Hamish & Andy - 2025 Ep 300 - ⁠Who Is Hamish's Special Guest?

Episode Date: July 16, 2025

Promises were made by Hamish to secure a special guest for episode 300. Now that the milestone episode is here, we finally find out who the “chosen” guest is! Hamish has discovered that his wife, Zoe, enjoys policing the police. Andy shares an alarming message from the Tallest Hat WhatsApp chat. Plus, a Song Sleuth involving an Aussie classic, and we settle the debate no one asked for - who is the best team player in the vegetable world?  1. Episode 300 special guest! 2. Zoe policing the police 3. Tallest hat - how high!? 4. Song Sleuth - Waltzing Matilda 5. Vegetable team players 

A listener production. Activate your internet. Because the Heymish and Andy podcast starts in 3...2... Sorry, still buffering. One! Ahoy to my medulla, Hamish. Good. We're back in a region of hopefully non-movie things.

I don't know what a medulla is. Could be a beer, could be a bone of the foot, but we'll play on. Yeah, feels like a beer, doesn't it? Could be a beer. You're thinking modello, aren't we? I am, but in such a saturated market, one vowel change, we get board approval. Yep.

Ahoy to my cortex. Jack, ahoy. Brains. Are we brain? Brain parts? No. Too easy. I think when I say mine, it'll be the giveaway.

Ahoy to myself. The cuticle. Oh, you have parts of the nail. What just the finger? Oh no. What's the other? Yeah, good, good, cool. No, there's another part that has a cuticle. There's another part of your body that's not the nail that has a cuticle? Toes. Toes. No, not the... It's a nail. Very, very, very... I mean, I've always thought it was chaf the, no, it's a nail.

Very, very, very, I mean, I've always thought it was chafing, but is it your nipple? You've got a lot of it on your face, the two of you. Oh, your hair. Yes. Oh, hair cuticles. Oh, cuticle, of course, yeah. So the cuticle is the outermost layer of the cortex, check the middle layer, you've got the keratin

and the medulla is the innermost layer, composed of cells filled with air, Haim. I'm a medulla fella. Um. Also ahoy to Callum, who went to haimishnady.com to let us know what he's been up to. Ahoy boys, I was listening back and on episode 133 I noticed that Jack doesn't like

to go to friends' weddings. Now knowing this, Andy, are you going to not invite Jack to your wedding? See what he's saying. Ah yes, great move. The flashbang and run. Andy. Well this is interesting. Jack.

Actually Jack. On a scale of 0% to 100%, 100% being a lock, what percentage do you think you are to be invited to Andy's wedding? I think now I'm very high. I would say in the 90s, only because just this week gone by, he said to Bianca and I, he talked about his wedding in a way that suggested we would be there.

Did he mention a date? He did. I know whenabouts in the year or next year it is. But, and then Jack also in the same conversation said to me, well, are we going to be invited? And did me point at you saying, I better be invited to your wedding on the podcast live, change your decision. I said it did have an impact.

Yeah. And he talked to me about that afterwards going. Cause I do like, obviously I do want a real invite and now I'll never know if it's real because I. You didn't give yourself the chance, did you? Yeah, I had a big bus. Stormed the castle early. Well, if you wanna reset things, Jack.

So what do I just say? I can, I can. It's not a Harry Potter spell, uninvited. If you want me to take that out of my mind I can, I can... It's not a Harry Potter spell. Uninvited. If you want me to take that out of my mind and then revisit the list, you'll have to forget what we talked about the other night, you and Bianca. Oh, you now run the risk of not going. Wow, because actually why the conversation came up is he said,

we're having such a hard time with the guest list, gotta make some difficult decisions. Oh, that would be a man trying to soften you. Yeah, because we didn't confirm them. We certainly didn't confirm them. That wasn't your impression. It sounded very concrete. The concrete was just about set.

Andy, were you inviting them? I've got to, no, I've got to start recording such conversations and listening to them back to ascertain the tone of each other. Can I ask you a question? Because I also spoke to Andy this week, not unusual for us to speak every day. One of the days, I can't remember which one it was, Ando, you also talked to me about the time of year it would be. Was that an invite to me?

