Handsome - Charlotte Ritchie asks about opening up a shop

Episode Date: May 13, 2025

Charlotte Ritchie was Mae's costar on "Feel Good" and also stars in "You" on Netflix... and for her next role, she's asking Handsome a quaint little question about opening up a shop! Plus the truth about "truth be told", the return of Pit Bull, and a whole lotta baby talk. Gaga googoo!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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at masterclass.com slash handsome. See MasterClass's latest deal at least 15% off at masterclass.com slash handsome. Masterclass.com slash handsome masterclass.com slash handsome. Hello, it is your friend. Oh, and it's Fortune. It's me, Tig, but you go ahead. You go, girl. I'm just saying welcome to the handsome pod. Oh, well, thank you.

Who are you? I'm Fortune. Hey, Fortune, it's me, Tig. And me, I'm May. May, Fortune, Tig. Hi, guys. Hi, guys. My hair's still wet.

I did a little treading. Really? Oh my goodness. How's treading going? I don't know. You tell me. Oh my lord them guns. How long are you treading these days? Today was like a 40 minute one. 40 minute?

40 minute. 40 minute. And been doing, but I've been doing anywhere from 30 to an hour. It's amazing. Thanks. That's awesome. I wonder if your life depended on it. How long you could go like if your boat sank and there were sharks question. Oh, I think about that all the time. Not about fortune, but about myself. I wonder if I think. Yeah, I wonder if I've trained myself to just do an hour. Right, exactly.

And then, and my body, because I really do, I clock myself to the minute and then I just exit the pool. But I do wonder if I was in the ocean, and of course that would be a much harder tread. Or would it be, maybe the salt would buoy you up. Maybe. There's also, you know, if you're treading and you get a little tired, you can just kind of float on your back for a

little bit. Yeah. And just chill. Yeah. What happened? What just happened? That was Biggie. What did you try to attack you? No, I mean, he's the older he gets, he keeps coughing up a lot. And it sounded like he was going, like a, does anything come out? No, just love.

Just love. He coughed up love. Of course, Biggie coughed up love. You coughed up love. Yes. Oh, look at him giving kisses. You remember Care Bears? Of course we remember Care Bears.

We're human beings alive on the planet. What if the Care Bears, instead of shooting the stuff out of their tummies, they coughed it up? Oh, see, I don't know Care Bears enough to know things come out of their tummy. Yeah, like they shoot love and rainbows out of their cute little tummies. Oh, did not know that. I had a little turquoise Care Bear back in the day.

Oh yeah, the turquoise one was good. And were there cut the, did the colors have anything to do with anything? All I remember is Lionheart. Hmm. Yeah. I don't know what color he was. I think regular lion color. Those were simpler times, right?

Simpler fucking times, yo. Then the ones we're living in now? Yeah, yeah. The bears have talked. I got really sad today about cash. I bet there'll be no more cash soon, and I love a coin. I love it. Soon?

Yeah, I bet they're gonna get rid of cash. Oh, wow. I think it might have a moment for a coin. I love it. Soon? Yeah, I bet they're gonna get rid of cash. Oh, I think it might have a moment for a bit. Oh, you think it's gonna have a moment? No, I mean like it'll continue on for a bit. Oh yeah, maybe. You're just ready for end of times. I'm ready, yeah. Guys, I just got back from DC. Where I was- Oh yeah, that was all about it.

I was just about to, until you interrupted to tell me to tell you all about it. Girl, I want all the hot goss from DC. Yeah, what's going on? I went to DC to lobby. I have never done that before. Tig. I know.

I was lobbying for the arts and it was really interesting having to go into Congress and the White House and speak with Republicans and try and convince them to not cut that budget. Oh my God. So yeah, that was interesting. Have you guys ever done anything like that? It was very intimidating.

You should have tap danced for it. Like that would have really got through to them. They would have taken you very seriously. Yeah. I was in this one office. I was out there with other actors and people. And one of, it was so funny because when you walk out of one office, they had two baskets of peanuts.

One basket had peanuts from Georgia and one had peanuts from Texas. And the girl behind the desk was, you know, she had some sort of Southern accent and was encouraging us to take peanuts and, you know, try both if you want. And so of course, I love snacks. And so I grabbed one Georgia, one Texas,

and then we went into the next meeting and I, and we're having our meeting and I was having my peanuts in the meeting. And do you know Alex Borstein? Yes, from my TV and Family Guy. Mrs. Maisel. Yeah, all of those things. She's so funny and cool.

But when we left that meeting, she said, my favorite part of that particular meeting was you. She said I heard some rustling and I looked over and you had your hand in the peanut bag and some peanuts fell on the floor. And I was like, look, I'm new here. I'm easy. But yeah, it was definitely intimidating. But yeah, it was definitely intimidating. For sure, the first meeting that we had, and I didn't speak up until the second meeting. And then I started to feel more confident.

And I think I'm gonna continue doing some lobbying in the future. That's amazing, yeah. Yeah, it was definitely, it's one of those moments where you go. You should do things to scare yourself. Yeah, it scared me. I bet. Even though I was lobbying for the arts. Yeah. There's there's a wide spectrum of response from Republicans about the arts.

