Hamish & Andy - 348 - Man Oh Man What A Surprise!

Episode Date: September 9, 2026

Shenanigans from the surprise bucks party Hamish threw for Andy are revealed. Andy puts Hamish & Jack to work creating songs for his and Bec’s new home security system. Huge news: a sponsor has been secured for The Price Is Correct Game Show, so the team takes a TV studio tour in preparation. And after Hamish & Andy scoffed at Jack’s request for a paid assistant to help with the board game, they may have finally granted his wish. The Game Show Studio Tour The Security Songs Jack meets his new PA

A listener production. Activate your internet. Because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three, two. Sorry, still buffering. Ahoy to me Bella, Hamish. Ah, things that could be then preceded by the word ball. Bella the ball. Bell of, though that's Bell of?

Oh, yeah, but slang. Okay, fine, we're characters from Twilight. He's got it. Wow done Wow That's how I can I'm distracting with the left hand And I come up with the right

Right overhand Bang knockout punch A hoider by Edward That is you Jack Was that Robert Pattinson You are Robert Pattinson Don't try and get extra points now Jack The title has been taken

You are Bella Hamish's main love interest And a hooy to me Jacob, Jacob Black Bella's werewolf best friend who develops romantic feelings for her. Yep. I'm not sure if they're unrequited or requited, but I haven't seen a single piece of vision for any of those films.

I have, and I'm just a girl, trying to get through, you know, high school's tough enough. Yeah. This is not the tagline of the film, but it could be. Yeah. High school's tough enough, let alone when you're trapped between a werewolf and a vampire as you two love interests, you know,

That's a lot for a team to take on. It would be a heap. Again, not from the poster, that it could be. Aoy also to Emma, who went to hamish-hani.com and uploaded some audio to tell us what she's been up to. Ahoi big boys and the one little boy, of course.

I'd like to report on a gusto check that I've recently completed. I was at our junior's presentation morning for our mutual hockey club this weekend when I thought I'd carry out a gusto check on the special guest speaker, Mr Andy Lee. Unfortunately for Andy, he had been kidnapped the day before by his groomsman for his Bucks party and yet he still managed to show up and make the kids day.

I scored him as a solid 9 out of 10 for the greeting. He came in with a bit of guster and kept the energy high throughout. One point detected for trying to delicately explain to the 8-year-olds what a hangover was and why you're so tired after a party as an adult. For energy, I gave an 11 out of 10. Originally an 8 out of 10, but I felt an extra few points were valid for fronting up as well as he did post-bubes. Overall, excellent gusto shown by Andy, especially given circumstances. Well done.

And that was a weekend of high gusto, so you would have been forgiven for being out of gusto by Sunday. She's being generous. Well, from the photos I saw of you at the presentation, I think that's a generous mind. Yeah, so do I. It looked like I did. I look like I'm like I'd be from 10 a.m. to 4 a.m. It looked like Johnny Depp's mugshot. That's what it reminds.

That's what I wanted to superimpose on those. photos you sent from, because of course, it was your Bucks weekend. Surprise Bucks. Yeah. From, hey. Surprise, surprise, surprise. I mean, you guys, you guys know most of what happened. You were, here's the part we haven't discussed.

You were all hiding in the basement of my new house that's getting built. And the builder told me I had to be there at 10 a.m. on Saturday to go through a number of things that we needed to look at. And I thought, great, because I've got a list of things I wanted to bring up with him. I arrived there. He's obviously trying to lure me down. down to the basement. Because we were hiding,

it felt like ages we were down in the dark. And we're some 50 metres below the surface. Not a lot of oxygen. So he says to me, I think we should start in the basement and then work our way up to, and I was like, no, I want to start on the side fence.

And he's going, well, I really think I should start at the basement. Like, no, mate, we're already up here. So little did I know that you're waiting for me to go through my list of issues with the... 25 people. And in the pier in the dark, too. It was actually dangerous because if Andy had a list for everything in the house, we would still be down there.

Yeah, absolutely, Jack. Even if you had a list for 1% of things in the house, we'd still be down there. It's so funny when you do a surprise, especially when it's just all guys for some reason. Just because it's just school, it's just school giggling. And you get quiet way too early because people panic. You know, you don't want to blow the surprise. And it was pitch black. Pitch black.

Hawkers was in charge of, like, connecting the building lights, like, as soon as you walked in. but it just goes through like waves of, you know, it should be getting more and more serious as every minute passes. But people get complacent because they're like, well, if he hasn't come in, he's never coming in. So then they start talking and like, there's a lot of shushing and a lot of pushing each other in the dark. And then in a room full too, I mean,

your mates and the wider guys that are going to the wedding, they're funny guys. Yes. It's too tempting for 25 guys that love heckling to just, to just let the silence go on for that long. It was so lucky you came in in a lull in basically just the giggles and the heckling. Well, I was absolutely surprised.

Without going into everything that happened at the Bucks, there was another thing. No, no, I think we've got a good agreement not to do that. It was a part where we were playing golf. Yeah. Right? And this is the part I wanted to bring up. There's something happened to Jack that...

