I'll start with Larry this time and go clockwise. You just say who you're voting for. Larry, who are you voting for? Larry. Larry, who are you voting for? Larry. Renee, who are you voting for? Renee. Charlie, who are you voting for? I'll vote for Charlie.

Okay, this could take a while. Yes. Sit amongst yourselves. I think movement, movement, the door is cracking open. Okay, here we go. Pipe is out. Is there smoke? Oh no smoke!

Jack really whacked it out, didn't he? Well, I mean, more. Let's be honest, more. Was that just me or like he really like just gave a little, it was a whip out of the pipe. It did feel a little less chimney, more wangy. Yeah, thin wang and serious thin wang vibes to it. I didn't expect that.

But anyway, no smoke. But I did get the feeling of like... I know, I was expecting to see his hand come out. I just in my head imagined the pipe would come out. But anyway, they're obviously locked at one all. Or two one. I suppose it could be a two one lock. Wow, okay. So, do you want to have a quick talk amongst yourselves

about why you think it should be you and try to win some of the others over? Yeah. Sounds good. I'm very impressed that you can run in these fast. Thank you. I like that you admit that it's better on some surfaces than others, and I appreciate that you've tested it

to know which one's hurt more than others. As for the aluminium, super impressive. Thank you. It's almost like you've built more neurons in your brain than what the rest of us have. Yeah. How did you find this skill out? Just as a child, I didn't let anyone put something on my plate that touched metal. Oh, so you don't like metal?

Oh, it's awful. I haven't even tested my skill. Not once. Wow, that's a red flag. Can you turn on the microphone, just so we hear that? I haven't even tested my skill. Not once. Wow, that's a red flag. Can you turn on the microphone, Renate, just so we hear that? I haven't tested my skill once because it tastes gross and I don't want to and I already know that I can do it.

Okay. And Larry, tell us a bit more about the knee running. Well, I don't remember how I discovered this skill. It just, I think I was born with it really. And I eventually just started challenging friends. And I imagine it looks impressive. Oh, incredibly. Let me tell you.

It's like typical running where you float for a bit mid power stroke, you know? We all understand that we have to leave this room eventually and to do that, we need a unanimous vote Renee I'm gonna start with you this time. I vote me Charlie I'll vote me then Larry I

Well Look, come on Larry vote for me. I'm gonna break the Trent here. I'm not gonna vote for myself. I'm gonna vote for Charlie Because my theory is practicality. Like day to day that could be cooler. I do hikes every now and then. If I had a friend who I was with that could be like, hey, North's that way. That's true. That's pretty cool. Yeah, no one actually needs to know if a fork touched aluminium. Guys, we have not voted unanimously, so I have to let the people know.

Talk amongst yourselves. That's okay. Here we go, the pipe is coming out. It's... Hang on, it's holding. It's holding. Oh no! There is no smoke. Hang on, he's holding, it's holding. It's holding. Is there going to be smoke? Oh no. Oh no. No.

No. No. There is no smoke. He yelled it there for effect though, didn't he? Full stage fright. Even shook it a bit, like come on. Had to go up to a cubicle. No.

Wow. No smoke again at the 13 minute mark. I can't wait to listen to this back. I mean, even though we're part of it. What is going on? It's funny because, yeah, people listening, they'll know. We're the only people that don't know what's going on in there, but, god, it's locked up.

15 minutes had passed now, and the chosen few continued their deliberations. I do really want to see the knee run. Yes, I do. I want to see it. If I don't get this eventually I do have videos, don't worry. I was going to say, I want to see it. How about this guys, we're at a deadlock. No special skill has been chosen yet.

I'm going to say something that I think is important for us all to know. You're already all winners. You've been selected amongst an extremely large group of people for amazing skills We can only see one But you're all you've already won. So don't no need to stand and vote for yourself So vehemently if you think another skill in the room can save the podcast another skill in the room can save the podcast. Would it help to have my influence? And I can tell you what I think is my favourite one and then that might lead us Cardinals to vote differently. I feel you're an unbiased voice here.

Thank you, Larry. I am. And remember, I love all of your skills because I chose them during this selection process. Thank you, Charlie. I think it would be amazing for the world to see a man run on his knees. I did. And that's just me. So if I was voting today, Larry would have my vote.

