Hamish & Andy - 2025 Ep 303 - Where does Andy sit on the ‘cool’ ranking?

Episode Date: August 6, 2025

Hamish presents a new game to Andy which is sure to ruffle some feathers! There’s a very rare Chit Chat Champion result, and the Tallest Hat chat has triggered a childhood memory for Hame. Andy is testing the ‘honesty system’ for the work office kiosk, and Hamish thinks he’s finally found a skill to impress his wife…spoiler: keep trying Hame!  1. Who is Andy Lee cooler than? 2. Chat chat champion - golf chat 3. Tall hat update - Hamish has done this before 4. Ice skating 5. Stealing from the office kiosk 

A Listener Production Activate your internet Because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three Two Sorry, still buffering One Ahoy to me, Mwimla, haim. Hello, hello.

When there's a Mwimwa, there's a Mwimwa, There's a whaler. Ahoi to me meanie, Jack. Ahoy, no, I wouldn't call myself a meanie. I'm a goodie. If I do so, myself. And I'm going to do. Hame, I thought, was the best chance to get this.

There's a famous three in New South Wales. Oh, then the three sisters. He's got it. Rock formation. Yes. Well done, Ham. Yes, the three sisters. I'm going to say that earlier, but you cut me off.

The three sisters in the Blue Mountains, the three rock formations. Lovely place, visit, unsponsored. I mean, I don't see them every day living in Sydney, but it's good to know that those beautiful girls are out there. Ahoi also to Cameron in Manchester, UK, who went to hamish-near.com to let us know what he's been doing. All right. Ahoy, boys, and number six,

this is Cam from Cornwall in the UK. I just wanted to start this episode. with a bit of an upset Andy, I have three separate cards to pay for things. One is my savings, one is my account that I use regularly and my other is my credit card. Instead of going through the tedious process of pulling an individual card out of my wallet, I instead just hold my wallet up to the card reader and just let fate decide which card is going to be charged on. And then I just wait for the notification on my phone to see which one is. But I love the pot boys, so keep it up. Have a good one.

You can't argue with the card gods. Whatever they choose, so shall be the charge. I wouldn't like the risk of, what if it accidentally like double dipped and went on multiple cards. I'm at the stage now where I originally set up, I was like, I'm going to have one credit card for credit card stuff, and I'm going to have another one for like tax deductible expenses and business stuff. And that system, I was at that four years ago. I remember you're telling me.

I mean, I'm really proud of himself. He rang me. It lasted about two weeks before the first instance came where it's like, oh, I didn't have it, or I missed accidentally, like, used one for the other. And then I think on my browser, the tax deductible information was pre-filled, like was saved in the browser,

and the other one wasn't, and they couldn't be bothered remembering the other ones. I was like, nah, just check it on the tax deductible one. And then so suddenly you know that that's not tax deductible anymore, that whole statement, the pool's just cross-contaminated so far. Because this happened, Jack, because hey rang me and goes to be, do you keep, you keep a receipts?

Like, yeah. Like, you know, like, I'll file them away. And he's like, oh, that sounds like another. I would never. I cannot believe Andy keeps receipts. And he said, the accountant told me that if I'm really strict and I put it just on one card, we can actually go off a bank statement if I don't cross-pollinate.

It's like when you have on the table, you've got sour cream and salsa and avocado. You're okay. Everyone be really careful. dipping here like within two corn chips everything's in everything else and that is what happened with my credit card um hey speaking of cool things i've done let's i actually wanted to start today with a little bit of a test i'm going to do it on you and over maybe in future weeks we can do it on each other oh good but i think it's just a one-man test okay i don't know why i was

thinking about this but i thought like someone was talking about i think i must have seen something online And it was like a list of the top 10 coolest celebs or something like that. Okay. And I was like, how, who's picking cool to you? Like, there's a lot of ways you would define cool. Like there was a lot of like categories and cool means different. Well, it was easier back in the day as well because we were, we only, there wasn't other, we couldn't go other places to find them.

So like they've all got their own niche now. So they're probably cool in their own way. But back in the day, it was just like, Tom Cruise's got sunglasses on. Brad Pitt's also over the outside. He's flying. He's flying a fighter plane. He's cool. He's cool. Yeah. Here's what I would like to know, Ando. Where do you sit on the cool rankings? Oh, gosh. Worldwide.