You know, there are some that are just very much like we're on board. We do not want this budget cut and all the way to give us hard numbers of why we should not cut this budget and explaining how, you know, the money doesn't go to LA and New York and Chicago, places like that. It goes to small towns to invest in these little theaters. And if you kill that, you kill the joy. People don't go to the restaurants in the town. People aren't filling up their cars and, you know, at the gas stations

and all different people and businesses are affected by it. And I never thought about that. Yeah, how it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're successfully lobbying me. I'm like, I was thought about that. Yeah, how it, yeah. You're successfully lobbying me. I'm like, I was on the fence and now I'm like. We don't want the arts cut for sure. No, no, there's so many things we don't want cut.

Seriously. And as we've talked on previous episodes, there's different ways that we've all been involved, whether it's benefits or donating our money and time in different ways. But this was a completely different experience that I had in my, in my life. Yeah, that's impressive. Tate goes to Washington.

Yeah, that's a good Tate goes to Washington is a good little book. I were, I'm buzzing cause we had the Canadian election results. Yes. Thank the Lord. I know. I'm buzzing because we had the Canadian election results. I think the Lord. I know. Yeah, Mark Carney won and not the creepy Trumpy guy. Yeah, it's always closer than you think though. Yeah.

Well, it wasn't looking good for Canada for a while. I hadn't been following it, truth be told, so I didn't know. You didn't follow the Canadian? Yeah. I mean, it was looking tricky, really tricky. And then once Trump went into office and all of this. The tariffs really, yeah, really helped.

I think people see what could happen if we, yeah, yeah. But there's a nice vibe on the streets today. People are, morning, how you doing? Oh, that's right, you're in Canada. Here I yeah, yeah. But there's a nice vibe on the streets today. People are, morning, how you doing? I think because you're in Canada. You're in Toronto, right? Here I am, yeah. Yeah, we're buzzing. What are you doing?

I'm doing the edit for Wayward, almost done. But yeah, I'm in one of those like soul sucking offices with this overhead neon lighting. And I feel like it's sucking my soul out of my body. And when do you finish the show completely? When are you a free bird? Like mid-June I think is the final one. Yeah it's gonna be good. It's like four years of thinking about this one story. And you're liking what you see. I'm liking what I see I think. That's great.

Yeah but I feel a little loopy and I feel like, I talked about this when I was in the writer's room, like that I felt like a, like kind of a fraud, like I'm a teenager, like I find it very hard to sit still and focus. I keep jumping up and doing pushups or like running around the block and all these grownups around me are like, really?

Just gotta do some pushups. Yeah. I have a hard time concentrating too. Yeah, it's hard. I don't do pushups because I can't. With those guns, you can't? I know, I mean, I haven't. Truth be told, I attempted it since

starting my tread journey. Maybe I need to start. I can't do the pushups made as as I have to do the monies. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You can do them against the wall. Oh, like standing push-ups against the wall. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe I'll start with that.

Fortune, I have the title for your spin-off podcast. It's called Truth Be Told. Hey. I don't have time for another podcast. My heart is a little handsome. Yeah, yeah. Truth be told is good. Yeah, but you do know you say that a lot.

Truth be told. Truth be told. I didn't know that. Did you not? I really did not. Oh my God. Have you noticed it, May? Truth be told. Now that you say it, it's all I'm gonna hear.

Yeah, I guess, yeah, yeah. Everyone drink every time I say it. Yeah, that would be good. Oh guys, also, I was at a cancer benefit last night. Stop bragging. And guess what band performed? Little Big Town. Yes, Little Big Town.

I'm friends with them. I know, you came up at dinner. They were Town. Yes, Little Big Town. I'm friends with them. I know, you came up at dinner. They were sitting. I did? Yeah, they were sitting right there at the end of the table with me. And what did I say? We weren't talking, actually, we weren't talking about you specifically,

but I heard, there was like in passing like, oh yeah, Fortune has a podcast and TIGS, you know, that kind of thing. But no, they had heard about us being in Nashville and about Brad Paisley and they had been texting with Kimberly Williams Paisley about the show and that it was just a real highlight for them. Yeah, and so they were like, next time you're in Nashville and that it was just a real highlight for them. Oh, what was that? Yeah, and so they were like,

next time you're in Nashville or you have to book another Nashville gig. And I said, are you telling me we can get Little Big Town on the next? Yeah, I didn't even think about it. I didn't even think about it, but yeah, they're so fun. They love comedy.

I've known them for a while um through my chelsea lately days and then have seen them out on the road and they their whole family like everyone tours like a little village it's just like a really they're they're tight and um they're a family family bands bands anymore. I like that. A whole family on the road like that. They got it on lock. It's a good time. They're great.

And their harmonies are unbelievable. Oh my gosh. Love a harm. Oh, the harmonies are chef's kiss. Their music on their tracks are amazing, but in person live is next level. Little Big Town sounds like it would be Biggie's band. And guess what they sing.

I know. On the pontoon. What? That's my tongue. Yeah. They sing on the pontoon? Yeah. Which one?

On the pontoon. Whoa. Out here in the open motor boat. Okay. All right. It's all coming together. I know I mentioned to them that that song has, I said, we have talked about you on our podcast.

Yeah. And yeah, so I mentioned that. We'll have to get them to do a question for sure. In harmony. They could do a question. Oh, that's real good. I'm gonna have to get them to do a question. For sure. In harmony, they could do a question. Ooh. Yeah. That's real good. Anyway, I was with them last night

and they were absolutely wonderful live and just the most charming, friendly people to sit and have dinner with. Love it. Would you like it if someone, if you received news via a musical delivery at your door, like a barbershop quartet? Oh, like what are those, are those called something grams?

Yeah, music gram or something. Like if you open the door and it was like, we're sorry to say you've been fired from the pod. Or something like that. Oh my God, what a way to get let go. Yeah. We're sorry to say you've been fired from the pod. We hope you have a great day. Here's a little nod.

Which one? I didn't know the song was gonna keep going. Yeah, you got around some of them. Here's a little nod. You think the nod would soften the blow and the harmonies or would it make it more infuriating? I'm gonna say probably wouldn't, I wouldn't hate it if someone sent it I would be like oh that was nice but also like this is weird. If you guys fired me

via music gram I would be I would be like oh they hate. Like that is so like, well, yeah, because it's so cold to be like, you're not taking the time to actually be personal with somebody and say, listen, you're doing a terrible job and nobody likes you. That's why we have to let you go. Yeah, you're going, look, this is a lot for us. We're thrilled about it. And if you guys ever feel like I'm doing a terrible job and you wanna let me go, you can just tell me that. You don't have to send anybody. Yeah, I mean, I would be terribly bummed, but.

Yeah, of course. I would appreciate a more direct conversation. We would say we voted and it's two against one. Oh my God, that would be the ultimate two against one. Yeah, it really would. I don't think that's how it works around here. No. How does it work?

Nobody votes anyone out. Yeah, that should have been in our initial talk. It just ends? It just, we just disappear. Or it just never ends. We're in the grave. We all have beards. Yeah, long beards.

Coughing up love. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like you know how to check that you've stretched and limbered up before getting totally in the zone at your local Pickles? Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like you know how to check that you've stretched and limbered up before getting totally in the zone at your local pickleball pickup game. Pickleball's intense. Checking First is smart. So check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary. Subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliate, Northbrook, Illinois.

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Catch the golden tour on the Golden Nugget online casino app and claim your rewards now. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. Please play responsibly. 21 plus. Physically present in Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and West Virginia only. Void in Ontario. New customers only. Deposit matched on first deposit after opt-in. Up to $1,000 in non-withdrawable casino bonus funds that require 20-time playthrough within 168 hours on select slots. Terms at golden nugget casino dot com slash promos ends at 1159 p.m. Eastern on June 8th, 2025. I went to the Dodgers game. That was fun. Oh nice. Yeah, I love a live sporting event. Did y'all know that about me? I know you love a sport. Yeah, I know you like soccer and did you have any peanuts?

I had a hot dog and I had some ice cream. Oh yeah. No peanuts, but we had great seats because we were doing some charity stuff with the catcher, Will Smith, not the actor, but the catcher. And we got to go to the stadium during the day and be on the field, which was really cool because I've been in LA for over 20 years, never been on the field. When in the dugout, I threw pitches to Will in the warmup area, I can't remember what it's called, bullpen. Are you good at throwing?

Yeah, how's your arm? Surprisingly, it was pretty good because I grew up playing softball and I was third base and it started coming back. I was like getting it down the pipe to Will. Nice. Nice. Yeah. And so wait, who are they playing? They played the Marlins and barely won, but they won.

And that's all that matters. I love watching the Dodgers. You went to the World Series game, didn't you? I did. And I accidentally captured the big moment of the World Series accidentally. Do you know this? Was it the Freddie Freeman? Was it like you were taking a selfie?

Was it the Freddie Freeman hit? The Freddie Freeman walk-off grand slam, which I am not a sports person. I know it's called that. I don't know what that is, but. Me neither. I'll tell you, Stephanie said, I feel like we should take Max and Finn to the

World Series and she said and we should bring my dad because he's never been to a World Series so the five of us go and I'm watching I'm having my you know vegan Dodger dog and my peanuts and what have you and I just happened to decide to videotape, you know, on my phone, whatever it's called, Stephanie always makes fun of me when I say videotape, but this pitch to Freddie Freeman. And when Freddie hits the ball, everybody went insane, including my family.

And I was so confused because I had been there all day and people have been hitting balls. And I didn't know, this seemed so over the top. The reaction. It was one of the biggest moments in World Series history. Ever. Yes, and I caught it beautifully on my phone

and I turned and filmed my family screaming and I truly was like, what? What happened? What am I capturing? Yeah, because even if they won, because we've been to baseball games, this didn't feel like that. And so yeah, I caught that.

And you know, speaking of the Marlins, and if Thomas can fact check Finn, yesterday when we picked up Max and Finn from school, Finn had a May fact. He was asking everybody, what is the one team that has never gone to a World Series? Was it the Marlins? I believe it was the Marlins.

Thomas, can you check? And if it's not right, then I'm in the wrong and I'm saying the wrong team. Right. The Seattle Mariners. Mariners, that's what it is. It was similar enough, but I knew it was an M word. So yeah, the Mariners have never been to a World Series.

And we had to guess the entire way from their school home. Oh my God. They would not tell us. We were like, okay, we give up. You just keep naming cities. Yes. That makes me want to support the Mariners. Like we should all get behind them.

Rally behind them. Ted Lasso style, turn them into a winning team. Like, yeah. I think that's a good idea. The Martin Mariners? Yes, please. Y'all never played softball either of you? No, absolutely not, never.

No, I mean, I would play baseball in the yard with my brother and our friends as kids, but I never played organized, I only played soccer. Can I go back to why did they have in the White House peanuts from Georgia and Texas? And it was like Georgia versus Texas or something like I can't get this off my mind. I think I really got the imp. I didn't ask.

Yeah, but that is a great question. Little cowboy. Thanks. Follow up with someone and ask. But my feeling based on her accent in Washington, DC, I felt like it's probably like something to do with where she comes from. That specific woman, like it was a personal hospital. Yeah.

You gotta make your job fun. Like if I was sitting at a desk in the White House, I might be like, yeah, try this Toronto, I don't know, jerky or something. Yeah, what would Toronto's thing be? I don't know, Tim Horton's donuts. Yeah, yeah, maybe I'd go Dunkin' Donuts versus Tim Horton's. Wouldn't it be poutine I'd go Duncan donuts versus Tim Horton's.

And taste test. Wouldn't it be poutine? Wouldn't that? Or is that just? Poutine? Poutine. How do you say it? Yeah, poutine, yeah.

I say poutine, but it's probably not that. Poutine. Poutine is what I always said. In the Canadian election, I was just, I was like, oh yeah, all of the politicians here have to be totally bilingual, and that's pretty badass. Oh really? Yeah.

Oh yeah, because they gotta rep all those French Canadians. Yeah. Yeah. Not me. I don't know a lick of French. I bet that's not true. Oui, oui. Parlez-vous français?

Merci beaucoup. Yeah. You know some. Vous voulez beaucoup, vote. How do you, see, I don't even know how to say that. Voulez-vous cocher avec moi? How do you, see I don't even know how to say that. Voulez-vous cocher avec moi? Yeah, that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's too dirty for me to say. You are the dirtiest of the three of us and don't try. It's not true. I'm a delicate dainty flower. Yes, you are. Thank you. Our little fortune. That's you are. Thank you. Our little fortune.

That's right. There she is. Oh my gosh. Everybody introduce your baby talk. I just did mine. Was that your real baby talk? I don't know. Everyone introduce your baby talk now.

Introduce and introducing. He's my baby talk. Oh my gosh. Is that yours, Fortune? It's your baby talk. He's my baby talk. Oh my God. Is that yours, Fortune? That's your baby talk. He's my baby talk. Oh, that's your baby talk. No, my baby talk is to Biggie,

he's like, hello, my Biggie baby bear. I love you so much. You are my prince. And what does he do? You're my prince. He goes, he's sleeping. He's sleeping. A rainbow shoot out of his belly. Yeah. He's sleeping like a good baby bear. May, he's sleeping. A rainbow shoot out of his belly.

He's sleeping like a good baby bear. Mae, you're next. I know, I know. I've been building it. I've been dreading it. Oh God. I don't know. What would I?

Pretend you're looking at something really cute. I'd be like, okay, what's its name? The cute thing. It's called the cute thing. Okay. Oh, it's a cute thing. Oh, you're so cute. And do you ever use that voice? He? Yeah, well, because my friend Alana was was fostering these two pitbull puppies. Yeah, still is. Yeah. And so me, I'm sure I said, I'm sure I said

there's one called Ernie that is just like lodged himself in my heart immediately. Weren't you co-parenting them? I kind of promised to co-parent and then I've been away a lot, but I think she's gonna adopt one. She's adopting Ernie. Where's Bert gonna go?

Well, apparently you have to separate sibling pit bulls or else they become like pack mentality and they, yeah, they don't. So I think a friend of hers has taken Burt so that they can still be brothers. But yeah, with Ernie, I was definitely going, Ernie. Well, and if you are just side note into pit bulls, my friend, Rebecca Corey has a really great organization called stand up for pits and she

Aren't you attracted to pitbull the rapper? Yes Rebecca also As an organization Supporting pitbull the rapper if you met pitbull the rapper, would you do a baby voice to him? Hello Pitbull. His face popped up on the TV screen last night at the cancer charity because I guess he had I guess performed previous years and I turned to Stephanie. I had never told her about my pit bull attraction. Really? Yeah. And I was like, side note, that is who I have a thing for. That is wild. That's your whole past.

Yeah. That's wild. Yeah. And she was like, interesting. So you think he's handsome. And I said, I don't even know if it's that. I just, there's something about him. You like the charisma. Yeah. I don't even know if it's that. I just, there's something about him. You like the charisma. Yeah, I don't know what it is.

The confidence and the tiny pants. I love charisma in tiny pants. I will say when I was in that dugout with those couple of Dodger guys, I crossed my legs and turned into a pretty little lady. Really? Tell us girlfriend. You were a girlfriend. I don't know why I just crossed my legs and just started chatting.

Wait, do you not typically cross your legs? Is this not like that? Not like in a dainty way, like, were you giggling like in a man spreading way? I will sometimes, you know, yeah, where it's like your legs kind of like a straight like this. Yeah. Like your knee is flopped down and your ankle's on your knee. Really crossed, like everything's in like a little pretty little lany. Like unpack me now. Were you like, I'm so small.

Oh, look at me, little fortune. I wonder if you're... I'm so small, I need a big baseball guy to help me. Guess who doesn't have a boyfriend, dear? So you were, I wonder if you were like subconsciously, like flirting, like I feel like. I don't even think it was subconscious. I think she was putting herself out there.

I think my instinct would be subconsciously, I'd immediately start like, bro-ing out. Like I'd go the other way. I'd be like, hey what's up, gentlemen? I'd be like spitting and. What's up, fellas? Grabbing your crotch. Really intensely and far.

