Handsome - Aparna Nancherla asks about holiday party faux pas

Episode Date: December 23, 2025

The hilarious Aparna Nancherla helps us celebrate the holidays with a question about embarrassing holibobs moments! Plus a Handsome star returns to the show, Mae's toxic traits, Fortune's church voice, and more! And if you missed our live show, watch the replay for this week only!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Masterclass.com slash handsome. Handsome pot. Chatting the friends on the handsome pot. Chatin to friends on the handsome pot. Cheers. Welcome to the handsome pod. It's your friend Tignotaros in here with May Martin and Fortune Meemser. Woo.

Whoo. Happy holidays. Yeah. Ooh. Tis a season. It tis. It sure tis. It tis.

It is. If you're watching, you'll know this, but Tig is wearing a very handsome. uh robe dressing gown yeah if not sexy tag hefner yeah that who we're looking at that's right is this your this is your robe that you brought to toronto no ma'am i'm just in my hotel room and i am you know it's almost 8 p.m. here but i have a very early call time and so once this episode is wrapped this little rascal is climbing into bed and going night night. Going night night. Are you going to go night night in your robe?

No, no, no. Are you going full command, though? I sleep in my ponties. I think we've already discussed this many times. I sleep in my big girl panties. And your grancy pansies. You look so cozy. Have you had a bath? I did. I had a bath. I had dinner. Tell us about it. Okay. Do you want to know about my dinner? Well, first I want to know about the bath And then I want to know about your dinner Girl, dinner came before the bath

Whoa Are you okay? Girl, are you okay? Girl, I had to cough, girl. Are you sick? Fortunately, I know what it is. I'm a little tickle in my throat. Huh? No, it's because we were,

the past two days, me and Fortune were filming on Fortune's show and they had all that like fake smoke atmosphere in the air and it was mess. That happens on Star Trek, too. Messed my chest up today and yesterday. Yeah. The air is so thick and like chalky.

And is that, you think that's what it is, fortune? I think so, yeah. Yeah, I cough for a few days after Star Trek, because there's explosions always, you know. Don't get away from telling us about your bath and dinner. Okay, but girl, I have to tell you about my dinner first because I like to go to order. Well, my favorite. restaurant, and this is no offense to my other favorite restaurants, but Planta is here.

Have I talked to you about this? I just, yeah, I've heard you mention this place, but do you have a signature dish there? Oh my gosh, all of them, but their dessert is called, one of their desserts is just simply called Big Cookie. Have I told you about Big Cookie? Oh, God, I love that. And also that should be like a rap name, Big Cookie. Well, when we go to the plant in L.A. there's this waitress that we always get, and she knows that Stephanie and Max and Finn and I always jokingly call it big cookie. It just sounds so like. Big cookie. And what would you like for dessert? Big cookie. Like they don't say what the flavor is. They don't. And it's a chocolate chip cookie, but they only call it big cookie. And so when we get her as our waiter in L.A.,

She's always like, and do you guys want big cookie? And yes, yes, we do. So, yeah, I love all their stuff, but I had, they have eggplant. What is it called? Unagi. Oh. And it's so good. Like Japanese style.

Yeah. Yeah. So you filled up your little tum. Yes, I did. That wasn't the only thing I had. I had that. And I also had a Caesar salad. And I went ahead and had big.

cookie. And it's a good size. It's like, it's big. They call it that for a reason. Yeah. Love it. And then I love you too. And then I finish that up. I wiped my face off and got into the tub fully naked, you guys. Oh, girl, girl. Yeah, girl. I took a bath fully naked today. Wow. A bubble bath. Is it a tits out tub? Is it a tits out tub? Oh my gosh, my dumpster tits were hanging out all over the place. It was insane. Yeah. You think you messed your chest up at work, Fortune. My chest is all sorts of messes. Unrecognizable. How are you both doing? I'm good because I'm buzzing from getting to do these couple of days on Fortune's show, and I was so nervous, but I loved seeing our girl Marie in action. I mean, the bell at the ball, just everyone, like, surrounded by a gaggle of girls who just want to gossip, and it was so fun. It's so fun on set.

There is a gaggle of women that just sit around and chat in between setups and stuff. Do they work on the show or they just bring them in to chat? They do work on their show. Okay. Will has a lot of women that work for him and then his. company. So it's a real fun vibe. So as soon as May sat down, I said, May, give him the hot goss. And I did. Share with the gals. And I overshared. Oh, what was it? Oh, my whole romantic history. We got deep. Yeah. Yeah. We gab. We give each other

advice. We go, oh, no, no. We do a lot of that. Yeah. So May was brought right into the fold. of the gabbing that happens Yesterday I had to shoot a gun and shoot it five times and it was pressure was on because they have like a special effects set up where like dust falls from the ceiling

like you've shot it but I had to try and Hollywood magic Hollywood magic and I got it wrong the first time mainly because after the first shot Will did this like womanly scream that was so funny to me and so Will Farrell and there's nothing. funny

than a man shrieking like that and I was like I'm in heaven I kept having out of body like in the little green room area

with Molly Shannon and Will Ferrell like heroes of mine and they were telling and Fortune famester was likely there of course Fortune