You asked him and he did. Interesting. Yeah. That's all right. I'm not surprised by that. That would be a huge shock if Hamish wasn't invited to the wedding. No, I'm just saying, I, Andy didn't say the words, Hamish, I'd like to invite you and Zo to my wedding. But we talked about the time of the year it might be and talked about keeping dates, friend. It sounds like that's, I thought that sounds like the similar conversation that you had

with Andy. No, very different conversation. No, no, it's very similar. very similar sounds like they are all the things that we talked about as well I'm just interested that mine and Andy's mine very much was an invitation and in yours it was two friends talking about things. Yeah I think the slight difference is I rang Hamish to tell him yes where I got asked a question from Jack. Oh again, the button. Pushy boy. He's a pushy boy. That makes it sound, I don't know what question he's talking about, but that makes it sound like,

hey, we coming to your wedding yet? No, they didn't say that. They just asked about how's planning going, which is very different to me excitedly reading pages. Because Beck was in the conversation as well. So what a natural thing to ask a couple. Yeah, yeah, that is true. Interesting.

Watch this. Interesting too. But I'll say, Bianca and I had a chat on the way home. It's like, oh, I guess we're, I guess it sounds like we're going to Andy's wedding. Definitely. It sounded like. Interesting. Do you know, Jack, if it is held, obviously, anybody that live in Melbourne, if there's a suspicion it might be held outside of Melbourne, if it's a regional area or something like that and it's all expenses paid, how much would that sting if you did not go.

I would only want to be there to congratulate the loving couple and no other reason. That's lovely. Just right now we'll get back up and that certainly will ease the guest list burden. Hey, you wanted the top of the show today. Yes, I do. Yes, I do. Keen listeners and observers of the title track that comes up in your car or on your phone or whatever, when you play this episode, will know that it's episode 300 today. Yes. Promises have been made by me in the past. You did. You said.

To get a big guest for episode 300. Cool. Now, we don't have guests. Like, we don't normally have guests on the show. So I thought it has to be someone. We'd break the rule. A special episode 300. Rules, rules, rules. Well, it's not a rule. We just don't really do it, but it's not a rule. Vibes are vibes. I thought to myself, well, we do have to get someone.

And this idea actually came in from not one, but two listeners. And I thought, you know what? It had crossed my mind. And now if it's the will of the people, now we begin to see if there's a demand for a special 300 episode guest. I thought it's got to be someone that's relevant to the show. Just getting Beyonce on won't make sense to us and it won't make sense to her. And out of respect to her, I didn't even try. That's not what I'm thinking. make sense to us and it won't make sense to her and out of respect to her, I didn't even try.

That's not what I'm thinking. I'm thinking we get someone on that's an important part of the show that there's unfinished business for, but there is a hunger for people to hear of on the show. I am of course talking of someone so special that I have made an opener for them. I thought it would be it's time to have the probable actual chosen one of special skills come on the show because last night I dreamt about the King of the North, Charlie, that can detect true North. Oh, you thought the speed undresser. Yeah. Don't know about that. The speed undresser. The true King of the North from the conclave who did get a two, three vote in the conclave. And many have said he's the true King of the North and the chosen one of special skills. I thought after I had this dream about him last night, I was like, oh my God.

Now I found that scroll, remember a few weeks ago? That's right. Forget about it. And now I'm dreaming about oh my God. Now I found that scroll, remember a few weeks ago? That's right. Yeah, forget about it. And now I'm dreaming about him. Wow. What is the universe- I'm dreaming about the undressing guy as well. What is the universe-

Too fast of a dream. What is the universe trying to- I could have plenty of time to dream of both. One dream's only 2.1 seconds long. What is the universe trying to tell me when I'm having a dream about the guy that can detect True north from anywhere? And it's telling me to get him on. It has been written and now it has been dreamed. The chosen one was not who it seemed. His reign has barely just begun. Northman, Northman, Northman, Northman.

His reign has barely just begun. The true King of the North, almost certainly is the Chosen One. So, fulfilling both a prophecy dream and my promise to you and the people that I would get a big guest for Show 300. As soon as I'd had the dream, this morning I jumped into actions that we must get the Northman to come in. Yes.

