Handsome - Cyndi Lauper asks about cookbooks

Episode Date: July 1, 2025

The iconic Cyndi Lauper asks Handsome a tantalizing question about cookbooks on this week's episode! Plus HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO FORTUNE! And we can't forget Mae's updates from the road, "it's ok if it jiggles," and more!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Agent Nate Russo returns in Oracle 3, Murder at the Grandview, the latest installment of the gripping Audible original series. When a reunion at an abandoned island hotel turns deadly, Russo must untangle accident from murder. But beware, something sinister lurks in the Grandview shadows. Joshua Jackson delivers a bone-chilling performance in the supernatural thriller that will keep you on the edge of your seat. Don't let your fears take hold of you as you dive into this addictive series.

Love thrillers with a paranormal twist? The entire Oracle trilogy is available on Audible. Listen now on Audible. Handsome Pod Cheers! Welcome to the Handsome Pod. It's Fortune. Hello. Fl themester. And I'm May. And I am your very dear friend, Tig Notaro,

also a host on this wonderful podcast called Handsome. It's amazing that we haven't got more slick at those starts, how many years now? And every time I panic. 10 years now. Yeah, 10 years. We're celebrating 10 years. Fortune has been keeping good track of time.

I know every episode we've ever done. 10 years in order. Yeah, you could list them in order. Oh yeah. Oh, that would be great. Let's not do it right now. No, I don't want to bore everybody with history. Guys, how are you guys?

We're together again. I'm doing all right. I'm very my eyesight is terrible. And I'm looking at myself on the screen. My hair is a little wild. I just got back from taking Max and Finn to the park and I had fantasies of showering before and that just was not in the cards. Um, cause they didn't get out. Yeah, it was a real fantasy.

We didn't get out of the park in time and it looks good though. It looks thick and solid and healthy. It's thick. I'm getting a haircut this week. It is so thick. It's so long. Yeah. So that's my boring story.

Anybody? I just got back from tour. So I'm, I feel pretty wrecked, but I feel also so invigorated from the handsome listeners that I feel like I don't even really know where to start. I have so much to tell you both. feel also so invigorated from the handsome listeners that I feel like I don't even really know where to start. I have so much to tell you both. Just jump in. Tell us everything, even if none of it makes sense.

Just jump in. Because it's all kind of scrambled in my brain. Like I was doing like a real, it felt like. I'm picturing one of those like cartoon dust balls with legs and arms. In my head? Yeah, yeah. Constantly.

Well, no, that's like what I pictured when you said it was crazy. So go ahead, let's hear about it. It was like, I got the immersive experience of like being a touring musician. Like I was in a dirty van with two boys, like, and I don't drive. So I was just sort of stretched out on the seat.

Wait, you never got your license? No. No, don't you think that would have been the biggest news of my life? May's been putting this off since like, we started this podcast 10 years ago. My memory comes and goes. And so I thought maybe, maybe you got it. No, I still, I'm writing my learner's permit test on Thursday because it expired.

So I'm on it. And then I'll be back in the lessons. Yeah, it sounds like it. But also I would not be brave enough to drive this huge van. It's kind of falling apart. These guys have been in a touring van for like 15 years. So they're kind of pros.

Jason and Wes, who I tour with. But man, guys, these audiences of handsome fans First of all, they know me intimately like I forget the stuff that we say on this podcast Like after shows people are like, I mean the amount of love for your mom fortune or like your documentary take and people just being like They know us so well. Yeah, which blows my mind like They've been following all of our life events for years. They're bringing us weird gifts. They're bringing, well, really weird. Like really pretty strange.

Like what? Did you get a horse costume that fits four that we can shove Thomas in as well? What are we talking, weird? Well, I'm gonna bring them all in tomorrow to go through with you I think but okay, it really did make me think about like what am I putting out there? you know because I was getting like a small vial of antique marbles and a small rubber hand with rolled up scrolls that had like puzzles written on them and interesting facts or like a lot of crystals.

A lot of people are like, can you put this by the cat statue in your home on the altar? I'm like, yeah, like they know me. Like they know what I like. But okay, so I've distilled that. Well, cause I will say real quick, I'm also on tour and I'm not getting those kinds of things.

Really? Well, I got a bunch of stuff for you guys. You're not getting tiny scrolls, Fortune? No, just people wearing a lot of our merch. Yeah, a lot of good merch. Yeah, I would have pegged you, Fortune, for a real tiny scroll kind of gal. I mean, I'm getting like poems and riddles and strange things, but I've distilled of

the like fan interactions or listener interactions, I've distilled them down to just a handful that I have to tell you guys and I can drip feed them. But like the one that really blew my mind was so people did like a meet and greet after. And so this person, this tall woman comes and she's really nervous, I can tell, because she's got something really important to say. And she just holds out her hand. She can barely speak with anticipation. And in her hand is this rolled up piece of paper. And I look at it and I see my own handwriting.

Guys, it's the note from the Silver Lake Hotel. No. The painting. Yes. No. No. I collapsed. I felt it.

