Handsome - Chelsea Handler asks about being thankful

Episode Date: November 21, 2023

Chelsea Handler asks Handsome about what they're grateful for, plus Olympic poker, Clint Eastwood's birthday, the Electric Slide, and more!WE HAVE MERCH! handsomepod.com Handsome Live Streaming Show Dec 18! Tickets: dynastytypewriter.com Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodEmail the show: [e-mail]'t forget to rate & review Handsome wherever you get your podcasts!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome to another episode of the handsome pod it's your gal fortune and i'm joined by Tig Notaro. Tig Notaro and your guy, May Martin. Yeah, guys. What's up, my handsomes? Not much. Good to see you, as always. It's good to see you guys. Mm-hmm. I just got back from my sister-in-law's wedding.

Oh, boy. How was that? I don't know why I said, oh, boy. It sounded like the setup to a joke. And boy, are my arms tired. And boy, are they together. Yeah, it was fun. They have a baby.

And so I was on the dance floor last night with the baby in the baby carriage. And I got a big dance train going on the dance floor. And I was leading it with a baby. That's so good. This is why you're worn out today. Oh, well, yeah. And possibly the flu, but we'll see. Nothing can hold me back from a handsome pie. I'll tell you, there's nothing more germy than a conga line.

Really? No, no, Tig. Look at the fear on Tig's face. No way. It's just hips and hands. Conga line, fine. Hips and hands are full of germs. I know. It depends on where just hips and hands. Conga line, fine. Hips and hands are full of germs. I know.

It depends on where your hips and hands went. Did you also do the electric slide? There's a lot of germs in that. Is that where you roll around on the floor? No, you've never done the electric slide? Look at me and ask me that again. Tig, have you ever done the electric slide? I've heard of it, but I refuse to ever do the electric slide i i've heard of it but i refuse to ever do the electric

slide i will do a baby carriage uh choo-choo train dance yeah what is the electric it's just this one like the you sort of you can feel it it's electric boogie woogie woogie woogie so there's an actual song yeah oh i didn't know that what guys have have we never been to weddings what's happening there's two there's two group dances that are always played at weddings the electric slide boogie woogie woogie woogie and then the cupid shuffle i have never turned around turn around get to the left to the left we're any of those songs played at this wedding absolutely not no i've never really not what weddings are y'all going to this is crazy these are this is what gets all of the people going at the party i feel like you're going to adam sandler's wedding in like

or like yeah, yeah. And that you haven't been to a wedding since Adam got married. These days it's just people grooving to Billie Eilish, baby. I wish I had gone to Adam Sandler's wedding. I did not, but it probably did have the electric slide and it was probably awesome. Mm-hmm, yeah. But people still do the electric slide a lot.

You go to the right and then you go to the left and then you go You go to the right, and then you go to the left, and then you go back, back, back, and then back. So every wedding you go to, these terrible songs are playing. I think the big reveal. You need to watch your mouth. The big reveal is that Fortune is a wedding DJ and playing all these songs at every wedding. Actually, I would probably be a pretty great wedding DJ.

Okay, you and Jax got married, just the two of you, right? On a beach. Yes, so I didn't get to... Did you do the electric slide? No, you need a whole room full of people. But you don't. I think it's beautiful. You don't.

You just did it and it was electric. It depends what you're looking for. Yeah. I mean, I would only do electric, the electric slide if it was just me and Stephanie. You know what I mean? Well, I'm going to teach you how to do it.

When would we possibly carve out time for me to learn the electric slide from you? After Thanksgiving. Around the time when you guys are teaching me to drive, we'll also,

we'll squeeze in a... Oh yeah, we have to teach me to drive. Thomas, put that on the list. Put it on the list. We're going to teach me. Okay, we got oh yeah we have to teach me to drive put it on the list we're gonna teach me i have a lot of things to teach you guys we gotta put a video together of fortune teaching wait thomas do you know how to do the electric slide i just went to my brother's wedding and they had they did the electric slide. No. Yes. Oh, my God. Vindicated.

So, okay, they did the electric slide, but did you know how to do it? Did you participate, Thomas? I did. Like, I wouldn't know the song by heart. I would need the cues, but there were people who definitely knew it by heart. Don't they say to slide and then you...

Electric slide. But you're not moving on that you're just you can feel it it's oh it's not the one where it's like two steps oh my god see okay so thomas you're not familiar either okay put it on your list and we will make a video we will make a video of fortune teaching the three of us take it out is that the cupid shovel or no that's a different one oh my god who cares not a single person listening cares moving on what is it little cowboy what are you gonna yeah what's up little cowboy i was just wondering if that baby was asleep or awake. Oh, coming back to the important questions. That baby was needing to go to sleep.

Yeah. And I have to say, I love a baby. I love a sack of one potato in my arm. And that little baby was really trying to stay up to party, but is only nine months old in a little cotton tux that covers up his feet, you know, like snapped into his tux. And his bow tie is like on the back of his head. You know, he's a baby. He doesn't have any information. So he's my nephew and He doesn't have any information.

