Hamish & Andy - 336 - Questionable Aisle Songs

Episode Date: June 17, 2026

Andy and Bec are still in the midst of wedding planning and need to decide which song Bec will walk down the aisle to. Hamish and Jack have come up with some questionable suggestions. Chit Chat Champion: FIFA World Cup Edition. Hamish's Bat Tennis investigation continues, and Andy has a musical mystery for the boys to solve. Plus, Hamish tests the boys with "The Checklist Game".  1. Potential Wedding Songs 2. Chit Chat Champion 3. Bat Tennis Investigation Results 4. Melodical Mystery 5. The Check List Game 

A listener production. Activate your internet. Because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three, two. Sorry, still buffering. Ahoi to my stromboli. Thank you very much, sir. I think, are we mustaches? No.

That's why I was a little bit... It wasn't Stromboli a strong man? Yes, and the Stromboli moustache is... is a type of moustache. The long, thin one that curls at the end. Is the irony we're just well-known strong men? So you're like, oh, but you could have just said Hamish. This might get away.

Ahoi to my Aetna. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. It's so obvious. I won't even say it. Oh, yes. In fact, let's end the episode. Thank you for joining us in a very, very quick Hamish Nandy podcast.

I know the episode will look longer on your player, but we've just kept the dead end. airings and no one suspected the early leave. Are we volcanoes? We are the three main volcanoes of your hometown Sicily. Siciliano, Volcano. Volcano is the name of the third one. That's why I said it, Ando, because I'm one-eighth Italian.

Do you think I just say words that sound Italian? Yeah, I do. That would be culturally insensitive to my people. Which I think has been the case many times with you. And are you saying I just got lucky with Volcano? Is Volcano? Is that the original volcano and that's where it came from? Or have they repurposed that?

Is the island that actually gave the name to the word volcano? You are correct. Correct, Jack. Yes. So well done. Stromboli is the famous for near constant, small explosive eruptions. Very similar to Havis play over there waking up the household. Although never in the studio, I may add. Despite the constant conspiracy theories that fly around.

We haven't addressed farts in the studio for a long time. And I don't know we're not going to do it now, but they come in. There's lots that come in. Some people are furious that we're not addressing it. Whether it's a chaircrank or whether it really is jack farting, it's... Well, it's not me. There was one email I read the other day going, sorry, guys, are we just listening to constant farts now?

I think they think that the less we address it, the more Jack feels he can get away with it. I do like the idea of giving everybody an amnesty, though, so we just fart as much as we want, and if we don't mention it, then it just drives them crazy. I like the enhanced games. Yeah. Like the steroid game, one show where we fart as much as we can.

I'm nervous to that. These are a lot of idiots. I don't think that's not for anyone. I don't think it delivers for anyone. The audience doesn't want to hear it. I don't think we want to sit through it. No. I think we just keep up the current regime, Jack,

where you try and sneak them out during high-energy moments. Ahoy, also to Jess. An Aussie travelling in Canada. I went to Haymish-Adi.com to upload her audio. What she's been doing. Good life. Ahoy, Hamish and Andy, it's Jess here, an Australian living in Canada.

So it's growing season here in Canada. And every year, I've been growing giant pumpkins. Historically, I have named every pumpkin that I've had and they've always started with H. I don't know why the first one. He just had a Harry Potter Scar so we called him Harry and it kind of evolved from there.

And this year my partner decided he wanted to grow one too. So now we're having a competition to see who can have the biggest pumpkin. Now we're trying to toss up between names now that we have two. So he suggested

Hamish and Andy. And now we're in competition. to see who could grow the most superior pee. So stay tuned. Right. Currently, Hamish is winning as expected. But I will keep you guys updated. No, go Hamish.

Love it. That was well worth it. It was a long run up and I was thinking like, all right, no, we're across this. It's bit well landed. Traditionally, pets named Hamish Nandy. Hamish perishes first. Let's see what happens when we moved produce. This isn't about lifespan though, and it's how big you can live while you're here.

And even if pumpkin may perish first, but I guarantee you he'll live a big life and he'll go out, he'll go out strong. We wait with bated breath. Hey, I've mentioned this to you and Jack. We're still going through wedding planning. They love scheduling a meeting, don't they? Even if it's just to go across what you've already decided. I don't generally like being involved in anything that requires more than two meetings.

No. And I remember, you know, this was a long time ago now, but yeah, getting married when they're like, okay, we'll pick this up at the next meeting. I distinctly remember feeling that you should knock everything off in one. That's what I was hoping for. You've done 20. We've done lots. You have a weekly. It's to buy weekly every two weeks.

Yeah. said to both of us in the last meeting, look, here's your homework. We always get that, here's your homework. You're like, gosh, can't we do the work in class? And they're free time when we leave. What are these meetings for? Exactly.