He is busy. He is at work. He has an important job. He is a paramedic. Can't rip a paramedic off shift. So before the show began, I came in early and just as good as having him on, I gave him a buzz as my special 300th episode to you guys. Please enjoy. Hello, Charlie speaking. Charlie, it's Hamish, mate, how are you? Good, how are you, Hamish? Mate, Charlie speaking. Charlie, it's Hamish, mate. How are you? Good. How are you, Hamish? Mate, really good.

And first of all, congrats on all the buzz. Oh, thank you. It's been a... I wasn't expecting it. Yeah. Well, it's building. It's building. I'm sure you're feeling it at your end. Yeah, yeah, I've... A lot of people have been sending me things. OK. Well, don't... I mean, heavy is the head that wears the crown,

especially if you're the King of the North., don't, I mean, heavy is the head that wears the crown, especially if you're the king of the north. But don't let it distract you and hopefully the metal of the crown doesn't interfere with whatever magnetic powers you're using for your skill. But, um, mate, thanks for taking the call at short notice. You're my special surprise for the 300th episode. Oh, that is huge news. It is very big news, and I think there's no one that could be bigger because after all the drama of thinking we had the Chosen One then realising maybe the real Chosen One was right under our nose and then I found the secret scroll, and then this is the bit you don't know,

I actually had a dream about you last night being the Chosen One. Wow, I'm honoured. That's beautiful. Isn't that crazy? So I know you're busy today and you couldn't come in, but I wanted to quickly, because I'm going to play this to the guys, are you in an area where you could spin around at the moment? Not at the moment, but I could spin. Are you in a car? Yeah, I'm a paramedic. I'm at work.

Okay, well right now, can you point north? Yeah, absolutely. Go for it. I'm pointing directly north right now. Okay, now check it with a phone or something. Okay, I'll check it now, I'll just put you on the... Ah. Yep.

I'll have my colleague here confirm with me that I'm pointing north. Compass. Look at that. Is that north? That is bang on north. Incredible. Incredible.

What a gift for the 300. Thank you very much. This chapter's obviously not over, but that's just a little taster of what could be to come when we finally see it in the flesh. And again, apologies for, you know, I should have got this organised more in advance, but I didn't know I was going to have the dream in my defence.

No, I can't blame you. Oh, good boy. All right, thank you, my liege. True King of the North. Speak to you soon. Thanks, Hamish. Have a good one. See you, my liege. True King of the North. Speak to you soon. Thanks, have a good one. See you mate. Alright. Incredible. The whole wall.

You heard there from his paramedic friend, Incredible. And I assume that's the reaction to seeing the North Point. And they would have assumed you'd stopped recording then. So that was a bit of a lie. Like all of us thinking, oh, they might've been faking it. That was real. You heard there an actual paramedic and a life-saving hero of the community. Yep. Then thinking he was off air, go, okay, now I can express my true feelings. Having seen the King of the North just do his trick.

And I quote, oh, incredible. So happy 300 boys. Thank you, mate. Bit of a special treat there. I couldn't believe it when he pulled that off live. And if Beyonce wouldn't have been out of point, Noah. Don't you reckon? Better, better resolve.

Yeah. Cause now the legend grows, doesn't it? The myth builds and you just get the feeling. You don't know when, you don't know how, but some ritual will take place and we will see the King of the North do it. And perhaps, perhaps it comes back. Perhaps special skills one day, maybe not even this year, but one day the King of the North will do his trick. Thank you. I don't know if you guys do this, but there's a topic I want to talk about here that my wife is definitely guilty of.

And I feel like Andy, I feel like you'd be a 50-50. Jack, I don't reckon you'd do this. Okay. But so... Someone that's organized. Yeah, it's about a rule. I reckon if you're rulesy, you do it. Or at least crosses your mind. I'm very much of the let it slide about a rule. OK, I reckon if you're rulesy, you do it. OK. Or you at least crosses your mind.

I'm very much of the let it slide variety. Yes, I'm rulesy. You're rulesy. But I like breaking them. But I think you I reckon I give you a 50-50 on this one. Zoe, I've realised there are a few incidences in the last couple of weeks. She likes to police the police.

So she likes to go, they should be doing that. They shouldn't be doing that. Really? Right. So the key one came the other night. We were going out for dinner with, with like driving around, going to this pizza place, right? Kind of just a cool suburb.

