Hamish & Andy - Hamish & Andy 2018 Ep 11

Episode Date: May 9, 2018

1. Jack the bully2. Learn to surf song writing session3. Andy’s morning dash4. Andy’s morning dash cont.5. Sonny’s birthday update6. Duck Summoner

Алисна, продукт, активы, your internet cos the hay mission and the podcast starts in free 2 sorry, still buffering

1 привет, привет, привет, приветvious, previous, previous? NYEET NYEET! DOS IS Do you know it? This CUSC You do it? I'm saying, you've got the wrong man.

Welcome to the world's most international podcast. Yes it is. Okay, who was that? Well, do you guys want to guess? As we wander through? As always, maybe something vaguely Russian, I see your impression. Yeah, there we go.

It's not vaguely Russian, it's well, it actually probably was vaguely Russian, because, but I was going for an exact Russian. Oh, very good. As we go through, hello, hello, hello, and different policemen in different countries. As the world enters Cold War number two, and we worry about Russian cyber attacks,

Andy, on behalf of the Hamish and Andy podcast podcast is showing that we got no beef with you Russia Don't target us or our service. Well, I was meditating a policeman Yeah, that's really if anything we support your police activities And those of the GRU and your cyber hacking arms where with you we're not with anyone We're not with you. we don't support your hat. I take back saying we support hacking. We're for a hack free world, we certainly aren't trying stones. We're certainly not beginning anything.

So if you're sneaking around our servers right now, listening to this, if a machine, some bots listening to this, turn us off if we're friend or foe. Friend! All very much on the friends. The friends. The friends of everyone. Friend of the world, really?

Not taking a stand I mean, that's government stuff Guys, we're people, I'm sure you've got funny podcasts in Russia We want to hear from them, we want to be friends with them You know, so do not target us We have to head to another international crime first Yeah, we do, and we say friends and we say You know why we say we love the Russian bots and don't target anyone bots

Why you know, let's all drop but if you have to target someone not us not us. Yeah, because She's a piece loving show up me. Yeah, yeah, and we we choose we choose seeing them having a laugh with people Oh, yeah over Singling people out and perhaps in extreme circumstances the one thing we're dead against is bullying. Now I wish we could speak on behalf of the entire show. We can't because Jack can talk to our attention Jack through the thousands of submissions we've received at Hammershandy.com with people writing in and sharing bits of their life and their data with us. And often they want to participate in a fun way.

Yeah. But sometimes people are forced to participate in and not so fun way. And I'm sure you're aware of this because you do go through a trove of data and that we there have to buy off you because you're a data hoarder. You're a data pig. You're a Cambridge Analytica and we've got to pay

to access your service. I have a scam deal. I have a scam deal out this week. And I thank Hackin and Gideon. We should actually get it from free from my job. Let me just I'll say upfront what you're about to bring up is not true. Well, I think the email that I think you're about you know a man called Riley Knight. Yes, I went to high school with

him. Okay, he has been contacted. He's contacted several times. Yeah. And I guess came to my attention now, but this was a few weeks ago that he contacted us. Hmm. Claiming that there was an incident where you bullied him. Yep. It was an incident in music class, I think he says. Look, and when I, we take this stuff very seriously, he also sent in a song. We've been asking people to send in short songs that in a future episode, we're going to play a whole episode just having songs.

Often people use song as a healing process. Yeah, Alainus Morissette certainly did it for Jagger Little Pill, the album. Have a listen to the song that Riley sent in and you get a mention mate. A bully in high school The coast guitar is so slow So it's really a goat you there, Ted. Well, that's bully Well, is it? Yeah, it is It's actually facts Because you are a Bitcoin weasel You won't finish your house

And you were bullying Huskies So he claims, but Jack, we're not just going to take his word for it We got in early this morning We never really, because he's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He's in Scotland. He any they may be giants on listening for just the first three seconds. I also think we want to test

the future. We want to test the future. I also want to know how you won five thousand dollars by cheating on a channel seven games. But again, that's not there's a lot of need. There's a lot of need on those don't you. What a lot of time to get across. You it's I feel like we're at a fancy function and you're a plate of chicken wings. I don't know which one to develop first but there is one chicken wing we need to eat. Yes. All right.

The last claim. And I quote, I went to school with Jack. Jack once bullied me when I was busting and the toilet was locked. You do mention it in your song as well, the bullying incident. We talk bullying very, very seriously here at this show. We want you to know that Jack can't hear this Riley.

Yes. Not here. Are you kidding? No. We'd never put the victim in front of the perpetrator. It's heckly. I appreciate it. I appreciate the fear of safety that's been put up here. Just do it again. Exactly. You'll just bully you again.

I mean, you've had to flee to Scotland to get away from it. It's pretty incredible that you've gone to that link. And so, just letting you know, you're in a safe place, talk us through the incident. Well, so look, Jack, you know you've been a bit of a bit of a music that he was it was kept in the band you know playing guitar with both hands and you know trombone and at the bottom of all sorts of stuff you know i'm going to go out the top okay let's keep the bullying

one way sorry i realize you know i'm going to I'm like, oh, it's so hard to do. I'm actually passing it. Can I go through to the toilet like that? And she's like, oh, mate, I'm in the middle of doing this. I'm like, yeah, can I describe the cases that are right? And she's just looking at me like I've got to. And Jack, who's sitting there in the front row, he's going to be like, you're tired, mate.

