Handsome - Gianmarco Soresi asks about getting in trouble

Episode Date: August 26, 2025

The hilarious Gianmarco Soresi asks about getting trouble in school, and Handsome has some amazing stories... Fortune's is guaranteed to shock you! Plus, Taylor Swift gets Handsome, Tig and Fortune get together and ruin the podcast, and a stripper sage to remember!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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We want to tell you about a headgum podcast we think you're going to love called Landlines with Allison Williams. You probably know Allison Williams from her iconic roles in Girls, Get Out, and Megan, or from asking us a question on handsome. Now, Allison has stepped into a new role, podcast host. Join Allison and her lifelong best friends, early childhood education, educator, Hope Kramer, and therapist Jamie Oppenheim, as they open up their life-sustaining shame-extinguishing group chat to discuss all of the what-the-shit moments of adulthood and parenting with special guests like Emily Oster, Caitlin Murray, Lauren Lapkis, and more. So subscribe to Landlines wherever you listen to podcasts. New episodes drop every Monday.

chatting with friends on the handsome pod. Cheers. Welcome to the handsome pod. It's me, Fortune Meepster, feeling handsome. And I'm May Martin. No. You go. Oh, it's me, May.

Oh, May, it's me, Tigg. Hello. Fortune, what a handsome shirt. Thank you. If you're on YouTube, Or you want to head over there now? You can see the gorgeous merchandise across Fortune's dumpster tips. Tic, I was giving them a bounce for you.

I see that, Fortune Marie. And way to rub it in, that mine are in a dumpster. I've never done that on camera before. Here, I can do mine. I don't mean to rub this in your face. But you've done it off camera a lot. I like that. Do you see mine?

Yeah, Phantom. Tigs juggling those jugs. Those tiggle bitties. It is okay if it jiggles. I do kind of wish that when I had boobs, I'd made more use to them. I wish I'd motorboated a bit. I wish I'd jiggled them around. I just didn't like them.

Might have spread far apart, so it's hard to motorboat them. How far are they? They're like over here. Lift your shirt. Lift up your shirt How dare you They're just You know

Some ladies have a big space right here And I do Yeah You could wear like a very low cut gown Because that And then the space would Do I mean That would give you two

A little private time together While you tell Fortune What you would like You just asked Fortune To take her shirt on Good point, May Okay that wasn't sexual That was me just curious about a friend's anatomy.

What I asked you to pull your shirt up that wasn't sexual. Some people wear the, some ladies wear the tucks with no shirt underneath. That's a good luck, I think. I could not pull that off. Wait, I thought you could because there was space between your... No, but I just don't think that's my... Did people really want me to... Yes!

No. Oh, you could put fake hair on your chest. That actually is pretty funny. That is really incredible. Yeah, TIG, you could rock that too. I could imagine that, like, with a fake mustache and full fake hairy chest. Who said it's a fake hairy chest? Oh, right.

Sorry. Yeah. Well, when we host the Oscars, you'll have to come out with a tux and fake hairy chest. Yeah. And will you wear your handsome t-shirt? Maybe. Okay. Yeah.

Well, we'll go tux shirtless. Yeah. I'm into it. How are you guys? So good. I was just watching Taylor Swifted her man's podcast. Really? Has she ever done a podcast?

I don't think she's ever done a podcast. And people are like, I can't believe she's doing a podcast. But then other people are like, podcasts are literally the most popular thing in the world right now. Yeah. Right. And could you, do they have chemistry? They, I will say, they were really cute together.

Do you listen to his podcast or you listen because you heard she was on this? I see clips of it online, and then, you know, once you watch one clip, it's serving you up 20 on TikTok. I was curious. I think everybody was curious because she's so famous and she's never done a podcast. And people are curious about them. I've met him a couple of times, and he's super nice. Really, really, really nice, fun guy. I totally got why she was into him. He is like the, he's the guy you want to hang out with. He's so fun, though. You like. You like. He is my type. You like a Travis.

You like a big burly. I love those big burly guys. I loved him. I met his brother, too. They're both awesome. And I met him, I met Travis twice. And I'm like, when you meet him, you're like, I get this a thousand percent. But seeing them together was super cute.

