Hamish & Andy - Hamish & Andy 2023 Ep 226

Episode Date: August 23, 2023

1. Hamish’s special present: New signatures 2. Roles in prison 3. Bec’s Dad restaurant prank 4. Maltesers pronunciation in the wild 

A least-knife production. Activate your internet. Cause the Hamish and the Podcast starts in three, two. Sorry, still buffering. One. A hoi-timi-skay-lean. Hamish. I don't want to spoil it, but I tell you what, we're a certain type of shape and it ain't

squares, baby. Is Jack an Isosceles? I act like an equilateral. Equilateral. And you're the Isosceles, the most difficult to equilateral, nice and predictable. We're triangles, baby. Jack, I'll hoi to you, my equilateral, nice and predictable. We're triangles, baby. Jack, I'll hoydee you, Maya, equilateral, well, though, would a totaler own being an equilateral triangle.

And that's why I picked it. I probably is very close. My most bad close. Yeah, I mean, obviously rounded edges and a little bit different at times. But yeah, it's equilateral. It's meant to be. Is it meant to be a perfect, perfect, yeah?

That's why I, of course, 60 degree angle at each point, Jack. Well, not to fear to put strike fear into you straight off the bat, but that's why I chose, I suppose it's a little bit like. No, you got to step into your fears. It's like a version therapy. Yes. And oh, yes, sorry to jump the gun there. And I think for our first ever, first guess. You can go show that. But I, you know, with the sun doing year three geometry at the moment and I'll Blakey sit down a couple of nights a week with the homework book. I'm all over scaling, baby. And Rob Boyd's and parallelograms.

I'm not like to get to the Venn diagram. I'm more of a high school issue, but yes. If you want to do fractions next, I'm interested. I'm also a hoi tutalia from Melbourne, who use the very easy to use system in hamishnirty.com to see if she's been up to it. Poor thing. Ahoi boys, the number six.

I've got a Hamish Blake, exciting to report at the airport the other night. And whilst I'm incredibly appreciative of the very deep bow that I received, it breaks my heart to report the Hamish has in fact lost touch instead of lining up to board down the economy lane with the rest of us common men. Hamish had no trouble waltzing down that priority boarding lane. Oh, that doesn't sound nice.

I wonder what happened there. I wonder what had happened there. I must have thought that that would happen. I must have thought that that was like a holy where you wait. A small pen where you wait for everyone to board and then you go on last. I like after you follow me. Yes, I must have thought that.

And then I'm in an accident. I guess once it was flowing, I should through. So why do you use the word priority then in that scenario? I guess I thought it meant stand here to allow the others to have priority. I thought the priority was the thing we were giving, not getting. Not getting.

That's a simple mistake. Hey, you wanted the top of today's show. Oh, speaking of generosity, as I mistakenly thought I was generously letting people board, I've gone ahead and organised something where where I'm on the brink of organizing something for all of us, okay, a gift. And before I tell you what it is, I probably need to frame it with where I found this gift. Now it was an Instagram ad. Just quickly, is this been, you've used the joint account for this or have you used your own account?

I will. You will use the joint account. I know I'm getting new cards soon. There's an issue with my old card, which we've sorted out. So that's why I'm on calls here. It's old card laps that I never sent you about a new one. And that... I'm waiting by the mailbox, Mr. Lee.

Where is it? I said to be free. This is, it's over during the week. He's like, yeah, and where is my other car? Oh, yeah. And she's one of the worst acting you've ever heard, Jack. Andy, oh, goodness me. Lovin' like Harold from Neighbors.

What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, your scam. So unfortunately, yes, a new card, and I've worn the bank. We're not being hacked. I said to them, I said to them, this is not. Do you know I did get hacked the other day with my own personal card? And that's why I closed down your company card because it got hacked. Yeah, and then.

There were a couple of weeks ago, and this is because of foolish internet purchases. Yes. And it's a double whammy for me because the man of random things I'm buying online, the bank, my security algorithm would be, look, this guy, you know, there's nothing out of the ordinary. There's actually a lot of this to it. Too hard to tell. It's like when I rinse the dishes too much before

in the dishwasher. You don't know whether it's gone through or not. It's too hard to tell. Wow. We have the opposite problem in our house, which is, yeah, if you can see some, sometimes I'll put it on with a full meal on it. Just the parma doing a lap.

Just a full bowl of wheat picks in straight into the dishwasher. And then what happens there is, so I've started three topics here, but what happens there? What happens there? Well, it's obviously dirty and sunny, my little boy's job is unpacking the dishwasher, but it gives him a huge free kick because once he realized if something's dirty, you let it ride again. And I remember this from when I was a kid. I run, it's like a bounce where at the world's most exclusive nightclub.