Got us, been going to try some street parking, some back street parkings, we're circling for quite some time, looking for a park. In a no standing zone, there's a police car park, which because we've been looking for a park for 10, 15 minutes, those furious. She's like, unbelievable. She goes, they can't do that. They can't do that because they're the cops. And I go, well, I think they can do that.

They are the law. Like that's they can. I honestly think. They're not going to get done for doing it. Right. Are they in the car? No, it's parked. Just parked. And I was like, honey, that's probably kind of one of the reasons no standing zones exist. It's like you need a bit of space around. But I also think just, I think it's a perk. Like they have to deal with some really annoying stuff.

Like I always sit there and go, like, when you know they're chasing someone or something bad's happening and I'm like... You can't pull the car over and jump out and get it, get the parking slip and wait for it to print out. We know how long those printers take. When you're waiting for the cops to come and help you, you can't have them circling the block. We couldn't get a park.

So guys, it's 7.30. Redfern 7.30. How are we going to get a park? No chance. So she anyway, she's like, they can't do that, right? They can't do that. So? They can't do that. So I'm explaining this. I think they can do that.

I think that's when we can't do that. So they can do that. Yes. Anyway, then we look across and there's like a kebab place and there's two cops standing there. And they're just waiting for dinner. And she goes, oh, my God, they've just parked there so they can get chippies. Oh, my God.

This is that someone should report that. I'm kind of wiping it off like, but again honey, I like that they park there to get chips because they got to eat. Like they're going to be fighting crime or not. We have to feed them. We can't like imagine if you got robbed and the cops are like, sorry, we didn't chase them because we're exhausted because we didn't get dinner because we couldn't find a park. But the other thing, the other thing, Ham, is if they'd taken a park, that's a park you and Zoe can't park. Didn't even say that.

We should be furious if they park normally. Exactly. Zoe gets in trouble because she's short and she, quote, took a toli. So tall girls sometimes get angry if short girls take a tolle. Yeah, because they're like we need the tall guys for us. I thought you were talking about car parks. How have we gone from here? It's a slight aside. We're messing with the analogies.

Anyway, so she's furious about the cheapie shop. And she's like, she goes, in all seriousness, who do I talk to about this? Really? I go, make citizens arrest. Like see how you go. See how you go, because if you're like, I'll back you up honey, because I love you and you're my wife. So I urge you not to, if you want to make citizens arrest for illegal parking.

But it's actually the parking inspector that could still put a parking ticket on them, I'd imagine. Ballsy, ballsy, ballsy. Because you just don't need can of worms there. Anyway, the other ones she polices the police for is when, like, they might put a siren on for a few seconds and then they turn it off. Oh, yeah. Maybe just to get through one light. You get through a light or just to move in traffic. She's that, I was like, what is he? What was that?

What was that? That's like, I'm more on the side for that one. I kind of- That's improper use of the siren. You either need to get somewhere or you don't. We don't know what's going on. We don't know. Could have been a false alarm.

It was like ready steady, like, you know, it was a false start. But don't they- We don't know what's going on. We don't know. It could have been a false alarm. It was like ready, steady. Like, you know, it was a false start. But don't they, don't they do that to tell someone to pull over? Like it's a bit of a- Sometimes there's that. But you do see it where they just, they just want to hop around a bit of traffic. Essentially the rest of us are in traffic and they don't want to- It's instead of a horn, isn't it?

They actually use it instead of a horn. We would go- We get way more respect. Way more. With a siren. I mean, I would use it all the time. But again, to our point earlier, we need them to be able to get places faster. Why should we be wanting them to be held up? I mean, don't we want the speed of justice to be faster? Let's get our cops moving, moving quick. Like, I don't think we need this.

The other one that happened the other day is we're driving along sirens. Right. So we all kind of merged left. And it was a fire vehicle that goes past. And it was one of those ones that's just a four wheel drive. Yep. That's just, you know, painted like a fire truck and it's fire services. But it's whatever. It's like, I don't know. The fire chief is just driving it.

And so he goes, what's that? What's that about? He should be doing that. And I go, why not? And she goes, well, just a fire car. He goes, he's obviously not going to a fire, he might be going to a fire. You don't know what he's doing. No hose. No hose. You don't have to have a hose to be important at the fire.

