Hamish & Andy - 326 - Andy's Always Living In Hame's Head

Episode Date: April 8, 2026

The boys plan to use the People’s Bitcoin on a Hamish-led impulse shopping spree, then turn it into a game show where you can try to win Hamish’s haul. The Lady of Stain makes her return with some frankly shocking stain removal advice, there’s a husband-and-wife Gusto Check, and Hamish reflects on being a fast-and-loose operator. 1. Bitcoin Blitz 2. Lady of Stain 3. Double Gusto Check - Sam’s Spring Cleaning 4. Andy’s Always In Hame’s Head 

A listener production. Activate your internet. Because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three, two. Sorry, still buffering. Ahoy to me peso, Hamish. Ha ha, seigneur. Maybe not. Or do you know what?

This could be long, I'm going to call this early, and I could be way off here, but for huge credit points. This could be members of children's, TV show The Octanauts. You could be Quasi and you could be Captain Barnacles. A hoide me, Quasi,

a hoarding me, Captain Barnacles. What's the show? I can't believe I'm going to... It's not that big, but we had a phase. Gee, that would have been about seven years ago. I think I've done all right to remember that. Well done, Hayne. You are Paiso, the penguin, the team's caring, compassionate medic. Quasi, Jack, the

cat, the dead little orange kitten with a mysterious swashbuckling pirate pass. He's a larrican. He's like the Michelangelo of the Ninja Turves. Oh, my favourite turtle. Captain Barnacles, you're the teddy bear, and you're the sensible leader of the group. Once again, Andy giving himself the highest ranking officer. But a bit of a bit of a bit of a... Just the way the cards felt.

He's just a bit of a straight-laced bear, Barnacles. They, good question, what are the Octanauts? Jack, they live in an underwater research centre, and they go on various... I don't know who funds it. Would cost a fortune, to be fair. Yes. Like, I would estimate in actual terms, maybe a billion dollars. really to live down there in that level of luxury they live in.

And they go out on missions to learn about sea life and help out the animals. It says that I play the accordion. Does Captain Barnacle play the accordion? I don't know the full canon, to be honest. I don't know all the law of octanauts. I just remember, yeah, my little boy had a phase of the octanauts, probably about seven years ago. I remember we went on a family holiday and I left a treasure map from the octanauts.

to guide him to some treasure buried on the beach. Oh, yes. Which was bought the house down. If you're in a similar... And you can do the voices quite easily. That's some good dating. Captain Barnacle. Oh, hey, it's quasi, you know.

God, it's been a while. Ahoy also to Jack, here in Australia. I'm not sure where, but logged on to hamishnet.com. And to tell us what he's been up to. Ahoy fellas I thought I would share my magical Gone in 60 seconds and God it was stressful

About a minute before I was supposed to go out for my wedding Wedding Planet comes in and says Gives us the knock One minute warning until you walk out My bow said not today junior And with Hamish in mind Which was exactly what I wanted to be thinking about

A minute before I was going to walk out And I said let's do this Got it done I reckon 45 to 47 seconds out we went and it was all good and it was special. So yeah, big credit to Hamish, credit to the show for all the life and nice

and good times. Cheers, Matt. Unreal, walking lightly to the altar. Well done, Jay. Well done. When he says it was special, is you referring to the winning or is he referring, no.

47 seconds, you don't forget that. I mean, weddings come and go. Yeah, a lot of people who are married several times, but to pull a 47 second out under that kind of pressure. That's just, that's one. That's the ultimate nervous poo. Isn't that amazing?

It's your lot, like, what's the last thing you did as a single man? I'll tell you what I did. It's incredible. 45 to 45 seconds. I laid down a PB. That's what I did. Hey, after much debate on and off the year, about what we're going to do with the people's Bitcoin.

We've decided you're going to do Haymes Hives on your own. Yep. On my own dime. Well, we'll see. My own dime and my own time. We'll see whether that happens. Bubbling away in the background is a lot. very exciting and disruptive honey operation.

Low, low, simmer that is bubbling away. You're not going to cook that for many, many years, I would say. All the best things are cooked slowly. You want toast? Eat toast. You want a beautiful, beautiful piece of slow-cooked sour dough that takes a few days. You come to my restaurant. I'll have the toast, please.

The people's Bitcoin. It was a bad analogy. He didn't do himself any. favors by picking bread as the thing you should slow. Yeah, because you toast sourdough that the same you toast a normal loaf of bread. I know, I know. I know. I should have done beef chicken.

But we play on. The people's Bitcoin will be used for an impulse buying session from yourself. Yes. Followed by a game show as created by yourself, myself and Jack, where the people can come to said game show similar to the price is right. and try and win a showcase of everything that you've bought. Everything I bought. It serves two purposes.

