Handsome - Bob Odenkirk asks about favorite colors

Episode Date: May 14, 2024

The hilarious Bob Odenkirk (Better Call Saul, Breaking Bad) asks Handsome a surprisingly deep question about... colors! Plus pizza fights, love advice, and romantic baby talk!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media: @handsomepodMerch: handsomepod.comWatch on youtube: youtube.com/@handsomepodEmail the show: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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slash handsome to treat yourself. Thank you Miracle Made for sponsoring this episode. Chattin' with friends on the handsome pot. Chattin' with friends on the handsome pot. Cheers! Cheers! Cheers! Welcome to Handsome. It's me, your friend Tig Notaro, and my co-hosts. Mae Martin.

And Fortune Famester. Lookin' handsome. What's up up you guys? How is everybody doing? Well more importantly, how are you doing? Shrimp nose. I'm great, I feel good. Yeah?

Yeah. Okay. I've got a cup of coffee here. We know you love your Joe. Brought to you by Ford. Oh my gosh. My coffee cup has Ford on it. This is not an ad.

Why do you have a Ford coffee cup? Because someone gave it to me. Okay, I don't really need that attitude. Probably someone from Ford. Why do I feel like we just hit on a sore spot. Like there's some secret about who gave you that mug. There really is no secret. I think it was an event and I'm actually,

I think no one gave it to me. I think I won it. Hitting all the Ford events. Okay. I like it cause it's, you know like our, A Podcast Tumblr? It's kind of like that. It's that material.

Seamless plug for our merch. Listen, I'm not here to plug Ford. I am here to plug our What A Podcast Tumblr. Get your own. Now, Fortune, you use almond milk or oat milk in your? I use oat milk. Oat milk, that's right. Can I bring something up that I wrote down to bring up?

Yeah, please. The oat milk thing reminded me. I wrote this down because I was like, I gotta bring this up with Tig. And you, Fortune. So, you know we've talked about almond milk. And I'm alarmed about the milk coming from the knot and you explained it.

Then I recently, Parv was explaining how it's made and it's, is it that you add water to it? That's where you get the liquid. So there's no milk within the nut? Yeah, there's not milk in there. It's not like you bite into it and milk squirts out. This is what I thought, if you just compress them hard enough, milk emerges.

But I guess I didn't realize you're adding water to. Yeah, you're right. You put the nuts in a pouch or something, and yeah, you pour water into it, and then it extracts stuff. Like I'm trying to be healthier. Parv's gonna make some almond milk at home. I think it's hard to make it.

Wait, is that, well, there's this thing you can buy. This is not an ad either, but if they wanna. Feels like it. Yeah. Almond cow. What's that? Almond cow? Almond cow. What's that? Almond cow? Almond cow.

It's this thing that makes different nut milk for you at home. Yeah. Cause it takes a while and it requires a lot of nuts. Yeah. I tried to make my own cashew milk and it was tasty, but cashews ain't cheap. Bless you.

Yeah, fortune doesn't have cashew cash just lying around. I don't have no cashew cash laying around. And it takes a long time to milk those suckers, but by milking, I mean pouring water through them and whatever. Yeah. Right. Who's gonna go buy it, y'all?

I got that. I don't have cashew money, but I got cashew milk money. Uh-huh. Now, what are your steps to be healthier I got that, I don't have cash money, but I got cash milk money. Now, what are your steps to be healthier and what caused this, if I can ask? And is your one main change that you're gonna start drinking almond milk? Well, if I'm honest, what caused it is a moment of tension in the home.

A moment of tension in the home. Do tell, we love hot goss. Is this the first moment of tension in the home? a moment of tension. We love hot goss. Is this the first moment of tension in the home? One of the first, like we generally were on a pretty similar level of like tidiness and things like that, so we don't have like roommate style tension, but all that happened was, the woman I'm heavily involved with is, you know,

she's tired, she's had a long day. I'd been recording the pod, I think. She comes home with her lovely angelic child and she's tired and she's very kindly got pizza for dinner. And she goes, I got pizza for dinner, it's all on the table. I come out, I look at it and I go, what the hell is this? Because I didn't say those words,

but that was my feeling. Wait, did you say that? Yeah. Wait, what the hell is this? This was the energy because. How dare you surprise me with dinner that you didn't ask me exactly what I wanted. So.

What the hell is this? Look, I come out of this story looking bad, but yeah. You're going into it looking bad too. I know, I know, I know. So this, the child in the home has like a delicious slice of pepperoni pizza or something. Maybe some nuggets, like just my kind of food.

Fortune, calm down. Some chopped up peppers and things like that. Meanwhile, for us has got something called a salad pizza. No. So this is, thank you Fortune. Yes. Thank you Fortune.

Was there arugula on it? Oh yeah, so this was. Oh, give Parvati my number. Why are they gonna do that to that poor pizza? That's a little arugula. Oh yeah, a little arugula on that. I just couldn't hide. Get that salad off my pizza. What the, fortune!

What the hell is this? Fortune Marie. My disappointment, like this was, so there's no tomato sauce, it's a flatbread essentially, like a pizza crust. There's some kind of cheese substitute. And then there's lettuce, chopped up lettuce. I'm salivating.

Pepper, oh my gosh. My head's exploding. Thank you Fortune. My face fell. Two against one. I think it was, she was specifically excited that she was like, I love this place, they do this great thing called Salo Pizza.

And I was like, are you joking? She has good taste and she cares about you, go on. She's trying to be healthy. It was warm, droopy lettuce on a pizza. It was, I couldn't hide my disappointment. And she goes, are you actually? Is there any left? Listen, I'm gonna order some to your home

as a surprise for you. Thank you. She goes, can I just check? She's really calm. She goes, can I just check? She's really calm. She goes, can I just check? Are you complaining about the pizza? And then I knew, I was like, oh. Yeah, and I went, no, I would never dream of it.

