Hamish & Andy - Hamish & Andy 2019 Ep 47

Episode Date: April 10, 2019

1. Song Sleuth2. Bland Designs3. Suspicious email4. Changing the Game5. Hamish’s wipers6. Chit Chat Champion7. SP-PSA

A list-snap production. Activate your internet. Cause the Haymission and the Podcast starts in 3, 2, sorry, still buffering. 1. One! A Hoi All, and welcome to another podcast, Ham. Thank you. We're going to... I feel like... Because you said thank you, it feels like I should welcome Jack as well.

Welcome Jack, thank you. Now, I should welcome Anders, who found it very easy to upload some audio. I'd be interested to see if that's his perspective. Anders from Goapidagon. Hi, this is Anders from Copenhagen, Denmark. It's time I'm gonna drink so much coffee my entire body will start shaking. Not sure if it was for a competition, but it was off the work. You make your own fun in Denmark.

You make your own fun around the world. That's a special trade with the hamsy English. Thanks Anders. Thank you, thank you. Hey, I want to start with a song slew. I was going to say, should we ever get a number to give out for our WhatsApp? We know we're not doing the WhatsApp. Oh, okay.

Well, you're not going to get many. Okay. Anyway, are they flooding in or would you say it's a reliable trick or full of the broom? A small cup. A fumble. Ah, song slew. Do you want to start with the song slew? What do you do with the song slew?

What do you do with the song slew? What do you do with the song slew? What do you do with the song slew? What do you do with the song slew? What do you do with the song slew? What do you do with the song slew? What do you do with the song slew? What is that? The songs, haven't had one for a year, I don't think. No, if so, give us another. This is where Andy holds a torch, a copyright torch, an intellectual property torch. Two songs to make sure they pass the test of original work. Exactly.

By the artist. A torch we would have feared in our university days had there been exam sleuth or assignment sleuth working at uni? Luckily there wasn't. I can't believe there is that now. I can't believe. That's software. Yeah, like any person that submits their assignment, they have to submit it to this software first,

not only that it's been at twice, they press a button and it goes, this is 85% original, it passes you can submit it. Geez. And then if they only get to use the thing twice and it goes, this is 85% original, it passes you can submit it. Geez. And then if they only get to use the thing twice and then they get their... What's the threshold? I don't know, but I just thought for you...

Could you submit it a mirrored version? Like people do that with episodes of The Simpsons and stuff to trick these two cheap. 100% your own work? Really? Cause they just submitted Warren Peacion, Dickens, but I mirrored it. An already difficult book, mirrored.

Well, this is a biology exam. Well, I think you're fun still. Good book. Let's get into this. This sounds like this, sounds like this, sounds like this. If this sounds like that, I'm your man. Indie Lee, Song, Slooth. Are you Sluth?

I've got two today out of my own investigations Really? What do you mean? Like an origin of two originals from me No, not from your band No one sent these in

I thought, oh you can't be right Sorry I thought it was your brother's band I can burn cam on air Let's I want to take everybody back to a song by minute work called Down Under. Great song. You mean, take us back, take us forward, never stop. It was the greatest song of all time. Now, obviously, that's been a lot of heartache for them.

I'll treat you to song. That's cool about us. It's an old gum tree they were done for. They were done for. I still think, unfailing. And they've had to pay royalty to their think sticks. Yeah, which is, I think, sticks. And, well, one of the writers says that the stress of that cost,

it was huge health implications to his parents and they've been one and passed away. That's how bad a writer can be. So this is what can happen if you sloth incorrectly? Yes. This is the song for people to remember. I've got a way for them to get all their money back. Oh, wonderful. Because I was watching accidentally on UK TV, on Foxdale, EastEnders.

You know the TV show? It's like England's neighbours. England's neighbours. It's still a long-running type. Yeah, it's 5,000 neighbours. It's been going forever. A year. Like they just pump them out. This is, have you ever heard the opening titles of these tenders?

Uh, can't say I have, have listened to this. Geez. Is that a 30% NAW. Yeah, we go back to the original one here. Yeah. Now, EastEnders 1985, this was 1980. Now that, the minute work is 12 beats. I feel music, so I'm able to count that very fast. Let's have a listen to them both put together and see if it feels out of place. That was EastEnders. Yeah, that's all. EastEnders going into metal work, isn't it? That was EastEnders into metal work.

