Hamish & Andy - 2025 Ep 297 - How Many Monkeys Are You Carrying?

Episode Date: June 25, 2025

Hamish questions what actually constitutes “a monkey on your back,” and how many monkeys the average person might be carrying. Naturally, he turns it into a case study - guessing how many monkeys they are each carrying around right now! There’s a toothpaste ad that has Andy completely baffled, and after much anticipation (so much so that we almost forgot), Hamish finally reveals the next industry that he’s about to blow wide open! Andy also takes us inside the WhatsApp chat of our Tall Hat Dream Team to deliver a very important update! 1. Monkeys on our backs 2. Colgate ad stitch up 3. Inside the tallest hat WhatsApp chat 4. Crumpets investigation 

A listener production. Activate your Internet, because the Hey Mission and the podcast starts in three. Two. Sorry, still buffering. Ahoy to me deep hollow Amish. Okay, porn names? No. Okay.

Ahoy to me vertical. Jack could still be porn names. Not as sexy. Well, mine's vertical Jack. I suppose if you're always lying down. And mine's, well this actually does sit on the theme as well. Pro-truding. Wow, so not an innie. Not an innie.

But, or belly button type. Jack's got it. Well done Jack. I feel like I assisted again, but well done Jack. Deep hollow. A deep hollow belly button is a dream. So that's an ultra innie. Because why isn't it just a hollow? Well it's...

But you know what I mean? Why deep? It forms a shadow underneath. Like you've got to... Which is most are deep hollows. Vertical is the one that looks quite like a split. Yeah that is interesting when you say those. Like a cat's eye. Yeah, like you'd need two... like at the indoor cricket games you'd need two people at the side to pull it back to get here.

Sure, sure. Niche but correct shape. And obviously you're outie. Yep. The... Is protruding. Is protruding. It's not just protruding, yes. Roughly 10% of the population have an outie. Ahoy also to Briley Ham from New Zealand but in Japan.

We went to HamishAndy.com to tell us what she's been up to. Ahoy Hamish Andy and number six. I'm currently in Japan Sapporo, just strolling through uni. But the other day I had to sign some very important documents. And as I was signing it, my boyfriend told me that my signature could use some work. That's when I thought, hey, what happened to Hamish's inbox bar? Yep. With the calligrapher to create the new signatures for you guys.

Anyway, could you use that guy right about now? Sayonara! Great call. We should get back onto that. No, I can get the genuine Peter out. Wasn't it a scam? Didn't they not get paid? I bought it twice for us.

And I just don't think... Then we just didn't get round to doing it. But we filled out real forms about it. Remember that. We had to fill out like, do we want them flourishy or do we want them... Yeah, I remember that. They don't even have that.

I just didn't... No, I did get one back. And then I just said, this isn't any of the things I asked for, it's not... It was just quite neatly written, my name. Possibly just AI generated. And I went, I don't think that this is... I don't think you've read the brief.

And then I just, we just didn't hear from them. But I do still like the idea of getting kind of like a declaration of independence type, yeah, flourishy signature. I've got- Do we go back to the well a third time? Nah, do that in your own time. I've got to delete it then off my desktop.

Cause you know, you get those files on your desktop which don't really have a home. And one of mine is the photo I took of the, what I want the signature to look like. And it's just sitting there. Delete it, man. Okay, it's gone. So it's still, it's still a current project on your desktop.

You get reminded of it all the time. As I'm clearing out my desktop, I thought, well, this one, we might come back to this at some stage. Slow burn. Well, funnily enough, Jack, interesting that you mentioned that, because it's something, this is sort of in the ballpark of what I was thinking I wanted to bring up on today's show. We might as well do it now. Okay.

That, I mean, it's not a huge one, but you'd almost classify that as a quote unquote monkey on your back. Oh, yeah. It's just a little something, right? Yes, yeah, a little niggle. Heard this the other, we all know the saying, but I heard something the other day. It was a friend of mine. They just like finally sort out a council thing. They're like, he's like, great to have that monkey off my back.

Yes. I thought, we do all use that term. And I thought, how many monkeys does the average person have on their back at any one time? We all know where the term came from. Really? Obviously, I assume it's from, you know, millions of years ago when we had a common ancestor with the monkeys, then we split off. We became homo sapiens, they became monkeys, and they realized we've made the better choice, and they were jumping on our back to get a free ride. And we're like, no, you don't.

That's a huge assumption. I don't know where the say go from. I just feel as though it'd be annoying to have a monkey on your back.'t know where the say go from. I just feel as though it'd be annoying to have a monkey on your back. A monkey on your back, yeah. You want to get him off. And it's the kind of thing that you say like, I must get him off. This monkey on my back.