Is that what you said? Yes. And were you being sarcastic or were you okay? I was masking. And then what did she say to your sarcasm? Well, I was kind of making light. Like we were then sort of laughing because I knew I fucked up.

I thought this was gonna be some juicy blowout. Oh yeah, then we had a full rager. No, it was just that, yeah, we really have differing opinions on the salad pizza. And I thought I should bring this to the pod because I had a feeling you two would be divided on the salad pizza and I thought I should bring this to the pod because I had a feeling you two would be divided on the salad pizza. And you wrote this down?

You're very divided. You wrote it down. I wrote down salad pizza and there's no milk within the nut. Now I'm guilty of sometimes judging these things and being like, ugh, what is this? And then I taste it and I'm like, you know what? Not bad, I was wrong. How did you feel once you ate it?

Save yourself the fortune, the experiment, because this was warm. I have a thing about warm lettuce anyway. I didn't know I had that. I don't like warm lettuce either. Yeah, but it was, you know, I guess it was nice. I had a nice sharp dressing on it. It was like a Greek salad on it.

Oh, dressing's on the pizza too. Oh, well, instead of the tomato sauce. Oh, fortune's back in the game. Instead of the mater sauce, it's a dressing. I don't call it a pizza. Call it a salad on a crispy. Bread salad. Salad bread.

Salad bread. Salad dough. Why they don. Salad bread. Salad bread. Salad dough. Why they don't want no mater sauce on there? Why they don't want no mater sauce? Now, are you familiar with calling bananas nanners? Yeah. Oh my God, no, but I love that. Nanners.

Okay, because I was just thinking of maters and nanners. And when Stephanie and I first got together, I put on the list, see I had a list before Thomas. Yeah, you did. Yeah, and I put on the grocery list, this was months into us living together, and I wrote nanners. She texted me and was like, what is, what is Nanner's?

You don't know what Nanner's, like bananas. You might not know about Nanner's. Get me some Nanner's, get me some Daters. Daters. And Maters. And Naters. And yeah. I'm gonna start using that.

Congrats on your big entrance into healthy living with warm lettuce on your. It doesn't sound like the fight was that too bad. Yeah, give us something better. I know, well we were laughing about it the next day. Okay, I do have something better. Oh, here we go, hot goss. Yeah, so I had a little, I don't know if I was like, hormonal or something,

but I got like, we hadn't really hung out in a few days. Now it's all coming out. Now it seems like, no, things are great. Why hadn't you hung out in a few days? Were you sleeping elsewhere? We were just so busy. Was she on an island trying to survive? Trying to scheme and deceive.

Was she in a Scottish castle? What was Parvati up to this time? Yeah, we got like, I don't know, things felt like a little disconnected or something and I was kind of emotioned down about time scarcity or something. And she was like a really good listener and then the next day she did this like very romantic

like dinner and she'd written this list of the things she loved about me. Like it was really, really salad pizza. It was not salad pizza. It was my it was my fave, which is mashed potatoes and gravy and chicken and broccoli. So it was really good. And I was like, you like the classic, classic mashed potato gravy, chicken. Taters. Comfort food, right?

Yeah. So then she, we're talking about it like a week later and I'm like, that was so romantic. And she's like, yeah, can I tell you something? I bought a book. She was like, I told my friend that you seemed a little down and then I bought a book on how to be romantic. Oh.

Oh. I'm a robot. romantic. I was like, oh. I'm a robot. Yes. I was like. Romance for dummies. I might need this book. Page four, give hug, blow kiss. What is this book I need?

Lettuce pizza. I thought that she was really like evolving and growing and becoming romantic because it doesn't come naturally to her. Really it was the book. Then I find the book. This book is insane. And if you did the things in this book,

people would think you were out of control. So I took a picture of one page, okay. You were so romantic. Well, what's so funny about it is it's kind of like trying to teach her how to be queer as well. Like that's the vibe I'm getting because it's like, okay. Number four, gallantry never goes out of style. Every once in a while, kiss her hand with a flourish.

Note, the proper. I'm listening. Like it's definitely written for men, right? The proper way to kiss a woman's hand is to lower your lips to her hand. You don't raise her hand to your lips. See, I kiss my own hand. That's my-

I love when you do that. Yes, yes. So, go on. So sexy, Tic. This is a psycho. Fortune! Mute your microphone for a minute. Go on, Meg.

Shrimp nose. Shrimp nose. If someone did this, I would call the police. Okay, gift wrap a chicken wishbone in a jewelry box. Send it to her. Okay. Send it to her with a note that says, I wish you were here.

No. This isn't a book. No, I hope, oh, please no one do that. That is weird and dumb and. If I pulled a bone out of a wrapping paper, I would be scared. Isn't that horrifying? That's very horrifying.

What else do they got? Also, a chicken had to die for that. Exactly. Tig, that's grounds for divorce. You got a bone from Stefan. It feels like a threat. I got a bone to pick with you. Yes, exactly.

If you don't have the right note, they might think that's what you're trying to say. Also, you can always find a stick that looks like a wishbone. Completely. True. Exactly. Wrap that.

Save the chicken. Give the person a call, say, I wish you were here. Or wrap some almond milk. Anyway, go on. Number seven, unplug the TV, put a note on the screen saying, turn me on instead. What year was this book written? Doesn't it sound like a-

What year was this book written? I don't know, I only have a photo of the page. So I don't, it's, year do you think it sounds like? It sounds like the 50s or 60s or something. Turn me on instead. Like how is that romantic? She's trying to watch a TV show. She's like, oh God.

