Hamish & Andy - Hamish & Andy 2018 Ep 19

Episode Date: July 4, 2018

1. Housekeeping2. It’s a Jump Off3. Tow truck test4. The Ultimate D-Train5. A message from the boys

A list-snap production. BEEP! Activate your internet. Cause the Hamish and the Podcast starts in three, two... Sorry, still buffering. One! Ahoi, ahoi, ahoi! Oh, goodnesshoi!

Oh, goodness! Yes! Welcome! Guess what? What? That is actually hello in a country. And when it came across my desk. A country of the sea.

At 6.008 AM this morning, as I rummage through all the emails, I'm going, what's the best greeting for today? It's actually, it's not the language of the sea it is as well. But the end of telephone. Do you know what part-I fan boring about the podcast? We're Jack and I try and guess the country. I don't think that adds anything in pun refraction. Because who cares? I mean, if we get it right, who cares? And if we get it wrong, it sometimes on us as Valy Raysus actually.

So people can play along. I encourage you to play along. I think it was everyone's time when Jack and I were going. So people who want to play along make it to be the handbrake. They pause it themselves. Yeah, I'm just saying. I'm just saying, pause now.

This is buying time for them. Now come back. And we're taking our ports. Slovakia. Great. And it would have added nothing if we just any flagged correlation or Montenegro, whatever. Yes.

Or Tyna. So no kids. So no guessing from now on. I just think it's a handbrake. OK. And I've been meaning to bring it up off here. Well, it's interesting. No, it's interesting you're doing this hand,

because I wanted to start today's show as we're about to make the turn. We're about to hit halfway for the year. Yeah, aren't we? We were doing 40 years a year. It's important to look back 40 years for 40 years. It was the pledge. 40 for 40.

And as head coach, I thought maybe we should sit down and reflect on past games and work out what we're going to do. So a chance to make the final. First up, him. There's a lot of claims we make that we've made in the first 18 shows. Would 40 years or 40 years qualify as one? So we'll come back to that in 20 years time. We still want to go for 20.

Guys, we're beginning to lag of it and we don't know if we want to do another time. We claim that we're going to do segments and sometimes we let them go. Occasionally I see a little email coming up and go, hey guys, what's happened to this? And I know and you know that we're not going back there, but people are still hanging on. So I want to clear house today. That is a really good idea. This is a great chance to hit the reset button.

Sometimes you know I can't even remember the segments we've done on the show. Prank's a VST. Oh yeah, that just didn't catch fire. Put it in the bin. Well maybe a deal, we never really saw any emails come through that were funny, you know. No, no. And that's the thing.

Okay. But that was, you know, it's a good example. And again, for the full transparency here, sometimes things, I mean, I say some really honest things here. I, something like a pranks of yes here, might be a thing on the radio. If we'd have said call now. Might have sparked someone's attention. You know, nothing better to do in that moment so you call up the radio showing a yeah.

My dad's always came out about this prank he did, but now, modern day, it's pretty lame. The effort of sitting down and writing an email just in catch fire in that way. Yep. I'm gonna say something very honest, this is the very honest bit. Podcasts are far better at contributing than radio calls.

So I don't want this to sound like I'm having a girl podcast. I just think it's a different style and it's a different flavor that the podcast is respond to. And if I had to choose between them, I would much prefer what we get given on emails from our podcastes, far more delicious, far more delicious. But that was maybe an example of something that could have worked better on radio.

Sorry. We did say that we're gonna accumulate songs to play different songs in the breakers from our podcasts. People did send those in. We got a lot of those. There's only really one hand that I thought met the grade. This is from Ben Amble.

Oh my God. My good cap, but you know, I'd say I drink them all all day long. My hands are getting shaky. This is from Ben Amble. Cool, it's a nice song. I have a caffeinated. You know, the caffeinated Ben. 90% of people would send us in just their song they play in their band, or a 10- second clip of it. Yeah, exactly.

So do you want to bend that idea? Or do you want to keep it? I love the songs that came in. That one's probably a bit more on us for laziness because I don't want anyone that submitted a song to think that it wouldn't think they were up to musta. There were some great ones that came in where Jack's bullying song.

Yeah, that was a hoot. Did. But yeah, like that. We can get let it go. Just want to try and rip her these. For a honesty, probably one of those ideas that on paper you're like, oh wouldn't it be fun to say? Yeah. Um, like you know, Ray has shows got songs in them. Yeah. Well, we're a podcast. Yeah. We don't have to explain it. Yes, owner. Yeah. I don't want you to feel like this is having to defend it. I just want to clear it up clear to everybody. I wanted to

talk to the people that submitted things to say thank you for your submission and we love everyone taking the time. But a lot of effort for just being able to say one thing. Yeah, we always appreciate the feedback. Effort and effort. And we spoke to Riley Inbreddin, who accused Jack of bullying him. Yeah.

He also had a point in his correspondence that said he had cheated and won on a Channel 7 Game Show. On a Channel 7 Game Show. Really quickly had you win $5,000 by cheating? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the task of hair. What game show was it? It was $1 million. Interesting. Thank you. Go back to your map. We haven't gone back to him. I do want to get back to him. Yes, I agree. Let's definitely keep that one up. We spent 10 minutes talking about Jack bullying him, which is still with me and I still can't really look at Jack the same way.

