Hamish & Andy - 347 - Three Fact Shootout is back!

Episode Date: September 2, 2026

Jack kicks off the show with an update on the board game hole he's dug for himself with a pretty unreasonable demand!! The 3 Fact Shootout is back, and thankfully Hamish has improved since the infamous T-shirt fact! Andy sets Hame and Jack a challenge relating to security in his new house, and Hamish slugworths Jack with surprising results! Jack’s Board Game - An Apology and a Pushback Three Fact Shootout is back! Andy’s New House Security Hame’s Hives Slugworth Test

A listener production. Activate your internet. Because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three, two. Sorry, still buffering. Ahoy to my dysodium guanulate. Hamish. I would never, I hope you're not monosodium, Jack, because I'm at least diosodium.

I'm at least two sodium because you've got to branch out. Well, I've got bad news for Jack, Because he is monosodium glutamate. When you're doing it right, you just do it once. We talked about it the other week on the show. That is weird types of salt or food additives. Well, I mean, we can't be held as geniuses for using our own show as reference. We forget our stuff all the time.

Yeah, but this was a matter of weeks. I'm the first to admit that after about four weeks, my memory just falls into an abyss, never to be seen again. Well, Jack didn't get it. You talked about it the other day, but. Jack, I didn't have it. I thought I wondered whether you'd get it. I'm dysodium. I nosinate.

We are the three common flavor enhancers. Yes. Why so many? What are that? Does it say they're what they do? Because I think we talked about the other week without really understanding what it does. We just were like, these are boosters.

MSG, which is what Jack is, enhances savory or umami flavor. What's it, umami? Savory. Okay. It's the sixth taste, yeah. Or fifth taste. Cheese. Cheese is umami.

Right. But so is a few other things. Essentially, they all enhance umami. Because they're basically... I think there's actually an element of salt to umami as well. Yeah, right. Umami's another one of those words, Jack, that pops up all the time in a crossword.

Yeah. Because it just must fit and give you some vows in weird places. In my notes here, though, you and I am are often used alongside the MSG. We're not natural solo players where Jack... So when MSG's not enough, add this. I know, when's that happening? We're like Rinseide.

You can't run the whole dishwasher on it, but if you can remember, this will help. And I say that as someone that has never used Rinseed, but I'm aware. Oh, man, you've got to, it will make a difference. Really, Jack. Because your plates are coming out wet. Are they coming out wet?

Yeah. And then they go way wet, and guess what happens? Somehow they dry. No, no, you can get them out dry. We're on a pretty dry house. It's nice to have a little bit of extra moisture in the air. Why does the aid help not be wet? I don't know how a liquid helps dry something, but it can.

Do you know what? Someone tried to tell us out, dishwatch it has. This sniffs of a deal, Jack's up. Yeah, exactly. Aren't you using Rinsaid? Yeah, this sounds like a lot like an ad. No, but is Rinsaid not a brand? I think Rinsade's a thing.

It can come in many brands. It can come in many brands. It can come in many brands. What's your preferred, Jack? I was hoping you'd ask. I am. open to anybody who won't the partner. Yes. If mission chips

starts doing Rinse Aid, we'll find out that Jack's got a preferred tortilla strip and Rinse Aid partner. Yeah, no, Rinse Aid is, there's so many mysteries in a dishwasher. Someone, I saw something online that was like, hey, don't

rinse off your plates before you put them in the dishwasher. Yeah, I got told that because I'm a rinser. Because the dishwasher has the technology to detect how dirty your plates. is and it will adjust the washer cordially. I was like, there's absolutely no way the dishwasher is doing that. I got told

by the dishwasher guy that came out to fix my dishwasher. He said, are you rinsing? And I said, yes, he goes, you're rinsing too much. And I said, why? He goes, the natural oils, it's designed the natural oils to help lubricate the system on the inside. You're insulting your dishwasher. Yeah. You're cleaning before the cleaner comes over

and the dishwasher has lost its self-confidence and it'll stop washing if it thinks you don't need it. What's the point? What am I doing it? You obviously think I do you're doing good job because you do. Like, going on the hairdresser pre-cut. Like, it's insulting to them. That's fair. The other thing that I, I think I've mentioned this before,

but the other thing was when I opened the dishwasher and I don't know whether it's been on or not. Because I've cleaned them too much. I've cleaned them too much. Yeah, that does not surprise me at all. Yes. Ahoi also to Stuart, who's in Edinburgh, Scotland. He went to Hamishnanni.com to tell us what he's been up to.

I'm just you. Aoy, boys. It's Stuart here from Adam. I'm just here with my 14-month-old son, Rohan. You may hear him in the background there, just speaking little boy language. I'm sure Jack, as a little boy himself, will be able to translate for you. I just wanted to call in, as you were talking about pseudacrem recently. Fun fact for you, pseudacrem is not actually a crem.