No, no. I've got a list here of famous male people. And you simply have to answer honestly. And I'd like your honest opinion. Are you cool of them or not? Okay. And we should have a ranking system here of where you would sit, self-selected, on the list. Yep. You versus Carl Stephanovic.

I'm cool. I think that's softball just to get your eye in. Prince William. Cool. Yeah, cool. Prince William, he's a fair dog. Cooler than Prince William. Yeah, he's a fair, stoddy dog.

Okay, well, just to clarify, I'm not trying to start any feuds. We just, you don't need to throw extra lights. He looks like a lovely guy. I'd like to hang with him. Have a beer with him. I just don't think I'd like to hang with him. It's cooler than the next in line.

What about when he becomes the king? No, that's powerful, but it's not cool necessarily. King Charles isn't cool, is he? Yeah, fair enough. But when William, let's say William became king this year, Charles went, you know what, I'm sick of this, you have it? He has to do cooler things. You can't just go, oh, you're the key.

I mean, it's the same about most billionaires. You can't, you've got a lot of money. Elon, you can't buy cool. I actually think if he was made king this year, he gets less cool. And you would go, oh, well, he was cooler when he was friends. Would you think you're cool of them the King Jack? That's Doddy Dog, of course. I mean, this is treason.

This is cool treason. No, all right. Fair enough. I mean, one day we want to be on the same coin as him. Yeah, true. So we should be in the one man that can cut down the dream. Next person, Will Anderson. Oh, yeah, I'm cool of them, Will.

Okay. Why? He would. At a point in time, Will, was. but he's getting back problems, he's got to, he's lost his cool walk, haven't he? Was he known for a cool walk? Well, he would have been cool,

but he's stiff. So you're more looking at it more of like an overall, like he's a lame in parlour on the, on the Serengeti. He's on the ABC, which is like, not to say it's uncool. Yeah, you're on the ABC, you're on the ABC, you do multiple voices on that show. You literally just had a show launched on the ABC.

Just say, not the audience there. I mean, my audience is like five to eight-year-olds. But the average audience for night-time viewing is like 50 plus, which you wouldn't, generally anyone over 50, it's tough to be cool. He'd probably be over 50, wouldn't he? I mean, he's war because it's like 80. Can't say I've noticed his gate. Okay, no interesting.

This is no wrong answers. Nick Kierios. No, he's cool than me, for sure. Yeah. What do you think, Jack? Yeah, that's a hard one to be. He's a pest. He's actually traded in.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not giving out compliments for free. He might be above me on the ladder, but I can get him. But I think what makes him so cool is he doesn't give a... I think he's actually traded in being better at tennis for being cool. Because he doesn't prefer to be cool than good at tennis. Yeah, right. right okay so tough one okay so he's currently at the top of the list currently it's him then

you yeah Bob Irwin oh Robert Irwin no I'm cooler than Bob Bob's Bob is a legend don't get me wrong and he does cool stuff you know the photo shoot yeah but he does a lot of ads as well and as a wee so I don't disrespect that there's nothing wrong with doing ads yeah there's a cause close to your heart like Hubble telling me step up and you do it but I don't think he would think he's cool yeah true

fair enough got him on that one you know what he needs a scandal no a scandal would help him be cooler but also a partner like Beck just buys everything that I wear not saying what I wear is cool

but like if I didn't have Beck I would be so many rungs below yeah Stefanova could be over here I'm not saying oh my yeah Osher Ginzberg way cool than Osher

How come? I was having tinkered with my name to try and find some call-ness. Okay. You've done well. You've done very well. You've actually done very well. Only Nick Cruz has beat you so much. Daniel Ricardo.

No, he's cool to me. Okay. Yeah. How come? Well, he's one of the best Formula One drivers in the world. He does like backflips of yachts and Monaco and he's seen doing shooies. Yeah. I can't beat bad.

Could you get ahead of him now that his career is in the twilight? Oh, it'd be tough. It's a tough ride back. I mean, we've come back to us both in our 70s. But I still think he's just that guy. He's just like, he's always got swagger. He's on the edge. He's living on the edge.

