Hamish & Andy - Hamish & Andy 2023 Ep 240

Episode Date: November 29, 2023

1. Extraordinary Discovery: Mr. Ralph meets Jack 2. Loose ends & fart emails 3. Kris Kringle - gifts we hate 4. Goodbye for 2023 & Remembering Project for summer 

A least-knife production. Activate your internet. Because the hay mission and the podcast starts in three, two. Sorry, still buffering. One. A hoi timi dun dun ba. Hay me. Oh, if you're going to go to a bar, make it mi dun dun bar, hamish. Oh, if you're going to go to a bar, make it a dun dun bar. A hoi to mi ken kenny.

I am, Jacko. I'm a sung band. This sounds, this is crazy, this is a crazy guess. And well done to Mike, for being so hard at work. I'm putting this together. It's a city in by lens. Sorry. Mike has to find the email.

How does it get to Andy? So well done to Mike for facilitating that transmission. It sounded Irish almost. I can't tell if that's Irish or Indonesian. Look, it could be my poor pronunciation. It's West African. Okay. Does that help you?

No, because I thought it was going to do with that sport hurling. We were, oh yeah. I thought it was like a gay-looking gym, yeah. I thought it was a gay-like term. What about if I see it's African? It comes to you very naturally. Oh, we're drunk like bombers.

We're bongos, we're drunk. We are different types of West African drums. The Dunduan by Hem, you're like bombers. We're like bombers. We're like bombers. We are different types of western African drums. The Dunduan Bayhame, you're the lowest drum with the lowest pitch. Thank you. The Ken Kenny, the smallest drum with the highest pitch. And the sunbund, not lagging behind, but not showing off. I'm the medium one with the medium pitch. Thank you very much, Lance.

But also, thanks to Mike for the grueling effort to put that on a piece of paper for me to read out. Hardest part of the day or, you know, probably realistically, I've spent half the day putting half of those on a piece of paper, then getting exhausted, came back to it in the morning to go, couldn't fully get it all done, because it is the hardest job of the day, and that's okay if you have to clean it up in the morning. Obviously the government mandate to break is upon us, we won't be on next week.

Mike's relieved. He's the one that is so tucking out. Catching. You've really run off. So funny a chance to catch up with these family and friends after relentless. Opening 24-7, opening messaging, ventilation. If news comes through that our appeal against the government is successful

and we can indeed stay on doing this show through the mandate of Braggeth We need support systems in place for Mike. Yeah, because he need a work cover coming down on us Three months minimum for Mike's way needs to recharge you. Oh, he also to Sam from Australia who told us what he's up to Very easy use system at Hamish need.com. Oh guy I've told us what he's up to. Very easy use of system at HamishNeed.com. Or guy. Hi boys, number six, Sam here. Had a bit of an interesting week this week when we were asked to look after the neighbours

dog while they went away. That was no problem except for the fact that they have a dog named Winnie who's a convertal. And we also have a convertal named Winnie. As you can imagine this posed quite a problem. We had to come up with a way to identify the two winners. So we decided on calling our winner, the original winner, and next door's winner,

the spectacular winner. Given recent events, I'm hoping that we don't as put the original winner down. Inwebos, thanks for that. Hi. Yes. Well done. What are the stories we are like?

Oh, this could end up being not that interesting, but really bought it back. Really bought it back. Hey, we're at time frame. We're gonna get something right now. Yes we do. And just dumb, dumbness. I'm nervous too.

But you know what, we're not gonna be the most nervous guys in this. I can tell something's up because all the whispers is going on behind the scenes. Yeah, schemes. My cousin goes, are we ready for the next thing? We're here. That's nothing we ever say when we start a show.

Whispers and giggles, whispers and schemes are happening. Jack, obviously the last show of the year is all about tying up loose ends, bits and pieces and so on. It's nice to have closure on my last show, isn't it? That's a nice feeling. I am nervous about what this is. What do you think it is? Well, this is all the pieces of information I have.

Everybody's squirreling around, not looping me in. So it's about me, too. I see an international phone number on the phone system. There is one international person that I don't even I don't even personally talk to and I for sure don't want you guys talking to. And that is Mr. Ralph who gets me discounted flights to America. What a beautiful intro Jack. Would you please welcome all the way from Southern Florida.

I can't be. He is Ralph. Oh, that is the real name. How did you find him? AKA Mr. Ralph. Oh my God. Mr. Ralph. Thank you for joining us, Mr Ralph. Jack, Jack you there?

Mr Ralph, I'm here and it's such a pleasure to speak to you after all these years. Well, now I feel sorry. Go ahead, Mr Ralph. As good to talk to Jack here. I've never talked to him. This is as exciting. Okay, now we should get this out. There's true. We've got to get this out here. We have not jeopardized your chance

for tickets with Eddie of our squirreling away and research to find Mr. Raul. Okay. Okay. Actually, Mr. Raul, can you confirm that? If we jeopardized Jack's tickets at all? Yeah, those tickets are history. That's a bad idea. Even joking about it still tenses up my neck a little bit. Oh no, especially after the damage it sustained a Darwin. Sorry, Mr. Ralph. Jack, I'm a recently damaged neck.

