Hamish & Andy - 2025 Ep 313 - The First Ever Segment Sleuth Apology

Episode Date: October 15, 2025

For the first time ever, Segment Sleuth has resulted in an apology! Bec has Andy questioning his level of manners while making a restaurant booking, and, on an unrelated note, she’s also got him wondering how everyone else washes their hands. Hamish confesses the struggles he's having abstaining from his online shopping habit. Plus, we squeeze in a round of Tell Us Someone and bring back an updated version of Friends Galore! 1. Segment Sleuth apology 2. Is Andy rude? 3. Tell us someone we haven’t thought of in a while 4. Friends galore 5. Gripzilla 6. The wash 

A Listener Production Activate your internet Because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three Two Sorry, still buffering One Ahoi to my Zenith, Hamish. Thank you.

I mean, whether you call me the Zenith, Kenneth, the apex, the climax, the purpose of your whole life. I love these little nicknames that you come up with. Cute. Ahoy to the Observer. Ahoy. This sounds like something in a board game I would play. Characters in a board game.

It also does sound a bit like the show. You just sit over there watching us most people. Sit over there watching the high point. Is this things you need to observe? I mean, I don't know. This might give it away. but I am the horizon. Oh, weird telescope, like a Hubble telescope or something.

We are the three main points of the horizon coordinate system. There is the horizon. Yes. The high point. And then the, yeah, okay. And the observer is... The person looking at it. Yeah.

And why, okay, is that a well-known coordinate system, the horizon coordinate system? It's well enough to be put in front of me with a lot of details about it that I'm skimming through thinking, It's probably a bit boring, but... It was well enough, hey, if it was good enough for chat GP to spit out when Lisey said, hey, can you give me 20 groups of three things,

then it's good enough for us. Take the rest of the week off. Ahoy also to Ella. She went to hamish nanny.com, which you can go any time and tell us what you've been up to by easily uploading a little bit of audio. Ahoy, boys. I'm in Peru at the moment and have been catching up on the podcast. Last week, I did a big track to Machu Picchu,

and I got hit with altitude sickness. and you guys really pulled me through. There's nothing better than listening to an hour of Croc Wars wrap-up at 4,600 metres elevation. So thanks for that, and I've been practicing my Spanish, so apologies for the pronunciation, but much o gusto. Adios. Nice. Donata.

I think she must have been going back to the start, which is our preferred recommendation of intake of the pod. I was thinking, would we ever run a system where if you, no, I know, it sounds a bit pyramid scheming. And it might be. But where if you can get a new listener to the podcast and you can get them to go through the whole back catalogue and catch up, you get yourself a coin.

Hard to police. Yeah, it is hard to police. But there would be a... There's a comprehension test. There'd be a comprehension test. And we would also pressure test both parties to prove that they had done this. Yeah.

That's a great system. If you get a friend on board... And you make them... And they go back through all the EBS. Yeah. And then they've got a comprehension test of 10 questions. Yeah. How many do they have to get, though?

Because we can't even remember what we did. No, I'm just trying to think, what is going to stop two people that have already listened to all the EBS. One, to play awesome and to pretend to play doggo and go, yeah, yeah, I'd never heard of you guys before. And then they just cheat to get a coin. Submit all IP addresses, and we see if you've ever downloaded the show. Yep. It gets tricky. Yeah.

Maybe we come, and also a coin is a coin's a lot. lot. Do we go... But we don't have a way to give away coins with special skills on the bench. What about with this? Why don't we go over the government mandated break? We'll give away a coin to the person that can recruit the most new listeners. And then you come to us with evidence that you've been doing the work of the pod.

Missionaries. Going out and recruiting new converts. And if you're the key... I know this is not what the church does, but if you're the head missionary, you get a prize. Church doesn't do that. I think they're pretty much just like anyone's great. we're not going to pit you against each other. But that's the, you know, we do that.

Okay. I think we still need a comprehension start. Yeah, but then I think if we've got people... Now it sounds like we need like 50 comprehension tests. No, but then I think we've got people going, oh, look, I've got 100 new followers for you guys. We're really just, you know, we're going to the big fish to go, okay, great. But how do we know?

But how do we know? What stops me sending that email tomorrow? Hey, I hadn't planned this out, all right? We get a haul and we get all the new followers. is to come and we pressure test them. We'll have a thing about it. I like it, but we'll jump into this for the meantime. This sounds like this sounds like this sounds like this.

