Handsome - Courteney Cox asks about putting yourself first

Episode Date: April 2, 2024

Courteney Cox asks Handsome about when to put yourself first, as Handsome continues "chattin' with Friends"! Plus Mae and Fortune's unique disaster survival strategies, Tig flirting on TV, and more! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media: @handsomepodMerch: handsomepod.comWatch on youtube: youtube.com/@handsomepodEmail the show: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hello there, handsome little ladies. It's your friend Tig Notaro. I wanted to remind you or let you know for the very first time in your life that my new stand-up special, Hello Again, is available now on Prime Video. Check it out, rate it, give it five stars, tell a friend. Share it. Yes. Handsome Pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers.

I mean, I think we should drop the whiskey vibe from our show. Really? Because it's 8 30 in the morning well and because we're never drinking it yeah maybe it should be a slurp of coffee yeah i don't i don't really drink and i certainly don't don't drink whiskey and fortune looks stunned and upset part of the show we haven't even said welcome to the handsome pod oh right oh you want to say that welcome to the handsome pod it's fortune beamster and tig notaro oh oh i'm may martin hi and we should drop whiskey or drink whiskey well i do whiskey, but if you don't really drink whiskey, you know. It feels inauthentic. I don't think there's anything wrong with cheers.

Oh, right, right, right. Nobody knows what's in the little cups. Yeah, you could have a coffee in there. Could be Pepto-Bismol. Yeah, or the generic version, bismuth are you kidding me Pepto Biz how's it pronounced okay Pepto Bismol is that antacid thing that you I think I'm saying it right Pepto Bismol you're not familiar with Pepto Bismol yes but I don't know how to pronounce the second word biz Pepto Bismol you can't You can't say bismol? Bismol.

What do you call it? I think I thought it was called Pepto-bismo. What? Pepto-bismo? I just think that sounds better. How have you been alive for as long as you have? Pepto-bismo? I've only taken it once in my life and I thought it was Pepto-bismo. And honestly, I think if it's not that it should be that well i agree with you there pepto bismo sounds like a lord of the rings character like and the and the in the fellowship little pepto bismo went but wait what what did you say about pink i said pink bismuth i was uh at a store like at a drug you're really not gonna know what this is if you don't know what Pepto Bismol is.

I know what Pepto Bismol is. No, too late. You already said you don't. I was at like a drugstore and I saw their knockoff brand was called Pink Bismuth. That's so funny. It's like, have you ever seen the knockoff uh triscuits i think they're at whole foods they're called woven wheats oh my god i don't want that you don't do you not like uh uh i like triscuits i love you know what i love so much? Tell me. Tell me. You know when Triscuits have that real kind of like dark burnt edge?

Oh, sure. Dark burnt. Does that happen often? I mean, I... My mouth just made a weird noise. Was that yours? Sounds like someone needs pink bismuth. Someone needs a big dose of pink bismuth.

I'm like stopped up right now as you can probably hear here my my nose and mouth have been making noises on their own your body was like did someone say pink bismuth help help me down here we need it somehow thomas to isolate that noise and crank it up so that we can hear it was like a full frog in your throat my nose was making noises last night and Jackson's like for god's sake go sleep in the garage yeah and that too did I ever tell you about my friend he woke up in the night terrified because he heard a woman screaming in the distance like out his window so he's holding his breath listening and he can't hear it and then he relaxes he hears it again then he so he's listening holding his breath he can't hear

it and he relaxes he realizes it's his nose whistling with the air and he just thought it was a woman screaming he thought it was like in the distance but it was just a gentle whistle i gotta go find that woman and screaming But every time he listened he was so scared that he was holding his breath. I feel like we're all full of beans today. You're wearing your pretty little lady sweater. If we're full of beans then we need Pepto-Fistful.

Oh boy. We're on fire. Do you know what I love most is that most people, I feel like, if their throat went rogue and did that spring noise of that your throat did, they would be like, can you edit that out? But you're just like, my throat just made that noise.

My throat just made a weird noise. Moving on. I can't wait for my, once my nose starts doing it too, I'll let you know. Oh, we'll know. We'll be like, there's a woman screaming on this podcast. We are full of beans today, though, guys. What do you mean, beans? Circling back to full of beans.

I don't know, that's what Mae said. Wait, do you guys not. Is that because we're silly? Stop it. You don't know that expression, full of beans? I've heard it, I think, many moons ago. What is it, full of beans? Yeah, just like full of energy, like bouncing around full of beans.

Okay, all right, now I know. I'm full of coffee beans. You know what else? We were full of beans Oh my god good segue Remember a while ago When we filmed After Midnight I do remember

That was actually really fun We haven't talked about that yet We never did I was a little nervous I was nervous because as you know When I say nervous I wasn't like sweating and shaking and like oh god i don't know if i can do it it was more of like i as you know don't i and

you know people give me a hard time like there's no way you don't fall i promise you i don't follow any pop culture and after midnight is a topical. Yes. Pop culture. Yes. Comedy show where you're responding to the news. When I was asked to do it before, when it had a different host,

I was like, no possible way. And the reason I did it this time was because we were asked as a full podcast to go on. So as a triad, you also just before we went on it became clear you'd never seen the show you had no idea what like you were like i don't know what this is like as we're walking out onto the set it was so funny well i mean i had a great time. Me too. And the producers said, do whatever you want.

