Handsome - Esther Perel asks about younger selves

Episode Date: July 30, 2024

Renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel, author of "Mating In Captivity," asks Handsome a provocative question about younger selves on this week's episode! Plus Mae unveils a new roleplay, Handsome on Oprah, and a classic installment of "brown or blonde"!LIVE STREAMING SHOW Aug 24! Tickets: dynastytypewriter.com/handsomeHandsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media: @handsomepodMerch: handsomepod.comWatch on youtube: youtube.com/@handsomepodEmail the show: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers. Welcome to the Handsome Pod. It's me, your friend Tig Notaro, and I'm sitting here with my co-host named. Oh, your names. What are your names? Oh God, you go fortune. Fortune Feimster.

And as usual, May Martin messing it up. No, we both just were excited to get in on that. I was so excited to get in on that handsome pod. Really looking forward to chatting with my friends. On the handsome pod. I've missed you. And I you. And you.

And I you. And I also you as well. And us we. And us we. And us we, yes. We've been doing so much. Everybody's been all over the place. I know.

We sure have been. Oh my gosh, it's crazy. And then May showed up with a completely different look, which I can't even decide if we talk about or lure people to YouTube about. I know. A darker do. A darker do, if you don't mind, if you please.

This to me. And us we. This to me. And that's we. And that's we. Yeah. I think this is vastly different to my usual look. This was like multiple conversations with production about dye my hair brown.

I went nuts. I logged on today thinking gasps. I thought you guys would be like not recognizing me. And then I- May. It's crazy different. May, May. I would never have noticed. Truly, would never have noticed. But this is also coming from the person

that used to have an office space. Maybe I've talked about this on the show. I had an office space underneath a coffee shop and I'd go in and get my coffee from the barista and one morning after I was walking away to go down to my office she said, aren't you going to mention, don't I look different? And I was like, I don't know. She said, my hair is green. Green. Didn't even notice. Don't even notice. I'll be honest, I'm looking now at myself and I am realizing my hair is still blonde. And I have been, this is after numerous,

like, you know, tense conversations where I'm like, guys, this is dark hair for me. And now I'm looking at it, I'm like, nah, they're right. Well, this part of you is, it's like, still blonde, the sides are darker. Sides are darker. You mean the front part? The front part, the Justin Bieber part.

I beg your pardon? You mean the May Martin part? I'm kidding. Yeah. This, like the flip, I don't know what to call it. That is still lighter. You'd say still blonde, yes. But the sides are definitely darker.

Yeah, yeah. I guess. I think it's But the sides are definitely darker. Yeah, yeah. I guess. I think it's like, they're not green. I think I'm, it's almost like I don't, it's like I don't want it to resolve, like I want this drama to continue because once it resolves, I had to focus on actually acting and preparing

and it's kind of nice. And how are you feeling? I'm nervous, man. I'm really nervous. I just, the whole thing's so embarrassing. The fact that you're paying people to pretend that they love you and things like that is very crazy. Are you paying people to pretend they love you? Well, that's what this job is.

I get a check from May every month. Wait. I've been doing it for free. I get a check from May every month. Wait. I've been doing it for free. I think I phrased that wrong. Just like the fact that I wrote it is embarrassing. So when you're running a scene with another actor and you're like, yeah, I guess I did right. In the show, someone has to love you.

Yeah. What a tall order. You're so lovable. Thanks, Fortune. That's right. I agree. Actually, I have, that pause, same.

No, you know what that pause was is I do love you, May. Thank you, I love you too. I just, I have a different delivery and I was really reflecting on that when Fortune said what she said, which I can't even remember what she said, but I was thinking like, well, it's interesting because I love May too, but I just probably would deliver it differently. Yeah.

Right, right. And so that's what that was about. I would deliver it. I would throw mine away a little bit like, nah, I love you guys. I don't think I don't. Nah, you guys are great. I find, you know, eye contact hard, which is hard for acting as well.

Well, I remember I was in a scene with Reese Witherspoon once, and I was supposed to be like her old kind of friend, I guess. And I was supposed to link arms with her and just basically be like, hey girl, what's going on? And I was struggling so hard in that scene.

And I just kept saying, I'm sorry, this just does not come naturally to me. You don't link arms. Yeah, I was like, I'm uncomfortable touching you. I'm uncomfortable saying hey, girl. And they were like, well, we could redo it in a different way. And I was like, no, I'm going to challenge myself as an actor and try and link arms with Reese and say, hey girl. And if you want to see that scene, watch Your Place or Mine and just know it took us a long time to get there. I thought you were joking about the hey girl thing,

but you literally had to say hey girl? Something like that, yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. I think I say hey girl a lot. Hey girl. Oh yeah, for sure you do. I think mine stems from my love of Shania Twain's song, Man I Feel Like a Woman.

Just like that. Let's go girls. I've wanted to say let's go girls to her so many times. I've seen her randomly out in the wild. Thomas put it on the list. We gotta say that to Shania. Wait, you've seen Shania Twain randomly out in the wild a bunch?

Well, twice. Isn't that weird when there are people that you always cross paths with? Yeah. I saw her and I wanted to say, let's go girls. Um, I'm sure she gets that a lot. I don't think she's ever heard that. But I couldn't make eye contact with her.