Jack and his family are all good. I know Angie and Anna and I, it's good to finally talk to you. Angie. Okay, that's that's Bianca's auntie. So now I know it's the real Mr. Ruff, as well, which I suspected it might be some sort of voice actor, but if he knows Angie, you guys, there's no way you guys would know that. I didn't know it. All right. Okay. Well, this is very exciting to have the real Mr. Ralfon. Jack, this is the first time you have an attempt to that. How many tickets have you bought from Mr. Ruffjack? Would you like

to say thank you to him? I would love to say thank you, Mr. Ruff. I reckon the first time that I flew that beautiful business class seat to the US might have been, she's 2015 even. So we're talking about eight years of flight. Yeah, it's been a while and I'm glad I could help you guys out. Well, the first thing we all want to know is Mr. Ralph, is how do you get the tickets? Is it dodgy? No, no, it's not. There's nothing illegal about it. See, I'm an old guy and I worked for years. And when I started, I was a pilot.

And then I moved kind of to the executive side. What are we talking? How long ago? Oh, well, this was probably in the 70s, yeah. And it was, there's a boom in the United States and aviation. They were trying to hold on to pilots so they had perks. Yeah, you have perks in Australia, you know, to purchase. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They offered us really discounted tickets for our families and friends and stuff as part of the deal

And I worked probably another 30 years or so and they made it a lifetime offer So it kind of Grandfather didn't never went away. I don't think the new employees are getting anything like that now. No Jack, so how you feel, Jack, I know you're nervous about us, Freed. No, I love to hear that it's all above board. And I'm still very thankful. Also, I'm thankful that because we've never met Mr. Alphan and it's a great thing to do for your family and friends. But this is like, you knew Bianca's auntie, who knew Bianca's mum, who gets me and Bianca tickets. So I'm a lot of steps away from your closest

family and friends. Yeah, how many people you're doing it for, Mr Ralph? Well, I got quite a few, I got more friends than I thought I can. Yeah. Well, I mean, you've jacks your best friend. You're your best friend in the world. I'll tell you that. I mean, Jack, you've never met Mr Ralph. I think you should probably fact into your next trip, time to go and visit him and pay your respects in person, don't you think? Actually, this is funny and not a coincidence, but I am looking to get some flights to Florida to see my in-laws in June, July next year.

I mean, we don't have to do that deal now, Mr. Ralph? Just walk, don't you? Walk, don't you? You are pushing all the time, aren't you? No, one better. But here's the other thing, though, Jack, before we get to that, there is actually, there is something. We've been told to Mr. Ralph, obviously, in the lead up to this, there is something that Mr. Ralph needs to tell you about the situation. Okay.

And it's got nothing to do with us contacting him. Yep. No, they had nothing to do with this. You know, as I said, it was very competitive in those days. And I don't know about that, but everybody's cutting back on everything here. And I just got an email that they are restricting me to just six return trips that I can do over the next 18 months. And I don't know, maybe we should be talking about on your radio show.

No, no, no, exactly what we should talk about. This is the area that way. That way, that way, you love. Okay. So it's a pretty simple calculation. I've just got to get in the top six, essentially what we should talk about. This is the area that way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way. That way got these six tickets and you can have them but of course that means there's some other folks won't get any. And do I know the other folks? Well no but what do you care, right? If it's just a simple like, do you know I think I don't do a nice guy, I think I'll definitely take the ticket.

Sorry, I was waiting for more of an ultimatum or like hard choice to make. I hate it. So you want two tickets, Jack. I need anyone for Bianca as well. Yeah. Would you like more? I mean, since you just grabbing at him, how many of this could Jack have more than two tickets, Mr. Ralph? Well, I've only got six. He can have as many of those as he wants.

No, Mr. Ralph, all I honestly, two is plenty for each 18 months slot. You know, say 18 months go by and then I'll come in for another two and another two and 18 months. Jack's putting his own lifetime close. I'm only working the first 18 months of the time. That's far, I can work it to your speed. Yeah. Well, Mr. Ralph. Generous of you, Jack. Very well done, Jacko.

Lucky you. Mr. Ralph, you've got some other news for Jack. Yeah, the other news is probably not, maybe it's more exciting, but this is all just a joke. Are you not, Mr. Ralph? No, I'm not. Who is it? Just an actively driving. How did you know he's real name and he's real contacts?

Well, we did a bit of research. Oh, no. Sorry. This is Tom Schildman, a great comic from America. So convincing. You know what, I've gone through, like, and up, like I was so nervous to speak to the male real Mr. Ralph, then I was really excited that it looked like I'd locked in two tickets every couple of years.

So now I don't know what to think. Am I happy, sir? What are you, Jack? Cause really, it hasn't progressed at all. Has it? We still have never, we know we're near the real one. No, but you've, but now more information is squeaked out about it. So you made up that story about him being a pilot and stuff. Cause I still don't know how we're made up for that. I'm convincing. Hey, Tom, do you get any discursive flights and you can give to Jack? I don't know. I don't get anything.