How did you keep this from us? How did you keep this from us? I'm so glad that you're having this reaction because I honestly fell to the ground. Oh my God. She literally. Did she rent the room or just go, I'm so glad that you're having this reaction because I felt I honestly fell to the ground. She went the room or just go like I left something in there and I have to go in there. This is the best part. So she's been listening to the pod. She lives either it was Portland or Vancouver. What if she hadn't been listening to the pod and she found that note behind

where what was it behind a painting and. And so apparently, so she usually, she stays at that hotel a lot, and then she was there and listened to the pod, and apparently I said the wrong room number at first, and then self corrected, so she booked the wrong room. Oh no. And then she looked in the, behind the paintings, it's not there, so she relistens,

and like later I corrected, thank God. Her friend goes and knocks on the door, The stranger opens the door and she goes, hi, there's this podcast. This is going to sound crazy. But I think slam the door and call the police immediately. You're about to rob me. There's no way you're coming in this room. Yeah. She goes, I just need to get behind that painting real quick. Just I won't be long. And then that person's like, you're the 12th person that has come knocking at my door about this painting. Yeah.

But we really had a moment and yeah, I was just as excited as her and it made me think I got to do things like this more often because the treasure hunty joy of someone finding it. I really did not think that was going to happen. I thought it was, I thought it was gone in the wind. Can we give me a little bit of credit that I told you to do it? Yeah, you did. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. I just need a little bit of credit here, but also, um,

what was this person like? Please describe. I mean, honestly, like everyone I met, just very kind and people were really making friends with each other in the crowd. And yeah, she was with her friend and she was, to be honest, I don't remember it. I was so blindsided by this reveal that I don't remember her job or anything, but she was really funny.

People were funny. Like this person gave me their phone number laminated and they go, I laminated it in case you fall in a pool and it said on the back, like phone number for new friendship or something. And I really got like a friend vibe from this person and they made me laugh real hard during the meet and greet. And I was like, I should just text this person.

Honestly. And did you? I didn't. I feel like if I start going down that route. Wait, and where were you? So I was in San Francisco and drove 10 hours to Portland, which I'd never really done. We pulled over and like swam in a stream. It was really nice. So then I was in Portland. I'd never been to Portland.

Oh, and the Vancouver. Oh man, it's cool. And I went to the house where Elliot Smith wrote Roman Candle. I did the touristy Elliot Smith things. And I wore a tank top on stage. That was like, it doesn't sound like a big deal, but it was a big deal to me. I bet it was a massive deal for your audience. But you don't normally, you're not normally in tank tops? I have never worn a tank top on stage in 25 years of performing. And also I have never worn a sweater on stage to do stand up, because I feel like I gotta show my arms

to be vulnerable, so it's a big thing in my brain, but I loved it. Okay, and so now is it like try to stop you from wearing a tank top? Is it that kind of? Yes, it changed my whole personality. Like I was- Well, well, well, tell us.

Okay, like I don't know how to dance. Right. Like I was stand up. I'm totally stationary. Playing the guitar. I'm totally stationary, but something about, I put the tank top on. I'm suddenly, I'm grooving. I'm grinding.

All right. I'm like moving. Yeah. I'm like moving around. I don't know. I'm sorry. Are you saying you started moving and grooving? Yeah. I started moving and grooving I don't know. I'm sorry. Are you saying you started moving and grooving? Yeah, I started moving and grooving, shaking my thing. Oh, I love this.

Shake it, don't break it. I think there's gonna have to be more tank tops in your future. I think so too. I have two more. I don't wanna monopolize the time, but I have two more things I have to tell you. Please. Monopolize.

Okay, because I've been saving them up. Okay. Again, meet and greet been saving them up. Okay. Again, meet and greet. This person had made sure they were the last person in the line. So that's always interesting because you're like, okay, they want to have maybe a longer interaction or like. So I see this couple there at the end of the line and I, it's, yeah, I hug the guy. I hug, I hug this woman and she holds her hand out. I'm in my tank top. Yeah

group and grounded and I Shake her hand and I hear oh Yeah, I go what I look down I pull my hand away it is covered in thick white paste now. Yeah I'm out. I'm horrified. I'm like, my mouth is a gape, I'm aghast. I can't.

Why are you telling us this? Wait, what do you mean? Because you know you're gonna hate it? Well, I already do, but go on. So I go, what is happening? Is this mayonnaise? And she says, no, it's lotion. And she's kind of weirded out that I'm weirded out.

She goes, it's hand lotion. And I'm like, what? And she goes, you said on the podcast, Thomas is nodding. I have no memory of this. You do? Oh my gosh. Doesn't sound familiar. My grandmother used to bum rush me with lotion.

Bum rush? Just out of nowhere, she would slidely put lotion on my hands. Really? Didn't she also bum rush your bum with a suppository? Suppository. She did do that too. She did.

But my hands were dry as a kid and I didn't like to put on lotion, so she would, my hands were dry as a kid and she, I didn't like to put on lotion. So she would like trick, she would like grab my hand without me knowing lotion was in it. And then rub it in. Lather up my hands. So I was like, did I talk about this? But I guess you said something.

And did you tell your grandmother you need to hydrate from the inside? You know, I didn't know that at the time. Well, I was like, what is happening? And she was massaging it into my hands. I was a little alarmed and yeah. What did you say on the pod? I wouldn't have handled this well.

No, you could not do this to me. Someone could not do this to you too. No, no, no ma'am. No ma'am. Well, she said that I said, it would be so funny if someone pranked me with hand lotion. And then her boyfriend goes, that's not what you said. You said that you could wear lotion on your hand and shake a fan's hand. And like, but it feels like I invited basically. Yeah, you did.

Yeah. So I couldn't be enraged. I was definitely taken aback, but they were very charming, I guess. But then what I didn't tell her, I didn't have the heart to tell her because I didn't want to really... But that she's knowing now. That she definitely is hearing now. She will hear it now, but the hand lotion was coconut hand lotion. Oh no, and you're allergic.