This is terrible. I can't shower, I can't go to sleep. And it does seem like, and it's the kind of problem where I guess it's like if you just put a bit of effort in, you could always get a monkey off your back. Yep. But you could also go about your day forgetting the monkey was on there if he was light and if he was quiet. And then from time to time he would, you know, yeah, he'd spark up and he might put a claw in your hair.

And then you remember, I do have that monkey on my back. I must get around to getting rid of that. So I think. Sometimes a monkey's, the monkey's psychological. Like sometimes his admin, which is a rarely, isn't a real monkey. Yeah, that's right. Almost never. Yeah.

They are usually psychological. No, but like, you know, oh, that admin, like I've got to do that, but sometimes it's just like, oh, he's never won at this particular ground. He's got to get the monkey off his back. Meaning it's a bit of a curse. It can be like a curse. A bit of a curse. It can be a curse, yes. And sometimes their monkeys are much smaller than they seem. Just once you start grabbing at it, you're like, oh, I thought it was, you know, more of an orangutan, but this is

just a little monkey. I just had to put the effort in to get him off my back. Correct. Here's my question to you guys. As a case study, because I was just thinking to myself, we're all walking around with various amounts of monkeys on our back. It was interesting, this friend of mine, you know, he's got a pretty busy job and he's got three kids. I was like, didn't sound like it was the final monkey off his back. It wasn't like, great to have the final monkey off my back. And so his back still has monkeys on it.

When he got rid of this little admin bit. Yeah. So the council thing happened. He goes, I've got that monkey off my back. I his back still has monkeys on it. When he got rid of this little admin bit. Yeah, so the council thing happened. He goes, I've got that monkey off my back. I wonder how many are left and do we ever get to a stage where we have no monkeys on our back? And would you ever say, great to get the last monkey off my back? You've got to be then getting rid of monkeys faster than new monkeys are grabbing on. Yeah, that's true. And then monkeys see so many monkeys on your back and they think there must be something going on on that back and I want to get on that back. Yeah, that's true. And then the monkeys see so many monkeys on your back and

they think there must be something going on on that back and I want to get on that back. Yeah. So I can have it. Here's what I want to do. Take a moment. Yeah, we might even pause, we can pause the pod. We write down how many monkeys we think we have on our back at the moment. And I'd also think it'd be interesting to write down how many we think each other has. Okay. Just leave, we're close. Okay. Do you want to?

Because I've just got to have a quick think about like what qualifies as a monkey. Let's pause. Okay. We're back. Okay. We're back. Okay. So how do you want to run it? Are we going to say how many we all thought Jack had and then we'll go around and-

Yes, and then he can reveal the number. Okay. Okay. How many do you think Jack has, Ham? I think Jack has four monkeys on his back. Oh, I had Jack down as two monkeys, only because I feel like he passes a lot of these monkeys to Bianca. Jack wears a Teflon coat.

And Bianca, unfortunately, is underneath with a grippable coat that the monkeys can land on. Jack has a perspex little bit of plastic that goes around his trunk. Oh, like they stop possums running up trees in nice parts. Yeah, that's right. Almost impossible for a monkey to get up. I was generous. I gave you four monkeys, Jack. I have exactly four monkeys on my back.

Oh, wow. All right. Wow, great. Okay. And are you willing to go into some of them? Like I can say all four. There's a downlight in the kitchen that's gone out. Got to do that at some stage. That's been a week now. Do you guys have a will?

I've never written a will and that's- That is an absolute monkey on your back. Yeah, it takes so long. I don't even know how to start, but that's something we've cut. Yes. You should do it. That's what everybody says. Well, you should do it.

It is a gorilla. Yeah. But you definitely should do it. You know, the hardest part your face is, or maybe not, but when you, when it comes like, okay, you have to answer the question about your kids, like who's going to look after the Gordie? And you go around, but you go, hang on a sec. Okay, if it was them and you just go through and I'm sure everyone with kids goes through this, you go, no, I don't want to live with them.

Oh God, no, no, actually it's got to be us. You basically just get depressed because you, you don't finish your wheel and you just go, I must not die. That's where we finish, it's like, let's not die. I must not die until the kids are 25. I've been asked whether I would be gay. I mean, yeah, you get it. You have to pick someone, but it's not like...

It's a tough to under say no to. Yeah. But it's a like... It's a tough to understand no to. Yeah. But it's a huge... Was it a family member? It's got to be a family member. I've had been asked by someone that wasn't a family member. Well, that's weird. That's a celebrity thing.