So he's my nephew and I wanted to spend some time with him. But I also thought, well, I could probably try and get him to sleep. By bringing him onto the dance floor. Onto the dance floor. And I was dancing him through everybody. And it was so fun because he would turn and, you know, just be completely dazzled by his adorable face and then i was like you know what let's just get the train a going and um he he finally went to sleep hey did you know that when uh babies are uh-oh when babies are no may fact yeah but maybe with

a twist because guess what guys when babies are not wanting to nap and they should in a way are they not resisting arrest wow yeah you're right that was not a may fact oh my god that was a may joke i can't take your face didn't even register a single movement in reaction to that it was completely still and you were kind of well i guess because i just wondered why you did that why i gathered everyone's attention you were like oh there's a baby story let me get this one out of the old i've never had an opportunity to organically slip would you call that organic how i slipped that in no very organic and natural to me it feels like you wedged that in we're talking you wedged speaking of a wedge speaking of wedged i don't know what about wedges i ate a wedge at the

at the um wedding a wedge salad that's right fortune a wedge salad but not a shoe but with no blue cheese right that's right because that's not vegan no blue cheese, right? That's right. Because that's not vegan. No blue cheese, no bacon, no dressing. Just the lettuce. I think he had lettuce. I basically created my own salad. And when I say created, nobody's ever thought of this kind of salad. I said, may I have some tomatoes? May I have some avocado?

Or whatever else I asked for. Yeah. They brought it. Good. Yeah, it was delicious. I love that. Yeah. They brought it. Good. Yeah, it was delicious. I love that. Wow. This is a boring story.

I should remember this story for Max and Finn at bedtime. Oh, wait. I can see you're getting delivered. We have a tea. Oh, this is exciting. This is so exciting. We have a chamomile tea coming in. Hi, Stephanie.

It's flying in for Tig. Wait, we got to say hi to Stephanie. May insisted that I. Hi, Stephanie. You're so sweet to flying in for Tig. We gotta say hi to Stephanie. Hi, Stephanie. You're so sweet to fly in a T. It's cute, it was. Well, I have to touch it. I'm new to having T.

Tig's got a sore throat from all of this electric sliding at the wedding. Do you know how to do the electric slide? Show us, Stephanie. Show us, Stephanie. Show us. Stephanie is not the dancer in our family.

It's electric. Boogie, woogie, woogie, woogie. Why can't I remember any more words to that song? Bye. Thank you. Love you dearly. Well, I was saying before we were rudely interrupted by my wife bringing me a cup of tea at bedtime i tell max and finn boring stories and i don't know if i've told you they call me mayor

yes which is french for mother yeah and they'll be like mayor can you tell us uh one of your boring stories and i'm like i would be happy and I sit down in their little chair and tell them about you know when I was pulling into the parking lot today and what color cars and what time it was I get lost in the very unnecessary detail of a story that goes nowhere and it puts them to bed oh my gosh just snoozing their little faces on that's so cute yeah it's pretty cute you can make a lot of money recording those and selling them as like a sleeping aid for kids takes boring stories what is a lot of money we're talking in the hundred at least what are we talking 40 dollars yeah what do we okay fortune how was your weekend my was good. It was pretty low key. It was a rare weekend, not on the road.

I've been touring like crazy. But I did something for the first time that I know Tig loves. The electric slide? I don't know if you love it. No. If I had been at a wedding, I would have. I played pickleball for the first time. Girlfriend.

Now, this is a huge sport among those over 60 and lesbians and it's hard i almost broke my ankle so it's just tennis right but smaller court or what's not tennis may now you would think it was tennis i've played tennis my whole life. I played tennis in college. I was like, I'm going to be amazing at pickleball. You find pickleball harder than tennis. Yeah. Because I've been playing tennis since I was like five. I could hit a ball with my eyes closed. I know how long my racket is.

We'll be testing that. Okay. Thomas, add that to the list. Mae's going to drive us there. With the pickleball thing, the handle's so small i kept shanking it okay so your main problem is just the muscle memory of tennis is preventing you from adopting that's one of the problems okay next problem number two okay the ball kind of dies it deadens excuse me i'm used to a nice what do you mean bounce with a tennis ball oh and this is more like a squash ball or what it's like you kind of got a lunge

for it a lot and they say that do you guys know that there's like an insane amount of injuries happening with people yes yes really it's like an orthopedics like dream i know i it's it's it's a lot and i was gonna say i don't lunge for anything oh you just let it's not worth it yeah i'm like i thomas and i uh play pickleball together oh i didn't know this well now you know okay word is out you didn't tell us you were a pickleball fiend he teaches me every time we play because i'm i'm bad at learning rules yeah you're a rebel across the board a maverick yeah and also yeah i don't lunge for anything it's kind of like a motto for life for you i think yeah it's like the gentle rule of attraction stuff comes to you that doesn't work for me. That is out of balance. Well, look, I was raised by a mother who told me to tell everyone to go to hell.

And that's instilled in me. She's like, sweetie, if they have a problem with you, they can all go to hell. So I'm basically playing pickleball thinking, okay, that's out of my reach. So that ball or my opponent can go to hell go to hell go to hell go right to hell straight straight to hell well the competitor in me was lunging and i almost broke my ankle i literally stepped on the ball i was lunging for it i stepped forward and somehow the ball went under my foot and i smashed the ball with my foot who were you playing against lesbians just uh just a gaggle of lesbians i don't feel drawn to to play it you've never played it may no i'm not very good at i think i

i used to like soccer but i'm not great at team sports i'd like to get more into poker that's something i that feels like a healthy choice definitely not a sport is it not no wait this is a genuine question that's a gambling habit but is there is it in the olympics mays like i used to do cocaine yeah is that a sport is that a sport a lot of people have done cocaine and played sports is poker in the olympics i don't think so is that a crazy question i really why why would poker be in the olympics i don't know because it seems to me like it's just like all these fit athletes who've like like been training their whole lives and just some fat guy with a cigar drinking whiskey with horrendous gas.