He's like, shouldn't be allowed a siren. No hose, no hose. So who's in charge of pulling him over and checking whether he's got a hose? He'll explain that to the fire bouncer when he turns up to see if he gets let in to the siren. You coming in here, mate? Yeah. Where's your hose? Oh, my mate's got it.

He's already in. Preparations and manufacturing of a tall hat continues as three men strive to break the world record of wearing wear a hat. The hat has to be a regular hat style and you have to walk 10 meters with it on your head. We've got an elite team working on it. We've got Sam and Grace. Grace is an engineer at uni and Sam, he is in carbon fiber manufacturing. Look, they've been working on it, Ham Ham and I've obviously got access to a WhatsApp at which it just pings off occasionally and they're back at it. And I kind of get to watch them go about making this thing. I did get a sense of what the cost was going to be for the hat. Right?

Because on previous episodes Hamish made it sound like they were doing it out of the goodness of their heart because they just wanted to see a really tall hat. Well, I mean, I was more thinking of their time, their labor charge. I don't feel like they're, are they running, are they running a time sheet over this? They're not running a time sheet. This is mainly just materials and the things required.

And not since we got fleeced by the digital horse, would we have left ourselves that open? Yeah. If we'd have accidentally given the digital horse, would we have left ourselves that open if we'd have accidentally given the impression that they could just bill us freely for their time without negotiating a cap or a race for that time. That would have been quite a side door. I chatted to Sam about it. He said his boss is happy to do it in kind in exchange for a mention of the business. Okay.

Now before- Are you okay with that, Jake? Well, before we make the decision, I'm not going to say the number, but I want to hold up how much the hat is going to cost. In just the materials. Just the materials. And the construction. Construction, time, and materials.

Because there's more than just one person on it. And there's equipment. I guess it's like, yeah, you've got to like use the special machinery and stuff. Yeah. It's crass to talk about numbers. Someone's going to hold it up on a piece of paper. Well, you can't even say it for the podcast listeners. I don't think so.

Do you think it would ruin people's enjoyment of this? I do. Okay. This is the minimum cost. No, it's not. It can't be. You're not doing the euros thing where they have the decimal point in the wrong spot, are you? That is the best possible outcome price. There's no way it's worth it. So. It's more expensive than Kong Kong was. So I just wanted to say to you guys,

would we accept their offer to do it? How can they absorb that? Well, he's happy to do it in kind for a promotion for the business. So Jack will come and work there for two months and do, Jack will stand at the front with a guitar and spook for them. So that's how much we'd love that. Are we happy to include their reference then? I still feel, I feel almost guilty for them. So they're going to give us that amount of materials and labor just because we mentioned what their carbon fiber making business. That's what happens.

That's what their sponsors do. Jack, this is weaseling 101. I know, but- I wanted to explain it to you. You're just not going to get your value back, I don't think. Well, I think what they think they are, and Jack, we shouldn't be saying that. We should be saying, yes, of course you are going to. What kind of weasel lord are you?

You're the one that, you're the one that, this is your whole economy. Are you annoyed, Jack, because you say to yourself, could I have been weaseling something else to that value? Yeah, I've now thought like maybe I've been weaseling too low. You could have got a sauna. For that price, you could get a really nice sauna. Should we just build the world's tallest sauna? I was going to build a wooden top out of my head.

Sorry for people who don't follow Jack's Instagram as soon as he became unemployed. He had dreams of building his own sauna. It's going to be a Peter out. Anyway, can I accept that you guys both agree that we'll do the mention? Yes, because I've built it into the opener. Till the cows come home. The inside word conversations of Torhat Construction. Okay. Till the cows come home. Yeah, great. The Inside Word. Conversations of Torhat Construction.

Thanks to Topstage Advanced Composites, we make cool stuff out of fibreglass and carbon. Seamless. That name again is Topstage. Topstage. Topstage. I cannot say it enough. And we are very thankful of them and for them. And as they are to us.