It's certainly got something to answer for. That's good. It does sound like that drum machine's just taking a lot of start up. It does, it does like someone's gone. Give us a beat. Oh, okay, but it's the first beat of the day and she's a bit cold. So she's going to take a little while to start up. What do you think? Yes, I think he's the standards of stolen that and I think in a three-way manoeuvre

Yeah, they should pay all their money to the cookabourgash actually in a one-way manoeuvre Yeah, they should pay all their money. Sorry, did manoeuvre? Yep, who then don't have to pay that money? Yes, oh, once even though it's money earned from the song that the cookabourg guys said they get all the money for. I'd just like to look after Manitwork here and give them the royalties for the current season of A-Senders as a punishment. Great, that's nice. That's what it does, that's been sorted. Another that we wrapped. There's a hit song at the moment. Yeah, by new up and coming artists, you'd be all over this ham because you've got your finger on the pulse with regards to new pop music you could Billy Eilish this is a song yeah this is the one I want to bring to question still under investigation but

I just wanted to see if it's a strong enough lead. Have a listen. The doors. People are strange. When you're a stranger, faces look ugly. When you're alone. Okay, What do you want for me? When you're a stranger. What are you wondering? When you're alone. Is it, I don't know.

I mean, at some point, everyone's gonna play a G-flat of B. You know, an A minor. It's the same D-F-X. An A double sharp, a C triple minus. Exact same key, and they're traveling down. A key's in, but not on a key. But they're traveling down at the exact same way. I've got to go up or down and say, you only got three choices when you're in a key.

Up, down, stay the same. I mean, when you're putting music together, you choices are limited. I mean, you've got, you're in the key. That's obviously a B minor. And they've got, they've gone, well, you know, is it just me is it getting a bit samey?

Probably while they're riding it. Yeah. Well, let's pump it up. Let's know. We're a bit mopey. No, we'll pump it down. And that's, I mean, that's, you can't really, I don't think you're gonna own that progression. So you know, okay, throw us off.

Well, it's just a direction and a key. Well, people got here, remember they're like, dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. From somebody that used to do. Right, Baba Backsheep. Yeah, he got done for Baba Backsheep used to do it. Right, Baba Backshade. Yeah, he got done for Baba Backshade. He can't get done for Baba Backshade. I mean, what you just played there,

sounded like, if I'm being honest, like a bad DJ, who's just found some songs that sound kind of similar. You know, like in a, or can't find a similar. A Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. But not similar enough. Yeah, but what's the song sound kind of similar? Some of my original sound a lot like Cat Steve.

Yeah. But you don't see Cat Cohen in here scratching me. Okay. He lets me be, I'll let him be. Okay, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Hey, and Beck and I, quite like watching Grand Designs. Yeah, lovely. Australian, U.E.K. or New Zealand. Oh, yeah, well. It makes a difference. That's right. I would smold in order. Yeah.

If you were gold silver bronze, you would need a nice generous to give New Zealand a bronze medal for you. Oh, we're happy they put him. I would say the U.K.s outstanding. The U.K.s world will begin. Yes. Australia can be hit and miss. Can be. And New Zealand can be hit and miss.

Can be. And New Zealand can be miss and miss. Occasionally, yeah. Yeah. No, the occasional hit in there. But I suppose that's what that's what any reality shows about. Yeah, you have your favourites, you have your heroes and villains. That's true.

Beckett, I was watching on the other night. I think it was Australia. I'm not going to put this on New Zealand. I think it was Australia that just compared to other episodes didn't look very good. Beck walked in, she made a cup of tea, she said, oh really is this what they're going for? Is this the house? I was like, yeah, she said,

it's not great, is it? And I said, yeah, grand design, more like bland design. It was a huge comedy moment. It was a good, it was a really great. It was a great moment for us. I mean, it's really this is someone without kids being able to do a dad job. Yes. You know, that's... And they're sat down as if I hadn't made the job.

She would have internally been processing it. Because it's a slow burn up. And it's... It's a high level stuff. But it did give me an idea for a new show. Who did? Yeah. Maybe, Blan Design. Let's do it. Welcome back to Blan Designs.

We're a truly underwhelming and unremarkable project has been taken on by David maybe bland design. Let's do it. Welcome back to bland designs. We're truly underwhelming and unremarkable project has been taken on by David and his partner, Kevin. As I look upon this cream scoured brick square home that has no fence and no front garden, it's concreted all the way up to the front entrance, I get an engulfing feeling of nothingness. David, what inspired you to take on this particular project?