Amazing. Oh, yeah. when the Bears thing? Yeah. So something happened to Jack that he never thought would happen in his whole life. That's true.

It's true. It was quite, it was incredible to see. Jack offered to fill in for our indoor cricket team once, not realizing that most of my friends take sport extremely seriously. And a pretty good sport.

Had you ever played cricket before, Jack? Not, like, I played with my dad in the backyard. Yes. But I was brand new to the show. This is going 15 plus years ago now. And I really wanted to like, offer my services as much as I could.

Like, yes, you need a cricket player. I'll come down and help. No worries. Of course. Extracurricular team building. And that was a point where you nearly cost us the gay with lack of ability. And my friends were like, why have you bought this guy? Because they do take sport seriously.

And since then, you've been a bit scared of Ross and a few of my friends. Definitely. Yeah, I've tried to avoid him for the last 15 years. We're playing golf. Jack gets called up there's always an individual shot he's got 25 of my mates around all with beers

the team and the way we'd format it was basically everyone versus Andy so everyone had to have one go versus Andy yeah and the team needed you Jack you hit the best shot I've ever seen you hit that was the best shot I've ever hit in the golf club the crowd erupts an excitement for him

and Rostas turns to you calmly and goes well done Jack Well done. We needed that. It felt so good. It felt so, so good. Before our eyes, your voice broke. You grew a beer and you finally the little boy became a man. It was unbelievable.

Yes. So, congratulations, Jack. I was swarmed by your friends. So that already felt amazing. And then Ross, like the character in a movie who doesn't need to be front-center, but just at the back nodding like, you've done well for me. You looked out through the saloon doors and saw the cowboy that says nothing, just tip his hat to you, and walk away, and that was worth more. Then everyone in the saloon patting you on the back.

That's exactly right. Can I just say to both you, particularly, hey, we organised it. The best day, plenty of other things happened, had 25 guys hitting golf balls. That'd be, well, I was nude with a helmet running down the fairway. That's where I should have saved my great shot for because no one hit you. That's definitely one of those ideas you have. we're like, oh God, he's going to get, you know, he's going to be covered black and blue. And probably the closest ball is about 15 metres away.

Not quite the firing range. That it was tough to finish up at 4 a.m. an hour out of the city to have to go back and present the medals for the junior presentation day at the Cam Wockey Club. And I appreciate getting a gusto check of 10 or 11, but I'm sure it was barely a 4. Hey, we've got to get into this because there is a huge announcement. It's big. We have a sponsor for the game show, everyone. The price is correct is a go.

Now, can we name that sponsor here on this pod? No, we can't. That's our other announcement. The other announcement is an interesting glimpse into sponsorship models and how you can have a podcast show sponsor who ask, rightly so, to be the only brand mentioned in the show. And Jack obviously flaunts that from time. I mean,

but they would like to be the only sponsor, and we would like them to have that. It's very grateful. Very grateful. So our exclusive sponsor at the moment, there means you can't mention other sponsors. So the sponsor for the game show, you'll find out online when you watch the game show.

But what it does mean... They know who they are. Oh, they love who they are. They love their friend. And they're going well enough to sponsor our game show. Can we hint? Can we hint? No, I'm getting a huge shake of the head.

No, we can. Can't hint. Don't hear. Well, they were a great operate. And there was a role of the eyes. Oh,

yeah, okay, so we've been here several times we're not here to play games with the rules. Could you give like a URL or something like

pageand. com. It's a stock. Find out the sponsor and then it's... I think the whole point is, you know, the whole gag order exists

to keep the system correct. We like edging against rules. The riot act, I suppose I was read before this section of the pod. It means I'm less inclined

to have a little lean against the rules on this one. Hey, and what it does mean is that we're going to make a game show for people who, I mean, we've let this lay dormant because we're trying to find a sponsor for a long time and we're so grateful the ones come ahead to fruition. Yep. And you got, well, half a Bitcoin, the best part of a Bitcoin. Yep. Bitcoin minus taxes.

Yep. To try and flush out your impulse buying. Yep. You spend $75,000 in 40 minutes on Instagram. I have no idea of the prizes that you have bought. I'll be honest with you. I'd forgot a lot of them too. I'm just looking at the spreadsheet here, going.

Even sometimes I'm looking at the description going, what does that even mean? Right. Well, that's exciting because our listeners are got a chance to win all of those in our game show. The first thing we had to do was head to a studio. We went to a studio called NEP, the three of us, which are famous for doing many, many TV shows over the ride.

and we went there just to suss out what we could possibly do and when we could put on the game show. We arrived in the loading dock of any P studios in South Melbourne that has been the home of many famous shows over the years, including deal or no deal, dancing with the stars, family feud, and also the home of some early Hamish and Andy history. Jack, this is where Annie and I started our career. It's really?

In television, yeah. Not in the loading bay, we were allowed to have an office. They just walked in off the street into the loading bay. No, but yeah, that's studio there. So is it nostalgic for you to come back here? I mean, the show was only on air for like a few weeks. You don't have to bring up the fact of it. It's hard to be nostalgic about something so short.