It was originally developed in Dublin and was marketed as soothing cream. But because the Irish was such a thick and a fast accent, they would always pronounce soothing cream as pseudacrem. So eventually they just officially changed the name to pseudacrem as everyone was calling it that anyway. So pseudogram actually soothing cream, which makes physio crem still the world's number of the crime. What a great update on the battle for crims of supremacy.

Can I just say rest my case at the end of it was? On the topic of accents, I think I speak for everyone when you were like, I've got Stuart here from Edinburgh. Now, is it just me? I mean, because often we have Aussie expats. Yes. I was like, please be Scottish.

Because I think when you think you're going to hear a Scottish accent, you get excited to hear it. Yes. Would have been, you know, sure Stuart the Australian would have been a great guy, but there would be a part of us going, we were a bit robbed of a Scottish accent. We thought we were going to get one.

I was so glad that he's a true Edinburghian. I agree. Thank you, Stuart. Jack, I've got a text message from Jack Hame. Yep. Yesterday that said, hey, I've got a board game update. If we can fit it in. I'm like, of course we can fit it in.

I mean, I can't remember, it was a couple weeks ago, but isn't the new deadline now back out to end of year 2027? Yes. Before Christmas, 2027. Yes. Actually, I had a few emails from people going, I'd like to pre-order for Christmas 2020. No, we won't be starting.

Jack, take it. You need it to. You might need it to finance things. Don't take it, Jack. No, it would be a shameful handback. Yeah, yeah. I'm, I'll be, what I'm going to say is I'll be deeply surprised if Jack's like, I'm surprisingly, things are going great and I'm pulling forward the release date.

Well, you, impossible, because that's what I'm about to tell you. It's like, impossible. Wow, impossible to do for this Christmas if that's what you're getting at. No, but I mean. It has to be a Christmas release, you reckon. Well, I... Father's Day is the other big one that, like, fragrances and books aim for. I'll say, it's more likely to push to 2028 than it is to come forward in 2020.

Of course, because you're in charge. Yeah, so far, there's no surprises as yet. Is that the update? During the episode of Hamish and 80, the surprise count is at zero. That is what my update is about. I would like to say... Oh, my God, Jenkins is a year and a half a way. I'm not asking for an extension, but I am...

I want to do two things. Yeah. First an apology and then I guess like a defensive claim. Okay, give us the apology. Do you want any music behind the apology? No, no, no. It's just a mass apology to anybody who is sending their board game ideas and concepts either through email or DM because I'm not reading them anymore.

There's just too many coming in. Right. What do you say anymore had you been reading them? Well, Ben's was an example of one that I read early on. But I can't. Yeah, in the intellectual property game, Jets, you can't. can't look at it because then later on someone can go, I gave you that idea, even if they didn't or even if you had the same idea.

You know, this is what we get. You get taught this in TV day one, like two decades ago. You have to just be like, sorry, sure, it's a great idea, but not looking at it. Yes, and that, I'm worried about that because all the concepts around themes of the show. So people, when my board games finally made, people could easily go like, hey, wait a second, I was going to have a power moves card in there, for example. That's my idea. How you sent you that one?

No, well, everybody wants to stick a power move's card in it. I'm just not reading them anymore, and I'm sorry because I can tell that some people have put in a lot of work. There's people who've got page, like PDF of 11 pages of different rules and like, but I can't look at any more AI designs of different board games, and I can't read any more rules or concepts. Is part of this because it also hurts you at some level because all of these people sound like they've put more work in than you have and your arm, you're meant to be in charge.

Is that crippling for you? So, like, you're meant to be a fast runner and people keep sending you their times that are really fast. You said you're going to win the 400 metres at the Olympics and everyone's going, well, my training's going, well, like, please don't. Is that it? No, that's not it. And this brings me perfectly to part two, which is the defensive claim.

Okay. So I met with somebody this week. Another person. Yep. He is the only person who emailed and didn't say, I've got a board game concept for you. He said, I'll just give you some advice because he is a board game lecturer at university.

Oh, what a subject. Where can you do that course? It's at Swinburne. Cash under the table. I guess who just became an honorary doctorate. So what is the major? Like, what's, it's game design. So they do board games in the first year,

then they go into digital games after that. Okay, yeah, okay. And in between they do operation because it's half digital, half board. It has a nine-volt battery. So we're beginning to get a bit of electricity in our games. Yes. So I met with, he's the name is David Harris. He was great.

