Handsome - Alanis Morissette asks about making friends

Episode Date: July 23, 2024

The iconic Alanis Morissette asks Handsome about the weirdest way they've made a new friends. Plus hot springs nudity, Fortune saying "Fortune!", and a shocking reveal of which Handsome ho...st has a "small windpipe"!LIVE STREAMING SHOW Aug 24! Tickets: dynastytypewriter.com/handsomeHandsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media: @handsomepodMerch: handsomepod.comWatch on youtube: youtube.com/@handsomepodEmail the show: handsomepod@gmail.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Home insurance is complicated. At the end of the day, you want great insurance for a great price and you want it to be easy and fast to switch. That's where our friends at Allstate come into the picture. Check Allstate first and you could save $574 on your home insurance. You're in good hands with Allstate. Not available in every state based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 who switched to Allstate. Not available in every state based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 who switched to Allstate and reported savings. Savings vary. Traditional bedsheets can harbor more bacteria than a toilet seat.
Starting point is 00:00:36 MiracleMaid offers a whole line of self-cleaning antibacterial bedding such as sheets, pillowcases, and comforters that prevent up to 99.7% of bacteria growth and require up to three times less laundry. Dr. Angela DePauw Sleep clean with Miracle. Go to trymiracle.com slash handsome to try Miracle Made Sheets today. Whether you're buying them for yourself or as a gift for a loved one, if you order today, you can save over 40%. And if you use our promo Handsome at checkout, you'll get three free towels and save an extra 20%. Miracle is so confident in their product, it's backed with a 30-day money-back guarantee. So if you aren't 100% satisfied, you'll get a full refund. Upgrade your sleep with Miracle Made.
Starting point is 00:01:26 Go to trymiracle.com slash handsome and use the code handsome to claim your free three-piece towel set and save over 40% off. Again, that's trymiracle.com slash handsome to treat yourself. Thank you Miracle Maid for sponsoring this episode. Handsome pot. Chad and the friends on the handsome pot. Chad and the friends on the handsome pot. Cheers. Welcome to the handsome pot.
Starting point is 00:02:00 Welcome. Welcome. Welcome, welcome. I'm Fortune Feimster. Oh, I'm Mae Martin. That. Welcome. Welcome, welcome. I'm Fortune Feimster. Oh, I'm Mae Martin. That's Mae. Yep. And I'm Tig.
Starting point is 00:02:10 I'm Tig Notaro. And we're here. And we are queer. And I've started to get used to it, to be honest. I'm used to you being that too. Yeah. I'm still coming around. Being used to me being gay or any of that, really?
Starting point is 00:02:28 Yeah, being used to you specifically being queer. Okay, well, I've been dabbling in the queer and gay world for a while now. For some time. I have, yeah. I feel like a professor at this point. Well, you look very professorial. You got, are there new glasses
Starting point is 00:02:46 or am I just not up to date with your glasses? Those are them. Oh, these might be old ones that I found in my dresser before I left for New York, but I can't remember. But I did go and have my eyes checked and I have like an actual legitimate pair of glasses coming because I've never done that. I've always just had drug store readers
Starting point is 00:03:10 and they're in every drawer and I sit on them, they're in my back pocket. How bad are your eyes when they tested them? Do you have astigmatism or what do you got? No, I think just I have 53-ism. I think it I have 53-ism. Yeah. Right, right, right. I think it's just age. And I went in for the appointment solely
Starting point is 00:03:30 to see if I should get the surgery. And the doctor said that it probably wouldn't be another five years until I would actually need that. And that it's really bad to do it prematurely. So. Ah, I don't know. Oh, shit, I got the surgery. Oh, you did?
Starting point is 00:03:46 Prematurely? Probably. Really? I mean, I was born premature. You're like, let's just do it while you're at it. No, maybe your eyes were at a place that, obviously it doesn't have to do with age, but yeah. I was pretty gung-ho.
Starting point is 00:03:59 I was like, I feel like I pressured the guy into doing it. Because me and Fortune are both in Toronto right now. Isn't that wild? Isn't that wild? We haven't seen each other. It's really wild. I bet if I yell loud enough, if I yell out my window, maybe he'll hear me.
Starting point is 00:04:14 Put out the handsome bat signal. And do you have any plans to see each other? Yeah, I mean not, well May invited me this weekend to hang at a very fun evening, but I was in Kansas City for a big charity event. How good is this event that I invited Fortune to? It's a lesbian rock cover band called Vaj Halen.
Starting point is 00:04:33 Vaj Halen. They are so good and hot and talented. I've known them for years and it was a hell of a show. Vaj Halen. They're so good they're gonna make you wet. I think they said that. Wait, they said what? They're so hot, they're gonna make you wet.
Starting point is 00:04:52 I don't know, I was just. Fortune Marie, how dare you? Felt like Badge Halen, that might be something they would say. I wonder how Van Halen would feel about this. I feel like they'd be into it. They play all kinds of stuff. It was fun to be at a concert,
Starting point is 00:05:11 but I felt kind of creepy because I'm so into my photography now. Like I'm into 35 millimeter film. So I was like this little creep in the front row, snapping pics and it was weird. It was like, I couldn't just enjoy the show. I was like up in their grill taking pictures. But isn't that what everybody does now?
Starting point is 00:05:28 Is they just take pictures and videos at shows? And I mean, there's no way you stuck out in this situation. Oh, trust me, I stuck out. I was like scurrying around back and forth in the front. Everyone else, yeah, had their phones up and stuff, but I have this giant, I look like paparazzi. It's got this huge lens on it and I'm like, Oh, I see. Okay.
Starting point is 00:05:47 It wasn't just like a camera around your neck. That's this thick. Did you know the band? Um, yeah, I do. I know them. I've known them since I was about 20. Yeah. I'm in my hometown, you know, that's right.
Starting point is 00:05:57 Do they do Van Halen covers or do they do their own? Yeah, they do covers. They do Van Halen. They do Nirvana. They do, uh, black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin. It was sick. This is right up my alley. This is amazing.
Starting point is 00:06:12 And so when I can't see them. I think this was a one-off. It was like a pride, it was a special one-off. They're never playing again? They play one time and that's it. I missed the one time. That seems highly unlikely. They're all accountants now.
Starting point is 00:06:28 And they're like, we only come out of retirement once a year. No, they are genuinely, I think three out of five of them are therapists by profession. Oh my God, hilarious. Do you think at any point they were like, should we have named ourselves Fatch Halen? Yeah, some of my clients are.
Starting point is 00:06:46 Maybe they're sex therapists. Yes, maybe. Mae posted a video from the night and it looked really fun. I had a really fun time too, but I hated that they were on the same weekend. You were in Kansas. Yes, I got to meet Travis Kelsey. Don't be jealous. Take, do you know who that is?
Starting point is 00:07:04 I do. Oh, that is? I do. Oh, you do? I do, I know, he's with Tay-Tay. Tay Swift. Correct. Yeah, it was this big event called The Big Slick that they raised like $4 million for the children's hospital out there.