I'm allergic and so my hand, they get all sort of red. Did it swell up? It's like, ting, your hands tingling for the rest of the night. Please tell me you got big old Mickey Mouse hands. Trying to play the guitar. Yeah, anyway, so that was a weird one. Wow. I liked her spirit in that like,

she was just like, May's gonna love this. She was like, this is gonna be hilarious, yeah. And May asked for this and what a treat. I mean, it did leave an impression. You'll never forget that. I will never forget it. I'm checking every hand before I shake it now.

Yeah. From now on. But that would be jarring to grab someone's hand and it be wet. Well, you just don't expect to hear a squelch. Well, you know, isn't this the beauty of we're all different people, we're all different hosts that would react differently.

And there's all different sorts of people at the meet and greet. And that's why I did a meet and greet in Eureka Springs, Arkansas a couple of nights ago. And it was like, the one rule was no touching. And so everyone just stands there, hands behind their backs smiling, and then we move it along.

Oh, they can't like put their arm around you or anything? No, just no touching. I literally hug everybody that comes through my meet and greet. And that's why we're all different. I know. We are all different. We are all different. Ah.

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And you know what's interesting, Teg? It's like, I'm, cause I'm hugging everyone. But then there were a couple of people who I went to hug them and they were like, no thanks. Like, and I forget that like people have, you know, COVID masks on and they're like, you know, the climate's a little different with those things and people have their different levels.

So yeah, I should send those people to you. You can kind of tell when someone doesn't want to hug, they keep their hands to their side. And they're not going in. I've also had moments where when I've taken pictures, there've been like some weird little touches here or there where I'm like, I don't want that. Like what kind of,

what do you mean by weird touches? Like just their hand lands in a weird spot. And I'm like, I mean, maybe a little above it, a little too close to it. Right, right, okay. Just something where I'm like, I just, I'm like, let's take a picture. The smaller the back. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, or it's continuing to move the hand.

I don't know. I just, not always. A gentle stroke. I just, there've been enough to where I don't do a lot of meet and greets, but I did one and like I said, in Eureka Springs, everybody was wonderful. They kept the line moving, totally wonderful people. Unbelievable amount of handsome listeners.

And yeah, we just didn't really touch, but we snuggled in and smiled big and moved it along. There you go. Said nice things to each other. Yeah, man, that's so nice. And I will say, like, with everything going on in LA, with ICE, and then just globally as well, and I feel like we're all collectively just horrified

and in shock with the level of like dehumanization everywhere. So to gather in groups feels really special. And especially like music is so emotional and people, it felt really nice and that there's this real handsome community of people who are like really connecting with each other. And I just was like, we're so lucky to do this. And you know, lotion or no lotion. It was weird though. There was one more thing, can I say one more? Let's hear it babe.

That's what we're here for. Okay, I'll keep it brief and then. I love the enthusiasm. Thomas clock may, may said they were gonna keep it brief. Yeah, put me on a timer. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I am, but can you tell I'm like energized? I love it. Yeah, great. I am you seem like you're in love. I'll be honest. Oh, I'm in love with

the world again. Life. I mean, that's great. Good. We want that for you. Okay, so this woman comes up with her friend and the friend's in a COVID mask. And so she says to me, I wasn't going to come tonight because I'm not aware of your work. But then something happened that made me need to come. And so obviously I'm in, I'm hooked. So I'm like, what happened? Yeah. She says I had a past life regression. And the psychic past life person told me, and she's, she says this with total certainty and conviction. She said in the 1600s, I ran a brothel. I was the owner of a brothel. You were this person was this. Yeah. And she says an infant was left at the doorstep,

an orphan. Okay. And that infant was Brett Goldstein. And she says, she says, I raised him for seven years. And then he ended up going off to fight in the war. But she's like, I loved him. And I raised him. And I'm like, wow. I said, were you a fan of Brett's before this? And she's like, I loved him and I raised him. And I'm like, wow. I said, were you a fan of Brett's before this? And she's like, no, she's as freaked out as me. She goes, I knew him like I'd seen Ted Lasso, but I didn't have strong feelings about him. Then I had this hypnosis and this came up and like, I need you to tell him. And so I was like, is she straight? She seems because this feels a little round about. I need you to tell him. And so I was like, Is she straight?

She seems. Because this feels a little roundabout. Can you hook me up with Brett and I've come up with an elaborate. It's either that. It's a wild story. Or can you get him my home address and phone number and a picture of me?

But what if it's the psychic who's trying to get to Brett by telling everyone that in past lives, this- Wouldn't you be bummed out if you went to a psychic trying to like learn some stuff about you and they're like, no, no, no, let's talk about Brett Goldstein. They're like, you know that actor from Ted Lasso? You raised him.

Anyway, so, but I obviously called Brett right after. And it was like, I was like, I got news. I got big news. And he was like, what, are you pregnant? Like what, like, and. Are you pregnant? Yeah, that was cause I said I was. That would not be my first question.

That would not be my first question either. My God. Please let me Martin be pregnant. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm gonna say anytime somebody says I have big news for you. Are you pregnant? Is May Martin pregnant? Is it? Not are you pregnant, is May Martin pregnant? We know it's coming. Yeah, but I told him I said, so this woman raised you in a brothel in the 1600s,

and he truly was like, this checks out. He was like, there's something, something rings true about this. It went to war apparently. Yeah, Napoleonic Wars, I guess. like there's something something rings true about this. So if that person's listening. It went to war apparently. Yeah, Napoleonic Wars, I guess. Dang. Okay. Anyway, so that was the that was the tour.