I'd really like to watch myself in Traders. This is unrelated, but related. My stepfather did not understand how the internet worked. And at night before bed, he used to unplug his computer so he wouldn't get any emails while he was asleep. Oh my God, that's adorable. I was like, what are you doing? I'll get to these in the morrow. I'm no fool.

I am unplugging my computer. I don't want to miss anything. I don't want to hear any of those you've got mail. Yeah. Hinge is the dating app designed to be deleted. And Hinge has LGBTQIA plus prompts designed to help queer daters better connect based on similarities, interests and compatibility. Yeah, Hinge has these prompts and you can read other people's responses and answer your

own. And I'm looking at this list and one of them is I wish I could tell the younger version of myself dot dot dot. I was just thinking I wish I could tell the younger version myself that apps like this existed and were going to exist where you could, I don't know, there's just such a variety of different identities that you can be and that you can be proud of it and find like-minded people. That would blow my mind. Yeah, especially if you're in like a small town or something and an app can kind of help

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and your rate could increase with high risk driving. Okay, there's two more. This one I don't even understand. Go through revolving doors together. Oh, I get it. Okay, you know the revolving doors? Go through them together. There's an, each section has a nook.

No, I know. You're in the nook together. I know, but do they mean- So you're bumping- Go out. But then you're, fortune! Stop it. Here's the thing.

You are in that little pizza, oop, we're back to pizza, the little pizza wedge together in the revolving door, but then here's where it breaks the romantic element. You're both walking weird. You know how when you're stuck, there's very little room and you have to hurry and then you're on your tiptoes and then you're out

of the room. You get that little adrenaline spike as you try to make sure you don't have to go around again. I gotta get in there. Then you're out. I'm an ugly. Also, do they mean like go out of the house and find revolving doors?

Is it like plan this as a date? Or if you just see one. What if you don't have one? I know. I mean, of course my house, we have several revolving doors. I know a lot in Chicago. For all of our Chicago listeners right now,

you guys are in for a treat. A very romantic excursion. All right, what's the last and final terrible idea? This one's really bizarre. Keep candles in the car. Eat dinner by candlelight the next time you go to McDonald's. This is a very un-vegan book. And then just as a final little sprinkle of flavor,

it says the theme song of this chapter is Love Don't Cost a Thing by Jennifer Lopez. That's how you know it's great literature. That's a more modern book though. I know. Well, McDonald's already revealed. True, true. But I guess that McDonald's was around in the 50s.

Yeah. Anyway, I just love that I thought that Parv was really on a growth journey of becoming romantic. Really, she has this insane book that now I feel like my life is gonna get really strange. Does she know that you've read the book? Yeah. To us?

So she's not gonna be able to surprise you? I think she'll be a little alarmed when she listens to this episode in general now. Maybe she's taking the good from it and ignoring the rest. But if you do have a note on the TV that says, turn me on instead, please let us know. Yeah, are you gonna start doing some of those things to Parvati?

I think, yeah, maybe we should both be, maybe it could become like a game where we have to guess if the weird thing the other person's doing is from the book or from their own imagination. Yeah. Like I can give her like a sock with three stones in it and the, you know. I wouldn't mind a romance book, but maybe not that one.

We should write our own. Like what would you guys say is a good romantic gesture? Maybe you're in the dog house because you were down on the salad pizza. You know what I did when I was in Europe on my tour in October, I was in Amsterdam, which is a place Stephanie and I have gone two times together. And I was there with yes.

And we oh my gosh, we had so much fun both times when I was there by myself without her. I thought, you know what? I'm going to write Stephanie a handwritten love letter. Oh, and I did it. a handwritten love letter. And I did it. I sat down in my hotel room in Amsterdam, wrote her a handwritten love letter from our little European town and sent it to her.

And she said, she about died. She was so happy. Did you send it in the mail? Mm-hmm, yeah. Oh. And so when it arrived, were you in the mail? Mm-hmm, yeah. Aw. And so when it arrived, were you already back home? We had already broken up. Yeah.

Okay. That's the risk. But like I didn't veer off into jokes or sarcasm. I really got in touch with how much I love her, what I'm so grateful for, all these thoughts and feelings I had, and I just wrote that to her. That's so sweet.

The unexpected thing I think is a big part of it. Yes. Oh my God. What about your day, and then all of a sudden, what's this? Yeah, a love letter from my wife that I've been with for 11 years. That's very romantic. You go to the end of the letter,

it's like I'm so stoned in Amsterdam. With a sex worker. Yeah, I'm begged, she's helping me spell. Thinking of you. Just walked through the red light district thinking of you. Yeah, are you romantic, Fortune? No, I need to be better about it. What's the last romantic thing you did? I say, please don't be mad at me.

Oh, baby talk. Was that romantic? I'm sorry I did that. Please don't be mad at me. Oh my God. Unfortunate. She's like, I have never been more attracted to you. Please don't be mad.

Oh my God. Um, Jackson's, yeah, we, like we have a more silly kind of report. I'll write like, um, we used to early on in our relationship when we would travel together, similar to that TIG, but, um, we would write a, we would get whatever the hotel pad paper, you know, the paper, and write each other a little love, like a short love note and hide it in each other's bags. Oh, I love that. Oh, that was cute. We haven't done that in a while,

but I should bring that back. Do it, do it. Yeah, do it. So then they're not finding it. Do it before this episode comes out. Yeah, they're not necessarily finding it, she's not finding it like that day, but she'll find it like a little bit later or something.