We've been talking about it on the podcast. I've been treading water lately. Just a few minutes out of my day that I take for myself to do something that's good for me. I wake up feeling better. I have more energy. And, you know, small actions like that can have big benefits, like how taking care of your gut can support whole body health. Well, Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic benefits your gut, skin, and heart health in just two little capsules a day. Now I've been using Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic, and it's great.

My skin feels better. I feel better. It's just good. So trust your gut with Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic. Go to seed.com slash handsome and use code 25handsome to get 25% off your first month. That's 25% off your first month of Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic at seed.com slash handsome code 25handsome. I love the show hacks and it is back baby for season three. That's right. We are going to see what kind of antics Debra Vance is up to this season. She is such a treat to watch because who doesn't love Jean Smart?

She is so freaking talented. Now, season two left off with Ava being fired. If you haven't watched any of Hacks, guess what? It's on Max. You can catch up, and I highly recommend that you do so before season three starts. There is also an official Hacks podcast.

In each episode, Hacks creators Lucia Agnello, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky speak with cast and crew members to unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. So check out that podcast, but watch Hacks streaming exclusively on Max and listen to the official Hacks podcast on Macs or wherever you get your podcasts. I think it would be my method would be I'd keep asking them to re-explain the rules. So I'd be hustling them. I'd be like, sorry, what's the highest hand? And then I think I could, I think people would find me unthreatening and then I could slip in there and I could see that.

Yeah. So you're not sporty at all. You're not into any sports. I'm into weights these days, lifting weights. I even started getting calluses on my hands from lifting the weights. And I bought little gloves. That was pretty handsome. But no, I used to play soccer.

I think I would like sports. Yeah. You seem like you'd be quick. I think I would like sports. Yeah. You seem like you'd be quick. I think I would like sports. I'm just waiting for the right time to get in there and enjoy myself with friends. Maybe in a few years I'll consider it. I don't think you'd

like pickleball. No. I'd like to watch you guys play though. I'll cheer you on. I think Tig likes it a lot though, right? I do. I've just had some trouble with my leg. Broke my femur so I'm a little hobbly over the past couple of years. But whatever. I did tape the celebrity pickleball tournament with a broken leg. With a broken leg? Oh my gosh. That's correct. Broken femur.

Wait, how did you break your femur? It is... I've got... It's nothing we need to get into but basically i lost my balance oh my god yes well i almost broke my ankle within two minutes of playing pickleball so it happens yeah well i i have not an injury but i'm also under the weather but i i don't know when this episode i'm saying this weirdly because I mentioned to you guys that I was going away to an Airbnb to plan a surprise party, right? What happened?

So that was this weekend. I planned this surprise party and it's all people I don't really know very well. Like it's, I still struggle to say my girlfriend, even though that's what she is. It's her friends who I want to impress. They're all very together people, you know you know like what are they attorneys or what are three pieces what is this yeah one of the are they handsome they're all pretty you know what they're all

stunningly beautiful you know there's like someone who teaches at a business college and there's like yeah and i'm trying to make a good impression. And I booked this place. Yeah, but you're like smoldering. I'm a little dweeb in a little hat with a propeller. That's how I feel. So you're at an Airbnb partying with... With a business major. Yeah, business people. It's like her sort of chosen family people, you know? Yeah.

But you haven't met them yet. This was the first time. I've met some of them, not others. But business degrees everywhere. Sure. and you were just wanting to impress yeah yeah i get that and so we get there on the friday and um you know there's three bedrooms or something everybody's piling in and sharing and i get food poisoning on friday night guys and remember we were saying like i have never farted in front of anyone, anything like that.

It was, it was, I, there was something evil inside me and I had to share a bed with my GF and I was puking, shitting. I was like toxic, evil waste coming out and I'm up all night and all morning.

And you paid for the Airbnb. Yes. I organized to just go out and i'm up all night and all morning you paid for the airbnb yes i organized to just go out and have diarrhea yes you're just like meet me diarrhea diarrhea oh my god and i'm like can everyone hear me and at night in the bathroom i'm like clomping back and forth and like you were saying can anyone hear me back here i wasn't calling out in the night can anyone hear me can anyone hear me do you hear this folks hello do you hear that i'm all alone and hurting can you hear my cries sounds like you had the electric slides oh did i ever did i ever oh man so what do you think it was? What did you eat? I know.

Look, I don't want to like. Rotten food. Yeah. One million percent rotten food. One million percent. I don't want to slander. You don't have to say the place. Okay.

Well, it was like a fancy. Chipotle doesn't care. Fancy grocery store where they have the like heated food that's out all day. I had. And I think this is all i can think of that i had fortune so that reaction wait i'm sorry you're telling a diarrhea in bed with your girlfriend's story okay i didn't have to i think it's reasonable that fortune i don't know how i think i was eating this food that was out on the counter for seven hours under

a lamp but it looks so fancy at this place I just had some chicken and mashed potatoes and a salad. That's it? Chicken. You think it would be the chicken? Chicken. As soon as you eat chicken, you might as well, before you eat it, just look at it and say, see you in an hour. And then so on the Saturday night was the actual sort of celebration.

And I was just a quivering, hollow shell of a person still really i was like recovering but i was i had like a red plastic cup with um pedialyte and gatorade in it and i'm like this is terrible was she so hot for you she was you know she was um very kind but you can just see in someone's eyes when the desire is dead and magic is gone and you're like will we ever get it back i don't like i hope everyone's having a good time stephanie's seen me in a diaper really yes i've crinkled around wearing a diaper i know it's a rite of passage like it's a it's exposure therapy but i don't like to be vulnerable like that in front of people. I wasn't into it. I'll be honest.