If this sounds like that I'm your man. Andy Lee, Segment Sleuth. Sometimes it's Song Sleuth, sometimes it's Segment Sleuth. Something happened in Segment Sleuth that has never ever happened before where a few weeks ago I pointed out that there was an article written by Nine Honey, which is an last sign article, talking about crumpets and how they're fluffier in Queensland and not so fluffy and more dense in the more southern states.

This is obviously, if we went through it, a direct replica of the findings Hamish made when he was blowing something wide open. brought to me by a loyal detective of the show. Haim, the first time ever, segment sleuth has yielded and forced a public apology from Nine Honey. They've apologised. They have apologised in an open letter that they put and they put out as an article as an apology.

I've taken some of the excerpts from it, but this is what they had to say in relation to us calling them out on the pod. Dear Hamish and Andy, I'd like to start off by recognising that you boys did do the Crumpet Taste Test first. Yes, you may have been the first to take the debate to a public platform, but it's a battle that's lived in the mind of Queenslanders for years. Sure, maybe a bit of inspiration was taken listening to podcasts during the hours-long drive from Sydney to the Sunshine Coast.

However, I do have one apology to make, and it's directly to you, Hamish. Nine Honey recognises that Hamish Blake is the guy that does first impressions of crumpets and recognises the fluffiness without tasting. We made a mere comparison that in no way matched up to the expertise of Mr Blake's professional observation. I think in today's increasingly fractured society, we stand no chance of advancing as a unified society

if we can't celebrate those that put their hand up and say I was wrong and I want to learn and do better. So I say the nine honey, I unreservedly accept your apology. That's lovely. It is so lovely. Now, obviously, segments, not long ago, I bought up Amy Poehler, was talking about the Volkswagen Tiguan in an ad and did use the phrase, Must Be Nice.

It did put her on a watch list for us. It was like, hey, we're not saying that it's taken anything from our show. We don't have a monopoly on the, those three words being together, and we don't, as much as we like to think, have a monopoly on all Tiguan promotional materials. I got sent there so many times, though. This is Amy Poehler and Kristen Wig. Well, you guys can be the judge.

Have listened. Do you have that thing sometimes where you feel bad for inanimate objects? Yes, so do I. But I think that's like a thing. Do you have that thing where you feel bad for inanimate objects? Now, obviously, we're in our world. To their credit, though, Kristen, we've got a bloody good one. I remember so specifically I was in the bathroom and you know how you have like, it's like a pill thing.

And maybe it's like, I don't know if it was like allergy pills and you pop them through. And there's like two, right? And I needed two. But there was one left over. And so I grabbed that one and then one from the other one. And my dad was like, why didn't you just get two from this one? I was like, well, that one's been by itself for so long. And I feel like he thought that was cute,

but I wonder if he was like, oh, no. Look, I'm going to give him a pass. Yes, A, hilarious. And also B, Kristen bought it to the show. That wasn't Amy leading it. So I feel, if the guest brings it, what can you do? What can you do? What can you do?

Yeah, we're going to go along with it. So another pass, another pass for me, for Polar. Got in trouble with Beck the other day, booking a restaurant. An area that you think you couldn't get in trouble with, but she was in the car. I called the restaurant and she didn't think that I was,

I didn't say thank you at the end. I thought my, to the restaurant. To the restaurant at the call. But I thought my tone insinuated thank you. So we get off the call and she's like, he was so rude, you didn't say thank you. And I said, oh, I think my tone made it definitely imply to thank you. What did you end with? What did you say? Well, so I spent this morning

trying to recreate the call and I've been calling Beck back and forth to play it to her to make sure that she's happy with my representation of the call and then you guys will get to hear it and you can decide how it went. Okay. Okay. So this is me actually calling Beck to get sign off on the accuracy. The accuracy of the call and this happened early on. Hello? Hey, Becca. How are you? Hi, good. Sorry to bother you.

Remember when we were booking dinner at Bistro Elba and you said I was rude to the lady on the phone? No. Well, we were driving along and I said, I've made the booking and you said I didn't say thank you at the end and I thought that the tone implied thank you. I mean, probably, but... I just want, okay, I've just recreated this.

the conversation. So I just wanted to check whether you're happy with this representation of what happened and then I can present to the guys. Okay, well, I don't remember it, but sure, go for it. Hello, Bistro Elba. Hey there, guys, it's Andy here. Beck and I were just wondering

whether there's a chance we could come in for dinner tonight, 8 o'clock. Yeah, that shouldn't be a problem. Yeah, we've got space for you. Just come on in. Amazing. See you then. That was very chirpy. I think that was the amount of chirp I had.