It was a beloved boutique kit for Australia. I mean, Jack's been in here. He did the 100. I've been on the 100, yeah. Yes. Oh, mate, you haven't got me from bringing up the past? That was months ago. It was only one episode.

Yeah, that was on the one episode. I actually thought that that might, like, because that's the first time I ever been on a panel show, I thought then, like, other shows would start calling and be like, okay, we'll get you one else. Yeah. Oh, do you not get those goals? No one's called.

Oh, maybe that. How do they know your number, though? They might have written you a letter. Check your letterbox. Have they been? No, do you have a manager? No, I'm self-managed. Well, then that's how they, how are they going to buy?

But how do they know how to get to me? You do they both. Yeah, see, they're probably... Claude. Claude. Oh, yeah, he writes by contracts. Anyway, that's all we're here for. Do you know the first thing I love about this?

It's the right spot because it's just got a big loading, Now, the thing that I'm in charge of, prizes, that's what I'm looking for. How are we getting the prizes in and out? And who's helping me? Because I'm not doing that. No, of course. But, like, at what point can I hand it off? Well, how big is some of the items?

They range in size from very, very small to hefty. Well, this is a huge loading boat. Like, you'd fit a shipping in there. They're probably sitting game shows in here where you have to be able to bring in a car or whatever. Is it bigger than a car, what you're bringing in? No. Bigger than a jet ski? Yes.

Is one of the things a jet ski? No, because that wouldn't be bigger than a jet ski, Jake. No, they could also be a jet ski. It's a jet ski with a ribbon, so it is bigger than a jet ski. Well, Pete and Rosie and Tony are going to show us through. Yeah, great. Being your best behaviour, they're doing a sort of focus. What are we looking for here?

Like, how many people are on the show? 200, audience? All have to ask them. I don't know how many people they can fit in. Can we have bleachers? I'd love a bleach. I'd like a bleacher. Tears feel more gaugers.

Because I know we're not exactly doing the prices, right? But it is inspired by when bleachers come on through. Like if it's all floor level seating isn't as powerful as come on down. But it's probably better for copyright, though. Well, my way to come on through. That's true. What might it make your way down? Make your way through is very clear for copyright.

What if we, I mean, is it cheaper? Like, could we get a discount if we don't hire the chairs and everyone stands? Like Top Gear? It was like, yeah, we could ask them. You know what? We go, hey, knock off chair rental. We don't need them. It would be cheaper.

Come on through. Did the audience stand for the whole episode of Top Gear? Yeah, early, top of year. It was like crowded all around the guy. God, that would have hated that. Because you really would have been like, oh, great, we're going to Top Gear. We got tickets. And you get there.

You're like, wait, all episodes? Particularly if you short. You can't see it anything. Yeah, and I think they put the most well-behaved ones behind the hosts because you can see they were trying very hard to not draw attention. And you know how TV works. Sometimes, like, to make an hour show, It probably took them like four out.

And also, it's our policy on that. Also, if, like, if, you know, Clarkson was like, oh, sorry, guys, we're going to do that again, you'd start hearing groans from the audience because we're tired. Well, what's our policy on that, by the way, because that speaks to hiring. Like, how? No, no retakes. No retakes. That's on you, too.

You're technically the host here. Again, interesting since I've won several Logies for hosting. Long time ago, gosh. Andy's hosting show, what are you, like, the prize? I guess I'm bringing enough prizes out. We're both hosting the show. I'll be throwing to home for the prize pool, and that's going to be the biggest part.

You're going to keep things running, though. You think you can do it with no retakes? You shut up. Yeah, I'm not going to be a problem at all. Do you want an order queue or no order queue? No order queue. Yeah, good. Yeah, it's not like Lego where you stick around for 24 hours

just to watch people book, you know. And only in the final. Well, that's seven hours, and you pop up like four or five times. I went to visit one set once, and he's not out there the whole time. For a 12-hour field house. I've never said that once. Yeah, come on. You were hardly out there.

I'm out of the back. Yeah. Last season I had virtual... You had a bed? I had a couch, but I could sleep on it. And I had virtual reality golf. I was playing out the back. Time to meet Tony, Rosie and Pete,

who'd be giving us a tour and working out how much Hamish's ideas might cost us. Hello, guys. Great to be back on this hello turf. Have you had any other shows in here since Hamish and Andy? Did all the staff sort of like as a protest go, if you get a accent, we're never going to help out any other shows.

We've had a few game shows here and there. Okay. Well, you've got to keep the lights on it, it has been 20 years. Pete worked on Hamish and Andy. Yeah, you know. But did you ever enjoy anything as much? No. We're going to Studio A.

That's a slightly bigger one. That is bigger. Can you just settle this myth for us once and for all? And you know what I'm going to say, too? Even back then, 20 years ago when we were doing the show over in B, people would be like, oh, go over to Studio A. I think they've still got the pool under there from, a show called Man O Man, which was in the 90s.

It was a dating show where you pushed your man into the pool if you didn't want to select him. Before we knew about swiping left and right, as a way of selecting partners, we used to push them in the pool or keep them dry. Is the pool still there? Still there. It's full of water.

