Hamish & Andy - 2025 Ep 307 - One Piano, Two Promises & One Betrayal

Episode Date: September 3, 2025

Jack has been caught out in another scandal - this time involving the piano he gave away. Did it really reach the rightful winner?! The boys execute the final piece of the puzzle to get Andy’s dad, Mick, to upgrade from his 20-inch telly to a 55-inch. Hamish reflects on how he is slowly morphing into his father, and ahead of next week’s Tallest Hat World Record attempt, the boys go through their final risk assessments in preparation for the big day! 1. Jack’s piano saga 2. The final raffle attempt 3. Tallest hat - last minute business 4. Is Hame becoming his dad? 

A Listener Production Activate your internet Because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three Two Sorry, still buffering One Ahoey to me pillar, Hamish. Things of society.

A hoi to me, a hoy to me hoi. A hoi and a hoi. A hoi to me hoi. Damn it, I really wanted to get this week's. I feel like we've been sloppy lately and I was like we've got to come in hard and get this week. I feel like you're a chance to get it. Pillar and a hoy. As in H-O-Y?

H-A-U-Y. Okay, that's different. Pillar, hoi and I'm Raul. I mean, we're just types of... I said it was places you could go. Places you could go. Jack, I'm out. I mean...

I can't even... Like, usually can go together something. Are they... Sorry, Lise. I got a bad feeling that we're going to hate this. You're going to hate it. You're going to hate it. It's the three capes in Tasmania.

No, don't hate it. I don't hate it. I don't hate it. I don't hate it. The three points. I like that. There's a famous walk down. There are three capes.

walk. It's a great, I haven't done it myself. A world-class multi-day hiking experience. It's one of the best. I don't know anyone that's done the three capes walk that hasn't had a ball down there. I haven't done it myself. So you went down a mountain bike riding. I thought you might have been somewhere in that.

Yeah, that was Bay of Fires up the East Coast. Damn it. But, you know, if you can get three capes near each other, absolutely link them up with a walk. That's what I always say. That's what the Department of Conservation is done. Oh, they're not what I'm thinking then. I thought it was the three...

You know how Tasmania's kind of a triangle. I thought it was all three corners of a triangle. All three points. No, no, no. Nor is it. Capes you can wear. It's, yeah, geographical capes. The tricky thing about these are these...

I suppose this is all facts, but it's like you either know it or you don't. Like, we could have spent a very underwhelming 45 minutes on this podcast trying to deduce exactly what this could be. And Andy's clue would net like, In retrospect, Andy's clue of it's a place you can go is very broad. Yeah, you don't even need the you can go. So really, unless it's in outer space, if it's a place, it's a place you can go. Ahoy also to Talia, who went to hamishaneda.com and uploaded using the very easily used system

better than a WhatsApp audio upload system at Amishaneda.com. Tell us what she's up to. Ahoy, boys, and gusto to you from Portugal. I have just popped over here from London for a quick little weekend getaway. Must be very nice. I've definitely lost touch with a common woman on this trip. I've just had a beautiful massage and went for a gorgeous swim in the ocean, which you might hear behind me.

And I did a big dive into the water, so refreshing, only to have my ear fill up with water. And all I could think of was how much. I would pay someone to bleach a toilet plunger and come get the water out of my ear. Yeah. Anyway, yet to find a plunger, but that's okay. Love to you listening to the pot on the beach. Be so, remember, be very gentle, be very gentle.

He doesn't need too much of a pressure differential, but it works. A hark back to Hamish using a toilet plunger on a different kid. A different kid. Yeah, my son's best friend. Yeah. Who's part of the family? To try and extract water from his ear. Yep.

Using suction. Yes, I used the small... Lucky's brunged into flyers. That's why I said you've got to use a very gentle amount of pressure. You are looking to draw the water out, not gank, no plunging motion needed. You depress the plunger first before you put it on the side of their head. So you're not pushing the blockage further into the year. No.

You are simply... You pre-depress it, seal it onto the child's head. Or adult, in this case, with that. Or adult. And then slowly draw it back, thus removing the blockage. Can't lose. It creates a negative pressure differential. And that has nothing to fight.

Talia, hotel reception, will have a plunger, particularly in the maintenance. So take it up with him. And bleach. I bleached it as well, because, of course, the plunger had been in the toilet. Not terribly. I mean, that's more of a, that's more of just, I knew I'd get asked by the authorities, aka my wife.

She'd go, that's a dirty plunger. And I'd be like, can you say that? I've already white kinged it. Yes. But even though a lot of the time, that plunger is going into a clean toilet. Yes. You know, the blockage is further down,

but the water it goes into is clean. Clean's a big haul. It's not drinkable and less in the severest of emergencies. Hey there's been something that's going on for a while involving our mate Jack Now Jack Where are we at with the piano?

