Handsome - Caleb Hearon asks what meal Handsome would be

Episode Date: June 3, 2025

The hilarious Caleb Hearon is asking today's question... and Handsome really makes a meal out of it! This episode's got it all, from an impromptu modeling session, to fact-checking Tik Tok skydiving memes, to the three hosts talking Chili's triple dipper (not a sponsor)!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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my sons are really into baseball. So when we travel, they want to wake up early and watch highlights on TV. That means that the perfect room for us is a suite where the TV is in a different room from the bedroom. And that way I don't have to wake up to hear a bunch of statistics from yesterday's games. We also look for a hotel near a park

so we can easily go play a game of catch anytime. If our family can find their perfect stay on booking.com, anyone can. Find exactly what you're booking for. Booking.com, booking.yeah. Book today on the site or in the app. Cheers. Welcome to the handsome pod. You're hearing a voice at the moment, and the voice belongs to Mae Martin.

And it's me, your friend Tig Notaro. Yes, it is. And it's me, Fortune Feimster. It's all three of us together again. Together again. Fortune, you're still in Atlanta. I still am filming, yeah. Yeah.

This movie, you know, making the Hollywood magic here in Atlanta, or as the locals call it, Hotlanta. Hotlanta. Is that what they call it? Yeah. I don't know if the locals call it that, I think people that don't live here actually call it hot Atlanta. Hot Atlanta. Is that what they call it? Yeah. I don't know if the locals call it that. I think people that don't live here actually call it that. The locals probably are annoyed by that.

Yeah. Well, it gets crazy hot in the South in the summer. And is it hot right now? Is it hot in Atlanta? No, right now it's pretty good. I got my hoodie on because it was raining. Oh, that's so snuggly and cute. It does look cozy.

Yeah, I got this at the, I performed in Roanoke. Well, congrats. Thank you. Why are you just now bringing this up? They gave me this sweatshirt, you guys. Good for you. And I'm repping it. I'm shouting out Roanoke because the lesbians in town,

did I tell you, were very upset with me? Oh, of course. Yeah, the big drama. I might have told May, did I tell you, were very upset with me? Oh, of course. Yeah. The big drama. What happened? I might've told May, but I happened to schedule my show on the same night as Melissa Etheridge. Oh, I heard about this. And yeah, they were not happy that I divided the community.

So here I am being extra gay for Rowan Oak on our show today. And do you think Melissa was dealing with the same backlash? I don't think she even probably knew I was in town. That's not true. I bet she caught wind. Maybe. But yeah, I, I told the lesbians like, look, she doesn't go on until 30 minutes after my show from what I hear.

Yeah. So I, at the end of the show 30 minutes after my show, from what I hear. Yeah. So I, at the end of the show, I said, let's treat all of this like, I said all the straights in the audience. Act like we're on a plane. Our plane's been delayed and we gotta let passengers off the plane first. Yeah.

If there's a lesbian near you, Look and stress. Let that lesbian get out of the theater first and run the Melissa show. They should have done that on the Titanic. Any lesbians, please go first. The lesbians were the ones throwing people in the raft. That's true. Well, because they're Handy Boosting people onto those rafts It was a straight guys like putting the raft into the water before anybody was in the boat Right. The lesbians are like, what are you doing? You're gonna cause a real

It's his vision fact, this is a Fortune fact means it could be true Good night be true. I had a show, I don't know if it was last night or the night before, but I was walking into the venue and this guy walked by and he was like, hey, have a good show tonight, I'm heading in right now and I'm also a pretty little lady.

Oh, I love that. It was just awesome. Yeah, so whoever you were, sir, I have not forgotten. I even mentioned him when I was on stage. He just was so chill, cool, like, what's up? I'm a pretty little lady and heading on in. That's amazing. I love that.

Yeah, it was pretty great. Hey guys, knock knock. Oh. Hey, May. Who's there? Oh. Did you take? Hey, May. Oh, look, it's May. May's there? Oh. Did you take? Hey, May. Oh, look, it's May.

May's at the door. Who's there? I eat mop. I eat mop-poo. Ew. Oh, fortune, Marie. I don't eat my poo. Good.

Man, May, that's a good one. Where did that come from? Thank you. I think Max and Finn would like that. I don't know where that came from. I must have heard it somewhere because it just suddenly was in my mind and I needed to get out. You didn't write that joke.

Absolutely not. But you're touring with it. You're touring with it. Yeah, big time. It's your closer. Yeah. Where did all the, where do all these jokes that that like if you go on the Internet and you're like, you know, typing like dad jokes or jokes, no one gets credit for them.

They're just out there. Who is the source with these knock knock jokes to begin with? I like to think it's Santa Claus, the OG sort of dad joke. Do you still believe? Yeah, you know, I believe until I'm shown proof otherwise. Now May, are you, are you working on new stand up or are you just mainly neck deep in music right now? I'm vaguely working on new stand up. Yeah, I'm putting some stuff together and it's slowly getting there. Yeah, I just paused for so long and then I do so much like improvised stand up

based on the questions. And then, yeah, so I'm gonna, but I'm starting to think about it. Is it feeling good or you like, I'm really enjoying this music pocket I've been in. They feel like totally separate parts of my mind. It feels like I'm legit, like polyamorous, where I'm like, listen, love is infinite.