We all remember the story. Geekly. Geekly. Geekly. Geekly. I'm going to request that people stop referencing me as a bully on Instagram. I'm asking you a question. And I suppose Riley requested you to not giggle. Sometimes the plays of a victim will fall on deaf ears. Well, hypocrisy is gigantic because people are coming to bully me for being a one-time bully and I said I was sorry Hey, I'm during the duck summoner segment where we flew a lady down to Yeah, some in ducks. Hey, you bought very expensive camouflage gilly suits. Sniper suits, cyber suits.

I thought we could just box something, take them back, this is what you said. You didn't like the fact we spent 400 bucks on snarling. I thought we should take them back. Get rid of these gilly suits. A bit broken at the top. You're like, get rid of these, I want to refund. I'm overrealling that.

I love the suits. We're going to keep them. We're going to use them again. You need to use them twice by the end of the year, I want to refund. I'm overrealling that. I love the suits. We're going to keep them. We're going to use them again. You need to use them twice by the end of the year, do you? Easy. OK. LAUGHTER Now, we see it halfway through the year

and we haven't seen a gully suit used. I want to clarify the... Andy, may I remind you that the way of the sniper is to never, ever, telegraph any future move. Much like a sniper. I know that that request and the requirements there and it shall sit there and you least expected and you'll leap forth with lethal force. I'm surprised you. Literally headshot you with surprise. Okay, so you still stick to that claim.

Oh, I'm almost saying this, I'm not putting this on the record, but every instinct in my body here is to go, we'll use them three times. I'm not doing that. But I want to say that. So easily, it's two more. Okay, that still remains. I think you might remember me bringing this up in one of the earlier shows.

I've got a story that I wanted to tell on the podcast. You may tell it. Thank you for asking. It only works if I use a swear word. All right. I need to use an F. We did talk about the fact that if you dropped the NF and three C's as you later said. I don't need any C's.

Carpet Bombers. You said you were going to Carpet Bombers for C-bombs. We'd have to put the explicit symbol on the podcast. A little E with the square, the square around it. Which so early in the season I was scared it could spook away families who do enjoy downloading podcasts. A family enlisting to it on a rainy Sunday night. I still think we talked about doing an explicit show

later in the year and I think that came back to it. That should still be on the cards. It's on the cards. And do we want to... I reckon, again, I'm worried, I hear you concerns. Do we want to make it like right at the end, like last four shows or something? I don't think it should be the season finale. No, you did well. Maybe it should be the penultimate show.

Penultimate explicit show. Okay, the penultimate explicit show. Bucket of Seabum's for me. Open the Bombay Dores. All right, Andy. On my perusal through the emails this way. Yeah, I found this interesting. You called me. I said, would you be interested in having a jumping based discussion on the show because I found two emails, two bits of correspondence from wonderful listeners of the podcast,

internationally as well. Well, that was a problem. I said, well, let's get them to jump. And you were saying at least it doesn't, it doesn't, it won't work and you'll understand why. It won't work a simple jump off. You know, I as much as anyone love jump off, should be its own event at the Olympics.

It is its own event. Oh, I jump. All the long jump, all the powerful. They've got two four- forces jumping events at the Olympics, basketball and corporate jumping, there are other skills needed. But it's more than a simple jump off hand. And it actually probably requires the gentleman involved,

I think, and they don't really know why they're here. And so I hope this works to plead their case. I'll explain who we've got, waiting on the line before we talk to them. We heard of Adam, 21 years old from Ireland. Yeah. Special skill, can drink a pint of beer in under four seconds, then immediately jump onto a car.

Okay, okay. Because it's a really fast skull. Yeah. And to immediately jump on a car, in my mind I'm envisioning the roof. Yeah. We'll find out. But in my heart I know, these special skills are anything to go by, you have to brace yourself for the bonnet. It also sounds to me like Adam wrote down the pines going thing

and went, for we know enough. Don't study the seconds. I'm maybe I'll add something else to it. We'll find out in a second. William, he can jump over more things than the average person. He's got no professional jumping qualifications. One time, he says, I jumped over a car with a minimal roof touch. So both of these have qualifiers on them. And even more incredibly, I jumped up onto a large rock that none of my other friends could do. Yes, they're both about to join us, Pam,

and it's all part of this. Who's the most impressive jumper of the year? They've both made the claim and they both want the fame, so let's settle it here! Who's the most impressive jump. Adam, welcome to the argument. Adam from Ireland. How are you? Not too bad, you're so scared. How are you? We're very good, mate. First of all, thanks for listening internationally. We do love all our international podcasts. We're at an island, Adam. In the middle, I mean, awfully. Okay. Quite a good spot.