Because here's your homework. I want you guys to close your eyes. I want you to imagine that Celebrant has hushed everybody because the bride's about to come down. Imagine that moment and then just press play on Spotify to different type of songs. I can't. My eyes are closed.

Can I slightly for a quickly? I can see one eyes that I can see the screen. And then you may feel the one that's right for you. So that's what's been happening around our house. And I said to you and Jack, hey guys, if you've got any suggestions. And we do. Let's do that as an exercise today on the pod.

And I will put some forth that I think would be great that I haven't had the guts yet to present to Beck. I know the sacred chipping ceremony has been shut down by Beck. I'm car-bosched. And I didn't want to say it at the time, but I heard when we spoke to her, just the fact that she, from memory, she was like, look, I loved a lot of things about it. I'm just not sure if it's right for the wedding.

But I went, this feels like a bride with a lot on her plate. And if we could take something off Beck's plate, that would be my absolute pleasure to do today. So Marci has built, to help us imagine it even more, has built a little bit of sound, the hush of a crowd and the celebrant. I'll kick one off. This is one suggestion that I think would be fantastic. Great. Could we please have everyone's attention?

Thank you as we welcome the bride. That's powerful. That's good. It's very emotional for you. Yes. I mean, it went straight into the lyrics there. I would have preferred... That is the classic.

So that gives you a bit more anticipation before she comes out. Or if she archipelied it. You meant to have something borrowed, something blue, so that works as well? That's true. Powerful case. Okay, I've got one here that I...

I've just gone for high energy. Could we please have everyone's attention? Thank you. as we welcome the bride. Not bad. Really good. I've actually nominated this as a joke. I think it's great.

Is you wearing heels or flats? Because if you're in flats, you can move a lot. Yeah, that's nice. That's funny because that is a bit of a joke. Backfire there. I now think that has to be the. Well, we haven't heard Jack's first submission, Jack. So I wanted mine to be all about Beck so that when we're watching her come down the aisle,

we know that the song is about her. So I've changed the lyrics to mine slightly. You're really doing anything you can to perform at the wedding, aren't you? And I also don't know if she's keeping her surname Harding or if she's taking Lee, but at this moment she will still have her maiden name, obviously. That's true. Could we please have everyone's attention? Thank you as we welcome the bride.

It's a Harding. It's Rebecca Harding. It's a way. It's a good day. Is this it original? Is this an original? What's so? This usually is Bonnie Tyler.

It's a heartache. It's a heartache. Because usually when you do a parody song, it has to be a recognisable tune. No, people know that song. People definitely know that song. No more than a paddy. Only 30% in this room.

Did you guys know that song? I don't. I don't think I don't. Maybe I wasn't hitting notes the same way that she did. It does, but the original lyrics. It is a hardache. It is a fun idea to have a song about Beck.

Yes. It kind of sounds like a hearting. It's a sitcom kind of theme music. Do you know what I mean? Like it kind of like you can cut to Beck, giving a thumbs up to camera. And then just like, you know, Rebecca Harding, that's the bride.

Wow. That was good, Joe, Jack. Thank you, Matt. Another submission from me, this is, I think this is a fail safe, although yours. Hot Step is a fail safe. Yeah, yeah. But I think you'll know.

why I went back to the world with this one. Please have everyone's attention. Thank you. As we welcome the bride. Yes. Yes. No, no, we don't have. Bad lyrics.

Bad lyrics. Yeah, it's actually bad lyrics. More of a bucks knife, probably. Bucks that song. Well, I haven't heard that in years. No. Actually listened to it the other weekend.

Are you still got Frank on rotation? Yep. No, the lyrics aren't right. It was just a favourite of ours from yesterday. Frank Stallone's Far From Over. I have one playlist that I'll use for, like, being on the stationary bike, like, pump up, like, songs that, you know, you can just, like, get into the pain cave in. And originally, I had Far From Over in there to harness the power of it.

But it still does, I can't decide if I'm, it's half pump up, half giggle. Yes. Sometimes it kind of breaks you out of the mindset. So he's been bumped from that playlist, but I do enjoy sometimes just a bit of Frank in the car, just to pump the team up. If we're talking about songs, but people don't know, unless you listen to this podcast specifically,

you don't know Frank Stallone, far from over. Well, two-thirds of the room did. But you listen to the podcast. For the wedding guests, I don't know if they're all going to know that one. It's still a banger. It's still a banger. And I reckon you'd be able to get Frank to play if you wanted to. I think he'd be available.

Yep. You have to check his calendar, but he could be available. Well, this is... Sorry, Jackus. I know you're busily trying to get off the bottom rung. But it does seem like the second bottom rung is heavily greased, and you keep slipping back to the bottom. We'll see.