You're like, I can't let that through. No, that's gonna have to go through again. So sometimes he's letting the full thing go again. I'm like, suddenly, no, there's like 10 knives in here. Like, look at this. You scratch down the, you know what I like? The look of that, well, let it go again. Don't put that away.

So to save the point two of a second, it would take to get the knife and put it in the drawer. No, through again. And so apologies to the bank, yeah, for my right, expending conditions, but yeah, I did get hacked personally.

And the thing that triggered me was they bought like $1,500 worth of skims, Kim Kardashian, I'm not a compression wear. Because most things on there that I buy online, I'm like, yeah, I could be me because it's always like J there that I buy online, I'm like, yeah, I could be me, because it's always like JCR core or something.

And you're like, you know, that makes like a, yeah, it makes like a drone or something. And you're like, yeah, maybe. So it takes you a while to figure out what you've bought and what the company is. But skims was the one where I would remember spending $2,000 on women's compression wear. Yeah.

Yeah. We might just call, put a flag on that plate and see what we do. Anyway, when my new car comes, I am warmed up and I'm ready to go with this. This ad came up on Instagram the other day. And because of these purchases, I think now I get the tier of Instagram ads where it's for products where they go, surely no one will fall for this. Like, there must be scales on the back end where they go, like, this person's practical or like, this person's like this person.

I don't get them. I don't get them. I never get at like, so dad's really like, what you have, but you just get nothing like the products that they get it's like, they've learned that you're a bad fishing spot. Yeah, like, you don't click on ads, you're not interested. I am a wonderful fishing spot. Yeah, like you don't click on ads. You're not interested. I am a wonderful fishing spot.

Unlike salmon spawning. They're like, you put anything in this water. You'll catch a fish. And so now they're trying, and it's like, it'd be like a fisherman going, I just can't believe how many fish we're catching with such poor quality bait. Like, watch this.

We can, let's put an old boot on a hook and see if it's official like that. And I would. Yeah, you would. So I've bitten it something here. At first just as a bit of a laugh at it. And I thought, no, you know what? I'm going to get this for the guys.

I'm going to get this for all of us. So do we get one each or is it? Yeah, we're going to get one each. Here's what it is. It is a company that sells revamped and personalized brand new signatures made by professional calligraphers. Okay, so here's what happens. I pull the trigger on this.

And then a personal manager will contact us after payment, each of us, I'm buying three of these. We fill in a form, I think, where we talk about what? Is ignoring the other one. Don't worry about that, Jack, I'm priceless. What we, and they can, they can learn about our preferences and special requests. I guess.

That's a five minute form. So I don't know what they'll ask us on that. Then the calligrapher creates a few options for our new signature. Lovely. We then pick the final signature. So we get to say in each of our new signatures, this is actually why I got you to send me

your signature during the week. Yes, I thought that was suspicious. And I did promise you it's, which sounds like a scam. No, it's not for identity theft. But as I send it to you, I realize it's, it's not, I'm not proud of my signature. It's an old way to say that because you know, it's, it is pedestrian. Yeah, it's bad. It is really run out of the mill.

You obviously had it since you're a kid. That's how a lot of these things happen. Then after we pick the signature and we might make some final changes, like, you obviously had it since you were a kid, that's how a lot of these things happen. Yeah. Then after we pick the signature, and we might make some final changes, like, you know, Jackie might say, I'll look, the dollar sign in post, like I want the dollar sign bigger or something, I wanted to be fancy or whatever it is. Conor, just quick question here. Yeah. Are we doing them for ourselves or I in charge of, say, your city and you're in charge of say your city and your in charge of Jackson Jackson charge of mine.

I don't have a bad idea. Well, I mean, I call it a crazy thing. I should probably do mine, but I'm not sure if Jack can be trusted with his by the sound thing. So he's had a poor one. He's had a swing in a mess once. But I know how we how we how we sure you'll get it right a second time. I know what it's like to have a bad ugly, squiggly signature. So I'm in need of perfect loops and cursive. I'm actually, this is a great thing for me. But my question is, do they make it? And then we have to learn how to replicate it.

Great to ask, Jack, because a professional calligrapher then designs it. OK. And they then create a person which tutorial for you. You actually get hundreds of sheets of paper with the new signature. So you have to learn the motor skills of how to do it.