I was going in and out of that room because I sit with the village gals and then I go in there because normally we're all together

but in this particular location everyone was separated yeah but man hearing like stories from 90s SNL and I was just like

in total heaven what nice people silly nice people yeah it's a fun show that's great yeah we got you know figure this out so I can do my part that's right

seriously I was sadly unavailable when I was asked to come in I wonder who replaced me I hope it wasn't me I don't think it was no it wasn't because it was when I was filming last time I was in Toronto okay okay yeah so whoever that was but either way well that sounds like a darn good time especially to be able to sit around no way no a news flash go to YouTube go to YouTube

serious newsflash don't even say what happened wow okay we've been blessed by the presence of an angel here yes we'll give you one clue his eyes dead no they're full of life oh look at him i'm back with my baby bear for a little bit oh my gosh i have really missed him i think about him probably every other day i miss him too oh he's so cute his eyes how are they looking is he flying how are his eyes looking um dead completely dead yeah but But he's so cute. Oh, my God. And what has he been up to?

He's been, he's from, he's from a broken home now, so he has to. That's so sad. How does he like the new house? He likes it because, you know, there's some, it's, oh, hold on. What the hell was that? He just, I think Biggie just coughed. He's getting older, so he has a wheeze. You guys need to lie down and.

take the rest of the day off. I know. Jeez. New house is good because it's small and he can scoot around it easily. Yeah. And there's a little backyard with grass in there that he likes to tinkle in. Oh. And some of the, not much, but a couple furniture pieces are from the old house that he's like,

I know this furniture. Mm-hmm. This house is unfamiliar, but yeah, he's good. Does he seem confused being from a broken? home now or does he seem could you tell the difference isn't he always a bit confused he's always a bit he's always chill

so yeah he becomes attached to whoever he's with you know right so when he's with the jacks he's very attached to her and follows her around then when he is with me he's very attached to me and follows me around and you know

I think that just is whoever he's with that's where his heart is yeah imagine if this if this podcast ever broke up. I'd be, I feel like I'd be the Biggie. Yeah. Oh, see, I feel like if this podcast breaks up, I'm getting Biggie. Oh, my God. Is that a threat? Wouldn't it be a weird outcome? Yeah. It's going to have to take Biggie. I don't think Biggie would stick out in Kitty City. I really don't, because the cats just lounge around on the bed together. I think they would

manipulate him like older siblings like they there's their cats are smart i feel like they'd have him doing their errands for them and like they'd convince him to steal stuff from the fridge and yeah he's very intrigued by cats because he hasn't spent hardly any time around them so he sees him like like an outdoor cat and he'll be like what's your deal hmm i feel like the little cloud above biggie's head is always just like saying whatevs whatevs whatevs what i think you're right yeah yeah he seems fine with whatevs yeah like you know how they sometimes they train dogs to press buttons that say words to communicate like outside food whatever oh yeah yeah yeah with biggie you'd get all the buttons and then you'd get one that says whatevs and he'd just hit that every time

he'd hit it all day and night when he's not eating or sleeping or tinkling in the grass stop calling me dead eyes and I'm full of life yeah yeah probably TIG, I told fortune this on a minisode, but I haven't told you that I got a car. Yeah. That is ridiculous. I is ridiculous to see. Why would you get a car? I'm pumped about it.

I don't have my license yet either, but I have my learner's permit and I'm learning. So I got a car so I could practice every day. I've been bopping around. Is it a black suburban or Cadillac? It's a black, it's a Lexus. And it's, uh, it looks like a little Subaru almost. It's, it's, it's cute. Yeah.

I, I, I, so when I'm driving, I have to have someone with me in the car, but I cannot have music playing. I can't have anyone talking to me. I'm focused. I got the guy on the, on telling me where to go and the, the voice of the map. And, um, I'm loving it. Wait, and you have not gotten your license yet. No.

So when I bought the car, I couldn't even test drive it because you got to, you, and you can't. drive it off the lot unless you have insurance so i had to get my assistant to i had to be on on their insurance and it was a whole thing but i do my test on on monday and by the time this comes out hopefully i'm going to be driving santa's goddamn sleigh who knows wow may huge congrats thanks yeah i can't i can't wait to drive you guys somewhere i know um i will meet you there. Yeah, that's fair. No, I think I'm going to get the muscle memory and be a, be a natural. Yeah. I did bump a car with, I did hit a car. But I was just trying, well, I was trying to parallel park and I just gave it a little tap. And then I thought, I'm not going to park here.

A little tap is usually fine. Yeah. Yeah. Are they? As long as it's a little tap. And if the owner of the car saw the little tap, would you feel like, oh, that's fine? Well, they would have to suss it out. And I would say, listen, I'm on my assistance insurance. I don't have my full license. Please give me a break. Yep. But it feels good to be in my little world in my car, in my bubble.

I love it for you. And what made you buy a car? Because you knew you're feeling confident you're going to pass this test and you're ready to hit the road. I've done so many lessons and I feel like I, if I, I should be driving every day just to really get it in my system and it would help me pass the test. So I've been just, just practicing. That is adorable. I do feel like a grown up. Like I, it's actually changed how I feel about myself and my life. Like I feel, yeah, like I really feel safer. And did you, you really didn't feel like an adult before two days ago?