They spit intensely? Like yeah, and then I'm like, oh yeah, I'm in a growth. Yeah. Yeah. What's the spinning about? Is it, do they still, or is that like old timey babe Ruth days that they would have like tobacco in their mouth? So just traditionally. Some have tobacco, but a lot of times it's a gum

or sunflower seeds. That's crazy. My son, Finn, you know, they both play, but he really is. He'll pitch and Max will catch. And when Finn is on the mound, he always will turn and spit. That's so good. Yeah, it's real fun to watch.

Just amazing. Any hoodles? Should we get into our question? Yeah, I'm really excited. Yeah, take this, I'm getting into a question. Thank you for being. Oh, you're so cute. Oh.

I'm really excited because our- That's gross. That was gross, yeah. People have, like long time listeners have turned off. Yes, Thomas unplugged his headphones in left town. Yeah, left town. Yeah. Don't you want to kind of hear Thomas, can we hear your baby voice?

Yeah, can we? Hey, Tig. Hey, man. Hey, Gartchen. Oh, yeah, that's creepy. How are you doing? I hope the three of you are having good podcast records so far. Oh my god.

That was not what I was expecting. Me either. That was kind of Michael Jackson-y. I know. All our listeners are going to now do their baby voices. Send in your baby voices. Send in your baby voices. And then we'll be like, why are we getting these creepy messages?

Yeah. Okay, let's hear. Tell us about our guest, May. Our guest today, I'm very excited about because she's my sweet angelic friend who played my love interest, George, on my show, Feel Good. She's a super talented actor from the UK. You know, we're from Ghosts, Fresh Meat, Dead Pixels, and she's now one of the leads of the Netflix series You. She

was in the last season and now she's in the final season being such a badass. My friend Charlotte Ritchie is asking today's question. Hi, May. Hi, Fortune. Hi, Tig. It's Charlotte, Richie here. I have a question for you. If you could own, run, manage, create a shop, what would it be? What would you sell? What would you make? Where would it be? You can talk about the layout. Yeah, I wanna know. You can talk about the layout. That's a great question. Also Charlotte is an amazing singer as well.

Oh yeah? Fortunately you'd have a blast singing a couple of hymns with Charlotte. I would love to. Her brother, Luke Richie is a musician who does beautiful folk music and and then they sing together, and you know when siblings sing together, something magical happens.

That's right. Billy Eilish. The way the right thing is like. Infineus. Yeah, gorgeous. There's a song called Hammerite that is, break your heart. Have you sung together with her?

We have like during filming, because we filmed in the pandemic, we were like isolating together, and so we had our keyboards and guitars and we did a lot of sweet harmonies. A lot of singing. Yeah. That's a great little big town.

I love that she's asking about what shop would you, what a relaxing fantasy to imagine just putting together a little shop. Yeah, but once the shop gets up and going, I can't imagine it's relaxing. High stress. Yeah. Yeah, you need a shop that

like has its like regulars. And you don't have to survive off the money of the shop. Because usually the first couple years you're, you're in the red, right? Yeah. It's hard to make money. And so you just need a shop where you're like, I'm just doing this for fun. I don't actually want a lot of customers. Yeah. Just my neighborhood regulars. Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you build a website you'll love. Maybe you have a business,

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and enter the promo code handsome. Find out why neutrophil is the best selling hair growth supplement brand at neutrophil.com, spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L.com, promo code handsome. That's neutrophil.com, promo code handsome. Oh, but it would be so, so juicy. I think, okay, the thing that came to my mind was, okay, so I wanted to feel a little magical when you walk in the door, like a little bell goes.

At first you don't see me. I'm like tucked in the back, like, like maybe I'm an old man and I come out and the first thing that happens when you come, it's a puppet store, but you make your own puppet at the store, so you come in. Oh, it's like that place where you make a cup and you paint it? It's like that, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or there's one where you make teddy bears as well,

I think for kids, but so you go in, and first you have to go into a room called the mirror room, and it's like a little booth where you have to stare at yourself in a mirror until you see kind of your shadow self and you have inspiration for your. Pop it which is gonna be an extension of your soul then you thought this out. And then you come to me and you go okay i wanna make a puppet a puppet. It's a frog or it's a jester or whatever. It's like your clown almost, you know? And then I give you, it's like Ollivander's wand shop.

Like I give you what I think you'd need, what materials you need to make the puppet. I'm very controlling in this fantasy. I'm very, some people I go, you're not ready. You're pulling the strings as they say. Yeah. Oh, some people I go, you're not ready. As they say, yeah. Oh, good for the story. My little fortune. Easy.

The roof with those guns. Yeah, but some people I would turn away if they're not ready. And then you're ready, not ready. It's, well, you describe the puppet you wanna make to me and if I think you're not really looking inward deeply enough. Oh wow.

You know if you go, I don't know, I wanna make a dog called, you know, Doofus or something. I go, tell me more and then. You need more depth. More depth, yeah. And then you make your puppet and I'd put a little puppet theater in the back of the shop where I could host puppet shows and. Yeah, so you're not your puppet and I'd put a little puppet theater in the back of the shop where I could host

puppet shows and yeah, so you're not planning to make money either well If each puppet cost Yeah, that's true I shouldn't be turning people away not in the first years when you're in the red Did you know that color Me Mine started as a, um, a real ceramic artist? It started as a puppets shop. You know, Color Me Mine is like ceramics. Yeah.

Yeah. What is the mug place? Like it started where the real artists was like, who has amazing pieces. It's like, I got to make some money. I need, I need ladies over 40 drinking artist who has amazing pieces. It's like, I gotta make some money. I need ladies over 40 drinking and making some mugs. What a funny name, Color Me Mine. Color Me Mine, yeah, what is that? Color Me Mine.

Color Me Mine? Does that mean like, I wanna paint mine? Doesn't have the same ring? I don't know. I think it just was like, they were like, this sounds good. They were ladies in their 40s, drunk, drinking out of coffee. What are we gonna call this?

Color be mine. Janice, Janice, what do you like? Color be mine. Would you guys wanna come into my puppet shop or not? Absolutely. Yeah, I wanna look. Does your dad work there? Start Yelp review. Yeah, my puppet shop or not? Absolutely. Yeah, I want to look. Does your dad work there? Or Yelp review.

Yeah, my dad and his puppets, I mean, cause I'm staying with them now. He's making, I got to see his workshop and he made me a puppet for my birthday. Oh. It's a dog who's doing a painting. It's an artist dog, but then you take its little hat off and it turns out the ears were fake and underneath

The fake ears. It's a bear. Oh, wow. I know he's fucking with me my dad May 2nd second I knew that did you know that take before I said Wow, how'd you know that July 1st? Wow Neither of us are saying yours That's's all right. This was March. It was March. 14th? And I texted you. I think I also texted you. You texted me, when is your birthday? No, I didn't. No, I got everyone's phone calls and texts and gifts, and I appreciated every single one of them. Thank you.

What would your store be? I feel like it's just so obvious that it's annoying and that's fine. But a vegan food shop. Yes, yes, yes. Or the dyke dust on the shelf. Dyke dust on every shelf. You know, I love those little grocery stores that also make coffee and they sell organic produce

and little, just little treats you can't find in the regular grocery store. I like those kind of shops and I'd love it to be fully vegan. Yeah, like a little country store. Like you might have fresh cherry pies. The vegan. Yeah. Yes, of course.

Yeah. And yeah, that's a vegan country store. And are you the only employee or are you hiring staff? Oh, yeah, it's just me. I'm in an apron. I'm like just I'm unpacking all the produce in the mornings and putting them on the shelves. I'm making the, I used to work in a coffee shop.

I'm a pretty good barista. Really? Oh yeah. But it's only decaf that you're serving. It's only decaf, that's right. Polishing every zucchini before you put it. I'm you know, I like zucchinis. I don't love them. Really? I don't love them. I like them. Roast cut really thin. roasted with olive oil and some salt. Yeah, I like a Japanese steak

house. Wait, you're opening a Japanese steak house. I like zucchini when they serve them out of Japanese steak house. I was like, well, that's such a flex after the vegan food store that you're gonna open at Steak Japanese. Especially Japanese. Wagyu beef. I don't know about TIG, but I'm going meat. I also would like to have local art on the walls

and a little stage for poetry and open mic music and that kind of thing. That's my dream. So if anyone wants to invest in me, here I am, as I said about lobbying, I'd be a good, good person to invest in. I'm kind of imagining this little old lady who she doesn't have a lot of friends and

she's kind of awkward and she comes into your store every day just for a chat and you know she's not going to buy anything but you kind of indulge. Oh, morning Amber. Oh, it got anything new? Yeah, is Amber an old lady name? No, it's kind of a sexy name. I was going to say Justine and then fortune already did a Justine in this episode. So I was like a, like a Cecilia or something.

Yeah. Like what about Myrtle? Myrtle. Why don't we just go for it? Yeah. Yeah. Amber is like, maybe she used to be a Vegas dancer. And now what's up?

Amber. Well, if it's up? Amber. Well, if it isn't grandmother Amber. Oh God. Yeah. Fortune, what would you? Well, I kept going back and forth. Like, uh, I love this place in Nashville called biscuit love. Um, and, uh, they have fun shirts and I just love it, you know, biscuits.

And so first I was like, do I want a biscuit shop? And then I was like, I don't know if I want to go just double down on biscuits. And have it become your whole personality. Yeah, like there's the biscuit gal. I always thought it'd be fun to have-

Except if you're in the dugout, you're not the biscuit gal. I like one of those places that in the morning till like three or something, that's a cool coffee shop. And then at like four, it turns into like a cool cocktail wine bar. Yeah.

Oh yes. Cause I like a, I love a coffee situation. I'm a big espresso gal. Yeah. And I like a place that's just like light and airy and like clean and you know, this not like, it's not like super modern but not like cluttery, like an old cottage.

And then at night I like a nice like old fashioned or some kind of mixologist, like cool ingredient kind of cocktail situation. Yeah, sprinkle a bit of dike dust. It's not really food. We don't really have food food, like a kitchen, but we have like some good muffins in the morning that are delish.

We'd probably get someone else to make them because who wants to deal with that? We can make them over here at my country mart. There you go, country mart. I can, when I say we, it's me. Oh yeah, you and Amber can deliver them. Amber, we're closed still. And then at night it's just like little,

I like how in Europe they do the little aperitivos with the olives or chips or snack mixes, things like that. Are you in need of a puppet waiter? Yeah, bud, come on. You can hang your puppets on the walls. It's like a cool space and a little outdoor area. Oh, that's nice. When the sun's out and it's nice or at night,

there's like candles. Are you gonna have a rooftop? You gotta have a rooftop. Oh yeah, a rooftop would be good for those cocktails at night. Yeah. Biscuits in the morning on the roof, come on. Maybe have some desserts at night too. Mm-hmm.

Mm. Mm, that's, yeah, that sounds lovely. Who's gonna make the most money? I'm gonna, this is gonna shock you guys. I'm gonna say me because you are shocking us for sure. Yeah. Well, all I need is, ain't no way, but please tell us. Good luck selling one puppet. What are my overheads? I just have the mirror for the mirror room. I have some arts and crafts supplies. And then I'm charging like 10 grand a puppet and I only sell one per month. Okay, well that's a lot of puppets.

Wait, one per month? One per grand. No, five grand. Okay, five's a little bit more reasonable. No, five is still pretty pricey. You don't want tap off, but boy is that expensive. But it's like a, it's a six hour experience. So it's like, it's almost like a thousand dollar a puppet. Okay. Yeah, you're right.

You're right. 30. No, cause it's, I give you my full attention. They also get to meet May and there're our fans of May who will pay that to hang out for six hours. It's just me and my full attention and... And you look deep into their soul and tell them nice things. Well, and it's therapeutic what's happening to them. It's like mask work. Do you make out with them at the end?

I wasn't. Wait, with the people or the puppets? With the puppets, I make out with their pupp them at the end? I wasn't. Wait, with the people or the puppets? With the puppets, I make out with their puppets at the end. Oh my God. The people, that's why we're paying a thousand a pop here. You said look deep into their soul and tell them nice things. What about looking deep into their soul and tell them really terrible things? I think some people will be into that.

Some people are into that. Yeah. What if my puppet makes out with their puppet? We'll be right that. Some people are into that. What if my puppet makes out with their puppet? We'll be right back after this commercial. I don't know if any of us are raking in the dough here. I'm selling zucchini, guys. Yeah, you're definitely not raking in the dough. You're not.

It's organic. Mine has a chance, but I'm gonna have to really promote it on my social media. You're gonna have to sell a lot of biscuits to pay off the building you just described. Well, none of the biscuits aren't happening anymore. It's just muffins. What you're outspending.

It won't be a huge space. I don't wanna go, you don't wanna go too big. I have an idea. You can also get a membership. So you got your regular customers and tips and stuff but then you get some people who get a membership. I don't know what. What do they get with that?

Is this for your business? No, for you. Oh, for mine. Maybe they get to touch Biggie or something? Oh, Biggie, Biggie, Biggie. Well, they have to really like dogs. Come on in and touch biggie. For $300 a month.

He's like, well, why am I a part of this? And also just assuming everyone knows who biggie is. Just come on in, step right up and touch biggie. The only people that come to this coffee slash bar are my fans. Now, what is the name of your business? Yeah, good question. Thank you. Oh, gosh.

Mine is Biggie's Country Mart. So, Biggie's involved in yours too. He's in a lot of the businesses. He's an entrepreneur. You can tell just looking at him. He's asleep right now, he doesn't know he's about to be called upon. Mine is Dante's Inferno.

Whoa. Or something like that. Of course it is, of course it is. Cause you're looking deep into the seven levels of hell of your soul and you're encountering all the things that you repress. Mine's something like- Daunt Maze Inferno, sorry. What is it?

Daunt Maze? Daunt Maze. Okay. We're still workshopping. Yeah, we're workshopping. What about fortune? What if yours is no biscuits here? That's a good one.

Thank you. Still workshopping. I like something ambiguous, like the library, you know? Yeah, that's cool. Well, you know, that's always a good title, something like that. The library, because if somebody's cheating. Yeah. On their credit card statement, it says, I went to the library. Yeah.

I was at the library all day. Yeah. You know, the dentist to the library. Yeah, I was at the library all day. Yeah. The dentist. The dentist. The dentist. The dentist. We have at least one drink that has smoke in it. Oh, for sure.

You need something that people wanna Instagram, you know? Yeah, you're right. Well, Biggie's there, that's your Instagram bait. He's part of it, but yeah. Touch Biggie! We need one or two cocktails that are showstoppers. Yeah, yeah. Well, should we hear what Charlotte has to say?

I think for sure. We would love, I hope she sings it in the form of a hymn. Me too. My shop would be a secondhand electronic shop where I fix the wires in Hi-Fi's and Walkman's. And it would be in Camden town in London. Just as an example. Thank you. Bye.

Interesting. Secondhand electronics. Yeah. Where you fix the wires. Well now we know who's definitely making the least money. I don't know. That's really functional. I'm really surprised it's such a specialized skill. A secondhand electronic shop, right?

Can we listen to that again, Thomas? I think she referenced a Walkman even. Yeah. I'm not gonna lie to y'all, I kinda missed what she said. Yeah, we're gonna listen again. I don't know if it was the accent. Was it the accent or you were just? Wait, did you just say I'm not gonna lie? Yeah, you didn't say Trish, you told. You said I'm not gonna lie it was the accent. Was it the accent or you were just... Wait, did you just say I'm not going to lie?

Yeah, you didn't say Trisky told you said I'm not going to lie. Everyone drink, that's adjacent. My shop would be a secondhand electronic shop where I fix the wires in Hi-Fis and Walkmans. And it would be in Camden town in London. Hi-Fis? Hi-Fis? Thank you, bye. You guys are boggled by the accent. In Camden, where's Camden town?

Fix the wires in high fives and walk, walk, and it feels like there's- What's high fives? What is high, what is high five? I don't know, but it feels like this is- High fidelity stereo. High fidelity stereo. Okay, so it feels like there's- Oh yeah, we all knew that. We knew that. There's like nostalgia involved in her choice.

Like it's like, she's keeping the relics alive. Yeah, yeah. That's what my doctor does with me. Keeps you. You know, it kind of reminds me of, I have, and maybe I could combine this with Biggie's Country Store. But whenever I see furniture on the side of the road, I always wanna take that and sand it and paint it.

And I don't have any talent around that kind of work. But Stephanie is, she is not into picking up furniture on the side of the road. That makes sense, because it could have like bugs or stuff in it. Because you're usually the germy one. Like you don't like germs. Guys, I'm not picking up furniture

that has feces and bugs all over it. You don't know what if it had, what are those things called? Wow, I didn't mean to bring the mood down. No, bed bugs. It can have bed bugs. I'm just trying to bring the mood down. No, bed bugs. Look at bed bugs. I'm just trying to share my dreams with you. And all of a sudden I'm crazy and filthy.

You and crazy Amber are out there picking up furniture. Amber, we're closed. You have a carpentry shop called Filthy McNasty's. Boy, that's your dream is to pick up old furniture and restore it? Well, some of us have bigger dreams than others, but yeah, I love when I see an old table or chair or something, I like it.

I'm like, God, that is garbage, but I'd like to pick it up and paint it something. That could be a business too. Secondhand that. Well, I was thinking I could redo up and paint it something. That could be a business too. Secondhand that. Well, I was thinking I could redo that and use it for like the table and chairs at Biggie's Country Store and people could sit in those and I can also put them up for sale.

And also sell them, yeah. Yeah, you can buy my garbage. Now we're starting to get a more of a marketing profitability plan here. I like how practically, like that you're thinking about profit margins. No, yeah, you're having money. You can't just have a passion.

I like that. The image of Charlotte though, like that's very in keeping with her personality, I think, to like, the calm of just quietly repairing some wires. And yeah, the kind of analog nature. Like she's not rich not on her phone a lot like she doesn't have social media like I can I imagine maybe she'd be listening to classical music or like on her Walkman

her yeah walkman from 1981 she lives in London right she lives in London not in Camden town what is Camden town that did? Camden Town is like a part of London where I would say when you go there it's like every trend that's ever existed. So like punk, goth, like ravers, it all still exists in Camden Town. It's like, it's just a weird little melting pot of like, I think it's where Amy Winehouse would perform and it's kind of grungy and there's like.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. Sounds like there might be some furniture pot of like, I think it's where Amy Winehouse would perform and it's kind of grungy and there's like, Okay. Yeah, yeah. Sounds like there might be some furniture on the side of the road that I could. It's a place where a Walkman still exists. So yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At least one.

Oh, listen, I'm not going to yuck her yum. No yuck in this yummy episode. That was a joy to do this episode. I'll be honest. A joy and an honor, my friends. I'm honored. Me too. I'm honored.

I'm gonna go to each one of y'all's stores and I'm going to leave them five star reviews on Yelp at least once a month. Thank you. I'm gonna cut out, I'm gonna clip the section of Thomas's baby voice and I'm gonna use it as my ringtone. So every time my phone rings. I'm gonna use it as my alarm on my house. If somebody breaks in, then they're gonna have to hear that. Please don't break into my house.

That would be scary. Leave us alone. We don't want no trouble. We don't want no trouble. We don't want no trouble. Oh, you guys. What a podcast. Should we give a finger kiss to each other? Anyone have anything coming up?

I am on tour doing, I got three music shows in June. Oh, awesome. June 10th, 12th and 13th on the West Coast. So check out maymartinmusic.com. I'm in San Francisco and Portland and Vancouver in June. Yeah. Nice. May 16th, I'm in Grand Rapids, Michigan, then Minneapolis. Then coming after that, St, Michigan, then Minneapolis,

then coming after that, St. Louis, Kansas City, Mulving, Kansas, Vegas, Lexington, Kentucky, Knoxville, Tennessee, Asheville, North Carolina, and lots and lots more dates coming in the fall. On May 17th, I will be at the Ohio Playwrights Conference fundraiser with Emily Salors from the Indigo Girls and Jonathan Brooks and several other people. It's gonna be a great show for a good cause. Get your tickets online.

I'll also be at the Tribeca Film Festival in New York City June 7th with the film that I produced, the documentary called Come See Me in the Good Light. So if you're in New York, come check that out. And then I'll be in P-Town August 23rd doing two shows. And then I'm always working out new material at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles. Go to tignotaro.com for all information.

And please, if you enjoy our show, share your favorite episode with a friend and help us build the handsome community. It's a really good group of people I gotta say. Sure is. Yeah, what do you say until next time? Well, I think we should tell people too. Keep it handsome.

We should have done that in a baby voice. Oh, yeah, should we? Can we? Until next time. Keep it handsome. Ew. Ew. Eww. Eww. Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast! That was a hate gum podcast. What a podcast! What a podcast! That was a headgum podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like you know to check and make sure your extra hot coffee has one of those cardboard insulators before you carry it out of the store.

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