He's the board game professor. And he confirmed for me what I feared was true. Everybody's sending in their concepts and ideas. He said, that's the easy part. Coming up with a concept or a theme for your game. You haven't even done the easy part. The hard part is the mechanics and making sure that it mechanically works and that it's fun and that it is replayable.

And that it's repeatable in a different mode. I think that's the hard part about it. You look at any good game and it's like, well, you can keep playing this and it's going to be different next game. Yes. With the slight exception of, guess who, if you get Peter twice. You might have got someone else, so that's okay. Yes.

So this is where I'm at now, and this is a real worry for me, is that everybody thinks it's very easy to make a board game because everyone's having these concerts. I was just at the sink and I had this idea for a board game. Here it is. Everyone thinks it's easy, but it's actually very, very hard. Labor intensive, you've said you've got to do a lot of iteration, a lot of play tests, you'll be working at it over and over again

until you get it right. So behind the scenes, it's very hard. And that's the opposite to what I like, where I like people who think something is very hard, but it's actually very achievable. And now we know that. The complete inverse of that, which people think this is very achievable and easy to do,

but actually it's very hard. So that's just, I just want to, I guess what I want from you is an acknowledgement of that. So sorry, you need us to go, we're very proud of you. You're a very special boy, even though you've done no work on this yet. No, I have done some work.

Would you say that the professor inspired you? Or demoralized. He did, because my concept for the game that I have, he thinks, is strong. And I'm not, I'm not releasing that yet. Okay, that's good. There's a lot of work, invisible work here for the board game. Can you name some invisible work you've done? Well, I've got my concept and I've started on the mechanics.

So it's actually... But remember the concept of the easy bit. Can you name... And I've started on the mechanics, which is the hard bit. So the actual gameplay. What does that look like starting on the mechanics? Well, I've got an idea for it. Okay.

One idea is the easy bit? Well, he's, yeah, which is, and I asked him, I was like, how far along am I? From a scale of one to ten, he said, I'm at one. I'm at one. And everybody who's sending their idea, we're all at one. Did you think you were at eight? I thought I was at least halfway. Well, so what I can gather here then, Jack, is we have to go now.

Well, done. No, I just want to keep going. What is the point of this announcement? This is NASA coming out and like mid-60s and going, do you have any idea how hard it is to get to the moon? Do you have any idea? Everyone going, yes, that's why the eyes of the world are upon you. What have you done?

Well, nothing yet. But we were actually finding it quite annoying being in at work every day and just maths and maths and science and oh, you'll die if you explode. and we're not moving until the crowd acknowledges how hard this is. Well, the analogy is great ham because NASA said they were going to do it. Jack, you said you were going to do it. So it's not like we have asked you. We didn't have a bucket in here of jobs that we all had to undertake

and you pulled out and made a board game. You volunteered. I just hate this scenario. I work behind the scenes, toil away, day and day out, late nights. Then I bring in a board game. it's pretty good. And you guys go like, hey,

that was fun. But you think I did it in half an hour. That's the risky run. I just hate that. I hate that. I hate that. Think about people that make a movie, Jack. Think about people that make a motion picture.

No, because people know they're hard. See, the two different analogies is like, three years making a movie, all the people on set, all the script revisions, the act of the scenes and get cut editing, years and years,

and then it goes to the movies and people go, oh, yeah, that wasn't that good. Yeah. That's what happens. That's life. I would like to request one paid assistant. No, but what if we could organize?

Just say you're not going to do it. Just give up. No, I'm going to do it. But then what do you want from this? I want a paid assistant. No, you don't because you're just trying to get out of work. No, he or she will do some of the labor-intensive stuff while I do the brain stuff. Jack, here's what I actually think you want.

And we will organize this for you at any point in the next. next year. So kind of like from now until the second half for next year, what I think you want is a roomful of 50 people applauding you and going, keep it up. We're very proud of you for doing all the hard work we don't know about. I think you want a round of applause for having to do work. And no one is allowed to come out later and say, oh, he should have done my idea that I emailed in again. Because that was one's allowed. No, this is the thing, Jack. You don't read him out or anything. No, no, but you're putting something out in the world. So you might not have universal love for it.

There might be a critic, but you still have to do it anyway. This is a lovely lesson for kids or anyone. I feel like I'm talking to my son to go, well... Be prepared to fail. Yeah, you might actually... If we fail, we all go down. No, why would go down? You're the one that made the more...

No, but in the shops, you guys are on the front cover. Oh, okay, mate, it's not going to the shops if it's a failure. And I tell you this, mate, people are able to laugh at me. We're not hitting it. We're insulate ourselves from that. No, wait, reputation's the most. important thing. I don't know anyone criticising me.

No way. Guys, I'm springing something on you both. I don't think we've done this for over a year, actually. But we had fun with it back of the day, and it caused a fair bit of controversy. A three-facts shoot-out. Free-fax shoot-out, baby. All right.