Oh, I just didn't want to spend any money on it. That's definitely a factor. Isn't that right, Kevin? Yeah. And also don't care at all about aesthetics. OK. As I enter the house, I get a tremendous feeling of it being stock standard, cookie cutter, one size fits

all type of design. Yeah, that's good. Absolutely. Well, we just picked it out of a very standard home catalog. So in the extras part, we just ticked none. And that's probably where we began realizing we could have a bland design on our hands here. Well, it's a rectangle? Yes, it is. Two bedrooms, one bathroom, a living room and a kitchen.

Yes, standard brick, very, very standard, which we were going to paint maybe a vivid white or a dynamic white, but then we had the idea if we painted it in a dull cream, that would really add to the bland effect and maybe appeal to your show and the viewers. Well it has, absolutely, it has. So well done. There's really nothing I catching about this property at all. Thank you so much. I've seen prisons with more character. That really means a lot to put this much work in and property at all. Thank you so much. I've seen prisons with more character.

That really means a lot. It's a way to put this much work in and to hear that. Thank you. It's a terrific project. Now that it's all done, do you think it's been worth the effort? Well, look, it was no effort at all. And the challenge was to try and keep it that way, isn't that right, Kev? I mean, you can do all this and get to the point where it's mediocre

and sort of cod ordinary but then you could accidentally sort of add some character to it. So hopefully we just keep it nice and bland and we don't we don't we don't paint it or do anything interesting to it. Of course, yeah. But I think you know we're keen and I'm confident that in 20 years it'll still be just as bland if not bland. All the best. Sorry, Kev, was that? Yes. Yeah. That's right.

Yeah, I was agreeing. People just rarely do something. Boys, my attention has been pe picked by something in the inbox. Couldn't label it, really. Do you know, I've recently told Jack this the other day, do you know you can make folders in your email? I've got a folder. Cool.

So do I now. And I'm enjoying them. You just, you just, you just sing a power move into the sky. Yeah, you're rather tidal. You're rather tidally. And you move it over. Yep. And then when you want that thing later, you go, haven't you done that in your whole inbox?

No. So what I've got is... So what about all the other work stuff we do? Like when I send you a contract, we don't even like that. Where's that guy? Search by Andy. I know who you are.

Do you read that email? Easy. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- I just found a way to make a better. And then I was flagging things. Like I was using a blue flag for power moves, except then somewhere along the line, the flag system got a bit jumbled. And some were getting purples, which I didn't understand. And red was just generally, I must get back to that. Orange, I think for a while, was upset Andy, and then that got slicked over the green.

Okay, so was the flags got confused, then I went, okay, let's just use English words in folders. Figure that out of do it, having the time of my life. However, some emails defy categorization. Yep. So I've now got a folder that's just, right, like it's just a, what's all this about? One came in this week, and I don't know what to do with it, Jack.

It's come in from, look, they say their name is Rebecca, but I don't know, part of me, look, I'm sure it's for real, but part of me is suspicious on this. You've got to be suspicious of emails sometimes, especially, we've got to open, while wide open websites, submission mailbox, you know, it's not difficult to emails.

It just says, hi. Have you visited your store last week and I saw a very nice t-shirt I want to buy? Okay. You know, from time to time we've sold stuff, especially hollered chickens, Jack's fixing a chicken shop. I got a question, I wanted to order it,

but I can't find the t-shirt anymore in your store. Okay, so, uh-oh, we've lost a customer. Looks like the first picture on this side, and then include a bit link, like a hyperlink. Yeah. Okay. Please tell me if you're gonna sell it again. I really wanna buy it.

I hope that I can see it soon, so I can place an order. I'll wait. Okay. Yours and silly. So, okay, we've got Rebecca sitting here. She's on the hook. She's on the line, Jack.

She might wanna buy a whole lot of chickens, T-shirt. Yep. Elephant in the room, is that link secure?, Jack, she might want to buy a whole lot of chicken's t-shirt. Yep. Elephant in the room, is that link secure? You know, so it's a bit of a virus, yeah. It's a bit of a classic, so it's just a bit of a link to. She might have been. You don't know what the bit leaves him a link to.

Yep. I thought, on one hand, we could have a real e-mailer here who wants to have a chat to us. Yeah. On the other hand, it's very dangerous to click on those links. I think one of us should open it. I don't think it should still be me. Well, it actually can't be me because I'm

I'm a totally against the sale of Jack of T-shirts. Right. It's like, it's a pretty terrible memory. I think Rebecca's come to the show as more of a listener and should like our attention. Does she say anywhere that it's a whole lot of chicken to show that she implies it? She implies it.