And I was like, I need to make eye contact with her to be able to say this. You can't just say, let's go girls to the back of Shania Twain's head. Okay, here's what I, you say, let's go girls to her. And then if I ever see her out in the wild, you know what I'm going to do? I don't care what angle I've got on her. I'm just going to go. Do you think it's like, let's go girls. I bet she can't help herself if someone does that. She has to say, let's go girls. Oh my God. I want to so bad. And I saw her on Twitter. Yeah, where are you seeing her? I had a meeting down in Century City and she was, I saw her going into the elevator and

I almost ran and stood in the elevator and I was like, well, that's creepy. So I contained myself. But then I saw her again after my meeting, she was leaving and I was like, this is my chance and she walked by me and didn't make eye contact and I was like, this is my chance. And she walked by me and didn't make eye contact. And I was like, ah, and then someone from her group was like, said hi to me. And I was like, I wanted to say, let's go girls. What if Shania was like, hey, Fortune, keep it handsome.

Oh my God, I just got goose bumps. Well, one time Thomas and I were in Vegas together and there were posters of her all over the place and we were just having a joyful time just doing let's go girls and. I love the idea of you and Thomas in Vegas. I don't even know why we were there honestly. Thomas, why were we in Vegas?

Star Trek convention. Star Trek. Star Trek convention. Star Trek. Star Trek convention, right. I wish it was Thomas's bachelor party and it was just you two in Vegas. You're like, so what do you want to do now? I'm trying to get everyone to take me seriously as an actor. And then I'm realizing as I'm talking to you guys,

like, yeah, and I had to, I met the woman. Well, first of all, did I tell you this? I was hosting these awards. I never hosted awards. Oh yeah, in Canada. Yeah, and I came up. I heard you crushed. Who from?

From Jay Berrschel. No. I thought I texted you that. He said you were amazing. That's awesome. Did you see me light up there? Cause I truly, you never know if you did. Yeah.

Who is Jay Bereshell? He's a very talented Canadian actor. He's been in a million movies. Like you would know him if you saw him for sure. I hope he's in a lot of Seth Rogen movies. And I was scared that I pissed him off cause in my monologue I said he's in a lot of Seth Rogen movies and I was scared that I pissed him off because in my monologue I said, Jay Bereshell. Seth Rogen.

Yeah. Oh, well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Seth Rogen. I thought you were saying Joe Rogan. I was like, is he doing movies now? I was like, oh my God. Oh my God. Whoa.

But yeah, so I did this bit where I was dressed like a worm, like a giant alien space worm from Dune. And I was really, that's like a big swing for me. I don't put on costumes and do weird things, you know? And so I was really nervous. And I knew that the woman who's playing my wife in this show that I'm filming, that she was also presenting an award that night.

And something, I was like, I just know as soon as I put on this anus looking space worm costume I'm gonna meet this woman and as soon as I put it on she was like hi nice to meet you I'm just trying to be taken seriously as an actor and I'm dressed like a giant worm. Pardon my but. Yeah, exactly. I really did look like a giant, a giant butthole. That is hilarious. Well, you, I saw pictures, you looked amazing as a butthole and all the other things. Thank you, thanks. And you crush.

Thanks, man. Did you feel good about it when you did the, cause I didn't talk to Jay. You didn't talk to Jay? I had, yeah, I actually had a lot of fun. I wasn't, I was, that Denny Villeneuve was getting a lifetime achievement award.

He directed Dune and Prisoners and all these movies. So I got to, I was pretty humiliating standing like dressed like a worm begging him for a part. Did you write that or did you have writers that wrote that? I wrote that bit. Yeah, but then, yeah, so that was me meeting this serious actor who I want to be. This is a thriller I'm in. And then I go and meet her at her costume fitting and I go,

I just become strange, you know, because I'm like, I just want to make a good impression. I show up, I go, Oh, hey, and she's like, Oh, hi. And I go, How tall are you? Why did I say that? And then she goes, How tall are you? First thing in my mind. And she goes, five, three. And I go, oh, same as Sarah Michelle Geller. And she goes, oh, have you worked with her? And I go, no. And then you go, Mayfax. Like, why do I know Sarah Michelle Geller's height?

What the F? If I said Mayfax. Mayfax, Mayfax, Mayfax. I carry the button. Shania Twain walks by and says, Mayfack. Let's go girls. It's funny that all of us are doing these acting projects so far out of comedy. I know.

I think it's in Star Trek. I'm in this crazy action series, maybe in the thriller. We're really showing range. I know. Yeah. How's it going for you? Mine's great, it's so much work. These, all the stunts and action takes forever today.

I'm in epsom salt bath often. I heard someone, I think it was Jessica Beale or some actor saying that before the Met Gala or something, they took a bath in like pounds of epsom salts. Like it was basically more salt than water. And you lie in it, it shrivels you right up and you lie in the salt and it's like purifying. I don't think I'm using enough.

You got to feel it. How much you sprinkle in? Just a little, maybe, I mean, I need to get the whole bag in there. Yeah, it's not a few. But I'm, yeah, I was like, give me more action this season. and they gave it to me, and I'm like, I'm old.

Right. Right. When do you wrap? When it's fun. In Toronto till the end of August, and then we film in Prague in September. Oh my God, have you been to Prague? I've never been, no.

It is one of the most beautiful places I've ever been in my life. Yeah. I'm excited. Did you go there for Thomas's bachelor party? I wanna go to Prague. Oh gosh. You'll come with me.

Yeah, put it on the list. I had a whole hair debacle myself because when I got to film, they colored my roots too dark and I have to match last season. And so then they had to color correct my hair. It was a whole thing and it took like hours and hours and hours.

It was never quite right. And then I had to go back at the end of this block to try to get it redone. And now it's another different crazy blonde. So it's not quite right. But I had to do that chair for hours. Yes, please. You didn't notice.

Didn't notice. That's the exact same. You should be a hair and makeup person on the set, Tay. You're just like, I think it looks good. I don't see any continuity issues here. My hair is orange. If you're a homeowner who doesn't want to deal with switching your home insurance, we understand you're busy and it feels so complicated.