Starting point is 00:07:17 I did a show for them and it was a fun, crazy weekend and I got to meet the big guy. He was really, he made me feel really like a dainty pretty little lady. Really? Well, you have the guys that you like, like Channing Tatum are the big guys. You like to pick me up and do the gyrating. Sorry. We all have our stuff.
Starting point is 00:07:40 Look, I saw my boyfriend, Billy, this weekend in Los Angeles. You know, it's really, it's so funny because we were doing one of those four year consideration Emmy events for the morning show. And everybody of course is all dolled up and Billy. You had on your blazer. Blue jeans, no, blue jeans, T-shirt, some soccer, some soccer tennis shoes.
Starting point is 00:08:09 And does that make sense? Soccer tennis shoes? Soccer tennis shoes, like Adidas or something. Yeah, like those indoor soccer shoes. Yeah. You just mean like running shoes. No, like those like black Adidas with the white stripes. Oh, okay. All right.
Starting point is 00:08:27 Yeah. I think they're indoor soccer shoes. Well, you know. He wore a t-shirt. He did. He did. He was in a t-shirt, blue jeans and these soccer shoes. I see.
Starting point is 00:08:40 I thought that was you. No, no. I was jealous that he showed up and that I was like, well, that's what I was wearing at the house. You know, I didn't have to get dolled up in black jeans and a black button down like I did. And you giggled around them the whole time? I did. I giggled a bit, for sure. Yeah, I did say, oh, the love of my life.
Starting point is 00:09:04 So we all thought that. Did you have any boyfriends this weekend, May? Well, there weren't many men around at the Vaj Halen show. Vaj Halen was kind of exclusively queer women and non-binary people. Was that a whole weekend? No, that was, you're right, you're right. For two days, Vaj Halen, Will, stop. No, I haven't seen anyone.
Starting point is 00:09:26 I've been working, I saw my parents, I haven't seen them in some months, and I went over and saw my dad's new puppets. He debuted, you know, he's making these puppets. So he was like, I won't keep you long, but I would like to show you my new puppets. And then I went upstairs and he's made like one called the magician, these like crazy creatures, yeah, I'm really into it.
Starting point is 00:09:47 Wow. His bedroom has kind of become this like Geppetto's workshop. There's just sawdust everywhere, little devices and magnifying glasses. And he's like, yeah, got a whole world going on. That's so great. I know. And did you like the magician?
Starting point is 00:10:04 It was very sinister. They look like they come alive at night. Their eyes are very real. I wonder if he talks to them at night. I hope so. I'm certain he does. Your dad's like, I'm bored. Your mother's not talking to me. She's watching Survivor. I'm going to make some friends. They're very cool. I got to talk with my puppets. I didn't get a chance to tell you guys that the movie that we have worked our face off on for years trying to get made and then finally got made.
Starting point is 00:10:41 The premiere went so, so well. It was very exciting. That's so cool. Congrats, so well. It was very exciting. That's true. Congrats, Glenn. I'm excited. Yeah, thanks. I wonder if my dad feels like this
Starting point is 00:10:49 when my dad unveils a puppet, I wonder if it's the same. Yeah. It's so nice to get to watch it, I'm sure on the big screen, because that's happening less and less now, getting to see things in a movie theater. Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:11:02 You know, I think about, you see those award shows where people are like, I just want to thank so and so, you believed in us and this took us 10 years to make. And I used to watch that thinking, why would it take 10 years to make a movie? But it's like the meetings that we had to go through to get this to a certain point
Starting point is 00:11:22 and then getting actors and actresses attached to movies. Because, you know, somebody that doesn't work in this particular industry can look at a project and say, why did you cast that person? Why didn't you cast this person? How come you shot it here? And why didn't you do this? And there are so many moving parts.
Starting point is 00:11:43 Like Stephanie and I have three other movies that are in pre-production right now that that it's like you get all of these great actors and then yeah anybody's schedule can shift and then you lose an actor and then you're you're looking for another one and then maybe you lose your tax credit in Los Angeles and you have to move the production to New Jersey and then that makes you lose another actor and then another one comes on and it's just, it's truly Jenga and so the fact that anything gets made is a miracle, an absolute miracle.
Starting point is 00:12:21 It is a huge feat. I'm seven years into a movie that has been on like the two yard line forever. And you're like, come on. Yeah, it's really something, but it feels really good. It was just such a relief that people were like dying laughing and crying. It was just all perfect. I want to see it on the big screen. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we'll have to rent a theater.
Starting point is 00:12:48 Well, do it. Actually, oh, the Airbnb that I'm staying in, the guy who owns it in the basement has a screening room. He's put a giant projector on the wall and then he's got a big old DVD collection. And then I felt like such a loser because Parv FaceTime me to see what I was up to and I was kind of working out but mainly I was sitting in the screening room and I was watching her season of Survivor on the big screen. So I was like, well, I'm just watching you on the big screen. I'm watching you right now. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:23 She was like at a lash. While lifting weights. Yeah, just pumping on her and looking at my girl. So when do you see her? How often will you be able to see her? They're coming for like a week, in a couple of weeks. And then, I don't know, I'm just trying to lure her here for long weekends and stuff, promising her adventures and things.
Starting point is 00:13:46 But it's an annoyingly long flight. It's like five and a half hours or something. It is long. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:13:56 Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:14:04 Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. She and Parv could hang. They could hang with my dad. There, yo, those little puppet show. Do a puppet show, yeah. Yes. I had to go today to get a physical with the production doctor to get cleared for insurance. And he was like, well, I just did foobar and I met Schwarzenegger, so he must have met you, Fortune. I did mine back in LA. Oh, damn.
Starting point is 00:14:22 So I don't think I met this guy. With that one woman in the valley that does them? Yes. Is there one woman in LA. Oh damn. So I don't think I met that one woman in the valley. Is there one woman in LA who's like four foot tall. She's just like, yeah, you're like the lady from the poltergeist movie. How did the light Caroline? And she's like, no, I didn't see that. But this lady I've seen on so many productions come to the light. Caroline.
Starting point is 00:14:44 Hello. Has anyone ever told you, you have a small windpipe? I'm like, what you did two years ago and the two years before that. Wait, Fortune. We learn new things about you every episode. Yeah, like down in my throat, I guess. Fortune's got a tiny little windpipe. That's adorable. I haven't had to use it for much.
Starting point is 00:15:04 You know what I'm saying? How dare you? Oh my God. I was just saying to Stephanie the other day, she said some sentence that included windpipe. And I was like, do you mean trachea? Where did windpipe come from? Yeah, that feels like before there were doctors, they're like, there is a windpipe running from.
Starting point is 00:15:32 And they're like, oh, your stomach is like your food bag. She's like, do you snore? I'm like, yeah, we don't need to get into that. A small windpipe. And wait, were you implying just then that given a blowjob that it would go in your windpipe? I mean, I don't know. Doesn't it go near it? There's no world that people are like cutting Cutting off their windpipe. Whatever it takes, man. Whatever it takes.
