Hamish & Andy - 328 - From One Dad to Another... I Want My Drums Back!

Episode Date: April 22, 2026

Hamish wants his drum kit back from Jack and has found a very roundabout way of requesting its return. Tagline Sleuth returns with two big hitters as we attempt to settle who got in first! Chit Chat Champions is also back, and the boys check in with a naturopath, their friend Belle, to get a professional opinion on just how healthy their bowel movements are. 1. Hamish Wants His Drum Kit Back 2. Tag-Line Sleuth 3. Mitch Calls Back 4. Chit Chat Champions 5. Naturopath Belle 

A listener production. Activate your internet. Because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three, two. Sorry, still buffering. Ahoie to me bleak. Hamish. I can be bleak sometimes, but I could also be exciting. Ahoie to me stop.

I can stop. Jack. Mid-sentence sometimes. And I'm an eel. Bleak stop. Eel. This is the kind of one Magic Mike would have loved

to give to us in Quismus. In Quismas. So they're all linked. Are they linked somehow? Well... I mean, they always... I don't know. Usually it's like

these are the three swords that are the ninja users. They aren't necessarily. Actually, they're not actually... It's not really a three love link things. It's a famous three and it changed up about them.

Something changed about them. Something changed about it. You're bleak and you're uniquely bleak. That sounds rude That is meant to. Yep. You're uniquely stop. And I'm uniquely EEL.

EEL. I mean, no, I mean, you've got it. I reckon I've got it. They're anagrams of our names. Surnames. He's got it. He's got it. Jack.

Well, well done. Well done. Anagrams of Blake Lee and Post today. Sent in from rosy and a.byshaid.com. Well done. Kind of thing went back in the day when podcast, Mike, used to complain about spending 20 hours a week working on the group of three. That was one where I would have gone, all right,

you have put some effort in this before finding out that it was sent in and he didn't do anything. Lise is now outsourced in the mail your life. We're pretty much coming in haversheddy.com. The only piece of work that needs to be done for the show, we have a team of seven and it is kicked around like an absolute hot potato. No one was it. No.

Honestly not. Beth also went to Hayesh. I'd be interested to know if when Lies came to the show Mike's replacement, she's done an amazing job. Yeah. If there was a moment where Callie was like, look, there is one thing I should tell you. It's a lot of fun, but you've unfortunately landed in the position

that does have the job. Like there is one job a week. But you can outsource it. Is it cleaning the toilets? What is this sounds terrible? No, it's thinking of three things that are related. It can take up to 20. hours. But please, outsources out. No one will check up. Go to the internet.

Bet, we also went to haemish-shaddy.com to use the very simple, straightforward system of uploading audio. Ahoy, Hamish Andy and the little boy. Hey, just wanted to pass on a message from my mum, who didn't want to call in because she knows the ordeal that you guys go through with the mandated break. But she was telling me that she cleans a shower once a week to your podcast. And as you can imagine over the break, shower cleaning schedule is completely thrown off, and when she finally remembers to clean it, she has to do so in complaint silence. Anyway, good to have you back on air, boys.

Showers never looked cleaner. Thank you. And that's the kind of stuff we're saying to the government all the time. You don't understand the flow-on effects of this ban. And they just say, and they go, listen, we must stress to you guys, you have to take a break. We don't want to. No, we don't want to. We don't want to.

Like, just, you know, quick 12 weeks and then the showers can be cleaned off. Then we know, obviously, you know, that's, that's, that's the thing. Hey, I've asked for the start of the show today because, I'm permission to get a little bit earnest. A little bit emotional. If I could. A little bit bleak? Not bleak, not bleak, just that classic Blake. So a little bit of heart.

But, you know, it's a, it's a topic that's close to, you know, and my hearts here, Jack. Okay. Because we are both beard boys, but we're also boy dads. Yeah. We're also dads of boys. And something happened to me during the week, and I just thought, you know what? I don't talk about fatherhood that much on the show, but I wanted to make something for you, Jack.

I was struck by this. And I was like, I want to make something for you, Jack, because we both, you know, our sons are, I mean, Sonny's quite a bit older than Gordo, but we're in the same boat. You know, I see you as doing such a great job of being a dad. trailing behind me. So with your permission, Jack? What is this like kind of passing on some kind of wisdom? I guess it is. Like a fatherly mentor. A little greyer in the beard who wants to pass something back on to another one of

these beard boys doing a great job. All right. Jack, we're both dads to incredible boys. I'm just a bit further down the track than you, but I felt compelled this week to make this for you. I know you think Gordy's little now and it's true he is. he's growing, like the sun rising and setting, you can't stop it. You just have to marvel at its beauty.