I'm going to start over with Charlie. We're going to vote again. Charlie, who do you want to vote for? This is a really big decision to make. It's huge. Um, look, I wouldn't be lying if I really wanted to first Larry right now on an e-race. That's how it went. That might be able to change my decision a bit more.

I'm not doing it. I think the untested aluminium theory is just a little bit off the books for me at the moment. I apologise. It's all right. I still would like to vote for myself. Okay, Charlie's voting for himself. Larry, who do you vote for?

I'd hate to argue with Jack's informed opinion, so I'm gonna vote myself again. And Renee, who do you wanna vote for? Renee. Okay, we're actually further away than... What? What? What?

What? What? Okay, here we go, the door is cracking open. Oh, thank goodness. There we go, we've got a nozzle of a pipe coming out. Oh, my God. No! It's gone back in. No smoke. That is three. That was a fast re-vote, though. That was like two minutes later.

What's going on in there? Can I have a quick word? Yeah, come out. Come out. Well, you're meant to be locked down in the conclave room or break some conclave rules. Yeah, what's going on? come out, come out. Well, you're meant to be locked down in the conclave rule, break some conclave rules. Yeah, what's going on? They won't stop voting for themselves.

This is going to put you in charge, you have to break that deadline. I've given like three different speeches about how it's not an individual competition, we're trying to do it for the podcast, put your own needs aside, you're already all winners because you were selected from a huge group, I don't know what other speech to give now. You do not say this. Well you do. On Pope Compl- No, they don't. That's why it takes two weeks.

I know, but the head guard doesn't come out to the square and go, guys, go home. They won't stop voting for themselves. Okay, why don't you do this, Jack? Okay. If you can't vote for yourself, who would you select? Maybe we have to do that. Maybe we have to change the rules.

And so now we're no longer looking for unanimous, just whoever gets two votes out of three. I don't think we changed the rules. What I'm suggesting is if you couldn't vote for yourself, who would you vote for? Start with that discussion. Okay. And then with that new information, let's vote again. Okay. Yeah, you've got to know the energy in there.

They're so excited to vote for themselves. Except one guy, honestly, who I think has the best skill, he's the nicest one, who's probably ready to waver. What about this, Jack? What about you go, listen, listen, you guys can't get your act together. Yeah. And vote for someone else.

More bad cop. No, no, yeah, you go, none of you get a vote. I get the vote and I'll be choosing. And one vote will solve it. Okay. My question though, Jack, is are they all achievable? Do you think someone can save the segment? They all think they can. And at least we've got that. They're all super confident. Okay, great. Get back in there.

Yeah. I think... We're close. Okay. Well, we're not. But what I mean is you wouldn't want the chosen one to come easily. It has to be through hardship. As the special skills Bible taught us nothing. This is the trial. This is the final test. And from this flames the chosen one will emerge. At what point do we come back next week? Oh God, I'm hungry as it is. Yeah well I'm hungry as well, so there's also lunch pressure on there.

Whilst the boys were game planning with Jack, back inside the conclave the Chosen Few appeared no closer to breaking the deadlock. How far do you normally run on your knees? The distance I put was 50. 50 metres? That's really impressive. I know, but you can just watch the video. Will you see someone... I won't show the video. He's going to hold it back now.

It's a podcast. We can listen to the video. Yeah, it's a podcast. We don't even see you run on your knees. But it would make some funny sounds for the video. Yeah, it's a podcast we don't even see you run on your knees. But it would make some funny sounds for the podcast I'm sure it would. Oh sorry I thought you were just doing it. I'm not gonna give it up I'm telling you right now. I just want to show my fork skill. It's the only skill I have. Does it have to be a specific type of fork? No, any fork. Any fork.

I can literally, I can taste, not that I do this often, but if someone cuts a key, I can taste whether it's been put into a lot. Wow. I can taste it. How often are you putting keys in your mouth? Well that's why I stopped. I was like this is getting... I only did it the first few times I had to test it but then I was like nah I gotta stop doing that. Have you ever worried about is there some sort of poisoning that comes with heli-men? No I asked my doctor and I can't have lime or lemon or anything like that it's all to do with some kind of wow imbalance that's I'm impressive you want to smell metal I can taste it wow

okay that's really impressive better than the knees thing Sorry, sorry. I get so competitive. Cardinals, I'm going to ask everybody who they would vote for if they weren't allowed to vote for themselves. This is not your official vote. I just want to know who you would vote for. Larry. I did already vote for Charlie and I do still believe as a listener I'd be more impressed hearing that than the fork one. So Charlie of course. It doesn't have to be a fork. Well in that case. Charlie of course you're voting for the human compass.