It's a harding. Come on. Okay. This is... Having done very well, you're actually the frontrunner for me to resent to Beck. This is more just... This plays and she doesn't appear for 10 seconds. Okay.

And that, well, let's say five seconds. And I think that just builds excitement at the way. And then ultimately, for a good time, like for a good day, she does eventually appear. Could we please have everyone's attention? Thank you as we welcome the bride. Darling, you got to let me know, could I stay or should I go?

She's still not in. You say that you are mine. Uh-oh. Where's back? Should I stay or should I go? Then she pegs her head around. Oh, she's staying. Yeah.

She's staying. She came. Could she go in? I like it. And I nearly. requires some choreography from back in a nervous moment. And then you record scratch into, here comes the hot stepper. She comes down dancing.

Why is she dancing a bit funny? Has she got something kind of hidden down the back of her dress or maybe if it's a big, long flowing dress, what's under there? She reaches under, pulls out the pitching wedge, throws it to hogs, and goes, of course we're doing the chipping of the rings. And it was a surprise for ending. Wow. Wow.

That would be that thing. Anyway, that's what I would be doing if I was the wedding planner, but it sounds like you get someone else doing it. Jack, do you want to submit another one? Can I submit one more? I've changed the lyrics to this as well. Oh, boy. The original.

Yeah, well, Barry Manilow is the original. He's gone all in on a pair of Manilos. The original is Barry Manilow. and this is the story of how you and Beck first met as she walks down the aisle. Could we please have everyone's attention? Thank you as we welcome the bride. You came to the cafe I worked in and I served you that day, oh, wrote your heading day.

Interesting. It's not a no. Did I capture it all? Yeah. So it's from her perspective. Is she meant to mime along? Like, what do you? Or when she recorded earlier.

She can be the vocalist if she wants to. If not, who will be the vocalist? Well, I mean, I've already made that. I don't know if you singing a love song to Andy as Beck is what she would want in that moment. There's a chance that the chipping is now looking like a good option for Beck. This is, shipping's like one of the best ideas we've had for the wedding. But I think I do know that song, mostly from The Simpsons, when Homer sings about Marge, you know.

Came and you bought me a turkey. But you did know it. I did know it. I knew it as a Homer Simpson song, but I assume they got it from Barry Mantelow. They did. It's, I think it's what you submitted him. What's the name of that song? The Hot.

Hot Stepper. I can't believe that. Well, Jack, believe it, mate. because I think you're the bottom two runs. You can choose which song goes on which wrong, but you're the bottom two. Hame, plenty of people hitting us up at hamishnady.com. Go there for any of the correspondence. 50% of the emails go to your side of the fence.

50% go to mine so we don't know each other's. But a lot of people asking to play this game. Shit me with your best chat. Chit chat champion. Not as easy as it seems. No. How good are you? At jumping into a conversation, filling the blank, and how good is your chat?

Can you keep the conversation moving forward? The rules are simple. We will not tell you. Andy and I will have a small conversation. We won't tell you when it's your time to talk. Part of detecting the time to talk is what you do. You can't ask a question. You must add something to the conversation.

The same conversation to two different people. Who would be better as a plus one at a social event? Liam joins us. Ahoie to you, Liam. Oh, a gentleman. Liam, what line of work are you in? I am in commercial sales. I work for an NOL team called the Dolphins.

Fins up, baby. Oh, yeah. Fins up. Fins up. Wait on. What's the team? The dolphins. Yeah, no, but what kind of team?

The dolphins. What kind of team? Commercial sales. So you're getting sponsors and stuff? Yeah, so more of like the membership and ticketing to try to get our members on board and come along to the game. So it's a high gusto job. And I missed it.

What type of sport? So NRL. NRL. That's brutal. NRL. Yeah. You got your work cut out. Got your work cut out getting any dual dolphins going, it seems.

Well, I mean, you boys are more than welcome to come on board. I mean, as AFL watches, as I understand it. There's always room for you guys here. So you're welcome any charm. Thank you. And just, I mean, I, of course, no. But where are the dolphins place? Where are they on the ladder?

And where would you find them training? Well, you find them in the southeast Queensland region. Yes, new team. Yeah, we're currently sitting in the top eight, which would be the first time since we've come to the competition if we make the eights. So things are looking up. You beauty.

It's all right. Well done. Yes, that's certainly. Keep those fins up. You need a gift of the gab. Do you want to see a dolphin with its fin down, do you? That's so sad. Nice.

But I think they do curl them for everyone. Extra propulsion, yeah. Really? Yeah, yeah. I think you of an elephant killing its trunk. Those grey animals, look it up, who are a found around water.

