Hamish & Andy - 327 - ⁠Jingle Joust Returns

Episode Date: April 15, 2026

Andy gets word from Liam Hemsworth’s camp in response to the challenge invite. Plus Jingle Joust returns, you send in some epic Power Moves, Hamish goes way too deep on his bowel movements (again), and Bec’s has an emergency spider call. 1. Jingle Joust 2. Most Expensive Fish 3. Power Moves 4. Poo Clock 5. Case of the Fake Spider 

A listener production. Activate your internet. Because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three, two. Sorry, still buffering. One. Aoy to me sickle. Hamish. Okay.

I've been called a sick, you know, not quite a sick before. Not quite that. Not quite that. But maybe we're things that belong with something else, because there's like the sickle and something. thing on the flag, hammer and sickle for the Soviet Union. And it could be, if Jack's a mortar or a pestle, then we're well-known parts of a duo. Ahoie to me round.

Jack. Ahoie. A round a sickle and I'm the waggle. Is a sickle the one that cuts grass? Is that what that tool is? I feel like it is. It's like a side, yeah. It's not that.

Oh, we lawn mowers? I thought Hame would get it, to be honest. A waggle. Okay, fair enough. It's the three main. That's a good power move, by the way, when someone's not getting something, to rub it in to go, I really thought you'd get this. Well, just given your interests.

Yep. The three main dancers, bees do, to communicate food locations. I don't care about that shit. That is, how many times must I tell you, for the honey operation that I am in the shadows starting up, I have a very exciting beekeeper, an up-and-coming beekeeper. I'm not on the front line with the bees. Okay.

You have one or you're getting one? I'm interviewing. Ahoy also, to Danny. Can't say too much, but it's bloody exciting. There's nothing to say. There's not a lot of information to relay. I thought we weren't talking about this, and I thought you guys made it very clear that you're out of the honey operation.

We are. And I will be coming back to you in a... matter of a few weeks with a fully drawn up. Battle plan and exciting announcement about Hames Hives. Look forward to that. The, ohio also, to Danny. He went to habeasdney.com to upload his audio to tell us what he's been doing. Hi, boys.

As Andy just mentioned, I'm Danny from Germany, which is the country with the highest TPC, which, of course, as we all know, stands for Tigwans per capita. Although I feel very privileged to be able to see quite a... number of Tiguan's multiple times a day. It brought up a rather philosophical question. I do not own a Tiguan myself because I consider myself to be in touch with the common man. But as the common man here seems to drive a Tiguan, which of course must be very nice, I may have also lost touch for driving a car that is not as rare as the mythical Tiguan. So the question is, have I a lost touch or not? And I hope you can help me figure out.

this identity crisis and I wish you all the gusto in the world. Thank you, Dave. Might be one of the best we've ever gone. Might be one of the best. Yes, I mean, obviously they are common there. I just, the one part of the puzzle we needed to know is, is the car he drives considered rarer than a Tiguan, which is crazy, I mean, we're crazy for us to think about. We were crazy for us to think about in Australia.

We were assuming our listeners are immediately as Ophay as we are. remember the episode from probably six years ago where we investigated my dad's claim that you can't get Tiguan and he was very proud of their ticket. They also, they have another Tiguan. Do I tell you this? No, no. Dan Setman, they got a new car.

I'm like, oh, the end of the Tiguan. They got another one. Oh, wow. How they find it? How they get it? That probably took him six years to find one. They probably started looking the minute they got their first one. So what we needed to know is he driving a car that's rarer, better,

considered better than a T-1. Let us know, Danny. To us, you sound very in touch. We'll give you that. First up, today I've got a quick bit of news with regards to Liam Hemsworth potentially hitting a ball,

a tennis ball from Centre Court outside the roof of Rod Laver Arena. Hadn't thought about that for a few weeks, to be honest. He has declined. No. What? He is out. Well, he didn't say he's declined.

His words were, I'd prefer it to remain a mystery. Yeah, that's how I, which does that sounds like a clever way. Did he text this to you, or was there an intermediary? No, intermediary, yeah. Okay, yeah. He texted intermediary to say, I would prefer it to remain a mystery. Right.