You know, go nuts. And I truly was like, yeah. And I thought, well, okay. That's where I was like, oh boy, I don't want to ruin the show. And I hate doing shows when I say hate. I just mean like I prefer not to do shows if I don't understand the show or I don't know the topic. Because the fans are tuning in because they love whatever the topic is. And so I'm scared I'm going to ruin things by coming on and being like, I don't know what you're talking about.

And it's not like I can just catch up and research pop culture quickly because you don't know what they're going to ask you. And might I also mention the things that were popping up. This is how dumb I am. I didn't even connect the things that were on the screen were necessarily pop culture things. I thought they were just random weird pictures. Are you serious? Yeah. Random weird pictures.

It was pretty electrifying doing a show like that with you because I'm like, I get super nervous. Do you mean you, Tig, or you both of us? Oh, sorry. Just Tig. Oh. Okay. Continue. You sit over there and sniffle.

I was inspired to like break the rules. Like I didn't you find fortune. It was like, oh, it was. Oh, yeah. Oh, I too was electrified. Yeah. I mean, I, but I knew the three of us together. It was going to be insane insane i told him before we

walked out there you go just so you know this is gonna go off the rails like in two seconds i know there was someone made a joke like maybe taylor the host was like said something like oh imagine if tig left and i was like don't tempt her because like walk off the stage for to commit to the bit and go and i'll drive home and call you yes no fortune you too you i liked when you walked out from behind the podium and like that was pre-electrifying that was electrifying yeah that was like i was just there sort of stumbling my way through earnest emotional declarations. But that's the beauty of this triangle is everybody brings something really different to the table, which is great. It complements each other.

I agree. If anyone missed it, you can watch it on their YouTube, which I highly recommend. Because if you want to see us be ridiculous in a different format, that definitely happens there. Wearing our suits. And also there were some handsomeome Pod fans in the audience. We were just doing inside jokes of Handsome Pod on this televised show, like being like Mayfakt and people in the audience recognize what that was.

Yeah, that was cool. Before we did, you started talking and they went Mayfakt. Yeah, that's so nice. That's crazy. i have a thing when i get my makeup done for tv i i i don't enjoy it i don't know how you guys feel but i don't like because i always have to go you know just like you would do a boy like just do it neutral and then um i i got it in my head that there was like a small discoloration patch on my nose i think it was in my head anyway and then i went i discoloration patch on my nose i think it was in

my head anyway and then i went i was like great yeah i'm happy with the makeup and then i went to my green room to the dressing room and like redid it all oh really when she saw me she was like okay i think okay cool we'll work with this like i just undone everything she had like wiped it off or something yeah i like wiped a bunch off i added a bunch of different that was like a different color like i don't know what i did i'm impressed that you can do your own makeup because whenever they're like what do you want done i'm and they'll ask specific like do you want you know this or that yeah and i'm like i have no clue what you are asking me right now jack's will be like did you bring your makeup and i'll get out this bag and i'll open it and it's fully empty except for a

chapstick one foundation like one of the thing and she's like this is it i'm like yes i'm picturing like one bobby pin and like a little pink bismuth. She's like, I can't work with this. I'm like, well, this is my makeup kit. Whenever I have to go do something, I'll hand somebody my car key and my chapstick and my phone. I'll say, can you hold my purse? And then just walk off. I'm always like, I just want to look like my face, but better.

Like, I don't want to be adding dimensions that aren't already there. You know what I mean? You don't want to be a pretty little lady. I don't want to be a pretty little lady. No, like fortune. I want to be a pretty little lady. I'm wearing a pretty little lady sweatshirt. Oh, it looks good. Speaking of pretty little ladies, I was telling you guys,

and I don't know if this is appropriate or inappropriate to share on here, but I got feedback that I seemed flirtatious with the host. Whoa. Of After Midnight. Yeah, of After Midnight. Breaking news. Breaking news. A friend of yours just watched it.

I know it came out a minute ago. Yeah, a fellow comedian who's been on the show uh-oh who who could it be we will not name names you have we won't name names yes and they said what tig you're flirting with taylor thomas she was like you know me and my husband we were watching and it oh it's straight straight yeah straight person it felt like you're being flirtatious and i thought that is so wild and so my apologies to the host and my wife no listen you were not flirting at all i didn't think i was either no you were being ridiculous you were not flirty yeah Maybe that says more about your friend and what they're attracted to

than because you were being assertive and acerbic and you were demanding points. Yeah, you were being bossy. You were being bossy. Truth be told. Yeah. So maybe that's what they're into. But I mean, I feel like by that logic,

yeah, you're flirting with most people in your life. Yeah, I would say. You're bossing people around. Not because you're bossing them around, but there's like a dry playfulness. Yeah, yeah. And then you did your signature move where you grabbed Taylor's hand and kissed your hand.