Thank you, Liam. Your opponent today is Aaron. Ahoy do you, Aaron? Oh, hi, boy, how are you? Very good, very good, Aaron. What are you, and gusto to you? What do you do with yourself, Aaron? Yeah, apologies.

Much gusto, much gusto, everyone listening. It's great to be here, great to be here. Your fiancé dubbed you in? No, no. No, no. So I'm a bartender. Can you guys hear me clearly? Maybe not, because I didn't think you said anything like that. And Andy, I think you said much gusto to everyone here. And Andy went, oh, you're great, your fiancé, Dobd-Jew.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a great start. Yeah. It's kind of a bad start for Andy, Virginia. It's like I'm the worst person to having a party. Didn't hear the NRL. I don't think he's fiancée's dodgy you. This is Andy, you are way better suited to being a ref here than a player. Well, yeah, I'm a bartender. I'm a bartender. Oh, small talk's important.

That's basically what I do for my job. I mean, great conversations, bad conversations, but I'm always there for a cat, always there for chat. Is it a busy bar or do you sometimes have to do that bartender thing you see in movies where it's just you and one guy coping with some bad news at work, sipping a martini, and you're just trying to chat to him? Yeah, basically, like, it's a small town pub, so we get maybe 10 people downstairs. Yeah.

It's really good. I mean, I enjoy it. And people just want to have a tap. Sometimes people, yeah. Where about the town, Aaron? Rumbula. Rambula. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Quite quite quite. You'd be aware of the dolphins then. Not exactly dolphin territory, but not too far away. Yeah. Well, I'm actually Krona fan. So up the sharks. Up the sharks.

Oh, dolphin V. Shah, not evolutionarily. Not one you'd back a dolphin in, but they can. Don't dolphins. superior to sharks. I don't they use their nose to bump them in the gills? I don't know if they're superior. I'm sorry I'm getting all. I don't think sharks can attack a dolphin. They can and they will want to. But dolphins have been known to protect humans from sharks, like to warn humans. And I think if there's dolphins around, you know that sharks aren't normally. A pack of dolphins can ward off a shark, but one v1 in a cage in front of a paying audience.

You're going to bet on the shark. Every time. All right. Liam, you're going to be up first. We'll put Aaron on hold. He won't hear the start of this conversation. It goes better than what I've been dishing up in the lead-up. But are you ready? I'm ready to go. I'm ready to go. Here we go. Fantastic.

Good luck. Oh, hi, Ham. How are you, mate? You realise that the FIFA World Cup starts this week? Yeah, my neighbour's going. Who's going to go? Bet he's not anymore. I really don't understand why anyone watches that sport.

Everyone just falls over and flops all the time. Pretty good. Not bad. Not actually very clever. because A, timing was excellent, and you've set yourself up very well to slide over a Dolphins membership form in case someone goes,

yeah, you're right, I am looking for a code of football to follow. Do you know of any and any new teams? And then you could sort them out from there. That's true. That's a man that does. You've got me figured out. Yep.

Well done, Liam. We'll put Liam on hold. We won't bring Aaron back. I felt like Liam was just just touch slow coming in. Was I being too critical? Do you know what?

I think he covered it though with his anger. Oh, yeah, he might have had a... It was like, he was just shaking his head like... A gas.

Like he can't even believe we're talking about. Soccer. Yeah, yeah, fair enough. Oh, does anyone play that sport? I mean, it's the biggest sport in the world. So you're going to be a dark hill battle? Are you going to be nudging things uphill

with your bottle nose there? Oh. But there's enough high for everyone in the football world. Yes. All right, let's bring Aaron up. Aaron, uh, Hoydie, are you there? Yeah, yeah, I'm here. Sorry about that.

Liam has... No, no, we put you on hold. You didn't mute us. That's a bad start, Aaron. But we weren't judging you. We weren't judging you in that conversation just there. Liam has submitted his performance in Chit-Chat Champions. Are you ready to go?

I'm so keen, I'm so confident. I'm so confident. Now, how'd I say that? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. No, it will go well. It'll go well. Okay, George, we're seeing a nervous person on the blocks.

Here we go. Oh, hey, Ham. Oh, good day, mate. The FIFA World Cup has just started this week. My neighbour's going. Actually, he was going to go. You can't anymore. Yeah, I think the World Cup's such an amazing competition.

It just brings the whole world together. And if you've got the chance to go, definitely. But if you can't, What's on TV. It's a great event. Aaron, first of all, how did you feel your words?