Take it from me, mate. Cherish every day while he's little. It goes by in an instant. For example, my little guy, I still remember bringing Sunny to the radio show one day years ago, and we had my electronic drum kit set up outside. He couldn't even get on the drum stool. And now, just this week, I sat in the audience at his school and I watched him play solo in front of assembly

and crush war pigs by Black Sabbath on drums, my little guy. It was sick. Couldn't believe how good he was, just how grown up it all seemed. And afterwards, with teary eyes, I mentioned this grappling I was having with how incredible he was. I mentioned it to his drum teacher Nick, who agreed that he's come so far. And then Nick actually said something that really, really stuck with me.

Nick said, he needs a good electronic drum kit to practice with at home. And I want my drum. Come kit back, Jack. I want it back. It's time. I'll let you lease it from me six years ago, and now got to pay the piper. You are leasing it at $1 a week.

I'll waive it for a year. After that, we go to a weekly. No money changes hands ever. I'll bring it back when you need it. That's your stick. Well, but you've got to give me the $4 bond, which will be refundable when you return it. I'll pick it up and drop it off when you need it.

At my discretion. Cool. four times a year, Max. No, no, no. That's interesting. Deal. Deal. Yeah, there's a good deal.

Good deal. The time is now, my friend. Find them. Find that kit. Have it to me by the weekend. Woo! The kit is coming home. So,

crazy. The quickest of explanations if we can. Because I think it's half a decade ago. But you brought another electronic drum pick. I think it was the third in your life. It was. This was a very good one. We used it for Cool Boys and the front man, our band, used it for a couple of gigs. Zoe said you didn't want it in the house, which is the normal thing that happens with the stuff that you buy.

Jack wanted it. You took it to your house on a lease. Yes. And then you said, I leased it to you for $1 a week, but the fee was waived. Yes. Because I think I was doing you a favor as well. You couldn't have it at your house. Jack, shop around.

You're not going to beat that price for a state-of-the-out electronic drum kit. $1 a week was a steal. So for a while... It was waived for a year, by the way, which means it's been about four years of lease payments. You're overdue. Compounding. I did have it at my house for a bit,

and then the same thing happened. It wasn't being used as a drum kit anymore. It was being used as things to throw clothes on. Bianca didn't want it at the house, so then I leased it to somebody. Some let it. For free. And I think his name was Mitch.

It's definitely started with M. Okay, great, though. That narrows it down. And he, said to me, yeah, when you need it back, I'll bring it back. And he was 18 at the time, he'd be 24 now. Maybe we could do

a Cats in the cradle thing for him for his parents to go, wow, you're 18 year old has grown up into a 24 year old. It's amazing how fast it goes. Do you have any contact? I'll be, I'll find like somewhere in DMs. I mean, it's six years ago now, so it'll be a while to find him, but he should.

Didn't you get his details? Yeah, I think so. Hey, him. Let me look up like words like drum. You have a responsibility. Oh, oh, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, electronic drums. He's in your contacts? I've got his phone number in my contacts. Should we call him now?

This is crush. I should call him? Let's call him now. Because, Jack, when you took that drum kit, I mean, he was like five, he was like, just, you know, he wasn't drumming. Yeah. It wasn't drumming. Never did I think the day. I couldn't believe it when Nick saying his drum teacher was like, look, you know, he's at the stage where he needs, like, a proper.

kit to practice on because he's great. And I was like, I have one somewhere. It's been sublet. It's been sublet. Kevin Bacon might have it. That's how many degrees of separation we are from this. But I will get it back off Kevin Bacon. Well, let's see if Mitch has got it or if he's leased it to somebody and we can get it off them. Huge. All right, here we go. Well done, Jack. I thought that was going to be. Hi, if you record your name and reason for calling, I'll see if this person is available. Jack. Drums.

I think you're allowed to be longer than that. Chit-chat. All right, we'll try and track down Mitch. Mitch, it's Hamish. Thanks, Jack. Okay. Please stay on the line. Okay, because I think this is this automatic thing that phones do now.