I guess it is the most recent T-shirt we've had for sale. Because in one reading, you could say, oh, this is a bot that sends out this T-shirt email to any website in the hope that someone does sell T-shirts. I don't like being that cynical about the internet. I still think it's a place for openness and generosity and the sharing of creativity. I think it's just one of our listeners of the podcast, one of the family, that doesn't, hasn't got a great skill at composing emails and just happens to write quite generically. Right.

So I think the decision, I think we should open this. It certainly got my interest. I mean, intrigued, but I'm nervous to open up my computer. If I do get selected, sure, I'll step up and I'll do my job. And I think it should be Jack. Right. It's to do with him and his t-shirt. What about this?

What about we paper, you and me? We're the, we're the, our names are on the show, the Hamish Andy show, we can't just circle, you know, we wanna stand up there and go listen to the podcast. It can't just abandon all risk and every time things get a bit hot, give the virus to Jack.

Okay. I think that we should show a bit of leadership here and should be out of you and I. I think you should be out of you and I. What about this? This is fair. I've got a thing of a way that's can't be rigged. Okay. It's got to be, to you and I think you should be out of you and I. What about this? This is fair. I've got a thing of a way this can't be rigged. Okay.

It's got a between you and I paper rock scissors to who opens this link. Okay. If we're deadlocked though, three times in a row let's say, that's a waste of every once time and it will go to Jack. I doubt. I doubt we're going to be in this paper. I don't think it is paper thin. Okay, here we go.

One, two, three. Paper. What are you doing? I thought we'd agreed to go rock. Why would you change it? I thought we were going to agree in the moment. With a code word like paper thing. I was seeing him showing you with my left hand.

What are you showing me? I was showing you a bit. What I was talking about is how we have to stand up. How we have to stand up and lead by some of the things I thought you were doing like a push and move. I was showing you to go rock with my left hand while playing with my Why if you plan to rig this before and did you not Say what you were gonna do three times I forget

Well, it's India so Yeah, I was I was I was I was I was the signal he bought a paper he got us all right incoming Jack plays some music for people I just send this link to Andy you ready is it in here Yeah, the subject line is sorry about before Yeah, that's it. He's the link. I'll probably click on it now Going to AliExpress.com. Oh to a t-shirt Oh, this is a t-shirt. Yeah, so it was a bit linked like that was like a compressed link. So what is it like Ali Baba? Yeah They did want a t-shirt. Oh, nothing to do with us. Oh great I'm not for sure that was a virus. Yeah. Yeah, well good. He's like a picture

Yeah, I don't know just to Alex is like to to teach it. Is it Hamish any branded t-shirt? No, no Just generic Ali Baba type t All right, big Chinese online. Probably behind the scenes, my identity's being sold. Oh, I wear spyware spyware spyware. But yeah, but a well-programmed spyware. As to make you think you're looking at T-shirts. Yeah. Okay.

If a different person comes in next week and says that he's Andy, he's ready to do the podcast. You know what's happened. I believe him. I mean, he's got the data. Sorry about the fall. Hey Macapal podcast back, you presented an inspired idea of a new topic, a subject that people can hit up painstainty.com, we appreciate everyone going there and being part of the show.

How are you changing the game? Came to me when I was, if people remember correctly, walking, went into the supermarket, and just had enough after 37 years, suppose not a 37 years of doing the shopping. But 36 years of doing the shopping, because they started on the white house old years of doing the shopping, because they start on the young and the white house old,

of putting the avocados and the nectarines in first. You might have been in that little kitty seat in the top of a trolley, but I learned it. Yeah, the poor little guy being absorbed to this sort of horror. Doing the fruit alfers. And then you finish at the end. And for an hour, supermarket, that's frozen pies, et cetera.

It can defa, like different supermarkets, often you'll find it's a freezer, much easier to do the electrics on a wall if you've got a fridge. Yep, obviously that makes sense. But why? Why don't we finish with the soft items? Well, I've changed the game and I haven't looked back since. Now, I had a bit of communication with people,

I had one person writing and go, oh no, you have to put fruit in first because then when you get to the counter and you're putting it out, putting on the conveyor belt, it comes out last and then it ends up on the top of your bags when you're taking them home, so it doesn't get squashed there. Yeah, but it's already been squashed. Yeah, it's actually.

Yeah, you put, you go to the fruit last. It's safe. You put on the conveyor belt first and you go, can you please put it all in a separate bag? So I don't think it's a question. That's how you don't squash your fruit. Just check out yourself doing these days. No, no, I have lots of stuff.

Really? Yeah, I have a lot of stuff. A lot of stuff. And I like to make sure that check out people will still have a job. Okay. I don't. I don't.