I was a bit shaky to start. I almost started on my words. So, yeah, that was a bit, that was a scary. But, you know, that's going to have,

I feel like you took the pre-game nerves into the game. Yeah, yeah, definitely. But you've been with an exciting energy. You did. bring Liam back to what. Aaron, for me

and Hame, I don't want to speak on both of us. Aaron, you represent someone that was what wasn't willing to take a position on a topic. I think that's what, let me down. Go if you can, stay home if you want. At the end of the day, how foods everything, unless it isn't,

in which case, your choice. I'm not really not into you, wouldn't it? Hey, is that mini sausage rolls? I'll be back in a sec. There you guys. So you have to give the wind to Liam. He's got it. Liam, a token of no value. is coming your way. Congratulations, Bud. And of course,

more people know about the dolphins. Fins up, unless they're killed for propulsion. Fins up also for the sharks. Very fun edition. See you guys. Gentlemen, we are now one week since opening the investigation into the sport that we knew

was bat tennis in Victoria, but by which goes, which went by a lot of other names, scientists carbon date the sport to about the mid-90s to the mid-thousands. That's what we believe. For pickleball? Well, no, for bat tennis.

But we now are in an era where, as of a couple of years ago, the sport of pickleball has become huge in America and is sweeping Australia. It's the little brother of Patel, Paddle, but obviously not played on the glass-walled court. And it's a billion-dollar-plus industry in the States. And as Victorian boys, we grew up. playing this spot called bat tennis on asphalt, the bitumen outside at the school, four square court, slightly extended, wooden plank, on a custom-made V-4-holder.

Yeah, like a stirrup. There was, yeah, like a stirrup. Someone was supplying the infrastructure. Yeah, so like, it wasn't like just, you know, two teachers went, hey, this would be cool and just put something up. It was a sport you could get manufactured. It wasn't like brandy. Equipment for.

We have a tennis ball and we're just going to throw it at people's heads. This was a thing that someone must have filled out an order form for to have, because I think different schools had the same plank of wood that was like a knee height for an adult, we remember. Anyway. Did you ever play it at high school? No. There's no evidence in the emails that have come in of high school variants.

It just seemed to be a primary school only sport. And that might have been the problem because essentially we're looking at this going, Hang in a sec. Piggleball now is, I'm just going to make a figure here, $4.8 billion industry. And it seems that the primary schools of, we thought Victoria, but we're willing to admit now, Australia at large and New Zealand,

primary schools had a chance to own this global industry. Yep. And we fumbled it. I mean, one of the ones came in from my side of the fence. I'm sure you had so many ham, and I know you're the one really conducting this investigation. No, but I welcome. It's a crowdsourced investigation.

There's different names. for it. So many different names. What name did you get out of Auckland? Did you have one there? Yeah, Padda. Yeah, Padder. Yeah, Padder.

It seems... Padda seems weird. Hatter. Padder tennis. I'm just trying to think you do with the accent. Good for the accent. This came from David. He goes, look, you ran about year six.

Like, well, that was huge. He said it sounds very similar to bat tennis. And he said, even for one year, he was given a plastic padder tennis bat, which had a sweet spot on it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know the one. Labelled with the sweet spot. So you just knew if you're the opponent and, you know,

it was an important point and time slowed down and you saw that thing bounce out of the sweet spot, you had no hope. If David loses at the other end and he's sweet spotted one, you're a goner. Did you have, from New South Wales, it felt like the 80s it was definitely being played. Yeah. They called it, and I think there's a few coming in from New South Wales, they called it paddle bats. Yeah, didn't have paddle bats.

I had spari. Yep. Or svari because it was sphere. Someone, I thought they were making a joke like, well, not a joke, a serious statement like small ball golf. That we were like, we called it sphere ball tennis. But I think they're missing, because I got a few other people going, no, it was called s fari or spari.

This is the one I wanted to bring up. Sferi. Sferi, yep. It derived, it was in 1961 in Australia, derived from the Greek, word for ball being sphere. Yep. As far a.

A.R. or something. So I just got an email from Russell that just said, bat tennis, dot, dot, dot, look up Sferi. Okay. Well, that's where... I think that was a New South Wales thing. A New South Wales thing. So I did. I asked AI, tell me about Sferi, and this is what they came back with.

Sferi is a little known Australian racket sport that's often described as a cross between tennis and table tennis. It's played on a small court using a low net with oversized plastic bats or paddles using a light perforated plastic ball. Yeah. So then I asked it again. That's the introduction. That's the interesting part because they seem to be Sfarie balls, which resemble pickleball balls. We played with a tennis ball. We played with tennis ball. They have the perforated ball. So then I go in and ask, I, isn't that just pickle ball? What is the difference between pickable and sari? There are none.

Yep. And I'm really? And that's the, and that is the most powerful computer in the world. And then she said, actually, the courts are slightly bigger and pickleball, but that's only because adults are in them. Yep.