And how accurate we were with the facts as we understand them. You'd skull apart in four seconds. Are you jumping under the bonnet of a car or under the roof? Under the roof. No, you're going to need to bear with me, though. Okay. This car is an Nissan Micro. Still? It still. Okay, okay, this car is an Nissan Micro

Still it still if the if the government will register it as a car you can still legally say you can jump onto the roof of My recollection of a micro-hem it's really length It's longer. Yeah, if you said you can leave a distance of a car the length of a car That would be would be cheating with a marker. But I believe a marker's got a pretty similar height. Yes. Yeah, no, I checked it with my friends because some of them have saloons. It's harder than the few of the saloons. So, yeah. So, you can be telling the top of a Cadillac. Is this a regular move for you? In which case, do you take a marker with you wherever you go? No, I was actually sitting down having a few beers with my friend Plunky and I was ironing up the micro and I said I go for it. Is it your marker? Yeah, it's my micro. It's your marker, okay, good. That's good. I mean, to have that standing by with the skill that you possess, that's very handy. I love the idea that plunkies are going, man, you're not looking at me.

What do you see in the street? What are you doing? I'm just casing out the window at the marker. Well, since Margaret's staring at people, I'm going to go jump on its roof. Adam, it's a really impressive jump. We'll put Adam aside now. He's had the serve and he's done very well. Now to receive, well representing Australia will I

How are you will a hoi I picked you as the overdog here coming into this Because you do state that you can jump up onto a large rock that none of your friends could jump on I just thought I put that into make it sound more impressive Well, will you say the rock is as high as a micro? I'd say tires than a micro. Oh, okay. Shot's fired. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. How, when you say you jumped over the roof of a car, do you remember the model of that car? Yeah, so it was the Toyota Yaris and it's completely over, not onto over. So I landed on the other side. Right. With minimal roof touch. Did you use your hands to propel you over the roof?

Yeah, it was one hand on the roof. So did your feet touch the roof at all? No, okay. Now, where was this big rocky jump up onto? A ponder, so I've gone around the water. Did you see other people jump up onto it? Or are you the first in your recollection to have ever jumped up on this rock?

I like to think it was some pretty cocky so I was like, tell them I can do that. I can do that. And then no one else can do it. So I did it. That's a really hard jump. Adam has been listening to this in Ireland. Would you like to add anything

here, your thoughts on Will's spectacles? He is challenging you here for most impressive jump. Well, I would like to cautiously take the beer out of the equation if you jump the Yaris and I'm a bit right of it. But I think the beer is impressive, isn't it? Well, I think this is harder than you get off the ground. It's another 600. Which I added a beer a month. Well, the thing is, I reckon the problem we have here is I think I think the whole question revolves around how much is it beer worth?

Well, I think the problem for me is we're asking about jumping. Yeah. So the beer is not worth anything. Oh, I think it's rough. I think it was great. I think it was great. He is not worth anything to make it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,zy alcoholic liquid. Yep, you can be disoriented, you can be gassy. He's done it in four seconds. I can't wait to see this thing. Here we go.

Will? Yes. Yes or no question? Do you reckon you could have leapt the arouss after having a beer? Of course, sure. I think that would increase my drunken ability. He's got it. He's got it.

And this was always the danger of doing a hypothetical phone base jumping argument. In the absence of being at a witness, a jump will has got it, but God Adam, you were sensational. You were sensational Adam. Thank you very much. We're sending you a certificate Adam. And you've got yourself a Hamish and Amy coin. Oh my God. Incredible.

I think that was will yelling about the certificate. It's going to be great. We're all going to, we're going to, we're going to, we're going to make an amazing certificate. You'll love it. Thanks guys. Thank you. Thank you.

Ando, question for you. You know our policy towards the parking. Yes. In life. In fact, demonstration. What's this? That's a parking ticket, not like as in a fine. It's just a...

Wilson parking ticket from downstairs. Yeah. We have to get one every day. You've got to put in the machine and pay for it. Yeah. What am I doing to it? Ripping it out. Ripped it up.

And I rip up every ticket I get here every time I park, because what do we do? We ghost people. We just tailgate people out. What game are we playing? The Game of Life. The only game in town. Yeah, I can tell you how. Which is, sorry, they've been rehearsed.

Stop listening to what the parking Nazis would have you think. Yeah, start getting creative. There's not a single car park. You and I have an attempt to degust other cars out of people in front of not to do but if they stop there's going to be an accident. Now I did give it, I bought napping the other week and I got a ding on the roof from the boom game and that is going to happen from time to time. I'm not saying it's a contactless sport. What sometimes can be it's medium contact. And it's a nice little wake up to sharp it up game. And I haven't made the

mistake since. Can I just throw in the mix here as well? Beck was like going, oh, you and Hamish, you're so arrogant and maybe it's the money you don't care. I said, hang on, Hamin, I did this at university. We've been playing this game forever. Where we had nothing, we were doing this. Love Australia. Love Australia. Love Australia.

Payment taxes? Happily. A campaign of them. Okay. I like to cap it at the absolute legal amount. Yeah. This isn't that. This isn't robbing society. This is us going head to head with people who are grossly overcharging for parking and I always have. Well, we put money in a meat at night. No, I won't. I'll play the game.

I'll bank that $2. I'll bank that $3. It will build up. Well, I get stung for a ticket. Yeah, from time to time. They're out there. They'll get you. Well, I win most of the time, yes, I will. Do I think I'm in front? Yes. On money, maybe, on life experience, definitely. And can you put a price on that you can't? So we're ahead. We are ahead. Am I out of rhetorical questions? We'll see. I dare and task. Where I go to, I do a certain type of stretching and strengthening muscular exercise, Andy. Pilates. Pilates. Where I go to Pilates, it's very tight on car spots.