No. No. No. It's interesting. No, I was living, I was living wrong. Live in La Vida Loca? I was living La Vida Loca. And what language is that? Española. Wow.

Espaniola. You know it's smart? Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know, it's not. smart? Not checking for spider webs before walking down a garden path. I really don't like walking into a spider web, and I'm pretty sure the spiders don't like me messing up their hard work either. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary. Subject to terms, conditions, and

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when you sign up at AcornsEarly.com slash handsome pod. Acorns Early card is issued by NBKC Bank, member FDIC pursuant to license by Visa USA, free trial for new subscribers only. Subscription fees starting from $5 per month unless canceled. Terms apply at acorns.com slash early terms. You know, you don't know this, but I'll tell you, our housekeeper, when she comes over, when she sees our cats, she's like, El Gato. That means cat.

I know, but when you think about it, like, if I went to somebody's house, I wouldn't just say cat. Does she maybe not know their names? I don't think so, but she's essentially saying the cat, right? The cat, the cat. The cat. El Gato. Yeah, so it hit me the other day, and I said that to Stephanie. I was like, wait, isn't she essentially walking in every morning and just saying the cat?

Cat. Yeah. And she says it in a very loving voice. I love it. Yeah. It's just a funny little thought. The cat. And there's multiple, so she's not even saying Los Gatos. Oh, hello, Fortune. That's the plural of cats. You know what I forgot to tell you guys. We had a funny moment at our house the other day. What happened? Finn said fortune, asked something about fortune or said something about fortune. And, um, and, and, I wonder what. Yeah, I can't remember, I can't remember what he asked or said.

And then I just, I was kind of taking a moment to, and where I was like, you know, he's only met you, what, once or twice or something? Maybe twice, yeah. Yeah. And, um, and so I was like, oh, because. in my head, I'm thinking, oh, of course he remembers you. And I said, that's so funny that you brought up Fortune. I said, do you remember Fortune? And he said, yeah. And I said, do you know Fortune's last name? And he said, a fiendster. And I was like, whoa. Wow. Yeah. And then I said, do you know my other co-host on Handsome? And he said, yeah, May Martin. No way. Yes.

Wait, what? Wow. I'm a handsome listener. But it was one of those moments where, you know, people say kids are like sponges and all that kind of stuff. Yeah. It's not like I walk around the house going fortune themesters on the phone or I need to, you know, make sure to tell May Martin.

And that he pronounced it correctly with my last name. Completely. Completely. Impressive. It's such a tiny little thing, but it blew our minds. We were just like, wow. blows my mind. I wonder what else is in there, you know. Oh my gosh. There's so many moments like that. I will say that I was visiting with Amma recently and she was playing on like a thing that was going to break or something. So I went, oh, Amma, don't play on that. And she goes, I'm not playing. I'm gaying. And she's seven. And I went, what? And then I said, do you know what do you? What does gay mean to you? And she goes, you're gay. And I said, what is it? And she goes, yeah.

That's when a boy marries a boy. And I was like, okay. But I'm not playing. I'm gay and was so good. And then the other good one she had was, I said, I was trying to give a May fact. And I went, did you know that the reason that they put Clementines and oranges in Christmas stockings? And she goes, oranges, boranges. I was speechless.

I was like, that is. You know, watching some Adam Sandler movies. Borringes. Borofil, more like Borofil. Yeah. Wow, and how, she's seven now? Yes, and she's funny, and she knows when she's funny. And I laugh so hard at oranges that then for the whole rest of the day, it was boranges, 24-7.

It was, she kept whipping it out. I have to be honest, I feel a little like boranges, too. What do you mean? I'm just not terribly into oranges. I like orange candies. Oh, wow. Yeah, I know. I'm here to blow your mind.

I don't never really either. I know that shocking, because I'm really known for all the. fruit I consume. You're known for it. Fruity fortune. Fruity fortune. Yeah. I don't like, I'm not a real texture crazy person, but the texture of like those little

white things, you have to peel off the in between the ye. I'm just like, no, thank you. It's Russian roulette with an orange in a way that most fruits, there's a little more consistency, you know what you're getting. With an orange, it could either be the most delicious, sweet, fresh, cold, or it's actual garbage, you know, when it's, when it's all pithy and on the, on the edge. I'll eat them. It's just not the same as a, what are the, honey crisp apple for me.

A honey crisp apple is like, oh, it is. You know who likes those? My boy Biggie. Really? He loves to just nibble on a little apple. Oh. He's just like, loves it. That is cute.

Very precious. I always let my cat smell anything that's on my fork or spoon because I'm curious their response. I'll be like, oh, you want to smell this? And then sometimes they're very interested in other times. And other times it's like, what the hell? Yeah. Yeah. Really good information, TIG.

Keep it coming. Keep it coming, buddy. I mean, all of us today are the stuff we're coming up with is pure gold. Well, because, you know, the holidays are upon us. So we're, I think we're, I think we're, I think we're getting in holiday mode. That must be what's going on. Yeah, not the slow decline of our lives.