The piano, the piano has left the house It has left your house Yeah Okay Just quick quick recap for people People would remember this is to even the karma Of Jack deciding to keep the electric golf cart For himself

Or to stack the deck In favour of him winning the game Yes. To be fair, you gave a 50-50 chance that a listener could have won the golf trolley. For some reason, it must have been edited in a way on social media that made it look bad. And then people thought I was greedy, even though I thought we all agreed, including the listeners, that it was a fair playing field. And no, I think you're all rewriting history. We didn't know, no, we didn't all agree. Well, we weren't we all comfortable with it by the time we spun the wheel? From memory, there was about 20,000 tickets in the

raffle and you had 10,000 of those tickets. And you got to nominate, you got to nominate how many you got. Anyway, buy the buy. Anyway, everyone else said, buy the buy. So then I took the electric golf cart and then to ease the people being unhappy about that, I said I would give something of mine away and I chose a piano, which I really regret now. So let's pause for a second.

It's a recap of where we left that last time we talked about this on the pod. July 10th. Can we give a quick update on the piano that you had to get shipped off to the guy in Tasmania? Yes, it is going very soon. Very soon. Oh, God. That was just... I thought it would just happen.

The guy, apparently the guy who's coming to pick it up had abdominal strain and he can't lift it. Did you get the cheapest? I outsourced the logistics of this to Leiter. Sorry. Why aren't you more across this? This was to rebuild your reputation. I know. I keep asking what's happening with the people.

She told me this morning before we started, he's got an abdominal strain and he doesn't want to lift the piano right now. Did you say, don't worry, I'll do it because I don't have a job? No, I said, yeah, good point because it's really heavy. It is really heavy. So that is Jack outsourcing the job he was meant to do to Lysie. And there was a bit of a rig morale to get the piano out, probably months, you would say. Months, yes.

As math. But why is it just one person that's able to move pianos? I don't know. They went for cheapest available. because Jack had to pay for it. That was part of the thing. And not many piano movies wanted to do Trans-Tasman. It has left your house.

It has left the house. It has arrived at Matt's out. Oh, great news. Which, again, Jack should know. When did it arrive? It arrived about two weeks ago. But this is where it gets tricky. I received this email on my side of the fence.

It's from a fellow called Steve. Hi Hamish Nandy Big fan of the show I think we've got a mild scandal on our hands involving Jack and his so-called generous piano giveaway Our favourite kind of scandal Jack gave away his piano on your show which was lovely

except there's a small problem he'd already offered it to my mate Lee live on the Christian O'Connell Breakfast show What? I don't remember that Did I? That's right. He promised a piano on a radio once and then gave it away again on a podcast. He's awesome.

One piano, two promises, one betrayal. Two promises we know of. Lee was ready, emotionally committed, already measuring to always. So my question is, is Jack running some kind of musical. Ponzi scheme, was Lee just a test audience for the more high-profile handover on your podcast? And can a man truly be trusted when he double-donates a piano? As Lee's official spokesperson and full-time, mate, I felt it was a duty to bring this injustice to your attention. Happy to provide character references, Lee would love to be heard as he has never fully recovered.

So, Jack, I don't like just bringing problems to you and the pot. I don't know that's fair. I'd like at this point, Jack, would you like to have a deep think about it and self-report any other times you've promised that piano? Well, there is only, to clear it up, there is definitely only one piano. It's not like I have multiple pianos to give away. We know that. Yep, that's not what people are thinking.

We're thinking that you're just touring the children's hospital and going, you know, I'm going to give you guys a piano. Yep. I've been saying that a lot lately. I'm actually going to give it to you guys. Have you done any more promising? It is also true that we did want to get rid of that piano and it's harder to get rid of piano than you think.

None of that's in question. We know that you chose the piano because it worked more for you than anyone else. Is he trying to filibuster us? Is he trying to speak for so long? We don't even know what the question is. The question is, do you remember giving it away more than once? I don't remember giving away more than once.

I don't even honestly remember giving it away on Christian show to another person. That's crazy that I would give away the same piano twice. I followed this up. I think that's how he's feeling. I followed it up with the producers on the Christian O'Connell Breakfast Show. They said yes.

This is what happened. There were two people. Lee was one of them. The other person was a guy that was going to fix your floor, wooden floor where it scraped, in exchange for the piano. Do you remember that? I do remember that conversation.

It was the piano that scratched the floor. That's a third potential person that has a claim to the piano. Wait, wait, I do remember, so the piano scratched the floor. Yeah. When we moved, when we moved into the house. My God, it's like severance. Do you not know what you're doing when you go on Christian show? And then you get severed and come on our show and just, where you're outy.