Starting point is 00:16:13 Is it just me or has TV gotten really complicated? I'm either endlessly searching for my kids' favorite shows or subscribing to a dozen different streaming services to make sure that we can watch everything that they love. Thankfully, Filo has changed all of that for us. Filo's got current seasons of the shows I can't miss live on networks like A&E, MTV, Discovery, and TLC. They got classics like The Office, Martin, and Friends that I never get sick of, and
Starting point is 00:16:45 all of the incredible originals on AMC+, from Mad Men to Orphan Black. And don't forget their library of more than 75,000 movies and shows, all of which I can save and re-watch any time for a whole year. Never miss a minute of shows like Interview with a Vampire, Friends, Golden Girls, and even Peppa Pig for the kids. Best of all, with Filo, you get all of this for just $28 a month. No contracts, no hassles, just one subscription,
Starting point is 00:17:15 and a world of entertainment. So go to Filo.tv and check it out for a free seven-day trial. That's P-H-I-L-O.tv to start watching. I am always on the go and for a long time I thought that meant it was impossible to eat fresh and healthy food. Thrive Market has made me a believer that you can be busy without sacrificing taste and quality in your meals and snacks. Thrive Market is my go-to for all of my grocery and household essentials. Everything from Annie's Noodles to Simply Organic Spices to Jovial Crackers delivered right to my doorstep.
Starting point is 00:17:52 Not only do I save time shopping as a Thrive Market member, I also save money on every single grocery order. On average, I save over 30% each time. When you join Thrive Market, you're also helping a family in need with their one-for-one membership matching program. You join, they give. Save time and money and shop Thrive Market today. Go to thrivemarket.com slash handsome for 30% off your first order, plus a free $60 gift. That's T-H-R-I-V-E market.com slash handsome. Fribe market.com slash handsome.
Starting point is 00:18:38 This summer I'm taking good care of myself. Treading water, wherever I can find a pool, for example. Wherever you're off to this summer, you're bringing your microbiome with you too. Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic benefits your gut, skin, and heart health with just two capsules a day. I've been using Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic and I've noticed that I just feel better taking it.
Starting point is 00:19:02 My digestion and skin are improved and I even notice when I miss a day. Your body is in an ecosystem and whole body health starts in the gut. And Seed has so many benefits for you and your health routine. Plus they've got a subscription service so you never miss a dose. Seeds benefits have been clinically tested
Starting point is 00:19:23 so you know it's a product that's backed by science. Support your gut this summer with Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic. Go to seed.com slash handsome and use code 25handsome to get 25% off your first month. That's 25% off your first month of Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic at seed.com slash handsome. Code 25 handsome. I don't know how it works.
Starting point is 00:19:50 You don't know how it works? You really don't know how it works? I really don't. I don't know the ins and outs of it. Oh, hell no. You remember being in school and you first hear the term blow job? And I thought it was blowing air onto it.
Starting point is 00:20:07 Yeah, blowing air onto a penis. That's not what it is? It should be more of a blow suck. This also sucks. I think when I heard the term, I just thought that doesn't sound like this includes me. You're like, it sounds like work. Yeah, it does sound like work. Why don't I want to work?
Starting point is 00:20:32 Does this sound like this? Can it be blow fund? Blow job? Whose job is it to blow? Make it blow fun and sign me up. Yeah. I just love that this particular podcast, you know, we're for everyone.
Starting point is 00:20:47 We will also talk about blow jobs. Of course, if that's what you want. If that's what you want. I mean, keep going, fortune lets you know more. Well, I've never given one, so I don't know what else to share. Have you come close to it? God no.
Starting point is 00:21:03 God no. I've touched one wiener, that's it. Yep, yep. And no one else tried to put one in my mouth. No one's tried to put one in my mouth. I used to be so stressed about like urban legends to do with sex. Like when I was, you know, when kids start talking about it and you're going through puberty,
Starting point is 00:21:24 like they would say if you accidentally get air in your vagina, you die. This was around the time where people were talking about if your bridge of your nose goes into your brain, you die. I feel like that was the era of a lot of you could die. Oh, you haven't? No. No.
Starting point is 00:21:44 I heard if you step on a crack, you break your mother's back. Well, that's true. I heard that and it's true. It is, it is. It's a scary, scary thing. Yeah. And so you were worried about getting air in places? Yeah, I thought the whole thing just sounded
Starting point is 00:21:59 like life or death. Like, why would you, yeah. It is, it's all life or death. I'm glad everyone's still with us. Oh me too, I'm glad we made it. I was thinking about how our guests today, when you're talking about blow jobs and I feel like our guest has a- How was that, fortune?
Starting point is 00:22:18 Fortune you- You almost said that to me. To you, fortune. Well you can, it's across the board.? To you, Fortune. Well, you can. It's across the board. Oh, I hear you, Marie. Oh, okay, I love that. I didn't realize that it could be used universally.
Starting point is 00:22:34 I think now it has crossed over to universal. Yes. If you're listening to the pod and you're at a family dinner and someone says something, just go, Fortune, Marie. Fortune, Marie. Fortune Marie. But our guest today has a song that talks about blow job. Like three play mentions.
Starting point is 00:22:53 Oh, and they want you in a theater. Oh, that, I mean. Well, don't blow it with your windpipe, with your tiny windpipe. I wonder if anyone can guess from that. I just remember when this album came out and being scandalized by that song because it was, are you thinking of me when you fuck her?
Starting point is 00:23:10 And then also, yeah, would she go down and you went to theater? I was electrified. I was edgy. My mom would work out to the album and I was like wide-eyed, just like, what? And I knew, I still know every single word of that album for sure.
Starting point is 00:23:23 Yeah, there's not really. It was huge. Before her, there wasn't, we're not saying the name. I love it. I know. Um, but before her album came out, there weren't really pop songs that bleeped out such vulgarities, wouldn't you agree that we're really hitting the top of the charts, this was a massive album. What's actually like 17 or something?
Starting point is 00:23:46 Like pretty young. 19. I think 19 when she recorded the album. Like instant, what a wicked role model though for, like I was just like I wanna be like her. She's a badass. Badass. And do you feel like you are like her?
Starting point is 00:24:04 I'm trying to imagine. I'm not as cool as her. I know that for a fact about myself. Yeah, well, Fortune, I think you are a badass for sure. I don't like to take up a lot of space. Like I can't, I remember seeing, should we say who this person is? Yeah, let's never mention her name.
Starting point is 00:24:23 I saw Alanis Morissette, our question asker guest today, live in concert and she was like whipping her hair around and so I just thought I don't think I can take up space in that way but what a cool thing to aspire to just to be like, yeah, you're a hot man. She's real good, she's real good. And she is Canadian. She's real good. She's real good. And she is Canadian. She's Canadian.
