Hamish & Andy - Hamish & Andy 2021 Ep 148

Episode Date: September 8, 2021

1. Verbal unsubscribe pt 2 2. Hamish’s new sneakers 3. Sydney's worst ad update 4. Pizza Lotto 5. The Appleist Returns 

A list-naf production. Activate your internet. Cause the Hamish and the podcast starts in 3, 2, sorry, still buffering. 1. Oh, I'm a Gr man, hey Mish! That's me sizzling ups of content for the show. One hot serve, sir. And one free serve for you, Jack.

One complimentary on the house. Hot piece of content. Oh, I'm going to be a fry man, Jaggo. Oh, it's eating up as well. What are you? What are you? The waiter. Andy's taking the orders.

I'm rapping probably. You front counter? No. We're all at the back. We're all at the back, fun. We're all at the back, fun. We're having fun. I'm just rapping the burgers, your grill on them.

It was a surprise. Was it someone's job just to rap? Yep. And they would, Sorry, I shouldn't point out for people here. We have slipped into the mode where Andy gives us an in-depth insight into how McDonald's worked in the late 90s. Sorry, we were just so used to talking about it.

We don't even really go, oh, this is Andy referencing from 1998. You can use the work of McDonald's. We're just straight into it now. Straight into it these days. So back in the day. Back in the day, it was a fun, you know why I love this role, because back in the day, it wasn't made to order.

So you just make, you'd fill your bins and you're empty, so the shoots, the burglary shoots. And they'd stock up and you'd put little timers on them and you had to throw them out. If you've, as soon as the timer ran out. And so you can go into Maccas and you can put little timers on them and you had to throw them out as soon as the timer ran out. And so you couldn't go into Maccas and you could get a cheeseburger immediately if there was enough in the shoot,

which was an advantage. But at the same time, you could be getting a slightly, you know, two-minute old one. And I love trying to judge when the rush was coming, looking at the clock, hey, is it a Saturday? Is it up to school time and just getting the burgers perfectly?

Dream come to you. You're right, he's at up to school time and just getting the burgers perfectly. Dream come to me. The Arrata timing up. Timing up when supply met demand. For a lot of some people like orgasming. Yeah. They're Andy. Andy. Preferred to see supply and demand met perfectly, equally, little bit of conno-gazard. LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER Ahoy also, too. Still a fan of the old gazard? LAUGHTER Gentsum. No, I don't. Do you just have a feeling that feels better? I'll just leave.

Exactly. I like both gazards. LAUGHTER That's, yeah, the one you, the second one you dog off, yeah, I think the rest. That's the good stuff you chase. Also, a hoiter, Dan from the UK. Hey, Mason, Andy, and Jack.

I've gone from the future boys, it's Dan, it's a Danimal, it's the year 2050. I'm calling out the UK, give you an idea of what's in your futures. Well, I've just finished reading the eighth installment of your Power Moose book, and it's an absolute belter. Yes. Return to form after issue seven, which is not your best work. What happens? Well, Jack, you find a way to speed up your slow guitar and you go on to sell millions of records worldwide, your little weasel. beautiful Tauteria Pups, one of which is taller than the giant gumboots in Tully over 7.9 meters tall. You love the giant gumboot. And, hey, you win an Oscar. You win an Oscar, my friend. But not for a movie. Rather for movie in a minute. Your famous old segment. You bring it back

to Chris Gleiklame. So bring it back. Get recording and take care of yourselves, lads. Cheers. Wow, the Danimal. Thank you so much. So much good use for all of us. I would like to thank in advance the Academy for recognizing it's got to be the first time ever, a radio segment for Academy of Wood. Well, as basically attention spans to finish throughout the future, I don't mad and also the cost of filming become way too high.

No one's going to send it anymore. There will be a one minute movie that wins an Oscar. Yep, heard it here first in the year 2021. Hey, that's great. I would like to hear movie in a minute come back. Absolutely. From my memory, it needs to be a movie that you haven't seen, but I have seen.

Yes, doesn't it? Yep. And then I'm likely to summarize it in a minute. And then everybody has seen it essentially after that. It's the same satisfaction. You guarantee the same satisfaction, don't you? With the use of perfectly placed out of fix. With all due respect to the filmmakers?

Yes, I can deliver the same feeling, the same journey that their piece of art that put in the 10 years to make. I can achieve that in a minute. Well, you say movie in a minute, but generally goes to about nine to 10 as you try to realize that you've got weight in when you sound effects. From your memory, the Titanic was neck and neck

with the running time of the film. Hey, well, I wanted to do this quickly to start the top because it was so much fun the other day, but verbal unsubscribes when emails are coming in. In fact, we should open it up to anyone who wants to send, we'll make a specific, we don't do it regularly, but should we do a little specific tab? Yeah, we can do a tab at the website.