Now when we left things last, we're talking about maybe migrating to a sombrero being the hat because of a wide brim and whether we're gonna get into technicality problems because a top hat has a smaller brim and they were saying for the weight of a huge hat sitting on someone's head, a wider brim with lead in the far edge of the brim would help counterweight. And I think the word used was an absurdly wide brim. Yeah. And that's what led us to Sombrero. Where are we at, Ando? Well, I was meant to bring

that up with them, but then I came back playing golf, came back and they were away. They'd done a lot of work just in this four or five hours. So I didn't get to get in there and say, hey, we're changing that. Right. So this was the most alarming bit of back and forth we had from Grace and Sam. You'll hear it. And then I'd love to get your take guys on what you thought we were doing. Hey Sam, just checking if there is specific height we are aiming for. Record is currently 5.4 ish metres. I reckon six metres is very achievable. Oh, I thought we were going for 10 metres.

Oh, shit. Haha. Yeah, we can. I did only send you a 10 meter design because I miss heard 5.4 is 9.4 But 10 can be done That's how I was I was like hang on no no no no now that might be contributing to the number yes like, hang on, no, no, no, no, no. Now that might be contributing to the number. Yes. Like. Okay, okay, yeah. So we could realistically, if that's just for materials,

we could cut that number in half. And again, you know, on the outside of the fence, if we were real weasels, we'd be looking at the most material in a hat. But we, I just, I'm with Jack. I feel if it's costing them that much money, we've got to find a way to cut a few costs here and cut materials.

Well, so I am happy with six meters. Six meters is still huge. Oh, it's huge. That's massive. And I, I know they could build a 10 meter hat, but imagine if it just came down to the jockey underneath the hat, couldn't, couldn't move a 10 meter. Yeah. Well, we want to give the jockey the best chance.

And I couldn't jump in. I'd miss my chance to jump in because this was way out of the middle in the thread. Nothing you were golfing. So then designs start coming in and they're all sitting around the 10 metres hat. And this was part of the back and forth that I thought was worth us listening to. This is a six metre hat at 10.4 kilograms, no supports yet.

Could get cost of material lower depending on the material we use. The weird bump like two meters up is me just modeling a second layer of composite for weight purposes. Yeah, okay. Do you think you can make it a constant diameter? Means we only have to print one metre of mould instead of ten.

I know you suggested a straight tube, but it drops the cost of material by like a third of the way when it's tapered. Yeah, right. It'll add over a month of production time though. Yep, let's try and avoid that then. Ha ha ha. And high cost for filament. If we want to do 10, the hat will be much heavier, like 20 kilograms is an estimate minimum. What? What?

It's a 20 kilogram hat. No, but they were talking, they're talking about a six meter hat there, aren't they? No, they were then going back to, let's talk about 10. Okay, we've got to half that. Guys, I've just drawn you an image here of a two meter man and that to scale is a six meter. That's huge! That's tall. Of course it is. It's the tallest in the world.

It's never been done. That's tall enough. Well, I'm about to send you their designs. Two thirds more on top of that. I'm about to send you their designs, 3D CAD drawings of what they thought it was going to look like. Have a look. The bottom one being a 10 metre hat.

Yeah, that's, well you need to see it first. It just looks like a chimney. It looks like a giant long piece of scaffolding. Yeah, it doesn't. It's just so long that you don't even realise it has a brim because you're just looking at a really, really, really long tube. We need a two metre person behind, but you need a stick or something beside that. But if you imagine one fifth of that height, good God almighty, that's a tall hat. It's still tall.

What's a pole vault pole length? They don't get up to 10 meters, do they? I think they're longer. How long are they jumping? How high? How high? Careful. You can't be a government, you can't be a witness.

You don't know length or height. He's got the wrong dimensions. No, I reckon the longest pole vault pole you'd have. I reckon Steve Hooker won gold with an 8.6 meter pole. Not less. So it goes three meters to five and a half meters. What, the pole? Depending on the athlete's skill level, body size and preference. So the longest pole you see at the Olympics is five meters.

So our hat's way bigger. Yeah, we're going to be bigger. Yeah. And that's what we'll hang our hat on. We'd make a hat stand out of those poles. Well, we couldn't actually because then it would be too short. I was saying metaphorically. We'll pop a stick on the end.

You get that and a pool cue. And then we could have a hat stand. So it comes back to quickly, just one final discussion. Six metres, I'm happy with six metres. I'm happy with six metres. I'm happy with six metres. I'm happy with six metres. I'm happy with six metres.