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Terms and conditions apply. See site for details. You know, I notice so many things, but they're never helpful. Like I notice, I don't know, maybe that's the comedian in me or something, but like all of the things that are really obvious and glaring, I just, I didn't see it. Yeah. I didn't see it.

Are you someone who's vigilant about like people's moods? Like do you pick up on if people are a little off or? Me? Yeah. I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because some people are like, oh, I didn't notice that they were. I guess I can miss on that too because sometimes I think I take most things at face value.

And so if somebody's telling me they're not upset or if they're, I don't know. That's really a healthy way to be, because if everybody was just like really upfront, then that would be a good way to live. You just take everyone at face value, but we're all little chickens, so we're all like, oh yeah, I'm great. So if someone's like, I'm fine.

I mean, if they're of course acting like that. Why did that turn me on? Oh my God, of course, Fortune, why did that turn me on? Oh my God, of course it did, May. I don't know, there's something. My acting is pretty amazing. It was so the way you looked at it, it was very passive aggressive and it made me just wanna like work for your approval.

It made May wanna touch your boob. Yeah, dig. My man boobs. Get in on these boobs. Moves. Is that what you say to Jax, get in on these moves? I do actually. I refer to him as moves quite often. I had to actually, speaking of serious acting,

once in an acting class, I had to kiss a boy on the mouth. For like a minute. I know, for like a minute. And that felt like a lifetime. What a solid minute. Wait a minute. Yes. Hold on.

My first kiss was five minutes. What do you mean? Five, wow. Yeah, my childhood friend, we reconnected as teenagers after we were like in elementary school and our parents were really close. And so I think everybody was just considering us like still children.

So he spent the night with me and we had never kissed anybody. So he spent the night and we kissed and we watched my clock the whole time we kissed. And we were trying to break a world's record. No. That smooch with one eye on the clock. Both of us had both eyes on the clock.

There was not even one close, but anyway, go ahead. That's so funny though that you were like, it kind of turns it into like quite a bro-y thing. Like we're gonna break this record, okay? Like it takes any- We're doing this, man. For sure. No tongue.

Wait, so, Fortune, why did you have to kiss this man? I was in an acting class and... Because she's a serious actor, May. I'm a serious actor, May. I don't know why. I think that the teacher could tell. And by the way, it was comedy acting. It was like sitcom.

It wasn't even like I was doing a part from like a serious movie. And she could tell, I guess I was uncomfortable with like, that I don't even know how it came up. Moves. With moves. And this guy was, had just started this like horror movie that was like a huge hit, kind of out of nowhere.

And she was like, I'm gonna do an acting exercise with you two. I'm going to have you two kiss. And we're like, what? What? This is literally a sitcom. That's not an acting. Maybe she was a perv. I don't know. But and he was kind of like, what?

And I was like, what? But we, you know, the like, rule follower in me was like, okay, so in front of the entire class, we had to kiss on the mouth. Oh my God. Thank God, no tongue. Wait, where else would you have kissed for the kissing exercise?

Just on the tip. Mwah. Oh my God. Fortune Marie. And they, the clashes watched as we kissed for no reason. It wasn't even in the script for a full minute. For like a minute. She must've had a crush on both of you.

Yeah, I don't know. She was a full on May going, put that in your spank bank. I'd like a piece of this one and that one and I can't have it so I'm gonna have them hook it up right now. And then I could never make eye contact with that guy again.

Yeah, of course. And was he chasing your skirt after that? I think he was just like, what the fuck is up? I'm Los Angeles. He did not sign up for this. He's like, I'm kissing this one over here. He packed up his trailer and went back home. He's like, I just started a horror movie.

Yeah. Did he, did he become famous? Like it was Anthony Hopkins? No, it like the movie was huge. I honestly don't remember the movies. What, you know how like all of a sudden this horror movie made for like $100,000 because like this ginormous success. It was like one of those. And then you never hear about it again.

My friend was in an acting class in her 20s and it was just- Wait, was it Chucky? You were kissing the doll? Okay, go ahead. Sorry, May. My friend was in an acting class in her 20s, and it was just her and no, it was a rehearsal. It was her and the male actor and the director. The scene was that he had to push her against the wall and kiss her.

The director goes, okay, I'll be the wall. What? Yeah. Then she said, I quit. Why are people weird? People are weird, but I'll be the wall. I'll be the wall. I know, I've heard that one before. I'll be the wall.

I'll be the wall that has no pants. You're gonna lay on the floor, I'm the floor. Yeah, ridiculous. I'll be the mattress. That was my only time kissing a boy, I think. No. No. Yeah. Your whole life.

Wait, I kissed a childhood friend when we were really little. And then I did touch, I've told you this, I touched one wiener, but that was no kissing involved. If you wanna get too intimate. You gotta get your numbers up by introducing spin the bottle at parties. That's what I think. Well, now I'm married. I mean, I don't know if Jax is gonna be pumped about me going, you know Jax, I wanna get your numbers up by introducing spin the bottle at parties. That's what I think.

Well now I'm married. I mean, I don't know if Jax is gonna be pumped about me going, you know Jax, I wanna get my numbers up with these dudes. But I mean, how much would she really care if you're kissing guys? Well, she's a germ gal. She would've loved me kissing anybody on the mouth.

Right, right. I'm gonna kiss hands. I feel like. Kiss hands. Stephanie. I don't know, actually she wouldn't like that either, germs. Oh my God, yeah, a lot of germs. Yeah.

Yeah, you're stuck. Yeah, so no, sorry all the boys out there. If you kissed one person, do you think Jax would leave you? I don't think so. Okay, good. I wouldn't leave her. Yeah. What about you, Tay. I wouldn't leave her. I wouldn't leave her. Yeah.