We made a pledge to each other that if someone... Has it been a year. I checked with Marshie, because I said, I think the pledge was if any of us stumbled across a fact, because you can't Google it, that you think's impressive, you bring it to the group for a three-facts shootout. To see if it holds up.

To see if it holds up against the others. I got told a fact during the week that I went, oh, that's a cracker. Okay, well, just on this, the original three-facts shootout was a t-shirts, called a T-shirt because it's in the shape of a T-shirt. I still get people coming up to me going, thank you.

Didn't know. No, you don't. No, you don't. I do, mate. I'll take a photo of them next time. No, we all knew a T-shirt was a T. Two people in the room did, but there's many others in the world that didn't. And I'm glad that that fact was out there.

So the way this works. Fact, fact, fact. Yeah. Drop the music for a sec, Jack. Oh, I do have one. So the way this works is I will present a fact. You guys will probably criticize it. Well, it better be damn good.

We've obviously had time to prepare. You've had a year. Yeah. Well, I have a year. I got one during the week. I went, oh. You're pretending you got it during the week. You've been working on it for a year.

You don't work on a fact. And definitely it's more pressure on yours as well that you have brought it to the group, whereas Hamish and I are reacting. Do you have one? I got one. I think I do have one. I've got one today. Yeah, from today.

I've got a choice of two facts. Yeah. Can a fact be a trivia question you heard recently repurposed? Yeah. Totally. That's exactly what this is. Yeah. You've got two.

Only can go with one. I'm actually going to go a different and more interesting fact. Okay. Not a trivia question. Then we'll hear Hames, then we'll hear Jax, and then between the three of us

we'll decide whose fact was the best and the one that would probably blow people away the most in a social situation. Isn't there a shooting component where we shoot the worst? Yeah, you shoot both. So if I'm shooting... Yeah, so if I'm shooting...

Because it can be obviously a three-way shot. I think there's a winner though. I think we basically deem the winner and the other two. So it's less of a quick drawer more of just an execution. Yeah. We all quick drawed. Yep. Do you know what I'm saying?

We could all just be shooting one other guy, which would be three people dying. Yes. But we want one standing. So if we discuss amongst ourselves, okay, Jack's the winner, does that just mean, okay, well, I'm going to shoot Andy? Yeah, and I shoot home. Yeah. And we're obviously going to die in Jack.

We just shoot one of us for fun, I guess. because you bought your gun along and you want to shoot someone. Yeah, I think that's kind of how it works. All right, here's back up. Can't keep it, yeah. Get a load of this. We're talking about animals, and I was like,

oh, you don't see too many new animals these days. We've collected the set. What do you mean? We just, yeah, evolution. In our lifetime, we haven't seen a new species evolved. Yeah, that was kind of what I was thinking. Or you mean we haven't discovered new species. Discovered new species.

Yeah. Well, we discover them. All the time. Aren't there insects all the time being discovered? 16,000 new species of animal every year. Yeah, insects. Are you that? Boring.

No, not just insects. They're not discovering new mammals. They're not going, oh my God. Oh, yeah, big as an elephant. I mean, monkey was discovered this year. I bet it looks very similar to a current one. Yeah, I reckon that's my red flag. It's just a different hairstyle.

It's not mammals. variations of ones we know. That is incredible. 16,000 new species of animal each year. Sad to see you now so desperately trying to pop this back up. It'll be like a red kangaroo and then it'll be like, oh, slightly orange kangaroo. It's like he looks the same.

But they've proven to be a different species. That's incredible. What percentage of that is mammals? I don't know. I didn't go that far. Yeah, we've had a whole year to work on it. I've got it this week. This will be beetles.

in the Amazon, it'll just be beetles and, you know, tiny things that we're now finding the bottom of the ocean or whatever. I did hear that it's only five to ten types of birds. Yeah, we've seen a lot of them. You've got a whole, I mean, one of the main lobbies in the world is watching birds. They're still popping up new birds. That's pretty good. That's all right. That's amazing if we've never seen a bird before. But the rest is, I think we just assume that as technology gets better and we can go deeper in the ocean and we just can look a bit closer. We're going to find new stuff. Do you think...

I don't think... And it doesn't need... Like, if it's 15,900 bugs and 10 new birds, that's not that impressive. Yeah. And remembering people register as birdwatches, the idea of finding birds has a dedicated free workforce out there all the time looking at birds. I just think if I'd rephrase it and said to you guys, how many new species of animal do you think we see each year?

I'd say, are you including insects? Hundreds of thousands. Nah. 16,000. Yeah, well, that's even less of an exciting fact because I thought it was hundreds of thousands. All right, give us your facts. Look forward to seeing how I...