I'm happy with six metres. I'm happy with six metres. I'm happy with six metres. I'm happy with six metres. I'm happy with six metres. I'm happy with six metres. I'm happy with six metres hat stand. So it comes back to quickly, just one final discussion. Six meters, I'm happy with six meters. I think it increases our chances of the hat pilot successfully completing the mission. If you have a look at the second picture, that is the way that they'd like the brim

of the top hat to work. I'm actually okay with that. That's not absurd at all. That just to me has a bit of an Abraham Lincoln feel and I'm okay with that. I don't think that's absurd. Yep. I think that's fancy. I think that's fancy, but just within the bounds of realism.

So shall I go back to them today and say we are sick this phone? Do you know what it reminds me of? That's, and I'd ask them if they've used this for inspo and no criticism of the have a little bit like the monopoly piece. Yeah. Uh, well they did send another, uh, hat, which was an example hat. And you're right. It's like the monopoly man or the kind of hat that you might wear to Ascot,

Royal Ascot, it's a slight little curve, which gives it even more distinguish than I thought it was going to be. Not entry level, that's for sure. It's so big. It's so big. Yes. What do you think we're doing here? We are making the big, tallest hat in the world. Literally, there's been no one bigger. Now that is so big, the number Andy's holding up. That's almost the tallest number in the world. Hey, a lot of these have been coming in and we'll get to them. But this one has jumped to the top of the queue because I think it's an outstanding

one to bring before you. Obviously, I'm talking about Song Sleuth where I examine whether a song has borrowed from another song over time. I mean, if you make it to this court, it's not good news. Like your like court appointed defense attorney would have to turn to you and go, listen, I've been to this court a few times before. You don't really win anything. It's a Russian court.

This sounds like this, sounds like this, sounds like this. If this sounds like that, I'm your man. Andy Lee, Song Sleuth. Normally I present to you one song, and then I present you another song. We listen to both of them, we go, oh, do they sound similar? Today, I'm going to play you a song. I'm simply going to ask what song are we listening to?

That's that damning. Well, we'll see. Well, again, we remind the defendant you might walk from here a free man. This is the song. Oh. What song are we listening to? Well it's someone's taken Waltzing Matilda and changed the wheels and put a spoiler on it. Yeah, a fancy Waltzing Matilda. It's not Waltzing Matilda anymore, but those that know the song can tell what's under there.

It's like a busker doing Waltzing Matilda and they put their own flair on it. Yeah, or it's like... It's sort of missing every fourth note or whatever you think it's going to land, it goes somewhere else. So maybe that's them going, we're not exactly the same. It's a song by Billy Bragg called Birds and Ships. It's a joint song with Billy Bragg and Wilco. What happened in 1998?

So it took a while for it to make it to the court. Exactly. So he'd be fine. It was like, I think it was at Ronnie Briggs, the big trained heist back in the day and they stole heaps of money and they never got caught until he's in his late eighties and he went, well, well, I've lived a great life I think that's what the way this guy would be. Did they let him off because he... No no he went to jail but he spent it better. How great's your life been? He had a ball with all the money that he'd stolen.

So you think Will Cohen, Ronnie Billy Bragg have just been having a ball with their ill-gotten waltzing Matilda money. Yeah. So let's, I mean, the vocals then come in. So do they mention a swagman? Because I think if those guys are talking about swagman. It's not a swagman. It's in the same ilk. This is when the vocals start. The birds are singing in your eyes today. See, it's the last note, Ham, isn't it? Yep. I mean, it's one...

You're expecting... It's almost like, oh, this is so obvious. Waltzing Matilda, ah, OK, it's a little bit different. Exactly. So it continues. Where might your lonesome lover be? Words may be singing. She even goes up for the chorus.

A chorusy, bloody lovely voice. Is that a beautiful voice? But you can't get, I mean, you can't convict someone on just going up for the chorus. There's only two places to go, up or down. What about stay the same? Stay the chorus? It's rare for me to correct you guys on music theory because I just feel it. You guys studied it.

All I'm saying, Jack, is when you're like, gee, we're sounding a lot like Waltzing Matilda here and we know that Waltzing Matilda goes, Waltzing Matilda. That's where you go, guys. Let's just really go differently at that point. You've played that one again, Jack. Where might your lonesome lover be? Here it comes. Words may be singing.