What about you, Tay? No, I would not. We would definitely probably have some conversations about what are the feelings here? What's your, what are you wanting? Yeah, it's just interesting to. Totally. Where people's lines are.

Well, yeah. I, in the past, would have really been like, yeah, great. And now I'm like, I just wouldn't wanna know. If I wouldn't freak out if I knew, but I'd just be like, nah, if you could do what you gotta do and just don't tell me. Do what you gotta do.

I think I said before, I told Parv like, if you're on a cruise and you pull into Portugal. Yeah. A lot of germs there. A lot of germs on a cruise. you pull into Portugal. Yeah, and there's some. A lot of germs there. A lot of germs on a cruise. And that Lido dick. There's some sailor in Portugal and you feel like if I don't sleep with this sailor this one night,

then I'll regret it on my death. Then I think I've told her like, just sleep with a sailor, don't tell me. But don't you think there will always be another sailor? That's a good question. Oh, interesting point. Point-tig. Keep her away from the ports.

Think about the next sailor. Well, let's start thinking about the next sailor. I'm only thinking about the sailor in front of us. I'll tell you what, I saw a fireman yesterday that is- You love firemen. Yeah, you do. You guys, it was exactly my dream fireman. He had the mustache that I like.

Yeah. You like a handlebar? I'm not like the curly handlebar that goes up like, oh, I'm rolling my handlebar mustache looking at you. I made my own kimchi to play with my Dungeons and Dragons. Is that what a handlebar mustache person says? So kimchi. I would never have put any of that together,

but anyway, this man had the mustache that goes over the lip and down to the chin. The Hulk Hogan, yeah. Whew, well no, Hulk Hogan is nowhere near my type, even if he put a fire out. This guy- He takes type, kind of on the Hulk Hogan side. You've seen Stephanie, right?

Yeah, she's baffled by me thinking that is an attractive look. Yeah, the Carmen. Yeah, absolutely baffled by me thinking that it's an attractive look. The, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely baffled. Shouldn't get it. Cause it's very, it's very dude. Oh my God. It's so, I mean, he's so masculine and like muscular

and mustachey. And, and I was like, holy Lord, look at this guy. And you pretended to faint again? No, I pretended to not care. When really you were rare ending. Don't look at him, don't look at him, don't look at him. Yeah, but then on the other side of it, my real type is I do like, whoever you are in this world,

I do like a writer and an artsy, funny person. I'm making kimchi. I'm just making my kimchi. Oh, what is this kimchi in my mustache? I gotta say, this being long distance for the next three, four months is gonna be the longest I've gone in my whole life. Like probably without, you know.

Touching a boob? Yeah, yeah. Or anything really. Or anything. Cause you grab at whatever is in the bag, right? I'm a grab bagger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a grab bagger.

And so how is the, I mean, isn't Parvati coming out to see you or what? Like she came to, she came out and she brought. Your little roommate? Yeah, my little roommate. And we had a week, it was so fun and hilarious. And then she's gonna come out next weekend. But yeah, then she's away filming stuff this summer.

So it's, yeah, it's gonna be weird. I don't know, we just have to go wild when she's here, I think. Yeah, Jackson and I were apart for a while. Oh, you were? How long is the longest you guys have gone? Three weeks was this run. It's hard.

And that felt long. Yeah. Yeah, I'm at three weeks now and it's brutal. It's really tough. I don't know, I feel like I've maybe done five weeks or something and that is, it's not fun. And it's like Stephanie and our little cubs and then our kitty city,

like my heart aches over all of them. Like if you sit me down, you mentioned Stephanie, Max, Finn, or any of our three individual kitties. I'm like, oh God, oh God. It's rough. You were like filming and stuff? I think I was touring and then popping over to Europe and then doing my special.

It was just like a really long chunk and that kind of ran me into the ground a bit with stand up and I'm slowly trying to shake it off. Right, yeah. Yeah, I don't feel like grounded when I'm slowly trying to shake it off. Right, yeah. Yeah, I don't feel like grounded when I'm gone too long. Yeah, your lifeblood kind of drains away. And is this, are we all really codependent or is this normal?

Yeah. Well, that's what's so incredible. What I was talking to Stephanie about is not, I mean, whether it's codependent or not, or if you just love your family, but I was telling Stephanie, like what an incredible feeling to miss your family and your loved ones to not be like, oh God,

or, oh, I'm so glad they're gone or, oh. Oh my God, yeah. Because I'm sure we've all been in relationships where you're like, nice to have some time to myself and which, you know, but yeah, oh, I'm so glad they're gone. Or, oh. Oh my God, yeah. Because I'm sure we've all been in relationships where you're like, nice to have some time to myself, and which, you know, but yeah, this, I really. I think a lot of times I didn't even think about it. I was just like, yeah, I'm going on the road, or I'm working, and that was that.

And I just, I was like, what's the big deal? And now I'm like, oh, this was the big deal. Yeah. Yeah. It's a privilege to miss someone. It's somebody said the grief is just love in another form. Oh, that got sad. Oh, but you know what I mean? All right, well on that note,

should we hear what our, I don't even remember how to get into this show. What were you gonna say, May? Well, actually, maybe that's a good segue because I just said something pretty profound and emotional and our questioner today, I think we're all pretty excited about, I would say this person's,

we're all kind of in love with her, would you say? Fortune, are you a fan? I have become a more recent fan. I will not lie. I did not know about her until more recent years. Really? Yeah, and now I'm very impressed. I'm jealous that you get to read and seen.