I was not like, this is ideal. Right. Yeah. It really takes a lot of trust, but we can laugh about it now. Can we? That is definitely not how I thought your weekend was going to go. Same. I thought I was going to be hoisted on people's shoulders with them going,

we're so glad that this person's in your life i was hoisted onto the toilet because i told my wife i was like uh may's partying this weekend in malibu aren't you jealous oh my god no and did the other people the the business the company the uh the executives did they know that you were blowing it out your ass in the other room yeah and they were all kind of i mean a lot of them are moms as well and so they were all very nurturing and sweet and kind but that almost made it worse it was like like i was this child felt like a child i felt like a child yeah oh god thanks mommy oh thank you mommy i had like an ice pack on my head and for no reason were you still were you like laid out still giving them facts about random things yeah i was like did you know in the 1800s if you were a witch they would know by throwing you in the river you had an ice pack on your head and a

patch on your eye and a paper clip on your nose or whatever it's called yeah really unnecessary for no reason yeah just leaning into it oh what a weekend we all had i know we're not feeling our most handsome still looking good all three of us. We're pretty good. I'm on the tail end of a cold. You are? Well, Tig, you have this thing where every time you're swallowing, you're kind of grimacing, but it makes you look like Clint Eastwood

because you kind of squint a little bit. Another smolder. I get that all the time. Do you think we can get Clint Eastwood to do a question? No, he's bad news. I had a question for this handsome pod. Fortune, are you okay? Did that sound all right?

Do you have guns like these? Is he 100? He must be getting close to 100. Let's Google. Speaking of surprise parties, we should throw a surprise party for what's his name clint eastwood clint eastwood that's right he's 93 93 dude is rich so we've got seven years to plan this party that would be the funniest party to throw if the three of us hosted Clint Eastwood's 100th

Birthday party But we have seven years to make sure Seven years to plan this? And to find an end to make sure we can get him here Who cares if he shows? Who cares? All I know is we're going to have all of your business Executives and then we're going to do The electric slide

Thank you And then you know We'll just hope he shows up but if not then it'll be we hope he shows up how do we get that out there we just sort of put it out in the universe we what are those things people invite the online invite oh an evite yeah an evite we could do an evite with the three of us smiling and just very excited to ring in his 100th birthday. Why do I feel like if we sent, I feel like he has a Hotmail address, not a Gmail address.

I feel like if we just sent it to him. How dare you? I have a Hotmail. You do? Yeah. If we sent one to Clint Eastwood at Hotmail.com, I feel like it would get to him. I really do. You're right i wasn't expecting

this email to appear but here we are i have a terrible clint eastwood impression i think it's one of your best does someone else want to try yeah i'll try okay yeah uh-huh i know what you're thinking are these fine young gentlemen inviting me to a party or are they not i was trying to sort of reference dirty hair it's like a young clint eastwood yeah you kind of bailed on it i got really nervous canadian at some point it doesn't matter all that matters is that we throw clint eastwood's 100th birthday party and people will be at our house. Our house. We live together. We'll go to May's party, Pat. I need you to do the impression. Of Clint Eastwood?

Yes. Getting the invite. I don't even know. Do it. Just try it. Based on what I've heard from you two. Yeah. Why are people throwing me this party?

Why are people throwing me this party? Why are these LGBTQs throwing me a party? I'm 100. Call me Clinty. You'll have to pry it out of my cold, dead hands. You're going to have to pry this party out of my cold, dead hands. Wow. That was incredible. Thank you. By far the best of the three by far the best but people will be asking us throughout the night like when does

clint get here what is your connection i didn't know you're so close with clint that'll be so fun and we'll say we we don't even know if he's coming we don't even know him he put a maybe on the evite he actually wrote and said can i bring a plus one and we said no and we said no oh and so we don't even know if he's gonna be here hold cold he's like i don't like to drive at night i feel like he only eats dry dry crackers We'll have some dry crackers laid out. As opposed to wet crackers. As opposed to damp crackers. Should we get into our question?

I think that would be wise. Today's question is in honor of Thanksgiving. It's from Chelsea Handler, who everyone knows is a comedian, TV host, producer, and actress. You might know her from a show called Chelsea Lately that I also was on with her. Chelsea on Netflix. Her latest stand-up special is Chelsea Handler Revolution, which you can watch on Netflix.

She also has a very funny HBO special. And here is Chelsea's question. Hi there, handsome pod. This is Chelsea Handler. I want to apologize for the hoarseness in my throat. I was sucking a ton of dick this weekend, as I'm sure you three were also doing. Thanksgiving is here. So I thought it would be an appropriate time to ask all three of you what each of you are grateful for this holiday season specifically. each of you are grateful for this holiday season specifically?

Well, first of all, what I am thankful for is that I don't get sore throats for the same reason she gets sore throats. I am thankful for that too. I've never, I've actually never had a sore throat from that. Hey, don't knock it till you try it. Faye says don't knock it till you try it. Don't knock it don't knock it so you tried it i have never tried it i'm going to say it right here i've touched one wiener in my life and that was it but nothing in the old pie hole trash compartment grandma's problem area i pointed at my mouth by the way now is it worth sharing the story of the one wiener oh i've talked about it stand up before i um joked that i was i was young it was like in

like early high school i think and um you know the opportunity presented itself and i was nervous and i didn't want to touch it for too long sure so i i joked that i grabbed it like a hot clarinet because i just kept doing grabby grabs like quick grabs and did he have questions for you? He wasn't, you know, he didn't love it. He didn't hate it. He didn't ask for seconds. I bet he remembers that night to this day. A million percent. Probably.