Yes. You can pick North in any room. Okay. Renee, if you couldn't vote for yourself, who would you vote for? I'm definitely not voting for Larry. Larry is our knee runner, so you would vote for the human compass. Yes. Charlie, if you couldn't vote for yourself, who would you vote for? I would vote for Larry.

Larry, our knee runner, would get your vote. Yes, absolutely. Okay. I don't know really what to do from there because we still don't have a unanimous vote. I hate to do this to you guys, but I'm gonna have to be strict parent on you if you can't unanimously vote this time. And I'm gonna have to step in

and I'm gonna have to choose myself. Okay. Because we can't be here all day. Do you understand? Yes. Do you think that's fair? Yes. Very fair. I'm gonna start with Charlie. Charlie who do you vote for? If I'm not gonna vote for myself I'll vote for Larry. Larry who do you vote for? I will repay that favour and vote for Charlie. And Renee? Can I still vote for myself? Yes, we're back to normal. Renee? Here comes the pipe.

Yes, more chimney like. Hang on, hang on. It's gone again! No! Stay all mate.! No, no, no! It's gone back again. No! Stay all, mate. Is he doing what we said? Alright, guys. Renee.

I don't know, yes. Renee, I can feel the strength in your conviction that it should be you. I feel a weight on my shoulders because I was given the instruction that if it can't be decided unanimously, then I will have to choose myself. And I've told you I'm already very fond of me running.

Larry, I would be choosing you. I'm gonna ask the Cardinals again. I'm even gonna say this. Imagine in a world where we see the special skill completed today successfully, you were each given a chance to show your skill as well on the podcast. So you still get your moment to shine.

Now put that aside and go, what skill do we choose here today that is going to most impress the people and has the best chance of success? Would you change your vote, anybody? No. I think I would go back to myself also. LAUGHTER Alright. I think I would go back to myself also. Alright, alright, alright. I understand.

Guys, guys, I'm choosing knee running. I'm choosing knee running. I did want to see that. Why didn't you just say that, Renee? Because mine's better. Larry, look in our eyes and tell us it's amazing. That's all we need. Jack, Charlie, Renee, it's amazing.

Oh yeah, I'll leave that. Okay, do we have consensus? Yes. Congratulations, Larry. You will save the podcast. Thank you. Congratulations. I am honored to be the skill, you know?

What happens if he fails? If he fails, special skills will be canceled from the punk pass forevermore. He didn't say that in our decision. I did, I said he's... He's saving the entire segment on the podcast. Larry, good luck out there. We believe in you.

Well, one of us does. We believe in you. The Cardinals have spoken in their own way. Congratulations, you are the skillionaire. Let's see you run on your knees. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I will save special skills. CLAPPING

OK, here we go. The door is cracked. That was open forcefully. CHEERING Yes! Smoke! Smoke! Smoke! Why smoke? We haven't done it once! It is a little bit dangly, sort of giving it a shake. Yes! Smoke! Smoke! Why smoke? We have a chosen one!

It is a little bit dangly, sort of giving it a shake. We have a chosen one. Well we'll go to the studio now. Hallelujah! We'll go to the studio now and we'll meet the chosen one. Well done Jack! You did it Jacko! Well done!

Well done! Oh my god, may the chosen one emerge. We'll see them in studio. I vote Renee. All right, we're now back live. But Ando, we just to bring people up to speed, we haven't. No. We didn't hear any of the conclave.

We know as a listener, you will have heard everything that just happened in the conclave. Me and Andy have gone from sitting on the floor outside. We saw the white smoke. We've now come straight back in here. Jack, well done. You look exhausted, Jack. It wasn't easy. No, we know.

