Hamish & Andy - 2025 Ep 306 - Hamish Blows Dimmies & Tinnies Wide Open

Episode Date: August 27, 2025

Hamish blows a few things wide open - including Andy’s beloved Dimmies & Tinnies! Andy recounts an awkward run-in with airport security and shares some secret audio on the ongoing TV raffle stitch-up involving his dad Mick, who has some very passionate thoughts about the size of the impending telly. Plus, it’s back - by very popular demand - another round of Jingle Joust!  1. Hamish blows a few things wide open 2. Andy has a shocker with airport security 3. Jingle joust 4. Raffle update - secret dinner conversations 

A Listener Production Activate your internet Because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three Two Sorry, still buffering One Ahoie to the master, Hamish. Yes, I think this is just the normal nicknames and roles.

have on the show. Ahoy to me dame. Jack. Ahoy. Are we the people from the Barba Black Sheep? You've got it. Are you the little boy that lives down the lane? I'm the little boy that lives down the lane.

You just don't see masters and dames together too often aside from getting free wool. And it was crazy for me to be the little boy. Because obviously over there we have just a little boy. But it was going to be way too big a giveaway if I said master and a hoi to my little boy. The little boy who lives down the lane. Well done, good game. Oh, I felt like a bit of a softball, but...

Well, you complain about the, you know, the hand plane from the wood planning too hard. That's true. What do you want? What do you want? Do you want perfect balance each time between... You want it to be a stretch, but not impossible. I think naming specific parts of a tool that is unique to one trade is quite wild to go, oh, we're all the parts of an optometrist's eye machine.

Yeah, but if they did have... a lens or something that, you know, that you could go, oh, we may, like, would that help you get? From memory, the woodworking tool was like the frog and the soul and the... It was a cheeky one, but I enjoy the, we all like the tough ones too. Can't just have softballs. Okay. Also, to Dean, who went to hamishnead.com and found the tab easily.

I know. Probably still there. Actually, it occurred to me accompanying the email, he said, I couldn't even find where to put this. So we should make that clear at homeadenaing.com. Oh, finally, a little bit of wiggle room, Jack. the long quest to disable that as the technique and just get a WhatsApp. And send us exactly what he's been up to and what he's pondering.

Ahoy, boys, and happy birthday, Andy. Dean from London here. And I can't stop singing, gold, letters on brown in leather and sweat. If Jack hasn't weaseled some Louis V bags for you yet, get him to play this clip to the fashion gush. I know loose ends are a monkey on your back, so I hate to bring up another one. But did Andy ever decide what the big ask for Jack was?

Could I suggest maybe no more Instagram posts about Justin Bieber? Anyway, Gusto Tia. What's the reference there? I fell in love recently with the new Justin Bieber song after never having listened to his music actively, but he's got this new song called Daisies. Are you still listening to it? You know, it's called a little bit, but it still love it as a song.

I love the guitar. Have you heard it? I've heard it, yeah. And you just keep posting about it, dear? Yeah, I just love it. Gee, you're not busy. So, so unbusy. I mean, Ando, don't use the big ask for that.

Are you not following me? I don't really look at anything. I'm doing a lot of stuff on that. You should get on work. Okay. So apologies, Jack. I have not been engaged either. I go through some great periods of just deleting Instagram for weeks.

And it's wonderful. But I'm sure you're doing great stuff on there, Jack. I beg of you, Ando, though, do not use your big asks for that. Surely the big ass. No, no. It's much bigger. Thank you for reminding me the big ass.

Do you know what it could be, Jack? Big ass there, sorry. You're in the market for a new job. Eventually, no rush. You put in a long time on that. Definitely not racing, but yeah. We can tell. We know.

It doesn't say, you never come in flustered with an armful of CVs. Sorry, guys, I've been job hunting again. So we can tell it's a meander for the new job. What if Andy's, but imagine you get a new job and Andy goes, My big ask is quit. Quit this. Quit the job. No, the other job.

Oh, you quit the new job. Rejects it. Oh, that just makes me even less want to go and get a new job, really, because I'm true. Now Andy's just going to ask me to quit. What's the point? I actually realized, too, now it probably makes Jack even happier because he's like, yeah, great, I love not having a job.