Yeah, I have a lot of stuff to come in. Man, I care about, I care about their employment. I steer them in the eyes I check the check out myself and go have a robot do it. Yeah, I'm aim people change the game people have written in how have you changed the game Ben joins us now Ben we've had our producers go to find a selection of people that are changing the game Please tell us how are you changing the game? the game please tell us how are you changing the game? Oh, I've heard a whole lot of people have heard of me. And so my little game page is that the Taka Rado is a call it. The what, sorry?

It's Taka Rado. Taka Rito, okay. Taka Rado. Yeah exactly, you stand at Taka, all you're feeling is what not, but outside the outer shell of the Taka, you put a Rado. So when you take it by the Taka doesn't let it in or you're feeling full at. Oh Jesus, there's a pretty good idea. That is a game changer. So you've got a hard shell taco surrounded by a big soft shell tortilla.

Exactly right. Yeah, that's changing the game. That is changing the game. I mean, you're upping your wrapping costs. You're upping your doubling your corn costs or your pressed corn. Yeah. You've been given corn to kill in the aflail your corn costs or your pressed corn. Yeah. You've been corned for a while. Oh, you'd assume corn. For the true Mexican experience, but yeah, you're right. You could have a corn hard shell tarco in the middle and a flower tortilla on the outside. Yeah. Do you ever do that, Ben? I do. Game change. All angles.

Oh, he's in the front of the cover 360 degrees here. Game changing from Ben. From now on, if my wife or I come, well, I know about it. Now, but if Zoe doesn't know about it, and she comes home from the supermarket with hard shell tacos. I'll go thanks for getting half of dinner. Because haven't you heard? Haven't you heard? We're wrapping these now.

Layton. Layton, Ahoy. Ahoy, boys, how are you? Very good. How are you changing the game mate? So basically I have to just be a wave to get extra time on any assignment. I do it uni. Alright, that's good. How are you headed in that?

So when my first year at uni, I submitted an assignment that turned out to be corrupt. So I got an email from the markup, probably about a week later, saying, look, the file was corrupt, the car accessor can please resubmit it. So what I've done now is that I've saved that file onto my computer. And whenever I feel like I need a few extra days or weeks to finish an assignment, I renamed that file and submit that instead. I am this is. This is good to look extra level on you, he has a really an actual crop farm.

Yeah, he can actually take back in the day, and I am just trying just just type out windings. Yep. A few minutes with the topic, you know, with the file name saved. And this one I had to submit a column for a magazine. And I go, sorry, I didn't know a bit behind deadline. Here you go. And it was also in the days of desktop computers. So I had submitted it on a Friday and go have a good weekend, go. And then I had right back and go,

no, no, it's not working. It's not only on our computer, oh, I must have used an e-vision of word. I'll re-save it as a word 98 dog. And I would send it through it in proper times in your home. And so I do appreciate that you've saved now of Iris, essentially.

That's really good. That's really good. I would love to have that crop file in a first place. Oh, unfortunate fact is the brave. You make your own life, you make your own life. It's safe to young people out there Oh, unfortunate fact is the brave. You make your own life, you make your own life. I'd say to young people out there, don't discard a corrupt file. What are they worth?

Worth their weight and gold. The run to the litter is actually considered to be a beautiful spot. You dream of getting a corrupt file. I mean, back when we were growing up, corruption here and everywhere. Look at that and figure computers out. But nowadays, it's harder to get a crop file. So treasure it. Share it only with those you love the most.

Thanks, Layton Ben. Ben a hoi. Oh, boy, what? A hoi, Beni. How are you changing your game? Oh, good day, Ben. Oh, good. I'm going to court him on the phone.

I can't. So, a while back, some friends know it's the movie. and obviously don't want to pay for the movie snack in the movie theater. They cost an arm and a leg. So he thought, you know, let's go down the wallies, buy some snacks, cheaper than the movie snack. Whoa, we're in there. We've gone over the fridge section and we've seen this farmhouse branch awkward custard

bottle and I was like, you know what, this would be great because you don't need to buy a drink and you don't need to buy like food because it's like a food endadrink. So by harnessing the power of custard, by harnessing the multi-c category ability of Custard being both a liquid and a solid you're able to change the movie game Jack yeah, how much money amateur hoids is revenue is driven from the snack bar versus ticket prices you were driven from the snack bar versus ticket prices. Ah, Canny Barra from memory was jacked up, G, 600 percent. Yeah. I think that's true.