Could we cue me of my impulse buying compulsion and addiction by putting me in a room? And this is some demands I'll have for you, Ander, you currently have the bitcoins. Yep. And you obviously have to convert one to cash before this happens. And I would like my own card, one of the metallic ones, if possible. I've never, I don't know if they exist or not, but like, you know, we're going to be putting like, how much is it going to be, like, $98,000? Yeah, we're putting, let's say we're going to be putting close to $100,000 on this credit card. You want a metal one.

Yeah, yeah. So it's me with the metal card in a room and I would like just coffee and cheesecake. Yep. Okay. That sounds like you're making up with your eye right now. I don't know why. This is like I'm on death row. And you didn't ask for that much.

It's not that luxurious. You're not giving $98,000. Why not? Well, because half the money is going into trying to produce this show. No, it's not. No way. The whole thing is we're burning a Bitcoin. No, it's half and half.

We said that. Half enough. You get $50,000. And then the rest is... No, I don't. I can't do much with 50. I know the whole thing was I'm burning a Bitcoin. Get a sponsor.

Ask, call in some favors. The TV's news are expensive. You're in there all the time. You do the 100 all the time. Just ask those guys. Surely the crew love you. I would have thought, Andy, you've been running that show for years. I would have thought the crew loved you so much that they would be happy to come and do a day for free.

I don't think so. But not even a day for free. like stick around for half an hour at the end of one hour you're exactly right jack we could do we can knock this thing over in an hour easy easy i just you want to burn i'll just need to get there like during the day to the loading dock and load all the prizes in sorry okay let's put aside the no okay fine you can have 90,000 dollars great thank you now that that's how you negotiate yeah well done especially in standing well actually the tagline burn a bitcoin was what actually was ringing my year because i what do you think about the name

for the show we call it Bitcoin Blitz. Because it is a blitz and it's a full Bitcoin. Love that. Half Bitcoin Blitz. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Bitcoin Blitz. Yep. I think our game show should be called Bitcoin Blitz. And the understanding is, you know, however many people are in the audience,

100 or whatever, they enter that room and they will be leaving with $100,000 in prizes. Yeah. So if you get selected, let's try to get a huge audience. Like it's too,

like I think we can try and get this bigger audience as possible because that whole price is right feel where everyone's yelling and being excited. I think that's the vibe. That is the vibe. Okay, so you're in charge of the showcase.

I won't know anything you've bought until the day. Yeah, I like that. I think that we have to do it that way. I think the fun of the game show, I want to set two that has the, you know, the revolving. Oh my gosh. That's how you do it. Was it the price as right had revolving?

I think they all did. Things, you know, sailor century. Anything. It might not revolve. It should revolve. Because I think it's that thing of you being like, all right, let's see what the showcase is for game number three. You know, the revolve would be huge.

Okay, I'll look into, I'll price up a revolve. Okay. And then I ask you, though, you have the... Yeah, then I think you're as excited as everyone else is to find out what's on offer. Yeah. Okay. I asked you, though, to do a dry run... Sorry, just to...

We're really clear for everyone. The bit where I have the coffee and the cheesecake in the room and the... you know, $100,000 on a credit card. I think we should call that golden day or something. You know, make a real celebration of it. Yep. I enter the room with the card. And I think the best way to go would just be...

How long do you need, you reckon? I don't think I'm going to need 24 hours, to be honest. You don't think. I know that sounds crazy, but think about some big ticket items in there. There might be, you know, you get on a roll with a couple of 10,000ers. Yeah, that's only 10 of those. Yeah, you know, I need 24 hours for that. Like, I'm not in this.

I'm not going to be on, you know, I'm not buying. like tins of beans on online shopping. I'm putting in a big order. Going to sleep. I think that's good because you want... A couple of hours. Because I'm not going to rush through it. And I think it's important to go in with not too many preconceived ideas.

I think I just want to like let, for truly to get this out of my system, I just want to let impulses take over. That's why the coffee is important. Yep. I get very fired up and make some bad decisions on coffee. Golden Day. When are we going to have Golden Day? Can we do that in the next two months?

Yes. Then I think we put the show on when all the stuff arrives. Like things take ages sometimes to get here, so we can't put the show on until all those things arrive. So we're probably months away from that. But I think as a skeleton, this feels right for Bitcoin Blitz. Jack, do you want to do the music for the show? Oh, I would love to.

Like make a jingle for them. Well, don't we need a house band kind of thing? Like, could you... House band? I don't think, what are he, is this not a Tonight Show? No, I know. Is music involved in a lot of these shows? And it could be fun to have you do the music.

You can tender for the jingle of bit... Tender? Yeah, because I feel like there's better musicians for the show. Oh, God. Well, there's better hosts for shows, but we don't have to tender you as the host. He's got you there. All right, tender the host.