That's one thing I forgot about this. You have to be somewhat appreciative. I know. Pretty good fact. That was good. Really? Really? That is a lot.

Five new birds. I'm probably. I remember what it was happening five minutes ago. It's not going to be a bird that's twice the size of a pelican or something. I'm like, oh, we just never noticed it. Mine's actually an insect fact as well. Okay. But the most glorious and noble of all the insects, the bee.

Now, it won't surprise you to learn that I'm quite deep in bee world at the moment. I'm learning a lot about bees and honey in my time away from the pod as we race towards the launch of Hames Hives. Did you know, here's an interesting fact about drones, male bees, right? The drone bees, which make up a lot of the hive. Drone bees have a mum, but no dad. But they do have a grandfather. Sounds like a riddle. It is kind of is a real.

A rich man wants them and never needs them. It's father time. Usually it's farther time in a riddle. And all drone bees do, it's farther time. No, it's because queens just lay a cell. And if it doesn't get inseminated, it just becomes a man. It becomes a boy bee, and that's a drone bee. But a queen, a female bee needs a male to inseminate the cell.

So to make a girl be, either a queen or a worker bee, who are female, they have to be so they lay a cell out there and so and you just kind of roll past the technical term yeah in the beekeeping so that they just think the phrase bees dick comes from obviously if they're using it for something

so they just lay a cell out there and anyone can wander by and go I'll have a bit of that yeah I'm learning I haven't kind of got down to that level but I think they know how many drone bees they need so the queen just pumps them out doesn't need a man to make a drone.

They just turn into drones. But if you need to make a new queen bee or a female worker bee, you do need a father for that. So every queen bee has a dad, which means every child of hers has a granddad, but he doesn't have a dad. That's interesting.

That's pretty good. And even isn't it amazing, the drones go out and they do all this work and they'll never know the approval of a father. I never know it. But their mom is obviously such a big deal in the heart. I don't need it. They don't need no man.

Me, they are a man, but they're like, well, mum's all I've ever needed. Don't know any other way. She's happy with me. And I can love that. And I've got my granddad if I need a role of it. Jack. All right.

Mine comes from Canbo, who works on the show now, doing what Web Geyser Jez used to do, doing all the videos. He's talking about the Odyssey, which is playing in IMAX here in Melbourne. Oh, right. Yeah, the Christian Olin's film. Yeah. I haven't seen it.

Matt Damon, yeah. But he said why it's so popular and sold out at IMAX in particular is because it's the only IMAX in the Southern Hemisphere that's playing it. And there's only like 30 proper IMAX. I think there's 39 proper IMAXs in the world. Yeah. So I was looking at that and then I came across this fact. To shoot on that big film, Christopher Nolan. Yeah, you only get like three minutes of footage.

Three minutes. No, that is one of the things. I've got more. I've got more. You can only shoot for 70 mil. It's 70 mil, sorry. I thought the three minutes in the canister, the film canister. That was common knowledge.

What's your fact? So, yes, you can only shoot for three minutes. But when the film is made and delivered to the different IMAXs around the world, the whole film, real, weighs 240 kilograms. Yeah, that makes sense because there's so much of it. The size of a vending machine or a medium motor, medium-sized, medium-sized motorbike. It's good. Can you imagine the protectionist who gets that delivery?

Well, if they're not expecting it, if they're expecting a thumb drive, they will be shocked. Strongest fan in the world that has to feed the film in. Wow. I'm going to regretfully say that I think Hames's grandfather B story. Yeah. It had the emotion behind it. of these incredible animals

that just don't have a bit of yeah which I think means you shoot us you shoot both of us in a quick draw are you give me your guns well we've all got guns

because even we need you I need you put your hands on your head so I know you're not going to go okay okay I shot one of you twice no now I remember what happened we all

we all had to pull a gun at the same time and shot yep And then two people fell. So it was three gun shots. And someone didn't get hit. But someone didn't get hit, which is you. Okay, great.

Even if you were aiming at me, what, my force field of interesting fact protected me? I think your interesting fact allowed the bullet to travel faster and hit one of us who shot in the air. Oh, yeah, great. So I could change my ammunition. Right. I'm shooting a gun. The muzzle velocity. based on level of interesting.

Oh, your bullet would never even get to me. If it's relevant to bullet speed. It's just rolled up and you in the toe. Still in the air, still in the air, still in the air. I could probably just leave the room before it gets to my head. Guys, yeah. I've got a chance for you both. Well, actually, for one of you, if you're successful.

To win 100 pieces. No. One. Yes. I mean. To be a permanent fixture of our house. Of the castle. Yeah, the household building.