Starting point is 00:24:47 And when I saw her live, I was, I don't know, 14 or something. And I always remember I was way at the back of the venue. Like, I would have been an aunt to her. And there was this woman beside me who was convinced she had eye contact with Alanis the whole time. And so if Alanis looked vaguely in the direction, this woman was waving
Starting point is 00:25:06 and tears were pouring down her face. And I think she really thought Alanis was singing to her and that they had eye contact. That's got to be half the audience, you know, any show, even at a Vag Halen. I'm just now thinking the moment that they came up with that name, they must have had such a fun giggle fit with that Jalen. Yeah, they popped a bottle of champagne. I have met Alanis Morissette. We have a mutual friend and have socialized. No way.
Starting point is 00:25:40 Yeah, yeah, I thought I'd try and impress you, but it's true. I met her at the finale of Chelsea Lately and she was super cool. Well, two against one, I never met her. Have you guys seen that document, her documentary? It's amazing. No, I haven't. It's so good.
Starting point is 00:25:55 It just reminds you of like the giant stuff she was accomplishing at such a young age. These giant stadium shows and I mean, so many hits. Yeah. Meanwhile, she was from Nickelodeon, right? And was getting the slime poured on her head. And then- Shut up.
Starting point is 00:26:14 You're never like, oh- Hope you didn't see that, May? No, I didn't know that. She was in- Yeah, she was a Nickelodeon star. And was like- No way. Was it like, who slided May or whatever?
Starting point is 00:26:23 No, that's crazy. Wait, you guys didn't get Nickelodeon? No, but I kind of can relate to that because I was on a YTV show called Uh-Oh when I was a kid and I got slimed. That's so funny. Yeah. Well, there you go.
Starting point is 00:26:38 You are just like her. Yeah. This was called, you can't do that on television, right? Oh, right. Yeah, it's not called who Slimed Me, like I suggested. Who slimed me. They would be in lockers and pop out and talk and it was pretty cool.
Starting point is 00:26:51 Well, you cannot do that on TV. You cannot pop out of a locker. Someone should make a show called Who's Slime Is It Anyway. Anyways. Ooh, that is good. Well, tell us more about this person. All right. Today's questioner is a Canadian American singer songwriter who's sold more than 75
Starting point is 00:27:13 million records. She's the winner of seven Grammy Awards and her album, Jagged Little Pill is considered one of the greatest albums of all time. Not just considered, it is, indisputably. Alanis Morissette is asking today's question. Right up there with Vaj Halen. Vaj Halen! Oh, hi, I didn't see you there.
Starting point is 00:27:33 I have a question for you three. First of all, I love you and thank you for having me on the show. I love each of you in very distinct ways. We'd like to know how. Okay, so the question for you is, I love each of you in very distinct ways. We'd like to know how. Okay, so the question for you is, what was the most unusual way you've made a friend? I can't wait to hear your answers.
Starting point is 00:27:54 God, she's so radiantly beautiful as well. Do you remember she was in that movie? May calm down. May calm down. Sorry. She's very beautiful. I'm sweating. Do you remember she was in that movie Dogma
Starting point is 00:28:05 and she played God? And I just, recently I realized that often if I picture God, I still picture Alanis. Yeah, that tracks. Wow. That tracks. Wow. And I picture God quite a bit.
Starting point is 00:28:17 Yeah, getting a long line, kid. Keep it in your pants over there. But I'm not saying I'm like having fantasies about God. Anyway, let's cut that out. Just in case you were. The thought I have that comes to mind right away is years ago in my early days of living in Los Angeles, I picked up a job working as a production assistant on a commercial.
Starting point is 00:28:47 Okay. And the star of the commercial was Michaela Watkins. Do you know Michaela? Michaela is so funny. She was on SNL for a season and been in a lot of TV shows ever since. Okay. Yeah, and movies. She does a lot of film and TV
Starting point is 00:29:06 and she's just so painfully funny. I think she was in the Groundlings too, was she maybe? Yeah. Yeah, anyway, we just, she was the star of the commercial and I was a PA and we just, I think, sat together at lunch and I was so, you know, how there's how it is on productions where you don't really interact with certain. There's a higher hierarchy.
Starting point is 00:29:32 Yeah, yeah, there's a real hierarchy. And but man, we were off to the races together. We were laughing so hard. Just our sensibilities lined up fully and doing a lot of bits and what ifs and oh my God, imagine this and that. And, um, and we just, we continued to hang out on set and talk every day. I know it doesn't sound that weird, but I think at the time, because I was a PA, I think people were looking at us like why is the PA hanging out with the star of the commercial?
Starting point is 00:30:09 And then. Imagine if you like, oh sorry. Oh, I was just gonna say, and then I started, you know, running into her on hikes and at restaurants and then we became total pals. Just imagine if you had like the best lunch with her, you're laughing so hard, hanging out, and then lunch ends and the director comes up
Starting point is 00:30:26 and is like, Michaela says never to look at her again. You transgressed a major etiquette. I wouldn't be surprised. This PA is bothering me. Yes. Yes. I'm laughing because I'm uncomfortable. Yes.
Starting point is 00:30:42 I can see you guys cutting it up. You all have very funny senses of humor. You being a PA, Tig, it would be like, who is this charismatic PA? Like, I feel like you would make a splash. You know what I mean? I think people would be like- I made some splashes.
Starting point is 00:30:58 Kissing your own hand to everybody. Yeah, doing your bits. Yeah, doing my little tig bits. Tig bits. Yeah, Michaela was just one of those fun people to come across in life and I never would have imagined that we would be long-term friends for decades now. Yeah. It's weird that people who, like you can make these really intense friendships,
Starting point is 00:31:25 especially on sets, and then it's weird who ends up staying in your life and who is just for a little season, you know? And then you, like, apparently, okay, this is a fact. One in 12 friendships last. One in 12? One in 12 lasts longer than a year. Interesting.
Starting point is 00:31:42 Yeah, yeah. I've never heard that fact. Well, who knows if they're true. These are, you know, it is hard to even touch as you get older. It doesn't mean you're not friends, but it's just like, I just find myself not having the time to invest that I had before. Yeah. Oh my God. Absolutely. And the, the, I don't know if you've run into this where people, because you're in entertainment and you have success, I've had people from my past kind of pull attitude of like, Oh, you think you're too good for us. It's like, no, I'm 53 years old.
Starting point is 00:32:16 I've moved to a million times. I've had a million different versions of my life and people and you are one part of that and I enjoyed that but like I can't keep in touch with every single person for my life and if I'm not then I think I'm too good for people. I know that is a world because that wouldn't happen with anybody else you know like no I've had some people reach out who I've literally not talked to in 20 years, and be like, oh, I see you're doing a show,
Starting point is 00:32:50 let's go have dinner, which is very nice, but I'm like, you're kind of a stranger to me now. This is my problem, is I do, like I would have the dinner, and I'd be so busy and stressed, and you know, like I, yeah, I have so many, I don't know what it is I hold on to. I'm afraid to let go of friendships, relationships. So I have, yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:15 Well, I'm not like plowing through friends or anything. It's just that, yeah, somebody will pop up. Goodbye, goodbye. Look, my closest friends to this day are still my childhood friends from when I was young. Yeah, I have some great friends from home too. Like, no, I mean, like we moved out to Los Angeles together. We're still, that's who I spend the majority of my time with.