Oh my God, yeah, her books on relationships and her podcast, yeah, she's so genius. Yeah, her Ted Talk, have you seen her Ted Talk? Yes. I mean, just hearing her speak, she's just, I was so enamored when I first stumbled upon her. And of course people, she's been writing and speaking for quite a while

and Oprah had been elevating her. I just missed it, you know? I just missed it somehow. But I was truly like, whoa, I really thought I discovered her. And then I looked down and she had like five billion views and I was like, oh, I guess I'm not onto her. Yeah, she's changed the way I think about a lot of things. And she's just like a very,

just those people who have like a deep kind of understanding of the human condition and so much empathy and are so articulate. She is so smart, it's stupid. It's stupid how smart this woman is. I think she speaks nine languages. Are you serious? Fluently, fluently.

Wanna kiss her. Yeah. I do. If that, Sailor's getting kissed. I do always say she is my celebrity crush. She is, I know I say Carrie Russell is, but I've never heard her talk. Whereas I could listen to our guest questioner today.

I could listen to her talk forever. Should we say who it is? I mean, I feel like people have, no. Let's not mention that. Today's questioner is an acclaimed psychotherapist, author and podcast host known for her book, Mating in Captivity, which is amazing. If you're having the sailor dilemma,

you gotta read that book. And her podcast, Whereating in Captivity, which is amazing. If you're having the sailor dilemma, you got to read that book. And her podcast, Where Should We Begin is incredible. Esther Perel is asking today's question. Yes. I'm Esther Perel. I'm a psychotherapist, an author and the host of the podcast. Where should we begin? My question, if you could whisper something in the ears of your younger self, what would it be?

I wish she'd whisper something in the ears of my younger self, you know what I mean? I don't need y'all to introduce me, I'm introducing myself. I just love her, her voice is so amazing. It is so great. Wait, what was the question, whisper to our younger self? Yeah, what would you whisper to your younger self?

Oh, I love that. It's gotta be a whisper. Can you hear me? Do you know right off the bat what you would whisper into your younger? I'm interested like what age you'd want to talk to, what age would you go back to? Well, there's a part of me that was like, when I first heard this, that thought like I would go back to my younger self and say like, you're gonna be okay. Yeah.

You know, like, but then part of me wondered- But what younger self? Like probably high school, when things were a little chaotic then and my family was in a bit of a mess. And so part of me is like, oh, I want to comfort my younger self, because I think those were the times where it seemed like the most dysfunction was happening.

But then I think, well, did that difficulty make me work harder? Did it make me, you know? What if you said that to you? You said, listen, you're gonna be famous, girl. And then you got so overconfident as a teen that you were like, cool, fuck everyone. And then you became a pariah. Yeah, because I always, I think I've talked about it before.

I feel like those difficulties, you know, led me to this path and working hard and being who I am is a big part of having gone through that difficult time. But there was a part of my childhood where it did feel like, man, this is rough. This is a hard time. And is, you know, is my family ever going to be normal? Are we going to be good? Am I going to, are we going to be able to pay the bills?

Are we going to, there was all this, I didn't have peace in high school. So part of me wants to like go back to that, that girl and just be like, you're going to figure it out. Everyone's going to be fine. Link arms with her and say, hey girl. Yeah, at least give her a little hug. Oh man, that's nice. I bet you would have got along.

Do you think you were funny then? Did you have a sense of humor? You could have had a laugh? I definitely, yeah, I definitely had a sense of humor. It would come out in spurts. I wasn't always the class clown. I wasn't always seeking attention class clown. I wasn't like always seeking attention or trying to be the funny one. But I had my moments where I took

center stage and then went back and retreated and was quiet and shy. So I definitely had humor for sure, but I didn't lead with humor in the way that I do now. Would you guys rather, this is a slight diversion, but would you rather go back in time to a moment of your life, like to your younger self, or to somewhere random in history, like that you get to pick, like the, not the Titanic, you don't wanna be there, but like Woodstock or something.

Yeah, I'd probably wanna go back to a more historic time. Yeah. I chopped it. Yeah, that'd be exciting, right? Yeah, I would whisper to my ear herself, go do something cool. Well, it's interesting because she said your younger self

and so that could be five years ago. Oh yeah, it could be yesterday. Yeah, because I'm not even thinking about my childhood because that was just a circus. I don't think anyone whispering in my ear would have helped me. I would have been like, that is false information and there's no world I'm getting out of this alive. But yeah, I don't know when it would be, but I've probably talked about this on the show, but one of my biggest regrets was not taking

seriously my health. Yeah, yeah. And I talk about it all the time and I apologize if it's boring, but it's like, you know, I'm 53. And even though I'm like, for the most part on the other side of a lot of health struggles, it's not gone. And it's a game of Jenga. And I'm constantly at doctor's appointments.

I'm constantly meeting with different doctors. And it's so frustrating because you need to have a medical degree to have any understanding of the complications that I've gone through and so many people have gone through. And so much could have been avoided if I... It's that thing of like when you have your health, you don't take it as seriously. And then when you lose it, it's hard to get it back. It's really hard. I mean, illness for sure, and then even like little careless injuries that then you have

your whole life. You're like, if I wish, like I went to bargaining and kind of messed up my back when I was 15, it still bothers me. It's like, oh, that's so irritating. Yeah. But then you want wanna live your life. But were you not always, you seem so health conscious to me, I'm sure a lot of that is because of where you're at,

but you weren't that way. No, that's solely from what happened in 2012. I did not, I mean, I did things like, I quit smoking when I was 25, and I also would do long distance cycling, but I wasn't doing that for health. You know, I would cycle a hundred miles a day across France or from Montreal to Portland, Maine.