And we'll be right back after these messages. Not because our lives are all going down a hill into a fiery pit. And it's been floating right here on live YouTube. Oh, wait, what? I mean, I guess, like, after, what, 30 or it is a sort of inevitable cognitive decline. Oh. Sorry. Is that true?

Well, your body does. Please keep these positive Mayfax coming. Happy holidays. But your body does start to die after 25 years. Really? Yeah. It starts to just, I don't think your body makes any new cells or, you know. Yeah.

But I'm also not reliable as far as science or anything, really. I've been trying to have cozy, Tom, because I've been putting the fireplace on at night. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And getting a blanket out. Go on. And me and my biggie boy cuddle up on the couch. Yeah, girl.

I did open up a bottle of wine the other night. Whoa. And then you recorked it immediately. I poured one glass and retorced it. I put out my little tiny pink Christmas tree. How tiny? You have a tiny pink Christmas? Like a four footer.

No, maybe a three and a half footer. Okay. It's a little. Okay. Well, let's find out. Is it three and a half or four feet? Three and a half. All right.

And it's pink. That's nice. I got a tree and my friend Matt, who lives in the back and his girlfriend, she has never decorated a tree before. It's just not a thing in China. And she was so excited. And I bought all these ornaments and stuff and lights. And then it really, I had to make such a conscious effort to just let her do her thing.

Like, I didn't realize till we started how opinionated I was about like, oh, well, we can. Yep. That's a little high for that ball. Like, yeah, I want to space it out a little. And the lights especially, I'm like, you got to put the lights deep in by the stock, the trunk. Yeah. And it's pretty wild with the result, but it looks pretty cozy. Have you guys done decorations today?

We had a little bit of a treat. trimming party with Stephanie's mother, which we, she comes in town and, and she's the strongest one out of everyone. What do you mean? She is like, like pump and iron? Not, no, but she's just like, she's sturdy. She's a sturdy woman and sure she's inching towards 70, but like she climbs up into our garage and pulls down every we just it depends on what our holiday plans are if we get a real tree or we use a a fake one so this year we use the um the fake one and man nana pulled that down off of that top shelf and um and yeah so we had a nice night of Christmas music and um well I was going to say eggnog but we had oat nog oh oh noog

We had Oatnog, and we put the ornaments on, and yeah, and all the kitties circled around. It was nice, and I feel very lucky and thankful that Nana, she could be like, yeah, what-evs? I live a couple hours away. I'm not going to be driving in for a night, you know, which comes in, spends a night. We have our little tree trimming party, and it's just Max, and she always brings Maximum. thin Christmas socks and they wear them year-round and it's just great it's a good time I love I feel like tree trimming must be a euphemism for something haven't like having a tree trimming I don't know like trimming bush yeah well fortune fortune marine you said a euphemism for something I'm

what else could it be it's not bush I realized a toxic quality I have sometimes I set you up fortune I'll say something vaguely sexual. For me to take the fall, baby. Yeah, I don't go all the way. You're very toxic. I'm toxic. You're like, let me see how I can get fortune in trouble with TIG. We should play Britney Spears toxic right now.

Drop that in for a little bit. Oh, my God, what if Britney Spears ask you handsome question. Oh, my. He's a lucky. She's a star What's my Okay, my best Britney Spears Asking a handsome question

Would be Hello, handsome I'm here doing Isn't that kind of what her Instagram's like These days? It's like a little Liza Minnelly in there And she's like spinning around My question for you is simply this

I enjoy Britney I love her We went I took Stephanie, I got Stephanie Britney Spears in Vegas tickets years ago And we went together and saw that and how was it it was great the grandmother's side of me came out i'm not that familiar

with her music but a lot of people had on hats that said work bitch that's right you better work bitch okay you better work bitch dana and i didn't know that was her song and i was like that's kind of rude i am working stop calling me a bitch but um now something did happen during the concert. Oh, what? And I think what I saw and Stephanie saw was what was happening. And if you are from the Britney Spears team, please get in touch and correct us if we're wrong. But when she was dancing and singing, you saw a titty.

No. I think I saw something used for menstrual cycles maybe in pad form that was sticking out and then she mysteriously danced off stage for a while. Oh, my God. I was surprised to someone from the team. Hello, we would like to talk to a correction there. Oh, my God. But I was like, Stephanie, what is that?

weird white thing sticking out of her leotard and you know whatever and stuff is like oh my god and then truly moments later she danced awkwardly off the stage and then she reappeared and it was not there anymore see this is the problem with leotards it's why i stay away from them yeah exactly why the three of us including thomas i would imagine he keeps his distance from a leotard i'm a big old pad coming out of my leotard Because that's what you used, I thought you used 200 tampons to plug up my cooter. I need all those tampons to plug my coter. I have an embarrassing story that I just thought of that I haven't thought of in so long, which is age 14 at Second City, like 14, you're still figuring your period out.