Starting point is 00:33:36 They're godparents to my kids. But I'm not plowing through people at all. No, but I'm like, it's a problem. Like I'll go buy a sweater in a store and I'll end up giving my phone number and email to the person working there. And then like eight years later, I'm still being like, yep, sorry. I got to make time for that coffee with that. Oh, no. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:57 Wow. I am always on the go, and for a long long time I thought that meant it was impossible to eat fresh and healthy food. Thrive Market has made me a believer that you can be busy without sacrificing taste and quality in your meals and snacks. Thrive Market is my go-to for all of my grocery and household essentials. Everything from Annie's noodles to Simply Organic Spices to Jovial Crackers delivered right to my doorstep.
Starting point is 00:34:28 Not only do I save time shopping as a Thrive Market member, I also save money on every single grocery order. On average, I save over 30% each time. When you join Thrive Market, you're also helping a family in need with their one for one membership matching program. You join, they give. Save time and money and shop Thrive Market today. Go to thrivemarket.com slash handsome for 30% off your first order plus a free $60 gift. That's T H R I V E market.-v-e market.com slash handsome, fryofmarket.com slash handsome.
Starting point is 00:35:09 Whether you're leaving town for a weekend or in my case, shooting something in another country for months at a time, deciding what to pack is always so stressful. The clothes I have either don't fit or worn out or just don't match. But then I discovered Quince. It's my go-to for high quality essentials. I'll be packing for trips to come. Like premium European linen dresses, blouses and shorts from $30, washable silk tops, premium luggage options and so much more.
Starting point is 00:35:41 The best part, Quince partners with top factories and cuts out the middleman. So all their items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. I got a European linen long sleeve shirt from Quince and it feels so luxurious. But unlike luxury brands, this shirt is only $39.90. Pack your bags with high quality essentials with Quince. Go to quince.com slash handsome for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash handsome to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash handsome. Well definitely we got to set up some boundaries there.
Starting point is 00:36:27 Yeah, I really, what about you Fortune? What's- I'm like in the middle, like where I'm, I feel obligated to hang out with certain people. And Jax is like, so the opposite of she's like, oh, why, no. And then, but I'm like, and I'll hang out with certain people because there are people
Starting point is 00:36:46 I really love and want to see. I want to catch up with. We just can't, you know, I have we I know them since college and I just don't have the time that I used to. But when I see them, it's so lovely. Yeah. So I have that for sure. But then if I if we haven't talked since we were like 15, probably at this point, it's, you know, keep it as a nice memory, our friendship. What's the weirdest way that you've made a friend though? Like the most?
Starting point is 00:37:13 I don't remember if I told you guys this, but when I first moved to LA 20 years ago, I had a really hard time making friends. And did I ever talk to you guys about all the Craigslist? Yes, dude. Are you kidding? Yes, it's a recurring theme on this podcast. Okay, so do we look familiar to you? Yeah. But I don't think I told you about, I didn't go into one specific thing from Craigslist that I did.
Starting point is 00:37:42 Here we go. At the African drumming class. Okay, this may be, maybe you mentioned. I knew about like sports teams and stuff. So to refresh everyone's memory really quickly, I had a hard time making friends. I went on Craigslist and I was like, I'm gonna make friends, I'm gonna make an effort.
Starting point is 00:38:02 I'm gonna get murdered. I'm gonna get murdered. I'm going to get murdered. I joined all these sports teams and I did start making a bunch of friends. People who I still see and the great people. But one of those things that I don't think I ever mentioned was I also, I cast a wide net, I also joined an African drumming class, and it was in the valley at a drum shop, and you just brought a drum, and for an hour, this entire group of people just hit drums and played drums.
Starting point is 00:38:37 That must be really cathartic, though. I can get into that kind of thing. And would you really get into a trance-like state? I would just be like hitting. I would have like a like a I don't even know what they're called now. This like medium sized drum. I was it was an African drum. I would just call it a drum. And so you're just like and there was this one girl who was at the class
Starting point is 00:38:59 and we're just not this was nothing sexual at all. It was a friend. You know, she's smiling and I'm smiling. Does it involve a windpipe? No windpipes. And we're just like connecting as humans. She's like, oh, this is fun. Like, cool.
Starting point is 00:39:14 And we exchanged information and she, I had, I was coming out of the closet that year. I was in the process of like, slowly, would tell you who I was, but I did, I literally did not have one gay friend. So I was like, I don't know how to be gay. And that was not part of a coming out process that I ever thought would be a thing. Like, oh, I am gay, but I don't know how to be gay. I don't have any gay friends. And she was a lesbian and she had a partner at the time of like five years. And she, I, she just kind of, they became like my fairy gay mothers.
Starting point is 00:39:59 Yeah. And, um, she kind of showed me the way of like they introduced me to a bunch of gay people. And I started going to gay bars. And it was really this big eye opening experience of me figuring out myself and that world and being comfortable. And it was a very important part of my coming out journey. And we don't see each other as much these days. She has a kid and I'm busy.
Starting point is 00:40:25 I saw her at the Angel City game and we're friends and I've met her family and that she's so lovely. But just one of those people that came into my life at a time when I needed that kind of guidance and I can't believe it came from an African drumming club. Oh, my God. Just smiling at each other across. That is so good. Are you ever like, hey, maybe we should get together and beat some drums? After that, I think we went to a couple of classes and then after that, I maybe went
Starting point is 00:40:55 like for a month or two and then that was it. And you were like, this is not- I was like, I don't think I'm going could be an African drummer. But it was so, it was such a release, just jamming for an hour. Very trance-like. Well, actually Parvati has a giant drum mounted on her wall, like a skin drum. Not human skin, like a skin drum. And when I first met her and I went over and I was like, oh, cool drum. A skin drum. When I first met her and I went over and I was like, oh, cool drum and I thought it was like decorative,
Starting point is 00:41:29 but she was like, yeah, I play it on my own and she'll play it and she'll just make like guttural noises just as a cathartic release. So she's been gay for years. She didn't know that drumming was a... Yeah. I feel like drumming and drum circles and all of that is kind of gay. Lends itself. Sure. Why not Venice often has drum circles on the reg?
Starting point is 00:41:55 Oh, really? I think we went to a couple of those, like on the beach. People banging drums and jamming. I think I didn't stick with it because the Venice ones, I think you gotta be doing more drugs to enjoy it. I was never a drug person. Woody Harrelson's probably there. It's drumming away.