Where you wouldn't actually make that much on movie tickets because you had to pay the people company, etc. That was just a way to get people to buy candies. That's right. So we couldn't do anything about, our rule was hot no hot food in. So we would have had to learn a custard whether you were concealing it or not. If you came up eating it, we would have to let you in.

You got a great thing. The problem with it was that we'd all be there sitting there, slooping down this chocolate custard out of the bottle. Chasing the game. But then like about, yeah, that's right, but about three quarters of the way through the movie, if you've already finished your bottle, you're not feeling too well. You've got to run to the lurch if you don't handle the lactose. It's not for lactose. It's exciting to change the game, but not if you're lactose intolerant, because two liters of chocolate custard will sit heavy. Thank you. Great cave joke.

Your snack bell was in 600%, they know what you're working. Wasn't it minus two? And oh Recently as you would know I acquired a new car you did transfer of money. Yes, but I bought it We need to clear my about that. I just if I feel like now I'm a bit shifty. Yeah, I came into possession of the keys to a new vehicle. Yes, by now. By buying it. By purchase.

Through the old traditional purchase. No red brake calipers, unfortunately. Oh, they're not top of one. Yep. But she gets the job done. Do you know what is annoying me a little bit? I don't think this gives way too much of personal information.

My number plate is very close to your initials. Because your ATL in my number plate is a YL. It can noise me a little bit. Because it almost looks like it's your car. I see you saying. Like if you had an HB number plate, you'd feel it. You'd go, I'd feel it. I think I'd like that because it's easier to remember though.

I mean I remember it. That's fine. Never a question there. I've got a very good memory for three numbers, three letters. But it's just that thing of going, okay, well you would be rough to have this number plate. We should probably try and swap ridgers because it's pretty close to like a personalized number plate for you. Andy, yes, Lee, or whatever. Yeah, but I mean, I'm not happy, I'm happy with not to swap. But what are your first favorite? I don't know.

I don't know. I always forget your number plate. I always have to remember it for you. I think it's what there's a why at the start. No. No. No, no. But here's the other thing I'm loving.

And I know it's not a reason to get a new car, but as a fast and loose practitioner, you probably wouldn't understand the thrill of this, being who you are and the way you are. But when you get a new car, and again, I know there's cheaper ways to achieve this result, they fill up your windscreen fluid. And you can just wash your window all the time. I am squirtin' my wipers just with reckless abandon now. One like a feather, I'm all squirted off. I just love how much washer fluid I'm going there because it will run out soon and then I have to wait 20,000 kilometers. No, you can just do, I don't have time. We do have time.

I don't have time mate. I will never have a clean windscreen again. Once it runs out, I wait to get serviced and then they fill it up. So I'm enjoying, I usually get about 1,500 kilometers where I've got washer fluid and I'm just shout out to all the people out there who are the same.

But what about the, it's so exciting. You've got it, you're washing every day. Every day I'm washing my car's face. Whenever I fill up with petrol, if I know I'm long, wash a fluid, you just put the petrol thing in, lock it in. Don't have that. You fill up with petrol.

I'll be full around lock this, lock that. I just, I don't, Sometimes I'll wash the windscreen, is that what you mean? With the thing they've got the squeegee. But while your petrol's going, then just put water in the washfloor. Where from?

Just from the can, right next to the pump. So go in the car, press the button with the lid. Yeah, well that's it. I mean, you don't, when you get out of the car, it's a day's work. It's a day's work. I'll see you pressing two buttons, fuel cap open, bonnet mean, you don't, when you get out of the car, it's a day's work. It's a day's work. It is, I've seen you pressing two buttons, fuel cap open, bonnet open, full pit stop, full service. That's what they do at the service.

They go through the car, they do bonnet stuff. Jackie, you'd feel it, you wash your fluid. No, I've been driving for about six months. The best thing you can do is on a juie morning or even a wet day, you can get the same feeling and then get that windscreen. Don't you mean it's like, and again, I don't want to quite what we're going through

with what the farmers are battling in the droughts, stricken areas of Australia. But when it does rain, and you've got a dusty windscreen, it's that same feeling like, oh, here we go. Here we go. Oh, to the dust of the windscreen.

Yeah, I'm going to leave it with that analogy. I think that apologies to the farmers. No, I'm a celebrating rain. Just as you do in any drought situation. Hey, we haven't played this for a while, but a lot of people have been emailing in saying that they'd be graded it, so let's jump into it. Have you got the best one? Chat, chat, chat, go around. Have you got grade A, grade A1?