And you just start doing the outy stuff. I do remember someone saying they would come and fix the floor. I don't remember saying I would give him the piano. But truth be told, he never came. and fixed that floor. So that scratch still remains. So that's out. So strike him from the record.

You want to hope he's not at your house right now fixing that floor. Otherwise you've got three pianos to give. Oh, I hope he is actually. So I'm not in the business, Jack, of just bringing problems. I thought, well, maybe Matt doesn't love the piano. Maybe we can get it back off, Matt. It's been two weeks. Obviously, he had to wait months for it.

So I gave Matt a call this morning. Hey, Matt, are you there? Yes, I am. It's Andy here, how are you? Good. How are you going? Yeah, really well. Hey, sorry it took so long for the piano to get you.

No, that's okay. That's all right. It's there now? Yeah, yeah. Oh, man, the kids are asking me. When's it coming? When's it coming? We've had to replay the episode so many times.

Oh, it's arrived now. Is it in okay, Nick? Yeah, no, it's good. It's actually really good. Okay, great. And you've found a spot for it? Yes. And so the kids are loving it?

Oh, it's the best. It is the best. It gets a bit loud sometimes, but it's really. really good. So no complaints? No complaints at all. I mean, that's no golf trolley,

but no complaints. It's not a golf trolley, yes. Yeah, I agree. There's one issue. Yes. We may need it back.

Oh, yeah. So just wanted to put that towards you. I'm not sure how it's going to pan out, but, I mean, will the kids be devastated if we? No,

no, they're not going to be devastated. Great. Well, you're a very, very good, man, very understanding.

I'll keep you updated, they're right? Yeah, no way or no. All right, take care. Bye. Man, it just so happens, he's the nicest man. He's so nice. Ever.

But I had to do. The kids would be fully grown by now. I was surprised to hear that hadn't moved out. It's been so long. Great. I'm so happy that it's found a new home and it's getting loved and it's getting played. Are you? Yes.

Because. Because what? Because what? I have. have from a phone log here that you called Liza last week to ask whether the piano had gone to Tasmania or not because Bianca, your wife, has found the perfect spot for it in your house. No, if Matt's got it, if Matt's got it and he's playing it, then all good.

Like, obviously, we're not going to bring it back across the Tasman. But I did, yeah, I would take it back. And he's not offering it. No, no, no. This is what happened. This is essentially what happened was we had the old crappy piano that Matt's got now. But it still did a job. I thought you loved it.

It still did a good job as a piano. Yeah. I had plans to go and buy a new piano. And then I quit the radio show and now we don't have that much money anymore. So we can't afford a new piano. So that all happened while Matt was getting transferred the old piano. So when you gave it away, you had. had a cushy, you had a lucrative breakfast radio job.

And they was like, well, we'll get, don't worry, we'll get a brand new piano. It's going to be so nice. Then that, that cushy job went away and now, I've got no piano, and I would love to have our piano, but not Matt. Who are you appealing to here? Not Matt, not Matt, not Matt. I, from the very get-go, and I reckon, if we replayed the audio, the first thing out of my mouth, I reckon, when Jack said, we have this piano, I said, this better not be a

Weasel attempt to get a piano upgrade. Yes. And I fear it is. I fear it is, Ando. It's not. It's not. Well, you're doing a lot of I want a piano. I want a piano, but I can't afford one, which is, that's the tall-tale scratchings of a

weasel's claw digging a new burrow. I'm just spitballing here now. What about Lee? I don't think we can take it off Matt. Yeah. So going back to Lee, I don't think we can take it. Legally, you promised it first to someone else. What if he comes out of the woodwork?

What about this? We acquire a new. a new piano, and it's a new spin of the wheel, 50-50, Lee versus Jack, to see who gets it. I feel like, yes, I'm obviously very interested. I just feel like the people made themselves quite clear the last time we spanned the wheel. Oh, so you wouldn't want to go into that situation again? I just, I see me getting carried away. The wheel comes up, I win, I'm dancing, I'm fist pumping, la, la, la.

And then. It wasn't good optics, was it? Then people were writing comments like, oh, what a shame. Right, right. It wasn't the best look. Do we? What if, do we let Lee decide how many tickets Lee gets? That's interesting.

Jack, because we were looking at getting a beautiful stand-up, you know, like gorgeous. beautiful upright piano that stays in tune. That's a problem with the one Matt's got. It goes out of tune quite easily. He didn't have it seemed to mind. I asked him about that. Yeah, if kids are playing it, they don't care. I like you, I like your thinking.