Oh, I didn't, I've never known. Yeah, yeah. So I think it's asking him now to listen to that message to see if he wants to take the call. or not. I'm sorry, this person is not available. If you would like to leave an additional message, please reply after the tone. Do another one.

No, but end, end. Okay. Do another message? I already heard. Yeah, like an additional message to go, no, okay, sorry, we were spooked by the system, but text him, Jack, okay. Text him. But we'll leave it in your capable hands to see if we can get it.

It shouldn't be a problem. I can't imagine why it would be. You did say, Jack, because you came over, I remember you drove, this is back when you were building your house, so you had a, you. You drove the Ud over, put the drums in the back, you were so excited.

And then you were like, any time you want them, I'm all driving back in the Ute. I do live in Sydney now and you live in Melbourne, but I would like you to want to that. Well, I don't have the UD anymore, so no way to transport them.

Sadly. I don't know. Absolutely, I are you. Sorry, I'm trying to talk to my friends. I can be that in the break. I could hire you a commercial van if you want. Guys, you both got a pen. Yes, I do.

Just a second. Yep. I mean, did you, I felt quite proud of us for, you know, being so good. I was like, oh, my God, I rarely bring the required materials. Yes, I have a pen. And I don't like getting caught with that one because Andy's always the one who lends me one. You would have given me 50 pens of the last three years. And I say, and they never go back.

No, they never go back. They never go back. Lovely Christmas present idea. Guys, when I say, you've done it again, write down the company that you associate that tag line with. Well done it again. There's two. There's two.

I've often, I've got, there's probably three. If you're just thinking one, which one are you thinking, Jack? I'm thinking McCain's. Yeah. And Hayme? McCain is a popular one.

J.B. Highfi also come in and they say, J.B., you've done it again. J.B., you've done it again. Yeah. McCain, you've done it again. I hope you've investigated this, Andy, because it is a bit of a spectacular original situation. Who came first?

Yes. Sometimes. You've done it again. Sometimes your hopes and dreams come true. Yes. This sounds like this sounds like this sounds like this. If this sounds like that I'm your man. Andy Lee, tagline sleuth.

Yes. Which one came first, Ham? Gosh, this was a deep dive. You've done it again is a powerful positioner. And well done because it's actually a power move. Just to say you've done it again is just such an easy way to go. It implies all your good work. It is known for this.

He keeps doing it. It keeps it we can't stop it from doing great stuff. It suits McCain's better because of the rhyme. I disagree. I think it suits J.B. better because their whole thing is going, we're lowest prices. So to go, you've done it again is like, well, you've, you've, You've achieved your purpose of getting lowest prices again. Yep, which is a good thing.

Just saying McCain, you've done it again. Done what? Put vegetables in a bag? But it rolls off the tongue better because of the rhyme. Are McCains? Yeah, but you put him too much weight on the line. They're slashing prices more regularly at J.B. It's a tough one.

McCain's is also doing their frozen pizza. They're doing chippies. Yeah, but that's just what they do. That's like going Clark's shoes, you've done it again. What? We made shoes again. The reason it works for you. JV. Hi-Fi the best is because they actually link it to another thing they do.

They're smashing prices. They're throwing a brick through that yellow plate glass. And implies they actually have to actively work to always keep prices low, hence we've done it again. I think it works best if you tie it to another thing. You can't just go Sprite. You've done it again. You made lemonade. Okay. Well, in my research, I think you're all right, Ham. Thank you. But both are true because McCain are innovating more than I thought they were. First off all, here's the current McCain slogan and tagline. Ah, McCain.

You've done it again. And here's the current J.B. High Five. J.B., you've done it again. Yes, okay. Well, obviously, one company had two seconds to play with, and another one had point three. So that's where they both sit in 2020. So I started going, okay, let's go through the system here at the radio station. You see and he rubbed his eyes like, say that all right, doing this.

Like, this was, they've been working on this case for six weeks. It's been longer than your big. Marshy's also feeling it. First up in a background, J.B. High Fy started in East Keelor in Victoria, 1974 by John Berdo. He's the J.B. McCain, Canadian company, came to Australia in 1968, started local production in Ballarat making Chippies back of the day.

Well done. So 1999 was the first one off. I was like, okay, we remember the corn raining ad from McCain's. We sure do. Kane's super juicy corn cobbets. Ah, McCain, you've done it again. And they had just done the super juicy corn cobets. Was that the first time they used, you've done it again?