So that was cute. Do you know Cyrano de Bergerac, that story where like the guy is writing love letters for the other guy as if it's from- Mayfact. But what if like Tig wrote some love letters to Jax and then you could just sign them? Like if it's not your strength.

Yeah, Tig can do it and then- I did that with a friend of mine who he he really did he worked with this girl that he was so into and he was so scared to talk to her he didn't know what to say and I would be like just go up to her and say this or that and and some of it was like just kind of off the cuff chill chill, funny stuff to make her laugh. And he was like, I can't say that. And then so we started doing this thing where I would tell him, I go into her office and say,

I can't even remember what I told him to say, but he ended up dating her. And yeah, he ended up dating her for a couple of years. And he- A couple of years, wow. Yeah, he told me dating her for a couple years. And he- A couple years, wow. Yeah, he told me that he owes it to me for all the little lines that I told him to say to her. And then in real life, she's like,

you don't have a lot to say, do you? Yeah, once it's just me and you, you're kind of a bit of a drab. It does get hard to keep the romance alive the longer you've been together. Cause you're just like, you know. Different kind of romance. She's up there like doing laundry, washing dirty panties.

She's watching your panties. You have, you're traveling all around the world and Jackson's just scrubbing your filthy panties. Good God, Fortune. Oh my God. She washes the panties in the house. Please don't be mad at me. Please don't be mad at my dirty panties.

I just picture her like really scrubbing your panties. Like what the hell, Fortune. I just picture her like really scrubbing your panties. Like what the hell, Fortune? I'm so sorry. Oh my God, this is never gonna come out. So if our listeners can give us some romance tips. Oh poor Jacks. I want you to be romantic. Hey, what are you doing to be romantic? Yeah, poor Jax for sure.

Yeah. Goodbye, I must hop a flight to France. Okay, I'll be home cleaning these ponties. But on the flip side, I am a fun partner because I'll be like, listen, if you want to go on a vacation, you want to go to Paris, do it. You want to go to go on a vacation? You wanna go to Paris? Do it, you wanna go to, where are you?

Italy, do it. Without you? Yeah, I might be, I'm feeling working. Oh my God. I'm such a fun. We've gone together, we've been to Italy and Paris and all those places. Fortune's so fun that she tells her wife

to go alone out of town. No, but like, who doesn't wanna be like, hey, you wanna take a cool trip with your friend? Do it, I'll pay for it. That's romantic, I think that is romantic. That's like a free trip, come on. Yeah. Free trip.

Romantic as hell. You want that bag, you got it, babe. I throw money at that romance. think that's valid that's your love language yeah buy yourself a bag and pack it and leave girl what you want you name it I'll buy it now get out of town I'm throwing dollar bills over here come on romance baby okay meanwhile I'm throwing dollar bills over here, come on. Romance, baby. Okay, meanwhile, I'm just sending a letter that takes three weeks to reach my love. You got your romance points for sure, May.

Do you have a romance story? Yeah, I mean, I think that's why I part with the book, cause I'm like, that's like my vibe. Like, I'm like- You're romantic. I'm writing notes, I'm writing songs, I'm doing weird little surprises and stuff. I'm trying to think of a good example. It sounds like I'm lying.

What about when you said, "'Ew, what's this?' when she bought the pizza? See, I'd make an effort. Yeah. No, I do. Yeah. I mean, one time with an ex, we went for dinner and then I had got the restaurant,

I had given them a CD of all her favorite songs and like our songs and to play as the ambient music in the restaurant. So like the first song that came on, and she was like, oh my God, I love this song. And then the second song, she was like, I love this song. And then the third one, she was like, oh my God, I love this song. And then the second song, she was like, I love this song. And then the third one, she was like, wait, what?

And then it was really, it was strange though, because the, we'd only been dating a few months. The restaurant was like, okay, I guess we can, like is this, are you gonna propose? Yeah, they had to really trust you. Yeah, and I was like, nope, just a little fun little trick from the old Shrimp Nose. You know?

Well, well, well, if it isn't Shrimp Nose. I was so anxious the whole meal, like leading up to it, yeah. Yeah. It was pretty good though. Yeah, I could see you being like in a chair surrounded by candles with your guitar and Parvati gets a nose.

How would you get in or out if May is surrounded? In the circle, the candles are around you, then you light them. and Parvati gets in those. How would you get in or out if May is surrounded? In that circle, the candles are around you, then you light them. Okay, and then how do you get out? You blow them out and then you? Well, that's where Parvati's gonna have to help at some point.

She's gonna have to snuff those candles. And then Parvati walks in, in her headbands, and she sees May across the way. I played her a song, a recording of a song I wrote. She should write the song May across the way. May across the way. I played her a song, a recording of a song I wrote. She should write the song May across the way, but I played her a recording of a song I wrote and I was like all embarrassed about it

and she was like, I love it. And then I was like, oh, do you like the clarinets? Cause I'd added these clarinets and she goes, no. Well, yeah, most people are like, where's more clarinet in this song? And they were drowning out all the lyrics. It was way too much. How would I possibly know that you love me

if it isn't full of clarinets? Exactly. I wish this song had more clarinet. It was like a decent song. That's not a clarinet, that was a tuba. What even does a clarinet sound like? Kind of like that. I like a woodwind, you know?

Sure, sure, a woodwind. Speaking of woodwind. Speaking of. Should we get to our question that has nothing to do with woodwinds? Please, I love this little romance journey we went on though. Yeah, me too. I, it's weird that I'm the most romantic of all of us. Clean my ponties.

Clean my ponties and go on a trip. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you have sensitive skin, which I do, you know how hard it can be to find a product that doesn't cause irritation. But today's sponsor, OneSkin, makes it so easy.