And you're just like, hey, whatever it takes to sell a ticket. What do you mean? She said she wasn't going to come. Oh, yeah. But then had to tell you this. Fine. Thanks for buying the ticket. She said she wasn't gonna come. Oh yeah. But then had to tell you this. Fine, thanks for buying the ticket. I really thought she was gonna say that she and I in a past life were connected.

Well, it felt like that's the road it should go down. Yeah. Couldn't miss your show because I had to tell you this thing about you, but everything goes back to Brett Goldstein. To Brett Goldstein. Hey, to Brett Goldstein. Cheers. And not just to Brett Goldstein. To Brett Goldstein. Hey, to Brett Goldstein. Cheers.

And not just to Brett Goldstein, I have some news I'd like to share. And it's not, no, it's, May, you're not pregnant. Yes. But, Happy birthday to you. To me? Happy birthday to you.

To me? Yes. Happy birthday. God, this is so slow. I'm gonna kill you. Jesus. Happy birthday dear dear Fortune Reel. Happy birthday to me. God, that's fun to sing slow.

That was so slow. Geez. Well, now you're a year older. I think I've turned another year older. That's what I'm saying. Well, then let's start again. Happy birthday. No, no, no.

Okay. Aw, thanks guys. it's my birthday. It sure is, how old are you, 45? 45. 45s. I know I don't look a day over 41. You are looking good. It's these creams I'm putting on my face.

Oh, is that J.Lo creams? It's my J.Lo beauty cream. Yeah, it's my birthday. I can't believe it. Another one. What are you gonna do? I have no plans whatsoever. What? Yeah, I'll figure something out.

I mean, to, it feels like we're gonna- To the audience knows, we're taping this a few days before, so this is not my birthday and I'm alone, so don't worry. Yeah, you're just saying you haven't planned anything two weeks in advance. Two weeks in advance. Because I was just thinking, our audience is gonna be deeply bummed

with everything that's been going on in your life to think that you have absolutely no plans on a birthday. Yes, this is a weird year for me. It is, weird is a light way of putting it. Yeah. That's true, that's true. And how are you doing? I'm okay, I'm, you know, it's a, we haven't talked about it on the pod,

but Jackson and I are getting a divorce. pod, but Jackson and I are getting a divorce. Um, so, uh, this is my first birthday in 10 years. Um, as a non married person or whatever it is. Um, yeah, it's, it's different. I mean, but I'm, I'm okay. It's, it's, um, I mean, we haven't talked about it at all, but I guess, yeah, I'm not gonna talk about anything about what happened other than like, it just, unfortunately these things happened and-

More commonly than not they did, right? Yeah, we love each other a lot and it's amicable and we had 10 awesome years and many good times and there's a lot of love there. And sometimes these things just don't go the distance and unfortunately it didn't. And yeah, it's not, it's, we've been separated for a bit, but it wasn't something I could, you know, really talk about yet. And then the stuff that happened first, and then my mom got cancer. It was a pretty big doozy of a time because those happened around the same times.

But the stuff with Jax was first. So the stuff with my mom was independent of that. I feel like these things are never linear in terms of your feelings about it, but we're with you, I'm sure it'll be a process of feeling super positive and proactive about change. And then also there's grief, of course. Yeah, and our lives were so intertwined for so long.

And I've obviously talked about Jack's a lot and stand up and life and you know just um so it's a bit of a change to like suddenly not be talking about us and not be talking about any of it but it just wasn't the time to delve into it we were figuring things out for a long time and um yeah so it's so but we were figuring things out for a long time. And yeah, so it's so, going into 45 is interesting with a divorce and my mom's sick. And the one thing I think it is doing for me

is just like, just making me realize life is short. And I just wanna like be happy and not sweat things too much and just live life and like my goal for this time is to find the light. That's where I'm at right now is just where's the positive, where's the light. The first half of this year was rough but finding the light? The first half of this year was rough, but. Well, yeah, I was gonna say,

when all of this started to kind of shake loose and shift in your life, which of course it's been a beat now several months, and the roller coaster that you have been on and where you're landing right now, even though it's not completely solid ground, it's a whole new foundation that I think is going to be a really sturdy place to build from

and to embrace whatever it is coming and the light that you're welcoming. And, but yeah, I just, I'm very impressed by you and how you have taken on. Stayed generous and warm with people and like just kept your, yeah. And I feel like whenever, I mean, Tig, you're no stranger to this and well, me too.

Like when everything is stripped away like that, it's, maybe you have to be a bit further through it, but it's reassuring to know that there, like you do have yourself and yourself, like, what am I trying to say? Like, you're not empty and bereft. There is a, you have to rely on yourself and you have to show up for yourself

and take care of yourself. And there's something really affirming about doing that kind of, and being like, Oh, I can do that for myself. And I value my, my self in that way. You know what I mean? Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. This is not how I thought life would unfold. I mean, but that's life. And, um, you know, I enjoyed being in a relationship and a committed relationship.