No. No. Well, I thought of the oldest bit of, guess what? You have to find the ad where they go, are McCain, you've done it for the first time. And then it would be the ad after that when they've done it again. Exactly. So the bid was at 1999 for McCain.

Then we found this ad from 1996 for J.B. high-fire. Sony, 50-wit-cast, Doreos, an insane $149. Plus thousands of CDs from 99 cents. J-B, you've done it again. The 50 watts area That is insane To pay that for a 50 watts area Yes

So CDs at 99 cents Incredible I just love hearing the products That J.B. come back with That was 96 Then we found this from 95 So we were like Oh maybe it is McCain

MacCain Pizza Pockets Yeah Yeah You've done it again Pizza Pockets The Pizza Pockets You're probably too young to remember those Jack

I don't think I've ever had a pizza pocket. You can imagine what they are. I can imagine it. The flavour of a pizza with the convenience of a... Pocket. Pocket. Yeah. But it wasn't really a pocket because from memory they were fully closed off, weren't they?

Were they a roll or were they more of a... Enchalada taste? Oh, they are full spherical roll. There was full ferrical roll that you'd bite in and create a pocket because there was a pocket within them, but not a traditional pocket like you would to put a wallet in. Yes. They wouldn't use to store the keys.

No, no. That was 95, 93. J.B. HighFi, and they are discussing the leading mobile phone brands that they have at the time. J.B. Highfire, smashing prices on mobile telephones. All the top brands like Motorola, NECC, Erickson, Voxon, Nokia, Omni and Gold Star. J.B, you've done it again. Gold Star. No.

Also, Nokia is the character of all these words were so new to our lexicon, we didn't know how to pronounce the names. Even saying mobile telephone thing's action. But that's the thing. They're smashed. So they're known for smashing prices. That's the thing. So they're clever that they time together.

Then 1990, we found this ad from McCain, which swung it back in their direction. The oven hot, deep dish pizza without the home delivery hangups. Oh, McCain, you've done it again. Sound like a bit of his next work. Okay, right. So the guy at the ad agency was talking on a 1-900 number and said, yeah, thanks for that. Hey, if I'd let you go, would you ever do any interest in any voiceover work?

In years to come, we'll get it quite a slow talking grandfatherly type. But I think for now, we'd like a nearly orgasmic, with like a breathy, a breathy woman. Can we listen to her again, Jack? Your own time, Ando. I'm a clean. You've done it again. I mean, we're not hearing things there.

There is a deep breath. There's a pant. You didn't need the pant. Anyway, that was 1990. But again, do you know what I'm saying? Back to the advertising side of things. Done what again? Made food?

Well, a new type. They've changed pizza twice now. They've gone, hang on. They didn't invent deep dish pizza name. The first one's frozen. That's what they're claiming at the time. The first frozen pizzas. Deep dish.

Come on. I just maintain that they're saying their product and saying you've done it again. Done what? Done what? Well, they're going to argue they've revolutionized with pizza pockets, the corn cobbets, and then the deep dish.

What was the revolutionising part of that corn cobets? They made it juicy. They made it juicy. You think they invented fluid in corn? I think corn did that. They decided to put it in a frozen bag. We head to 1985. where J.B. goes, we're not done yet.

We were as early as 985. Wow. Pining a stereo tunist and CDC semi-automatic turntables, $89. J.B., you've done it again. Well, semi-automatic turntables. I think you had an exercise back put alongside it, and you had your wheel for a while, you're moving, but wow. Well, obviously, it can't completely turn itself.

We haven't got the technology. But yeah, every now and again, you have to wind it a little bit yourself. Good price. J.B., you've done it again. I thought that was the victory until Mashi rang me this morning and went. Oh, geez. Found one from 1984 from McCain. McCain, frozen dinner classics.

Oh, McCain, you've done it again. Now again, he doesn't say you've done it the first time. It would have been before that. See, that's more of their traditional. They just had to a real left turn in the 1990, didn't they, with the panting woman. Because that voiceover is the same as the 2025. Exactly.

This sort of very deep, slow, kind of honey-tripping voice. So currently, I think we have to give the victory to McCain, 1984. The deepest I can find, but I'll put it out there to J.B. High-Fi, if anyone works there or your head of marketing. Yeah. Getting your archives, guys. There's a 30-day appeal process.