Like if we'd have hung in there through year eight, nine, ten, oh, you're growing up. We've got to expand this sari court. 11, 12. You're a man now, Jack. You can't play on a children's spari court. We would have got there. So, I had the guts to stick with it.

I did the math on how high a primary school, how big a primary school kid is and how big the court is. It's directionally proportional with how big a pickleball court is and the average height of a human adult. If we'd have just stuck in there. So we could have just stuck in there. Look, I got a very interesting note from someone who doesn't want to be named for obvious reasons

because they don't want to get big tennis offside. You probably don't want to get big tennis offside. being a friend of the Australian Open. That's true. That's true. Although I'm not going to let them hold me back, if we've got something to uncover here, I'm all in with you guys.

This comes in from, I won't say his full name, or even all of his first name, Lou. Luke? No, so you're good. Could be Lewis, could be Luke. There's some confusion.

He goes, look, in relation to bat tennis, grew up in the northern suburbs of Melbourne, the late 2000s, we had bat tennis as our inter-school sport. Into-school sport? I played into school bad tennis. Yeah, that did we? Really? Yeah, 100%. And the wooden plank that made up the net was painted in our primary school colours. To put them off. Well, just no.

For a home court advantage. Or the schools that we played at did the same thing. What was your primary school? Red, yellow and blue. No, what the name of... Oh, sorry, Elfington Primary School. Elthington Primary. Okay. But then, so the other schools were going. go, uh-oh.

I mean. Blue and yellow. I'm in the Coliseum here. I don't know. I've lost my normal rhythm. So Lou goes, look, he's now a primary school PE teacher. Okay, so he's,

he probably got into it going, can't wait to show the kids bat tennis. It was probably flawed when he got there and realized there was none. Said Hot Shots tennis killed off bat stats, and Hot Shots is like Oz kick, isn't it? Yeah. And they have,

and because Hot Shots is run by the Australian Open, I think, or Tennis Australia. I think just Tennis.com.com. I looked into it. They don't want anyone playing with small plastic bats. Oh, my God. They want them straight on the big rackets. Well, then there's a smaller bigger racket. You play Hot Shots.

I know. I've seen kids play Hot Shots Tennis, but it has got strings. It's a stringed instrument. So they saw the bat, they saw the power that the bat had over kids and went, this is killing them for their transition to strings. We want everyone working on strings early. Hot shots is for ages 3 to 12. And through a series,

I think they get grants and stuff like that. So they just came in, big tennis, came and pushed out bat tennis. Do you think they bought up all the equipment? Yeah. Because where is it? Reminiscent of when books went on big bonfires back in. Jack, in to echo the words of my mother-in-law,

who doesn't mind going down a Facebook rabbit hole, I wouldn't be surprised. I wouldn't be surprised if you got the back of Tennis Australia, and there is a pile of bat tennis planks, doused in petrol, right now with a match being inflicted as they scream, they're onto us, they're on to us. And then the hot shots ball. It's a tennis ball, but it's lower bounce. No, it's a bigger tennis ball.

Yeah. But I think you go through colours. You go through grades where it's like, you're on a blue ball now, so you're nearly at the right level of bounce. It's a bigger tennis ball. The whole thing was a scheme to get them off the bats. to get him into the stringed world. That is... It puts you in an awkward position, Andy.

I'm not going to do the AO next year. Thank you. Will you do our bat tennis open? At the same time, will we run the Hameson, Andy, bat tennis open? I might still do the game. Hide it's in January. We're on the beyond the government mandate of race.

Hang on, did you say you might still do this straight open? Yeah, well, that didn't last long ago. We announced a tournament, cancelled one, and Andy went back to the enemy. I have... a melodical mystery for you guys that I need to solve. It reminds me of when Hame came in with the drumbeat. Remember he drummed for us?

Oh, yeah. And then he said, what song am I doing? I can't remember what it was. And we all said, well, that's that song. He said, no, it's not that, it's not that. And everyone listening went, oh, I know. And they gave suggestions. This may happen again, or you guys might just get it.

It was amazing. It was actually an amazing feeling to get that solved for me. And we've got AI in these things these days. I've tried to find out the answer to this maletical history, and we couldn't do it. So I was at home in the kitchen, getting Henry's meal ready. Beck walked in with a pile of washing. I saw her, and I went on to sing,

Here she comes, boys, housewife number one boys. Hear her roar. Look out, watch out. Here comes Roseanne. And Beck goes, what are you doing? I said, I'm doing the theme song from Roseanne. Yep, Roseanne Bars sitcom. And she said, I don't think, I'm young, but I don't think that was it.

