Hamish & Andy - Hamish & Andy 2018 Ep 37

Episode Date: November 7, 2018

1. Blow Something Wide Open2. Ballad writing for Amna3. Amna’s special skill4. Rules of chicken5. Peeping Tom

A list-knop production. Activate your internet. Because the Hamish and the Podcast starts in 3, 2, sorry, still buffering. 1. One! Kaffinty, Kaffinty, Kaffinty, gentlemen. And less. Yeah. Unless it's Easter, but there is a different saying. No, that's not true.

What language are you using? Multi. I was thinking of a different island. In the Mediterranean. Yeah. A sharp boy with a detail now. We're multi-sister from. And that's how they say hello. Cuffinty.

And we say hello to everybody today, Ham. We do that. We like to say hello to Stavett, a little bit of a H&A podcast tradition. Yes. Only we do. And if you hear it on another podcast, they're copying it. We enjoy saying hello at the start of the podcast.

We've obviously got a special skill to test. We just amnors today. You and I have been busily writing a song. Pretty exciting morning for us. A bespoke song to test amnus' skills of recalling lyrics. Sometimes we come to the show with stuff prepared, most often not, but for us a very big morning. And I hope it pays off.

Yes, that's right. Because her skill is, yeah, I can hear your song. So we've written an original. I can hear you something, I'll just tell you, I'll just tell it straight back to you. I can learn your song so we've written an original I can hear you something I'll just tell you I'll just tell it straight back to you yeah I can learn how all the lyrics are like twice two two guys if we've been all this ever and I actually think we've written a banger we've got all this effort if she's just like oh sorry something about you know it happens a good day yeah

I'm just gonna I'm gonna look down the dust, just slightly tip my cowboy hat back, spit, and kick the dust and say shoot. Because they would just be getting to the stage when I'm like, we fall in love with people's special skills. We fall hard. We actually fall too hard. We're like those people you hear that just, you know,

come home after one tender day and then go, I going to marry this person. Yeah. We fall hard for the skills and we do get our hearts broken from time to time. I hope today's not a heartbreaker. Well, I asked you, I said, can we go straight into it? Because I'm keen to see it test the skill and you said, Give it a, there's something slightly more pressing.

What is it? And, as you know, I, the only reason I would ever come to this show, slightly distracted, it'll be working away on my computer during a podcast, is in the pursuit of justice. And the defence of liberty, by sniffing out an exposing, any form, and I mean any form, of wrongdoing scandals or skullduggery. Yep. I cannot confirm or deny, yeah, certainly against burglaries. It should be allowed to have your own stuff in your house and not have childs from my high school naked.

Who do you come to your burglars? You did a burglars. Yeah. Yeah. Strong rumours he did a burglars. He was expelled in a mysterious circumstances, but it was widely assumed. It was a terrible joke. It was a general joke.

Did you, uh, I should, I don't know, do you have to say a little? We don't say certain. No. Anywhere. That's not all to do it. He knows what he did. This is my favorite part because whenever we have this discussion, I picture us in court and then playing back this section

where we're laughing. I think it was going to be a bit more insinuated than they played that game. I mean, I hate it a bit. I mean, it's all in. Allegedly. Well, it was pretty clear. Do you remember that at the school? It was one of the strong rumors that your mose will take it as fact. It's just what you're're doing. You just want your whole segment is. It's not, it's not, it's not, it's not what we want to be. It's not strong room, is it?

It's only fat that I think it's your room. I'm against rumor. Do you come down harder on burglars or cat burglars? What do you see? I can't take a cat. No. But like, quiet, you know. I respect a cat burglary more than a machine rubber.

Okay. Cat burglars don't just steal art. I know that. They just sneaky. Yes. I, uh, cat burgers don't just steal art. I know that. They just sneaky. Yes. I actually, one prefer a cat burger doesn't, um, doesn't upset the family. Yeah, okay. Guaranteed to not upset the family.

You see, if cat burger, cat burger is sluggish. The guaranteed. The guaranteed to disturb you sleep. No, upset the family. Or your alien back. Yeah. If you catch a cat burger they're going to go, or we heard you, we heard you left chips on the floor

to catch you. And they don't give it all back. They should give back an heirloom that they have already stolen. From another house. From another house. Oh, Ming Vaz. Thank you.

Glad we left those chips on the floor. Anyway, this is what really happens. Wow, I'm not panic. You're panic. You're the those chips on the floor. Anyway, this is what really happens. Wow, I'm not bad at your pattern. You're the one with all the questions. Kakao Levis, what did Jarls do? Who's asking you to burge? Don't know who he's housey big, but I'll let you do the math.

He was there one day. He wagged school the next. A heavy rumour goes around that he's burgged a place. He's not there anymore. I mean, do we need to press charges or is that the fact speak for themselves? Turns out he's dead for the job in Hong Kong. Yeah.

And he took it because he'd heard there was lower security over there. He's burguing way. He's a little bit more dead than to burguin. I'm the burgu king of most countries. So is this one of your cases or I can't do any of my own cases at the moment because I may or may not be helping with the Robert Mueller investigation?

Well, you're not. Well, I am. I can't say that. But look, I've actually been in a position of readiness if Robert S. Mueller who's investigating the problem of Trump. You can't do any of your own work because you are worried that you don't know, you want to leave yourself available to Robert Mueller who is investigating Donald Trump for Russian collusion. Yeah. Let me give you a nightmare scenario. I hear about a carpet factory in New Zealand that's advertising. Yeah, eight

centimetres shag and there's suspicions that's farther not warm. Yeah, eight centimetres, Shag. And there's suspicions, it's five on a heart of fright. So I start doing my legwork, calling witnesses, whatever. And I'm knee deep in that case, and then you'll be called. Not there. So I've kept my plate pretty clean in case Robert Mjolik calls me and needs mine. That's good.