Like, you know what I mean? You're too embarrassed to ask advice or anything and you're freestyling. and yeah braces acne long hair and I guess I'd run out of like tampons or pads or whatever and I'd just wadded up toilet paper yeah is this gross whatever

no whatevs right biggie so it was in my jeans in my underwear and it must have fallen out and down my trouser leg and out onto the floor and then somebody found it was like oh it was in second city the comedy club on the floor and someone was going

there's a bloody tissue on the floor and I was going I was going oh no who's is that and my heart disgusting you knew it was your bloody tissue oh right away yeah oh my god hopefully they don't test this for DNA yeah oh god what if that's what the second city was like if you find any bloody tissue on the stage we do have a DNA tester yeah send it to the second city lab is yeah So someone had to be the one to pick it up. It would have been weird if I was like, I don't know who's that is, but I'll pick it up. I'll pick it up and I'll throw it away. And the whole time you're like, this is disgusting, you guys.

You guys, my friend Steph, Willen, who is also a producer on Come See Me in the Good Light, the Andrea Dock, the one who got thumbed at the dinner. party. If you haven't seen, come see me the good light, check it out. You'll see who stuff is. What's running is a little thumb here and there? That's not what we're talking about right now. But listen, Steph was, had just moved to L.A. She had gotten an acting job, but she was completely unaware of how props worked or anything like that. And she was told in a rehearsal when they were blocking the scene and rehearsing and whatever they were like and then this is and then at this point then step will throw her dirty underwear oh this

onto the floor this rings a bell and she was like oh god this is so uncomfortable but she took her underwear on her real underwear that's right I think he did it oh god anyway so yeah and then somebody was like, who's underwear is like after somebody, everybody had walked away, somebody asked whose underwear that was? It's just like, oh, it's mine. Oh, my God. And they're like, no, we use prop underwear. You don't have to take your own filthy underwear off and toss it. To the middle of the room. You go, your bloody underwear. Should we go to our question and asker? Yes. I guess. You don't want to talk about this and talk about periods. If anybody's listening still.

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planparenthood.org slash defend. Guess what? The guys behind the podcast smartless started a mobile company. Why? Because they were tired of getting fleeced by big wireless and they think you should be too. Big wireless has been outsmarting everyone into buying expensive unlimited plans. Here's the truth.

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Aparna Nanchula is asking today's question. Nice. She's one of the. She really is. So funny. Hello, handsome. It is I, Aparnan and Charla. I am so honored to be speaking to all three of you together. I'm a huge fan of each of you. I love you all, and I've never had the privilege of speaking to you as one big, powerful Holy Trinity. So what a day, what a day. Here's my question. What is the biggest faux pa you've made at a holiday party? Now, a holiday party, traditionally, a place where someone might indulge in a little too much gnaug, gently cross a boundary, say something they shouldn't have to the wrong person. So, you know, anything along those lines, I invite you to get as messy, as gratuitous as possible.

I really want you to go there and I will accompany you there as well. I have all the faith in the world that Aparna has a nightmare story. A good story. Yes. I just, I have, she is, it's just, of course, this is her question. And of course, she's got a great, but I just have to say, she is by far one of my favorite stand-ups. She's very funny. She is so funny. I can't even remember the first time I saw her, but yeah, she is one of the, yeah, so smart too. I mean, one powerful Holy Trinity, why have we never been called that before? Why isn't that the name of our podcast? Yeah. Holiday party faux pa. I am into holiday parties because usually there's going to be a lot of good snacks.

Oh, yeah. So I feel like especially Christmas parties are like I feel like it's more food than like a birthday party. Yes. It just feels like it's colder outside. People just want to eat. And you know what? Like they're more substantial snacks. Like at a regular party, you might get what's chips in a dip.

Christmas party, you're getting pigs in a blanket. Beef Wellington. Listen, I'll still go anywhere for chips in a dip. Yeah, that's true. I love a chip and a dip. I love you too. So part of my faux pauses is usually going straight for the food table and like having no self-control and just shut.

shoving a lot of cheese into my mouth. Hadda girl. And people are like, I've just gotten to the party, so they're trying to talk to me, and I'm just like full cheese. You're like, where is the cheese? Yeah, I'm spilling stuff everywhere. That's usually my faux pa is just being a beast. I had a friend or have a friend called Gabby, who's a very tactile person and also highly

anxious, and I once found her at a party. She didn't know anyone. I'd brought her as my plus one. And I found her at the snack table And she was without thinking She was talking to someone And she was stroking the brie Like touching the brie

On the top of it, the casing Does that mean the same thing as trimming the tree? She was stroking the tree. We're talking about bush again? And trimming the tree. Yeah, and she was like, I just like how it feels And I was like, you can't do that.

No. I'll tell you to somebody, a person's faux pa that I was, it was not my faux paul, but I had to be a part of it. Okay. I went to one Christmas party and people have been drinking and having a good time. And here's the thing. I'm always very conscious of when I go to a party, if you go to the bathroom, you got to like make sure the door is locked.

Like, it's just party 101. Because people are trying to get in there and see you doing your business. Yeah. And you don't want to be like, you don't want to be like on a toilet with your pants around. your legs and someone's bussing in so it was near the end of the night a lot of people were gone and I went to the

bathroom and I opened the door because it was unlocked and there were two people on the floor of the bathroom doing the dirty deed on the floor having full intercourse

who cares about that May and we're touching the floor And this was an adult party. This was like four years ago. This is not like high school. Did you know the people? Yes. And so then my faux pa probably was, I think you're like you walk in on that,

you shut the door and move on with your business. You just sat on the toilet. No, my fo'paw was, I slowly shut the door and I went back to the party and told everybody. So when they came out. Everyone's like staring at them. And I hope not touching them. Who were these people? Go ahead and say this.