Are people not getting it? Why? He's like the jock and she's like the cerebral poet singer. I don't know. think he's the jock and she's the prom queen it's perfect to me it makes it's like i don't think she's like prom queen like the queen like the prom queen in the sense that you think of prom queens you know right you're seeing her more as a tortured poet she's more she like loves books they even joked about it on the podcast and he doesn't know how to read she like used some big words and

he's like i don't know what that is and she grabbed she grabbed his hand his face and she goes you're so handsome. Oh, God, I like that. That was a nod to our show. I can't believe it. I can't believe that secret plug. Thanks for the shout-out, Taylor. I know.

We should actually grab that clip. Yeah. And will you make a note of that, Thomas? We've commandeered the word handsome. Socials to acknowledge that Taylor Swift gave us a nod. Let's get into a massive legal battle with Taylor's team over the use of the word handsome. Say the word handsome, you idiots. Or even a mud wrestling competition.

Yeah, let's mud wrestle with Taylor. That would be fun. And she can throw her burly dude in there, too. I forgot you're into burly men, fortune. Let's be clear. I'm not into men. Yeah, right. But I can, I've got eyes and I can see that certain men are attractive.

See, I like a guy that is about my size. We can share clothes. I can imagine you. with like Jeff Buckley Like a beautiful sort of feminine man Like a deep like a deep guy Like who thinks

I just like a I like a artsy kind of creative writer funny interesting Yeah So fortune can mud wrestle Travis

I'll mud wrestle with Travis Look I think Travis is cute Don't get me wrong But like I don't want to roll over And find him in my bed okay picturing that is so funny yeah me rolling over oh hello oh hello what did I do last that hell are you doing in my back he's like what's up girl you want to go get some breakfast or I'm more like oh is Taylor here yeah they're they were really

cute together I know people have been waiting for our hot take on on their relationship who are waiting. People have been really waiting. I'm telling you, I'm a fan. I like them together, and I'm rooting for them. I am a massive Taylor Swift fan. Oh, I love her. I think we are the only two that love her, but we love her big.

We love her big. I love her so much. And I love also listening to her old country days, or she kind of had a twang. Yeah. And it's just adorable. because that twang is nowhere to be found anymore. I'll tell you, having gone to her ERIS tour and seeing her perform for three and a half hours,

nonstop, movement, dancing, songs, guitar, piano. I'm like, this person is one of the most talented people ever, and the endurance that it would require to do what she did is, like, athletic level, like, D1 sports, professional athletes. You know how the singers and they'll practice by singing on a treadmill? Because they've got to dance and move around

but knock it out of breath. Yeah, that's what she does. Fortune, you just sounded like the gayest reviewer. I mean, we are talking D-level or whatever. D-1 sports in college. We're talking about professional level.

Athlete, Nike sponsored, eating protein. Oh, she's eating proteins. Her bloating. On a treadmill. Okay. You know, hitting the squats. She looks like a girl and does it.

Looks amazing. Sounds amazing. Yeah, I was a fan before, but that like cemented it to the next level. The podcast. No, the Erez tour. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I can't concentrate sometimes when you talk.

I've been trying to. I'm going to read books up here in Lake Arrowhead. I brought a whole stack of them. You're on week two now. Yeah, man. And I'm reading Scattered Minds by Gabor Matte. Gabor. Is that the guy that does the part, that he's from another country?

He's, I think, originally Hungarian, but he is Canadian. He was a GP and he writes about like all kinds of things, mental health. and addiction and he does a lot of podcasts yeah he does and so i see clips of him all the time yes and what is his name gabbor matte and uh this book is about ADHD is blowing my I'm like I think I have I mean I've been diagnosed but I don't know reading the book I'm like yeah I definitely have this but it does it then tell you or maybe you haven't gotten there yet like tips about how to manage I hope so. I'm hoping, because I'm really, like, observing my patterns as I'm up here. And it's so quiet. And I'm like, all the distractions are not here. And I'm trying to do different things and retrain my neural.

I'm being pretty good. I'm being pretty good. Okay. Yeah, I'm still on it a lot. I'm on it a lot. Yeah, I'm on it a lot. Yeah, I went up to Lake Arrowhead and look at my phone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But like things like. In the city, I had got into a pattern of always having a true crime podcast on or like watching Survivor or just constant noise and so much horrific true crime. So I'm trying to like cleanse what I'm ingesting and putting in my brain. So I'm trying to read. And if I'm going to watch something, I'm going to watch something happy. There you go. Now, would you ever just sit?