It's not full of water. The filtration system is still active. It's not full of water. Yeah, it's full of water. Why are you keeping it full of water if it's underneath the dance floor? If we emptied it, it would potentially crack, so we're just leaving it status quo. Has it ever been touched again?

We revealed it in 2014 for an open day. It's a bit green under the gills, but it cleaned up our cap. Could we use it? No. Please, I've been here for three years and I would see it. Like, how hard is it to... It's going to add. You could put the jet ski in the pool.

We could do. We could do... I mean, I'm just changing the whole format. Could we do, you know, like, prices... With the prices wrong, we push people in the pool. Put a bucket load of fluorine or make it work, I'm sure. But I mean, how hard is it to reveal the pool?

Yeah, be careful. How hard is it to reveal the pool? It takes a day and we take the lid off and clean the water. I'll come and help. I mean, Andy would. Is it possible? Is it expensive?

Five grand? Ten grand? I just want to see the pool. I'll make it happen. Five grand and a pair of cosies and... Okay. Let's go in. Yeah, hey.

What's the idea for it? I don't know, Jack. Now we have a pool and now we think of the show. This actually sits perfectly what we've been doing, Jack. We've got all the prizes without a show. We may as well just have a pool, build it around the pool. We open the giant soundproof door to reveal a cavernous empty studio with thousands of lights hanging from the ceiling.

And a pool buried somewhere underneath the black hardwood floor. Whoa. This is huge. This is huge. Tipping points in here, isn't it? It was in here. It was. It's gone elsewhere.

They left. Those bastards! I'm not tuning in anymore. I started him. I did Neighbours, Week 1, F1. You did in the first episode one. I did Neighbors, Week 1, Episode 1 Block 1. In here.

What was the shoot? Like, what was the set? The set was Robinson's over there. Ramsey's over here. What's Robinson? Oh, the house. The people. Yeah, Robinson's house.

It's from Pinot Court out of none of it. And I was a trainee boom-up. I didn't get a credit on the show, but I was just a trainee kid who came in a sit, go in there. So you were just holding a broomstick with a sock on the end? That was like, that was my job. If you could do the broomstick, if you could do the boom-marked a job in television.

Blue Healers was here. Yeah, the bar at Blue Healers was through there, wasn't it? For anyone under 40, Blue Healers is a police drama set in a small country town. Which, given the fact it went for 13 seasons, had to be the most crime-riddled town in Australia. Yeah. Because we'd sometimes come down and have meetings at the bar of Blue Healers.

Yeah, and we couldn't... We couldn't believe that it wasn't actually at a pub. Yeah, we're learning a lot about TV. Not enough as it turned out, they acted as. It looked so real. Sorry, could I just throw something out there? You obviously mentioned that the tipping point was here and they went somewhere else and I detected an air of...

And a monster. You know, just an air of disappointment. That they didn't appreciate the beautiful facilities here and they moved. Would it make you feel better if you now had a show called The Tipin Point? The Tipin Point, which utilises the pool from Man O Night Man, which is a mere 30 years ago. And we play the tip in point where somehow, we'll figure this out, based on estimating risking prizes till you reach the tip in point.

We got it. That's TV, that me. So whilst I was focused on the logistics of seating and cameras and sets, I was concentrating on the rapidly evolving format now that we definitely had the pool. Do you guys have pleases? Yeah. Because it's nice to say make your way down. Yeah, it's nice to say that. Yeah.

And then are we thinking... 134 people in the bleachers. Done. That sounds like a good number. Yeah. Was that Price's Right numbers? Do you know how many was in the order to Price's Right? I don't know.

I reckon it was that, Pete. So Price's Right was here as well? No, not. Deal and no deal is here. Should we get one of the early season Fembots to have a briefcase? From the deal or no deal? Yeah, well how? What do you say?

How they... I don't know, mate. We're figuring out the format. But for one of the prizes, maybe we could have... Maybe that could be one of the games. Yes. Featuring, you know, one of the golden briefcases. Just a quick game of deal and no deal.

Two briefcases. Agreement or no agreement. Two briefcases would be fun. It's just like a very, very quick round. A quick round of two briefcases. Yeah. Yeah. And you got a prize.

If you get it wrong, you get close to the tip-in point. Yeah. Could we put a plank over the pool? So it's sort of like a pirate's plank and that's the tip-in point. Do you know what I mean? I just keep walking along. You've got to keep walking and then we just like tip people in. So there's a fun way to tip people in the tip-in point.

Helping safety is going to be an issue. A mere hurdle. I can Tony's over there texting the lawyers. I like the pushing aspect of man-o-mano-man Yeah, the pushing aspect is great. So do they friends like, do you come down? Is that Jack's role? Oh, I can be the pusher.

Yeah. Once I've bought the prize in and gone, for example, and one of the prices isn't this, but like gone, it's a jetpack, right? Once I've done that, which I probably need to be over there a bit more because we want to kind of be bringing them in and out of the loading bay.

You'll wheel most of them in? Maybe, yeah, on a pallet or something. Yeah, that's a nice idea. Yeah. So someone can drive in your next prize on a pallet, We'll make the pelt look nicer. But then once it's in, then I guess we're into running the game and then, yeah, Jack can be the pusher.