And it's good. So, today, I have been able to find a case from a truth lieutenant. Mm-hmm. Okay. Stand back! You're supposed to blow! I can't! I'm in the hole! Ainicious blowing this wide open!

Amazing! Amazing! He's done it again! Oh, what a great guy! And uh, comes in comes in, Jim Graham, handballed this one to me and the truth eagle. Yep. He's done some preliminary investigation.

I'll take it from here. This for me, this is a bit of an open shot. So I'm happy to take the risk of being involved in the case, even though Robert S. Mueller might call. Yep. Can I bother with the show? Yeah, yeah, yeah, mate. Enough small talk.

Just sort of chit you a message, haven't it? Something to, you need to blow something wide open. Yep. I, he said, I'm going to blow open a company I love here. I feel like they might be taking advantage of the little guy. Oh. I love this company as well. Dominance. But you love the little guy. More. Love the as well, Domino's. But you love the little guy.

More. Love the little guy as well. So again, classic love conundrum. Who do I love more? Love the little guy. I was supporting the little guy. Domino's, we're all the big fans of Domino's. Yes.

But he's going to look, when I go to buy a Hawaiian pizza, pick up $14.95. He said, which he feels is on the higher side. This is for a full pizza. Okay. Because I was sure there must be a cheap alternative. And I like this because this is a, this is a detective with no, he doesn't have any evidence. You know, this is like, it, it, it kind of hasn't been committed yet. Something didn't sit right from. Yeah. And that's really the mark of a good detective. Everyone else was looked at this case and gone, no crime. He got. and he's gone.

I've been in pizza vlog enough for me to smell something's up. So no one doesn't sit right here. 14.95. Say that back to me again. Yeah, it's something's just off. He can't figure it out. He goes, I then stumbled across what a deri say a hack. The ham and cheese pizza at Domino's is only five dollars.

Wow. You add pineapple. Full size? Full size. You add pineapple. Cost you two bucks. Seven bucks. Seven dollars.

40.95 for a Hawaiian. You do a little bit of legwork. Build it yourself. Yeah. Seven dollars. Now that kind of, if you build it yourself, will be half the price. That's the kind of thinking that led Jack to build his own house. He's not finding that to be true.

He's finding if you build it yourself, it violates codes, and it costs three times as much. But Jim, Jim's building himself, so that can't be right. I've got to do some investigating. I need evidence of this. We can't just be throwing haymakers like that. So I did a bit of investigating. I scrolled down, let me see my email, to the bit where he's attached to photo. Well, how long do that take? Well, others wouldn't, but I'm willing to chase a lead because I couldn't see the tip of the photo. Just the tip of the photo

at the bottom line screen. A lot of other people would have closed the email and just done the segment. Although I missed it. And that's not due diligence. But happy to, happy new my own time. I might day off. Scroll down, sure enough. There it is, the order screen. One Hawaiian, 1495. And he voucher code here, doesn't interpret voucher.

One ham and cheese, $5. Now, plus, changes, one, add pineapple, two dollars. He's done it. He's created a Hawaiian for $7. He doesn't look like it's a special and it doesn't, so first of all, it's like different sizes. But it gives the energy content, 4900 kilojoules for the Hawaiian, 4,030, like only a few hundred less. So it's so that's the same size pizza. Is there $7 of work he's he's had to put in labor cost? Labor cost. I wouldn't think so. Especially not if he starts buying these bulk and selling them out the front.

For a lot of so this is a pick up only this is pick up only. Yeah, that's interesting. So I would say to dominoes, it's a call to them to go beware of someone buying these pizzas cheaper and then selling them at the front of your house. And then it's also a good awareness to all the people out there to say, hey, you can get a cheap pizza. Look around, 100 round, build your own. Yeah, build your own.

Don't build your own house. Build your own pizza. It's certainly there as an option. And until I save it. I save it. For the otherwise, that's a massive blowout. That's quite a lot. Oh, da. Yeah, thanks, mate. Good news about the meal or stuff, too. Hey, we discussed last week on the show whether we're going to fly two people in to see

their special skills. We thought we only had enough money for one. Yeah, turning into the end of the year. Turns out, mine, you could have probably done it on the phone. Well, once we said discussing the last episode, I'm in a special school, you sort of went, well, wait a sec. Just as impressive, it's basically, as sometimes a lot of the skills have a bit of a common thread, this is an insane memory skill. Yes, she says a musical memory. Yeah, I can learn all the lyrics to a brand new song after listening to it twice. Now that's impressive. We're gonna test on Amna that very shortly on the podcast.

Well, because we were like, look, what the only way to test it, if you heard last episode was, we've got to write a song, got to write a new one, even if we picked an obscure brand new. Yeah, because even if we were like, oh, this is like a Kiwi band that, you know, only have a played brand in Eden. Yeah. What if, what if you know,wi band that only have a played round and eaten. Yeah.

What if, what if, you know, what if that was actually a favorite band? Yeah. So even, so we couldn't even go mini, we had to write a brand new song and today that was the challenge. I came in to this morning's ballad writing session, as you're about to go,

I think we've got some audio from concocting the ballad. What would you say, why do go ando? I think we had the whole thing down in 15. Yes, tops. Yeah. And I had an idea on the way and I said, look, ando, somebody just happened to me. It's a shared experience.