And they're like, so you can learn how to do it yourself. Because they're like, hey, we can't do this signature for you. So it can't be two, but they look, I mean, they look really quite flourishing. Because remember, it's from a calligraphist. It kind of looks like it's like the declaration of independence a bit. So you can scale it up or scale it down.

Can you ask for how modern you might like it versus, you know, how traditional, is there any kind of little peak box for you? I assume that's in step two when you fill in the form of what sort of signature you want. Then at the end, it's as you can use your new signature for the rest of your life. They also make you an electronic version of this signature.

Okay. Here's the thing. I was like, okay, this is something. You know, they're like, they really have a go, they're like, you know, they really play hard on the fear. They're like, don't embarrass yourself with like a terrible signature. They show people that are like a shame of this signature.

I can't believe it. And they even sort of try and paint a piece of like, you know, some of the testimonials like, I was embarrassed to sign things. Like, it's like, you know, we've got a great deal on an apartment, but it's not to rent it because I didn't want anyone to see my signature. Not a problem I don't have for it.

And it happened like, you know, those advanced tear heads were happening where they once signed it, everyone laughed at it. And apprentice was having a laugh at the boss. That was my moment, I realized all the boys were laughing at me. Because it's a picture. So here's the thing. There is one condition here that I think they'll regret.

Unlimited free revisions. We could go back a lot. The packages, how much would you expect to pay for a brand new signature jacket? $100? $200? $50, $60, man. Right.

Interesting. Man, it's a handmade calligraphers signature. Okay. There's three levels. First level, calligrapher. Professional calligraphers who. There's three levels. First level, Caligriffers. Professional Caligriffers, who created signature you'll love. That's 39 bucks. Second level, experience to Caligriffers. Oh, what? So if you've gone with the work experience, what the work experience can you like to that first one? This is a prized calligrapher who are among the best

in the industry, skilled in a wide range of styles. Same guy. Same guy after he's been asked to pay a bit more attention. You just put the beret on for the second one. That's $49. But for $79, regular price 200, struck out, $79 on sale. Oh, she should be. She should be.

Head calligrapher. Well, the top. The most experienced artist in the calligraphers stable. He, this person has created signatures for the most and only the most important clients. That's a big head calligrapher. Do they list any? They don't. They don any? They don't list any.

Rockabar or they don't. They, I mean, they look good, the squiggles look good. It's going to come down. Can you tell the difference by looking at the ads? What is it T1 and a T3? Like is it to the R? Well, swirls, I would say. Okay. I was going to read you a testimonial. Yeah. This was by phone of the best experiences I've had with an online company. Ha ha ha. Within days of purchasing the signature package, I received an email from Mary with a questionnaire.

She was so gracious with all of my requests. And the work done by the designer was beautiful. Mm hmm. Everything was provided within the promised time frame. This is exactly what I hoped for. Couldn't be happier. That's changed brand is life. What were all the requests?

It makes it sound like they were outlandish. They wanted to announce landish signature. Yeah. Someone's written, if I had another name, I'd do it again. Well, I was if he'd been to the testimonials. Now I'm definitely in. I don't think we should go ahead, Caligra, but he seems like it's too high a pat like a pile of ice. I think we should go ahead, Caligra, it seems like it's too high a pat like a pat. I think we should go one each.

And maybe we pull it out of a hat or something. Pull it out of a hat. Who gets the difference? Yeah, yeah, I like that. We're gonna pull out of a hat. I'll pull the, when take it the new card, I'll pull the trigger on this. Okay.

And I'll order. Okay. We decide now where we're pulling it out of a hat. I'll write down them and everything. In a one, two, three, you can pick first hand. Yep. And'll write down them in a one, two, three. You can pick first hair. Yep. And so I just pick a number one, two or three.

Yeah. Two. He's got the head. Oh, yes. So you and you do that second. Gorgeous. He's got the hair. Jack, what have you got?

I'll go one. Yeah, he's got the second. Yeah. Oh, I know. He has the budget, the left-handed Caligrapon. The right-wing with a fist. I think so. I think so.

The other thing, I know a lot of people who listen to this going, but do you have to change everything? That's one of the frequently asked questions. They say you don't. Because it was like, no need to change any of your documents. Like, where does that work? If it's got a brand new signature?

Well, that was the red flag for me, is that these people now have your signatures. Yes, and you paid for it through your credit card, so they got your credit card in there. They got your signature. Uh-oh. Not my credit card, Jack. Company.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Guys, I was having a think the other day. What roles would we all have in prison, do you think?