I'm a comedian. I can barely afford to eat. But if one day you had a little bit more food than needed, would Jack have access to that food? Definitely not. I would take free stand-up tickets or whatever you can. Jack, this segment isn't a lavish Jack with free tickets. Absolutely, I'm pleased. Hey, Charles, thank you so much. You did it so bloody well.

People can take out Tom Shelton and Mausolel Taggym in. But thanks so much for joining us, buddy. Thanks for what we do. See you guys at Standingwick. And Jack, we find ourselves back at square one. Stay there. Maybe this is the end of Mr. Ralph now. We don't need to find him. Because we pretty much had the conversation. The listeners got what they wanted.

You guys got the giggle you wanted. We don't need to speak to the real Mr. Ralph. Just talking to him. Not like us talking about Mr. Ralph does. And did we get the conversation that would have happened? It could be vastly different with the real Mr Ralph. Not like us talking about Mr Ralph, does he? And did we get the conversation that would have happened? It could be vastly different with the real one. That was the bet. What we staged, there was the best case scenario.

Yes, that was actually... I wish that was the real one. LAUGHTER Something to ponder over the government mandated break, I suppose. Oh, see if we... Yeah, the probably big topic for next year. MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC

MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC We'll see if we get a probably big topic for next year. MUSIC Hey, I'm government-mandated, bro. You were all still reeling after the Mr. Ralph. Jack's coach. Jack, you're just saying... And if you're now that there's dust or settle, Jack. I'm honestly amazed and hats off to the amount of work you put into making that seem real.

I thought I was talking to Mr. Ralph, but also you have gone through the emotion of going, yes, now I could potentially go to him direct for tickets. I actually, because we felt like we were getting along like chum, so I was in my head already calculating, now I don't have to go through Bianca's mom, I can probably go directly to Mr. Ralph.

What else will this open up for me? Maybe I could go elsewhere in the world. I got far too ahead of myself. But now unfortunately, you're back in the squirmy position of going. But it's hard for you to go back there. Yeah. Now we're doing the thing we hate,

which is talking about him. Yeah. And we still don't know. Now he's still elusive. I've still never spoken to him. I know the way Bianca's mom speaks about him is he's very hard to predict. He could at any moment decide to pull his favours.

So I don't want to jinx it. Yeah. So now it's because I was coming away. So I still let's move on to something else. Lucense. Lucense, government-man-rated break is upon us. And it doesn't seem like that court case is going to fall our way, which is a shame. So we better type everything before we come back next day, we're going to get to the 20th. Yeah, fantastic. Great. So we can put that in.

Not too long away. Not even that long a break, you know. Stretch the legs. Rest the eyes, if you mic. Jack, how did you go door-stopping the CEO of Mars? Yes. No, I'll be thankful for the extra time. So we're going to get to the 20th.

Yeah, fantastic. All right. Great. So we can put that in. Not too long away. Not even that long a break. You know, stretch the legs. Rest the the eyes if you like. Jack, how did you go door-stopping the CEO of Mars? Yes, no, I'll be thankful for the extra time. For February 29, we should be all ready to hit play on that. Sounds great. Sounds like you're well across it. One on my side of the fence,

something I bought to the team that was much excitement. And it has tied out there still some members, but it'd be tough to get a fire going again, was the us getting or getting new signatures, making each other's new signatures. I'm all paid for them. I have paid. I bought the varying packs, so some $200 has been spent on calligraphers that are based in America. I am thankful for the extra time too, Jack.

I'll be using the mandate and break to, not if the government asked, because this counts as work, but I will be using it too secretly at night under the dune with a torch. I'll be following up on where our signatures went, and hopefully we launch next year with our signatures to show each other. So I'm on that, that is a loose end. Still still absolutely flapping in the rain. Let's tie up some things then.

Chichar champions. Yep. If you keep a recall, a girl called Millie took on her dad, Sean. That's right. Yep. And for a cat, there was high stakes. I think that they were playing for a cat. I've got a grab here from when that show went out. It's been a while for a cat for a couple of years. And I've said no. And basically, if she wins today, she gets a cat. So I've got a lot riding on this.

Huge stakes. Shit, cat, ham, cat. So if people don't recall, it was a tight battle. Neither of them went particularly well, but I think Sean overegged at the dead when he tried to weave in Commonwealth games stuff. With the... Well, good memory, yeah.

And this is Sarah Lee. This is what happened at the end of it. Sean, I think... I think you owe Millia Caff. I think it's a nice surprise. And I don't think you'll disagree when you hear it back. Well, why don't you hear it completely get one? Oh, he's my favourite.

He's my favourite. He's my favourite. He's my favourite. He's my favourite. He's my favourite. He's my favourite. He's my favourite. He's my favourite.

He's my favourite. He's my favourite. He's my favourite. He's my favourite. He's my favourite. He's my favourite. He let's see with Millie right now. Millie, how do you? Oh, I boys. Did you accept the loss and get you a cat? No, he listened to it back and deemed himself the victor.