Like, would you put him above Curios? He probably would. I think I would put Macardo at the top. Yeah. Yeah. They're nodding up there. Yeah. But Ando, you still took out of third spot.

Was that in? Give us one more, even just off the top of your head. Conrad saw A tough one Tough one I think Conrad's got me Okay but he will hear this

And he'll note the pause He'll note the paws As he did all the maps What I think you could do for a lot of this Is line up everybody And give them kind of round sunglasses With a different colour lens like blue And so put them on

And they're like Oh, yeah, Daniel O'Cardotter can wear them. And pull that off. From my understanding, even though it was about 18 years ago, isn't that basically what they did when you won Cleo Bachelor of the Year and you had to do the photo shoot around the pool? I basically lined everyone up in order of coolness. They pretty much did.

Yeah, I was the only one that left my shirt on that, for sure. I was feeling pretty cold. Not cold. Haim. playing a game to test people and their social skills, whether they'd be the perfect plus one at a gathering or a family party because they can hold conversation. It's chit-chap champions.

Chit me with your best chat, matter away. Chit-chat champion. It's the game everyone listening thinks they can play, but when you get on, when you get in front of the bright lights, it can change. Their head noise can be deafening. Yes. It's a tough one.

The rules are pretty. simple, Andy and I will start a conversation. We will not indicate to you when it's your turn to talk. That's part of the skill. You have to gauge correctly the moment to come in. Can't ask a question. That's too easy. You're just going to go straight in with what you think the next interesting piece of the conversation would and should be. Our first play today is Cat. Ahoi, Cat. Ahoy, boys. How's it going? Good. What line of work you in? We like it a little bit of backstory to see how you would go normally with Chit Chat. Well, look, I'm a teacher of like early high school kids, so not renowned conversationalist.

That's tough. But you've been saying that sharpens, that sharpens the skill. You've been playing against hard players. It does. I will caveat that by saying, though, I have been on maternity leave for the last two years. So conversation's been fairly limited to toddler chat. So this will be a good test. Okay.

Okay. Try not to ask Andy if he wants his sippy. up. Unless you think that is the right spot. It is a question. It is a question. It is a question. It will be banned. Addy, ahoy to you. Ahoy, boys and happy birthday, Andy. Don't actually celebrate them. But Addy, what do you do? I'm actually studying primary education at the moment. So I'm quite sure letting cat in that I need to know conversation skills for kids and stuff. Awesome. And the parents that come in and go, you know, why is my kid a bit of a shit? Yeah. Is it us or is it you?

I was going to ask me the same thing. It's mostly then. Let's put them both on hold for a second, Jack, because we want to bring everybody up to speed what we're doing. Hey, was your beautiful suggestion. We thought we'd up the stakes today. I mean, jumping in on a conversation that's interesting is one thing. Jumping on a conversation that we're banking on will be quite boring is another thing.

A lot of the off-air chat in here, and we really do try to keep it off-air relates to golf. And we thought, well, we've never bought one on air. Yes. We've never done it in chit-chat champion before. My wife visibly shuts down if I talk about golf. Like both her eyes turn into the Mac spinning wheel. Like she just freezes.

She cannot even pretend to be vaguely interested. So is that the ultimate test we thought perhaps it is? It'll be a golf related chit-chat champions today. Kat, she can go first. Kat, are you there? Yep. Are you ready? Ready as I can be

Okay, good luck Thanks Hey Ando I'm a funny one I was actually thinking of completely changing my putting stroke in golf I changed to a mallet putter Just recently

Do you know what I wouldn't know the first thing about golf I'd have to talk to my husband Who is known to me Spending quite a few hours on the golf course each weekend but I'd be interested in taking it up. I hear it's wonderful exercise.

Well done. Well done. Pretty good. I don't know who said it's a wonderful exercise. That is by the by. That's pretty good. When you heard it was golf, did you panic? I panicked.

The heart sank. But then you decided to play it real that you didn't know about. You went honest. Well, I mean, what you've got to do, Yeah, well done, Kat. I mean, you definitely speak differently during the game that you do to us now. But I thought it was a very good attempt. We'll put you back on hold.