The studio only has two, fascicle. Sometimes it can be up to 15 people in the studio. It's a very densely populated area, an area called South Yarra in Melbourne. It forces you to get creative with car parks. Now, there's only one place I won't park, construction sites. I won't get in the way of building a city. Yeah. But I'll say that.

There I draw the line. I'm with you. So there is a construction site nearby, and I do. And you will never park in disabect disabled parks. No, we won't. Nor for, oh, I would probably park in the police one at the front of the station, but it's bullsing. It's very bullsing.

Yeah. No, actually I wouldn't know you would. It's too much of a slap in the face to the men and women in blue who do an incredible job keeping us safe. So those are the three known o's. Here's a yes, yes. Will I park in an art gallery's carpet?

Yes, I will. Oh, yeah. Of course I will. This gallery, there's two spots for the art gallery too, near the Polaris studio. Now they know that obviously Polaris, there's like five or six shops all next to each other, they all get two cast spots. No offense to the art gallery, but they know they're the least popular shop.

Yes. I'm not saying they don't get customers, obviously once in a while they do, but they must know, they do know, those two carp bucks sit there looking juicy as hell, to everyone that's just circling around trying to think of it. So they've put the sign up, the standard sign, but there's more aggressive than most. Their sign says caution,

the Cust pots for art gallery use only. If you're not a customer parking here, the tow company will be called and immediately arrive. Immediately? Well immediately be called and immediately arrive. Immediately? Well immediately be called and arrive, right? So they're threatening you going, because as soon as you see you get out, you don't come in here to buy a water color, you got it.

Had one of these signs the other day, I don't think it's the same spot, I parked in it. And you got a different ploddish in it. And Beck said, what are you doing, you get towed? And I said, darling, look, how the hell would they get towed? You're not going to get a tow truck the hell would they get a tow truck? They wouldn't get a tow truck in you. We say to my wife all the time, it's impossible.

You get to impossible. It's a tollway. Guys in front of car behind, we're safe. If I see this guy move, all right, maybe. Do you know how hard it is to tow a car? They're not transformers. It's not optimal as prime, that comes in and just picks up the car and throws it

over a building. It's a long and difficult process. And they've got to be sure, if you come back at any point during the time, you can get out of there. It's not like a parking ticket until you're going up on the trailer, you could still rescue you car. So I look at this sign going, you know, will immediately call the towed company and they'll be here immediately.

So essentially they're saying within minutes they'll be here. I call bullshit. I call bullshit. Polaris typical, I usually only grind it out for about 45 minutes in there. After that, my core and lower back have been stabilized and I'm ready to go on with my day. Here's my question.

I would like to call a tow truck company now. Any tow truck company in the loose vicinity of where the Politis is. Right, I do. Pretend I'm from the art gallery. Yes. I've got a guy here parking, I think he's going to the Politis studio.

Tell me, how fast can you get down here? Yeah. And if they go, I'm willing to accept those two as this could go. They might go, yeah, great. I'll be there immediately. I want the money. Or they might go, look, we've got other stuff on.

But they also might go, who pays for the toilet? I think I would have to. But why? Because of the sign. Yeah, I know, but they've painted the sign. Oh, great, oh, great. Yeah. They're just trying to follow the money here.

Yeah. And I think that would be the argument. But you'd go, but I didn't ask you to tow. I didn't ask you to. Who gave you the authority to tow my car? The art gallery signed it. Yeah, I'm not sure. Show me the law where art gallery signs can man down.

Yeah, I don't know where you've got it. Jacob, you got the number for a touch-up company. Yeah, good luck. You ready? Because if it's more than half an hour, yeah. It's a bit of a... Oh, your throat doesn't work. It doesn't work at all.

It's a bit of a... Hello, coming. Okay, my name is Dion. I am from an art gallery in South Yara. Do you tow from South Yara? We do. Yeah, I've got a guy here just looking at the window. He's Parktis Karin, one of my two spots. Yeah, I can't out with that, I'm sorry. But he's gone next door to the party studio, but we've got a sign up that says... Yeah, I understand your frustration, mate. Unfortunately, the Lord has thought about allows us to do that. But we're best of being the police. But our sign says you'll

be told immediately. Yeah, I understand that, mate, it's still removing compilable properties because of what it's said in Victoria. I'm a justice frustrated as you are because the fuck would do that. I'll be a millionaire. Yeah. Well, mate, I saw, I'm sorry, I'm getting out because he's a little 11 on, you know, he's headband on, two water bottles. Yeah. And one of those electrolyte drinks, he's not, he's headband on two water bottles and one of those electrolyte drinks he's not he's not a car like I'm done I'm the same one I'm done exactly we have our total customers unfortunately having you in the police I say give you a written formalization to the music oven we can help you hey can I just shock? But the police are usually very lucky. Can I shock you? Yeah.

You've made my day. Just who this is. It's Habish and Andy here, mate. Oh, we're running a test. We're running a test. Thank you so much. We never. We always park in the art gallery.

And we just wanted to see whether we could get in trouble. I've got a sign up that says they'll tow the car. And I do want it to be very northbound here in Miami-Pain. Yeah, no, that's true. I only park here if in this two available spaces. You've got us on the back foot. I was sort of over you be shambon cakes and celebrating. Thank you.