Right, sorry. My first reaction was poppy say not role, but I know what you mean. I don't think you have to have. I think you have to have the dinner roll that's being served. You might be thinking of being a guy comes in. You have to say, yeah. Oh, the Chewbard has gone. Sorry, on my room service sleep, I filled out Chewbarda. Is there...

This seems to be a multi-growing. Yeah. So, I've had a little think about it. I just wanted to see if you agree where we see it. I think Haynes our muscle these days, Jack, would you agree? Of your, Jack, for a moment, Jack was full of bananas and peanut butter shakes and stuff like that. But then it seems like you've gone off your bulking.

Oh, true. I mean, don't expect much, guys, like, because we're all going on on the same day. Yes, we're all in on the same day. I mean, I go listen. Wilson Parking's got up with it. We're doing 75 years for fair evasion in car bikes. Look, here's the thing. From what I understand, you all just got to swing hard as you're going to have to, there's

going to be some scraps. Now, very all well and good, for any to nominate me as the muscle, but don't be expecting a lot, right? I'll we're gonna have to fight Pretty much from what I understand round the clock for the first week, right? So you don't become a soft target now. I'll do my fair share of fighting Don't expect a lot. I've I have done some boxer size in the past, but I don't know how well it's going to hold up. While I'm doing the fighting, you guys need to be out there making some connections, getting a few alliances going.

I thought you were going to say like we get to go to the prison gym while you fight. We've all got to fight. I'm not asking you all the moment. I haven't told you about that. You're putting it on in a week. How many roles are you going to eat? We watched you stay pretty much stagnant for two and a half years. Jack, you're actively trying to bulge up. I'm not waiting for that.

Unfortunately, Jack, you make a good point. I think Jack is probably the guy that can get stuff. I was gonna say some kind of like, I don't know how I would do it, but I want to be the person who people come to to get like cigarettes or something. Well, you'd always be easily waiting. When you're waiting for that.

You don't know how you do it. That's the whole job. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you can't go, guys. I'd very much like to be known as the guy that can get stuff. Right. Get us a phone. Yeah, I actually don't know how to do it.

But I like the feeling of being the hook up. Yeah, it's hard to walk in day one and go have people say, hey, that's the guy who has all the connections go to him. When I don't even know where the bathrooms cup. It's hard to walk in day one and go, have people say, hey, that's the guy who has all the connections go to him when I don't even know where the bathrooms are. Who are you saying this to? The other prisoners? Like explaining to them why there might be some rumors going around that he was saying you could get stuff and now you regret it because you liked the way it sounded but in actual fact you can't get stuff. By the way, can you share with us our concerns and when do we put in our role preferences?

I guess I'm saying that to you guys as we're like, as they're opening the doors and we're walking through, I would say, don't expect me to be day one, handling and getting stuff and getting people to spend with. Well, I feel like, let me get my bearings. Let me ask you something straight. I'm not trying to be crass or funny, Jack, would you consider bringing some stuff in up your bum? Because I honestly, I'm just thinking now we're in stuff. We're in, we're in, we'll be absolutely back against the wall. Yeah. Well, no, we know where we need to get stuff out of Jack's back. But we would be back against the water protection.

That's why I need a note. We'll put up Jack's pub. That's where I need to know where the bathroom is. Come fetch cigarettes. We don't bring in cigarettes. They bring us all the more valuable than that. Oh, he's four crumpled cigarettes in the Glad bag. No, bringing something better than that, mate.

If you're going to be a mole, we will have a talk. I'll have a talk off here about the best thing for you. What are you Andy? Well, I felt like you're in trouble, Tim. I know you're in a huge trouble. But we're all in trouble. But I thought you and I would probably be in charge of the escape plan.

If we were deciding we're going to escape, I feel like you and I would can have on that. And then we'd report that. Well, I mean, that is how we got in jail in the first place from escaping car parks. So we're serial escapees. It will be more complicated than wait to the boom gate goes up and sneak out

behind the water. I'm thinking they have tied a security from that in jail. Jack, thinking if we need to negotiate something, like say with this beef with us, I think we would try and just use this situation which you go in and I would love it. Yeah, that's great.

And then we might not have to fight at all. I'd love to put on the record here that really preferred not to be in any fight. I mean, again, they don't ask this. Are they just the fights just sort of happen? But if there is a chance for us to put in our preferences Preferred an opium in any fight. I think we'd much rather go the hey look you know guys We'd like to be known as the friendly fellows around the jail

If we have to come up with a game they will do better than that But um, you know, we're just here for more of a let let's see if we can, we're all gonna do the time. Let's see if we can have a bit of fun in here while we do it. Bob, that goes for everybody in the prison. Like you can join us and like, don't worry about Focusing. And, yeah, this is day one of us standing on tables. Yeah, tables making our case. Let's enjoy it.