Yep, there's that. I did that. You did that to me too moments before. Uh-huh yeah yeah yeah so i don't know maybe i'm just a real loose goose out there and you're so loosey-goosey no i definitely did not that vibe was not happening in real life i don't know what came across on screen yeah so let us know if you found me to be inappropriately flirting with the tv host of the show i was on what if we watched it and we found out that they'd edit it so

every time you spoke it was like bound to come out yeah and every after every scene i'm kissing her hand yeah the same clip over and over i'll'll have to ask Taylor if she thought you were being flirty. Yes, ask her if she thought I was being flirty with her on network television. We've been talking about it on the podcast. I've been treading water lately. Just a few minutes out of my day that I take for myself to do something that's good for me. I wake up feeling better. I have more energy. And you know, small actions like that can have big benefits, like how taking care of your gut can support

whole body health. Well, Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic benefits your gut, skin, and heart health in just two little capsules a day. Now, I've been using Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic, and it's great. My skin feels better. I feel better. It's just good. So trust your gut with Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic. Go to seed.com slash handsome and use code 25handsome to get 25% off your first month. That's 25% off your first month of Seeds DS01 Daily Symbiotic at seed.com slash handsome, code 25handsome. I love the show hacks, and it is back baby for season three. That's right. We are going to see what kind of antics Debra Vance is up to this season. She is such a treat to watch because who doesn't love Jean Smart? She is so freaking talented. Now season two left off with Ava being fired. If you haven't watched any of Hacks, guess what? It's on Max. You can catch up, and I highly recommend that you do so before

season three starts. There is also an official Hacks podcast. In each episode, Hacks creators Lucia Agnello, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky speak with cast and crew members to unpack the Emmy winning comedy series. So check out that podcast, but watch Hacks streaming exclusively on Max and listen to the official Hacks podcast on Max or wherever you get your podcast. I think you made her nervous, but not in that fl flirty way but in that she respects your comedy a lot well that's probably long gone after she saw me on that show probably nervous because yeah you were completely unpredictable like that you were like approaching her podium and like smashing her points button did they leave in tig saying at one point i'm bored? I didn't see it. Oh my God, yes.

When you buzzed your buzzer and she was like, yes, Tig, to get an answer. And you went, I'm bored. It was so good. Because apparently they, you guys will never guess, we had way more banter than what was even on the show. Yeah, they edited a lot out. We were full of beans. We showed up full of beans.

were full of beans we showed up full of beans i still feel like my pepto-bismol joke was full of beans was better than the reception it got oh sorry we're circling we're circling back yeah we need to go back you know we need so i said it was really funny fortune we're full of beans and i was like guess we need some pepto-bismol and you guys moved on no it was really good it was really good you should work it into your live show as your closer and have you guys ever thought maybe it should be pepto-bismo anyway think about it that is a good tag you should um get me on tour with you and I'll just come on and do the full of beans thing. Yeah. I'll just say it and then so then you can do the tag of.

You're not busy or anything. No, I'm free. In my mind now, because you said, when did people say full of beans? And then you said, sorry, I know we're now circling right back again, but you said many moons ago. And then in my head, I started writing like a limerick that was like many moons ago and then in my head i started writing like a limerick that was like many moons ago we were full of beans wait that sounds like you didn't really get started on writing many many moons ago we were full of beans the end um yeah we sloshed about we buzzed about we were we we live beyond our means whoa okay i was trying to think how do we i get the word peen in there i was fortune god you can't be wearing a pretty little lady

sweatshirt and and add that word i feel like that's the perfect time to add that word. I'm feeling like a pretty little lady. I just talk about wieners. Fortune. Oh, my God. Can I ask how? So we started recording at 830. When did you guys wake up? I woke up at 745.

Okay. I woke up at seven. What time did you wake up, Mae? Yeah, seven as well. This is hard-hitting questions right here on the Handsome Pod. Jake's probably a morning person because you have kids. Are you a morning person, May? Thank you.

This is sort of what I was hoping would happen with that. If I brought up the when did you wake up question, I thought maybe it would be a jumping off point. But no, I'm not a morning person, no. But I had very intense dreams last night. As I was falling asleep, my woman who I'm involved with said to me, she was really- My woman.

My woman. My woman. My woman said to me- I'm involved with. She goes, are you going to go to the lower astral plane or the higher astral plane tonight? And I was like, excuse me? She was almost asleep. And she was like, I'm going to go to the lower astral plane or the higher astral plane tonight? And I was like, excuse me? She was almost asleep.

And she was like, I'm going to the higher one. I'll see you there or something. And then fell. It was like, whoa. You guys are perfect for each other. I know. I would never think to ask that. I don't know what she's talking about.

I'm just like, see you later. It's so funny that we just lie unconscious next to people and are like, well, goodbye. And then we're just out. It is so weird. It's so weird. It's so weird. It's like, I used up all my energy. I gotta go night night.

I know. And then we just lie next to people. I've never thought about any of this. You haven't half of our lives we are you're unconscious it's more it's a third of your life betty white only slept four hours a night do you guys know that how would i know that how do you know that why do you know that you didn't follow betty white facts that's weird it's on an instagram she would say it but i also i don't want to brag but back i used to be a journalist for seven years and i interviewed her

back when i first moved to la she ate a hot dog every day and slept four hours a night and she lives a long life that is disgusting ate a wiener every day one hot dog isn't that hot i thought hot dogs are supposed to be the most carcinogenic food that's what they said but betty lived a long life i mean maybe she was eating different hot dogs you know for a good portion she could have lived longer well maybe she started that later in her life where she's like what why am I not eating a hot dog a day? You know, like I'm 80 something at that point. Time to introduce hot dogs. Let's go balls to the wall.