You can't tow from a park from a park property. That's correct. Mate, well done, sensational. Thanks very much for the call mate, we'll let you go. Fantastic work. I can't go. That was better than I thought it was going to have. You'll excuse me. I've got to go and park in the market.

Alright. Hi, we mentioned this a couple of weeks ago. You bought up and rightly so that there are a lot of people in society calling themselves the D-trained. I came across two in a pretty short span of time. Plus, we also have our friend Duncan, who we've always known as D-trains. I came across two in a pretty short span of time, plus we also have our friend Duncan, who we've always known as D-trains. It seemed to be there's more trains lurking amongst us than we thought. I always thought our mate, Duncan, whilst it wasn't like it was, it's not the world's greatest nickname, but I just never heard of another D-trains.

Yes. Then suddenly you start hearing about all these D-trains and you realize, oh, okay, there's a lot of names that start with D, and if this has become a thing, how many trains are out there? We asked people, how serious are you about unique name D-trained? Do you want to vibe for the title to be the only person to be able to claim it? We put up a registration form two weeks ago. We all met at the railway hotel, a place to house trains. Yes, it was carefully selected and not lost on the participants of the ultimate D-Train challenge.

Can we just say in advance, we had dozens and dozens of entries, but a few crestfallen D-Trainers, when we explained to them, you would have to get to Melbourne on your own dime. That rule out a couple of does, who were maybe hoping that heard rumors, don't you guys sometimes fly people to say we're not we're not

chartering it's not chartering it just to get someone called D train to the railway I don't know on the off chance that you win the challenges and get crowned the ultimate D train okay you want the prize get yourself there okay you know I'm a little big athlete the government's not gonna sponsor you okay you're at the masters games you pay your own ticket it's. Anyway, it was a fierce battle between three competitors. Three in the end. Gastro struck one down and also logistics got rid of another. You'll hear it all. Please enjoy. Don't let the don't let only three contestants to turn you from the fact that this was one of the best, if not the best, that'll to the ultimate D-Train you will ever hear. Good morning and welcome to the first ever inaugural D-Train

oft. The ultimate D-Train challenge, whoomster amongst you will be crowned the ultimate D-Train. As I scan the room, I see nearly half a dozen D-Trains, more of a half half dozen three D-Trains. Three D-Trains. We booked this duty. And we told them there could be as many as 60. There's three people. And look, we lost one to Gastro, rest in peace. Rest in bed. That guy is in bed, or on the toilet. We don't exactly where he is right now, but odds are here between the two of those bases. We also lost Denise. Our only female D-trained entrant, just logistically she couldn't make it here this morning.

Still alive though. 100% lost her, you lost them from the venue. A couple of interstate D-traineders weren't willing to make the trip. Therefore they cannot be... They cannot be enough about their name. They can't be in contention. To be the ultimate D-trained, but we have before us three D-trains,

three finalists and a plus one. We've come to the pub and enjoying our complimentary snacks, I see. What's impressive, Ham, is each D-trained has a different first name. I thought we'd have four or five days. We have a duck, we have a Dave, and we have a Darsen. Three wonderful D-Train's before us.

We are at the railway hotel. It's train based, no expense. How does it spend? Darsen, you're starting with you. Just your age and what do you do? 29 and I work in milk factory. That's D-Train. That's D-Train.

For you, D-Train Dave. 48. Train driver. Oh! Oh! Oh! OK, he certainly cubs it as a hot favourite. Oh! Oh, my God!

Don't let him run on you, D-Train Doug! Just let him run on you! D-Train Doug. Ed Doug, 59, and I, T-Developer. I can't let him run on you, D-T-Developer. OK, the first round will take place in the pool room. The first round is called... Explain your backstory. And it will take place in the pool room. The first round is called, explain your backstory. And it will take place in the pool room or anywhere.

I thought we'll call it history of a detrain. Sorry. History of a detrain will take place in the pool room. And in our gun station ourselves there now, one by one, the detrain will be your squad and then you explain where your nickname came from. Yes. We'll see you in a second.

Where's my beer? OK, see the thing. The seedings moved to the pool room, where the detrains came in one after another to regale the judges with their origin stories. Dassy. Dassy. Walk and loose.

How are we? Yeah, really, really good, Dess. Now listen, you have a hat on that says detrain. That is true. And you've driven hundreds of kilometers to be here. Millie thousands. Millie thousands. Wow. Multi-hundreds, almost. Millie thousands. Millie thousands. Wow.

Multi-hundreds, almost. Millie kilometer. Good on you. Dassy, where did you get the name D-Train from? Oh, just from Monday, 18th to the footy. Just obviously my big sort of boy and gonna be the steam up and it's pretty hard to stop. So, just take a few people out and I'm sorry in advance.

LAUGHTER That's a problem. Do you have the other D-Train, so sorry? Yeah,. Sorry. Yeah, I've D trains and on D trains it doesn't matter That's fantastic and so how long do you say you've had the D train under 18s? Foodies are how long have you held the name 12 years 12 and a bit yeah, that's that's certainly enough to submit Yourself to the D train is not I'm dassy. We love the backstory. Thank you Thank you again. I'm sending the next D train. No'Arcy, we love the backstory. Thank you, Matt. You can now go and send in the next detour. No, I don't. He's good.