Starting point is 00:42:14 Totally. I know my weirdest way of making a friend. And okay, so when I was 13 and braces, acne, long hair, and I was at the Second City improv classes, and I would go like every Friday and Saturday and sometimes also Sunday to see the main stage show at Second City, like the regular sketch comedy show. And I was a super fan, very like fixated, obsessive,
Starting point is 00:42:41 and I would wait at the stage door with an autograph book and the cast would come out and they'd sign it and I even, this is super embarrassing, I had an online journal called the Live Journal. Oh, that people could read, other people could read it? Well, I sort of forgot about that part. And I had this like, it's like a thing that you,
Starting point is 00:43:02 like a blog. I'm gonna put all my secrets online. It's so nobody will know. It's so embarrassing. So I used to write basically fan fiction that was really close to reality, but it was like, oh, tonight I went to Second City and the cast members put my name in the show.
Starting point is 00:43:21 And then afterwards we went and had Curry. And it was like, no, you didn't. You never went to have Curry. It was psycho. And they found it. The cast must've been Googling their names and they found this live journal and they put two and two together. Oh, that's that weird kid who's always at the show.
Starting point is 00:43:35 And I remembered them coming out of me being like, no, hello, enjoy the show tonight. I noticed. And they were like, are you the kid who has that online journal? And I, no, I like, I doubled down in a lot. I was like, nope. Nope, not me. Not me. And they were like,
Starting point is 00:43:52 And you were online saying you went out to eat with them and everything? Literally the weirdest, just basically being like, they're my friends. And who was I doing it for? Myself, I guess. So embarrassing. Well, yeah, it was? Myself, I guess. So embarrassing. Well, yeah, it was a private journal, Mae.
Starting point is 00:44:08 It was just for you. I wonder how they put two and two together just because you kept showing up. Oh, because I'm the only like 14 year old. You're like, anyone like Curry? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh God, I used to, I knew all their birthdays. I'd get them birthday presents.
Starting point is 00:44:21 Oh wow. And then I went to, but they were very nice. And I think I was also like kind of funny and we'd chat and like, you know, got to know each other a little bit. Everyone thinks they're funny, right? Everyone's like, well, I'm kind of funny. But then I went to summer camp and I would write them letters from camp and put like a pine needle in the envelope. And then this basically one of the cast members
Starting point is 00:44:45 who I was particularly drawn to, she's called Carolyn Taylor and she's so funny. And she would write me letters back at camp. Oh wow. And like everyone- I did not expect that honestly. No. Oh she was-
Starting point is 00:44:57 I for real thought they were all like, here's our straight order. Later tater. I think it was both- Later tater. I think like- Later tater. Yeah, she- both. Later tater. Later tater. Yeah, she.
Starting point is 00:45:07 Are you still in contact with her? Well, yeah, so then I get into drugs. Yeah, now the story takes a turn. So then I get into drugs. That's the natural, so then, you know, I left camp, got into drugs. Well, yeah, and I start like performing at the club. So then I'm like, oh, they're my peers now, right?
Starting point is 00:45:24 And I'm just this, it's kind of like cockroach clinger on but probably so annoying and Carolyn there she was there and then I eventually I start dating all these older men and I get banned from Second City Two years and I kind of lose all my roller coaster. I know and I lose on my hand for anything in particular? For drugs, like for doing, yeah. And I think, well, my parents read my diaries and stuff. It was online, so. No, my physical ones.
Starting point is 00:45:56 You were keeping so many diaries. So many. In a journal. Yeah. You're the only person on drugs who's also keeping a diary. Keeping fastidious notes. And then anyway, so I kind of lost all my friends suddenly when I'm like 16 and I got
Starting point is 00:46:13 kicked out of the house and all these adults are like, oh shit, we better stop hanging out with this kid we've been doing drugs with and stuff. But Carolyn Taylor was always, she just had good boundaries. She never did drugs with me. She was very funny. We were friends, like, but she just was like, oh, but you are 14. And then after I got kicked out,
Starting point is 00:46:33 she was the only person who like kept in touch with me. And like once a month, she said, I'm gonna pick you up from this sketchy apartment you're living in and take you for a burger. And it'll be wholesome. One time we did laser tag and it just meant so much to me. And then I turned 18, 19 and then she comes out and then, yeah, now she's still, so I've known her now 23 years and now we do TV shows together. She's one of my best, best friends. And because we really
Starting point is 00:47:02 were drawn to each other, even when I was a 13 year old weirdo, we really made each other laugh. And how much older is she again? She's like, maybe she's 13. I might have seen her in some pictures of yours. Yeah, like we just did a TV show where she choreographed an Olympic level figure skating routine to a Whitney Houston song.
Starting point is 00:47:28 It's a docu-series. She's never skated, she's never choreographed. And it was this weird kind of fever dream. But yeah, she's like one of my best friends and that's like the weirdest. The fact that she hung in there through all my weird darkness. And since then I've been been able to be there for her
Starting point is 00:47:46 in tough times. And yeah. We were already going through, everyone goes through such a weird time and those awkward phases when you're so young and you just wanna fit in. And then your journey took a turn with drugs and stuff. And it's so many, yeah, it's cool that y'all remain so close.
Starting point is 00:48:08 To have like photographs of, yeah, of me with braces and acne, like, with my disposable camera, like, can I get a picture with you? And then now it's, she's one of my best friends. That's, I like that origin story. I do appreciate that you were- It's not dissimilar to me and Barbara.
Starting point is 00:48:24 I do appreciate that you are such a fan of comedy though. Oh man, I was obsessed from when I was 11, my parents took me to Yuck Yucks, like a comedy club. I sat in the front row and I was like, I'm hooked. Have you had a full circle moment of performing at Yuck Yucks all these years later? Yeah, it's kind of a grimy, I mean, whatever. It's fine. You're like, you seemed cooler when I was 13.
Starting point is 00:48:51 I was so into comedy, but there's no world that I would have been submerged in it in that, at that age. That's what's so impressive. I was so into music for sure, but equally into comedy, but it felt like music was more accessible because you could just buy a guitar and an amplifier and go hang out in the garage and play some Vag Halen, you know?
Starting point is 00:49:18 Yes, yeah. And which is what I did. I would just crank it and play. Don't you feel like when we started doing comedy, like it was more rare to want to be a comedian. Like now it's sort of a thing you can be. And at the time it was like, what? Like, like it was more there were fewer people, I think, doing it. Now it's more kind of a. Am I right about that? Well, fewer people, I think, did it because it's so hard to be successful in it back then.