I mean, you've got a two-time gold loading winner that you've shoved in the prize cupboard. You have to, or Guy, smile, he has to be out the front. So, good call, Jack. I think you'll make some music with the assumption that I'm going to pass through. If anyone else is out there and we'd also like to also like the tender for the jingle for Bitcoin Blitz. We'll see. It's always good, Jack, and best practice to have a few quotes and a few others.

That's bad. And you gave me a mission yesterday. You said, hey, just as, because, and he was like, just so I can get my head around, like, what kind of prizes are you thinking? I said, well, I don't know because I'm not in the zone. own. So Andy gave me a fake money, $10,000 dry run yesterday. Okay, great. So I was like, all right, well, probably won't be to it tomorrow morning because

when we chatted this was in the afternoon, I was like, I'll wake up, I'll, you know, I have a coffee, and I'll just see where my mind takes me. Give us your top three. Well, there was only a few before I burnt through the 10 grand. There's some small ones, there's some big ones. I also, I know that my algorithm is obviously just going to be heavy. slanted towards me. I do want people to know, especially, you know, when I compare what ads I get served

to what my wife gets served, right. You know, I don't want people being like, okay, well, this is just going to be quite a lot of, like, golf and adventure gear. Yep. And that might not be as exciting for the, generally speaking, for the women in the audience. I don't really want that as much. Look, I hear you, but by the same token, I am me. So it's my impulses, but I will be trying to keep that in mind.

Keep that in mind. Keep that in mind. So everyone can feel like there's something exciting in the showcase. Yeah, good. Before I even began, there was an ad in my inbox warning me that the fastest selling golf shoes of all time had recently been re-supplied. Wow.

Because they sold out so fast the first time. That's $400. If I was in a zone of unlimited money, yes, I'm buying that. How much of this stuff were you tempted to buy for yourself? Yeah, a bit. A bit. That reminded me then as I pretended I bought that, that I did see a pen that I meant to buy the other day online.

The space pen, you know, the space pins that write upside down? When you're upside down. I think most pins you can write upside down, though, can't you? You can for a little bit, yeah, but you see he has sustained upside down. Right. Yeah, how much is that? Anyway, it looks beautiful. Got the NASA logo on it.

Nice. $200 bucks. Yep. Nine-fought it left to go. Then, then I kind of had the thought about, Okay, this can't just be complete, just things home wants. Started scrolling through Instagram. The first ad that got me was the vacuum sealable bags for packing.

Yep. The very Andy gift. Right up your alley, this would be. You shouldn't, well, you could have won it. You've bought them instead, $230 for a set of four. Okay. Then I saw, I don't even really understand what it is. It was a thing called the Hulk 1,000 pulsed laser cleaner.

and it's a machine that fires out laser kind of like a, it looks like a strobe light, but it's like click, click, click, click, click, like it's firing out a laser. And they were using it on like this old wooden kind of staircase that had peeling paint on it and just seamlessly burns off the paint leaves. I'm not sure that's the thing though. I'm not sure. No, no, no.

How much? They're really expensive. How much? The 200 watt model is about 6 grand. How sick would that be? There are people listening to this now that understand what I'm talking about, and they're like, yep, we would love a laser. This brings up an interesting thing that I want to write.

You often have bought things that when they arrive, they weren't what you'd hoped. And sometimes they don't arrive at all. This was from a very reputable, like, industrial machinery. Is there going to be a booby prize in Bitcoin Blitz? like the bankrupt segment when you're in Wheel of Fortune where you tell everybody about the prize and then go, but it was a scam.

So if they choose it, and you go, I'm sorry, that was why. We make a game called Ham or Scam. And I go, I tell them about a thing I got and people have to vote Ham or Scan. And if it was a scam, and I did get ripped off, the people that voted Scan, can, you know, play in the next round? And the people that backed me, and it did arrive,

they get to play in the next round. Okay, put that on the list. Anyway, that's about $6,000. Then the last thing I looked at, because I was looking at my watch, which does sleep tracking, like I've got a Garman watch. I've just been getting very bad sleep scores lately,

and I don't think it's my fault. I think the watch is starting to die. I've had it for like four years. It's probably just got a heavy watch on your wrist while you're trying to sleep. Nah, but I was like, I used to be doing so well. And nothing's really changed,

but it's, you know, like, I don't know if you do, sleep scoring. But you wake up and you're like, God, I didn't think it was that bad. Anyway, then I remembered, oh, if we're playing this game and I had money to spend, I have been looking for a new watch. Garman Watch, not my model, but the very top of the line,

$3,900. You've gone over your 10. Yep, but here's the thing, exactly the same model, but with a slightly, not worse screen, like it's still a very good screen, 2-4. Okay. But just letting you know, I would be buying the $4,000 in the event of the game.