I guess is that mostly how it happens? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think, I mean, is every game someone going in the pool? Yes. It's okay. So we've got to come on down. I think you play games to avoid getting closer to the tip end point. I think the losers go in the pool

and the winner stays dry and gets a prize. Right. And then the losers get a great story to go, you know, the pool from man-o-man. From 30 years ago, I've been in it. Yeah. Okay, okay, okay. We could just make it a prerequisite for entering

is you have to be able to swim. That's what you don't worry about. Yes, send a video of yourself swimming. We should actually send a video of yourself getting pushed into a pool when recovering easily. Would that help the lawyers, Tony? If all audience members could send a video of them being pushed into a pool and showing that they recoveries.

Yeah, with a document and waving. A waiver will be... And then they sign. Then they sign. That'd be fine. That's how the lawyers would run it. So no one's used the pool on a television show since Mano Man. Yeah, correct.

Oh, it did get used for a movie. Don't worry about that. What movie? Rado Man, the movie. What of Nicholas Cage is. Oh, Ghost Rider. He was Ghost Rider. Ghost Rider used the Mano Manor.

So was Nicholas Cage in the pool? Yeah, I think you won. Oh. So that's also an incentive. If you lose, you're going to chance to be in a pool that Nicholas Cage has been in. What a dinner party anecdote? For people that haven't listened to the podcast, we're like, sorry to interrupt, Kevin, and tell us about your promotion in a second.

But does anyone remember the game show Man-O-Man from the 90s? I've been in that pool, so was Nicholas Cage. Fair to say, the pool revelation had got me very excited. Yeah, and fair to say, whilst I was also excited, it did raise a few new logistical challenges. Within the stands, do we have a wet section, and it dries, actually, like, once you're in. I think we're just going to bring your own towel,

or we have volunteer army, like 10 to 20 towel boys and girls, men and women, who will be toweling off. You mean people to come in and towel the stage? Yeah, just keep everything dry. Maybe there's just got to be a path to get out so it's not a wholly wet studio.

Yeah, like at the basketball when the kids run out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or what if you're in, when you're in to pool, you stay in until the end of the episodes. Until everyone's, we don't stop till everyone. We don't stop till everyone's in the pool. How warm is the pool, do you know? It's not heated.

The heater doesn't work anymore. The heater doesn't work anymore. What if everyone had to come in a wetsuit? Probably a good safe car. Like wetsuit and clothes over it. Are you shooting in summer? Yeah, November. Are you fine.

Like wetsuit but we've clothes over it. Yep. And then, because we like the idea that like, you know, the game's not over till everyone's in the pool. Mate, it's going to be cold. Yeah, it's going to wet suit. Yeah, the studio's got a heater. Yeah, that'll help.

Well, I mean, it's kind of like the, I don't know if you've ever been to a swim-up bar, but it's self-heating water probably after a point. Yeah, no, I reckon we're doing away without a state. All right, get him out of the point. Let's go ahead. All right, we're hitting the control room. It seriously is like NASA.

There would be around 40 TV screens. I would say 400 buttons. There's a lot of comms. And essentially this is where every camera gets fed and someone has to decide what actually goes to where. What's the biggest show as far as how many cameras you've done? Because you can patch in a heap here. Well, they've done test matches in here, haven't they?

Do the AFOL remotely from... How many can you? 30 plus cameras. 30 plus cameras. Yeah. Can we share something with you? As we were talking about this couple of days ago, Jack goes, oh, when I was at uni,

he did vision switching for what, Was it, Jack? I did a film and television diploma at TAFE, and I can, well, it looks a little bit different to the one I used 20 years ago, but I have been educated in how to switch from one camera to another. What chance would Jack have coming in 20,

from a 20-year-old TAFE technology standpoint, to now sit in that chair with no help? Jump in now, go. Come in a look, see if you can do it. Was it money well spent for your X degree? First thing I can tell you is it wasn't, This big, the one we had in Collingwood. I mean, to describe it.

To describe it for everybody. If you had to push one button. Imagine you took your favourite niece or nephew to NASA, and they had to launch a space shuttle. There'd be over 200 buttons sitting in front of it. All right, Jack. And a lot of what looks like gear shifts. Okay, the gear shifts, I do know,

that fades from one camera to another. Yes. That's great. What else do you see, Jack? And just, by the way, I can read as well. Yes. So just going, well, one says Prev Bank, one says Emmy one split, Emmy one Zoom.

That doesn't really count as anything because I can read that. Yes. I thought it would come back to me like riding a bike, but nothing's real coming back. What show did you vision switch? We had to make our own show, and actually they needed people, so amongst the students, we made our own show,

and they needed someone to be the presenter of the show, and I wanted to be the presenter. so I actually didn't spend too much time in the booth. I cannot believe you thought you were going to sit in here and make this a director show. I mean, what did you guess, Jack? Because I think Hamish and I can make an educated guess. Literally, what would you press to make the main feed be camera one? All right.

I don't even understand enough to ask the question properly, but like where would you start? I don't know. Like, there's about 20 different zones with each that have their own. 20 buttons, and I wouldn't even know which zone to start. But I would press... I'd press home. Can I press home, Pete? You can, but it's not what you want to do when you're on it.