Right, like an artwork on the wall. Well, let me explain. Jack, have you seen Star Wars? He's going to dip us in liquid. He's going to freeze us and put us on the wall like Jabber Art. Because I do, I mean, Star Wars fans will be going crazy at me now because I can't remember the name of Carbonite. Carbonite.

That's what Hansol who goes dipped in. Yep. I do envisage Ando your lounge room very much like Jabba the Hutt's headquarters. where people, mostly probably tradies, are coming over to like, go, hey, can we get paid, mate? You know, we work for nine years on this house. And you're just sort of there

and people are playing, like, different instruments and stuff. And you're just, you know, me or Jack's on your wall as a trophy. Yeah, well, I mean, this, this, it won't be a trophy. It won't be, like, it's not visual. But let me explain. So, Beck, we're leaving the house the other day. I think I might have told you a little bit of this, Sam. leave the house the other day

and Beck goes I'm just loving it I'm so grateful this is it's awesome and I was like I'm feeling so grateful It'll be wild It'd be wild if it was the opposite Yeah

And she said You know what Six fireplaces isn't enough When we did the design It seemed like it'd be big enough But now I just think We could have had We could have built a bigger one better

And then she says I'd never stay here without you But you know I'm loving it What? So you have to be in the house every moment she's in there. And I said, what do you mean? She goes, oh, I'd be too scared.

It's a big castle. It's weird to have something haunted fresh. Like you're a brand new haunted. And I said, well, that's not great. No, that's a problem. That's a huge problem. And she's like, it's your head's going to be her house. She goes, no, I'll just go stay at my mum's when you're away.

I was like, well, I'm not, she's home. Away a lot. Like this is, she goes, yeah, well, maybe she can come and stay here. I said, no, like, what is, what is the issue? She goes, oh, well, you know, there's glass. You can see out. And people can see it. And I was like, yeah, most houses have windows.

She's, I just don't think I'd feel comfy. I said, well, we need to make you feel comfortable. The biggest, the benefit for Beck here is, like, even, let's say, an intruder got onto the property. It could take them hours and hours and hours to find her. And then you could go, there's someone on the property, you'd be like, yeah, this would be like playing hide and seek in Manhattan. Like, okay, well, it was. He's been an intruder for three weeks We just haven't known him is here

They're not going to find Me in sleeping Finding someone wasting away Do you need water mate? Yeah so I've just been warming myself Using one of the lesser used fireplaces So it's too big Is that the problem?

It's not about big Like Beck has this as well With regard to any place That she doesn't like staying at home At all by herself It's not uncum I mean yeah So it's voice similar concerns

Although very rare you're at home without the kids or the other person. But I've done it once in our house. We've been there for five years. It happened last year and I was like, I don't even know what to do. I was full, she should be just sliding around the house in her socks. Exactly. And I think to be honest, I think it's a benefit in the luxury males have a lot where

I think females be stereotypical do worry about this stuff. So I said, well, we have to fix this. We will up the security. Like, what do we need to put in this? So a security expert comes around. This is where me and Jack. come in, we're guards. Awesome.

And they're talking about how they can secure all the windows and release trips and stuff, not like trips, like explosion, you know, like lasers. Like home alone, booby trucks. No, no. They can detect and alert and all these types of things. And then the guy goes, now, if someone does make it inside the house, what do you want to happen?

I was like, well, I'd like them to leave. He said, well. Have you seen the board game mouse traps? we would love that. You joke. He said... Do they do cages? He goes, we could trap them.

And I said, what do you mean? Like, we, he goes, we can lock certain doors in a certain way. So they run, often burglars run around to try and get out to an open door. And they can work that. We can work them into a certain room in the house. They're always going to be able to get out of a chimney, though, with six fireplaces. They'll just reverse Santa. That's the biggest security.

threat to the house. Well, they might have thought of that even. So I said, well, no, I don't want to, I don't want to trap anyone in the house. You can't want them to get out, don't you? Like a bird that gets in a cafe. Yes, that's what I think. You want to do everything you can to keep them from getting in. Once in, you want to fast out.

Exactly like a bird in a cafe, to be honest. So you want a big sheet and walk towards the boat. The bird with a big sheet. So then I say, yeah, we would like the man. He said, well, what do you want playing? to get them out. He said, we could have a song, you could have your voice. And I was like, what do you mean?

There's a pre-recorded track. Some people play classical music to, and I said, right. Do they really? What to calm them down. Like, just to say, we're home and we're on to you. You know, I've posted an alarm. I got to say goodbye. Here's where the competition comes in.

I wouldn't instantly know that classical music in a house I was robbing meant we're home and we're on to you. Yes. I agree, I don't know if criminals know this. I think it's more like something's playing, oh, no, they're on to me. You're like all lights on, for instance. All lights on, music plays. Okay.