I think this is good. I think we're getting a good sense. I don't need to know anything that you do on Golden Day. Are you happy with this kind of mix of prices? I think people would love those gifts. We need to work out what they're playing for, whether they get to choose from the showcase or they just get told what they're playing for.

We can work that out. Yeah, because it will have fortune you choose from the showcase. Yes. You go shopping, I think I'll have that, I'll have that. But price is right. you just get the dryer. You just get the crews. That's something for us to circle back to.

But any suggestions for the game? Here's up, hamish nanny.com, but we're away. I think we probably have to let people choose from the showcase, don't we? Yep. I mean, it would be, what a heartbreaking scenario for someone in the crowd to be like, God, I want the laser so badly because I have a lot of rust and material restoration. Yeah, but then if someone gets up and they really wanted rollerblower. and they get the laser,

then we've got to lose-lose situation. I quite like the moment in Price's Right, where you reveal, it's a jet ski. It was like, wow, great. And the other times where it's like, it's a toaster, and you see the person? Okay, so I think that we're going to make sure it's entertaining for those viewing as well

to see people not happy with it. The difference is, though, the difference is with a jet ski and a toaster, they're still quite general products. Yep. And I'm worried that if I've bought something very specific, like the Hulk 200 pulse laser cleaner, that's a toughie for someone to get excited about if you're not in the market for one. All right, we'll talk about. Come back to it.

Hey, and last year I played the Stain game with you guys a bit, where I'd play. We shouldn't get this excited about something that is 100% just some other radio shows segment. But they don't play a game. We gameify. We do. Where there's a lady called Shannon Lush. She is the expert on removing stains. I think the show's normally at 10 a.m on an AM station called 3AW.

Yep. Found out she's cheating on 3AW and she also does the ABC on a weekend. Really? So she must be the go-to person for staying. That's fine to take your show on the road. You know, she's a stain master. She's a stain gun for hire. This one got sent in to me so many times.

Certainly got to thank Jane because she's the, and actually said the audio as well, but Maria, I just want to give a nod to you, those that were listening to the ABC on the weekend. Hit us up at all any time as well, hamishnery.com, if anything you want to ask. It's about 50% go to home, 50% go to me. I'm going to change the game today.

It's only one item we're playing. Oh my God. Here we go. Last time Jack beat me and I was a little bit annoyed, and I feel like I was a bit hasty jumping in. And to give you guys a better chance, I've taken the guy that's rung up with his stain, but beeped out the key elements.

As a refresher to the game, we start with her solution for the stain, don't we? We're often, it's like, okay, go and get castor oil, mix it with cigarette ash, let it dry outside for two days. It will form a white paste. Take that paste, mix it with lemon, juice. Roll that pair of pantyhose. Yeah, you brought a pair of padi hose. Rub it on softly. That kind of thing.

Yeah. So this time, I'm going to change the game a little bit. We're going to start with hearing. Mm-hmm. Him explained the stain. They explained the stain, but with key elements beeped out. Thank you. Here we go.

Al, joins us from Mansfield. Al, what's your stain? Well, I have a rather nice... And it was a bit close to the... And God, Bess batted on it. Right, so you need to clean up? Yep. Maybe it's just because of him to say no.

TV shows I've been watching lately, but it does sound like he was just too close to a murder scene. Yes. So he had a rather nice something. He led it too close to something else. And it got something splattered on us. Okay. Here is the solution that came in from Shannon.

Okay, you're going to hate this one. You need some female urine. Wow. Wow. Every time you hear it, you're just like, it's going to come out that she's actually Chris Lilley or something. Like this is a prank and it's just been going on for years and it gets wilder and wilder. When I first got said this, I was like someone's AI, a funny version.

Yeah. And then when more people emailed in and I still had to go and verify it, I still went back through ABC I cars to go, no, no, that, yes, this went to wear and it's a female hero. Any ideas on what they're trying to clean, staying they're trying to get out? I don't like, why would I? Splatter. Splatter's making me think he's wearing. something like a blazer or a top he likes and the blended top has come off and it's splattered on him. The blender top came off.

That would be more of just a domestic food stain though, wouldn't it? Depends what he's blending. Got too close to the something. What is this? I think that unlocks this whole thing. Well, let's see. Let's keep going. Oh, that's not, so it's not just urine.

No, then there's a process with it. Oh, right. So you need a litre of female urine. Put it into an ice cream. container, stick it out for sunshine until it diminishes by half. It reduces. So it evaporates by half. It goes down to half a liter.

And it'll change colour and it'll change smell. It won't smell like urine anymore. It'll smell like ammonia. I was about to go. There's a high ammonia concentrating urine, but that was the ace up my sleeve. I didn't want Jack to know about. So anything...