And if McCain or J.B. If I want to propose that they were first, please submit all evidence within, which I'll say, 30 days, within seven days. 14 days. Just go 10. No, 30's fine. 30's fine.

I just think a winner will be crowned by the end of the year. And if no winner steps forward, McCain has got it. Yep. This is incredible. Hame, Jack has just received a text visit from Mitch. What does it say? No, he's tried to call me.

He hasn't answered the text message, but he has tried to call me, and I'll give him a balance back now if we can. It should be a Jack conversation, though. Should we pretend we're not here, or we all... Yeah, Jack, could you just business-like, just let him know that you'd like to end the lease and have the drums returned? I'm sure it won't be a problem.

I can't imagine why it would be. Hello. Mitch, it's Jack. Hey, Jack, how are you going? Yeah, good, man. How you going? Good. I'm so sorry for the miss call.

the call screening. No, that's all right. Hey, how are the drums going? I am not going to lie, my friend. They have been in storage for about a year. But you got a good five years out of them maybe then. So, yes, very much so. No, I am working at a creative art studio,

so getting some use through there, but they have unfortunately been retired for the time being. Mitch, I'm going to guess you're looking to get them back. you're wanting to renew the rent. Let's free up that space in the storage shed and get them back to Hamish. How about that? I think that is a lovely plan. Yes.

Are you guys getting the band back together? Oh, no, they're for his son. Yeah, his son wants to learn drums at school. Oh, awesome. That would fantastic. Yeah, not as cool, is it? No, that's sick guys. Mitch, sorry.

Andy, I was so excited. I was like, oh, my God. Are we getting it? band game back together? Do you know what, Menge, do you know what? Now that the drums will be back in my house and my son's bedroom is just a short walk away. He's not home all the time. I'm home when he's not. He's got available. They are readily available. That's it. I would say this is a huge, could be a huge factor in Cowboys and the frontman reforming. Wow. I think it's saying to consider. I'm surprised it hasn't been considered.

That's a huge scoop. We throw it around like, Jacks. steal from like four years ago said to us, I've got the song. Yeah, I've got a, I have a great song. And every song I hear from, there's two things that happen in my life that I pay way more attention to than I should. A, I always hear songs and go, I wonder if this was Jack's idea for the cool boy's song. And then I get frustrated at you, Jack, because they usually don't fit. Or there's like not enough drums in it.

And I go, this was classic. Jack, of course he'd pick this one. I go, I don't get to do anything in this song. The other thing I think about all the time is, sorry, this is well off topic, but we did this thing at the radio station, again, like 10 years ago on radio, where we went in, there's a lift in the building, and we went into the control room that could see the security camera that was in the lift. And we spied on people to see what they did in the lift by themselves,

like if they pick their nose, adjust their hair, whatever. And then we wouldn't publicly shamed people for doing what they did. Every time I'm in a lot of. lift, I don't do anything because I'm worried that Andy, Andy could be the day when they're doing the prank again. Super well-behaved. Anyway, Mitch, this is such good news. Mitch, thank you.

First question is, how are they, what condition are they in? It has been some time. Are they working? To my knowledge, yeah. I mean, there is a bit of an accumulation of dust. But, I mean, I think all is up to scratch, yeah. I mean, they had dust when I gave him to Jack, so I'm not the men seven years later. It's going to have a bit.

First of all, Mitch, good on you for being such a great bloke. I thought, no, no, never seeing these drums again. No. I mean, I'm more than happy to hang on to them and make a quick buck if that's the, you know, suggestion. But I'm surprised. You had more than happy to give back. Like, when was the last time Jack contacted you about them? I think it was about two or three years ago when it was going,

it was going, hey, I think I've lost Mitch's contact. And I was like, oh, that's me. And I just reached you out going, hey, man, this is my number. And I didn't hear anything back. Didn't you? That wasn't really contact between. That's not in my message history. I'm sorry, man.

I think you thought about doing that, but you did. It sounds like the man I trusted my drum suit. So, Jack, I'll figure out the lease, because obviously you did get that first year for free, but you have been, it has been being charged at a dollar a week since then. A dollar a week? I thought it was a dollar a week. No, that was the original terms of agreement. Dollar a week and I waived it for a year.

Yeah. Jack, what else can you? $50 a year is not that much for a very high-end drum kit. It is a very good drum kit. What did you sublet it to mid for? Is this for free to have you in? Just to get it out of my... Okay, so all the financial burden...