That would be a big favour. No, it would certainly be something that will benefit me or home and me rather than kind of make you uncomfortable. When's the expiry? That was like seven years ago I think it's forever I don't think it expires as soon as you find my Bitcoin password I've looked

I look every six months I do a deep deep search Yeah right Jack I know I said hey I want to talk about something at the start I don't need anything I do need something Some explosion sound effects Because I'm actually going to blow a few things wide open Multiple artillery shells are going to be deployed That's why I asked you before we start

I wasn't thinking I'm drumming along to the opener Okay, I've got it Okay, good Okay, ready Yeah Ando This comes in from Jacinta

Hey Sorry, I should just point out from For Dean We're gonna jingle Joust again today Oh yeah, we are When I, I walked past Louis Vuitton The airport after you did that And it might have been even days

After you did Gold Letters on Brown for Louis Vuitton And I honestly No offense to Louis or Vitton, if they are different people. Or just Louis, if that's his full name. But the marketing you've got is, if I may be frank, I know I'm not the target audience.

It's nonsense. This is way better. That honestly was the best advertising hook never used by the company. It was so good. It would be nice to at least get their thoughts on it. Yeah, it wouldn't kill them. Wouldn't kill them. Could you just look into that?

The amount of times I reckon Carly mimes typing. Yeah, yeah, sure, guys. Just emailing, emailing straight to the boss at louis Vuitton.com. And we should hear back by the end of the show. Yep, they've said they liked it, but they're not going to use it this time. Yeah, they're thinking of it for fall 2026. Oh, that's good. Oh, and it's Vitton Smith.

There are two people. Okay, first blow something wide open. Okay. Quick one, quick one just to warm up the mortar. Food? What are we talking about? Food, yep. This comes in from Jacinta.

She was recently at Coles, and we've done that we've looks into the health star ratings a few times on this show. We know there's some discrepancies and then some companies just mysteriously choose not to play. They just won't do the food star ratings. I'm going to have to admit, dims and tinies, Tims, that's who it was for. That's what it was for. She found Dimmys and Timmy's Timis Dimmins that Andy has a hand in. It chooses not to play. Whoa, we've opened, Jack.

Wow. So what's the process? What's the process? You just don't play. It's just an opt-in system. It's an opt-in. It's not a odd-it-not-out. Which blows our mind because why is anyone opting in for a half-star?

But then, as we understand, it's so you can... It's in your whole category. Yep. So, yes. But, I mean, they're really good for you. Take my time. Oh, wow. Just when we thought the health sound system had question marks over it,

now we've got Andy Lee five thumbs up. Ed and Nicole's with D&T's TV. You just don't, if you want to play at all, say it's like a lot of companies have heaps of different produce or products under one umbrella. If you want to play for just one of your products, you have to play them all. But why won't you play for yours?

Oh, what's he hiding? Okay, that is a blow something wide open. We're worried they're too good for people. Did they run it through the machine or did? No, we didn't actually, we'd actually run it through. The whole point of Demi's... Do you want to play? Yeah, what are we going to get?

One and a half. Nah. Might not play. Might not play, actually. It would be good if casinos were like that. Do you want to play? Why, what's the deal we got? He's got a jack.

No, okay, I won't play. No, deliciously good for you. Because like that. You can say delicious. I can say what I want come. I can say what I want. I'm not playing. I'm not playing by the rules.

I'm just playing by marketing rules. I would say better for you than others in the category. Yeah, I would say that too, because I know the effort you put into choosing premium ingredients. Hio Box 446, just if you need to send me back. Okay, that's one truth artillery shell deployed and landed straight on Andy's head. Yeah, smash me in the nose, that one.

We move on. This is a both something by open that has come in from overseas. Now, we all know and love Meredith's goat's cheese. Love it. Yeah, love that. When it comes to goat's cheese. I'm just realizing that I've pushed this more than the dimmys. We're like, yes, it's so good.

And what does it say here? Deliciously good for you. Meredith is doing it as well. Now. And for people who don't know Meredith's goat's cheese, It's a cheese that sits under oil. And so it lives in the oil. Well, funnily enough, you look at it and it has peppercorns and time in it.

And I was actually thinking when you look at the jar, you go, I wonder if some like... They wouldn't play, by the way. They're not playing, no. They're a bespoke item. I wonder if some accountant has gone, hey, cut back on, let's put two less peppercorns in or whatever and we'll save a million dollars a year. Looks like there's a good amount of peppercorns in there. But I just, I wonder if, is it someone's job on the factory line to just have? hand chuck them in?

Or would it be like each jar gets 12? No. I don't think it's as measured as a glass and a half of full cream dairy milk in carbon chocolate. I think it would just be a splattering of peppercorns. Would you miss them? Are you tasting the peppercorns when you? I think people really enjoy them.

Oh gosh, the girls outside are nodding along. Yeah, you got to... I think people love them. And it's also a bit fun when you smear one on a cracker. You go, I've got a peppercorn. That is fun. Anyway, but there's also a heaps of other things that are fun. That's not why we're here.