He's good. I like D'Arcy. He's a big diesel train. He's a big unit. He's got a big red bead. Yeah. I've been watching a lot of Thomas the Tank Engine lately, obviously. And he's the kind of train, the Fat Controller, would it use if there was a particularly heavy carriage

or a naughty carriage to tow them up? A big kill if there was a snow or something. Dave, where did the nickname come about for you? Back at the old blue light days. Really super before you were a trained driver? Yes well before I was a trained driver. Wow wow. You were a test life, you were a test pilot. Oh yeah.

So the story goes is that one night in the blue light I was bouncing around from group to group calling to pick up girls. Station to station to station to station, yeah. And I feel the boys that I hung around with at the time just saw saying that these girls are on the D train and after that it stuck. Now the girls are on the D train. Someone was an exciting train for the girls to be on. Oh I thought it was.

And as you let's follow the analogy through, if these girls were on the D train and you're taking them on the ride on a trip, what stations would it stuff at, excitement? Oh, excitement, fun adventure, pleasure. I'm a final destination. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Into the line, yeah.

Do you have a partner near that? No. OK, so the train can you try to still take a passengers? Yes, still stopping all stations I'm on it. I'm gonna express it at the moment I'm expressed to pleasure. Fantastic. Thank you very much. I'm excited. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. She's a really impressive staff. I mean just having a teacher that said D trains stop your stations to pleasure. I mean, just having a T-shirt that's a D-train stuff, your own stations to pleasure. I mean, got me. Yeah.

And he was a D-train before we became a train driver. That's impressive. Yeah. I mean, that's a man that's tacking the name seriously. Yeah. Final D-train, Doug. Doug, Doug.

Morning. Morning, Doug. Just in morning, because then we'll know we're dreaming. I'll be here in the morning. I'll be here. Late afternoon. Thank you morning Doug. It's end morning because then we'll know we're dreaming. I'll be here in the morning. Yeah, late afternoon. Thank you, Doug, and everything, Doug. Yeah, doing.

Doug, we're going to say morning 1am. Yes, I'm going to get a good call. Doug, where did the nickname come about for you and how long ago? Well, not that long. Oh, okay. Yeah. My daughter started rowing and that meant that she's got a long way to go. And so she's got to get home every night and it was either going on the Metro train or the

D train. Oh, a dead train, Doug train. Doug train. Yes. So it was kind of the machine calling in the D train and frozen to the Metro train. Well, that offers a bit of a joke first up and then it was kind of more and more often and then this year look, I need the D train again, I need the D train again. And train again and so kind of became you know I can't get a train so I just need the D train yep and we you often taking other kids as well no just her private like one of the Russian

Zars you talk yeah and she treats it pretty much that way did the D train have any rules like a standard metro train like no feed no seat on seats, stuff like that. Very much so, no rubbish. What about wet rolling gear? Oh, that can't come in the cafe. Right, so the D-train, the dry train. It's a very dry train. And sure when I am in the morning.

Yeah. Doug, thank you very much. Thank you, sir. Good luck in the future round. Thank you. Um, three excellent D-trones, three excellent backstories. I can't split them. At the moment, everyone's got a great claim. I'd say, Darcy is the most logical.

He's a big unit. He's named Darcy. He's seen him through people. Yeah. Darcy is certainly the most creative. And he's occupation. And he's obviously shown a huge level of commitment. Because you could tell in his eyes he doesn't like being a train driver but he

won he did it for the Nickname you can't tell that I think he actually does like being a train driver and then you got Doug and an act of love that knows no bounds yeah a selfless act of a father to adopt a nickname purely as a transport the conspular captain for his daughter daughter. I think we have to go around to it. We don't have a clue when I said the rule state. We must go to round two. MUSIC So I was back to the bistro via the bar for a quick top-up

to announce the results of round one. D-trains must, I say, a very impressive first round. Everyone's... A round of applause from the audience, yeah. APPLAUSE We can't split them. Charge out of the station, all pistons firing, all electrical switches in the on position. I don't know what the electrical equivalent of the train analogy is. You've got you are racing along the tracks, dear trains. We thought they could have been a clear winner after round

one. That's certainly not the case in Everyone's performed exceptionally well. Yes. To mention, obviously, in my pocket is the thing you covered, as well as title of Ultimate D-Train. You'll of course be playing for an A-Coin. A huge hush falls over the top. Everyone sees this analogue piece of currency. Rare in today's digital world, but that is a real analogue coin. The next round round two will involve individual detrains going up to the bar, ordering a drink off matte. And somehow trying to weave your name into a conversation while ordering a drink. It's called third party detrains. If this truly is to be your nickname and you are to be king of the D-trains. Not only do you need people calling you D-trains,

but you need to perpetrate and encourage people call you D-trains by referring yourself in the third person as often as you can. A trick used by hot dogs and big brother, season one. LAUGHTER We're having a party D-traim. We'll start with Dave this time and then we'll go through to Doug then Darcy. Amy Chennai does have to watch on. We'll just be over here next to the bar.

Okay, here we go. Dave is approaching the bar right now. Potts squash thanks. No worries. Oh my gosh. So you have many train drivers come through the joint? Only on Wednesdays and Thursdays. Only on Wednesdays and Thursdays? You do them pretty well today. Yeah.