Addie, you there? Yeah, I am, Andy. Okay, you ready to go? Yep, sure thing. Good luck. Oh, good a hand out. Hey, mate. Hey, um, a bit of a funny one.

I was actually thinking of completely changing my putting stroke in golf. I recently changed to a mallet puttting. would help me. Oh, boys, I don't know very much about golf, but I think I'd be really, really good at it. And I think a mallet putter's the way to go. Gee, another good one. Wow.

That was good, Eddie. Let's bring Cat back at a group. Two really different tactics. Addie probably more started back foot than really front foot at the end, just came back in with, you know what? Mallet putter, get one. I'm going to say, both of you have excelled more than most people have ever in this game.

Yeah, we started this going, this could be just two flameouts because who wants to talk about golf, but we've probably got one of our very rare double wins. Yes. If you had to pick someone, Jack? I worry if I imagined a party and a follow-up question to Addie, like, okay, why is the mallet putter right for me? It's going to run out of road really quickly. No, no, I can do it.

Why is the mallet putter right for Jack, Addy? that because it's mallet-shaped and it'll help get the ball further. She's not wrong. She's not wrong. Amazing. Well, we're going to send them both out of Tokyo and no value. Well done to the two of you. Obviously, we won't put any value on that whatsoever,

but when you receive them, you can place whatever value you'd like on to it. But thanks so much for playing. Thanks, please. Well, that, ladies. Wow. To all had update, Ham, after we fed back the things that we decided on last week, the WhatsApp was live again with a lot of back and forths between Sam. He's our man that's doing compositing and building this carbon fiber hat for us,

lightweight material, and Grace, who is the engineer who's going to try and work out how to get this thing secure in our head so we can walk and break the record. Let's dive back into the WhatsApp. that. The inside word, conversations of Torhat construction. Thanks to top stage, advanced composites. We make cool stuff out of fiberglass and carbon. Always catches me by surprise, yeah.

At first I go, do we put a joke in this? And then I go, oh no. Yeah, it's a very serious, thank you. Very serious. We do thank top stage composites because then I remember quickly. Advanced composites. Sorry. I can do beginner stuff as well, I reckon, but. Yep.

But then I just remember the cost of everything. involved and they're certainly picking up the tab there so what a bunch of heroes yeah and what a tab it is that's not lightweight one of the heaviest tabs i've seen for the construction of something they're going above and beyond as well we've been talking about so people have just joined the pod for the first time welcome and the idea to try and break the world record for the tallest hat you have to walk 10 meters um with it on your head we talked about having people that attain the hat like lion tamers alongside with poles that have their own kind of catching

claw at the end of them. Just so... Big soft buffer. Yeah. So if it was to tumble, we could at least make sure it doesn't hit the ground and smash because it's delicate.

This is the thing. Like what started as a joke and surely this can't be too hard to make a hat that tall has turned into easy... I've got to be... I mean, I suppose you include the Royal Crown in this

so it's not the world's most expensive hat. But, geez, it's up there as a costly hat. don't want to break it. You don't want to break the neck of the pilot if it was to fall sideways. So that's what our buffer team are doing. Of course, if the hat starts swaying and someone has to correct it gently with their long buffer pole, that attempt will be over.

Yeah, back to the start. We're not saying you can have it have it be handled by someone else. No. It just means we'll live to fight another day. Spot on. How many goes are you planning to have? It's done. Just keep going.

Well, one, ideally. Like, you get it right. You do it properly with. you know, whoever the pilot is, their neck's probably warmed up, they're good to go. I think after any extended period of time, neck fatigue will set in. Yes. And that's going to be an issue. They had heard about us talking of the tamers, the guys with big long poles with a buffered claw.

And so that's, that big dangerous when I saw them talking about that on the WhatsApp. I have my subcontractors on the hat launcher and tamer apparatuses. We have code named it Project Tall Terrier And I suggest the CAD file Be sent with a similar code To ensure world record OPSEC That can happen Final CAD will be sent tomorrow

Tall Terrier So, we've got a code word for it now They're going to make They're going to be making also The Tamer Sticks I thought would just have brooms or something It's got to be They're going to be pretty high

The Tamer Sticks I think the sticks will have to be At least Made a broom meters. He's being six meters in the air. I think I'm bad at conceptualising how big this is. Thanks for your honesty.