Yeah. And I think this will guarantee that this is a regional content. Because I don't think a song has been written about this. You were spot on and also you're passionate about it at the moment and that's the best time to write. That's what you know about. Anyway, pick things up. This is us early on today. All right, we're going to make the operation swift ballad,

not to be confused with ballad for swift, and we are not right over Taylor Swift today. It's could certainly open up possibilities here on the track. Here's what I'm thinking. So Amna, she... I want to write a ballad that's about a very skewer subject matter. Can I make it too hard for her? She said, any song.

Any ballad I can listen to it, then we do it. You and I have got a shared experience that I think we both got a good insight on. And I'm pretty sure there hasn't been a ballad written about it. Went to see your ear wax guy this morning. Oh yeah, Gary. Gary. Great guy. Lovely guy.

I've never been. Did you see Cam? My brother's gonna do this one. Must've just missed it. I was gonna wait, I was gonna date 45. Keep that though, that's a good word. I'm not through just this, Cam. I'm not through just this, Cam.

And the thing about getting your ears cleaned out, because we're in radio, so it happens to time to time. My ear was blocked. He cleaned it out to a great job. You feel like you want to tell everyone about it? No, he cares. But you feel so great afterwards. You want to explain to people how good you feel.

And no, it gives a shit. It's like, well, yeah, you've got no more ears. We've all got no more ears. You get a bit agitated. When you get it cleaned out, you feel like you want to share it with someone and no've got no more ears. We've all got no ears. You get a bit out of your tail. When you get it cleaned out, you feel like you want to share it with someone and no one cares about your ear and ears. So is there a ballad along the lines

of no one cares about your ear and ears, although we care. We care. Yeah, we're the guys that understand because we've had blocked the ears. Yeah, that's nice. So just when you think no one cares about your ear and ears, we'll lend an ear, we'll had block the ears. Yeah, that's nice. So just when you think no one cares about your ears, we'll land in here. We'll land a clean ear. We'll land a clean ear. We care.

We're close to a chorus there. Yeah. Can we get a rhyme? Yeah. A land a clean ear. Cause we care. And we'll be there. Don't know why we both went with cats. Because you know how some people do is put a silly accent. Obviously as well. Yeah, they do. To cheat rhymes with vowels. Yeah.

Now I think we can do it without cheating. So we're not, we're no one cares about your ears. We'll lend a clue. You can't do ears and ears. No. Have no fear. We'll lend a clue in ear. When do it isn't it? No. Have no fear. We'll lend a clean ear. When you can't find interest far on near,

we'll be there. We'll lend a clean ear. Yeah, okay. And you're going, we're no one's interested far on near. Feels like we've just put in the car. You know, you know why I've changed it round. And I think the crowd will too. Yeah. We don't necessarily need a rhyme for the chorus.

And then you shortcut-present yourself. And I guess that's harder to memorize with no rhyme. Yeah. So like if you said, what was the first thing you said, if you can't find anyone's cares about your ear news, we'll be there. We'll lean to cleaning. We'll lean to cleaning.

Yeah. All right. ["The Lies of the Rhyme"] ["The Lies of the Rhyme"] ["The Lies of the Rhyme"] I've got it.

I've actually got it. Right. When you can't find anyone to care about this I've got it, I've actually got it run. Great. When you can't find anyone to care about this medical news, you have to share. When you've been shown by everyone who's near, we'll be there to lend a clean ear. Don't want Vand joy in that carry on, but this is easy. What was that for me? Yeah. Piece of cake. Paced in real life, though. So you used to go to get out there and leave.. What was that four minutes? Yeah. Piece of cake. Pacing real life though.

So you just gotta get out there and leave. Actually have a good day. Have a good day. Play the better, you have your heart broken. Get your ears clean to go about your life. That's why I say to artists all the time, get out of the studio. Real life's happening out there

and that's the what people want to hear songs about. Yep. And that don't listen. All right, first time. First time. Okay, listen. Okay. All about. Yep. And I don't listen. All right, first time. First time. Okay, listen. All right, Matt, I guess the journey is you've got clogged up. You can't hear.

Is there a loritorial mumble? More clogged up. All clogged up. Then a butcher's fat pipe. Oh yeah. A lot of you clogged. What do I do? I love it. I didn't plug it. No. fat pipe. Oh yeah. A lot of people are like, what do we do?

I love it. I didn't know. More clogged up than a poll. Is there something like then a poorly serviced public toilet? They're clogged up. Oh yeah. What about more clogged up than the public toilet near my house? That's okay.

No, it's ever comes that in the park. Sure. Okay. So what about a more clogged up? You're a pro probably gonna say ears. Yeah, ears more clogged up than in a public toilet near my house. All right, we spent the next 10 minutes laying down, what I'm gonna say was a real tune.

Yeah, absolutely. That chorus ended up changing. Just a very glimpsing to the creative process. But the first line of the song stays the same. The line remains the same. The song does not remain the same. But let's take a little break. Let's get Amna up. And then we'll play her the song. And it's finished. We've already recorded it. I've got to say you're not going to be disappointed. No. It's not going to be. I'm only asking you to stick around through a sound effect. Stick around through this sound effect.