Let's enjoy it. And if it's not going well, because I think with the sort of 15 years of performing amongst, for all of us who've got a long time in the industry, you can sense when you've either got a crowd or you don't. If it's not going well, then we can then add

if we go, all right, Jack, film what you do. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. All right, Jack, film what you think. That's a bit of a welcome present. We bought in something for everyone. LAUGHTER MUSIC

I'm in the past in this show. I've kind of used a resource that you offer. Exclusively to me, I think you have not sure if you've... Yeah, no, I haven't popped it up on A toaster yet. If I have a problem in my life, not a score to settle, but just something awkward to settle with someone that I don't know how to bring up with them, you'll write a script for me so then I can call them

to following your script and that'll sort the whole issue out. Now, we've done this before. I think I've done one for a long time, but usually it involves a white lie. It has to involve a white lie because that is very, very powerful tool. And you're very good at this. You can certainly use your benefit if delivered properly. Now, you came to me with a dilemma that you face on a personal front. I don't think Jack knows this. Do you want to next time?

Jack, yeah. I met up with a Beck's parents in Rome. Okay. They take their food very seriously. A Beck's dad was in charge of the restaurant the last night and Beck was bringing on two friends, Billy and Michelle. Billy plays professional rugby.

So Beck's dad picked the spot. It wasn't very good. He deeply regretted it. He apologized to me for hours after the evening as we went for more drinks. What if he was just bad or the vibe was bad? I didn't think it was all that bad. He just really took it to heart. Next morning, as we were leaving them. There's that pressure to on a holiday that you want to end on a high and you want to go to a city like Roman feel like you had like a best experience. Yeah. Next morning as we said goodbye to them and left some stuff for them to take back, he said, look, I just want to say again, so sorry about last night. There was a terrible restaurant. It's fine. Really. I got a lot of this pressure. Yeah, is this impression of you? Is this enormous food snack? I think it's there. Because Beck wasn't got a lot of respect. Yeah, is this impression of you? Is this enormous food snob? I think it's there. They affect...

Because Beck wasn't happy. Beck actually wasn't happy with him. Right. So I think it's... And I said, I really... I'm a parmin parmin customer. It's not a problem. And then when we got back... Look, sure. A barrel of mini hot dogs is what I was thinking. I think it's the last time. Then when we got back the first time we saw them since getting back, he said again,

I just want to say again that the restaurant wasn't up to scratch. I don't know how I could talk us there. And I said, maybe it's really how I'm going. It's been going on now for over a month. It's a month. This is the wild thing. It's been a month, month or more. And he brings, he's bringing it up.

Okay. So I get this data from Ando. I've had a bit of a think about it. I think I have come up with, because this seems like a man that can't let this go. So I've had to come up with a strategy that I think will help or has to reframe the night in a positive way. Right. Because what I want, Dac, is for him to forget about it. Yeah, you want to be him to be guilt-free. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lift the heavy weight of this deal. Off he goes, that's life. Things happen.

I'm turning to you to stretch the conversation to get the script to this point. OK, here's your, oh, you said a big thing. Let's do a table read of the script. First, I'll be Lee. As I hope he will answer. He answers, I go, Hi Andy. Hi. Sorry. Jess, Jack, just you know, this is all adlibs so far. We haven't got it yet.

It's a bit of a messy start. Well, it's real. It's real. We're just going to get into the screw now. Hi Lee, just wanted to talk to you about the dinner on our last night in Rome. You seem to be carrying some of the bread over it. Yeah. Well, I am Andy.

As I've mentioned to you, it wasn't a good place to take you guys and I know you take your food seriously. I just feel terrible. Well, I've been you, it wasn't a good place to take you guys and I know you take your food seriously. I just feel terrible. Well, I've been thinking about it. I've got something to tell you that I hope would put your mind to these. Go on. Do you remember the couple who had dinner with us,

Billy and Michelle? Yeah, great couple. He played professional rugby if I remember correctly. Yeah. Well, I was just chatting to Billy this morning and we were talking about the dinner. As you may have been, I had another restaurant in mind that that night we all went out that I'd heard was great. I'd pass. So you wanted to go to a different restaurant that night that I took you to the first restaurant.