I don't think so. I think that sounds like, yeah, that's too chirpy. Okay. You weren't that. You wouldn't have been that chirpy. If I down the chirpy. Okay, if I pull back the chirpia a little bit, have you got the sign off that I can resent that?

I mean, yeah, sure, go for it. Okay, thanks, Steve. Appreciate it. Sorry, I know you're busy. Bye. So I did down the chirp a bit. I sent it back. I mean, it always happens whenever you like reply,

whenever you reenact something in front of your partner, you're always 50 to 80% better sounding than you were on the moment. Yeah. So I've, I really did it again. I've down the chirp a bit. Sent it back to Beck. She's like, yes, that's right. That's how it was.

I think I'm unders now, just so you know. But just want you guys to now hear the call. And tell me whether you think it's rude. Hello, Bistro Elba. Hey there, guys. Andy here. Just wondering whether Becca and I could come in for dinner tonight, maybe eight o'clock.

Yeah, that shouldn't be a problem. Yeah, we've got space for you. Just come on in. Great. We'll see you then. How was that? I think I might. I mean, I could see you do that.

I could see you doing that if you're busy. Yeah, less chirpy. actually felt like it wasn't an implied thank you. First one, I would have said implied thank you. But surely, great to see you then. You don't need to go, oh, thank you so much. No, no one's saying that, baby. Just say thanks.

Because let's remember, a booking is always a favour from the restaurant. It's not like you're paying. It's a favour to go, yeah, we'll hold a table for you. Is it? Yeah, because you could no show and then ruin their night. If they held a table to 8 o'clock and you just, decided not to turn out. They can't do anything about that. So it is a favor. They're going, I trust you'll be there. And you go, thanks for your trust, if you had to spell it out.

Okay. So you feel like I was rude. Well, it doesn't, we wouldn't kill you to say thanks. Are you on a first name basis with them? Because you say Andy, me and Beckham, we go there all the time. Okay. So even worse, because they're friends of yours. Oh, gosh. I really don't think we should have to go, thank you so much. No one's asking for a gush. You're just saying thanks. Amazing, see you then.

Yeah, you didn't sound like you're amazed. Well, I feel like I got pulled back. Do you think Amazing saves you? Yeah. Saying it's amazing, it's the same as a thank you. Yeah. I think a dulled Amazing actually sounds more offensive. Amazing.

Amazing, see you there. It sounded like, oh. The problem has been here. I've been like, Beck drilled me down too far on chirp. I was much chirpier than that. I reckon she's right. Hame, towards the back end of the year, this game becomes extremely difficult,

where a lot of people still write in wanting to roll the dice, but they have to try and tell us someone we haven't thought of in a while. We're about to jump into the game. There's a little space in the opener. for one of us to yell at it. Personally, we haven't thought of in a while. Jack's elected to be the yeller today. I remember, Jake, the rules are it has to be since the start of the year.

Yes, I think I've got a great one. Okay. Do it. It's been a while since I've thought. About jumping gyatrama. Oh, good. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's been a while since I've seen them. The part of my brain, the part of my brain that at PubTruy trivia will, when the true answer is revealed, wants to go, yes, I was thinking that, but you weren't thinking that you just know that in retrospect. Yes. You know how your brain goes, I think, was I about to say that? And then you have to be honest with yourself and go, no, no, you just understood the answer. And you're confusing that with almost having had it.

Jack, how old are you now? I'm 37. 37, yeah. There's now, you're not, we can't even turn to you for young things anymore. Oh, God, no, no, no. There'd be, there's, anyone under 30. I'm not baby boomer. Anyone under 30 wouldn't know who jumping jitima would, is.

What Olympics? He was 2000. Was it Sydney Olympic? Yeah. Okay. And what made him exciting for me as a 13 year old, 12 year old was that he won a silver medal for a long jump, but also ate McDonald's and smoke cigarettes and skateboarded. And it was like, oh, look at this anti-athlete.

Yeah. So cool. It still gets off the ground. Haim, tell us people sitting in hats. Tell us what hats are got there. Make sure. We have got hat number one. It is a light burgundy.

I like this hat. It's a dad cap. It's got the kind of the fabric buckle fastener at the back. It can be a bit fiddly to tighten on your head, but you'll give it a pass. It's just a nice cotton dad hat, embroidered logo. It's by a company called Ranger, the outdoor people. I don't know who they are and I think in the category of outdoor people

more people come to mind first but Ranger if you say you're the outdoor people there's only one way to get it out there and that's put it on a hat and have people know that there's a new outdoor people in town or rather out of town in the wild that would be my preferred as I look at them that's just a nice kind of worn wine colour hat

well I do you know who made this hat that I'm holding now this is a stiffer this is I think yeah suspected as much It's a normal snapback, but it's the AS color snapback. Oh, yeah. We've come across these before. It's a sturdy, decent hat. What's the logo?