Fortune! And she liked vodka. She sounds like a real mess. Can I say that my girlfriend, after she said that about the higher ast astral plane and then i slept so deeply and then in the morning i was like what'd you dream about we both dreamt that and i know because she said hers first that she's not lying because she often lies uh she said that uh she's we both dreamt about traitors going through doors like we were presented with options of doors and

behind the one that we chose she went in and there was a male god and then i went in mine and i became a pretty little lady i looked in the mirror i had long hair and boobs and i had to go to like a different dimension so we both had like door options where there were like strange gender things going on isn't't that cool? Interesting. What gender is behind door number three? Sounds like we could have a show that follows after midnight. Oh my God. It's called Gender Doors. We have to come up with a title.

Yeah, a working title. You know what plane that ended up being? I think it was like... Good question. Good question. I think it was the higher astral plane because we were like going into different dimensions and stuff.

I think lower astral plane. What's lower? I think that's when you dream about just like going to the store and buying triscuits or woven weeds or something. See, I'm on an even lower plane than the lower plane. What's that? I don't remember anything. I'm just unconscious.

Oh, you're just like. I am like that too. And I have a cat sleeping on my head. unconscious oh you're just like i'm like that too and i have a cat sleeping on my head and usually a seven and a half year old boy has crawled into bed around three that's really yeah it's just a different thing you wouldn't you know it's like someone's just hit you over the head with a frying pan you're just out somebody hit me over the head with a an eight pound cat yeah i only have dreams that i remember at least every so often i need to reach one of these planes i need to ask jacks why she's if she's dreaming about doors you've got to find

out what gender door jacks is going through every night in her astral world all right it sounded like you were mad at me there all right i'm fine all right all right i'll ask her fortune is mad at you she mentioned that before we started recording. Did she text you before we logged on? So mad at me right now? Well, me and Thomas have been texting that we're mad at ourselves. Wow. You and Thomas are texting?

That's cool. We're Canadian, so. Fortune, calm down. I'm glad that you and Thomas are texting. Yeah, us Southerners are texting, too. I've also texted Thomas before. Wow, now she's getting nasty. This really spiraled quickly into passive aggression.

Should we get into our listener question? Is it a listener question? No, she doesn't listen to this podcast for sure. She might. We don't know. There's no chance this is a very exciting exciting day uh it really is especially after coming off the heels of last week's episode mm-hmm that's right if you don't know it will go back and listen jennifer aniston

yeah and then today's questioner you're not gonna believe this is huge for me still i can't i still can't believe this yeah well get ready and believe it because it's true our questioner is an actor producer filmmaker who stars as monica monica geller in the tv show friends She also starred in the shows Dirt, Cougar Town, and Shining Veil. And the Scream franchise, lest we forget. She plays Gail Weathers in all the Scream movies, and I'm a huge Scream head.

Well, Courtney Cox has a question for Handsome. Courtney Cox. And also, not just that, she also danced in the Bruce Springsteen I mean oh my god that's pretty iconic she's actually gotten a lot more into music lately I know I see on her Instagram she taught herself to play like piano and sings and has like people because her the person she's heavily involved with is a musician it seems like she has these like jam sessions with musicians do you think that we should i really want to go oh yeah the handsome

band yeah to yeah the handsome band should go not to be confused with the handsome band this is a handsome band wait i love it let people get it confused i think that'll be nice for aniston episode and this one we've invited ourselves over to their house. Both episodes have been like, we should go. We should go over there. We should go to Jen's house for dinner. This time we should go to Courtney's house for a jam session. Ooh, it could be like a progressive dinner.

You know what I'm talking about? Progressive dinner? Have you ever heard of a progressive dinner? No. Progressive insurance? So it helps if you guys live near each other um so you go to one person's house for appetizers one person's house for um or like drinks then appetizers and then another person's house for dinner and another person's house for dessert at least

the kudrow's house for dessert we're doing it and and it's not up to them yeah yeah we're going to kudrow's house for dessert kudrow maybe we go to courtney's house for dessert because then the jam session happens after that yes you're right you're right where do we go for an after dinner drink and coffee after dessert oh reese witherspoon reese yeah reese what is up we are headed over 1 a.m we're rocking up to reese's we just end up at our friend janice's house and she's like i went to ralph's and i got some cookies i just saw a tmz headline a string of break-ins from the handsome pod as they... No, I see a headline that says, the handsome pod goes to Janice's house for coffee. Ooh, let's bring it back around.

Let's go to Taylor's house. Taylor Tomlinson? Yeah, Taylor Tomlinson. I thought you meant Taylor Swift. I was like, okay. Well, we should swing by Taylor Swift's house too. Yeah, we're just swinging for the stars here. Why don't we go spend the night at Taylor Swift's house

and ask her what plane she'll be dreaming on? What astral plane? She's like, my private one. Oh, shit. And then, you know, we're having breakfast with Ariana Grande. At what point? You're disappointed, Tig? That was a real turn.