Yeah, it's a verbal unsubscribed. If you were getting too many unsolicities, too much spam from people, what I was gonna say there, the reason I paused was I was like, I think last, the last time we talked about it was like, these are some of the ones you can't figure out how to unsubscribe to.

But you know what, it's not even that. It's like, I know for some of these, I could probably unsubscribe if I would jump through all the hoops. It's more, I would like to raise the point that you should never have started pestering me in the first one. Yes.

And I think that's the spirit of verbal and self-credit. This isn't a spam. It's like, these ones we signed up to. Yeah. Don't get us wrong. This isn't us saying, oh, these companies are breaking the spam laws. They're probably doing it legally. What we're asking for is a modicum of common sense. With how much you think I should be hearing from you.

Yeah, based on what you sell and my interaction with you. Yeah, because some of them are cat nets from last time. It's almost daily. Do you want to kick it off? Who have I got? I tell you he's been hitting me out lately. The indoor plant company. Now, I'll admit, I perused for an indoor plant.

I had a squizz at an indoor plant, was thinking you'd buy one for my wife because I'm a romantic. I was gonna put it on her desk. I'm pretty sure it's the indoor plant company. I'll say this up top, they're good. They seem to be good. They seem to be a good company. Here's how they get you.

They go, hey, we're taking the stress out of indoor plants. And when they say that, you go, yeah, I guess there is a bit of stress in the indoor playing. I don't want a good one. I want one that's not going to stain. I'm not going to have to water a lot. I want one that looks luscious, but requires zero maintenance basically. And it's going to survive indoors. And they go, you know, you don't know about plants. We do. We know all the Latin names. Just take the quiz and tell us what you want, how big your space is,

and we'll tell you the perfect plant. Right. And I go, you got me. Married at first sight, four plants. Yes. Yes. They've got a team of the bold social experiment. Hey, Mish, and a fig leaf fur. So are you filling out the question here and they and you're thinking, this is great. What a grace of AI to just tell you the right plant for you. Because secretly in my head, I was going to go, I'm going to get the name of this plant. And then I'll just, I don't know, maybe buy it somewhere else. Then they go, great, we've got your results. It's your Ebo.

And I fell for it. And I go in the email, they send you the thing. And I go, here's your perfect plant. But that's sage, I've lost interest in buying it. And in your plant, I'm not interested anymore. I'm not interested. I've lost, I was bored all the time now, every day. Hey, we've got specials on, we've got,

where are you? Are you still thinking of that plan? No, if I didn't come back, it's not for me. Yeah, it wasn't for me. You I didn't need a proper monitor. I haven't been walking around for days going, what was it that I had to get back to? It's one of those ones where you go, can we have it pass into law that people know how to use their phones, they know how to use their computers. If they want something, they will come back. You don't have to keep asking them if they still want it, because if they haven't got it, they know how to get you.

Like, I will come back. I know how to search for indoor plants. I don't need it. That's perfectly put because this applies to this company. Is that you? One, three cabs. Okay. That's not.

I don't need a reminder that cabs exist. No. And that is not open. It's not open yesterday. And it was like, these are places our customers are traveling. Well, yeah, because they needed to go there. Like, I'm not even able to go.

Gosh, I better get on a one three cabs. And because someone wanted to go to Penrod. One three cabs. I better get on to one three cabs and because someone wanted to go to Penritt. One three cabs, where are you going to? I don't know, what's good? LAUGHTER What would you recommend? Goody specials? What would you like specials?

I'm Arta Amon. And what's over there? A lot of car replayed places. Hey, all right. Well, let's start with that. And I'll say if we're still hungry for more trip. And what I love about it. It's clearly there's someone has to come up with,

come up with, what are we sending? That's something. What are we sending to everybody who has subscribed to the app? I'm like, we could put in what other people are going. We can give them phone, though. Here's one I've been getting. There's a company called WorldView. And WorldViewers start up startup that I reckon I investigated

five years ago. There are, I don't think this company has, I don't think they've had a test flight yet. Essentially, this is pre-Bs us pre, you know, like Branson going into space, five, six years ago. They've made a capsule, kind of like a sealed up capsule, like you might see it go to the bottom of the ocean, and it can take about five or six people in it,

and you put big balloons, they put huge balloons on it, it goes into space. So their idea is like, we're going to helium you out to space. A American company. Yeah. And I think it was back in radio show days, where I was like, maybe you and I could go and do this. Yeah.

I signed up curiously once. They keep me abreast, like on an almost daily basis, of where the testing's at, they've got a new CFO, they're thinking about maybe moving their test site to Nevada. Like they treat me like I'm one of their head scientists with the amount of information I have coming in. I know more about world view than I do about, like 95% of my family, because then there's there's like nowhere near way more than my dad.