He's having a good ol' gigal. He's having a good ol' gigal like that. And I just remember that we easily little laugh that he had. And it's so easy, I mean, he's been 15 good all-giggle like that and i just remember that he's but that we easily little laugh that he had and it's totally true i mean it's just a new thing he's a good he was actually very embarrassing and i was the other one had hung in shame and i had to you know to go to the other end of the the school up to the toilet box it was still like the other end of the school but i do i do really distinctly remember

no thanks jackpot having a good all-giggle at me when i was there with my legs trot and i read faith and just by totally telling me off. I'll be honest, I know. Giggles can be bullies. Don't giggle. A giggle, a mischievous giggle in when you're that vulnerable, that can cut deep and he's done a horrible thing. Yeah, Zazini. He's done a horrible thing. And we'll bring this up with him.

And you've come to the right, finally. because as soon as I heard he giggled, yep, my jaw hit the ball. Yeah, no, I bet. Cause that's not on. Yeah. And if there's one thing we don't do on the show, it's giggle at someone who's in a vulnerable position. No.

I'm going to die. And he's never done it. Any ask, why have he's pet hate? Ah. No. Riley, here's what we're going to do. We're going to take this charge to Jack. Yep. I would turn to have that we give him the right of reply.

Yes. What we might do actually is you wrote a song about him bullying you. We'll give him the chance to respond in song. Yes. I feel like that's true, fair. And look, can I just say, like that song was part of the healing process for me.

I didn't want to like lash out in that way, but. That's a really beautiful song. May the 30 seconds of tomorrow's does the same thing. A lot of bands do it. Yeah, it's a hit, you know, you bonaveir went to the woods to exercise all these demons. Freeze first album. You've done that. Mitch Jenkins in you, you look at me. Isn't Lyric a bonaveir? Lyric the jumps to mind. Um, yeah.

Raleigh, well done. Really appreciate it, Raleigh. Really quickly had you win $5,000 by cheating. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,'d you win $5,000 by cheating? No, no, I can't. I'll have to talk to you about that. You two are actually not rolling. This is a very, very good story. Okay, we'll pick that one up. We've got to stay the task of hair. What game show was it? It was $1 million a minute.

Interesting. Thank you. We'll get back to you on that. Thank you, Raleigh. See you, Raleigh. Cheers, mate. Cheers, fellas. Good on you. Well, well, well, Jack, you've now heard the charge. Where do I start with that call? How dare you.

I mean, the whole time you've sat over there and pretend to be this sweet innocent boy who's trying his best to build a house. You can go to the guy-busting. Who did we know? You are a vicious giggle. And for all the cream that people who ride into this show like I put on their stories.

Don't try and deflect the situation. Don't try and get misinformation out there. The charge is you believe him. And then I look over at Andy, he comes from a school where hanging somebody from a goalpost from their underwear was probably... So yeah, the teachers would do to the students, probably. I mean, you and your friends. Yeah, but we never giggle. We never giggle. We never giggle. We never giggle.

We never giggle. We never giggle. We never giggle. We never giggle. We never giggle. We never giggle. We never giggle. We never giggle.

We never giggle. We never giggle. We never giggle. We never giggle. We never giggle. We never giggle. We never giggle. We never giggle. We never giggle. We never one week, Jack, you're all right. One week. Respond in some next week. Has Closed on to first.

Huge news, him. Big news on the front of the surfing song. James Bay. British Superstar and all-round global nice guy is on the show next week. Responsible for these songs. Whatever the middle can go right, all back through the show. Good singer. Great singer. And that's exactly what we're in need of for our surfing song. For Bill, we've been listening to the show consistently.

We've been building, trying to build up a list of lyrics that we can tap into to craft a song. A list of concepts that we can craft very strong. Hopefully, squeeze put it in one end of the machine, lyrics pop out the other end of the machine. So we can have a song written to give to James Bay next week. Kelly Slater helped us last week on the pod.

Lane Beachley, Mick Fanning, have also helped us out. This week, concepts about surfing. This week, in time to get the concept over to James Bay's people, we have to sit down and go right, we have the concept list, we don't have a song, can we write a song, can we get an actual structure of a song?

We met here, we met at the, we came into the founder room here at the radio station, we do the podcast, came in, found a room, I thought the general vibe was gonna be, we sit in here and we just crack this till we crack it. You had come in, it turns out, it becomes clear with other motives of foot, I think you'd put aside maybe 20 minutes of your day to write a song.

Yeah, like I think you had 20 minutes in the building. You had 10 minutes. I didn't realize it was an all day thing. Anyway, it becomes a power, but I don't think it had hurt. Some people take years to write songs. I don't think it had an all day thing. Anyway, it becomes a pound, but I don't think it would hurt. Some people take years to write songs. I don't think it hurt the outcome. And as Ed Sheeran said before, the best songs come to you quickly.

Yeah, and if they're not coming for some, it's the sad session. All right, lyric session one is 6.30 AM. Yeah. Like late afternoon. Late afternoon. Friday. It's like we're preparing a meal isn't it, so we need... How many choruses and how many verses do we need?

I think we will. How many are we catering for here? I think it's five-course meal. Alright, who's coming over? We're going to serve him. James, please. James, please, come over. What are we going to serve him?