Yeah. And you have? I strug, oh. Okay, but like if you just sat and really? Oh, okay, that's exciting. TIG, you meditate, but Fortune, can you just sit on a bench? I can sit in a hot tub and I can sit in a bench. But other than that, I get a little distracted for sure.

Yeah, there's so much going on. Like, I don't have this problem on this podcast because there's three of us. on my radio show I get I somehow I get really distracted because it's two hours a day and I I wander off what do you mean you wander off you leave Tom alone um no I'll be here but he'll just be talking and I'll just kind of be like look at the tree outside or like look at something I'm on my phone or you know I definitely get distracted. He is such a funny man. He is. Oh yeah, I asked him to do a question for us. He's got to get that. He's just so silly. I love silliness. Are Thomas ever, I mean, because we're talking and

like Thomas, do you have other tabs open? Are you reading a book? He's like writing, he's making notes of how annoying or boring or oh my God, they're repeating this story. He's got a grocery list up right now. I'm mostly updating the list. Right. Right. That takes a lot. The list that we don't ever check off hardly. We're going to eventually. We just keep accumulating things. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check that your new phone is compatible with your old headphones before heading out on your walk. And don't forget to always listen to Hanson. Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds.

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I'm going to go see her in a week. It's not going quite as good as we hoped. she had her three-month, like, check-in. The plan was for her to get chemo for three months, and then they were going to test her, like do MRIs and do different tests and just see, like, what is happening, what the chemo is doing. And the chemo's not doing much, so that is a bummer. I think she was hoping it would just kind of magically shrink everything.

We knew it wouldn't get rid of it. it's incurable. But to not see any change, I think, really was discouraging for her. But it's still, there's, you know, still early days. So she's still keeping her spirits up and still being positive. And how are you doing? I mean, it's hard because, like, I, like, hear the, I hear the updates and know that it's not good news. but it's like I don't want to like dwell too much on it still I just want to kind of remain

positive and hope that like we just you know continue the path and that if the doctor feels there's like more more chemo or like this might have to be a surgery at some point I'm just kind of waiting to see what the plan is before I get to wrapped up in the motions of it all because then I'll think I'll just be sad all the time if I just like dwell in that. So I think for some reason I'm hearing everything, but it's, I'm just a little numb, maybe. Yeah. And do you, and maybe we've talked about this, but is there an advocate at the hospital that? Yes, she does have a, there's some word for it, her nurse something.

Who's really, she likes a lot and she talks to a lot. And I think he even went with her to her MRI today. Okay. So, yeah, she had an advocate or something like that, a nurse advocate. So, yeah, she has someone. She was pretty bummed out for sure yesterday and today. Because she didn't tell me until today, but she was, I could tell something that was up yesterday because she gets feels bad about she doesn't want to like burden me and I'm like

would you have to tell me yeah you just have to tell me the updates it's just this is the journey yeah well you know and as hard as that is there are those moments or those decisions that are made in people's treatment where a doctor can shift course and really have incredible uh you know a patient can respond really well to a different treatment or different kind of chemo or whatever. Obviously, I don't know the ins and outs of ginger's situation, but I think it's obviously good to keep hope. Yeah, to be forward-thinking and just like step by step. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I just, you know, want it to prolong her life as long as possible and

I hope that this is something that we just can figure out and you know she's doing everything she can and time will tell maybe this is a dumb question but does she like journal at all or like I've heard that that's super because there's so much information coming at you but also just to

dump your thoughts and worries out Oh, she has been given journals. I don't know if she's using them. I'll have to ask her. They do, as part of her treatment, give her a therapist. So she has that outlet, but. I didn't know they did that. That's amazing.

But yeah, I know she likes to write, so I'll have to ask her. Well, thanks for updating us. Yeah, thanks for asking. It's a weird year. Yeah. Weird times, but I'm just tracking along. and trying to just keep a positive attitude as she is as well. Well, I know for a fact, you have a massively handsome community behind you and Ginger.

That's true. It's massive. I know, everywhere I go, it's so lovely. Like, people so much are coming up to me and just saying, like, I'm thinking about your mom. Sending loved your mom. It's really sweet. Oh, that's amazing. We'll send her our love as well.

I will, for sure. And tell her we'd love to read her journals one day. We want to read about your secrets. Your journal? I'm not a journal. My grandma left a journal and it was pretty offensive. Oh, really? Oh, because you read them when she died?