We know. I mean, it'll be massively edited down by the time that's sort of inserted into the podcast. But it was close to half an hour conclave, which we were not expecting, but a chosen one has been selected. We now see it is one of the young men. We come on in. This is Larry. Welcome. Larry, you can pop those headphones on if you like. Larry, welcome. Hello. How was that intense? It was very intense. Yeah, it seemed it just more than you thought it would be. Yeah, no,

I thought I was prepared going in in but that was that was something else They do say the conclave takes out of you and you got a really want it Um Larry, we don't know any of the special skills. Don't tell us any of the others, but what is yours? My special skill is I am the world's fastest knee sprinter Wow Running on your knees running on your knees? Running on my knees. Hands up by my side, on my knees and I just power sprint. I can't wait to see this. I've got bad knees myself so extra respect from me. I'm very jealous of that. This is exciting but we need to discuss

now how we test this. When you say world's fastest, has it been measured or you just got a great vibe? So I haven't measured time and compared it to say other knee sprinters. However, every time I brought up this skill, I've presented it to friends. I presented it to friends who are athletes, triathletes, AFL players, and I versed them in a knee sprint comfortably win. Well, I was going to say, I mean in arm out because I've got quite bad tendon harness in my knees, but you recently ran a half marathon. Would you be the control?

Would you be happy to knee sprint? He would have to be though twice as fast as me at least, wouldn't he? Like you've never done it before. So I think how far, how far can you knee sprint? So the distance I submitted was 50 meters. That's probably the max I've ever done. And do you prefer? Is that getting into being a bit more of an endurance event than at 50? Yeah, more like I think my max speed would probably be around 25, but then 50 to 100, it's more just wearing on the knees. Yeah, of course. And you must know, you must feel when you're running along on your knees, you must get a greater appreciation for the calf and the shin and all the other, the foot.

Yeah. And realize why there's such a useful part of the whole leg system. Larry, is grass the best? Yeah, grass, definitely the best. Yeah. I typically tend to stay on grass. I've tried sand before. Not good. No traction. Carpet would be carpet burns and- Carpet, yeah, not awful, but not the best either. If grass is available, it is preferred. Let's say we have a 50-meter track and he starts at 25, you start 50 back. Oh yeah, I could catch.

I could catch and overtake. Because that's a- for him to run you down over 50. Done. I'm feeling it. I'm feeling the tingle that the special skill has meant to give you, but the confidence hander, that's what we're looking for in the chosen one. The confidence. Next week's show, should we do that?

Yes. I just, I mean, I know we're going to, everyone's just heard what happened in the Conclave. Was Larry a clear winner, Jack? Definitely not. Well, we'll see whether Larry- Do you think, Vee, is extra pressure now that the other two are like, how come he got to be the chosen one? Oh no, I'm confident in my ability.

I'm confident in my skills. That's exactly what happened. Exactly. When Neo thought he, you know, had never had doubts, did he? Other people were like, had his back, I mean, in the matrix. Sorry, this is me kicking a chair because I'm stretching my legs thinking

we're about to do this. I'm not even involved, but that's the infectious power of the chosen one. Well, next week on the show, we will see whether Larry can save special skills as a segment with knee sprinting. Get on your knees, Ando. Hey, quickly, as the dust settles on the conclave, the second most important

selection of someone happened this week. A lot of selecting going on with the election. Now, no political podcast. No one's coming here to get hot takes on politics. But I knew it would be late anyway, because the election has already been run and won. As I said, as I said, I've saved this till after reflection, reflection, election reflections. I'm sure is a great episode somewhere on the ABC podcast suite. And I was going to say, I was going to say, aren't their seats still being decided?

But even as I said that, I was like, that sounds very not our show. But what I wanted, here's something I do want to focus on the election in the wash up, because I actually now have the data to answer a question that I wondered for weeks leading into the election. Probably similar in your areas. We all live in different electorates. So I'm not sure what happened in your zone, but in my electorate, it was clearly judging by the placards on the telegraph polls in the suburb, hot election between two different women representing two different parties.

One, the incumbent one, like, you know, she's the current member. And then another one having a red hot go at it. The main strategy was these signs, like the core flow signs. Did you have heavy signage in your? Oh, there's a lot of signage going on. There's a lot of controversy. Every single post. In Melbourne where we were, there was a lot of controversy in my dad's area,

parents area, because one of the ladies going for the top job, her husband was filmed ripping down one of the signs of a competitor and grabbing it. I don't know the sign etiquette, but here's something that happened in this lecture. And I won't, we don't, I don't even need to name names here, but you've got these two women going for it. Someone had decided to black out the front right tooth on one of the, one of the blackouts. That's a bit of fun.