But yes, a broom is too small. Like a long broom. No, pole vault pole. Yeah. That's why we're talking about Steve Hooker weeks ago. Yeah, yeah.

Because he's got pole experience. Remind me to get onto him. The other thing that we brought up him was we're going to pick who pilots it out of you and I because Jack has decided he doesn't want to risk his neck. He's got kids to take care of and obviously another new job to find. So we thought we'd... Does want him to come in and have a job interview

with his head resting on the table because the muscles of the back of his neck have snapped or compressed. We're towards the end of our careers. We can risk it out. His head doesn't need to be up for too much longer. There was talk of that we would turn. the hat upside down and put our names in the hat.

Oh, yeah, that's right. Now, that has caused so much difficulty for them. We've got to stop saying things on a whim. Because we had the idea that we put our names on magnets at the bottom of the hat and then have a six metre long fishing line go down and draw one name out of the hat. So they were really worried about that because the brim is counterweighted with lead to keep the centre of mass very low. So to tip it upside down.

So to tip it upside down makes it really difficult. Yep. The discussion went on and on. Cherry pickers. And eventually I'd been out for a bit. So I came back to it going, oh my gosh, they're putting a lot of time into this. But I was about to jump in and say, hey, don't worry about it. We can think of another way to pick the person.

But they had this suggestion between the two of them. Taking the top of the hat off also helps with weight and center of mass. alternative to picking a name out of the hat is seeing which name falls out the fastest. Taking the top off, we'll reduce the strength of the hat, though. Will it be stiff enough to not need it? Only concern with that is getting her upright. But when you walk with it on, it should be fine.

Yeah, fair. Also, most top hats tend to have a top. They haven't asked for a convertible. Just thinking about the head ventilation. So what's... It's not going to need to be too ventilated. We're only walking 10 metres in this and there's a 6 metre tube of air above your head.

I don't know how stale the air is going to get in the 12 seconds it takes. Are they talking about taking the top off so that we don't have to tip the 6 metre hat over and we would pick it up. So basically we would take the very top of the hat off, like just have it open and then you could drop names down. I think I'd prefer to...

And you just see which one comes out at the bottom first. Yes. I think I'd prefer... I mean, you can do this. I think I'd prefer a capped hat, though. So, like, if we're going to go to this path, we should definitely have a cap on the top that comes on. I do agree.

You'd hate to go to all this effort and someone call foul and go, that is a topless top hat. Yes. Yeah. So how passionate are we about picking a name out of the hat? Do we want to be able to remove the top of it to drop two paper names that one, and then hopefully they float down

and we see a clear winner as to who comes out or do you want to pick the pilot differently? I'm not passionate only because I forgot about it. I do have to admit, I did forget. I think I like the idea of it being upside down. Again, maybe I'm more in Jack's camp here. In the stick figure drawing I had, it was just the ladder, and someone was on top of the ladder fishing.

But, of course, six metre ladder, that's very hard. It's a cherry picker situation. Then it's safety. Could snap the hat by turning it upside down. Imagine we broke the hat just trying to pick a name out of it before we even started the whole thing. That'll be chaos. Yeah, you realize with something this big,

you really have to look after it. It'd be like NASA going, before we launch the rocket to the moon, who's up for a big game of spin the bottle? And like, just because it's a funny thing to do, and then you do it, and the rocket snaps, and you're like, well, we should have never designed to be used like that. So let's not do that.

Keep the lid on it. Keep the strength of it. we'll find another way to select the pilot on the day. It's something we really, I mean, I know of a few ways you can pick someone randomly from two choices. Coin flips and many other things come to mind. Let's just keep the mission simple for the hat team. Sorry that we keep thinking of these things.