I liked being married. I liked the piece that came with that. And so it wasn't where I expected things to go, but I don't know, I'm kind of focusing on the victory of 10 years. Like, you know, that was a really successful relationship. And not focusing as much on the ending of it. Because at first, it felt like a failure. And then I just had to kind of shift my perspective

and that no, that was very successful and what we both needed at that time in our lives. And it worked for a really long time and that is awesome. And that's where I'm gonna keep those memories of that relationship and of her. And yeah, it's just a tough time to sort of enter into this new phase, but I'm actually feeling very positive about things

and a new chapter, I am. I can feel it in you. I mean, it's so palpable. In fact, I would like to declare July 1st, 2025 as Fortune Marie Feimster's rebirth day. Rebirth day. Okay. Yes, that's right. And I feel that. I feel very, despite the things, I feel positivity. I feel goodness going into a new chapter. I'm not dwelling

on the negative. I'm going to live life and work and have fun and connect with friends and focus on my mom. I don't want to sit in the ick. I sat in that for a long time, dealing with everything and coming into a new era with it all and just feeling very good. Yeah, you deserve to enjoy and celebrate the life that you've made every day. Like, you know, and yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of positive things

that have come of it too. I've, you know, it's a lot of positive things that have come of it too. I've you know, it's my friends have been amazing and people have shown up for me in these incredible ways. And so many people have reached out both about the divorce and about my mom. And you know, it just makes you feel like, God, I must be doing something right to have people care like this. So it reaffirms, you know, even though one thing's ending, it shows you, you know, these other valuable people in your life and connections and, and that I'm really grateful for. Yeah.

So yeah, it's weird to have another podcast where I'm like, and this big thing too. I know, I feel like people have been picking up on it and it's nice that you're sharing it and I think everybody's just desperate to show you the love. Yeah, I think people for months have been like, you seem sad. And I'm like, I'm fine. Yeah, it's, yeah, you just kind of have to bite your lip and the people around you have to bite their lip and just, you talk about it when and if you want and-

Yeah, and I want to respect Jax's privacy. She's, you know, she doesn't, well, she didn't, she's not a public figure in this way and doesn't want her business out there and I get that. And she's had to be more public than she would want because of me. So I'm going to honor that and not just share stuff that's just for us. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds, that makes sense. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds that makes sense.

Yeah, for sure. But thanks, guys. It's my birthday. Yeah. Happy birthday. It's your rebirth day. It is your rebirth day. Is that why the song was so slow? Right. Yeah, we had to spread joy, but also kind of, you know, yeah, we song, you know, keep it down a bit.

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of yourself or video or something? Me in a tank top? Just you in your hot boy summer. I don't think I, me in a tank top does not quite look as good as me in a tank top. Excuse me, you've been showing off your gams and your guns. I saw a clip of you. I mean seriously, Fortune. Yeah, you were showing off your guns on Instagram.

Guns and gams, that's your next special. Listen, treading water, trying not to eat as much crap on the road. I'm doing my best. Last tour I just got so out of control. So, I'm really trying to reel it in. Oh dude, it's so hard though. Like there was a day where I ate McDonald's twice in a day,

like in the van, cause you're just like traveling and there's not much around and yeah. And what does that, I haven't had McDonald's, you know, in a beat. And I was just wondering, like, does it feel like it would destroy my insides? Yeah. Because you eat dairy and meat and stuff.

Does it, like, does it just feel like you ate a meal and you move on or are you like, oh boy, I had McDonald's. And for the record, I'm not, I'm not? And for the record, I'm not advocating for McDonald's in any way. I'm sure, I know they're the most problematic. Do do do do, May's loving it. But I do love an Egg McMuffin, so I had that for breakfast, which is actually pretty,

but then I had 20 chicken nuggets and that was what fucked me. Oh, 20, that's a lot of nuggets. But to be honest, the thing that really messed me up was one day I thought, I'll have Subway sandwiches because that's healthier than McDonald's. I don't know, man. I don't think that's real. Oh, because it's all like processed stuff. Oh, my inside, it was a... Well, like McDonald's is for us.

You know, those fresh nugs at McDonald's. It's like just a chicken walked through the store. There's like a bunch of parts that are fried. So, but it's like you feel it. That's what I'm always curious. Cause like I would truly be on a gurney. I do feel it, yeah. But wait, Fortune, cause also a lot of people were commenting after the show is

nice guns and Fortune's got the gams like like guns and gams. I guess a calendar. And then my drummer had guns and gams. That would be their name or sexy calendar and the gams. Oh, my God. We have to do it. Go ahead. We both. What was your fortune? Guns, gams and then take what are you? What? I have guns and Gams. Thank you.

Thank you very much. I know the fortune. And take what we just be the titless wonder. Guns, Gams and the titless one. Guns, Gams and tits. Guns, Gams, and jits. Guns, gams, and jits. Guns, gams, and jugs. Guns, gams, and jugs. Guns, gams, and jugs. Oh my god, so funny.

I have a surprising amount of guns and gams, but I just don't, you know, I just don't flaunt them around on my rock and roll tour. What'd you say? I do love the word jugs. Jugs. Milkers. on my rock and roll tour. What'd you say? I do love the word jugs. Jugs, gums. Milkers. We gotta get this calendar done.

There's times it's taken. We really do. We really do. Well, what a treat. Let's get at it, all right? Let's get to our question asker. This is really a... It's a legend here.

Yeah, one of my favorite concerts I've ever been to. I've said it before and I'll keep saying it till the day. I am no longer with us. Today's question asker is an Emmy, Grammy, and Tony winning singer who has sold over 50 million records. That is a lot of records, not as many as you have sold May, but very close. She was the first female artist to have four top five hits on the Billboard top 100.

She was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame this year. Cindy Lauper is asking today's question. Oh man. Have you ever considered writing a cookbook? Cindy just gets right to the point. This is my question. Right to it. Oh Cindy, most people usually say hi to us, but she doesn't have time. Can we acknowledge that Cindy Lauper just has one of the greatest

speaking voices of all time? Like, absolutely. That accent. And she's so charismatic and just. Yeah. Have you seen her live? Never. Yeah, she's so good. You've seen her live? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I mean, this woman.