Well, she was saying someone should publish this. And we read it and were like, nah, this. She's just shitting on everybody? Yeah, like, yeah, it was just nuts. Oh, my God. I don't journal. I did when I lived in Spain. And it's because I had nothing else to do.

That's my story up here. I got nothing. I'm journaling like crazy. You're like, I'll write something. Yeah. Are you journaling like crazy me? Dude, the other night, let me just. Can you read us a little?

Should I? I haven't read it back. Of course. Of course. Oh, my God. Okay. And this is kind of funny because I was sitting in the pitch black and I couldn't see what I was writing. So you can't, it's like, it looks like a child wrote it. Sure. Okay, what did I write? This could be really embarrassing because this was like earnest. Well, that's why I asked you to read it. Okay, okay. This was August 12th. I wrote, tonight between midnight and dawn, there are meant to be thousands of meteors streaking across the sky. Friends, strangers on the internet tell me tonight is a powerful time. to set intention and manifest particularly this is bad this is really embarrassing uh particularly in

the arena of love money and abundance i take it to heart what else am i meant to do these people have gone to the trouble of making these videos and some of them are doctors anyway um good point that's a good point i wrote your journal included appreciation for those making these videos yeah and then i wrote the part of my brain that responds to stuff like this i think I think I mean like manifesti, spiritual, new agey stuff. All of these ideas like simulation theory, they all reflect and mirror back some deep feeling that we all have inside a sense of unreality, of absurdity in a world that we increasingly don't recognize. The cruelty and greed and idiocy we see doesn't reflect our inner nature, which I have to believe is good, which wants

to love and be loved. So how then have we let this happen? Anyway, that's the kind of, that's like, Deep thoughts for sure. Yeah. But what do you do with them? You are very poetic in how you write. Thanks. I'd be like, if I were writing this, I'd be like, well, today was fine. Sat on a chair.

I ate a hot dog. I saw somebody posted, someone posted their, like a snapshot of their grade five journal, the first page. And it was like, my name is Lauren. I'm 11. This is my journal. Also, what is the meaning of life? I am thinking a lot while I'm up here about like how are we going to make a massive shift in the world and how we've we've entered the age of Aquarius and the last time that happened was the 60s and maybe we'll have some if we can all get our shit together and be like radically practicing love and peace and stuff maybe we could do it I don't know I'm just like what are we going to do this is not working when did we enter the age of Aquarius couldn't tell you In fact, are we even in it?

I don't know. Are we in it? Thomas, can you Google if we're in the age of Aquarius? Yes, Fortune. That's right, May. I don't know any other lyrics to it, do you? I don't know either. I certainly don't.

But while Thomas is Googling, whether we're in or out of the age of Aquarius, should we kiss? Should we kiss? Fortune Marie. I was going to say, should we... You were stuttered over there as soon. you were wanting a kiss. Is that what a stutter is?

You just seem nervous. And I was like, you must be trying to ask for a kiss. I am nervous. I'm very nervous. Every time we do this podcast, you are quivering. I am so nervous because I do have secret feelings for fortune.

I knew it. I knew it, too. I knew it. Yeah. I love you, fortune. I love you. I love you. Oh, it's mutual?

Yeah. Wow. Why not? I'm expecting that. I don't actually know how I'd feel. No, but if you guys got together, it would be two against one to the max. Like, I would feel so excluded. Oh, my gosh.

What would you do? And then also to know that, like, I'm leaving your friend Stephanie to be with your friend Fortune. God, that would be some, that would ruin the pod. Do you think? You think so. Yeah, that's a big drama. You guys are podcasting from the same bed, like in your little PJs. Topless.

We can't even keep a straight face. I've got my arm around you holding your mic. No, you've just snuggled in there. Thomas, are we in the page of a quarts? I'm no home wrecker. Okay. I'm keeping TIG's family intact. Thank you.

You're welcome. Some astrologers say we are in the age of Aquarius, and some say we are not in the age of Aquarius. Well, that's... How can that be? We cannot be in the age of Aquarius if we are not in agreement that we are in the age of Aquarius. Thank you for looking that up, Thomas. I mean, I need a definitive... Who's the number one astrologist?

I don't know. Maybe we can find an answer in the question that's being asked of us this week. Do you think that we should do a podcast? Let's get to the question. Wait, let me ask a question real quick. Okay. Should we do a podcast where we have all had a glass of wine? Yeah.