I'll never tell. Why? Can we bleep it out? Just tell us right now. No. I'll tell you later. Do we know them? I don't think you know the girl.

Oh, but we know. You might know the guy. Love it, Thomas. Love it. It was not Thomas. I did not know Thomas then. But that's a faux pa for sure. I don't think you should be doing that in a,

another person's bathroom. Yeah. You should not be during a party and you should, and if you are going to break these rules, you have to lock the door. And were they clearly drunk? They'd been drinking, but I don't know that they were like hammered.

I think they just wanted to have sex. Yeah. And also, you know, it's horny. And it's never going to be like a couple who's been married for 15 years that are doing that. It's going to be two people who probably shouldn't. It was a new situation.

New situation. Are they still together? They are not. Okay. I don't think they lasted much longer. Past that night. Maybe a couple months past that, yeah. Uh-huh.

Imagine if you asked your parents how you were conceived and they said on the floor. Well, I just was like, oh, my gosh. She was like, basically on top of them. And I was just like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. I mean, gross. And did they see you come in? They sure did.

Oh my gosh, that is everybody involved faux pod. They were like, I can't believe you told everybody. I was like, I'm the one. Were they legitimately upset with you? No, they weren't upset, but more sheepish. I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's so funny. But, you know, it was a bunch of comedians that were there.

So they were all laughing. Nobody was like, you know, it was like whatever. Good to have a little gossip at the party. That's pretty juicy. Yeah, that was a juicy moment. Were they like whatevers? Like old dead eyes? They just kind of like came out of the bathroom.

I was like, what's up, everybody? Hey, what's what's going on? Just waiting for you to stop having sex on the toilet. No, this was in the floor. No, I know. I'm just trying to move them off the floor in my mind. It's so. gross it's so gross

I have had sex in bathrooms though on the floor I think so I have not I have not ventured into a I've not done that I think I well definitely in the bathroom on a train wait on a train yeah oh oh like on a what did you think I was thinking of like

you know the trains that go around the village of of a Christmas tree Which is the season Like a little I was trying to picture that I was like I mean on an actual train Gotcha

Yeah in the bathroom Or yeah You just couldn't You were just so like I go we got to right now Yeah I think so But yeah Looking back

Yeah pretty gross Did you go up to that person And say Chugga Chuga Choochoochoo You know what I mean Thank you for you for you Did you know this person Yes we were we were dating

but she was closeted so and a lot of people we knew were on the train going up to Edinburgh a fringe festival and nobody knew we were dating and it was during that like hellish time and then but I was sure her name off the pod yes um but yeah I had a holiday party on Sunday I had a little gathering of just I mean I realized all my friends in L.A. are like Toronto friends from 20 years ago. Like I've got Matt, Atlanta, my friend Ali, Sabrina Jalise. They're all people I've known since my teens.

So we were all... Oh, they all live in L.A. Yeah. Yeah, I just followed them here, I guess. And, yeah, but we did the tree. And then my faux paul was trying to make everyone play Pictionary. That was... You do a lot of game.

Oh, I went down like a lead balloon. Oh, they didn't like it. So it depends on the group and the vibe. I think it came with all these rules and instructions. I remember Pictionary being very chill and loose, but it was really rigid. Yeah, but who made it rigid? Me. Oh.

That's a fun time. You're like a rule person with the games. Like, we got to do this. This is how it goes. Can I do that? Give me the cards. Maybe a little bit. But I made Rice Krispy Squarespace.

That was the good thing I did at the party. It's so easy. Marshallows and butter, a bit of vanilla. And then just pour in a bowl. box of Rice Krispies. Don't even have to bake it. Just let it cool. Oh, my gosh. It's okay if it jiggles, right? Do you ever call them rice crispy treats or do you call them squares? Oh, in Canada we say squares. Oh, we call them treats. Yeah, we take it up a notch. Yeah, we're like, it's more than a square. It's a treat. We're not getting a, you know, we're not projecting that it's going to be

good yet. We just go, it's a square. Well, that's like, if you call somebody a total square, you should call them a total treat. You are a total treat. Man, that guy's a total treat. Do you have any faux pauses, TIG, that you've made? Well, I think I make them all the time. Just trying to make my way through this life. But as the slow decline? Yes, and too, barreling into hell.

Bering into hell. I don't feel that way. I don't feel that I'm barreling into hell. It is fun to say. Yeah. I don't know. I would say this isn't a holiday faux pa. So apologies, Aparna, and get off my back.