And his friends called him and told him that he was the winner as well. And so apparently, you guys just said that I, um, so I could get a cat, but I think Ferris Fair, I deserve a cat. Oh, I was going to sham trial. And we were very, we were very fair in the ruling both. And I think it was very fair that in the party situation, I would have walked away from Sean quicker than I walked away from you, Lily, which is normally the test

How are you gonna do? We're gonna take it from here is there I don't know if there's every level of appeal here I mean we'll call the courts are tied up at the moment with us appealing the mandate to break But you could try and squeeze in a cat ruling if they have a quiet day. Oh, you have to get a real judge in balls We got the boss of the house my mum and balls. Yeah. And she said that if I come back on the show, then I do get a cat. So I'm not going to tell them that I've come back on the show. I'm going to let him listen to it.

So hi, dad, if you're listening now. But once I get it, once plenty here, I'm going to get a cat. There is no dad about it. It's real. That's a digital. Amazing, really. Well done. And thanks for joining us.

That's a. Thank you for it. I'll lose saying tied up. I'm having a. Next. This is, really. Well done. And thanks for joining us. Thank you very much. I'll lose and tie it up. That's really good. This is a slightly random one, and I've actually got two from yesterday that I want to quickly touch on.

These aren't loose ends from this year, but we often talk about Volkswagen Tigwans on the show. My father drives one. Very hard to get. Very hard to get. And it's a bit of a must be nice because we often mention that dad's burn. It's frequent burn to people that would also like a dig one is good luck because they're really hard to get.

You know, we've been visiting over that years and years ago on the show, we had your mate on Tom who actually runs a Volkswagen dealership where he's far. Farther does and he verified very hard to get. The gentleman called Scott has written in and he is not happy with the frequent references of the Tiguan being he's not happy with this. Well, he doesn't he thinks we're calling it a must be nice car. He goes listen, there was over 450,000 delivered in 2022. To date, this is also the best selling VW in Australia with more than 10,000 deliveries. I know this is the automotive equivalent of multimedia might cracking it over someone getting a

Pokemon name on, but you're out there falsely accusing good, hardworking, common man and women of losing touch if they get a Tiguan when they don't deserve it. The tick one is a very good car, but it's also a very common man. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Right. So Scott's coming, obviously knows a lot about the automotive industry. I think he owes it.

He's where are I going to nitpick, though? We're not saying it's an extravagant car. We're just saying the demand far outstrips the supply. Yes. That's dad's acitation. And so I think as a, just to clarify this, it's the elism must be nice because you're getting so that is a common man vehicle.

Yet very hard to come by if you're a fan of that genre. From what I understand, and this was only calling a few dealers today, it's not a snapshot of all of Australia. T-Cross is easier to get in. LAUGHTER At this stage. And that's fine. Quick other one, Andrew.

This is wild. This is a really deep cut for deep, deep fans of the Hampton Asia. Years ago, when we did, it was either business brunch or happy hour. For about six months of the year, Jacko, you would remember this well. I had a psychic dream that at the end of the year, Adam Levine was gonna join us on the show, singing a altered but not funny Christmas version

of a Maroon 5 song and the dream I had, we're at a water park. Okay. And we did everything in our power to make that dream come true. And we sort of claimed to win at the time because we did go to Wet and Wild and Sydney, now raging Rapids. We did our last show from there. Oh, it's not called Wet and Wild anymore. Slight rebranding different, okay, I can talk to you about that offline if you want.

I do know the story. And then I thought it was win because the guy that ended up singing the song actually did look a lot like Adam Levine anyway. And I think that was my dream. And because the only reference you had was Adam Levine, you thought I must be Adam Levine, but it turned out it was Adam Levine. Lookalike, the dream was real. Or, orando was I just a little early. This comes in from Alert Listener Rees, lives in Vietnam.

The long time, listen, the first time to contact, you're not going to believe this. I'm an expat living in Vietnam. Big news in Vietnam. The long time listener first time to contact, you're not gonna believe this. I'm an expat living in Vietnam. Big news in Vietnam this week. Maroon five are coming to do a gig here, but they're not playing in one of the cities. They're going to a little island called Fu Quoc. Here's where it gets interesting. They're playing at the end of the year

at a place called Vin Wonders. It is an enormous water park. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Okay. Yeah. I spoke to someone who's been to the park and apparently it always gets dead

and full Christmas decorations. They go hard out for the holiday season. Hamish Blake, you beautiful psychic bastard. You bloody called it. Maroon 5 are playing a Christmas show on a tropical island at a giant water park. It's a year. That's great.

I mean, if it wasn't for the end of the year, we'd be there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, good, good. Now, the loose end, you land up. You may remember, she's kicked off the show for us by using the very easy, easy-to-use system of uploading, which has been up to at Hamishany.com, keeping coming in over the government mandate. Break. Start now. To propose to a partner, Yannick.

This message here is actually a message for you, Yannick, because I know you'll be listening to every new episode. And the thing is, I have been wanting to propose for quite some time, but haven't found the perfect time to do it. And then I got this hopefully kind of cute idea stuck in my head to do it now, while you're listening to the podcast, presumably on your lunch break or something, because I love you so much and I love to marry you. So will you marry me? So you land a put it out there. It was a weekend a bit wait before the pod dropped, that particular time. Yeah, and it came home. Didn't mention it after work. She was like, okay.