Stick around through a sound effect. Stick around through this sound effect. Hey, we've got Amna up now. Amna, ahoy to you. Ahoy, boys. Ahoy, Amna. Hey, thanks so much for joining us again a week later. After we heard last week that you said you can learn all the lyrics to a brand new song after listening to it twice. How you feeling about that? This is D-Day guys, like all of my training my whole life has led me to this moment. I am so excited, I am prepared. I love the enthusiasm. Any moments over the last week where you thought yourself, no, perhaps I exaggerated my talent when I was on the phone or you stand by it? There were a couple of moments I've practiced with my boyfriend the last week or so and a couple of times we listened to songs and I just wasn't focused and I didn't get them and I was thinking

I'm going to make a fool of myself. But I mean, it's a special day. It's Andy's first day. So okay. I can do it. Um, Amnett is your boyfriend attractive. He is. That would be distracting. Amnet is your boyfriend attractive. He is. Yeah, that's it. That would be distracting. Yeah. That's probably why. That's why the wrong guy to practice with.

I never, I never try and do memory challenges around hoties. I'm wondering, how does it work for you? Do you, like once we play you, the deal was we made on last podcast, we're going to play you the song twice. Yep. And then how does it work? You just repeat back to us the lyrics. So the best way for me is if you're able to play maybe intro,

but the music or something just before the lyrics start, and then I can kind of pretty much sing the rest of it. You could sing the song. You want me to stop. Yeah, you'll sing the rest of the song. I'm not this is perfect. We will get an acoustic version of it. Yeah. So just like guitar. And you'll be able rest of the song. I'm not this is perfect. We will get an acoustic version of it. Yeah.

So just the guitar. And you'll be able to sing it back. And you can do it. Yeah. OK. I don't know if my tone will be perfect, but the words will be right. All right.

Well, I'm really impressed with this, because Annie and I spent 20 hot minutes this morning riding and recording this song. And I still, I probably went for it 10 times. And I definitely needed the lyrics in front of me when we were singing it in the recording booth. So, for you to hear it cold, then one more time and then be able to sing it back, that'll be amazing.

I think it's fair to tell you the topic of the song before we leave. It's about when you, have you ever had blockade here, Zamna? Oh, yeah. You gotta go to the doctor. Then when you get, so it happens to Andy and me a little bit because we work with headphones on all the time. You get a blockade, you go to the doctor. Then when you get, so it happens to Andy and me a little bit, because we work with headphones on all the time, you get a blocked ear, you go to the doctor,

you get them cleaned out, you feel terrific. But then you try and tell people how great you feel, but no one cares. Who cares about your ears? No one cares. So, happened to me this morning, I got my ears cleaned, tried to tell my wife about it, she didn't care. And this is what happened.

So, this song is about, sort of sung from Man Annie's perspective. This song is about, that goes through that process. Yep. And, and maybe giving hope to people out there who feel like they've had their ears cleansed and no one cares about that news. Amner, it's not a long song. We've given you that as an advantage, but obviously you have to put up with Hamish nice singing disadvantage. Are you ready to hear?

I'm ready. Is your boyfriend a safe distance away from you and out of eyesight? Yeah, he's not here. Good, I'll be. Goodness for that. Okay, this is your first of two lessons. Good luck. Thank you. and grass. You call Gary without delay, you're hope to God, it's a Tuesday, because that's the only day he works at the clinic. Don't use a cute tip, yeah, no mama don't need a sermon. I'm put in now and I'm on my way to see Gary Sherman You clean your canals without a fuss You'll feel like a million bucks You wanna tell everyone you're in use, but you're getting shunned

When you can't find anyone to care I've had this medical news, you have to share when you've been blanked by everyone who's near We'll be there to lend a clean ear We care about your in-use We care about your in-use We care about it more The news about big coin-china roshus We care about your news, oh we care about your news, we care about your beer news.

I'm not. Because we have a with and re-evalable to us that we don't on a normal on a live radio show We'll fast forward now through the listing of the second song. Yes, but I'm now we'll get to hear it. Okay We care about your dear new... There we go, Amna. Oh, alright, guys. How are you feeling? I'm nervous. I think I've got the first verse and the forest spine. Yep, right.

Well, would you like to go straight into it? All right, I'll give it a go. Are you on the music? Yes, please. That would be great. And for H.A. Koy? Oh, you get the whole thing. You got an eight coin coin.

You get the whole amount of tickets. Oh, good luck. Good luck, Emna. And he comes the backing track for you. OK. MUSIC So that's now. And he comes the backing track for you. That's now. The cold Gary was out delay. We hope to God it's a Tuesday. The best year only day. He works out to clean it.

Don't use a Q-tip. Mama don't need a sermon. I'm on my way to see Gary Sherman Clean your canals without a fuss. You'll feel like a million bucks Want to tell everyone you're in use but you're getting shunned. No, I swear. Oh, it's don't worry Melinda clear ear Can't find anyone to care about medical news you have to share. Now in the chorus?

And then it's the chorus. We care about your ear news. We care about it more than you do about Bitcoin China or Huse. We care about your ears. Oh, God, so it's pretty amazing. It's really amazing. I like the pre-chorus. She can't have an acroicoid.

She can't have an acroicoid. The pre-chorus, you just don't make up your own lyrics. Which is what I mean. Which is what I've been up and out of our room. Half an hour ago, this song didn't exist. But I'm not amazing. Look, on one hand, we made it easy by writing probably the song of Mia, which is super catchy.

But on the other hand, your recall for the right things in the right place, like news about Bitcoin, China, and shoes, everything before that middle bit, which is, when you can't find anyone to care about this medical news, you have to share when you've been blanks where everyone who's near will be there to land a cleanier. Now you've got that in bits and pieces just wasn't in the right eye. I mean, I'm that you've got a coin.