One of the signs, but not just once, because I saw it and I went, someone just happened to go for a walk with a Sharpie there, that's kind of classic graffiti. Not just once, but they hit everyone. Every single one. Same tune. Are you sure she doesn't have a missing tooth? No, no, so occasionally you see one without it. But I was like, okay.

That's why if I ever run for election, I'm going to go a first smirk. Which is very dangerous. But you can't get graffiti on the teeth. Can't get graffiti on the teeth. I know I'll come across as a smart arsehole. I think I'll hold both my hands up like in a, with a circular like this near my face to show that I can handle two issues at a time.

I'm sure you'll be fine. Anyway, I'm probably not going to run to it. Well, it remains to be seen. But what? Here's the question. Here's the question. So over the course of the few weeks leading up to it, you see... Why would you have two circles to stay? I'm holding on to the issues. the course of the few weeks leading up to it. You see? Two circles. He can do two issues at once. Easily. I've got a P side, just two fingers.

That's not what our PR team thought would be most impactful. So you see, you see all the black down, fifth, right? Here's the thing I was wondering. I go, okay, this isn't just like you see one bit of graffiti. Okay, that sign's being graffiti. But when you see everyone, it did begin to make you think she's missing a tooth. Oh, that's the one that's missing a tooth. And then I thought this would be really interesting because she was not the incumbent. She was trying to win the seat.

Okay, so this was her tilted getting elected. She was an underdog. She was. Yeah. Well, I suppose. Yeah, she's she's trying to win the seat. Okay. So this was her tilted getting elected. She was an underdog. She was. Yeah. Well, I suppose, yeah, she's, she's trying to get elected. And I went, this really raises two schools of thought here. You either go, cause obviously you assume it's not done by her team. It's done by the other team to defame her.

But you go this either, you either go, Hmm, I don't know if I can trust her. She can't even get her teeth fixed. How's she going to get the, how's she going to get the electorate fixed? And how's she going to handle the issues? Can't even be bothered going to the dentist. That's what you're meant to think. That's what they're hoping. Or do you think, wow, look at that.

She's so dedicated to fixing the issues in our electorate. She didn't even get what someone says, urgent dental work done till after the election because she puts the community first. And I went, I think this election will decide whether, how effective the blacking out of the tooth is as a slanderous mechanism. Were there any slogans alongside like community before my teeth? Don't worry. I'll get it fixed day one.

No, there wasn't. No. Right. Here's the other thing that we noticed, and this is actually Sonny. This is my son noticing this. I was like, mate, very astute. The incumbent, the current member, her signs were high on the power poles. Oh right. Higher up.

Out of reach of graffiti artists, you reckon? Higher up. And like ladder height. And so they've driven around with a ladder. Not convenient. That's kind of annoying from their team, but I reckon they knew. Less chance of seeing them though? Are they above eye height? No, you get a good look. You get a good look.

They're just sort of three meters high. And he's like, yeah, she's put hers up high. That's why she hasn't got graffiti. Or they knew, you know, that get a good look. You get a good look. They're just sort of three meters high. And it's like, yeah, she's put hers up higher. That's why she hasn't got graffitied. Or they knew, you know, that's a possibility. I was like, yep. And then the lady trying to get a life, she's down low. Now well within graffiti range. Is the seat settled?

Do we know who fly or who are high one? So is it effective to have your tooth blacked out? Does it show that you put the community first and teeth second? Or is it slanderous because who can trust someone with a missing front tooth? Following this at all? I reckon high placards won it. Yeah, me too. Absolutely smashed it.

Low placards. Missing a tooth is not a good way to win an election. It does make people worried about the fact that you can't handle your own face. How are you going to handle the electorate? And I reckon the victors party, either the person whose idea it was to have the ladder or even the ladder itself, probably got a hero's reception at the party just going, let's not forget, you know, let's not forget Jenny, whose idea it was to put him ladder high.

That was our secret weapon. Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at HamishandAndy.com.