Do do do do do. This is tough. So she said, have you caught up with her? She's like, no, I have not had the chance. That's good. It's better next day. Okay. Do do do do do do.

Again, she said, have you caught up with her? She's never, right? I've never heard of that. She? Yes, I have. Oh, good. She said, and she's recommended to everybody out there, don't use this as a form of proposing. Because now, then it's out in the world, and someone will go and speak to him, like

someone would ruin it. I'd wait two days for the reaction. These days are probably the longest of my life. I've lost all the ability to surprise someone in the future. I'm fully depleted now, but, and shit, and I will not be doing that again, but it was totally worth it. He has said, yes. And, and, and, and, and,

Thank you very much, but, yeah, it's possible. When I said, I hope not, I meant, because, you know, this is it forever. Sorry, it's possible. When I said, I hope not, I meant because, you know, this is it forever. Yeah, you get married. Not to discourage from loving surprises. Okay, that's beautiful.

And, oh, another loose end from the year. One of our most frequent, well, that's a live, I mean, we had pretty hot takes on Simon Key's last week, but one of the more common things that have trickled in over there, this is probably our top trickler. Yeah, it's not. We don't get floods of these. We get trickles is on our fart investigate.

Yeah, this is a good wrap up. We did it. I mean, literally is we're talking about the loose a loose end of the body. So someone amongst us suffers from a loose end. Now we've done it a couple of times before. Usually it's been Jack, that's sort of been the conclusion. Well, I mean, no, I think there's been fingers pointed always and a couple of times. And not in a belt.

And a finger type. That would give you a way during the investigation. Jack, you quite famously during these investigations stated that you only fight twice a year, hoping to pass. Twice a week. We should feel low. Still low. Still low.

It's medically impossible to sort of paint yourself as some sort of having a virginal ennoss that barely moves and wouldn't dare far. It really felt like that you'd pretend like I don't sweat time. I did, David. It seemed like you were maybe paying too much of a guilty picture and that's why some fingers appointed your way. And it's been so many exciting, so,

Hame, you've been charged. Yeah, I've got together here and I've probably missed a bunch of apologies if I have. I've got six. Yep, right. I reckon we've probably had more than that. More people kind of like accusing us of unear flatulence. But I've got six. Let's just bang through them quickly.

What we're gonna do is I'll read a quick briefing, then hear it, and then it's just us. Just we just gotta like, just get these done. This is the classic end of year rush to finish your work. Yeah. I'm not saying that these are times we've not heard before. These are new ones that have been brought to our attention. And so I'm not saying I'm not saying police or law enforcement would ever do this, but I can you can certainly imagine if you were in a precinct that had heaps of cases you've got right, let's just solve six now.

Okay, great. So we'll hear the audio, then we'll either decide quickly, no case for answer. Yeah, look, use one another. I don't know. Quickly, quickly, quickly. Please, we can come to a conquist or a different responsibility. And again, I'm not saying the courts do this because they have their process. But if you are from the legal system or the judicial system and you like the sound of this, maybe you could introduce a speed day, or something, and you just speed it around.

Once a month, or something, where it's just turbo-dame, just to clear the backlog. OK, part number one, this was from episode 232 during the special Weasel Unit investigation. I'm going to play about six seconds of audio. For the game of itself, and enjoyed talent after independently assessing them,

certainly agree with your choice. Yes. Now that's a mouth fart. I think that's me trying to go, but I've put a little too much sauce on it. I agree with that, Case Closed. In other words, I'm just way too close to the microphone for it to be fart.

We just say we're going to be in the round and Jack was standing up again. We do just run three mics in here and they're all at mouth height. Great. That's not a bad idea, isn't it? Yeah. No, we've given it away now, but I think it's a secretly mic up Jack's chair.

No, we should mark everybody equally. No, we should mark everybody equally. It's like, I'll trade in the cricket. We'll go back. I'm just checking the audio graph. All right, that was number one. Okay, number two, this is, this comes in, this is episode two, fourteen.

This is from Owl. He's fighting on air again. I'm afraid to say it boys, but it seems it's happened again. Panting burping the microphones. This is while I was talking about the wrong toilet. That's all we get here. That's all we get here.

I have to look to get out, but I don't want to see anything as I'm leaving. I heard it again. I heard it again. One more time. I have to look to get out, but I don't want to see anything as I'm leaving. It's more of a burp, then a fart. It does sound like a creek. Yeah.

OK, it has to smear stag of it. Fart 3 during song sleuth. And oh, episode 227. Yeah, I do get nervous when I do that thing. Obviously, it would be me. I was keeping the case tight. If it's other parts listening up, let's have a listen. It sounds like your time your time's tables album,

but this is the album to teach kids how many days are in the week and what their names are. I heard that one. I heard three. I had three different boys. You never heard of that. That's it. Hang on. No, that's it. That's it. Maybe it's like when somebody yorns and you feel like you have to. We're all fired. Okay. It sounds like a like your time's table's album, but this is the album to teach kids how many days are in the week and what their names are.