You've got a heinous shaming coin. Oh my god. I actually wanted to ask one other thing, okay? Pretend I didn't say that yet. Any writing down involved? No, I didn't write anything down, but in my head what I do is I, on my hand I kind of scribble things with my finger. Oh, like air writing. Yeah.

That's a memory tree. That's amazing. I just wanted to check whether there was air writing in the lyrics there, but no, she doesn't think you can even write that fast. Even with two takes. Yeah. I'm fantastic. You got it yourself. You've got a gift. H&A coin coming your way.

And thank you very much for playing along. Thank you guys. Thank you. Goodbye. We care about you. We care about you. You're in you. You're in you.

We care about you. We care about you. We care about you. We care about you. We care about you. We care about you. We care about you. We care about you. We care about you. We care about you. Well, this is exciting because chicken fest is being kicked. So that if you missed that last week or two weeks ago. Apologies too because there's huge groundswell jack.

You're aware of it on e-mail through socials, whatever the pipe. A lot of swelling coming down pipes, a lot of buzz, pouring down the pipes for chicken fares. Yeah, especially now people getting their merchandise. I imagine you see that picture of the couple that bought one for each of them in the dog. Yes, that's lovely. Well, if Jack's T-shirt, a whole other chicken in a boat of a sold three yet.

No, tough to get a hat on a dog traditionally. So as those messages have been pouring in over the last couple of weeks, as the T-shirts arrive at Peebles' houses, I want to thank them for jumping on the whole lot of chickens bandwagon and apologize for canceling chicken first. I didn't cancel it. You canceled it. Pretty hard to hold the Olympics when all the athletes saw what. Same two countries and one country is threatening

to hide on the ground until it's over. Yeah, you essentially bombed the festival. Yeah, well, you bombed for it. You bombed for it. Yeah, you bombed for it. I didn't bombed for it. You bombed for it. You basically sent a low enthusiasm dirty bombed.

And I had no choice but to cancel it because you were gonna cry, fail, and go, I didn't want to do this. Everyone's safety. We're going to have a last show of the year going to invite 20 of our dearest, most valued people in the whole world probably. 20 listeners of this show would have had the chance to come and sample a whole lot of chickens chicken. A whole lot more chickens chicken. Jeremy Irvine, our favourite actor. He would have come. He would have come. He would have come for sure. And you bombed Threader that the low and here's the dirty bomb. And you left us no choice. You left me no choice. I couldn't continue on when you had such low vibe for the event because you

Shun would play remember it differently but go on. So we decided we haven't recorded We decided it's going to be a Game of chicken I asked for two weeks as devised of chicken as the- I asked for two weeks. As devised by Hamish Blake. I asked for two weeks. Even though- Even though- Both competing. A lot of people did notice this on Emile.

Even though, as we said a couple of weeks ago, purely by pulling out or showing such low enthusiasm for the chicken fest, for the store V store battle, you essentially have flinched anyway. Or have I done that thing like in that biblical story where they cut the pie in half because is that is it a part of the baby the baby the baby what are you kind of baby in half yeah so what yep well I hope you don't be so the characters I can't remember their names come and say one lady says,

this is my baby and the other lady says, this is my baby, then the king goes, cut the baby in half. And then the true mother goes, you know what, I would rather the baby live and she has the baby, then the baby get cut in half, then the master goes,

or you must be the real mother, so you get the baby. Double flip, you never. And I think what I'm thinking of with the pie is there was a Simpson episode I don't think the analogy is cool. So what you're saying is you said I love my chicken shop so much I would never subject it to a one-on-one battle. Yes Well, I'm the one making the sacrifice going I don't think the event should go ahead Yeah, because I don't want to do any work Let it lead in this story that is history

It's actually the reverse of this because that would be two women bring a baby the king going I don't want it it requires a lot of work of the other one going well I'm fine to have it, but I'd rather us both wanted because that makes this more interesting No, I think what I'm saying is I Love chicken so much as we all do it a whole lot of chickens I don't want this to become a scrappy fight over who's got the best chicken. I just love chicken Let's not do the event and then Andy wants to do the event to see you know it a whole lot more chickens We don't bore you with the power of

And then and then the master would go that's the new radio ad for a whole lot more chickens We won't bore you with parables. I'm like some of our competitors, he should remain nameless. Anyway, what's the game? It was scrapped and in its place, something we cannot finish this year. The last show of this year will be episode 40 until of course we start again next year. Episode 40 must contain resolution to the chicken wars. It's occupied pretty much the last half of the year with no satisfactory resolution as yet. Here is what I want. It was my job to formulate the rules of chicken. Now the normal rules of chicken would see you, the most obvious version is you both decorate your cars up like chickens and you drive

each other. Two obvious. Two obvious. But we would get some flinching, I think. I think we'd get some flinching, yes. Legals would have a problem with it. I'm all up for it, but I also think it penalizes Andy. Much nicer car, just like my store.

And I want this to be somewhat of a fair fight. In the absence of that, I need to devise, I need to devise some sort of system where it would be chicken shop owner, the chicken shop owner, doing something because there is a movement involved in the game of chicken towards each other that could produce, at a moment of maximum excitement, could produce a possible flinch, which would reveal weakness and lack of belief in one store.

I've come up with the following idea. Oh, gosh. How, what is the best way to end the chicken wars? Mm-hmm. With the ultimate chicken battle. Here is what will happen. You will be each stand six meters away from each other. Mm-hmm. You will bring in your own chicken. It can be cooked.