Lyrics. Now, what do we got so far? Nothing. Ahhhhhhhhhh! Great. Clay kitchen. Let's rock. Hey, Micheal Andy gave themselves 10 minutes to write a hit song for James Bay about learning to surf. So do you want to start with how you know that feel? Yeah, I like that. So how do you know that feeling? You mate says the waves appeal him. Is that a turn? Yep, okay

is appealing. Is that a turnip? Yep. Okay. Problem. You can't even join in because you don't have that big problem because we've set up the excitement but now I have the conundrum. But you're not going to join in. But where are you going? I'll show it. You can't. You're going to be aggressive. Cool, you're here as a boy. You can't surf. Pause the letter thinking. Yep. Okay, then you worried the mornings are cold, there's one aspect that we want, do you want to get through our getting out there stuff?

Like, then it's like at least a few years, isn't it? Yeah, so like, what about this? You know you're gonna look silly. Yeah. And the air, that's feeling chilly. Yeah, like that. There are any disciplines of surf. Like giving birth?

Mm, could get a few. Okay. Like giving, like giving birth. Could give you a few, okay. Mums off side. Yeah. Is that because he's not as hard as me? Yeah. Just having witnesses please. Okay, sure, sure. No point Ginza, yell out, I wish I was surfing.

No, I think God, I'm not surfing that hard. I think God, I'm not getting ready to go surfing that hard. Cool. Column first. Yeah. Your body feels old, like Column first. I'm not getting ready to go surfing that's harder. Um, Colin Firth? Yeah, your body's old, your body feels old, like Colin Firth. This is good, this is good. This is really good. Yeah.

Famous surfers Mick Fanning, Lane Beachley and Kelly Slater all gave advice that Hamish and Andy tried to include in their song. Which way is it wet so zip up? Have you checked? That's good. Remember what we've been doing if it was bad for fun? That's absolutely it. Then I think we have to say, remember the zips. Put it on me at the back.

Yeah. So, do we want to keep with the wet-seed theme, which is you can drive with it. You can drive with your wetty on, with half your wetty on. Yep. How are you enjoying the song? I'm happy. How are you enjoying the song?

And then we put in a bit about a snack. Kelly Slater says, beware, if you have a snack. Yeah. Just like, what about, cause the water's no place for snacks. Yep, that's a good message. They stumbled their way through the verses, not unlike a first-time surfer navigates an unfamiliar ocean, but 20 minutes in, they needed a chorus.

Cause you're a two foot tune, eh? No, no, the two-show-pone. Yeah, can I make this very- Surf and round, the glue. Can I make a brick-beard? The two foot-turning is not in the chorus. No, it's not in the chorus. It's not in the camping in the chorus. It cannot be, the glue. Can I like a brick band? Two foot Tony is not in the chorus. No, it's not. It can't be in the chorus.

It cannot be in the chorus. The song should be called Two Foot Tony. No, it's not. It's not. It cannot be in. Hamish really wanted to get his term Two Foot Tony, which refers to a new surf at getting up on two feet at once, into the chorus.

So he kept pushing the concert with Andy. You know that song by Paul Simon, 50 Ways to Live Your Love? Yeah, just look out the back, so he kept pushing the concept with Andy. You know that song by Paul Simon, 50 Ways to Live Your Lover? Yeah, just slip out the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan. Listen, don't be a 1-N-90, be a 2-foot Tony, get ready to get Barrel Darrell. We're getting a Barrel Darrell.

Right. Get ready to shred Fred, because you learn on a surf. Right, let's get it happening. Don't be challenge I'm and there also when anyone he's their name in a song like thinking becks sister George and and Van Joyce got that whole song George on my mind. She's like I love this I'm lawyer Van Morrison exactly so Noties Tony's Darrylson friends. They're gonna get a real kick out of this. Yeah as his Colin Firth Tony's, Daryl's and Fred's, they're gonna get a real kick out of this, yeah, as is Colin Firth. I thought so, that's Colin Firth.

They were now 30 minutes into the writing session and it became apparent that Andy was ready to finish up. Then we come out, that's chorus. This is good, this is good. This is really good. Well, would we be the first ever song? Well, actually, there's been songs like this before, which just go, verse pre-chorus, chorus, instrumental chorus done. You're getting bored. But getting towards the end of the song, they realize they still had to include the concept they agreed on to have part of the lyrics teach you how to hold your breath. Do we want to say the instrument is for as long as you should be able to hold your breath? That's true. We need that.

What about now, let's practice holding our breath. I'm not sure about it. I don't want it to be the wiggles. No. It didn't go there for a second. No! No! No! Instrumental with a 10 second counter. Back into the chorus. Done it. Done it.

Let me just say we've got everything. Well, we're only going to call Zips at the back of the website. We can wear your wedding half on half off. We can hold your breath. We didn't do playfulness of a child or don't get a yellow board. Fine. Can't put everything in a song. Yeah, great.

You get out of here, I know you're in a hurry. Well, back from the end. Thanks for a few minutes. Do you want to grab a beer? I'll just print it off. Yeah, cool. I'll just, I'll print it off. Yeah, okay, so anyway, this is all. There's not a joke, you were gone.

I was gone. Left, so what we were left with luckily was a brilliant song. That he's lucky for you. And also lucky for James Bay, he's gonna be on the podcast next week. He gets to put that, he gets first crack at putting that to lead to music. We hope he will, we'll ask, we'll ask him.

We haven't, we haven't done it across heavily. No, I think what we do is we're just like, let's just make sure we've got it done. So we can say to them, hey when James comes on the show, and hopefully ask him to put this to music. And yeah, we'll see you guys. We'll just hopefully just corner him and be talk with to say no. Was it so if they just corner him and to be talk with to say no? Hey, anyone out there having trouble waking up in the morning

I've got a sure like you are for you Is this sponsored? Is this an escaphaping? No, I've been doing something every morning to wake up. Yes, which has been really waking me up. Oh, great. It's not having nine month old with a gale, so it's not like, it's not like, like, it snaps you into gear. Right? Right. I'm currently living at Beck's mum's place.