Don't you think that would be fun? Oh my gosh. No, you don't, you wouldn't like me when I'm drunk. What would you be like? Oh. Would you fall asleep? Yes. No, I don't drink a lot.

I know. That's what's fun. So as soon as I feel any change, I just yell, I'm drunk. I'd love that. I think we should try it. Yeah. At one episode, put it on the list, Thomas. We're all going to have drank a glass of wine.

We're going to drink one before and then start recording and also have one while we're recording. Have you been drinking, Fortune? No. UK, because you sound drunk. No. No, I haven't. Oh, my gosh.

I saw some clip online. I think it was probably our best of or 100 episode or something. And when I watched it, you know, it like went through so many different things and people or whatever. It must have been our 100 episode. And it made me laugh so hard because there was a clip where you just see. fortunes gams. Oh, that one I had had a... Yeah, when she was afternoon booze in.

Yeah. That's my favorite. I love an after, a top secret afternoon drink where, or two, where I feel it. And I have a little secret that the rest of the world doesn't know because it's the middle of the day and I've had drinks. I love that feeling. Does it have a certain drink, though? No.

I mean, like beer or. I like a skinny margarita. I don't like anything too sweet or too sour. I will say on our live shows sometimes when we have whiskey on stage, sometimes we get a little off the rails. Yeah, we do. We're going to type a podcast where we're having an afternoon beverage. Well, yeah, we'll have to record in an afternoon sometime.

Yeah. We will. Yeah. Okay. We will. Fair enough. All right. Well, I'm glad that's.

settled that. All right, let's, let's get into our question, shall we? Mm-hmm. Well, today's question asker is a stand-up comedian, actor, and the host of the Downside podcast, Jean-Marco Saraci is asking today's question. Nice. Hello, handsome. I'm John Marco Saraci, and my question is, what's the most trouble you ever got in? at school bonus points if you got suspended or or expelled oh jean marco he's very funny i'm really thinking about this question that's a great question i have so many to choose from i know i was a good girl i was a good girl love your mama is that the words love jesus jesus and boyfriend too I'm bad boy

Living me in this sir Oh I'm messing up the words Well let's hear about y'all being Degenerates Well I'm interested fortune Because it feels like it would stand out in your mind If you got in trouble

Because you rarely got in trouble So like I was an angel That is so weird To rarely get in trouble as a kid Yeah rarely I have been so responsible my whole life. Wow.

I don't know why. I think it's just my nature. I did get in trouble and I'll tell you a couple of those tales, but I would like for you guys to tell me about all the shenanigans you were up to. I'll tell you one time, I mean, I got sent out of my classrooms all the time. And when I was in seventh grade and I had been thrown out of my science class, Here's the first mistake, is the teacher would send everyone disrupting the class into the hallway. So now we're just feral children in the hallway, unsupervised.

And I had this brilliant idea to, because our classroom was at the end of the hall, and at the end of the hall was the bathrooms. And I was like, why don't we go into the bathroom, get the toilet paper, and just start toilet papering the school and just wrapping the bushes and trees middle of the day. And we got caught. Well, yeah. We got caught.

Of course. It's like seventh grade. The middle of the day. We're just like wrapping the toilet paper all around everything. And yeah. But I ended up in in school suspension all the time. I was never suspended from school, but I always had to go sit in a classroom that was isolated. It's called ISS.

Yeah, and that's when I eventually dropped out. I was sitting there because in school suspension, they send you your classwork and you have to finish it when you're in the suspension area. And, you know, say I was in there for two or three days for something I did, they, as I said, as I said, said send your classwork, but if you don't finish your class work, they add days. So I'm sitting there looking at this stack of papers and books. And I'm like, I don't know who they think is going to be doing this work because it's not me. That's not what I do. I don't do my school work. So I didn't see any out from in school suspension. Right. Have you ever found yourself asking, why didn't they teach us this in school? I feel that way almost

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265-day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash handsome to get free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash handsome. They just kept having to stay. Yeah, and so I was sitting there, and I remember I was like, oh, my gosh, I'm just going to head home. And I got up, and I started to walk out of the class, out of the suspension. room and the teacher or coach it was a coach that had to watch us um he stood up and walked in front of the door he was like whoa whoa where do you think you're going and i was like i'm heading home

i was like i'm done he was like no you can't and i was like no no i quit i'm done like i'm going home and he was like wow got out of my way and i walked out i felt so free and happy i got in the car, went home, done. How'd your family take it? Yeah, how did your family act? You know, I think it was a long road with me. Again, failed three grades, dropped out of high school. Yeah.