But you haven't went to our Thursdays, do you? They're first in. Any on the D train? The D train. The D train. The D train. Yeah. Usually runs on Friday, doesn't it?

The D-train runs any day. Well, any day. No, any day. Very much. Very good. Well done, sensational. It's a great slow play and then you just absolutely slammed onto the air there. Fantastic.

Fantastic. Croud, round of applause. D-t right number one. In comes Doug. Doug, you may approach the bar and order a drink. I am... Here we go, he's good, he's casual, casual walk for a confident walk. Afternoon, late afternoon.

Can I have a cosy Oscar at the party? Good choice. Is it over for that to put that on the tab? Set up on for D-train early? No worries. That's all I'm drinking. Is it all fair to put that on the tab? Yes. Set up on for D-Train early. Oh, no, Warris. That's very cool. It's a resource, mate. Thank you.

That'll be on the card, D-Train. Yeah. No, I can't. That's fantastic. You can pull off a little bit. Straight down the line. I'll give you a cheek. I'll give you a handshake.

Quite tight. Straight down the line. Keeps in strong performances. No worries at all, man. It's all round of applause there. Quick round of applause for them. Woo! Thank you, Jack, for reporting as well, I'm in for a performance. I know worries it all there. It's one round of applause there. Quick round of applause for them. Woo!

Thank you, Jack, for reporting as well, to thicken out the crowd. Darcy, enter. Here we go. Darcy, Eareena. Any moves like a D-Train to us, as he's taking us. A gun chance? A gun made a way.

Not too bad. Can the D-Train just get a first, you think? Absolutely. Look at that. That's a D-Train to third person. It's a D-Train's favorite beer. Oh, that's two. Any D-train just get a first, he's doing it. Look, that's a 30 to 30 person. It's a D-train spare, it'd be a... That's two. I need to do three. Oh, even better.

Have one at least. Yep. I think the Furfie was out, the cake was out, so he said to go for a different beer. It was your day, yeah, on anyway. Always well, my friend. Always well. Have that nice, tasty beer.

Thanks, mate. D-train a few of the... He's done three. He's done three. A little sleep done to break. He's done to break. He's done to break. A little slip up on the last. He's still got it. He's still got it.

He's still got it. He's still got it. He's got the trick of Daytrade. We're out of the business. We're out of the business. We're out of the business. We're out of business. Everybody.

Gee, they're all good. They're all good. Right, judges are just going to deliberate for a sec. I mean, it's stated in the rules that you need to whittle down to two for the final. You'll never see it in an AFL Grand Final. And then a real Grand Final, a state of origin. But we're going to have three teams in the Grand Final. We're going to be a three-way grand final. Into the final round.

Three eager D-trains and their loved ones waited in the bistro, nervously nibbling chips and sausage rolls as they awaited the judge's decision on who would make the grand final. D-trains and friends of family. That's family. We have just discussed that we were going to try and whittle at the end of two finalists. But everyone's been so good that we're taking everybody into the grand final. It's a three-way grand final. If you believe it, it's stream day at the railway hotel in the North York State train contest. A three-train grand finale. This is huge. This was the voice. It'll be a two hour show.

To three train race. Three, two train race. But the lines, the tracks can only merge into one. Yes, standard gauge track. Thumbs up from Dave there. If I do a few good train references. Meaning, are there's a horrible crash? Or one D-trained can only come out in front?

Yes. the final round requires you all to have an own mobile phone. Do we all own a mobile phone? And they've got it on them. Great. The way this is going to work is you can select anyone in your phone to call if they pick up and say hey detrain you get the point. Unfortunately you cannot call someone in the room, you can't call someone which makes it very difficult for you, Doug, because you're saying that the other person calls you D-Trade. But you have to have a how-merry here, go for one of them. If someone calls you D-Trade, we'll lose our minds. If someone says hello, you can say,

Who do you think is calling you? I suppose to try and e-cat a D-trained, but are you confident people will answer with a D-trained? Don't you have to go confident? All right, and I've got one. You've got one, he's not. I can't see, he's got one.

I'm very confident. I can't, I can't. I can't. I'm a lot of drunken, I can't see. Your turn to go first. Don't play, if I'm checking on Speaker Forrest, who are you gonna call, do you think If I'm checking on Speaker Forrest, who are you going to call? Do you think?

I'm going to call Nicholas. Yep. Who's Nicholas in relation to you? Rizmal, friend. Four, son. Oh, OK. OK. I'm just watching that there's no texting going from daughter to son.

Hi, Deitrein. How are you? Hi. Hi, Deitrein. are you? Hi, it's just a spectacular flight! I've walked across in your door, she's getting lighter! She's absolutely pissing herself! This is the most plain cheating rig over the same! He picked up the one ring! Two, two, two, three! Nicholas! I stepped up to one ring. Two, two, two, three. Oh, Nicholas.

Nicholas. Nicholas, I wish Nanny here, mate. Did you receive... Oh, no. There's a probe. There's a investigation going on. That's a good one. Some claims of cheating.

Did you receive any text message in the last two minutes? No, it wasn't. It's wrong. No. It checks out. Well, he's switched to the interrogation. I don't think the moment, Doug, has a tentative point. Uh, Pantigate investigation.