It's a upset you, Aparna. But I went to a Sundance party. It was my first time ever at Sundance. And a friend of mine told me to meet her there. And that it was people from the time, TV show ER that we're having this party. And I was standing outside and I was like knocking on the door and ringing the doorbell and nobody answered because there was loud music and nobody was like, oh, somebody's at the door. It was just like, I just was like, you know, politely standing out

there ringing, dinging and knocking and then somebody came out and then I went in and I was waiting for my friend who I didn't see anywhere and I was feeling a little kind of I didn't know where to go or what to do and so I went and stood by the snacks and I just really got into those snacks. I had been snowboarding all day and I had my sunglasses around my neck still and it was like on that kind of little rope string, string, whatever, my sunglasses were hanging. And I'm having snacks until the cows come home, just eating by myself by the table. Like me. Yes. And this girl comes up and starts talking to me. And we're chatting. And then after she walked away, I looked down. And you guys, my glasses had collected all of the crumbs of my snacks that I was,

dating. And they were just like a, yeah, it was just like a cradle of crumbs hanging around my neck. And it was, I was like, oh my God. Like, what did this person think? And also was she on ER? Yeah. Was it Juliana Margulis? Yeah, I have no idea. How did you say her name? What is her name? No, just you say it. Give it another whirl. Okay, I'm saying Juliana Margilez. Margilez? I like that. Marguerles?

I think it's Marguerleese, maybe. Yeah, I feel like the gay version of her name. Why can't I think of another actress on that show? I know, I couldn't either. I went Noah Wiley, George Clooney. Well, I know there was an actual Les on that show. Her name was Georgia Fox. She went by George.

we ran in the same circle. But I haven't run into her in years, but she was, I think she was the reason I was invited to that party. Oh, the Les, inviting the Les. But not Juliana. Is it Julianne or Juliana? Juliana Margilez. You know who was on that show's Marguerite, who is a real, gay awakening for a lot of people.

She's straight, I think, but I loved her growing up. I used to have dreams about her. Mm-hmm. Just hang out. Like how peppermint Patty was my big awakening. Really? Yes. That's common.

Yeah. Yeah. No, it was more of like, wow, I relate to this one. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know why. Should we hear what Parna has to say?

Yeah. The biggest fo'pop I ever made at a holiday party was actually the very first holiday party I ever attended with my parents as their plus one. I think I was four or five. Not sure we can carbon date back that far. There weren't smartphones back then, so maybe I was 16. I do not know. Anyway, this was a holiday potluck.

I had never even been to a potluck before, so I was just blown away by the food options. I think it was the first time I ever had lasagna, which to this day remains one of my favorite foods. Praise be to Garfield. But there was a separate room that had all the desserts. It was like cakes and pies. every seasonal treat imaginable, cookies, gingerbread, everything, candy cakes. And as a kid with a major sweet tooth, I could not comprehend it. Like my little child brain just melted and I just knew I had to sample each and every one,

which I conveyed to my parents through screaming. I just had this huge meltdown where I insisted I had to try them all. My parents were mortified because these were. were people they did not know that well. And I remember I was rolling on the floor, screaming. And finally, the hosts were just like, you know what? Just give her what she wants. Did this little boy king what she wants. So they packed some of each dessert into a big box for me. They hustled us out of there. And I just remember waking up the next morning, because of course I had fallen asleep in the car on the ride home. And I was just ready to sample my bounty. And somehow it had all congealed into one big,

unidentifiable ball. Oh no. And I just knew I had been tricked somehow or there had been sabotage among my court. And I threw another big fit that next morning. So really, someone was big time on the naughty list that year. Oh my God. But yeah, that's my story. Thanks again. Season's greetings, happy holidays. Bye. Bye. Season's greetings, happy holidays. I cannot, for the life of me, picture a parna throwing a fit.

I know. And also she said she might have been the last fit. And she said she might have been 16, so that's what I keep picturing and that's making me laugh. She's either 4 or 16. Yeah. That thing of being a kid and being filled with such like consuming desire for something that you're like, I will die if I don't get this. And you don't know your own limits either.

Like I was obsessed with popcorn. And like the first time my parents let me have popcorn, I just ate and ate and ate and ate and then projectile threw up all over my bed. But you weren't going to stop me eating. Nothing's going to stop us now. I remember a parna opened for me years ago when I did Carnegie Hall. Whoa. And when after the show, there was like a whole spread, of course,

backstage because I have my demands. So I have this spread and we were going to take it to my hotel room. You know, we had friends in town and Stephanie's mother and father were there because, you know, it was doing Carnegie Hall. And I remember, this is kind of a faux pa, I guess, but we were all carrying all of the food from backstage to my hotel room. And so I remember, Remember a Parna and her boyfriend just carrying these huge trays of fruit and vegetables and all sorts of keep this party going. But we were walking blocks with it. We're walking blocks with half-eaten green room food.

So, yeah, probably not the classiest thing to do. But we did it, right? Do you guys have any, like, holiday wishes for, is that a good question for a holiday up? holiday wishes or even a favorite holiday song holiday wishes that's my favorite holiday song well i'm gonna be one two three holiday wishes beautiful i'm um my mom likes for me to go to church with her on christmas eve yeah praise the lord praise jesus Good Christ!

So I get ready, I get my church voice ready for that. What's that sound like? Yeah, let's hear it. You know, it's all the Christmas song like, sing Noel, sing Noel, Noel, Noel, No, Well, No, Noel, no, well, sing Noel, no, well, sing you all, this is what I wanted. You also clearly have to get your Christmas face on, too, because boy, does it morph into a whole different. different world and go. Oh night, divine, all night when Christ was born. That's the one I'm going tenor.