You weren't into that, eh? No, I'm good with Ariana Grande. She just doesn't know anything about Ariana Grande. We still haven't heard Courtney's question and we still don't know who Janice is but let's hear Courtney's question hi handsomes okay here's my question if there is a chance or a possibility to make a change that you think would make your life easier or better or less complicated, but in the process, you're hurting someone else. Do you freeze and go, nevermind, it's just not worth hurting someone. And you know, you're not certain it's going to make your life better, but you think it will. Or do you go, you know what, I come first and I'm not doing it to the other person that's going to be hurt.

I'm doing it for myself. Which is it? And I'm not talking life or death. I'm just talking ways to make your life simpler. But you're still hurting someone. I mean, if it was life or death, you'd just be a dumbass if you didn't choose yourself. But that's my question. Whoa.

I love that. I have a specific example, for for instance because i want to know if i've understood this question so like for instance you decide that you really want more privacy and so you want to build like a giant hedge that's super high but it's going to block the view of your neighbors like would you do that that's the only what came to mind is that kind of is there a happy medium where the hedge doesn't have to be that high i know that or you just being like piggish and you're like it's going as high as i want i want privacy quit looking quit peeking you could spend your time in the backyard just yelling quit peeking quit looking back here quit peeking quit peeking yeah do you like do you like give up something for yourself in order to appease somebody else it's really tough i feel like we live in a culture where well right now like in

the zeitgeist like self-care is big big and like you got to put yourself first. And I think that's probably true in some ways. Like if you like like you got to put your oxygen mask on yourself first on the plane before you put on someone else. But when does that stray into like selfishness? You know what I mean? Right. Because some people at some point get used to you um doing certain things for them and you know take advantage of of that and at what point do you go you know i'm not doing that anymore because that doesn't yeah i am a real a real people pleaser

like there definitely have been like creative projects even in the past that i've like said yes to and then i'm like i don't i i don't i can't don't have the time to do this and then i it's is it the handsome podcast yeah sorry guys it's uh it's the handsome yeah this is how my tells us i do it a lot because i'm always just like worried about hurting people i have this thing where i just don't want to bum anyone out or disappoint anyone i've gotten better about it with age i definitely was like way worse about it in my 30s and jax has helped because she's really boundaries strong with boundaries boundaries were tough for me yeah like we've talked before about like um

not in a dramatic way but stepping back from relationships or friendships that are like hurting you and that could hurt the other person but it might ultimately be the best thing for you take you to strike me as someone who's pretty black and white like if this isn't good for me but not in a selfish way you know what i mean you seem like jacks like you're very clear-cut with boundaries yeah i think i've gotten more so as i've gotten older um i was terrible terrible with boundaries when i was you know really younger yeah yeah and then i feel like if you are aware of it and you want it and there's a conscious yeah just a conscious awareness of like I want to make this change and you start moving in that direction with that idea then you're going to start obviously making better decisions and I feel like that's something that I made a conscious decision to do for myself.

And I'm still making those decisions. Just last or two nights ago, when Stephanie and I were getting ready for bed, I was telling her how there are so many things that I agree to do just because I have open space in my calendar. But it's not necessarily things that I want to do. Yes, that's what I mean by the creative projects thing to just being like, yeah, I'll do that show or I'll do Yeah, yeah, like, oh, I have I'm open from one to four today, I can throw that in there. Yeah. I think also having children and having Stephanie. And that is, I mean, it's really cliche that I, that's really where I would prefer to spend my time is at home with my roommates. And, and I often think about how, and I don't know if this is tied to having trauma in my life and, you know, my mother, like hitting her head, dying, that kind of thing. But I, I feel like I try really hard

to make decisions based on, of course, bad news is always horrible, but I want to make sure I'm doing what I want to be doing because if I get a call that's some bad news call, I don't want to be doing something that is so stupid that I did just because I was asked to do it and it took me from my life and I could have been with my family you know what i mean like that's where my head goes and um but i i just think that comes with age too and i think

that you have to approach each situation also individually because there are times where it is nice to do a favor for somebody, help somebody out. But I would say the majority of your time, you should be basing it on what makes sense for me. And I really, in recent times, have started to feel like I don't want to run myself into the ground. I like that you're kind of aware of mortality and that that's kind of driving some of your decisions. Because I think that's a good way to do it with like case by case things. Like if if you have a friend who's like, I'm getting married and it's in this really annoying city far away at a really inconvenient time for you. But like and you go, OK, on my deathbed, will I be sad? I didn't go to that person's wedding because it's you know it only happens once ideally and yeah and then sometimes you end up going even though it's a real pain in the ass and then I guess with with relationships and family and stuff sometimes you got to let people down because you're like run into the ground and you're like

if I don't sleep today or do this then I'm just gonna be a worse partner you know what I mean so like I gotta skip this one thing so that I can be better tomorrow and also like with career things I've had stuff come up where reps of mine have been like this is major this could be massive down the road this could be and I had to really check in with myself and go okay but the reality of the day-to-day yeah of working on that yeah and the crapshoot of who might be a part of it when it's not really a a like a a driving passion of mine yeah i'm gonna have to say no i think that that too. Because I just can't. Yeah, I've had that too where it's like, oh, this would be like a high profile thing and a cool thing.