I love them both, you know, something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Why have just one when I can have them all? Exactly. I'm really curious because, you know, after doing the Andrea, I mean, yeah, the Andrea Gibson and Megan Fowley documentary, I've been, I've been really kind of creeping into that world. Yeah, and thinking like,

well, you've got to do what excites you most in the moment. Like there's no point just being on a conveyor belt of like creativity, it's got to flow. I have this new documentary idea that I pitched to somebody important and special who loved the idea. And I just, the subject is a person that it would be...

What? Just, we'll see. It would be difficult? We'll see, because it's a well-known person with a very personal, personal story and that they're out in the open about, but do they want us coming into their life to film? And it's a really beautiful story. You want to direct it?

I don't know. To produce it? Produce it. Yeah, I want to produce it. But man, I'm feeling really inspired and excited. I was also approached to be involved with this other documentary that I'm meeting with some people about. And it's such a funny feeling

to have worked in entertainment as long as I have, and then try and pivot and feel like when I'm taking these meetings and zooms that I'm trying to break into the industry again. You know what I mean? Did you feel that way with music? Yeah, yeah, I definitely felt like starting from scratch a little bit. Yeah, yeah, for sure. It's an interesting thing, but I feel excited. Oh, I love that. I felt going into modeling.

Modeling that hoodie. Well, you're rocking it. Knowing the new girl in town. You could model. Who me? Absolutely. Well, not both of you. Sure.

I'm even talking to Thomas, but you specifically, Fortune. Oh, sign me up, baby. Okay. Well, you're already a beauty influencer with the De Puffer. I've had people asking me lately, do you have your De Puffer on the road with you? And what is the answer? I don't. I keep forgetting it.

Yeah. I have an idea for a documentary that you could make, Tig. Ooh. So this is a- If it's really good, we're gonna have to bleep this out so nobody takes it, but go on. Yeah.

And if it's really bad, we'll let it fly. May's already backpedaling. Yeah, I'm like, oh, see, oh, well, hear it out, hear it out. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so this is a story that I saw on a meme. Okay, and I thought someone's going to tell this story and maybe it's you, Teg. In 1999, Joan Murray fell 14,500 feet when her parachute didn't open during a skydive.

God. Guys, she landed on a pile of red ants. The red ants bites, shocked her heart into cardiac arrest, and the jolt saved her life. What? So, she hit the ground, died, then all these ants bite her at once, swarm her, and the jolt jolts her heart. Heard you the first time. This is true? Yeah, I think so.

What do you mean you think so? Where did you read this? On a meme on Instagram. I haven't Googled it, but Thomas. But Thomas, can you help us out? Do you wanna co-direct this with me? I'd love to, yeah. And I could even do like a sort of reenactments.

And she's still alive. I don't know. It was 99. Well, she did die of the poisoning after she was revived. I was about to say, it sounds like one of those final fantasies is that those movies.

Final Destination? Final Destination, yeah. Like she cheated death and then death got her. She cheated death and it's gonna find her somehow. Yeah. What do you have for us? That's crazy. It seems like this person really did survive She cheated death and then death got her. She cheated death and it's gonna find her somehow. What do you have for us? It seems like this person really did survive the fall, but I'm not...

It seems like the part about the fire ants saving her life is harder to... To prove? Hang on, let me get on Google. I think there was another story of a girl surviving a plane crash over the Amazon. Yes, that was a Werner Herzog made a documentary. That's right. Here we go. Yeah, she landed on a mound of fire ants. Doctors believe that the intense shock of being stung 200 times released a surge of

adrenaline that kept her heart beating. Now that I just found on a TikTok. So again, well, didn't Ashley Judd break her leg in the middle of some like crazy remote area and had to be like carried through a jungle for days to get to a hospital. Really? Yeah. What this last week? No, it was like two years ago. I have never heard that nor have I heard the person being bitten by

ants coming back to life. So far we've confirmed none of the stories that we've told. But how crazy that, that wouldn't you, how would it make you think about your life? If you'd had that crazy accident and then the ants saved you, you'd be devoted to ants. Uh-huh, ants are so fascinating. Aren't they? I mean, absolutely.

I do love Honey, I Shrunk the Kid. Oh boy. Yeah, that fight scene between the ant and the kids is terrifying. Oh my God. And then May just wanders off into your, um, ant story over mine. I wanted to talk about actual ants. No, please tell us more about ants. No, no, no, no, no.

No, I'm sorry to bring up a hilarious Rick Moran story. No, fortune. You go back to your modeling daydream. No, I want to hear about yourdream. Your aunt's story. Thomas, have you come up with anything that we can confirm? My Ashley Judd story is true. Is Ashley Judd true? Yeah.

Fortune pipe down. Broke her leg and she didn't have medicine or anything. So she had to be in pain being carried through like the jungle. We are so resilient human beings. There was a guy, an Arctic explorer, and he was stuck by himself and his appendix was gonna burst. He did surgery on himself.

It took his own appendix out. Yeah. How did he know that that's what it was? It wasn't just gas. He was a doctor, I think. Oh, that makes more sense. That's an important part of this. I mean, if I was just like on a walk or a hike

and I'm like, I feel like my appendix is gonna go and I just start cutting into myself. Oh God, and then you're like, oh, it was just gas. You'd be dead. It's just gas. Yeah. I just You'd be dead. It's just gas. Yeah. I just had to toot. Now I don't have an appendix and I'm bleeding out.

Yeah. And you're just lying there in the hospital and they're like, well, what made you, what on earth? They're like, you've never heard of gas X? Or calling 911? Oh, guys. I keep looking at Tom as hoping he's gonna chime in with, I found this, but he-

That did happen to me once where I thought I was having heart issues and I was in pain and I thought, God, this must be the end. It wouldn't go away. I got acupuncture and everything. And it just turned out I had like acid reflux. And you and did you attempt surgery? No, but I think I did in the I did acupuncture first because duh.

And then I think I went to urgent care. Oh my God. You're on a gurney next to people that are actually in a real medical situation. I think you just have gas and acid reflux. Yeah, go walk it off, weirdo. You're gonna free up your gurney for someone who actually needs it.

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Helix Sleep is supporting Handsome in more ways than one because we're all getting our Z's every night atop a Helix mattress that's been custom selected to suit our sleep habits and preferences. I've had my Helix mattress ever since I moved into my new place. Let me tell you Tig, it's one of the best parts about actually having my own home. It's helped so much with my energy levels as well as back pain. If you haven't slept through the night in a while, you got to try a Helix mattress. You can go on their site, take their quiz that helps you find the perfect sleep surface, whether you're a side, back,

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places during a hike through a forest in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, February 2021. Judd said that she barely survived the 55 hour rescue and was in immense pain. Oh, and there's a picture. 55 hours, no medicine. I can't believe I didn't hear this. Stephanie is the biggest Ashley Judd fan alive.

Clearly not. Where was she? I don't know, I need to ask her about it. And we need to get Ashley Judd on this podcast. I'm glad she survived that. That's a living hell. I fractured my femur in one place. And it was one of the worst pains I've ever felt in my life.

Oh my God. And the fact that she fractured her leg in four places. You're in a hike. That is, that's brutal. The juds, man. You're hardcore. I told you I didn't want to go on a hike. Oh my God, can you imagine if you-

You're always making me do things I don't want to do. Oh my God, that is the worst. I hate that feeling. Yeah, where you plan something, usually for like a parent or something, and then they, they're, they're not enjoying it and you're, and they almost slip. And yeah, that whole C also happened to Hannah Gatsby. What Hannah was in Iceland or somewhere like this.

Uh, they, they went on a hike and in like the most inconvenient place, like on a, where there's like a big cliff and there's only like one way in and one way out. And it's very narrow. Hannah fell and shattered something or broke something like a knee or a leg or something. Recently, this was again, like two years ago. Everything in my mind was two years ago. I fractured my leg three years ago.

So it sounds about right. And Hannah was like, I thought I was gonna die. Two years ago, I fractured my leg three years ago. So it sounds about right. And Hannah was like, I thought I was going to die. Like, this is it. There's no way anyone's going to come get me. Um, and his partner, I think was able to go find help. Whoa. But it makes you think about the impulse to, to power through. Like you got it.

Not give up. Like, uh, yeah, I sometimes think if I was on a life raft and I suddenly saw the sharks circling, the fear alone might just make me kind of jump in the water and I might just be like, I can't face this fear. So I'd rather just feed those sharks. But it's not you gotta- It's funny that they're called life rafts, right?

Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's just called life rafts, right? Yeah, yeah. It's just a raft. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well. I mean, anytime you're in a raft, it's a life raft.

Yeah, you're right. When I went on that hike recently. Don't tell me you fractured your leg. I didn't shatter. The way we've been using the word shattered too, to shatter a bone. But I just was walking and then there was a brook there and I thought, I've probably said this before,

but I thought it's crazy that only brooks and babies babble. Not many other things babble. Well, I know some adults that babble to know, and I mean, babble, babble, monologue, babble. It is, I mean, it's rough. You don't like it when people talk too much. I mean, just with the monologuing, when they don't check in, they're not reading the room

or connecting. Yeah, they're not connecting with you, they're just talking, talking. I find that like physically painful sometimes. Where do you feel the pain? Oh, in my femur. No, just like in my chest kind of just, especially when you know how the sentence is gonna end. And so you wanna be like. Wait, what do you mean you know how a sentence is gonna to end. And so you want to be like...

What do you mean you know how a sentence is going to end? Like when someone's telling you something and you know where they're headed and you want to help them get there. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so you'll chime in early and be like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Meaning like... I have to say that to my mom sometimes. Yeah. Like, get to it.

Right. Right. Right. Get to the meat of the story. So paint the whole picture. So Fortune, when you said you don't like when people talk a lot, do you enjoy? It depends on the person and if they're interesting. If it's like a fascinating person with amazing stories, please, by all means. And if they're monologuing. If they're talking at you, it is exhausting. I'm an energy person. So that would wear me out. I do admire though that quality that some people have of just,

they don't talk a lot, but then suddenly at the sort of end of a dinner party, everyone's sipping their aperitif and then someone will say, something happened to me one time, then they'll beautifully tell a story. I love that and everybody's on the edge of their seat. Is that how you pronounce a pair of teeth? How would you, how do you? I always said a-per-teef. A-per-teef?

I never said it and I refuse to. I honestly don't know. I don't think I've said it till just now. Tomato, tomato, right guys? You went in with confidence. A pair of teeth, yeah, I really did. I think I've said it till just now. Tomato, tomato, right guys? You went in with confidence. A pair of teeth, yeah I really did. I think I've heard my dad say it a lot because he writes about wine.

Again, I'm not a fancy gal so I'm not sure. But you are a model. Yeah. This is fact. Mm-hmm. I haven't been paid for it yet, but that's okay. I'm gonna Venmo you. I'm gonna Venmo you. Everyone Venmo Fortune and see what kind of cash

we can round up for it. Look at this, if you are enjoying this show on YouTube, start Venmoing all of your cash if you wanna see more of this modeling session. Sultry fortune. One of your eyes just kind of glitched out there. Did you guys ever watch America's Next Top Model? Yes, in the beginning.

I watched it so much and it was so insane, the makeovers on that show, because I think they were trying to get the girls to have a nervous breakdown, because they'd take someone with long blonde hair and they'd go, we're gonna make you over and we're gonna shave your head. And we're gonna, I think one girl,

they put like a gap between her teeth or something. And I think it got that extreme. And yeah, yeah, it was pretty crazy. How do you put a gap? File it down. Oh my God, no. What? I might've made that up, but I have that memory.

But they definitely would like cut people's hair really short or like. Cause they were like, this is the look to make you distinct. Yeah, they're like, trust us, we know. But it was often, I think they just wanted a dramatic. Yeah, a moment. That's where I learned how to smize.

Oh, that was where smizing was born was. What is that? Oh, smile with your smizing was born was. What is that? Oh, smile with your eyes? Yeah, yeah. So you're not really smiling with your mouth, you're just, wait, can I try? Well, of course you can. Hello, YouTube.

Did it work? I don't know. Are you smiling with your eyes? I mean, I saw your face. Yeah, you saw it. I don't know. Okay, let me try and smize. Yeah, and it's hard to not make your mouth smile.

No, it's sort of scary. There's a, it's hard, you guys. I'm just gonna tell you it's hard. It's hard out there for a model. It's not easy. Us models have had to learn this over the years. Oop, I just got a really great idea. What?

We need to put out a sexy calendar for Handsome. I swear we've had that idea. I swear that's on the list somewhere. Okay, all right. Well, we need to make some sort of attempt at knocking these things off the list. I will say though, if we're gonna do a sexy calendar for next year, we would have to get it on the pictures

like soon. Like soon. At some point. Yeah. Yeah. But there's 12 months and there's three of us. There's some solo opportunities, some group opportunities. We could also throw Thomas in for a month.

Put him in a Burt Reynolds throwback on that rug, you know? Yeah. That would be Thomas's. What about a Thomas awkwardly standing in a banana hammock? What's a banana hammock? Oh, like a thong? Yeah. But isn't that when the Burt Reynolds on the,

I don't know. He's like this on the rug? I don't know, whatever. Thomas, would you be willing to, I know you would be willing to do this. Yeah, sounds like I need more than one month if I'm gonna do all these looks. Yeah, true, true.

Thomas is game for anything. Yeah, I'd go cowboy, I guess, little cowboy. Yeah, of course. I don't know what my sexy thing would be. Roanoke hoodie. Bar hose, duh. Spraying myself with a bar hose. You're just like a drowned rat. Well, you'd have to get your gems.

Tick is topless. Tick is topless. Y'all both could be topless. Why wouldn't you be topless? Hello. Hi. Y'all. Come on, I'm shy. But you gotta get your? Hello. Hi. Y'all, come on. I'm shy.

But you gotta get your Gams out for sure. That's what the goal is. Oh yeah. Yeah, you're right May. One million. People want those Gams. It's just gonna be all egg. How about you start sending in Venmo

for the handsome calendar? We don't know to where, just send it. Yeah, just send it. Send it to Fortune, send it to Thomas. We just got a roundup cash to save up. To make this calendar. I think a handsome calendar would actually fly off the shelves.

Yes, indeed. We gotta make that for merchandise next. Guys, should we? Yes. I'm excited about our question asker. Let's do it. Our question asker is one of the first people I hung out with in LA, like got to know in LA. I haven't seen him in way too long. Today's question asker is a comedian, a writer, actor and podcast host. He starred in the film I Used to be Funny directed by Ali

Panku, my good friend, and is best known for hosting the So True podcast. Caleb Heron is asking today's question. He's so funny. Hello, handsome pod. It's me, Caleb Heron. Thank you for letting me ask you a question. My question for you is this. If you were to be any meal, what meal would you be and why?

I just did Caleb's podcast. What a treat. He is his podcast is so funny. He's so funny. He's like selling out shows everywhere, doing his podcast live. He did just to the Chicago theater. His standup is great. He's very quick, perfect for podcasting.

Very, yeah, very quick for sure. What meal would we be? We've touched on this in a mini so. So in the mini episode, we were asking what food we would be, which is very similar. But a meal isn't necessarily just it could be like a happy meal. It doesn't have to be just a food item.

I mean, is it like starter, main and dessert? I mean, I think like we can do it every we can do it whatever we want. Whatever we want. This is our show. Yeah. Happy Meal is a really sweet idea because you get a little toy. Because Caleb and I talked about it, I bet he and I would have a similar answer.

So I'm not going to say what I think his answer would be. Okay. I think I might be a be a corn thing. Go for it. Yeah, like a polenta with maybe some, I don't know, yeah, corn has to be involved. Maybe a street corn? Is corn your favorite food? Street corn named desire? Street corn named desire is the name of the meal i just came up with a great um food truck street corn named desire that's really good cut that out i might want to use that in my real life uh my next business um i just identify with corn i like i just am drawn to it energetically. Listen, I love corn. I'm just curious.

I've been told my head looks like a kernel of corn. I love cornbread. Love cornbread. Cornbread? Get out of my way. I love cornbread too. I love you too. I might be a peach cause a bruise easily,

you know what I mean? Yeah, I do. I like a corn pudding at Thanksgiving. Have you ever had that? No, I've had corn ice cream. Really? Mm hmm. Corn pudding is like a casserole with corn, cornbread mix, a can of corn, sour

cream, cheese, you like mix it all together and bake it and it's so good. Oh, yummy. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to say like a sort of polenta thing and then maybe the starter would be like a shrimp cocktail or something because I'm thinking about my essence and like I feel very like pink and peeled and exposed and twisted up like a little shrimp and then corn sort of is more positive maybe. You do always describe yourself in a shrimp way.

Yes. Yeah, that's how I see myself. Let's dig into that. You're not shrimpy. You're definitely not putting off a shrimpy thing to me. No, not to me either. What would it be like if you, what would Esther say? But to me, a shrimp implies like a runt, a little person.

Is that how you see yourself? Yeah. Small? Yeah, yeah, maybe. Like, I mean, I know intellectually that I'm not a runt. Right. But like. That's good. That's a good start. But I don't know, shrimpy, like, yeah, like,

I don't know if it's a, yeah, I guess it is very telling. I feel like I have layers where like, like I know I can present like very confidently in the right environment, and then underneath that, I'm shrimpy and insecure, but then underneath that, I'm like secretly confident, you know, deep down, but then there's like a deeper layer where I'm shrimpy and insecure, but then underneath that I'm like secretly confident, you know, deep down, but then there's like a deeper layer where I'm like, nah, but I am piece of shit.

And then underneath that I'm like, nah, I'm good. Don't talk about my friend like that. Yeah, it's different layers, depends when you catch me. You're like a seven layer dip. Yeah. Ooh. With corn. With corn, yeah. What about you?

What food are you? What meal are you? I think I would be the last supper. That's the meal I am. That's a big meal. That is a big meal. And I want every one of them sitting around that table. You're in the center.

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Ba da ba ba ba. I'm going to see, I just booked tickets to Jesus Christ Superstar at the Hollywood Bowl. Jesus Christ. Oh nice. Oh, it's Cynthia Rivos. Yes, playing Jesus. And Adam Lambert playing Judas.

Wow. Nice. I can't wait. Are you going alone? I bought two tickets and I haven't chosen who Are you going alone? I bought two tickets and I haven't chosen who's gonna come with me. So if you guys want to come, you better start being. What is it?

We should have chatted about it. We could have bought a handsome box. It's not too late. Well, your tickets might. Are they in a box? I mean, we're not gonna sit up. We're not gonna sit up. I'll sell my tickets. I mean, we're not gonna sit up in a...

If you buy a box, I'll sell my tickets. We're not gonna sit there in the stands. We're gonna sit in a box, you know what I mean? I've never sat in a box of the Hollywood Bullys. Oh, they're the best. I mean, they're expensive, but they're the best. Should we splash out? I mean, if I'm in town...

But I'm sorry, I'm confused. Did you get a box or did you not get a box? I got two seats, so I didn't get a whole box. Not a box. Okay. Yeah, I don't know if they're in a box or did you not get a box? I got two seats, so I didn't get a whole box. Not a box. Okay. Yeah, I don't know if they're in a box. Sounds like you're up in the area. Fortune would never sit in.

You know what I'm saying? I would. Do you guys care about Jesus Christ Superstar? I love that. Jesus Christ. I thought you were saying, do you guys care about Jesus? Superstar. Are you guys psyched about the new pope or what? I care about Jesus? Are you guys psyched about the new pope or what?

I care about Jesus. I actually am kind of, I'm digging the new pope. He's from Chicago. Oh, me too. Yeah. I was saying, it's kind of odd though, that like, in my opinion, we shouldn't know very much about the pope. You know, he should seem very mystical, like God.

Like Thomas. And you know, this Pope's brother's being interviewed on the news like, yeah, it's pretty cool. My brother's the Pope. I know. This feels too modern. Yeah, yeah. I saw a video that, it felt real,

that was a girl showing her mom the news of who the Pope was, and the mom's crying, laughing, and screaming, and it turns, she goes, the new Pope is the mom's crying, laughing and screaming. And it turns, she goes, the new pope is my mom's situationship from when she was 19. Like they used to hook up. See? Yeah. What? Yeah.

Leo. He's got his nephew on TikTok. Me like, my uncle's the new pope. This is hilarious. They showed him at a White Sox game. They had found footage of him in a White Sox game back in the day. I'm like, I should have known these things about the Pope.

I think it's best to know. I think he's going to shake things up in a good way with them. I do like with the current administration. I think it's going to be interesting to have these two leaders in the U S you know, I think he's got like a mixed past on some issues, right? He's like, sure, he's considered a centrist. He's like, aggressive in certain ways.

Please do not mistake me for thinking this is Barack Obama coming in as Pope. So you would be the last supper with like a Eucharist cracker or like what did they even eat? Do we know what they ate at the last supper? Unleavened bread. I don't know what they're eating. I was just going for the joke.

Wine. Yeah, water then wine. And what about you, Fortune? I'm trying to think of, because I've talked, instead of what food I would be before, but at an actual meal, we've talked about how much fun

progressive dinners are, right? Progressive dinners? I mean, I've talked about them. I don't know if it was with you. I just assumed that. I don't know. I can't remember if we talked about them on here or not, but I love a progressive

dinner where, I mean, you kind of have to live in the same area as people that you do it with, but it's like three different houses you go to for a meal. I love that idea. You start at someone's house for apps and drinks. A pair of teeth. So an aperitif or an app, what did you call it? A pair of teeth. A pair of teeth. So an aperitif or an app. What did you call it? A pair of teeth. A pair of teeth.

You start there. So sort of like everything's kind of like a different vibe. Yeah. Like, uh, so yeah, it's some, someone who's good at cocktails or why, you know, they got that part, then y'all get in, you know, responsibly Uber or wherever to the next house, which is the dinner, have your dinner there, then you end up at the last house for desserts and coffee.

I would love to be that meal. Yeah. Desserts and coffee? But all of them. Oh, you wanna be all of them? I wanna be a progressive dinner. Okay. And are all the locations different homes that you own?

Yeah, I own all the homes. I don't know. I don't know if this describes my personality, but maybe it does because I have different sides of my personality. Like the drinks and the apps is fun and it's the start and like that's the fun part of my personality. Like it's all like we're gonna have a rip-roar night. And then the dinner is like, let's get to know about each other like for real, for real.

Yeah, I love that. Let's like dig in. Yes. And let's cut the crap. We're just gonna like. No crap at this dinner. Let's just be real and connect. And leave your crap at home.

Yeah. And then dessert, what would that be? Everyone kiss? Yeah, great. What do you, May? The key party? No, no, that would not be part of my personality. The dessert, I just love desserts.

So it would be more of just like, everyone would be saying what they love the most about the night so far. And it's also like the dessert, you're like stuffed, you're satisfied, you're like out of energy. And that's always fun to think about is like how the night starts and how the night ends

when you're like hungry and everyone's excited to eat. And then like at the end of the night, you're like, yes, that was so good. It's such a different scene. Yeah, you're feeling good because you feel like you just had the most fun night, but you've also connected in ways with people you didn't expect to,

and you're walking away closer to these friends in a meaningful way. Because there's kind of, yeah, I like the activity aspect of it. Like that you kind of get to have a little reset each time you move, like you don't get stuck in a rut talking to the same person or so.

You can shuffle it up. Yeah, so I'm a progressive So how far away are these houses? I would be helpful if they're in the same neighborhood, you know, short in LA, but it's a, I like the idea of being a progressive dinner because we're growing and, um, and doing different things as we move through this meal. And I'm sorry to back up. The first one is cocktails, so everyone loads up and gets on the road drinking and driving.

I said Uber. Okay, okay. We're walking. We're walking because that's what would be helpful about being in the same neighborhood. Okay, all right. And what about you? You already said you're this little cowboy.

I don't even remember what I said. You're a corn dish. Oh yeah, corn. Couldn't you land on what the corn dish was? You said a little cowboy. I don't even remember what I said. You're a corn dish. Oh yeah, corn. Couldn't you land on what the corn dish was? You said a polenta. Yeah, I'm gonna go with, I'm gonna go with street corn named Desire. Oh.

Yeah, it's not really a thing. Like a lotte type situation? Yeah, there's a little spice to it. It's brightly colored, I don't know. What about you, Antigua? You're the last supper. I am the last supper. I'm happy with these. Okay. Yeah. Because I mean, I was going to say, I mean, it's different to saying your favorite meal. It's like, what meal are you? Or would you, yeah, my favorite meal is-

What is your favorite meal? Well, I'd like an omakase, Japanese meal with like all different tiny little things coming and sushi. Oh, and you're surprised you don't know what they're bringing, right? Yeah, just super fresh seafood. Just tiny little things. Just tiny little things. I've never done an omakase situation.

Oh, it's so good because it's just whatever is fresh and then they- Yeah. Yeah. Or like a really good lamb roast with like Yorkshire pudding and- It's very British of you. Yeah, roast potatoes and. What is the Yorkshire pudding exactly? I know the name, but I don't think I know what it is.

It's a baked. It's it's they take batter and they put it in hot tins. It's like a fluffy, savory pastry. Oh, it's like bread. Yeah. But more like, not, how would you, more like cake, but savory. Sunday roasts are really popular in England. Were you into that?

Oh man, every Sunday in a different pub. Oh, so good. Oh, it's in pubs? Yeah, in pubs, yeah. Huh. It's the best. Huh, how about that? Should we hear Caleb's answer?

Of course we should. That's why we do the podcast. I think how about that? Should we hear Caleb's answer? Of course we should. That's why we do the podcast. I think it's gonna involve chilis. My answer, I think I would be, I would be an appetizer sampler from a dive bar with a Dr. Pepper. And for those who aren't familiar with a bar appetizer sampler,

it's like chicken wings, mozzarella sticks, a fried pickle. Just any good like fried bar food, maybe some queso chips, perhaps some salsa. They'll just throw it on a little platter and call it an appetizer sampler. And that's me. Or maybe I'd be a triple dipper from Chili's. Kind of a similar vibe.

And that's because I'm eclectic. You know, I'm warm and I get the job done. That's right. Okay, y'all. That's so funny. I love apps. Yeah, me too. It's the best part of the meal.

I'm an app. Sometimes I will go to a restaurant and just order two apps as my meal. Yeah, yeah. You get some crab cakes. You get some biracha. I love chips and salsa. I love chips and salsa. I love chips and salsa.

Try to pull me off a chip or a salsa. I won't pull you off of that, my friend. Thank you, thank you. I never would. Because you could also, a low take, it goes well with chips and salsa as well. I wonder if I went on Uber Eats tonight for dinner, which I will.

Oh, I'm hungry. And I searched appetizer platter. You think someone would deliver me like an appetizer? Chili? You could, the triple dipper that Caleb mentioned would. Really? Because a triple dipper, um, I would like to go on record by saying that I have been a fan of Chili's my whole life. Uh, it was the only restaurant, uh, game in town when I was growing up that was considered fancy.

And they have had something called a triple dipper that I've been obsessed with again my whole life because you can pick three apps. Well, you can't have a fancy restaurant without something called a triple dipper. That's right. You know? And at Chil-A's, they had this triple dipper. So on TikTok, like a year ago, suddenly the internet has discovered chili triple dippers and everyone's losing their minds over them.

Like they've just discovered this new thing and they're like, can you believe the triple dipper? I'm like, yeah, bitch. I've known about them since I was a kid. Fortune, calm down. You are pissed. You're gonna have a stroke. That's right.

Cause I'm an OG Triple Dipper lover. And now you got these kids on TikTok and you're like, look at my mozzarella sticks and it's got a cheese pull. This Triple Dipper is the most amazing thing I just discovered. Wait, are you- Okay, I'm gonna get one tonight. Are you one of those people, Fortune,

where if you discovered talent, you would be like, don't forget. Don't forget where you came from. Yeah, I made you. Yeah, I made you. I would be so happy for them. I don't need people to give me credit, but I would remind people.

Yeah, yeah, I think you're one of those. You're one of those. I didn't know that person was gonna be successful. Yeah, early on. Well, this is why it's important to go on record about things early. I didn't know that person was gonna be successful early on. Well, this is why it's important to go on record about things early. You've gone on record now about, about chilies. I talked about chilies in my special sweet and salty that came out in 2020,

January of 2020. And so I did express my love for it before all of this bandwagon stuff. Well, they let people just naturally find that out, Fortune. You don't have to throw in everyone's face that you discovered Triple Dippers before the TikTok did. That's right, and Chili's was so grateful for my shout outs because they weren't, now the Triple Dipper

is the most ordered thing at Chili's. It has increased their sales by like 30%. Because of your special? No, because of TikTok. Your tone of voice there when you were going, I mean, now it reminded me of like when a kid gets home from school and you're just like making their dinner or something and they're just talking to you about something, they're in the kitchen going, but no, I know, but I think that you're like, yeah.

about something they're in the kitchen going, but no, I know, but I think that you're like, mm-hmm, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so Chili's, when I talked about it on the scene, Salty, were like, oh my God, thank you. And wait, did they thank you? Yeah, they sent me a big ass gift card. And what is in a triple dipper? Mozzarella sticks, what else?

Well, it's a whole list of apps that you can choose from. You can choose three. Oh, I see. So it's anywhere from sliders, yum, chicken tenders, but there's different types of tenders. You can get plain, you can get honey chipotle. See a little vegan like myself couldn't wander in there and get a trip a dipper.

Southwestern egg rolls to die for. Oh yeah, nice. The mozzarella sticks are the big thing right now because they have a Nashville hot one that people are into. All right. There's other, I can't remember all the different boneless buffalo wings, buffalo wings.

And then do the, is this also a place that has- Chips and salsa. Ooh, I'll take it. Now is this a place that, does Chili's have the fried pickle situation? I believe so. I never had one. I think that's a newer sitch.

I would like to just order one fried pickle to be delivered to my house, please. Are you allowed to eat a fried pickle? Is that anything in the batter that's? Well, it depends on, you know, there's vegan fried but I don't imagine chilies to him. All right, well, one fried pickle. That would be an expensive fried pickle.

Yeah. I mean, it's a pretty good challenge. Like I feel like I've logged that now for some future birthday of your steak. I'm gonna try and. I like pickle chips. Oh, I love a dill pickle chip, oh my God. Do you guys know any knock knock jokes?

Ooh, good question, May. Oh, thank you for asking. Wow, I'm gonna go ahead and call that a May fact. Even though it wasn't. Well, the fire ants was a May fact. Was that this episode? Yeah. Are you serious?

Yeah, it was, that was this episode. That was earlier this episode. It was, yes. Oh my gosh. I can't even lie. How time flies. How time flies. How it flies.

Like, you know, you hear about people like falling off of ships and then like a dolphin will save them or something. No, I haven't heard that once. You have? Yeah, I just feel like that happens but the ants, they saved her in a different way. I'm back on the ants, but.

I believe there was a guy in San Francisco who, spoiler alert or trigger warning, not spoiler alert. I don't know. Spoiler alert, trigger warning are very different. Spoiler alert, you're about to be triggered. He jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge, and they think like an, one of the animals in the thing,

like brought them up to the surface. Animals in the thing? Like a seal or a sea lion? Like a sea lion or seal or something brought them up and he lived. Wow. I mean, you see, you, I've been seeing a lot of these things of like, a giant sea turtle will go to a kayaker

and then lead the kayaker to where another animal's in trouble so the kayaker can help the other animal. But hold on, are you seeing this on Instagram or those kinds of stories? Cause people put those stories together to pull your heartstrings, right? Yeah, it's that and in my dreams, I'm saying them. All the time.

And in my dreams. How real are most of those, because I have a friend that sends me a lot of these animal stories, and it's always the same song. Yeah, oh yeah. Is it the Sarah McLachlan song? No, it's like.

In the arms of the angel. No, but it's along those things. It's a long, that's a good song. That's a great song. Sarah McLachlan. When they played it too much with that dog, saving the dog. There was like an RSPCA.

Yeah. That's true. But on Instagram, it seems like there's four songs that they cycle through. There's like a happy song, there's a sad song. What is the sad song? Cause I feel like whenever my friend sends those, it's this one, it's like you find a little baby deer

on the side of the road and it's covered in mud. And then you get into your car. I cannot believe how much this, and I love animals, I love them to be saved, but I feel like I can sniff out that maybe things were cobbled together. Oh, and it didn't really happen that way. And the song turns you off so much that you're like, let that deer die.

No, no, I'm just like, oh, this is, they're just storytelling and maybe it's not a real story. Right. You know? Yeah. But my friend falls for it every time. I mean, welcome to my life. Half the facts I'm saying. Yeah. I'm just falling for them. You're just absorbing them and spitting them back out there. Yeah. Yeah. I got to make some space in my brand for other things, you know? Like love.

Like love, I gotta stop just absorbing trivia. Are you open to love? I'm very open to love, always, always loving. I am actually going on who wants to be a millionaire. You are, nice. Yeah, I'm going on as a- I don't know what that has to do with love, but I love that for you.

And has anyone ever said no thank you to that question? Who wants to be a millionaire? Oh, someone's gone, no, I'm good. No hard pass. Have you been thinking about who your phone of friends is gonna be? Well, it's not my choice. I'm Chelsea Peretti's plus one.

And so we're a team. And so whoever she wants to call. Okay. I didn't know it was played in teams. Well, I guess it's like celebrity for charity. Yeah. Yeah, I was asked to do it and sadly, I mean, I'm excited to go to Tribeca,

but I really wanted to do it, but. It's gonna be, I mean, I'm so scared. She's chosen me because I said I'm good at trivia. Oh no. Now the pressure is on. What if you- Oh no, does Chelsea know that we're not sure what of your facts are facts?

No, I haven't told her that. And they're very little known facts, I would say. Well, I'm brushing up. I got the app and I'm practicing and I- Okay, they're Mayfacts. Yeah, and I've been memorizing all the capital cities of the world. I know all the countries. I'm trying my best. the capital cities of the world. I know all the countries.

I'm trying my best. Finn can help you with those. I'll tell you this, I played Celebrity Jeopardy and it was one of the most nerve-racking experiences of my life. Really? Oh my God. And that buzzer is diabolical.

Yeah. I have never been more uncomfortable. Really? I knew some things and some stuff I was so stupid about. And then other things I did really know it. And I was trying so hard to get the buzzer timing right. And I could not, because if you buzz in too, you have to wait until he finishes the last word and then hit the buzzer.

And if you go even a millisecond too soon, it locks you out. It is such a timing thing. It stressed me out. I am so sorry. Thank you. There was a big scandal in England where there was somebody who won, who wants to be a millionaire,

and then when they rewatched the tapes, they realized there was someone in the audience coughing. To like, so, cause he was thinking out loud, you go, well, it could be a, and then you hear, which meant no or something. And then, so they had someone in the audience helping him. It was like they'd arranged it. And then it was his big trial and he claimed,

yeah, obviously that he didn't cheat. Yeah. And who won? I think he had to give the money back. It was Matthew McFadden played him in a movie, it was great. Yeah. Well, I'm excited to hear how you do.

I'm scared I'm gonna just freeze up. Like I was on a British trivia show called Eggheads and I lost on a question of, oh fuck, what was it? I was something, it was, oh, it was about the painting of God and the two fingers, where is that painting? And I said in the cathedral in the Vatican, I just couldn't fucking think of Sistine Chapel.

The Sistine Chapel. Couldn't think of Sistine Chapel just from the. This is a very religious episode. Yeah, very. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Amen. Amen. That's just, that has nothing to do with Jesus, but.

Well, guys. This has been a real hoot. Been a real hoot and holler. I'm sorry we didn't come through with a knock knock joke for you. Maybe next time. Knock knock. Who's there? Okay.

Hold on. See you next episode. See you next episode. Promote. Promote who? Yourself. Okay. Well, thanks for asking. Coming up, I'm going on tour doing some music.

June 10th, I'm in San Francisco. June 12th, I'm in Portland. June 13th, I'm in Vancouver. You can go to maymartinmusic.com for tickets. I'm doing meet and greets and playing tunes. So come along. This weekend, I have a 4 p.m. show in Kansas City at the Midland Theater. I would love people to come.

It's a great time to see a show. You can go to dinner after. And then my Wichita folks, I'm going to be there on Sunday in Kansas, Las Vegas, Lexington, Kentucky, Knoxville, Tennessee. And then some fun ones coming up like Atlanta, Cincinnati, Chicago, San Jose, Charlotte, North Carolina. Get your tickets at my website, fortunefemester.com.

Love it. The documentary, Come See Me in the Good Light is going to be at the Tribeca Film Festival this weekend, several different screenings. I'll be at Largo on June 13th. I'll be at Dynasty Typewriter June 21st. I'll be in P-Town August 23rd, two shows. And we also have so many screenings of Come See Me in the Good Light.

Look online for any other dates and then also tignotaro.com. Well, in that case, it feels like the only thing really left to do is keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tignotaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First.

Checking First is smart, so check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate fire and casualty insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Hey Gorge, it's me, Got Mc. And me, Violet Tchotchke. And we want you to listen to our podcast, No Gorge. Now on HeadGum. Each episode, we will be bringing you vlogs, answering burning questions, discussing what's going on right now, and diving into all things fashion, hookups, gossip, and more.

With past guests such as Heidi Klum and Deedavon Tees, NoGorge always keeps things hot. Listen to NoGorge on your favorite podcast app, or watch full video episodes on YouTube. New episodes every Thursday. Bye, Gorge!