Yeah, the best grade. Small talk. You don't have to make jokes, you don't have to be super funny. No, just keep in the ball in the air. Keep the ball in the air in an enthusiastic and interesting way. Can you provide a chat that generates interest in the group,

whether it be a pub, a restaurant, a work drinks? Would you be the ultimate plus one at any function? Hailey thinks she is. Hailey, a hoi? Hello. What work do you do, Hailey? I work in reality TV on the camera operator. Oh, great start.

Are you allowed to chat to anyone? In while they're full? I work on Google Box at the moment, so when we go into people's houses you know you have to find people who come to the world. They're in poor navel. Put them in there, get them very relaxed, get them some snacks, get your shoes off guys, get your feet up on the ornament and just start throwing bombs at these shows. Ladies, because often people are scared when they see the cameras, that's in the TV you don't see. All right, you'd be an expert at putting them in. That's good.

Well, that might make Jacob a bit nervous. Hoi Jacob. Oh, Hoi boys, and hello, Jake. How are you? I'm good, thanks, Jake. I was supposed to send her up. Interrupt back and forth for a second to get the segment moving on. Jacob, where do you deploy your chit chat in life?

I'm a policeman, so I don't know that it's as good preparation as what reality TV is, but I'll give it my best shot. You often public facing interaction. You'd often do formal talk, Jacob, but I imagine a barbecue and behind the scenes you can do chit chat, light-hearted stuff. Well, yeah, that's exactly right. Well guys, you know how this is going to work. I will kick off a conversation. The Hamish will add something and then it's over to you.

Hayley will go first. Jacob will be on hold. He won't be out of here. And remember guys, there'll be no signal for you to jump in. You simply feel out the moment and add your interesting part of the conversation. That's what it'd be judged on. How much should it raise the interesting level of the conversation? Okay, hailey, you ready to go?

Yep. Good luck. Hi guys. Hey man. You know what? They're building a new water theme park in Jolonga Victoria. Oh, alright, I wonder when that'll be finished. Hi guys, hey man, you know what, they're building a new water theme park in Jolonga Victoria. Oh, alright, I wonder when that'll be finished.

Ah, this is not very good weather in Jolonga, the best theme parks are always up higher. Not bad. Not bad, pretty good, halloween. I would say up higher than that. I would say up higher than that. Up higher was a bit wet. Up higher. Probably a stumble and the rest of the group would have been, what do you mean?

Like a high, like Everest. Hi, Roger Chid. Through the north, you would have caught the point. But really, you're often running by that station, you had the batten of the conversation, and you would have been out of the clarify. Yeah, yeah. That was good. I mean, maybe if I was picking up that touch aggressive, you know, you seem very upset than you,

or at least quite upset, perhaps that your family also operates an attraction in the Jolong area, and you're like a hot day attraction, you're worried that maybe this would take away some of the business, but it was very good. Thank you, Haley. We'll put you on hold,

and let's see if Jacob's there, you there, Jacob. Yeah, it's the big boy. Okay, Haley. We'll put you on hold and let's see if Jacob's there. You there, Jacob? Yeah, still here, boys. Okay, Haley's here. You wouldn't have heard how it went down. Let's all head to the party now. Good luck. Thank you. Hey guys. I hear they're building a new water theme park in Jolong in Southern Victoria. Oh, yeah, right. When will that be done? Yeah, I'm curious to see how it's going to go as well I love Wittenwald in Queenland and I know that's the one in Sydney how are we going to go in Melbourne who knows

I'm not a 41, I'm not a 41. I'm not a 41. Jacob, a phone reflection. You think you love the cup? Do you feel anything like the conversation is the bit too much? Yeah, well, I really like Prima. It was great. It was great. I don't know.

We didn't have a bully in the conversation who went up. We're up next to it. We're just doing a're just doing chitchat properly in the comfort zone. No, you're going in three way passions. I think... Oh, yeah. I'm so excited. And my favourite part of chitchat, which is someone grabs the ball with gusto and goes, I will take it from here.

I mean, realize this. What am I doing? I'll throw it back to the ground. What are you guys thinking? When you know you're about to play this game, you're just thinking about what is the best possible conversation and it's a water park. Yeah, that's great.

That was great. Guys, well done. I'm going to give it to Haley. Oh, my gosh. I think you've walked away from both conversations. Sure, Haley. I'm gonna give it to Haley. Oh, my God. I think you walked away from both conversations. Sure, Haley had a slip up by saying that they did normally higher. But it's still better than hanging out with that weirdo tray. No, he didn't do a great job.