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about them. Please support HANSOME and tell them we sent you. I love the show Hacks and it is back baby for season three. That's right. We are going to see what kind of antics Deborah Vance is up to this season. She is such a treat to watch because um, who doesn't love Gene Smart? She is so freaking talented. Now season two left off with Ava being fired. If you haven't watched any of Hacks, guess what? It's on Max. You can catch up and I highly recommend that you do so before season three starts. There is also an official Hacks podcast. In each episode, Hacks creators Lucia Eniello, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky speak with cast and crew members to unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. So check out that podcast, but watch Hacks streaming

exclusively on Max and listen to the official Hacks podcast on Max or wherever you get your podcast Well today's questioner is an actor comedian and filmmaker celebrated for his role as Saul Goodman on Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul. He co-created the sketch comedy series Mr. Show with Bob and David. We've got a question from the very handsome Bob Odenkirk. Yes, I'm a big fan of Bob Odenkirk. He's good.

Bob's one of the first real comedians and actors who took time to talk with me and sit down and be cool early on in my career. Did he sit you down and say, listen, here's some notes on your comedy? I knew his wife, his wife Naomi is a talent manager and she worked with a lot of groundlings people. So I met him through her and then my first year

I did Montreal's Just For Last Festival. He and I somehow ended up together. We ran into each other in the food court of the mall and we just sat down and just had like a nice chat and he was so cool and gave me advice and I loved that. Over Panda Express, I know you love Panda Express. Yeah, something like that. And now it's so cool, now he's like on billboards and buses.

It's so cool to see where his career's gone. I always love when a comedian like really successfully does drama acting, like transitions into like, he's a really brilliant actor. I was walking behind him when he was, I think he was with his wife walking up Griffith Park to the observatory. And I just was walking with my friend

and noticed that he was in front of me. I could hear his, I recognized his voice. And then so I just like fell silent in my conversation so I could listen to his. And my friend just thought I was being so weird but I couldn't say why until after he left. But I was just dead silent. I was like, why are you not talking?

Yeah. Well, and he and his daughter also put out a book. Oh no way. Yeah, and she illustrated it. So. That's cool. Yeah, it's a children's book and my kids have a copy. Very talented family. Yeah. Yeah, seriously.

Should we hear what his question is? Yeah. Yeah. I wonder if it'll be deep. No. Hey, handsome pod, it's Bob Odenkirk Okay, here we go. What is your favorite? color I was wrong. I was wrong. It is deep. It is super deep

Yeah, I actually feel like that color haven't been asked this in a while in a way of all the deep philosophical questions We've been asked, I feel like that's one of the hardest to answer, like I really, I don't know if you, I'm very interested to know if you guys have like a clear answer. Green. Well, there you go. That was the end of podcast. All right, should we hear his answer?

I love Kelly Green, I love Dark Green, Hunter Green, all of, I love green so much. Kelly Green, I thought that was the name of a person. What's Kelly Green? I mean, Google it. I don't know how to explain Kelly Green. I know what Heather Green is. But is Kelly like a plant or what is it?

Kelly's a real bitch. I don't know. Fortune? Green. Fortune? Kelly, there are many Kellys listening. It's kind of in the, it's almost in the lime green family. I see, yeah.

Isn't it crazy though that we don't really know if we're seeing the same color as each other? Oh yeah. You know what I mean? Some people see colors differently, right? That's right. Some people are color blind. That's correct.

I wouldn't like that. No. I really love watching videos of color blind people putting on the special glasses for the first time. And they can see all the colors and they start to weep. Oh my gosh. Speaking of blind, I saw a video of a blind dog who loves to play fetch.

Stop. And couldn't find the ball. And was so happy and just bouncing around looking for it. I was like, are you trying to kill me? Adds a new dimension to the game. Oh my gosh. So cute. I saw a video of a deaf woman getting the implant,

what are they called? Yeah, cochlear implant. And she could hear her family for the first time and started crying and it was so beautiful, but then she heard her own voice and did not seem to be into it. Really? Yeah, and I was like, oh no.

Yeah, what if you hear you? Is that gonna be like, what if she does, she's gonna be like, I don't want that to hear that. What if you hear your partner's voice for the first time and you're like, oh God, like they're like, hey. Even though they're really. I'm shrimp nose. Yeah, and you're like, what?

Hey, I'm May's weird character. I thought you would never know. Yeah, I was like, I had never thought about that option. Like you don't like what you hear all of a sudden. It might, like, what if all the noises is too overwhelming? Well, it's, you know, before getting into standup, I couldn't stand hearing my voice. And now I'm so used to it that it's like, I,

it's funny when you hear people struggling with hearing their voice. Cause I'm like 28 years into, I won't stop talking. Yeah, yeah. I don't really love hearing myself either. Same, and I have a thing where it's usually if I'm like with someone cool or someone I'm dating

and like a hot guy comes up and I feel kind of like, oh, I wish I was that hot guy or I feel kind of like emasculated, then when I try to speak, almost without fail, the hot guy goes, sorry, what? And I'm like, is my voice just like, meep, meep, meep? Like it doesn't penetrate? I think I'm like beaker from the muffin.

This isn't penetrating the hot guy's ears. Yeah, so often that happens where there's some hot dude who's just so suave and effortless and he looks like he's really good at like diving off a diving board. And he's like, yeah. I'm sorry, what? Like that to me is the epitome of masculinity.

Oh, okay. Is a diver? Just an effortless dive. Like he doesn't have to steady himself at the edge of the board. He just- What about a belly flopper? Yeah, that's pretty cool too, in a way. I feel like that's pretty masculine

to just be like whatever. I'm flailing and then at the last minute as I fall, I'm grabbing with one pinky finger onto the diving board, my little legs dangling. But yeah, and then so if they're, this guy's usually, I'm saying this really specifically because it happened last night where the manager of the restaurant knew Parv from her old party days.