Great. So I think that's right. This has proved to me that they're getting close because Grace has, in her own time, been working getting the centre of mass lower to make it wearable and easier to walk with. I thought this is pretty incredible where she got to. I've been testing around to see if the added weights will be as beneficial

as we hope for the centre of mass or if the heavier weight will make it harder to walk in. Right now, I'm working with 1.5 metres of cardboard around a cowboy hat to test out balance and weight. Image sent. Person with a cylinder on her head. But with this, the balance. is okay-ish and I can correct if it's tipping. It's more that the hat isn't fastened enough right

now to properly test out if weight also helps with walking. So we'll put that photo up on our pipes of grace very good. You know I just, I just had a flashback. Year two, I won the Easter Bonnet parade with what I thought at the time was a record-breaking tall cone hat. I remember Remember the nerves of having to walk on stage with such a tall hat when other kids just have, like, ice cream. How tall are we talking? Probably a meter. Probably.

Why did they make us do it? Why did they make us doing the Easter bottom parade? What is the Easter bottom parade? This is come roaring. Roring back to me. Just kids with ice cream containers on their heads. is this Easter egg, sticky, don't just look and glom. Like, no real reason to do it.

What a ridiculous parade. However, that is what we're sort of doing here. We are doing our own bonnet parade of one. I'm just saying, I remember it was pink cardboard, and it was a big duncers out, like a big witch's hat. And it was a whopper. It was an absolute whopper. I think my dad did it.

I think it was the size of cardboard above A3. I think it was A2, maybe even A1. It was monstrous. And it was hard to drive. but I did it and I won because it was just an absolute huge. It was massive and had Easter eggs stuck to it

and then that would have mucked around with the centre of gravity and all that. So I understand what she's saying and I'm like walking around with a tube of cardboard on your head. That's something that I've, I remember. I hope I'm remembering it correctly and it comes back to me

should my name be picked on the day. You'll be at a draw upon those skills. But it feels a bit Anakin Skywalker as well I'm saying. It feels a bit like I have an origin story. Yeah, you were chosen well before you knew. Yeah. We'll put that photo of Grace up on our social pipes. Yeah.

It could give me huge flashbacks because it sounds exactly like my Easter bonnet. We'll be out to announce in two weeks' time when we're doing this. Yeah, that's huge. Because basically they've done the work. They press print. Yeah. So exciting. One hat, please.

There's only one other thing we have to address. Andy, get on to Steve Hooker. Oh, yes. You just said earlier remind me to get under Steve Hooker. I just wrote that down me. Gentlemen, I did something thrilling and very dangerous the other day. I went ice skating with the kids. Yeah, at one of those little pop-up rinks that you sort of see that come around in wintertime.

Yes. They're very small. It's like the size of a pool, like a backyard pool, that they just, I guess, freeze and sink into the ground or however you do it. The thing about ice skating with the kids is they love the concept of it, but the reality of ice skating is it's a very slippery activity. Yes. And it's not a skill that you can really get that much better at in the 45 minutes lot

that you get when you're around on the ice, wearing like the very hard plastic, blunt and clip-on skates that you get at the skating thing. And they give kids these zimmer-framed type things, these like barriers that they can hold on to. So you can get out on the ice and kind of skate it and you can hold on to something. That's what Andy needed when he smashed his teeth. Yeah, we have a bad history at ice skating.

We have one. I went back out in the ice earlier this year with Beck. Beck and I went on. That's the first time since you... How'd you feel? Yeah, I felt okay. Yeah, not like obviously... Should we get the ice hockey team back?

I haven't ice skated since that day. Yes, you have, Jack. We went for skating practice the next week. I remember we tried to keep. We tried to keep the dream alive. That's right, yeah. Still, in 12 years, I haven't been back on the ice. Yeah.

I mean, that was, we were looking good for a little bit, till Ando, yeah, that smashed his teeth out. Yeah. It was just a fall forward, wasn't it? And a land on the ice. Yeah, it was, if it was on the park, wouldn't have been an issue, but I'd have been an issue. But I'd have to reach back for the park, you know, trying to keep, yeah.

Why didn't you put your hands out to, And buff of the fall. It is an interesting question. You landed on your chin. To be honest, the ice came a lot quicker than I was expecting. I think I hadn't you thought he could still get a shot off. With a normal fall to the ground, you don't have your legs slip, you know, like flying out the other way. The other way.