Oh, yeah. And then exit to get back to the main menu. Audio through here? Audio, yes. Yeah. And we're going to make sure that... We'll obviously not push any microphones in the pool. No.

So the tricky thing about the contestants is a lot of it will be boomed because we won't have... We don't have mics on people when they're at the tip-in point. play the game and if you lose we quickly demike you and then you're over to the tipping point and from that point you boomed. Well you're not going to be a first position and they bring people out. I think it was no like no takes. You were just full going live.

Yeah, that's true. You're right. I mean a live game show doesn't, how much does it add? I don't think it had any. I think what it does is just try to put more pressure on us. Yeah. We do like putting us under pressure so we can then laugh. at each other when we fail, but I think

for the good of the viewer, we should aim to have some cut points and transitions. So we can quickly demarc someone now we've got the thrill of someone falling in. We didn't have the pool when you said that. Didn't have the pool. Back then it was like sort of a more of a daring stage play,

but now it's a production on par with Nicholas Cage's Ghost Rider. There you go. The tip-in point. Tis-in point. I mean, it friggin writes itself, to be honest. Do we know how the mechanic works? Not really, but I mean, just based off, you can tell the excitement, we can all feel it.

You get stuff right. Yeah. You move away from the pool. Yeah. You get stuff wrong. Yeah. You're in. You're going to get closer to the point where you're tipped in.

You're tipping point. Yes. And we were, what about this, Ando? Even if you've won something, and again, this is still a work in progress. But if you win something on the show, once you're wet, that's all you get. What a great slogan. Once you're wet, if you're in the pool, you know, you're out. You're out of the game.

In pool, out of the game, once you're wet, that's all you get. We will have more details about how the game actually works, but also how... The game can't stress it enough. The idea is the easy bit, Jack. Now we must do that. And how you guys can all be involved and be a part of the show. in future weeks. Expect a flood of updates incoming,

but that was a critical step that we just took. Last week on the show, I revealed that Beck wanted a proper security system for the house because she'd get scared in our house. And then since then, during the week, so many people have can't have got a course. I get scared with, like, too many windows and stuff. And I think...

Oh, yeah. And it's, I mean, Anda, you're building a castle. I mean, in olden days, kings would have an arson. to protect them. But it's just, you know, it's just you two and the dog. So you need something. Yes. And when we talk to the security system people, they said, what do you want to do once they're in,

a criminal is in the house? And there was discussion of whether we wanted to trap them or not. And also what do we want to play them? And I didn't realize that we could play something. Yeah. And he said, you can play whatever you want. So I gave you both the task of giving me a song. And whoever wins this will be,

the security tape as to what will be played to a criminal if they get in. I think we're going to play mine first. And from memory, the stamp when I've written this from, Ando, is that, correct me if I'm wrong, but it's sort of like they can get sealed in a section and then kind of like encouraged to leave through a certain path. So it's sort of like the doors that would leave to, you know, more of the house are like sealed off panic room style and they're kind of like, is that it? Yeah, and then this song could be, I mean, if you've chosen going down

that path somewhat directional to the criminals and instructional. I think I've made a few references about how to now please leave. Okay. Okay. So you arrived at a castle now you're stuck in this abode. The robotic systems activated intruder mode. You played on the Gulf Simon Road on the dogs. floor, but then you were locked in with a bulletproof door.

It's actually illegal, hence the alarm and flashing lights, but I hope you had the crime of your life. Please leave. Follow the green lights to exit. Thank you so much. You're not a bad person and you had to shoot your shot. What a juicy target? Look at all the fireplaces.

Don't for bad you get nothing And you're leaving into the night For what it's worth You're the second guy who's tried Please don't protest poo on the couch Like the other guy We hope you have the crime of your life Gonna miss you man

Please leave You know I think you just frame it In the spirit of hey You know, no one's holding it against you. You're a burglar. Of course you're going to have a shot at the big fish. But we got you and we hope you had fun.

But that's the game and we're going to have to get you to go. Don't protest pull on the couch is the only lyric I'm nervous about because it could give them an idea. I think you've got to be honest here, Andrew, and go, look, if someone has been captured here in this kind of rats maze that you're making, this robotic rat's maze, it's going to be the first thing they think. they're going to be disappointed they're leaving with no cash and prizes.

Yes. So they might protest, too. And I think if you just sort of get on your level and go, look, we're all thinking it. We'd rather you didn't. And we're, you know, please leave. Well, I mean, that is going to take some beating. Mine's not as nostalgic as yours, definitely. I feel like when I listened to that,

I felt like all my previous crimes would have flash before my eyes and all the burglaries that left. led to this point. Yeah. Because really, you know, he's thinking, oh, what was the crime of my life?

I'm trying to get in the mind here of a house burglar. And if you are one, yours is surely the grand final. Because it's the biggest house in the world. It's not that thing. It's going, you lost the grand final.

And that's not a nice feeling for anyone. Yes. But you have lost in rules or rules. You're now sealed in. Yep. So try and think of all the great things that you've done. You did have fun at the golf scene.