I like your thinking. So we get a piano. Lee then has the choice of how many tickets he would like. Here's where my brain goes. We've got Lee has a legitimate claim to it because it was promised to him by Jack. You have Jack, who benevolently has given away two pianos now wants all of them back and would like him to be up plus one pianos. You also have any listeners that are listening that would like their own attempt to win the upright piano.

So I think you have three parties here. I think we almost start a new... Oh, no. I can't steal from the listeners again. Surely not. Well, do we start a new raffle? Everyone enters. Lee decides how many tickets each party gets.

Jack, the listeners, or Lee. And then we, when we spin it up on the roulette wheel, well, we just see how it goes. We don't know what the split's going to be. It probably won't be a roulette wheel anymore. No, we might think of another way to run. Just have to randomly, love it. Randomly do it.

So, Jack, Lee, will decide how many tickets you get in this raffle. Can I talk to Lee before we get him on? Yeah, absolutely. But we have to record it. We'll be hearing it for sure. Okay. How many tickets, Jack? I, like, my gut goes to some other.

Let's say there are three, let's say there are 300. tickets available, how many should Lee have, how many should Jack have, and how many should the listeners that want a piano get? It makes sense to me to go equal thirds. So you get 100, 100, 100. So in that 100, 100, 100, yeah. You get 100 tickets, Lee gets 100 tickets. Yes, and it's still...

And then everyone else gets 100 between them. Yes. The odds are still against me. That's a one in three chance that I would win. Form going up at hamishone.com will acquire a piano. Why do you deserve to have such a chance? I don't know, because I want a new piano. I don't know.

Please, we'll have a little audio upload there. Please also add a little audio if you want as to why the piano would be important to you. Okay, we vow we do this on last week's show. It's the final piece of the puzzle to get to Land Dad a 55-inch television, an upgrade from his 20-inch television that is so annoying to, watch whenever I go around there and watch the blues play. Absolutely tiny thing. So the situation that everyone knows, in a nutshell, he refuses to upgrade.

I don't buy TVs. He said, I just win them. We orchestrated a fake raffle. Kid from Scouts went round. Bing, bang, boom. He bought five tickets. Guess what? He won second prize.

55-inch TV. We celebrated. Admittedly, forgot to then give him the TV. Or paused a bit too long. It was sort of a week. Then he, that was enough time for the euphoria of the wind to wear off. began to grumble about the size of the TV. And he said that to me, so I knew he didn't know yet.

So we were like, okay, great. We've got to get on to it. That's on us. He's wobbling a bit now about accepting this free TV. So he thought, we've got Liza in here again. Liza, you pretended to be the person from the raffle, the Scouts, the showtime, the theatrical arm of the Scouts. So now he seemed to like you a couple weeks ago.

So you call him now, you've got the gist, Liza. You just call him and go, listen, we're about to deliver the TV. Great news. It's coming. Sure, you wouldn't do this, but can you just pledge to us, like a Scout pledge, that you're not going to give away or sell the TV because we've had a few people do that in past. It's a bad look for the sponsor.

Sure you're not going to do it, but do you pledge to keep the TV as the primary TV as Endo. The primary TV in your household. And if he does that, victory is. Finally, given this man a big team, good luck lies. Hello. Hello, hi, is this Michael? It is, it is. Hi, Michael, it's Denise calling on behalf of Campbell L Showtime.

How are you? I'm well, I'm well, and I hear I've been pranked. Oh! How did the cat get out of the bag? Are you, has it gone on too long? Poro Finn here is, he said, oh, how'd you do TV go? And I said, you know, we're still waiting at. And he said, I've got at least one listener anyway.

Who's his, his nephew? Who's Finn is the listener. I'll put him on. No, but don't put him on. We don't need to out the rat. Ahoy, boys. Oh, I do you, Finn, Finn, you, we were this close to landing the big fish. You've blown this.

Five days, surely the TV is landed in the small 22-inch hole in the cabinet. You've blown the whole operation wide open. This was an international television smuggling ring, smuggling into a house. And now we've let him wriggle away. Finn, I've not heard of you come up and God the same. Who are you, Finn? I've strengthened your parents, Andy. at the Pilates studio.

I'm an exercise physiologist. Oh, you're a Pilates instructor. I'm just out here trying to do good in the world and I've committed the most heinous crime. Look, to be honest, Finn, we did discuss this on a show recently. It kind of on us, we sort of pulled off the heist, really, pulled off the prank and go, yes, we've made Andy's parents except a free television, then sort of forgot to deliver it.

So it is understanding. from your behalf that you would think we had actually done the rest of what we said we were going to do. Finn, how long ago did you just tell Dad? We missed it by a matter of moments? Less than an hour, Jen. Oh, unbelievable.