You have some traction. You have some traction. And that is really what ice skating as a dad taking your kids is all about is watching the other dads go, I think I can do this. And then when people get the reverse. Oh, yeah. Like Scooby-Doodlegs where they're just running and running on the spot and you go, it's so thrilling to watch someone doing that

when they're kicking out in front of them because you're like, all right. Well, right now we're in a wonderful moment where it's man v. gravity. And the only thing keeping his coxics from shattering is panic. Who will win? Who will win? Gravity or panic?

I did have that moment when I was with Beck earlier in the year. And unfortunately, Panic didn't win. Panic ran out. Panic has a shelf life. It can only keep you going so long. And I just reached, sorry, I just reached the confidence to go, hey, Beck, fill me on this. Oh, please want to see it.

So then hit the deck quite hard. The biggest fear out there, though, definitely the kids, because they have these, like, the little things they can hold on to. And so they don't need to be good. And they just, they think it's like dodge them cars. Yes. So I was the psychic. Because here's the other thing.

not many skills I can do, but as you boys know, in the late 90s, early 2000s, I, as it turns out historically incorrectly, chose rollerblading over skateboarding. Back when we didn't know which was going to be cooler, and both were about as cool as as each other at the X games, and I went, I think blading's going to get it, and I'll invest my time learning how to roll blade. So can skate, can skate, can get around, right? Like, so my body, I was like, I'll see if I can remember how to do this. Because I haven't been back up.

Yeah, I wouldn't have done it since we did it 12 years ago. But I was capable enough to skate around. Yes. But the real fear comes from going, like, what it actually felt like only because I've just finished watching it, was a squid game game where you're like, you get out under the ice and these kids are flying around. You're like, any one of these kids could give me a knee reconstruction any time. And before you get on the ice, like before you play the same.

squid game game, you're like, I can make it through. It's just a simple game. I think I don't have to beat this one, but then things start happening out there where you realize it's horrible and you should never have done this. And definitely after this one, you're quitting. Like, you can't keep playing this game, you're going to die. But I was doing it all right. And the whole thing we'd organise was like, I'll take the kids and then Zoh will meet us

like 40 minutes later. You'd come and see us at the end and we'll show our skills. Great. And it occurred to me, she's never seen me escape. She's never seen me rollerblade or ice skate. Thank goodness she hasn't seen your rollerblade. That would have been the relationship over. Right.

There's a level. There's a level that you can get to, which is pretty hot for women. And so I'm like... Carly analyzer. We can't verify that. It just occurred to me. I was like, there's not many things I can. can do in front of my wife where she's like, wow, that's a skill.

I'm impressed to see that skill. And what's great about this is... I don't have any skills I can show her. And you don't have to go, hey, come and watch this. She's already coming. He has to come. Well, I've got her children. Exactly.

So that's great. Like, normally when I think I'm doing something great, I go, hey, Beck, can you come and watch me do this? And immediately, there's nothing cool about that. I'm going to get into the rhythm and I'm skating backwards. I'm like, oh, my God. Like, I think she's going to be. You can ask me to reverse my vasectomy.

I think it's, I think I'm killing this. And I've noticed she turned up, and I'm skating backwards and, like, winking and sort of dancing as I'm going past her. And then on the next lap around, I'm checking on the kids and they're getting good. I'm aware of them as well. So I'm looking up for kids, and I'm skating backwards, like thumbs up dancing as a and she was filming me. She was filming me, Ando.

That's how impressed she was, which she's never done before in her life. So we finish up, got off the ice, and you're like clunking over in your skates on the plastic floor. And I was like, this is it. This is a rare moment where she's going to go like, oh, I didn't know you could skate. And she, I went over and she goes, I so badly wanted you to fall over. That makes sense why the camera was that idea. She was like, I was filming in slow-mo. Positive you were going to fall.

Have you guys gone and got a can of Coke here? Yeah, at the vending machine. Oh, no, at the shop. At the shop. There's no longer a vending machine. Yeah, I did it. I did it last show. I forgot to tell you guys about this.

Yeah, it's an honesty system. Well, they, I asked, I asked some, so just to clear it up for people, the rest of this building is like a regular office. Yeah. It's like studios and then, like, sales department, but like an open plan office. where the communal kitchen is, and it's like a newer building, there used to be vending machines there, and now there is food, like, there's, like, protein bars and fishermen's friends and, like, packs of nuts. You open your own fridge, you take the can, and then you go and scan it yourself.