Oh, we'll get to it. More of a cotton. What do they call that, like a drill? Cotton, like a thicker cotton. And who is the logo for? Kingston Crum. Kingston Crum. The biscuit-themed band that played at ConConn last year.

Sorry, that is my favorite. Who wouldn't want a Kingston Crum hat? I hope no one goes with this so I can have a Kingston Crum hat. The boys did excellently last year at Concon, They played, if you remember the schedule, they played during the biscuit hour before the first session of KongCon. And I think they played the interval too. In the interval as well. And they change all their songs, do you biscuit-themed songs.

So love that, little nod to our favourite conference band. Then we come to, what I'm going to have to say is a perplexing hat. This is a mess. This is a mess. It's not even a five-panel cap, but it's kind of like that. It's kind of made of a shiny nylon. Yeah. The brand, it's like a parachute, like a lightweight running hat.

But then on the front, it's been like an iron transfer print. So it's a bit stiff on that material. It's going to peel off. The company, I'm sure they do a great job of what they're known for. But it's Sandsworth and Sons professional hedge cutters. Okay. But then there's also the brand of the hat on the front of the hat, Evo hats, on the front of the hat with their edge cutting.

Cut some of the wordage off the hat would be my advice. You guys know about cutting hedges, but you've butchered the front of the hat. Shocker. It probably is. Like I said, if I was going to get a hedge cut, I'd go to these guys. If I was going to get a hat, I wouldn't. Avoid them at all costs. Yeah.

First up, we've got Blake, I believe. Blake, ahoy to you. O'oy, fellas, and the little boy. And congratulations, I'm on the gigantic peak. Thank you. We are trying to keep it behind us as much as we can. Blake, tell us something we haven't thought of for a while. I'm thinking, poorly sure.

No, sorry, mate. You thought, yeah. Yeah, I was explaining Encino Man to my nephews the other day. They'd be right in the hidden zone for that. And Beck didn't know what I was talking about. So I got the trailer up. Hasn't aged as well the Encino Man. Really?

Yeah, yeah. Because from what I remember, it was just charming documentary about a hunk that was frozen in a pool and Pauly Shore excavated him and boarding back to life. Yeah. And then from what I could tell from the trailer, the Neanderthal man was a bit handsy like Neanderth. Well, they were. They were. I mean, it's an uncomfortable truth. I'm not saying we'd hold them up as an idol, but they were. So sorry, Blake, unfortunate for you. Rachel, how are you? Hello, Rach. Hello, Rach. Hi. My person's Aristotle.

Aristotle? Great, great one. Great one. One of the classics. One of the OG celebrities. Yeah, exactly. We thought of Aristotle specifically. I mean, he was a great thinker. Was there something specific his phone? What was one of his big hits? I want to say buoyancy. I want to say, didn't he?

Or is that Archimedes? That was Archimedes. We were arguing over about heavy things falling faster and how they don't. Oh, yes, it was at him. One of the things he believed. Gotcha. All right. So he was, but I mean, Newton did gravity.

That was sort of he was famous. for that, but was Aristotle sort of watching Newton do it? Like the warm-up, was he the opening act? Gallo was in there as well. Yeah, he was planets and shit. Was he? But it's amazing Aristotle becomes household name just for like

heavier things don't... Oh, it's pretty good. It's all right. It's a good theory. He did a lot of other stuff. No, it's true. And this is exactly what it would have been like back in whatever century it was. I'm just going to throw it out there about, I don't know, 600s?

in Greece or Italy or wherever Aristotle grew up and it would have been exciting chat like this as people thought about his ideas and debated them Jack so you've proved why he was a household name he got you talking he got you talking

you had to pick aside with Aristotle but he's like a pop star who was a hunk but you don't remember any of their songs like he's obviously got a bigger name than actually he's here I think if you bought up some of his stuff well we can't

I think it's like it's sort of like bands where you go, yeah, I think I know some Billy Joel songs, and then you go through just how many hits he has. You go, oh my God, actually, yeah, this guy deserves being in that person. Billy Joel is more like Newton in that sense because we know a heap of Billy Joel hits. Yeah.