It can be raw. Mm-hmm. You will have a bucket of it. You will eat where your merchandise, dress up as much as you want to support your company. You'll take it in turns to throw a chicken at the other man. I will be filming each of you with the new iPhone super slow motion function or just any iPhone's super slow motion function. You may not flinch when chicken is thrown at you. You're taken in turns until you've either flinched giving the other man the win, run out of chicken, we'll collect the chicken and we'll go again until we have a flinch. I like this. Is it flinch blinking? What's a flinch?

Head movement. Okay. Or a body movement. Can I, I'll do a facial expression to you now. Yeah. Is that flinching? You did not. You probably, I kind of like this.

You probably will just close your eyes as a reflex. And first, you know, kind of brace myself for impact as well. Yeah. No, I don't think that's because what we're trying to do here is to recreate, you reckon closing your eyes is a flinch. I can closing your eyes. No, no, no, if it's a normal blink, but if you brace your face, Oh, you move to neck then.

If you brace your face in any way for a, Yep, using extra muscles. Yep. So you've got to remain perfectly calm because this, let's not forget, this isn't just for the fun of trying chicken at each other. This is for the title of Ultimate Chicken Store Owner, and this is what businesses like out there

in the chicken world. You cannot flinch. You flinch, you give the other guy the win, okay? This shows me that you can, in the highly competitive world of food court chicken shops, you can keep your cool. You know, our Janine's called in sick. That's okay, I think Davey is happy to work another shift.

Absolutely keep your cool. I were out of fat sticks for the fryer. That's okay, I think Davey is happy to work another shift. Absolutely keep you cool. I were out of fat sticks for the fryer. That's all right. Why don't we ask Abbroke and Babbroke if they've got one. Yeah, they did. Great, you kept you cool. That's what life is like in the food court.

What can the chicken have bones in it? Is there any limitations on what you can throw? Great question. I'd like it to be filled it's only, boneless. Boneless,, I think it's about. I think don't throw what you wouldn't serve. Yep. Is the general rule. Okay. Great. I did say it could be raw. Yeah. That's the issue. No, raw fillets is good. Yeah, raw fillets. Don't throw what you wouldn't. I mean, I suppose you do have bones like you got legs and wings and stuff. Are we happy to just breast or take a bone in there? No, I can no bones.

Yep, no bones. No bones? Why did you all spine, Jack? Um, yep, we've could say, I could, or I have got option two. Oh, what's option two? I think we'll go with option one. Option two, option two was gonna be,

I present you with a chicken I've prepared, and some will be prepared days in advance, and some will be prepared that day. Basically, you brave enough to eat it, because some will be poisoned chicken. Oh. So you keep it for three days out of the fridge. Oh, you don't know.

Guy could have just cooked it, could have kept it out cold overnight. I mean, it's a salmonella to check it. I mean, and the problem with that is, it's episode 40, the results will be delayed. You'll get very, very sick, but not for two days. Yeah, you will get Campbell, if I could want some of you will, if you don't flinch. Yeah. I guess we'll just be up to me to go, oh, Jack, well done, but you ate the chicken with salmonella. You know, it's too too much of a delay.

I'd like for the idea of poison chicken, but couldn't really see how we'd get an immediate result. Yeah, okay, so just the ultimate chicken battle to finish them all. Right. Right. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪

Hey, and last week, I mentioned to you guys that across the way from me and the quarter sacriot live, I realized there was, what I thought was tinted windows, the side wall of this house, it could be either dark tinted windows or it could be cladding. It could be blacked out cladding. Words glass, it could be completely black. Yes. Paintered out like an upcoming exciting store. Might be.

Yeah, yeah, it's that kind of thing. What's inside? Ooh, I think it's pizza. I heard it was Asian Share Plates. Oh, great. Yeah. That kind of blacked out. Oh, it was intended.

It heavily tinted like the investigation. Yeah. You see, when people have a line up in the usual suspects, one way mirror. And there was one way to go about it. The reason why I was worried is because it does look into my bathroom as well as an area which I was nude. You have your wall thick was tending to my bottom when I had an absurres. Bottom injury that required some

reluctant work from your girlfriend to aid your second anus. That's what it looked like. Yes, it was a whole. So you've got your bedroom and your bathroom next to each other and you're obviously walking naked back and forth in there and you think it's private. And it's only recently, I've lived in it for so long that you've realized, is there might be a line of sight this area and it might have been going on

for well over a decade. And I'm not worried about them looking in. My major worry was me going, oh gosh, this has been probably offensive to them in a lot of ways. We don't know what's going on up there. We had no way of knowing that there wasn't some sort of like a bird hide, with bird watches up there there just people sitting there quietly with binoculars and a sketch pad. So this morning, we didn't know what was going on over the road. We went across to your house.

We thought we'd get to the bottom of this handle. So this morning we met at my house. I showed you the situation. And then we're gonna work out what happened from there. Thanks for having me. I was supposed to be here. I always have it as check out the need be situation, have any friend at any time?

It's something you vote offered all friends. I've given people a business go to a separate phone, have a burner phone, and if it rings, go, who's this? Pete, I'll be right away. I'm on an all-stand in Pete's backyard at Nathide. Yeah. Gays around. Oh yeah.

Southwest, they can take it. X-ham you the best. So, what did it? Should we have a look at the Fending Bathroom? Yeah. All right, what are you guys? It's a bathroom, but it's also the bedroom that I was worried about as well.

So, what have we here? This is a squeegee. A squeegee. Yeah, a squeegee. Yes. So you haven't squeegeed this morning? I did this squeegee. Trying to keepegee. This is how squeegee. Yes. So you haven't squeezed this morning? I never squeezed it.