Okay. Right? Because there's more, I should be back there as well. Beck thinks I'm overseas for work. And it's really given me some time and space to get to know her mum. To get to know her mum in a complicated move. No one's ever attempted before. No, we'll get my house painted.

Oh, lovely. No, everybody else painted. So I'm in day six. I was staying in a big... That's a long-paint. Yes, the whole house inside. How big is it though? I thought it was like everybody else's. Yeah, I know, but is there a secret area? Or I don't know about it?

Because I mean, say your house is probably 180 to 210 square metres. Yeah, but there's some tricky bits to get to. Highs the high c- I've had you. They've taken you for a ride mate. And then there's some hand stuff. We need to do you know that they're watching Foxdale 100% they're playing golf They're playing PlayStation golf and watching Foxdale Anyway reading all your books. I'll be in today's six and I'll go letters. I write you to hope you hit my letters two days That's private that stuff. Okay. I've got two days to go. You hide my letters. I have hidden your lips

Two days to go. Do you hide my letters? I have hidden your letters. Thank you. Two days to go. I pay paint. Tonight's day paint. English includes the weekend, so it was five business days. Thank you. Okay, anyway. So you're a backspirits house. Backspirits house, right.

You know I like sleeping in a nude. I do know that. And a detail in several of my letters. I do. I do. And when I wake up, it's the bathroom is between Bex Bedroom and her parents bedroom. Right. Oh, so it's a, it splits the diff. Yes, down the hall. So every morning, I can't be bothered putting pants on. Yeah. Containing. Yeah. And I go a dash, and I tell you what, the adrenaline

of maybe getting caught. How excited do you get with the adrenaline? Oh, no, not that level, Lisa. Not that level, you might knock a vase off a... Oh, the number of a tail. I know you've done it, Bill. I respect the bell. It's not all thinking of any knocking a vase off the table as he runs down of the table. I know you've done it, Bill. I respect the bell. It's not all thinking of Andy knocking

your bars off the table as he runs down to the bathroom. MUSIC Sorry, Andy, really quickly. I respect the bell. I won't go back to what we were discussing. You're just saying you're a backstabbed parents house. Six days. That's a long time to beat your in-laws.

Yeah. Jack, how long have you been making your wife live at your parents house while you allegedly build your own house off YouTube? LAUGHTER I was just a quick, just a number. Yeah, it's a few more than six days. It's probably coming up. It's been over a year. Your wife married you. Yeah, but she had no idea that you're waiting.

You promised Giancarlo her father, that he's name. Yes, not bad for me. Very good. You promised Giancarlo I will joke a joke. And joke very quiet. You promised Giancarlo I will take care of your sweet pedal. I will take this. I will save there. With the help of these two people over here.

I and my team of accommodation specialists will provide shelter for your beautiful daughter. And meals. And no cost to myself. I shall never incur a cost, but I shall be there also enjoying the same treatment and love occur. And we thought it was weird at the time didn't we? And it makes sense. We thought my combination's specials. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. Pull your socks off. And a very, very big weekend coming up. Yes. This podcast will go out on the day of Sonny's birthday. Yep. But as it sits, we saw a few days out from the weekend, where I will be creating this year's cake.

Yeah, I wondered whether this is going to come back around because... Back, it's back, baby. No, no, as in you've already told us that you're going to make a ghost bus to slime a cake where people could press the back of his head, kids could press the back of his head. Up to that.

And Green Slime would spew out. Creme fresh. Creme fresh would spew out onto their bowls and they come back and put cake on top of that after they cut the slimeer. Slimeer will fill your bowl up, then we cut Slimeer apart, he's the cake, fill your bowl with the cake. By and large, that is still the plan. I will be operating a high pressure cream canister from behind Slimeer's head, building a pipe into his head sort of enters at the nape of his neck.

Right, he's very high, he's slimers, he's just the bloc. So the kids don't get the interaction now that you just, you don't have to. I just have to put a button. Because of the way I bought the canister, because of the way it sits, I'll need to be behind. They won't mind. And they'll have a front-on view and the Creme Fresh will spew out as slime as mouth into the bowl. It just seems like when we saw the architect originally we're like, oh that looks awesome. I love that the windows that high and that extra wings beautiful have come back and there's no windows

and there's you know some brick work. There's definitely a lot of windows. This seems like it's still one of the greatest cakes of all time. I'm not saying it'll be a full-yetable pipe, but if I wanted to, I could make a waffle pipe. But it doesn't need to be any. It's got a plastic pipe. It's got to maintain that pressure is this line. Jets through the back of his head, travels through pasty spinal column.

Have you practiced with the percanister and the pipe yet? Yes. How's that going? Not bad. OK. I need to go to Bunnings today. After we do this, to get another pipe. Yes. All looking that going? Not bad. Okay. I need to go to Bunnings today, after we do this to get another pipe. Yes.

All looking good though. You're gonna build it on Friday night. Yep. We're gonna make the cake and do all that Friday night. Hado, our mate, who helped me build Mac last year. He's back in. I'm actually so confident this year that I've scheduled in a pizza dinner first.