But I think there's a lot of stuff that Aristotle would have discovered that you use every day that you're not giving credit to him for. Jack, you're not better than Aristotle. I think you're in. I think we can't say we thought of Aristotle for a lot. long time. Rachel, what hat would you like? Who would you like? I would love the Kingston Cums. Smart.

Well, great. Well done. With Aristotle. Coming your way. Thank you. Marlon, ahoy to you. Hi, boys. Happy birthday, Andy. I don't celebrate them. What? Mate, you love it. Tell us some of we haven't thought of in a while.

I'm thinking Jeff Jans, the Australian chef, TV chef. That's not bad. Yeah, I think Huey and Gabrielle Gathe, just soak up a lot of the attention there and Jeff Jans is able to fly under the radar and not be thought about it. Do you know who we're talking about, Jack?

I don't know, I know Huey, obviously. In Huey Hewitts, and there was kind of the big three. We're talking about late 90s. We're cooking TV chefs, yeah. Before they became reality shows, you'd just watch them cook, and that was enough. He's probably the most famous Jeff, Jack, in Australia. That's true, probes to be on there.

Bezos has got out of point. But you're right, he's top three, Jeff. Even for Australian, Jess, though, I would say Jeff from the Wiggles. Yeah, Jeff Thompson, great fast bowler. Yeah, look, no, he's probably using the most famous Jeff, but I'll tell you what, I don't think we've thought of him this year. And it does count because we do know who you're talking about. So do you want the Ranger, the Outdoor People hat or the mess?

The mess of the hedge-cutting hat. Mate, I'll have to go for the Ranger hat. Yeah. You'll enjoy it. Do you know who Ranger the Outdoor people are? Love them. Absolutely love them. Yeah.

So we're all the things. Have it on the hat now. Yeah, no indoor stuff. Amarlah, thank you. Andy, wrap this up for us. Tell us some we haven't thought of in a while. I'm hoping you haven't thought of busy rascal in a while. Oh, did a listen to Fix Up look sharp on the weekend.

Oh, wow. We would think it were talking about because my son does drums at school. And I always get a bit carried away. Definitely now that we're talking about it, living out my own fantasies through him. But I play him songs. Because every year they have to do a drum recital at school. So I play him, and literally next week he's playing in the air tonight by Phil Collins.

Because I told him, mate, you do this song, you'll bring the house down. So I was playing him some songs up for next year. Yeah. Like an iconic beat. So sorry, mate. Sorry, Andy. But look, to be honest, you've avoided the mess of a hat. It was a lose, lewd situation for you.

And you can only, and here's me trying to make, you know, my son fall in my drumming footsteps. And you look at Answorth and son's proficient. edge cutters. And you just wonder if maybe Annsworth's hearing this and going, did I force the sons into hedge cutting edges of their own volition? Or was it my dreams? So unfortunately, no hat for you, but some good reflection for us all. That's all. My wife's making me throw out my hats anyway, so that works. Sorry, we couldn't help you with one. Hey, M alert, listener Nov from the UK has written in saying long-time listener,

first-time writer, you can hit us at hamish-shaddy.com, love the pod. Can I request bringing back one of my all-time favorite segments of yours, and please bring it back on a regular basis, we can't promise that, but friends galore. Yeah, we can play one-off friends galore. Yes. Essentially, this is a game where Jack is the best quiz master and he comes in and gives us two liked personalities or liked companies and we have to guess

who has more friends on Facebook. You're on Facebook still? I've updated to Instagram as per the emails a request. He said that he was just more. Facebook was the dominating force back five or ten years ago when we used to play. This is now, I guess it's followers galore, isn't it? Because I mean, Friends was the Facebook thing.

But that's all right, we can adapt. Yep. But wasn't it, didn't you do stuff, Jack, from my memory, it's been a while since we've played, but it would be like, I don't know, like Tom Hanks or Lam Shanks or something. And I have, I've managed to link them. I mean, it is a bit of a stretch with some of them,

but they're linked. Oh, I remember the stretching. Well, great, we haven't deferred from what people love about the game. Nov. If it's a unique about this game is Hamish, you and I play together. We will battle Nov. And if we are successful in picking who's got more friends or followers, best two out of three, we will not send them anything, but we'll send Nov a token of no value.

If triumph, let's jump into it. A big company or Miley, Jack's looked it up so we will know the score. Who's got friends galore? All right. When the morning it comes in, when the nerves start coming in, I was going to say, I was going to say,

it's that when you hear that, is that a harmonica, is it? Because I was going to say when you hear that soothing, weird saxophone, actually, probably is.