And I did stand up in Portland, Oregon and cycled up to Seattle and did a show in Seattle. And it was just, that was just trying to push myself my headspace and yet to me that speaks of like you're you're running from like you are chasing some high there or some like like there's there's some energy or ambition in front of yourself that you're just like I got more more like I gotta chase something well I feel like when I started doing long distance cycling, I was working in production jobs and I was an open mic comedian and I wanted to make the leap from that world

to full-time comedian. That was the thing that I did was I quit my job, I got a credit card for the first time and I just tried to bridge that gap of like, I'm going to get out of my day job and I'm going to free my head space and spend the day cycling, not doing anything other than just thinking and seeing the, the, uh, the road and the scenery. And, um, and then when I, that sounds good.

I'm like salivating. Yeah. When I finished this ride, I'm gonna start all new and go full-time as a comedian. And I did. And I used that credit card to bridge that gap. But it was never about my health. It was like the psychological element of it.

But now, as I, you know, am constantly juggling doctors appointments and medications and, oh, this causes potential depression or bloating or all of these different things that medications can cause and then sifting through, do I really need to take this medication? No, this one is actually helpful. This is not necessary. Or more digging, this causes this and that. And all of those things I go back to, man, I wish I would have really looked at the importance of the food I was eating and actually exercising every

day and not smoking. I smoked for so long. But anyway, that's what I would definitely whisper in my ear. Honestly, now that you say that, I would like to also whisper to my childhood self to eat more fruit and vegetables. Because I think I would naturally like them more. Yeah. I think there's so many angles to go on this. Part of me is like,

I want to go back to, I was a few months ago and fortune told me about the game, best fiends on my phone. Oh no. Are you hooked? Dude, I, I've mentioned it before, but like, you texted me, find it out the name of it. So you saw it out. I saw it out. And I, it's just like a candy crush, but it's a phone game, but I am like, it feels like if I have a sort of subconscious to do list in my brain and now that game is on that list and it's like, oh no, even I get into bed, I'm going to sleep and like, got to play for an hour. Best fiends. And I'm playing.

It's like a real compulsion. So that would be one thing. I know I can just delete it. I should be- It's not even an ad on this podcast. But that's recent. You just got- It was an ad on my old podcast.

That was like a few episodes ago, a few months ago, Fortune said, I've been playing Best Fiends. Don't download it. If you're listening to this, please listen to me. Listen to my whisper. It may text me like once in a while, again. Yeah, seeking it out. And so wait, Fortune, you play it all the time too?

Yeah, because I think because my brain is always going in overdrive, I'm always thinking, thinking, thinking. And I find that when I'm playing this game, I don't think about anything. And so sometimes I play it to just shut everything down. It's dopamine though. And it's, I think if you have like an addictive person,

it's like this gentle wash of like, wham, just to calm your thought process down. Don't put your credit card in there though. Oh, I would never put my credit card. Wait, why? What's going on with the credit card? Because then you can pay for more turns. It's better to like just run out of turns

and then you put your phone down. And wait a second, Thomas is nodding and smiling. Have you played this, Thomas? I haven't, but it's just, you know, I've gotten into like Candy Crush or something like that. And just that arc of getting addicted to a game like that. I think so many people have fallen into that. You know, it's funny.

I thought Candy Crush was like a bug. Like I thought, you know what I mean? Like on a computer, like a bug. Like I thought, you know what I mean? Like on a computer, like a virus. Oh. Yeah, cause people would, I would get things when I was on Facebook. I would get like, oh, so and so asked you to play Candy Crush.

And I was like, okay, I'm not clicking on that. That's probably a virus. Yeah, cause you're like, that can't be one of my friends cause my friends are adults and then a child's game. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so you're like, that can't be one of my friends because my friends are adults and then a child's game. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so that's one thing. So yes, go back and whisper to yourself. Bitcoin is another, go back and say,

invest in Bitcoin. And then- Is it still up? No, but I would have got out at the right time. You would have gotten in and out, gosh. I would have gotten in and out like Ashton Kutcher. And then I guess, of course, like my teen, but I'm like you, Fortune.

I'm like, I think I had to have a troubled teen experience, but I don't know, there's a couple, a couple, yeah. I would have shaken myself. I mean, like you little rat. You little rat. I think I would have been deeply irritated by myself. That's why I'd rather go back to Woodstock or something. Actually, when Parv came to visit,

should I share this? Absolutely, that means you should. Trying to think if she'll be annoyed. Well, I already told you guys about- Absolutely. I told you about our role play of the captain and the cabin boy. Yes, yes, of course.

Yeah, and she wasn't that mad about that, so I think she really needed it. Wait, she wasn't that mad about that, so I think she really did. Wait, she wasn't that mad? She was a little mad. She was like- Dino Jackson was like, what did you say about me on the handsome part? I'm like, I don't know. I know, I got a text from Amanda Klutz going, oh my God, I just listened to your episode

like where I was saying that Stephanie thought she was who I would have a crush on. Oh yeah. Oh my God. And I was like, you know, was who I would have a crush on. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. I was like, you know, like we forget what we say on episode. I have no idea what I say. Yeah, and I told Stephanie and she was like, you said that? And I was like, oh, my God. But I talked about that in front of Amanda with Stephanie. So, but I guess she was thinking for the whole wide world.

That's hilarious. I was like, I get, but she, I guess she was thinking for the whole wide world. That's hilarious. With Parv, I was like, I get, you know, that you're, you can be annoyed, but when Parv went to Pride this year for the first time since being out, and was mobbed by women calling her the captain, I'm like. No, for real? We're just people, like I think, yeah, so I was like.

Oh my God, that's so funny what catches on. I know. But speaking of a- The captain. I'm gonna call her the captain now too. I didn't even remember, of course, but now I remember. Our new one is, and keep in mind, we're laughing as we're doing this, but- Yeah, right.

It kind of relates to time travel because it's called the Neanderthal and the time traveling woman. The idea is that Parv is a time traveler and she accidentally goes back to Neanderthal times and I'm this caveman. I'm not a bad guy, but I'm a dumb dumb and I'm like a woman. You know what I mean? Oh my God.

