Hamish & Andy - Hamish & Andy 2021 Ep 159

Episode Date: November 24, 2021

1. Horgs’s powerful power moves workforce 2. Shane Jacobson ad made Bec cry 3. Guess Who – Special Skill 4. Sex talk with Mum 5. Chit Chat Champion 6. How long is a moment? 

A list-knife production. Activate your internet. Cause the Hamish and the Podcast starts in 3, 2, sorry, still buffering. 1. Ahoi to me lead, council, Hamish, Blake. Objection! Ahoj to me, paralegal, Jackfuzz. Ah, get me a coffee, Jack.

The paralegal's not the coffee boy. He is. It's very important on a team. New. What is the paralegal, dude, Jack? He shuffles the documents. And make sure that everybody's there on time. Thank you, Ann. So I don't think you won't be disappointed giving me lead council status. I promise you.

Imagine on the description for paralegal, which is a very hard thing to have to study for years. You have to have a lot of great, but it is the first run on the ladder. It says, shaft jobs include shuffling documents. Yeah, that's what it says. Chef jobs include, shaft link, dog documents, and making sure everyone's there on top. Does sound like I'm an extra on law and order. Some lawyers, you gotta meet in big law cases. Some lawyers are just probably making up numbers because the more lawyers they have on a team, it just looks intimidating,

but they're sure you're not all doing something. I would freely admit it, Jack. I mean, that's your first correct document. You made it a parallel, okay, this up, you might like cancer one day. Oh, I also did Jack, who let us know what he's up to at HymnState.com. A foie pain, a jam, a tea, and a jack, Jack. I come to you with my warning warning. Like, hey, my shoe, I too have an eye for mystical of wondrous art. I bought

copper spears as a last one. The mesmerization of powder to strong draw. I did not wear the sails of earth. I became trapped inside the spears so soon as I was born. I tried to offer a spear of my soul to keep in exchange for my free beer. But it appears to be having a teeny issue. It did not bother the salt plus a huge anti-gluten card combo deal deal. It feels like I've been trapped here for a thousand years. To instantly put up a month of time to upload this audio file. He mind rolling.

How did you want all these swallies? We were, we were, we were the good one Jack. Love it coming to us live from inside a cop as a cop. Do you remember when it used to be? Get it guys, just, okay. Get it, get it, get it. Pick up the mail, I mean Wisconsin and yeah, just the thing to the show as I had on down to the first of us. Now, I love where it's going, Please don't give me a rocker. But now they are

short films I'm obviously big big news that our power moves book should be have you if you're checking the shipping documents So as the ship it's a ship arrived yet It's got a closerakka.net forward slash.com. For the slash code only we know for slash live track. Very close, Andy, quite in a, not a storm, but a high breeze off the coast. Yep.

Well, the man who knows all about it, he can join us now. Our head of distribution, Hawks, a hoi, do you? Good day, boys. How are your hogs? What an exciting day. Are you nervous mate? So when does it arrive? It arrives next week.

Are you at the docks? I won't be. I'll be waiting in the way of the hand. Who do you send to the docks? I'll just pick Sarah up. Yeah. That's all included in the service.

They will give us an alert the day before. Yeah, probably a 6am arrival unpack and away we go. Is there some kind of escort, whether it be police escort or armoured guard vehicles for the truck or have you got multiple trucks that are decoys that are looked the same and they're all going to pull out at the same time. Tom is crown of fear. I think you got to pay extra for that.

Yeah, right, we haven't done that. Can you say we've done it just so you've been listening? I did click the button actually. Oh yeah. And how many decoys trucks did you like? One, three, three to five, seven, nine, three to five, seems like enough. We don't have to go overboard.

But I know what the law's told. Hogs, have you inspected the truck in terms of as axle strength, tire pressure, because they're a heavy book. We know they're a really heavy book. I know. We haven't, we've gone on top of the range with the paper. Yeah. Hawgs, can you guarantee that if people order this week,

by the end of this week, that they'll get it, if they're an Australia, that they'll get it before Christmas? Absolutely. We've got a team of thirsty packing, just so we can get it out and, you know, die. And how many of those are your nephews? Well that's the problem. They're all, they're all in year 11 and I'm gonna, I'm gonna hire a minibus, pick him up, go straight to the way I am. Are you joking? Are you, are you, are you wheezing this

as work experience? Are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you? Are you, are you, are you a thought, this is like one level and that's having prisoners do it. It's meant to be a job. So hang on, you are hiring a mini bus. A bunch of your weapons. Will you drive it? I'll drive it. What if this is screaming at you to go through Maccas?

Maccas! What days this, what days it, what are you doing this? Well, it depends when it arrives. I'll basically. So they're on call. They're on work. Yeah. Are they doing exams or anything? You're going to all have to go to one mate's house and I'll pick you all up from there and we'll go out to the warehouse and we'll just do a day of picking. How do you know these are 11's? So, yeah, how do you know these are 11's? Yeah, and it's all his mouth. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so they're finished their exams.

They have finished their all good. What they might it be, because I'm pretty keen to get on this bus. I just want to see, just sort of exciting. I just want to sit there and just, you know, I don't want to be talked to. I just want to monitor what you do, you go about getting the team constructed. What day you're thinking it might be, or. Well, I'm hoping it arrives like Wednesday. Okay. And then if it arrives Wednesday Wednesday. Okay.

And then if it arrives Wednesday, I'll get the forklift out. I'll just, you know, I'll make sure that, you know, I'll put them in order. Mm-hmm. So they're all ready to go. Make sure the label's printed out. And then I'm thinking it's a weekend job. Right. And I'll pick them up on Saturday morning and we'll

just get out there. Okay. And now, okay, so hogs, you. So the U11's don't have to take a day off school because that's the other thing I was wondering, like, are you getting a matter school to do this? Because school's certainly still on. Yes, yes, it is actually. I think we're going to have to go on a weekend.

Okay, that's all right. I just, I mean, how many U11's are we talking? Well, 30. 30. Wow. That's all right. I just, I mean, how many year 11s are we talking? Well, 30. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Actually, actually, actually, not a mini bus. The bus. Yeah. You need two bus. And you're going to have to be the driver of the other bus. I've got my heavy rigid vehicle license. I'm like, I have to drive the bus.

To deliver 30 year 11s to the way. I mean, look, for anyone that knows your 11 or has been a year-eleven, you, at the time of your life, where you're just absolutely full of beans. So I'm stoked that we have 30 year-elevens doing this. I mean, I reckon, like at the moment, the way the world is like with the logistical problems that are going on, the supply chain gluts that are around the planet. To be able to be able to go, this thing has been picked and packed with the power of 30-year elevenths. It gives you some as confidence purchasing before Christmas.

It might be the only thing you can actually rely on to be there before Christmas. Hawks, is there some kind of general assessment test we can do of the 30 to make sure that we put the right people in check because there will be more leaders amongst the So these are 30 absolute whipsmart Euro-Lenven's. But what about like a hand strength arm strength? I mean, when you're in the world and you do have severe arm, you do. You have quite a lot of hand strength. They're a never-crux week, so they're they're fired up. They're trained. They've got strong hands and they're ready ready to do it. All from the same school.

Same school. Yep. Okay. And it's a mixture of boys and girls or is this a guy's school girl school? Um, it's actually co-ed by the person. Right. I don't know how many girls, like you know how the boys normally stick together. I don't know how many girlfriends they have.

Oh, well, I'm very happy. Very happy. Very, very. We just want the most capable. It's, you know, yeah. But I don't want any young lovers going together. We don't want to, we want supreme capability. I mean, you know, you could, you know, you'd probably want, you know, 30 girls in there, a bit more level-headed.

Of course, very happy for there to be the mix of boys and girls, but I do think I back Andy here that Andy and the lovers. Can we mandate that? I mean, it already feels borderline illegal. We're hiring 30 year 11. I don't think from an HR perspective, you can come in and go, you know, let have feelings for fellow packer.

You can, we can just separate them. Would the girls or mine fly? But they'll be sneaking, they'll be sneaking down, man. It just makes them want to. Just finish your turn, you're back. They'll be sneaking down an aisle. I don't know. I know it sounds controversial, but I won't know. You know young love. We want this to be loveless and efficient operation.

And that's the same as same sex love as well, obviously. Like just, it's a no love of it. No relationships because we need this to go out clear and clear-minded people sending them out. Oh, I'm not about this, Andy. I would respect the honesty. For some reason, we go, look, we are a couple. We're in love. We're doing this together. And we would like our honesty or respect

coming forward to you, to like a smoker's break. We get 15 minutes off. For Mac and on. We get make-out, Brad. Because otherwise, we're going to take him. We're being honest about it. I think it's a hoax if on. We get make out, Brett. Because otherwise we're going to take him. We're being honest about it. I think it's a hogs if they're honest about it. I would be willing to entertain that.

All right. We'll see how we go. We'll see how we go. You can't be picky when you ask for food. I know. I was saying here, maybe smart and also can they not be interested in each other. I think it also, hogs is repeating just what the principal taught him is he filled out

the I'd like to hire your students for when you already asked for smart ones, he can't ask ones at an hourny. Oh, thank you mate, good luck. I'll see you Saturday. I can't wait. You can eat Andy for sure. Hey, mission Andy dot com for people who want to post the book, but we've got to stress. It'll get there before Christmas. If you get your act together today, or this week, is that right? It's not for overseas though. And I think it's a black Friday special.

Well, I don't know. Should we be doing a Black Friday event? What do you think we should lower the price for one day or something? Oh, probably. Just say it's like Friday. Just say it's like Friday. You just go, you know,

Black Friday, I'll forget your palmo's book now. I mean, we could put a gold and ticket in one of them. Yeah, get it. Just, you know, get some year 11 signs of self. Yeah. And, and we want, when I get out, when I get out there, I will sign, I'll sign 10,000. And Andy, you pick a year 11 on my behalf,

because I'm obviously, I'll be in Sydney, I can't make the warehouse in Melbourne. You pick who you think, audition them, get them to do my signature, who does mine the best, know that, you know, it's actually signed by year 11, pretending to be me, but it's the best of 30. And for people that purchase on Friday,

the special signature, I'll hear 11 signature edition book is available for those who purchase a backfire. That's the Black Friday offer. Can you get Beyonce's signature for that as well? I know. Pogs, what fight is all about the perception of value? Black Friday offer. Can you get Beyoncé's signature for that as well? And no. Hawks.

White Friday is all about the perception of value. Hawks good like matey. This is probably fantastic. I'm stoked. Hey, as we mentioned, we're getting towards the end of the year. The government mandated break. Three months break is nearly upon us. Before it, we thought we were to walk across Parliament

to try and go against the government mandated break. But I actually had a few podcasts walked across the Nullable in support of us. Unsupported. And it was a powerful gesture and to end up at I think they're are they getting into Dale tomorrow to get into Bulhamon House to just be like you know lift this yeah the animation maybe podcasts through the summer they don't need that much of a break which we appreciate people fighting for us we do need

a small break we're doing this we're obviously doing nearly 50 minutes once a week so I wouldn't say we need no break. Yes, we certainly we've right there in spirit with, I'm sorry, I can't remember the names, but there I know there was a group of them going across the nullable. Absolutely. We thank them for their efforts. We hope. It should they be victorious, and we get the news over over summer, over December, January, February, when we're under the, you know, under the mighty rule of the government. If we hear that it's been lifted, we'll just come straight back in and do one. Yeah. Nothing says, get them podcasting again, like a walk across a desert. It's a, we appreciate it. I think what they were saying was it's symbolic, they're like,

why give us a desert of, you know, no audio. Yeah. You know, because that's what it's like on the podcasting scene over those summer months. So they're like, you know, we've injured it. I think it was something like we've injured a desert So others don't have to or something like that and again, I thank them for their efforts, and I wish I'd read their email better But you jett for you jett for 50 days in the desert certainly hats off Well, we've got one more show next week, but before we get to that this so that's why there's kind of wrap things up a little bit And I feel like a lot of you've heard from Shane Jacobson since we've publicly attacked the ad that he did for. Again, we weren't going to do it in terms of detail, but it was a, I was questioning the ad.

And he was a bit of collateral damage there. Didn't realize that the, quote, chubby guy with a beard and the shower cap on was in fact, Shane Jacobson. Should I have heard from him? I think he would have admitted it didn't look like in either. No, exactly. So just so we are making it very clear that we're not anti-Shane Jacobson, we're just anti-the-ad. No, just any of the message of steam being confused for smoke basically. I've got some positive Shane Jacobson news. confused for smoke basically. I've got some positive Shane Jacobson news. Nice.

Ad based Shane Jacobson news. He's in another round. I was going to say that perhaps little big shots is coming back over summer or. He's got that. He does our IG ads. The independent grocery. He does.

He's independent gross of Australia. And he's now I go to the point now where I believe he might have shares in R.J. He's been doing them for a long time. And I believe, do you know what I mean? Like if it's in first as Kurdistan, and I don't want to sat a new beef on the show. Yeah. Kurdistan, you very much get the feeling like Cole has hired him. And he's certainly happy to do it because he believes in calls. I believe Kurdish believes in calls. Yeah. But I

always feel like I'm at the to do it because he believes in calls. I believe Curtis believes in calls, but I always feel like that. But to the same extent that Jamie Oliver believed in Woolworth's. Yeah, that's the level I feel he likes and calls. I feel like it's number. And number was slid across the desk and he looked and he went, oh yeah, I absolutely believe in calls for that. Yes. Very much so.

I'm not believing them, that they believe in them to certainly that many zeroes. But with Shane, I'm not saying he's chained to do it for free. No, we're all grown-ups here. We know how this works, but I just really believe Shane, it's almost like Shane was doing it anyway and they said, can we pay you for this? He's so believable. He's so believable about giving back to the community through IGA. Yes.

So there are most recent, I'm not sure if you've said there's new IGA ad out for Christmas, Shane Jacobs in here. Right. Haven't seen, haven't not seen. Saw it last night during the news. All right. To me, it was like, oh yeah, that's, that's an IGA ad. Turned across the couch.

Beck was crying. What's that mean? That's what I mean. And you don't get crying from just, have you got a chili in your eye from dinner? Or else it was just, no, no, that's a beautiful ad. I said, what the idea, yeah, yeah. Your cry, I said, was it Shane's specifically?

No, he's a part of it. Bad, it's a half-lactor. The sentiment of it, a grocery ad is making my girlfriend crush a lot of things. But all I wanted to say is, Shane, if that was what you're going for. Is there an actor for that? Like, as in a award, the actor awards, because that's a good idea. Because I mean, that's the way the industry is going these days, especially with, you know, during the pandemic, luckily, a lot of shows and productions

allowed to keep going. But ad work was very important to a lot of the acting for eternity. And it wouldn't, you know, wouldn't kill him. It's an actor for Best Ad, because if Shane's putting in power, it's such a powerful performance in there that your girlfriend's crying. What's the plot of the ad? Oh, there was a like, I just,

I didn't do different critics here. Just go to the show that art will be received differently by different audiences. You didn't find the plot of the ad? I didn't find the plot to me ad? I didn't find a plot. To me, it was just Shane giving a hand to a guy who's like, yeah, I'll sell this. And that was at the start and I was like, hey, the guy goes, I'll sell the hand. So it's an ad about on-selling gifts from a loved one.

Well, no, no. Like, I think Shane is like, representing... I think giving it to the back, back, to the one of the guys that work at the back of House at IGO. I think so is like, I'm saying giving it to the back back to the one that drives the work at the back of house at IGA. I think so. And it's a shame to pick farmer. No, again, again, I don't, I didn't watch it clearly enough and I will, but I, I didn't dare go to back.

What I say, it sounds to me like the eight is Shane drives up. Amy's car hops out of the car, gets a leg of hand out of the passenger seat, gives it to the guy at the back and he goes, okay, I'll sell this. What is the message? IGA, you're like free, it basically like a weekend market. You turn up, give us something out of the back, we'll give it the ones over until you sell it. No, it wasn't like anyone can, like an e-bag. It was like, got something to sell. Got some pig to sell. I do, I take it.

No, the guy knew who Shane Watts, so it wasn't like that. I know, but he's not a person. But he's not a butcher. Shane's not a pig farmer. But maybe someone, maybe the original pig farmer was out of the back and Shane was shooting me out at the same time and picked one up. I'm just in the way.

I just do this for a bit of business. I mean, it's either in my hands. I didn't watch the ad, but it isn't a emotional one. And yes, I'd put forward to Shane Jacobson as the winner of the actor award for Best Ad. No, that is good. I mean, he's a, it is I'm crying. I am crying. That's good. That's good. Hey, a special skill has come to my side of the fence that I don't even want to prosecute. I just want to put him straight in the show. Wow. His name's Emmett. Yeah.

He writes, this is good. Yeah. He writes, I can play the board game Guess Who without the board. If you pick any character from the 1980s Guess Who, which we have, I'll be able to play the game and guess your character without seeing the board all. He also says, and quote, using hilarious questions about their features of personalities. Now he's put his own spin on hilarious. I'm going to say the skill of knowing the faces and names is to me more impressive than the skill of a hilarious question. But we'll see. We'll see. And they could. We'll be hilarious. Well, he joins us now. Emmett, a horde of you. Hello. Yes. A lot of pressure. I didn't realize I'd put that in the application.

Yes. Well, we're having a lot of time. Yeah, we're having to let it go. We're having a lot of go for an accident in the laughter thought because we have been focusing on it. It was actually my friend who started filling it in for me. So, yeah, the word hilarious. It's a lot of pressure, but I'll try and deliver it guys. He's just you up as he's done a great job. It's a really good thing. It's almost a power move, isn't it?

It's almost like you're welcoming. Like, you know, when you please welcome him to stage now and he's got a very funny opening line here he is. No, but he's a player too as well. So it's all the time. He told me, he told me you're absolutely going to love what he has to say. So let's get this clear, Emmett. We'll pick anybody. Yeah, we won't ask you questions. Let's just play your side of the thing. Yeah, it's a one-sided board. Yeah, so I'll be playing as if I have the board in front of me,

but I don't clearly. Yeah, we don't. Yes, we've got you on Zoom. We've also made you blindfold yourself. It occurred to me that you could have stitched the board a smaller printout of the board inside the blindfold. Yeah, that occurred to me too when I realized I was blindfolded, but hopefully we need it. What if you show us the blindfold?

Yeah, so I'm showing it to you now. The other thing I'm slightly worried about, well let's see, let's keep your hands visible for us because what if Andy, he's made a topographical imprint of the board and he's using his hands to like, braille,, just like, to run his fingers over the face and go, oh, that's Ann, you know, I can tell from the lips. Just to be clear, the headphones are also attached to the call that I'm on. So I'm not getting like some spy information either. Okay, good. Great. See you there.

See you there. Have any of your peace going, you know, Alfred has a mustache. Yeah. Does he? Oh, you're confusing me now. You know he does. He does. Okay. So, let's put Emad on hold, Jack, if we can. Hey, we've got to pick someone. Yeah.

Is there someone that you were thinking we should go with? I was like in a look of a Richard. We have by the 80s, but very long pinhead. Yeah, and a bald. A beard. A beard. A beard. A beard.

A beard. A beard. A beard. A beard. A beard. A beard. A beard. A beard.

A beard. A beard. A beard. A beard. A beard. A beard. A beard. A beard. A beard. A beard. a clear top right of the you're going a gamble with someone with a hat because if he says hat you there's only five with a hat. Yes, who's the most land? I know it's the point

of the game that they'll have to have features, but who is the hardest for him to get? Because I always find peaters a little unremarkable. Yeah, good on white hair, Peter. Peter, big nose, big lips, white hair, Peter, I think that's no no facial hair, no hat, no glasses. Yes. The grey man, they, you know, they say in the special forces circles, you want to be the grey man. So no one really notices you. No, I'm not saying Peter could be a T1 operator that you would use for special forces work. I think it's probably a little, he's about 65. That's still he's a forces work. I think he's about 65. He's a great man. I think they've updated the board as well, well and truly for equality for males and females. I think there's 28 characters on this thing. It's not the most diverse group of people you've

ever seen. The diversity certainly. In the 80s version. So I think we are better off going with a male because if he goes male or females a question, then we are not wiping out half the picture. Yeah, that's why Claire is such a gamble because she's in the minute. She's famous when they're not represented enough and also hat wearers. Red head glasses, two dangerous. Let's go with bland Peter. All right. It's pretty back. Emma's back. It's great. It's great. It's putting back Emma's book. You can hear you. Emma, hello. Hey, Elvis, obviously, I have to get it. Well, we give him a coin if he gets it.

I don't actually know how hard it or easy this is. It sounds hard. I mean, he could, he could, a theoretically get it just simply by knowing all the names. He could just go, you know, is it Alex? Is it Paul? You know, John. So, okay.

How many questions are we gonna give him, him? Let's give him a man of questions he's allowed allowed then I'd love to see it happen under five Yeah, if it's in five you get a coin. How's that? Well, we'll give it a go. Yeah five sounds you know possible to I'd like to a lot you know, it's certainly like us to be landing the plan around five Okay, you ready to go I'm ready Okay, we got a loan bill. This is super impressive. Us because's blindfolded, he's got nothing, this is purely off memory. Off you go, Jack.

Okay, so is your person... Sorry, I'm sorry, a little... A little bit of open for you, Emma. One second. Oh, yes, sorry, Emma. We need to put a bit of effort into the song. We're not heaps, but as you're about to hear, but you know, you also... I'm not going to do your hilarious questions, so it's one old. Ha ha ha ha ha. You imagine all the people

sitting on the board of guests. Ooh. Okay, him it probably wasn't worth it. Anyway, sorry for the stop down. Let's keep going. Okay, if you have 30% have facial hair. it. Okay. Sorry for the stop down. Let's keep going. Okay. Is your person have facial hair? No.

Okay. Are they wearing a hat or glasses? Only interesting with your question. Well done for bungling them. But they're not wearing either. Is your person female? No. Three quicks. Okay. Does your person female? No. Replicates. Okay, stand.

Does your person have blue eyes? Yes. Okay, I'm for the hilarious question. Is your person deeply, deeply sad? No, no. No, he's... Okay. Well, I'm gonna get paid what he is.

He just seems chill. He seems chill. Is your person peter? Oh, please! Who is Deeply Robert? Were you going Robert for Deeply, sir? I was thinking Robert, yeah. Yeah.

So that's it. That is Deeply, says, fantastic. You've got the coin, you've landed it on the fifth question, as requested. I mean, I just don't like asking about their, like, the state of their soul. That might be hilarious. De-placing. He just looks like a status character to me. He really does.

So, although, if you look, if you look at Alex, I know he doesn't look immediately deeply sad, but he's something going on back there. Something's missing. Something he's trying to keep a brave face. I mean, this is no fun for anyone playing on board. I mean, you do Google the full board. And I'll tell you, I mean, George is obviously sad, but he's someone who is not showing

it. Maria. Maria has a sorrow, has a recent sorrow in her heart she's a pretty she's a pretty girl don't judge it by the cover she knows a deep sorrow okay what's the emotional state of Bernard? Bernard well KDB, so Nippon. He knows the board. He knows the one he knew the last emotional, sorry, last emotional, last emotional, say what's what the heck's

going on in Alfred's life? Oh, serial killer, 100%. That's me if I let myself go. You know, as a red team, I can't use that out the mo. This will make a better video than most of the videos we put up at A.V.C. Don't console, make sure we do it. Hey, well done. Why do you know so much about the 1980s board game guest who? Yeah, look, it was just us being my siblings and I used to play all the time. And then one day, I think my sister and I were out at dinner and we're like, hey, do you want to try without the board?

That was 20 years ago and we could do it. And then like about a month ago, I was out at dinner and I kind of mentioned it and I just realized I could still do it. So all that wasted brain space. Yeah, it's incredible. I mean, that was the, remember when board games was probably to get the travel version as well, the small version, this is the ultimate travel version. Just pure memory. Finally, how big Max's nose? Well, he's one of the six big nose characters. LAUGHTER

And I hope they get together from time to time and just chat about the fact that it doesn't matter. You're talking to yourself a coin, well done, buddy. Thanks, guys. So fun. Thanks for having me. I'm glad we ended on a win. And a two prominent women in my life, my mother and my wife,

right? You'll never guess. It's like the stuff for real. Yeah. Two prominent women in my life, both need one thing. They can't have it. Yet a poor man covers it. And it's the same word backwards and forwards. Noon. Have might have mixed a few riddles in together. But yes, probably two prominent women in my life. I'm watching to my wife.

My mother and my wife. Both I seek to remove from strife. But how? No, here's what I actually want to ask you. And Jackie, you're involved in this game, of course. You, impossible for you to guess what they've both been watching. Because you know these women quite well, right? They're watching the same thing. No, no, they're watching different things. They're just sort of struck me

I had the same conversation in like one last night I saw Mum for dinner and then this happened the day before with Zoe to I mean Have a quite TV series TV series both have tried a TV series and is just not, does not fit the bill for them. Right. Free to wear or streaming? Stramming. Stramming. I mean, this is a huge quiz.

I mean, I've prefaced it by going, it doesn't fit their profile. Okay. Your mum tried sex life. Good guess. But I feel like that would be up, Mum's, Ali. Really? Squid game. I feel like mum would get across that too. Mum tries to capture most stuff in the zeitgeist.

What is sex life? Is this one I'm thinking about? Basically a drama, but they're always nude the whole time and that is. Yeah, right. Oh my god. Bang. And then I walked in and back was watching it one night. Is this sex education?

No. Sex education, they have sex all the time as well. Yes, but you don't see it. This is literally soft corpone. Right. Because I tell you about the scene, I'm sorry, I've got a buzzword masturbation. No.

I walked in, Beck shreeled, went, and I'm like, wow, and she's like, In a good way? No, like a court, she was getting caught. No, she hadn't seen me yet. Right. And then she went, and I'm like, I'm right here. She goes, and she's, I suppose it,

because is that real? And it was the biggest pain in my, in time. No. The mesurations on the IP. It was the biggest pain. I'll send you a picture of it. Well, you have to measure in half an arm. I would say half a four up. Half. Half a four up. All right. So. So Beck said, is it real? And I said, no, darling, only mine is never, never look.

I said, I think it is playback playback. So we watch you get and he's in the shower. And there seem no seams where you put, you know, the seamless prosthetic. Remember in Boogie Nights, you knew that that one was. But I mean, the whole point of booking is, it's outrageously large. Unless the storyline was about this, was it about this guy having a normally large member? Yep. It was okay. Then it could have been fake.

Then you would need that to tell the story. Yes, but it wasn't. Because if it was just like, hey, this is just a scene where you're in the shower after sex, and we might actually put a prosthetic on you. Oh, actually. Doesn't everything to do with the story? This is just a scene where you're in the shower after sex and we might actually put a prosthetic on you. Oh Doesn't everything to do with the story. Oh, I just think it'd be better for you and for the viewer Pick it up Yeah, right interesting. Okay. Well, no mums not watching that she might now just remembered four or five months ago I was at mum's place and I was staying the night there

And it was just like let's just watch something random on TV or five months ago, I was at Mum's place and I was staying the night there. And it was just like, let's just watch something random on TV. This is not what I was gonna talk about, but this is just pop back into the message. This isn't the buzz word masturbation, is it? This is, yeah. I forgot I hadn't told you, I'm sorry. I mean, it's slightly super awkward. It was like a, I'm gonna say Danish,

or maybe Swedish kind of like series, maybe on Netflix or something. And it just kind of had mum had mum written all of it. Like, it was like, oh, yeah, this is good subtitles. But a woman that works in a publishing firm and, you know, they're re, like, they reorganize it was a commas, like an office comedy, but it was Danish or Swedish. I think those like, this looks pretty safe. We can do two of this.

Have a tea and go to bed. And that's another inside night. And the opening scene, the lady's kind of, the main woman, her husband's downstairs making breakfast with the kids, she's running late for work, the guy's yelling up, hey, hey, you know, nearly ready. She's like, I'll be there in a minute.

She's upstairs, earphones in, watching porn, quickly masturbating before work. Right? So I'm like, oh, my God. What? I'm going, oh my god. I'm going to be expecting this to be the opening scene. Yeah, right? So like jeans open just hands down the jeans. So nothing like, you know, it's it's it's it's she's clothed, but you know, you know, you know, acting vigorously. You know what's going on. Mum and I were watching it. And then suddenly it's just

that like deafening silence when you're watching something like this, you get mad. And do you look at me? And I'm going, you're staring straight. You can't lose it straight ahead. Straight ahead, watching it like it's a David Attenborough documentary. I could nod in going, oh, she did that before. I was seeing, you've natural part of life.

Everyone's happened. Each their own, enjoying their bodies. And so in my head I'm like, geez, okay, well that's, who would have thought that this office comedy would have this, but that's gotta be out of the way now. Interesting choice for the opening one minute. And you can hear the porn in area phones as well.

So she's like, jumps online, it listens to porn, but she's obviously doing it quietly. So the audio mix, why is he in here anyway? Then she goes off to work, you're like, oh, that's that. Turns out that this is like a character trait. Oh, the main character.

Six or seven minutes later, she's finally been a quiet time at work. He friends her back in, she's masturbating again, watching porn. And it's her sort of vigorously doing what she needs to do to achieve a climax and kind of watching, but it's like she's at work. So she's trying to, high risk.

High risk. And you can hear the porn coming through the headphones. I'm like, oh my god. At this rate, we're gonna see this scene. Maybe if we're doing two apps of this, we can see this five or six times. So mum's obviously feeling the awkwardness as well and of this and you can hear the kind of the porn

muffled coming through the headphones. And I guess mum thinks she has to say something to break the silence or whatever, like just to go, well, we're all grown up, so we're all cool with this. And she goes, Well, I've never found that noise particularly erotic. Yeah.

Oh, okay. All right, we're not watching this. Well, I've never found that noise particularly erotic. LAUGHTER OK. All right. We're not watching this. This is... I'm fine with us watching this woman, you know, who needs to masturbate several times. That's healthy.

You know, she's doing what she needs to do. I don't need to know what you find erotic. You know, this is... Or not. This is... We're done. We're done. LAUGHTER MUSIC and oysters or not, this is, we're done. We're done. I'm going to get smoked. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪

Haine probably for the last time this year, we've got to play this game. For those that think they're very good at small talk, it's... [♪Gimme with your best chat, not a real way, [♪ [♪Git chat, champion. [♪ Two people have come forth. [♪ [♪Git chat, champion. [♪ Two people have come forth. [♪ [♪Git chat, champion. [♪ [♪Git chat, champion. [♪ [♪Git chat, champion. [♪ [♪Git chat, champion. Two people. I know. Come forth.

A lot of people volunteer for this game because it's one of those ones where you eat just sounds easier than it is. We all think taking a penalty shot shouldn't be too hard. Yeah. Simply put it in the corner away from the keeper. So when it's the World Cup final, things feel a little bit different. And that's what we try and emulate here on Gitchat Champion, really building up the pressure to see how good people's small talk game is.

The way this works is Andy will usually say something, I will then respond. We don't tell you when it's your turn to go, you've got to vibe it out and you have to add to the conversation, can't be a question. In a way that is interesting, doesn't take up a disproportionate amount of airtime and really announces your arrival into the conversation as a worthy third member. Yeah, like, oh, you want to hear more from this guy. Yeah, interesting point, then you feel like then, you know, we would feel like we have to like continue the conversation.

Pass that. It's a really tough art, the other conversation that hasn't stopped to brave souls from volunteering, Andy. Daniel, ahoy, do you? Ahoy, fellas. How are you? Good. Daniel, what do you do for a job? I work as a lab dental technician. Oh, lab technician. Great. What are you working on in the lab at the moment? I'm working on breeding, printing and printing out teeth for people who are client around

Australia. I'm printing out teeth. If you Australia. Oh, printing out tea. So if you lose a tooth, you can just knock one up for us. Oh, we can, if we want to, we can do that for your sellers. We also make appliances for orthodontics around Australia. Okay. Oh, I just, good chat. I take it when talked to that many people, just lab buddies,

but Daniel's gonna be competing against Sam today, Sam. But they might make a fake mouth. There we go. Yeah. Chat and master away. Sam, what are you? A whole wave, hello, Thicks. Hello.

Sam, what in your life is the arena where you're often needing small talk and you grade it? I work in disability support, so constantly one on one with people, a couple of non-verbals as well so constantly check that in the way. Yeah, so you really, it's on you sometimes and you're happy to run with the ball. Well good luck Sam. We're going to put you in hold so you won't be able to hear Daniel. Daniel, you ready to go?

Ready to go, fellas. Okay, good luck mate. Oh, hey, my, I bought Okay, good luck mate. Oh, hey my, um, I bought myself a new tennis racket. I like you've been into your tennis lately. Me too, I like to play tennis over the weekend with my friends sometimes. We're here a few quarters, a few backhand, the top spinners and back spinners and a hundred molsters. I absolutely love the sport, so cannot complain about it.

It's good to get outside, have a good time and play it you mate I'm not gonna lie. I did the cops in and the backs in hand movements as well while saying it you know Right you're a bit low energy A bit of gusto like everyone there's way too full on Daniel I would be I mean you serve might be a hundred miles but your conversation is 500 miles now Daniel the eyebrows I'd be giving a image going He's really coming Oh, I mean

He's really coming. Oh, I mean, you can't take a single thing away from you for enthusiasm. I know. This is a man that enjoys his tennis and wants the world's know about it. But in retrospect, Daniel, were you happy with that? Or I mean, obviously in the middle. Yeah, yeah. Any feelings of overcompensating for the slight, slow start? Well, I love the sport topics.

Anything that evolves with sports, I'm into. I love every sport topics. Anything that evolves with sports I'm into. I love every sport. Yeah, you'd think so. When someone brings up a sport, you don't list every shot. Failure for the point. Like that to me, I'd be very, it'd be very odd. Every, you know, every person I was meeting my soccer. Yeah, yeah, you had it.

Back to your past. Yeah, the goal and connect with Kansas. A kick. Love that. Can you throw it in? Can't use your hands there if you're throwing in. After that, just think, and ship it around, pass it around, keep it away from the defendant. Are you up? We're on down the clock. You get fast.

Where's the stuff? Coach is holding up the song. Who's coming on? 11. That's John. Good. Good to hear him in the game. He's coming back from a ACL. That's what it felt like to us Daniel. But again, maybe in the moment, it didn't feel at the to you and you'll be able to listen back and reflect, but you're still in the lead at the moment. We'll put you on. What do you want? Sam. Wow. Wow. Sam, I hope you

Sam. Wow. Wow. Sam, how are you? How are you? Good luck, Sam. You're ready to go. The exact same conversation will start and we'll see how you go. Oh, Pam, I've just recently bought a new tennis racket. Now, are you really getting into your tennis, Lyle? Oh, as you might believe it, my name was named 6th in Victoria, like when she was 12 in her glory days. That's great. Pretty good, yeah. That was a great, that is good.

And you went to land the plane, too. And if both conversations were planes, we would just, you know, you were just doing basically, let's say, like, you know, Melbourne to Aubrey. Just a short flight. And it just sort of got up, went down. Yeah. I feel like Dan, if you looped a loop, flew it out.

flew it out over the Tasman. I dipped the wing in the ocean, then took it up to 50,000 feet, and came dive-bombing down again. Daniel, you've lost? You're back down now, you've lost. Commiserations, Sam. Commiserations. Sam, well done to you, it's okay.

Sam listed more shots. LAUGHTER No. done to you, a token of action. Sam listed more shots. All right. Sam, I think you've got overhead smash. You'll be able to hear each other back, but what I think Sam did, which was kind of normal is just take a time and add one comment. Yeah. And then was comfortable just to let it breathe. And you know, take it all in.

Yeah, this is that's absolutely subjective. You know, that's the beauty of the sport. And it does come down to the judges and it is just their opinion. So if you like the way you played Dan, Farbe, it's a must to tell you how to do it. Thank you so much for being part of League of Legends. Well done.

Hi, fella to see you. I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you.

I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you.

I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you. I'm so glad to see you. I she was looking to see whether there was room at the restaurant. She says, I won't be a moment. And so like, okay, she won't be a moment. Yeah, I was going to say she's got you there because I was going to say a moment, a moment

really is can be anywhere from a millisecond, but you can have a moment, if you just have like an instantaneous moment. I would say almost all the way up to, you know have like an instantaneous moment. I would say you're almost all the way up to, you know, after about 20 seconds. It's got to be less than a minute. Because I was going to say 20 seconds, very rare. The bell curve probably peaks around about five seconds and then has a long tail out for about 20 seconds. Very rare a moment with less more than 20 seconds. Yeah, exactly. So I mean, it's possible if you're watching us,

even realistically, like let's think of a classic moment watching a sunset. Yeah. You can stand out there for a while, I suppose, watching the sunset, but the really good bit would be 20 seconds max. And then the rest of it's just sort of, you know, it's peaks and troughs.

It's not all the one moment And I would say the moment is if whoever you're sitting next to or you look at them and you smile That's the moment most moments are in the category of a couple of seconds because you think of when people go The moment was gone. Yeah Yeah, it's like you know Let's say the moment you're on a date or something and you're about to kiss is like that that moment lasts for one to two seconds Yeah, I was a master just finding the end of that moment or maybe going a bit before the moment.

Oh, I'm just missing it. Just really, but I knew it was around there. I was just sometimes fashionably early or late. So the lady goes to me, I won't be a moment. I'm like, okay, well now I don't have no idea. You've just told me what you won't be. Back to you've actually opened up infinite time. So she came back and said, yes, I do have room on Friday.

I said, seven o'clock would be great for four P, which is, I'll be a moment. So she changed. Here we go. Here we go. So there's your answer. However long she was. How long was she? But she seemed to be the same amount of time as when she said she wasn't going to be a moment.

No, I obviously didn't know. Maybe you just missed it by a few milliseconds. But that's my point. I didn't ever stop watch on it, but it, seeably on the phone, it wasn't a discernible difference between the time she was in the moment. I think what she's done is gone. You just change it. If you just replace it with the numbers,

she's gone, all right, I won't be five and a half seconds and she probably wasn't. And then she's come back and gone, I will be five and a half seconds. I bet you she would have been right on. Sounds like the kind of person that is that accurate. Thanks for listening. The Hamish Nandy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamishanandie.com.