Your call, Jack. I think it might just be a synth. Yeah, yeah, yeah, anyway. Okay, we've done instruments galore. Let's do followers galore. Okay, so we're going off Instagram now, so no longer friends, but who has more followers out of Timothy Shalameh and Calloway golf?

Good. I think Shal Shamele. I'd go Shamaulay. Yeah, absolutely. I think it's, I don't even think it's close. And what are you going to put Timothy Shalame? Shalemaleigh. Shalame.

Shalame. Shalame at, I'd put him at 7 million. I'm going to put him at 13.5. and I think Calloway is at around about five. Yeah, you're correct. He killed him. 19.7 million to Calloway's 2.1 million. Yeah.

Well, that's an easy one for us, but... Bad luck and of. Next one, Jack. Who has more followers? Husey or the Mad Hueys? Really good one. I think it's going to be the Mad Hueys. Explain to us the Mad Hewis?

The Mad Hewis, I think they just do YouTube videos about fishing and surfing and being mad dogs. Just being mad dogs. Yeah. Just being, and a lot of merch. You see a lot of mad Huey stuff around. And I like what they stand for. They're the ones that are having a great time. It's more than you do a shooey at Mick Fadding's Golf Day.

Yeah, yeah. I've only just got rid of the temporary tattoo that was shooey's for hughies. Okay, yeah. From Mick Fadding's Golf Day. So you know you're in for it when you go anywhere near the orbit of the hughies. You're going to get dragged behind a speedboat

or you're going to have to do a shooie or. But, you know, that's what they, that's what they, They live for and I support it. Australia's most beloved comedian. It's been around for a long time. Yeah, but the mad Huey's like their world is like YouTube and social media. They're doing more exciting stuff than Husey. No offence to Husey, but I think he'd have to admit they're more high octane than him.

And I think that's what gets eyeballs. He's mainly just complaining about something that's happened. Or standing in front of a comedy poster, but someone's drawn a dick and balls on his head. So are we going, man. and going, but I've still got tickets of the Wongong show. But in the words of Husey, and I think he'd appreciate this.

No, we love him, and he's a good guy. Yeah. Which is Husey's trick, I have to make a joke about, so I just... Hey, no, I love him. So you think Manned Huisy. I do love Housy, and I... But I do think Manned Hueys have got him on that.

I'll go home on this one. You've got it. What's the score there, Jack? $407,000 for Hueys versus Husey's 287,000 Followers. All right, so tight. Tighter.

Okay, let's just play the last one for fun. Who has more followers? Amy Shark? Mm-hmm. Or the Cronulla Sharks? For those who don't know, the Cronulla Sharks are an NRL team, rugby league in Australia. Amy Shark is a women's netball team from... Oh, I'm not saying.

That was the Darwin Netball team. It also has a seat that doesn't rotate because she's on Australian Idol, opposed to the voice. that do have rotating seats locked down seat I'm going to think about all the seat content you would or wouldn't do showing us the underneath of the idle seat

to show how locked down it is I'm going Amy I think Amy yeah only because naturally if you're a sporting team with there's heaps of other teams in there so say if there's I don't know 20 teams in your league

you're always going to be one you're going to divide the whole the whole following by... Pretty rare to follow a team that's not yours on Instagram. Very rare. Like, I just like to be across all the teams to see what's going on to the clubs.

And I don't think people are as fierce about... But you wouldn't go, yeah, well, I already also like a different female superstar. I quite like Cia, so I... I like Juolita. Yeah, it's a multiplier to go,

okay, well, I like them both. Yeah, no, I think Amy's got it. Yeah, you got it. Well done. God, look at us going, oh shit, work at a bloody social media agency. Amy's 245,000 versus the Cronulla Sharks, 173,000. Still close. Both nothing to sneeze at.

And Husey can know that he's easily got the Cronulla Sharks. Yep, he does. And Nov has nothing. Oh, yes, we didn't. I'm so sorry. No. But hopefully you enjoyed the game coming back. Oh, boys.

We've been down this path before, but I'm just going to give you a little update of where I'm at. I'm currently trying to resist buying things again for a month. I mean, online I've seen you just see something and buy it. Like it was just tying up your two shoes. Well, they just knows me. I mean, the algorithm is, we've talked about it before. I am just at this absolute mercy.