This is role play? I'm like a blunt instrument. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's sort of like. And this leads to sexy time. You touch a boob right after. Oh, woman. I'm like a kind of like. I've never seen woman before.

And do you speak like that to her? Sort of. Yes. Let's hear a little. Parvati's like, I'm just a time traveler. How'd I get here? And so wait, she lands in your cave? She lands near my cave.

I pick her up. Not in the cave dig, near the cave. Near the cave, okay. I throw her over my shoulder, I drag her into my cave. Let's hear a little of the pillow talk with the Neanderthal. Come on. It's just like.

Me horny. Yeah, it's kinda like. What, Chad? It's. It's more an energy than a dialogue. I wanna hear it. Oh, it's like the rough and tumble thing. And just being like,

like I kinda like I've won, I don't know, whatever, anyway. What do you mean whatever? We're already neck deep. I regret bringing it up. I don't regret anything. The Captain and the Cabin Boy, that's all you need to say is the name.

The Cabin Boy and the Cabin Boy is pretty iconic. It's pretty clear, yeah. So now just we'll leave it at the time traveling woman and the Neanderthal. Wow. Every episode we learn about a new. Role play. Role play.

Yeah. I learned I need to step it up. It's a real creative partnership. Oh yeah, you guys are both very creative. That's what I love is that y'all are on the same page. You both wanna play these roles. Weird little horn dogs. Yeah, you little horn dogs. By the way, I never told you guys this.

Jackson and I were grand marshals of the Chicago Pride parade. How was it? Super fun. I had a t-shirt made that's like our muscle tee. But it's a regular tee because I didn't want to show off my rock card. Your guns? Guns.

Yeah. And it said, keep it handsome. Oh yeah, I saw that on Instagram. As we were going through the parade route, I saw a lot of handsome hats and someone had to sign up that said, you're a handsome butthole. Oh my God. I was like, oh,, you're a handsome butthole. Oh my God. I was like, oh, I must say the word butthole a lot. That is hilarious.

So that was, and it was fun to hear people yell, keep it handsome, you know, as we were going through the parade route, it was fun. I'm excited for when we do our live show, if anyone has like funny signs in the audience, this is a, we should issue a challenge, like make a sign. Make a sign.

Wait, what if we have an entire theater full of signs and no one can see anything? No one can see. That's true, that's true. People can still buy their live stream tickets for that too if they wanna see. Let's keep our signs to a certain size. What is the size, like a piece of paper?

Piece of paper. Yes. Like a Post-It. Piece of paper. Yes. Like a Post-It. Or a huge flag. Yeah. And I hope people are thinking of their questions they wanna ask us, because listeners who buy the live stream ticket

can also ask us questions. Yeah, have a watching party with your pals and live stream it and. Oh, a summer party. This is a time for a summer party. Absolutely. Wear your muscle tees, your keep it handsome muscle tees. Sip on a Caesar with Mott's Clamado.

Yeah, or an Aperol spritz. I love an Aperol spritz. Oh yeah, me too. Should we hear what Esther says? Yes. Esther. I often have thought that if I had the confidence of today with the looks of then, but my younger self was crippled with self doubt and a lack of self confidence. And I always thought that when you become confident, you're sure of things.

And what I learned is that what I would say to my younger self is that confidence is actually the ability to see yourself as flawed, as imperfect, and still hold yourself in high regard. That's a different definition. What would you whisper? Wow. Everything she says changes my life. It's like she's just rallying it on.

You know what drives me crazy? I met her in person in New York. She did my old podcast and all I wanted was to know everything about her and her personal life, her relationship, her relationship with her children. And she is on, she is a steel trap on that. Oh, she doesn't talk about that stuff? No, and I'm just like, come on lady, give it up.

I mean, that would be the most insane episode that anyone could get out of SRPRL to just share everything. Everything, childhood, yeah. Or I wanna at least know who her best friend is and then have coffee with them and be like, come on. That's surprising. So many people these days want to share everything about themselves and the

fact that she's kept it under wraps. She's a psychotherapist, right? So that she's true. Yeah. Trained to all these incredible ideas and these, these, um, you push yourself in a relationship to these new boundaries that you've never reached before. If you believe what she's saying and you follow these ideas,

and then it would be just so interesting to hear like, well, yeah, I struggle with that too. And actually I'm very, I can't implement that myself. Yeah, that would be super interesting. It is interesting that confident, she's talking about her confidence now is so much higher. I find that to be true too, like.

Me too, yeah. And I was probably a better looking version of myself back then and thinner and yeah, did not have the confidence that I do today. Yeah, you just get more comfortable with yourself, don't you? Should we all try to do her voice or is that, I mean, it would be an homage, not a impersonation. Can I try?

Sure, please. What would it, hang on. What would it be like to say that to her right now? That was pretty good. How would it be to hear this? How is that right now? That was pretty good. How would it be to hear this? How is that? I thought it was pretty good. I thought she would think it was terrible.

Oh, she's probably, I don't think she's listening to this episode. Oh, she's listening. Oh, she's listening. She loves this podcast. She learned so much from us. I of course don't think she ever would listen to this, but here's mine. I'm sure she's listening. Where should we begin? That's all I can do.

That was very good. Confidence is accepting your faults. I'm going into a Russian accent. Yeah, that was sort of... I think she's got some of that in her. What is she, what is her... I think she's from Belgium. Belgium. Yeah. Belgium, you want french fries with mayonnaise.

Is that good? I wasn't listening. I was thinking about Esther Perel and where she's from. When is Oprah going to elevate us, you know? Never. Yeah. What is that happening? What is her Super Soul Sunday?