Just quick sidebar, if this was the person saying to you, do you want to trap them or get them out? Or they gave you the option, or do you want to mess with them? Would you mess with them as a true king would in his castle as Jabber the Hut would? Yeah, I was keen for men. with. Yep. Can we have the floor open up and there's actually a pit of combat underneath? We know we've excavated enough.

That all sounded like fun, but when I actually thought of the terrifying moment that it might be to have an intruder, it was like, oh, less fun to have to mess with. But then I went back to fun because this is where the competition starts between the two of you. I'd like a song. It can be a cover or an original from both of you. For your intruder system. To evict the intruder.

Yeah, to evict the intruder. And whoever is the most impressive song will be the song played at any intruder that gets into my house forever. Thus, incentivising us to break into your house to get airplay up of our song. Under the disaster scenario where no one ever breaks in, no one will ever get to hear it. That would be a shame. Okay, how long do you want it?

Give us more of a brief. Do you want us to scare them out? Do you want... I think the brief is... The brief is simply a song that encourages people to leave. Okay. Yep. Okay.

Lights are on. You've got a week. Yep. Sorry, okay, yep. No worries. It can do. Gentlemen, something is buzzing away

fervently in the background. And that's, of course, Hames Hives. The next newsletter is on the verge of going out because there are just updates galore. Did you send that newsletter that you promised to send? Are you not on the mailing list at hampslives.com? Well, I don't want to buy a B for $5.

You don't have to buy a B for $5. It says would you be, that was old. It was like theoretically would you sponsor a B for $5? And a lot of people, the vast majority say, yeah, I mean, you don't have to buy a, we're not selling the bees yet. And you're not buying a B. You're sponsoring a bee. B. Okay, so you don't own the B.

I encourage you to sign up, and you might get the first two volumes of Hames Hives news. For those who won't sign up, yep. Yep, give us an update. I'll give you a logistical update. We have the 100 hives are entering construction. Great. So obviously where we're at now, we're coming out of winter. Can you just buy a hive?

I thought you were buying them. I thought you'd buy a pre-made hive. Well, the company we're dealing with, they'll build them, they'll place them. Right, right. In the, across through the depths of the southern island, around the Otago region for people that know the South Island, but, you know, primo spots, right? That's happening.

Working intently with our branding agency, they're out of Adelaide. Great, great gang there. How did you find them? Through industry contacts. Okay. Have had, I don't want to give too much IP away here, but bottle and jar prototypes that I've been selecting. Hey, you've been busy.

Well done. I've got to be honest with you guys, I'm genuinely starting a honeycutting. There's a lot to do. And I tell you what's hard about it. Usually, Andy does a lot of stuff. And I will quite often find myself sitting there going, I haven't thought, what's going on with the bottle seals? And then I'll go, oh, that's me.

I have to send that email. Anyway, that's all fun. Did a quick trip over to New Zealand to scout out the highest hives locations. Because at the moment we're obviously still for those. How high do you reckon you can go? Near the snow one, 1,500 metres. Yeah.

I went up into the snow in New Zealand to have a little look around. You went skiing with your family. What's that? You went skiing with your family. I went scouting. And I, up in the snow, took a pocketful of business cars. I saw some bees up there just to go,

you're exactly the kind of young man you're like, you know, a young lady, actually, if it's a worker bee. Worker bee. But did you, here's a good thing that. Did you see any bees or insects at all above the... That's no level. I think into the snow, it's too far. Yeah. And whether one or two were up there doing their own private training camp, I didn't see them.

And so, you know, you now drop the hunt for scouting your strongest bees to start those colonies to a little lot. But that's fine. We've got time to put that together. I think the two channels at the moment, bloody exciting. am talking to energy gel factories at the moment because for Hames' highest hives that will make the performance honey, that's getting the formulation right, so it's squeezable. Anyway, a lot of buzz.

I won't bore you all the details. I'll tell you the type of honey I hate if you need to know, when honey's too solid. Yeah, those crystallised ones. Well, I'll be honest with you, and again, this isn't, we're not here to talk about the chemical composition of honey, but all honey wants to return to its crystallized form, The reason it does that is it's hot, cold, hot, like when it goes through different temperature variations, the better, you know, because we don't want to overly treat the honey.

We want it to be pourable, but you want it to still retain all its nutrients. So the goal at Hames Hives is to have that honey shelf stable. It's going to be a crystal. It's going to be chrystal. No, it won't. It won't, but it is hard to get it. You have to hands do it. They stay in the cupboard for so long because you can't use them.

After about a year, after about a year. after about a year, all honey will return to that state. Unless it's been super heat treated and has just been blasted. But for those honeies, I agree. This is my whole thing I'm dealing with our honey house over there, pack and go, I don't want that. I want it to be pourable. I don't like a non-porable honey.

So we are working on that. It's usually a temperature thing. Because then you have to put the little thing in the microwave. Don't do it in a microwave, but if we'll have a glass bottle, glass shower so you can just put it in warm water. But I don't want to go down that room. I don't want. No, I hear you, man.

It's annoying. here's the big development. Obviously, to get the brand name out there, the newsletter's great, and people, that's a good way to stay connected, but our social media team is about to ramp things up at the Hames Hives account. Now, you might remember there was Hames Hives

that someone came in and just grabbed before I thought to get it. Yes. And then there was Hames underscore Hives. I went with the Hames Hives or one word because it's just easier. There's a little bit of a blowout from the underscore guy. Quite a funny.

I think he's in year 12. Really funny guy. And he launched the whole campaign to respect the underscore. I said, look, appreciate what you're doing. I don't respect the underscore. I think it's lazy. I think underscore screams second to the party. I don't want the underscore.

That's his opinion. I have mine. We're still friends. We're playing the opinions game. Everyone's the title of life. And so I went with normal hames hives, pull that account. Yes. During the week, legend, we managed to connect.

You know, it's quite hard to hand over an Instagram account because it's like two factor codes and whatever. We managed to do it. Now that I have the Hames Hives account, obviously, now I'm the admin on that account, you get access to all the old DMs, like all the old activity. He'd never posted, but there had been quite a lot of DMs. One interesting person that popped up in the DMs was Jack Post, who had been communicating with Paul.

Had you? I feel like he reached out to me first. Is that what it shows? Ahoy, Jack. This was on, this was 13th of May. It says it's I, the mongrel who officially owns Hames Hives. I see there's others, but he doesn't want to have an underscore. I'm having trouble getting in touch with the show.

He says, no malicious intent here. I'm keeping it warm for Hamish. However, a nice trade would suffice. This was before we had him on air, and remember we did a honey deal so he could get it. Jack's responded to that. A couple of laughing emojis, I'll let him know. So that's all part. So then once I, that was the last they'd talked.

Then once I see that there's this dialogue, I go, maybe I can pose as Jack doesn't know. Well, I'm happy. Okay. Okay. Well, this is his hand, don't. So I go, I'll pose as Paul, even though now I've taken over the account. So I, I, a couple of days ago, hey, hey, Jack, it's Paul here. Still the owner of this account as Hamish hasn't contacted me yet.

I'm sure he's going to follow it up. But I was thinking as a last-minute demand for him taking so long, I could say he needs to give you that 1% of the company to finalise the handing over the passwords. Because remember Jack initially was like, now, early days Jack's like, I'm regretting not investing in Haymes' lives. And I said you can have 1% for $10,000. I value the business at $1 million. Jack, obviously, I said no. He squirmed at that.

So I've gone as Paul, you know, should I ransom the password so you get a percent? Jack goes, ha ha, I like it. What was agreed to on air? I already forgot. They're going to entertainer. He's entertaining. I said, you offered to buy in and he said 1% for 10,000.

I don't think it's a $1 million company yet. Do you want me to get you that 1%? I'll get him to agree. He's asked twice for the password, and he just sent out another newsletter, so I know he needs it. Great. Then Jack, thinking, thinking, thinking,

Jack goes. But didn't you already agree to give him the password on the pod? I was like, I'm going to push him one more time here. I'm going to push him again. I go, well, I did, but this could be your last chance to get the 1% before I hand the password over. Do you want me to hold out and use the leverage to get it for you? It would be an honour to serve you, King Weasel.

Can I dangle this 100% for a guy? Yeah, exactly. Playing to his ego. Jack, he thought about it for a full day. He was pretty active on, on, online. Because nah,

happy for you to give it if that's what's been agreed. Thanks for thinking of a little guy though. Yeah. I'm very happy with that. He passed the Slugworth test. And for that, Jack,

I am giving you 1% of Ames Hives for one year. What? No. And then it will revert back to me. Can he choose the year? One percent of profits

starting now. No, because you know, knows it takes a while for a business to become profitable. Do you want it or not? Yeah, I want it outright. I'll accept outright. Then I retract the offer.

Give me half a percent outright. 1.1%. Deal. I'm very much. Andy watched idiots negotiate. Andy just going, bad, bad, bad, bad. Bad, bad.

Bad, starting point. Bad, poor bad. Terrible outcomes for both. You know the administration of that alone will cost you more? Maybe, maybe 0.1% of Mecca would be kind of worth chasing. Thanks for. listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamish and

Andy.com.