And I say it all the time, like if you see that she's gonna be in concert, get front row center to watch her. I mean, she's just a powerhouse. And she's like running all over the stage, singing her face. She is? Yes.

She wrote Kinky Boots too, the music on that. That was a fun show. She did? Yeah. Yes, the music on that. That was a fun show. She did? Yeah. Yes, she's no joke. Yeah, and I feel like I'd be shocked by the number of hits that I forget that she has. Like if I saw her live, I'd be like,

oh, I know all these songs. Well, that's the fun part about seeing her live is everyone's like belting out the songs. It's a greatest hits concert, no doubt. So yeah, how do you choose what, I guess girls just wanna have fun would be the song of the night. Mine would be True Colors. I love Money Changes Everything.

Do you know that song? Rock Lobster. That's such a good, Rock Lobster. What's the name of it? That's B-52s. Who's Rock Lobster? Oh yeah, that is. That's a song by the B-52s.

Portin's just, Portin's like, oh, and start me up. Does she sing about lobsters at all? I'm sure she's been around for a beat, you know? She's sold 50 million records. Why did I mix it up? There's probably some sort of crustacean that she's mentioned or sung about? I do like the B 52s as well.

Okay. Well, that's a whole other day. I love Jack. That's a good song. Yes, Fortune. But those are these, those are Georgia folk. This is a New Yorker. All right.

A New Yorker. New Yorker. And I need to say that Cyndi Lauper sung the Pee-wee's Playhouse theme under a pseudonym of Ellen Shaw, but she, and I think I've sung it on the pod before. Maybe I was thinking about Shebop. Shebop.

Time after time, also a good one. Time after time. Yeah. And the sadness at the end. So far I don't see any songs about lobsters. Time after time. Okay, and she's asking us about cookbooks. Okay, but I really want to emphasize how great Money Changes Everything is.

Okay. I'll put it on my list to let you know. Can you sing it? Have you not ever heard it, May? Cause you sounded excited when I mentioned it. You're like, oh, money changes everything. Or were you just like, yeah, in general, money does change everything.

May, you just agreed that they also like rock lobster. I know, I think when you said it, I was thinking of money, money, money, must be funny. Must be funny, in a rich man's world. ABBA, right? That's ABBA, yeah. Another great song. Okay, but not Cyndi Lauper's money changes everything.

Anyway, her question is, have you ever thought about writing a cookbook? Yes. Tic, I feel like of the three of us, you... Yeah, you would be the first to actually do one. Yes, I have considered, in fact, I kind of went a little wide with my, not wide, but like with Stephanie's family and our immediate family, because Stephanie's sister is a phenomenal cook and she bakes.

And then we've had to, becoming vegan, we had to learn how to feed ourselves and started digging into cookbooks in a way that I hadn't in my life before as soon as our diets changed. And so, yeah, it definitely interests me. If you were to make a cookbook, would it be funny as well? Like would you write a little deadly serious cooking is serious.

I'm sure there would be some humor. Yeah. Yeah. But I would I did this. I don't know if I talked about it, but I did the Climate Summit in Los Angeles, the Hollywood Climate Summit. And what I was talking about was, if you do make a switch to eating plant-based, it's really important to have the thing

that's making you make the shift. So you, like anything else, so you don't lose your North Star. And that's why, like with my health, I don't ever lose that. Because when people are like, is it hard for you to be around these yummy things? And I'm like, no, like you eat what you want,

I'm gonna eat what I want, and here's my reason why I do what I do. And so in order to keep going towards my North Star, I needed to make sure I knew how to sustain myself. And so those are the two things, big pieces of my advice is to have that reason, the purpose that you're eating the way you are. And the other is to make sure

that you've done the research to know how to sustain yourself while you're making that transition, even if it's as basic as a peanut butter and banana sandwich. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, I just, it does interest me for sure. I'd buy it. I'd give you one. I'd give you a copy little cowboy. Would you sign it? Yeah. Yeah. And fortune you too. I'd give you one. Thomas, you as well. You don't know how to make a peanut butter

and banana sandwich? I just gave you the secret. Oh, that I do, and I do love peanut butter. I don't know that I need that in a cookbook, but I- That is one thing I feel like we could just know how to do. Yeah, but people forget that there are so many staples that are vegan, I guess is my point. Yes, that's actually a good thing to remind people of

because you think, oh, well, I don't love falafel or whatever, but like there are so many things, even Oreos are vegan. Would you include your recipe for dike dust? Um, no. Oh, that's gonna always be a secret. Yeah, yeah. I mean, look, it's not that much of a secret

if you look closely at it. All right, if you inspect it, you can separate. What I have moved on from is my steel cut oatmeal. Oh, really? You're over it? I have moved on to a smoothie that incorporates so many high nutrients elements. I might need that recipe from you.

I should start drinking smoothies. Yeah, me too. Okay, this smoothie, you can really, if you have this, go about your day knowing that you've gotten a lot of really good stuff into your diet. And I've told you that, Fortune, that you've asked me about it before, and I would gladly make it or show you how to do it.

But only if people are genuinely interested. I'm genuinely interested. I just don't put berries in smoothies. Oh, because you have the seeds. The blueberries I can do, but not strawberries or any of those kind of berries. Blueberries are perfect. They're one of the best things you can eat

as a human being on this planet. Because I need to start getting more nutrients in my body. Yeah, me too, me too. But isn't it crazy that in that, like I have such vivid memories of my grandma who was an amazing cook having these old cookbooks, like thick volumes that had all notes in the margins and like stuff stuck in.