Was it someone on the street? Just a fan of the 100? Don't do it. Wow. And that's a huge ask for a friend. And I thought to myself, no. At the time I'm like, well, no. But then I'm in my head going, they're not going to die.

And this is such an easy. It's a huge ask. Your life would change so much. Yeah. And at the time I wasn't with Beck. So it would have been by myself, single Andy. Strange choice. I mean, it's basically two and a half men with Charlie Sheen, I think.

Just not as funny in real life and goes for more than half an hour. It's basically two and a half men with Charlie Sheen, I think. Just not as funny in real life and goes for more than half an hour. What's your, what's the third monkey? The third monkey is Dad got us a board game for Christmas and every time we see him he goes, you played the board game yet? And we haven't played the board game. So either we hope Dad dies or we play the board game good to get the monkey off our back.

We go on some stage, play the board game good to get the bucket of MF. Some stage play the board game. The last one is I went to play golf and they double charge me where she goes, oh, I don't think it worked. And then I had to tap again. And then last week, I was looking through my charges. What's that double charge? And so to get the money back, I've got to go back to the golf course. Just play again. Yeah, but it's not my usual golf course. Oh, you have a nice life. They're my monkeys. No, that's good.

They're those nuisances. That's a nice amount of monkeys. A good amount of monkeys. Okay, Jack, how many monkeys do you think Andy had? I said five monkeys. And my reasoning was, because I've given you a lot more, Hame. I reckon Andy has a lot, like he's got his fingers in a lot of pies, but he's great at getting things ticked off.

OK, I agree with the pies. And but just because you've got your fingers on a lot of monkeys doesn't mean you're getting them off your back. I gave Andy 15 monkeys. Wow. 15 monkeys. You just have so many things that you get going on. He's so good at it. Like if there's a problem, he addresses it quickly. There's not a single admin monkey on my back. LAUGHTER I'm doing a road call of the type of monkeys.

Because I think if, maybe I go, if I was just dealing with all the admin that Andy embroils himself in, even his house alone must be 10 monkeys. Yeah, but he's so good at ticking them off. The renovation jacket, you have no idea. Think of a million monkeys falling from a water bomber, right? Well, hang on, this is an interesting- That's Andy underneath with that build, covered in monkeys. That's an interesting thing because at the moment, I have no decisions. It's all with

everybody else. So does that mean- See, that's what I mean- I know I've got pending monkeys. Okay. That we monkeys can place back on. And he's chucking monkeys at everyone else. Yeah. He's getting monkeys.

The only monkeys he's really got is their friend's kid. If they pass away sadly and he has to adopt the month, that would be. And you're not getting that off your back. That's there to stay. Yeah. You might as well get that monkey a little bit because he lives with you. I'm not saying the kid's the monkey. I'm just saying metaphorically.

Here are my monkeys. The wedding invite list. Oh yeah. That's a hard, that is a hard one. That's a monkey on my back too. When's this bloody Bucks party? I need to start locking out dates. I don't love that one.

I got asked to write a speech for a person's function and I said yes. And it's just slowly coming at me and I ate those ones. It's a monkey. It's a monkey. A present for Jess. I suggested just Jess's birthday. I said to Bec... Jess that works for you outside.

Works for us. That was weeks ago. I know. I said, Bec, we should get Jess this. Bec's like, that's not good enough. So what about this? Bec's like, that's not good enough. So what about this? Bec's like, that's not good enough. I said, hey, well, can you organise it? And now Jess gets the treat of having thousands of people here that it's an absolute monkey on your back.

It's a monkey on my back. Every time we see Jess, we lie to her and go, she's just here. She's looking at me and we go, it's on its way. We don't know what it is. Presents in general are a monkey. It's a monkey on my back. And now it has to be something that justifies that it's on its way. We don't know what it is. Presents in general are a monkey. There's a monkey on my... And now it has to be something that justifies that it's on its way. Exactly.

Now I can't go back to the things that I was suggesting at the beginning because you go, oh well... It has to be like custom engraved cowboy boots from Texas or something. Look forward to those coming, Jess. I have choked the last two golf tournaments with my mates. Had a huge lead. Yep. And that's a psychological monkey. So that is one of the cycles. I'm close on 15 here.

He's got a huge list. No, that was four. And then there's a lot of boxes that have been put in my office that I haven't unpacked yet. Of just stuff I don't even know what's inside. From Moving House. Yep. What it was from Moving House? Yep. What brand of boxes are they?

Oh, as in... Are they Kennards or like, is it a great... just good to know. Cause I, small prank we could play Jack is just continuously sending Kennards boxes to Andy and he'll think that they're from the move. So six monkeys. Yeah, nice. I had Hamish at 17 monkeys. I could have gone higher,

but I had him at 15. Do you know what? I'm at three. No, you don't think you're at three. Do you know what I think of my V is I've got so used to living with monkeys. I just feel like I'm wearing a big jacket. There's no way you've just got three things on your skool list. Honestly, I'm just, I'm one of the monkeys. I've actually been adopted into their tribe. We don't know if they're on my back or I'm on their front. They're probably talking about having a human on their front. Just, we're all just a big wobbling ball of primates.

We don't know who's on who. That's interesting, actually. That you just have to accept it. That's life. That's how you get through life. Not feeling stressed. You just become one with the monkeys. Yeah, because even if it needs to be done, but you don't care about it, maybe it's not a monkey on your back. So yeah, Zoe would look and be like, get that monkey off your back.

And he's OK. He's been there for ages. Hey, Jacko. There's an ad going around at the moment played a lot during the footy AFL football. It has really got me perplexed. And it's got Christian Petracca in it from the Melbourne Football Club and Isaac Heaney from the Sydney Swans. Do you guys, have you seen the ad? I've seen the ad. I actually have seen the ad, yes. Do you know where I'm? I reckon I know.

You wouldn't expect two stars to be involved in this instance. No, you would say that they were equal footing as their contribution to the game. One of them in the ad is obviously a winner and one of them is, is not a winner. In that particular moment. Yes. You're right, Jaco. That's what I find confusing. So, um, well just it offers up a lot of questions.

So in the ad for people who don't know, the ball is coming in. Christian Petracca is waiting to catch the ball on market. Isaac Heaney is behind him also wanting to catch the ball on market. If you're not familiar with the game of AFL, both players want the ball. Shares that with a lot of other team ball sports. The ball is the desired item. It's an ad for toothpaste Colgate. Yep.

So, so far, if you're just hearing the over the first time, you'd be like, I don't see the connection just yet. Isaac Heaney decides to smile and it's the power of that smile that gives him enough energy and a boost over his frowning bone. His teeth, and Trak has beautiful teeth, but at that stage they're just not being beautiful, he's got them sheathed in his mouth. And so then Isaac Heaney takes the mark on top, like climbs up on top of Christian and marks on top of him. This is what the ad sounds like. Your game face, a growl, a scowl.

But you know what? The real game changer isn't a scowl, it's a smile. And then the smile is what gets Isaac Heaney to win. Yes. Now you've got a beautiful notion and I'm all for more smiles than frowns in the world. Are they saying though, it's you smiling that'll make you feel better or is it like the positive reaction to your smile? Because I don't think there's enough time for Isaac Heaney to smile for the crowd to notice it and to respond positively.

And for that energy to reflect back to him. And then he's charged up from that energy. He just feels good about himself. He feels good about himself. It gives him the extra energy. And we just happen to be the fortunate bystanders that can see the smile. Absolutely. Bright white smile.

Here's the parts that I want to ask. Did Christian Petrachit know that he was going to be the dance of the ad, not the hero of the ad before he rocked up on set? Because I think I reckon both outcomes here, um, make Petrachit look like a great guy because if you, if the just says player one, yes. If you're if you're and again, he would never say this, but like we can say it. One of the greats, right? Oh, yeah.

One of the best of all time all straight. You get a script and it says player one leaps on player two's back. Thousand percent. If you're one of the superstars of the game, you go, oh, sure. That sounds like great fun. I wonder who player two will be. Exactly. Because I'll be soaring high above them.

And you know what? I might even take, you know, if they've just got some extra that plays like club footy, I might take along a jersey or something just to give to them to go make good fun. I'm with you. I might make this guy's day. I reckon. And then you turn up and it's another star on your footy, on your level.

Then it would get, then you go, uh-oh, who is player one and player two? Yeah. So then did they film both options? That's interesting. And they're just like, let's just see who has the better smile. No, it would be smart from the ad to do that, but just knowing what we know about ads, you've got very limited time. You can't shoot two versions of the ad with each other playing each other's role. Would have been incredibly smart from Colgate to do that because you would have seen the biggest smiles of all time from both of those guys.

Their gums would have been ripped off their heads. Both wanting to be the gums. Watch this, watch this guys. Actually, do you have any like pegs, sort of the color of my skin that I could use and you could paint out maybe in post, because I will get up there. You've got to check. You do have to check. Remember, like it was last year I got invited to speak at a corporate event and it was a fireside chat for a large, like a tech company from America.

And they're like, I'd love you to, you know, would you come and be like half an hour and they pay you a fee? And I was like, yeah. What's a, what's a fireside chat? Fireside chat is a fancy way of saying Q&A. A question and answer. Yeah. There's no actual fire.

Well, there can be fires. This was at the Sydney Convention Centre, so no fires in this one. And they went, it's a fireside chat. I went, love Q&A. I'm here for Jack. How good is Q&A? Yeah, I'll, mate, I'll stay for an hour. Yeah, and then they go, great.

Awesome. We'll get in touch with you. Week out from the event. They go, okay, so you're going to be with Janine Ellis, the founder of Boost. Yep. I went, oh, wow, okay. And yeah, what sort of questions do you think you'll ask her?

Oh, yeah. I was like, well, hang on, I'm the Q. No, I'm the A. I was the A. I thought I was the A. They're like, no, well, I mean, it's Janine Ellis. I was like, yes, I know. She's got much more to say about business, but. Yeah, you totally thought you were player one and then you've rocked up and you realize you're a player two.

100% player two. So now I'm like, oh my God, I need to do homework. I'm Janine Ellis. I was just going to rock up to the far side and just be player one. Well, here's my other question. If we ever get managed to get on track, because we should ask you a bunch of these things, but. Because what I was going to say was if you turn up on the day and you find

you play too, what good on him for just going, yeah, sure, jump all over me. I think you should get paid more for being player two. Yeah. Do you think the person in the ad that does more work gets paid more? Not necessarily more work. Do you think the person in the ad that does more work gets paid more? Not necessarily more work. Cause I know why you're guarding this. Cause at Jack, long, long running question between Andy and I that we've been asked

many times by people, hey, for the Hubble TV ad you guys did, did Hamish get paid a lot more? Cause you're dancing in the ear in the costume. Yeah. He's in the box. He does all the voiceovers and Andy is actually just sits on the couch. So it's interesting to hear what Andy's argument is here about how you split the money. We'd love to know what is the answer.

Did it was at a 50-50 split? Absolutely, Jack. Yeah. Well done to you, Andy. Thank you. Because it shouldn't be, should it? He's not dancing. He's not in the box.

You're not in the... He's not doing the voiceover. You're in the costume. I can't believe that. There's one ad where he doesn't even speak. Sitting there as player two laughing all the way to the back. Helped him out of the box occasionally. They have people for that.

Didn't need you to do it and I would have paid someone else. And it would have been a lot less. True. So if Christian Petraka got paid the same as Isaac Heaney, that is the same situation that Hamish should have got paid more, I think, than you. So you think Christian Petraka should get paid more or less? More. Same.

More because he's... Isaac Heaney would be saying, they're going, but I'm the guy smiling. That's true. It's a cold game. And the brand Colgate comes over the top of Isaac Heaney when he catches the ball. Arguably, they're using Heaney's teeth. And the tooth person. To sell the product. The tooth person is.

Yeah, but I agree. The track has made more of a sacrifice. Yes, he has. The reputational risk. And similarly, Hamish has made more sacrifice than Hubble. But it's me going, yeah, this is a great product that's really selling the product. Yeah, but Hamish has made the sacrifice. No, it's not.

There were murmurs, and true or false, there were a few days on set where you left before me too. No, all days on set. True, yeah. And there were murmurs as I was walking off set, you know, like the camera guys and the unit and stuff and there were people packing up. It was like 30 people on set. There's a lot of rumbles going, could it have been anyone on that couch? I was like, come on guys, you did a good job. A few of them were like, man, I could have just sat there, if it was just a guy on a couch. I was like, oh, okay, well he's okay.

Which didn't really turn into late, but the whole idea was meant to be a play on words of Hubble and Andy, Hamish and Andy. Oh, I never got that. And that plaid place all the time. That only works with the and Andy, hence making me as integral. Congratulations, Andy. That only works with the and Andy, hence making me as integral. I feel you track.

I feel for you. Hey, tall hat update. Great. Is this from the team? Yeah. The Russian team? So people may remember that we've got Sam and we've got Grace. Grace is at university studying aerospace engineering.

Sick. And Sam has molds and does manufacturing of carbon fibers and other materials. Just seems like the perfect mix of theory and practicality. Yeah. A couple of episodes ago, you said, you made the comment that we should be more involved in being across what they're, what they're up to. So we started them on a WhatsApp. I've now added myself to-

Surprised you didn't do a website form that's really fiddly. Every time you have something to say, just simply go on. Simply upload it to hatchat.org. And then as the admin will jump on the back end, scroll through the code and have a look at what you've said. I have got into the WhatsApp, Pam. I'm now there, but it feels like that I'm surveilling them. I very rarely add much chat and then I wait for them to chat and you never know when the chat's coming. And suddenly at night, for instance, they have a question for each other.