Starting point is 00:49:44 You had to like really, you know, go to a club and really work your way up the ladder. It's the trajectory is a little different right now because people can film themselves doing silly videos or being funny online and all of a sudden have three million followers. Yeah, and so the trajectory is a little, you're not slinging out, you know jokes in a club and Bombing at 2 in the morning And that's not the journey for you know Still people a number of people still have to do that But there is this cutting out the middleman at the moment with them the online
Starting point is 00:50:26 Videos and I don't the middleman at the moment with the online videos. And I don't think it's at the moment. I think we're going to continue on this. Right. Right. I doubt people are going to be like, I want to go back to what did you have to do? You had to drive 12 hours a day for a 30 minute set and make $50. That's right. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:41 And then people can start like we're doing now. You can literally have a podcast. I have taken, I both have a bed behind us at the moment and you can have an entire podcast with a bed behind you. That's right. This is waiting for you. This is all here for the taking. Um, should we hear, uh, Alanis, uh, Alanis's answer? Yeah. what if it was the same as mine? What if she,
Starting point is 00:51:08 you know what I mean? What if it was like, there was this comedian. There was this one kid in Toronto who kept coming up to me. Or she met Michaela Watkins on a commercial. Yes, or at a drum circle. My answer to the question of what was the most unusual way you've met a friend is I was on a yoga retreat. I was 22 years old. I was on a yoga retreat with Shiva Ray and I was at Hot Springs in Ojai and I was there alone. And two of two people who would become my dear friends were in one of them was in the hot springs and it was clothing optional. So we were all in the bit. Whoa. And I get into the hot tub. Hello. And Johanna puts her arm around me and says, Oh, honey, I'm so happy to be here. This is so amazing. And she's
Starting point is 00:52:04 like canoodling with me. And she puts her arm around me and she's rubbing me and I'm naked and I haven't been touched in a long time because fame was such that, you know, I thought it would be sort of a kumbaya experience fame and that, you know, Sharon Stone would be petting my head by the campfire and Johnny Depp would be making me smores. She would.
Starting point is 00:52:24 Anyway, that wound up not being the case at all. So I was under touched. We're all under touched as a society. But famous people are really under touched, I think, in general. So I just kind of let her touch me because I was so starving and so lonely. And then Maggie gets into the hot tub and Maggie has the exact same colouring of hair, almost the same height. And she gets in the hot tub and she goes, Oh, honey, that's not me. Oh, my god, glasses.
Starting point is 00:53:02 So she was sort of taken aback. And then she realized that she was kind of groping. She didn't know. Anyway, I left and I was so excited to meet these two people and we have since become the greatest of friends. And I consider both of them to be my best friends. Wow.
Starting point is 00:53:21 Oh my God. That is so funny. Can you imagine? That is wild. Being in a hot tub naked with Alanis at the height of Alanis' fame. And you're rubbing on her naked thinking it's your girlfriend.
Starting point is 00:53:37 Wait, but don't you love that Alanis was up for it? Like, what a nice person. Yeah, actually I'm doodly-doo. Don't you love that Alanis was up for it, May? Yeah, I was like, well that means any of us could have been rubbing up on Alanis. You just had to shoot your shot. That is such a good story though.
Starting point is 00:53:54 That had the perfect timing and punchline because I thought it was one thing and then it was- I know, I did not see the girl, I did not know where that was going when she was like- That's a good storyteller. That's a good storyteller right there. She got it. Well, my cousin was in a hot tub once with Lady Gaga
Starting point is 00:54:12 only a couple years ago. They didn't keep it to. Wait, who did what? What? My cousin Joe, he was at a spa, like somewhere near San Diego, and one of those nice spas has the communal hot tubs and steam rooms and stuff.
Starting point is 00:54:31 And he was in the hot tub and Lady Gaga got in with a friend, and they chatted and he had a great chat, but then that was it. They didn't stay besties. That's it. Okay, that's it? That's it. Okay, I have a Lady Gaga story. Maybe I've already shared it on here. Here we go.
Starting point is 00:54:51 Stephanie and I were in New York City years ago, maybe possibly even before our little cubs were born. And we had signed up for a spa day and we went into the spa. And while we were checking in or maybe checking out from our experience, the woman behind the desk was like, there's Lady Gaga's assistant, Lady Gaga's assistant. And we were like, what?
Starting point is 00:55:21 We were so, we didn't know what she was saying or what was happening, but she was freaking out because Lady Gaga's assistant was there and she comes in regularly and she was telling us as though this was a celebrity sighting. She was like, Lady Gaga's assistant, Lady Gaga's assistant.
Starting point is 00:55:45 She didn't know who she was talking to, two of the driest, least, like you guys are like, uh-huh, oh my God. I mean, truly, it was like, and I love Lady Gaga, but if she was there, I'd be like, great, wonderful. You'd be like, hey, what's up? Hey, how's it going, Lady Gaga? Same as Lady Gaga's assistant. But it was like it was such a funny reaction when we were trying to clarify it's Lady Gaga's assistant. Yes, Lady Gaga's assistant, Lady Gaga's assistant.
Starting point is 00:56:15 Catch a glimpse real quick. She's walking out. You know, did you meet her? I don't even know. I was going to say, I don't know what the gender I don't know. We weren't that interested to get a glimpse of Lady Gaga's assistant. I don't even know. I was going to say, I don't know what the gender I don't, I couldn't, we weren't that interested to get a glimpse of Lady Gaga's assistant. It just didn't line up with this person's excitement.
Starting point is 00:56:34 Atlanta said she was naked at this Hot Springs. Do you guys go nudie at these situations? Yeah, I go to the Korean spa and I get naked, but it's a little stressful, because I think I told you the woman at the front said, are you female? And I was like, I don't know, who's asking? Yeah. And she was like, I don't know who's asking.
Starting point is 00:56:59 Because I wanna keep going to that K-spa, and it is women only, and in my day-to-day life, I'd be like, no, I'm non-binary but I was like, yeah, she was like, you don't have boobies. She used the word boobies. I think I have told this before. I don't think you told us this.
Starting point is 00:57:15 Oh, so now when I go to the Korean spa, I wear my towel up around my armpits because I don't know, it's weird. I can't be going nude in public. No. No. I think we should put it on the list. We should.
Starting point is 00:57:31 I was just gonna say, I mean, the three of us are gonna just go on an outing. The three of us are just naked hanging out in the spa. Keeping it handsome. Look, maybe we're under touched. We need to, oh my God. We can invite Alanis Morissette to come with us. If I were in the hot tub already,
Starting point is 00:57:52 and maybe then I would be like, I would go nude then, I don't wanna walk around nude. I mean, and we've established that you sometimes accidentally show your b-hole. I do accidentally show my b-hole. When you're getting out of it. But if it were my wife and me and Atlanta is not a sexual way,
Starting point is 00:58:11 Atlanta just seems someone I would be very comfortable around. I would probably be fine being nude in the hot tub. Yeah, she does have that energy that I think I should put you at ease. She clearly has that energy. She's letting somebody fondle her, a stranger in a hot spring. Maybe we can create a new weird friendship and reach out to her directly and just say,
Starting point is 00:58:32 hey, will you hang out nude with us in a tub or something? Well, May and I wanna go to her show in Toronto. Yeah, I actually got tickets, so. Oh, shoot, I gotta figure that out. Well, can we ask her if she wants the hot tub after? It's no hot springs, but yeah. I had an experience in New York at the, this is connected, so I was at a wedding
Starting point is 00:58:57 and then the next morning I was really hungover and my flight wasn't until like 5 p.m. And I had to check out of my hotel and I had all my suitcases. And I thought, I'm so hungover, I could go get a massage. And so I Googled like the first place that I could find and I was kind of only half paying attention to what I was doing.