I remember the theme song from Roseanne was just harmonica. That's exactly what it is. Yeah, it didn't have words. It doesn't have words. So then I was like, oh, there must have been, it must have been, like sometimes TV shows have more than one theme song. Like, didn't Ray Romano have a different one and then it changed? The deep dive I went on.

to try to, I've typed in, here she comes boys, housewife number one, boys, hear her, roar, look out, watch out, here comes Roseanne. It doesn't come up. Now, I haven't invented it. Did any of you guys know? I'm like amazing, amazing live musical invention if you did. Yes. So if you're lost and you're also lost, Jack, can I just leave that for the listeners?

It would be crazy for me to say that rings a bell. There is the faintest something going on there. The lyrics don't ring a bell, but that da-da, da-da, da-da. Here comes Roseanne. I knew you were going to say, here comes Roseanne. So that's why I'm like, all right, what is that? Is it possible? It was a Channel 10 promo, because sometimes Channel 10 kind of did their own start of the year promos.

So it was like they, their promo department was showcasing all the shows that were coming up that, that year. We would be talking like late 90s for sure. And so it was like an internal thing that someone had written. That is, maybe it was in an Australian accent. That is impossible. That is entirely possible. And you're remembering it from that summer. So as you're watching, it was Roseanne was the, it was alongside the Simpsons wasn't it was Roseanne every single night stripped. I think Channel 10 had Seinfeld for a while and they went Roseanne for a while. Can't say it did it did a regular Roseanne. doing regular Roseanne.

No. Not like you're doing every, like regular Raymond's or, you know, Seinfeld Simpsons was the heyday

of, yes, it was. Appointment viewing. That era went Simpsons into Neighbors, didn't it? Yeah,

it was really annoying. No, well, Simpsons at 6 o'clock neighbors. What? That was dinner time for us. Then boom.

Yeah, I got half an hour to do something. Then boom back, Sinfeld at 7. And if you're lucky for memory Tuesday Wednesday, when saying new Simpsons

at 730. Yes, just really. Thank God for the neighbors, nothing against neighbors. but I'm just saying back then it wasn't what we were chasing. It's out there. He just up if you know what I'm singing.

Gentlemen, came up with a, well, I came with a thought the other day. I was sitting on an airplane, and I was a long, long, long way back from the cockpit, but I was able to just squint and see. I doubt that, Jack. Squint, squint, squint.

I saw the pilots going through the checks. Pre-flight checks. And I was actually really impressed. You know when you see the air, like the stewards, the service people as well, hostesses, hosties, you know they do cross-art doors and cross-checked. They're so, they never go. We know what we're doing. They always say it out loud and, like, they're always very professional about it. And they're the pilots.

Like, you know, look at these people and they're like, two pilots are always, you know, in their 50s. And they would have been doing this for like thousands of times. And they're often looking at a laminated sheet. Laminate sheet, saying it to each other. Because I guess the risks are so high that it's worth just double-checking. Well, I read somewhere then separately, I remember learning this fact that there was no such thing as a pre-flight check until like the 50s. Right. Because they did what we're saying.

They just went, oh, it's insulting. Like, I'll let's know what they're doing. And then someone was like, well, sometimes some like avoidable things happen. And if you formalise it, yes, it's a little bit boring, but nice to go through it. Anyway, gave me an idea for a game. This is called the Checklist Game. Okay, you've each got 30 seconds. I've gone online and got the 10 main things that you're meant to check before takeoff.

So this is the 10 major pre-flight steps that you're meant to do as pilots. You've got 30 seconds. I want you to write them down 1 to 10 in order. Yep. Go. In order. Go. What do you have to do if you're a pilot?

Thinking is here. I will give the... Remember, you're 30 seconds, so any blank answers. You might even just have one word per bit. I'll have to give the win to the person that's most accurately written down the most pilot-like. Now, on a plane, they don't... I only got to seven.

All right. On a plane, they don't do it. I got to seven as well. And the plane they don't do it to time. Okay. I'll go one by one. What did you have for your first one, Jack? Wings. What does that mean?

Are they there? Do they look like they could hold us up? Andy? Mine was not... My number one wasn't wings, but I've got that in there. Do you want me to... What was your number one? Mine was pressurized like it seals.

I don't think you do that to your take off, do you? Right, but you need to know what it would seal. You can't be up there and go. Number one, so far I'm going to give no points. No, no, no, check the weather. Check the weather. Really? Why?

Really? But it's like, make sure your planes fit to fly first and then check the weather. Why start there if you don't have a roof on your plane? Exactly. I'm just going off what the event sounds. Okay, number two. Well, that was, I did wing, fly. Like the, you see the going,

see the flaps. Engine. Have you just listed parts of the plane? It's working. Okay. Officially, two is plan the route. Okay. They should know that again.