It's like those old, someone shouldn't, I mean, if I knew how to make memes, Jack, I know you dabbled in the day. Someone actually suggested that now Jack doesn't have a, job will if you go back to memes doing memes. Here's one for you, Jack. I don't know if there's a lot of money in memes. Yeah. Well, back in the, do you remember like in the, I don't know, 90s or whatever, like old wrestling,

I feel like in those like mayhem tag team moments, sometimes it was like eight guys versus one dude. Royal Rumble. Yeah. And that's what it feels like for me. That's just like Instagram ads and I'm just one dude. How could you possibly? Four of them are holding me.

Two of them are like kicking me. They're all picking me up to like spin me around and throw me off the ropes and stuff. So that's, but I'm like, no, no, no, well, if I'm aware of it, I'm going to resist it. And the thing that is trying to get me so hard at the moment is a thing called the Gripzilla, like a grip training thing, right? Why do you need grip? I don't know. Well, we just people, so I think someone, I remember reading.

Is it like sailors that do winding or is it? Just general grip, mate, just in life, you just need to have a strong grip. I remember reading on seeing online. Like, people with the stronger. off doors. Just generally consider if you've got a strong grip, you're a stronger, you're just better at life, you're stronger. You're ready.

You can grip. Just people, man. People want grip strength in life, all right? Right, okay. So that's what, the ad is absolutely ridiculous because it shows a normal man's forearm and then it just cuts to what is clearly a different guy at this massive, like, vainy forearm going,

I can't believe how simple this thing is. I think because I was interested for a moment and I clicked on the ad, and then I went, what am I doing? Clicked out of it. They're like, we got it, right? We know. That's come up every couple of,

that will be my barometer for this year. Do I eventually cave and buy the Gripzilla? We'll check back in. Can I hold out? Here's the thing that I almost bought the other day. And I tried to buy it because I wasn't even thinking. And something went wrong with like the Apple Pay or whatever I was trying to use at the end. And I managed to have a moment of clarity to be like,

Oh my God, what am I doing? And I bailed during the purchase, but because I'd gone all the way through to it being in my shopping car. And it was only because, like, it was doing processing payment, processing payment, it just didn't go through for some reason. They just gave me enough of a moment to go, I've got to get out of here. Like in any scene where a car or something goes into water and the person seems knocked out and they float all the way down. And then came to. Came to. And you could get to the surface.

Yeah, I shouldn't be here. I have to go. And I got out, and it was for a lock-picking device. And you know why I just, like, so effortlessly went through to the checkout? Because the ad was, it's faster than keys. No, it's not. And it was until I was at the checkout that I stopped for a second to evaluate that sentence. They were just saying any old shit to.

me now and I am on the stream on the algorithm where they're like, this guy will believe anything. And so it looks like a leatherman and you just put it in the door and squeeze it. It's like, it's faster than keys. It's faster than keys. Wow. Don't worry about keys anymore. Just pick every lock you come across.

And I've always had a vague interest in learning the skill of lock. Yeah. And I've done it before. Even during COVID, I bought a lock picking set. I couldn't be bothered reading the instructions that I kind of gave up on it. It was like a clear padlock, teaching you how to pick. Annoyingly, now I'm interested in the device. Right.

To see if it is faster than keys. Well, here's the thing. I can forward it to you because the company, so they know, because you put your email address in or whatever, and it's auto filled by the time you get to the checkout. You know how you get those emails? You still have a cart here. So it knows it had me.

And they cannot believe I've left me of all the easiest guy, on the internet to get. It's driving them wild. I'm getting two or three emails a day from them going. Your cart's here. We're going to give you this offer. Did you know about these other things that we've got? We have a motorized box cutter.

You're going to love it. It's just hitting me with all this stuff. And I will hold out. I'll hold out on the lock picking set. But it's almost like they're driven by shame. I think because all the companies know I'm the easiest guy to be. Yeah, yeah. I'm like in Mario Brothers,

very first little brown monster that comes along and you jump on his head and bounce on it. What are they called, Jack? The Gumpers? Gumbas, yeah. It's like if, like, all the other brands have got me so many times. Yes. And it's like, and they're just like, you can't even beat, you can't get this guy past level one. Like, mate, we've, we've sold him so many things.

We've sold him the world's best torch nine times. We've sold him the world's best shorts. Like, how can you not even get him with, he got to the checkout and he didn't buy it? Like, they are humiliated. And you'd think you'll hold out? I want to hold out. Three times a day, you have to have that strength of will. Yeah, I know.

Good luck. And I was like, that's why I came to this place because I'm like, I think I have to publicly say, I will hold out because I know it's not easier than keys. I know it shouldn't be illegal because that was the other thing they say. They always get me with, this should be illegal. And I go, ooh, I'm listening. If this should be illegal, I better get it before the government crashes up on it. This is a safe spot for you.