I go, yeah, but doing that thing will be full of drama and full of chaos. I know based on who's involved and what's involved that that will be pleasant. And I don't want to live my life like that. It's interesting too with career stuff. I rarely regret the no's. And I do regret the yes's some. Listen, it's not like offers are flying in left and right for me. But that was what I was talking to Stephanie

about a couple of nights ago is that I'm very proud of myself. Because it's a whole new version of no, I kind of get a grim satisfaction by like putting myself and this like not martyrdom, but like I think people in my family have this quality to it being like, no, there's just a little old me again. I'll just and then it builds up until and then you and then you can go and then you can freak out. That's healthy, right? But I've been reading a lot about it. Wait, what do you mean little old me like you go oh no of course i'll take the garbage out again and do the thing oh because someone's being a martyr yes i think i have in the past had that quality of like in doing stuff a lot and then it builds up and then finally you're like i never take time for myself you like weirdly have to train those

people in your life. Yeah. That's where the boundaries come in. Because I was bad about that too. Being like, well, they really need this help. Or that, you know, I got to do this for them. Because I felt bad. I was always feeling bad or guilty.

Yes, me too. Guilt was a big part of my experience. Guilt is my main emotion. Yeah. And so I would, yeah yeah i kind of had to re tool my brain and i'm still figuring it out where it's just like setting that boundary where it's like i know i could do this thing but i've done it a thousand times now and i'm i'm gonna teach them that that thing's not happening now. Yeah.

And then they come to respect that boundary eventually. I used to just wake up feeling guilty. Like that was my main default thing. Like I should be somewhere. I should be doing something. And I think I've only just been like, oh, no, I'm an adult with my own life and I'm making my own choices. But sometimes the pressure to have self-care seems exhausting because it's like, okay, you got to meditate.

You got to set your alarm 20 minutes early. You better take a fucking bubble bath. And you're like, okay, God. Get out those bath bombs. Maybe you don't yell at yourself in your to-do list. Yeah, that's true. In capital letters. Have you guys ever done an affirmation in the mirror it always makes

me laugh in movies no people look in the mirror and go i am strong i am like like stewart small not stewart smally is that was that the snl character smiley oh oh yeah yeah you're smart enough and doggone it people like you i wish that tig was like yeah i do that every morning yeah yeah yeah you know what i i do want to share that i think might be very controversial where i had a hard boundary yeah and this is it was very very difficult for me to do this a childhood friend of mine who was i mean one of the closest in my life her stepfather was terminally ill and i'm sorry i'm taking this to a very but i just i think this i think about this a lot because my relationship with her changed after this. And quite possibly it was this, but also, who knows?

I knew her family very well and was close to them, but we haven't been as close as, you know, in our 40s and after. And they live in San Diego. And she had reached out saying hey you know he's dying and would you come see him and say hello you know because i really loved him and we got along well and she said i feel like you would brighten his day and i was in the middle of my own personal stuff that was going on like real bad stuff yeah and uh and i didn't want to go into it with her because i hadn't really been in contact with her you know this is again somebody i was very close to in my childhood and young adult years.

But in my 30s, 40s, we definitely grew apart. And I had to say to her, I'm just not able to be there for you or your family right now. And I'm sorry, because she was wanting me to drive down to see him did she understand she said she did yeah but i don't know but and you still remember it that's like you know what i mean those things are really tough and then well i remember it because it was only oh five years ago okay no it was five years ago okay but i was i was having uh some stuff going on now that you're in a different place do you what are your thoughts on your decision now i'm okay with it because i know i was not capable of doing that at the time i would have had to really put aside my the intense stuff going on

in my life to do that and i just i i couldn't i really couldn't yeah so um i have to trust you know there's you have to take things for face value sometimes. That you did your best in the moment. Yeah. And she said she understood. And so I had to take that and hope that she meant that. Yeah. But I do still have waves of like, God,

I wish I was in a better place. I loved him. Yeah. I love her family. Well, that's what you could say. If you ever feel like there's an unfinished thing there, you could say, Hey, by the way, I wish I'd been in a better place.

It's not saying like I wish I'd gone because you couldn't at the time. Yeah, it's not that I wish I'd gone. That's the thing. I couldn't. I couldn't possibly. And so I guess that's what it is. Now that I'm talking it through is I'm glad I took care of myself in that moment. now that I'm talking it through is I'm, I'm glad I took care of myself in that moment.

But what I also could have done differently is I guess I could have maybe written to him or something, because I did really love him. And, and so I, I'm glad I did what I did. But I, I guess I should share that. You know, I wish I could have. Yeah, you could communicate that to her. Oh, man. So that was a hard boundary. That was a hard, hard boundary. That, you know, is a perfect example of what Courtney was, you know, asking of those times where you have to put yourself first

because of whatever place you're at in your life. Yeah. Sorry to take it to a really intense place. I like it. But that is something that comes back for me where I go, God. But it never comes back like I should have gone. Right.

Yeah. Just to lighten things up a bit, would you eat someone if you... Oh. That's a turn. You know how at the end of her question courtney was like obviously in life and death you got to choose yourself so then i was thinking in one of those like plane crash in the andes like oh sure sure could you i loved that movie that is a movie i

saw i saw alive i did and i was obsessed with it for, is that the recent one? There was another. The original one? Oh, there was a new one about Andy's plane crash, I think. Oh, really? There's a new one called Society of the Snow. It's really good. Oh, shit. Okay.