You may have rolled around the dog's heated floor, but we've got to, you know, that's life. We've got to take our medicine. And as they tell the losing team on Grand Final Day, don't do a poo on the Oval before you leave. Yeah, they probably would be thinking about it. Oh, okay. So, good.

Tough for you, Jack, because you've seen the diver before. You do like a double triple axle with a minimal splash because Hamish did do a good performance. So mine is not as friendly, but it is the same message. it's telling the criminal that it's time to move on now. You must have broken through a window using gusto. Here's the thing no. We need you leaving through the front door

or one of ten doors on the ground floor. Don't be stopping at the home gym or the sauna or the golf sim. You'll be getting in some trouble if you travel through the tunnel. Andy will be okay. Yes, Andy will be okay if you leave today. Andy will be okay. Yes, Andy will be okay if you go away. will be okay, but she came here

on his birthday. Now he's got a hideaway up the top of one of his spiral stairway. No dark on God, she's in a mud bath at the day's bar. You took advantage of a window and he opened for a smoke go. It's time for you to, time for you

to move on criminal. Oh, Stephen. Good. Wow. Wow. Really good, Jack. This is tough. You know what? Could we have some sort of criminal jukebox

where we just keep doing these songs? I also had one that was in the running with, you've got to go now, you've got to say goodbye, because they've probably enjoyed being in a house so much. So maybe Jack and I just keep recording one a week until the houses are done, and then they have a selection of 99 songs.

And then when you meet up with other criminals, you'd be like, which song did you get a game? I got smooth criminal too. I'm going to ask whether there's a system that they can put in where it can be rotated. Anybody else wants to send in a song? What about this?

What about this? If, you know, because you'd obviously have a grid of the house. Yes. What about if they're captured in the front 5,000 square meters, it's Jack's song. But if they're in the back 6,000 and a half thousand, it's my song. And then if they're in any... the 10,000 foot basement. Yeah.

It's just, you just, we'll have another song for that. And you might even, the house is so big, you might get one criminal robbing the front while you got another criminal rubbing your back. You might have two tracks. Two tracks, because otherwise the noises will be confusing and it would be out of sync and it wouldn't actually do justice to our songs. Enough.

Enough. Jack, last week on the show, we talked about the board game. Yes. Yes. And you made a plea for acknowledgement of, of how hard life is for you. Not I don't know how a hard life is, but just that it's a lot harder to make a board game

than people think. Everyone thinks it's an easy thing to do and it's a hard thing to do. You were facing the uncomfortable resistance of going, wait a second. You found that you were only, you know, less than 10% down the journey of completing it by having the idea.

So you just wanted assurances that not only did we understand that you're about to do a lot of hard unseen work, but you wanted assurances that something along the lines of, for if my memory serves correctly, that we're not allowed to complain, no one's allowed to complain. And I think there was even maybe a request for universal adoration. Yeah, people have missed it.

I've just clipped it up. This is last week. Everybody thinks it's very easy to make a board game, but it's actually very, very hard. I guess what I want from you is an acknowledgement of that. So sorry, you need us to go, we're very proud of you. You're a very special board.

even though you've done no work on this yet. I would like to request one paid assistant. No. Just say you're not going to do it. Just give up. No, I'm going to do it. But then what do you want from this? I want a paid assistant.

No, you don't because you're just trying to get out of work. No, he or she will do some of the labour-intensive stuff while I do the brain stuff. Great, okay. There was a request made for a paid assistant. Hamish and I scoffed at the time, but during the week we thought, well, if the boy, if he thinks this is the only thing that's getting in his way. We're like, could, you know, if we ever want to see any kind of resolution to this arc. You've got to pay money to make money, right?

Spend money to make money. So we were thinking to ourselves, and I like the way that even just listening back to it, you're like, I want one paid assistant, as if five would be outlandish, but one is reasonable. So we thought, all right, you know what? on a trial basis, on a one-month basis, let's grant Jack his wish to see if this like turbo-charges the productivity of the board game mission.

And I was at work, and someone I work with is called Alila. She's a production coordinator, Alibones. Her boyfriend has just finished fruit picking for three months up north to get his visa and he's arrived. Currently he's at 1-800 got junk, picking up junk. in different trucks, but he can afford one day a week to be at your disposal, and he joins us now. Dulta, thank you very much.

This is the first you're hearing about the job. I said, because I didn't really feel like it was Jack, sorry, Hamish and my place to tell you, you're going to be working for Jack. He's a board game mogul, and you need to, well, I guess, well, first of all, hello, and then Jack can tell you your responsibilities. How are you, Dutta, thank you, yeah, good. Yeah, good. Dalta, do you mind if I just put you on hold a second

and have a chat to my colleagues and then I'll come straight back. No problem at all, yeah. Okay. I, he's got no board game experience. But he's an assistant. What did you want? Do you want a professional board game person to come and make it for you?

No, when you said like, oh, I work with Alila, I thought you were going to say, and her boyfriend just completed the board game course. But he's an assistant. Jackie's to carry out the jobs, you're his boss. You're the one that's meant to know what to do. to do with board games. But that's the, he's just a good assistant.