That's not what we're discussing. So this is coming from Andrew. He's in the US. I don't know if, sorry, he is in Ozzy. He's living in Minnesota. But you can get it in the US. You can, Jay. So he's spotted a jar of Meredith's Coach cheese in America.

He's going, oh, that's great. That's a nice little piece of home. He goes, I thought it was one off. But I've now seen it in, he obviously gets around here on a bit of a cheese crawl. I've seen it in Chicago, New York and Jackson. Which is Jackson in Florida? Anyway, Wyoming. Anyway, it doesn't matter.

He goes, gentlemen, there's no way. This is his blow up wide open that he's put into my desk. There's nowhere there's enough goats in Meredith, Victoria, to supply this much cheese. Hang on, Jack. I didn't actually ask you to file. Now, part of working in, whether in an artillery group or mortars, you actually do need a bit of communication in the team you can.

just go. It felt like conditions were right. We're a three-man fire team. You got to send one down the rain. I thought that was an assumed bombshell. It'd be so different if Trump's like, who did that? Who did that? Sorry, sir. I thought that was, yeah, I thought that was the revelation. Like, I thought, are we? But I, I, it didn't feel unnatural, just in Jackson to fill up. No, no, no, but there's more to the case. There's more of the case. You can't, you don't blow it white up until the end. Okay. So he goes, I work in finance and I've run the numbers. Okay, so he's like, it's impossible. You think about all the supermarkets that Meredith's goats, cheeses in,

and they're now all across America. I thought they were only in Victoria. No, no, it's just... I know, my in-laws who live in Florida fell in love with it here and then couldn't believe they found it in a supermarket in Fort Lauderdale. I think he's right. He goes, is this operation some sort of multinational goat milking ring with saying it's come from Meredith.

Now, you look at the jar, and it gives you the address of Meredith Derry. You could, you know, if someone's nearby, you could walk there right now, publicly available information on every label, 106 Cameron Road. That's the address at least it doesn't say plus others. No. But before we blow it open, hold fire, Jack. Holding, holding. But you could. Sorry.

Yeah. You can process cheese at a certain place. from, you know, for instance, in Meredith or my uncle with milk, he can process the milk, but he gets other farmers to deliver the milk as well. I went to the Meredith website.

They're onto this. They, because when you think about it, as demand increased for cheese worldwide, for oily peppercorn cheese. Yeah, with time. With time. It's delicious. You'd just, you'd have to chip in more and more goats.

It'd be a nightmare. You'd have goats stacked on goats. You'd have goats up trees. If goats are on the roof, like, you'd be like, if we're trying to keep up this promise, bad for the goats, bad for the animals. So they, I think they've done it right there ethically, like sustainably it's farmed out to other farms, and those goat farms are able to supply it. And then nowhere does it say, hey, we only have goats from Meredith, except on the label, above marinated goats cheese, it says from our farm. Hmm. That can still mean the milk comes to our farm

And we make the cheese and the cheese machine At our farm But I don't think I don't think Like do you reckon it's all Australian goats Yeah Because on the back they have that little ruler Made in Australia from at least 99% Australian ingredients

Okay I think they're doing that I actually think This is why I was a little bit annoyed You fired an artillery And a friend I think they're okay Yeah, I think they are.

I think it's a rare ceasefire, ceasefire. I understand Andrew's concerns. Carly, can you get Marshy or Darcy to... Do you just email the head of Meredith? Goose cheese, Carl. It's that head of cheese sourcing at meredith.com. To make a sound effects of an explosion sucking back in like a black hole. That's unfortunately.

That's why you've got to be so careful with Artillery. Yeah, I already set it off. Well, I was just going to say, can we somehow, you know, like Tenant, the TV, the movie, is that it was? Deep cut, yep. Yeah, we can reverse it. You can reverse it and take it back, is what I'm hoping for. You say, no, tell much.

Hopefully, Merrill, hopefully, you know, it was a poorly aimed shell and they're still okay. Yes. Last one, last one. So that's a bit of a ceasefire, and I'm happy to hand those out. But also, great work, Meredith. Yeah, I mean, they're dominating the world. We've got to support them. We've got to support them.

Ozies gone great. Which brings me to my file, and this is the more important. of all the cases today. Are your Dimmies going to go international? Oh, look, not at this stage. We'd love them to, but I don't think people don't know what Dimmies are overseas. China, China does. No.

DIMS. They don't know what a DIMS. It was invented in Melbourne. In Melbourne. Oh, so DIMSum is Chinese. Yeah. Tate got him on the old Vowel switch. It blew it up and switched to Vowl.