Are you still in touch with him? I see him from time to time. Whoa, you see him? Yeah, I'm from a very small town. Oh, wow. Okay, cool. Yeah. And were you interested in it like how did it get as far as you touch in a hot flute um hot clarinet whatever i'm not in with the wind i don't know you know you just like hang out and you're bored and you're of

a certain age and you're like what do you what do you got down there what you got did you ask him that i don't think so but that was just like hey look hey look what i got down look at this do you want to play my hot clarinet next thing you know you're you're playing a hot oboe yeah so do you think he's seen you tell this story on tv probably probably yeah and how do you feel about that it makes me laugh because it's like it's very innocent it is very innocent because there was nothing more to it just that i used to do a story on stage about um my first boyfriend ian peach and he broke up with me and i tell this whole this whole joke and then i did it on tv once at Just for Laughs and I was so yeah it was one of my first

ever TV spots and I'm in Montreal and I'm like and then I go and then Ian Peach and then someone in the audience goes I know him and I was like haha don't please don't like heckle me during my first ever TV taping and then I was like you don't really right and then she was like no I and she said his high school and it turned out she truly did know him and after the show she was like I can't believe I know that guy anyway that is such a small world yeah but that is such a specific name I know and because the the punch line is because they I was doing an interview and they said why are you gay in the interview which is such an insane question. And then I said, I think it's fair. Yeah.

Well, you were the one interviewing me. So then I said, I don't know, maybe Ian Peach in grade seven. And they, they misheard me and quoted me as saying, maybe eating a peach in grade seven. And it was, well, that's what I thought you said. I know. So it was in print. And my, my parents read that. I thought eating a peach had, made me get it was brutal wow

anyway that does track though the peach connection well actually did you know oh never mind wait was this a may fact that you're retracting it was because i suddenly realized that there's no connection to peach i don't know where it came from well you gotta make fact give it to us yeah really yeah of course that's what people are tuning in all right let me on their radios for this let me take you to ancient china oh boy wow where we got an emperor and he's uh he he was like pretty openly in love with this male like courtier or whatever i'm sure they had a different word for it and uh he it was a pretty they were a pretty progressive time in that in that court and um he was he knew that he was in love with this

guy because he was napping and the guy was uh napping on him and he wanted to move but he didn't want to wake up this guy and so instead of uh maybe he cut his own sleeve off and so they call they would call gayness uh like the passion of the cut sleeve or something like that oh i've never heard that it's pretty romantic passion of the cut sleeve i don't know how he had like scissors nearby you know and so the guy just kept sleeping on his did you say welcome while they're gay yeah i don't know i'm picturing them cutting hair or designing clothes just have have a pair of scissors. Yeah. Lesbians also have scissors on them because they're just trimming bushes,

cutting roses. Cutting roses. Oh, gosh. Wait, okay. Sorry. What are we thankful for? This is what we got what we got it oh yes sorry we got sidetracked by wieners yeah as we do i mean i'm thankful that chelsea submitted a question yes i'm very thankful thank you chelsea for submitting it even being whore she's this is like the episode

everyone's like has some ailment yeah i guess i'm thankful i mean now i feel like we're switching into being earnest but truly please be sincere should i yeah of course i guess i'm just thankful for so much it's uh i don't even know where to start we're here well yeah you guys i'm thankful for you guys i try to like these days because it's so easy to notice when you're stressed or tired or angry or whatever, but I'm trying to like notice when I'm happy. And the more you notice it, the more it snowballs. So yeah, I'm also, I'm really grateful that I'm alive in a time where in my lifetime we might find out about aliens.

I think we're on the brink. Really? That excites you. Yeah. Why do you think we're on the brink yeah really that excites you yeah why do you think we're on the brink it just feels like something's brewing like there's been a couple the navy released these videos and then there's been these congressional hearings was it alf yeah there's like an up-close video of alf i'm grateful for that and i'm kind of trying to will it into being that before i die i get official confirmation confirmation good reason to be thankful this year yeah we're getting closer to aliens and alf spotting do you celebrate thanksgiving may no no i mean i know

it's super uh i mean you gotta like american and so problematic the way it used to be celebrated right so we got we now we reframe it as like a kind of just general gratefulness holiday yeah i hope that's the part of the holiday i appreciate the most is i feel like it has morphed into a day to give thanks and to like reflect on what you're thankful for and an opportunity to like be with people you love be it family or people often have friends givings yeah it doesn't have so much to do about buckles on shoes anymore yeah or genocide and yeah yeah yeah we just um yeah it's more like turkey and food and giving thanks. Do you have vegan Thanksgiving, Tig? I do.

I have vegan everything. What if you were like, no, actually, everything's Thanksgiving. I just have vegan Thanksgiving. I eat turkey. Yeah, it all goes out the window. And I just go nuts on anything. That's like during the pandemic, people would ask, did you still remain vegan during the pandemic?