Waterparks, wait too much. Very enthusiastic. That's probably the f***** car. If someone's like, what do you think of Jacob? You're really lovely guy. Jesus. He's really interested in waterparks. This is me.

Guys, thanks so much for playing. Well done. Well done. See you guys. Thank you. Ando, something's been happening a little bit on the show. Sort of popping up going away. I was hoping it would go away.

It seems sort of taken a life of its own in a few emails. I don't know if it's on ones you've seen on your side of the fence, but it's cropped up in mind. And you're always in that difficult position where you go, you hope that by shining a light on something it doesn't give it more oxygen. Oh yeah. But then it gets to the point where it's, that means I'm a genius as you think, well, I'm going to have to address this and you hope that it can be addressed in a mature manner and a sensible manner

And then it's knocked on the head and then it really does stop. Yeah, now the thing that I'm referring to is it seems to become a thing No, it hasn't I know you're just a list is what just you talking about your Area what area of expertise no your man area your area? What area? Ove expertise? No. Your man area? My superior pain. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Is people saying on email? I have never seen one. Oh, mate. They're coming. I've got three things. No, that I haven't seen as a superior pain. You have seen yours?

You've seen mine. Ah. And I've seen it. It's a bland old thing. You've got dangling over there. Inferior pain. Now look, I've made something up. I've never seen. He's a bland old thing. You've got dangling over there. In fear of being us. Now look, I've made something up. I've never seen any email coming in and you keep bringing them up.

They're coming in. So I want them to stop. I want them to stop. I want them to stop. I've made this up. It's a message from the heart, guys. Enough's enough. Okay.

Something happened on the show. Yes, I am at the title. Come on. I just like to go back to the way things were. Because it's kind of affecting my life. Hey everyone, it's Hamish here. We have a lot of fun on the podcast, don't we? Yeah, yeah we do.

It's great fun. But unfortunately, sometimes that fun can go a little bit too far, and it's time now for the fun to stop. Some listeners might remember last year we held a contest on the show where Andy and myself had a urinary challenge to see who could produce the most flow from ourselves and our bodies into a container to contain our urine. I myself was able to achieve the much celebrated 1000 mil mark and he fell quite short. He stopped the dribbles! Ah! I'm not into!

This is all he's got! I'm gonna feed a two from two! What I'm about to say, I mean with the greatest respect, but what you've just produced is literally a piss-poor effort. After that event, which any man could have won, I was labelled as having the superior penis. I think you could have a superior penis. Now at the time that label of course was accurate, I did have the superior penis and that term

was bandied around. Quite loosely for a few weeks, I thought it would die down. Unfortunately, it hasn't. On the show we've had listeners congratulate me on having that particular attribute. I'm just congratulations on the superior penis. Thank you very much. Thank you.

Thank you. It has brought me undue attention to be known as the man with the superior penis. So this is me asking from the bottom of my heart. And I suppose the bottom of my SP, please, can we just stop referencing me as the guy with the superior penis and just go back to the good old days when I'm just the regular guy? I don't want to be constantly known as the guy with the SP and I'm sure Annie doesn't like being known as the guy with the IP in Vurya penis. I'm just going to be a revolution on Furia penis. The name is King Grab your license on the Superior Pairing. Thank you very much.

Look, I suppose if I'm being honest, I find the constant attention in the labelling, quite literally a heavy burden. You know, I've already got a heavy enough burden. So that's why it needs to stop. Superior. Superior. Let's just put a lid on it guys, and it was a bit of fun we had. Let's put it out of our minds, and let's not just keep bringing up all the time in every email

and on the show how I statistically and scientifically proved that I did have a superior penis. So that said no more. It's a very famous, very famous, very famous. But I remind you that really let's, you know, we should talk about jacks. No, actually let's just not talk about anyone's at all. Thank you so much for taking this on board. I'm sure it won't come up again. Thank you.

Well, I hope. I hope. That's what that's about. You're good at weighing. I hope this doesn't be fun. There's other things that the... The bit of peace is useful, which has not been tested. And we're not going to.

Too Davies. but I'm saying I'm not bothered any man in this room dogs don't count Jack how much you got some big news for the show I did not okay two is it yeah but all I'm saying is all you're in a ball that's that's all it's been tested must I let's do a account before you're finally? All I'm saying is Farah's wing. In every test it's been given.

All the way to it. I mean really, I agree with you. In that sense, I'm asking for it to stop. And people do seem to love the phrase. Let's put it there. And then really, really hope that it's that's it Thanks for listening the Hamish Nandy podcast will return next week catch up or contribute at Hamish and Andy dot com Listener

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