Hamish & Andy - 2025 Ep 317 - ⁠Unlimited Popcorn, Limited Trust

Episode Date: November 12, 2025

Hamish admits to a grave mistake he made during last week’s award ceremony for the “Most Irrelevant Purchase” in his family’s household. The boys belt out some tunes in the final Jingle Joust of the year. Hamish investigates the fine print behind the “unlimited” popcorn offer at the cinemas, and everyone’s favourite cleaning game returns - “The Lady of Stain!”. 1. Irrelevant purchase retraction 2. Jingle joust 3. Unlimited popcorn 4. The Lady of Stain 

A Listener Production Activate your internet Because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three Two Sorry, still buffering One Ahoy to me mezencephalon Hamish

A bit obvious, but play on. Ahoy to me porn. Jack. Okay, well, there's no mega cephalons in chess with the pawns. That's true. Is there a megacephalon hub that's a well-known website? And I'm a medulla obligata.

Oh, that's a, I do know what that is. That's part of the brain, I think. Hey, brain on the. Just using the old megacephalon to work things out, you know? Congrats on the megacephalon, home. The mesemcephalon. Very megacephalon. Congrats on the megacephalon, ham.

Uppermost part of the brain stem, you are ham, controlling the eye movement. Whatever you see, you're in charge of that. Thank you. The porn, it's spelled P-O-N-S, but pronounced porn. Middle portion of the brain. It's a bridge between the different parts of the brain, regulating. breathing, sleep, some facial movements. That's you, Jack.

You are the middle, you are the middle part of the brain on the show. Breathing is so essential. So essential. I think we, you know, all of us, well, we thank you for your work. All of us have a role to do. And when the bits of the brain... There is ways to get around side. This is why the bits of...

Live people, for instance, they're in perfectly fulfilled life. They're not using you at all. This is why parts of the brain aren't allowed their own brain. because then there would be too much bragging going and they wouldn't get any work done. No, no, it is a team game. Yes, the brain.

The medulla obligata is the lowest part of the brain, so I connect directly to the spinal cord and I'm controlling the heartbeat, blood pressure, also helping out with breathing. So obviously, it's not. No, that makes more sense. I didn't think Jack could do it on his own. Now we get the full picture.

What a surprise. You're taking credit for the full breathing system. No, I'm doing the head. We'll see. I am guiding. I've got a guiding hand on your back, Jack, as you pedal the wheels, but there's no way I'll let it go. You're Maggie Simpson's steering wheel in the open credits of the Simpsons. Ahoi also to Mike in South Africa, who I went to Hamishnanad.com and used the very easy-to-use upload audio system. Oh, God. Ahoy, boys. Mike from South Africa here. So I want to give you insight into a wonderful Australian tradition from the perspective of an art site. so I was in Oz earlier this year for a wedding and at the wedding a song came on that I'd

ever heard before and it was a really really weird selection the song was about horses and it sounded cheesy and a bit weird but everyone around me was screaming along as if it was some sort of household song everyone should know and I felt like I'd woken up in an alternate universe where I just didn't know what the whole is going on and that's weird right because you know the classics everyone sings along to you something like um Sweet Caroline, anyway, I did some research, and I learned about Daryl Braithway, it's the horses. And I can confirm that for the last couple of months, I'll listen to the song basically, like, every day or every second day, because it's such a banger. Even though it sounds aged and weird and dated, it is an absolute masterpiece.

And that allows me to confirm to you that this Australian tradition is valid. Thank you. Once a day is the recommended day. Dose. Minimum. But around cup time and horse racing season, several times a day

is what you can expect, including from Daryl himself generally at the ground, at the track, and he's asked to do an encore, it's just horses over and over again. Horses, horses, horses. I mean, he's still going so strong.

We'd love to see the Braithmate going so strong. I can't call him a friend, that's true. He's only an acquaintance to me, Andy, you won his hand in friendship. I would mean, was it like 15 years ago at a radio show? Yeah, he vouched never to have your number. You know that's true. You and I often still contact each other.

So I think he took the Braithmate competition very seriously. Are you still in contact with Darrell? Really? Andy will often say, Darrell's allowed to say hi. Sometimes he says say hi to Haymish, but he'll never, never, ever are we allowed to communicate? Because I lost, I lost the challenge. Most recently, I was, he said congrats on old mates,

the pub that Haymiffs and I have in, you know, And I said, if you would ever go there, would you promise me that you could play horses? And he said, absolutely. Can you imagine? Because we have a bell at old mates, too, like prominent Aussies in there. They ring the bell, the bars shouted. You imagine the scenes of the brave mate ringing the bell and going into just a one-off. Okay.

That's a big accent. That's tantalising. Let's look into getting in the cheapest available flight to New York. I don't know what part of my brain is getting activated there. Not just my brain, to be honest. Part, part. And you wanted the top today. I've got to clear something up from last week.

I'm very happy to admit when I'm wrong, and I made a grave mistake on last week's show. What's it? I had, you might remember, on last week's show, I ran a small award ceremony for the people that have made the most irrelevant and useless purchases in the household, in my household. You went through the top five.

You were five down to two. And then Zoe clipped in with number one, which was a chin strap device. Chin rest to take the pressure off the back of your neck. If you're scrolling too much on your phone. A couple of times this week, I have thought, hey, a bit of chin support would be nice. I mean, it's a serious problem. Busy guy. But it's that funny category of invention where it's like a terrible,

or non-practical solution to a problem that does exist. So it's like we all have bad posture because of phones. No one's whacking a gin restaurant. So they are selling. No, no, no, no, that still remains number one. That still remains number one. Here's the thing. When I made that list up, I was chastised.

I was very honest with myself and the things I'd bought. I was chastising myself because I'd very quickly and impulsively bought the Oakley Mehta glasses. These have the camera in them. You can talk to Meta. There are Raybans that are currently out that do the same thing. But the Oakley ones in you, they're called the vanguard's, and the camera's in the middle. Right. I chastised myself because I bought them immediately after a guy on the golf course told me,

you can just look at the flag and go, hey, matter, how far out of the pin? And it will tell you. And I thought, great, we've cracked it. Like, I just assumed there was a head-up display in there as well. I just got so excited and bought them. After buying them, I learned they can't do that. He'd got confused. have to be linked to a watch and really just tells you what the watch already is telling you

and you could just look at your wrist. So I was like, all right, in that spirit, I might have been a bit too quick to buy these very expensive glasses. Well, you save yourself that glance 18 times a game. It's a glance saver. It certainly is a glance saver. However, if you're wearing the chin rest, you wouldn't be able to go jump at the place. I suppose you can bring the arm up to buy an armrest, so your arm's always at head height. Then you can't swing the club. Anyway, At that time, I was like, hey, you can't even really argue you loved this because of the camera in them. You do own a pair of the Raybans. I got excited before about this invention, and you haven't used the Raybans heaps.

I took them on one holiday, and I got a lot of pictures of the brim of my hat. Because the camera's on the side. Yes. And, you know, it was a sunny holiday. So I'm clicking the button going, this is some amazing candid shots of the camera. kids and, you know, my hat brims in it the whole time. And the cameras, that's not really your perspective because it's on the side of your head. Yeah. Like it's not actually doesn't really feel right. Right. Yeah. Anyway, two things happened during the week. Number one,

the Oakley's arrived. Not saying this was sponsorship because we all know I've already paid for them, but I bloody love them. And I felt like, so you need to retract them from you. And dog. What number were they in the... Two, I think three or two. Okay. So you've, here's the thing. They don't, they're not, they're not what I thought. were for golf, but for bike riding, which is what I actually use them for. They are actually really good. And the camera's on the bridge of the nose. And so that is point of it. So what are you

get for it? Well, you can like, you can film stuff while you're bike riding. You can actually put this thing on called auto-capture, and it makes like a highlight real. So if you were the friend and stuff, you're chatting, you know, it can capture adventure stuff. Don't show the rest of us, though. Relax, mate. I won't. I know your life's too busy for me to send you videos with bike.

Point of view, footage of you riding a bike. Yeah, wow. It's not for you. It's not for you. Not for anyone. However, but also for the kids in the, like when I'm with the kids in the pool, and that's fun too. Like, so I've got these fun little video.

Anyway, I was like, I'm deep in the early stages, but I'm like, they just don't deserve to be on the list. But I also found in the house something that I cannot believe didn't make the list. And I'm costing myself a position here because I'm, the Oakley's are out, and with them go me off the list at number three. Are you going to shuffle? Zoe down to two? No, no.

She stays at number one for the chin rest, but she at least deserves a top three place for something that I forgot she bought. Oh, she bought it. Oh, she bought it. We find all the time in the house. When we're in Uganda earlier this year, as on a family trip, one of the Ugandan people that was showing us around had a tiny phone, like very, very small, like a Zoolander phone almost, like very, very, very small.

Basically the size of a matchbox car, and it was a mini Nokia. Zoe immediately goes, oh my God, that's so awesome. Like, we've been talking about getting a dumb phone or a burner phone for the house as like a house phone. She's like, we have to get one of these. We were in rural Uganda, visiting schools with a charity. And I'm like, all right, well, yeah, we'll try and we'll see if we can find one. And the whole time I was like, I've got to get one of those mini phones.

And I'm like, they're okay, but I don't, I think we might be getting a bit carried away with how good they are. She's like, so small. Very impractical. Anyway, so, like, can't get them until we're in Kampal, like into a city. We get there, we've got, we sort of get there at like three in the afternoon. We're going to dinner at about six or seven o'clock. So it's like, we're going to make a stop to get the phones, right?

To get, I want to get someone's presence as well. Are they a new version of the small phone Nokia or are they just the original small Nokia? Yeah, it's not even, it doesn't even say Nokia. It just looks like a Nokia. Yeah. So it's not a Nokia phone. It just has the look of an old. Nokia, but it's miniature.

There were small ones, but it's way smaller. Way smaller that, okay. Yeah, way smaller. Match box car. Yeah, matchbox car. I stood in a car park with Sunny and Roo just killing to. We had no idea where everyone had gone off to, because those gone off with our guide and Annabella friend that we were there with.

So just essentially me, the kids, and a guy with an AK who we chatted to for a while because he was the car park guard for like two hours in the dusty camp. power, Sunset, just killing time. So calls me and goes, oh, they can get them, but they have to, someone has to, like, go to another shop or, like, go home to get them. Because it's so obviously, like, playing through the nose for these things. Anyway, they come back. I think they paid about 50 bucks each for these phones.

I think so I got five. Right, five of these mini phones, because he's like, these are so funny when you can give me his presents. We get back to Australia, none of them work. No. Not a single one of them work. These mini phones, and so the idea, and so when one didn't work, all the others were opened up and like none of them work, they just have never charged.

No matter what you try, it doesn't like, these mini phones are everywhere all over the house. You look in drawers, ones in my bedside drawer, look in the kids room, like they become like toys. And what's the hope that they would just work one day or that just too hard to throw them out? Because you didn't get any use out of them. Yeah, sunk cost, sunk cost. And the mini phones that have to be in the list. They have to be in the list. Five mini phones from Uganda that don't work.

Yeah, absolutely. So where are you going to put it? I think number three, I think that. replace the Oakley. Compared to what's actually getting used, I did forget about a Woodengraver that I bought, but I do think I'll still use the wooden grover, and I don't

think it will take the list. And I guarantee you won't use the Oakley's in four or five months' time. You are wrong, sir. They have become a part of my head. That was the second most impactful story from Africa. There's something crazy

that happened to me in Africa that I haven't told you about, but it's never told you at the time, and we've not, we're out of time now, but I might... No, tell it. Now I want to know. No, it's big. It's graphic as well. Oh.

I'll tell you another time. No, I'll tell you another time. But if you ever feel like it, just bring it up and go, hey, Haim, tell us the Africa thing that happened, and then it's on you. Okay. Okay, okay. Hey, and the government mandated break is hurtling towards us, the rate of knots. Only a few more shows for the year, and then we are mandated by the government.

Stop. Obviously, we'll fight that through the whole of summer. And they mean well. They mean well. They have our best interests at hearts. They invent this law to stop year-round podcasters burning out. Nanny State, though, I reckon. Yeah, it just a blunt instrument.

It's just not the solution for us. We crave working. Cove work. And they stop us from doing it. And that's a bloody shame. But anyway, we're not here to lament it. We all know the law. We all know, you know, we'll fight the good fight as hard as we can.

Probably, yeah, not till March, we'll come back. Exactly. We have time, though, for one more jingle, joust before the end of the year. For people who aren't familiar with this, and if you're first time listening to the podcast, welcome, by all means. Gusto to you. But we have a competition between the three of us where we pull a random company out of a hat and then a random song out of a hat.

And then you have to create a jingle for that company out of that song. Yep. Jacko, do you want to go first today? I'll go first. I drew Tesla, not known for jingles. I couldn't name their current jingles. Not until now. They're going to like this.

Simply the test. There are companies that just don't need or want for a jingle, aren't that? I think the general rule, I would love as a separate game to play is like, what is the highest value item a company with the jingle sells? Because I think it's like brands, you know, You know, it's like, you know, the door shops. Some of electric goods, I suppose. But I think once you climb up in value per item of what you're selling,

the frequency of jingles does die out. Would O what a feeling be class as a jingle? Yeah. Catchphrase? No, I can. Yeah, I reckon that's probably the highest end. But it's not the jingles that we're trying to make, which is the classic ones that you don't get as much anymore.

Like, you ought to be congratulated. Yeah, yeah. So, Tesla, obviously, maybe not the first electric car, but famous for being an electric car, and I got this song by Abba. See, it's not rhyming with Tesla straight away. That's right I'm always listening out for it. What is he going to have to try and maneuver in?

So that seems to me straight off the bat as a tougher assignment. Okay. Here is Tesla's new jingle. Drive without gasoline Run your car off a battery The car you need Ends with Esla and it starts with tea Oh no

You can drive You can drive right past the servo if you like Ends with Esla Starts with tea Runs off a battery A bit of repetition No, that's clever I was like that's a key bit of advertising

Is it the power of repetition? Yes, so that when people are like What's that electric car called Ends with Esla starts with T, Tesla Got it Got it Too many companies Break up their name

Which is the most important thing Ends with soft Start with Micromed It's with Oka-Cola. Starts with C. That is the dream for me. I mean, it's pretty good

as a skeleton system. Well done, Jack. Well done for weaving it in. Who wants to go? Do you want me to go next? You go next. And I see I spy here only because I'm the one who fires these off that yours is a minute 41,

which is breaking the rule. That is a violation. I got in trouble the first week for doing too much. I thought that we had to do it. It's a Super Bowl ad. Yeah, well, it's their big sale. It's their big, it's their big sale and they needed. I mean, even if it was a Super Bowl ad and you saw a minute 41,

you'd be like, this better have like Robert De Niro and Beyonce in it. It's too long, probably. But I've, I got Fisher and Pichel was the brand luxury dishwashers, cooktops. It's kind of brand that you, I'm surprised they don't have. have a jingle. Well, I thought that, but then when I went on their website, they're very, like, they're priced themselves as high-end and they're positioning themselves as, like, design and in contemporary.

So it didn't feel like... Again, too premium, you reckon for a jingle? Yeah, it didn't seem like they wanted to have a jingle. I got... Oh, that might change. That might change. Once we send this to Head Office. I got Wonderwall, which is timely because of a waste of... Yeah.

Oh, yeah. You can see how it's turned to a long... Yeah, there's a lot of held notes. There's a lot of held notes. So the information is hard to get a... But that's powerful in a stadium, less powerful in a marketing message. I mean, when you're buying airtime going,

yeah, but our jingle has several words that last seconds and seconds that we're hanging on to, they go, can we write a quicker jingle? It's costing us double the ad time. Agreed. So... That's the rules. I've got...

them, look, the advantage for me was Wonderwall does kind of run with Fisher and Park Hall, you know? Oh, yeah. So I had that advantage. That wasn't the hard part. Just so you know, everything I say is true from what they provided on the website here. And I've pitched it though as a big sale and that's why they've gone

for the extra long advert. Okay. You don't get intros this big, do you, with most jingles? Today, it's our birthday, so there's store-wide savings for you. Cooktops with auto safety stop are 30% off brand new. We don't believe our competitors have deals like we can do for you now. Cooking, ventilation, dishwashers, laundry, outdoor, cooling, we've got it all. Combie steam, ovens that's self-clean, delivered free to your house.

Double draw dishwashers that run quiet as a mouse Go and ask our friendly staff about the deals that we can do To make you say wow Oh look at this deal wow Like 20% of an integrated wine fridge With a smartphone remote temperature adjust switch There's so many appliances that are dying to leave our store and join your house.

It's crazy, crazy, an insane amount of savings with deals for all at Fisher and Pichol. Appliances designed for a changing world. Not a jingle. It's a whole song. It's an operator. It's probably going to just

done the chorus. Yeah, but it's like it's like when you see a car yard ad in the country where like, you know, Darrell Althington's done his own ad. So it's the shidness of a self-ad but with the expense of paying

for the rights to Wonderwall. This is a fine. This is a $5 million dollar ad, but it's all gone to buying the music, right? Haim. Okay, well, talking of high-end, I mean, it doesn't get much higher end than the brand that the hat delivered me, Rolex. Rolex bosses, Swiss excellence. Certainly haven't seen a jingle from Rob.

I have not seen Federer or Tiger Woods or any of the Rolex ambassadors sing along to the jingle on the company's ads. But Rolex, known for excellence. The inventors of the wristwatch, really, made it famous. If you're keen on your watch history. Tough one because of the song I drew. Great song.

But as soon as you hear it, you'll go, oh, yeah. The famous bit isn't words. Seven Nation Army by the Whitestrike. That's the famous. It's actually one of the, only, like, hit songs without a chorus. It doesn't have a chorus.

That's the chorus. The chorus is guitars and drums. So do you try to sing to that? I'm just letting you know the creative challenge that we faced. There's some dozy's in there. So, Rolex, fascinating. I mean, Rolex, if you, again, like, the actual history of Rolex is fascinating. Because, of course, like, there have been around since, you know, well over 100 years.

And they wind up watches, like, they're automatic. They don't have a battery. the mechanism inside of the spring. They invented that whole movement. But then when digital came along in the 80s, everyone was like, uh-oh, like you're paying thousands of dollars for Rolex and now like we have digital watches.

But they doubled down and just went ultra luxury and survived. So I was like, we've got to celebrate the fact. No, no, no, you need that. We need the backstory. Okay, because I was like, oh, we can probably edit this out by the time and gets to the podcast, but it's important. I think that's fascinating.

And you need the history, when you think about it, you go, okay, well, actually, yeah, Rolex, you know, in a world of art. You don't have the luxury of that when someone turns on the radio hear a jingle. But people know, when you're buying the Rolex, you know I'm buying a piece of craftsmanship. I'm not buying an Apple watch. There's no battery. There's not buying a digital watch. Okay.

So with that in mind, they're also not cheap. And I think you've got to be honest about that. In your advertising. Not for, yeah, not a. Not a cheapy, but a goody. That's, again, not in the song, but that's sort of at the heart of what they do. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

You're going to buy a watch. A seven-figure price tag shouldn't hold you back. You got to wind it up. It's analog time, and we like it like that. There's no messages a little. Because it's not a phone Roll, ro, row, ro, roll, roll, roll. Just time.

Roll, roll, roll, roll, roll. And day. Roll, roll, roll, roll. Sometimes day. Roll, roll, roll. Roll. Sometimes stopwatch. Ro, ro, row, ro, ro, ro, ro, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo,

X. Write us a letter and we'll post you a catalogue. It's good. It's catchy. I think it might be the winner today. It's got a win for stickiness. I go myself. Lex, I guess I have no chance.

I mean, what are you think, guys, Carl? Is it, yeah, yeah. I think that squares us up. One inch for 2025. How else do you justify a $30,000 watch that is time, sometimes day, date, but, you know, these are extra features. Oh, the part. If you want, stop watch.

The part of it was really grabbing with the tick-ticks at the start. The tick-tick was brilliant. I appreciate that. I was at a movie's the other night. Gold class? No way, mate. And you're allowed to go to gold class? No, no.

You were very, couldn't. It was Hoyt's Hoyt's. It was Hoyt's like that, D-Mex or something. The director suite when I was there. I don't know if they've changed that. It's funny you mentioned that you. I can't afford to give anyone legroom anymore after you work there. Funny you mention you working there, Jack.

Because it did pop into my mind as I was watching the previews. And how many years ago was it you worked there? 2005, 2006. Yeah. What a summer. Not for them, as Andy mentioned. Certainly not for their balance sheet. A curious, curious hole in the balance sheet.

Allegedly. Allegedly, of course. The summer I turned petty cash into my own money. The sum of my hands got sticky. The summer my sock was full. We get it. What did you notice at Hoyt's?

Well, now, Jack, we've talked about this before on the show. Hoyt's is aware of it, too. There are sort of forensic accountants, I think, sniffing around going, but something seemed off that summer. But they could never put their finger on it. It was such a tiny man. That's a rounding error.

You've always claimed, well, that's for them to decide what employees take from whether it's the candy bar, the candy bar, the popcorn machine, the physical money from the till. These are all... I think it was just popcorn. That all belongs to Hoyt's though, right? Yes. Yeah, I wouldn't do that now. I learned my lesson.

Well, I didn't learn my lesson because I never got in trouble, but I wouldn't do that again. I wouldn't do that anymore. If I learned anything, it was that if done with enough stealth and enough forethought, you can certainly have your cake and eat it too or certainly have your cash and earn it too. You can learn a lesson without them teaching it to you. That's true, that's true. I can reflect and learn a lesson.

I do think the lesson you learnt was, no harm in it. Jackie taking you a little bit extra for himself. It was during a period when cinemas were doing very well. Now, obviously, I wouldn't attack a cinema. or anyone, I wouldn't attack anyone. Okay, great. Well, here's the thing, Jack.

This competition comes up on the screen, like in the previews. And it's to win, like, you know, I don't know, you're in a few mates. It's like, you win a session. I think it was in conjunction with someone else. But it's like you essentially win a free trip to the movies and unlimited popcorn. Oh, awesome. For the movie. And I thought to myself, boy, I know someone that told themselves to a limited popcorn

back in the day at Hoyt's. But anyway, just for me. then I saw at the bottom of the screen little asterisk that says Hoyt's fair go policy applies Oh right Because immediately you hear unlimited popcorn And you've got to think of how to weasel it

Okay someone's turned up to cinemas or the wheelbarrow Like what are they going to do Hoyts has thought about this And they've gone okay We you know come on Fair's Fair Yes I did Of course I did

That's all I could think about during the movie I was like I can't wait to Google What the conditions around the popcorn corner and if jack you played by the same rules when would you say you played by the fair fair go policy oh i wouldn't have even had a bucket per shift of money or popcorn of popcorn i'm sorry just one small bucket one small bucket of ten dollar notes please sorry a popcorn um so here's here's how they get you here's how they

well here's how they stop you from getting them you can do same day only you can't come back like if you get I think that's that's obvious yeah well did you do same day only joke or was it over multiple days I think it was a one-off okay yeah um so you this is so you bring

you have to bring back the empty container to the candy bar to show them that you've eaten it and to so you and then they'll swap it yeah they'll swap it over it for a freshie okay It saves you getting for other people, I suppose, if you're the only person entitled to it, I suppose. There's still ways around that if you bring your own container or vessel.

That's what I was thinking. You bring a duffel bag lined with, you bring a garbage bag lining in the duffel bag and you can just keep pouring it in. You have to, you have to prove, or if they suspect you of sharing beyond personal use. That was in there, wasn't it? Oh, wow.

They can cut you off. So abnormal slash excessive use. they can cut you off. But usually it's not odd to share a popcorn. I don't think, well, you're not allowed to with the unlimited popcorn. That's not really fair. It seems like if they came and they say,

well, we saw you give one to your wife. Well, it was one. I mean, she asked and I got a Maltese back. Well, I mean, to be clear, how much popcorn can one eat in one session? Do you reckon three buckets, tops? No, that's too much. You get it.

So basically they should just say, and you have two buckets of popcorn. This is what I was going to say. Like, someone said, in a room and they've got, and look, I understand if this person's been at the company for over 20 years, they know what it's like to get bitten

hard from within the building. They know what it's like to be taken down via an inside job. So I understand one's bitten twice shy with Hoyt. But I'm with you, Ando, if you're really offering someone unlimited popcorn, and Jack, you'd know from being inside there, what does it cost like

one cent a kilogram? Oh, it's nothing. You basically should just just go, hey, if you reckon you can eat 10 boxes, go for it. You knock yourself out. Hey, go for it. You like the kid in Matilda who tries to eat the chocolate cake. Go for it. We will stand here and watch you.

No, you're not going to watch the, you're not going to see the movie. You can have the worst day of your life. If you want to be Augustus, you go for it. Hey, I'm going to go in the car after hockey last night. Turned on the radio. Grass hockey. All hockey. Field hockey.

Yes. Turned on the radio and I was reminded of a game that I said I'd play one more time. Oh, please let this be the cleaning game? The cleaning game. A strange one for me, though. I'd never heard that they, I was going to, I said to Marci, who works for this here, I said, I'll get an opener. And he was suggesting an opener.

I was like, guess what? I heard their opener. I'd never heard that they. Sorry, I've jumped in quickly because I was looking forward to this. But do you need to recap for people? how the game works. It's a lady on Talkback Radio. On Talkback Radio, who you ring up at any stain you have in your life

and she'll tell you how to get rid of it. I actually tuned in to hear the whole segment starting, didn't realize how to open it, this is what it is. This is the Lady of Stain. There's a red dot on your sweater. Shannon Lush. Shannon Lash, the Lady of Stain. I mean, at what point is this just supremely lazy from us that we are just taking talkback

radio, listening to it, and not doing anything with it, but just doing, I mean, segments sleuth us, really, because we're just doing their segment. Yeah. Well, the game, though, they don't do. I want to play. The game is, I have now taken grabs for the remedy for the stain. You guys have to guess what stain it must be. That's good.

You've done some work. Now I'm happy with it. We've like sort of achieved a minimum threshold and creativity. So here was, so this was interesting for me because last time I was in the car and I was like, well, what stain were they doing? I was actually playing the game live before I turned to a game. Now I know in advance.

But you're going to tell us, you know, sawdust and vinegar. And we have to go, okay, that's an oil. You'll hear the lady of stain Shannon Lush to explain it. And then we have to guess what kind of stain. Quick question. One last question. Are we awarding points based on who was closest to the stain? Yes.

Good luck here is the first stain. If you put it in the bathtub with a couple of cups of white vinegar and a small amount, sufficient blood heat water to cover it. And when I say blood heat, you test it on your wrist like you do a baby's bottle. So you get the tap going, you run it, run your wrist under it. If you can't feel the temperature on the inside of your wrist, it's the right temperature. Add a couple of cups of white vinegar to it. and then just go for a little stomp up and down on it,

then lie flat in the shade to dry. Do not dry it in the sun, do not dry it in the wind. Do not dry it in the sun, do not dry it in the wind. That's all I love Lady of Stainville. She's so formal. It took me a second to get blood temperature. I'd never heard about that. So she just means like body temperature.

Blood. Sorry, she put blood in the bath? Okay. I have an idea. I think... Have you already formulated dry, you? I've got an idea, yeah. Okay, great.

Nobody does he? No, I'll go first. Make him go first. Okay. I think it's something big, probably a rug. Mm-hmm. Okay. I think it is a woolen jumper or a woolen garment.

That's why she's so adamant about no sun, no, and like, you're just going to let it dry. Wow. I didn't expect the game to be this exciting. I have to give it to Jack, unfortunately, him. Really? It's a rug. It is a sheepskin rug. If you ask for more information, that's what I want to say.

Oh, shit. I think you got so lucky there, mate. I think I was 98% there on the fabric, and you got extremely lucky on the shape. A dog peed in it. Back story for this next one. Jack's one up. Lady rang in filthy with her husband.

For causing this. have a listen. You may need to emulsify the surface and you do that with dishwashing liquid, but you've got to move it while you're doing it. So if you stand on an old towel and it's easier to do this with their feet, by the way, you get yourself a clean, soft kitchen broom,

make sure the broom is clean, stuff the head of the broom down the leg of a pair of panty hose, and make up a bucket of detergent and water. Not one of the eco-varieties, normal detergent. and you need to frost it up. I do it with an egg beater, a whisk, you know, so that you've got a lot of foam on the top of it. Wow.