There's a self-checkout, Jack. You would be in absolute heaven here because... I actually have seen it only from afar, and the first thing I thought... Unfortunately, which I know are your favourite thing to accidentally forget to pay for at the supermarket. I did actually see it and I thought that looks like a loose system is all that really came to mind. So I said to someone standing here, I go, what is to stop?

Everyone's just taking this? And they go, I know there's cameras. I look around, I look at the roof, I go, where are they? And she goes, oh, no, on the machine that looks like a small ATM. Yeah, that's not. I guess it's got a camera in that. And I go, watch this. Because tough to describe an audio, but there's this small ATM looking out directly beside it

is the fridge. Yeah. You can come in the side. I walked on the other side of the fridge, stood behind it, snaked my arm around the front, opened the door, took four bottles of Coke and said, there's no way I saw that. That's exactly how I felt.

This is the easiest. We're not doing Berg Boys here. That's the easiest robbery of all time. So who do you think is in charge of tech in the building here? Who do we normally turn to? Isn't there a book where we have to write down all the problems? No, no. Like Gino, you mean.

Gino, yeah. Gina, right. That book hasn't existed for about When you were starting radio 20 years ago? I haven't been over that side of the desk for decades. I'm putting it when something like a computer eras and you have to write it. You know, the tech guy, right?

The fault log, that's it. So I go to the fridge. I pull out a Coke and wait for a beep or something or it to be weight-based so like it knows. You've got to go check out. Yeah, you've got to do check out. And I'm like, is this an honest? system. Because there are those futuristic, I don't know if you've been to one, I went to one in

the US. It's like a little news agency. No, but it's in an airport, but as you're grabbing stuff off the shelf, it just knows, you scan your card when you go in, you grab stuff off the shelf, it just watches you and knows what you've taken, and then it charges you. Your worst nightmare. I'm saying, like, you could have been mistaken for thinking we had that here at the radio station. So I said, is this an honesty system? And someone said no, like a basketball, I said, no.

I said, well, it is because I have to go to the chaos. Gino pipes up and goes, there's cameras. Same as you. Absolutely. This is like, guys, and I said to them, they've done a number on you here, guys. These cameras are not scary enough to deter crime. I said to Gino, I don't believe it. He goes, no, if we're out, the stock's out and is tech weekly.

Yeah. Something goes back. Rewinding through. And watches the cameras. 48 hours of footage. No way to find $3 Coke. I said to Gino, I'm going to test the system. Yes, I mean, I meant to do it last week.

We were so busy. He said to me, you shouldn't have told me. And I said to him, and I know this is a slight crossover with Berg Boys, but I'm like, this is just, hours are going to be far more than a lot. But I said to him, hey, I'm doing it this year, and I'm not going to tell you when. Absolutely. And I'm doing it in a wig. So good luck.

Because he's just going to be looking for you now on the footage. Yeah. Simple, simple wig. for the cost of an $8 wig and an overcoat. You've just got yourself free coax for a year. Then Gino follows me down the hallway and says, just as you know, the shop adjusts price based on stock thing. Congratulations.

You've just told me the cameras don't work. You've chased me with a plan B to stop me stealing. If the cameras are an effective deterrent and you had faith in them, you would have said, good luck, mate, because we'll see you. There's no way you can do it. Well, I think he went for the more social and model. He's trying to, like... They will adjust the price of all the stock for the following week or month.

Right. So if a lot of people steal Coke and chips, it could cost $20 for a car. Well, then it's got, we'll charge your fellow employees. Let me ask you this, Jack. If a bottle of Coke is $3.50 and you stole one every day for a year and it put the price up to $355 for everyone else, Would you do it? Well, this is the thing, and I don't advocate for stealing as much as you joke that I will.

I wouldn't do that, but it does feel like it's punishing the person who's paying and not the person who's stealing. Yeah, but would it stop you from selling if you knew the price was going from 350 to 355? If I was a stealing person, that would not stop me. No. How were you able to get into character so well? Thanks for listening. Podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamish and Andy.com.