Okay, thanks, Nick. Okay. Okay. Wow. Okay. Okay. Okay. We'll go on any one, Tim.

We want all of one's points on the floor. Okay. No. Uh, Tim. That's the game of dance. That's the exception frame. That's it, it's on the U-Nate. All right. Who are you going to call?

Arinne the L-Man. Yeah, OK. He should be. If he's awake, he's retired now. So he's getting me lazy these old age. OK. Very easy. It's under dad's phone.

Nah, L-P-D-D-O. L-P-D-D-O, good to have him in that family. Alpega door. Alpega door good to everything that family. There's a train going. Yeah, good mate. I was thinking was that hell to try and go? Oh, hey! Alpega door, it's Jaime Shenan Di here.

Oh, my life, you're my pet, do me a fine, you're kidding. I'm Alpega dooritz and I'm a sir. Your son's heartily competing in the grand final of the ultimate deep range challenge. How do you feel you must be proud? Well, I think you might as well just keep it in the air, even if it's got a way might. Alpina, we've got to go to one last contestant, but I would say he's in the lead. I'm not talking much for him. He's here at the Dunks Rover Ball. He's going well, thanks people.

We'll let you go. Thanks mate. Thanks mate. Oh my god. You're going. That's fine. I'm training there too. That was a great result from my dad.

OK, Dave. No confidence whatsoever, because I haven't heard this nickname since I was about seven years old. Oh, you saw what Doug was like. Oh, yeah. And they will go with me son, see what happens, because I know that he is the only one who's probably going to answer this time. He counts James. If he doesn't clear day time, he just prefers himself as day time to say what he says. He'll do.

Shit, still on bed. Probably. Come on James. You have read. You've reached the sun of the daydried. We should probably have to start with me mum. Do you want to, do you want to read? We'll try respond with me mum. Do you want to add to it? We'll try some from me mum.

This is big for us. You've lifted an Olympic world record, you've got one more guy coming into the snatch. She's got no idea. What? Alain's? I just read that off the side. I don't know.

I don't know. You. Very good with parents. Just try to. You should have let you know that it is a two-strikes. You're a police. Done. You're happy. And a devastating light bow out. I'm fast and afraid of the challenge. Round of applause for everybody. So now we're left to assess the final. We have two swings in a mess. We have one suspected case of cheating. Although, don't,

Freaklont, he's in a system. Doesn't know what we're talking about. It does. And a Darcy with a legitimate father picking up, Call him not once but twice try to train or train. We'll be back in one moment. Oh I don't know, I'll walk you out of here. I'll give you a d'arcy. Of course we are.

We'll make it look like we need something. I'll give you a d'arcy. Although I loved his point, the tip of the cheek. Him, daughter, father, can speak to the Australian way so I'll do it. That was in most impressive tape. Exactly. Everybody... The judges' deliberation is over. We managed to get onto Telstra

and there was, in fact, the text message set... LAUGHTER ..from this room. I find that very hard to believe, because we're the photo-pane. LAUGHTER Well, then we've uncovered another scan on the Telstra is able to access

photo phones records. Which does cast a further wrinkle of the nose. That does potential final round, Ethan. Now we would never flat out call you a liar, which is saying circumstantially, it looks like some skull don't remain a tank in place. In which case, we'll have no choice but to gladly award the title of ultimate D-Train to the amount of the D-Train that drove a thousand guests of me. He wears a D-Train app, Darcy, the ultimate D-Train app. We do that! Well done!

Congratulations on all competitors. We're going to allow the other competitors to keep their nicknames. Even well first, usually the final round would be the stripping of the name. But we will allow you to keep your nickname and instead of war dancing a detrain with Valor, which is a higher, a higher, well done guys. Thanks. Here is your coin. Yeah, that's incredible.

There is your, don't share your unique coin number with anyone else. It's not your special part of the analogue currency. You won an H&A coin, absolutely. Guys, thanks so much for coming. That was fantastic. Huge. Thank you guys. Thank you. Thank you. All right.

What a moment. You're so welcome. Just as the winner had been crowned and the coin awarded, DeTrain Dave's mum called back. Too little, two late. Hey mum, detrained speaking. Dave, are you? Yeah, good mum, yourself.

Good, you just tried to ring me? Yes, yes, it's all right now, it's all sitting down, I'll explain much later. Okay, then. Detrained out. Okay, okay, then. Do you try now? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You may be. There is. You can subscribe. I think it's like three bucks for six months or something. It's money. It's not much money. It's not money. But it is some money. It gives you access to every single show of done. There's thousands there. No, you've values the show.

It's pretty close to a cent. Actually much less than a cent a show. Yeah. If you can get through them in the time, I'll look at it. Sure. Much, much less. So like probably if we were a factory in China, If you can get through them in the time, I'll look at it. Sure, if I can match my style. So like probably if we were a factory in China, like per unit, you're probably paying the same amount

per show as you might pay for say, a half a dozen polystar in packing balls. Yes, yeah. But anyway, it's there, it's available. Use us to pack your fragile Zine if you're moving elsewhere. You're looking at the Hamish Nandy app. A wealth of shows. And the subscriptions there. A wealth of shows.

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