That is a fart. That is a fart. One each? Yeah, fair enough. Okay, one each. Part four. This is during Croc Wars, episode two, three, one. Do you have any of the Croc Wars for that long?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. a nice one. It's like the bloody time on straight out there. It's a hotly contested piece of international water. It's home because you like you can get a little bit afterwards. Because you know you've done content, Jack. No, no, no, you've done something sticky. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I would have done that because, no, you know, because the laugh exists, there would have been an extra laugh

on top of what it sounded like. This is like the bloody time on straight out there. Oh, that's like... No. Oh! I saw it! No, but you're... So without hearing that, that Prusa wasn't me. No, for an amateur, yes, but for you, who's used to try to gloss over it, I think... Unfortunately, I'm going to have to say it's Jack, because Andy and I are the ones talking at the time, and it just seems like Jack picks his moment to go off road and see him in the front.

Let's have one more listen. Hmm. It's like the bloody time one straight out there. It's a hotly contestant piece of international water. Sorry, the laugh came before the first. Yeah, so that is Jack. Okay, close. Episode 5 during a and these two.

This was episode two, three, three. LAUGHTER I think the other we get... Wait, I didn't hear it that far. Why'd we end up all the laugh? The one who can't hear it was the one who was nearest. LAUGHTER All right, Another Jack. I think we get. That was me. That was me. That was me.

Yeah. Can you make a little room? Alright, push, six. Um, this is the last one. You used this five, number six. Okay, good. This was during C. Monkeys investigation, okay. That's how C. Monkeys are advertised on the box. And it, no, I would have thought. Yeah, that was you, because you paused, Amy. I'm just a shuffling of a chair or a computer.

Like, that's a very weird sound for farts. No, I know that type of fart. That's where you fart. How you don't do that allegedly. You wouldn't know any type of fart. Let's have another listen. That's how C. Monkeys are advertised on the box. And it, no.

I would have thought. It was. Do you reckon it's me revving the engine? Before launching into another sentence? What kind of... What do you suggest it is? I think it's a muffled fart. He's tried to keep it in and he thought, don't worry about it.

So that's why it's in two beats. That's why it's in two beats, because you've tried to enclose the first one. And then you thought, well, there's no point doing this. It's not for responsibility or that one. That's it. Yeah, it was the first one. That was the third point, doing this one. It's not so much responsibility, that was it. That's it, man. Yeah, it's a classic two-data. You know what?

Next year, I'm going to fall. Woo! Like, purposely at some point. You already have probably done many. I'm sure, but I'm just saying purposely. But it's hard to do an audible, purposeful fight, isn't it? Jack, you should shut. It's good that this is the last episode of the year.

Guys, I think I found it. The beat where Jack goes, oh God, what have I done? I think that's the beat. Drawing to the close of 2023 year of the podcast, but we thought Christmas is coming up. Obviously, we should have a little class, Chris Gringel, between the three of us. The catch we thought this year would be, you have to get something that the other person would hate. That was the brief. Tough.

Tough, brief. Tough because I only want to was the brief. Tough. Tough brief. Tough because I only want to get great presents. Yes. Oh, I actually tailor made a gift. 11 hats. Something I'll hate or something I like. Golf balls with little weasel.

Oh, weasel balls. Printed on the side for your signature golf balls Jack. I actually love that. Yeah, you get free golf balls out of it Even though you get free golf balls every 90 and and the Andy would have We've got something to make it in the name away Weasel on we're through weasel style. I also you've got sent a dozen of people. We've got a lot of people. We've got a lot of people. I also, we've got a lot of people. We've got a lot of people. We've got a lot of people. We've got a lot of people.

We've got a lot of people. We've got a lot of people. We've got a lot of people. We've got a lot of people. We've got a lot of people. We've got a lot of people. We've got a lot of people. We've got a lot of people.

We've got a lot of people. We've got a lot of people. We've got a lot of people. We've got a lot of people. We've got a lot of people. We've got a lot of people. We've got a lot of people. We've got a lot of people.

We've got a lot of people. We've got a lot of people. We've got a lot of people. We've got a lot of people. We've got a in that order. Do you want to give yours to Jack first? Yes. Well, it would have obviously been easy to go out and just get a box of, you know, 15 topper runs. That's true. And, you know, he hates it. He's a terrifying, and that's just too easy. That's why I got... That's what I would have done. This, Toblerone. Yes, the world's biggest. 4.5 kilos. That's true. of Toblerone.

Real Weapon. Yeah, we'll see you in a true crime podcast. He stepped back, Jack stepped back. Jack flinched. Oh, bro, man. Oh, my God, man, he's got some weight to it. Like, guess? That's hell.

I guess the danger is with the small ones, is they're perfectly shaped to stab the roof of your mouth, whereas this, you couldn't get a whole one in your mouth in one go. Could try. So, we'd love to see you have a go. I'm loving it. In my mind. I don't hate my gift.

I don't know. I would love that. I was so hoping you'd throw it back into pile, Jack, because I would be on that like a rash. Do you have to, like, do you have to, is it a one-solid thing in it? Because sometimes they put heaps of little one. It feels like one solid thing, doesn't it to, is it a one solid thing in it? Because sometimes they put a little one. It feels like one solid thing, doesn't it? I think it's one solid.

No, well, does it have the, okay, I'm opening it. Because I mean, it's like close to its own, like, it's the size of the metal. Like, it's very big. It'd be like a slice of pizza. Yeah, it's like a slice of pizza per chocolate. Per chocolate? Yeah. Close to you.

It's huge. Yeah, it is. It's you. Oh my god. That's unreal. Oh my god. Hold that up, Jack. Oh my god.

That's huge. The larger it gets, the less dangerous it gets. Oh yeah. Because now it's not as pointy that you can actually see the flatness inside. Yeah, it's like we've shrunk Jack down. To like, one sixth the size of a human. And now it's like, in Honey I Showed the Kids,

nothing's really dangerous. Because this is this big world. Okay. I don't have a gift, I'm sorry Andy. That's a fail, but I like it. I hate that he got it. I would love it. Jack, you're a Jack.

I was for Hayme. Is this me, Jack, this present? Yes, don't open it yet. I'll just say, I'll tell you a couple of ideas I had. So I know that Zoe didn't let you put the in-sincorator in your house, so you don't have the kitchen gurglar. I was going to buy one in stall at my house and take a photo of me loving it.

Then you found out how much it cost. Yeah, no, yes. I can get one for free. That's too much of it. Then I thought of something like, you love being fast and loose. I thought, I want to find a frame of picture of slow and tight, the opposite of fast and loose.

Then I thought, there's, you're not going to hate that. So I decided that I was trying to be too clever with it and I've just done something that you'll simply hate. Please look at your book. So it's a big frowned picture. It's a huge picture, Jack. That's where you're gonna get hams and kind of software that helps you organize your life.

I'm thinking though. I just wouldn't install it all up, David. Jack, why aren't we? Do you need to say anything before I open this, David. Jack, wow mate. Do you need to say anything before I open this, like to say, hey, thanks to Pete's framing bin or something, because there's nowhere you paid for. And actually, doubly, you hate this present

because you've technically paid for it. We just said, you, someone that works for you has gone. Oh, you got it done on my dime. So you can call it hatred. He's probably a solid girl. Alright, here we go. Opening it up. Okay.

What's something that Amish will... Hey. Even more suspense we've opened up. Backwards. I could see the back of a frame now. Amish just turning it around, looking for his reaction. Is that giant feature of a spider? I don't know.

It's a giant frame picture of a shit. It's my dog's poo. It's not going to clever like link to something you hate. I just knew you would hate it. That's my dog's poo at five o'clock yesterday. LAUGHTER It's... Well, I didn't hate it, but I don't love it. I mean, is that taken off your iPhone?

Quite good for all the quality. Oh, no, the quality's good. They did. It's amazing. Here we go, Jake, just go for it. Wow, really, really good, Jack. Yeah. I don't... It's funny, though, really good, Jack. Yeah, I don't, it's funny though,

without naming names, I've had instances where I felt this exact feeling when someone's like giving you a present, and it's the feeling of you like you go to yourself, I may as well just be a picture of dog food, because I'm not gonna use this. So it's actually you just cut to the chasing, given it like a good lipful feeling.

All right, great. Love it, Jack. Love it. Sorry, I thought it was a spider, which I would have hated just to do it. He sure of a tarantula, but. That's what he imagined. I thought that could have been a pet tarantula

would have not been. All right, ando. Yours is not a physical item. Oh, it's a special. That's us. It's a service. Okay. Yours is not a physical item. Oh, it's a special. That's harsh. It's a service. Okay. It's a service.

Now I thought, what do you get, the guy that's got, what are you, everything? Perhaps a little bit inspired by a few emails we had over the past week where you actually posted a picture of yourself after the Aussies won the Cricket World Cup. Yes. You know, early in the morning, celebrating at a cup of tea, a lot of people contacted the show going,

hey, what's Andy's a little cat out of the bag here? Because if you look on the coffee table, it's like, well, well, well. That was there. No, having a little bit of a, a little bit of assistance keeping him up or not watching the Aussies take out the wind. Bigs, bigs, big, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix, Bix I bet you're for it for the Aussie cricket team and then I always see in the comments is oh Just give it up the sink these days Yeah, and we thought that all the pirate techniques just sit the ground in India

Just and deal he's and he just a hot boxing a favour watching the Aussie's perfect night for him well and oh Coming in the door is Joe. He's a vapor ground. Come on in Joe! Jack hit the music! What's the vapor crash? What on his face? Oh! Andy's getting vaped in the face by Joe, our special vapor gram, now ando. This is not a service.

Just blowing, vaped in my face. Look at Andy laughing. Andy, laughing it up. Now, look, he immediately knew the flavor. Now, Andy, I know you're thinking, hang on a sec. I love vaping. How is this a present I hate? Well, Joe, show him your sign.

All out of cartridges. All out of cartridges, Andy. Worst thing is a vaping, yeah. I actually do hate this gift. It's you worst nightmare, no, because he's all out of cartridges. That. I actually do hate this gift. It's you worst nightmare, no, because he's all out of cartridges. That's why you hate it. Okay, thanks Joe. Thanks Joe.