I don't know. I don't remember. I wouldn't have shook hands on it. We literally just heard... We literally just heard the audio of you. No, but didn't we say something like I'm not... Didn't I say I'm not going to pay or something like that? Yeah, I said I'd waive it for the first year.

Yeah. And I think you thought, by then, I'll just get them back to you. But that's... I knew I get you. So I think I'm looking at at least 200 bucks. I think it's about 300 you are, Jack. Something like that. Jack, looking forward to getting...

Do you think you can get them to me by the weekend? Mitch, I don't know how you've dogged me like this. I've given you a free drum kit, and now you're doing the calculations and throwing me out of the bus. That isn't my strong suit, but that's pretty... Mitch, Mitch. Well-phone, Mitch. Yes, yes, sorry.

Okay, you got a free drum kit for all this time. I think the least you can do is transport them to Sydney for Hamish. Sydney! Yes, and you'll get to meet one of your favourite podcasters. Mitch, you have no obligation. You have no obligation there. Yeah, knowing that you're going to get Jack to come over, he has to come and pick them up, so you're going to get to

meet Jack again. I mean, the honors are all mine, to be fair. It was a lovely time. It was a lovely place. Jack was super nice. I'd do it again. I mean, I'm happy to drop them off. It saves you a trip.

In Sydney. That's why I'm confused. He's happy to drop it at your place. Yeah. It's a thousand kilometer trip. It's not a drop off. Okay, just get them to me. Get them to me.

Jack, this is a Tesla job for sure. But they fit in a Tesla? I don't know. Anyway. It's broken them down a bit. Thank you very much. We'll sort of logistics. Well done, guys.

Well done. Sondi themselves. I'm excited for Cool boys. Huge announcement. Haim, can't believe it's taken this far into the year for us to play this game. Chit me with your best chat. Chit Chat champion. The part of the show that everyone believes they can do until you're on the big stage.

Yes. We've had some heroes, absolute heroes stand up in this segment. And then we have also had some full body freeze-ups. Which is also fun. We're creating an arena to see how good you are just everyday chit-chat. Are you the best plus one at a function so you can join any conversation? Mark is one of our competitors today. Ahoi to you, Mark.

Ahoi. How are going? Very good. Nice gust, though. Straight into it. No questions allowed. We get the competition time, but we will allow that question. Are we agreed, Mark?

I'm out of question time. What do you do in your day-to-day life that leads you to believe you'd be a good chit-chatter? So my day job, I'm a music therapist, and I work in nursing homes predominantly. I'm actually sitting in the car outside an aged care home at the moment. What's a music therapist? So you play music to people as a kind of therapy? Yes, exactly. So we use music as a way to help people achieve their goals,

and especially it's really powerful with dementia to help people with their memory. and things like that. No drums in that then. You don't want Haim near you. That's not very therapeutic. I could play soft. Well, jazz drummers deserve therapy as well. And I would take the brushes in there.

That's a softer jazz drum. You've never used a brush. It's not about the end product. It's about the journey. Exactly. Okay, so they playing music. You're not just playing music to them. They're actually participating in music.

Yes. So we'll make music together. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, absolutely. Feel free to come in any time. Absolutely. Yep. I'll grab the kit. You're going to be a bit today. Your opposition, your opponent, is Peter. Peter, a hoi to you. Ahoi.

Peter, what line of work are you in? I also work in healthcare. I am a manager, so I talk for a living to avoid answering questions. Oh, of course. That's tough. Nice. You get three little questions that you're trying to avoid, I'd imagine. Yeah, lots of like, hey, can I have Daniel leave next week? Nah, not a good vibe.

Gotcha. That wasn't avoiding the question. That was direct. But maybe the directness... Maybe the directness will pay off today. I feel like you guys know the rules will go over them anyway. It is all about... You will not be instructed when you need to start talking.

It's all about you picking the correct time in the conversation to jump in and see if you could progress the conversation further. You will be judged on that category. You can't ask a question. And you obviously won't hear each other's attempts, but you will have exactly the same. feed-ins. Good luck everyone. Yes, we'll put Peter on hold.