And I think because even though I was a kid that got in trouble at school, I wasn't like this really bad kid. I was just... I just was cool yeah and it I just I was meant for a different world and life

and I think my mother knew that and she and my stepfather just encouraged me to get my GED which I did and then I think I've mentioned my cat ate toilet papering

yeah the goal of toilet papering is just it's just like a chaos bar But it's everywhere. Yeah, it's just, yeah. We went through a toilet papering phase, my senior year of high school, where we toilet papered someone's house, like, every weekend for, like, three months.

Wait, I thought you were an angel. I thought you were a good girl. Wait, good point, May. Yeah, wait a second. You're right. That is the one place where I was a degenerate. My friends and I, toilet papered, like, well, we all did the high school, because that was the senior tradition.

So it started there. The senior tradition was the day before the first day of school the night before you toilet paper the school. And we thought we were so, like, bad and like, get like, we go, we did. Oh, my God. And the principal gets on the intercom. And it was like, anyone who was a part of toilet paper reading school last night must go outside right now and clean it up. you will be suspended and our ass is like 200 seniors like bolt outside cleaning it up we were all giant pussies but you felt safe in numbers like you were like enough people are doing this

yeah and you're in senior year yeah and then we told a papered a coach's how a car at one point and a a couple of girls homes as well oh i know what i did have happened um I did have a stripper at my house. What? What are you talking about? In all of our conversations about your burgeoning sexuality in high school? It was a male stripper. A male stripper?

So this was probably the biggest, like, departure from my responsibility is it was my friend Leslie's birthday, and she's now a lesbian. it was she was turning 18 and so her friends wanted to throw her a party and my mom was gone all the time on the weekends because her boyfriend lives out of town so they're like they said let's do it at my house and I was like yeah whatever so her friend who was over you have to be like I think you had to be like 21 to hire a stripper and her friend found some guy like the yellow pages and um and so there was probably about 25 girls at my house and this guy shows up in a suit and he's not cute at all oh no we're just like oh god and we're all we're all just like

sitting in my den and he comes in with his like jam box puts in the corner takes his suit off He has something in his crotch area that's, like, supposed to make his wiener look enhanced, but it was bent. So it was, like, pointing to the side. Maybe that was just his weiner. And I don't think so. I think he had something in there. But you don't know what's going on in those parts. And he also was wearing a G-string, and he had acne on his butt.

And so he starts grinding on all the girls in the chairs. And I was taking pictures. Safe behind the camera. Every single picture, the girls have their hands over their eyes, closing it because they don't want to look at them. And everyone's screaming. Oh, this poor guy in a way. And like, I'm sure we weren't tipping him very much because we were all broke high school students. And we're like 17 and 18 years old.

And he does his like dance and a neighbor shows up and he and he's been drinking. And he's like, I heard y'all are having a party. And we're like, get out of here. He's like, is there a stripper in there? We're like, what? And then the guys that were dating the girls knew we were having a stripper and they put trash cans up against my house so that they could peek through the window, the top window. What is this? and they were laughing at us.

They were laughing at us because the stripper was so ugly. And then that night, the stripper left, and we went and told it papered people's houses. Oh, my God. You were on one, though. This was like your night of, like, you're the host. I was the host. This is your initiative. Oh, my God.

And all those girls spent the night at my house. What a dream. This is what I'm feeling is that there was like. it was a sexually charged environment you were sort of in control of you're taking pictures I'll tell you this mate not one girl was sexually charged there was

nothing sexy were any of these girls like considered attractive for that age very attractive there was some very attractive girls there calm down and cheerleader

Leslie whose birthday was she was like the head cheerleader oh okay did he get naked or no? No, just the G-string thing go. Wait a minute. Hold on a second. Why is it that cheerleaders are always attractive?

I don't know. Aren't kids that like want to jump around and do kicks and twirls? Like sometimes maybe not. Not conventionally. Attractive and like can they not be on the team? I guess it depends how old-fashioned the coach is and how comfortable. you are in that little tiny outfit. Yeah, yeah.