Like now we just Google things, but those cookbooks were like, I don't know, they were so important to my grandma. Yeah, sacred. Yeah, we have some of my grandma's cookbooks that she hand wrote in a bunch of them. That's, I again, don't really know how to cook, so I don't have them, but someone in my family does,

and I know it's a treasure. Yeah, that would be a good thing to have. Just the staples, to be able to whip up like a white sauce for a thing or like a, or a red sauce. I'm only thinking of color sauce. Green sauce, yeah. One of my favorite things that I still tease Stephanie about and it's just become part of our life is I was, I was looking through one of the cookbooks

and that she had made a note by one of the things that said, it's okay if it jiggles. And to this day, them jugs. To this day, no matter if it's a human body, if it's anything out in the world or if it's a piece body, if it's anything out in the world or if it's a piece of food that's in the oven, whatever it is, we love turning to each other and saying, and remember, it's okay if it jiggles,

or you know, it's okay if it jiggles. Maybe that would be the name of my cookbook, is it's okay if it jiggles. The vegan. Yeah, that would be funny. You should actually do this. I would like to. I would like to.

And because you did all that studying on nutrition and everything too, you probably have all this information. Guys, my dad wrote a cookbook, you know, and when he's in his twenties called the Seducer's Cookbook. I don't think I knew this. I don't think I knew this. It's runs in the family. I think I've talked about it on the pod

because it is really strange. He was in his 20s and it's a cookbook about how to seduce people through food. How to impress a date basically. That's such a great idea. It's kind of tongue in cheek and ironic a little bit, but also flipping through it, some of these recipes are like sardines and like they're not date friendly recipes, but it is a really strange part of his history that he's written this. The city is published or is it just for the family? No, it's published. Okay. Wow. Yeah.

And it's what would your what would your cookbook be? I would do rather than a cookbook, it would be about the dinner party, like a cookbook for how to make an immersive party experience. Like it would be the sure, the sure the recipe, like a pie or something. But then what games do you play around the pie? How do you incorporate like, and it is okay if it jiggles. Of course, of course it is is there's an escape room element to it yeah you're hiding a clue in the pie and people are digging out the clue and yeah what about you fortune well i wouldn't write a cookbook because no everyone knows i can't cook. I have a few staples.

But if I... What are your staples? That I do know how to cook? Yeah. Let's think about it. Well, we don't wanna rattle off a list of what you can't cook, right? Yeah. That's right.

I can cook. I'm learning how to cook steaks. Okay. It's hard to figure that out on the grill, like the temperature, but I'm learning. I can make tacos, breakfast tacos. All right. I can make salmon.

I can make pumpkin pancakes. Hey, pumpkin. Cause it's a Trader Joe's mix that's just super easy to follow. So you can open a bag. I can open a bag and add an egg and water and all this stuff to it. Good for you.

I can make rice. I can make- Rice is hard to make. Sweet potatoes, like a breakfast hash or burgers. That's a cookbook. Chickens. Oranges. I'm buying it. I mean I can do some staples for sure but if you told me to like make something fancy I couldn't do that but if I had to write a cookbook because someone's like we're giving you a bunch of money we need a cookbook. I

would it would be something about finger foods. Because you love apps. You love apps. Yes. Yes. Have charcuterie without coutre. The word char. Actually that would be a good sort of title for your book is charcuterie but C-O-O-T-E-R-S. Yes. Something with the word coutre for sure. Yeah. But yeah, it would be just all these apps and even if I don't cook them well I would just give you the recipe so you could cook them better than me. I have a great idea for you Okay fortune you gotta make an app for apps an App an app app an app app and it's an app. Yes

That has appetizer recipes It's an app that has appetizer recipes. Mm, look at that. Yes, and so you're going to a potluck dinner, people say, can you bring an app? You go, actually, yeah, and you check. And you go right to it, ba ba ba. You can do all, there's so many different kinds of apps, but dips, I love dips.

Dips. Dips. I love jalapeno poppers. Your voice dips when you go about crab ring goons. Yeah. Pigs in the blanket. Oh, all that stuff. I love an app.

One time when I was home sleeping and I had like a bunch of comedian roommates years ago, Henry Phillips called looking for me and Chris Fairbanks told him I was still asleep and he said, oh yeah, it's a, what do you call that? A tag and a blanket. That's really good. That's nice.

God, that's good. Tick in a blanket. Tick in a blanket. Meanwhile, I had no idea this hilarious joke was happening while I was in a blanket, still sleeping. That's a good one. I don't know why I've never thought of that. Yeah, I hadn't either.

And just to hear Henry Phillips voice, just, yeah, what is it? Tick in a blanket. The image of you wrapped up in a little blanket is pretty adorable. It's so cute. I mean, I am so cute. You are. I am, I'm so cute.

You're so cute. We're all pretty cute. We are, being honest. We're all very cute. We have a little something to offer everyone. We have such different guns and gams and faces and personalities and everything. Jugs and no jugs. Jugs and no jugs. That's why I'm the one over here selling bras.

Slinging bras. Slinging bras. In my spare time, I'm just slinging bras. Are they flying off the shelves? They're flying off the shelves. They're like, if Fortune's wearing those, we're in. That's why people come to the HandsomePod because there's a little something for everybody.