It was made. You're going to say it's pretty similar to a DIMM. It is, but it's slightly bigger. I think it's certainly inspired by. Absolutely it is. It was for workers who liked a sausage roll or a party pie type snack, it was to make a bigger, like, dim sum. Big a package.

With its own skin to have on the workday, yeah. Yeah, okay. Jack, artillery shell. Okay, sorry. Yeah, well. The origin story of Dims. get a few explosions on the board. Now keep your finger on the trigger,

but not pulling the trigger, Jake. You're not pulling the trigger. Safety on actually always finger off the trigger until we're sure that we're ready to fire. Yep, safety on. Safety 101. What am I holding up here, guys? Thins, light and tangy chips.

Beloved, thin, tangy and light chips. The light and tangy flavor... Speaking of origin stories, it was the discussion about light and tangy that got us the people's chip. The people's chip, the gravy chip. Because we were going, does the flavour come first? Do you go, what is this?

Yum? We've created a flavour, what should we call it? Or do you go, hey, we want to, we've thought of a name, Lightning, bring us your best. Now make us a flavour. I think it was flavour first, which makes sense in the end. Bluntangie, I'm not trying to play favourites at all here between chip companies. I'm just throwing it what I believe to be honest feelings

of the majority of the population. very rarely would you if I said to you what's your favourite flavour of things it's light and taggy you would not go plain no

people come to they and they know people come to thins for light and tangy like back when Emma Wiggle was part of the Wiggles very clearly she was the favourite Wiggle

and the rest of the Wiggles understood that yes so that's and Lytan's heyday was late 90s yep There's a new, you've got thins, of course, dominating the thinly cut chip market,

or certainly a big player in the thinly cut chip market. But our old friends, Smiths. Yeah, I know. People have come out of them, haven't it? I think it's no one, Smiths are more of a crinkle cut. Well, because I've done a bit of a deep dive on this, I can tell you exactly what's going on. Smiths are historically a crinkle cut.

That's where they started. That's the best cut they knew how to do. And they're up against Sandboy. Yeah, and Ruffles. Ruffles was a very thin corrugate. Different corrugation, yeah. I think you actually, if you're one of the cutting scientists, that's kind of all you can really bring to the table.

Like angle and frequency of cut is what we do. Smith's came to the table not long, well, it's a while ago now and came out with their thinly cut line. Right. Which, if you're at thins, you go, well, this feels a bit personal. we sort of do that and Smiths have gone well and they're like you're the wrinkle cut oh that's now Smith that's our regular line we also do thinly cut which is a heck of a lot like the chips you do so they took it to thins when they when they produced thinly cut and look fair game you're all you're in a competitive category we were in the chip game for a while we know how vicious it is you've got to keep innovating this comes in from Alicia and and it's a look it's a worthy blow something. wide open. Thins have come out.

I don't know how long ago this was, but I certainly haven't noticed until Alicia brought it to my attention. Smiths have come out with Smith's thinly cut, lightly tangy. Oh. Which is also a green package.

Hang on, hang on. I thought you were holding up the same package. He's changed packages. Oh my God. It looks like a thin. Can you hold them upside by side? Wow. It actually made me go, hang on.

I better just check that Smith's doesn't own thins. Oh my gosh. Now I'm realising light and tangy and lightly tangy is what Smith's came with. And even the way that Smith's has written thinly cut is using a very, very similar

font to thin. Now you probably can't see it from your side of the desk but when you go over the light and tangy thing on the front, the graphic they go with is a bowl with chips in it that says serving suggestion next to it. Oh, okay, bowls. And then next to it is a whole tomato

a small jar of paprika and some peppercorns again. Finley Smith's for their lightly tangy have decided to do a tomato chopped, a chopped tomato. Half a tomato. I can say that, yes. Half a tomato. A tablespoon of paprika, not a bowl. Very different. And a sprinkling of two groups of peppercorns, not one group of peppercorns. Same ingredients, slightly different measurements. It's the same graphics. It's the same.

Wow. It's the same thing. Taste them both. And you go, look, it's just an aggressive move, isn't it? Can you taste both? For us, just as well, taste them both. And do you look up, Hame, if they were owned by... They are not owned by the same thing.

Thins is snack foods, Australia, and Smith's is Smiths who are owned by Pepsi. Well, globally. Surely they're going to court on this one. I mean... So similar. I mean, we always imagine that all food companies have everyone around a boardroom discussing. And I think they should. and the day these came out, lightly tangy,

they would have just been like, come on, come on. I mean, you took, you stole our idea to cut them thin, let's be honest, because you were wrinkling them, and you've seen what we're doing, you've cut them thin. Now, and they also, and I think Smith, do Smith Smiths have a kettle, or is Smith's kettle? No, they're not. But I think they have a kettle alternative as well.