Trying to keep it fast and loose. To impress me? It won't impress me. I never squeezed it. Get rid of this and I'll be impressed. I never squeezed you this. It's just to drag the water back from the ground. What's this big permaughey for?

Is that just to come the outside if you've done a piece? No. What's in it up here? This is all part of it. This is not an interrogation part of. This is what? Who's had a sore throat lately? Better to interrogate your right? Get the outback I'm for. Okay, well, I was telling her to... It's got a big race to the season.

This is part of it. This isn't part of it. This is what I'm saying. So, it's sort of bathroom audit. Annie, I can't do my work. Okay, if I'm not comfortable with the surrounds. Fritz control, that's for you. Yes, that's for you.

And he's Fritz controlling your hair? Oh, dear. A light weight styling comfortable with the surrounds. Frisk control, that's for you. Is that for you? And he's frisk control in your hair? Oh, dude. A light weight style in cream with natural shine. When cream, quite fun. Volusory, ebberliance, natural. Okay, okay, okay, okay. French.

In the French gear. Anyway. Well, you invite him into your bathroom. Leaf. Oh, up top. See that? That's a direct line of sight. Is that direct enough? I understand why you thought it was black lighting on the outside of it? That's a direct line of sight.

Is that direct enough? I understand why you thought it was black cladding on the outside of it. That's my thought, but now, then if you look for the down, there's some open windows. That's when I noticed. It shouldn't be able to open cladding. I understand what you're saying. There's a clearly windows down there. So what have we got here?

Are they tinted windows or are they cladding? You got six thin panels the size of a small surfboard running East West. Yes And it does look like most of them like half of over half of them are by cladding but yeah then Some are windows my worries are they tinted windows? Yeah, look it was directly there's a balcony right there next to those windows,

so that's obviously someone's apartment. Yes. Geez, and I don't like your chances here, I think. I mean, there's at least a 50% chance for the last. And I haven't, you don't see it when you're standing up. No, no, no, no, they're fine. If you're at enough height. This is a pervert strain.

We know. Because they will never make eye contact with you. But they'll make nut contact every day. They're probably up there now with their mates from work going, oh you said you normally showers around this time. I don't know, he must have gone early. I might walk in on subsort. He's the other probably pervert party society that's been going for the last 12 years. Here's the other problem, I was lying like this on my bed to have Beck pack my bottom when I had my...

I don't know, I don't need to see this. Problem? Yep. The abscess. And then if you come and have a look again, I'm high. Alright, I don't enjoy doing this, but it's part of the job. My head will now be yours.

Yeah, that's not good. That's a bad angle. I don't enjoy doing this but it's part of the job. My head will now be your ass. Yeah, that's not good. That's a bad angle. That's what I'm even more worried about. Pack up my mouth. No, my head's your ass. Ow, keep it, PJ. So, what do you propose we do?

I think I was just going to go there and be straight with whoever I am instead a part man and go. I'm sorry to do this, but I have to run a little window or what it is. My friend might be accidentally sitting in the last 12 years of his life. Flashing you. Yep.

And do we send, do we give it a gift? No, I think you've done enough, mate. There's nothing you can give to undo the damage that you've caused. I probably liked it out those windows themselves if they are blacked out. Take it across the therapist. Why don't you stay here and be naked?

Well, I'm not going to be naked. I thought you wouldn't be naked. I've got you one of those almost nude suits, body stocking with a bit of black mischief around you. I can't be pubic mischief, but nothing. But you'll be edited. If I'm just sitting here in jeans, you'll still get the same. I'd rather see the flash of skin color and a dark mischief in the groin area. Just to be sure. But it's not like an adult-only suit. This is like food.

Here it is, what's it called? It's party costume. What was the lady's suit? Doesn't matter. You can be a naked lady. It's like an enemy. There you go. It's not dark mischief. party costume. It's a lady suit, doesn't matter. You can be in a makeup like an enemy. There you go, it's not dark mist, just by mistake, it's a fig leaf. Make it lady suit. Why don't you want you the man one? It was a fast grab.

$2 shot. 35 bucks a season. Also, you know, a discount shop. It probably retails it. Aidey. Realistic. It's a realistic party lady suit. All right, you go across there

and I'll shower, brush my teeth and then come in for a nice pack. Well, you don't have to. Yeah, I suppose you do. But as the party lady, as a party lady, good boy. Right, so I went across the road, we figured we figured out, did a bit of maths to see what

apartment number it would be. Wrong the doorbell, wrong the buzzer, explained it through the end to come, got let up, met Diane. Lovely. Be confused at the start, but explain to her just this is just a simple window order to figure out a few line of side issues for her own safety. Which could have been followed by a huge apology from us. From you. Yeah. Turns out Diane and the cat La Faye

are absolutely wonderful neighbours. However, at that stage, I didn't know what the situation was. I was very keen to see a layout of her apartment because it was just me in there and you're over the road. Can you see the layout of the apartment and because it was just me and there and you're over the road. Candice had a lay out of the apartment and I, I see if those tentative windows were real. I put on the nude suit. Good boy. And you're a wady muckle. I was wading your call.

I'm putting suit on G, small naked lady. It's very tight. It backs you home any moment. So this would be a very strange thing to explain to her that I dress as a naked lady when she leaves the house. In some ways, the suit is a bit more offensive than they'd hoped because it's so tight. The actual fig leaf is sitting about where my belly button is, rather than over my junk.