Hmm. Hmm. This last little bit is the end of the chorus where I, again, I don't think they've changed it enough. It's the last note. I mean, if you'd have heard, if you, if during the writing of that song or the album, someone went, hey, it sounds a bit like this Australian folk song. Would you take it to the group? Who's going to know?

Guys, I got some bad news. You want me to play this? Do you not want me to play this? I think you can't really hear it after I play this. Yeah. Cause I think, again, I'm not just saying this cause I mean, maybe because we're Australians, so we'll always love Altium Matilda. Even though they're obviously great musicians and she has a beautiful voice. Yes. I'm hearing the tune and I can't help in my head when they go to the wrong note,

my brain goes, eee, Mr. Smith. Or you didn't say, tuck a bag. I'm so ready to hear. You merely did the right song there, but you didn't mention the Jolly Jumbuck. So it's hard for strangers to listen to, not because you're like, oh, this is plagiarism, but more because your ear goes, mm. We know how this film ends. You didn't do it. You haven't done it.

Yeah. Anyway, 20, but more than 25 years, have they lived a good life? Deep off the rock. When and more. Anyway, 20, but more than 25 years. Have they lived a good life? Guys, what vegetable do you think is the best team player? And so, I'll just follow with the other things you mean. Well, I'll just give you context. Every team has a... It has to be potato. No, they're a solo player. So let me give you context.

Okay, okay, okay. Every team sport has players who you wouldn't be picked first. They're actually terrible on their own. I don't get back. I go potato as a star. The Woody's, for instance, famous Australian tennis doubles, they couldn't make the top 10 in singles. They were good as a team, not so good individually. Okay. It's probably Capsicum. Any of the Pussycat Dolls, it's not Decol Jinger, whatever you say is her name. Yep, Schazinger. Schazinger.

They would be regarded as good team players. But not on their own. On their own. Tough. So Potatoes, I think it's the opposite, Ham. I meant who can play with everyone. What I accidentally picked was who would go number one in the draft? Yes. Who would be an asset to any team?

And I agree with you. I think potatoes are the best solo performer in the game as far as vegetables go. And you have to look at, you probably have to look at the ecosystem of vegetarian and also just non-vegetarian dishes and go, are there, you know, how many vegetables out there have a starring role? Because I was almost going to say, I said capsicum there, but I'm like, well, stuffed capsicums, people are happy enough to have that as the only vegetable. And if it's a meat stuffed one in that dish.

And I chop up capsicums just to have them with and my nephews love them just raw, which I think means capsicum is out. It can play on. What's a veggie that only you only find with others? I started thinking onion. Yeah, true. You would never have onion. You can't. But like it's just onion on sausage.

So it's not playing with any other vegetables. No, but it's still a team play. It still pairs well. Onion ring. An onion ring. So battered. But so yeah, I thought and then there's pickled onions. Like that is, that's it by itself. Then I arrived and I'm not sure there's a

vegetable so it might be technicality but I feel like I've got it. Garlic. Yeah, I think we're getting close with onion and garlic is always a welcome addition to everything. Garlic is on everything. Yeah and you're right, you would never go. Actually I went solo garlic recently. What? No you're right. You would never go. Actually, I went solo garlic recently. No, you can. You roast garlic. It's great.

Well, ChatGPT told me I was getting sick and it said chop up a raw garlic, leave it for five minutes, then eat it. And I did. How was that? Disgusting. Did you get better? So no, I didn't. I didn't stop.

I don't want to open a can of worms here too, but I recently tried to get ChatGBT to draw me a sketch of a 1.8 meter man wearing a 10 meter top hat. No, we're not talking about that. Not now. But it had three attempts and it couldn't do it. It kept saying the distance from the hat to the ground was 10 meters. I'm just saying ChatGBT has holes still. But I mean, I think what you experienced is exactly what I'm talking about is that it's not a good solo player. One of the young divas tried to do a solo album and it just didn't stand up. I think you've got it. So Garlik, can we agree on this? Very hard press to beat Garlik. I feel dumb

for almost saying peas. No G Alex, shit's on pay though. Absolutely. Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamishandandy.com.