So Smiths, take it to the hoop with other companies. One thing I'm going to start with, Completely unrelated. Yep, completely unrelated. One thing I think we can actually do away with in the chip game is this idea of hand cut. You know, sometimes they go hand cut chips. I don't care.

It's worse, if anything. Exactly. Get your grubby. Use a machine for consistency. I'm not impressed that you've made someone cut this chip. Yeah, agreed. All right. What do you want me to eat first?

Lightly tangy first and then to see how close it is to the light and tangy. So, should I eat light and tangy first? Yeah, eat the original first. Okay. At the original. Sorry, in honor of the original. That's how you remember it? Yeah, light and tangy.

With that, you forget about that. It's been a little while, but at the end, there's that famous tomato pinch. Yes. You know, that kick. Well, it's a full tomato on the one that you. Somehow I've got through the skin and I can taste the tomato. Yes. Okay.

Lightly tangy. Same? Yeah, I mean, it's pretty similar. May I? You may, Jack. Pretty similar. More of a tomato kick on the Thins. Really?

So one last thing, Joe, I know we'd ding the bell and launch the shell. The Smith's logo, this is a final kick where Thins must be like, you've got to be joking us. The Smith's logo. This isn't just unique to obviously thinly cut, but do you remember what the Smith's slogan is? The original and the best. So they've done an original crock.

They've done an original spectacular crock tours move on all their competitors by just going, not only did we go, we're going to cut it that way, and we're going to flavour it with the same stuff. You don't own paprika. Yeah. Or anyone can use paprika in tomatoes. They grow on the bloody ground.

We're going to use them. But they've also had the audacity to come out and go, original and the best. I had a really bad three minutes at airport security yesterday. Oh, my God. Poor guy. You're right? No, as in like I didn't perform well.

You know, like when a footballer or someone's just a few clangers in a row, and the commentator goes, oh, gosh, he's had a bad three minutes. Yeah. I had that. It could happen in the real world. For people that, you know, we predominantly, you know, I know people Australia are over, of course. We love the podcast and we love them for enjoying the podcast.

But we would, for us three, Sydney and Melbourne is probably the two airports we go through, who have both recently had the upgrades to the security machines where you don't need to take the laptop out anymore. Right. Which is great, but you do need to take your belt off. I don't like that. So I don't know how they've... I felt like we were so close to getting a perfect system. It was like, well, you've got these great new systems.

Yeah. But we've gone backwards on the belt. You should not have to take your belt off. I agree with that. I mean, I have strictly track suit pants now for travel just because I don't like it as well. I fear the belt off, yeah. Well, you know I like travelling light ham or just the things I need. Beck is the opposite.

Beck does not like travelling light. And obviously, most security systems at the moment there are like put everything in a tub. Yeah. She's a three-tub minimum girl as you go. As carry-on. As carry-on. Wow. And she's like, take enough jackets and, you know, accessories.

And anyway, sometimes four-tub. It's like a magic trick. You can't believe she's got that much on it. It's like a clown with a handkerchief. Clowning. Clowns falling out of her pocket running away. So when we get to the other side, I sling the backpack on immediately, and then I'm wrangling things for her as because the tubs are getting to the cliff where they're about to go off into the...

Yeah, they're going to disappear again. So I'm there. I grab her hat, I put it on my head just because I'm just using every... available hand and thread up. I grabbed her sunglasses. I put them on just to get things. And they're very feminine. Sunglasses can be unisex.

This was definitely a very feminine pair of sunglasses. A nice cat's eye or whatever. Yeah. A guy behind me sidles up next to me and goes, nice disguise, but I know it's used. Thinking that I'm one of those celebrities. Andy fearing a people magazine spread. about traveling domestically.

So I try to say to him, no, no, no. Whatever do you mean? I'm wearing like a, it's not a fedora, but a woman's having glasses. I try to explain to him, it's not, I'm not wearing a disguise. He says, don't worry, I won't make a scene, right? He leaves.

So now he thinks that I do that, which is not great. I then quickly whip my phone out to go, well, what do I look like? and took a selfie of myself to kind of get a range. Yep. Security Guard comes over at that point, and he says, did you just take a photo? I hear, can I please take a photo?

But the skies really isn't working. Everyone knows who you are. So I go, yeah, sure. Right. So he said, did you just take a photo? I've gone, yeah, sure. I look at him he said well you can't take a photo here

still thinking he's asking for a photo I said well where would you like to come with me to business lounge where would you like to go I'll tell you what I can get a guest then I'll take you upstairs for carrot juice he says I don't want a photo

did you just take a photo of our security protocols oh no no no I didn't he said can you Please show me the photo. I have to take out my photo. Sorry, I'm just doing a get ready with me, reels. Nealless to say, the commentators are going, geez.