Really? Yes. When I get stressed, I want chicken. I know. It is interesting with veganism that people assume that you're trying to find a meat replacement. Yeah. And that you need a meat replacement in the shape of a turkey. It doesn't even cross my mind. Like, I don't eat meat replacement in the shape of a turkey it doesn't even cross my mind like i don't eat meat replacement yeah you know but it's the same with queer relationships people assume you're

trying to find a man they're like who's the man in the relationship and you're like exactly there's none and who's the pretty little lady yeah the pretty little lady but yeah we just you know mashed potatoes mushroom gravy salad soup loaves of bread and roasted carrots roasted carrots that jiggly cranberry what have you jiggly jiggly we have everything pumpkin pie apple pie i love a pumpkin pie you love a pumpkin pie more than anything whipped cream pumpkin pie same same dude and then we we top it with the cocoa whip oh yeah nice which you can't have because you oh yeah allergic to coconut to be honest the whole conversation is taking me back to this weekend and making me feel pretty nauseous queasy the mashed potatoes is this your first la thanksgiving no i think i was here last year and

i did do something yeah with a bunch of friends just like a meal and this year i'm just gonna be hanging out just with your gf yeah yeah yeah yeah but not like a not doing like a thanksgiving type of meal situation well now you're now you're making me feel i need to rent an airbnb and organize a big definitely don't rent an airbnb it's it's uh failed you once already diarrhea i i had one thanksgiving in canada with um with an an ex girlfriend and her whole family and we were all pretty close and uh she had a niece who was two maybe and we're all sitting at the table and there were grandparents great grandparents and the the two-year-old just looks at my ex and goes uh lindsey's a girl and then she starts going around

the table grandpa's a guy and she's going around and i know it's getting to me and i know what this is about and i know she's been on may has diarrhea she's been eyeing me up all through the meal so she's going around a circle and everyone's like oh this is cute but also getting increasingly nervous as she gets to me and then she finally gets to me and goes she's like you know grandma's a girl and what is may it's like and everyone is so quiet at the table and all the great grandma you just heard the sound of cutlery on plates you know and what did you say i i think at the time i was like i don't know what i am. I was like, good point, kid. Kids are like little, little ones always have that question.

Like when Jax used to teach, I walked into her room and this hand immediately shut up. Like I literally just walked in the room and Jax was like, yes. And she goes, is that a boy or a girl? I was like, i'll see myself out that that surprises me so much i don't yeah but you know they do they love they love to ask it i was reading to my children i wasn't telling a boring story i was reading a book to them they are five years old at the time. We have lived together for five years. And mid story, Finn says, Mayor, are you a boy or girl? No way. I said,

well, what do you think I am? And he said, I think you're a boy. Oh, no not and he said yeah but you look like one right and i said yeah i guess i guess i do so and he's like good talk good time but he's so proud of having two moms it is the cutest thing we will hear he is so chatty our sons will talk to anyone and everyone they are so social and you hear yeah i have two moms uh it always comes up always comes up that's really cute and i'm thankful for that i'm very i am so thankful for my little roommates. Yeah. And Stephanie, I can't even express. It's just, you know, I always feel like whether it's my career or my relationship, my family, it's not that I don't want more for myself ever, but I like maintaining what I have. That's so nice.

You seem to have so much like calm certainty about it, which is very soothing. And especially, you know, you describe like, you're sort of tumultuous 20s and stuff and be, you know, always having like doubt about things. And then when you're just like, No, I know this is for me. And I would do anything to protect it. That's so nice. Yeah. I just, if I never got more or less in life, I just, I love where life is right now and where it's been. Yeah. I feel so, so thankful.

And it's that typical thing of, I do not remember life before Stephanie or Max and Finn. I mean, she and i are like 11 years in and max and finn are coming up on eight wow and i really don't i know i had a previous i just it makes no sense to me yeah none none that's such a nice feeling it's gotta be like you like going home i always feel bad for people that are like, I don't want to go home. The old ball and chain.

So many people, yeah. Oh my God. That should be where your peace is. Totally. I would so prefer to be at my house. Than anywhere else. Than doing anything and hanging out with our little crew. They're so endlessly funny yeah and it's that

it's like a comedian that just really surprise curveballs you where you're like whoa that is hilarious why isn't stephanie so funny too i know you do you got it you got a really funny wife you got a double whammy with the two of you she is so funny it's ridiculous i almost got emotional there when you're talking about being so thankful and then i thought if you made that as a speech at clint eastwood's 100th birthday party there would not be a dry eye in the house if i talked about my family at his 100th birthday yes yeah and he would just be he'd be raging would be the tie-in would be, I hope to live to be 100 so I can keep like you, Clint. Well, you know, Stephanie is 15 years younger than me. And her dream has been to live to be 100.

And then when we got together, she said she would like for me, she wants to die together. Oh, my God. And I was explaining. How very Romeo and Juliet. And you're like, wow, that could be arranged no i was saying that means i have to live to be 115 and i said i'm sorry it's just not i like that you just crunched those numbers uh fortune and um i was like it's just gonna be so hard because i mean come on life's already almost taking me out a few times i get to 115 you might you might you never know maybe i'm i'm working towards it i'm

you're eating clean and yeah by then like the the aliens will have come and given us some key to immortality like you'll just download your consciousness into anybody, maybe. Yeah, maybe. But I'm going for it, the 115. I'm going to do my best. I like that. I believe in you. Because I really didn't care before we got together.