We're gonna catch up. And over dinner, go through some of the sketches I've made for the cake, finalize the plans. And then by the schedule I've currently got, 9.30, we start making, we're done by, sort of 10.30.11. Now you're buying the pre-made cakes again, and just topping it up. I'm buying the ingredients.

No, you're making the cake. The ingredients have been bought by a cake maker. We're making this again. A builder doesn't roast his own bricks, he'll kill, he buys the bricks. I know. He still builds the house, we give him the cake. The ingredients have been bought by a cake maker. We're making this again. A builder doesn't roast his own bricks in a kiln. He buys the bricks. He still builds the house. We give him the credit. So you're getting a cake and you're molding a cake.

I am making this cake. The cake didn't exist before I interacted with it. It's done. After I... After I interacted with it, it existed. So how did it happen? I made it. No, it's been made.

You've made it a different shape. Mate, I've got a cake at home at the moment. Just happens to be eggs, milk, you know, they're floating green. I suppose the ingredients. No, that's not a cake yet. That's eggs and milk. Yeah, but it's still there. It's still on the planet. I mean, it's a very fine line to you. Very, very fine lines that you're choosing to draw. Your cake construction. I'll be making a cake. Yes. Build a makes a house. I'm making a cake. You mold a pre-made cake on Friday night. Let me ask you this. You've made music with your band. Did those notes exist before you made music? No I had to play them. So you invented new notes. Oh you just do notes. An ingredient is a

note. The music itself is a note. Cake is a note. Cake is a note. There's so many other factors to this cake. Eggs is a note. You can put your notes together to make a cake. Oh, did you make the egg yourself? Do you buy the shell, the yolk, and the white? You can just keep doing this really.

Do you raise the chickens? I didn't really get an egg. What I'm saying is, and I think we're all in a grant here. I'm making the cake. Now, the report of the cake will be on next week. Okay, good. It's gonna be terrific cake. There's a few logistical hassles.

I don't wanna use fondant again, which is a type of icing. I used it last year as a bloody nightmare. I wanna go for more of a buttercream this year. Who knows how that will turn out? I'm quietly confident. I gotta ask you one more thing about the actual birthday.

Sunny, as you know, say you say it's birthday is on Thursday morning. Are you busy on Thursday morning? Depends. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha main gripes is, when I turn stories at night, often batman's involved, he loves batman. And I like to rope him into the story, I like to go, you know, sunny and batman were doing this or whatever, you know, trying to stop the Joker from stealing all the ice cream from the shop. And something will go, yeah, but it's not real. This is just a story. I've never really met batman. I'm just meeting him in the story. So I've bought him a batman

utility belt for his birthday. I'm going to give it to him and go this is from Batman. I'm telling him Batman's got him a present. Okay. I, here's my plan for Thursday morning, the morning of his birthday. I take one of the back gadgets off the utility belt. Okay, here's the present from Batman. I know it's missing a back gadget. I get a call from you. I won't let him see the screen. It doesn't really matter. He can't read it. Oh, it's Batman. He's outside. Okay, great You walk up to her front door. Yeah, now don't say much. Okay, because he knows you. Yeah I've got a Batman suit coming like a good one film quality. Oh, it's not a bit shitty Don't you go bail like oh, yeah, we'll iron it real low. Okay, and I want you to do black. I

Mask oh my black makeup and I'm around panda eyes because That's really sales Batman when you look at the movie. Yeah, he does black I don't know how he has to do it. Yeah black makeup and exiles You're outside waiting for my call Now he you just come and go I left something out of the present because he's just always on my case He's never met the real Batman. Great. So this is kind of helping me out to get him off my case I told you that you know, I told you the real Batman good to come. You just bend down heavy birthday sunny. Yeah. You get out of there. Okay. Yep. Don't let him follow you. Because I know you're

driving a rental car at the moment. He'll be expecting the Batmobile. Okay. Just say something like don't, you know, I'll tell him don't go off with urgency. Well, you know, we live up in alleys. Yeah. So just go, I've got to get out of here. But do you want me to run off with urgency? Yeah. If you say something like, don't follow me, the bat movie is going to start up and there's be too much fire. Stay here, be safe with your dad. And a happy birthday.

Yep. I'm already worried I'm going to give you too many lines. Will you refine the script? And yes, I'll do it. Don't say too much because it's a real knife edge here because if you go, hang on, that's Andy. We'll play in the hole. Don't worry, I'll get, I'll, I'll,

Well, you know I'm mostly picky because you's Andy. We've blown the whole thing. Don't worry, I'll get, I'll, I'll, I'll, Well you know I'm mostly picking you because you cheekbones. You've got the bail like phase and the suit will make you look muscular. Yeah, that, that, that is one thing I'm looking forward to. The only worry I have, Jack, is this is a prank on me. This is like, I just need home to like, No, this is, this is making dreams come true. But what's the worst he can do? Ha, ha, you dress as Batman.

And take a photo of you. Why is that your phone? That is pretty funny. I mean, the next week I need you was wonderful. You're in? Great, great. Hey, exciting stuff, because last week on the show, a lady came, Kate, well, you bought her forward, but she came forward after being backed, because she, on the show, a lady came, Kate, well, you bought her forward, but she came forward after being beckoned,

because she, on her valued and important podcast of form, it filled out a special skill that caught our eye. She's written in and she's gone, look, I've got a bit of a special skill. I can actually summon ducks. Oh, wow. I have such a hell of a good duck quack on me. They'll come to me like the magic carpet

being summoned by a laden. Now that was to me like the magic carpet being summoned by Aladdin. Now that was a skill we wanted to see with our own two eyes. We record the podcast in Melbourne. It was quickly decided that Kate, who lives in Sydney, would fly to Melbourne. We would find a suitable test ground and duck heavy situation. Yes. It turned out to be a part of a park like. Yes.