This is a guy that cannot do security. Time to jingle joust, guys. A lot of people have been emailing us. This is genuinely backed by popular demand. Well, I don't say, I mean, any time we bring Zayim back by Pahouda, man, we're not making it up. But this one had a flood. Yep. A game where randomly you get a pair of items, one being a song, a hit song,

and the other being a random company. And then your job, as the player, is to try and get a jingle from that song about that item or product. I mean, that's the beauty of the game is when you get receive your song. song and you're like, okay, and then you receive your product. I'm just sure if you guys feel this, but you're like, oh, right. Yeah, I mean, how are we going to marry those two? Got it texted last night because it's from a random generator, like one of those websites, and it was Carlia producer that goes, here's your product, here's your song.

Oh, God, I'll look at that in the morning, but immediately, don't immediately see a marriage between those two. Well, who wants you go first? I mean, I don't mind. I'll go first. I'll lead us off. Because I will say this, and this will become apparent, once people hear the jingle I've had to come up with, I, on the way in, I just sat down for a quick coffee.

I was like, I better write this thing. And there was definitely someone looking at my screen as I was doing it. There was definitely someone next to me to look at my screen. And, yeah, I mean, they had so many questions. So many questions. It's like, what is this, what word document is this guy writing? Like, this grown man, like, clearly an adult. What is he doing?

What is this thing? that he's doing. But anyway. Okay. Well, we all did a great job last time, I'm going to say. My only criticism of Jacks was it was like a whole musical, and it's meant to be a jingle. Mine's 30 seconds now, proper ad time.

Okay, good. Oh, okay. I don't think mine would be too much past 30. No, it's not. They're all about the same. Okay, okay, great. Okay, what song do you get him? I got Santa Claus's coming to town.

And what company or product did you get? I got Kellogg's All brand. Okay. So I think we all, because immediately you go, okay, well, we know where All brand is marketed. Yes. All brand is not marketed to the taste market. There's a lot of cereals in that category. All brand is very much marketed to the bowel function market.

Yes, yes. And it appeals to get older and older. Fiber becomes increasingly important as part of a balance. That's always important, but we know that that's what it's about. And that's why I think when I was writing this summer at the cafe and the guy next week He was looking at it. You've linked into that aspect of Allbrand, have you? I have, as the head of musical marketing for Allbrand today,

I have felt I had no choice but to lean into its bowel benefits. Okay. Very important part of life. If your poops won't come out, your poops are all dry, or your poops are just wrong and they're making you cry. Send some Old Brand into Browntown. It's lighten, it's crisp, and it looks like sticks It comes in a box and also tastes like sticks

Send some old gran into brown town It won't help you with your peeing And we've been honest about the taste But it will give you the fluffiest poops Like big old dewy snakes So send some old brown down Into Brantown Yuck

Yuck A big on joey's sake is the dream for a lot of people Jack Not too many food brands I hate to say the visuals of the out as well No it's a jiggle

What happens at the other end I think Well we all know while we're buying And let's be honest about it I certainly don't sit there going Hmm yum I can't wait to have some more brand now But that's what people think when they're, and I'm a consumer of, especially the very high fiber brand.

You're not going, you're never going, you're never going, this is the tastiest thing I can buy in this whole supermarket. You're going, I'm sacrificing taste because I'm looking forward to seeing what you can do. Yes. Jack, the only part for me as well that I found a bit hard to follow is sending something to Browntown. Like, is it a brown town, is that like? No, I guess it's your colon. I mean, I think they'll know where Browntown is.

We know the general region, yeah. Yeah, there's sort of, oh, I was going to say there's only one way to Browntown. There's two, but this is the traditional way. Don't put it up the alternative route. You'll miss out on the benefits should you shortcut it. Oh, dear, all right. What long did you get out? I got cake by the ocean by dance or DNCE or whatever they're called.

Joe Jonas was Joe Jonas one of the Jonas brother. I don't think so. Was it? I was, yeah, okay. I don't know why I'm trying to overruled. Which I've got to say off the bat, it's high. It's a high song to sing. And it also has no recognisable lyrics except Cake by the Ocean. No, exactly.

Might even have some nonsense ones in there. Yeah. So, and then at risk of it. they're all feeling vulgar now, but you start, I mean, All-Brand wasn't meant to go down that path, but I got Durex. Yeah, well, that's, I mean, I, what other path can All-Brand go down? They haven't chosen your route yet. Well, they kind of have.

Remember when we were talking about there was that like VR on a box that they had like a virtual reality experience where you could tour with a colon and, you know, almost positive no one ever went and downloaded that virtual reality experience. But anyway, Durex. A lot of areas you could go. It doesn't have to be, yeah, it doesn't have to be sex. What? You know, you've got water balloons, you're drug smuggling,

heaps of other applications. Well, I've chosen to choose the route that they intended with Durex condoms. And this is the jingle that I propose. Okay, good luck. Oh, no. Without protection, it's a no-go. Good. Put this on before the big show.

And stop transmission of disease, bro, disease bro. No, if but so, babies, this will prevent an unwanted baby. Oh, we will ensure that you enter safely. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep a hold on a duwrex when in motion. That was more like, less like a jingle, more like... A Christian camp counsellor? Yeah, someone who comes to your school to do like,

now we're going to teach the kids safe sex, but in a cool way that they're really going to engage with. I think the song, the song by itself is contraception. Like, you don't need, you're actually putting Jurex out of business. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. I feel, I found it hard. But not intended, but I did find it all lyrics.

that were available to you that you've chosen not to use. I hate to say it, but I feel like all brands winning so far. Jacko, what song? I got the Macarena by Lost Del Rio.

Oh, yes. If he gets margarita pizzas, he's home and most. The fact that it's a different language. Like, for the words in between. Do you reckon that makes life easier for him? No, he's not harder, Jack. You've got the most

catchy song maybe ever written. Yes. Oh, I got ChatGPT as my company. Oh, okay. And here's the jingle I put it to with the Macarena. Now that we are living in the future, everything can be done on a computer. Say goodbye to your mind.

A machine will do the thinking for you. Here's things I like to try. asking my generative AI Chat GPT help me fix my vacuum cleaner Give me ideas how to dress for Halloween Tell me the currency they use in Argentina Hey, smart machina Chuck GPT help me be a ballerina

Give me legal advice about my current misdemeanor Put a picture of me in the Star Wars canteener Hey smart machina Oh easily the best Easily the goal Well done, easy song Easy song Easy song

Yeah. As soon as I heard it, as soon as I bet he uses Halloween. I bet he rhymes Halloween with Argentina. It's such low-hanging fruit. Well done, Jacko. Nice, man. Guys, TV raffle update in our quest to get my dad. Has he got a bigger TV? No.

No. We did all the triumphant thing of telling him he won the TV last week. And then we should have had it right outside his house so he couldn't say no. True, but then I think we just all celebrated and I forgot. We not delivered it. I forgot it's not a real raffle. I forgot it was a real raffle. Someone will take care of that.

They can't have a raffle and not deliver the TV. So I only realized this is what we had done when I'm having dinner with mother. Turns out it was a prank. When I'm having dinner with mum and dad on Saturday night and they go, the strangest thing happened, we weren't. won't a TV, but no one circled back to them. I'm sure they will. I'm sure they will.

I was like, oh, really? Oh, that's odd. Anyway, at that point, I picked up my phone as if to text someone like I could do something about it, but instead, I hit record on a voice memo. So what you guys are about to hear. Great. Is them trying to figure out when it's coming? Yeah, is a dinner with my parents and I.

Channel 9 News is playing in the background. That's not normally happens. Do you have the news on the back? Just in case there's a lulling conversation and you can go, Oh, right. Super Changes are coming out. What do you guys think about that? Bianca's parents do the same thing.

Well, it's just like they need company while we're doing it. Constant news. Like, it'll be AM radio throughout the day. And at some point, like for the whole day. And at some point, they make the switch from radio to television. There is an age that people seem to get to where they go. just in case, like, the system goes down, the grid goes down, and we have no electricity or whatever,

just we need someone that knows all the news. Like, we need someone that's an archive of every bit of news that's happened in the last 10 years. Yes, I've actually been listening. I'm your person. So that's in the background. We're at dinner. You'll hear the clanking of plates.

We've cleaned up the audio as best as we could. Oh, we believe you. It started with mum saying it's too big. it's too big and that's our whole worry this is what got us there in the first place that's the prize aspect was meant to solve that issue yes so we i've i've hit the voice memo and we pick up the conversation around that moment where she's still complaining that it's too big sitting is too big man yeah we would do the end we were she's trying to give it away don't look at gift tv in the mouth ma'am no no no I

I know. I can't believe we have to won three championships. Yeah. Well, I suppose it's over, how long? Oh, 55 years. 55 years. So it's less miraculous when you're winning one every 15 years. Like every 8 of you.

Well, haven't I, TV, no. Actually, no, we just were married. We just got married. We got one the first one. That was from another one in primary school. Yeah. Yeah. A very small one.

then I bought a camera and Mark, who's Mary Alistair's husband, he works for Ted's camera. He said, make sure you put your name in, you know, because there's a draw for a team. You've told me this story. I know the story about the Apple. Sounds like that's all they do. I didn't realize you're about to end through it.

And I mean, they're unbeknownst to them. We really know the story. It's as if they knew you're recording. We have everyone listening really knows the story of how many TVs has come from. What I was curious about was when they mentioned the first TV they won from Nunna Wadding Primary School. I just wrote it down here.

Mick goes, very small one. Like he's disappointed with the size, but if there's one man in Australia, I know that desires small TVs. It should have said it like this. Very small one. Which you know I love, the small or the better. So then, again, they're telling me things that I'd already know, but I'm not meant to know,

so I have to sit through the conversation, and they're keen to tell me about how they bought the Raffle ticket from a kid, not Scouts, for their scouting theatre company, Campbell Showtime. The guy knocked on the door from the Showtime, Camwell Showtime. Oh. And we're Showtime fans. Yeah. You're always going to do that.

So we've always got down. So we might've got three tickets, $10 each. $5 a bit, $10. Geez, big spender these days, well. You wouldn't have got that 10 years ago. Thinking, well, that's something. It would come to be, it's a long time ago. It was something like the 8th of August.

You said, oh, we probably should have, you know, heard by now, did he sell it to us after the actual date? No, it wouldn't be a fake raffle. Good. Now I feel like you're just playing for your own immunity. So then it goes on to, that's how they bought the tickets. Yeah. And they again want to tell me information that we already know, which is, then they got a call.

Well, well done. Congratulations. Very happy with it, weren't you, darling? Hmm. Were you there when they call? When they call? No. No, I... No, because I...

I dropped Margot to have her hair cup and then went up to, you know, Denro to Ross. Oh, you were getting your hair cup? When you got the call? I just thought, I'll better take this to Ross. I'd sit down in the chair and sit, I'd better take this. And I didn't know who, because usually if someone calls, I don't answer if I don't know that thing.

Because they had no call idea, so I thought, you know, is it you playing a prank? I met him a problem. Yeah. And I said, well, I better take it. So I took it and she said, I hear from First Canberry, the Scouts raffle that you were in. And so you're sorry that you haven't won the first prize. Which is what I wanted.

You wanted that, yeah. It was a knight at Crown with some dinner. Yep. And that you've won the second prize. What was the third prize? That was a bar in Bird Sunday. Oh, well, well, well, well, I'm sure we've been happy. They really aren't happy with the win, are they?

But you are trying to reshape the narrative here with lots of well-done. Yes, yes, I'm trying to go, come on. Congratulations, well done. What a skill you had to, we're actually not even, I was going to say, the skill that he had was to simply hold five tickets and wait for luck to take its course. That's the skill of winning a raffle. But he didn't even do that. He threw the tickets out, as we know, then tried to stick it back together.

Where do we go from here? I mean, we've got to move swiftly because, as I said, I forgot that I thought we'd just done it. So it was there chat of them so they don't like it? They don't want it? Well, no, he says, he asked me, do you want to have it down the beach house? I was like, no, Dad, you need a new TV. You've got a 20-inch television. You've got to have a big-old.

We've spent so much time and money on this. Yes. Like, now I'm invested, not because. Because, and I mean, I love Mick and Mark, but it's not as important to me as it is to you that they have a bigger TV. But it is now because we've started this campaign. So now I'm invested because we've got to get it. We have to get that TV in the house. And I want them having a bigger TV.

And I want us, I want our plan to work. That's basically the investment we've all made here. What about he seemed to like when, when Liza that works with us here, when she rang and said, congratulations you've won. he had a good rapport with her, I think. Why don't we get the Scout Troop, or Liza, posing as someone from the Scout Troop, call back and go, first of all, we're going to drop it off because they seem, they haven't heard anything. So first of all, go, good news, we're going to drop it off.

And then maybe dropers in a side go, hey, you know, just we've had a few problems with previous raffles of people selling it or giving it away. Good. And it's a bad look. Then if our sponsors hear about it, they feel disappointed because they, you know, they've gone to a lot of effort to give this prize. Can you pledge, like a Scout pledge? Yes.

Scouts do all the promising and the pledging. Yes. Can you pledge to keep it and not sell it? I'm sure you will. I'm sure you're going to. Yes, and make it the primary TV in your home. I'm sure you're going to know anyway, but we just need that from you and then we'll deliver it. All right.

Do you think he pledged you? So let's do that for next week's show. Let's record it now and we'll put on next week's show. I saw it because he hasn't heard this yet. But if we can get the pledge happening, then he has to take it. Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamish and Andy.com.