And then they go back and forth. And it's, I'm going to say what I love about these two is, and this won't surprise anyone, but I'm just going to say it anyway. Obviously at this stage, our hat business is cashflow negative. So they aren't making any money. This, this is just passion. This is, they're just building this for the love of the people's podcast here. So you got it.

You got to love them. They did mention that in conversation. I'm not going to focus on that right now, but again, I'm not sure if they are aware that I'm there surveilling them. Maybe me saying stuff like this and getting the word out there about how generous they're being with their time might hose down any requests for money. It will remind them of their passion. Well guys, what I think, thought I'd do is in the coming weeks, I will relay to you what

is being discussed on the WhatsApp. Right. Great. I've used AI to regenerate their voices so we can get their conversations, then we pause and then we contemplate it, we can get back to them. It's a new segment called... The Inside Word. Conversations of tall hat construction.

This is extra exciting because even WhatsApp can't do this. That's their whole thing. Like we can't get into your messages. It's end to end encrypted. By having someone in the chat you can obviously. So you know, if Mark Z ever asks to join your chat, and you don't want him to know, you should keep him out. But this is huge, Ander, that we're spying inside of WhatsApp. There's three conversations that I want to concentrate on today

that happened this week. First one just to give you a sense, I mean, there were, I downloaded it and converted it to a Word doc. It was five full Word doc pages for this week of conversation. And that's just back and forth between them. You're never chatting to them. Never chatting to them. This is give you an idea. This is AI's best representation of Sam, who's in the manufacturing side. This is the kind of stuff that he's bringing up. So we have access to an oven for pre-preg, but that's only a thousand by six hundred

by four hundred millimetres. We've been thinking about it at work and reckon we'd make a twelve hundred millimetre mould with both the top and base on it. We'd then lay up and cut the lengths that we need and assemble the full hat post cure. I had no idea what that meant. Alright, couple of things he's saying there. First of all, let's get our giggles out of the way at pre-preg. Cause wherever I come from, pre-preg is sex. That's how you get to, that is pre-preg.

Anyway, I assume that means something else there. Well, I looked that up. That is the type of different fibres and materials that they all get injected in, yet create a certain mold and just like, just, and they're impregnating the mold, which again, we're scientists, so let's keep it cool. Um, I think what he's saying though, is we only got an oven so big. So in, in, in other words, if you're trying to create a 10 meter high

sponge cake, you're obviously not cooking that in one batch. I think what he's saying is we're going to tier it up. So we're going to build different layers and you're essentially building like sticks in a circle times 50, then you're just stacking them on itself. Well, they went back and forth on materials, et cetera, on that front. That to me was a bit boring. But then this is where I thought the conversation got interesting. So I feel like when I'm watching the WhatsApp that I'm in a van outside just listening to people and then, you know, some guys want off to get donuts and a coffee and then you go, they're talking about something that I find interesting. And this is part of the conversation. What are your thoughts on balancing? The more I think about it, the more I think we'll have a big problem with it staying upright

while walking. Apologies. Just getting home from uni now. Mmm, my thoughts on this was having a bottom heavier hat, even using the brim to distribute more weight. Yeah, I was thinking of a similar brim idea. If we dropped the level of the brim below where the hat contacts the head and lined it with lead, then we can have the centre of gravity below the point of the brim below where the hat contacts the head and lined it with lead,

then we can have the center of gravity below the point of rotation. Should make it want to remain upright. Yep, 100%. Not sure how we could get it below the point it touches the head. You'd want as much surface contact as possible, but we are on the same page. I did have another idea if we had someone with a ponytail wearing the hat to put it through the back of the hat as extra support like a cap, but not sure if that's above board. Now I don't think that is above board because I've never seen a top hat

with a ponytail with a ponytail. With a tail hole. No. I mean, yeah, you can only imagine if they stayed fashionable, one would have been made, but alas, the world moved on and top hats fell out of favor. Let's go back to this weighted brim idea, though. Ballast, ballast brim.

So they're saying it's going to be a wide brim, but it's only obviously been a top hat wide, but it will have at the outer edge of the brim, a lead all the way around to make it heavier at the bottom to add a base and more structural support. Again, if you've got one of those inflatable toys you punch and it comes back. Yes. It's using that kind of idea to have a very, very heavy base. And were they talking about having the brim lower than what you would usually have? That worries me because I think it has to look like a hat.