And look, if there's anyone else out there that is a similar situation to Hayne that's holding out, if they want to come and confess. Yeah, have accountability. It's a good idea. Come to haemshaddy.com. Or if you've bought that lockpicking set, just please let us know. It's not easier than keys. We know it's not easier than keys, but I just want to hear it from someone before I find out for myself.

How are you guys washing your hands? I'm pretty good at it. You're pretty good at it? I mean, I guess it's a hangover from COVID. I was going to say the same thing. I got better during COVID. I got really good. And now I wash it a lot.

I mean, before COVID, I thought hand sanitiser all the way. And then I think we all just got so sick of sanitiser. You're like, you know what? Soap has been the gold standard since bloody the Civil War. They had problems, obviously. They were doing everything right back then. But soap's always been good. And I think it's, I think it's still good enough today.

So I discovered over the weekend that Beck and I wash her hands very differently. Is it a amount of soap used? Are you doing the toothpaste distribution? She keeps her hands underneath the water for the whole time. No. You've got to teach the kids as well. Don't do that. No, you don't do that.

You get a bit of water. You get your hands wet. Thank you. Great. I'm feeling great about this. You get your hands wet. You pull away. You put a twill away.

20 cent piece amount, or less probably for you, Tick-Tac size, whatever, and then get a good lather. Yes. Lather is the secret because all soap is, if you want to get really sciencey about it, water is wet. So soap makes water wetter. So soap reduces the surface tension of the water. So it means it can get into the cracks better.

That's what soap does. And you need a bubble to grab the dust. You need froth. You need froth through that. If you just put your hands straight back under the water, you just wash the soap. It's like when I'm in the shower with the kids and, you know, when they're little, you're like, all right, wash your hair. You put the shampoo in their head and they just rinse it straight.

They don't even work it in. So this is a thing. So then I said to make it straight off. You have to cook the soup. I said, she said to me, we're in the, we're at an Airbnb. Yep. And the tap was coming down quite tight to the basin. Yep.

And she said, well, gosh, the tap's quite tight to the basin. And a friend who also was staying with, he said, yeah, I noticed that. a three-way wash. He said, I noticed that. And I said, I didn't notice that. And so I went back in just to see, and I washed my hands again, and there was no problems. And I said, no, I think the tap's fine. They're like, it doesn't allow you to sit underneath the tap while you're washing your hands. And I said, you don't need to. But both of the, I felt like the idiot. So almost the sink was too small that were like, you get it, like it's spraying water out? Well, no, it's just like they would have like, they keep their hands underneath. When you're

doing that bit where you rub your hands. So it was just an awkward. It was at an awkward height where they had to crash. They felt it was awkwardly tight to the back wall. Quite simply this is solved by all the, every government, I mean, you think it would be redundant, but didn't every government bring out a poster on how to wash your hands? Every state government, wherever you went, it was like, here's how you wash your hands. Wet.

Take them out. Take them out. Lather them up. They usually put a ridiculous time on like 30 seconds. Yeah. No. Just get a louder. It's like when they had a song.

I don't know if it was staying alive or I was getting it mixed up with doing CPR, but they said like Sing saying alive while you're washing your hands. Wasn't there something like sing it twice? Yeah, well, whatever it is too long. Yes. And you're like, well, they just want us to go longer than what we were going. So when I go longer than what I was going... You know, it should be like, lather up your hands

to the point where you're noticing you're going over the same area twice. Yeah. Because during the song, you're like, well, where else do I rub? I mean, my hands are only so big. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm glad to sort of that out. But I also think we've probably done a community service. Speaking of hands-handizing the last bit here,

on this, like, you know, the echo of COVID, if you are in a pinch for hand sanitising, and because you get a bit more thingy about it with kids too, because they're just at school. Like, we're always like, straight inside the house, wash your hands. Like, the easiest way to not get sick. But we're like, I was,

I got used to the automatic sanitizers around, like, buildings and stuff, if you couldn't wash your hands. Seamed Airport, still shopping centers. We've got some here in the building that I occasionally go to. but I reckon 90% of the automatic sanitizers you see in public places now just haven't been refilled since COVID. No way. Like you go to himself and put your hand under and the machine's like, Hello?

Oh my God. No, sanitiser. Oh, I haven't heard that day for a long time. He said never get anything out. Oh, six way out. Oh, sorry, maybe next week. Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week.

Catch up or contribute at hamish and Andy.com.