Mark, you're up first. You're ready to go? Yeah, I think I'm ready. Good luck. Gidea, Endo. Hey, what were you telling me yesterday about the air conditioning at your new house? Oh, yeah, it just pushes the air through quicker but through smaller pipes. It's, air conditioning is one of those things. I feel like you never quite get the temperature right that you want. Every house I've ever been in, it's either been too hot.

or too cold, then I go to work, it's exactly the same. Doesn't matter whether it's small pipes or big pipes, just it's never quite right. Good. I feel like it was a plane that struggled a bit to hear off the runway, but then we just watched it for ages climbing to the sky. And still worry if it was safe as it climbed. I think it's okay. I think it's going to take off.

I don't think it's going to land again, that's for sure. It's out of here. Well done, Mark. There was also an exasperation to your... Did you almost fail? Did you almost give up? A little bit. I was like, when he started eventually air conditioning, I was like, oh no.

Yeah. Oh, no. Yeah, it's not fun. Well done. You dug deep in the heat of battle. You found your feet. Yeah. Mark, we'll put you on hold.

Thank you. Well played. Peter, are you there? I am here, yes. Mark has registered his before. Are you ready to go? Yeah, let's do it. Okay, good luck.

Gide Aando. Oh, good a ham. Hey, what were you telling me yesterday about the aircon at your new house? Oh, yeah, just pushes the air through quicker but through smaller pipe. That's really interesting because I heard your mum kind of does the same. Sorry, that would be a harsh, wasn't it? I don't think it also makes sense. But I'm not sure you're making friends at the party.

It is a great attempt to burn, but as And I mentioned, one of the key elements you need for a burn is for it to be cohesive, for it to be related to what you were talking about. Was your plan always to come in with your mama joke there, Peter? Not even remotely. I don't even know where that could come. For it to not be premeditated is wild. I'm trying to think, what's mum pushing air through?

I guess she's pushing more. If it was well known that Andy's mum is talking more these days, but has asthma, so therefore it has a constricted airway. That makes much more sense. Yes, if we're always on the show talking about how Andy's mum's airpipes are getting smaller, but she's pushing more air through, that would have been the perfect addition. Wow. I'm going to say,

It's an easy victory to march. I'm not expecting air conditioners. Like, I don't even, I don't know what I was expecting to be honest. Look, that's the fun of the game. We put you in a corner and you lashed out. And that is a totally understandable defence mechanism. I wouldn't suggest taking it to a cocktail party environment. No.

No. I don't think I'm going to get many invites after this attempt. Peter, well done, though. Thank you for participating. As we said, you can do erratic things. in the arena once you're there. Well done, Mark. A token of no value is going to you. Obviously, you can attribute any value to it, but certainly Hamish and I won't. Oh, wow. Thank you for letting me be on here.

Cheers, mate. No worries. That's what Annie's mum said. That even actually makes more sense, but she would appreciate being on the show. Hame, last week on the show, you brought up very tactfully, actually, and respectfully, different bowel movement schedules. Yes. Timing of evacuation. Are you still at night? No, I'm bringing her back. I'm bringing her back. It switched from a morning one to a night one and your wife was not having it.

She did not want anything to do with it. You're waking her up. Again, I would say this is TMI, but it's not really. It's J.E.I. What's that? Just enough info. Because this is what we're talking about. I, to great fanfare internally, privately this morning, we're back on track.

Back on track for a morning, which doesn't disrupt anyone in the household. And you can do it. So it's my schedule better, too. Yep. I was a morning and a night, and you guys were flabbergasted. I contemplated trying to hold and trying to just get to one a day. But, no. It just fascinates me what's there in the morning after.

Dinner. Yeah. Dinner's there. Coming through the pipe. It's not enough. I just thought, really, three meals is about enough to create what you need to create. Well, we said we'd come. back with a naturopath to find out what is healthy and what's not.

And so... It's not Jack's dentist. He's holistic dentists. It's one of our friends, Bell, who's a wonderful naturopath. Bell, welcome to the show. Ahoi to you. Hello, Ahoi. Ahoi, Bell.

Sorry you got pulled into this, but obviously, I imagine people do talk to you about this when they come and visit you. Critical part of. Yeah, I actually, I feel like I say to people a lot that it's not a visit to a natural path without talking about your poo, how often you're going, what it looks like, what it smells like. There's no such thing as TMI in our world. Right.

There we go. J-E-I. Just enough info. Have you ever used that? Too much, either, yeah. Is, I mean, does it ever smell any different? Because mine smells like absolute shit. Yeah.