I was like, maybe this will ride out for 70 years, maybe. That's fine. And now I'm like, no, no, no. 115. There you go and um my mom wants to be cryogenically frozen and uh has been talking to us about that and wow they don't know how to bring people back yet but i don't mind it as a they're like we can freeze you yeah that's as far as we know what a racket right and they're charging you all this money and they're like how much i don't know but a lot i think i mean come on what's a lot of money possible to bring someone you would have to tell a lot of someone in a freezer bag and like you could seal it but like

but where they're still breathing i know i don't think you're breathing when you're frozen you're like um you're one million percent not breathing guys when you're frozen well but how do how do they think you would come back well they haven't figured it out they don't know they don't know i know that's why it's a racket it's such a well my my son max wants to be um he wants to be frozen yeah i think i i want to be frozen like han solo and i don't like being cold right well you're not going to be frozen like Han Solo. I don't like being cold. Right? Well, you're not going to be aware that you're cold. I'm going to be alive. I know it.

Fortune, what would your speech at Clint Eastwood's birthday party be over the things that you're grateful for? I'd be grateful that Tig has lived to be 115. Clint's well past at this point. I want to see that stand-up special of Tig at 115. Oh, my God. Yeah, I would talk about how I was grateful that he's alive and that Tig is also going to.

Our friend Tig here is following in your footsteps. And I come out in my diaper. I'm back in the old diaper. Hello. Oh, man. here and i come out in my diaper i'm back in the old diaper hello oh man i'm grateful for my i would say i'm similar to you i'm very grateful for jacks my lovely wife because she just kind of keeps our lives together yeah god we're all so romantic i gotta i gotta mix it up i gotta know i gotta be like i'm grateful for sucking dick or something i gotta i've gotta mix it up like chelsea yeah yeah yeah she's just a solid partner like she's such a teammate you know i never thought i would have

that i never thought i would find that and i didn't have it for many years and many, I didn't have a lot of serious relationships. Until that dinner together where I said, it's around the corner. Do not give up. Yeah, Tig said, look at me, trust me. I didn't think I would find this. It's coming. So maybe it seems like the theme is like, if you haven't had something, then you are more prone to feel grateful

often people who have been given everything and had it handed to them are very unsatisfied people would you think yeah you can continue to feed the beast the people that you know i know a few of them wandering around you probably do too but where it's like no matter what success or amount of money or anything that they get, miserable, miserable people. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think surrounding yourself with good people. I'm like you with your kids.

I'm not comparing a dog to kids, but my feeling towards my dog is like he's getting older and I just stare at him all the time and i think in my head like i wish i could freeze time with him you know yeah are you crying no i'm not i'm not no i will thomas jackson jackson will blow straight up break into tears when they think about him oh barbara streisand cloned her dog you could maybe i know it's not the same i'm also thankful my my a lot of people know my dad had open heart surgery this uh fall and he almost he came very close to dying he was in the hospital for eight weeks and uh it was dicey and he's turned a corner and he's finally home and it definitely made me realize my parents are getting older yeah and

to like call a little more visit to have a little bit more meaningful time together because you know you just never know and that definitely was a wake-up call and so is he still kind of in therapy trying to he was in physical therapy for two weeks he he's back home he said i've gotten rid of all the nurses but one so he's got one is he clint eastwood yeah he's close he is southern doesn't have he doesn't have the clint smolder but he has come through it like a champ because uh it was rough has it sort of like has it changed his attitude about things having that scare i definitely think he is happy to be alive and he every time he calls now um he makes sure to like tell me he loves me and oh man hi to jacks he he just seems like he's

trying he's a little bit more thoughtful yeah with his words does he bring up biggie he hasn't said to since okay well we need that's the next thing he needs to say and uh and i love biggie too i need i need biggie to be my regards to biggie yeah with my parents i'm a biggie you know that things will change at some point so i'm just trying to be in the moment and appreciate what i have and not get too caught up with like i'm obviously a workaholic but trying to like also be present in my life yeah that's the constant struggle right today was um where the sun was setting and it was moving so fast this sun like i just you know when it's setting and it right when it gets to the horizon you can actually see it moving pretty and i was like

fuck it's flying across the sky we gotta i want to slow time down and then it made me think how fast time moves and then that brings us back to biggie yeah exactly yeah he's not in here tonight i know we have our kitty city we got the three cats that walk around in a pack that's another thing i am so thankful for is these ridiculous animals i think i've told you when it's bedtime for max and finn they all come in there when stephanie and i are getting ready for bed or everyone's in the kitchen they all come down together it's the most i've never seen cats do that i haven't like they prowl around like a teen like a little they are a that's why we call them kitty city that's so funny it's just they are always together are they related the cutest thing

two of them are fraternal twins love it and then there's Fluff, who Stephanie and I got. It's so funny to think about after we had moved in. And we were like, oh, should we get a cat? And it was truly like we were trying to figure out if we should have a child. We were like, okay, so we're doing this. We are going to adopt a cat. This is our test. Yeah. Should we hear what Chelsea's thankful for?

Yeah. Yeah. I know I what Chelsea's thankful for? Yeah. Yeah. I know I am grateful for my freedom. I am able to move around this world in any way I want and travel and have a blast doing it. I am grateful that my job is a comedian. I'm grateful that I am on tour and that during this really ugly, dark time in our world, I'm able to provide a reprieve for people and a safe place to laugh with strangers. I'm grateful that that's my job. And I am also grateful for my dog, Bernice. I

have one dog left and she's sitting right here and she's not dead yet. And I'm grateful for that. That's amazing. So each of you needs to pick what you're grateful for. And please be serious. Okay. Love you guys. We did. Okay. I really regret saying the thing about aliens, though. Like, I want to say everything Chelsea said, basically.