Home to, I'm going to say, over a thousand ducks. Yeah, absolutely one of the densest inner city duck populations You will find on any of the mainland or Tasmanian capital cities. I'm not sure if that's that much But it's it's back at there's I would back that I think there's swamlands or national parks with a lot more In the city in the capital cities. Yes, but it's so duck heavy if we didn't live in Melbourne I would have chosen to go there anyway. Just to see it. To go and see the Albert Park Lake ducks. Now it's crawling with ducks out there.

When you hear someone has a superpower like that, it gets very exciting. It's exciting, Dayham, Kate's her name, and she is there. Duck, the bug, the bug. Or we, we have been pumped to go and see how the duck summoner goes. And let's be honest, now we get down to brass hacks in today's buggy. Because for most listeners of the show, this will be known as the duck summoner episode. Yes. And they would have heard last week, that's what they've downloaded this week for. Yep. The rest has been fluff. Yeah.

A buffers back to us writing a song. All the love the song. And we took Jack Bull, Jack bullying someone very seriously. We do take bullying seriously, respect to my son's birthday cake, but the rest has been fluff. This is the good stuff. Yes, this is where we find out if the duck summoner could do her job to set the scene and us.

We met the duck summoner this morning. Yep. We went to Albert Park Lake, the location, quote unquote crawling with ducks, H-bake 2018. Floating with as well. Floating with them? Yeah, hard for a duck to crawl. Yeah.

I suppose you could use wings and legs. And it was, you know, we'd loosely mapped out from last week's episode how we wanted to do this. We wanted Kate to stand inside some sort of perimeter and to summon the ducks to her using her quacking noise. We said she'd get them within a three meter radius of her. Yep. She'd be the victor.

Yep. Hame, you had organised some outfits for us to kick things off. And I also had the eight coin coin. Hame, shani coin. This is the first chance anyone's had to win an eight coin coin. I couldn't believe that this was on the line. Well, this is the most effort we've been to to test someone's skill. Hey, Mission Andy, meet a duck summoner.

But before we can watch the duck summoning of the duck, and when we were talking about this in the show last week, we agreed we would need to be here to witness the duck summoning, first hand, but we also don't want, at the end of the experiment, we're not lose, we're not going to cate the duck summon at a turn around and go, oh, you just waited the duck or you distracted the duck, so we have to be, we want to be in duck hunting gear. Can I flash? Can I flash?

Can I set the scene here? Set it up while I get the gear. Albert Park Lake, this obviously the premier event that would happen at this venue. I'd imagine that the Grand Prix would pale in comparison to what we're going to put on today. Grand Prix is the second most important thing to happen at this location. The Grand Prix, they don't like camouflage. In fact, one of the big rules about the cars is, got to be able to see you. Yeah, exactly.

You want to be able to see you mate. For A4 and there's some of E-Ruts and there's a car driver, camouflage car. And B for safety. Yep, there's so much high Vs. Yep, so much high viz. We're going low viz. Low viz. No viz.

No viz. No viz. So what have we got here? You were in charge of our viz. I went to Army Disposals and got us sniper suits. Oh, they're great. Gilly suits. They're fantastic.

Not cheap. No. But I wasn't. They're no less than worth $170. Not too pricey. It is worthwhile. There is not worth it. Can you put a price on distracting a duck?

Can you? Because I could. A thousand dollars. I've explained to you that this is a podcast now. We don't have the same amount of money. We've already flown her down to some of ducks. I appreciate the explanation. And I said to you, respectfully disagree.

I said let's just hire them. Respectfully disagree. You can't's just hire the respectfully disagree. You can't hire them, they're sniper suits. Okay. We could have put a call out to any snipers out there that we could, if a sniper responded, they'll file the first roll of sniper school stay invisible. And I, I'm in this guy.

What yours? Yours looks better than mine. What yours? Price on yours. 200 dollars. So, change out of 400 and we're completely covered by cheap. Why are you getting them? Why do you get me a $30 worth one? They have one of each. They don't have one of each. And then when you achieve it. We're both the same lump, the ducks will get suspicious. This one was slightly different. You've got a 3D forest cup, or more of the jungle cup. I think you're actually better suited to these conditions, aren't you?

You're going to be better camouflaged. I'm jealous. OK, let's get in our suits. What should we meet her before we get our suits? Let's get in our suits. Don't need to be weird for us to meet us. Let's see if they work on us. A few minutes later, all kidded out in our sniper suits.

Well, almost all kidded out. One of us was missing the hood attachment to the sniper suit, which you will hear more about in a minute. We met Kate next to the lake, where she would try to summon the ducks. Hey guys! How's it going? How's it going down? I almost wore that.

That is so lucky. It was this close. We've spotted us. I'm just. Did you see us? Sorry, we were going to do this hiding trick, but I found out in my sniper suit bag that I didn't check the bag when I bought them at the moment, I was in the my hood's not in there, so I've wrapped a rifle cover around my head

with just a really small tantrum, which is I was asked to go back to the station to have a look because where's my hood? I'm just going to spend a lot of joy at money on this and this year times I'll be tired. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, it looks mostly wear scared of distracted adults. I mean, we're all so grateful for you to come. We don't want the test contaminated. Yep.