You could leave. And Vapogram, a hot ticket item this holiday season, you'd suspect. But make sure you get one that isn't all out of cartridges. Otherwise the person you hide it for will hate it one that isn't all out of cartridges otherwise the person you might for will hate it because he's a lot of cartridges. I Do hate the gift because he's all out of cartridges. I Know because you that's strong stuff. It is. Yeah. What do you know we have? Because some Brand-name is really strong. It's really good. I think if you say something enough,

people now think that I'd definitely smile. Maybe you posted your vape on Instagram. I mean, you wanted to get caught. No, it's not one of those ones. But anyway, so apologies, he's a lot of cartridges. That must have been really annoying for you. What a gift giving season. Jack, you've done a really well out of this.

Thank you. It brings us to the end of another podcast year, 40 shows for 40 years. I don't know what year this is. But we're doing well. But we're doing well. That's the promise. We want to leave everybody

I, I, by saying thanks, thanks for listening. Yeah, I think this is six years. It's six years of the podcast. You guys are the best. The show's only as good as the people that ride in and, and add to the so much fun, funniness. So thanks so much. Back to, did you think for a second, Andy, man? I thought he was the best. I didn't know we were doing nice speeches at the end. No, no. I don't know how to give Hamish a bit of a feature of my dog poo. Not after the vapor graph. The actors received a picture of Jack Dog poo. No, people listening.

Ham, we should point out the best. We have the best community. We have scented up this year to, if people did, I mean, damn the government, we'll keep picketing. We'll keep trying to fight for the right to work year round. It looks like, and I can just see them getting at the big chain now, dragging it across the front of the studio. It looks like this will have to be the last one before the government mandate break comes in. Elbow's outside, he's got the big

chain. Yeah. Just waiting for us to leave the building, he locks it up, puts it on a timer, and the padlock, of course, doesn't unlock until late February. Yes, but we have managed to sync up the remembering project. We've got a special dispensation, which was nice from the government. That's from a different way. One of red tape. Don't want to go into it. Different video. Yeah, and so our remembering project, we look back at some of the, well, 30,000 talk breaks we've done over the years since 2003. We even got

some of our, we found the cassettes from our very first radio shows on the CNFM, the Student Youth Networks, and we look back at those. The remembering project, it drops on any podcast platform next week, or if you that keen, you can get it today for free on the listener app if you want to get a week's head start. But here's a little snippet of it and we'll see you next year. Thanks guys. learned a lot. Some of these lessons come to light in the brand new season of the Remembering Project. For example, they've learned that just because Hamish was a fan of kings of Leon, that doesn't automatically make for a great interview. In my head I was like, this would be great, I love kings of Leon. And then walk into the

room going, that's not enough. You've mistaken this with a meat and green. They learned that a supermarket can be a fun venue for a wedding. People were drinking ginger beers in one aisle because we couldn't have real beers. The rings, the wedding rings were like fruit rings. All right. Everything was like supermarket themed at five o'clock chickens went half price. The boys learned they still disagree over a controversial segment. My favorite.

Layla's luchit. No, no, not you dressed as Harper chicken laying eggs. Still stand by. You had to. Never have you pushed a statement so hard due to determination and stubbornness Hey, Michelin that a full week wearing a racing helmet is not that great for you I think I've been chronic neck issue. Yeah

And I only wait about two or three kilos. That's a lot of ex-placion I just had to lie down in every room and have all my hair I just had to lie down in every room and have all my hair on the table with every foot of my neck. In all the show meetings, Amy's just had his head sideways on the table like... If they learned the parody song covered, really only contains one song. Um, but it'd be. Yep. Eric and we did...

But it'd be... The comedy song. A lot of things. I think we did 30. They learned why Andy didn't last long as the show's button pusher. What would happen often is I'd be so engaged in laughing with what Hamish has said and knocking

around. And then I'd go, oh. And then hit a song. They learned that one of their longest ever on air breaks involved trying to win bundles of cash from a claw machine. It was 9.5 minutes. It was 9.5 minutes. We kept having another go.

They learned that revenge was often swift and vicious. Handcuff you to a desk and spray farts, spray on your face? Yes, sir. Because you fired it in my new car. LAUGHTER And he learned that's a lab crush hunting, where they were challenged to try and track down big names of labs, wasn't taken as seriously by hang. I would know that you were getting warmer, and I'd go, great, so one of us and I remember like if it was like we're gonna try and find it by Friday from about Tuesday on

Yeah, my big reveal it off it just be me doing an American accent Getting closer And if you want to learn which Hollywood celebs text this the aim ish It's just got back please delete my number Text this to Amish. It's just got my place to leave my number. What are you, what are you, can that mean? You'll have to listen to the brand new season of Amish and Andes Remembering Project.

New episodes drop every week across summer. Here at first, on the free listener app. That is really good, remember that, right? Thanks for listening. The Heimish & Andy Podcast will be back again next year. In the meantime, new episodes of Heimish & Andy's Remembring project will drop every week across summer. you