All right, good luck, Ham. I think, from doing the maths, I've got the right apartment number. We're at a apartment number. Oh! Hi! How's it going? Good. Dang it. How you doing?

That's laughing at you. How you doing? She's not me shake? Oh my god, that's attacking. Sorry, I can't want to. I'm tearing up the stairs. He was got entrance, so he's on his way up. Can't see him. He's been screwed up this day. He must got entrance, so he's on his way up.

Can't see him. But if it is a dark tint, I mean, it's like the one way mirror that investigators use, the CIA, I don't know why they need to be following me for this amount of time. I've got nothing to hide, although the fact that Beck was putting something at my bottom, that would be suspicious activity,

particularly if you were traveling. Dan, I love you to meet you. Nice to meet you as well. This is what a beautiful home. Thanks for having us here. As you know, my friend Andy, who you might not know, he lives across the street. Oh, I know it's on Dinday, sure.

Gotcha, sorry about that. Breath of the last dance. Yes. You fished? Look at it. Yes. Living on top of a stair master. Well, we are at the top where the vantage point is

Annie realises the other day. He's a bit of a nudist who walks around a lot, nude, right? He realised on the side of your building, it looks like there's black panels. He's been there for 12 years or whatever. Then one day, recently, he looked up and went, I'm going to say, what if they're windows? Mm.

Can I inspect the side here to see if these windows or panels, I think already just looking at it, that the panels in question, I think they're behind your kitchen. I think they're panels. I think you thought they were very dark tinted windows and suddenly he went, oh, I'm going to say, I could be visible for whoever's in this apartment. Well, you're more than welcome to have a hundred kitchen. I think they're panels. I think you thought they were very dark tinted windows and suddenly he went, oh, hang on a sec,

I could be visible for whoever's in this apartment. Well, you're more than welcome to have a look from the outside. Can I have a look? Of course. Thank you so much. Yeah, I'm gonna call it right now. It's all by chance.

You can't see. There's no windows. Oh, you might like to get your over the balcony. Oh, there's Hamish. Oh, he's on the balcony. Does that mean that they are tended or not tended? Did he come out to show me that he was there? If you're really dedicated, you can get up and over. But if you're really dedicated, you can climb the side of his ass too.

I don't think I'm that dedicated. I'd like to make that quite clear. What he was worried about, I suppose, was make that quite clear. What he was worried about I suppose was like casual glances. She surely dedicated glances would be more of a threat. Dedicated glances would be more of a threat, but there wouldn't be specific to you. Anyone could dedicate the plan. Thank you for acknowledging. Someone could just call it the side of his window, put a webcam in his bathroom.

That's a dedicated glance. That's got nothing to do with living here. That's a specific example. That's...I would never... I would never... ...just do that so I'd rather leave. Such a thing. But what I might do is call Andy

and tell him to get ready. I might just tell him that they're doing as anywhere to spoo you. Hey. Ando. Tintin or not tintin. There's some tinting happening here. Now, obviously, if we stick our head over the balcony,

we could see you. Yes. But you have to climb up on some benches like, happening here. Now obviously if we stick a head over the balcony we could see you, but you have to climb up on some benches like, I mean it's way outside the realms of a casual place, so you have to go to a lot of effort and almost fall off the side of a building to get a visual. What about those, is it cladding or is it black windows onto the right of that? Well I'm standing at the black windows and they are have a little walk around. Okay yeah yeah we can see you through the tinted windows. Really? I can't go- No you sicko! They don't tinted windows that completely blacked out.

Wards of bathroom, Wards of kitchen, Wards of bedroom. It's completely solid. Backed out, ones in bathroom, ones in kitchen, ones in bedroom. It's completely solid. You maniac, you're free to walk around here. Why am I the maniac? Because you're the one over there, wandering around in a some sort of made up nudist suit, hoping that the world can see you. You're all alone, Lisa.

You can continue living in a nudist paradise over there and you're not disturbing anyone. Could you just, if I went down into the bum position, can you just go back on the balcony and see what we required? Okay, I'll let you know. So first of all, don't you come out of the balcony very much. Well, I won't be any more. No, it's not be any more, even though there's no way that you could accidentally see or

put it that way. It's a small balcony, it probably looks like Lafayette, the cat enjoys the balcony the most. Yes. All right, so I'm coming at the balcony now. Now I'm tall as you know, I can't even see of us. So it's like a hot, very high fence. I stand up on a bench.

Yeah, if I'm standing up on the bench now and my head is over, so I don't think they could even get this angle. For a risk-free moment, I would just keep this blind. Oh, yeah, but there's, I mean, the chance of someone standing here, I reckon there's more chances of someone scaling your roof and peeking their head over,

because what I mean at the moment, is like an active peeping tom. An active peeping position. And there's just no chance, Tony's ever in an acting peeping position. Because there's just no chance to earn as ever in an acting peeping position. Because there's nothing that doesn't have to do with this apartment. Someone can hire a helicopter and hover over you.

I mean, they can see if they want to actively peep at you. And I'm not encouraging this as a podcast to actively try and peep at Andy, although I can't rule out there, would be possibilities if you hang around the house. I would be lying if I said there were no peeping possibilities, just saying it's very very difficult to do it. So all these windows, the Antimalea, that's dinner windows, it's solid wall brick.

That's great. You say that. Thank you, mate. My work here is done. Thank Diane as well. Certainly well, she's lovely. Beautiful apartment, lovely cat. Keep the suit on and let's go have breakfast. That's a relief.

Thanks for listening. The Hamish Nandy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamishanandy.com. at www.heimissionandy.com