Strengthen Ben Chat. I saw them on Friday too and I held my tongue and I thought I've done the most trustworthy thing ever, not being able to blow it. Wow. And I've just to spoil it all in the last hour. Yep. We haven't had a nemesis of this show for some time. Finn, we need you as you're, as, you know, mixed doing skaters

or whatever he's doing there on the reformer bed, need you to really get in his ear and go, I tell you what it'd really strengthen that upper body, lifting of 55 inch feet up onto the mantel. You'd see how small it is, and when I go around there, we can't, Dad wants to watch a movie or something. You can't see it. I think their core, his posture in his core is so often leaning forward

and squinting. Imagine the posture he'd have if you could just lean back, just head above the spine, nice neutral position, and just watch a big TV. I don't know how his eyes cope with the strain

of looking at such a small screen from so far away, to be honest. I think then there's a domino effect down to the core, and that's just making your life hell. If you can make it your medical recommendation, I'd think that'd be something that he'd be open to.

Well, my apologies, gents. I'm forever in your debt. I'm going to put Mick back on. No, thank you, mate. Well done. Keep up the good work. Thanks. Oh, Dad.

Are you saying you don't like the size of our TV? No, Dad. Can you please get a good idea of the effort that has gone into this thing. Can you please just accept the 55 inch TV? No, I can't accept the 55 inch. Where are we going to put it? In the spot. It's right there.

It's very slim and it would have its own feet that it stands on and you really enjoy it. I know that, but then, you know, how are the kids going, our grandchildren, you got to run around behind the couch. It'll be sticking out too far. No, anyway, anyway, they're flat. You obviously haven't had TV in so long. They're actually flatter than you think. It's almost like magic these days.

Yeah, I was wondering why poor old Rome was up so close to the TV. Perhaps you can't see it enough. No one can. It's only a four-pixel TV. Love you, Dad. We'll jump you later on. I can't do this. Oh, boy.

Bye this. I wonder if Finn wants a TV. No, he's the last guy that gets him. You can't get it. Next week, we try and break the record. And we'll have a Guinness and a world record, we hope. I think we can, I mean, I just can't. see it not happening.

And a world record for the tallest hat worn by any person and walked 10 metres unassisted. Shatter the world record is probably more accurate, isn't it? Because I think it was just over five and a half metres, the previous record, when we started, when we scoffed at this initially, and then as people were well aware, it became a main project of the show. And instead of just going one centimetre taller, we've decided to go six metres. Yeah. A nice round number.

Um, just don't see that a lot in the high jump or the pole vault at the Olympics. You don't see someone going, okay, we're at 9.15. I'm going to go 15. You just don't see anyone go for such a big leap. But I love that we have. We've talked about this enough for the red tape to really chase us down. You know how we like dodging admin, etc. But...

Hate it. Do you like red tape, Jack? I hate red tape. Yeah. It's about one of our shows mantras. Anyway, one of the... I've been a lot of risk assessments this week, guys, and I've been taking one for the team as appointed.

You've been doing a risk assessment? Well, yeah, they've mentioned. We have used the phrase neck snapping a lot. Next snapping, and that's what they're worried about. They're worried about our neck snapping. I think at one stage, catastrophic neck failure was mentioned. I can announce today how heavy the hat will be. Okay.

From memory, you know when we were testing stuff on our head? Was that 15 kilos we were testing on our head? Between, 15 and 20 kilos. I definitely noticed it with a 15 kilo weight plate on my head. There is a disagreement in camp. Over the weight? Yes. Between the designer and the manufacturer?

Yes. And it's healthy disagreement. You need this to get the best design out there. You want robust discussions. The design team are adamant about the lead brim. that we think pulling down the centre of gravity the makers

manufacturers think it's adding too much weight without the lead brim we come in at 6.1 kilos love that I might jog it yeah that is incredible stuff from them they've made it super lightweight

a kilo a metre and they've made it taper so it's thicker at the bottom and it becomes thinner as it gets the top. But it's not a cone-shaped hat. It just means the material making the top hat look gets thinner.

Correct, Jack. It's still a top hat. And that's from top stage advanced composites. Yes, I should point out. It's assumed to be made of top hat stage advanced composites. With the brim, the four kilo brim, it tips it over a 10 kilo hat.

Can we, is the brim swappable? like a good Formula One car you can swap out with some pieces. I'll look into that but that'll be something that we reveal next week. Are we going brim or brimless?

Something for us to discuss. My vibe leans towards brimless. Well there'll still be a brim but it just won't be a weighted brim. Sorry, we just don't need a weighted brim. Yep. Yep. I think we just, with six,

I think with six kilos on your head, you've just got a bit more maneuverability. I think the name of the game next week when we walk with this enormous tube on our heads is to be able to make adjustments to get, you know, rapid adjustments to keep it balanced on your head. I just feel like adding a waste of risk assessment because they're worried about it.

Get rid of it. I don't think it's a big deal. So, well, it's been months designed. Yes, I understand. I do think it's a big deal. The risk is that it's more unbalanced. So it's going to be harder to do the 10 metre walk. Is that the risk without the weight?

We might be sacrificing. Remember we had all those people writing and going, And guys, remember how you can balance a broom on your finger because the weight's all at the top. It actually makes it easier to balance something when the weight is higher. And then you can't balance a pen on your finger because the center of gravity is too close to your finger.

We had tons of emails like that. I've just sort of ignored them, but they do have a point. So I wonder if we just let the brim go if it's creating a hassle. Well, we'll reveal that next week. Tell me now. Reve it now. Well, we've got to decide. Well, I'm deciding.

Let's get rid of the brim. I mean, I'm a 50% chance to be one of the hat pilots here. I just say, let me run it nice and light. I just want to see how far they've got. I can't promise anything. They're still working away. Next one. They're very worried about the taming sticks, as in the people manning them, right?

Oh, I forgot about that. I'll send this through to you. The way they've been designed is incredible. I've just sent you guys a picture so you can have a look on your side of the desk. long sticks, they've got this cradle aspect. That's so good. We can run a little. So we can run a little.

Remember I said put sheepskin in it? Put a very soft fur or something in there so it doesn't hurt the hat. Yep. So that's what we can do. We can add that. Or we can add a band, like a rubber band, between what is a two-pronged fork. It kind of looks like a slingshot. Yeah.

Yeah. So we can, what would you prefer? Sheepskin. Okay. Sheets skin is. Carly's shaking her head because that's another thing. Or a rubber band. I mean, what, are we going to reveal that next week, too?

I mean, why are you asking me this stuff if I don't have a say? No, she's good. The next thing I need to show you is the hat's big and it's all going to be in one piece. Yes. Yeah, that's hats. Yeah. That's hats. So they've had to get a special truck organized to deliver the hat.

I imagine it's like the truck that takes the space shuttle out to the launch pad or the trucks you see in North Korea. Just sent you the truck. With the missiles on the back. Are you joking? What? Is that a joke? That looks like AI. That is the truck that we've got.

No, but that's 18 metres long. We've got a six metre hat. It's a truck used for drag races that they carry around drag races. This is a three. I don't even know the name of this truck. A B triple? It's a three trailer truck. Obviously our hair only comes in one trailer.

But yes. But they're just not unhitching the other two trailers. I think just for a fair. They're not going to unhitch the other ones and we come in with a mass. I mean, obviously your crew travels in one part of the trailer. Yeah, and is there like a lounge or something in one of them? Back up supplies in the other one

and then where the drag racer would normally sit, our hat will come in. This is so big. Yeah. I mean, it's unbelievable. I don't even, this is the biggest truck I've ever seen. What's the biggest hat you'll ever see, mate? Optimus Prime would stand no chance against this truck

if it was a transformer. Next thing to discuss, the guys wanted to present to us a platform that they wanted to build as well as a launch platform. They sent me a PowerPoint presentation. It was a video, but using a PowerPoint presentation. Yep. Is this so to get, because the hat has to get up. And also, yeah, so if people can visualize this,

yeah, I was going to say, you have to get the hat upright from a lying down position. That's no, that doesn't seem that simple. Because I feel like there'd be a lot of. people somehow and to get it up delicately vertical. But yeah, then you have to raise it two metres in the air to get a human being under it. Yes. I've taken some excerpts from the video

and we can put the full video up at hamishnery.com or in any of our social pipes. But this is what they were presenting. Gentlemen, I have for your consideration a preliminary design for the launch tower. Now, every good project needs to start with the same one thing. and that's a mood board. And the mood board is here

to help us decide what's the vibe what are we going for what are we trying to achieve and so I present to you my mood board and what we can see here is some very tall tall holders

so on the left we have the SLS mobile platform from NASA that's what I was thinking big towering structure lots of little arms coming out to support this very tall thing

the rocket ship rockets broke a lot of records we're trying to rate records you know there's things we can take from this And then staying with the space theme, we can see the orbital launch and integration tower from SpaceX. Similar idea, big tower, arms that come out and support this tall object. So we take this inspiration.

We're looking at platforms to hold up our tall object. So without further ado, may I present to you the launch tower? Now, I've just sent that through to you guys as well. Oh, my God, here we go. Yep. That's awesome. He probably shouldn't have mentioned all the SpaceX. It looks like a really tall walking frame.

And he made it sound like it was going to be a rocket launcher. Yeah, no, it's just wood, I think. Eight meters high, though, Andrew. Eight meters high. Yeah, and a platform. So does someone stand on the back and kind of hold the hats? If we try to explain it, yes, it's eight meters high, but then there's a platform behind that box.

And he goes on to explain how he's done this design. Some features. It's made of like two by four timber, so easy to build. And I've had professional consultation on that one from my brother, who is a carpenter. Very common material, nice and cheap, but very strong. They build houses out of this stuff, so it can't be that terrible. It won't be blue. That's important to note. I just couldn't really get the wood color in my appropriate design software PowerPoint. And it will also include a platform at the back for an assistant to help with the hat donning and possible undone. as well. So a person stands two metres tall on the platform behind the centralised box. The wearer goes in the centralised box.

The person behind lifts it up from the middle of the hat and can secure it on the head. Then the wearer will say to the assistant, yeah, I'm feeling pretty good. One tamers down, start the walk, the assistant jumps down, also joins his taming. also becomes a tamer. Should the assistant be one of us, then? If one of you is walking, should the other one lift the hat on? I think the other person's a tamer. Yeah, the other person's probably putting the hat on, aren't they?

Yeah. We've also got big hogs out there because we're using his warehouse. Yeah, great, he's tall. That'll help. This frame, I mean, I trust him, but is this flimsy? No. Like, it's eight meters. Well, I'm looking at dimensions.

There's one piece of wood that's eight meters long. I don't even know where you get a piece of wood that long. That's a bloody long bit of wood. Straight up in the air with, like, no other supports. We'll leave it to them. They're the ones. Okay, we'll reveal next week. Yeah, maybe they're two used to carbon fiber and they know how strong that is

and now they're going to build this wood structure. And that's going very, very, very visual. I'm not a builder. I trust them, but I'm just looking at that going, boy, boy, I'll be interested to see how that comes together. The main concern from... I'm going to... That's the launch tower.

What about the landing tower? At the end of the 10 metres, is what's going to happen once we've got the record? Do we just like... Just fall? I think you're just got to fall into a tamer and he catches it with a sheepskin tamer. And then you walk it back to the launch tower

to get it off your head? Yeah. I think it'll come off your head. It's not like we're not securing it to someone's head. If it falls, it will come off your head. Okay. But would we have two towers, a launch and a landing tower? Carly says yes.

I don't think that was a nod. I think that was the... Will all be revealed? We'll be revealed next question. Well, do you know what I mean? Like, it's all, this feels a bit like, you know, man on the moon, man on the moon. We're going to the moon. How are we getting home?

Oh, here we go. Questions McGee. Always with the questions. We said we're going to the moon. Leave it at that. You do need a return plan. Because there is there a risk where going out to Hawks's factory and it's for children's books. Like what if it falls over and knocks like shelves and shells and shells and then a dominoes?

I think there's space. Okay. There's space. And then the other question we had was, do we always, say if it falls and a tamer stops it. Yeah. And pushes it back on and it feels secure again. Do you just start your 10 metres from there and keep walking?

Or do we always go back to the start? Got to go back to the start. Yeah, I think Jack's right. I think you've got to go back to the start. We want to see, we want the video evidence of a nice, clean run. It's not we think we did it. Because we've got, you know, trustworthy, listeners there.

Yep. We want that Guinness we have after the world record to feel crisp, clean and celebratory, not with any tinge of did we actually get that? No asterisk. Final thing. Yep. They are worried that a tamer is most likely to snap a neck by ferociously trying to catch the hat and push it back the other way.

Yeah, we're not bringing tamers in off the street. These guys know what they're doing. That's what I said to them. So who are the tamers? You and I, Jack, or I mean you. You are you a taver. We understand the delicate nature of having to tame. Yeah.

We'll do some practice taming. My point is, and I've got to assure them, and I've got to write this down. Because we were talking about getting Steve Hooker and Jess Fox and Olympians that had experience with Poles and or Polvalds and flags. Did that just, it was just too much organized, or we'll all be revealed next week. That'll be revealed. Don't hold your breath. But can we say as a three, whoever's taming catches.

He's not trying to correct it, they're catching. Because I think as soon as it touches one of the taming poles anyway, that attempt is out. So it doesn't matter. Don't try and get it back on the head. Most important thing is to have the hat and neck intact. Yes. Another run. Yep.

Mainly the hat. Yeah, God knows. We actually have two backup necks in the room and no backup hats. We've covered this general area before. But, you know, we know we started this game. We were younger men. And it's obviously going to happen that as we continue down this road and we keep podcasting and we love doing it with our audience.

Oh, the game of podcasting. Yeah, the game of podcast. I thought that you were talking about a specific game. I'm like, oh, which one's he grown out of? No, no, no. No, the entertainment game, man. The boom gate. No.