Of course. Yeah, totally. Freedom. I mean, that is the best part about our jobs. It is such a treat to get to make people laugh. It truly is. Yeah. And it is so needed right now as far as like just things are so heavy and i think that that's what has been so even though we were very earnest in this episode i think that that's what's been so fun for me is the nonsense that this show cranks out yeah same and you know obviously people can ask

whatever they want and serious questions pop in here or there but to be able to kind of go off the rails and talk about whatever you want to talk about and not just make other people laugh but make ourselves and each other laugh is i'm so thankful for that because I'm so ready for it. I'm so ready for the nonsense. Me too, for true silliness. I think all three of us also do really enjoy our jobs. So few people can say that. I love stand-up.

I think all three of us love being on stage, and that's pretty rare and lucky. For sure. I've been trying to tell my kids about whenever they take a real interest in something, I always try and stop a moment and say, Max, you could, because he journals a lot and does cartoons and reads. And I was like, you could be a writer or you could do a comic book. And that could be your job, you know.

It would be nice to find a job that makes you and other people happy. And he's just sitting there coloring. And he looks at me and he says, or I could just do it for free. Yeah, he's like, well, you're taking the joy out of it. Yeah. But I'm just trying to plant those seeds because when I was growing up, nobody was planting seeds about. I mean, actually, that's not true. My mother was very much planting the seeds to do what made me happy.

But my stepfather, he was really not about doing what makes you happy. And so I just want to make sure that my kids are doing what makes them happy. That's awesome. Totally. What a treat. I'm thankful for you guys. I'm thankful for this podcast. Me too. I love that. I never know what we're getting into. But to me, that's the fun of it. I'm feeling very positive at the end of this. Like I want to go out and like, open my front door and hug my Uber Eats delivery guy. Well, I hope everybody listening has a lovely holiday. If you celebrate Thanksgiving, if you don't, no matter what, hopefully you'll take some

time this week to think about what you're thankful for and what you're grateful for. It definitely, I think, is a good grounding thing for all of us to do from time to time. So important. Get cozy. Yeah. grounding thing for all of us to do from time to time. So important. Get cozy. Yeah. And we're thankful for you guys for listening to our handsome podcast. So thankful. Oh my god. Oh my gosh. I just love how much people are loving the pod. Yeah, it's very nice. Very fun. If you love the podcast, you know what to do. Go on there. some cool reviews that always helps we love bringing new

people into the handsome pod uh and we have another cool announcement that we've talked about it tig take it away what do we got coming up well our live handsome show is coming up on december 18th fortune and you can join in the fun from anywhere in the world. Tickets are sold out in person, but you can join us streaming live on the internet by going to DynastyTypewriter.com. That's DynastyTypewriter.com to see our live streaming show December 18th. Now, Mae, if people wanted a lovely present for someone that they're thankful for

or with the holidays coming what would they do may well i got a couple ideas um i think people should go to handsomepod.com and there's t-shirts there's stickers for the sticker lovers in your life hats hats totes tote bags baby is it weird to wear it on stage? No, wear it. Really? Okay. We did want this to be cool because we're handsome. We wanted our merch to be handsome and we want you guys to be handsome.

So I think you're going to really like it. I also want to mention now that the strike is over that you can check me out on the new season of The Morning Show. Yeah. You can check me out on the new season of The Morning Show. Yeah. Someone in my writer's room was watching it and said, Tig is bone chilling in it. Ooh.

Yeah. You're like a fixer. I can't wait to see you be bone chilling. Bone chilling. Meanwhile, every time I'm acting, I'm like in my head going, this can't be what they're looking for. This can't possibly be what they're looking for. This can't possibly be what and yet it is. Yet it is. I'll be at Largo in Los Angeles, December 6. And then College Park, Maryland at University of Maryland, January 26. And then Waterville Opera House in Waterville,

Maine. And I also just have random shows at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter all coming up in the coming months. So come on out and hear some new material because I sure haven't heard it yet. Awesome. Yeah. Mae, do you have anything? Doing improv at UCB on the 21st and Dynasty Typewriter on the 29th with Stephanie and Alana. And on the 29th, stephanie and alana and on the 29th you're

also going to be able to stream that anywhere in the world so that's cool and then i'm at largo december 2nd and 11th with very special surprise guests big holiday extravaganza fortune i'm in the thick of my live, laugh, love tour. This weekend, if you live in Michigan, I'm going to be in Grand Rapids and Royal Oak. Tickets are almost gone, so get on that. Coming up, Kansas City, Missouri, and then a bunch of dates after Christmas in Florida,

St. Petersburg, Orlando, Jacksonville, and West Palm Beach. Then in the new year, Eugene, Oregon, Vancouver, out there in Canada, Burlington, Vermont, D.C., and Red Bank, New Jersey. Plus coming to Europe, to London, and to Amsterdam. My tickets are at fortunefeenster.com. Dude, you work hard. At the end of this tour, I'll have done over 100 cities. That is wild.

That's what I just did. Yeah. You guys. I did over 100. Yeah yeah i am in awe and you find time to play pickleball and i don't know how yeah got a radio show i'm doing some acting it's fun you like being that busy um i like a lot i prefer that to not being busy but this has definitely been like the busiest i've ever been but But it's all good stuff. So yeah, I'm at least loving what I'm doing. So you're not busy with bad stuff.

Busy with good stuff. I think if we did an action movie with the three of us, I can picture the cover, but I think it would be called busy with bad stuff. Busy with bad stuff. But you know what we're not too busy for? The Handsome Podcast. and that reminds me what that's pretty good handsome is hosted by me fortune feimster tignitaro and may martin the show is produced recorded and edited by thuellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and follow us on social media at handsomepod.