Oh my God, I was so lazy about buying bras forever. And I dated this woman years ago and she brought her mom's old bra over and I wore her mother's bra and fell apart. Because I just, I'm somebody that will wear my underwear until as Paula Poundstone says until it turns into a dream catcher And I wore my ex-girlfriend's mother's bra for at least five years Why did she bring you? I just I'm not a shopaholic. I'll be honest with you Why are you wearing one bra? I'll be honest with you. I'm wearing a Nashville comedy festival.

I don't shop much, but she was like, Oh, I think you and my mom have the same size jugs. And before mine were tossed into a dumpster. How dare you? I assume they weren't big before. They were not, look, you knew me when I had them. I know. So no, they were not big, but they're okay if they jiggle. But yeah, she was like, you need a new bra.

And then she just brought over her mother's bra one day and she was like, here, just wear my mother's. But that wasn't a turn off I thought she just grabbed one bra. Yeah. That's all I needed. And I wore it for five years. I think I might still have it. I'll sign it and sell it.

I hope you washed it. We can all sign my ex-girlfriend's mother's bra. Oh my God. Sell that on... That's probably why I got breast cancer. Because I was wearing a dirty bra for years. Beige. From the 1950s.

Beige bra that's like two size too big for you. It's got asbestos in it because Cause it's from the wires have disintegrated. Yeah. Oh my God. The wires kept come out in the side. What? This thing gave me breast cancer. Oh my God.

It did. It started out. Radiation. Christine White. And then it just was like a sweaty, tattered, it's tattered beige. Anyway, should we hear what Cindy has, what May? It's like if a charity got in touch with you

and was like, do you have something to auction? And you were like, yes, I have my ex-girlfriend's mother's bra that I think gave me cancer. May caused cancer. Oh God. Okay, let's hear what Cindy has to say. Yeah.

You know, I have, but it depends. In this one particular period of time in my life, I was a little pissed off. So I decided I was going to gonna write the Ajita Cookbook. It's not a cookbook you wanna serve to everybody, but you know, it's like when you're really pissed off, you know, things that shouldn't go together, you know, to give people you don't really like, but. All kidding aside, I have written recipes down

from my grandmother or somebody else's grandmother or their mother. And I was my mother's sous chef. So yes, I do know regular recipes, but I just think the Adjada Cookbook could be, it could be big it gets it's funny I like it. I like it. And I also thought she when she answered was just gonna say yes, I have You know when she was just talking I was thinking can you imagine if she, ever in her life tried to prank call someone?

They would just be like, hey, Cindy. Yeah. Even if you don't know her personally and she just randomly called you, it'd be like, oh my God. Cindy Lauper's on the phone. Yeah, Cindy Lauper's prank calling me. It's an incredible voice. And there's like a, the like musicality of it

just lends itself to comedic delivery so well like I know she should be like 24 7 booked as a voiceover actor maybe she is I have no idea but time in my life 20 wasn't like that pissed off pissed off yeah that was incredible I would but she's right that like there is something nice about intergenerational recipe transmission. Like that's really nice. And I should make, I should look for those cookbooks of my grandmother's. You got your generational cookbooks that cause anxiety, stress or aggravation.

Well, that was a real treat to have Cindy Lauper on the handsome pod. She's keeping it handsome. Is she not? She really is. Yeah. She's a pretty little lady. Yeah. I want to know what you guys are have coming up.

And I will say so many people on the tour said this is the trifecta. I've seen all three of you live. I want to say that is such a quantifiable and tangible way to support like live comedy or performance. And it's really so we can't do it without people showing up. And it's so nice that people like travel and come to shows. It's just like the best way to show some support. So thank you. Absolutely. Gosh, people show us so much support. It's kind of embarrassing how much just like your ex-girlfriend's mother's bra.

Well, I'm going to tell you right here and now where I'm going to be, where you can show me support with your ex's mom's dirty old bra. June 21st, I'm going be a dynasty typewriter and I have been writing my face off with new materials. So come on down. August 17th, West Ampton Beach Performing Arts Center in West Ampton Beach, New York. That is going to be a grand old time. And then August 23rd, I'll be in Provincetown, Massachusetts. So come on out.

Go to tignotaro.com for ticket information, show information, and I'll see you there. July 20th, I'm in Edmonton out in Canada with Mateo Lane. And then still in Canada, July 26th, I'm doing a gala in Montreal. Then- I'm doing it too. Oh yeah? I'm doing your gala in Montreal. Then I'm doing it too. Oh yeah? I'm doing your I'm doing your gala.

Oh awesome. Amazing. Yeah. Very cool. And then starting in September, a ton of dates. San Antonio, Houston, Norfolk, Virginia, and Richmond, Virginia, DC, Portland, Maine, Boston, Burlington, Mobile, New Orleans, tons of stuff, Atlanta, Cincinnati, Chicago, Salt Lake City. You can go to my website, fortunefamature.com for tickets. I'm not doing a ton. I'm traveling a bunch, but I'm in Montreal for Just for Laughs on July 25th doing a May Martin and Friends comedy show and doing Fortune some gala. So see you in Montreal. Well, please, if you enjoyed a cackle

or if you let it jiggle this episode, please share this episode with a friend that you would like to join this handsome community. Subscribe to our podcast and also we have a YouTube page and until next time, keep it handsome. Happy birthday, Fortune. Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster.

The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod.gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check that you turn your garden sprinkler off in the morning before heading into work. You want your garden and lawn to be watered, but not underwater. Checking First is smart, so check Allstate First for a quote that could save you hundreds.

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