Have these three clowns? It's a handsome Super Soul Sunday. She's like, no, you, you, you get a boob. You get a boob. You get a boob. What? She's like, no, you were talking about, yeah, just someone that your butthole fortune.

And when I heard that I thought. I know, I was like, oh God, all the things I've said on here. Maybe we can get Gail King to give us a question at some point. I don't think we could even get that close. I've met Gail several times. She close. I've met Gail several times. I've met Gail too, but I don't think she's gonna do handsome.

I think when you're that close to Oprah, you gotta be really particular about your yeses. Gail's pretty fun. I saw her at the Titanic musical. Do you know that musical in New York City? It's a very funny comedy about the Titanic and it uses all Celine Dion songs. And it is so campy, so funny.

How much time do you think has to pass after a tragedy to make a fun musical about it? Time has passed. I know, I'm joking. lie about it. Time has passed. I know, I'm joking. We're good. It's true though. It's so funny though. If you, it's an off Broadway musical in New York.

And what is it called? Titanic. Okay. Cause it's Celine Dion's saying Titanic. And y'all know I'm obsessed with Celine. I love Celine too. Can you sing My Heart Will Go On? And my heart will go out and out.

Hey, that was good. It's been a while since you've sung to us, Fortune. I know you guys. Oh, you know what I forgot to tell you? What? What? This isn't like huge breaking news, Oh, you know what I forgot to tell you? What? What? This isn't like huge breaking news, but it was such a fun, handsome thing out in the wild.

I was traveling, went into a coffee shop. The barista said, Hey, I was just listening to the latest handsome episode. And also I know your coffee order. Whoa. Yeah, she was like quad decaf, oat milk latte. just a handsome episode and also I know your coffee order. Whoa. Yeah, she was like quad decaf oat milk latte. Oh my God, oh, cause you said it on the pod.

Yeah, I guess so, clearly. And I said, absolutely. However, I have switched over to soy from oat milk. Oh, you have? Did you tell her that the handsome pod now has our own coffee? I didn't bring that up because I just didn't wanna get into like what kind of roast and there is a-

You're like what kind of breads you selling out there? Well, we love her, we love that she knows your order and hopefully her shop starts selling Handsome Coffee. Yeah, I think they have their own. Yeah, not their own. No, they have their own. I can confirm that. Go check out All Things Esther Perel,

because also I want to say her podcast, you can read the description of an episode and think, oh, this isn't going to apply to me. This is a couple that has a 30-year difference between them or, oh, this is a trans couple or, oh, this is whatever it is. You are wrong because every episode you can find yourself in there and it's just so incredible. So I cannot, I cannot emphasize enough. I just this morning was listening to one about like erectile dysfunction.

I was like, I'm all in. You're like, that's me, that's me. Yeah, yeah. Also go to our social media page and get a ticket to watch our live stream show from Toronto where we're gonna be reunited the three of us in the flesh. It's August 24th, but the link lasts for a whole week.

Yeah, so you don't have to watch it live. You can get your ticket and then you can pick a time to have your handsome watch party. But it's the only time that you can see this show because it will not become another handsome episode. That's right. Wax up your handlebar mustache and your bush. Bring your kimchi.

Fortune. What did you say, fortune? And you said wax up your handlebar mustache panoply mustache and eyes and your bush. Just in case Oprah was listening. That's a real good Super Soul Sunday in that we got just now. Thank you, Fortune. Sorry, Oprah. I know I need to be more ladylike.

But maybe Oprah has this kind of humor. I bet she's filthy. Filthy, dirty girl. I bet her and Stedman are doing the time traveling woman. Girl. Fortune now you're blowing our chances for being a part of Super Soul Sunday or being on the cover of Oprah Magazine.

I already told Gail I wanna go on a hike with her and Oprah. She said, give me your information. I gave her my email and my phone number. I haven't heard from her. How was the hike? Oh. I think she might've lost the piece of paper. Yeah, that's for sure.

Well, Oprah will hear this. She'll get in touch. And then I saw Gail at Titanic and she said, Fortune. So she, she least knows my name. I'll start with that. We'll work our way up to the hike with Oprah. And while we're on the hike, I'll say Oprah, do you want to ask Ansel a question? Oh my God.

No, I don't. Oh, I know what I was going to say. I want to remind people, if you haven't seen the movie, Am I Okay? that Stephanie and I directed, please check that out. It has done so well. And so thanks for everyone that's watched that movie. And for those that haven't, check it out. You'll see me in a wig. Yeah, so funny. You were very funny in that. Oh, well, thank you.

I have nothing to plug except, yeah, get hyped for the show I'm filming now. Wayward. Get hyped. And yeah, what else? Yeah, I got my special sap on Netflix. And then just this lot, this handsome live shows where all my focus is at.

Oh, I think I have some shows where I'm going to be working out new material in Toronto, I think right after our live shows. So and then when I'm back in LA, just check my website because all of my shows at Largo or Dynasty Typewriter, I think I'm doing Comedy Bar in Toronto, just doing some small shows, working out some new material and having a grand old time.

And check out my special, Hello Again on Amazon. Yeah, I don't have any live shows, but if you wanna watch more specials, check out Sweet and Salty and Good Fortune on Netflix and you can get familiar with FUBAR season one. I need to, I'm gonna binge it so that I'm ready for the, when the season comes out. That's right.

It's kind of like a throwback. It reminds me of like an action series from the nineties. Yeah. It's fun. Cool. Yeah, well, what another handsome Yeah. It's fun. Cool. Yeah. Well, what another handsome episode. Very handsome episode.

What a podcast. It was heavenly. What a podcast. Well, until next time. Keep it Handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro, and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Woulett. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com

and follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! Home insurance is complicated.

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