I introduced Sonny to that the other day. I absolutely loved it. Ghosting? Well, you just want you tail someone out of a park. Oh, ghosting out of a car park. Yeah. And he goes, there's camera's dad. And I said, ah, God, I don't know.

You're the smartest kid I know, but there is still so much to teach you. And that's my absolute honor as your father. And today we learn a valuable lesson. No, the game of the entertainment game where we're talking to our audience. And, you know, we were younger men when we started. We're obviously going to age along with our audience. We've mentioned just, you know, finding a few blotches on our skin from time.

You just go, okay, that's, well, old people have heaps. And at some point in your life, between being 20, where you have none, and then 80, where you're quite heavily blotched, there's got to be a point where the first one appears, and you kind of get used to it. I'm going through a phase at the moment where I'm, unfortunately, part of my body is morphing into my father. Oh. And I don't know why it's happening, but it clearly is happening.

What part? I don't know if this is the same for you guys, but we know, we've, we've, we've, actually documented it way back in radio show days that my father has, after years of manual labour, tree trunks for fingers. Yes. Just like the thickest fingers. You're the point where he couldn't, when in the first iPhone came out, it wouldn't register him.

The calluses were strong as well. It was like you were hitting it with lumps of wood just when this isn't a human hand, there's no temperature, there's no softness. This is a hard, thick object. How are you doing that? You don't do any work. No, it's not the calluses, although... It's the thickness.

I'm waking up in the morning and my fingers are puffy. Right. And it's been happening for weeks. And to the point where when you make a fist, it goes really, really white. And it's actually sometimes so puffy, it's hard to tighten the fingers back on each other. Really? Throughout the day, it drops off. Now, I'm not saying I have beautiful, elegant pianist's fingers or whatever.

But I suppose in that way that we all notice, We all know we're going to age and die, but secretly we think we won't. That's just how it has other people like, oh, God, I'd hate to be them. They've got old. I'll never be old. And I think I'd just always secretly been like, oh, God, poor dad, old fat hands. That's his cross to bear. I'll be fine forever, thankfully, because I'd hate to have that.

And now I'm worried that my hands are beginning. Maybe this is how it started in his 40s. I'm scared to talk to him about it because I don't want him to go, Oh, yeah, you don't remember that. Waking up every morning, yeah, that goes from about five years, then it doesn't go away during the day, and you're stuck with sausage hands for life. Mine has started in the hands as well.

Maybe that's where it starts, it creeps from the outside. I wake up, and it feels like very tight in the joints. That's it. And then I have to go like that. And I'm back. It's like sore until I do that, and then I'm away. Is that arthritis? Is that what arthritis is?

I'm not going to ask anyone because, again, I don't want to be invincible. I don't want the confirmation. Now, Jack, you're younger than after this is coming. I've never looked at my hands and, yeah, and been worried about them in any way. But now I know it's right around the corner. With the part of my body, I think I was just like that comfort. I just felt like I had a huge buffer on dad. You can rely on it.

I was like, look at these beautiful slender fingers. I'm just so fine. I was the same ham. And now it's puffed out. I tell you, the one area that on my mother's side that I'm, like, I've just noticed there, mummy's at this age. And I notice this, I'm going to generalise here, but predominantly in women, because they get on. There is an age they get to where they, and maybe I notice this because I spend a lot of time at coffee shops

because I drink a lot of coffee. But there is an age that it seemingly affects women more than men get to where they must have their coffee very hot. Very hot. Very hot. You know who asked this all the time? Hyping hot. Glenn Robbins. He has it very hot?

Yeah. One caught up with him for a coffee and he goes, I'll have a hot chocolate, extra hot. I'm like, oh, right. Maybe it isn't just the way. I noticed it with my mum. Mom, so lovely. Mum, you'd all agree. A very kind, lovely woman.

The only time that facade slips is when she is ordering coffee from someone that I think. I think maybe in the past, it hasn't provided enough degrees Celsius heat, enough kilojoules of heat in that coffee. And it kind of slips and it's a little bit. It's not mean, but it's very stern. Yeah, no. Piping hot. I've seen it grip someone's arm and go piping hot. Do you?

I think it's the same for fun-loving comedian, Glenn Robbins. And he's obviously got heaps of scope. I mean, your mum's beautiful. But he's so, he's obviously funny as he's just to, you know, wherever he's presence. He's just a naturally funny guy. But he still is of the slurbed drink. It's like they've got a cold coffee in the past, and it's ruined their life in some way,

and they can never have that experience again. Yeah, and then when, but what baffles me is when, you know, baristas or cafe, hospital people are like, yep, got it. They're like, do you understand? Very hot. More than 100 degrees.

But, ma'am, that's steam. Make it happen. Make it happen. Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamish and Andy.com.