I was like, hey, great to see you. This guy was cool. He was just suave, confident. He was like, it's been ages. How are you doing, man? He was like, oh, nice to meet you. He said something about the dessert. You're all bowing up like, what's up, dude?

No, I tried to join in. I went, oh, we really liked the Japanese matcha cheesecake. Yeah, whatever, bro. How's it going, par? He went, sorry, what? And I was like, the Japanese, and then he got down on my level to hear he was being super nice. But he like crouched down like I was a fire-old.

What's up, little cowboy? I love my milk. He's being super nice, but he crouched down like I was a five year old. Yeah. I was just saying, I love my milk. I love my milk. I'm a little cold. Hey little cowboy, you like that meal? I do, I want some more milk and I'm a little cold. Can you turn the air conditioning a little warmer? Fortune, what's your favorite color?

My favorite color normally is a blue. I tend to like blues, different shades, but occasionally I don't mind a pink. Girl, I've seen you rock a pink. You guys, I'm not afraid of a pink. No, not afraid of a pink. Yeah, every now and then, you know, you pop that pink in there and that color's popping

like a pippity pop pop pop. Yes, yes, yes, indeed. And people don't expect it, you know? I feel like your aura is kind of pink. Like that's a very, there's a sort of sweetness. Yeah. Oh yeah. I, but my eye tends to gravitate towards blues.

Um, but like, yeah, popping a pink there every now and then. And I like it. We just painted our, um, entryway in our house, uh, kind of a smoky pink, smoky pink, smoky, smok kind of a smoky pink. Smoky pink. Smoky, smoky pink. Smoky pink. Well, I know colors can really affect your mood, and apparently, and so they're always like,

don't paint your room red, or you'll turn into like Jack Nicholson in The Shining or something. And when I was like 18, I did paint my bedroom red and I did feel a little crazy. Not Jack Nicholson. Yeah, and like blue's calming. Well, you heard it first here on the handsome pod.

Yeah, yeah. And yellow is happy, I think. Is that right? My mom loves yellow. Oh, really? My mother loved yellow. Bright colors. What do Max and Finn like?

I feel like when you're a kid, your favorite color is like a question you get asked a lot. Yeah, well, it's changed. Finn used to be very into pink and Max was very into red. And I think that, you know, after Finn went off to school, you know. Yeah.

Oh, they're like, you know, like pink. We don't know what happened exactly. We didn't want to put a lot of attention on anything. Yeah. But he used to have a pink baseball glove and he would wear pink shirts and he just loved them. And then, yeah, now he's blue.

He's like, I like steel. Yeah, I would say- Nice brown. Yeah. Max is between blue and red, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like when you're a kid and you enter school,

it's like the only way you know how to kind of make friends is like, what's your favorite color? What's your favorite animal? You gotta have an answer to both and then a judgment will be made. What's your favorite number? Yeah, number, favorite number. And some people have that synesthesia

where they see numbers as colors, like their three is 100% red or whatever it is. You know what I mean? Yeah, I don't experience it, but I have heard of that. What is your favorite color, May? I think I'm gonna go, this is riveting stuff, but I think I'm gonna go blue,

but green is a close second. I'm really, like maybe it would be a bluey green, if you know, an indigo, a teal. Yeah, that was my grandmother's name. Turquoise? Grandma's name was Teal? Well, Matt Teal, which, you know, my name is Matt Teal. My mother's name was Matt Teal.

My grandmother was Matt Teal. My grandmother went by Teal. My grandmother went by Teal. My mother went by Suzy. I'm your friend, Tig. I love that. My grandma was pretty into turquoise. She would always buy turquoise and collect it. And so sometimes if I'm feeling mystical

and I wanna like contact her, I get a lump of turquoise out and kind of- You rub the turquoise? Yeah, I get- Grandmother. My sweaty palm, I'm just like rubbing some turquoise out and kind of rub the turquoise. Yeah, I get that. Grandmother. My sweaty palm. I was like rubbing some turquoise. I do a character named Brenda who's a Southern housewife who goes to the hot tub and just yells about her husband, Tim.

And, um, I don't know, this is a character I created when I was bored. And now, you know, I just got to give people what they want. Um, but her, she'll be so exasperated with her husband. Like, I swear to God, this good for nothing, Tim, he is just working my last nerve and then it'll cut to Tim just got me this turquoise bracelet. And I swear to God, I have never been more in love. I'm gonna have to go give him a BJ. Oh my.

Fortune. So wait, that's all it takes for Brenda? That is literally all it takes. So people come to my shows now and give me turquoise. You gotta get some turquoise for Jax. I have, my whole dresser over there is got full of turquoise. Does Jax like it? Jax is not, Jax isn't a big color person.

She's more into grays and blacks. And she likes pink too. She does like pink, the smokey pink. Yeah, yeah. But she's more of the solid colors, darker colors. I like earth tones. I wanna take back my previous answer and say green, like a sort of emerald green,

cause I'm really into like the Oz and emeralds and that, I don't know, there's something pretty magical about a green, I think. Two against one. Yeah, sorry, Fortune. I like green too, you guys. Nope, know, there's something pretty magical about a green, I think. Like I would, yeah. Two against one. Yeah, sorry, Fortune. I like green too, you guys. Nope, nope, it's too late.

Sometimes my eyes are green and sometimes my eyes are blue. It's too late. That's not possible. I swear to God. No, they don't change. I swear to God, Tim. I swear to God, dude. I swear on my life, man. Fortune would not lie about this, May.

I'm telling you, May, every time I wear different shirts, it changes the colors. I swear to God. I swear to God, if you're lying dude, I'll never trust you again. Five minute green shirt. We find out. Otherwise, you're out of the pod. You're out of the pod. No.

Yeah dude, you're out of the pod if your eyes don't switch colors. I'm telling you, when I wear a green shirt, those eyes are popping green, baby. But if I put on a sweet blue, oh boy, you better get lost in these ocean blue eyes. Really? You better get lost in them, get you a boat.

I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what. Minor brown, 24-7. Duty brown. But as I get older, they're a little cloudy brown. I heard someone say to someone, your eyes are brown because you're so full of shit. Have I told you that before? You have, but why stop?

Yeah, why stop telling it? Yeah, I say we set aside a moment each episode. Stop me if I've told this before. Don't stop me, please. This has to come out again. Fortune, we should put on the list like testing your theory about your eyes because I do need to know.

Yeah, put it on the list, Thomas. Now I'm nervous, but I'm telling you. You're gonna get caught. Am I? No. Fortune's lying. No, well I haven't worn green in a while, but yeah, right now my eyes are green. Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah. Did you watch The Princess Bride? You know that movie? Oh yeah. I did not see it. Have fun storming the castle. I think Max and Finn would really like it. It's a kids movie.

Yeah, have they never watched it? I don't know, I'll have to ask. It's really good. They should watch it. Okay. But there's a part in it where she, the like heroine describes the guy she loves and she goes, his eyes were like the sea after a storm.

And I always remembered it as a kid. I was like, my eyes are like the sea after a storm. I loved it. I wanted my eyes to be like that. What color are your eyes, Mae? They're blue with like flecks of green and yellow. Oh, all of a sudden. Everybody's got blue and green eyes.

They might shift a little based on what color you're wearing maybe. Well, I have a little yellow in mind, but I think it's jaundice or something. Come on. The way you describe your eyes, Tig. So sweet. Cloudy, brown eyes with a little speck of jaundice in there.

So I did have jaundice as a baby. Do y'all notice when you meet people eyes right away? Yeah. Do I notice eyes? Some people, I know some people who are always like, oh yeah, they have blue eyes or brown eyes. I'm like, I have no idea what my friend's eyes colors are. No clue.

Yeah, me too, I guess. Me too. I remember not knowing what made for pretty eyes because my mother used to always say that about people. She would be like, oh my gosh, you have such beautiful eyes. You have such beautiful eyes. And I would like, robotically, similarly to- To everyone? Not, she didn't think everyone's eyes were beautiful, such beautiful eyes, like robotically, similarly to...

To everyone? She didn't think everyone's eyes were beautiful, but when she did, she would say it, but I was full on Parvati, like robot, like what do you mean? How can you tell somebody's eyes are pretty? How can you tell that they're beautiful? And then I remember when I was sitting

with a childhood friend at like age 21 or something, we were having a beer and I was looking at her and I was like, oh my gosh, you have really pretty eyes. Thank you. It was the first time I ever noticed somebody's eyes. You're like, I finally get it. Yeah. Yeah. It's not something I know that we can like ascribe qualities of like to just people's features. Like I was watching some cooking show, some British cooking show, and they were, one of the contestants talking about this other contestant goes, I hate her smile. And I thought, wow, poor woman.

She was just born, that's her smile. Yeah, when she's experiencing joy, other people are like, oh God. I hate this. Don't look over there. Yeah, imagine someone being like, she's got ugly eyes. That sucks. Well, probably with me, you know, yellow, brown, cloudy eyes. Should we hear what Bob has to say?

Yes. Now, my answer to you is royal blue. I know a lot of you like blue. Fine. But royal blue is way better than your blue. Whatever it is. It's the dark, not because it's royalty. I don't care about, come on.

Am I that shallow to you? Look, it's just a deep blue, sorta purpley, and it's really intensely awesome soothing-ish and kind of just cool. It's very manly, said me, the man, and I like it. There's colors I don't like too. Lime green. Thanks handsome pod. That's kind of what Kelly green looks like. Fortune don't say that. Don't say that. I'm just telling you lime green and Kelly green are pretty similar. Lime green's a little brighter, but it's in the same vein.

I feel like Bob just specifically was like, I hate your color. Yeah, he was attacking me. A royal blue. Let me Google. A royal blue is beautiful. Royal blue. Everyone keep your headphones in while Fortune Googles.

Everyone hold on to your Pontes. And if you're cleaning your Pontes, hold on to them. That's a pretty bright blue though. I dated somebody years ago that was obsessed with Royal Blue and I wasn't really familiar with it. But she, she wore it a lot. She loved it. So I'm very familiar with royal blue.

I still think about her. You have some associations. When royal blue comes up. It makes me think of Jim Carrey in the movie, Lier, Liar, when he can't tell a lie and he's trying to tell a lie and he's got a pen that's blue and he's trying to say, the pen is red.

Do you remember this? This is an iconic scene. I think go on YouTube and watch it and he's like, the pen is red. He's trying to say, the pen is red. Do you remember this? This is an iconic scene. I think go on YouTube and watch it, and he's like, the pen is red. He's trying to say red, and he can't. He's like, the pen is red. And then he goes, the pen is royal blue. Oh yeah, I remember that.

God, I really committed to that. Yeah. I tend to lean more towards this kind of blue. I don't know what you would call this. You have to go to our YouTube page to see. You have to go to our YouTube page to see. You have to go to the YouTube page to see this. Yeah.