You do need a bottom of the pyramid. I could have been a cheerleader. I could have done it, man. I could have been the bottom of that pyramid. Did anyone find out about the, like, did your parents find out about the? Oh, yeah, my mom, my brother found out and told my mom. Was she mad? And I was, she goes, do you have a party?

I said, um, she goes, you can tell me, because I already know the answer. And I was like, yes. because what did you what did you do I was like um had hot girls and a stripper over she's like what but I was so responsible

that she I did not get in trouble yeah wow I think now I know for sure if we ever get asked the question again if you could go back in time to one event I just want to be there that whole night you would die laughing

we were hysterically crying laughing that's when I say there was nothing sexual about this night it was all of us squealing are you still friends with them yeah like when I go home I'll see some of these girls yeah yeah for sure then may do you say your thing I feel like I I was similar to take like just didn't do like hated the work part of school I like the social stuff and being funny and stuff but I just couldn't physically bring myself to do the homework or yeah and I would lose stuff and I was like yeah in a perpetual state of like high anxiety of like lying to my parents because like my my mom was really involved in my education like she would at the end of the day say let's go through see what homework you have like

trying to keep me organized and I go no we didn't have any today because I couldn't bear the idea of being in school all day and then sitting and doing homework so I just was always in trouble And then I similarly had like a freedom moment of the amount of work I would have had to do to pass was so. And they were laying out this thing. You know, you're going to come in. And I said, I can't. And I dropped out as well. I was also always in summer school.

Were you in summer school? No, thank God. Never in summer school. But I, reading scattered minds is the, about ADHD is really like that feeling of like I can only focus when something interests me. Like, and otherwise it's physically, it feels impossible, but I don't know. And how did your parents feel about you dropping out? Well, they were already mad about other stuff. I was already doing comedy and drugs and they were already.

And actually, part of the reason I dropped out was I was in an argument with them. And then my mom said, well, I guess you're just going to drop out of school next. And it hadn't even occurred to me as an option. And then I was like, oh, okay. Yeah. She planted the seed, not knowing. That's hilarious. Yeah.

But I got, the most trouble I got in specifically was maybe for stealing gym uniforms because I couldn't remember, I would lose my stuff. And then having to face the teacher or my parents being like, I lost my gym uniform again. So I would ask to go pee and then I would go through the hall. This is bad to admit, but I would see if any lockers were open in the hall. And they had people's name tags in them and stuff. And then it'd be gym class and some poor girl would be like, where's my gym uniform? And I don't know.

I guess you better get better at remembering. But that was real bad. And then they kind of put two and two together that I was the gym uniform thief. Oh, really? Did you get in trouble? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I was just so scared of my parents finding out stuff.

Like parent teacher interviews, I would just be waiting at home, like dreading the, yeah. I always said we never got. our report cards, always. I always said that. You're like, the school's not doing them this year. I'm like, how long can I keep this at bay? My parents are going to find out that the, especially because my brother went to the same school and would come home with a real pork. Right.

Like, I don't know what happened to mine. I remember my mother just like, just being like, damn it, getting in the car and driving up to the school. And I'm like, oh, no, just straight-ups. Should we hear John Marco's answer? Yeah. The biggest trouble I ever got in at school was at the end of, like, plays and musicals, the final show on a Saturday, we'd stay the night to take the set down.

We would strike the set. And it was always a bacallion, is that the term, event, where there was a lot of drinking and pot and edibles and it really was like a tradition and my sophomore year I participated and someone while high pulled the fire alarm and because of that that started an investigation that went beyond the theater department and first they got all the seniors and the juniors and they they doled out suspensions if you brought alcohol or brought pot and an event eventually got down to the sophomores and freshmen. They gathered us in a room.

They went one by one. They said, confess, you know, did you drink? Did you smoke? We had all talked. We said, we're not going to come forward. And one by one, we were like, no, I didn't do it. No, we didn't do it. No, I said, no, I didn't do anything.

And then this one woman who said no in the beginning, she just started crying. Oh, no, fuck. And then she was like, I took a bite of a pot brownie. Someone else, someone else, someone else. I held firm, but the head of the tech department looked at me and mouthed, we know you did it. And so I had to admit that I got drunk

and I was put on probation. And they put us on probation because at the time, you didn't have to tell colleges about probation and they didn't wanna affect people's admissions. But then my year, you did, they changed the rules. So I had to write every college I applied to saying, I got drunk on campus, even though it was like the only time I ever drank,

in high school. Oh, I hope that wasn't too long. But, yeah, that's the most trouble I ever got in at school. That's sound like a debacle. Geez. Yeah. Oh, God, those big dramas at schools where there's like school meetings being called and shit. And everyone's talking about the scandal.