I thought that was handed to you. Like, oh, you're going to Melbourne to Sydney. You don't get in the seat and go, all right. I think they do. I think they are allowed. Sydney, Melbourne, South, I reckon. I think, but you do get to plan the route a little bit as a policy. Really?

Well, don't you, they go, I think that's why they tell you. Like when you're on Google Maps and they go, you can do option one, option two, but option three has tolls. Guys, yeah, we're not going to do the tolls. Because we're jet star. Okay, three, what did you give for three? Tail flaps. Yeah.

Windscreen. You have just... Now, if you're going to play this game, Jack, that should be number one, because why would you go, got wings? Yeah, got an engine, yeah. Like, check for cracks, that sort of thing. Check for cracks. Yeah.

Okay. I mean, officially, you're meant to look for, like, you're meant to look at airspace restrictions. Okay. Like checking for closures. Not a lot of stuff inside the craft. No, I actually thought a lot of it was like look around the aircraft and see what's working. Yeah, I mean, that does happen, but I think this is so far, we haven't even got to inspect the aircraft. Number four?

Petrol. Make sure you filled out. Got it. Calculate fuel needed. Wow done. Got it. Andy, the instinctive pilot. Ding, ding, ding.

I mean, I was well off with the, I didn't map my route out. You had it. Should you choose to, you would know how to get there. What did you have, Jack? What part of the plane? Bruster. Is it working? Yeah, yeah, yeah, dot, dot.

All yours is just parts of the plane. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, is it working, tickiest or no? Yes. Yes, is at 100 points. No is zero. You must have 100 points. go. Number five. Jack?

Yeah, now I was getting desperate because I can feel the time ticking down. I just wrote buttons. What, I don't know. With love. Are they like lighting up and stuff? Because obviously there's so many in the cockpit. Yeah. Check them.

Check them. Check your buttons. What do you have, ando? Wheels pumped up. Wheel pressure. I'll give it to you because it's vaguely related. Weight and balance of the plane. Okay.

So just making sure. that everything's like balance, centre of gravity. Very generous good. Nice to be two nil. Six. Six. I definitely started. Seat belts.

Check your seat belt. Yep. Jack. Doors. Yep. This is kind of, you know, air traffic control. Start talk to air traffic control. Make sure the route's cool with them because they're, um.

Yeah, we didn't do a lot of external stuff. No, I didn't. It's like going bush. Got to let someone know. Yeah. If you're going to take off, you've got to let the authorities know. There's no way I'm getting a point on the last one. Seven.

Jack? Co-pilot. Are they there? Who are you doing the list with? No. I think this is wrong as well, but I went snacks and meals. I think I was just thinking about when you and I drive anywhere. Yeah, more of a car thing.

It's like, because you can't stop at the servo. No. Yeah. We want to make good time. We can't stop on the way. We're not landing at Aubrey to give chips. Not even going through a fly through McDonald's. Funnily enough, seven was all of Jack's list.

Right. Inspecting exterior. So walk around the aircraft, you know, wings, control services, propeller engine, intakes, lights, fuel caps, you know, general condition. So I got a seven-pointer on the last one. I don't think so. And then eight is check oils and fluids. Yep.

Which would be probably buttons, Jack. You assume some of the buttons would talk to that. Prepare the cockpit. Maybe co-pilot lives in there. That's number nine. And seatbelts. And then start up and run the engine and do all your pre-flight checks from there. A lot to do.

Yeah, that's thruster. Yeah, that's thruster. If we have any pilots listening, I know we do have a lot of pilots. If you are flying with someone that you don't think is a listener of the pod, take Jack's checklist on just for one pre-flight. But they hate Joe. It's like the number one thing they can't do. They can't do any.

You're allowed to do one. I don't think they hate jokes because I was, I landed in America. And as I was getting off the plane, the pilot exited the cockpit. And he went, pst, and he undid his shirt. Oh, yeah, is this the Mr. Ralph one? And opened up his shirt. I'm like, he's about to expose a nipple to me something. and he had, I will not mention Mr. Ralph shirt underneath.

That is amazing. Yeah. So. They love jokes. They love jokes. Some of them love jokes. I mean, you obviously then do the real checklist. I'm not saying don't do the real checklist. I'm saying bring yours on.

What was your checklist again? Wings engine, windscreen. Just start off and go, because I think they meet each other often. They're like, oh, I'm the captain and the co-pilot. If you can, if someone can record this, I mean, this is a big ask. But if someone can hit record on a voice member on their phone, and sit down with their copail and go, okay, let's go through this.

Wings, wings, buttons, thrusters, buttons, doors. There's only seven. Here we go, six. Second last one. We would love to you. Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week.

Catch up or contribute at hamish and Andy.com.