They're still going here. Surely if they haven't sorted it out by now that they... That's what I think. I know it feels like they've pivoted a few times. Maybe now it's just like you know, state view. We're not going as high. And you and I being the clothing industry. Yes. The necessary essential services clothing industry selling the lost touch in touch with the command T shirts. All but a very few customizable sizes remain.

We've got some very, very large sizes left. Also some of the larger sizes of the ones we're selling. We're intervention fashion. Here we are. Yep. Which is, and it's so surprise, surprise, Tolger. Surprise, surprise, we've got, we're the only people in intervention fashion. Yeah, which is nice. Nice to be here. Sometimes not looking over our shot. About come for us. Sometimes you can be an intervention fashion like if mother-in-laws can sometimes give daughter-in-laws I've noticed, fashion that is an intervention that sort of says, hey, I think so poorly

of you you'd wear this. But that's more of an accidentally intervention. No, we're in the game, we're in the clothing game. And so we understand what it's like to be fulfilling orders. And we run a bit of it, we run in the game, we're in the clothing game. And so we understand what it's like to be a fulfilling orders. And we run a bit of it, we run an interesting model, we run a customer service optional model, you know, you want it, you pay for it, once you paid for it, you'll be delighted with it.

Well, no, we don't guarantee that. No, we don't. Once you pay for it, you have it. You have it. Once you pay for it, you have it. It exists. It exists. And it's certainly better than not having it.

But yes, we're not putting any sort of quality level on it. Yes, we didn't promise quality customers service. That's that's something other companies do. Yeah, we you just it's binary You just either have it or you don't and when you've got it say thank you Because it's better than I think it and it's dollar well spent Anyway, I think we've sailed successfully through our experience of shipping the teas Returning those that were allowed to be returned, if you bought customer service for one dollar. I find myself in a position now where I'm, it's funny because we're in the game, but I'm dealing with a few people from the customer side of

things, like I'm the customer. Having been through a favorite of lockdown said me, I buy things, you know, it is my penchant. Yeah, I do love it. Get distracted late at night and purchase some things. I bought a pair of shoes recently. It's just some sneakers. You know what? I mean sneakers every day at the park, got to upgrade the sneakers, okay? bought my shoes online, bought the sneakers online.

Now I understand that with COVID, there's a lot of, there's like warehousing problems, there's backlinks and stuff, and I get that. That's totally fine. Companies, though, that don't take a leaf out of our book. Companies that really try hard to be your best friend when you buy something. Find themselves in a position now,

where I notice a lot of stuff you buy online, you get the estimated delivery time, which is like two or three days. Then you get the second, the follow up emails of like, look, things haven't gone as planned, which they probably knew before they sent it out, but why do they do that? Go get the sale.

To be like you, though, you always go to me, you'll be there in 10. They never promised 10 early, 10 late. They'll go, no, just say 25, but I'll be. We hope to. In exceptional circumstances, 10 could happen with no written, we're all green lights in a jet car. I'll be there in 10.

So I bought these. Take us right. And then, so the first thing I get from this company is like, oh, you know, first of all, you know, so the new thing in customer service to realize that these emails are like a really personalized, trying to keep it fun, like, you know, we thank you so much for your order, like, you know, you're gonna love it. it fun. Like, you know, we thank you so much for your order.

Like, you know, you're gonna love it. Well done. Hey, you know, you've done that a bit. It's on its way. You know, are they trying to do a lot of haze? Yeah, they are trying to like best friends and like, you know, good news, you know, you're gonna be looking so great in these things.

They're coming to you. So you're like, yeah, great. We're looking forward to getting it. That's why I got them. Then the next one comes being like, listen, dude. You know, this bomb us so bad because we love our customer service and we really pride ourselves on our speedy delivery times.

But due to, you know, problems, it's been of a problem we're gonna keep you posted, right? Then I get this email, it's probably like six or seven days after buying the shoes, which I really care that much about. So I'm like, in their mind,

I guess I'm sitting here shoelace, like pacing up and down in bare feet, just need to get out there. So they send them, they're going, we need to be straight with you. And you can do it to auto-generate it. Everyone's getting the email, right? Because they're a big company, they're like,

you know, we, one of the things that we, you know, pride ourselves on, so important in our world, is the speed with which we can get orders out the door. But to be honest, your order is taking a lot longer to get out of our warehouse than we would like. We are working, this is the exact quote, we are working around the clock to get your order out of the warehouse. But if we can't do this in the next couple of days, we will refund your order. Right? I mean, we would't do this in the next couple of days, we will refund. You're all right. Right? I mean, we would never do that in our life.

So they just go, we're just refunding not sending them out. Which I guess, like I get that they're like, we're backlogs. But the way they phrase it, because they try, it's automatically generated. But they make it sound like it's personal. So when they go, we're working around the clock to get your order out the warehouse. It makes me think of 10 people staring at a high shelf with my sneakers up there,

and them going, listen, how long have we been here? Jerry, how long have we been here for? 24 hours. How long have we been here for? How we can finish this? All right, I'm just going to ask again, the group we going to do that? How are we going to do that? How are we going to do that? How are we going to do that?

How are we going to do that? How are we going to do that? How are we going to do that? How are we going to do that? How are we going to do that? How are we going to do that? How are we going to do that? How are we going to do that?

How are we going to do that? How are we going to do that? How are we going to do that? How are we going to do that? How are we going to do that? How are we going to do that? How are we going to do that? How are we going to do that?

How are we going to do that? How are we going to do that? How are we going to do that? How are we going to do that? How are we get the dead. I said we're going to work around the clock. We've got three days left to crack this. What if we took out one of our shoes off and we threw it at the box? Well, good idea, but if we miss, now we've got three shoes. I think. And we've already got Nancy's shoe up there.

We already have a track record of not being able to get the shoes down. We can get them up. How are we going to get them down? Three days, shoes down. We can get them up. How are we gonna get them down? Three days, 72 hours. I want our best suggestions. No one goes home. Just before you do last week we did a bit of tying up loose ends. We've got dimension We're still trying to get the safe from your house COVID restrictions, but we full full disclosure The whole reason we decided to do the segment tying up loose end is because we wanted to mention to people

We're still planning on cracking the safe that was found in the wall of my house During the renovations for riches for all. Yeah, what's come from the wall? It's riches for all We're very excited to find out and see the jewels spill forth. Helping for a felt bag, hoping for a felt bag or many felt bags or just bullion rubies. God, you would have, it's very difficult to feel the safe that way. So there's so many jewels. You know what I mean? You jacket like that, that iconic gold, big duct top thing.

Yeah, that I kind of kind of gold and jewels shot where they tip out. You'd actually have to tip the safe on its back. Open the door up. Feel the safe to the brim with your jewels. Close it up then tip it back onto its feet. So when you open it up you get the spill out effect. Yeah, that's it. Or put a wall in that is sticky on one side. So once, so say it's a bit of plastic. So once the door closes it sticks to the door and then when you open the door that wall

it takes it with it. You never see that, but you don't see the film. I think you're going to say find a film, a that will dissolve in that perhaps with, you know, so you seal it up. Yep. You've got all your jewels in there. You squash them in. You seal it up. Then you tip it, you close the safe and then you squirt a bit of water and knowing that will dissolve behind it. Ah, that's exciting. So the next time you open the safe, Jules, Jules will

spill forward. Or you have what you should actually what you probably will find if you look into the safe market, you've got your boxing normal box safe with the standard front door and a smaller coated door at the top for the Jule feeling hole. So they are a small latch that opens up at the top. That's also locked because you can't have a no point having a trapped or an assailant like then you go to your own coat or your diamonds, pour your jewels in here. So for those that enjoy the spill out effect when you open it up, that's what it would be. So we're looking forward to that. We're looking forward. Yes, and we're hoping that can happen during this week. Yeah, we're going to get onto that. We've talked to the builders

These like yeah, yeah, like just you know waiting thing we're all clear actually I think we're gonna get out there and do it and I'm your bubble buddy. So you're my buddy. That's totally fine and I think we're getting a petrol Powered grinder. Wow big dog to cut it off right we shouldn't play a guy called big dog As well. I think this is road that's helping us out. He's help it. We'll call him E's, the Big Dog on site. Okay. Well, we both kind of, I'm a tall tarry that hasn't quite grown into his Big Dog status on site. Bit-tay.

Yeah. I wasn't on site today, but things are building along well. Anyway, the other thing that we have to get to from last week is I took some shots at an ad at a billboard ad. When you think I said it's Sydney's worst ad. Yep, I've seen scene the ad and I agree with you on text that it doesn't, yeah, it's a shocker. I look, I really, I wheeled up the cannon and just fired, shot after, shot after, shot into the side of the ship that was just out for a nice sail.

I just, you know, have peppered the ad with some harsh criticism. Some of which I stand by and others which need to be addressed. The people that, you know, haven't seen the ad were just a tiny refresher. It's, I said, I think I said it to sort of a chubby bearded guy, the shower cap on, become comfort controversial because it made sense. But these days you have to, they just have to have one of those guys in your ad, like every car ad

beer ad whatever, just chubby, chubby go with the beard. He's wearing a shower cap. wearing a shower cap and then which we discussed was probably to make sure that people don't look at these new in the shower. Or he's in the shower but it's like it makes it a bit more fun. Yes. It doesn't, it's not just a naked guy. And there's steam in the shower. There's a fire fighter coming through the window who's like, oh, realises it's just the shower.

Yes, thank you. It says don't turn your shower into a sauna, be careful with water. Now, I remember being very pro the message. It says don't turn your shower into a sauna, be careful with water. Now, I remember being very pro, the message. Yes. We're very, very into water conservation. I had issues with the add on a couple of levels. Yes. There was insulting to firefighters that they would mistake steam for smoke, just a bathroom shower for a chemical fire or a house fire. And yeah, I might have had a, I might have, we also say that it was more of an ad for temperature. Yeah, that seems got nothing to do with wasting water.

Yeah, you need some sort of flooding references or, it kind of assumed it had as long a cold shower as you want. Yeah, because the danger, it's more the steam, more the steam that's bothering the earth. And we know that's not true. It's, yeah, it just focused on the wrong aspect of water. It was that small bug bear. So you would have said, okay, so first of all, this, my complaint received some corrections from the public.

I said, hey, mate, it's Shane Jacobs. It's beloved actor. Yes, Shane Jacobson, which television and film and friend of the show and friend of the show and when he lends a bus he did like this a bus to two. That is a friend that's a thing a friend does. Good friend of the show now you weren't to know because I saw the same bill but didn't recognize him as Shane but when I saw the ad advertisement the TVC thing you know I had I didn't realize there was an accompanying TVC with it. This is my slight me a culper.

These are the bits that I now understand at a broader context. There's a TVC that goes with it. So the billboard itself is sort of referencing the ad. You give a slight pass then. Sometimes billboards, that's what they capture the magic. That's what the ad does. Not great as a billboard, but if it is referencing a TV and it's meant to make you think of the TV and you go, okay,

see what you're going for there. Everyone's just trying to do their best. Shame included. And it's hard for him to do the kind of comedy he likes to do in billboard for. Oh yeah, as a still. Very hard. Not many people you'll find are a stills comedian. very hard, not many people you'll find are stills comedian. You don't get him a lot. Even Charlie Chaplin preferred moving. Loss, he didn't talk. He preferred moving. He needed that extra dimension as they sat in for a Charlie and they crossed things off the list.

They went, no talk. He's like, yeah, I can do that. Sure. We don't have the technology to make you talk on film. No, I've kind of got an idea for something that won't require talking. And we can have you moving. Well, that's what we need to move. I've got a funny walk. I have a funny walk and I need to move. OK, look at that.

But I'm happy for people to see pictures of me meet funny walk. Only if it links to a previous piece of footage that they will remember. Yeah. So I understand Shane's not a stills comedian, which is why I was probably judging it very harsh for comedy because it wasn't getting a big laugh from me and it didn't make that much sense.

So first of all, apology to Shane, he's a friend of the show, didn't recognize him. I do have face blindness. That's a legitimate thing. I often don't recognize people that I know. But even he agrees, not pull me. He would shine like face. He would have agreed. And maybe it's because he was feeling the pressure of being a stills comedian.

So it pushed him into a whole new face. Yeah. One that he hadn't tried before. And then maybe the producers and like he was mistaking new face. Yeah. I don't think it would have been on him. I think the direct. Someone said, someone has, I've had many people actually go hey, do you know that changed

Aguison in that and you had a problem with having said that he's been Photoshopped to pieces. Yeah, I think that he would shame would agree. It doesn't look anything like him. Yeah, looks like he's much younger brother to be fair. Yeah, and then I don't know if it's the steam effect or and they when they all sat down trying to capture the comedy in a steal they would have they would have been there for hours going, oh, we haven't quite got it. Just try and appreciate, try anything. Oh, the graphic I would have gone, why don't I smooth out the skin a bit. And then it would have gone, yep, when's this due? 45 minutes.

Shit, we've been up all night. You know, still's comedy is hard. Yeah, stop saying that, we know. Just, you know, finish the work, Darren. Yeah. So you can only imagine the mayhem that would have been their ride on deadline as they had to get the picture to the bus company to put it on the back of the bus. So, apologies I didn't recognize that was Shane.

I do think he'd be fine with not knowing with that mistake. And also, I only removed a city recently, so I hadn't been here, I guess. Maybe over summer it was a very popular thing. Tead, maybe it was a big popular TV ad. We have, we've got some footage from the TV ad. Yep, this is the audio from the TV ad. Ah, good night, it's Bob here.

Oh, that's one thing I love most, that's a long steamy shower. So we know that's true. Yeah. Funny. Yes, I'll fire. Ah know that's true. Yeah. Funny. Yes, a fire. There's people in there. That's a fire fighter.

Turn it off, Bob. OK. I still have an issue with the fire. I still have an issue with it as well. And I think Shane would, too. Yeah. The other strange thing, I think, is that you might get it's hard to make ads.

I understand. I understand you're going for a funny world, where maybe these firefighters don't understand the different kinds of white vapor that might hang in the air and how one's made of burning wood and the others made of hot water I'm maybe I'm kicking an ad white down, but I've got one more to put it to Unfortunately to love one more in it's like if you hire Shane Jacobson, like so well known, and then he starts by saying, hey, Bob here. The meal, I'm thinking, no, that's Shane. Yeah, because- Well, I think they're probably trying to create

like a don't be a Wally with water, campaign, which maybe was just Victoria, but we grew up with that. Yes, don't be Wally. But I didn't know- So he had a moon. It could well have been- I mean, they've gone, you know,

it's like a ride of passage as a... But at the time, I just thought he was Wally, so did I. Ah, well, I can't see the last kick. We're going to give. And again, with full recognition that it's, you know, I'll give the ad this. We're talking about it. It's working.

That's the point of any good ad. In this world, where these firemen and the fire department doesn't understand department doesn't understand it doesn't understand it if it's in statements make. At the end the guy goes turn it off Bob which implies he's been over many times before. Right. So you've had to do your fight. You've had to 40 things to say turned off shame.

So what you're saying is this fight apartment, not only do they not know the difference between the steam and smoke, but they're so dumb. They keep coming back to the same house for the same false alarm. Okay, now that, that's been a while since we've done this. A few weeks back now, it was Peter who came on our show and had memorized the entire menu of Pino's, Pino's Pizza Rear. And Zero Pino's, Zero Pino's. Zero Pino's Pizza Peno. Zero Peno is Peter Ria.

Fantastic work and it reminds us that we should play Peter Lotto. Alex, I've been itching for an episode. Alex is standing by. Alex, why do you? Well, we're boys, how are we? Very well, you... Peter Alex, how are you feeling today in terms of where?

Well, you know, because Peno is in Sydney, where Sydney's pizza appetite is today. Yeah, look, it's dark times, obviously, with the lockdown. I hope Pino's still in light spirits, but yeah, I hope that, you know, regales of the lockdown, the pizzas are still flowing in and out of the shop, in the highest places. Yeah, yeah. I know thing, I mean, because the COVID situation's always changing, right? I don't think it affects pizza preference. I think you wouldn't be up because I think I think pizza volume would be up, but I don't think anyone would because this is a game of preference, not volume.

True. Sorry. This is a game of what is the next flavor of pizza out of the oven, not how many pizzas are coming out per hour. So I, if you are a margarita with prosciutto, fan or whatever, if you're a Hawaiian fan, I don't think you would put them called flavours of peets, but you're right. I don't think you'd suddenly go, you know what I'm going to capricose it today because I feel sad. If anything, you double down

on your favourite peets. I think, I think you're not risking it. I reckon you're right. I reckon people are more drawn to their... The Nostalgia. That's me. And the thing that's going to make them the happiest, they're not taking any risks. No. If you have never to mean something.

If you've never tried the caramelised pumpkin with rocket, remember that was a huge fail in goat's cheese for a while? Not my cup of tea. No. And it's not a pain-hose, by the way. I don't want to get sued for liable. But I'm a few. Where? Adapace, if you have that as an option, now's not the time. Now's not the time. Yes. Absolutely. Stick to your line. Alex, sorry. Sorry for us. Like, wrestling. You have one in mind or are you going to check in on Pino's vibe when we call

him and then make your decision? It's very much a vibe based game. You can't really go in and be like, oh, I want to play more marker ready. I think once I get along with Pino, I'll just sniff around and see what we're finding. It's like roulette. You don't drive to the casino going 17, 17. I'm going on 17. 17 you walk through the casino you're in the floor, you know, you're obviously gambling responsibly You see a table and you go hang on a sec. Yeah, why am I feeling 22? You play and you're always with All right, I can't remember whether we play the music to Peno. Don't worry, do we play it now before the fall?

I think we play it now because too much is going on when we get Peno on the floor. I can't tell you this is a play now. Let's play it now. When you're having a try to guess the pizza by that's a lot of. Pizza lot of. Right to guess the pizza by that salotto. Pizza-lotto. Good luck, Alex. We are going to call Peno now.

Hello, it's your Peno. Oh, that was quick pick up. Hello, it's Peno over there. I'm just one moment. Thank you. Sorry, he's not here at the moment. He's on delivery. Oh, of course he is.

He's doing it all. Sorry, it's Haynes and Andy here. How's it going? How's it going! How are you? Are you doing it? I'm not mis team. Oh damn it. Are you happy to play this will be a first but are you happy to be the ringmaster for Pete's Allowing today? What's your name? But there's actually nothing in the oven. Bad ringmaster. I'm sorry guys. Okay hang on hang on. Since we're playing a special edition of P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P What do you mean? Because this would be... I'm sorry, what was your name? Laura. Laura, so Laura, yes we meant. Laura.

Yeah. This would be the pizza the Pino has with him at the moment, right? Yeah, the thrice. Oh, yes he is. It's a special pizza. Very special pizza. I can't. Alex, I know you'd prepared for a very different game.

You've got Laura, not you know. You've turned it to this Australian open in 40 boots and you quickly grab a racket and adapt Right, I can see you know, he's honest with all my pet I should You know, to certainly change the vibe but um You know what? It's Tuesday, but feeling good. I'm feeling a supreme No It was a migrator

That's alright. That's okay. That's the game. That's the game. That's the game. That's the game. That's the game. Thank you Laura. Thank you Laura.

You did a fantastic job as a film. Thank you. You've been a bit kiss farmers. Thank you so much. Well done. Just like when Krishy Swans fills in for Tommy Glazner or have you been paying attention? It's a different style of game, but it still works. And there's a couple of network heads going,

oh, maybe that's it. Yeah. Alex, commiserations, token of no value coming your way. That's all right, people, thank you boys. Yeah, well, we don't care at all about the token. We fight on it, it has no value, we do care about it, it just has absolutely no value. I will attribute sentiment of value myself.

Good man. up to you I am for many years we've turned to one man when it comes to things about all things about apples the apple Yes apple is the fruit? Hmm not the famous technology company. Yes, we go to Marshy for that. We do. Marshy knows all about Apple, but Brian knows all about Apple. He lives in the States. He's got his own website going. And this would probably be, would be close to eight years since we've kind of turned to him.

They don't come up often questions about Apple's, but we don't do it. I do think of him often. You text me the other day. The Appleologist, yeah. Yeah, you said to me, couldn't remember, because I was at the supermarket with the kids, and we were buying apples.

And because we've had him on the show for it, it's just to give us the do's and don'ts. And for people that remember some of Brian's segments, I mean, the passion with which he speaks about the lowly, the lowly of breedsly breeds of apples the worst flavors well here's a laugh a listen hello everybody good to be back I hope since I've left everyone taking their red delicious apples and throwing them in a dumpster the worst apple in America there's a new apple coming to town

that people feel like might be the next big thing in Apple India. And that is the cosmic crisp. It has such a wonderful name. The Granny Smiths also ensured what? Absolutely terrible. Granny Smith is the 16th worst apple on the Apple list. It is, it's the only apple that makes the red delicious look appetizing.

I say it's an illuminati back crap all in the piece of garbage the rain your fellow one of the worst apples in all of apple uh... chloroxal wet naps uh... without dying basically it's the horrible it's got the a fit of kick of expired medicine and like that it's got a filthy texture i it's it's a mediocre apple from a from a food company that's widely inconsistent

and if you if you go with a dollar go with the new zealander sterling royal gole not to use other dollar for tender i mean you hear that i know i hear it now and i remember the the brands but at the supermarket the conspular and you had you know you look at cosmic crisps you're looking at the royal galley looking at a royal crisps, you're looking at the Royal Galley, you're looking at a Royal Crispy, and you're like, which was the, which had one, which was the good one. He joins us again now. Brian, good

to hear from you, buddy. How are you? Hello. It's so good to be back to share my Apple wisdom with Australia once again. Well, this one comes as a specific call out from a girl called Maddie. Okay. She writes, and I'll read it verbatim. Years ago, you guys had on the show The Appalist, which was very good. That's nice to hear, isn't it, Brian? You're sort of a dolly Maddie. We just wanted to get you up to reminisce about that. Daddy. We just want to get you up to reminisce about that. She goes on to say, one particular apple he spoke of was the cosmic crisp, which he went on about.

Being years ago, the memory was stored, but kind of forgotten, when suddenly it reappeared at my local supermarket, displayed proudly. I purchased some of these and took them home to try. Amazing, I was proudly introducing them to everyone. No one had heard of the Cosmic Grips. While telling people what about the episode, I suddenly remember he talked about this on his website, and I looked up the Appleous website. Imagine my surprise when looking at the website that it wasn't at number one. It's instead of being in the top five or top 10, is it listed in the top 25 shittiest apples? This is why I texted the other day from the supermarket because I have clear

memories of the Cosmic Crispy name, the winner. Yes. And I think that's confused me as well, Brian. And then many goes on to say, I wonder if big fruit has got a whole of you. A lot of fruit to take off the tree here Brian. First of all, is any of your Apple opinions sponsored by big or small fruit companies? No, I am 100% independent and I review my apples for the love of the fruits and I don't make any money In fact, I lose money As a true fan should okay, okay, so that's good to hear so yeah Where's this cosmic crisp confusion come from because I think that day that I texted you Brian and Andy from the supermarket With my kids and I was talking of a big game to the kids

I was like don't worry guys dad's got a friend that knows all about apples. We're going to get the very best apples. I think I had in my head too. I remember the comic Chris being exalted, being heralded is a great apple. Well, it's an interesting apple because, because it is part honey Chris, which is why I elevated it to have high expectations. It's got great lineage. Honey Chris is one of the best apples in the world. It's one of the most popular apples in the world. And when I first tried the Cosmic Ritz, I expected it to be as good if not better than the honey Chris.

It should have been the heir apparent to the honey Chris apple. In fact, it is the most marketed apple in history. What? They spent $10 million advertising, the cosmic Chris. It was supposed to be the next big apple. Why? The iPhone 20. I was able to try the apple early before it went to the market.

And when I tried it it early it wasn't very good and they told me that it maybe not ready yet and then it wasn't it it wasn't ripe enough and it lacked the christmas i would expect from an apple that heralds on a christ's lineage to toss was it to toss it tasted it had no slave i think it was just not really wasn't ready from an apple that heralds on a crystal lineage. Two tasks? Was it two tasks? It tasted, it had no flavor. I think it was just not truly wasn't ready. It had no flavor. It tasted like biting into a wet rock. Like you don't take any soft wet rock.

But was it the size of an apple? I mean, can apples get to full size, but not be in flavored yet? Well, I guess they can. They can't fully rate. If it's early in the season, then they can be flavorless. It's sounding like a snow cone, one of those like a snow cone that hasn't had the flavoring squirted.

Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, yes, just ice at the moment, then we squirt the blue or the red on it. It's great. Then it's finished. So where does it sit? So did you then give them the blue or the red on it. It's great. Then it's finished. So where does it sit? So did you then give them the benefit of the doubt? You would have been keen to go straight back to your keyboard

and tell the crisp what, what, what's what? But what have you done instead? Have you held back your judgment? I held back my judgment and I waited till it came to mass market so I could try it as the public did. And I actually did, did Maddie say whether she liked the apple or not? No, she was more just, she feels like, you know, when someone tells you to go see a good film and it's the best.

And then when it wasn't the best, you get confused where Phil was kind of pitched in as a mediocre film. You could have walked away. I really liked that. I think she was just confused. I think she was excited to share with her family that she'd bought home a kind of a celebrity of Apple. And that's that is maybe that was my recollection to of the Cosmic Chris episode. Although now I realize maybe I was slightly conflating the fact that it was this

hyped Apple. Yeah. That had a huge marketing spend behind it. It's hype. It's hype. It's not. It is a celebrity apple, but it's more like a reality star, as opposed to Tom Cruise or something, because it's... Yeah, the substance. ...to hear about it all the time. You hear it, but then you, in person, it's not as good. Right. Well, Brian, we actually experienced this for the radio show. If any big star came out to Australia for a film, the film was pretty shit, generally,

because they... If it was good, they didn't have to come to Australia for a film. Yeah. The film was pretty shit, generally, because they, if it was good, they didn't have to come to Australia. So, and like, you know, suddenly we got the Dwayne, the rock Johnson in the studio are like, it's coming out for tooth fairy. He wasn't coming out fast in the series. So the million, the $10 million spin, maybe speaks. It covers, it covers phenomenon.

It covers the problem. It's an incredibly well-named, the name is incredible it's marketed well it has great lineage and it doesn't taste bad the reason why I put it on my pure shit apple list is because it does not match the hype it was supposed to be the next big apple to compete with the honey Chris it's supposed to compete with the red delicious and the gals of the world it's supposed to compete with the honey Chris. It's supposed to compete with the red delicious and the gals of the world. It's supposed to be the next big apple. I don't want to do a definitive review of the cogn of the Chris battle.

In fact, Maddie is not the only one to be confused and put bottled by this apple. I have given it mediocre reviews. I have given it bad reviews. It is hyped. it is confusing, there's lots of people saying lots of different things, there are paid enterprises that are putting information into people's mouths and brains about the cosmic risk being amazing. And I just want to make sure that I review it properly so that the values of the world are not let down.

My brand is gold and there's nothing more important to me that people are expecting what i have to say about apple and if that is a step by what i have to say and i will say this i would like to personally apologize for putting her in the position to be so embarrassed and ashamed of delivering an apple to her family that is against the francy code that is against everything I stand for my whole life I have no children. I have no children. All I have to leave behind in this world is my review of recommendations of apples and even one person that they're even one person who is disappointed by that and my entire life is put into question. Yeah, absolutely.

Well, the question of legacy and that's the legacy play there. I think legacy protected their rise. So yeah, we'll wait and get the official review. We'll look up your website. But I fell into the same trap and that's why I was messaging the other day because I forgot the good. I remembered the name. Again, it's that dang. It's that dang marketing at work. And that's why I was messaging the other day because I forgot the good. I remembered the name.

Again, it's that dang. It's that dang marketing at work. I remember the name caused me Chris because they've spent the money on the name. And it's in my head for the wrong reasons. It's like a, you know, think of a famous song. Okay, I thought of Katy Perry. Is she my favorite singer? I regret to inform you she's not. But sorry, Paul Simon, you're not paying enough these days for marketing and and

Katy Perry's got you. Exactly. French, thank you very much for joining us. I really appreciate it. No problem. Thanks for listening. The Hamish Nandy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamishanandie.com.