Yes. Oh, my God. But also that he never drank and then that was the one time. I will say my school in my area, if anything, like that had happened, it would have been a big deal if kids, if anyone in high school had been drinking and smoking pot as part of a school thing, it would have been huge. Right, I guess because it was on campus. I'll never forget the, it was a tradition that when you graduated high school, you would go to Myrtle Beach, party city, and you would do like a beach week.

and there were these seniors that went and like a local journalist like infiltrated their group and like it was an investigative journalism I mean this is like tiny ass North Carolina and they put this on the front page of the local newspaper pictures of these kids partying in Myrtle Beach and this journalist had like infiltrated them

and like reported on the seniors. They got in trouble? Yeah, they got like, they got like shamed and I can't even imagine that. Brutal. I'm picturing a journalist dressing up like a teenage girl and like going undercover. I mean, that just seems so wild. Yeah, that's crazy. Like that's what you're, that's what you're investigating.

Your seniors haven't drinking during Beach weekend, Myrtle Beach. You did say it was a small town. True. So what else are you going to investigate? This report. was like really trying to get some dirt. Yes, indeed. Or just wanted to party in Myrtle Beach.

It feels like it could be the plot to like an Anna Ferris comedy or Drew Barrymore comedy where they're a grown-up journalist going undercover with on spring break. We've got to get Drew acting again. Anyway, that's for another time. Not really. Yeah. But, well, once again, a delight. An absolute delight in some big bomb drops.

I mean, the stripper and the fortune hired to her home as a teen, that's huge. I'm pretty sure I have a picture of the stripper in my, I have a scrapbook because it used to be an avid scrapbooker. Yes. Pretty sure it's up there in that scrapbook. What if he went and looked and it was Channing Tatum? He grew up to be Channing Tatum. What do you guys have coming up? I mean, I'm on tour, my Taking Carbiscuits tour is underway.

And in September, I've got San Antonio and Houston, Texas, and then Norfolk and Richmond, Virginia, and Washington, D.C., those are all September. Then Boston, Mobile, New Orleans, Atlanta, Chicago, Charlotte, North Carolina, lots of places. What about you, May? I'm just, I'm at Largo on September 17th with, special guests. I'm going to do music and chat. And other than that, I'm around if you want to hang. And, you know, yeah, I got wayward coming out. I'm getting pumped. The more like

buzz I can build about it, the better. It's so important when things come out to try to like make an impact. So if you, you know, if you want to. We're all going to watch it. Yeah, we are. Let's have handsome viewing parties. I can't wait. Now we're talking. Even though Tony Colette will not, she doesn't have the Australian accent in this, right? Not in the show, but in real life? She commented on your accent, remember? I don't know. She sells the worst one she's ever heard, and that's offensive.

It's a badge of honor, yeah. Well, she hasn't heard mine yet. Rise of lights. Rise up lights. I'm pretty sure she's wrong. What have you got, TIG? Well, people of Mississippi, if you want to see me, this might be one of your only chances. September 27th, Biloxi, Mississippi at the Beaurevage Resort and Casino.

So come on out. Again, that's September 27th. September 21st, I'll be at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles. I'll be back at Dynasty Typewriter on October 4th. Also, make a note that November 14th, the documentary that I produced called Come See Me in the Good Light, will be out on Apple TV. And it's one you cannot miss.

Tell your friends, family, everybody, subscribe to Handsome Go to Handsome merch Go to Hansompod.com and get your merch The holidays are coming up Are they? Sure. No.

The holidays are upon us, you guys. Holidays. Get ahead of the game. Yeah, yeah. Order stuff now. Absolutely. But until now, Until next time, my friends,

keep handsome. Hansom is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feamster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at handsomepod.g.com, and please follow us on social media at handsome pod. What a podcast! What a podcast!

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Savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability, Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Hi, I'm Alana Hope Levinson. And I'm Dan O'Sullivan. And this is the outfit, the new podcast from Higher Ground and Headgum. We're two journalists who are slightly obsessed with the mob and organized crime and other nefarious stuff like that. Every week, we're going to bring you a story about a mobster. Some you've heard of, some you definitely haven't.

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