Oh night divine. Oh, night. Oh, night divine. I would say you're going a leavener. I hope they give you a big solo. I hope like a spotlight lands on you. They won't, but I will make sure my voice is heard in that type of singing. I hope you get discovered at church this year.

Me too. Yeah. Yeah. I want to put out a gospel album or a Christmas album, whatever comes first. We can do it as a podcast, put it on the list, Thomas. Oh, we know, our first hit is holiday wishes. So holiday wishes. What is your holiday wish, May?

Peace on Earth. Okay. And mercy mild. God and sinners reconciled. No, is that how, is that the lyrics? Did God and the sinners reconcile? I don't know, actually. They never needed to reconcile because God loves them no matter what.

I don't know. I think my wish is. Hark the Herald Angel sing That's the Okay, let's hit it One, two, three Park The Herald

Fortune Fortune She's coughing And she's muting Every time She's crying Oh you were right, May Peace on earth

And mercy My heart Let hands Senners Gregman's song They did See but that's why Wait does it end with

They did No it is Joyful are ye Nations rise La la la la la la la la la Okay Wrong song but Doesn't matter

You have the spirit My holiday wish is that Everyone sings like that This holiday Yeah I hope people do some singing and I'm pumped for the year of the horse. We've been in the year of the snake, which is all, girl.

That was the gayest horse I've ever. Please do it again. What does the gay horse eat? Hey. Hey. I don't get it. Oh, it really, it smells. Shut your mouth.

You're going to make me coughing in. Can I tell you guys, it smells like up dog in this room. What is that? mean it smells like up dog what does that mean it smells like up dog what does that mean it just smells like you're supposed to say what is up dog and then i say not much oh my god oh wait let's get i was like i was like maybe she'll eventually say what's up dog there it is thanks fortune no oh my god i'm I would have just continued to say, what does that mean? And I was like, TIG's not coming off of this one phrase.

Oh, my God. Well, I learned that from one of the fortunes, gaggle a girl is on set yesterday. They said it smells like up dog. I fell for it. Hookline and sinker. I went, what's up dog? And they said, not much. Will does that to me.

I fall for every time I'll be singing something. He goes, who sings that? And I'll earnestly tell him. And he goes, why don't you let them sing it? Let's keep it that way. I heard him do that to you. Yeah. And I fall for it every time.

Every time. Well, what a treat you guys are. My holiday wish is for everyone to keep it handsome. That would be great, right? Because sometimes people don't keep things handsome. And we have got to keep it handsome. I also want to say I know the holidays are tough for some people. And that's a weird time of year.

And there's so much pressure to be happy and with family. and I just want to say, no matter what you're doing, just like take care of yourself. I'll be by myself with buddies on Christmas. I'm going to enjoy it. And we just are sending you a lot of love. We sure are. Yeah, and I'm going to send you to some of my shows coming up, right? Yeah, great.

What's your own up, bathrobe? Oh, you got me. Well, I have several dates. I'm just going to hit a few here. February 20th, Oklahoma City. Uh-huh. And then February 21st, we got Midland, Texas. What else do you have?

Oh, well, I have Cincinnati, March 13th. I have got, hold on there. I just, I don't know. I can't read very well. But go to tignotaro.com for all my tour information. I'm also always doing shows. mostly every month at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter. And please, if you haven't watched the documentary,

come see me in a good light, check it out. I've got this big tour coming up and I'm adding extra dates and stuff. I just added one in Vegas. And also, I think I need people to buy more tickets in Austin. That one's a little slow, but I'm excited to see everybody. You can go to maymartin.net. If you need last minute presents for people

get some tickets to our shows or some handsome pod merch, why not? Why not? Yeah, I don't say why not. I don't know. I'm going to be in Norfolk, Virginia on the 27th of December, and then Salt Lake City,

Vancouver, and then New Year's Eve in Seattle, Washington, followed by after the new year of New Orleans, Mobile, Atlanta, Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Milwaukee, a bunch of places. So it's on the website.

We also want to remind people that we did a live show yesterday. Oh, right. Can't forget that. That link is available for a week. Oh, yeah. Super fun Holly Bob show. Holly Bobbs. And also, you can give that as a gift. Get somebody a ticket to that, right?

Yeah. Yeah. So you want to get that link. It's really fun. That was a fun time. And until next time, I don't know. Keep it.

Handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tignitaro, and May Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Wulet. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and follow us on social media at HandsomPod. What a podcast. What a podcast. What a podcast. That was a hate gum podcast.

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So this is just a podcast where we just talk. Yeah. We're best friends. Yeah. We talk. And then we have a segment where we answer questions and queries. So audience members can ask questions about friendships and we can answer them to the best of our abilities. Yes.

We are professional friends. We are professional friends. Subscribe to Best Friends on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, PocketCast, or wherever you get your podcast and watch videos on YouTube. New episodes drop every Wednesday. That's the middle of a work week. I was deeply unhelpful to you during that whole thing. You are.

I'm really sorry. I felt the support. I was so, okay. I was trying to be supportive. Yeah. But I was like, I don't know. Reading seems pretty hard right now. It's a lot.

I think you did good. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Thank you.