First of all, it's already not worth it to save the item. I don't... Especially saying, you won't. Come on. and you've got more than that in you. Because of 400 mils. I'm not going to wait another day. Keep drinking.

Honey, I've got things to do. Drink. I need you. You fill this whole ice cream container up. The final part then of the remedy. Then you put two tablespoons of grated raw potato without the skin on. Make sure there's no skin. This is delicious.

And two tablespoons of coarse salt. Stir it through and then you strain it into a cup so you can use it as your sponging. then roll a pair of pantyhose up in a soft ball. Always. Dip it in the solution and you wipe it in gentle strokes. Okay. And you can save the potatoes because remember it doesn't taste like you anymore.

Save those for hash browns because they're salty potatoes. What is he? I think it's leather. I think it's a leather couch that's a bit close to something and got something splattered. Is it? I mean, I don't know if I love it. this answer, but is it a pet's urine? Are you fighting fire with fire? Urine on urine. Is it urine? My guess is maybe urine on urine.

Okay, Jacko, what would you like to do? Splashing maybe like outdoor by a pool, getting too close to the pool with something like maybe the barbecue close to the pool. He's cleaning the outside of the barbecue. Let's have a listen. Al joins us from Mansfield. Al, what's your stain? Well, I have a rather nice oil painting. And it was a bit close to the deep friar. And God, oil, spayed it on.

Right, so you need to turn up? Not a problem. Not a problem you hear it, say the Louvre. Look. Hey, where are you doing the dimmys next to the Mona Lisa? Yeah, we shouldn't have taken the shield off, but we were doing an event. We were running catering.

We're doing, you know, decorate your own donuts. And we accidentally. Oh, that's why you've got the ice cream container out front. That's why we have all the female stuff. out the back. Yes, and that's why we have those profs. I'm going to have to give it to Jack for the barbecue. Barbecue was grease.

It was grease-based. We will play again. It's the best. Time, time for some more customer service. Gusto-Gusto check. We're going to do a gusto check. It's a quality I think we all like to see in the world. And we're the only show that actively audits it.

If you've got some in your life that you would like to gusto check to see unsuspecting how their gusto levels are, just contact us and that's what Lockhe's done. If you're in the service business, what kind of service you're providing? It starts with gusto when you meet a potential customer. You simply cannot be successful in your field if you lack gusto. If you're slumping around,

you're not going to sell, you're not going to sell many flowers that way if you're a florist. You'll sell no flowers if you're a bricklayer if you're slumping around. But it's still gusto, of the highest importance, Lockhe's contact is and he's gone, listen, he's got a mate, Riley, who's just joined his wife's cleaning business.

Riley has joined his wife. Oh, so Riley's wife. Riley is married to Sam. Riley and Sam have joined forces as a business. Locky's married to neither of them. but Locky is friends with Riley. So he's gone, this mate has, well, joined slash just tacked on to his wife's business.

So Sam's spring cleaning was the business. So Sam's cleaning things, you know, clearing out, why one-offs or regular work? You know, that's been her jam for some time. He's included the flyer here. So it's like we are now expanding. They're offering lawn mowing, gardening, you know, yard work as well. So call Riley for that.

That's the bit that Riley's. on to. Right. But he's really buying to her IP. It seemed like she had the stronger... Well, the business is Sam's spring cleaning. Yeah. There is no sub-business here.

It's not Riley's lawn work. Yeah. It's just he would be working for Sam's spring cleaning. Yep. But as a new employee, you would hope that he has a lot of gusto. And that's what Lockhe's hoping. Look, I'd love you guys to do a double gusto check without them knowing. And it is, yeah, it's a gusto off between them.

Okay. So he rings seven. Is that what you're saying? So we ring Sam. Bring Sam first and quickly get, you know, I'll, why don't I just, I'll be the same person for both. That's, I'll ask you a three questions, three questions only. I think I'll be an old man because I think they're listeners of the show,

so we'll do our best to disguise the voice. Great. And look, obviously we often start on greetings. That's the first one. I think honestly, how are you this fine day? It's a bit of an old man thing to say. And I think if someone says, how are you this fine day? I'd love it.

I correct. That's a high gusto. greeting and you'd like it to be met. Mm-hmm. Then the question, what query are you going to ask about? I think you just go for the, you've got to go for the basic. I am tossing up whether I get you over for a one-off spring clean. Is it worth the money?

Yeah, great. And why should I hire you? Great. And then at the end, I think going... Try and get out of the next week, get through two of these. Well, I really hope you have a wonderful day. Yeah, like that. I have a wonderful day.

And the response to have a wonderful day, I think, is a good indicator of gusto. Okay, and the good buy. So Jack and I... It's a quick hit. So there's three marks per person. Three marks per person. All out of ten, Jack and I will be marking as we go and we'll review them after each. Old man, ham.

Good luck. Good luck. And we're starting with Jack, do you have Sam's. I've got Sam's number from the flyer. Here we go. Hello, Sam speaking. Oh, is it Sam's spring cleaning? Yes, it is, yeah.

Rick Staisley is my name. How are you? Hi, good, thanks. How are you? Sorry, you're calling from a private number. yes, I've got that turned off to stop scammers. Yep, fair enough. Well, I'm just wondering, how are you this fine day?

Good, thank you. How are you? Very good, very good. I'm interested in hiring your services. Yep. But I sort of want a one-off spring clean, albeit the wrong month. But I'm a little unsure if it's worth the money, but I wonder if you just tell me why I should do it, why I should hire you. I don't know.

That's a gap. You've kind of caught me off guard here. Okay. Sorry, I'm just at home with my one-year-old daughter, so you've just thrown me off guard. Times. Yes, no. Yeah, I have literally no idea what to say right now.

Okay, but you'd provide the full service? Of cleaning? Yes. So my normal, so obviously, My title is Sam Spring Cleaning. But I do, most of my clients are regulars weekly or fortnightly, and I just do the bathrooms, the floors, windowsills, kitchen. Sounds good.

Yep. Okay, well, I think I'm interested. I'll talk to my wife and we'll give you a call back. But I hope you have a wonderful day. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks.

Bye. Wow. Wow. Lots to unpack. Wow. Wow, that's, we let's give them their scores now. I'm going to say, well done, by the way. What was your name in?

Rick, some of them. I'm about to call you Dennis. I almost called myself Ralph. It took a swerve at the end, and I thought if they are listeners, who knows? I think, if they hear the word Ralph out of my mouth, they might identify it very quickly. I'm going to say, greeting nine. High energy, high gusto. After you said how your day, she was surprised and matched you and actually went past it.

I think people like to hear how are you this fine day. It reminds you that each day is a blessing. Yeah. Promoting her business, the second one. I admit I threw her for a loop because it's... No. I don't think it's... It wasn't that much of a difficult question.

It wasn't. He's a working mom. I mean, she's there with a one-year-old, I've called her in the middle of childcare. I'm giving her a generous four. I gave her it too. Yeah, I think it's more accurate. It was, I mean, look, the door was wide open to go, look, you've never seen a house as clean as this.

You're going to love it. What are you going with him? Three then? Yeah, look, I mean, I just sympathize. I mean, she had her hands full. As soon as you hear, I've got a one-year-old here, mate. I'm not really interested in selling you a one-off clean. I do, I do sympathize.

But then the good drive. Even just as a husband, I was like, I've got to get off the phone here. This is... I'm wasting this one. This is not what she wants to be doing. I'm going to give her a 10 for the goodbye. Goodbye was lovely, wasn't it?

10 out of 10. Augusta was high, I think, because she didn't want to talk to Rick anymore. I think it was more excitement to get off the phone with Rick. So what have you guys scored her there? It's a 9 or 3 and a 10. It takes it a 22 out of 30. Yep. It is good to note that finishing on a 10

does leave you with a good taste in your mouth, though. Because now when I think back to the call, I think, well, she was nice. Even though in the middle, I've got a two out of ten in here. That is so true. It's like when you're looking at the moguls, and they put 50% on the aerial, a weighted versus the knee work or something like that.

That's a great reference. Look, I mean, even in a winter Olympics year, it's a... It takes some effort. Had you done that, had you done that two years ago, you would have probably, we would have slid up. We were slumped for a show. Gone.

No, leave it in. Go through. All right, well, let's see how Riley goes. Hopefully they're not in the same house on speakerphone. I doubt it because she wouldn't have gone. I've got here a one-year-old and been worried about it if he was there, be able to help her. That's true, that's true.

But marking on the same things, I imagine. Yeah, greeting. Going to try and do the same script. The question. And the goodbye. Here we go, Riley. Hello. Oh, hello.

Is that Sam's spring cleaning? No, it's not. Sorry, I've got your number here. Oh, that's my partner. Well, I'm actually hoping to, is this the yard work? I've got some yard work I need doing. Are you the fellow in charge of that? Yes, yeah, yeah, yep.

Oh, great. What's your name? Riley, sorry. Where are you local? Yes, yes, I am. I just saw, I just, I just, I guess. got your number off Facebook. Oh, yeah. No, I was.

Rick's my name. Well, first of all, sorry. How are you this fine day? No, not bad, Matt. Not bad. Well, I'm looking, getting a sort of a one-off, full yard do-over. I've got a bit of bracken overgrown and lawn stuff, and I'm probably getting a bit old for it. Yeah. I'm unsure if it's worth the money. I do want a good job done, but I suppose my question to you is why are you the right man for the job?