Well, that's where I need to jump in and go to at some point, jump on the WhatsApp and go, hey guys, it's good. Make it straight here. It has to be a replica of a known hat. You can't have brim around your shoulders or something like that. No, this is where the FBI listening van analogy breaks down a little bit because this is you hopping out of the van, ducking inside and saying to the Sopranos, sorry guys, just need to let you know. I just need you to speak up a bit when you're talking about the syndication stuff.

So yeah, we just can't hear what you're saying. Okay, as you were, I'll be back in the van. True, true, true, true. So I'll have to get them straight on that. We can't have, like what I thought they were hoping for is like if you had say an extra length and eye holes in the top like so for instance like a more of a mascot. Yeah. The other thing we could do is hang corks of lead off it like so it's a cross between

a swagman's hat and a top hat. But again, that's not, that does violate the rule. No, but could you have heavy corks and just make it a bush hat? Yeah, we could say it's a swagman's hat. Oh yeah. And the heavy corks are to stay, we know they're for stabilization. You'd want them to be- This could give us the edge over the Americans who currently hold the record,

because they would have never thought of a Bushy's hat. But you would need, I don't think you'd want the corks on a string, they'd need to be on rigid rods. Not necessarily, it just is about getting the weight under their head. Yeah, because if the weights are rolling around. It doesn't matter, it's all just under that line. Okay. So, it does mean that whoever's wearing the hat may have to wear a mouth guard.

But again, and this comes down to who our athlete is who wears the hat, the hat fleet, but they've got a huge responsibility driving this hat. You take off too fast, that thing topples backwards. The correct way to drive the hat, the more I think about it, and this is what they're talking about with balance, would be ever so slightly, lean your head forward and the hat begins to topple forward and then you smoothly accelerate under it and kind of catch that topple. That's how I would imagine you drive the hat. Because if you just take off from a standing start with your head upright, that thing's going backwards. This is another part of this conversation. Cause if you just take off from a standing start with your head upright, that thing's going backwards. It's going backwards.

This is another part of this conversation. I also looked into helium. Unless it was pressurized, that volume will only make around 300 grams of lift. So I don't think it's worth chasing. Yeah, don't think it's worth the hassle. I don't think weight will be a problem. You can apparently hold 20% of your body weight on top of your head, so I think we are good for that. Agreed. Well, it's not working. Not including balancing weight,

I think we can be under 12 kilograms. Wow. How quickly did Grace just go off going, I've heard you can hold 20% of your body weight. Yeah, that's like very strong African women who have grown up doing that with like a giant, like, you know, 10 barrels of water on their head from birth and it's in a quiet skill. We're not holding 20 kilos on our head. No, no. Or 12. 12.

Well, that's some heavy corks as well. They're saying that it's around about the 12 kilo mark. That's a whopper. Go to the gym, grab a 12 kilo dumbbell and pop it on your head and just see how comfortable you think that might be. That is, that's heavy. I mean, I know the weight's distributed hopefully through a system, you know, internally.

Or lead rim or the corks. The thing is, yeah, I'll accept the extra. I would have thought, I'd accept the extra weight if it's really going to help the balance. But gee, it wants to be light further on. I think they're talking about 12 kilos before the lead rim. How do you feel about this? That's a bloody heavy hat. I just feel like Riccardo. We've come back to asking Daniel Riccardo.

It's a strong-necked person that... I hate to say this out loud because my phone's in here and I think I thought I got through this, but I get served quite a lot on Instagram and ad for a thing. I was just trying to say it a bit quietly here because the phone's listening for a thing called the iron neck. And it's a training aid to strengthen your neck. I'd move, I thought I'd moved on from that. I managed to get, get through that, but it might start advertising at me now a lot more, do I buy one and start training?

I mean, that comes down to the discussion that we'll have to have in a few weeks is who's wearing the hat. I think we'd need eight weeks notice before, before comes down to the discussion that we'll have to have in a few weeks is who's wearing the hat. I think we'd need eight weeks notice before go time to strengthen an eight week next strengthening program. And we need to think about it. We can't just have a conclave because the three of us will all just vote for ourselves to wear the hat. I think it's good we've been down that path.

So to be continued. Guys, at the end of last year, I hinted at something that I said, look, I'm working on it for next year. And- This could be anything. Are you just telling us you're going to keep kicking it down the road or? Shame, shame, shame on you. Do you really think I'd be bringing it up if I didn't have something concrete to bring you? Yep.

I said I'm working on a case. It's going to take some time and it's about crumpets. So I was to give you some context so you weren't just like, well, anyone can say they're working on a case. Yes. I was working this specific case. Crumpets. What, what were you had to rework?

What was the case again? That's all we got told. Oh, we don't know. Was your question, what have you been working on? No, like the case. Okay. I've been working on the case. Do we know any details of the case?

Cause I can't remember crumpets. No, you don't yet. No, I think that's one of the, that's one of the new things I'm bringing to the table today to tell you about the case. Oh, so we didn't even know it was crumpets. You did know it was crumpets. No, you don't yet. No, I think that's one of the, that's one of the new things I'm bringing to the table today to tell you about the case. Oh, so we didn't even know it was crumpets. You did know it was crumpets. I thought so. You knew the genre.

You knew that something was being investigated under the subheading crumpets. My recollection, Jack, was he sees we're going to case. I'm like, okay. Take the time here and pad. I got no issue with the padding. No, no. I welcome it. He sees we're going to case.

I said, anyone can say that. You have to tell us what area it's in, because otherwise you can just say you were going to case. He said, crumpets. Do you have any questions to that? I got it. I now remember. Please proceed.

Well, we might be out of time. We might have to pick it up next week, unfortunately. No, okay. I'll give you a little bit more. From a very alert listener, Cassie, she came to me and she said, look, I know you've got a lot on your desk. True. But I'd like you to blow something wide open. Okay. Now, before I get out the dynamite, before I get out the truth gel ignite, you got to do your, you got to do your research. She lives in Adelaide. When was the last time you blew something wide open? I don't know. That couple would have been not in the last few weeks, but you just never know. Did he do one last year?

He did one this year at some point, didn't he? But like it was like, you didn't even get the sound effects prepared or anything. You just. We might not have time for this today. Actually. Too much talking. What is she saying? Um, okay.

So Cassie's in Adelaide. She was in Brisbane last year competing in high rocks, which is a fitness thing. But in preparation for this, she did a food shop. The reason I mentioned our, because you've got it, obviously you've got to fuel up before the event. She got all the stuff that she gets to fuel her pregame, you know, Chucky milks, muffins, cereal. What's high rocks? It's like it's a, you do a lot of exercises in a row. Yeah. Like an iron man type thing with exercises in between. Like an hour and a half of running and yeah, you run, then you do burpees, then you run some more.

Tough way to spend an hour or two. So she's obviously she's good at it because she's traveling interstate for it. So she got crumpets. That's quite a popular pre-marathon, pre-race snack that you come across. She's had crumpets and she said, at first I thought I was going crazy because these didn't look like the same crumpets we have in Adelaide, same brand, same circle, but they looked better. They look thicker, wider and fluffier. So she goes, I was with my friend at the time and asked her if she thought the same thing. She wasn't sure because she hadn't had a crumpet since she was a kid. Okay. So just to show she's doing her homework, but

sometimes not all leads lead everywhere. She goes, okay, I eat them. It was incredible. It was like biting into a cloud. Those are the most incredible crumpets I'd ever had. And so which state you're in? She's in Queensland. Queensland. First thing I did when I got home, ran to the store, got another pack of the same crumpets. She's like, confirmed my suspicions. They were thin, brown, almost dehydrated in comparison. But the same brand. Same brand. It's now a month later. She's gone back to Queensland.

Bang. Fluffy crumpets again. Same variety of the brand? Same variety. Yep. Yep. White crumpets. Yeah, you got white and brown.

Yeah. Yep. Same, I've checked white round crumpets. So she goes, okay, what's going on? Puts on our Instagram stories. She goes, I discovered it's going on? Puts on our Instagram stories. She goes, I discovered it's not just Adelaide. People from Melbourne and Sydney have noticed that when you go to Queensland,

the crumpets are fluffier. Okay. So do you, have you got some of these crumpets for us? So what I'm saying is I thought the only thing to do is we have a test where we get fresh day, fresh crumpets has to be bought that day and express posted to us. So we have Queensland and we have every other major capital city. And we do a blind tasting to see which one is the fluffiest. Great.

And that is happening next week. So if you get, no, no, no, no, hang on. If you get contacted this week by someone called Carly from the Hamish and Andy show, you have been specially selected to go to the shops and buy the crumpets and express post them back to us for next week. That's why I need to say it now. Okay. Not a scam.

That will be Carly. Carly will be called. So Carly's going to look up our database. Just get someone from every cap city. And they've got who go and express post-crumpert. They have chosen. They win the chance to be part of this experiment. And what are we doing in exchange?

Eating the crumpets. What do they get out of it? We'll name check them. Okay. Beautiful. Yeah. So you get, yeah, you know, this, this experiment is thanks to our loyal crumpet mules, from every capital city.

And then we'll be able to test next week. I like it. Thank you. I had to have a lead up, not just padding.