Starting point is 00:59:16 And I end up at this place and it's called Trojans or something. And it's got neon lights and it's in a basement. And I get down there and I'm like, oh, it's a gay male massage parlor. And in the rooms, there's no sheets on the bed. They're just shiny plastic. And there's like black lights in there.
Starting point is 00:59:36 Like it's groovy, it's sexy. There's like showers in the rooms. And I've booked- Plastic sheets. Plastic sheets. Plastic sheets, oh yeah baby. I know, and I've booked a two hour massage with it. And the guy comes out and he's like 20 years old
Starting point is 00:59:51 and ripped, gorgeous gay guy. And he looks at me and is like, uh. He's like, oh man, I gotta give a real massage for the next two hours. He starts talking in Spanish to his boss and they're obviously being like, is this a boy, what do we do? And then no boobies. No boobies. Yeah. And so I go lie down and he's like, just take everything off and there's no sheets. And he goes, that would be cool. Yeah, take everything
Starting point is 01:00:18 off. And so I'm like, okay, well, so I wore my underwear, like my little briefs, and I lie down, no sheet, and I can tell he's like, what do I do? And then it was, I think he didn't know what to make me, I didn't know what I wanted, I immediately was like, I think I do want to have sex with this man, but how do I give him that signal, and also is he up for that? I'd be like, please don't have sex with me,
Starting point is 01:00:43 I really wanna massage. It was really confusing. And so it was like two hours of like edging, like he got a boner and then he, oh, I shouldn't be telling this story, but anyway, nothing happened. We're getting this far in and then you're saying you shouldn't. No more story.
Starting point is 01:01:05 Yeah, he was like. Well well he was clearly into it. Well, he never asked me to turn over. And what are you, a detective, Fortune? I mean, yeah. Yeah, but how, but what was making, I mean, just touching you or were you like, yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Were you egging him on?
Starting point is 01:01:22 That's a glimpse into Fortune's sexy time right there. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. He was just getting a boner touching you or you were like, yeah. Listen, I'm sure I was giving signals. He was like grazing the area, sort of testing the waters. And I was like, at this point I'm like,
Starting point is 01:01:44 well, let's see what happens. But also I'm like, well, let's see what happens. But also I'm like, I don't know what I want. He's like, I don't know what this person wants. Yeah. And then basically- But normally a guy signs up for a two hour massage and he whacks him off in 10 minutes and his job's done. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 01:01:59 He's like, my hands are gonna hurt giving you a massage for two hours. I know. So then the massage ends and then I go to pay and they're like, we only take cash. I'm like, oh fuck, I have to go to the ATM. And so the guy's like, okay, I'll come with you because they're scared I'm gonna run away.
Starting point is 01:02:17 And then it was just so awkward having to be in bright daylight with this 20 year old guy. Like he was so young when I got out. And he's got a like, that's awkward. Yeah. I just felt like really. I love these precarious situations you get into and then you just go with it.
Starting point is 01:02:34 You're like, well, I'm here. Listen, that's not the Atlantis energy of like, sure I'm in a hot spring. Bringing that up. That's why you and Atlantis are very simpatico. You're just, yeah, what else? That was took a turn. We got to the end of the podcast and then I threw a really weird anecdote in.
Starting point is 01:02:51 Oh, man. See, that's what we do here. We keep people on their toes. We keep them on the edge of their seats. We never know where we're going to go. We do not know. That's why this is a- that's how we keep it handsome. What a podcast situation.
Starting point is 01:03:08 Well, that was a very fun episode and huge. Thank you to Alanis Morissette for who listens to the handsome pod, by the way, shout out to Alanis for listening to our podcasts. We're honored. That's crazy. listening to our podcast, we're honored. That's crazy. You know, since we're talking about this, if you are a person that you think
Starting point is 01:03:30 we might wanna have on the podcast, reach out. Or maybe if you work for somebody. If you are a person. Well, of note, a person of note. Or maybe you work for a person of note and you're like, I can get my boss to do some better. If you are Lady Gaga's assistant listening to this podcast. or maybe you work for a person of note and you're like, I could get my boss to do some metaphorsia. If you are Lady Gaga's assistant listening to this podcast.
Starting point is 01:03:48 Yes, you are Lady Gaga's assistant, Lady Gaga's assistant. Please Lady Gaga's assistant reach out to us. But also- Because that's what Alanis did, right? She reached out, wanted to submit a question, so let's keep it going. That's wild to me. Alanis is truly a hero of mine.
Starting point is 01:04:03 That is crazy, crazy. It is such an honor because we are all big me. Alanis is truly a hero. My god, it's crazy. Crazy. It is such an honor because we are all big fans of Alanis's. Truly. She's awesome. But also if you're listening, let us know who you think we should have on the pod. Who do you want to hear a question from? Let us know. Let us know.
Starting point is 01:04:18 Please let us know. Let us know. Well, I only have one show left. I'm going to be singing. I'm going to be singing. I'm going to be singing. I'm going to be singing. I'm going to be singing. I'm going to be singing. I'm going to be singing. I'm going to be singing. Please let us know. Let us know. Well, I'm I only have one show left in my entire tour. I can't believe it.
Starting point is 01:04:32 Charlestown, West Virginia. I'll be there August 10th at the Hollywood Casino. And then that's a wrap on my live laugh love tour. Damn. Congrats. West Virginia. on my Live, Laugh, Love tour. Damn. Congrats. West Virginia. But I will be doing a show with you guys live here in Toronto.
Starting point is 01:04:50 August 24th. August 24th and forth. That's gonna be so fun. That's true. And if you people out there in this great, great, big old world wanna see me do comedy, go to tignotaro.com and see the random gigs that I have on weekends or local shows in Los Angeles and all around Tignotaro.com. Also check out my standup special on Prime Video called Hello Again. Yeah I got no live shows except the Handsome Show, but you can always watch Sap, my special
Starting point is 01:05:24 on Netflix, or Feel Good, or one of those things. Also, just a reminder that we have a Handsome streaming live on August 24th. We're gonna be reuniting at the Danforth Music Hall in Toronto, Canada, and you can get your ticket now to watch the show from anywhere in the world. Just go to our social media pages for the ticket link.
Starting point is 01:05:48 A ticket also gets you access to watch a replay of the show for one full week. So go to any of our handsome social media pages and get your ticket now for Handsome Live, August 24th. Nice, nice. And until then, keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas
Starting point is 01:06:17 Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at HandsomePod. Insurance doesn't have to be a hassle with Allstate. Check Allstate first and you could save $574 on your home insurance. You're in good hands with Allstate. Not available in every state based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 who switched to Allstate and reported savings. Savings vary.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.