It's not as dark. It's on the, yeah, like a sky or like a Carolina blue. Or if anyone's interested in seeing my cloudy brown eyes with little specks of jaundice, you'll have to go to the YouTube. Can you get up closer to the camera and give our viewers a little taste? Oh, taste getting very close, wow.

I see the cloud. That was amazing. How dare you? How dare you? Hypnotic, I love that. No, I think I saw the light in your eyes, the literal light reflecting. Fortune saw the light, Fortune just had a religious experience.

I saw the light. Back to your Googled picture of the color blue. Yeah, what are you, yeah, so what are you looking there? I was looking at colors. Okay, well we're trying to wrap up the show and you're just off Googling. Well, I did tell you, I don't wanna, well, I don't know if I wanna share this.

I think you should. Please. Do you want us to beg you? I don't know. It's not that exciting. Come on. Please. Fortune, please. It's not about colors though. It's fine, we're interested in anything you have to say. Please. I don't know.

Come on, Fortune, please, just try us out. Okay, well I did something fun this week. Wait, hold on, I'll be right back. I did something fun this week and I meant to tell you guys earlier. I didn't wanna rub it in your face, but before we end the show, I feel like I should tell you

that I did something really fun. What? I saw Madonna in concert. Oh my God, and you waited till now to tell us? And this is as we're wrapping up the pod, you decide to drop the Madonna ball? I went and saw Madonna in concert. And it was pretty great.

Was it a good concert? It was great. Now, Jax is a huge Madonna fan. They're both from Michigan. Jax went to the same high school. And Jax came out at 15, which in the 90s was, you know, not easy to be out at 15. And a big part of her coming out journey was Madonna

and her being like unapologetically her and so supportive of the gay community when everyone else was like shunning the community, Madonna was a ride or die for our community. And it just was a big influence on her. And she was just like, she can be bold in who she is, I can too. And so that's been her girl for her whole life.

So anytime we can see Madonna, we go. Madonna was dating Sandra Bernhardt, right? In the 90s, that was. Did they date? I feel like they did. I feel like, well, maybe I'm a friend. I don't know, I can't remember. They might've been besties and people speculated something.

Maybe there was like a night make out session. Yeah, a little ruby rub. But who knows? Well, Madonna's sex book was pretty ahead of the times too. That was like so scandalous, that documentary, all the stuff was like so faux pas. She was like, I don't give a shit. So did Jax love the concert?

Was she emotional? Yeah, and we had front row seats, it was pretty cool. Had she seen her before? She's seen her like a gazillion times, but watching Jacks beam, just smiling the whole time was so fun. She's never met her, that is on the bucket list. Put it on the list, Thomas.

Madonna's not the easiest person to try to meet, because she's a superstar that's been famous forever. So she's not just like at Ralph's grocery shopping. What do you think her favorite color is? Good question. Black. Shiny black. Pointy.

New pointy. That's a color. Pointy, shiny black. Oh, I did see, pointy. That's a color. Pointy, shiny, black. Oh, I did see, there were some boobies in that show. Fortune. There were some boobies, I saw some boobies. Fortune Marie. Remember when we talked about motorboating on this podcast?

Yeah. We really covered some pretty great topics. Yeah, some important stuff. I guess we'll have to next get a question from Madonna, which I'm sure will be easy breezy. I'm just trying to get Jackson meter. So if we can get Jackson meter and the question, that would pretty much make Madonna.

And so is this your cry for help on the podcast here, hoping word gets back to Madonna, your wife. Unless Madonna's listening, what up Madonna? She's totally listening. Who doesn't listen to this podcast? What up girl? Madonna was one of our first subscribers. That's right.

I'm just saying, my wife's a ride or die. There's nothing that Madonna could do to make her not be a ride or die. There's nothing that Madonna could do to make her not be a ride or die, so. That's like me and Chrissy Hynde. I'm like, that's my person. That's my person no matter what. Well, if you can get the word out to Madonna or if you like this episode, share it with a pal.

Yeah, Thomas, can you call Madonna? Put it on the list, Thomas. Call Madonna. Yeah. But yeah, thank you so much, Bob Odenkirk, for the question. Thank you, Bob. Bob, thank you for digging deep into your heart and soul

for this question. People wanna share their favorite colors with us on our socials. Hey, we'd love to hear it. We wanna know, is it green? Is it red? Is it yellow? Is it purple? is it blue?

And what does it say about your personality? Maybe there's some kind of color expert that can tell us what this all means about us. We don't know. Yeah, there must be something behind it, right? Like, I mean, I do that Harry Potter sorting hat quiz a lot online to find out what Harry Potter house I'm in. And that, Raiden Claw?

My kids did that with me. Oh really, and what were you? Don't remember. The word didn't connect. It wasn't a word I had ever heard before. So we had to stick. I was like, okay. I'm gonna tell everybody what I'm up to here.

And May 17th, I'm gonna be at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles. And then May 26th, I'll be at Larco in Los Angeles, working out new material and you know, it's real hit or miss. It's not like a greatest hits Madonna set list, okay? This is me scrambling around trying to make things funny. Go to tignotaro.com for other shows and Ticket information and also check out my special

Hello again on Amazon nice else. I'll just be at Massey Hall in Toronto May 18th If May's in town, maybe I'll get May to pop in If May's in town, maybe I'll get May to pop in. I'll be there, man. We'll see. And then I've got some casinos this summer coming. So yeah, go to fortunefemeser.com for those tickets. All right, well until then.

Keep it handsome. Please don't be mad at me. Handsome! Please don't be mad at me. What a podcast! Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro, and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Woulette. Email us at handsomepod at gml.com

and follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast. What a podcast. What a podcast. What a podcast. What a podcast. What a podcast. What a podcast. What a podcast.

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