And you just dip the broom into the foam and then you rub it in circles ahead of yourself and you'll see it start to move. And as soon as it starts to move, you wiggle forward on the towel. Wow. So that it dries it straight away. So it's like a dance broom.

And you just wiggle your way along the stain. Yeah. Wow. What? Wow. Yeah. He was so. many instructions. If that was given to me,

we're just going to lose the item. It doesn't matter. That honestly sounded like a witch's poet, a witch's spell. It was like, you know, I'm surprised you didn't throw in on a full moon. Well, to give you a clue then, very difficult item to get rid of, if may impossible, I'd say. Okay.

Is it, I'm going to say it's on a carpet. It's on the hallway carpet. And so, you know, it's on that kind of a setting. The detergent. I thought you would get it And she keeps saying make it move I thought you would get it home

from the amount of froth you need Why does he long? I wonder if it's blood Because if he's chemist background He's saying you've got to mollify it I wonder if it is blood on the carpet Jack vomit I'm going to give it to Hame

Just It's just oil On floorboard On floor mall Come on. Yeah, that's pretty close. That's pretty close. It's a difficult.

It's a difficult. What is more oily than vomit. Yeah, that is. That is. I think if you gave it to Jack, that would be outrageous. I admit that I wasn't, that's not a slam dunk for me. Okay. Oil on floorboards.

Last one. This one has a two-parter. So if you get it on the first part, you're obviously a legend, but then otherwise I'll play you this second part of the ground. of you go jack you need to use rotten milk it's 300 mils full clean milk into an open mouth container an ice cream container is perfect the bigger of the mouth on it the quicker it rots leave it out in the sunshine until it goes lumpy and disgusting and smells to high haven and then you strain the lumps out with your fingers because it's the lumps that you use

place the lumps on the stain and you can sit there and watch it it breaks it down and it bleeds out wow wow okay do you want the second part and what you want to it sounds like a muckup day prank at the moment. It's, it just, I mean, this is just, it's just amazing. It just makes me, reminds me of like in like, you know, 5,000 years ago how people just figured out. Yeah, food. They would have tried a lot of things.

Wait a sec. Wait a sec. What if we did this? Oh, my God. That's sort of, should we call it tofu? Yeah. Why have we made that from a bean? Um, okay.

Yeah, I've got a slight theory, but I'm not going to, yep. I think this next grab might give you a hint. Okay. might help you out with the item they're trying to get the stain on. It's a piece of cotton cloth, 30 centimetre square, so one foot square, must be 100% cotton. It can be old t-shirt or old meggers so long as it's 100% cotton. Into the middle of the cloth, you put a teaspoon of beeswax,

a teaspoon of lavender oil and a teaspoon of lemon oil. Always make two of these when you make one so you can give one to somebody else. You place the cloth in a microwave-safe dish, either china or glass, not plastic, and zap it in your microwave in 10-second burst until the beeswax melts. Once you've melted it, that impregnates the cloth,

and that's your leather conditioning cloth, and that lasts for about 10 years. Wow. Okay. Sorry, there's someone else on this show with her. That's the latest Bond show. Okay, so I'm guessing like a leather couch or something, maybe. I'm going to say car seat.

leather car seat. I'll go pen off a leather couch. He's got an 100% job. Well done. Well done. That is a good. That is a good. So hang on.

Do you put the mouldy milk lumps on that? You put the commodity. And it dissolves it and then you condition it afterwards. That's correct, ham. And then. And then from listening, most of her remedies involve pantyhoes. I've noticed. And then I was a nice treat at the end of the show

where an emailer wrote in to ask how many pantyhoes that she owns. Also, I wonder how many pairs of stockings Shannon has. She must have eaves. Yeah, usually about 50. 50, bigger. I have them in different colours for different things. Having different colours means that I don't cross-contaminate.

Right. Oh, my God, this is your perfect woman, Andy. That is your This is why you're listening to the segment You got to your head, mate Now I know while Andy's This is, Amy's got a massive crush on her Look at all the practical knowledge

She has on systems She's got how stern she is You know when she's like, you know It must be 30 centimetre square 30 centenet square Not that's got a real bit of like Andy sternness China dish, not glass, not plastic

Thanks for listening The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamish and Andy.com.