Well, I'll get it done, I guess, but where are you based? Where are you living? At the moment, I'm at my sister's house because the house is quite a great. No, but where's your house? Because I can come and up and look at it if you want. I appreciate that. Let you know. Okay, well, actually, why don't I give you a buzz back?

And I'll arrange a time to meet there. Let me give you a call back in 10 minutes. Is that all right? No worries at all. Okay, well, I hope you have a wonderful day. You too. Oh, gee. Now, not 100% he's on.

You're in your sister's house. I've got no idea where these guys. No, we got the right amount. We got all we need it from Riley. I'm giving his greeting of four. It was generous. It was curse, wasn't it? It was Kurt.

And when you said this is Sam Spring Cleaning and his number is on the flyer. He said no. It's an odd thing to say. He's forgotten that he's added himself to the business. So that's problematic. He's left, yeah, unless it's an old flyer. Okay. Four, is he the man for the job?

Can he give him a six? Yeah, I actually, I like, I mean, it was brief, but I liked his rationale. Get the job done, and I'll come and have a look at it. You get extra points for that. That's good gusto. That is good. So maybe should it be seven? Yeah. Okay.

I'd go seven or eight for that. And I, but I think, you know, again, partly the question is to blame there. If you're doing yard work and someone calls you and goes, why should I hire you? Because I'll do it, mate. Yeah, but I think... I said I'd do it and I'll do it.

I'm not going to come up with just my electric guitar in your backyard and leave. Why do you think you should hire me? I still think you've got an opportunity for a customer there and you can go, yep, we're the best at this. This is where we excel. A love long grass. Yep. I can do the edges.

That's great custom. Never had a pollen issue in my mind with life. Rob my face and it doesn't bother me. The goodbye, sorry to say, so one. It's the first time I've ever given a one. Kurt. It was Kurt, wasn't it? I think, I think again I'm going to play the sympathetic card here and go

because he's had a man here refused to tell him his address. So you'd be, as someone running a small business, you go, okay, well, I don't know how likely this is going to be that this is a job. Okay, we'll give him a, we'll give him a, A two. You're a red flag customer at that stage. That's exactly right. Why can't you just say your address?

It's 13 out of 30. I'm old. It's less than a half. Yeah, Sam's got him. Yeah. Do we want to ring back them both or at least Sam and just say, are you sure about adding Riley to fly out? I think we've got to call Sam back. Yeah, yeah. Give Sam another buzz.

Hello. Sam. Sam, it's Hamish and Andy here. How are you going? Oh my God. What is happening? Well, you've just submitted. Did a very realistic old man called Rick call you a few minutes ago. Yeah.

You've just been subjected to a gusto check, Sam, for your business. Oh, my God. I'm not sure if you ever heard us do gusto checks before, but this is where we check whether people and their small businesses are answering the phones and offering service with the right amount of gusto that's going to entice customers to come and use them. Well, I failed because I couldn't even give him an answer. Yeah, yeah.

No, well, you'd be surprised. You'd be surprised, Sam, because your husband's mate, Locky, has nominated you guys to go, be like Riley's, you know, he's recently added himself to Sam's spring cleaning as the head of garden work. And Locky was like, I think you need to do a gusto check to both of them to see who's got the most gusto. So we called you and then we called your husband Riley.

And because obviously he's being added to your business, it seems, from the way we can see it, we wanted to make sure that he's reaching the marks that you have set and the level you've set as far as Gusto. You got a 22 out of 30. Yes, in the middle where you didn't quite know what to say, definitely had to sell your own business. It was your only missed it. Gusto is not knowledge. Gusto is an attitude. But you're greeting and your goodbye. We're outstanding. Oh, thank you so much. Riley on the other hand. Oh my Lord. We've gotten more nervous news to give you.

I mean, obviously, how long has Riley been working underneath your business name? Oh, it's like a month. It was just like a side gig. He has a full-time job. He was just going to come and help do the lawn. How's it feeling? How's it feeling of the new kind of setup? As in with him.

Yeah. We don't work together, obviously, because I don't think I could do that. Love him, but, you know. Yeah, no, it is going well. We make, because a lot of end of lease cleans, a lot of people are selling their properties and stuff. Like, we do get quite a bit of business, luckily. Okay. Are you seeing results from Riley's side?

Oh, yeah, he's fantastic. It was actually my idea. So, yeah. Great. Would you say you, he's boss? Are we talking to Riley's boss here? Because, I mean, he works for Sam's spring cleaning. It's not Riley's yard work.

It's like. Well, I pay him, so I guess I am the boss. Okay. Well, then it breaks our hard a bit to tell his boss. He did not score as highly as. as you in the gusto check. Oh no, how do I fire somebody I love so much? I know.