That's why we're in these suits. How are you feeling? I'm a bit rocky. I mean, coming from Sydney, this isn't my weather. This isn't me. So I'm going to have to acclimatise. You stuck friendly weather today today I like the cold happy the amount of ducks yeah yeah yeah and I'm glad they're quite close I um just

at the scene we are kind of a 10-15 meter back from the edge of Elvapak Lake but we can see easily uh 2.5 to 3 does ducks is there so you've got 30 to 36 ducks just like all you need is one duck to enter their quax zone which is we've laid out in sticks, a square of sticks on the ground. Let's walk the track. You'll be standing in bed. You also did see in my hand cave when we came up an eight coin coin. I wonder it took a while to go from the mince. I mean that's lush. That's beautiful isn't it? We've never handed out an eight coin coin. Look that back nice, nice.

Oh, okay. This is three meters. Yeah. How do we feel about that? Is that okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. One duck in the square. Yep.

You've got yourself a coin. All right. And what about the type of duck? Is this a fine duck? I mean, it's a duck. A duck in the square. Yeah. That's what I mean.

Yeah. Can I put this hand if this one ends up in the square? I mean, it's a doctor duck. Yeah! That's what I'm getting. Yeah. Can I put this ham if this one ends up in the square? There's some swans out there. Does she get the coin or not? It is literally art imitating life with the ugly duckling. I will downgrade it to a one coin coin. A seagull?

No coin. No coin. Good luck. Seagull,? No coin. No coin. Good luck. Seagull, Tana Penny. Good luck. Good luck. We've had government officials frisk you for any bread crumbs or chips.

You are clear, which is good. And you state that you have not come down to the earlier today to build rapport with the ducks. I have not. So they won't mistake you as some sort of pretzel. It's a good idea, don't you? Good luck. We will all eyes on you. You keep, you hold your Good idea, don't you? Good luck, we will all eyes on you.

You keep you hold your mic. We don't want to hear the crack. We've obviously got on camouflage ourselves in the shrubs 10 meters to the side. It'll just be you out here. Everyone will move back. And we're about to see either something incredible or a giant investment in sniper suits

one of which won't even contain the head mask. For no reason. For no reason. No pressure. Good luck. Excellent. I'm just going to stand in the middle.

You can stand at the side of you. If you think you've got a better chance, one of the thing will say is no hurting. Has to be vocal-looring only. All right. We're off to our hiding. Done. I'm just going to have to warm my hands up.

So 10 minutes was put on the duck summoning clock. We retreated to a small patch of bushes, a short distance away, so I was not to speak the duck, so we were perfect with camouflage. And we waited to see if Kate could summon one of them into the duck zone. Right, we are now for your 10 meters away from Kate.

It's actually warming her hands up here. What's all that about? That's right. Come on, you beautiful. Oh, she's doing it. Is she? She does it through her fist. Okay, she's doing it in any sound now.

Oh, she used that to her. That's her. She fired up white dot first. She does it through her fist. Oh, that's her. She's a fight of wake-up, for... She does it through her fist. Oh, there's a camera. I'm joking on the line. At this stage, I have to say it's not good. It reminds me a lot of when you go to a corporate function

and the MC can't get everyone's attention. She... She's... I think I'm in me. That's a human gesture. Yeah. I can't be accused here of being any sort of destruction. We're perfectly camouflaged.

Yeah, perfectly camouflaged. Right now, I'm in a state of need as a way for me. Yeah, I'd have to say I'm witnessing Right now, I think he made his way for me. Yeah, I have to say, I think I'm witnessing a woman trying her out to crack to her dog. Are you getting closer? Yeah, sure. She's getting closer. I hope it went up in the sea.

A desperate cake grabbed a duck, grabbed a beak, and dragged them into the square, because that would break the no-hurting, no physical contact rule. Very, very good. I think she's worried they can't hear her. Well, she's into the wind. Yeah, she's like the wind. She's cracking into the wind. Six minutes had now passed and Kate was not having much duck luck. The ducks are looking at her. The ducks are looking at you. I'm just beginning to dawn on me.

What this looks like if it doesn't work. Which is what we're seeing now. Which is a brave woman. The edge of her lake, Kwekano, guts out. And 36 ducks ignoring her. At a cold windy day. Duck, I want to miss that bite. Psst!

Psst! Psst! Psst! Oh! Oh! Oh, this sucks! Dude! You and me, let's go.

She's actually walked across to the side of the lake and is pleading. This is the final stage, you have to say. And we're doing- She's going for water-based ducks. There's a couple of ducks on land. There are a few more land ducks you could to say. She's going for water-based ducks. There's a couple of ducks on land. There are a few more land ducks she could lure up. There is one coming. Do we tell her? She's seen her. She's seen the land-baits duck. It's still on its course. It's close to you. It looks like a last chance and it looks like it's going to the water.

If this goes in the water, I would say it could be game over. It's just floating with the air, it's kneeling in the water. This is exceptional to watch everybody. Don't get distracted, come on, you can do it. It's now two metres away, two or two three metres from the edge and it's contemplating going back in the water. Would you say it's interested in the noises she's making? No.

This is the moment. This is the moment. If she can get it to turn and start approaching the square, we a legitimate duck summoner on our hands if it dives into the water We have a mad woman quacking by herself in a park. This is the moment Which shows frustration now from the duck summoner. We duck! Come on! It's not my day.

