Hamish & Andy - 342 - Big Tennis's Big Claim

Episode Date: July 29, 2026

Hamish kicks off the show with an accidental sexy surprise. Extreme Empaths return with more confessions, the Bat Tennis investigation is finally solved, and Andy shares the clever couples' trick he uses on Bec. Plus, Hamish discovers a workplace sign that he and Andy would definitely ignore.  1. A Very Sexy Update 2. Extreme Empaths 3. Big Tennis Reach Out 4. Couples Tricks 5. The Un-fun Workplace Sign 

A listener production. Activate your internet. Because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three, two. Sorry, still buffering. Ahoi to my Chashaku, Hamish. Okay. I mean, on one hand, I feel like we're Pokemon, but on the other hand, I always think we're Pokemon.

And I've never heard of that particular Pokemon as the dad of a Pokemon curious child. Well, there's way too many Pokemon now. Is he still Pokemon curious? Yeah, you come in. I've discovered, you come in and out of it. Okay. And, well, maybe you were the same, Jack. I don't know if you've stayed a ferociously hungry for Pokemon your whole life.

Only the original 150 for me. Yep. Right. It seems to be that... Do you know how many are there now? Oh, it's like 600 or something now, isn't it? It seems to be that the way you collect Pokemon is you go through an intense phase. You put them all in a folder.

Then you forget about it for a few years. and then every few years you have a panic where you go, God damn it, where's that folder? That's worth X amount of dollars, and the X keeps increasing the longer you've lost it. So something's walking around our house going, I've got $35,000 worth of Pokemon I can't find. It's like you're a Bitcoin Jack.

But I think in reality, if we found it, it's worth, you know, 80 bucks. Also, his friends, Johnny and Rich, like some of our best mates, they have a market near their house which sells fake Pokemon, cards. Right. And they had a whole bunch of fake ones, which they knew it were fake. But it would be like having a whole bunch of fake, you know,

1951 bottles of Grange. Yeah, okay. So you'd be like, hey, guys, who wants a 51 Grange? I got 100 bottles. So now there's cards mixed in Sunnis that he can't identify. So he keeps going, I've got cards that are worth 30 grand. I go, but are you shy? Wasn't that the ones that Johnny and Rich gave us?

Which, I think, remember a fake? No, no, these are for real. I was like, yeah. It's like someone going. It's a healing off and on the back of them, it's an AFL card from 1990. Did you really buy the first Ferrari ever made in the first car? Or do you think that wasn't perfect? Well, you've got the right country here.

Okay, sorry, Japan. So go again for me. You are the Chashaku. Ahoi to my chasin. Ahoi. And I am. No guesses from Jaggast and O'Hoy. And I am the Chawan.

Okay. Now, To give you a clue, to give you a clue, now we've done sumos before, we've done ninjas before, we've done samurai before. Beck has bought this, but bought all three of these things as part of a set for a fad going on at the moment.

Which... Is it matcha? He's got it. Yes. If you want friends, I'm your man. Is it the ingress, is it like the bowl and the brush and the things you need for marcher?

Oh, gosh, he's doing well. Ambuli, if it is a fad and available online, and an algorithm is able to serve me the ad. I will have seen that ad. So one of the different matches too. Chashaku, you are the T-scoop hen. Yes. The measure.

A slender bamboo scoop. To me, when I see it, I think we've made better scooping elements. You have spoons. You're ignoring the ritual of the marcher. It's very long and it's easy for Beck to spill. powder on its way from the can into her little bowl, and which I say, can you please not do that on the bench?

If you are going to do it, bench, can you please clean it up? She ignores both of those. You are the charsenne, Jack. Yes. The small bamboo whisk. I think this is probably the most popular or eye-catching utensil in the marcher, which is made out of a single piece of bamboo. It's split to make it look like a whisk and then aerates your marchion.

No other tool that you would have in your kitchen could whisk. powder. Like this, even though the very verb of whisking hints, then there is another item. Somewhere in the kitchen that could do whisking. You must buy this bamboo brush. And I am the Charwan, the tea bowl, the vessel,

which you prepare the matcher, and obviously very difficult to maintain the powder all in it because it seems to be on the sides of it when Beck uses it and never cleanse it up. That is what we are today. You have the critical ingredients for the marches ceremony. Actually, you did a marches ceremony in Japan with the, because we were in Japan a couple years ago,

and I like to book the activities on the holiday, and I had... Did you run out of the museum? No, at the hotel at a close, they said, would you like to do a green... What would a 10-year-old and a 6-year-old would love to do above anything else? They reminded me to be younger than that,

I said we would love to do a marcher ceremony, an authentic marches ceremony, And it's all traditional dress. Like in a kimono, you kneel down. But boy, yeah, there were ants in the kids' pants, especially because part of the marches ceremony is the bowl. There's obviously, you know, Japan beautiful culture full of tradition. And the best part about Japan is that, you know,

they keep the traditions alive. They observe the traditions. So you don't want to go fast forward through this bit for us, please. But we are easily distracted Westerners here. white people who don't... Not familiar with this. One of the key parts I remember of the ceremony. It's one of their great...

It flies in the face of my normal disposition. Yes. One of the key parts, as we're all sitting in a circle, Manzo and the kids and this lovely lady that's taking us through this ceremony on a bamboo mat in the foyer of those. Ignoring there's like Americans checking in behind us and we're trying to kind of have this moment.

One of the bits involves passing... You each have a bowl, or the host has bowls for everyone. Yeah, a char wine. A char wine, and you pass it to, like, your guest. But part of the tradition, it's rude to not do it. It's disrespectful to not do this, is you must look at the bowl and make conversation about the bowl for a while. So notice some features of the bowl.

Right. And then, I guess, like, repeat that back to your host. And then that's how you show respect, that you're enjoying the same. ceremony and you've noticed the bowl. So what did your kids say about the ball? Watching a six-year-old have to receive a bowl. And for us to be like, just don't disrespect the Japanese, say something nice about the bowl.

Very hard. I think good bowl was top comment. Like, if it was family feud, that's a nice bowl. It's got 100%. That's a nice bowl. Was our tough response. Is Beck commenting on the bowl? No.

She's not doing the ceremony. Oh, she's rushing it. She's always in a rush. But the whole point of the ceremony is to enjoy the process of making it. Yeah, I'm not going to try. I don't go down that path. I would like you to Google how to do a traditional ceremony with her and treat her to one.

You know what I'll do? Because I'm not going to do that. I'm going to say to her, I'll record this, I'll say to her, I think you're rushing your mouth. Great. Do, do it. And then go, did you know? And then have some reference to go, part of the ceremony is to really appreciate the bowl.

Yeah, yeah, so I'll see how that goes. And say something, and say something nice to the host about the ball. You guys will all see how that goes. If you tweet, ahoy also to Dylan, who went to hamish daddy.com using the very easy-to-use system. They're uploading what he's been up to from New York, New York. Ahoy, boys. I am currently sitting at Newark Airport outside of New York City,

waiting to pick up my girlfriend from her flight. And I finally finished the pod. I've caught up after two years. I'm going to start from the very beginning and caught up. What a legend. Sitting here, I was like, oh, now that I've caught up, let's check out the boys' Instagram pages and see what they're up to, now that I feel like nothing can be spoiled,

only to find out I have been confusing Hamish's voice for Andy and Andy's voice for Hamish for two years in every single episode. This has hurt the fundamental wiring in my brain. I don't know how to take this. I'm going to try and put a good spin on it and say this is the alternate reaction, pod that I got to listen to. And so I can actually go back from the beginning now and listen to it's meant to be listened to.

Cheers, boys. Look, it's fair enough. I mean, I forget, when you're part of a comedy duo, you forget, we're 20 years in now, Ando. It's shocking for him, though. Because I've always known which one of us is me. Yeah. But he's in there going, oh, my God,

the good-looking one has the better voice as well. Like that. No, that's... I thought the genetic lottery would have been a bit fairer than this. Pale guy. The receding airline is the annoying football. What a nice guy the handsome one is to be friends with that guy. Thank you, Dylan.

But there, boys, look, people confuse our voice to let him. We did a prank where you... I got on the street yesterday. I mean, he was quite hurried and a little bit, you know, had a chat yesterday with Sonny about, you know, just how we'd be nice and polite to people who are a bit high energy like that and right in your face and, you know, he's charging along your parachute pants,

and that's great. He's had places to be. And, you know, and explain to Sunny that he wasn't insulting me when someone says you're a funny, that word. Yes, you're funny. In Australia, that's a high compliment, it's okay. He wasn't trying to fight down. He was actually happy to see that.

In the highest of respects, in Japanese boldish culture, it's kind of like really liking his bowl. He was liking Dad's brainroll by calling you a funny, funny old fella. During this high energy exchange with this man, was in a real hurry.

And he did mention that he effed loved what me and Hamish do. He said, yeah. And he goes, I think you thought you're Andy Dad. I said, we don't know what that guy's. We say, thanks. He's a good guy.

He's, he's, we can thumbs up. And we can hope he has a great date. But I was like, yeah, mate, people don't know which one we are. No, well, I was going to say that. We did a prank where you rang my mum as me, and she didn't even pick up on that. So I think we've both got voices that they're very interchangeable. And we both had speech and pediments growing up.

And when I'm tired, mine comes back. According to my mum. Love you. Let us know if and when you get some rest, you seem to have been tired for quite some time. Hey, you want to the top of the show. I do. I've got some exciting news for you. You joke about you being the good-looking one,

but I have a little sexy surprise for both of you. I'm not wearing any friggin' underpants. What do you? Wow. Who's the hot one now? Wow. Why? Why? Not deliberately. Not deliberately, but I find myself,

even as we talk, with more skin on skin. I'm on a short. Look at this. That's dangerous. Yeah, that is so dangerous. Don't let your leg up. That's really dangerous. Yeah.

Wow. Maybe. So, but you've got to, just for people in their cars at home, Hamish has a short that did taper in nicely, so we didn't see anything. I think it's more than my thigh tapers out. Yeah.

To meet the hem. So, no, nothing was seen, but the, you're in the dangerous. This was not deliberate. There's a couple of, couple of, conflating factors here. I'm travelling, after we do the showtime, I've got to go into state. So I've got my stuff with me.

I've got to actually have a suitcase in the bag with me and drop my little, drop my son very early at school. It went very early, 645 soccer training. And I'm like, well, we get in pretty early for the pod. It's annoying to go home and come back out.

So I met up with a mate. I was like, do you want to have a coffee or something? And he said, do you want to go for a walk? Yeah, let's go for a walk. So we went for a bit of a hot boy walk. And so I wore sports shorts, like more like gym clothes. Which had a built-in. They have a built-in.

Underpan or a built-in bike-pan. Yeah, like a leg. I like the longer leg, as he say. For Jayfing, it's always been an issue for me. And that's fine. And you go for your hot boy walk. I still wear jocks under that, even though those shorts that have the built-in. That's so much going on in there.

Because it's just a mesh. I didn't know if you're still mental... The mesh is different. We're talking about a built-in bike shorts. Okay, yeah, yeah. Sometimes I... You definitely wear underpends with a mesh. Okay, good.

Yeah. Unless it's board shorts. Yep, that's the rules. And as simple as that. So I went for a walk and everything was fine. I was like, oh, I'm going to get into the podcasting station, but, you know, we're up a few floors here. And so I get out of the kind of like,

I don't want to take my suitcase all the way up just to, change. Like, I wasn't sweaty. We just had been walking. I was like, I might rock car park change. Yeah. Because then I can leave the suitcase in the car because I go drive to the airport off the show. But it's an interesting, like you and I have no qualms. Carpark changes are interesting. We've been, we've changed in car parks many times. I always feel if you're just going down to your undies, it's fine. Like, it tops off. Yeah, we've changed pants, get out of, yeah, we've done it for our whole careers. And it used to be, I'd go, well, I'm fine with it, so I'm not embarrassed, so I'll do it.

But it turns out now, particularly in the modern age, it's like, no, you're exposing yourself to people that may not like it. And so you've got to be more thoughtful of the... I feel the coming part. These are in the days of just, you know, we used to literally, we did the radio show for 10 years in our underpants every Friday. That was no questions asked. Pants off Friday, we'll just do it in our undies.

So I think we just have an idea that underpants are clothes. Yes. You know, but when you're getting out of the sports short, that has the built-in leg liner. You have to go completely nude. You do, which is a moment. There is going to be a moment of nudity. It's funny, isn't it, though?

Because you do that at the beach. You do a quick bum out at the beach. Yeah, you do. It's just great. And I hope that never goes from Australian culture. That you see just a fast, but you're just not like we want to see fast bums all the, but you just go, this is a place where we know what you face into the car.

As quick as you can. Yep. There's always a bit of a shableness. because the leg goes into the underpants, like, shit, shit, come on, go on, go on. Your legs are sticky with salt water. Everyone, if you see a quick bum, you look away, that's just fine. Like, that's how we, that's how we operate.

Agreed. But when you do a quick bum, do a quick nude in the car park. The cars are coming past every 20 seconds or so. Yes. That is a scarier proposition. But I did it. I was able to execute it.

And you at least got the driver's side door open, trying to create a little shield. Yes, yes, front on shield. And so you're just going to see you from behind. And the difference is also in a beach capacity car park, we know what's happened. He's gone for a swim. He's getting out of his wet. That's true.

That is a bit more contextual. You're not expecting to see a bomb in an office building car park. That presents a lot more questions. Like, what's he done? Has the coffee gone through him? What was you trying to dispose of his undies? I thought I could hear cars coming on the ramp as well. So I thought I've going to have some warning.

Worse comes if I find myself tangled. which is your nightmare when you know this, I should be able to leap into the car. That's the thought that was going through my head. As a complete, like, fallback last position, I can leap into the car. But I sort of was like, the coast is clear. I can't hear anyone.

But as I looked through my suitcase, this is the reason I'm wearing no underpants. No undies. Which is not something you'd face looking in a three-day interstate tripando because you obviously pack like a normal person. Yeah. But I pack in a sort of an exciting frenzy where I will throw in, like I get excited about who might I be on this trip

and what contingencies might I face. And I've got a few, I've got things like I've got two thick woolen jumpers, but I guess I just miss the part of the trip where I was thinking about I needed underpants. These go in first for me. Maybe it feels like head I'm so obvious. I also pack. I think it's socks, I must admit. As a guy that's ordered, I tend to get, like I give you my staples, like you said.

I need some first is a good move. I'm not going to take that one way. I'll say never pack in one go. I'm not saying I get organised early, but if I know I have to pack, and this was last night, I have one hour, and over that one hour, there will be five 20-second windows. And you never know what you're going to think of in that 20-second window. One 20-second window might be toiletries and charges. Yes.

The other 20-second window might be a book for mum. that I'm going to give her or whatever. Just, just... So just to be clear, though, you're going to buy some Andes now. Yeah, I will when we... I will have to. I need underpants the next few.

But that's... It is such a... I don't think I've freeboard for... Well, not in shorts. I suppose, apart from the beach, for a very, very long time. And it is strange, because we're in the city, like where the studios are.

When you go in the elevator and... Like, you get in the elevator, you're like, I have this wild... secret going on that no one knows about. And you feel like it's written all over your face because like I said, there's so much now skin on skin going on down there. Even just getting

a coffee when the the lady's like, hi, how's it going? You're like, well, yeah, good. Why, what have you heard? What's that? How are you? Did you hear something? Did you hear a light slap as I walked up? I don't think that was me. Anyway, wild. So sexy start to the show.

Very. get him up from the show. Unless you've got some spares. Nah, don't. What I thought you would. Look, it is time, we thought we'd dip back in because there's so many come in for extreme empaths. But before we get to this week, actually walking along the other day, had a moment where I was like, this is as close to as an extreme empath as I get.

It's not, I don't believe, this isn't me thinking an inanimate object is alive and has feelings. But it kind of is, I feel sorry for something. You know, it breaks my heart a little bit. I think I'm a small business extreme empath. You know how you want businesses to do well? What breaks my heart? Because I think small businesses the lifeblood of a community. You know, you want individual stores, you want individual cafes.

So it's when you see any small business that has a yes, we're open sign and there's no evidence of construction around. Like, when there's construction around, I understand the yes, we're open because people might think this building's been renovated. But when there's just a yes, we're open, just reminding you, as always, nine to five goods and services available here, we got them, we'd love to sell them to you,

we actually need to sell them to you. Please give us your business. That does break my heart. That counts as an extreme end-path, for sure. And we should jump straight into it. For people who don't know this segment, welcome to the pod, of course. But we just, a spot for,

people that have extreme feelings for inanimate objects, for them to voice it so they know they've got a community. Our opener is every song ever invented, all played it once, so no song feels left out. How lovely. Gorgeous. Do you want to go, Ando? Yeah, sure. Andy wrote this in, Gusto to you, extreme empath, he says.

I have a cheap Chinese brand robot vacuum. And I recently changed its language to Mandarin, as I felt bad with all the English it had to use in the house coming straight from China. Since changing it to Mandarin, I've noticed it a lot more chatty, and I think it's happier too. True, nothing worse than landing on your first day, and you can't speak.

But we can speak language. It's just thinking he has the setting. This is from Oli, in the UK. Gusto to you boys, never thought of myself as an extreme empath until today. Whilst feeding branches of a felled tree to my tree, to my trusty wood chipper. It felt bad that it was just eating mouthful after mouthful

of the same tasting branches. So I went and got it some branches from another tree to give it a more balanced diet. Another worker here. This is Harry. I'm a bricklayer. And every year or so, the trowel you use needs to be replaced

because it wears down kind of half its size. You tend to grow attached to your trow because it really becomes part of you. I'd imagine you've laid a lot of bricks with that trail. When I buy a new trow, I buy it a couple of months early so it can watch the old one and learn what to do. I do this to the old one knows it's nearly coming to an end. It eases the retirement process for the old trow.

I never throw out an old trow. I sometimes use the old one to show it that I still love it and the good times we had. And the current trail would know it's, time is coming as all things must when it sees the new trail turn up and smoker and watching it like just watching it do its job because it would remember oh i was once the watcher and i remember an old trail i used to watch and then it became my job and so now my watch is almost ended yes and get it that's beautiful um comes in from chloe this is it's egg related

the other day she says i had to boil four eggs however they were fine in the carton. He's worried me. So to ensure one wasn't left alone in the cool, dark carton, I boiled all five. They had a lovely time in the pot together. Resumbled a happy spa day.

What happened afterwards broke me, though. My mum ate four boiled eggs and placed the fifth in the fridge. He's been sitting in there for two days alone. I still feel awful. I'm just pleased that he spent his last day with his buddies in a happy place. Yeah, that's fair.

That's nice. You don't imagine the spa being 100 degrees. Yes, this is the bit that confuses me. Like, we give all these things feeling, but then especially when it's food, it is killed. Yes. So did the spa kill it? No.

Because she's saying he's been his last day with his buddies. So did the boiling water kill him? No, is he going to die when he gets eaten? No, I think he's last happy day? Yeah, he last happy day. He had his last... So he's still alive in the fridge. Yeah.

But he's got the great memory of the spa day until he gets eaten. I think that's the logic. Okay, that's the logic. But we've got time for one more. Yeah, this is Mick. I have an extreme empath story about my partner Maddie. Maddie and her best friend were out and op shopping on a trip to Brisbane when Maddie came across a nice old picture frame with a picture of someone's dog inside it.

The somewhat poor quality photo made it very clear it wasn't a generic frame filler photo, but the photo of someone's pet. Feeling sad that this photo had been discarded, she opened the back of the frame, took the photo, leaving the frame behind, we now have the photo of someone else's dog in it. So just so that that dog's memory lives on. I don't know.

I don't know, but I think she's like, it felt like it was discarded and that felt bad to the dog. So I won't let the world forget you. Also, side note, Who are you? Carl, can we get, let's get the photo of the dog. Oh my God. If we can post that.

If we can find the backstory of that dog somehow, I mean, it'll be miraculous, but it's worth. I think if you're going to come forward as the dog, as knowing the dog, you have to show us other photos of the dog. Yes. You can't, because we have no way to. because she doesn't know where the dogs come from. Exactly, yeah.

So you can't just be like, yeah, that was my dog. I mean, I don't know why you would. There's no prizes available. Yeah. You'd be great if we could reconnect the dog with family. Would it be great? I don't know. We'll find out.

I mean, I'm not 100% sold investing too many hours of this, but let's do it. Would it be great? Haim, a remarkable thing has happened. What's happened? Well, you're famous for blowing things wide open. Of course. often we don't see the ricocheted effects of the case that you've blown open. We'll assume perpetrators hear about it, change their ways.

We don't always know what happens, though. It's usually enough. It is usually enough when I blow a scandal wide open, but people scurry like cockroaches when you turn the lights on. You might never see them again, but you know the message has been sent. Yeah, and often it's a small scalp, you've taken. But you did go after a big one. When you aimed the Truth Eagle at Tennis Australia,

or to be honest, to be fair to me and the Eagle, I wasn't initially aiming it at Tennis Australia. I guess I sort of just was like aiming the eagle everywhere. For people who don't remember, here's a recap. Do you guys remember playing bat tennis at primary school? Hickleball is huge. It's sweep in America, it's sweeping the world. It's a fun sport.

But I go, hang on, I think we played this at primary school. Yep. And why did it die out? We had bat tennis. It essentially was Pickleball. Yes. Pickleball is now a global phenomenon. It's a billion-dollar-plus industry in the States.

We had this. We were off. I feel like in the 80s. In the 80s, primary schools had a chance to own this global industry. Yep. We fumbled it. True, I've never been walking through a rebel sport. I've seen the bat tennis section.

It died out as a sport. Died out as a sport sometime after 1992. Yes. It just died. I got a very interesting note from someone who doesn't want to be named, for obvious reasons, because they don't want to get big tennis offside. Yep. Said hot shots tennis killed off bat tennis.

They don't want anyone playing with small plastic bats. Oh my God. They want them straight on the big rackets. They saw the power that the bat had over kids and went, this is killing them for their transition to strings. We want everyone working on strings early. Big tennis came and pushed out bat tennis. Did you think they bought up all the equipment?

I wouldn't be surprised. The assertions went on to suggest that they were burning, like at the back of Melbourne Park, they were burning the bats, they were burning the planks. Burning the planks, anything that could be used as a plank. If you went into Bunnings and said, how I'm doing my deck. You have to show your license to prove that you're using all those planks of wood for your deck

because Big Tennis had got to Bunnings. Just make sure people aren't buying any planks of wood for nets. Well, as I think it was stated, when we talked about this, is I do have an association with Big Tennis. I work at the Australian Open. You're in their pockets. And that's the way Big Anything works. Farmer, Ag, whatever.

Yeah. Got a lot of people in their pockets. Yeah. And that's why you were very quiet during the blowing wide open. And the allegations. In the recap, I just sit whiteback and you and Jack do all the wowing and and he unfortunately well on Big Tennis's books. Not deliberately, they don't pay you specifically to hush up that tennis.

To cover up, yeah, the burning of old planes. They pay more for you great work at the Australian Open. But I think when you're being past those brown paper bags of cash under the table during the open, the implication is there to go, hey, thanks for your work. Yep. If you hear anything on the bat tennis front, pretend you don't know what the guy's talking about, just squash it. But you won't do that.

That's true. And that's why I wasn't surprised when I did receive an email from Tennis Australia, direct to me. And they've also C-Ced in my manager, which I thought was interesting. So would Tennis Australia usually talk to you or would you go through Channel 9? Through Channel 9. This is the first ever email I've received from Tennis Australia. So we've got their attention. Boy, do you have their attention?

We've got their attention. Said, hey, Andy and Hamish. So they switched it around because they are addressing it to me, but they do want you to hear this. Yep, they want my ears. We've heard you're investigating bat tennis. First of all, brave. Full stop.

Important work, full stop. Someone had to ask the big questions, full stop. Where did the bats go? Question mark. Who took the work? wooden planks, question mark. Don't ask like you don't know, guys. Was big tennis involved, question mark?

This is, they're playing with Asando. They know damn well where those planks are and they're not going to tell us. In fact, to pause the email for a second. Again, someone that was born in 1981 and lived in Melbourne. What year was the tennis centre erected in Melbourne? Because it was built around the early 90s, I seem to remember. or, you know, Rod Laver Arena. Are they asking this to play with us

because they know damn well they collected up all the nets and laid and built them into Rodley. They're in the goddamn walls, man. They're the foundations. They know we're never going to find them because they buried him in the tennis centre. Yes. Probably.

Probably. Quite possibly. I'm going to say probably. It's quite possibly. Quite possible. It's quite possible. It's probable. They go on.

And will we really out the back of Tennis Australia? Burning perfectly good bats in a barrel white while whispering, they're onto us. Good news. We found the bats. If truth be told, we never actually lost them. Bats for kids, bats for pros, bats for people who claim big tennis buried the bats.

We've got the bats. This is confusing. Are they all for me, are you? You have my scuffed up hard plastic yellow bat from 1982? Yes, exactly. Do you have the good one? There was always one good bat. Yeah, I put pro tennis grip on mine thinking it would give me the edge against Peter Tran and the quarterfitals.

No chance he went on to win. And now after conducting a thorough internal investigation of our own, well, you were forced to, you're getting on the front foot, including several school yard memories, one low net and absolutely no suspicious smoke coming from the back car park. of Tennis Australia, we can confirm. We're bringing back the bat for Hot Shots Tennis to schools. Or were you made to bring it back by a very powerful podcast that gets results.

So while we respect your investigation... Always from its blow something wide open segment. This is the first time ever. We must formally reject the allegation that Tennis Australia is anti-bat. We are and always have been all about the bat. then where have they been in between years? I don't think so. I mean, I guess the question here is,

is this completely because of us and do we deserve to take all the credit? Now, there's only a couple of weeks ago that we did this. It sounds like they're about to roll out a whole new bat system for schools. So there's a couple of things we have to weigh up here.

You go, okay, well, is that something that would take years to organize and logistics to get it out? to see things take time to get it all organized and official and getting it into school. It sounds like it's imminent. On one hand, yes, I could see that could take a long time to organise. On the other hand, if they were motivated, i.e. trying to cover up an enormous scandal, is that the kind of thing you could organise in a few weeks reactively.

Oh, easily. Easily. I think it is. I think it is. I think they've done it reactively and we can take all the credit. And I've thought about that carefully and objectively. Yeah, exactly. And my decision is, we did this.

and our podcast has done this. Yeah. And we should draft up a press release. And we should probably have the bat tennis trophy named after the show. Yeah. Carly get onto that. I think, you know, as the patron saints. And it's all the people's work.

It's why it has to be named after the show. It doesn't just need to be you and I. No. But I think the groundswell that we felt from the community is, yep, the reason why the trophy is colloquially known as the Golden Hamish and Andrews. show. Well done, mate. To you too, and to everyone listening to,

another successful case. Take a bit of time off, I reckon. Guys, I want to talk about couples' tricks. Now, for those who are single out there or just starting a relationship, you'll find that with a long-term partner, you'll start trying to sneak things in. You know, to give yourself...

Be more specific, because my mind is racing. A small trick that you give, to give yourself the advantage at home, it normally involves a little bit of gas lighting. I think I've got one. But it's, you know, it's very sporting. Like if your partner picks up on what you've been doing, they don't generally get angry, they just go, okay, I've caught you on that one.

And you go to fair play. Yeah, it's all in the fun of the game. You're trying to get the edge in a co-living environment, I suppose, is the same way. Put it. Good example in the past. Beck still doesn't know, but she thinks taking out the bins takes 10 minutes and it doesn't. But where do you go? I just, I'll sit in the phone.

I'll call someone. You know, like I just, it's normally when she might be packing up something. And I go, I'll do the bins. You know, so. My family does know that the toilet doesn't take 45 minutes yet I'm still trying to push that agenda. Yeah. Anyway, I caught Beck out. Great.

On a trick. I think I might have mentioned to you this before. Like when I get dressed, now everything in my wardrobe has been purchased by her. So I can't have put on the wrong. It feels to me like I can't have put on the wrong shirt because she's a stylist. She had bought it for me. But I'll go out and she'll go, oh, you're wearing that with that. And then she's not very specific test to what she wants me to change.

Like a game of wordal. I'll then go in. Change one item for the yellow top, great hands. Yeah, exactly. And then come back and present again, she goes, mm, nah. And I then go back and try to play the game and think, was it the hat?

Was the hat yellow? I often get, I try, because I can't be bothered going in the room, when I get that feedback from so, I'll often push back and go, it's not good for my ego I've learned, but early days I'd push back and I'd go, well, I saw Bruno, I saw Bruno Mars wearing something like this. And she'll go, hey, you're not Bruno bars.

And pretty much you can insert any person in the world in that sentence of like, mate, you're not X. And they all outrank me in her eyes. Like there's no one, I've not named any celebrity ever where she's like, oh, well, you're cooler than him. You could name absolutely anyone. And it's like not even known for their fashion. You could just go, oh, well, you know, Janick's sinner.

He wears this like, you're not sinner. Like, it just doesn't matter who. my name. I'm not that person. So I'm just resigned to wearing navy pants and a white t-shirt. Well, after getting sent back so many times, like, say, the last 20 outings sent back six times per outing, I'm like, this is not adding up. So I put the same outfit on that I had in the original no. Yeah. And went back out and she goes, and she was just finishing up her outfit. And she goes, yeah, that's great. You've got it. I went, Brilliant.

You've been sending me back. She's just selling. To buy you more time. And she went, oh, yes. Yeah, you've got me. And I said, you've had this for years. And she said, yeah. And now it's over.

I'm like, it is. It's over. Now I don't trust her when she sends me back. But I've finally picked up on her couple's trick and it's wiped. What's yours, Jack? You know what you're like, I think I've got one? I think Bianca and I are both doing one. at home, which is, especially now, like, with a four-year-old, there's stuff on the floor all the time.

I think when you go to, like, pack stuff up around the house, you sigh more as an indication to the other person that's like, you're really tired. I've noticed her doing it as well, so it'd be like, oh. Oh, there we go. And I was bending down. And that makes it feel like, well, the way of the world of the domestic duties has been on this guy's shoulders all day. Another trip to the floor for me.

But she knows you don't have a job. She just sees you around now. I see her sighing as well. So I go, oh, she's trying. She's trying. She's trying to buy. Two people crawling towards at fake lawnmower in the hallway. At risk of getting caught for this,

I'm using the excitement of the couple's tricks now. I wasn't going to give this one away, because it's been so good to me for three or four years now. But I'm high on, and we can't put this one on social media because that's Beck doesn't listen to the show. Yeah, great. Keep it safe. Just keep it audio only.

Beck likes buying nice hand soaps for, they're so expensive. And it always comes to the hand balm, like for like the basins area. Even though it should be 50-50, I always do the moisturiser first. I can never pick it because I can't be bothered reading it. And that's the only time it ever runs out is because of people accidentally use it because no one needs the hand bar. Every time I wash my hands in the bathroom, the good bathroom, where we have the soap and the moisturiser,

which is the bathroom the guests use, I always, always wash my hands with a mixture of soap and moisturiser. Because I go, the soap will still do its job in there. It's just wearing a moisturiser hat while it goes about its work. Yes. So Beck, not just for the onsuit that people go to or the powder

and people go to in the apartment, she wants it for every single bathroom. Like nice, so annoying. So at the new house, that's going to be over 150 soaps. So what I'm, I have been doing is I've been buying the refills from coals. Yeah. And I go around and,

I've been topping them up. I've been topping them up for years. And she doesn't know. But you've never, we bought this ASOP, lavender and vanilla hand wash. 12 years ago. It's still going.

What an economical pump it has. It must be such as small amount comes out. It's never clicked. It's thrilling. She's never clicked. I love it. This is kind of brilliant. Yes.

So I think I've colour match as close as you can get to the, you're right, the ASOP stuff. And they sometimes have a little speck in them, like an exfoliator or something. Another glass of verve, darling? I can't be honest. It does taste like apple tiser. No, it's verve. He was coming out of the bottle. And you are my princess.

So a bottle a night is what I shall serve you. I wonder whether that will come back to Barbie. but it's willing to talk about. Well done. And I saw a sign in a workplace the other day. What were you doing in a workplace? Well, you're understanding the session. There had been a huge mistake and I was fleeing.

I guess I was a customer at someone's workplace. I saw a sign and I thought, I immediately thought of you and I thought, if we worked here, there's no way we'd obey that sign. Now, the workplace I was in... If it was Jack, it was don't take money from the register. Please remember that all the money in the register is actually the company's product. Despite, even if you, using some quite warm Robin Hood logic, decide that it should be yours and therefore is yours.

Allegedly. Allegedly. And of course, we mean popcorn. By which, we mean cash money. This sign was, it was, I actually felt a bit disheartened when I saw this because I was like, oh, man, it just seems like there's no fun left in the world. Yeah, okay. The workplace I was in was the airport. Oh, yeah.

This was, and I suppose who would be the worker here? Not an airport worker. I think the worker that would be using this machine would be like, like air hosties, like staff. Yeah, okay. Like flight attendants, I think they do this. So, you know, the corridor that connects the terminal to the plane, the air bridge. Oh, yeah, the average, yeah.

So, you know, you check in, I was just flying domestically, but, you know, you walk down the air bridge and you get to the plane. And there's the last bit of the air bridge is the squeezy accordion. Yeah, yeah. And kind of like latches onto the plane, if it's raining or whatever. Yep. Now, we all know that, like, as the plane comes in when it lands, someone's got to connect the air bridge.

They have to dock the air bridge. Like, that moves that air bridge a little bit. And there's a little joystick. There's a joystick. Yeah. Which I always look at a joystick and go, I love it ever going on that. That looks so fun, the joystick. And that would be the fun as part of your day, getting to drive the air bridge.

But turning you're out of space. And docking. Yes. Just going, look at this. We're in the space station. And you'd probably have games where you get it bang on. Yes. And like, you know, you probably have a, there's probably lingo between him where you go,

I got a perfect sucker. Yeah, yeah. It would probably, I would assume be the highlight if you, one of the highlights of working in that position with your day, big sign under it going, please always use auto-docking feature. Oh. And I was like, mate, no. Can there be no fun in the workplace anymore? So you've got the option to have a real-life space simulation or, you know, very advanced skill tester.

and there's a button that does it through computers. Yeah. And you're not like, now, definitely that sign came about because I reckon they verbally said, remember use the auto docking feature. And it was like,

you know, Warren, who was never doing it and was maybe missing the air, maybe he was bad at it and he was missing the door all the time. Yeah, like,

mate, put it in a couple of flames coming in a bit hard. You docked it onto the pilots window and we went over the door. And they're like, oh, yeah, sorry, I forgot about the auto docking feature.

So someone's ruined the park. for everyone. Yeah. But now they have the sign, and you're not even allowed to do what's probably the funnest part of driving the air bridge out to the plane. If you are a person out there

that does get to drive the air bridge, do you always use that? Yeah, drop us a note. Are you always using the auto-fitching? Yeah, if the supervisor's on, we use the auto dock. But sometimes we manual dock because you've got to keep fun alive

in this day and age. Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Catch up or. tribute at hamish andandy.com.