What did you want? Did you want me to get us to go? And we've actually got Jeff Bradley from Milton Bradley, board games. No, it becomes nephew or something. Make the whole board game for you and you're allowed to take the credit. His point of having an assistant is you have all the ideas and clarity on what you need done and then you then pass that on to someone who assists you with a job. That's what assisted is.

Yeah, but you would still look for somebody. You would say on the job application, some board. game experience would be preferred. But he's carrying out your wishes, Jack, that you delegate to him. Put him back up for a second. Hey, Dulta, have you ever played a board game? 90 times.

There you go. Some board game experience. And it's only preferred. That's nice that he's got it. Doleta, would you like to say hello to your boss, Jack? Hello, Dalta. Oh, you? Who are you?

Yeah, good. Jack, what are some of the things that you are expecting from your assistant? Well, I guess, I actually haven't thought about what your first task would be, but it would have been like, it would have been helping come up with ideas for the board game. He can do that.

Well, what kind of board games do you play, Dulta? At the last, you know, risk, monopoly. You name it, I played it. No, that's the wrong, we don't want monopoly. Jack, that's not for us. Jack, he's an assistant. Steve Jobs, he's sitting there. trying to invent the iPhone

going to his assistant. I don't know. What about like a hamburger phone or something? What do you think? What do you think people want? But he would have surrounded himself. He would have surrounded himself with like-minded people. That is,

in certain roles you would, but in an assistant role, their job of the assistant is just to do the tasks. Carry out the tasks that you need done. Okay. Dalta, what kind of roles do you see yourself doing in this job? you're trying to make him give himself you're even outsourcing your managerial tasks

to make him manage himself and you should for people listening to this you should have seen the face Jack gave me up for asking the question he had eye eyebrows and he shook his head I don't know what we're doing you know what we're doing. You should have you asked for an assistant

I thought I just thought I would be able to canvas the people who were applying for the job. Okay, Delta, I'll ask you this. What day of the week can you work? Tuesdays, Wednesdays, whenever I'm needed, really. Okay, and are you in Melbourne? I am, yeah, I'm Bison and Carrison. Okay, and do you drive?

Yeah. Okay. And what other skills do you have? I don't need to drive you. Is that my, okay. No, just like, yeah, go ahead. I'm an expert in banana harvesting, chunk removals, and I have a master's in international history from Columbia in New York. Really? Yeah, so if you want to do a board game specializing in Yugoslav history, I'm your guy.

Okay. It's weird to have an assistant who's more educated than you are. That could come in handy, you never know. Maybe just to help clarify this. When you ask for an assistant, what was in your head that they would be doing that you wouldn't have to do? Well, I thought of that. That idea came to me in a moment, but you were adamant about it, though.

I mean, just listened back to it. You said it three times. Yeah, like this would solve all your problems. Like, there's too much admin to do and you needed someone to help you. I just think, I feel like it's going to be one of those things where it's just easier for me to do it myself. Okay. Is this the strangest job interview you've ever had a do-older

where the boss says, I think it's easier if I just do it myself, but you're still hired? Yeah, it makes me be easier though, I suppose. Jack, would you avoid? Jack, maybe your daughter's assistant. So, Jack, I suppose the hard thing for us here is we've gone and provided you exactly what you've asked for. Doolta is going to try and rearrange his days at 1-800 got junk to spend our day with you

eight-hour day. We're paying him $50 an hour. Eight-hour day. Well, that's what normal people do. So do you want to take Doolta for a week and see how you go? Yeah, let's do one-day probation period. Yeah. So we've fronted him the money and just so, you know, Jack, like we can sort this out later.

but as an expense, because he's your assistant, to get the part of the job done that you promised to do, it will obviously be coming out of your end. No, that will be coming out of the collective, collective. He's your assistant. He's your assistant. I'm paying for my assistant. No, no, no, no.

It will be like, if I was paying it out of my own, then I would just go and get someone who had board game experience. We'll go do that then. No, no, no. This is what it should be, I think. and this goes for all costs of the board game here on 4th. Just saying 4th doesn't make it legal. All money spent on the board game will be noted

and then anything we make from the board game that will be deducted from the profits that we take. We don't agree. No, we don't agree. If expenses are approved by the board, which is all three of us. Okay. Well, what do I do?

do to double don't agree, like I don't agree with what you don't agree. Well, do you, let's just have this as a shared expense then, Hame. We will, we can, we can accept that. There's going to be, there will be shared expenses along the way. Well, this is one approved by the board being, being the, you got your paid assistant, D'LTA, you can connect with him and work at which day you want him to work next week, and then you can maybe let us know how it went. Okay, Dalta, I'll see you next week.

I'm actually really excited to meet you. Sorry I came across a little cold at the, the start. That's okay. I'll win you over. Yeah, great. Great. How could he not? Yeah, exactly. It's not huge chemistry right now, is that? Well, because he's possibly more. He's not trying to date him. Again, Jack, one of the not what you're saying in a normal job interview. I think you're thinking of The Bachelor. Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week.

Catch up or contribute at hamish and Andy.com.