It's not my day. So with only two minutes left in the clock, things were looking quite grim for Kate. Can I have quite a theory with you? She can obviously do a duck noise. She's never summoned a duck. She now finds herself a thousand kilometres from home in a park with two men she has misled. Inks and I episodes, Crats in the Bush is watching her perform what

can other people describe as a giant hail Mary. She does do a skill that she knows in her heart, she doesn't possess. She can make the noise of the duck which is wonderful but that is a different skill to summoning a duck. What worries me is she's stopped cracking and she's now saying the duck's come on. She's using human tactics. She's trying to hit him on a human level. I will never eat one of you again. I promise. Just come this way though. Running out. Duck! She's clicking at her.

I'm not sure if I've clicked in this. I mean, she's got a minute to go and that's... She pulled it off with a cleat. This is a sea girl that's semi-interested coming from behind. Here's what we said at no point. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised at this stage if we sort of vault your land to try and pick over the car because of this dead segment. That's been wait for the clock to run.

It hasn't been a complete waste of time. Put it close. See it's out good. Close the hat. Here we go. Inside the last 40 seconds. Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Oh! I'm trying to bring it home strong. It's a blast. Good on me. That's inspiration. That's beautiful to watch.

That's Reminiscing of every... Every champion. She knows the race is over. She knows there's absolutely no chance of a duck landing in that square. Five or six seconds to go. We just see a quacking in the wind to no one in particular. Let's go pop her out of her misery. With the supportive, so you're disappointed for how we're looking.

Yeah. Um, whatever she knows. Kate, Kate starts up. Kate, stop your embarrassing stuff. Kate, I say give your family your daughter watching on. Call it. I can only imagine my former daughter's sister. Can we get out of the store to tell her when she grows up?

But, um, can we get out of this duck that's come over and look at us now, seems to be the closest. Can you duck? Um, commiserations. In fact, this duck that's come over to look at us now seems to be the closest... Q duck! LAUGHTER Um, aeration, arrogant breed of duck. At what point did you think this was going to be quite the uphill battle? When I practiced last week? Oh right, yeah. And they just, they didn't move.

I see, you went down for a practice and said, OK. But when you wrote to us, you can summon a duck. 100% worked. That one time I did. Right, yes. I will always say that I can summon ducks. Just this one time I didn't. Yes, okay, no twice, because you just told us about the rehearsal that you didn't work in.

Oh, yeah. You can say now that you can summon ducks. Yes. I will and I can every time I summon them 30% of the time. I'm partial duck summoner. 33.3 if we're going to be and they never try again. I just keep those down. If you want to see that's a really valiant effort. Not at all. This is what the skills are all about. Sometimes you're going to lose it. I mean, you don't get an acoin coin. You don't get one. You don't get one.

Full stop. Yes, and also people don't get a... ...finantic gift. And that's... What an honor. You've picked the original plan from Amish, was if you couldn't do it, you had to pay for the whole trip. Would you have called during the week and called it off?

100%. 100%. Okay. Okay. We've got a trip to Bill. Get it? I'm just looking for a bit more realistic honesty and the special skills list. Okay.

I'm just seeing a pattern emerge. That's beginning to worry us. You tried valiantly. I don't doubt that day the duck came over. We can see ducks are done. We're unwound, but it was lovely to meet you. LAUGHTER Apologies.

LAUGHTER LAUGHTER So that is the duck summoner episode. Yes. Can we call it the duck summoner episode anymore? You can, yes. You can, because that's what was being attempted. Uh, you know, even if you don't make it to the summit,

you call it your Everest expedition. And I suppose if we rename it like the duck summoner attempt, people are going to say, oh yeah. You guys know now that you've got to the end of the episode, you know a deep secret, no ducks were able to approach and enter the quax zone. Which we left on the ground, if you're in Melbourne and you're going for a brisk walk

or in Elver Park Lake and you're active where as many appeared to be doing, have a look out for a little square, a stick and bark square that's there on the ground. A sad reminder of another whopper told to us by a listener of this. The main getting to the point where we haven't not everyone's inflated their skills on the form. But as we said there, it is certainly a lesson we're all learning that just watch yourself and the hyperbole on the form.

They can be tested. You will be ordered. You will be tracked down. You will be found out. All of the rumors that if you just make small claims, you know, thank God, I mean, we had, uh, for people obviously listening to the Hollywood episode earlier in the show, Riley, he wasn't exaggerating when he said Jack Boledom. We heard the Jack Boledom and Jack song will be on the show next week. To respond to the fact that Jack giggles when Riley needed to go into a week. Can I just, we walked out away from the contest and Patrick, Kate's husband, walked up with their four-month

old. And it said, was that me good? Didn't really look good for where I was. He was out of ear shot. He was out of ear shot, but you don't. That was very good, Patrick. You don't need to have full audio to notice that no ducks approached your wife who was desperately pleading with ducks to come into

her stick square and You and I I mean video and photos will be up online straight after this. Yeah of us in our sniper suits Minus one head cover It's a pointing there's been a lot of talk from you you as we walked back to the car said look We just bag these up again. You didn't like the fact we spent 400 bucks on Snarkers. I thought we should take them back. Get rid of these galee suits.

Get rid of these galee suits. A bit broken at the top. You like, get rid of these. I want to refund. I'm overruling that. I love the suits. We're going to keep them. I've already had a word to Mike, who was trying to, who was getting ready to process the

refund. I said, Mike, don't listen to Andy. These are good suits. We're going to use them again. You need to use them twice by the end of the year, though. Easy. OK. We'll see you next week, everybody. Oh, it was an absolute. We'll return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamishanandie.com.