I'd pass it on to Billy. Billy and Michelle went to that restaurant and wanted us to go and guess what? No, no, don't rush it on that. You saved it, Billy. It's very important. Go back. Billy and Michelle. Billy and Michelle went to the restaurant. I wanted us to go to and guess what? What? It was closed as a crime scene. What? Billy asked a security guard what was going on and get this.

What? There was a huge fire the night of the 26th of June. The exact night we would have been there. What? Unbelievable. Oh my God. We would have been there. What? Unbelievable. Oh my God. We would have been there the night of the fire. Also, there's more.

Billy and Michelle talked to a sort of fortune teller type lady who said she was there that night and she tried to tell the people entering that something bad was gonna happen and now all who entered have carried a curse for life. Oh, what? So in a crazy way, that makes your pick of the restaurant an amazing stroke of luck.

Can you imagine how bad being in the fire and golf restaurant would have been? No. Not to mention the gypsy ladies, scrimmurus, we're cursed for life because you know how Beck is into that kind of stuff. Yeah. She would not have liked that.

Fire, restaurant and curse for life. So I suppose the reason for my cause to say thank you. Sure, the food may not have been amazing, but I'll take a sub-power food over escaping a fire. I'll personally always remember it now as a life-saving choice that you made, mate. Oh, gee. Well, that makes me feel a lot better, Andy. That does make me feel a lot better. I don go into that last slide. Are we jacked?

Well, it comes down to your delivery because to be honest, you are rushing a bit, you know, giving it the gravitas that some of us say telling this amazing story about, you know, believe it, the how the restaurant burnt down and there was a sort of an old fortune teleover lady. Well, no, you have to believe the lie. Yeah. Well, I know. You have to believe the lie. You do have to believe the lie. It's not a lie if you believe it. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I wouldn't call it a white lie as well.

No. So it's a complex web. One change. Beck had another restaurant she wanted us all to go to. Oh, can I change that? Can I go get it restaurant in mind that that night we all went out. We all went out. And we heard she'd heard was great. She passed that on to Billy and Michelle. I actually just chatted to Billy. Get this. The restaurant we would have

gone to. That's what a crime scene. Are you updating the script? Yeah Can't do it on the fly. I've got to write it verbatim otherwise you'll accuse me that I've done so wrong I mean, you know you obviously bring yourself to the Not gonna your cut halfway through I mean this is all you I've just As we're learning from the sag after actress strike, Hollywood is a combination of great writing and great performances. So I've done the writing, now you do the performance. Okay, are you ready?

Ready. Good luck, everybody. BEEP BEEP BEEP Hey, hey mate, do I? I'm worry, so? Yeah, good.

Good. What's happening? Oh, not much, really quite around here. Hey, I just, I just want to talk to you about the dinner on our last night in Rome. It seemed like you were carrying some regret over that. Oh, that's shit place we went to. Oh yeah, in Travista. I mean, no, no, I'm not really.

Only that I thought it was going to be a good place and it wasn't. Yeah. Well, I was thinking about it and I've got something to tell you that I hope would might put your mind at ease about it. Mm-hmm. Do you remember the couple we had dinner with Michelle and Billy? Yeah. Well, I was chatting to Billy this morning and we were talking about the dinner and you

may not know on the night, but Beck had another restaurant in mind that she wanted us all to go to, that she thought was great. Yeah. She passed that on to Billy. Billy Michelle went to the restaurant. She had the Beck wanted us to go to, and guess what? Wasn't good. It was closed for a crime scene. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, Billy asked the security guy what was going on and there was a huge fire the night

of the 26th of June, that night, that exact night we were going there. Unbelievable. Oh really? Well, and Billy and Michelle also said they talked to it, this is a bit weird, but an old fortune teller lady who apparently was there the night and telling people not to go in there because something bad would happen and everyone who entered would be cursed for life. Crazy.

Well, we might have touched a bullet. Yeah, I know. Yeah. So in a crazy way, I suppose it's an amazing stroke of luck and you know, how Beck is into that stuff. Yeah, yeah. Imagine how bad being, you know, in fire and gold restaurant It's an amazing stroke of luck and how Beck is into that stuff. Imagine how bad being in fire and gold restaurant opposed to a food that wasn't all that great, but I think we came out of pretty good. That's a better run, that's what it's about to pass that on and to say thanks.

I'll remember it as a life-saving choice made by you. Very good. Thank you. See you then. I mean that is a man whose mind is now completely it is. Right. Jack. Yeah. I would say he didn't seem to worry too much about it. Well, maybe he did mean not literally say that it sounds like we dodged a ball at that time. Yeah, really put my mind at it. Thanks, him. That's what I do of Spaghetti Hut. Free party, go to Rome and pick out. Spaghetti Hut, so it's for Quads Spaghetti. And it's been some months since we blew the world apart by realizing that maltese has no A in the spelling.

No. Has an A for the malt, but no A in the easest bit. And in fact, is maltese. Maltese is the natural brand. They've written it on the side of the pack. It's clear as day. And yes, they would have been thrilled that you noticed on the side of a Mentos that they referred to as chewy

dragies, because that obviously took their heat off Maltesers and the fact that they have got an absentee. An enormous branding issue. Yeah, an enormous branding issue. They're vibing. We're either recalled, I was at the cinema, they haven't recalled all boxes yet, but I'm sure that's coming.

I am seeing, and I'm not just making this up, more and more confusion at the cinemas. Yes. Like, we went to Oppenheim the other day. Yeah. And as I was walking past the cany-bar, I heard the guy behind us like, what? And the guy said, Maltesers. And then the guy's like, what are you talking about? The guy's like, point of the Maltesers.

Oh, god, this is awkward. Yeah. You know, we've got a case of someone knows what they're doing. Someone's just been thrust by on the candy bar. Yeah. Possibly destructible. The cash flying around. It can happen. So, you said it's clear the person ordering them was calling them correctly. Multi-multi-multi-multi. Yeah, he was. He was. And the candy bar guy, again, possibly because he was focused on other things as can happen if you're a candy bar employee was, um, wasn't paying, you couldn't understand what was going on.

Anyway, when saw the movie's about three hours long came out, they're still having the fight. And I went, okay. This is obviously happening a lot. Yeah. Slowly but surely though, the correct pronunciation of malt hez's is taking place. It would evidence of it in the wild for really first. I wish I'd recorded that candy bar incident because that would have been great evidence. This comes in from Sean Davis who I assume is an Adelaide Crosse fan in the

AFL. Yep because if you are a fan of a fully-tempered you follow him on Facebook or Instagram more and more there's pressure on the team to do a lot more behind the scenes, social stuff. Oh yeah. And we used to have a social media department at the radio station, we've come across men TV, people might have them at their works. Usually the social media department is one maximum two people who get thrust in at the last minute and made to get some stuff for the socials. And have you had a thought about the socials? No. socials. Have you had a thought about the socials? Yeah. Usually the people having to do the stuff of the socials, they'll tolerate it. They'll tolerate it. No one's a person out of their

skin to be running to do extra content for socials. No. Because usually it doesn't get told you ahead of time too. Like there's sevens and TV promos all the time. Yes. I think we talked about the thing where they're like come in this room and When I was doing a Lego masters add one day, I like come in here and we're gonna get a whole bunch of stuff to make gifts from you And I began into the social media guys there. She's basically going. Sorry about this They're like just go through this list and you're like I won't be doing this like just maybe one dab just maybe one dab. Not dabbing. I will look at it. We were hoping you would. There'll be no dab. But similar world. So on the Adelaide Crows Facebook page, social teams have been told to go down at training and grab the camera. And just because again, more evidence to you take a lot of time with the players as the social team. Yeah,

Spacely stand at the exit of the change rooms. It looks like and yeah And yell a quick survey to everyone running out because the look on the faces of the players is like what's this? Social media. So they've gone with a really easy, you know, what do you what do you eat at the movie favorite movies? Yes, I think this you know all clubs are doing this to the moment. All clubs, all clubs. Some artists seem to have the least access to their players. I can gather. Because they look like they're almost going hidden camera and so on.

Just that's like a thought starter for the day. As they walk past that to go and stretch and actually play football, which I think it pays to do. So there is a diskey, you can see all these guys because they're like actually thinking about training and then suddenly it's like, you know, what do you get the candy about? How are you in here? And they're like, I can't at the pilot club. Yep. They're doing, they're ones doing their best. The other thing I've noticed, sorry, is the first guys out just cannon fodder.

They're getting fewer. They've got no chance of a good end. So filters back that they're doing something like this, because the people exiting the change room later seem far more prepared. So you've got a chance to stitch up one of the early players who doesn't have a ride of reply. Yes, that's when it can become fun. This one was, okay, favorite cany-bite.

There's a whole bunch of players coming through here. I won't lead the witness, but have a listen to the selection of treats given up by the players as they run past. Popcorn. Popcorn is worry. Mars pods. Yeah, some sort of chalky. And the back. Did you hear that? There's two. Yeah, well, so so very good hearing, very good hearing. It's the last maltese is the inco- inco- pronunciation is pronounced, but just before that, have a listen. And then as you've been endorsed of underhandly paid with a I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that.

I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that.

I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that.

I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I don't know who the player is behind him that corrects him. Have it, this is the final, so this is Wachlan Murphy, who I now, I think we have solid evidence today is a listener to the pod, so thank you, Locky. And clearly our favorite Adelaide player. It rises in the ranks and Locky pies top spot for the rest of the season as the Nimo Uno Crow.

And also a man that cares about excellence and pronunciation when it comes to chocolates. He's the final slow down bit. As long as he's a... I don't like this other fellow like coming over the top, ding, ding, ding. Sorry, I don't know. Sorry, I'll have another look at the footage

and I will talk to the operations manager. Because I just think if you're serious as a club, it's everyone says, like, it's the little things. Some of the big things, you do the little things while the big things take care of themselves. The only thing I can think if you're serious as a club, it's everyone says it's the little things. Some of the big things, you do the little things while the big things say you can say, thank you for themselves. The only thing I can think of, I'm worried for the Adelaide Croix

if they've got someone out there that don't think of it. It's not. It's certainly reduces my, I had him tip for the premiership still, and it might just shave a bit of that off for them from me. But the only thing I can think of is who owns Malteser's and who's the parent company? Yes, laser. That's Mars. It's Mars is it?

Who is a big sponsor of your Foddy team really are they not still a big? Isn't Mars a big Carlton sponsor? I shouldn't know this but you should know. I'm not a business development board. They used to be I don't You know how because the only thing I was the only development board or something. They used to be, I don't know. You know how it's called. Because the only thing I was the only thing Dick Smith was there for that sure. I mean, you do your problem and that's

the importance you burn through them. But I wonder though, if the deliberate pronunciation of maltese is some sort of stab at an opposition sponsor, that's the only thing I can think of there. Because obviously no in the change rooms, there's a lot of chat about mortesers. And then for some reason,

that's why there's been cat thrown amongst the pigeons. Oh, it's a good theory. Do you want to say anything in support of Mars? Now just in case you're listening to this and you run into them in a box somewhere. My loyalty definitely lies with the show here. Mars doesn't sponsor COVID. Oh, they're good, Oh, they're good.

Good. They're good. Well, they've got the pods slash they have it that actually we need to please explain on two counts now. Don't we? You have to get a spokesperson on because we need a please explain on the pods because they're exactly the same. Yeah, it it miles and tweaks? Yeah. They're the exactly same ingredients on the picture. Same picture same. Same picture same. Gradients and now we need a please explain on the malt teasers and maybe they didn't know that they it was missing an A. Web geezer sometimes puts up little captions and it's the it's

everyone going oh hey you've misspelled this and we're like oh we didn't realize that. Yeah so maybe they just didn't know that they're missing an A all this time. But when we asked for a spokesperson, I feel like it gives them too much time to prepare their defense. We need to find a way to like doorstep the head of Mars. Oh, doorstep, yes. So that that way we get their real answers. Because don't you mean every time we get a spokesperson, they come on and they're so prim and proper and they know exactly like where to bat away. Mate, I couldn't agree more.

I couldn't agree more. Now, obviously, Jack, I'm obviously to print and proper and then know exactly where to bat away. I couldn't agree more. Now obviously, Jack, I'm obviously based in Sydney. I know Mars headquarters is in Melbourne and it's very busy at the moment. Jack, would you be prepared to take a day out of your life and go and find them? We'd appreciate it. Yeah. We would appreciate it. You know what?

I'm going to shock you. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to regret that. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do some extra curricular work for the show. He's going to classic, he may like paint around up. He's leaving anyway. So I got you.

This was my love. This is great. I can't wait to see. And one of us to go back for it. Whatever the part of your brain was, it was like, this will feel great saying this. And it did. Let me just let you know that from now on, that satisfaction will slowly bleed away until you realise you now spend a day of your life finding the CEO of Mars to doorstomp in the...

I'm not going to say no. Spare it. I want it to be. I want to say no. It will be. It will be. He's high on the lies. He's high on the lies. I've seen a curve of Hamish more regularly.

But Jacko's experiencing what it is to do with you. Keep going, Jacko. Keep going. It'll be the CEO of Mars. And I guarantee he'll say we'll put the A back on the packaging. We did a year. He's drunk on promises. I know, the feeling so well. I'm excused, man, after my compound bow club. Thanks for listening. The Hamish Nandy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamishnandy.com.