Because I saw Alive. Yeah. And man, oh man, was I obsessed with that movie. I'm obsessed with survival stories. Because you think, what would I do? And survivor cast members. I'm just going to peace out. I'm going to just be like, guys, do we really want to...

How long do we want to sit out here in the snow? Oh, you'd be fortunate to just eat my ass. Eat my ass. I'm pretty meaty. Oh, look, I'm eating ass after one day out there, but not in the same way. That's my last words. I just want to let you guys know. Eat my ass.

Yes. May has a totally different understanding of the term. I'm just going down on everyone. And we're like, no! And what did Fortune say before she died? Eat my ass? Get out of there, May!

I hope that makes it in the movie. They finally rescue us. They're like, how did how did you survive and well may was eating ass day one and may starved to death but we all came it's like watching the walking dead i'm like what about this new life is appealing let's just call it oh yeah you're like let's just give up. There's this survival story that I always think about where it was four kids. And they were ages 1, 4, 5, and 13, I think. And they were in a plane crash in the Amazon jungle.

They survived for 40 days. Imagine that, the 13-year-old looking after the 1-year-old. And they survived. And they were found after 40 days in the jungle. I'm sorry. It was just the two of them four kids age one four four oh four kids nine and 13 or something like yelling at the one year old you're not carrying your own weight yeah you should be potty trained by now yeah somebody yeah somebody uh survived a crash in the amazon because there's the seat that was ejected from the plane that got stuck in the trees or something julianne yeah cup check i

think her name was she i don't know may fact she was the sole survivor of a plane that was struck by lightning and she was stuck in a tree in her chair her whole seat flew out of the plane and she landed in her seat in the jungle oh my god okay i would as horrified as i'd be i would also you'd laugh laugh i would be like oh my god but then you're like in my life has been teeing up for this moment i know but then you're like you're in that tree going like what is down there oh my god so what do you mean what is down there in the freaking amazon you're gonna have to survive snakes and spiders and well they're gonna they're in the tree too no but at some point you're gonna be on the ground right but those snakes and critters are they're not just like

just walking by i know but the more of them are on the ground they're like flying everywhere biting everything choking everything monkey trying to yeah there's a monkey yeah monkey eating your ass there's a monkey picking ticks out of your hair she had a broken collarbone and i think like a broken arm and she was by herself in the jungle sole survivor and she bummer walked for like 12 days or nine days or something and she survived you think she unbuckled her seat belt she got out of the tree okay i'm clamored down and then she ended up she had to like wade through the rivers and just eat my ass. Just eat my ass at this point.

Just eat my ass. Eat my ass. Just let the piranhas eat my ass at this point. Fortune unbuckles her seatbelt. Who wants to eat my ass? Free ass eating. It's all horrifying.

But she eventually was found by these like like fishermen at uh who thought that she was like a demon because she looked so horrific that they were like this is a monster and anyway they saved her but the crazy thing is werner herzog you know the documentary guy sure he he was supposed to be on that flight so Oh, really? Yeah, so he made a documentary about her where he got her to relive the journey. No! He took her to the jungle. I'm like, come on, leave her alone.

That's where you eat my ass. Just eat it. Just eat it at this point. That's where you set a boundary. You're like, I know this is good for you. This is not good for me. Yes! The trauma of that.

I know. I know this would be good for your movie but she was 17 yeah and is that documentary called just eat my ass yes yeah yeah should we listen to what uh courtney has to say we should this has really been a roaming app. I love it. We're full of beans. Hi, handsomes. Okay, here's my answer to the question I asked. I, sadly, freeze. I end up just ruminating and going, oh, well, what if it doesn't really make my life easier? What if I'm making a mistake and then I've already hurt that person and I don't want to hurt them?

And I just start second guessing and I end up not doing anything I just get stuck and that's not good I think that's not a good answer but it's the truth okay bye yeah well I'm a little guilty of that as well like I used to like um write like long excuses and just like and then i jack's like why are you doing that like that's ridiculous you don't want to do something just don't do it and now i just like don't write someone back every now and like if i'm really close to the person i'll just be like this is the deal yeah i can't do this and but if i don't know them well because la is here comes a long excuse from fortune if she doesn't know them well because la is here comes a long excuse from fortune if she doesn't know you well yeah la is just full of people who always are asking for things yes people

like i don't know we are like i don't people i don't ask courtney but like even even in the comment they're relentless like my phone is full of people asking me every day all day to do favors yeah same but do you find like whenever i do a long excuse i always then have to throw in at the end like oh but maybe maybe next time or maybe or like but hit me up so then you end up just breaking promises again and again so sometimes just not engaging is the best way well i think actually the best thing to do in that situation and i think the three of us and thomas and all of our listeners can walk away especially courtney as well we can walk away with a time somebody asks anything just write just eat my ass you know what we have to let courtney know that this is the new mantra this is the new way and if anything