My friend wrote back to him, you can't do it just to try and... Good, good, yeah. And he said, I can. So we caught... called Matt little thing. But anyway, I suppose what I want to say to you guys is, I guess it's still a standing invite. I'd like to keep the invitation. But to all Hemsworths. So if you fear, yeah, put pressure back on him. Now let's get a bit of sibling rivalry happen. Who will be the first Hemsworth with the guts to hit a ball out through the roof of Rod Lauer?

And this may lay dormant for a while, but no doubt there'll be a publicist from some studio that turns to us in a few years' time that says, oh, Liam's got a new film coming out. Do you reckon you could mention it? And we'll go, well, 150% we can. 150% we can do that. If he can hit a ball, or at least attempt to hit a ball outside of Robloid arena.

So it's in all the Hemsworth courts, and we'll leave it that. I mean, I know there's a real faction of the show that believe him to be the chosen one. Still is it kind of a chosen one move to build suspense like this, but. To be honest. What's that?

What's that? The Matrix. The Matrix, Neo had doubts. He was like, I'm not sure that I should be doing this. Yeah, but I still feel like he kept kind of moving. Yeah, exactly. He didn't go, I'll get back to you any year. He didn't.

He didn't. Oh, okay, okay. There's just got a lot going on at the moment. Can you bring the two pills? Can we just do this? Can we do this in January? Like, I'm so flat out. Let's jump into a jingle jouse.

Yes. Do we have an open? I don't think we do. I was happy to pause for the opening. But as we paused, I thought to myself, I'm looking forward to hearing this opener because I can't remember it. We don't have one. Maybe we feel like there's enough jingles in this segment already

that it doesn't need its own. We thought, John. All the segments of all the segments that should have a jingle. Yeah. But people who don't know this game, there's two buckets. One's a song, a pop song. Oh, I didn't type of some, actually. And the other is a company at random.

and then our job between the three of us is to come with a jingle each for that company using that song. Who wants to go first today? Look, I'm happy to kick things off. Right. Today, I got one on the surface you would think, like, oh my God, this should, you know, you just, it felt like a no-brainer. Like, it felt like a perfect match, but then as you dig in a bit, you're like, okay, this isn't exactly line up. I got IKEA. Oh, yes.

And I will survive. Oh. As my song. I know what you mean. I think you would have had initial elation, but then... Well, because you're like, that's such a well-known hook. Yeah. Like, I will survive.

And Ikea stuff, yeah. So you go, I, but it's actually the vibe that's... Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And so nothing... Like, I'll be honest, I didn't finish writing it till moments ago because I was holding out for a late burst of inspiration. but it's like they're not open 9-5.

No. Anything that would rhyme with, I will survive. They're open more than that. So anyway, you'll see what I've done when I get to that bit, but I've abandoned, I've just taken an interesting creative decision. I stand by it and I think it's clever and catchy. And that's just not where the song went for me. So anyway, no more leading the witness.

Good luck. This is IKEA's new jingle. At first we saw things made. It was kind of fine. We kept thinking this guy. be a way to take up more of your time. Then we were like, we're spending so much time doing all the screws for this shelf. But what if, what if we made you build it yourself?

Go. Tip it all on the floor. You're Mr. Builder Man. What you're going to do with that spare door? Wait, hang on, go back a page. What do the instructions say? Just joking. There's no words in them anyway.

Oh, no. not at I I-K-E-A The store with lots of funny products You do not know how to say We could easily build this stuff for us It's a piece of piss That's not our vibe

That's not our vibe Hey hey Spelled H-E-J The Swedish Hay Did you mention the brand I-K-E-R in the software? I-K-E-A-O Sorry I said I'm okay

No no I, I, I, K-E-A. The shop with lots of things that you do not know how to say. Pretty catchy. Yeah, well, the original song is doing the catchiness. No, no, I bet when people see Ikea now, they're like, I, I-K-E-A, yeah. No, no.

No, they might not. It was, it told a false story. We told a false story about the company's history, which is also interesting, like a big lie. And like I said, we only haven't got these yesterday. In the first time ever, we're spelling it out with actually saying IKEA. You know, we got this fast. You're not going to do the whole corporate history of how great they are. I can only assume that they were just selling stuff fully built like everyone else before they went.

This sucks. Let's make them build it. I like that. I appreciate that. Look, yeah, like I said, interesting creative choice to spell out ICA. It doesn't roll off the tongue, but it's counterintuitive and it might be a fun jingle. Yeah, I think I'll be, now I will be singing that now. Thank you. Yeah.

All right, Jack, you're up. Okay, I got the song, Since You Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson. Oh. Oh, yeah. Bang her. Yep. What was your company? The company I got was Boost Juice.

Oh, so easy. And I'm a bit disappointed. There was a Stax on Hamish about not including the brand name in the jingle because Boose Juice for this hasn't included their brand name. So I guess imagine at the end something that would come on and go like, Boose Juice. I mean, hang on, it was in there or it was just spelled out. Have you not mentioned Boostline at all?

No. I haven't put the brand name in it. I haven't put the brand name in the jingle. But it will be done by voiceover at the end of the. ad. Okay. I'm just remembering. So this is a jingle

advertising when Boost Juice is having a discount promotion. Fruit and veg, together it blends, but you don't want to pay the full-euse a coupon. With a coupon. Get used for a good. Come, boost and water with a coupon. For Coupot? I think it's a jingle in two pots.

Boots juice. I think it's 100% a jingle for Coupon. I'm so sorry that I had a go at you have. I'm nice to be in second place. Can I get the win? I guaranteed second for him. Didn't even... Did you list two fruits or something in mango?

Mango's passion fruit, bananas, cucumber. Watermelon. Watermelon. Yeah, sorry, I just thought... Mango's passion. fruit. I don't know they said mangoes and fruit. And then you're listed more fruits.

But that makes more sense. Well, you're dead last at the moment. Which whether you can come off the bottom. I think when you see it in the full scope of the television commercial will make more sense. There's heaps of boost branding, is there? Yeah, lots of boost branding. I guess for the TV ad of my song, it's one of those ones that's kind of like where you

see everyone around the office, like they'll be singing about walking around the warehouse going. You know, we want to make you build it. Yeah. Yeah, so from the company, though. Yeah, from the company. Okay. I see a lot of IKEA.

I got the song Pink Pony Club. Great. Chaparone. I mean, we really pick bangers. I don't need to say every time if it's a banger, but because they're all four of them amazing songs. And then I got Guzman E. Gomez. Oh, that is easy.

But that works with Pink Pony Club. How? Guzmane Gomez. That's why your song is so bad because if I'm trying to fit it to the original. Jack, how would you have done? I will survive to Ikea. That was my project. That was busy.

You were busy doing a wrong jingle. I got in trouble. You did it do you get jingle about a method of discount rather than a business. I got in trouble last time and significant points deducted for being too long, I remember. Yeah, yours went for the full song. Yeah. How long was Ham's? A minute.

Two seconds. Okay, he's gone for the minute at you? 41 seconds. What am I sitting here? 49. Okay, we're in the room. We're in the room. Anyway, this is Guzmane Gomez,

if they did have the money to be able to use Pink Pony Club for their latest jingle. I'm feeling hungry today. I'm sick of all the drive-through meals that kind of taste the same. But I heard that there's a special place. They have the best burritos You just have to pick your base I'll start with grounded beef And make that spicy

Why don't I add the quack And extra jack cheese Mexican grub I'm gonna keep on coming For this Mexican grub Only Guzmann and Gomez Make a dinner this good So I'm gonna keep on coming

For this Mexican grub Mexican roll. Guzman e Gomez. Oh, that's what I should have done at the end. I was going to say, before you put that absolute, just double check, we got the name in there. It was only mentioned once. Yes.

Yeah. No, it's good. Mexican grub for good, yeah, for Pink Paniclob is good. You know, I don't think it's, I don't think it's the budget that would stop Guzman and Gomez going for it. Like, you hear their radio ads. I think it's the guy. Isn't it Guzman?

Yeah, yeah. He's never given that up. No, no, exactly. I mean, Mexican Grub could be the banger of all bangers, and I think he'd sit in the house and go, I think people like me doing it. I think he'll keep doing it. I think Andy's got it.

I think, yeah, he's got it. I think Mexican grub was good. Thank you, guys. It's been a long time since I've won one of these, so that means a lot. But, yeah, we will play again, I'm sure. We will play again. To put the actual company name in.

Remembering what jingles are. Yes, they're meant to be a positive framing of the company and say their name. We could build this like piss, but we're going to make you do it. No, that's the note for me as well. Oh, is it to be a piece of piss? I didn't say this is a product that's like piss. Guys, if you're out there shopping for a fish for, you know, a home aquarium or something, what do you think the going prices of the most expensive fish you can get

if you're just walking through your local aquarium. Have you an aquarium in the new house? No, I've got no. I don't have an aquarium in the new house. I'll be like, if this is where we find, if this is where we find out that you've got like a whale shark that's between lounge room four and bedroom nine or whatever. No, no, no animals except for Henrietta in the house.

But I just was wondering, like, back in the day we had a fish, you'd go there, you'd look at all the tropical fish, and you go, okay, you know, goldfish, 60 bucks. Are we talking about what's the most expensive fish at the pet shop? At the pet shop? But then there are specialty aquarium shops that probably have way better ones. Yeah.

This is a good. Apex Aquatic is the aquarium in Collingwood. That's what I'm talking about. Okay. So it's a specialty. It is not a pet store. It's just an aquarium store. Yeah.

Because we, sometimes to kill time, just with my daughter, you have just various things you do when you're cutting a lap of the shopping center. and we have to just take a walk through the pet store for no reason, and we visit the fish. The best one they've got there is the Mexican fighting fish. Yes. I think that's like 50 bucks. Jack, what's your guess?

Well, I'm thinking of, I remember in the movie Juice Bigelow, there's a really rare fish that a guy has in an aquarium, and they're like tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars. So I'm thinking that you're playing the game is like a high price tag item. So I think you've seen a fish for 10,000 or more. Well, joining us is Jack from Apex Aquatic, because on school holidays, when you can't avoid the zoo, you take your nephews to Apex Aquatic and just wander the fish. Freight U. Yes.

Jack joins us. Ahoy, Jack. Hi, guys. How are you? Really good. Aoy, Jack. Thank you for joining us. Jack.

How many, before we, let's get a little bit more context around this game so ever I can play along, how many individual species of fish would you sell at Apex? aquatic. Yeah, so Apex Aquatic, I reckon we easily have a thousand different species of fish across fresh water and salt water. Do you sell any sharks? We do, yeah, quite frequently actually. Yeah, really?

Well, because it's Apex. I was like, well, the Apex Predator is the shark. Yeah, we wanted to put a big shark on the front of the building, but we're still waiting for approval. Who's buying a shark? There's actually, surprisingly, a few people with some incredibly huge aquariums in Melbourne. at their homes?

At their homes. Big time. I'm talking swimming pool size aquariums. Wow. Okay. So do you notice... Not saying that they're like underworld figures, but it is a popular thing to do.

You're kind of a crime boss. You would have a shark, for sure. I'm sure you can also do it with legally acquired money. Yes. It's got that feel. Does have that feel. I totally agree. Jack, during school holidays,

do you see an uplift of people coming through. Absolutely. I actually got a complaint from one of my staff today saying we've got to have a no running sign in the shop. Yeah, because it's sort of like back in the day when news agents existed, there was like, yeah, mate, it's not a library. But you can't really yell out it's not an aquarium.

Because you can't like have a go at people for stealing the pleasure of viewing a fish for free? Exactly. Yes. So you can wander the aisles and there is one fish that costs more than any other. Jack, tell us the price of the most expensive fish at Apex Aquatic. That's it. So the most expensive fish, we valued it at 20 grand.

However, I'll get to the story later. However, it's probably worth significantly more than that as of today. So, and it's not a shark, is it? Yes. What happened today that boosted it in price? As of recent, I mean. Okay, right. Recent events.

Yeah. So long story short, the fish can only be collected by, there's two to three people in the entire world who can collect this fish. So tell us what kind of fish it is and like how big it is. Yeah, so it's a deep water antheus is what it's called and it's tiny. It's probably like less than 10 centimetres. And it's not colourful, is it? No, not in the current conditions, but deep water where they're found,

they are very colourful. $2,000 a centimetre is what you're saying. That is easy. As much as I love it, it is quite underwhelming. considering the price tag it holds. Have you guys sold one? We've sold fish similar to that value, but not given there's only two of these fish

that have ever been in captivity. No, we are yet to. And you've got one of them. And we have one in Collingwood, of all places. Now, how long can a fish live for? Do you need to sell this quick? Yeah. Like, how long can it sit on the shelf?

Yeah, we've actually, we've had him or her for, I think, six months now. And it's thriving. And the reality is in captivity, the fish live a lot longer because they're obviously in prime conditions, get fed every day. There's no, like, there's no demand for food and no, like, interspecies competition. So this is a deep waterfish. So we're talking, like, real deep or, like, thousands of metres deep?

So this fish was collected at 150 meters. Right. But the reality is for a human to go dive that deep is, like, extremely dangerous. Yeah, you'd need, like, one of the Thai cave rescue guys to do it. And this is a publicist story that I find interesting. Jack, why is it suddenly more expensive this fish? It could be getting its price go up. So there we go.

So tragically, a month or so ago, the exact individual, Tim Bennett, who caught this fish with his hands, sadly, yeah, it didn't surface from a dive. And he's like an absolute fish legend. But went on a dive and something went wrong, and we still don't actually know what happened. But once again, it's always, yeah. And he's the only person in the world that's collected,

these fish, is that right? There's two people in the world and he was one of the two. And so now they don't think these fish will ever be collected again just because of its danger. Hence, it's going up in value at Apex Aquatic. That's exactly right. Jack, if someone was to buy this fish and give it away on a game show, could we come to some sort of deal for, you know, 18 or something?

I was thinking we could settle for 25, but we can talk later. Interesting. How hard is it to maintain... I need you to have a buy it now option on your website for when I sit down during Golden Day. I wondered whether your head would go this way, How hard is it to maintain this particular fish once it's, you know, in someone's house?

Honestly, pretty easy, to be honest. Obviously, on the tank is on now, there's lots of sensors and monitors and everything. But generally, we're not. Yeah, as you would. But generally pretty straightforward. Because it lives at such a deep depth, which I, and I presume it's quite dark down there.

Is this a physical... I'm shocked or surprised to now be up on land and, like, looking around and, you know, being in a shop? No, because I think because of the setup we've put him in, it's quite dark and there's lots of caves. Thus, you can't see the colour. Yeah, he's settled in perfectly. And wouldn't he be under more pressure down there?

Like, is he feeling a bit bigger? He must love it. He must love it. Yeah. He's a free man. Jack, thank you so much for joining us, mate. I find that fascinating. It may or may not be in the showcase for Bitcoin Blitz.

My mind is spinning. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate it, guys. On the best. Bye.

Thanks, man. They keep coming in. So we'll keep reading them out as a service to anyone who listens to this show to make them more powerful. Some more power moves for everybody. Got to go first, too. I'll kick things off here. from Levy or Levi, I think Levy, said,

Hello, lads, pretty general power move, but works best when you have an upcoming group event and there is no group chat for it. Like maybe an out, it could be a meeting, whatever. When a friend of yours asks what's going on with the upcoming group event, you simply say to them, are you on the chat? This implies that they're not considered relevant enough to be on the chat.

Then when they ask to be at it, be really vague about how they get onto the chat. like, oh, sorry, I'm not sure who the admin is, etc, etc. This way, you've got some great examples. Are you coming to the beach on Friday? Yes, are you on the chat? Are you going to the marketing movie tomorrow? Yeah, are you on the chat?

Best case scenario, looking forward to our high school reunion. Reply, are you on the chat? Implying they were never added to the class chat for all these years. Love it. It's from Jake. Power move for you, lads. be used on anyone at any time. This is good.

When someone is one sentence into their conversation with you, simply say, you can stand up straight when talking to this. I don't think of someone said that to me since high school, I reckon. It's a real teacher. Sit up straight. Keep going to sit up straight.

Yep. Because refusing to sit up straight to is, Such a petty act of defiance. No, I am a man and I will slouch when I can. Ando, good one here from Tommy. This is a power move my brother did to his partner recently. In a group setting, when someone says they're going to have a shower, stop them and say, okay, but make sure you actually have a shower this time.

Don't just run the water. This insinuates that they've been recently having fake showers or of not being cleaning themselves. I don't know why that tickles me. You really paint that person as a giant weirdo. I'm not having fake towels. Everyone in the room is going, I wonder who he does that.

Why isn't she having shampoo? Great. This is from David. At a restaurant, casually rinse your fingertips in your colleagues' water. No eye contact, no acknowledgement. Just to continue as nothing happened. I think that would work for me.

It's undeniable. This is an Emily. A boy is currently traveling in Sri Lanka. It's approximately 30 degrees, 80% humidity. I've discovered a new power move. As you can imagine, as you can imagine, it is supreme ice cream weather. The other day I asked my friend if I could try some of his ice cream.

He handed it over and I took a bite from the bottom of his cone, leaving him in absolute shock and ice cream slowly trickling out the bottom of the clone. That is good. Gentlemen, I like to think that we have earned the trust of the audience to discuss bodily functions responsibly. I mean, I know this is often being in my realm, especially with gone in 60 seconds.

That's something I've really taken ownership. And the airport toilet run last year, don't forget. Oh, yeah, that was a key bit of delete it. That was a biggie. That was a big. It's still shocked and scarred several people. But I assure you no more shocking than having lived through it myself. Think about it quite a lot.

I'm often grateful on the toilet. Anytime I'm successfully on the toilet now with no incident, I'm like, let's not forget to be grateful for the body just doing its thing. I think it's a lesson we can all appreciate. Speaking of being on the toilet and just letting the body do its thing, do you have a set time of the day? for a bowel movement. Yeah.

Are you on a schedule? Yeah. I think most people are on a schedule, aren't they? As soon as I wake up. Yep, me too. Soon as you wake up. As soon as I wake up, that's the dream. That's the first walk.

The first walk is straight to the loo. For a number two. Yeah. And then before I go to bed, same. That's pretty much my two for the day. You do two in a day. What's left in the morning? No, I'm doing one.

One a day? Yeah. Yeah, I'm a one a day. Really? What are you doing at night? That's such an handy thing to do. get everything set at night and get it all sorted in the morning as well

get everything squared away I think you should be doing more than one a day guys I think one I think one's about what you meant to be doing get it all one one big one one big one big one big spring queen I do one a day and then maybe every two weeks I'll need to do it two in a day

it's sort of like a leap year coffee card yeah wow every 10th one is free after I get 10 I get a bow of the same or smaller size. Just buy small ones and come in and try and get a big.

That you would carry around 24 hours of carry. I would like... No, I think that's... All right, well, I mean, the good thing is this. Here's the thing, though. I used to be, like, I'm a coffee drinker, and coffee drinkers will know that that absolutely gets things going. So first thing in the morning, no, you wake up, have breakfast or whatever.

It used to be not too big a deal, because that was, then that was, usually if we're heading out the door, I'm like, I'll be there in a sec, and you just take care of business. Sometimes the kids will be like, give us your phone. Come on, guys, that's not like that. Is that to reduce your time on that? Actually, give us your phone because. We know how long you might end up.

It doesn't have to be a gist, but it would be nice under 60 minutes. Yeah, yeah. So sometimes I have to hand my phone in like I'm going to a Taylor Swift concert or whatever. Yeah, yeah. You're not going to take your phone. So forever, that's the sketch, after breakfast on a good routine. A couple of months ago, or two or three months ago, had the wisdom teeth out over the mandated break. It was in the mandated break had my wisdom teeth out.

Due to the painkillers, I think, that you're on for a while, you get quite blocked up. Yep. Like the codeine or whatever it is. So it threw my schedule out. Really? And it somehow, when all the dust settled, I found myself now 12 hours into the future. Oh, no.

Like, you know, now you're a night guy. And it's hitting me not just at night, yeah, but right at bedtime. Yeah. Now. That's a good thing, I reckon. Well, my wife doesn't find it a good thing because that's when the bathroom is being used by everyone for nighttime routines. Yeah.

And suddenly now I've decided that that's when Hame's going to do his business. But you can go. got several bathrooms. Go to the other, well, then the other, the other tricky thing is, too, it's the noise of, like, so I was like,

okay, well, you know, sometimes I have to get up and then be like, it's hit me. I thought you meant the noise emanating from the bathroom. She has a glass of water next to a bed and it's like,

Jurassic Park. What is that? Right, the noise in me, disturbing the bird. I just can't control. Now it's this, like,

renegade boo that happens between like 10 and 11. Right. And we, we're usually, in bed, well in bed by 10 o'clock. So she's like, you've got to shift this. This isn't working for our family.

I don't know why this is happening now every night. I'm like, I think it was the surgery. It threw me out. He's like, well, let's get it going again in the morning. Like, oh, but that means I've got to, I'm going to have to hold one all night. You can't. But I'm here to say with a bit of work,

a little bit of determination and a lot of love in my heart, over the course of about a week to 10 days, I was able to change the clocks in my body. Yes, thank you. And it wasn't the most comfortable thing to go through. No. And I managed to change it over. Now, she appreciated that.

It's tough, and I'm trying to explain to her what I've gone through for the family. And I think she just sort of expects it. It's like, well, I gave you a direct order. So I would expect that to be followed. It is hard to change the clocks because when I was doing breakfast radio, I wanted to get it moved to the night time because then I save another 10 minutes in the morning. And every minute counts for that early alarm. But I just couldn't move it.

Well, you have to agree. It is not easy. It's a conscious effort for those kind of like a few days. Here's the tricky part. Recently, I took the kids away for a bit of an adventure, a few hours in the car. And it was an early morning leave. I needed to go. I'm back on schedule now.

But I was faced with A, trying to make good time and B, only roadside. sub-car facilities. To the point where I went, I kind of got till midday and I'd forgotten about it. I know. You kicked it back onto the wrong schedule. Because of that road trip.

And then a few days later, we're driving a few hours in the car back. Same thing happened again. That's been enough to now, I regret to inform you on my wife. We are now back on my time schedule, and the clock has reverted again. Oh, gosh.

Back on New York. time. Back on New York time. Yeah, really the worst possible time zone. Now it actually seems to be happening kind of like near midnight. Wow. I know. Okay.

I know. Well, I mean, I'm a tour. I'm a tour. I'm two twos a day. So that doesn't seem to be that crazy to me. You must not be getting much out. It feels like enough. I'm just looking at the window.

He's two. Brad, you're a two. All right. I'm not going to ask Carly and lies. They're just shaking their head. I think, let's get a naturopath on next week and just work out exactly how many you want to know. Isn't your dentist a naturopath? He's a holistic dentist, but I can't ask him.

I'm hot off the excitement of high drama at Homeham. What's happened? I arrived at the pod this morning, got a call from Beck. I did ignore the first one because I was sitting there with Marshy in the studio and an immediate other call. And as soon as that, the pester comes from your partner, generally that's enough for me to go, okay, something's up. Yep.

You have to have a very good excuse to ignore two calls. Yeah. So I answer the call. Beck says to me, there is a huge huntsman in your car park. Car park? Yeah. At the apartment building? Yeah.

But in your spot? Yeah. So Beck and I, and I said, yes. I said, yes. She goes, I can hear you. Massive. I was like, yes. It says, yes, so what am I going to do?

I said, well, it's not in your car, is it? Her car park next to mine. We're in a big apartment block with lots of different cars. She goes, no, no, but I will never be able to drive my car again if we don't get rid of it because I'll assume it's in my car. She knows it's down there. No, there's so many cars we're to choose from. Exactly.

I said, it's fine. It's fine. Is it on the move? And she says, oh, I'm back upstairs to get reception. But I'm going to head back down. Oh, no, you've got to keep eyes on it. And she said, what should I do? I said, well.

Taking eyes off it was a huge mistake. As someone that's terrified of spiders, like, we had a similar situation in the kids' playroom not too long ago. Now, we've got the bug assault, which we've talked about many times on this show, to the point where people think we get a kickback from mentioning the bug of salt. We do not. Just a rock salt firing shotgun that I happen to enjoy takes out flies can take out spiders, can take out huntsmen's. But, you know, a couple weeks ago, big huntsman on like a yellow cupboard, huge hand size. It's just like, I may, couldn't believe it could still

stick to the wall. It was so big. You know, like whatever adhesive they're using, it was like a cat on the wall. It was so big. But, you know, I calmly said to the kids, please stay here, keep eyes on it. I'll go and get the weapon. Because if you take, it was a bit more like, watch it, watch it, do not. Suddenly had a Nerf gun. And I was like, mate,

do not fire. Do not fire. You're just going to knock it down and anger it. And it's, then it's coming for us, all right? Do not fire. It was a real, it was a, it was a high drama moment as well. Well, I'll hold your fire. But you've got to keep eyes on it because you come back in the, room and it's gone.

I mean, almost have to soak your house. You and Beck are similar with your fear for spiders. I have learned something. There's one sentence that is separated by two words that feels really different. You can either say, what would you like me to do about it, which seems a bit aggressive, or what would you like me to do? Seems less aggressive.

So I said, what would you like me to do? That's nice. She said, hmm, I don't know. The building's got a whole WhatsApp. I'll text the whole building. That's an escalation. Great idea. Great idea.

So good luck. Let me know how you go. Moments later, she called. And because I was with Mashi, we could hear the call and record it. This is what happened. From her perspective, that's the worst person for you to be sitting next to our audio producer.

But great for the show. You there? It was a fake fucking spider. No way. I didn't leave it there. Well, I was under your car, so it's obviously fallen out of your car. I've alerted the whole building. I stopped the guy from level one.

He was coming up in his car. I was like standing in the middle of the car park with my mortine spray. shaking and he's gone over and he was like oh yeah that's big and then he's like sprayed it and it didn't move and he was like i think it's dead and then like knocked it with the can and he's like oh no it's fake and then he's picked it up and you and you've asked the entire apartment block if anyone can come and help you it's come out of your car

why am i getting blamed for this hasn't come out of my car i don't have any i haven't And then the guy goes, does your boyfriend just have fake spiders in his car all the time? Well, it hasn't come out of my car and I don't carry around fake spiders. Well, it's come out of your car because your car was right on top of it. Should you come somehow blaming me for this? I don't know. Everyone's laughing at me now on the group chat. She's since said me to the spider.

I'm just texting it to you both right now. I don't even want to say. I don't even like seeing the show. Have a look how fake. Have a look how fake is. Oh my God. That's like a Halloween. Like I'm not even scared of that.

It's got, it's like a fluoro yellow legs. It's from a show bag. Yes. But is that yours? You are a known prankster. No, it's not. It really looks like.

It's like a Halloween decoration. that's fallen off somewhere. I did like when you're like, are you blaming me this somehow? Beck, very honest moment. This is a good game, you know, is he heading to marriage, which is like, I don't know, which means, yeah, yes, I want to. Can't quite work out now yet. I'm a bit flustered at the moment, but I'll get back to you. Yeah, I'll get back to you with how this is your fault. Because that is the ideal outcome here, yes. like to blame you.

Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamish and Andy.com.