It's the hardest part of our job. But the good news is it's not our job. That's your job. So good luck. And you, I mean, you obviously well aware you've been, you've had a front row seat for nearly 25 years to how I live my life as a fast and loose man. And as time goes on, it's not changing. No, that's been the most surprising thing, I've got to say.

I did suspect some behaviours of the 19-year-old haim you'd grow out of. I mean, some, I guess, I've grown out of, but in terms of, yeah. Oh, you've grown in a lot of them, but I'm saying there was some behaviours. That's the fast and looseness. The fast and loosestness, I thought you'd get past that at some point. And just in terms of the belief, the dominant, the driving part, the part of my brain that is running the show, the belief it has that it can do what it's said, what it's told people it can do.

The belief it has is in its own plans. But I want you to know, I realized something the other day, I have this, this over-optimistic person driving my brain. Yes. That's who's in control. Because I realized the other day,

I had something cancelled on me at the last minute, sort of like an hour-long appointment, and it made my day kind of reshuffle. And I was sort of like just comfortably on time to everything for the rest of the day. And it was, I'm always about 10 minutes late. And I'm all, like, I've always just mistimed everything. And I thought, this is actually, I actually need to invent an app that I book my calendar and then it takes one thing out of the day.

And it, and it emails, maybe I can get AI to do this. And it emails that person going, hey, Hamish doesn't know this has happened. Yes. He doesn't get to select what gets deleted. But from experience, he does put 110% too much in the day. You've been selected today to be cancelled. We'll find another time for you. And meanwhile, then I would be there going,

this is about the right amount of things today. But if left to my own devices, I put too many in. But here's something I want you to know, Ander, I realized the other day that whilst this fast and loose guy drives my brain, I have another voice in there that doesn't get a say, doesn't get a vote, not allowed to touch a steering wheel or the pedals. But the other voice is in there.

And I think it's you. I think it's your voice. And it will comment throughout the day in a kind way. And it's often kind of just surprised, a little bit surprised at what the driver's doing. So what kind of comments will I make? It won't go, it won't be as direct as going like, don't do that. It'll be more like, oh, okay.

I wonder how that's going on. Okay, well, you know, you're the driver. So it doesn't backseat drive, but it's also not going. Yeah, I can see what you're doing here. For example, the other day, I was, again, running a little bit late, and I was starving. And I thought to myself, I'm going to need to get a food that I can eat whilst moving. So I was sort of in the city and I was like, okay, well, that rules out. Can't have a bowl.

Can't have something you might need chopsticks for. I need a one-handed food. And I bought it. A massive schnitzel burger. I was also going to somewhere where I needed to turn up presentable. Semi presentable. It was a meeting.

Now, so I buy the massive schnitzel burger and my head goes, great. I'll turn up well fed. Yum, yum, yum. That looks great. I'm very excited to eat this. That's the driver. You, in my head, go, oh, okay.

Are you sure that's the right thing to eat with one hand while you're driving? and the driver in my brain goes, yeah, this will be great. We're so excited about this burger. And you're like, okay, that's not how I would do it. I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have, it's like the tone. You remember when you were a kid and you go to a friend's house for the first time?

And you're like, oh, okay, we don't do it like that in our house. Yes. Like you're kind of like, oh my God, can you guys just have paddle pops after dinner? Like, we're going to do it. That's not how things work in our house. Anyway, eating the massive. Knitzel. Some, unfortunately, did get loose and kind of, you know, cascades down the front of the top. And it was hot, so I'm getting an oil burn through my shorts. And did you have any

napkins down, anything like catching? No, down. If I find myself in that situation, I've got napkins in the car for all those. Clean ones. Because, yeah, I've got napkins in the car, mate. But they're covered in two-week-old Chipotland. So they're not having have clean napkins to lay down in the car. Right. A serial killer that carries around like a little tar up in case I'm going to make a mess. No, I mean, but then you're in my head going, and again, to your credit, it doesn't go, told you so. Yes.

It goes, oh, yeah. We did worry that might happen, didn't we? And then my driver, the person driving my brain will often be like, well, you could have been a little bit more vocal. You're like, well, I don't really get a vote, so just... Well, the assumption for me was you would grow out of these things because when we were younger, it's like, oh, he hasn't collected enough data to realize that this is probably the wrong way to approach it. 25 years of friendship later, I feel like you've seen most scenarios multiple times.

So what is your brain thinking? I got this. The last time, what, the last six times was unlucky? Yep. No, this will work. And I think I just... love a high-risk, high-reward scenario. There's no reward.

There's not that high reward. Yeah, you eat a huge shittsle. You're on time and you feel great. Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamish andandy.com.