That's pretty good. That's what you want. It's more like if you're noticing that it. it's like there's a change. Like it smells different to what you would normally experience. Right. Yeah, that's good. That's good to know.

That's good. What kind of, I mean, I don't want to put thoughts in people's heads, but like what does it smell like? Like pencil shavings or like is there a thing? I think it's just a different, I think that she's saying it still smells like shit. Yeah, it's just like a different kind of shit to what you're normally used to.

Yeah, right. I don't know if I investigated it that deeply, though. I think there's a, it's just, I always just go, yep, that's shit. Yeah, I feel like it's, it's kind of, you know when it's different. So if it's feeling like it's pretty normal, that's a good sign that things are, yeah, smooth. Okay, you'll know, you'll know, you've already gone. So it's like trying to explain to our kids, like, you know, how did you know, mom and dad, like, how did you know that you were going to get married? Like, you just know.

You just know. You can tell they don't get what you mean. You know it. Yeah, you know it when you smell. You're like, oh, that is different. Yeah. Well, the big question was, these guys were flabbergasted that I was a two-a-day man, which made me worried. Two every day, seems like a lot.

That I was going too often. They said that it should just be one. Is there an amount that's more normal than others? No. In fact, it's a very boring answer, but again, like, if that's your normal, then that is perfect. For some people going three times a day is their normal,

and they feel great. Wow. Perfect. If they're just going once a day, great. If they're going every couple of days but feel well, that's also fine. If it's stretching out to like you're not going for four or five days, that's when you're a little bit more concerned. And the same, like, if it's, you know.

Too regular. You are stressed leaving the house because you're like, oh, I don't know where I'm going to be able to go to a bathroom. That's also not great. So what would be the most of the most of? the amount four or five? Is that, was that like a loss? Yeah, you'd be worried.

Is that when you start to worry? Yeah, it's kind of like it's a dumb sitting on the fence answer. But if someone for their entire life has gone four times a day, it never feels urgent. It's not a bother for them. And everything else is pretty well, then you'd kind of go, okay, maybe you just have got a fast little. You've just got an absolute Teflon bow. Bound. Yeah.

They are flying out there. Yeah, I'm imagining like the bobslet at the Winter Olympics or something. Absolutely. That's how fast it's going through. Without the bit where they like put the brakes on the kid. There's already someone on the track at the other end. So a friend of ours, you know him, Bill. A friend of ours is a nine.

A nine. Nine a day. Nine a day. That's not true. How do you find the time? Yeah. That's not true. That's a full-time job.

Yes. That's way. But I've told him that he should get that looked at, and he said it's just what I'm used to. Yeah, nine, nine's probably pushing it for... Doesn't seem like he has to. He must be pushing. He's really pushing it.

I feel like he's absolutely pushing it before they're ready. That's like nine unrisen soufflis. He has to. Stop trying, so just let them bake. Every event we ever go to, he has to have an aisle seat. Okay, so it is bothering him. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's, okay. When it's affecting your life and you're like, I have to strategize where I can sit, that's not ideal. Does he know that's too many? You shouldn't accidentally get it mixed up with like when people tell you to drink nine glasses of water a day.

He's got that confused. No, he knows it's too many. He's like, I just don't want to do anything ever. I'm eating five kilos of ore bran a day or something. Yeah, there's nothing but all brand and coffee. Bell, thank you so much. We really appreciate it.

Nice. I think that's given everybody a level of comfort, particularly myself. I was worried that I was the out-life. Not when you've got a mate that's going nine a day. You must feel like two's an absolute drag. But do you feel like, as someone who loves efficiency, Andy,

would you like to be on the going one a day? Nah. But two, that you save half the time. But I don't think I sit there as long as you two do. You don't know how long we sit. Well, I've got a fair idea of how long. Maybe she's, well, he once sat in the bathroom here at the station, which has auto lights that

turned off and it went pitch black. I must have been in there for more than 10 minutes. I think it might be a 20 minute timer, I reckon on that. And you can't do much. You can't reactivate it because you have to go over near the main entrance door. That's where the sensor is. They're not expecting anyone to be in the dark in the cubicle. So I had to like a minor go about my business by the light of my phone.

Bell, thank you so much. We'll chat to you soon. Pleasure. Pleasure. Bye, guys. Bye. Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week.

Catch up or contribute at hamish and Andy.com.