it'll whittle down your friend group pretty quick oh my gosh what a dream to have just a few friends but i'm too popular but honestly if if it's a good friend who knows where you're at in your life and what you're going through everyone just ate my ass that people go through hills and valleys and would hopefully respect where you're at if you do set some boundary you know what i mean i know i've said this before maybe but like i i really as i get older and yeah living in this town and with what we do and things are so busy i really value the friends who are like yeah well you know every you'll you might disappear for a couple of months and then we're right back where we left off and they get it and they're not i have people who are just acquaintances who are being like hey i'm really hurt that you blah blah that you didn't i'm like what when did when did i

agree to be hanging out with you every week like yeah yeah the guilt trip i can't handle the guilt trips i'm just like it just makes me shut down and freeze the people that i remain the closest to as years go are the ones that are like there's no having to feel bad that we haven't talked we just pick up we're good they're doing their thing i'm doing that my thing no one's making anyone feel bad yeah well that's like i have a good friend that is late all the time and and i know that i have a couple of friends that are like really late like egregiously late yeah all the time and you know it's those moments where you go i enjoy this person and i'm gonna let go of any of my frustration around that yeah and she came

over the other day she was supposed to be here at like three or something got got here like 3 30 3 40 and uh she's like sorry i'm late and i was like i wouldn't have it any other way i wouldn't expect anything else yeah i've never been mad at her for being late but it's more of just like turning it into a light-hearted i mean all we were gonna do was just hang out it's not like i had a yeah you know hot pie out of the oven ever waiting for her now it's do you have to eat cold pie but you know what else you can eat my ass followed by pepto-bismo yeah i agree you meet people where they're at and then they i think people really appreciate that and then it means you know they don't end up just continually breaking promises because when they

feel guilty they over promise i'm talking about myself when i feel guilty i'm like yes but i'll actually help you move house tomorrow even though you're not moving i'm moving all your belongings i say give your friends grace and then if there are other friends who are just constantly disappointing you evaluate that too and you eventually probably will move out of that space with that friend and yeah oh and i have a friend that cancels all the time yeah and i used to get frustrated yeah and now i just have a backup plan in the event that she does cancel. And when she does cancel, I'm like, yeah, no sweat. I love when people cancel.

When people cancel, I'm like, oh, I got free three hours. I love it. I'm also not like advocating for always canceling or always being late. It's like ideal if that stuff isn't going on. But we do the best to show up for people when we can and they show up for us when they can. And that's the best you can do. As my grandma's best friend used to say, the best is all you can do when you can't do any better.

Yeah, I like that. There was also a guy in jail once who said i wasn't in jail but i went to a field trip and he said wherever you go there you are oh yeah i like that that is let me write that down when i told you guys that before yeah making sure you remember that you're writing it down tag yeah i'm writing that down the best is all you can do when you can't do any better and we're gonna know the other one there you are okay wherever you go you know what my grandma's friend said you what eat my ass oh that's good hold on write that down take okay my grandmother used to say where are my teeth actually genuinely my grandmother's friend used to tell me i had tapeworms all the time because

i'd always go i'm starving and she'd go you have tapeworms darling i was like no i think i'm just hungry tapeworms look for them in your diarrhea dear lovely seeing you are you looking through fortune oh my god you really pushed it there all right oh my god my nose is gonna start making noises well what a podcast what a stellar podcast this has been one of my faves for a while i loved this one and if you were watching youtube and you like this pretty little lady sweatshirt we have a bunch of merch just like it go check it out handsomepod.com yeah we got some uh some little cowboy hats oh may posted a picture of a very handsome listener wearing a little cowboy hat i was like these hats look amazing i'm gonna be at Dynasty Typewriter April 19th and then I am going to be at Largo on April 28th. Come down, watch me work through the new material. Just working it through. And also make sure to

check out my new special on Amazon called Hello Again. My wife Stephanie directed it and yeah, that's on Amazon. Hello Again. I'm on the last leg of my stand-up tour this Thursday night, April 4th, Bakersfield, California at the Fox Theater. Let me see you handsomes out there in Bakersfield. April 6th, if you live in Rancho Mirage, California or Palm Springs, I'm going to be at the Agua Caliente Casino in Rancho Mirage. April 7th, Brea, California. We have added a last minute show at the Brea Improv April 12th and 13th in Seattle, Washington. I'm filming my comedy special there. So I would love to have you handsomes come be a part of that. May 11th in Los Angeles at the Netflix is a joke festival,

a really cool show at the YouTube theater with Matea Lane and Chelsea Handler. May 18th, my Canadians, Toronto, Ontario. I'll be at Massey Hall. You might see a familiar face. So go to fortunefeimster.com for those tickets. I am always at Largo. So check out my Instagram or the Largo website. And also for the Netflix is a Joke Fest at at the beginning of may i'm doing a bunch of shows i'm doing a may martin and brett goldstein make love to one another live on stage i think

we're doing three nights and we're adding extra nights so check out uh the netflix is a joke website and also as always check out sap on netflix my special and also the sitcom feel good with lisa kudrow and Charlotte Ritchie. Share an episode. Share your favorite episode. And for sure, click subscribe. Don't just download an episode. Click subscribe.

Look at Fortune interpreting what I'm saying right now. What I'm trying to explain is that we need you to subscribe to the show if you want us to continue to do this. Yeah, and go to our YouTube page. You can see all of the funny faces that we've made. And lastly, please keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro, and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com

and follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast!